My wife had a horrible relationship w her mother, both step fathers and her ex. Severe unimaginable abuse from ALL of them. She is very submissive and took me years to get her to speak for herself and realize she deserves hers. 10 yrs later ive created a monster. Joking she rocks and is a loving and wonderful person. Her past still haunts her but she is a great woman.
Same with my woman, she's not my wife yet everything's happened in due time. She also suffered abuse but chose to be a kind person instead of doing the same to others. She is very submissive and respects each other's importance in the relationship. I helped her get out of depression when we met as friends.
1 Has a great relationship with her parents 2. She honors femininity and masculinity 3. She has friends that are good for her 4. She has her own hobbies and interests 5. She is independent 6. She despises drama and gossip 7. Her goals are aligned with yours 8. Politically & Spiritualky aligned with you 9. She honors herself, take care of herself, she tries to improves emotionally, phisically, spiritually, mentaly... 10. She is financially responsible
@mrtom7584 But you are perfect. Sheesh. Do any of these fit for you? Add in do to wish to protect or dictate? Men do not behave as men ought to behave, but are teenage boys who want their freedom to do as they please as they go and just want stuffed animals without needs to be perfect at home for them to come home to... Learn to build up your wife and children, they will build you up as well. Blaming the other? Not attractive. Plus you want all of the shortcuts... do not lash out at me. If nothing I said fits for you, then go your merry way. But if what I wrote hits a nerve, that's on you to figure out why. Good luck to you, sincerely. Men need to be honored, respected when they behave correctly. Go watch the video . this guy gives great advice.
@Dylan-lt9eo Good. Glad you would avoid me. Saves me from dealing with a self serving child claiming he's a grown man. Probably not any other good women will be saved from you, unfortunately.
My wife is a 10/10 The funny thing is that when we first got together, she was a single mom that just recently turned 21, and I was in my 30s and going through a divorce. Yes, multiple red flags in the eyes of most people, but we both met at a very difficult period in our lives... yes, another red flag. But obviously after nearly 30 years together, and a total of 9 children combined and 7 grandchildren, those red flags didn't matter. She's nearing 50, and I'm in my 60s, and for some damn reason she still puts up with me. I just now saw this video and was happily surprised to see it, as every video I've seen to date is about the countless red flags to watch out for women, and nothing about the positive traits to look out for when it comes to women. Obviously I don't watch videos like yours for myself, as I'm obviously not shopping for a woman, but having 6 sons, I like to keep an eye out for things that would help my sons. In today's world, anything I can find that would help save them from a world of hurt is good for the whole family. As when one of us suffers, we all do in our own way. We don't have a perfect marriage and she too isn't perfect, but hopefully our sons are able to find women more like her instead of the alternatives out there.
Saw your channel for a few seconds and soon as you said "We Need You" I hit the subscribe button because I knew I needed you too. Thank you Brother, I'm here for you all. I advocate for Men's Rights and suicide awareness and mental health.
Boom. Great that you focus on green flags, rather than red. Self-confidence is not specifically mentioned in your list, however it underlies several of your points. Often arises from having had a strong Dad role model in her life.
Such a great topic, I would love to hear about green flags for men too! I also think consideration for others and meaningful healthy ambition are huge green flags for everyone. Thank you for sharing, this is helpful to learn how to improve as a woman too
This is great advice. I wish I followed this. The best point is that if you're a saved man, don't go with a woman who is not a fellow believer. Can't walk together if you're on different paths. But as you said, only each of us can determine what is a deal breaker.
If you're a Christian, the Bible tells you what's a deal breaker. "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14. Yes, you can choose... But at what cost? I wanted to add some more context in agreement with your comment.
@@thomaskittock2866 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 might be a better place to look because the place in scripture that you quoted is better applied to friends and acquaintances
My offensive line coach in college who was a d1 NATIONAL CHAMP AT WVU always said, ' be like a mushroom. when people leave you in the dark and shovel shit on you.....thrive and grow'.
More ... before sitting down to dinner and my mom always put on a fresh house dress before my dad came home and lipstick and fixed her hair nicely. I know this sounds old fashioned but those intentions can be done today.
This video really makes me realize what a gem of a woman I’ve found in this modern day. She isn’t perfect, but neither am I. However, we’re both willing to address our shortcomings and improve ourselves when we know it’s possible.
I love your stuff! Good job there is a few things I’d change: 1) wants a great relationship with her family” because let’s face it - no family is perfect =) personally I didn’t have a good relationship or understanding of how a family should act until I met my (now) husband and watched him with his mom and dad. Now there is a lot more understanding with my parents, and I love them more then ever. 2) if you drink in the relationship, understand how alcohol affects her mentality and you guys as a couple. Does it make her wanna fight? Does it make her flirty? Does she do stupid things? Etc. 3) How she acts when she is angry or upset with you. Does she try to resolve it, or does she let it stew? Or does she try to be vindictive
Relationships suffer because people do not do their own work psychologically and spiritually. They don't know themselves and thus are chronically 'lonely'. Stand in the center of YOUR life and look outward from there for a mate who is doing the same. Then you just need to spend some time getting to know each other to understand if it will be a good working match.
Yes, # 8 ; spiritually & politically, is important. I was dating this gal, had told her I was not interested in marriage. I had no standing on religion & or politics, at 28 yrs old. Married her at 30, now Im 64, still married to her, one & only. Guys take heed what this guy is expressing.
So glad you clarified on you “independent” point. I met too many on the first date saying “I’m a strong, independent woman woman who does her own laundry and cleans her own house”…like, I do too, but why is that something to brag about? Lol🤷🏽♂️ I think they might be compensating for something when I here that come out if her mouth.
As a young woman, I think it's good to hear these things to consider & improve upon. One thing many people don't really consider is that it should be a partnership; meaning you should bring to the table what you also want brought to the table by the other & not be just looking for a slave to be everything for you that you aren't or a crutch to put all your weight on. Entitlement for what someone "deserves" as they do nothing is a really sad epidemic that causes so much destruction to others. A book I read that changed my life had an exercise in it that said to write down what you appreciated in past partners as points: like "honesty", "follow-thru" "humor" etc, then to prioritize those things, what you'd want in a partner most to least... THEN to look at yourself & see how many of those things you have & how much> & if you have a not very much of something to either: reconsider it's importance or improve it in yourself as it is unfair to demand from someone quality in qualities you don't have
Thanks for sharing your video. As a wife and a mother of four boys, I totally agree with what you’re saying. It’s important to choose wisely when you’re picking a wife or husband
All great points! Tell your wife I save bacon grease too, done it for decades! Your other points are spot on as well, I only disagree with the “she has great parents” because some of us don’t even have parents, through no fault of our own. Everyone makes one’s own decisions, some of us have a longer road to go to meet our goals in life. We deserve credit when we succeed in that. I love it that you agree that spouses need to have friends that are good for them, need hobbies and activities, need to be financially responsible, need to be on the same page spiritually, need to be independent, and to celebrate femininity and masculinity. I’ll bet you have a wonderful marriage and a great wife!
I love that vetting is mentioned... I tried dating after my marriage fell apart... I vetted men, as a single mom I didnt have time to date casually. My time was to the vow of raising my kids from my previous marriage... their dad walked away. One guy told me he had job interviews that were easier to go through... duh. My kids already had my first apparent bad choice, their father(my bad choice, he isnt bad,just broken). Obviously I am not letting that hurt happen again.😅
Amazing points. When my wife and I were going through a marriage prep seminar, I was surprised to hear that most of the other couples had not had these conversations about each other and their life plans.
Lots of these green flags change as circumstances change! She forgives and doesn't hold grudges. She has an optimistic outlook Those two green flags can overcome any others she's currently missing. We change as people. I used to love to throw parties. Now, I would rather read abd hang with the dogs!❤ Trust your heart and remember that green flags come in many ways!
This is important. You get what you focus on. Looking for women that have these Green flags is better than only looking for Red flags. If you get fixated in red flags, only, you get a little paranoid and can easily misinterpret words and actions. This definitely happened to me.
Yes, I agree with you. We do get (more of) what we focus on. If you look for reasons to "rule" people out then inevitably your personal confirmation bias will find those stop signs or red flags. If you look, on the other hand for reasons to rule them in as possible 'good partners' then you/I create the context for a healthier, more positive relationships. I think the hard thing for a lot of men is internalizing enough of their own locus of control not to "take the bait" of getting involved in a woman's emotional drama over non-sequiter problems.
It's very true. It is so important to find a woman. That has friends that are good for her. I had to great displeasure I dating someone, and I didn't like their friends. Never could put a finger on it. I just knew when she was with them there was excessive drinking, and late nights out. Turned out they were into 'sex work' and dragged her into it. Iron sharpening iron is a very real thing.
Great topic, to partnering with people in general is a challenge, with one person is even more willing to understand self, being compassion, forgiven, aware and when compromising is important to sometimes stand your ground. 🙏
Great episode, Ryan. I'm forever grateful for my daughter from my marriage, but aspects of this and discussions I could've had would have perhaps benefited the marriage before the divorce 7 years later, or at least opened my eyes more to take action.
Great video. I would also suggest that as men we turn these around on ourselves and think where we can better dial ourselves in across these areas. Btw - I totally out kicked my coverage on my wife 😂. She’s great in most if not all of these. I gotta make sure I am doing the same as a man.
I think it's really important that man also practice femininity in regards to not shoving the darkness down but being able to open up and share your struggles. Not just acting strong when you're dying inside, but being able to share it and your weaknesses.
The main one is being willing to listen and learn. Most guys aren't capable of training a woman for a relationship but in that case it's not really a shortcoming of the woman but of the man.
I don't think it's as much about 'repreive or escape' from your partner that men and women need as much as the healthy habit of taking personal time to remember who you were and are becoming and remembering what was and may still be important to you. Along with taking action to regularly reaffirm you are still an individual with your own hopes and dreams everyone needs personal time to themselves for the purpose of personal growth-- it can't always be about serving others -- or self. There's got to be some balance.
I have great friends, hobbies, volunteer, go to church, work out almost every day, have a good job, speak 3 languages and that's not enough for my husband 😢
Order of Man. So here's a question as a single Dad how would I navigate the dating market now? Also how would I teach my girsl to be women with alot more green flags than red, considering that thier mom is not a great female role model
My ex wife expected me to be a clone of her father and she pressed me to change with the threat of divorce (which she eventually instigated) all I can advise is PRENUPTIAL agreement with a marriage. I didn’t cheat, hit, abuse or skeez and in the end I got taken to the cleaners after years of going to therapy counseling and other considerable concessions.
1 - Good relationship with parents I respectfully disagree. My current partner was abused by both her parents, but she also recognizes that it was abuse and wants to do better than they did for her. So more important, this theoretical woman for you needs to know who they want to be for you (her partner) and her children (if that's a thing). 2 - Honors masculinity and femininity This really ties into the first one. There is masculinity, femininity, and toxicity. I've actually had several conversations with people, both older and younger than myself, who reference the phrase "toxic masculinity." And I'm quick to tell them they're wrong because toxic behavior is not masculine. 3 - Friends that are good for her I feel like this falls into all of her friends having a similar mindset. If she has a friend that views all masculinity as toxic, or is constantly trying to undermine her femininity, or is just using her because the friend sees what she has in a relationship and wants that (possibly being you as the man), the list goes on. But ultimately, a "good" friend will have a lot of the same worldview. It's when worldviews collide that things really get shaky. 4 - Has her own hobbies This can fall on you as her man. She had hobbies before you, and like Ryan said, encourage her to pursue those. A lot of women will, intentionally or not, fall into the "I must be the housewife" mentality, which will shatter her mental health because she sacrificed her hobbies to be the woman she thought you wanted. Let her be herself, and make sure the "who does what" around the home is set in stone. Do not hesitate to take up a few chores, even if you are the breadwinner. It will change both of you for the better. 5 - Is independent Yes. Exactly. Codependency will destroy you. If you want to spend as much time with her as she does with you, awesome. But if that scale tips and one of you wants to do something on your own and the other feels like they have to tag along, it's going to be annoying at first and only breed resentment later. 6 - Despises drama/gossip I've been trying to avoid anecdotes in all my responses but I feel like this one requires a personal story. My woman does listen to a lot of people's "drama" as it were. Her friends' issues in their relationship, work BS, etc. But instead of just using that as talking points with other women, she actively offers constructive criticism to try to remedy the situation. She doesn't just gossip for the sake of gossip. On a somewhat related note, one of her friends just got out of a 4 year relationship with their partner, and that friend saw our relationship and wanted that. Not me, but wanted her partner to be more like me. He, on the other hand, saw nothing wrong with how he was acting (toxic, to be blunt). Honestly, I saw and heard how he acted and it was me before I realized the man I wanted to be. 7 - Goals are aligned with yours Yup. Huge red flag is that your life goals and hers do not align. If you want kids and she doesn't, or vice versa. If she wants to have a career and you want a housewife. It will breed resentment, which will cause fights. Honestly, you may not even realize at first what is the underlying issue in the situation. 8 - Politically and spiritually aligned I think politically is much more important on this one, but I'm not big on church or religion. I'd rather read Wild at Heart. Immediate red flags, particularly for younger men; don't look for a Satanist, don't look for a Wiccan. Most other spiritual edicts can mesh fairly well, unless you're real big on a "one true religion." Politics can get messy real quick. If your political ideology is "I am a liberty loving conservative," having a partner who worships certain "mostly peaceful protest" (see also: rioting) organizations will get under your skin. You will break up due to a lack of political cohesion. 9 - She honors herself Like Ryan said, someone who strives to improve. Never expect to be perfect or for your partner to be perfect. But always, ALWAYS, try to be a better person tomorrow than you are today. 10 - Financially responsible I know more guys than girls who are financially irresponsible. The females I know are a lot more particular about what they spend and where. But again, I'd say Ryan is right. If you're the single income, and your woman spends all your money on frivolity, that will cause problems.
Brother, this is a fantastic list that I can't find any dispute with. And absolutely there are significant deal breakers here to take heavily into consideration. Opposites attract, sometimes, but don't rely on that shitty theory. Liberalism isn't like a cold that, given time, will just clear up and heal and go away. That crap sticks forever and the story gets old.
Honestly, if you’re a strong man and assert dominance with your beliefs early on in the relationship, she can be turned to your side. Unfortunately, if you break up, she can rebound and become even worse than she was before. But if she isn’t receptive to your beliefs and doesn’t start accepting them, than move on.
@@CaesarGB Assert dominance???!!! What century are you living in? She's entitled to her own beliefs whether you agree with them or not. Why couldn't you just agree to disagree???
What do the people who listen to this think of tomboys? I've always been interested in the guy stuff and fairly independent and wonder if it made others afraid to approach me. A lot of dating advice videos for women make my skin crawl. I was dating a great guy, but he said multiple times that he thought we were too similar, especially in our weaknesses, and I think it eventually turned him off.
Most men with red blood and functional, uh, *appendages,* if you will, will not be very picky about their choice in woman as it pertains to those sorts of surface characteristics. But men of high value do ultimately want their woman to be feminine. It's okay to prefer jeans and swear a lot and like guns or cars, but if you really want a man to be interested, you need to demonstrate you are capable of being feminine. Men are not looking for another man to raise their children with, they need a woman who can nurture and love their children in the way only a woman can. My advice to you is if you have a love interest, go out of your way to demonstrate you are capable of being feminine. Surprise him on a date by wearing something "girly". Show an awestruck interest in his knowledge or capacity in some domain he is interested in. Lean onto him, quite literally. Show him with your actions that you want him to be your rock that protects you from the waves of an uncertain world. Even if you get competitive with him, never under any circumstances demean him, especially in front of others. Don't be fake about it, he will be able to tell, but as socially incorrect as it is to say these days, be unironically submissive to him. Don't let him walk on you or be cruel of course, but if you decide together to go out to eat, let him decide where to go and don't argue or complain after the fact, or even praise him on his choice(if it's a good one of course). Ultimately, you need to be able to be vulnerable with him. Once he trusts you enough, he will open up and be vulnerable with you as well. But men spend each day in a sea of cruel indifference, he wants to come home to something soft and loving and kind that loves him for who he is and cares about what he cares about.
@@bort6414 Thank you for such a detailed reply, especially on what encompasses feminine behavior, as I, alas have the stereotypical male mind when it comes to the more nuanced social stuff. The male qualities I more naturally embody tend to be more along the strong, gentlemanly line rather than crass and boorish. I do enjoy wearing dressing and dressing up (it took a while to get there). He was/is special to me because he made this naturally independent, touch-averse woman desire physical contact and feel submissive and safe. Really, he has a lot of good qualities, and I might have inadvertently driven him off for good. I spoke with his grandma, and she said that ever since he was young, he was a little more touch-averse, so I didn't want to push boundaries and drive him off that way. He is on the spectrum, so I don't know how much his mind ran along the lines you wrote, but he is definitely on the traditional side. It was difficult accepting all the times he drove and paid, as it made me feel like a leech, and I was raised to pay my own way. There are so many videos out there of men complaining about being loved only for their money, and I wanted to avoid coming across that way. I've tasted love, and it's something I want more of, but, being a rather shy, serious tomboy, I know the odds are not great for me.
A woman can have both parents in their life and have a great relationship with their parents and still be a terrible person. The type of people her parents are is far more important than if they have a good relationship with their kids.
Most of your points are in the Bible. Honor your father and mother so it will go well with you. Unless 2 of you agree, how can you walk together. She considers a field and buys it. WHERE IS...... WIFES RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND. and YOUR BODY IS NOT YOUR OWN. Nice podcast.
honestly for the average joe who just wants to eat healthy, the "health" world is so damn confusing. People tell you veganism kills your body, then vegans say that animal products kill your body, then fruit eaters say that vegetables kill your body, vegetable eaters tell you that fruits and animal products both kill your body, it's so confusing. I just eat what makes me feel good and what I think will be beneficial for my health. I drink milk & lots of water, lean meats and clean fruits and vegetables. Lots of whole food and I avoid fast food and junk food like the plague. Health highly interests me but there's no way for somebody to follow all the trains of thought in the health industry. A great tip Joel Salatin gives is to not eat any food that has an ingredient you cannot pronounce or spell on the nutrition facts.
Unfortunately we are going to have to be forceful belief wise. If she isn’t receptive, move on. More than likely many of us are going to have to deprogram women.
better listen to this guy! I'M NOT KIDDING. You left out lying or worse DECEPTION BY OMISSION. then there will be no trust! watch for little lies, things how they do others because sooner or later, you'll be the others.
My wife had a horrible relationship w her mother, both step fathers and her ex. Severe unimaginable abuse from ALL of them. She is very submissive and took me years to get her to speak for herself and realize she deserves hers. 10 yrs later ive created a monster. Joking she rocks and is a loving and wonderful person. Her past still haunts her but she is a great woman.
Glad to hear it friend.
Overcame and doing so (present and into the future). Acknowledgement for your discernment.
Same with my woman, she's not my wife yet everything's happened in due time. She also suffered abuse but chose to be a kind person instead of doing the same to others. She is very submissive and respects each other's importance in the relationship. I helped her get out of depression when we met as friends.
@@Jamalquentinjr awesome. Very happy for both.of you
I was actually really shocked when you dropped the monster part😂
Sounds great!
1 Has a great relationship with her parents
2. She honors femininity and masculinity
3. She has friends that are good for her
4. She has her own hobbies and interests
5. She is independent
6. She despises drama and gossip
7. Her goals are aligned with yours
8. Politically & Spiritualky aligned with you
9. She honors herself, take care of herself, she tries to improves emotionally, phisically, spiritually, mentaly...
10. She is financially responsible
@mrtom7584 But you are perfect. Sheesh. Do any of these fit for you? Add in do to wish to protect or dictate?
Men do not behave as men ought to behave, but are teenage boys who want their freedom to do as they please as they go and just want stuffed animals without needs to be perfect at home for them to come home to... Learn to build up your wife and children, they will build you up as well. Blaming the other? Not attractive. Plus you want all of the shortcuts... do not lash out at me.
If nothing I said fits for you, then go your merry way. But if what I wrote hits a nerve, that's on you to figure out why. Good luck to you, sincerely. Men need to be honored, respected when they behave correctly. Go watch the video
. this guy gives great advice.
What's the point of being an ' independent bich' ??
@@michellelaudet5363lmfao your a fine example of a REDFLAG
@Dylan-lt9eo Good. Glad you would avoid me. Saves me from dealing with a self serving child claiming he's a grown man. Probably not any other good women will be saved from you, unfortunately.
@@michellelaudet5363 hahahahabhahahahhahahahagagag I'm dead. Wave that red flag a little more will you 😂 this is why your single
She has nice and genuine things to say about people who are absent at the time. Also; is a listening communicator, not just someone who reacts.
27 years married❤
Great advice.
My wife is a 10/10
The funny thing is that when we first got together, she was a single mom that just recently turned 21, and I was in my 30s and going through a divorce.
Yes, multiple red flags in the eyes of most people, but we both met at a very difficult period in our lives... yes, another red flag. But obviously after nearly 30 years together, and a total of 9 children combined and 7 grandchildren, those red flags didn't matter. She's nearing 50, and I'm in my 60s, and for some damn reason she still puts up with me.
I just now saw this video and was happily surprised to see it, as every video I've seen to date is about the countless red flags to watch out for women, and nothing about the positive traits to look out for when it comes to women.
Obviously I don't watch videos like yours for myself, as I'm obviously not shopping for a woman, but having 6 sons, I like to keep an eye out for things that would help my sons. In today's world, anything I can find that would help save them from a world of hurt is good for the whole family. As when one of us suffers, we all do in our own way.
We don't have a perfect marriage and she too isn't perfect, but hopefully our sons are able to find women more like her instead of the alternatives out there.
Saw your channel for a few seconds and soon as you said "We Need You" I hit the subscribe button because I knew I needed you too. Thank you Brother, I'm here for you all. I advocate for Men's Rights and suicide awareness and mental health.
Boom. Great that you focus on green flags, rather than red. Self-confidence is not specifically mentioned in your list, however it underlies several of your points. Often arises from having had a strong Dad role model in her life.
Such a great topic, I would love to hear about green flags for men too!
I also think consideration for others and meaningful healthy ambition are huge green flags for everyone.
Thank you for sharing, this is helpful to learn how to improve as a woman too
A lot of these go for both
This is great advice. I wish I followed this. The best point is that if you're a saved man, don't go with a woman who is not a fellow believer. Can't walk together if you're on different paths. But as you said, only each of us can determine what is a deal breaker.
If you're a Christian, the Bible tells you what's a deal breaker.
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14.
Yes, you can choose... But at what cost? I wanted to add some more context in agreement with your comment.
@@thomaskittock2866 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 might be a better place to look because the place in scripture that you quoted is better applied to friends and acquaintances
@@RedeemedOttoman Ephesians is best
All three work together with the rest of the word, through Christ.😊
My offensive line coach in college who was a d1 NATIONAL CHAMP AT WVU always said, ' be like a mushroom. when people leave you in the dark and shovel shit on you.....thrive and grow'.
Good grooming by both is very important. Doesn't mean perfect all the time. Shows love and respect for each other. My grandpa always washed up
More ... before sitting down to dinner and my mom always put on a fresh house dress before my dad came home and lipstick and fixed her hair nicely. I know this sounds old fashioned but those intentions can be done today.
This video really makes me realize what a gem of a woman I’ve found in this modern day.
She isn’t perfect, but neither am I. However, we’re both willing to address our shortcomings and improve ourselves when we know it’s possible.
What great comment. Thank you for posting this. 😊
I love your stuff! Good job there is a few things I’d change: 1) wants a great relationship with her family” because let’s face it - no family is perfect =) personally I didn’t have a good relationship or understanding of how a family should act until I met my (now) husband and watched him with his mom and dad. Now there is a lot more understanding with my parents, and I love them more then ever. 2) if you drink in the relationship, understand how alcohol affects her mentality and you guys as a couple. Does it make her wanna fight? Does it make her flirty? Does she do stupid things? Etc. 3) How she acts when she is angry or upset with you. Does she try to resolve it, or does she let it stew? Or does she try to be vindictive
Relationships suffer because people do not do their own work psychologically and spiritually. They don't know themselves and thus are chronically 'lonely'. Stand in the center of YOUR life and look outward from there for a mate who is doing the same. Then you just need to spend some time getting to know each other to understand if it will be a good working match.
Yes, # 8 ; spiritually & politically, is important.
I was dating this gal, had told her I was not interested in marriage.
I had no standing on religion & or politics, at 28 yrs old. Married her at 30, now Im 64, still married to her, one & only. Guys take heed what this guy is expressing.
So glad you clarified on you “independent” point. I met too many on the first date saying “I’m a strong, independent woman woman who does her own laundry and cleans her own house”…like, I do too, but why is that something to brag about? Lol🤷🏽♂️ I think they might be compensating for something when I here that come out if her mouth.
As a young woman, I think it's good to hear these things to consider & improve upon. One thing many people don't really consider is that it should be a partnership; meaning you should bring to the table what you also want brought to the table by the other & not be just looking for a slave to be everything for you that you aren't or a crutch to put all your weight on. Entitlement for what someone "deserves" as they do nothing is a really sad epidemic that causes so much destruction to others. A book I read that changed my life had an exercise in it that said to write down what you appreciated in past partners as points: like "honesty", "follow-thru" "humor" etc, then to prioritize those things, what you'd want in a partner most to least... THEN to look at yourself & see how many of those things you have & how much> & if you have a not very much of something to either: reconsider it's importance or improve it in yourself as it is unfair to demand from someone quality in qualities you don't have
Thanks for sharing your video. As a wife and a mother of four boys, I totally agree with what you’re saying. It’s important to choose wisely when you’re picking a wife or husband
Dude, amazing video. Wish I would have had this 12 yrs ago but got it now
All great points! Tell your wife I save bacon grease too, done it for decades! Your other points are spot on as well, I only disagree with the “she has great parents” because some of us don’t even have parents, through no fault of our own. Everyone makes one’s own decisions, some of us have a longer road to go to meet our goals in life. We deserve credit when we succeed in that. I love it that you agree that spouses need to have friends that are good for them, need hobbies and activities, need to be financially responsible, need to be on the same page spiritually, need to be independent, and to celebrate femininity and masculinity. I’ll bet you have a wonderful marriage and a great wife!
I love that vetting is mentioned... I tried dating after my marriage fell apart... I vetted men, as a single mom I didnt have time to date casually. My time was to the vow of raising my kids from my previous marriage... their dad walked away. One guy told me he had job interviews that were easier to go through... duh. My kids already had my first apparent bad choice, their father(my bad choice, he isnt bad,just broken). Obviously I am not letting that hurt happen again.😅
Amazing points. When my wife and I were going through a marriage prep seminar, I was surprised to hear that most of the other couples had not had these conversations about each other and their life plans.
Thanks for sharing this, I feel really encouraged by it...
While going through a divorce that’s long overdue I can say that I wish I had this advice when I was a young man.
Awesome podcast! This was a great confirmation for me that my focuses are in the right place. Please do a green flags in men episode!
Lots of these green flags change as circumstances change!
She forgives and doesn't hold grudges.
She has an optimistic outlook
Those two green flags can overcome any others she's currently missing. We change as people. I used to love to throw parties. Now, I would rather read abd hang with the dogs!❤
Trust your heart and remember that green flags come in many ways!
Paul Washer has an excellent video on Biblical Masculinity
Bacon grease is an old school cooking skill. :-) tastes great!
Super on point Ryan. Very well articulated. Thank u
My mom and grandmothers did the bacon grease recycle . Lot of love in those meals. ❤
🤣🥓
This is important. You get what you focus on. Looking for women that have these Green flags is better than only looking for Red flags. If you get fixated in red flags, only, you get a little paranoid and can easily misinterpret words and actions. This definitely happened to me.
Yes, I agree with you. We do get (more of) what we focus on.
If you look for reasons to "rule" people out then inevitably your personal confirmation bias will find those stop signs or red flags.
If you look, on the other hand for reasons to rule them in as possible 'good partners' then you/I create the context for a healthier, more positive relationships.
I think the hard thing for a lot of men is internalizing enough of their own locus of control not to "take the bait" of getting involved in a woman's emotional drama over non-sequiter problems.
Grateful for your channel my bro
Man🦾 you 🦾are spot on! And not finding this woman is why I'm single today. Love your content. Keep up the good work, my brother from another mother 👍👍
It's very true. It is so important to find a woman. That has friends that are good for her. I had to great displeasure I dating someone, and I didn't like their friends. Never could put a finger on it. I just knew when she was with them there was excessive drinking, and late nights out. Turned out they were into 'sex work' and dragged her into it. Iron sharpening iron is a very real thing.
Great topic, to partnering with people in general is a challenge, with one person is even more willing to understand self, being compassion, forgiven, aware and when compromising is important to sometimes stand your ground. 🙏
Great episode, Ryan. I'm forever grateful for my daughter from my marriage, but aspects of this and discussions I could've had would have perhaps benefited the marriage before the divorce 7 years later, or at least opened my eyes more to take action.
Great video. I would also suggest that as men we turn these around on ourselves and think where we can better dial ourselves in across these areas.
Btw - I totally out kicked my coverage on my wife 😂. She’s great in most if not all of these. I gotta make sure I am doing the same as a man.
I think it's really important that man also practice femininity in regards to not shoving the darkness down but being able to open up and share your struggles. Not just acting strong when you're dying inside, but being able to share it and your weaknesses.
Those are wonderful great points! These are something that I need to know as a man myself.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful video!!!
Excellent topic/video. But good luck finding a woman in this day and age with even half of these qualities
The main one is being willing to listen and learn. Most guys aren't capable of training a woman for a relationship but in that case it's not really a shortcoming of the woman but of the man.
Ha i missed the intro and came in where he said "look and feel good and and the are durable"... Turns out that was part of the promo not the list.
Ha, even that wouldn't be wrong though!
If you see red flags after you're engaged break it off! It's not too late to save yourself.
I got to #2, and you described the failing of 80% of the women I meet. (Sigh) I'm not going to neglect a quality single life.
Great podcast Ryan, on many levels.
More people need to hear this....
My dad always jokes with his wife (my mother) "I found the last good one."
You are the best 🔥🔥🔥
You rock!!! Great podcast thanks from Brazil
Good thoughts and good morning fellas🤜🤛
I don't think it's as much about 'repreive or escape' from your partner that men and women need as much as the healthy habit of taking personal time to remember who you were and are becoming and remembering what was and may still be important to you.
Along with taking action to regularly reaffirm you are still an individual with your own hopes and dreams everyone needs personal time to themselves for the purpose of personal growth-- it can't always be about serving others -- or self.
There's got to be some balance.
Green flags. Cool idea!
Keep up the great work Ryan. Love your perspective and presentation 👍🏼👍🏼
Looks like I hit the damned jackpot 👌🏻
Great episode, thanks for this
Love it
I have great friends, hobbies, volunteer, go to church, work out almost every day, have a good job, speak 3 languages and that's not enough for my husband 😢
Order of Man. So here's a question as a single Dad how would I navigate the dating market now? Also how would I teach my girsl to be women with alot more green flags than red, considering that thier mom is not a great female role model
Honestly, a father has a huge impact on his daughters. Just stay strong in their lives 🌹
There's a good book on that by Meg Meeker, "Srong Fathers, Strong Daughters."
@@FlamingCockatiel thanks I'll look for it
My ex wife expected me to be a clone of her father and she pressed me to change with the threat of divorce (which she eventually instigated) all I can advise is PRENUPTIAL agreement with a marriage. I didn’t cheat, hit, abuse or skeez and in the end I got taken to the cleaners after years of going to therapy counseling and other considerable concessions.
Great relationship w parent does not equal enmeshment
1 - Good relationship with parents
I respectfully disagree. My current partner was abused by both her parents, but she also recognizes that it was abuse and wants to do better than they did for her. So more important, this theoretical woman for you needs to know who they want to be for you (her partner) and her children (if that's a thing).
2 - Honors masculinity and femininity
This really ties into the first one. There is masculinity, femininity, and toxicity. I've actually had several conversations with people, both older and younger than myself, who reference the phrase "toxic masculinity." And I'm quick to tell them they're wrong because toxic behavior is not masculine.
3 - Friends that are good for her
I feel like this falls into all of her friends having a similar mindset. If she has a friend that views all masculinity as toxic, or is constantly trying to undermine her femininity, or is just using her because the friend sees what she has in a relationship and wants that (possibly being you as the man), the list goes on. But ultimately, a "good" friend will have a lot of the same worldview. It's when worldviews collide that things really get shaky.
4 - Has her own hobbies
This can fall on you as her man. She had hobbies before you, and like Ryan said, encourage her to pursue those. A lot of women will, intentionally or not, fall into the "I must be the housewife" mentality, which will shatter her mental health because she sacrificed her hobbies to be the woman she thought you wanted. Let her be herself, and make sure the "who does what" around the home is set in stone. Do not hesitate to take up a few chores, even if you are the breadwinner. It will change both of you for the better.
5 - Is independent
Yes. Exactly. Codependency will destroy you. If you want to spend as much time with her as she does with you, awesome. But if that scale tips and one of you wants to do something on your own and the other feels like they have to tag along, it's going to be annoying at first and only breed resentment later.
6 - Despises drama/gossip
I've been trying to avoid anecdotes in all my responses but I feel like this one requires a personal story. My woman does listen to a lot of people's "drama" as it were. Her friends' issues in their relationship, work BS, etc. But instead of just using that as talking points with other women, she actively offers constructive criticism to try to remedy the situation. She doesn't just gossip for the sake of gossip.
On a somewhat related note, one of her friends just got out of a 4 year relationship with their partner, and that friend saw our relationship and wanted that. Not me, but wanted her partner to be more like me. He, on the other hand, saw nothing wrong with how he was acting (toxic, to be blunt). Honestly, I saw and heard how he acted and it was me before I realized the man I wanted to be.
7 - Goals are aligned with yours
Yup. Huge red flag is that your life goals and hers do not align. If you want kids and she doesn't, or vice versa. If she wants to have a career and you want a housewife. It will breed resentment, which will cause fights. Honestly, you may not even realize at first what is the underlying issue in the situation.
8 - Politically and spiritually aligned
I think politically is much more important on this one, but I'm not big on church or religion. I'd rather read Wild at Heart. Immediate red flags, particularly for younger men; don't look for a Satanist, don't look for a Wiccan. Most other spiritual edicts can mesh fairly well, unless you're real big on a "one true religion."
Politics can get messy real quick. If your political ideology is "I am a liberty loving conservative," having a partner who worships certain "mostly peaceful protest" (see also: rioting) organizations will get under your skin. You will break up due to a lack of political cohesion.
9 - She honors herself
Like Ryan said, someone who strives to improve. Never expect to be perfect or for your partner to be perfect. But always, ALWAYS, try to be a better person tomorrow than you are today.
10 - Financially responsible
I know more guys than girls who are financially irresponsible. The females I know are a lot more particular about what they spend and where. But again, I'd say Ryan is right. If you're the single income, and your woman spends all your money on frivolity, that will cause problems.
Thank you
Brother, this is a fantastic list that I can't find any dispute with. And absolutely there are significant deal breakers here to take heavily into consideration. Opposites attract, sometimes, but don't rely on that shitty theory. Liberalism isn't like a cold that, given time, will just clear up and heal and go away. That crap sticks forever and the story gets old.
Honestly, if you’re a strong man and assert dominance with your beliefs early on in the relationship, she can be turned to your side. Unfortunately, if you break up, she can rebound and become even worse than she was before. But if she isn’t receptive to your beliefs and doesn’t start accepting them, than move on.
@@CaesarGB Assert dominance???!!! What century are you living in? She's entitled to her own beliefs whether you agree with them or not. Why couldn't you just agree to disagree???
Find a woman who understands Esphesians 5:22-24 and Genesis 3:16. And as a man understand Ephesians 5 yourself.
8 out of 10 isn't too bad,,,,,, I think.
10 green flags to look for in the dumpster fire
I wish I had seen this about a month ago 🤦♂️
She tried to give you a heart attack with bacon 🥓 grease. Red Flag
But what if I honor myself as a woman by doing mma ?
Great video. There are very few modern women who meet even 2 or 3 of these green flags let alone most of them and are also attractive.
What do the people who listen to this think of tomboys? I've always been interested in the guy stuff and fairly independent and wonder if it made others afraid to approach me. A lot of dating advice videos for women make my skin crawl. I was dating a great guy, but he said multiple times that he thought we were too similar, especially in our weaknesses, and I think it eventually turned him off.
I think tomboys are fun! Nothing wrong with it
Most men with red blood and functional, uh, *appendages,* if you will, will not be very picky about their choice in woman as it pertains to those sorts of surface characteristics. But men of high value do ultimately want their woman to be feminine. It's okay to prefer jeans and swear a lot and like guns or cars, but if you really want a man to be interested, you need to demonstrate you are capable of being feminine. Men are not looking for another man to raise their children with, they need a woman who can nurture and love their children in the way only a woman can.
My advice to you is if you have a love interest, go out of your way to demonstrate you are capable of being feminine. Surprise him on a date by wearing something "girly". Show an awestruck interest in his knowledge or capacity in some domain he is interested in. Lean onto him, quite literally. Show him with your actions that you want him to be your rock that protects you from the waves of an uncertain world. Even if you get competitive with him, never under any circumstances demean him, especially in front of others. Don't be fake about it, he will be able to tell, but as socially incorrect as it is to say these days, be unironically submissive to him. Don't let him walk on you or be cruel of course, but if you decide together to go out to eat, let him decide where to go and don't argue or complain after the fact, or even praise him on his choice(if it's a good one of course).
Ultimately, you need to be able to be vulnerable with him. Once he trusts you enough, he will open up and be vulnerable with you as well. But men spend each day in a sea of cruel indifference, he wants to come home to something soft and loving and kind that loves him for who he is and cares about what he cares about.
@@bort6414 Thank you for such a detailed reply, especially on what encompasses feminine behavior, as I, alas have the stereotypical male mind when it comes to the more nuanced social stuff. The male qualities I more naturally embody tend to be more along the strong, gentlemanly line rather than crass and boorish. I do enjoy wearing dressing and dressing up (it took a while to get there).
He was/is special to me because he made this naturally independent, touch-averse woman desire physical contact and feel submissive and safe. Really, he has a lot of good qualities, and I might have inadvertently driven him off for good. I spoke with his grandma, and she said that ever since he was young, he was a little more touch-averse, so I didn't want to push boundaries and drive him off that way. He is on the spectrum, so I don't know how much his mind ran along the lines you wrote, but he is definitely on the traditional side.
It was difficult accepting all the times he drove and paid, as it made me feel like a leech, and I was raised to pay my own way. There are so many videos out there of men complaining about being loved only for their money, and I wanted to avoid coming across that way.
I've tasted love, and it's something I want more of, but, being a rather shy, serious tomboy, I know the odds are not great for me.
Just wondering, is your wife full time mom ? Or does she work outside the home ?
Every time I see a green light women I crap my pants and run for the hills. Then I go find a bad girl and feel terrible about everything.
A woman can have both parents in their life and have a great relationship with their parents and still be a terrible person. The type of people her parents are is far more important than if they have a good relationship with their kids.
I'm 7 years in and only scored 2 out of 10. Should I drive over there and break up with her right now...?
7 years... Talk to her about this and ask her to consider it.
Love the content but I will not join your group due to the price tag attached. is what it is.
Most of your points are in the Bible. Honor your father and mother so it will go well with you. Unless 2 of you agree, how can you walk together. She considers a field and buys it.
WHERE IS...... WIFES RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND. and YOUR BODY IS NOT YOUR OWN. Nice podcast.
Husbands submit to God.
Awesome video. There is one thing though. You should do some research on what pork actually does to the body and how bad it is.
If you have an article in mind, post a link.
honestly for the average joe who just wants to eat healthy, the "health" world is so damn confusing. People tell you veganism kills your body, then vegans say that animal products kill your body, then fruit eaters say that vegetables kill your body, vegetable eaters tell you that fruits and animal products both kill your body, it's so confusing. I just eat what makes me feel good and what I think will be beneficial for my health. I drink milk & lots of water, lean meats and clean fruits and vegetables. Lots of whole food and I avoid fast food and junk food like the plague. Health highly interests me but there's no way for somebody to follow all the trains of thought in the health industry. A great tip Joel Salatin gives is to not eat any food that has an ingredient you cannot pronounce or spell on the nutrition facts.
@@matthewhall6444 like I said just do some research on what pork does to the body. The most disgusting thing society calls food.
Men are the Fort! ( safe place ) woman are the life in the Fort ( Good plase) I wand to dye for a Cause, Not a reason!
Beautiful.
Great content but there's slim Pickens out here.
The average western woman is not raised to be a wife.
Unfortunately we are going to have to be forceful belief wise. If she isn’t receptive, move on. More than likely many of us are going to have to deprogram women.
Read "The Kid Gallagher Story " to your wife when going to bed. She will see you in a different light, guaranteed!
You will have to encounter 100,000 western women to see just one example of each of these 10 green flags. Good luck out there.
better listen to this guy! I'M NOT KIDDING. You left out lying or worse DECEPTION BY OMISSION. then there will be no trust! watch for little lies, things how they do others because sooner or later, you'll be the others.
His wife dumped him.
Do you support Defendant trump?
I could NEVER be with an atheist or WORSE, a Democrat.
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😂