I'm such an emotional eater ughhhhhhh and I have no hunger cues anymore. Going out to dinner is so hard bc I never know how much I'm supposed to eat. I love this video so much you both are amazing
Same :-/ I just eat to eat I can't tell if I'm even hungry or not. I'm always self conscious people think I am eating like a pig or that I'm somehow not being socially acceptable while I eat. I feel more relaxed when I can eat alone but I still get anxious and ashamed for what I'm doing
Tom is so courageous and genuine with everything he's said about his mental health which surely helps people who struggle with similar issues, even if it's just making someone feel understood ❤️ and Kati is awesome as always :)
This is SUCH an important topic! Food is such an accessible form of comfort that is formulated to be addictive, love your tips Katie and just how open and down to earth you are :)xo
-MY ADVICE ♦ I do eat when am stressed but I've ever been black and white about food. I would say I am in the 'happy medium' Katie was talking about. The food I eat for stress relief is all strictly food that I've cooked my self from scratch. I put a movie, tv episode, or music on then start to cook and by the time the food is ready and i've cleaned the mess I've made (I always make a mess) my body is exhausted, and I don't really want to eat the food as much anymore, but I do eat it and it tastes great and I am satisfied. The labor of cooking and cleaning on it's own is a stress reliever, so by the time I am ready to eat the food, I don't need as much of it. This is just one version of what Katie mentioned, which is asking your self do something that helps you relief stress before allowing your self to stress eat. ♦ Second Advice: this one is more on the weight gain prevention side, since the motion of eating can be more important than eating itself, try popcorn, carrots, zucchini, broccoli, things you can eat a lot of but don't have as many calories/fat ect, Oh, and obviously like tom mentioned, using water to help your self feel full faster and just for good health in general. ♦ Finally, Try to notice if there are any foods that have any special effects on your mood. When I am depressed I really like watermelon, chocolate and fat rich foods (I try to make them healthy fats like peanut butter and avocado) When I am anxious, I like warm drinks like tea, and foods I can eat a lot of like veggies. When I am in physical pain, I like eating what my dad used to buy for me when I was sick (a dark soda and white cheese with crackers) Or just chocolate again. Because chocolate is magical. Or soup. Which is also magical. That's all, good luck Ya'all :3
I hate to put this to parents, but my parents and caretakers were a HUGE part of starting my emotional eating habits... habits that to this day I have to be conscious about every second (and still cannot control). Every time I got hurt... "It's okay honey, here is a sucker to make you feel better". Every time I had a rough day... "Don't worry about it sweetie, lets go get ice cream to make you feel better". As I got older, some sort of food was offered instead of what I really needed, which was just my parents or someone to listen to what was going on with me, and talk to me. It's something I am teaching my son, to deal with feelings and emotions in a healthy way... to accept that the feeling is there, that sometimes the feelings suck, and to problem solve his way to a better feeling through different outlets... and not using food as a soothing outlet, or a tool so you don't have to get involved. If I want to take his mind off of something, we go bike riding or jump on the trampoline or paint silly pictures or go in the full length mirror and make silly faces or read a book. This in turn helps me not to take the emotional eating route with him and be a good example for him!
This resonated with me so deep. I struggle so much with emotional eating, food is my main source of comfort. I keep trying different techniques to stop binging and it is so hard to stop. Thank you for sharing your struggles. You're not alone.
I have issues with a recurring eating disorder (not eating enough for a while and losing a large amount of weight, then steadily gaining it all back until I relapse) and anxiety/OCD and I've found that writing out all of my thoughts on a single piece of paper helps me. I write horizontally, vertically, and sideways all over one sheet of notebook paper, going over my writing again and again, until I've gotten some of it out. It can take ten minutes or two hours and it's very soothing. You can have music or tv on in the background, or you can devote all your attention to it. It has really helped me.
I'm so grateful for this video! I so rarely see men or masculine people so honestly discuss having bad relationships with food. This video really made me feel less alone and less ashamed.
Things I'm trying: 1) Acknowledging the validity of my resentment for my disordered relationship with food, allowing myself to think that it IS terrible (even if there are much more terrible things in the world, even if I am partly to blame, etc.) 2) Perceiving a difference between acknowledging this disorder as terrible and allowing the anxiety and stress of it to propel me to perpetuate it, recognizing binging as a habitual but un-useful reaction to the feeling of powerlessness 3) Recognizing that habits are deep and not expecting step (2) to suddenly yield a perfect new me 4) getting space from my thoughts 5) diverse incremental moves in the positive direction, whatever "positive" might mean to me, whatever forms might make sense for me at the time.... 6) looking up "positive outlets to negative emotions", kati's videos, etc., whether I end up using the coping skills suggested or not 7) even w/ the tenets of intuitive eating, knowing that hunger "cues" are not "commands" and that I will be required to take an active role in my eating habits if I want to improve them, which helps me feel less frustrated that my eating habits don't naturally just "click" into the correct gear 8) not banning myself from using food to make me feel better, recognizing there's a big space between an instance of food soothing and binge eating 9) having respect for the mystical biological/hormonal/etc foundations of the drive to eat.......
This is so amazing!! Thank you thank you Tom. This has helped me feel less lonely and that may seem like a small thing but I can guarantee you I will be forever grateful. Loneliness is incredibly debilitating. Thanks again Tom!
Thank you for being so open, Tomska! it really does help! Kati, I love what you said about not "dieting " but evaluating our relationships with food. That really clicked with me. This was really great, thanks guys!!!!💪❤
This was a really awesome video. I was expecting a "this is how I conquered comfort eating!" story, but actually it was really helpful to see someone who is trying to figure things out, and, in a sense, to be welcomed into someone else's therapy session. Thank you so much for sharing and for allowing yourself to be vulnerable for us
Here I sit, 67 y.o., with over 35 years of therapy under my belt. Watching and listening to Tom nearly made me cry. I STILL have food issues that are very similar to Toms'. Thank you so much, Tom, for your bravery and honesty.
I was really poor growing up so whenever I did have access to food I would go crazy with it. I'm now able to afford food but I still panic whenever I think about it. I never think there's enough in my house so I'll spend so much money on groceries. it feels impossible to control my anxiety
Stuffyluffy check out the OA.org website. A lot of us deal with having been poor growing up where we were constantly living in lack. So, we learn to stuff ourselves with food...but there is never enough.
Stuffyluffy I wasn't poor growing up, there was always healthy food on the table, but my mom was so controlling about food and when I started to have my own money from babysitting and more independence, I started making trips to the corner store that had a massive candy and bubble gum section. I would stock up, hide the candy in my room, and eat it while reading in bed. My mom counting the cookies in the freezer and accusing me and my sisters of sneaking cookies when it turned out it was actually my dad who took the cookies was the start of my eating disorder. When I noticed I was getting chubbier, I started a crazy cycle of restrict, binge, purge with laxatives, restrict and so on. I also started taking diet pills and appetite suppressants, and I'm pretty sure that stuff totally messed with my mood and triggered massive mood swings.
@@shenandoah1322 I had struggled with emotional eating growing up, but after being unemployed and having only one meal a day for months while working, I really struggle to this day with eating other's leftovers. I guess one positive for 2020, it has definitely helped me with not taking what others have left on their plates
I really love seeing these videos about mental health with youtubers, it's so important to have these conversations openly - and also incredibly difficult to do.
Having a friend to call or a distraction is 100% helpful during those binge moments. I had eating disorders for years, postponing and connecting to something you enjoy for 15 minutes before is so helpful. Also, my eating has a lot to do with being disconnected from other people, and those activities I find help.
Thank you Kati and thank you Tom for sharing this. I hope Tom you were able to find that balance with food (I know the struggle) I really appreciated hearing your story and seeing your views on food and I know personally it is a rough ride to be on. I hope you found some inner peace and a happy balance and if you happen to read this, I wish you all the best!
I think you are helping by doing this, Tom! I bet it helps a lot of people feel understood. I've got food issues more towards the other end of the spectrum and I recognize this state where I'm getting advice that logically makes sense and yet it just feels like I'm never gonna get the hang of it and have a healthy relationship with food. I think what helps most at those times is just having a cry about it or somehow letting the frustrated and hopeless feelings out. I can pick myself up and dust myself off later. 💜
Best video ever!!! Emotional and stress eating is my biggest obstacle in life. The 4 things I've leaned the best about eating and I teach my students are: 1. Be open to change 2. Be realistic in you plan, goals, food choices 3. Create a balance of nutrient dense and not so nutritious foods (don't deprive yourself of things you enjoy eating, just create a healthy balance with them included) 4. Be okay with not being 100% perfect. 80-85% is a solid goal to be proud of. For me when I'm in an emotional situation, my biggest tip is that before I make a food choice I live through and process fully that emotion and whatever thoughts are attached to it. Sometimes this does mean I may feel uncomfortable because I'm dealing with sadness or anger but I work through it. I then end the thought with something positive and put my Fitbit on the 2 mins breathing mode, focus on my breathing and then go make a healthy choice.
Thank you Kati and Tom for talking so openly about this, I really liked the way you both handled the conversation. And loved the small achievable everyday goals! I think that can help with lots of things.
Thank you for talking about this, Tom. Love your honesty and that you're talking about it while it's a current issue for you - that's braver than past tense. You are helping! :)
Kati you are so comforting to watch and listen to. I love your non-judgmental, kind, understanding, positive approach to everything. I would love to have you as a therapist. I would feel so comfortable talking to you!
this actually really helped me. i was in eating disorder counseling for years for compulsive overeating, ended up having bariatric surgery 3 years ago and lost most of the extra weight. I was physically much healthier, but then I developed a transfer addiction with alcohol. I got help for that and have been sober now for a year. I haven't gained weight back, but feel like my thoughts & actions are definitely leaning towards the BAD eating disorder related thoughts i had years ago. I have watched a few of your videos and am paying close attention to your solutions for replacing the bad coping mechanisms with good ones. My nutritionist always tells me to do self-care but maybe I need to actually write down some actual ideas and then DO them. I have so many things I want to do but my anxiety prevents it. I have been more active lately & making fun youtube videos. Anyways, i'm going to keep watching your videos. Thank you for posting them!!!
The main thought I keep having during this episode: He sounds like he's not currently ready/willing to make the necessary changes. Which I understand, addiction is damn near impossible to voluntarily break before one is actually ready...that's been my experience anyway. No judgement, just observing that he sounds very reluctant to actively participate in the discussion as it pertains to possible "solutions" (for lack of a better word) I'm sure he'll get there sooner or later (also in my experience, the willingness & being ready to break an addiction is one of those things that ebbs and flows) Thanks for the video!
Omg he actually helped so much, like I always knew that this wasn't healthy but this video made me start thinking about therapy, tom I hope you can get there, not only on weight but the mentality, i hope I get there. I think I just gotta understand that food is not a friend, not an enemy, not an ally it's not what I should be going for to prize myself, or do out of boredom or think it's something I should be "deserving" and definitely not something I should be keeping myself away from as a punishment. I just want food to became food
Tom!!! You are so incredible!!! Thank you for coming out with your story. It's so important. I'm currently going to therapy for all one million of my problems, but I recognize now that I want better food relationships. I binge a lot! I think that it's easy for me to want to fix appearances or do surface level work without really going into the deeper levels of why I feel what I feel. And once I do find something deep, I've tried to seal it away and pretend I fixed it. I know that I shut myself out the most when I'm judging myself or shaming myself into being well. So starting with being forgiving of myself and recognizing my better qualities helps me to keep my patience up for the long haul work I need to do.
Thanks Tomska for sharing your experience with us. One thing that I used to do to cope with feelings is go to the gym and hammer out a cardio workout- or my favorite was cardio kickboxing. I also used to swim. One of my favorite things to do now is to take a bubble bath and watch TH-cam videos. If the weather is nice, I like to take a walk with my dog. Other times I will just cry or even take a nap. Being overly tired can really put me in a horrible place. My best friend cleans when she gets upset which is awesome when she comes over to my house. ;-)
For me, to get out of my system negative thoughts or repressed emotions I find that running is one of the best things ever. Not so much with exercise in general but I find that with running I can zoom out or use all of the emotions to keep on going and it's incredible how much it helps. Also, you have to drink lots of water after running so thats a plus.
This is such a helpful and insightful video thank you for always creating such great content! 💜I've relapsed really bad and my therapist goes on holiday next week I don't know what to do! 💜
Thanks Tom and Katie, I can identify with your awareness. the point you connected with about looking around for other outlets makes sense as well as the recognition of comfort in childhood wasn't affection , and though well meaning, food gave some soothing.
Ugh this is me 100%. I relate so hard. I'm at such a loss as to where to start. Like Tom I've had limited success and failed attempts, and I know what I SHOULD be doing to help with binges. But there is literally nothing in my life that makes me feel happy and comforted like food does. I have a hard time thinking that there may be coming mechanisms that feel better.
This hits a lot too close to home. It feels relieving to hear it and be validated, but scary because I know there's a lot of work to do to get better. I think I'm gonna go get a hug now. Thank you.
I stopped selfharming and started eating, I think it's just another way to harm my body for me. But I'm going to try to find 5 other coping skills that are good for me. Thx for the tipps
Totally needed this video this week! I can't find the middle ground between the black and whites of eating super healthy and never having any "bad foods" (Or what my brain says is bad), and eating everything in sight! I;m trying mindful eating this week, so i actually enjoy every bite instead of scoffing all my food down as quick as possible.. so we will see how that goes, but it just feels so stressful not knowing how to eat properly when everyone around you does it everyday without thinking... I'm asking my doctor to recommend a nutritionist this week so I can try and learn how to just be healthy and happy!!!
You both helped! Great content guys. I can relate massively to Tom here. Take it slow dude, recovery is a slow, up and down and everywhere inbetween process. Remember to feel pride in every little victory!
I would so love more on this subject. I am the exact same. I went to a therapist last year and mentioned my comfort eating. She spent the rest of the session telling me about her new diet. I haven't found anyone who understands. I don't even understand. I associate everything with food. Calling a friend or going to the movies can involve food. And bad choices. It is frustrating because I am either 100% dieting or eating unhealthy. Thank you got this video. More help needed.
Mindfulness really helps. Talk to yourself in your head like you would to a close friend. So much of my problems around eating have been the judgement if I eat something 'bad'. Getting away from thinking of food in terms of "good" and "bad" helps but also focusing more on the solutions than beating yourself up for the problem eating habits. Setting realistic goals and moving in small steps helps too. Too many people try and do it all at once.
You're such a lovely person, Tom. I hope you can get help. All the best! I think there're so many people struggeling with their relationship to food so you're not alone. I've struggeld too and I still do but it's definetly better than it was. Trying to stop feeling guilty and being nice and understanding with myself helped me alot! I agree that i'ts all about balance. It's way easier said than done obviously but remember no one is perfect and that's not the goal anyway. Just feeling a bit better is probably the best you've ever felt.
For me it’s an escape back to a simpler time. I’ve also been told non-stop by family members that I’m a ‘growing boy’ when I was young. It’s like a toxic friendship, an addiction. I could have one beer or one scotch, and be done with it, but give me an entire skillet of Hamburger Helper, I’ll be eating it until I physically hurt myself. If I met TomSka today I’d have something meaningful to converse with in regards to these problems. I met him in 2012 at Otakon and just randomly quoted an asdfmovie line...I apologize for that moment of awkwardness. It’s nice to see when a hero of yours goes through very similar issues. Good on ya, Tom. I wish you luck and much strength.
Wow dude I can 100% relate to you. Thank you for talking about this. I've only recently started to be aware of my issues with food. It's really helpful to hear someone be so honest and open with it.
One thing I do to cope is play a video game or read a book or watch a really good movie or TV show. I can get so immersed in stories that I'll forget about food and eating for a while. That really helps! Writing helps too.
I think me and tom are the same person... this video really helped me knowing i'm not the only one that thinks these things, thank you tom for making this video even though you probably didn't want to!
Love this. I can totally relate to everything Tom. I definitely need to work on my coping skills and rewiring myself. Hang in there! I know it is hard, I feel you. Thanks Kati for the video!
I've told my therapist the same things Tom said. EXACTLY the same things....down to the "I know what to do, I just don't do it". I'm transgender and have been transitioning for 4 years and eating / weight / health are by far bigger issues for me than my transition....it's not even close. I've done the trainer thing, the huge healthy eating thing (no pun intended) and, like Tom, I almost get there and then poof....it is worse than ever. I really wish I could get on top of it and get it under control for good. My best to Tom and thanks Kati for having this video!
I completely identified with Tom. Thank you Tom for sharing your story and thank you Kati for the advice. I wonder if emotional eating is an eating disorder or just an emotional imbalance?
oh my, that was so lovely to watch :3 thanks so much for sharing. i feel like it's really important to focus on what your body says and stay on the middle path but I'm just like Tom, either a unhealthy diet or overeating t.t lately i try to have bigger breaks between food and force myself not to eat when i read or watch videos.. but it's really about the relationship with food in general
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. truly identafie with the situation whent from 200 to180 in 8th grade to 230 in high school then 155 (in 3 months witch now know was not good) 10 year later 250 then got injured at work and can walk now at 350 and is still a daily struggle
I understand this man more than I would like to. I used to weigh 385 and I got myself down to 285 over the course of 2.5 years. Let me tell you, my bipolar disorder fought this EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. I had to increase my lithium simply because the mood swings from exercising and dieting. Nobody ever tells you that when you're bipolar and trying to lose weight and the shitty thing is that many of the meds mess with your metabolism and food cravings. I have a lot of respect for this man and I understand his struggle personally. I would say I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food sometimes.
i hit the thumbs up when he mentioned the addition of alcohol into the binge. because. i. relate. so. much. the bit where he was like "i can stop whenever and i do for months". and the bit where he said the food was for when u were sad, but the alcohol was for when you were depressed. even when i try to eat healthy, its just not satisfying enough. i usually need something super sweet or chocolatey or crunchy like chips. i saw a dietitian once for a few weeks, but during my diet i was miserable. the end result was good, but after my last appointment i started skipping the gym and eating unhealthy again and put on even more weight. now i feel like i cant go back because i'm embarrassed. Currently im at my heaviest ive ever been. idk i wish i could give u some tips, tom, but i'm in your situation too. but it felt good watching this because it made me feel like we can connect and relate, and it felt like a secondhand therapy session. anyway thank you and stay strong
Something that helped me start to get control over my emotional eating (i'll probably always struggle with it if i am being honest) was to use an app to track my food consumption. It's a popular one geared toward weight loss tracking but I ignore the community entirely and just use it for tracking how much I am eating and how much water I drink. It also helps show me patterns in my eating styles so I can see things like: "Well I eat more of X or Y during these events" and other patterns in how I eat. This helps me so I can show my health care team what's going on with me and we can all be on the same page. Whether you use an app or a notebook/journal/planner/calendar/whatevs it might be worth a shot to try and keep track of your meals-regardless if your goal is losing weight or not.
If I'm trying to be healthier and can't eat for comfort I start to feel depressed. Thank you for your tips! "They're not great. You're going to hate them at first." Yes!
Tom I watch your Last Week series and all your mental health focused vids, and have been for a few years now. I think your candor is what attracted me to your channels first, and it is definitely what has made me stay - I'm invested in your journey dude! I myself have had an eating disorder since I was 14 (I'm 30 this year, bruh. wutttt) I just wanted to chime in here because I don't know what the NHS is like or whether they have eating disorder treatment programs in London, nor do I know if your symptoms would qualify you for intake, but honestly, being an in-patient at an eating disorder clinic saved my life. I did a 1 month stint in a residential hospital program here in Vancouver, and then I did a 3 month stay in a residential house where I lived with other patients and did group therapy daily. I realize 4 months, or even 1 month, sounds like a lot of time to be away from your life as you know it - you probably would have to do a little hiatus from work, and you would have to move to the treatment centre for that amount of time. But dude, literally, it has saved my life. I now have a much better understanding of my hunger/fullness cues, due to re-regulating my body and brain, and on top of that I have a way better understanding of how my emotions can trigger my symptoms. I used to have no idea what my triggers were because it felt like anything could set me off to a binge, and that it had just been my life for so long that I had no idea of what could possibly be a "starting point" to take a step back from my experiences, because it always felt like I was either IN an avalanche of symptoms, or about to be blindsided by one. If you wanna pm or chat or whatever about any of this noise, or if any of what I've said resonates in some way, I am super open to that. Otherwise I hope maybe you'll consider looking into options that are in London, for therapy related to food disorders, whether they are as intensive as residential programs, or as casual as once a week appointments. Big love to you bud. Thanks for sharing, it DOES help! :)
Thanks for this video. It's always good to know that you're not the only one and other people know what it's like. I stopped drinking alcohol and now I have noticed the emotional eating creeping back in. It was my coping mechanism when I was a kid. I'm thinking I just need to do things to distract myself and it will be better. But it's so hard to do. Especially when you have a nice neighbor that gives you cake and other sweets and my husband doesn't really like sweets. So I end up eating it all. :/
Loved your comment about not believing in diets. It makes a lot of sense. I couldn't shake the impression that Tomska was unconsciously 'resisting' hearing a solution or way out. I guess this is normal in therpay. I go to therapy and I am sure I do this too.
So I've just started therapy and one thing I've started doing is journaling so I remember what has bothered me between appointments. I become very deeply introspective when I write, and I had the realisation that my unhealthy eating wasn't just an out of whack schedule. I am a parentified child and what I would do once the baby was down and I was finally able to sit down and process my day is get REALLY upset. I was bullied really heavily in school and once I processed it and allowed myself to get emotional, there wasn't anyone there for me. My father would be on the road for weeks at a time and my mom worked fill time and went to school full time to provide when my dad retired. He's old. So from 10-ish years old, til now ( I'm 27) I've either emotionally ate, or starved during periods of homelessness (16-21 y/o). Now that I'm finally stable at the bottom of my needs pyramid, my emotional scabs are coming off and everything is SO hard to handle. I'm going to try some of these other coping things and see how they do. My appointments are really far apart and I can't really wait to get things under control, especially the eating since that can kill me if I don't. Thank you for sharing, Tomska (my boyfriend loves your work) and thank you Kati for giving all of us the knowledge and tools to try and help ourselves.
My advice for differentiating emotional hunger/ eating to cope vs. actual hunger is thinking to yourself when you're hungry "would I be satisfied by eating asparagus right now? broccoli? spinach?" etc and if the answer is YES than you are probably actually hungry and should eat. And pre-portioning your food as soon as you buy it into little bags and containers will let you know how much of something you should eat when you do go for the fridge!
i like to make a bit of a ritual out of what i eat for comfort. for me this is having tea. boiling water, pouring it, choosing the tea, etc. i'll pick out my favorite mug. sometime i'll ad a snack, but it has to be something small like a piece of toast, or some fruit. and i'll really make that about stopping everything and having this tea before continuing on with my day. it's usually about 15-20 of hermiting-type self soothing in the middle of chores or a work day.
I'm right there with you, Tom! I can still clearly remember coming home after school in the 4th grade (I was a latchkey kid so I was home alone) and heaping a bowl with 3 or 4 scoops of vanilla ice cream, a crumbled up Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie, and some chocolate syrup pretty much every day. Needless to say, I was a chubby kid. I have tried religious calorie counting and restrictive diets, but I end up getting the fuckits before I'm anywhere near my goal. I went vegetarian about 6 years ago, and I really think that's helped. I still ignore my hunger cues all the time, but it's helped push me towards healthier foods at least. I have fresh veggies (and usually dip) in my fridge at all times for when I absolutely have to munch on something between meals. I also do activities that keep my hands busy like crocheting, painting my nails, and playing piano. I also have fidget toys all over my house, because once again, it keeps my hands occupied so I'm not reaching for food. I'm nowhere near perfect and I still need to work on getting into an exercise routine, but this is the stuff that's worked for me.
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I would love to have Kati as a therapist 😍
Susannah Keohane same 🙌🏽
I feel you. Out of the three therapists I've had I only liked one for like a month and then I didn't like her either lol.
Susannah Keohane I was thinking this!
I'm such an emotional eater ughhhhhhh and I have no hunger cues anymore. Going out to dinner is so hard bc I never know how much I'm supposed to eat. I love this video so much you both are amazing
Recovery Flower - check out OA.org
Same :-/ I just eat to eat I can't tell if I'm even hungry or not. I'm always self conscious people think I am eating like a pig or that I'm somehow not being socially acceptable while I eat. I feel more relaxed when I can eat alone but I still get anxious and ashamed for what I'm doing
I like your channel as well.👏
you ARE helping a lot, Tom! and you're brave for sharing with us! thank you!
it was so cute when he said that though oh my god
Tom is so courageous and genuine with everything he's said about his mental health which surely helps people who struggle with similar issues, even if it's just making someone feel understood ❤️ and Kati is awesome as always :)
This is SUCH an important topic! Food is such an accessible form of comfort that is formulated to be addictive, love your tips Katie and just how open and down to earth you are :)xo
-MY ADVICE
♦ I do eat when am stressed but I've ever been black and white about food. I would say I am in the 'happy medium' Katie was talking about. The food I eat for stress relief is all strictly food that I've cooked my self from scratch. I put a movie, tv episode, or music on then start to cook and by the time the food is ready and i've cleaned the mess I've made (I always make a mess) my body is exhausted, and I don't really want to eat the food as much anymore, but I do eat it and it tastes great and I am satisfied. The labor of cooking and cleaning on it's own is a stress reliever, so by the time I am ready to eat the food, I don't need as much of it.
This is just one version of what Katie mentioned, which is asking your self do something that helps you relief stress before allowing your self to stress eat.
♦ Second Advice: this one is more on the weight gain prevention side, since the motion of eating can be more important than eating itself, try popcorn, carrots, zucchini, broccoli, things you can eat a lot of but don't have as many calories/fat ect, Oh, and obviously like tom mentioned, using water to help your self feel full faster and just for good health in general.
♦ Finally, Try to notice if there are any foods that have any special effects on your mood. When I am depressed I really like watermelon, chocolate and fat rich foods (I try to make them healthy fats like peanut butter and avocado) When I am anxious, I like warm drinks like tea, and foods I can eat a lot of like veggies. When I am in physical pain, I like eating what my dad used to buy for me when I was sick (a dark soda and white cheese with crackers) Or just chocolate again. Because chocolate is magical. Or soup. Which is also magical.
That's all, good luck Ya'all :3
This is awesome advice!
Thank you for sharing!!!
super great advice!
this is super helpful!thanks for sharing
I hate to put this to parents, but my parents and caretakers were a HUGE part of starting my emotional eating habits... habits that to this day I have to be conscious about every second (and still cannot control). Every time I got hurt... "It's okay honey, here is a sucker to make you feel better". Every time I had a rough day... "Don't worry about it sweetie, lets go get ice cream to make you feel better". As I got older, some sort of food was offered instead of what I really needed, which was just my parents or someone to listen to what was going on with me, and talk to me. It's something I am teaching my son, to deal with feelings and emotions in a healthy way... to accept that the feeling is there, that sometimes the feelings suck, and to problem solve his way to a better feeling through different outlets... and not using food as a soothing outlet, or a tool so you don't have to get involved. If I want to take his mind off of something, we go bike riding or jump on the trampoline or paint silly pictures or go in the full length mirror and make silly faces or read a book. This in turn helps me not to take the emotional eating route with him and be a good example for him!
This resonated with me so deep. I struggle so much with emotional eating, food is my main source of comfort. I keep trying different techniques to stop binging and it is so hard to stop. Thank you for sharing your struggles. You're not alone.
Damn... I appreciate Tom putting himself on the spot like that, it's very inspiring for him to talk about such a hard topic for him.
My friends are gonna hate me but I'm definitely trying this "call a friend when you feel the urge to eat" thing :D
TemperanceXIV just don’t forget to ask them about their problems too
I have issues with a recurring eating disorder (not eating enough for a while and losing a large amount of weight, then steadily gaining it all back until I relapse) and anxiety/OCD and I've found that writing out all of my thoughts on a single piece of paper helps me. I write horizontally, vertically, and sideways all over one sheet of notebook paper, going over my writing again and again, until I've gotten some of it out. It can take ten minutes or two hours and it's very soothing. You can have music or tv on in the background, or you can devote all your attention to it. It has really helped me.
Connie Condell im literally same, thank you for sharing this i will deffo try this!!
Do you throw the paper away after?
Erin McNamara nah not personally but if that would help give you some closure then that's great!
I'm so grateful for this video! I so rarely see men or masculine people so honestly discuss having bad relationships with food. This video really made me feel less alone and less ashamed.
Things I'm trying: 1) Acknowledging the validity of my resentment for my disordered relationship with food, allowing myself to think that it IS terrible (even if there are much more terrible things in the world, even if I am partly to blame, etc.) 2) Perceiving a difference between acknowledging this disorder as terrible and allowing the anxiety and stress of it to propel me to perpetuate it, recognizing binging as a habitual but un-useful reaction to the feeling of powerlessness 3) Recognizing that habits are deep and not expecting step (2) to suddenly yield a perfect new me 4) getting space from my thoughts 5) diverse incremental moves in the positive direction, whatever "positive" might mean to me, whatever forms might make sense for me at the time.... 6) looking up "positive outlets to negative emotions", kati's videos, etc., whether I end up using the coping skills suggested or not 7) even w/ the tenets of intuitive eating, knowing that hunger "cues" are not "commands" and that I will be required to take an active role in my eating habits if I want to improve them, which helps me feel less frustrated that my eating habits don't naturally just "click" into the correct gear 8) not banning myself from using food to make me feel better, recognizing there's a big space between an instance of food soothing and binge eating 9) having respect for the mystical biological/hormonal/etc foundations of the drive to eat.......
This is so amazing!! Thank you thank you Tom. This has helped me feel less lonely and that may seem like a small thing but I can guarantee you I will be forever grateful. Loneliness is incredibly debilitating. Thanks again Tom!
This sounds so much like my relationship with food. Thank you for this Kati and Tomska. I am going to try some of your healthy recommendations, Kati.
Wow. Tom. That was incredibly brave, genuine, and helpful. Here I am afraid just to comment and say I relate.
Kati's shirt is so aesthetically pleasing
Also, great crossover! :D
Thank you for being so open, Tomska! it really does help! Kati, I love what you said about not "dieting " but evaluating our relationships with food. That really clicked with me. This was really great, thanks guys!!!!💪❤
This was a really awesome video. I was expecting a "this is how I conquered comfort eating!" story, but actually it was really helpful to see someone who is trying to figure things out, and, in a sense, to be welcomed into someone else's therapy session. Thank you so much for sharing and for allowing yourself to be vulnerable for us
You probably get this so much, but thank you Kati. For all the videos you put up, for all your training and studying you've been through.
I’ve been looking for videos on emotional eating for a while now and this is the first helpful one I’ve come across.
Thank you💛
Here I sit, 67 y.o., with over 35 years of therapy under my belt. Watching and listening to Tom nearly made me cry. I STILL have food issues that are very similar to Toms'. Thank you so much, Tom, for your bravery and honesty.
I was really poor growing up so whenever I did have access to food I would go crazy with it. I'm now able to afford food but I still panic whenever I think about it. I never think there's enough in my house so I'll spend so much money on groceries. it feels impossible to control my anxiety
Stuffyluffy check out the OA.org website. A lot of us deal with having been poor growing up where we were constantly living in lack. So, we learn to stuff ourselves with food...but there is never enough.
Stuffyluffy #me
Oh my I cried reading your comment... I feel you
Stuffyluffy I wasn't poor growing up, there was always healthy food on the table, but my mom was so controlling about food and when I started to have my own money from babysitting and more independence, I started making trips to the corner store that had a massive candy and bubble gum section. I would stock up, hide the candy in my room, and eat it while reading in bed. My mom counting the cookies in the freezer and accusing me and my sisters of sneaking cookies when it turned out it was actually my dad who took the cookies was the start of my eating disorder. When I noticed I was getting chubbier, I started a crazy cycle of restrict, binge, purge with laxatives, restrict and so on. I also started taking diet pills and appetite suppressants, and I'm pretty sure that stuff totally messed with my mood and triggered massive mood swings.
@@shenandoah1322 I had struggled with emotional eating growing up, but after being unemployed and having only one meal a day for months while working, I really struggle to this day with eating other's leftovers. I guess one positive for 2020, it has definitely helped me with not taking what others have left on their plates
Very helpful. Thank you for sharing your story!
I really love seeing these videos about mental health with youtubers, it's so important to have these conversations openly - and also incredibly difficult to do.
I can totally relate Tom👏👏 You are brave!
Having a friend to call or a distraction is 100% helpful during those binge moments. I had eating disorders for years, postponing and connecting to something you enjoy for 15 minutes before is so helpful. Also, my eating has a lot to do with being disconnected from other people, and those activities I find help.
Im so black and white towards food and its very mentally painfull.
Same man, I'm either like healthy vegan or binging on pasta chocolate and ice cream!
Me too
Thanks Tom. You actually help me. Watching the videos about you and not just your sketches is awesome. Thank you Tom.
Thank you so much Tom for sharing!!! I think you are so sweet and genuine!!!
This is legit so helpful to see someone besides myself who struggles with the same thing.
when Kati throws in an extra video🎉 yayyy xx
Tomska. You are amazing. You have no idea how much it helps.
He is so great to share this stuff.im sure it will be helpful to other people. Well done!
Thank you Kati and thank you Tom for sharing this. I hope Tom you were able to find that balance with food (I know the struggle) I really appreciated hearing your story and seeing your views on food and I know personally it is a rough ride to be on. I hope you found some inner peace and a happy balance and if you happen to read this, I wish you all the best!
i love tom. he's so funny and just genuinely sweet.
I think you are helping by doing this, Tom! I bet it helps a lot of people feel understood. I've got food issues more towards the other end of the spectrum and I recognize this state where I'm getting advice that logically makes sense and yet it just feels like I'm never gonna get the hang of it and have a healthy relationship with food. I think what helps most at those times is just having a cry about it or somehow letting the frustrated and hopeless feelings out. I can pick myself up and dust myself off later. 💜
Best video ever!!! Emotional and stress eating is my biggest obstacle in life. The 4 things I've leaned the best about eating and I teach my students are:
1. Be open to change
2. Be realistic in you plan, goals, food choices
3. Create a balance of nutrient dense and not so nutritious foods (don't deprive yourself of things you enjoy eating, just create a healthy balance with them included)
4. Be okay with not being 100% perfect. 80-85% is a solid goal to be proud of.
For me when I'm in an emotional situation, my biggest tip is that before I make a food choice I live through and process fully that emotion and whatever thoughts are attached to it. Sometimes this does mean I may feel uncomfortable because I'm dealing with sadness or anger but I work through it. I then end the thought with something positive and put my Fitbit on the 2 mins breathing mode, focus on my breathing and then go make a healthy choice.
Thank you Kati and Tom for talking so openly about this, I really liked the way you both handled the conversation. And loved the small achievable everyday goals! I think that can help with lots of things.
Thanks for having this here. perfect timing to pop up. I am him as an adult.👍✌
Thank you for talking about this, Tom. Love your honesty and that you're talking about it while it's a current issue for you - that's braver than past tense. You are helping! :)
Kati you are so comforting to watch and listen to. I love your non-judgmental, kind, understanding, positive approach to everything. I would love to have you as a therapist. I would feel so comfortable talking to you!
this actually really helped me. i was in eating disorder counseling for years for compulsive overeating, ended up having bariatric surgery 3 years ago and lost most of the extra weight. I was physically much healthier, but then I developed a transfer addiction with alcohol. I got help for that and have been sober now for a year. I haven't gained weight back, but feel like my thoughts & actions are definitely leaning towards the BAD eating disorder related thoughts i had years ago. I have watched a few of your videos and am paying close attention to your solutions for replacing the bad coping mechanisms with good ones. My nutritionist always tells me to do self-care but maybe I need to actually write down some actual ideas and then DO them. I have so many things I want to do but my anxiety prevents it. I have been more active lately & making fun youtube videos. Anyways, i'm going to keep watching your videos. Thank you for posting them!!!
thanks tom.great interview and its great to see a 'bloke' open up to food issues for all the males out there too. keep strong x
The main thought I keep having during this episode: He sounds like he's not currently ready/willing to make the necessary changes.
Which I understand, addiction is damn near impossible to voluntarily break before one is actually ready...that's been my experience anyway.
No judgement, just observing that he sounds very reluctant to actively participate in the discussion as it pertains to possible "solutions" (for lack of a better word)
I'm sure he'll get there sooner or later (also in my experience, the willingness & being ready to break an addiction is one of those things that ebbs and flows)
Thanks for the video!
Omg he actually helped so much, like I always knew that this wasn't healthy but this video made me start thinking about therapy, tom I hope you can get there, not only on weight but the mentality, i hope I get there. I think I just gotta understand that food is not a friend, not an enemy, not an ally it's not what I should be going for to prize myself, or do out of boredom or think it's something I should be "deserving" and definitely not something I should be keeping myself away from as a punishment. I just want food to became food
Tom!!! You are so incredible!!! Thank you for coming out with your story. It's so important. I'm currently going to therapy for all one million of my problems, but I recognize now that I want better food relationships. I binge a lot! I think that it's easy for me to want to fix appearances or do surface level work without really going into the deeper levels of why I feel what I feel. And once I do find something deep, I've tried to seal it away and pretend I fixed it. I know that I shut myself out the most when I'm judging myself or shaming myself into being well. So starting with being forgiving of myself and recognizing my better qualities helps me to keep my patience up for the long haul work I need to do.
Thanks Tomska for sharing your experience with us. One thing that I used to do to cope with feelings is go to the gym and hammer out a cardio workout- or my favorite was cardio kickboxing. I also used to swim. One of my favorite things to do now is to take a bubble bath and watch TH-cam videos. If the weather is nice, I like to take a walk with my dog. Other times I will just cry or even take a nap. Being overly tired can really put me in a horrible place. My best friend cleans when she gets upset which is awesome when she comes over to my house. ;-)
I really enjoy this type of chat, idk what it is about it but I love it! great video guys!
Just food. All the time. I relate so much! Tom seems absolutely beautiful, inside and out!
For me, to get out of my system negative thoughts or repressed emotions I find that running is one of the best things ever. Not so much with exercise in general but I find that with running I can zoom out or use all of the emotions to keep on going and it's incredible how much it helps. Also, you have to drink lots of water after running so thats a plus.
I wanna give Tom a hug through the screen :( I relate to him so much.
This is such a helpful and insightful video thank you for always creating such great content! 💜I've relapsed really bad and my therapist goes on holiday next week I don't know what to do! 💜
I would love more videos on this topic and more info on how to develop other coping skills. Thanks for speaking out about this!!
It really does help! Thanks tom and Kati! 😊
Thanks Tom and Katie, I can identify with your awareness.
the point you connected with about looking around for other outlets makes sense as well as the recognition of comfort in childhood wasn't affection , and though well meaning, food gave some soothing.
Very insightful Tomska!!
Ugh this is me 100%. I relate so hard. I'm at such a loss as to where to start. Like Tom I've had limited success and failed attempts, and I know what I SHOULD be doing to help with binges. But there is literally nothing in my life that makes me feel happy and comforted like food does. I have a hard time thinking that there may be coming mechanisms that feel better.
This hits a lot too close to home. It feels relieving to hear it and be validated, but scary because I know there's a lot of work to do to get better. I think I'm gonna go get a hug now. Thank you.
Thank you Tomska. x
I stopped selfharming and started eating, I think it's just another way to harm my body for me. But I'm going to try to find 5 other coping skills that are good for me. Thx for the tipps
Totally needed this video this week! I can't find the middle ground between the black and whites of eating super healthy and never having any "bad foods" (Or what my brain says is bad), and eating everything in sight! I;m trying mindful eating this week, so i actually enjoy every bite instead of scoffing all my food down as quick as possible.. so we will see how that goes, but it just feels so stressful not knowing how to eat properly when everyone around you does it everyday without thinking... I'm asking my doctor to recommend a nutritionist this week so I can try and learn how to just be healthy and happy!!!
You both helped! Great content guys. I can relate massively to Tom here. Take it slow dude, recovery is a slow, up and down and everywhere inbetween process. Remember to feel pride in every little victory!
Can you guys do a video explaining the difference between comfort eating and binge eating disorder?
I would so love more on this subject. I am the exact same. I went to a therapist last year and mentioned my comfort eating. She spent the rest of the session telling me about her new diet. I haven't found anyone who understands. I don't even understand. I associate everything with food. Calling a friend or going to the movies can involve food. And bad choices. It is frustrating because I am either 100% dieting or eating unhealthy. Thank you got this video. More help needed.
This speaks to my soul
Mindfulness really helps. Talk to yourself in your head like you would to a close friend. So much of my problems around eating have been the judgement if I eat something 'bad'. Getting away from thinking of food in terms of "good" and "bad" helps but also focusing more on the solutions than beating yourself up for the problem eating habits. Setting realistic goals and moving in small steps helps too. Too many people try and do it all at once.
You're such a lovely person, Tom. I hope you can get help. All the best!
I think there're so many people struggeling with their relationship to food so you're not alone. I've struggeld too and I still do but it's definetly better than it was. Trying to stop feeling guilty and being nice and understanding with myself helped me alot!
I agree that i'ts all about balance. It's way easier said than done obviously but remember no one is perfect and that's not the goal anyway. Just feeling a bit better is probably the best you've ever felt.
I've been through this for years. I joined OA.org 3 years ago, and it has been so much better since then. There are OA meetings all over the place.
For me it’s an escape back to a simpler time. I’ve also been told non-stop by family members that I’m a ‘growing boy’ when I was young. It’s like a toxic friendship, an addiction. I could have one beer or one scotch, and be done with it, but give me an entire skillet of Hamburger Helper, I’ll be eating it until I physically hurt myself.
If I met TomSka today I’d have something meaningful to converse with in regards to these problems. I met him in 2012 at Otakon and just randomly quoted an asdfmovie line...I apologize for that moment of awkwardness.
It’s nice to see when a hero of yours goes through very similar issues. Good on ya, Tom. I wish you luck and much strength.
Wow dude I can 100% relate to you. Thank you for talking about this. I've only recently started to be aware of my issues with food. It's really helpful to hear someone be so honest and open with it.
PS Kati be my therapist!!!!!!!! 🤣
Kati I’m a mom of four little ones, I’m a emotional eater and find it my way of coping with my littles I really hope you do a motherhood series!!!
One thing I do to cope is play a video game or read a book or watch a really good movie or TV show. I can get so immersed in stories that I'll forget about food and eating for a while. That really helps! Writing helps too.
I think me and tom are the same person... this video really helped me knowing i'm not the only one that thinks these things, thank you tom for making this video even though you probably didn't want to!
Love this. I can totally relate to everything Tom. I definitely need to work on my coping skills and rewiring myself. Hang in there! I know it is hard, I feel you. Thanks Kati for the video!
This was so incredibly helpful!!
I've told my therapist the same things Tom said. EXACTLY the same things....down to the "I know what to do, I just don't do it". I'm transgender and have been transitioning for 4 years and eating / weight / health are by far bigger issues for me than my transition....it's not even close. I've done the trainer thing, the huge healthy eating thing (no pun intended) and, like Tom, I almost get there and then poof....it is worse than ever. I really wish I could get on top of it and get it under control for good. My best to Tom and thanks Kati for having this video!
Really love this video! It came out at the perfect time! I always comfort eat the most around finals for college which are next week! Thanks Katie!
I completely identified with Tom. Thank you Tom for sharing your story and thank you Kati for the advice. I wonder if emotional eating is an eating disorder or just an emotional imbalance?
Wow, I already love Tom's youtube content, but I love him even more after watching this. I CAN RELATE. SO HARD.
Loved this video!
This was such an amazing and helpful video, thanks Tom for being brave and sharing your story! It's not easy... great video as always :)
Amazing video! So helpful! Thank you! Keep up the amazing work! 💓💝👑xx
oh my, that was so lovely to watch :3 thanks so much for sharing. i feel like it's really important to focus on what your body says and stay on the middle path but I'm just like Tom, either a unhealthy diet or overeating t.t lately i try to have bigger breaks between food and force myself not to eat when i read or watch videos.. but it's really about the relationship with food in general
I love this and how raw this is
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. truly identafie with the situation whent from 200 to180 in 8th grade to 230 in high school then 155 (in 3 months witch now know was not good) 10 year later 250 then got injured at work and can walk now at 350 and is still a daily struggle
I understand this man more than I would like to. I used to weigh 385 and I got myself down to 285 over the course of 2.5 years. Let me tell you, my bipolar disorder fought this EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. I had to increase my lithium simply because the mood swings from exercising and dieting. Nobody ever tells you that when you're bipolar and trying to lose weight and the shitty thing is that many of the meds mess with your metabolism and food cravings. I have a lot of respect for this man and I understand his struggle personally. I would say I definitely have an unhealthy relationship with food sometimes.
i hit the thumbs up when he mentioned the addition of alcohol into the binge. because. i. relate. so. much. the bit where he was like "i can stop whenever and i do for months". and the bit where he said the food was for when u were sad, but the alcohol was for when you were depressed. even when i try to eat healthy, its just not satisfying enough. i usually need something super sweet or chocolatey or crunchy like chips. i saw a dietitian once for a few weeks, but during my diet i was miserable. the end result was good, but after my last appointment i started skipping the gym and eating unhealthy again and put on even more weight. now i feel like i cant go back because i'm embarrassed. Currently im at my heaviest ive ever been. idk i wish i could give u some tips, tom, but i'm in your situation too. but it felt good watching this because it made me feel like we can connect and relate, and it felt like a secondhand therapy session. anyway thank you and stay strong
Something that helped me start to get control over my emotional eating (i'll probably always struggle with it if i am being honest) was to use an app to track my food consumption. It's a popular one geared toward weight loss tracking but I ignore the community entirely and just use it for tracking how much I am eating and how much water I drink. It also helps show me patterns in my eating styles so I can see things like: "Well I eat more of X or Y during these events" and other patterns in how I eat.
This helps me so I can show my health care team what's going on with me and we can all be on the same page. Whether you use an app or a notebook/journal/planner/calendar/whatevs it might be worth a shot to try and keep track of your meals-regardless if your goal is losing weight or not.
I agree, so much with the relationship with food being more important
You're so awesome Tom!
If I'm trying to be healthier and can't eat for comfort I start to feel depressed. Thank you for your tips! "They're not great. You're going to hate them at first." Yes!
Tom I watch your Last Week series and all your mental health focused vids, and have been for a few years now. I think your candor is what attracted me to your channels first, and it is definitely what has made me stay - I'm invested in your journey dude!
I myself have had an eating disorder since I was 14 (I'm 30 this year, bruh. wutttt) I just wanted to chime in here because I don't know what the NHS is like or whether they have eating disorder treatment programs in London, nor do I know if your symptoms would qualify you for intake, but honestly, being an in-patient at an eating disorder clinic saved my life. I did a 1 month stint in a residential hospital program here in Vancouver, and then I did a 3 month stay in a residential house where I lived with other patients and did group therapy daily.
I realize 4 months, or even 1 month, sounds like a lot of time to be away from your life as you know it - you probably would have to do a little hiatus from work, and you would have to move to the treatment centre for that amount of time. But dude, literally, it has saved my life.
I now have a much better understanding of my hunger/fullness cues, due to re-regulating my body and brain, and on top of that I have a way better understanding of how my emotions can trigger my symptoms. I used to have no idea what my triggers were because it felt like anything could set me off to a binge, and that it had just been my life for so long that I had no idea of what could possibly be a "starting point" to take a step back from my experiences, because it always felt like I was either IN an avalanche of symptoms, or about to be blindsided by one.
If you wanna pm or chat or whatever about any of this noise, or if any of what I've said resonates in some way, I am super open to that. Otherwise I hope maybe you'll consider looking into options that are in London, for therapy related to food disorders, whether they are as intensive as residential programs, or as casual as once a week appointments.
Big love to you bud. Thanks for sharing, it DOES help! :)
Thanks for this video. It's always good to know that you're not the only one and other people know what it's like. I stopped drinking alcohol and now I have noticed the emotional eating creeping back in. It was my coping mechanism when I was a kid. I'm thinking I just need to do things to distract myself and it will be better. But it's so hard to do. Especially when you have a nice neighbor that gives you cake and other sweets and my husband doesn't really like sweets. So I end up eating it all. :/
This was very helpful - thanks. Water is a fear food for me - will work on that.
Loved your comment about not believing in diets. It makes a lot of sense. I couldn't shake the impression that Tomska was unconsciously 'resisting' hearing a solution or way out. I guess this is normal in therpay. I go to therapy and I am sure I do this too.
So I've just started therapy and one thing I've started doing is journaling so I remember what has bothered me between appointments. I become very deeply introspective when I write, and I had the realisation that my unhealthy eating wasn't just an out of whack schedule. I am a parentified child and what I would do once the baby was down and I was finally able to sit down and process my day is get REALLY upset. I was bullied really heavily in school and once I processed it and allowed myself to get emotional, there wasn't anyone there for me. My father would be on the road for weeks at a time and my mom worked fill time and went to school full time to provide when my dad retired. He's old. So from 10-ish years old, til now ( I'm 27) I've either emotionally ate, or starved during periods of homelessness (16-21 y/o). Now that I'm finally stable at the bottom of my needs pyramid, my emotional scabs are coming off and everything is SO hard to handle. I'm going to try some of these other coping things and see how they do. My appointments are really far apart and I can't really wait to get things under control, especially the eating since that can kill me if I don't. Thank you for sharing, Tomska (my boyfriend loves your work) and thank you Kati for giving all of us the knowledge and tools to try and help ourselves.
My advice for differentiating emotional hunger/ eating to cope vs. actual hunger is thinking to yourself when you're hungry "would I be satisfied by eating asparagus right now? broccoli? spinach?" etc and if the answer is YES than you are probably actually hungry and should eat. And pre-portioning your food as soon as you buy it into little bags and containers will let you know how much of something you should eat when you do go for the fridge!
i like to make a bit of a ritual out of what i eat for comfort. for me this is having tea. boiling water, pouring it, choosing the tea, etc. i'll pick out my favorite mug. sometime i'll ad a snack, but it has to be something small like a piece of toast, or some fruit. and i'll really make that about stopping everything and having this tea before continuing on with my day. it's usually about 15-20 of hermiting-type self soothing in the middle of chores or a work day.
I'm right there with you, Tom! I can still clearly remember coming home after school in the 4th grade (I was a latchkey kid so I was home alone) and heaping a bowl with 3 or 4 scoops of vanilla ice cream, a crumbled up Little Debbie Cosmic Brownie, and some chocolate syrup pretty much every day. Needless to say, I was a chubby kid. I have tried religious calorie counting and restrictive diets, but I end up getting the fuckits before I'm anywhere near my goal. I went vegetarian about 6 years ago, and I really think that's helped. I still ignore my hunger cues all the time, but it's helped push me towards healthier foods at least. I have fresh veggies (and usually dip) in my fridge at all times for when I absolutely have to munch on something between meals. I also do activities that keep my hands busy like crocheting, painting my nails, and playing piano. I also have fidget toys all over my house, because once again, it keeps my hands occupied so I'm not reaching for food. I'm nowhere near perfect and I still need to work on getting into an exercise routine, but this is the stuff that's worked for me.