Some questions for you.... - What are your thoughts on perfectionism and social media? How has it affected you? - Do you feel like social media has made your perfectionism worse? - Any tips/tricks you have? Thanks for coming with me on this journey into filming *different* styles of videos!
Perfectionism and abandonment have been the two issues from my childhood that have affected my adult life the most. It's still the things I struggle with the most. Social media has made everything worse! Ughhhh. 😆😆
I have always used make up as a way to put on a mask and hide my true self. It was something that was a must, not a choice something that become a obsession. Untill I started to follow youtubers that did make up as a true interrest and hobby. Now I do my make up because its fun and exciting. Its more about the product and get better on it than beauty and a way to hide myself. Now its me ❤️ You is a part of that, thank you for being you ❤️
I have always struggled with social anxiety in the sense that I HATE feeling embarrassed. In my head, if I didn't know how to do something perfectly already, then there would be a big chance that I would end up being humiliated. A couple years ago I heard a quote that said, "never deprive someone of the blessing of being helpful." In other words, it makes people feel good to help so now if I don't know how to do something or where to go or whatever, I ask. And surprise surprise no one has ever shamed me for asking. Lol I hope that all made sense but it has helped me so much with my anxieties.
I loved this video, Jess. I'm 68, which I can't believe, but I'm thankful for that! I think I've always tried to be a perfectionist, but getting this old, I don't let it bother me anymore. I agree with Tyler, that is a great picture of you!
“Aging is a privilege denied to many.” My sister passed away at 37 from breast cancer and she was a mom to 5 children. I turned 38 last year and there’s not a day that goes by that I’m not reminded to be grateful for getting older. Each day is a gift.
I’m so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sister. I have 3 sisters. My Mama passed away from metastatic breast cancer and me and all 3 of my sisters are breast cancer survivors. I’ve had it twice but I’ve been clear since 2014 now. I hope your sisters children are doing well and I hope you are too!! Much love❤
You’re so right. I had a very close friend pass when we were 16. I’m 35 now, and she would be too, if she was here. I now have a daughter and try very very hard not to take a single moment for granted because everything could change in a second.
I really try and remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Someone is always going to be prettier, richer, more talented, have a better/cleaner home etc. the best I can do is push myself and compare myself to only me! Save more money than last year or be more organized and clean than last week. That’s all I can do and control.
JESS when you started crying talking about the photos I started tearing up😢😢 you seriously are such a real and relatable TH-camr and know that this community doesn’t take your vulnerability for granted!!❤
Jessica- your vulnerability is such a gift to your community of “subscribers.” (I prefer Online Family”, because I get such a great sisterhood vibe from you & your channels! ) It’s nice to get ready with you or have coffee chats in the judgment-free zone that you have created. I always feel LIGHTER when I finish watching a video or Vlog. To me, it is the perfect way to start my day; and there are even certain videos that I go back to when I need encouragement. 😊THIS one- I will definitely keep in my arsenal for times when I’m feeling “less than”, and I will remember that God made me with love and intention! I’m thankful for this great group of sisters that come together to listen to someone relatable and REAL! I am loving this “ Get Real” series!!! Thx Jess! ❤
Jessie, when you cry, we cry too! You are family to us and when you hurt we hurt. The story about Tyler’s favorite picture of you was absolutely beautiful and moved me to tears. The comment about aging really hit me. Thank you for opening my eyes. God bless you sweet girl!❤
I’m standing in my closet crying with you because I don’t like the way my body looks. I’ve recently been dx with a terminal leukemia yet struggling with what to wear on what might be one of my last dates with my husband. Or minds must be retrained. Thank you, Jess.💜
Sending extra care.❤ you are your husband's favorite person, and he doesn't give a fig what you wear. Just be however you feel like being in the moment.
I doubt that your husband cares what you wear. You’re his favorite person and no matter what you wear, yes the dress may be beautiful, but he sees your inside kindness and love. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. When it all comes down to it, you’re gorgeous, whether it be jeans and tshirt or the fancy dress, he loves you❤❤❤❤
You are a stunning woman. I can't imagine how you are feeling... but please let yourself release the outfit. Give yourself FULL permission to do, be, dress in all of the ways that honor your joy and your beauty. I am sending you so much love and grace and peace. You are so brave.
That's Tyler' favorite picture of you for the same reason you hate it -- it's real; a moment of pure, raw joy, and for the same reason you would hate to see a photo of yourself crying you don't like that one, either. You don't like photos of yourself in unprotected moments of unbridled joy, because your filters of protection are turned off. You are raw and exposed and no one is comfortable with that level of exposure to the world. One day that picture is going to be looked at by that child in your arms when you're gone and she will be so comforted by how happy her mother was holding her. After my mom died, my sister and I realized that because she was a single parent there were almost no photos of the three of us together because no one else was there to take them. So trust me, that photo is a gift.
I cannot love this enough. As a photographer as my profession. I see this alllll the time. I see photographs differently, I see the raw emotion, that special moment. Not the weight, height of someone. Most clients mindsets are if I don’t look “perfect” or posed perfectly. The photograph is “ruined” thank you for sharing this and being real about it.
Thank you so much for this. It has been 6 years since my wedding and two kids later, I still have never developed a single photo because I thought I looked too heavy. I had some thyroid issues and did put on weight the year before the wedding but why should that stop me from printing out beautiful photos of such a momentous and joyful day in my life?! It was a special day, a huge moment in life captured in all its authenticity. It should be printed and cherished for that fact alone. So thank you for your post. Your perspective is truly enlightening and I thank you!
I heard something on Grey's Anatomy once and I say it to my girls all the time: I made you from scratch. Every thing about you is unique and special and that makes you the most perfect version of you . Also, in terms of social media influencing- I have to say that your channel has influenced me in the best way and I just can't thank you enough for everything you do. Thank you for being real! ❤
I want to let you know I just got teary-eyed reading this. I've been struggling with trying not to compare my son with his peers. I'm such a perfectionist that it pains me that he is not as advanced as the other kids. I'm going to remember, "I made you from scratch!"
This video needs millions of views!!! As a mom of a daughter myself I felt every single word you said! This was so profound and so needed. This really blessed me, you unpacked so much! Thank you ❤❤❤
Off topic but I absolutely love how you approach your audience when talking about your faith, I’m not a Christian, would consider myself spiritual but I never feel like you’re being preachy and it genuinely seems like you respect everyone’s background when it comes to culture and religion and for that and also many other reasons I have a lot of respect for you so thank you
I stopped all social media (except TH-cam) a few months ago because I was feeling too hung up on what everyone else was doing. It’s amazing when you remove it how much you don’t realize it’s affecting you or your mindset. I would encourage anyone who’s feeling some type of way about social media to cut it all out for a little bit and see if it helps. It has really helped me
WOW, Jessica, you really blew it out of the water with this video and topic! During a time in which we all need to wake up to reality, detach from expectations and look inward, and love ourselves, this video is so timely. I can absolutely relate, I have sometimes considered being too hyper aware, wanting to dig deep to figure out what makes us the way we are. Thank you for opening the conversation in this beauty space, which I am definitely into and enjoy myself, but it pays to pay attention. I have so much respect and admiration for you! ❤️
Allie Glines had a quote a while back that resonated with me: People don't need to be happy with me in order for me to be happy. I worry too much about what people think about me and about being perfect when, in fact, Jesus is the only One who was ever perfect.
This video was so needed! I’ve missed out on SO much because I’m scared of what others think about me.. I’ve not perused friendships because I feel like I’m awkward and can’t handle that awkward silence in conversations.. when in reality I’m sure that happens to everyone. I’m tired of not enjoying life with my husband and kids because of silliness like that. Thank you so much for talking about this! 💗
Because I grew up with abuse, and several people throughout my life actually actively trying to hurt me (plus other people not believing me or helping me) being perfect was a defense mechanism. If I'm perfect, people won't try to hurt me. If I'm perfect people will help me if I am being hurt. I'm now 33 and my wonderful husband has shown me such unconditional love and helped and protected me, that I've thankfully started to move past that. I've also realized people can only hurt me so much, and I can now walk away from a lot of it as an adult.
This definitely hit home. I love this video and how honest you are and as usual, hilarious, with your "I don't even know why I tried to do my makeup while filming this". I totally believe that social media has made my "perfectionism" worse. I do not go on FB, even though I know I can "unfollow" or "hide" their posts, to me it is just filled with drama, sad stories, "dirty laundry" airing, heavily filtered lives and pictures. Although there are some heartwarming stories, I feel for the most part it is a constant hamster wheel of attention seeking individuals that are in need of constant validation. When I found that I was comparing myself to others, which I know is only natural, as you stated, I knew I had to disconnect. My mental health was more important than what any "post" would have to say. Thank you for your always informative videos, whether they are about make-up, every day things or just sharing your life. You are definitely one of my favorite TH-camrs! 😊
Great video! Speaking as a sister in Christi, that scripture gave me so much freedom 🙏🏻 Finding and knowing your identity in Christ sheds so much of the perfectionism and comparison. Knowing just how loved we are by our creator is peace beyond understanding ❤
I ❤ that Bible verse! I used to have a post-it on my mirror that my therapist had me complete as a self-esteem building exercise. She started it with the words, "I AM..." and I finished the sentence with ..."fearfully and wonderfully made!" based on a similar Bible verse I loved. It was the first time I recognized that that verse applied to ME and not just "a chosen few". It's easy to forget that God is *proud* of His work! I remember seeing a tweet a few years ago that touched my heart so much. It said something to the effect of, "I wonder if God sees us criticising ourselves and thinks, 'But I worked so hard on that one!'" 😭 Thanks for the reminder that we are all enough in His eyes, Jess! ❤
A well-remembered moment from my childhood (over 70 years ago!): Me - Daddy, look I made 100 on this test. Daddy - Wasn't there a bonus question? After years of therapy I can almost laugh at this.
I had this too. “Mom I got 98%” “where did the 2% go”. That was most of high school. I vow not to do this when I have kids. Nothing was ever good enough and I never want my kids to feel like that from me.
Rather than comparing those people I follow on social media, my goal has always been to allow them to inspire me. If I can’t find something worth aspiring to, I move on.
At birth I was set up for failure. If I was not the perfect child, adolescent, teen and adult- I was worthless. That taught me to be hyper vigilant and terrified of failure and not being perfect. I learned, with time, and grace that I was better than I thought I was and I had strength to believe in myself above all else. It made me be the parent to my son that I needed and didn’t get. Once my mother died, I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. And I try to instill in everyone I meet that all that matters is being and accepting yourself.
Oh my goodness Jessica this is such a thought provoking conversation that I can honestly admit I can’t relate to. I give up SM especially IG over a year ago and have never looked back and don’t miss or need it. Never been or have any plans on going on TikTok, Twitter or X is a cesspool of hate. I stay in my lane here on TH-cam and only watch those that I find value in. I find myself reading more and boy there was a time I was an avid reader and oh how I have missed reading. 10 books in for the year with a goal of 50. Well on my way. Thank you for this conversation ❤❤
This hits so close to me. JUST TODAY I got to work and my hair was bugging me, I didnt like the shirt I had on and how I felt it looked, I didnt brush thru my eyebrows and my lower liner was too thick. So I spent my lunch hour going home to fix all of that and for who, why, in reality I was worried about how all that looked to others but it never phased anyone, but me.
And I had one extension that came out (tape-ins) and I was so worried that everyone was going to notice this bald spot in the back of my head. I called my stylist to try to get in and of coarse I have to wait till Wednesday. I looked at it (again while at home at lunch) and realized it wasn't really that bad and that I was worried for nothing.
Someone once told me "talk to yourself like you would talk to your little daughter, cousin, friend etc." It really helps me evaluate the negative internal dialogue that happens on a daily basis.. I would never want my daughters to believe they are unworthy if their hair is messy, unlovable if they forgot to clean the countertops before visitors came, dumb if they felt a conversation with someone was dull. Be gentle and kind to yourself. We were not created to be perfect and Lord help us to remember that each and every day.
Wow thank you from the bottom and top of my heart. I'm dealing with stage 2 cervical cancer and my husband reminds me every day you are perfect at whatever you can get accomplished that day whether it's Just taking a shower or doing a couple loads of laundry. ❤
Girl preach. I avoided clicking on this video for a day bc I know I have these issues lol but I need to hear it. Remember it. And try to do something different. You’re my favorite and I love that you can come back and reevaluate things you’ve fallen prey to with trying to present perfectly. Same same. I give up all the time. I start more things than I finish. And it is bc I think I’ve “ruined” it midway through for xyz reason. So silly. Anyway thanks for the reminder and encouragement ❤
I love this so much, and am so happy you are sharing this with young women. I am 58, have a full life...marriage, family, and a career I love, yet I have only very recently become comfortable with my body, who I am, my place in this world, etc. I have finally embraced that its okay if I wear my hair the way I like it even if its not a trendy cut, and its okay not to fit into the world's standard of beauty or wealth, or fashion...it has not impeded my life at all! I cannot tell you the freedom is has given me to finally not compare myself and my home to others and to stop worrying about what others think. I view myself, my accomplishments, and my blessings all on their own merit now, and if I make a change, it is to please myself and my family, not because it's the popular thing to do. The impact that has had on my feelings of life- satisfaction has been huge. Sadly, I just wish I had embraced this when I was a much younger woman and could have better modeled that for my daughters.
Great topic! My perfectionistic ways come from childhood trauma/emotional neglect. My daughter is a perfectionist too but is related to ADHD. Perfectionism presents in girls with ADHD as well. Therapy has helped both of us! ❤😊
I was at a department meeting with 300+ people last month and a candid photo of me laughing was included in a highlight video that was shown. I was MORTIFIED. I didn't say anything out loud but I felt so ashamed the rest of the presentation. But when we got lunch no less than 10 people came up and told me how wonderful the photo was. I was floored.
Perfect homes and cleaning content really gets to me. I used to love it because I thought it was “inspirational” but then I had to realize it was making me feel worse and a lot of shame for not being able to manage my home like this, how messy my home got, and how long it took me to clean, compared to how it looked on short form content
I just had a conversation with my mom about this today. My son told me something that has resonated with me & helped with my anxiety...he said "there's no wrong way to human"
I didn’t except to cry so much in this video. Everything hit home with what you said and honestly it was like a beautiful wake up call. Thank you Jessica for being so real with us and sharing this with us 💕
Thank you for being open and honest about how you are feeling and what you’re going through! I also have struggled with perfectionism in my life from a young age. It has been helpful for me to remind myself (and my wonderful partner also helps remind me) that whatever I do everyday, I am good enough. I’m not too annoying, too loud, too quiet, too stupid, too anything. It’s all in my head and it’s all good. I am good and obviously when I act poorly, I can deal with that but my inherent baseline is always good. Period. Thats been something I’ve been trying to incorporate into my view of myself
Jessica. This video is so special. Thank you for making it, for speaking about it, and making it feel normal. This is why I follow you and your family - realness and sister Jessie vibes. Hugs and love!
I've been following your channel for at least 10 years now, and to be honest, this might be my favorite video on your whole channel, Jess. You get real on here every few months or so and it's always a brave and awesome thing to do, but this one hit different, in a good way. I'll turn 38 in May, and aging is on my mind. I've also struggled with perfectionism my whole life, and in the last few years have speculated about anxiety too but haven't been to a professional about it. As a teenager, I constantly thought "My parents will stop loving me if I don't get good grades, or if I mess up a chore, and my friends won't like me anymore if I stop being Performative Me around them." Because in my personal experience, being "performative" is part of that perfectionism. I cannot say "I've been here for ten years or more" about many channels. Maybe a couple indie musicians, but I can count on one hand the number of people I've followed. Very proud of you, even though I'm just some rando on the internet and we don't know each other; it's a parasocial thing for sure, hahaha.
Jess.. this is the video we didn’t know we needed. Authentic you, and I feel like so many of us are on this same journey. Thank you for the deep conversations, I left this video with a deeper knowledge and more self love, similar to how I feel when I leave therapy. And THAT is powerful, Jessica. That you can make me feel the same way my therapist makes me feel. We need more depth and growth like this on social media, and you are making a difference, sparking change, you can affect so many lives with your videos. ❤
Beautifully said, Jess. A very moving conversation and right on point. I got emotional right with you. These talks are a wonderful addition to your content. Thank you for sharing. ❤
This really makes sense for me. As an almost 30 year old, I can look back and see that when we host any family gathering (holiday, birthday party, etc), I feel extremely anxious and can barely enjoy the time spent with family BECAUSE the food is taking longer than it should or I didn't have time to clean the whole house and people might "judge me" if my kitchen and bathroom aren't spotless. When really, most likely no one notices or cares. I'll have to do some more reflecting, thanks for the video Jess! ❤️❤️
I really love this new series, there’s something about mid thirties and everything society has been through recently that’s causing me to really dive into myself and why I am the way I am and to challenge my thought processes and beliefs. I’m personally diving head first into simplicity. No frills, uncomplicated, free. I’ve grown so much lately, thanks for leading these conversations Jess!
I am crying along with you. 57 year old perfectionist who needed to hear this today. I have wasted too many years, left many new adventures not attempted for fear of failure. Getting out the pictures of me and my kids from the boxes, no matter how I look, because the joy in their faces is the beauty I need to see. Thank you
Mannnnn, u had me bawling after u said, "How lucky are we to get older? How dare we get upset?" I'vee always had such a hard time with getting older every year, im going to be 44 in April. And when u said that for some reason, it just opened the flood gates! Ive heard versions of that b4 but for some reason when u said it..man oh man. This was an AMAZING video!! U should be very proud of this one for sure!❤❤❤❤❤
This conversation is so important, Jessica, thank you for being a strong voice! Releasing ourselves from the prison of social acceptance is hard and I'll fight it for the rest of my life. How much better if we never put our children in that prison! Young mothers like you who are aware of this problem are so needed. Thank you!
You and Taylor Wynn are my favorite TH-camrs since you are both very relatable, down to earth, and genuine. I always look forward to the videos that you post.
I cried along with you . I related to much of this . Social media has definitely affected my need to come across perfect in order to be accepted . This video really gave me a lot to think about . Thank you ❤
I have a tendency to judge myself very harshly and if there is anything that is criticized from others I feel like everything about me is a failure. I have never been one that “fit in” I was bullied and hated school until I got to high school. Weirdly High school kids left me alone and I found my own group. But that feeling of net fitting in never goes away. I am a people pleaser, not a perfectionist. For me the realization that even if I am not good at one aspect of something I may well be fantastic at another. Focusing on what I am good at makes working on the others easier.
Thank you for being vulnerable to bring up this topic! As a lifelong people pleaser with a critical parent and a “problematic” sibling the need to be perfect and not ruffle feathers resonated
28:38 Ok so bawling my eyes out right now at this part. I felt this so so much. My bf has so many photos of me that he loves but I hate for this very reason. But when I look at you I see the love you have for either Gigi or Felicity and if that one is on the wall they will growing up knowing how loved and adored they are. 🥰 really good video.
This is why I've committed to not letting my kid have a phone. There is just no reason to have them exposed to stuff like this. I want her to have a real childhood. ❤ Great video❤❤
Thank you for being more real. It is so refreshing to have someone be honest about the struggle of social pressures and as someone who has "suffered" with perfectionism this conversation was very eye opening. I have been on a healing journey and this helped me realize that I am not alone and there is hope for change. Thanks Jess😊
Edited after watching: This was a profound video. I feel like I had a therapy session!! Perfectionism is my cross to bear! 😔 I'm very interested in this topic and will watch this evening when my 4 yr old grandson isn't here and I can give it my full attention. This is so ironic, a past priest from our parish is coming on 2/28 to talk about, "Are you Good Enough?" The bulletin said "if you're a perfectionist this is for you! " Looks like I'll be spending 2 1/2 hours with Fr. Joe on the 28th. Edited after watching: WOW! I kept saying "that's me, that's me". I have social anxiety and that stems from childhood and being bullied. Can you believe that was going on even in the 60s?! Disgusting! Because if those mean girls I needed to be perfect in my mind, to do well in everything, have the nice things others had so I wouldn't be talked about or made fun of. I didn't dance at my daughter's wedding because I knew I'd look stupid, not perfect and cool!! I'm 74 yrs old and I still want to look as perfect as possible and want my house to look perfect, especially the outside of my home! That's what bothers me... What's on the outside seems to be most important to me, to make sure I look perfect when I see other people in my daily life, and to make sure my house looks perfect as people drive or walk past! I will not even take the trash out without some makeup on. True! If I don't have my eyes done, sunglasses are on! Same Jess, "they'll think I'm 90 and ugly without makeup!" I worry how I look going for a procedure when I can't wear makeup. Even worry about how I might look if an ambulance would have to come to take me to a hospital. Isn't that ridiculous??!! But, THAT IS me!
I relate to your comment so much….even down to putting on makeup or sunglasses to take the trash out and worrying about what the paramedics will think of me if I need help. 😅🤦♀️ Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It helps to know I’m not alone. Sending you love. ❤🥺
2 months late. But thank you for taking the time to make a video like this. I'm 33, I have struggled with anorexia since I was a teenager. Maybe even younger. It's just a symptom of trying to be perfect and not being able to meet that "perfection." I'm very much a self-perfectionist type. Very very much. Social media definitely doesn't help, but I've always held myself to an unrealistic and unreasonable standard. It has led to depression, anxiety, and severely disordered eating and exercising. I don't think that's what life is supposed to be... You crying over that photo was so real and relatable.💙 Everything about this video resonated. Thank you
Thank you Jessica…..that was amazing……❤very thought provoking. I will still never go out without make up, even after all these years, being told I was plain or ugly has stayed with me. I have over spent on make up and clothes to try and look better, but it never ends. I am so thankful you have said all this…..xx
Perfectionism is a life killer. I still struggle with it at 77 almost 78! A lot of it came from my childhood & then I just added to it as I went through life. There is only One who is perfect & He does not demand it from us! It’s a lie we’ve bought into & it stills our joy. I also love that verse from Psalm 139. It has given me so much peace of mind as well. Bless you for bringing this to the light. We all need it! No matter what age we are❤❤
I had to pause at 18:36 because it made me emotional. I hear exactly what you're saying and I feel the same way. This video is so important and so necessary. Great job covering these topics!!
Loved this so much! I was similar to you in deleting my tiktok because I found so much of the content triggering. It makes me scared for the younger generation that probably won’t have the capacity to realize the effects social media is having on their mental health because it’s all they know.
Social media is so dangerous for young kids in regards to perfectionism. They never see influencers at their worst. Everything always looks flawless. This can make kids feel bad about themselves and leave false impressions. It’s a slippery slope.I think showing your true self, good and bad sets a better example. Thank you for your honesty. Jen xo
Within the past year, I started a beauty TH-cam channel and I feel this more than ever! While I love filming so much and interacting with any lovely who comments and chats with me, I am constantly comparing myself to other TH-camrs who I consider to be “perfect” knowing I shouldn’t do that when I’m new to this and I have to know that I’m doing the best I can with what I have now! I love these videos, I enjoy hearing your thoughts on subjects like this 🥰
A lot of ppl are archiving their old videos but it was so encouraging/ a good reality check when we could sort videos by oldest and see how they started even a short time ago
Perfectionism and Imposter syndrome! Timely and so awesome you are willing to share your own struggles and talk about it! You are a blessing and absolutely are good enough ❤ Sharing this to anyone else here…you ARE good ENOUGH❤
I loved this video. I wish more people would take a step back to think about how SM effects us and how fitting in at such a young age leaves such a lasting scar on us(and yes I think it’s a scar). I’ve always had a pretty good self-esteem from a young because I also was told at a young age that there is no one else like me in the world meaning each one of us is different and that difference is amazing. It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I truly appreciated that difference. I am me and no one else can ever or will ever be me. Once that truly clicked, my outlook completely changed for the better.
Oh my god ! I was literally in tears the entire time on this episode , I’m a big people pleaser and I try to adjust to everyone’s needs and try to always adhere to notion of perfection, my husband brings in the balance , he tells me when I’m overdoing things. But yes ! This was a beautiful episode Jessica , thank you 😊 please talk about gentle parenting and how kids and other parents take advantage of that word all the time.
I was raised by a weight obsessed baby boomer. That has greatly affected my life and view of myself. I became a mom at 37, and I vowed not to damage her the way I was by my mother. I am extremely careful about how I talk about myself now. I am also working on correcting my own view of myself. Also, I have been a long time viewer of yours, and I am not a Christian. I know you were worried about rubbing people the wrong way by being more open about your beliefs. And for me, at least, it doesn't bother me at all! It makes me happy for you! I am so happy that you feel comfortable with your followers to be more "real", that is one of the reasons I love your channel so much!
Jessica you made me cry so hard listening to this video, when you said “we can’t see our own essence in the way that people view us” really hit home for me. I am a right above knee amputee and I hate seeing pictures of myself from the waist down because I feel ugly and flawed. But my husband says I have a great rear end and that I should wear yoga pants more often. Instead I wear long loose dresses so my prosthetic leg is a bit more disguised. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there in this video, you encourage me to be more my self and to embrace the changes my body has gone through.
My daughter is 10 and I don’t wear makeup on the regular, but when I do she always asks me why. I always tell her it makes me feel extra fancy, because I don’t want her to think makeup is necessary for us to feel beautiful. She has her own makeup that she wears from time to time, but it’s always just for feeling fancy like a fancy dress for a nice event.
Oh my goodness I have this same conversation with my little girl too. She's only 4 though. I was explaining to her the other day makeup is for us to just have fun and be artistic, not because it's needed to make us prettier. I'm always so careful how I present to her even when I'm having a bad mental self day.
Same, I always tell my girls it’s just for fun like painting or art. ❤️since I’ve had kids I’ve been very intentional with getting comfortable in my own skin again.
Don’t ever apologize for your feelings. I’m probably old enough to be your mother. I used to feel all the things you are feeling. I know my grown daughters have the same issues. I lost my nephew when he was 23 and that shook me to my core. It has been almost five years since he passed and it never gets easier. This loss taught me to stop sweating the mall things. I leave home without makeup all the time now. The important people will love you no matter how you look when you show.
Every morning, as soon as I wake up, I say, "Thank you, Lord, that I'm alive today!" It sounds ridiculous, but starting the day off like that puts so much in perspective.
That’s why you’re the only one I really follow these days …I admire how you fall into these things but at the same time you are still self aware ..Thanks for sharing
AMEN to all of this! I am a perfectionist with social anxiety and this resonated so much to the point that I will share with my husband and adult daughter who are both extroverts who have never really understood why I am the way I am. They love me, but they definitely roll their eyes when I’m frantically cleaning before people come over or when I’m exhausted after a social get-together. I will say that social media hasn’t affected me as much, but that’s probably because I’m 60 and most of the influencers are closer to my daughter’s age. But for me it was the magazines and TV that put pressure on me to fit in or look a certain way. Kudos to you for speaking out on this and for trying to make it better for your girls.
Jessica, It’s as if you were inside my head with this video! I have struggled with so much of what you discussed for as long as I can remember, and I don’t think I can pinpoint any particular moment as a child that formed this way of thinking, but boy oh boy has it had staying power! As I will soon turn 61 it is at the heart of who I am, although I have changed in certain ways in caring less how others perceive me, I still struggle just being content in how God made me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions, it’s greatly appreciated! 😊✝️
As someone who’s on social media and also a new mom to a daughter, this whole video made me teary and emotional! Thank you for sharing and contributing positively to this conversation!!!!
This video really hit hard for me. I’ve been dealing with such an increase in social anxiety these past few years and it has nearly wrecked me. It feels so isolating. I had shame in getting help but now that I have, I can’t imagine how I lived without it. Thanks for making this video. ❤
“We can’t see our own essence, and the way that other people view us. With perfectionism you are trying to artificially create how people see you. And you focus so much on what people think of you, how they see you, how they perceive you, when in reality we’re not in CONTROL of how they look at us.” Thank you, Jessica! I really needed to hear this message tonight. I’m 40 and in a few weeks I am giving my first full solo piano recital in 10 years (I majored in piano, and am now a piano teacher, in Indianapolis actually, where Jessica is from) and I am definitely having thoughts about “what will others think”. It is SO helpful to be reminded to not waste time trying to control what you can’t control! Instead I just need to keep putting all my energy into prepping the music to the best of my ability, and to be grateful for the opportunity to share what I love with others. Focusing on the things I *can* control. ❤
Jess, I too love the photo you shared that Tyler loves. I’ve been thinking about perfectionism a lot lately. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability in this video. ❤
I wasn't expecting to get emotional but I sure did. The love and care you put into this video is so evident and a blessing. I can't wait for the next one.
Cried so much when you talked about the photo you don't like of yourself. I absolutely hate photos of myself but my fiancé loves all of them and I never understood why until I watched this. This video is so important to me and made me feel seen, thank you Jess ❤️
Thank you for this video. I literally teared since I felt so convicted about my perfectionism, especially when it comes to struggling with social anxiety. I have to remind myself that im made in the eyes of the Lord & im perfect in his eyes ❤
As a mental health therapist very well said!!!! I talk with a lot of my middle schoolers about these types of thinking patterns and just being yourself!!
Tip I am trying are sayings to repeat to myself: Life is short (so focus on what matters to you and don’t worry yourself about the rest). And another I am trying: Good enough is good enough. ❤ these kinds of videos and appreciate the Teacher Mrs. Braun components!
Jessica I just love you and your channel! You are someone who’s videos make me feel so calm and relaxed. I get excited when I see you post. Thank you for continuing to be the true you ❤❤
This is what I needed today. I work in the medical spa world. I struggle with this so much, just not having filler in my lips I feel weird. But this is what everyone needs. This is a breath of fresh air. Thank you Jess ❤
This was so spot on! I wish I had learned this sooner. I have very few pregnancy photos because I felt like I looked fat.. so silly.. I looked pregnant. Now as I have aged I look back at the photos with my babies and I see a young mom filled with so much joy to have these babies that called me mommy. Jessica …you are beautiful inside and out.
Just tears!! I internalized perfection from a young age too. I don't even consume social media unless it's at least somewhat relatable. But this mindset permeates my life in that I am easily bothered, frustrated, and overthink social interactions exactly how you described. Hearing you piece everything together was liberating, truly. I hadn't connected the dots. Wow.
THIS...was everything. I have so much to comment back, but won't, as you said it ALL perfectly my dear. I am 62 yrs and all the things you said, everyone said, touched me in the reality zone. Thank you for being true to yourself.❤ Just Beautiful 😍
I'm not religious and I even really appreciate this and really value what your bringing up. I suffer from really bad social anxiety. I love this new series and talking about real stuff
Some questions for you....
- What are your thoughts on perfectionism and social media? How has it affected you?
- Do you feel like social media has made your perfectionism worse?
- Any tips/tricks you have?
Thanks for coming with me on this journey into filming *different* styles of videos!
It affects me in motherhood the most 😔🙋♀️
Perfectionism and abandonment have been the two issues from my childhood that have affected my adult life the most. It's still the things I struggle with the most. Social media has made everything worse! Ughhhh. 😆😆
I have always used make up as a way to put on a mask and hide my true self. It was something that was a must, not a choice something that become a obsession. Untill I started to follow youtubers that did make up as a true interrest and hobby. Now I do my make up because its fun and exciting. Its more about the product and get better on it than beauty and a way to hide myself. Now its me ❤️ You is a part of that, thank you for being you ❤️
I have always struggled with social anxiety in the sense that I HATE feeling embarrassed. In my head, if I didn't know how to do something perfectly already, then there would be a big chance that I would end up being humiliated. A couple years ago I heard a quote that said, "never deprive someone of the blessing of being helpful." In other words, it makes people feel good to help so now if I don't know how to do something or where to go or whatever, I ask. And surprise surprise no one has ever shamed me for asking. Lol I hope that all made sense but it has helped me so much with my anxieties.
I loved this video, Jess. I'm 68, which I can't believe, but I'm thankful for that! I think I've always tried to be a perfectionist, but getting this old, I don't let it bother me anymore. I agree with Tyler, that is a great picture of you!
“Aging is a privilege denied to many.”
My sister passed away at 37 from breast cancer and she was a mom to 5 children. I turned 38 last year and there’s not a day that goes by that I’m not reminded to be grateful for getting older. Each day is a gift.
I’m so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sister. I have 3 sisters. My Mama passed away from metastatic breast cancer and me and all 3 of my sisters are breast cancer survivors. I’ve had it twice but I’ve been clear since 2014 now. I hope your sisters children are doing well and I hope you are too!! Much love❤
Lord bless 🙏 you and your family. Yes, one day at a time. So sorry for your loss. 🕯️🕊️⬆️
I’m 70 and love my life. I feel so blessed to be allowed to age!
You’re so right. I had a very close friend pass when we were 16. I’m 35 now, and she would be too, if she was here. I now have a daughter and try very very hard not to take a single moment for granted because everything could change in a second.
So sorry as to the loss of your Sister 🙏❤🙏
I really try and remember that comparison is the thief of joy. Someone is always going to be prettier, richer, more talented, have a better/cleaner home etc. the best I can do is push myself and compare myself to only me! Save more money than last year or be more organized and clean than last week. That’s all I can do and control.
❤
Love this
Love this! ❤
I love your comment 😊
Thank you! I hadn't heard that phrase before.
JESS when you started crying talking about the photos I started tearing up😢😢 you seriously are such a real and relatable TH-camr and know that this community doesn’t take your vulnerability for granted!!❤
Well said!!!!! We love Jess!
Me too! ❤
Jessica- your vulnerability is such a gift to your community of “subscribers.” (I prefer Online Family”, because I get such a great sisterhood vibe from you & your channels! ) It’s nice to get ready with you or have coffee chats in the judgment-free zone that you have created. I always feel LIGHTER when I finish watching a video or Vlog. To me, it is the perfect way to start my day; and there are even certain videos that I go back to when I need encouragement. 😊THIS one- I will definitely keep in my arsenal for times when I’m feeling “less than”, and I will remember that God made me with love and intention! I’m thankful for this great group of sisters that come together to listen to someone relatable and REAL! I am loving this “ Get Real” series!!! Thx Jess! ❤
Jessie, when you cry, we cry too! You are family to us and when you hurt we hurt. The story about Tyler’s favorite picture of you was absolutely beautiful and moved me to tears. The comment about aging really hit me. Thank you for opening my eyes. God bless you sweet girl!❤
Same
When you said, “I am accepted if I am perfect” I spontaneously burst into tears. Did not expect that, but it hit so deep. 🥺
We waste so many years worrying about being perfect…. Exhausting…. you conveyed what we all feel so well.❤
I’m standing in my closet crying with you because I don’t like the way my body looks. I’ve recently been dx with a terminal leukemia yet struggling with what to wear on what might be one of my last dates with my husband. Or minds must be retrained. Thank you, Jess.💜
I’m so so unbelievably sorry! I’m praying for you & your family! I wish you nothing but happiness & peace 🩷🩷🩷
Sending extra care.❤ you are your husband's favorite person, and he doesn't give a fig what you wear. Just be however you feel like being in the moment.
I doubt that your husband cares what you wear. You’re his favorite person and no matter what you wear, yes the dress may be beautiful, but he sees your inside kindness and love. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
When it all comes down to it, you’re gorgeous, whether it be jeans and tshirt or the fancy dress, he loves you❤❤❤❤
You are a stunning woman. I can't imagine how you are feeling... but please let yourself release the outfit. Give yourself FULL permission to do, be, dress in all of the ways that honor your joy and your beauty. I am sending you so much love and grace and peace. You are so brave.
So sorry to hear that. I will pray for you and your family. Cherish every moment and don't over think the small stuff. ❤
That's Tyler' favorite picture of you for the same reason you hate it -- it's real; a moment of pure, raw joy, and for the same reason you would hate to see a photo of yourself crying you don't like that one, either. You don't like photos of yourself in unprotected moments of unbridled joy, because your filters of protection are turned off. You are raw and exposed and no one is comfortable with that level of exposure to the world. One day that picture is going to be looked at by that child in your arms when you're gone and she will be so comforted by how happy her mother was holding her. After my mom died, my sister and I realized that because she was a single parent there were almost no photos of the three of us together because no one else was there to take them. So trust me, that photo is a gift.
This is so true and the way you put it is beautiful :)
Your words got me, made me cry. Really seeing myself in your comment ❤
I cannot love this enough. As a photographer as my profession. I see this alllll the time. I see photographs differently, I see the raw emotion, that special moment. Not the weight, height of someone. Most clients mindsets are if I don’t look “perfect” or posed perfectly. The photograph is “ruined” thank you for sharing this and being real about it.
Thank you so much for this. It has been 6 years since my wedding and two kids later, I still have never developed a single photo because I thought I looked too heavy. I had some thyroid issues and did put on weight the year before the wedding but why should that stop me from printing out beautiful photos of such a momentous and joyful day in my life?! It was a special day, a huge moment in life captured in all its authenticity. It should be printed and cherished for that fact alone. So thank you for your post. Your perspective is truly enlightening and I thank you!
I heard something on Grey's Anatomy once and I say it to my girls all the time: I made you from scratch. Every thing about you is unique and special and that makes you the most perfect version of you . Also, in terms of social media influencing- I have to say that your channel has influenced me in the best way and I just can't thank you enough for everything you do. Thank you for being real! ❤
I remember that all of the time too!!! that was a beautiful scene ❤
I want to let you know I just got teary-eyed reading this. I've been struggling with trying not to compare my son with his peers. I'm such a perfectionist that it pains me that he is not as advanced as the other kids. I'm going to remember, "I made you from scratch!"
This video needs millions of views!!! As a mom of a daughter myself I felt every single word you said! This was so profound and so needed. This really blessed me, you unpacked so much! Thank you ❤❤❤
Off topic but I absolutely love how you approach your audience when talking about your faith, I’m not a Christian, would consider myself spiritual but I never feel like you’re being preachy and it genuinely seems like you respect everyone’s background when it comes to culture and religion and for that and also many other reasons I have a lot of respect for you so thank you
I stopped all social media (except TH-cam) a few months ago because I was feeling too hung up on what everyone else was doing. It’s amazing when you remove it how much you don’t realize it’s affecting you or your mindset. I would encourage anyone who’s feeling some type of way about social media to cut it all out for a little bit and see if it helps. It has really helped me
WOW, Jessica, you really blew it out of the water with this video and topic! During a time in which we all need to wake up to reality, detach from expectations and look inward, and love ourselves, this video is so timely.
I can absolutely relate, I have sometimes considered being too hyper aware, wanting to dig deep to figure out what makes us the way we are. Thank you for opening the conversation in this beauty space, which I am definitely into and enjoy myself, but it pays to pay attention.
I have so much respect and admiration for you! ❤️
Allie Glines had a quote a while back that resonated with me:
People don't need to be happy with me in order for me to be happy.
I worry too much about what people think about me and about being perfect when, in fact, Jesus is the only One who was ever perfect.
This video was so needed! I’ve missed out on SO much because I’m scared of what others think about me.. I’ve not perused friendships because I feel like I’m awkward and can’t handle that awkward silence in conversations.. when in reality I’m sure that happens to everyone. I’m tired of not enjoying life with my husband and kids because of silliness like that. Thank you so much for talking about this! 💗
Because I grew up with abuse, and several people throughout my life actually actively trying to hurt me (plus other people not believing me or helping me) being perfect was a defense mechanism. If I'm perfect, people won't try to hurt me. If I'm perfect people will help me if I am being hurt. I'm now 33 and my wonderful husband has shown me such unconditional love and helped and protected me, that I've thankfully started to move past that. I've also realized people can only hurt me so much, and I can now walk away from a lot of it as an adult.
This definitely hit home. I love this video and how honest you are and as usual, hilarious, with your "I don't even know why I tried to do my makeup while filming this". I totally believe that social media has made my "perfectionism" worse. I do not go on FB, even though I know I can "unfollow" or "hide" their posts, to me it is just filled with drama, sad stories, "dirty laundry" airing, heavily filtered lives and pictures. Although there are some heartwarming stories, I feel for the most part it is a constant hamster wheel of attention seeking individuals that are in need of constant validation. When I found that I was comparing myself to others, which I know is only natural, as you stated, I knew I had to disconnect. My mental health was more important than what any "post" would have to say. Thank you for your always informative videos, whether they are about make-up, every day things or just sharing your life. You are definitely one of my favorite TH-camrs! 😊
Great video! Speaking as a sister in Christi, that scripture gave me so much freedom 🙏🏻 Finding and knowing your identity in Christ sheds so much of the perfectionism and comparison. Knowing just how loved we are by our creator is peace beyond understanding ❤
Amen! Once I got saved and could just rest in Jesus, all of those things I used to worry about completely diminished and I found true peace. ❤
I ❤ that Bible verse! I used to have a post-it on my mirror that my therapist had me complete as a self-esteem building exercise. She started it with the words, "I AM..." and I finished the sentence with ..."fearfully and wonderfully made!" based on a similar Bible verse I loved. It was the first time I recognized that that verse applied to ME and not just "a chosen few". It's easy to forget that God is *proud* of His work!
I remember seeing a tweet a few years ago that touched my heart so much. It said something to the effect of, "I wonder if God sees us criticising ourselves and thinks, 'But I worked so hard on that one!'" 😭
Thanks for the reminder that we are all enough in His eyes, Jess! ❤
Oh man. This hit home so hard. Crying as I watch. You are a blessing to the internet. 😭
A well-remembered moment from my childhood (over 70 years ago!): Me - Daddy, look I made 100 on this test. Daddy - Wasn't there a bonus question? After years of therapy I can almost laugh at this.
Wow this was my life too!
same.
I had this too. “Mom I got 98%” “where did the 2% go”. That was most of high school. I vow not to do this when I have kids. Nothing was ever good enough and I never want my kids to feel like that from me.
Rather than comparing those people I follow on social media, my goal has always been to allow them to inspire me. If I can’t find something worth aspiring to, I move on.
At birth I was set up for failure. If I was not the perfect child, adolescent, teen and adult- I was worthless. That taught me to be hyper vigilant and terrified of failure and not being perfect. I learned, with time, and grace that I was better than I thought I was and I had strength to believe in myself above all else. It made me be the parent to my son that I needed and didn’t get. Once my mother died, I didn’t have to be afraid anymore. And I try to instill in everyone I meet that all that matters is being and accepting yourself.
Oh my goodness Jessica this is such a thought provoking conversation that I can honestly admit I can’t relate to. I give up SM especially IG over a year ago and have never looked back and don’t miss or need it. Never been or have any plans on going on TikTok, Twitter or X is a cesspool of hate. I stay in my lane here on TH-cam and only watch those that I find value in. I find myself reading more and boy there was a time I was an avid reader and oh how I have missed reading. 10 books in for the year with a goal of 50. Well on my way. Thank you for this conversation ❤❤
This hits so close to me. JUST TODAY I got to work and my hair was bugging me, I didnt like the shirt I had on and how I felt it looked, I didnt brush thru my eyebrows and my lower liner was too thick. So I spent my lunch hour going home to fix all of that and for who, why, in reality I was worried about how all that looked to others but it never phased anyone, but me.
And I had one extension that came out (tape-ins) and I was so worried that everyone was going to notice this bald spot in the back of my head. I called my stylist to try to get in and of coarse I have to wait till Wednesday. I looked at it (again while at home at lunch) and realized it wasn't really that bad and that I was worried for nothing.
Someone once told me "talk to yourself like you would talk to your little daughter, cousin, friend etc." It really helps me evaluate the negative internal dialogue that happens on a daily basis.. I would never want my daughters to believe they are unworthy if their hair is messy, unlovable if they forgot to clean the countertops before visitors came, dumb if they felt a conversation with someone was dull. Be gentle and kind to yourself. We were not created to be perfect and Lord help us to remember that each and every day.
Veteran teacher here loves your videos because you love learning!! And are so smart!! This really hit home!!! Thank you!!!
Wow thank you from the bottom and top of my heart. I'm dealing with stage 2 cervical cancer and my husband reminds me every day you are perfect at whatever you can get accomplished that day whether it's Just taking a shower or doing a couple loads of laundry. ❤
Girl preach. I avoided clicking on this video for a day bc I know I have these issues lol but I need to hear it. Remember it. And try to do something different. You’re my favorite and I love that you can come back and reevaluate things you’ve fallen prey to with trying to present perfectly. Same same. I give up all the time. I start more things than I finish. And it is bc I think I’ve “ruined” it midway through for xyz reason. So silly. Anyway thanks for the reminder and encouragement ❤
I love this so much, and am so happy you are sharing this with young women. I am 58, have a full life...marriage, family, and a career I love, yet I have only very recently become comfortable with my body, who I am, my place in this world, etc. I have finally embraced that its okay if I wear my hair the way I like it even if its not a trendy cut, and its okay not to fit into the world's standard of beauty or wealth, or fashion...it has not impeded my life at all! I cannot tell you the freedom is has given me to finally not compare myself and my home to others and to stop worrying about what others think. I view myself, my accomplishments, and my blessings all on their own merit now, and if I make a change, it is to please myself and my family, not because it's the popular thing to do. The impact that has had on my feelings of life- satisfaction has been huge. Sadly, I just wish I had embraced this when I was a much younger woman and could have better modeled that for my daughters.
We absolutely needed this, today. I'm speaking for everyone. Thank you, Jess❤
Great topic! My perfectionistic ways come from childhood trauma/emotional neglect. My daughter is a perfectionist too but is related to ADHD. Perfectionism presents in girls with ADHD as well. Therapy has helped both of us! ❤😊
I was at a department meeting with 300+ people last month and a candid photo of me laughing was included in a highlight video that was shown. I was MORTIFIED. I didn't say anything out loud but I felt so ashamed the rest of the presentation. But when we got lunch no less than 10 people came up and told me how wonderful the photo was. I was floored.
Perfect homes and cleaning content really gets to me. I used to love it because I thought it was “inspirational” but then I had to realize it was making me feel worse and a lot of shame for not being able to manage my home like this, how messy my home got, and how long it took me to clean, compared to how it looked on short form content
crying with you when you talked about the photo. I wish I could see myself the way people love me do.
I just had a conversation with my mom about this today. My son told me something that has resonated with me & helped with my anxiety...he said "there's no wrong way to human"
I didn’t except to cry so much in this video. Everything hit home with what you said and honestly it was like a beautiful wake up call. Thank you Jessica for being so real with us and sharing this with us 💕
Love how teacher you came out in this with the research :)
Thank you for being open and honest about how you are feeling and what you’re going through! I also have struggled with perfectionism in my life from a young age. It has been helpful for me to remind myself (and my wonderful partner also helps remind me) that whatever I do everyday, I am good enough. I’m not too annoying, too loud, too quiet, too stupid, too anything. It’s all in my head and it’s all good. I am good and obviously when I act poorly, I can deal with that but my inherent baseline is always good. Period. Thats been something I’ve been trying to incorporate into my view of myself
Jessica. This video is so special. Thank you for making it, for speaking about it, and making it feel normal. This is why I follow you and your family - realness and sister Jessie vibes. Hugs and love!
I've been following your channel for at least 10 years now, and to be honest, this might be my favorite video on your whole channel, Jess. You get real on here every few months or so and it's always a brave and awesome thing to do, but this one hit different, in a good way. I'll turn 38 in May, and aging is on my mind. I've also struggled with perfectionism my whole life, and in the last few years have speculated about anxiety too but haven't been to a professional about it. As a teenager, I constantly thought "My parents will stop loving me if I don't get good grades, or if I mess up a chore, and my friends won't like me anymore if I stop being Performative Me around them." Because in my personal experience, being "performative" is part of that perfectionism. I cannot say "I've been here for ten years or more" about many channels. Maybe a couple indie musicians, but I can count on one hand the number of people I've followed. Very proud of you, even though I'm just some rando on the internet and we don't know each other; it's a parasocial thing for sure, hahaha.
Thank you so much!!! 🥹🥰
Jess.. this is the video we didn’t know we needed. Authentic you, and I feel like so many of us are on this same journey. Thank you for the deep conversations, I left this video with a deeper knowledge and more self love, similar to how I feel when I leave therapy. And THAT is powerful, Jessica. That you can make me feel the same way my therapist makes me feel. We need more depth and growth like this on social media, and you are making a difference, sparking change, you can affect so many lives with your videos. ❤
It's not easy, but I found that being completely honest with myself about my strengths and limitations helped
Beautifully said, Jess. A very moving conversation and right on point. I got emotional right with you. These talks are a wonderful addition to your content. Thank you for sharing. ❤
You have no idea how bad I needed to hear this. Thank you for being so vulnerable with this youtube community. We love you and you are BEAUTIFUL 🥰
This really makes sense for me. As an almost 30 year old, I can look back and see that when we host any family gathering (holiday, birthday party, etc), I feel extremely anxious and can barely enjoy the time spent with family BECAUSE the food is taking longer than it should or I didn't have time to clean the whole house and people might "judge me" if my kitchen and bathroom aren't spotless. When really, most likely no one notices or cares. I'll have to do some more reflecting, thanks for the video Jess! ❤️❤️
I really love this new series, there’s something about mid thirties and everything society has been through recently that’s causing me to really dive into myself and why I am the way I am and to challenge my thought processes and beliefs.
I’m personally diving head first into simplicity. No frills, uncomplicated, free. I’ve grown so much lately, thanks for leading these conversations Jess!
I am crying along with you. 57 year old perfectionist who needed to hear this today. I have wasted too many years, left many new adventures not attempted for fear of failure. Getting out the pictures of me and my kids from the boxes, no matter how I look, because the joy in their faces is the beauty I need to see. Thank you
Mannnnn, u had me bawling after u said, "How lucky are we to get older? How dare we get upset?" I'vee always had such a hard time with getting older every year, im going to be 44 in April. And when u said that for some reason, it just opened the flood gates! Ive heard versions of that b4 but for some reason when u said it..man oh man. This was an AMAZING video!! U should be very proud of this one for sure!❤❤❤❤❤
This conversation is so important, Jessica, thank you for being a strong voice! Releasing ourselves from the prison of social acceptance is hard and I'll fight it for the rest of my life. How much better if we never put our children in that prison! Young mothers like you who are aware of this problem are so needed. Thank you!
You and Taylor Wynn are my favorite TH-camrs since you are both very relatable, down to earth, and genuine. I always look forward to the videos that you post.
I cried along with you . I related to much of this . Social media has definitely affected my need to come across perfect in order to be accepted . This video really gave me a lot to think about . Thank you ❤
I have a tendency to judge myself very harshly and if there is anything that is criticized from others I feel like everything about me is a failure. I have never been one that “fit in” I was bullied and hated school until I got to high school. Weirdly High school kids left me alone and I found my own group. But that feeling of net fitting in never goes away.
I am a people pleaser, not a perfectionist. For me the realization that even if I am not good at one aspect of something I may well be fantastic at another. Focusing on what I am good at makes working on the others easier.
Thank you for being vulnerable to bring up this topic! As a lifelong people pleaser with a critical parent and a “problematic” sibling the need to be perfect and not ruffle feathers resonated
28:38 Ok so bawling my eyes out right now at this part. I felt this so so much. My bf has so many photos of me that he loves but I hate for this very reason. But when I look at you I see the love you have for either Gigi or Felicity and if that one is on the wall they will growing up knowing how loved and adored they are. 🥰 really good video.
This is why I've committed to not letting my kid have a phone. There is just no reason to have them exposed to stuff like this. I want her to have a real childhood. ❤ Great video❤❤
For some reason, the way you spoke about the pantry was a real epiphany moment for me and helped me feel so much better about my kitchen. Thank you.
Thank you for being more real. It is so refreshing to have someone be honest about the struggle of social pressures and as someone who has "suffered" with perfectionism this conversation was very eye opening. I have been on a healing journey and this helped me realize that I am not alone and there is hope for change. Thanks Jess😊
Edited after watching: This was a profound video. I feel like I had a therapy session!! Perfectionism is my cross to bear! 😔
I'm very interested in this topic and will watch this evening when my 4 yr old grandson isn't here and I can give it my full attention. This is so ironic, a past priest from our parish is coming on 2/28 to talk about, "Are you Good Enough?" The bulletin said "if you're a perfectionist this is for you! " Looks like I'll be spending 2 1/2 hours with Fr. Joe on the 28th. Edited after watching: WOW! I kept saying "that's me, that's me". I have social anxiety and that stems from childhood and being bullied. Can you believe that was going on even in the 60s?! Disgusting! Because if those mean girls I needed to be perfect in my mind, to do well in everything, have the nice things others had so I wouldn't be talked about or made fun of. I didn't dance at my daughter's wedding because I knew I'd look stupid, not perfect and cool!! I'm 74 yrs old and I still want to look as perfect as possible and want my house to look perfect, especially the outside of my home! That's what bothers me... What's on the outside seems to be most important to me, to make sure I look perfect when I see other people in my daily life, and to make sure my house looks perfect as people drive or walk past! I will not even take the trash out without some makeup on. True! If I don't have my eyes done, sunglasses are on! Same Jess, "they'll think I'm 90 and ugly without makeup!" I worry how I look going for a procedure when I can't wear makeup. Even worry about how I might look if an ambulance would have to come to take me to a hospital. Isn't that ridiculous??!! But, THAT IS me!
I feel you Sister❤
I relate to your comment so much….even down to putting on makeup or sunglasses to take the trash out and worrying about what the paramedics will think of me if I need help. 😅🤦♀️ Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It helps to know I’m not alone. Sending you love. ❤🥺
2 months late. But thank you for taking the time to make a video like this.
I'm 33, I have struggled with anorexia since I was a teenager. Maybe even younger. It's just a symptom of trying to be perfect and not being able to meet that "perfection." I'm very much a self-perfectionist type. Very very much. Social media definitely doesn't help, but I've always held myself to an unrealistic and unreasonable standard. It has led to depression, anxiety, and severely disordered eating and exercising.
I don't think that's what life is supposed to be...
You crying over that photo was so real and relatable.💙
Everything about this video resonated. Thank you
Thank you Jessica…..that was amazing……❤very thought provoking. I will still never go out without make up, even after all these years, being told I was plain or ugly has stayed with me. I have over spent on make up and clothes to try and look better, but it never ends. I am so thankful you have said all this…..xx
Perfectionism is a life killer. I still struggle with it at 77 almost 78! A lot of it came from my childhood & then I just added to it as I went through life. There is only One who is perfect & He does not demand it from us! It’s a lie we’ve bought into & it stills our joy. I also love that verse from Psalm 139. It has given me so much peace of mind as well. Bless you for bringing this to the light. We all need it! No matter what age we are❤❤
I had to pause at 18:36 because it made me emotional. I hear exactly what you're saying and I feel the same way. This video is so important and so necessary. Great job covering these topics!!
Loved this so much! I was similar to you in deleting my tiktok because I found so much of the content triggering. It makes me scared for the younger generation that probably won’t have the capacity to realize the effects social media is having on their mental health because it’s all they know.
Honestly, this was a video where so much validation came through I almost can’t grasped everything that just hit home. ❤
Social media is so dangerous for young kids in regards to perfectionism. They never see influencers at their worst. Everything always looks flawless. This can make kids feel bad about themselves and leave false impressions. It’s a slippery slope.I think showing your true self, good and bad sets a better example.
Thank you for your honesty.
Jen xo
Within the past year, I started a beauty TH-cam channel and I feel this more than ever! While I love filming so much and interacting with any lovely who comments and chats with me, I am constantly comparing myself to other TH-camrs who I consider to be “perfect” knowing I shouldn’t do that when I’m new to this and I have to know that I’m doing the best I can with what I have now! I love these videos, I enjoy hearing your thoughts on subjects like this 🥰
A lot of ppl are archiving their old videos but it was so encouraging/ a good reality check when we could sort videos by oldest and see how they started even a short time ago
@@jelemil I agree! It’s nice to see where someone started from 😊
Perfectionism and Imposter syndrome! Timely and so awesome you are willing to share your own struggles and talk about it! You are a blessing and absolutely are good enough ❤ Sharing this to anyone else here…you ARE good ENOUGH❤
Yes! Imposter syndrome has had a grip on me for nearly 7 years now. I feel so stuck.
I loved this video. I wish more people would take a step back to think about how SM effects us and how fitting in at such a young age leaves such a lasting scar on us(and yes I think it’s a scar). I’ve always had a pretty good self-esteem from a young because I also was told at a young age that there is no one else like me in the world meaning each one of us is different and that difference is amazing. It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that I truly appreciated that difference. I am me and no one else can ever or will ever be me. Once that truly clicked, my outlook completely changed for the better.
Oh my god ! I was literally in tears the entire time on this episode , I’m a big people pleaser and I try to adjust to everyone’s needs and try to always adhere to notion of perfection, my husband brings in the balance , he tells me when I’m overdoing things. But yes ! This was a beautiful episode Jessica , thank you 😊 please talk about gentle parenting and how kids and other parents take advantage of that word all the time.
Thank you for this video. Very thought provoking, in the best possible way.
I was raised by a weight obsessed baby boomer. That has greatly affected my life and view of myself. I became a mom at 37, and I vowed not to damage her the way I was by my mother. I am extremely careful about how I talk about myself now. I am also working on correcting my own view of myself.
Also, I have been a long time viewer of yours, and I am not a Christian. I know you were worried about rubbing people the wrong way by being more open about your beliefs. And for me, at least, it doesn't bother me at all! It makes me happy for you! I am so happy that you feel comfortable with your followers to be more "real", that is one of the reasons I love your channel so much!
Jessica you made me cry so hard listening to this video, when you said “we can’t see our own essence in the way that people view us” really hit home for me. I am a right above knee amputee and I hate seeing pictures of myself from the waist down because I feel ugly and flawed. But my husband says I have a great rear end and that I should wear yoga pants more often. Instead I wear long loose dresses so my prosthetic leg is a bit more disguised. Thank you so much for putting yourself out there in this video, you encourage me to be more my self and to embrace the changes my body has gone through.
My daughter is 10 and I don’t wear makeup on the regular, but when I do she always asks me why. I always tell her it makes me feel extra fancy, because I don’t want her to think makeup is necessary for us to feel beautiful. She has her own makeup that she wears from time to time, but it’s always just for feeling fancy like a fancy dress for a nice event.
that's EXACTLY what I tell my girls... with jewelry or makeup... it's play... it's like decoration... fun...
Oh my goodness I have this same conversation with my little girl too. She's only 4 though. I was explaining to her the other day makeup is for us to just have fun and be artistic, not because it's needed to make us prettier. I'm always so careful how I present to her even when I'm having a bad mental self day.
Same, I always tell my girls it’s just for fun like painting or art. ❤️since I’ve had kids I’ve been very intentional with getting comfortable in my own skin again.
Don’t ever apologize for your feelings. I’m probably old enough to be your mother. I used to feel all the things you are feeling. I know my grown daughters have the same issues. I lost my nephew when he was 23 and that shook me to my core. It has been almost five years since he passed and it never gets easier. This loss taught me to stop sweating the mall things. I leave home without makeup all the time now. The important people will love you no matter how you look when you show.
As always appreciate your thoughts & thank you for creating a safe space with us and sharing.
Every morning, as soon as I wake up, I say, "Thank you, Lord, that I'm alive today!" It sounds ridiculous, but starting the day off like that puts so much in perspective.
That’s why you’re the only one I really follow these days …I admire how you fall into these things but at the same time you are still self aware ..Thanks for sharing
AMEN to all of this! I am a perfectionist with social anxiety and this resonated so much to the point that I will share with my husband and adult daughter who are both extroverts who have never really understood why I am the way I am. They love me, but they definitely roll their eyes when I’m frantically cleaning before people come over or when I’m exhausted after a social get-together. I will say that social media hasn’t affected me as much, but that’s probably because I’m 60 and most of the influencers are closer to my daughter’s age. But for me it was the magazines and TV that put pressure on me to fit in or look a certain way. Kudos to you for speaking out on this and for trying to make it better for your girls.
Jessica, It’s as if you were inside my head with this video! I have struggled with so much of what you discussed for as long as I can remember, and I don’t think I can pinpoint any particular moment as a child that formed this way of thinking, but boy oh boy has it had staying power! As I will soon turn 61 it is at the heart of who I am, although I have changed in certain ways in caring less how others perceive me, I still struggle just being content in how God made me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions, it’s greatly appreciated! 😊✝️
As someone who’s on social media and also a new mom to a daughter, this whole video made me teary and emotional! Thank you for sharing and contributing positively to this conversation!!!!
This video really hit hard for me. I’ve been dealing with such an increase in social anxiety these past few years and it has nearly wrecked me. It feels so isolating. I had shame in getting help but now that I have, I can’t imagine how I lived without it. Thanks for making this video. ❤
Psalm 139 is one of my favorite Psalms. I love seeing your heart in these talks. Thanks for sharing because it relates to so many of us, me included.
“We can’t see our own essence, and the way that other people view us.
With perfectionism you are trying to artificially create how people see you. And you focus so much on what people think of you, how they see you, how they perceive you, when in reality we’re not in CONTROL of how they look at us.”
Thank you, Jessica! I really needed to hear this message tonight. I’m 40 and in a few weeks I am giving my first full solo piano recital in 10 years (I majored in piano, and am now a piano teacher, in Indianapolis actually, where Jessica is from) and I am definitely having thoughts about “what will others think”. It is SO helpful to be reminded to not waste time trying to control what you can’t control! Instead I just need to keep putting all my energy into prepping the music to the best of my ability, and to be grateful for the opportunity to share what I love with others. Focusing on the things I *can* control. ❤
Jess, I too love the photo you shared that Tyler loves. I’ve been thinking about perfectionism a lot lately. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability in this video. ❤
Thank you for this topic. ❤
I wasn't expecting to get emotional but I sure did. The love and care you put into this video is so evident and a blessing. I can't wait for the next one.
Very impactful, Jessica. You made me cry! I have 4 daughters and 6 grand daughters. It so hard to be content in this digital age. God bless you!❤
Cried so much when you talked about the photo you don't like of yourself. I absolutely hate photos of myself but my fiancé loves all of them and I never understood why until I watched this. This video is so important to me and made me feel seen, thank you Jess ❤️
Jessie, thank you for always being honest and vulnerable with us. It is always a breath of fresh air and feels like a reassuring hug from a friend ❤
Thank you for this video. I literally teared since I felt so convicted about my perfectionism, especially when it comes to struggling with social anxiety. I have to remind myself that im made in the eyes of the Lord & im perfect in his eyes ❤
As a mental health therapist very well said!!!! I talk with a lot of my middle schoolers about these types of thinking patterns and just being yourself!!
Tip I am trying are sayings to repeat to myself: Life is short (so focus on what matters to you and don’t worry yourself about the rest). And another I am trying: Good enough is good enough. ❤ these kinds of videos and appreciate the Teacher Mrs. Braun components!
Jessica I just love you and your channel! You are someone who’s videos make me feel so calm and relaxed. I get excited when I see you post. Thank you for continuing to be the true you ❤❤
This is what I needed today. I work in the medical spa world. I struggle with this so much, just not having filler in my lips I feel weird. But this is what everyone needs. This is a breath of fresh air. Thank you Jess ❤
This was so spot on! I wish I had learned this sooner. I have very few pregnancy photos because I felt like I looked fat.. so silly.. I looked pregnant. Now as I have aged I look back at the photos with my babies and I see a young mom filled with so much joy to have these babies that called me mommy. Jessica …you are beautiful inside and out.
Just tears!! I internalized perfection from a young age too. I don't even consume social media unless it's at least somewhat relatable. But this mindset permeates my life in that I am easily bothered, frustrated, and overthink social interactions exactly how you described. Hearing you piece everything together was liberating, truly. I hadn't connected the dots. Wow.
THIS...was everything. I have so much to comment back, but won't, as you said it ALL perfectly my dear. I am 62 yrs and all the things you said, everyone said, touched me in the reality zone. Thank you for being true to yourself.❤ Just Beautiful 😍
I'm not religious and I even really appreciate this and really value what your bringing up. I suffer from really bad social anxiety. I love this new series and talking about real stuff