Thanks for letting me share my story & experience of the beginning of my motherhood journey with you all with no judgment. If you're comfortable, please share your story or experience with your own matrescence! Perhaps it can be a comfort to another parent out there struggling in a similar way. 🫶
Thank you for sharing ❤ I'm not a mother, but have been trying - I often worry if maybe I wouldn't be a good mother, or maybe I would regret it/so why am i fighting so hard trying for it... IDK, this made me feel a little more normal. Thank you.
I was a teen mom at 19, married at 18 to my first and only boyfriend. I mourned the adulthood I never had. I never got to be selfish and live my own life. I didn't get to be single and live on my own. I made life altering decisions before my brain was fully developed. I had depression with 3 out of my 4 kids. I know it had to do with the fact that I was young and lacked support from my spouse and family. I didn't reach out for help and suffered in silence. I definitely get what you were saying, but from a different stage.
You’re doing a wonderful job! Enjoy all the messy, scary, sad, and beautiful moments. They go by so fast. When I feel like breaking down I always have to remind myself that it is all temporary, the good and the bad. We can’t have one or the other. Time is precious. Sending prayers your way 🙏 ❤
You can do this. You are good enough and you can make it. God will help you get through, even when it feels like you are all alone. I understand that feeling and have been there. My son is 3 and a half now and it's still tough but things are so much better than they were. You will get there too. I'll be praying for you and your child.
Worrying about being a good mom strangely enough is a REALLY good indicator that you are a great mom. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t bother you. Caring about the wellbeing of yourself AND your babies is the whole point ❤❤❤
This is the most impactful TH-cam video I have seen. Period. Jessie, my momma heart is so grateful for you and all the effort you put into this video. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You are the best big sister/friend I could ask for! This video came into my life at exactly the right time ❤ thank you for always sharing your experience and knowledge. It is so reassuring to know other moms have this experience. 7 months postpartum and have felt exactly what you shared - mourning the loss of my adulthood and independence, while still loving my peanut.
I’m so glad you are discussing this because as a Mother of a Special Needs child I’m struggling with how hard my life has gotten with a medically complex care he needs.
That’s tough because not only are you in the mother role, you are also in a caregiver role.. I imagine you have times where you wish you could just be a mom. I am a pediatric nurse and I have so much compassion for parents like you. ❤ keep on trucking along, you’re doing great.
Same here. It’s just an added layer of complexity. My son isn’t super complex, but enough that life needs a lot more adapting and involves a lot more therapy than a “typical” child. Feels like being on an island when even the depths of Google doesn’t seem to have any advice. I know you’re doing great even though you’re up against so much!!
The ambivalence encapsulates so much of how I feel alllll the time. So glad you spoke out. I get comments/judgments often about how I speak openly about motherhood the good the bad and the ugly and beautiful because it encompasses all of the emotions!! It’s so challenging and for years I’ve come to terms about being good enough and that’s all I can do! My laundry is piled up the ceiling but a good dinner will be on the table tonight 🎉❤
Hi Kim! I'm SO glad you're so open and real, it's why I love your channel. I actually watch you hoping you could rub off on me because I seriously don't know how you do it. You're such an amazing mother!
I’ve been watching Kim for at least 7 years now and my go to catch phrase is “good enough”! Sometimes I too am getting through the day in 2 minute increments.
Jess, at 72 years young I adore you, your channel and content. You and all you do to help other women is wonderful. Having had 2kids, even now I can remember all the feelings, doubts, highs and lows you discuss. But then, no on put a name to it. Your research, your honesty and caring in this video will help so many other women. Your mother must be so proud of the woman she raised. Thanks for all you do for this terrific community.🥰☀
You have no idea (actually, ya probably do) how badly I needed to hear this. How badly I’ve yearned for someone to put into words how I’m feeling and how I felt in the earlier days. Somehow this is very therapeutic for me. Thank you❤a million times ❤thank you
I love this! When you have a baby, you think you’re going to be the same person, just with a kid now. But being a mother completely changes you! Any metamorphosis is a difficult and uncomfortable process filled with mixed emotions, so we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for struggling to adapt to a change as big as this. I love that there’s a name for the process! Thanks for sharing!
As a grandmother, I NOW can tell you how much I know about motherhood, 'cause girl, I can retrospectively boil it all down to one piece of advice: Don't sweat the small stuff and everything is small stuff. Sounds too easy but when you look back you will know. The other thing I can say is that you can't tell if you are losing yourself in the motherhood process because it's hard to know if you ever found yourself prior to motherhood. So maybe it's best to say, forgive yourself. That might sound off topic, but it really isn't.
I'm a great-grandmother I totally agree, my granddaughter just had a baby and she had baby blues we had a long conversation about her concerns, she wanted a baby but then thought it was a mistake, I told her it will get better plus other things of course didn't just leave it at that now her baby is 5 months and she said she feels so much better and has settled in, but her husband is very supportive and her mother-in-law who lives close to her you do need a support system. The bible says children are a gift plus a responsibility. Plus you can over do by enrolling a child in every sort of exrtra-curricular activities, some mothers think children need all this when they don't! they need down time and time with you and the father only! I've seen it to many times the parents get burned out but the child does too!
@@TheRedMarquee my comments were in reaction to her conversation and while policing my comments, which were not offensive, doesn't really bother me, bummer that you made this comment to dismiss me. It was my intention to let her know that I am on her side and that I am supportive. Sorry that you didn't feel that.
I'm a woman and have always imagined having kids one day, but I came across this thought that I weirdly resonated with: "I don't want to be a mom...I want to be a DAD". Society's expectations of men/fathers are SO wildly different and they get to experience a much freer and less judgemental version of parenthood. I'm not saying that it's easy to be a father (if you're doing it right) but women definitely have it so much tougher and I hate that. I still want a family, but it's so hard not to be bitter about the inequity and I don't want that to make me resentful of them 😔😔 Thanks for sharing your story with us ❤
Yes. Outside of the biological differences when one procreates (regarding bio parents), the standard of being a “good” dad is very different for men than the standard of being a “good” mom is for women. A “good” dad means public acknowledgment of the child’s existence, consistent financial support, some recreational time and pride in their accomplishments……being a “good mom” is all that and so much more!
Dang! I’m 38 and dont have kids and don’t want them but I cannot stop thinking about this statement since I read it. It just resonates so heavily with so much of why I haven’t wanted to be a mother. Just so thought provoking!
Yes!!! This is so spot on. Men can go on about their lives and work and have hobbies without being questioned and judged about “who’s watching the kids” or if their job pays enough to cover childcare or if they feel guilty about not staying at home with their kids etc. they get praised when they get seen out with them or doing the bare minimum. It’s actually wild.
But there are many beautiful perks of being a mother that fathers do not get. One of which is our intuition. Also after a few years of being a mom you really just don’t care what others think anymore.
I had my first baby at 41 and my second at 43. I was a full grown adult with a life and a career and loves and interests. I had never taken off more than a week of work at any point in my adult life. 4 months off for maternity leave sent me into a tailspin. I had PPA and got into Therapy and on meds in month 3. In 2020 with my one year old baby, we moved to a new state for a new job and then the pandemic hit. I can say that all of this has been horrible for my mental health. Now as my first is about to start Kindergarten next week, I FINALLY feel like I am coming out of a fog of grief, boredom, isolation and the greatest love of my life. Thank you for the video. And to all the moms out there - you are not alone and you are doing a great job.
Thank you for sharing and bringing this subject to light. I am dealing with not knowing who I am with my only child moving off to college. So many years spent as a mother now no one here to mother anymore.
I just had my second child (2yo and 2mo) and I could relate to every single word you just said. It resonated with me to the core. This helped me understand that mom guilt is a natural thing, and yet it doesn’t mean that I’m not doing enough. Thank you 💐
Wow Jessica! I have never heard of this concept until now. My mind is blown. I have a 20mo and I STILL don’t feel like I am fully a mother yet. I struggled so hard with postpartum depression for tbr exact same reasons as you. I remember driving home from the hospital looking outside and the world was different. I was different. And I was grieving my old independent life with just my husband and myself. I feel so seen and I thank you for opening up as well about your journey. ❤
JESSIE this video hit me like a train. I’m five months pregnant with my first child, and let me say this was so so needed. This pregnancy was a surprise to me for sure and I’ve been struggling with the rapid change this has brought to my life, but this perspective has helped me so so much. Thank you.
I'm a GenXer who has no children. While my husband and I have been together almost 25 years and planned to have children for many reasons it didn't happen. Now that we are past that time for us, we are actually glad we ended up not being parents. I am going to read that book because I still think it will resonate with me. Thanks for being real, Jess. I am out here cheering you on!
I'm 40 and have five children and an extra little one here most of the time. Wanted every one and wouldn't change a thing. However I completely understand now why some people choose not to have any and I see them living wonderful, fulfilling lives. I'm happy for every woman in my life who made the decisions that were right for her. I probably wouldn't have understood when I was younger. I will never try to rush my kids to give me grandchildren, and if they never do I still can't wait to see what life has in store for each of them.
@@kaitlynbotha9194this is the toughest saddest thing. Husband and I struggled with infertility (issue was on his side mostly), I really wanted a child, he was ok with not having one. I had to decide whether I want my husband or a child more. I chose my husband, I realized I’d rather have him than a kid with someone else. It’s your husband’s choice to make. We ended up having our miracle baby after 2 miscarriages. It’s no walk in the park. I wanted a child, yet I struggle to accept my new role, despite loving my baby so much.
Oh my gosh, Jessica, the timing of this is perfect. I'm in my mid-thirties, and contemplating trying to have a kid; I have never felt maternal, and always felt guilty about it. My relationship with my mom is okay (I really had a fantastic childhood) but she leaned on me a lot emotionally, and I still barely feel like a complete grown up, let alone someone who could be a parent. I haven't even finished the video yet, but just seeing you talking about this topic is so encouraging. Thanks for sharing ❤
That makes us 4 😅 and I'm 33 now. Really stressing out about it because want it or not, we have a "clock" setting the most favourable time to be a mom.
I don't even know where to begin: Thank You seems appropriate. This is so precisely how I feel and my experience. I knew I wanted to be a mom my entire life, and had all of these feelings about 'mourning' my old life while embracing my new life as a mom, but all of this in between was unexpected (of course). I, too, had an adult life before kids (college, etc) and then once married (travelling and exactly how you said doing what you want, when you want and not having to think about more than that), to what felt so incredibly opposite - and still does. Accepting this as 'normal' is something that resonated with me a lot while watching this. I have to say, seeing all the 'likes' come rolling in in the time it's taking me to type this out is bringing even more comfort. Thank you for the research and helping me, and likely many other moms/parents, navigate matrescence and each unique, but relatable change in mind and body that we ALL go through along the way.
I am a firm believer that not everyone in this world is meant to be a parent and having the time to be able to recognize that in yourself is SO, SO important for you but also for the children. Kids deserve moms and dads who are present, aware, kind, and who care. Parenting is so, so, incredibly hard and changes your life and mindset that if it is not what you want, it will make it that much harder, and learning that it's not what you want after the fact just creates a cycle in your family. I fully believe that our minds, bodies, etc change. There is no way we can't. Becoming a parent made me both less anxious and more anxious in such a combination that I can not properly express. My children are my greatest gift but beyond that, I hope I can be a gift to them, and I hope they can be a gift to this earth. I had my children young but I've always been aware of the person I am and what I wanted in life and perhaps this comes from growing up in a abusive household or maybes it's just me and we will never know. Whatever it is, I wish for that feeling of assurance in all parents, especially moms because our life changes so much. To ever fool anyone into believing life doesn't change after a child is such a disservice and to ever fool any parent or mom into thinking it's easy is also such a disservice. It's nuts! The wildest ride physically, emotionally, in every aspect, it's crazy.
I’ve said my whole life (all 26 short years of it) that I’m never having kids. I had an absolutely amazing childhood and amazing parents but was SO not interested.. until recently when I realized my partner and I would be amazing moms and make an absolutely amazing life for children because of our love, morals, experiences that have shaped us, etc. So while I haven’t listened to a lot of your content related to parenting in the past, I stayed for this entire video and feel emotional listening and learning.. knowing I am going to experience this in some way shape or form. Thank you so much for sharing your wealth and knowledge with us! I’ve watched you since I was 15 and my oh my what a journey it’s been.
wow wow wow I appreciate your vulnerability and courage to talk about your personal experience. as someone who hasn’t felt the calling for motherhood, I still appreciate what it must take for those who do. and this video just gave me an even deeper admiration for mothers. this video honestly made me so emotional- I’m crying lol fascinating and enlightening, and you shared it all so eloquently ❤
You have no idea how much I needed this video today. I just had my first baby 5 weeks ago and have been struggling with adjusting to my new normal. My delivery was complicated, he is cluster feeding and nursing isn’t going as planned, and moreover, I am grieving the loss of the pre-kids life that my husband and I shared. Honestly, these 5 weeks have been full of tears and struggle, and I am not enjoying it yet. It helps immensely to have a word for this transition, and to know I’m not alone in feeling this way! Also, Jessica, I have been a long time subscriber and watching the Disneyville pod and your guys’s Disney vlogs have been GETTING ME THROUGH these long days & nights of early motherhood! I have barely watched anything else 😂 thank you for making this video and making me feel less alone.
My MIL had all of her children between 17 and 20. She never experienced adulthood without motherhood attached. I had my kids at 31 and 36. It has been interesting and frustrating at times, to be honest, how she does not understand some of the struggles I've had with all of the changes motherhood brought into my life. I had a full adult life before kids, and now at 38, mine are 7 and 2 when hers were 21 - 18 when she was this age. I am not saying she had an easier time by any means. I have just found that this creates such a vast difference in how we view motherhood. Love this video. Thank you so much. ❤
I had my 1st child almost 54 years ago-I was 19 and had been married over a year. I wanted a baby so badly-but the 1st year was tough-very bad post partum depression-and I can only thank God for a miraculous healing for that. When he was a year old we moved to a house-out of an apartment and that was a huge help as I could get out of the house so much easier. 4 years later I have my 2nd child and it was like night and day-just a tad of the baby blues for a couple days-and I dived right into mother hood like I felt it should have been the 1st time. I went on to have 2 more children (my last at 39 which was such a blessing) and I loved (almost) every minute of it! Now that they are all grown-and even my grandsons are now teens-I miss it so much. Was truly the best years of my life even tho the first year was a bit rough. One thing you have to remember whatever you are going thru this too shall pass!
Omg... Thank you so much, Jessica for talking about this because this hit me and I totally get it. I understand every word, every point you are making and please ignore my English. I'm a German living and being married in Italy since 1998. I'm a mother of two sons, one is 15 and the other is 24 years old. There was also a son between the other two but he died shortly before his birth, what was devastating but he is always with us and someday I will meet him. My children definitely helped me so much to come in contact with me , my own childhood and my inner child. Childhood wasn't easy for me and experiencing the contrast to my sons childhood to my own was sometimes so much joy and sometimes so sad to me. But it helped me soo much to getting to meet myself, really look at me and finally accepting and forgiving myself because I always criticised myself really bad. My children gave me the gift to become friends with myself. They teached me accepting my flaws and weaknesses, they also teached me the most important lesson, that is to forgive myself. And in result of forgiving myself came real forgiveness for my parents who for sure struggled themselves in their lives. This gave me so much inner peace and a calmness I didn't knew before. A lot of depression, fear and anxiety vanished. I'm so grateful for my husband who is so precious to me, my children and all my experiences with them. Now I have to watch the video again, because it's that good and important for all of us moms and future moms. Much love and appreciation from Italy ❤
Love love love this video. ❤️ Your vulnerability and relatability are always so refreshing. Thank you for your thoughts on being “a good enough” mom. Ever since I became a mom of two, I’ve struggled with quite a bit of mom guilt trying to balance everything and this video was so needed.
Thank you for this video Jess! I am now 31, married with no children. But I have been feeling a “being a new adult” change. Body, clothing, shoes, career, everything seems like it’s changing. I’m so glad you made this. Because now I understand, I’m not crazy or “it’s all in my head” It’s a really transformation and I’m re-finding my new self. ❤
Thanks for being vulnerable and making this video. I’m 30 and don’t have children. My husband and I are solid fence sitters when it comes to having children, but I appreciate feeling a bit more educated on this topic. It addresses a lot of the concerns that I feel with the idea of having a child as a fully independent adult. Definitely doesn’t make a decision easier, but it helps to hear people share.
Jess, I have a 6 1/2 year old and I have followed you for probably 7ish years. I’ve struggled with you along the way becoming a mother and have only in the last couple of years, truly enjoyed being a mother. I knew I wanted a family as a young adult but never would describe myself as maternal, and when I had my daughter, I felt very torn. I was grateful because I could have a baby but also felt like “what have I done.” My mother was a wonderful stay at home mom, but I did not have a father who was emotionally supportive. There was emotional abuse and I am now only healing through that because I am a mother and it has brought feelings and memories to the surface. Your dream about holding yourself as a toddler, has been on my mind since you mentioned it in a past video. Your video about perfectionism has also helped me and I hope you continue to do this type of video. Not for the number of likes or views, but because even if it resonates with a couple hundred of us, it has made a difference. Thank you for helping me. 💗
Shooooo Jess I needed this. I am 9.5 months postpartum with my first. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom, literally since I can remember. My pregnancy was flawless, but I had a pretty traumatic birth. I definitely had undiagnosed PPA, and didn’t know it. Everyone just kept telling me it was baby blues, but I kept having this thought “what have I done” and I felt so ashamed. I didn’t tell anyone but my husband and thankfully he allowed me to be heard. I feel like I finally got out of the fog around 4 months postpartum but newborn life was just not it for me. Not being able to have a schedule, lack of sleep, breastfeeding not working, exclusively pumping… it all worked against me and I felt SO lost. When I was about 2 months PP, I finally got back to watching TH-cam here and there, and your channel was the only thing I watched. I commented on a video about how I was really in the throes of motherhood and your response resonated so much with me: it gets better. And it DOES. I LOVE being a mom now, but those first months were just chock full of second guessing, not knowing, confusion, and shame. Thank you so much for this and for being who you are. Your story about Gigi being in the backyard brought me to tears. Some days I cannot wait to experience that, but then feel guilty for “wishing” my son’s babyhood away. It’s all so confusing, and I just try to remember that my brain matter literally changed… the chemicals in my body are different now. Just love this video so so much. Thank you for being vulnerable 🫶🏻
My dear Jessica, I am so proud of you for posting this video. It now also allows me the opportunity to say some thing that I’ve wanted to for a long time now. That is, you have always been so hard on yourself as a parent seen through your videos. As a subscriber old enough to be your mother, I can only pray that this article and wealth of information you found truly does inspire you and give you the strength, motivation & encouragement you need to continue growing into motherhood AND grow into yourself! You HOLD on to the things that make you - BEAUTIFULLY YOU! So, when G & F are older, you will sing, you and Tyler will travel and dive back into the adulthood you had before motherhood. You will get the best of both worlds sweet girl. Lots of love to all of you! Xoxo
Thank you for sharing this! My kids are your age and this conversation still helps me. "Disorienting" is the best word for new motherhood. I loved motherhood, was ready for it, and had experience with kids (all things that can affect one's matrescence), and it was still disorienting. Our society is very competitive and judgmental, which can make us question and doubt ourselves as mothers. We need this conversation to be even more open. It's the kind of thing we need to talk about to our teenagers and young women so they'll at least know it's a real process. Thank you, Jessica!
My favorite video you’ve ever made, Jessica. Thank you so much for listening to your heart and posting about this. The dream you shared is so incredibly touching and I’m so grateful you had the courage to share with your online community. Beautiful, so beautiful.
I am 50 years old and have 3 adult daughters (27, 24, and 20). I wish I would have known about this topic when I was a young and new mom. I love that you have created a community where people can talk about this and support one another. ❤
Great video Jess! It really hit the head on the nail for so many parts of my motherhood journey. I became a teen mom @ 17. I didn’t have a best home life or environment. I was in denial when I first saw the positive pregnancy test. I still remember the moment I accepted motherhood. It was at my first doctor’s appointment when I heard the heart beat. I felt it in my body, mind, heart, and spirit. This was my child. I knew in that moment that I would fight to provide for and protect my baby. I was determined to give the baby a good life. Fast forward 16 years. In my early 30s now having my second baby. I waited so long because it was such a stressful struggle to get here. My then boyfriend now Husband have been together since becoming teen parents. Everyone thought we would have never made it. Especially having an only child. But here we are having our second almost 15 years apart. It has been wild. I’ve been through so many obstacles and sea of emotions. I love my first. We grew up together. She gave me purpose before I knew what purpose was. But now I see it. My transformation has been seeing it as an obligation to a privilege. I do my best to enjoy all the opportunities that motherhood teaches me. It’s a crazy beautiful life. Learning and growing everyday. God is Good! Idea for next topic… The transformation of Marriage and relationships post children.
I go back and forth about whether or not to have children and I’m always grateful for all the women who share their points of view on motherhood, so thank you!
Yesss!!! The day my first daughter turned 3 I felt like myself. Just like you explained. I’m a mother. And who I am as a mother is exactly who I am supposed to and want to be and this is who I am. I woke up that day a different person. It was night and day. Like a light-switch. And now I have a 5 week old and while I’m in the trenches I can’t wait for the woman and mother I will be when I hit the end of this same transition with my son. It’s so beautiful. I too had PPD and PPa with my first but not my second. You are literally speaking the exact words from my heart. My first I sidnt have an attachment with her until she turned one. With my son it was immediately. Because there wasn’t a fear of the unknown of being a mom. This phase made me feel normal. It gave how I was feeling a name. Without it I would still be depressed. Keep doing amazing things Jess. This video was so awesome.
I’m so happy you’ve made this video. I feel like mothers not instantly identifying with becoming a mother is so shamed. I have a very different motherhood journey since I am a step mom and I’ve know my step kids since they were 2 and 5 (now 8 and 11) When I married my husband we still could not live together as we lived in 2 countries and had to start the immigration process (also during covid I might add). When we finally got to move in together I was about 5 months pregnant with our first. Becoming a step mother (who actually got to see her kids more than maybe once a week) and then becoming a biological mother just months later has been super hard. I’m almost 2 years into my biological child’s life and still figuring things out.
My beautiful Jessica, GRACIAS THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts and research, shared this with my family chat and you’re one of my fav creators of all time. 🎉🌺🌟
I started following you a few months ago when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. This is your best video that I've watched for sure. Emotional and so well articulated. I am now home with my 2 month old and struggling everyday with all that you mentioned. This really lifted my spirit up so thank you so much ❤
That comment about not experiencing an adulthood without children reminds me of my own mother and just put a lot of things into perspective for me. My parents started dating in middle school, got married when my mom was 20 and had my oldest sister when she was 21. I'm 28, married to a woman and weve been trying to conceive for over a year now. I think watching this video ahead of even getting pregnant feels very powerful, like I can shift my mindset now to prepare myself, and i can have a little bit of a better understanding of some of the offhand remarks my mom already makes to me and to/about my siblings who are all already parents. Thank you for making this video despite whoever said no more epiphany videos over on instagram 😂
This makes me feel heard: as someone who is married, and adult. And knows she wants to be a mother but also has doubts about her life being flipped upside down, good and bad. I’m nervous to let go of all my routines, and rhythms and way of life. But this was great to hear ❤
It's okay to be nervous. That is the beauty of it. When you're fully ready to become a parent (and this is used loosely because even when we think we're ready, we're not) you understand the need for the things to change. Suddenly, you don't want to go out late with your friends. You don't want to drink until 2am. You want to be home with your baby, you want a routine, you want consistency. You're still the same you but no you are also someone's parent and that shifts your perspective on absolutely everything. Why do you think you do lose friendships after kids? Things change and that's okay. To those friends who stick around with you, they're the ones worth always having because they understand. For the next however many years, you come second to this tiny child that depends on you for absolutely everything. Yes, you're still growing and learning but our job as parents is to be able to grow in a way that doesn't affect our kids development. We will make mistakes but hopefully we do a good enough job that our children look at them with grace, they understand and have empathy for us as their parents. Then suddenly your child is 5 and is speaking full sentences, understands jokes, jokes with you, and shows you this beautiful new way of looking at the world through the lens of a child. It takes away some of that natural pessimistic attitude we gain as adults and gives us so much more joy. So yes, your life changes, and yes it takes time to adjust, but ultimately the changes are for the best. Obviously this is different for someone going through health/ mental health issues and I hope people who are can get the help they deserve and need for the sake of this new journey their on.
My daughter is 13 months old and I don't think you understand how much I needed to see this video. I've struggled since her birth with ppd/ppa and everything you described is honestly a daily struggle. I am now also a stay at home mom and am so grateful to be but it truly is the hardest thing I've ever done. I have no village, my husband works out of town a lot, and I've never felt so isolated and alone. Thank you Jess.
Hey Jess, I’m 32 and have never wanted kids, but this video was fascinating!!!! You did an excellent job explaining this subject. Thank you for making this video!
When you were talking about stay at home moms, i almost started crying. I am a full time sahm. Sometimes I feel like “why am i doing this, its sooo much work”😂 i have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom, so becoming a mother at 25 was very natural for me. But the seclusion and feelings of loneliness are very real and surprising when you are a mom of very young kids. I have to be close to home all the time because their schedules are very strict at this age. I am slowly realizing that this period of my life is going to be short and things will get better. Thats the only thing keeping me sane.
This made me feel so much better and was so interesting. I am just over two years postpartum and have experienced SO much of the battle of independence vs care taking. It's something I did not even realize was happening to me, but for certain has been my main issue. I also just recently signed myself up for an adult ballet class; it's so true that you go back and think about your hobbies, esp during childhood. what a wild ride we take as mothers. I'd love more videos around this topic!
Thank you so much for this! You gave words to my experience and helped me see that I am not alone or a bad mom for feeling the way I did. I really struggled postpartum with the transition to motherhood. It did not come naturally to me and I did not handle the change well. I am 17 months out now and still feel as though I am in the transition. This helped me also realize there is not a timeline and everyone’s experience is different. Seriously one of the best TH-cam videos I have ever watched and I want to share it will all of my mom friends. Thank you!!!!
Jessica, beautiful and poignant talk. Thank you. I am a Grandmother now. That is motherhood on steroids...It is like a redo of having a child WHILE you parent your own child through parenthood. Hope that makes sense? I realize the good, bad and ugly I fed into our only daughter. I am determined not to make the same mistakes with our only granddaughter... and so far, I am not. The wisdom is priceless. The journey is still a rollercoaster of emotions. Grandparenting has huge boundaries, yet sometimes you are FULL IN. When your babes are out of the house, those "missing" parts of you and your marriage, will come flooding back. Then, they'll back burner again for being a Grandmother. We women seem to always be in metamorphosis. Did you realize that, when you were carrying your babies, you were also carrying through them, the eggs of your future grandchildren? Think on that. The closeness you will feel is indescribable! Women are truly blessed by God. You are a strong, honest, capable and very loving woman, daughter, wife and mother. So embrace it all my dear.❤
I’m so glad this video reached me! I mean I love your videos anyway, watched you and Tyler for a good 7 years probably.. you helped me through losing my dad, really did. And now this.. I’m 5 years behind you age wise and me and my partner want children but don’t know when to take this leap, I learned so much from this video and even prior to motherhood, I feel like my feelings are valid, I feel like I’m not the only one with these doubts! I know there will be so many highs from motherhood but I do worry, this has made me feel much better about taking that next step. Thank you, really, thank you xx
This is the first video of yours I have ever seen, and it really hit me hard. I can’t even articulate exactly why. My daughter is 16 months now and I definitely relate to so many things you touch on here. I’ve never hit subscribe so quick on a new (to me) creator! Thank you for making this ❤
This was such a great topic to cover. Thanks for sharing your experience and opening the conversation. I love reading the experiences in the comments. For me, adjusting to my first happened automatically. I immediately bonded and knew I was right where I wanted to be. Adjusting to my second took longer, the bond between us developed a little slower, and it was generally just a little less joyful for me to start. I’m currently expecting my third and anxious/excited about how this may be different. Maybe not having the expectation of it going exactly as it did with my first will be of benefit to me. Cheers to all of us going through the realness of this topic! ❤
Jessica this is such an important video and I'm so glad you made it! I wish I had a video like this explaining my feelings 15.5 years ago when I was in the deep with my first baby, being a first time mom at 30 years old. Moms need to hear this message, dads too! I found it interesting how you shared the perspective of your friend who started having her children younger and I have had this conversation many times with my own groups of friends. There is seemingly no "right" time to start a family, I've often thought....you can wait until you're older and perhaps more financially stable but then you're so entrenched in your adult life and routines it is utter upheaval to add a new, completely dependent person to your life! Younger adults, while probably not feeling financially stable, MAYBE would have an easier time adding the kiddo because they're already in that "flux" stage of life having just grown into new adulthood from adolescence, so the life adjustment isn't as chaotic. Either way, motherhood absolutely changes you, and I think this video would have been SO refreshing to see when I was wondering why I was struggling so badly in that stage of life. THANK YOU for filming this!
All I can say is thank you. I am 12 weeks post partum with my second and your video was everything I needed to hear, not knowing I even needed to hear it. You hit everything I’ve been feeling and you’ve helped validate so many of my feelings. I’m in tears writing this but I’m so grateful that you posted this video. ❤❤❤
I am a mom of two under 2 and will be 30 next year…. I think I am right there in the middle of this transition of ‘accepting motherhood’ and letting go and almost seems like I’m mourning that. But listening to you has helped me to understand that and in so much other ways and just want to thank you for diving into this topic… I cried with you when you mentioned your dream and talking about your daughter and the innocence of childhood…. Thank you for your vulnerability and thoughtfulness to reach out to other mommies who are or will experience this. It is so so important.. sending love n light!
Thank you so much for filming this video, Jessica! Finding out that my feelings and experiences since becoming a mom have a name is so comforting because it tells me other people are experiencing the same exact thing. It’s so easy to assume you’re the only one struggling to find your new normal as a mom and come to terms with how different your life looks after becoming a parent. But knowing that other women are in the midst of it too makes me feel so much better and less guilty. ❤
Thank you for sharing this and sharing your story. As a first-time mom with a 9 month old, this resonates with me so much. I’m a teacher, and I love my job, but I struggle with having someone else watch my baby while I work. I also know I’m a better mom if I work. So much tension between the two. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for speaking on this, I wish this was talked about more. We all struggle in silence and it would be so wonderful to have this topic front and center in our society!
Oh Jess! ❤ You so much and am so grateful you shared this! My husband and I are on the fence of having kids but am loving to hear your growth as a parent and person 😊
This was so helpful! I took to motherhood so easily, as in I felt maternal and it was as natural as breathing. However sometimes grief would strike and it was so bizarre to me and took a long time to realize and process that I was grieving who I was pre children. Once I labeled it as grief I could really work through those feelings. I love who I am as a mom so much more but I do think it is hard to say goodbye to that young adult who was so fiercely independent. It was also had to process that she wasn’t coming back. I was and am different. I love having a word to put to that. I also think it’s interesting to talk about mothering expectations and disappointments. I want to be a stay at home mom more than anything but it’s not possible for my family and that has been hard to cope with. But you’re so right. We are all doing the best we can. Our kids don’t care, they love us for who we are, not who we want to be. I think it’s easy to forget that. ❤
Hey Jess thank you for making this video. This is a conversation that isn't had enough! My daughter is 2 1/2 yrs old and pregnant with my second due in October. I was a roving traveling nyc musician in my 20s and my early 30s and could NOT imagine settling down and having kids! So it's been an interesting journey. I love motherhood but it was a huge learning curve and I totally relate to this video! I'm currently a SAHM and I'm so happy about this choice for me.
Jessica thank you so much for sharing this video. I'm a new mom to a 7 month old and I've had a hard time with finding the time for myself but also being a stay at home mom. I've had issues with breast feeding also and it didn't work out and I felt so defeated by it but I've had to accept that fed is best and having help with feeding her has been amazing. When you started talking about being "good enough" I got emotional and it was very cathartic for me. Being told that what I'm doing is good enough even though it's not face to face and you're talking to a camera, thank you for helping me to accept that what I'm doing is good enough even with the mom guilt. You're like a big sister I wish I had growing up but not having due to being the eldest lol. But I have you and your videos and vlogs to watch and connect and I often dream about us meeting and being friends in real life and having our girls hang out and our husbands bond over whatever they bond over. You're someone I'm happy to see a new video come in my feed and you've helped me through a lot of tough times in life, being able to escape my everyday whether I'm having a good or bad day and I can see how you're doing and how the girls are growing. Thank you for everything you do and I feel like this comment is very long winded. ❤❤
Thank you for speaking about this! I have different struggles with motherhood, but they mostly stem from a partner who doesn’t really encourage me to take time to myself and who doesn’t help me as much as he should. Still trying to figure it out 😢
I can 100 💯 percent relate!!! It took to my 5th child to feel like I "got it" as a mom. I have always been a good mom and loved my children but that true maternal instinct kicked in with baby 5 at 37. I was a very young mom at 19 with my first and through the births of my next 3 I was always in school or working full time and it took so much brain energy and I always felt in survival mode. I have 9 years between my last 2 and with this last one my maternal instinct where I was so in tune to my daughter and I connect with her in such a different way then I did with my others. I think maturity and experience also played a huge part in that. I love this talk and the verbiage that this gives to my experiences. Thank you for your courage to be vulnerable❤
Jessica- Been watching you for years. I’ve always loved your content and the fact that you are genuine and relatable. This video- omg. I relate to this so much. Had never heard the term before but this video speaks to a lot of my experience too. I struggle so much with the guilt and both my mother and mother in law sometimes make me feel that way because they were SAHM and I work full time. It’s sooo hard and I feel no one understands. What a great video.
Jessica, I am not a mother and don’t plan to be, but I still found this video interesting and insightful. There are a lot of women in my life (sister, coworkers, etc.) who are deep in motherhood, and this helped me empathize and understand their current reality. Thank you. 💖👏
I love this style of video! Your channel is such a safe space for me. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable especially on this topic. It’s reminding me of America ferreras speech in Barbie about how difficult it is to be a woman because nothing you do will be right in the eyes of 100% of people. Your daughters are so lucky to have you as a mom!!❤
What a beautiful video! Thank you Jessica for being so vulnerable. I believe being a parent is the most challenging, important, and rewarding job ever. Hats off to all of the moms and dads, who are doing their very best!
This video is so valuable. I'm almost 30 and my husband and I have been together for over ten years. We're beginning our journey to parenthood. I've definitely worried about bringing a child into our lives we've already established. This video was so beneficial! Thank you for sharing. ❤
Beautiful video. I experienced much of this and now that I have a teen and preteen... I'm having a lot of ah ha moments. When my children were little we lost my mom to cancer. Navigating parenting from that point on without her, was and is challenging. It changed me in significant ways... As a parent, a child, and a woman now navigating this journey without her. Thanks for making and sharing Jessica.
Excellent video. I loved it. Amen! I'm 74. I was a stay at home mom until my youngest of 2 children was 18. I've always said, "My children were the toughest EMPLOYERS I've ever had!" I was fortunate to have been able to stay at home. But it was my toughest job. To this day, I have mother guilt about things and my son is 40, daughter 38! 😳 On top of that I have grandmother guilt sometimes. Aaaarrrggh! 😩 If I can't do "Mimi Day" with my grandson because I have an appt, I feel like he's going to feel rejection. 😢 Crazy, right?? Once a mother always mother guilt, even as a grandmother!
I'm really grateful you posted this and are sharing these resources as well as your personal stories! I first found your channel a few years ago when I was a new mom looking to "learn" from other moms on the internet! I really appreciate how you're always transparent with a healthy dose of encouragement!
I really relate to your story. I was always very independent and enjoyed life on my own and then with my husband. When the child came I struggled with adjusting to the new life. Now my little boy is 13 months old and I feel more of a mother now than 13 months ago.
This was a great video, thank you for sharing! I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with my first child, I'm in my mid-thirties and I already feel like I'm feeling this way. Definitely needed to watch this video.
Si needed to hear someone talk about this!!!, I was 20 years into my marriage when we had our first kid at 44!!!, what a change and mix of emotions and not being able to tell anyone!!! Then at 47 had my second..but how inadequate in every way I felt!!!
Thank you for this. ♥️ Such an important and often ignored topic. I’m a mom-to a 4 year-old and a 1 year-old-and being their mom is now where I feel the most myself, but it was a process to get to that place and it took some time! I love this series you’re doing and so appreciate all the genuine kindness and support you put out into the world. Your girls seeing that as they grow up will be such a service to them as well. :)
Thank you for this, I’m struggling with whether to have kids and this is a helpful piece of knowledge. I so deeply appreciate your perspectives and that you take the time to research and share with us. I love when you do these types of in depth ‘real talk’ videos. I’ve been watching you since you and Tyler got married and watch all of your videos and vlogs and while I love them all these are my favourite. ❤
7 months postpartum with my first and struggling. I have been stubbornly holding onto my identity from before having a baby and it just isn't working for me. I'm neither fully present at home or at work, pulled in both directions. I don't feel constantly overwhelmed with love though I do feel glimpses of it. I think all of these things take time to work through. Seven months feels like a lot of time to US moms since the majority of us are back to work and expected to resume our lives, but it isn't that simple. I wonder what the experiences are like in countries that have a year or more of leave.
Props to you for getting out of your comfort zone to post something like this!! I know a lot of us needed it ❤️ I just had my second 7 weeks ago and my first is 22 months. It’s been hard. I feel like I’m constantly choosing which one of them gets the short end of the stick and the mom guilt is real. My son is wild and full of energy and definitely benefits from spending as much time outside as possible but it’s well upwards of 100 degrees here in texas and not suitable to bring the baby outside so I feel awful not giving the older one enough time outside. I don’t want him to feel like the baby is more important than him and I feel awful running to the baby if she starts crying while my son and I were in the middle of playing but I also would obviously feel awful letting the baby cry for any amount of time. I also struggled with ppd and with breastfeeding with my first and I feel so guilty that he never got to experience the same version of me that my daughter gets to experience as a newborn. It’s also such an unexplainable joy to see the two of them together and imagine them playing in a couple years. I guess what im trying to say is I’m deep in the trenches but I’m glad to be here 😂❤
I had my first child at 21 years old. I was married. We both were excited and scared about being parents. Both of us had childhoods that lacked some key features that we knew we wanted and needed to include in our experience. Well, we definitely made plenty of our own mistakes as we tried to be perfect. THAT was our problem: we kept trying to be unrealistically perfect and we were down on ourselves. We had to both learn to accept ourselves as young parents and we prayed about it (we are Christians) and we trusted the Lord to help us and overall, we did a lot better. My oldest son has told me a few times, that his younger siblings had a different mother than he did. I used to think that maybe I wasn’t a good mother to him, but he’s an adult now and he’s told me that he has seen me grow as a mother which has helped how he sees me now. He has said that he finally got what I meant when I would tell him and his siblings that I needed to “just take a minute” to catch my breath. He’s a father of 3 kids now and we are closer as mother and adult son because he “gets it” finally. That conversation with him REALLY helped me see myself as a mother of 9 kids. Like some of my own kids have said that “no one is in jail, Mom” and I love the conversations I get to have with my adult kids. I truly feel blessed and grateful to be a mom. When we are in the midst of raising our kids, we are too busy to step back and appreciate the little moments when they “get” what I was trying to teach them. I know I beat myself up….but I stopped doing that, thanks to therapy. I love how I love my children. I feel that I appreciate myself as a mom…finally…💕🙏🌈♥️
This is the best video I’ve seen in a long time. So informative, vulnerable and relatable. Thank you for sharing for those of us going through the same thing ❤
I turned 60 years old a few days ago, I don't have children. But i love those videos from you Jessica: you are real (authentic) and you share with us your thoughts and learnings so that we can grow ourselves! I just love you as a person and hearing your expérience can help me understand others lives. ❤❤❤
I'm waaaay late to comment on this, but I just want to see I felt this all very deeply. I felt so disconnected from my kid the first couple years and struggled so much with the change that happens. I started to feel more maternal when he was around 3 ish. I had my kid much later (I was 38) and I do think the fact that I had thrived on my independence for so long, it was tough to let go or to find a new normal. This was really well done. Thank you.
I think it is amazing that you talk about your experience and motherhood. It’s what we need more of. I too had postpartum depression. I was blessed to have a group of ladies in my life that has older children and recognized what I was going through and helped me through it(along with medicine after the second child). But it also helped to define what I was feeling. My children are now 20 and 22 and it’s still a learning curve. We are learning our adult relationships where I have no control over their lives but still need to give guidance and advice. And it’s amazing to watch them move into their adult lives. It’s great to have a definition for all that I’ve experienced through this journey. Please keep sharing. I know it’s helping women out there. ❤
Seriously!!!! Needed this video. Such a topic we want to talk about, but never do. Defiantly, went through this hard core. I completely had a mid life crisis, PPD lasted for years. While living with my mother in law, plus having a child of my own. It was a disaster, but also a HUGE learning process. Here I am 10 years later have my own house, 2 beautiful children. Got the right medication to help me “live” the way I should be. Not having a mental breakdown every few weeks. I’m finally enjoying my children, instead of battling mental illnesses. You certainly realize how strong you are, through the rough times.
Love these deep talks/getting real type of videos!! I love that you are so vulnerable in these types of videos. I also really appreciate that (while you were getting ready) you didn’t interrupt the video each product to tell us what you’re using. I hope you don’t take that in a mean way. I just appreciate being able to focus on the topic!! Thanks for what you bring to TH-cam Jess 💙💕
Oh man, this video made me cry. Thank you so much for making this and sharing this with us. I’m currently a SAHM battling with going back to work. The guilt is tremendous. I’m fortunate enough not to “need” to work but know I want to. I love my 2 children to death but working is part of my identity and better for my mental health. I totally agree with you in saying that being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world. My husband and I are currently trying to hire help part time so I can go back to working part time. In a world of social media and the influx of opinions on motherhood, it’s refreshing to hear that it’s ok to get help and work if that’s what’s best for the family just as though it’s totally ok to stay at home. I absolutely loved this video, and it’s one I desperately needed. Thank you ❤ If I could give this video 50 thumbs up, I would. I guess, 1 will have to do.
The transition should definitely be spoken about more! We have a 10 month old baby but didn't have him until we'd been married for 10 years. Between issues conceiving, a baby loss, quite a traumatic birth, nursing issues and the adjustment of it all, I felt like I had a hard time for the first few months, despite loving him so much. I love being a mum but I struggled with feeling like I'd lost my identity at the same time. And the guilt is always there no matter what I do! Thank you for the video, really interesting 🙂
Thanks for letting me share my story & experience of the beginning of my motherhood journey with you all with no judgment. If you're comfortable, please share your story or experience with your own matrescence! Perhaps it can be a comfort to another parent out there struggling in a similar way. 🫶
Hi Jess! What a time for you to post this video! I just found out I’m pregnant ❤ been here since 2014 and you’re my fave creator
Thank you for sharing ❤ I'm not a mother, but have been trying - I often worry if maybe I wouldn't be a good mother, or maybe I would regret it/so why am i fighting so hard trying for it... IDK, this made me feel a little more normal. Thank you.
@@alianazamorano641congratulations! 🎉
I was a teen mom at 19, married at 18 to my first and only boyfriend. I mourned the adulthood I never had. I never got to be selfish and live my own life. I didn't get to be single and live on my own. I made life altering decisions before my brain was fully developed. I had depression with 3 out of my 4 kids. I know it had to do with the fact that I was young and lacked support from my spouse and family. I didn't reach out for help and suffered in silence.
I definitely get what you were saying, but from a different stage.
@@jacque2317tyfs
Oh my God. I NEEDED this video. I am six weeks post partum with my first and I am in tears because I feel like God gave me this video
It gets easier I promise
You’re doing a wonderful job! Enjoy all the messy, scary, sad, and beautiful moments. They go by so fast. When I feel like breaking down I always have to remind myself that it is all temporary, the good and the bad. We can’t have one or the other. Time is precious. Sending prayers your way 🙏 ❤
You can do this. You are good enough and you can make it. God will help you get through, even when it feels like you are all alone. I understand that feeling and have been there. My son is 3 and a half now and it's still tough but things are so much better than they were. You will get there too. I'll be praying for you and your child.
@@Katosepe thank you so much
@@MommaDoccs23 thank you
Worrying about being a good mom strangely enough is a REALLY good indicator that you are a great mom. If you didn’t care, it wouldn’t bother you. Caring about the wellbeing of yourself AND your babies is the whole point ❤❤❤
I needed to read this ❤xxx
This is the most impactful TH-cam video I have seen. Period. Jessie, my momma heart is so grateful for you and all the effort you put into this video. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Oh my gosh this means so much to me. Thank you!
@@itsjessicabraun it means so much to me, I really needed this. Thanks for being the big sis I never had
You are the best big sister/friend I could ask for! This video came into my life at exactly the right time ❤ thank you for always sharing your experience and knowledge. It is so reassuring to know other moms have this experience.
7 months postpartum and have felt exactly what you shared - mourning the loss of my adulthood and independence, while still loving my peanut.
I’m so glad you are discussing this because as a Mother of a Special Needs child I’m struggling with how hard my life has gotten with a medically complex care he needs.
That’s tough because not only are you in the mother role, you are also in a caregiver role.. I imagine you have times where you wish you could just be a mom. I am a pediatric nurse and I have so much compassion for parents like you. ❤ keep on trucking along, you’re doing great.
Same here. It’s just an added layer of complexity. My son isn’t super complex, but enough that life needs a lot more adapting and involves a lot more therapy than a “typical” child. Feels like being on an island when even the depths of Google doesn’t seem to have any advice. I know you’re doing great even though you’re up against so much!!
The ambivalence encapsulates so much of how I feel alllll the time. So glad you spoke out. I get comments/judgments often about how I speak openly about motherhood the good the bad and the ugly and beautiful because it encompasses all of the emotions!! It’s so challenging and for years I’ve come to terms about being good enough and that’s all I can do! My laundry is piled up the ceiling but a good dinner will be on the table tonight 🎉❤
Hi Kim! I'm SO glad you're so open and real, it's why I love your channel. I actually watch you hoping you could rub off on me because I seriously don't know how you do it. You're such an amazing mother!
Ugh i love Kimberly Whisk. You’ve inspired me to be the “goodest” mother I can be every day. And to measure most seasonings with my heart.
I’ve been watching Kim for at least 7 years now and my go to catch phrase is “good enough”! Sometimes I too am getting through the day in 2 minute increments.
Jess, at 72 years young I adore you, your channel and content. You and all you do to help other women is wonderful. Having had 2kids, even now I can remember all the feelings, doubts, highs and lows you discuss. But then, no on put a name to it. Your research, your honesty and caring in this video will help so many other women. Your mother must be so proud of the woman she raised. Thanks for all you do for this terrific community.🥰☀
You have no idea (actually, ya probably do) how badly I needed to hear this. How badly I’ve yearned for someone to put into words how I’m feeling and how I felt in the earlier days. Somehow this is very therapeutic for me. Thank you❤a million times ❤thank you
This video was fantastic! I’m terrified of losing my identity when I become a Mom and I found this conversation very comforting.
The transition to motherhood is not spoken about enough, this video will be so helpful to so many women ❤
I love this! When you have a baby, you think you’re going to be the same person, just with a kid now. But being a mother completely changes you! Any metamorphosis is a difficult and uncomfortable process filled with mixed emotions, so we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for struggling to adapt to a change as big as this. I love that there’s a name for the process! Thanks for sharing!
As a grandmother, I NOW can tell you how much I know about motherhood, 'cause girl, I can retrospectively boil it all down to one piece of advice: Don't sweat the small stuff and everything is small stuff. Sounds too easy but when you look back you will know. The other thing I can say is that you can't tell if you are losing yourself in the motherhood process because it's hard to know if you ever found yourself prior to motherhood. So maybe it's best to say, forgive yourself. That might sound off topic, but it really isn't.
I'm a great-grandmother I totally agree, my granddaughter just had a baby and she had baby blues we had a long conversation about her concerns, she wanted a baby but then thought it was a mistake, I told her it will get better plus other things of course didn't just leave it at that now her baby is 5 months and she said she feels so much better and has settled in, but her husband is very supportive and her mother-in-law who lives close to her you do need a support system. The bible says children are a gift plus a responsibility. Plus you can over do by enrolling a child in every sort of exrtra-curricular activities, some mothers think children need all this when they don't! they need down time and time with you and the father only! I've seen it to many times the parents get burned out but the child does too!
I don’t think she was asking for advice in this video, but thank you for sharing your thoughts anyways
@@TheRedMarquee my comments were in reaction to her conversation and while policing my comments, which were not offensive, doesn't really bother me, bummer that you made this comment to dismiss me. It was my intention to let her know that I am on her side and that I am supportive. Sorry that you didn't feel that.
I'm a woman and have always imagined having kids one day, but I came across this thought that I weirdly resonated with: "I don't want to be a mom...I want to be a DAD".
Society's expectations of men/fathers are SO wildly different and they get to experience a much freer and less judgemental version of parenthood. I'm not saying that it's easy to be a father (if you're doing it right) but women definitely have it so much tougher and I hate that. I still want a family, but it's so hard not to be bitter about the inequity and I don't want that to make me resentful of them 😔😔 Thanks for sharing your story with us ❤
Yes. Outside of the biological differences when one procreates (regarding bio parents), the standard of being a “good” dad is very different for men than the standard of being a “good” mom is for women.
A “good” dad means public acknowledgment of the child’s existence, consistent financial support, some recreational time and pride in their accomplishments……being a “good mom” is all that and so much more!
Dang! I’m 38 and dont have kids and don’t want them but I cannot stop thinking about this statement since I read it. It just resonates so heavily with so much of why I haven’t wanted to be a mother. Just so thought provoking!
Yes!!! This is so spot on. Men can go on about their lives and work and have hobbies without being questioned and judged about “who’s watching the kids” or if their job pays enough to cover childcare or if they feel guilty about not staying at home with their kids etc. they get praised when they get seen out with them or doing the bare minimum. It’s actually wild.
Part of why I have chosen not to be a mom. Too much pressure, judgement, and expectations.
But there are many beautiful perks of being a mother that fathers do not get. One of which is our intuition. Also after a few years of being a mom you really just don’t care what others think anymore.
I had my first baby at 41 and my second at 43. I was a full grown adult with a life and a career and loves and interests. I had never taken off more than a week of work at any point in my adult life. 4 months off for maternity leave sent me into a tailspin. I had PPA and got into Therapy and on meds in month 3. In 2020 with my one year old baby, we moved to a new state for a new job and then the pandemic hit. I can say that all of this has been horrible for my mental health. Now as my first is about to start Kindergarten next week, I FINALLY feel like I am coming out of a fog of grief, boredom, isolation and the greatest love of my life. Thank you for the video. And to all the moms out there - you are not alone and you are doing a great job.
Thank you for sharing and bringing this subject to light. I am dealing with not knowing who I am with my only child moving off to college. So many years spent as a mother now no one here to mother anymore.
I just had my second child (2yo and 2mo) and I could relate to every single word you just said. It resonated with me to the core. This helped me understand that mom guilt is a natural thing, and yet it doesn’t mean that I’m not doing enough. Thank you 💐
Wow Jessica! I have never heard of this concept until now. My mind is blown.
I have a 20mo and I STILL don’t feel like I am fully a mother yet. I struggled so hard with postpartum depression for tbr exact same reasons as you. I remember driving home from the hospital looking outside and the world was different. I was different. And I was grieving my old independent life with just my husband and myself.
I feel so seen and I thank you for opening up as well about your journey. ❤
JESSIE this video hit me like a train. I’m five months pregnant with my first child, and let me say this was so so needed. This pregnancy was a surprise to me for sure and I’ve been struggling with the rapid change this has brought to my life, but this perspective has helped me so so much. Thank you.
I'm a GenXer who has no children. While my husband and I have been together almost 25 years and planned to have children for many reasons it didn't happen. Now that we are past that time for us, we are actually glad we ended up not being parents. I am going to read that book because I still think it will resonate with me. Thanks for being real, Jess. I am out here cheering you on!
Same. Married 22 years. Never had kids. Frankly, just didn't want them. Quite happy with life without kids.
I'm 40 and have five children and an extra little one here most of the time. Wanted every one and wouldn't change a thing. However I completely understand now why some people choose not to have any and I see them living wonderful, fulfilling lives. I'm happy for every woman in my life who made the decisions that were right for her. I probably wouldn't have understood when I was younger. I will never try to rush my kids to give me grandchildren, and if they never do I still can't wait to see what life has in store for each of them.
My husband really wants kids, and I don’t. I worry I’m going to be the cause of regret for him 💔
@@kaitlynbotha9194this is the toughest saddest thing. Husband and I struggled with infertility (issue was on his side mostly), I really wanted a child, he was ok with not having one. I had to decide whether I want my husband or a child more. I chose my husband, I realized I’d rather have him than a kid with someone else. It’s your husband’s choice to make.
We ended up having our miracle baby after 2 miscarriages. It’s no walk in the park. I wanted a child, yet I struggle to accept my new role, despite loving my baby so much.
@@kaitlynbotha9194 I can guarantee no kids and regret is better than having kids and resenting them
Oh my gosh, Jessica, the timing of this is perfect. I'm in my mid-thirties, and contemplating trying to have a kid; I have never felt maternal, and always felt guilty about it. My relationship with my mom is okay (I really had a fantastic childhood) but she leaned on me a lot emotionally, and I still barely feel like a complete grown up, let alone someone who could be a parent. I haven't even finished the video yet, but just seeing you talking about this topic is so encouraging. Thanks for sharing ❤
How are you me? I am struggling with wanting kids but not wanting to be a mom… if that makes sense?
@@ShanShan-kw9hisame here! I totally feel you 😅
That makes us 4 😅 and I'm 33 now. Really stressing out about it because want it or not, we have a "clock" setting the most favourable time to be a mom.
Love these chats. Please never stop sharing your wisdom. Love you Jess 💕
I don't even know where to begin: Thank You seems appropriate. This is so precisely how I feel and my experience. I knew I wanted to be a mom my entire life, and had all of these feelings about 'mourning' my old life while embracing my new life as a mom, but all of this in between was unexpected (of course). I, too, had an adult life before kids (college, etc) and then once married (travelling and exactly how you said doing what you want, when you want and not having to think about more than that), to what felt so incredibly opposite - and still does. Accepting this as 'normal' is something that resonated with me a lot while watching this. I have to say, seeing all the 'likes' come rolling in in the time it's taking me to type this out is bringing even more comfort. Thank you for the research and helping me, and likely many other moms/parents, navigate matrescence and each unique, but relatable change in mind and body that we ALL go through along the way.
I am a firm believer that not everyone in this world is meant to be a parent and having the time to be able to recognize that in yourself is SO, SO important for you but also for the children. Kids deserve moms and dads who are present, aware, kind, and who care. Parenting is so, so, incredibly hard and changes your life and mindset that if it is not what you want, it will make it that much harder, and learning that it's not what you want after the fact just creates a cycle in your family. I fully believe that our minds, bodies, etc change. There is no way we can't. Becoming a parent made me both less anxious and more anxious in such a combination that I can not properly express.
My children are my greatest gift but beyond that, I hope I can be a gift to them, and I hope they can be a gift to this earth. I had my children young but I've always been aware of the person I am and what I wanted in life and perhaps this comes from growing up in a abusive household or maybes it's just me and we will never know. Whatever it is, I wish for that feeling of assurance in all parents, especially moms because our life changes so much.
To ever fool anyone into believing life doesn't change after a child is such a disservice and to ever fool any parent or mom into thinking it's easy is also such a disservice. It's nuts! The wildest ride physically, emotionally, in every aspect, it's crazy.
THIS COMMENT! I love that you took the time to express your thoughts. Parenthood is not for everyone and that is okay ❤
I’ve said my whole life (all 26 short years of it) that I’m never having kids. I had an absolutely amazing childhood and amazing parents but was SO not interested.. until recently when I realized my partner and I would be amazing moms and make an absolutely amazing life for children because of our love, morals, experiences that have shaped us, etc.
So while I haven’t listened to a lot of your content related to parenting in the past, I stayed for this entire video and feel emotional listening and learning.. knowing I am going to experience this in some way shape or form. Thank you so much for sharing your wealth and knowledge with us! I’ve watched you since I was 15 and my oh my what a journey it’s been.
wow wow wow
I appreciate your vulnerability and courage to talk about your personal experience.
as someone who hasn’t felt the calling for motherhood, I still appreciate what it must take for those who do. and this video just gave me an even deeper admiration for mothers. this video honestly made me so emotional- I’m crying lol
fascinating and enlightening, and you shared it all so eloquently ❤
You have no idea how much I needed this video today. I just had my first baby 5 weeks ago and have been struggling with adjusting to my new normal. My delivery was complicated, he is cluster feeding and nursing isn’t going as planned, and moreover, I am grieving the loss of the pre-kids life that my husband and I shared. Honestly, these 5 weeks have been full of tears and struggle, and I am not enjoying it yet. It helps immensely to have a word for this transition, and to know I’m not alone in feeling this way! Also, Jessica, I have been a long time subscriber and watching the Disneyville pod and your guys’s Disney vlogs have been GETTING ME THROUGH these long days & nights of early motherhood! I have barely watched anything else 😂 thank you for making this video and making me feel less alone.
My kids are 17 and 22. I think the more we have these conversations out in the open, the better❤ Thank you for bringing this to light.
My MIL had all of her children between 17 and 20. She never experienced adulthood without motherhood attached. I had my kids at 31 and 36. It has been interesting and frustrating at times, to be honest, how she does not understand some of the struggles I've had with all of the changes motherhood brought into my life. I had a full adult life before kids, and now at 38, mine are 7 and 2 when hers were 21 - 18 when she was this age. I am not saying she had an easier time by any means. I have just found that this creates such a vast difference in how we view motherhood.
Love this video. Thank you so much. ❤
I had my 1st child almost 54 years ago-I was 19 and had been married over a year. I wanted a baby so badly-but the 1st year was tough-very bad post partum depression-and I can only thank God for a miraculous healing for that. When he was a year old we moved to a house-out of an apartment and that was a huge help as I could get out of the house so much easier. 4 years later I have my 2nd child and it was like night and day-just a tad of the baby blues for a couple days-and I dived right into mother hood like I felt it should have been the 1st time. I went on to have 2 more children (my last at 39 which was such a blessing) and I loved (almost) every minute of it! Now that they are all grown-and even my grandsons are now teens-I miss it so much. Was truly the best years of my life even tho the first year was a bit rough. One thing you have to remember whatever you are going thru this too shall pass!
Omg... Thank you so much, Jessica for talking about this because this hit me and I totally get it. I understand every word, every point you are making and please ignore my English. I'm a German living and being married in Italy since 1998. I'm a mother of two sons, one is 15 and the other is 24 years old. There was also a son between the other two but he died shortly before his birth, what was devastating but he is always with us and someday I will meet him. My children definitely helped me so much to come in contact with me , my own childhood and my inner child. Childhood wasn't easy for me and experiencing the contrast to my sons childhood to my own was sometimes so much joy and sometimes so sad to me. But it helped me soo much to getting to meet myself, really look at me and finally accepting and forgiving myself because I always criticised myself really bad. My children gave me the gift to become friends with myself. They teached me accepting my flaws and weaknesses, they also teached me the most important lesson, that is to forgive myself. And in result of forgiving myself came real forgiveness for my parents who for sure struggled themselves in their lives. This gave me so much inner peace and a calmness I didn't knew before. A lot of depression, fear and anxiety vanished. I'm so grateful for my husband who is so precious to me, my children and all my experiences with them.
Now I have to watch the video again, because it's that good and important for all of us moms and future moms. Much love and appreciation from Italy ❤
Love love love this video. ❤️ Your vulnerability and relatability are always so refreshing. Thank you for your thoughts on being “a good enough” mom. Ever since I became a mom of two, I’ve struggled with quite a bit of mom guilt trying to balance everything and this video was so needed.
I’m so glad it was helpful and relatable for you Andrea!!!
Thank you for this video Jess! I am now 31, married with no children. But I have been feeling a “being a new adult” change. Body, clothing, shoes, career, everything seems like it’s changing. I’m so glad you made this. Because now I understand, I’m not crazy or “it’s all in my head” It’s a really transformation and I’m re-finding my new self. ❤
Thanks for being vulnerable and making this video. I’m 30 and don’t have children. My husband and I are solid fence sitters when it comes to having children, but I appreciate feeling a bit more educated on this topic. It addresses a lot of the concerns that I feel with the idea of having a child as a fully independent adult. Definitely doesn’t make a decision easier, but it helps to hear people share.
Jess, I have a 6 1/2 year old and I have followed you for probably 7ish years. I’ve struggled with you along the way becoming a mother and have only in the last couple of years, truly enjoyed being a mother. I knew I wanted a family as a young adult but never would describe myself as maternal, and when I had my daughter, I felt very torn. I was grateful because I could have a baby but also felt like “what have I done.” My mother was a wonderful stay at home mom, but I did not have a father who was emotionally supportive. There was emotional abuse and I am now only healing through that because I am a mother and it has brought feelings and memories to the surface. Your dream about holding yourself as a toddler, has been on my mind since you mentioned it in a past video. Your video about perfectionism has also helped me and I hope you continue to do this type of video. Not for the number of likes or views, but because even if it resonates with a couple hundred of us, it has made a difference. Thank you for helping me. 💗
Shooooo Jess I needed this. I am 9.5 months postpartum with my first. I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom, literally since I can remember. My pregnancy was flawless, but I had a pretty traumatic birth. I definitely had undiagnosed PPA, and didn’t know it. Everyone just kept telling me it was baby blues, but I kept having this thought “what have I done” and I felt so ashamed. I didn’t tell anyone but my husband and thankfully he allowed me to be heard. I feel like I finally got out of the fog around 4 months postpartum but newborn life was just not it for me. Not being able to have a schedule, lack of sleep, breastfeeding not working, exclusively pumping… it all worked against me and I felt SO lost. When I was about 2 months PP, I finally got back to watching TH-cam here and there, and your channel was the only thing I watched. I commented on a video about how I was really in the throes of motherhood and your response resonated so much with me: it gets better. And it DOES. I LOVE being a mom now, but those first months were just chock full of second guessing, not knowing, confusion, and shame. Thank you so much for this and for being who you are. Your story about Gigi being in the backyard brought me to tears. Some days I cannot wait to experience that, but then feel guilty for “wishing” my son’s babyhood away. It’s all so confusing, and I just try to remember that my brain matter literally changed… the chemicals in my body are different now.
Just love this video so so much. Thank you for being vulnerable 🫶🏻
My dear Jessica, I am so proud of you for posting this video. It now also allows me the opportunity to say some thing that I’ve wanted to for a long time now. That is, you have always been so hard on yourself as a parent seen through your videos. As a subscriber old enough to be your mother, I can only pray that this article and wealth of information you found truly does inspire you and give you the strength, motivation & encouragement you need to continue growing into motherhood AND grow into yourself! You HOLD on to the things that make you - BEAUTIFULLY YOU! So, when G & F are older, you will sing, you and Tyler will travel and dive back into the adulthood you had before motherhood. You will get the best of both worlds sweet girl. Lots of love to all of you! Xoxo
Thank you for sharing this! My kids are your age and this conversation still helps me. "Disorienting" is the best word for new motherhood. I loved motherhood, was ready for it, and had experience with kids (all things that can affect one's matrescence), and it was still disorienting. Our society is very competitive and judgmental, which can make us question and doubt ourselves as mothers. We need this conversation to be even more open. It's the kind of thing we need to talk about to our teenagers and young women so they'll at least know it's a real process. Thank you, Jessica!
My favorite video you’ve ever made, Jessica. Thank you so much for listening to your heart and posting about this. The dream you shared is so incredibly touching and I’m so grateful you had the courage to share with your online community. Beautiful, so beautiful.
I am 50 years old and have 3 adult daughters (27, 24, and 20). I wish I would have known about this topic when I was a young and new mom. I love that you have created a community where people can talk about this and support one another. ❤
Great video Jess! It really hit the head on the nail for so many parts of my motherhood journey. I became a teen mom @ 17. I didn’t have a best home life or environment. I was in denial when I first saw the positive pregnancy test. I still remember the moment I accepted motherhood. It was at my first doctor’s appointment when I heard the heart beat. I felt it in my body, mind, heart, and spirit. This was my child. I knew in that moment that I would fight to provide for and protect my baby. I was determined to give the baby a good life. Fast forward 16 years. In my early 30s now having my second baby. I waited so long because it was such a stressful struggle to get here. My then boyfriend now Husband have been together since becoming teen parents. Everyone thought we would have never made it. Especially having an only child. But here we are having our second almost 15 years apart. It has been wild. I’ve been through so many obstacles and sea of emotions. I love my first. We grew up together. She gave me purpose before I knew what purpose was. But now I see it. My transformation has been seeing it as an obligation to a privilege. I do my best to enjoy all the opportunities that motherhood teaches me. It’s a crazy beautiful life. Learning and growing everyday. God is Good!
Idea for next topic… The transformation of Marriage and relationships post children.
I go back and forth about whether or not to have children and I’m always grateful for all the women who share their points of view on motherhood, so thank you!
Yesss!!! The day my first daughter turned 3 I felt like myself. Just like you explained. I’m a mother. And who I am as a mother is exactly who I am supposed to and want to be and this is who I am. I woke up that day a different person. It was night and day. Like a light-switch. And now I have a 5 week old and while I’m in the trenches I can’t wait for the woman and mother I will be when I hit the end of this same transition with my son. It’s so beautiful. I too had PPD and PPa with my first but not my second.
You are literally speaking the exact words from my heart. My first I sidnt have an attachment with her until she turned one. With my son it was immediately. Because there wasn’t a fear of the unknown of being a mom.
This phase made me feel normal. It gave how I was feeling a name. Without it I would still be depressed.
Keep doing amazing things Jess. This video was so awesome.
Yes on this as well!!! Wish someone told me 3 is that good place where I feel like “myself” again
@@vskob1234 yes! The light at the end of the tunnel!
I felt the same about 3!!
I’m so happy you’ve made this video. I feel like mothers not instantly identifying with becoming a mother is so shamed. I have a very different motherhood journey since I am a step mom and I’ve know my step kids since they were 2 and 5 (now 8 and 11) When I married my husband we still could not live together as we lived in 2 countries and had to start the immigration process (also during covid I might add). When we finally got to move in together I was about 5 months pregnant with our first. Becoming a step mother (who actually got to see her kids more than maybe once a week) and then becoming a biological mother just months later has been super hard. I’m almost 2 years into my biological child’s life and still figuring things out.
My beautiful Jessica, GRACIAS THANK YOU for sharing your thoughts and research, shared this with my family chat and you’re one of my fav creators of all time. 🎉🌺🌟
I started following you a few months ago when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. This is your best video that I've watched for sure. Emotional and so well articulated. I am now home with my 2 month old and struggling everyday with all that you mentioned. This really lifted my spirit up so thank you so much ❤
That comment about not experiencing an adulthood without children reminds me of my own mother and just put a lot of things into perspective for me. My parents started dating in middle school, got married when my mom was 20 and had my oldest sister when she was 21. I'm 28, married to a woman and weve been trying to conceive for over a year now. I think watching this video ahead of even getting pregnant feels very powerful, like I can shift my mindset now to prepare myself, and i can have a little bit of a better understanding of some of the offhand remarks my mom already makes to me and to/about my siblings who are all already parents.
Thank you for making this video despite whoever said no more epiphany videos over on instagram 😂
This makes me feel heard: as someone who is married, and adult. And knows she wants to be a mother but also has doubts about her life being flipped upside down, good and bad. I’m nervous to let go of all my routines, and rhythms and way of life. But this was great to hear ❤
It's okay to be nervous. That is the beauty of it. When you're fully ready to become a parent (and this is used loosely because even when we think we're ready, we're not) you understand the need for the things to change. Suddenly, you don't want to go out late with your friends. You don't want to drink until 2am. You want to be home with your baby, you want a routine, you want consistency. You're still the same you but no you are also someone's parent and that shifts your perspective on absolutely everything. Why do you think you do lose friendships after kids? Things change and that's okay. To those friends who stick around with you, they're the ones worth always having because they understand.
For the next however many years, you come second to this tiny child that depends on you for absolutely everything. Yes, you're still growing and learning but our job as parents is to be able to grow in a way that doesn't affect our kids development. We will make mistakes but hopefully we do a good enough job that our children look at them with grace, they understand and have empathy for us as their parents.
Then suddenly your child is 5 and is speaking full sentences, understands jokes, jokes with you, and shows you this beautiful new way of looking at the world through the lens of a child. It takes away some of that natural pessimistic attitude we gain as adults and gives us so much more joy. So yes, your life changes, and yes it takes time to adjust, but ultimately the changes are for the best.
Obviously this is different for someone going through health/ mental health issues and I hope people who are can get the help they deserve and need for the sake of this new journey their on.
I feel this!!! 💯
My daughter is 13 months old and I don't think you understand how much I needed to see this video. I've struggled since her birth with ppd/ppa and everything you described is honestly a daily struggle. I am now also a stay at home mom and am so grateful to be but it truly is the hardest thing I've ever done. I have no village, my husband works out of town a lot, and I've never felt so isolated and alone. Thank you Jess.
Hey Jess, I’m 32 and have never wanted kids, but this video was fascinating!!!! You did an excellent job explaining this subject. Thank you for making this video!
When you were talking about stay at home moms, i almost started crying. I am a full time sahm. Sometimes I feel like “why am i doing this, its sooo much work”😂 i have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom, so becoming a mother at 25 was very natural for me. But the seclusion and feelings of loneliness are very real and surprising when you are a mom of very young kids. I have to be close to home all the time because their schedules are very strict at this age. I am slowly realizing that this period of my life is going to be short and things will get better. Thats the only thing keeping me sane.
This made me feel so much better and was so interesting. I am just over two years postpartum and have experienced SO much of the battle of independence vs care taking. It's something I did not even realize was happening to me, but for certain has been my main issue. I also just recently signed myself up for an adult ballet class; it's so true that you go back and think about your hobbies, esp during childhood. what a wild ride we take as mothers. I'd love more videos around this topic!
Thank you so much for this! You gave words to my experience and helped me see that I am not alone or a bad mom for feeling the way I did. I really struggled postpartum with the transition to motherhood. It did not come naturally to me and I did not handle the change well. I am 17 months out now and still feel as though I am in the transition. This helped me also realize there is not a timeline and everyone’s experience is different. Seriously one of the best TH-cam videos I have ever watched and I want to share it will all of my mom friends. Thank you!!!!
Jessica, beautiful and poignant talk. Thank you.
I am a Grandmother now. That is motherhood on steroids...It is like a redo of having a child WHILE you parent your own child through parenthood. Hope that makes sense?
I realize the good, bad and ugly I fed into our only daughter. I am determined not to make the same mistakes with our only granddaughter... and so far, I am not.
The wisdom is priceless. The journey is still a rollercoaster of emotions. Grandparenting has huge boundaries, yet sometimes you are FULL IN.
When your babes are out of the house, those "missing" parts of you and your marriage, will come flooding back. Then, they'll back burner again for being a Grandmother. We women seem to always be in metamorphosis.
Did you realize that, when you were carrying your babies, you were also carrying through them, the eggs of your future grandchildren? Think on that. The closeness you will feel is indescribable!
Women are truly blessed by God.
You are a strong, honest, capable and very loving woman, daughter, wife and mother. So embrace it all my dear.❤
I love this so much. I do feel like putting a name to it helps with the acceptance of the process and moves it along. Thank you Jessie ❤❤❤
I’m so glad this video reached me! I mean I love your videos anyway, watched you and Tyler for a good 7 years probably.. you helped me through losing my dad, really did. And now this.. I’m 5 years behind you age wise and me and my partner want children but don’t know when to take this leap, I learned so much from this video and even prior to motherhood, I feel like my feelings are valid, I feel like I’m not the only one with these doubts! I know there will be so many highs from motherhood but I do worry, this has made me feel much better about taking that next step. Thank you, really, thank you xx
This is the first video of yours I have ever seen, and it really hit me hard. I can’t even articulate exactly why. My daughter is 16 months now and I definitely relate to so many things you touch on here. I’ve never hit subscribe so quick on a new (to me) creator! Thank you for making this ❤
This was such a great topic to cover. Thanks for sharing your experience and opening the conversation. I love reading the experiences in the comments. For me, adjusting to my first happened automatically. I immediately bonded and knew I was right where I wanted to be. Adjusting to my second took longer, the bond between us developed a little slower, and it was generally just a little less joyful for me to start. I’m currently expecting my third and anxious/excited about how this may be different. Maybe not having the expectation of it going exactly as it did with my first will be of benefit to me. Cheers to all of us going through the realness of this topic! ❤
Jessica this is such an important video and I'm so glad you made it! I wish I had a video like this explaining my feelings 15.5 years ago when I was in the deep with my first baby, being a first time mom at 30 years old. Moms need to hear this message, dads too! I found it interesting how you shared the perspective of your friend who started having her children younger and I have had this conversation many times with my own groups of friends. There is seemingly no "right" time to start a family, I've often thought....you can wait until you're older and perhaps more financially stable but then you're so entrenched in your adult life and routines it is utter upheaval to add a new, completely dependent person to your life! Younger adults, while probably not feeling financially stable, MAYBE would have an easier time adding the kiddo because they're already in that "flux" stage of life having just grown into new adulthood from adolescence, so the life adjustment isn't as chaotic. Either way, motherhood absolutely changes you, and I think this video would have been SO refreshing to see when I was wondering why I was struggling so badly in that stage of life. THANK YOU for filming this!
All I can say is thank you. I am 12 weeks post partum with my second and your video was everything I needed to hear, not knowing I even needed to hear it. You hit everything I’ve been feeling and you’ve helped validate so many of my feelings. I’m in tears writing this but I’m so grateful that you posted this video. ❤❤❤
I am a mom of two under 2 and will be 30 next year…. I think I am right there in the middle of this transition of ‘accepting motherhood’ and letting go and almost seems like I’m mourning that. But listening to you has helped me to understand that and in so much other ways and just want to thank you for diving into this topic… I cried with you when you mentioned your dream and talking about your daughter and the innocence of childhood…. Thank you for your vulnerability and thoughtfulness to reach out to other mommies who are or will experience this. It is so so important.. sending love n light!
Thank you so much for filming this video, Jessica! Finding out that my feelings and experiences since becoming a mom have a name is so comforting because it tells me other people are experiencing the same exact thing. It’s so easy to assume you’re the only one struggling to find your new normal as a mom and come to terms with how different your life looks after becoming a parent. But knowing that other women are in the midst of it too makes me feel so much better and less guilty. ❤
Thank you for sharing this and sharing your story. As a first-time mom with a 9 month old, this resonates with me so much. I’m a teacher, and I love my job, but I struggle with having someone else watch my baby while I work. I also know I’m a better mom if I work. So much tension between the two. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for speaking on this, I wish this was talked about more. We all struggle in silence and it would be so wonderful to have this topic front and center in our society!
Oh Jess! ❤ You so much and am so grateful you shared this! My husband and I are on the fence of having kids but am loving to hear your growth as a parent and person 😊
This was so helpful! I took to motherhood so easily, as in I felt maternal and it was as natural as breathing. However sometimes grief would strike and it was so bizarre to me and took a long time to realize and process that I was grieving who I was pre children. Once I labeled it as grief I could really work through those feelings. I love who I am as a mom so much more but I do think it is hard to say goodbye to that young adult who was so fiercely independent. It was also had to process that she wasn’t coming back. I was and am different. I love having a word to put to that. I also think it’s interesting to talk about mothering expectations and disappointments. I want to be a stay at home mom more than anything but it’s not possible for my family and that has been hard to cope with. But you’re so right. We are all doing the best we can. Our kids don’t care, they love us for who we are, not who we want to be. I think it’s easy to forget that. ❤
Hey Jess thank you for making this video. This is a conversation that isn't had enough! My daughter is 2 1/2 yrs old and pregnant with my second due in October. I was a roving traveling nyc musician in my 20s and my early 30s and could NOT imagine settling down and having kids! So it's been an interesting journey. I love motherhood but it was a huge learning curve and I totally relate to this video! I'm currently a SAHM and I'm so happy about this choice for me.
Jessica thank you so much for sharing this video. I'm a new mom to a 7 month old and I've had a hard time with finding the time for myself but also being a stay at home mom. I've had issues with breast feeding also and it didn't work out and I felt so defeated by it but I've had to accept that fed is best and having help with feeding her has been amazing.
When you started talking about being "good enough" I got emotional and it was very cathartic for me. Being told that what I'm doing is good enough even though it's not face to face and you're talking to a camera, thank you for helping me to accept that what I'm doing is good enough even with the mom guilt. You're like a big sister I wish I had growing up but not having due to being the eldest lol. But I have you and your videos and vlogs to watch and connect and I often dream about us meeting and being friends in real life and having our girls hang out and our husbands bond over whatever they bond over. You're someone I'm happy to see a new video come in my feed and you've helped me through a lot of tough times in life, being able to escape my everyday whether I'm having a good or bad day and I can see how you're doing and how the girls are growing.
Thank you for everything you do and I feel like this comment is very long winded. ❤❤
This was beautifully said! Thank you for sharing! It came at the right time 🥹
Thank you for speaking about this! I have different struggles with motherhood, but they mostly stem from a partner who doesn’t really encourage me to take time to myself and who doesn’t help me as much as he should. Still trying to figure it out 😢
I can 100 💯 percent relate!!! It took to my 5th child to feel like I "got it" as a mom. I have always been a good mom and loved my children but that true maternal instinct kicked in with baby 5 at 37. I was a very young mom at 19 with my first and through the births of my next 3 I was always in school or working full time and it took so much brain energy and I always felt in survival mode. I have 9 years between my last 2 and with this last one my maternal instinct where I was so in tune to my daughter and I connect with her in such a different way then I did with my others. I think maturity and experience also played a huge part in that. I love this talk and the verbiage that this gives to my experiences. Thank you for your courage to be vulnerable❤
Jessica- Been watching you for years. I’ve always loved your content and the fact that you are genuine and relatable. This video- omg. I relate to this so much. Had never heard the term before but this video speaks to a lot of my experience too. I struggle so much with the guilt and both my mother and mother in law sometimes make me feel that way because they were SAHM and I work full time. It’s sooo hard and I feel no one understands. What a great video.
Jessica, I am not a mother and don’t plan to be, but I still found this video interesting and insightful. There are a lot of women in my life (sister, coworkers, etc.) who are deep in motherhood, and this helped me empathize and understand their current reality. Thank you. 💖👏
I love this style of video! Your channel is such a safe space for me. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable especially on this topic. It’s reminding me of America ferreras speech in Barbie about how difficult it is to be a woman because nothing you do will be right in the eyes of 100% of people. Your daughters are so lucky to have you as a mom!!❤
Loved this video. Very wholesome, informative, and comforting. Need more Jess chats!!! And you are an incredible mommy 😘
What a beautiful video! Thank you Jessica for being so vulnerable. I believe being a parent is the most challenging, important, and rewarding job ever. Hats off to all of the moms and dads, who are doing their very best!
This video is so valuable. I'm almost 30 and my husband and I have been together for over ten years. We're beginning our journey to parenthood. I've definitely worried about bringing a child into our lives we've already established. This video was so beneficial! Thank you for sharing. ❤
Girl!! Why am I crying 5 mins in. I love this video so much
Beautiful video. I experienced much of this and now that I have a teen and preteen... I'm having a lot of ah ha moments. When my children were little we lost my mom to cancer. Navigating parenting from that point on without her, was and is challenging. It changed me in significant ways... As a parent, a child, and a woman now navigating this journey without her. Thanks for making and sharing Jessica.
Excellent video. I loved it. Amen! I'm 74. I was a stay at home mom until my youngest of 2 children was 18. I've always said, "My children were the toughest EMPLOYERS I've ever had!" I was fortunate to have been able to stay at home. But it was my toughest job. To this day, I have mother guilt about things and my son is 40, daughter 38! 😳 On top of that I have grandmother guilt sometimes. Aaaarrrggh! 😩 If I can't do "Mimi Day" with my grandson because I have an appt, I feel like he's going to feel rejection. 😢 Crazy, right?? Once a mother always mother guilt, even as a grandmother!
I'm really grateful you posted this and are sharing these resources as well as your personal stories! I first found your channel a few years ago when I was a new mom looking to "learn" from other moms on the internet! I really appreciate how you're always transparent with a healthy dose of encouragement!
I really relate to your story. I was always very independent and enjoyed life on my own and then with my husband. When the child came I struggled with adjusting to the new life. Now my little boy is 13 months old and I feel more of a mother now than 13 months ago.
This was a great video, thank you for sharing! I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with my first child, I'm in my mid-thirties and I already feel like I'm feeling this way. Definitely needed to watch this video.
Si needed to hear someone talk about this!!!, I was 20 years into my marriage when we had our first kid at 44!!!, what a change and mix of emotions and not being able to tell anyone!!! Then at 47 had my second..but how inadequate in every way I felt!!!
Thank you for this. ♥️ Such an important and often ignored topic. I’m a mom-to a 4 year-old and a 1 year-old-and being their mom is now where I feel the most myself, but it was a process to get to that place and it took some time! I love this series you’re doing and so appreciate all the genuine kindness and support you put out into the world. Your girls seeing that as they grow up will be such a service to them as well. :)
Thank you for this, I’m struggling with whether to have kids and this is a helpful piece of knowledge. I so deeply appreciate your perspectives and that you take the time to research and share with us. I love when you do these types of in depth ‘real talk’ videos. I’ve been watching you since you and Tyler got married and watch all of your videos and vlogs and while I love them all these are my favourite. ❤
7 months postpartum with my first and struggling. I have been stubbornly holding onto my identity from before having a baby and it just isn't working for me. I'm neither fully present at home or at work, pulled in both directions. I don't feel constantly overwhelmed with love though I do feel glimpses of it. I think all of these things take time to work through. Seven months feels like a lot of time to US moms since the majority of us are back to work and expected to resume our lives, but it isn't that simple. I wonder what the experiences are like in countries that have a year or more of leave.
Props to you for getting out of your comfort zone to post something like this!! I know a lot of us needed it ❤️
I just had my second 7 weeks ago and my first is 22 months. It’s been hard. I feel like I’m constantly choosing which one of them gets the short end of the stick and the mom guilt is real. My son is wild and full of energy and definitely benefits from spending as much time outside as possible but it’s well upwards of 100 degrees here in texas and not suitable to bring the baby outside so I feel awful not giving the older one enough time outside. I don’t want him to feel like the baby is more important than him and I feel awful running to the baby if she starts crying while my son and I were in the middle of playing but I also would obviously feel awful letting the baby cry for any amount of time. I also struggled with ppd and with breastfeeding with my first and I feel so guilty that he never got to experience the same version of me that my daughter gets to experience as a newborn. It’s also such an unexplainable joy to see the two of them together and imagine them playing in a couple years. I guess what im trying to say is I’m deep in the trenches but I’m glad to be here 😂❤
Thank you for introducing us to this concept!! I’m literally crying relating to everything you said.
I had my first child at 21 years old. I was married. We both were excited and scared about being parents. Both of us had childhoods that lacked some key features that we knew we wanted and needed to include in our experience. Well, we definitely made plenty of our own mistakes as we tried to be perfect. THAT was our problem: we kept trying to be unrealistically perfect and we were down on ourselves. We had to both learn to accept ourselves as young parents and we prayed about it (we are Christians) and we trusted the Lord to help us and overall, we did a lot better. My oldest son has told me a few times, that his younger siblings had a different mother than he did. I used to think that maybe I wasn’t a good mother to him, but he’s an adult now and he’s told me that he has seen me grow as a mother which has helped how he sees me now. He has said that he finally got what I meant when I would tell him and his siblings that I needed to “just take a minute” to catch my breath. He’s a father of 3 kids now and we are closer as mother and adult son because he “gets it” finally. That conversation with him REALLY helped me see myself as a mother of 9 kids. Like some of my own kids have said that “no one is in jail, Mom” and I love the conversations I get to have with my adult kids. I truly feel blessed and grateful to be a mom. When we are in the midst of raising our kids, we are too busy to step back and appreciate the little moments when they “get” what I was trying to teach them. I know I beat myself up….but I stopped doing that, thanks to therapy. I love how I love my children. I feel that I appreciate myself as a mom…finally…💕🙏🌈♥️
This is the best video I’ve seen in a long time. So informative, vulnerable and relatable. Thank you for sharing for those of us going through the same thing ❤
I turned 60 years old a few days ago, I don't have children. But i love those videos from you Jessica: you are real (authentic) and you share with us your thoughts and learnings so that we can grow ourselves! I just love you as a person and hearing your expérience can help me understand others lives. ❤❤❤
Love this Jess. We often lose ourselves through parenthood. We need not let that happen. Great insight 🌸🌼
I'm waaaay late to comment on this, but I just want to see I felt this all very deeply. I felt so disconnected from my kid the first couple years and struggled so much with the change that happens. I started to feel more maternal when he was around 3 ish. I had my kid much later (I was 38) and I do think the fact that I had thrived on my independence for so long, it was tough to let go or to find a new normal. This was really well done. Thank you.
I think it is amazing that you talk about your experience and motherhood. It’s what we need more of. I too had postpartum depression. I was blessed to have a group of ladies in my life that has older children and recognized what I was going through and helped me through it(along with medicine after the second child). But it also helped to define what I was feeling. My children are now 20 and 22 and it’s still a learning curve. We are learning our adult relationships where I have no control over their lives but still need to give guidance and advice. And it’s amazing to watch them move into their adult lives. It’s great to have a definition for all that I’ve experienced through this journey. Please keep sharing. I know it’s helping women out there. ❤
Seriously!!!! Needed this video. Such a topic we want to talk about, but never do. Defiantly, went through this hard core. I completely had a mid life crisis, PPD lasted for years. While living with my mother in law, plus having a child of my own. It was a disaster, but also a HUGE learning process. Here I am 10 years later have my own house, 2 beautiful children. Got the right medication to help me “live” the way I should be. Not having a mental breakdown every few weeks. I’m finally enjoying my children, instead of battling mental illnesses. You certainly realize how strong you are, through the rough times.
Love these deep talks/getting real type of videos!! I love that you are so vulnerable in these types of videos. I also really appreciate that (while you were getting ready) you didn’t interrupt the video each product to tell us what you’re using. I hope you don’t take that in a mean way. I just appreciate being able to focus on the topic!! Thanks for what you bring to TH-cam Jess 💙💕
Oh man, this video made me cry. Thank you so much for making this and sharing this with us. I’m currently a SAHM battling with going back to work. The guilt is tremendous. I’m fortunate enough not to “need” to work but know I want to. I love my 2 children to death but working is part of my identity and better for my mental health. I totally agree with you in saying that being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world. My husband and I are currently trying to hire help part time so I can go back to working part time.
In a world of social media and the influx of opinions on motherhood, it’s refreshing to hear that it’s ok to get help and work if that’s what’s best for the family just as though it’s totally ok to stay at home. I absolutely loved this video, and it’s one I desperately needed. Thank you ❤
If I could give this video 50 thumbs up, I would. I guess, 1 will have to do.
I’m a new mom (my baby was born on July 10) and I loved this topic being discussed. ❤
The transition should definitely be spoken about more! We have a 10 month old baby but didn't have him until we'd been married for 10 years. Between issues conceiving, a baby loss, quite a traumatic birth, nursing issues and the adjustment of it all, I felt like I had a hard time for the first few months, despite loving him so much. I love being a mum but I struggled with feeling like I'd lost my identity at the same time. And the guilt is always there no matter what I do! Thank you for the video, really interesting 🙂