Crusader Kings II: Long May He Reign (feat. Squire)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ย. 2024
- The royal council tries to find a new king.
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Starring Jon and Squire
Written by Kyle and Squire
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This was a lot of fun to make. Cheers guys! :)
Omg i love your voice man
Gods alive man, Squire I do love your sense of humour, this was hilarious
I thought that was tou XD
You were in San Antonio?! Man.
I freaking love your channel, the first of your videos I watched made me an instant fan and an instant subscriber. Keep doing the fucking sweet work you do.
"Right. Does anyone want to join a plot?" - This was so on point i wondered if this was a trailer for the new DLC
Never!
40 gold later
ok
@@reigenpott9953 *pays entire court to kill a guy i don't like*
@@auron2699 *Plot failed, guy counter-plots against me, succeed*
black wall I mean I once played a game where I got my liege’s entire council to join a plot against him because he cucked me (the reverse happened a few years later (hre multiplayer game))
Too unrealistic, not enough 3 year olds in regencies.
Who are then inexplicably hated by the people who brought them up.
I actually didn't really had such problem. But in other hand, I usually play with pagans, like vikings, means I have lot of people to be elected as new king - and if some of them dies, it usually just means that kingdom suffers less when next king dies...
Only to die in their 16th birthday, leaving the throne to... their 2 year old cousin.
Or he steps into the throne room, someone chucks a rock at him, and he's infirm for 45 years.
In my last game (I should continue it...), I had 5 kings in 4 years. All of them adults. My kingdom was split so many times in pieces that it was even united back! Fifth king in that period was dullest (literally "dull") grandson of king who died 4 years earlier. BUT, he was brilliat strategist. Incredible one. And master of melee combat too! So, besicly he don't understand about shit of anything, excempt how murder masses of people and stay alive. And he is kind of king who will have long long reign. (I think he already had reign of 10 years, and seems nothing is going to kill him...).
In the later years of the Roman Empire, there was a least one emperor who was crowned at the age of three
This is so true to the games mechanics "What do you mean your plotting to take the throne from me, YOU HELPED ME get this throne!"
"Yeah... But that Throne looks comfy, and now that u got it , I want it... So die!!!!."
Seriously what is this game?
It Crusader Kings II(aka CK2) it is a paradox grand strategy game set in the Middle Ages
You know it could be roleplayed as wanting to get rid of a popular king with a bad one that has a claim, so it's easier to take the throne for oneself from the latter.
@@MeidoInHebun yeah, besides, sometimes they disgrace you with your wife, or murder your mother that was spying on them, or burn your daughter at the stake as a heretic. Then they're dead. Or, if your Greek, castrated. That's always fun.
"Right does anyone want to join a plot?"
-A summary of MacBeth
You Sir, could have saved me hours and hours in high school! But excellent summation!
Still read this in iambic pentameter.
This isn’t even exaggerated.
It's honestly pretty tame yet still pretty accurate.
This isn't even enought xD it lack of newborn kings getting murdered by their families
Not enough smothered children
Not enough Aztecs, horses or secret bears.
@@turmuthoer bears? What bears?
"England only has 6 different face types"
Living in Exeter, you sir speak some truth there
Which number of face type did you pick for yourself ;)?
@@theblackbaron4119 He didn't, his face fluctuates between the 6
@@ihaveagun22 something like a lovecraft thing?
which facetype is the Cornish one again?
Cornwall has 5.
"Might have the plague."
* dies *
"I do hope it's not catching."
"Lucky we're at a coronation, eh? Next!"
daily life in 2020
@@neolexiousneolexian6079 Get it? Corona-ation?
@@anthonybramante2921 well done, tips hat
Ugh, one plague I went from 300 potential heirs, all with 7 bloodlines including the immortality one, to three people with just two of the bloodlines. That one hurt.
"I am probably the only one God truly loves"
"And humble too"
yes that is a quote from the video congratz you inbred fuck
@ They are ALL inbred
665th like. I pave the way to a land I cannot reach myself.
@ Go fuck yourself.
@@CatholicWeeb nut who isnt
Whoa, who said you could upload my entire playthrough?
yours? that's clearly mine.
WMastersred both of you are wrong, this is obviously my gameplay.
No, I'm HowToBasic
Woah woah woah, all of you stole MY playthrough.
@@matiseonfusion5276 i thought for a moment you all stole mine, but then realised there wasn't enough incest, so my apologies, carry on.
"Long may he reign"
-- degenerates to "May he survive longer than this ceremony." :P
"May he reign long enough for someone to conceivably run away and change their identity."
"Does anyone want to join a plot?"
Hey, the english King killed my Cat during battle, I feel completely justified in murdering his entire Dynasty.
It's the only rational response.
Justified
How did you bring a cat to battle and how did you murder the entire dynasty unless they kill themselves (you know when they become courtiers and doesn’t marry
@@yaujj65 shh
@@yaujj65 There is an event where you get a pet cat which follows you around (granting +1 health, +1Intrigue iirc). If you lead troops, that cat can be killed in battle.
Killing of a Dynasty is not that difficult. Just search for any living member and use a combination of assassination plots, satanist abilities and duels. If everything else fails, declare war and kill them on the battlefield or imprison and execute them once you have conquered their lands.
2:36 Missed opportunity to say "Someone has killed the king! And with a chicken no less!"
My name is Greg and I've killed a chicken with a man!
Diplomancy
That would be highly unrealistic.
Greg lived in a Republic.
king was killed with his own sword on an appuncture session
No matter who else hates you, always make friends with your spymaster for exactly this reason.
Or provoke that person to civil war with raiding on. Take all their titles when the war is over and banish them. $$$$
Make them a court hester insult them give them council positions or mentor ones only to take them away a revolt should follow
fabricating for only 7 years? lucky
@@ravensshade moral authority is very important in conversion maybe it wasnt high enough?
you can get really unlucky with claims, but it doesnt usually that that long. and the most fun playing as catholics is building a dynastic empire, marrying into all the royal houses and then taking them for yourself or at least your family whilst your main title is set to seniority.
Seriously, mid and late game you shouldnt be using fabricate claim almost at all. It is objectively the worst way to expand. Invite claimants, land them, then press their claim. Far faster and far more reliable
This is why you go Lollard
EDIT: For until you forge your empire and get a border with the Umayyads or Abbasids. Then it's holy war city!
Chez Master Austin137 Keep in mind, he wasn't done yet.
Allison Edge Meter: 4.5
Where is Allison, you say? Try the disembodied arm that keeps appearing to place the death crown upon the heads of all of these worthy gentlemen. The arm that almost certainly is a silent partner in the plots. Oh, and the whole part about killing her husband over and over.
Yeah, Ali-arm is definitely spymaster.
"Yesterday I opened a book and it drove me insane" I relate to this sentence on a spiritual level
It's about time you made a CK2 video!
But they did't talk about shagging they sisters ir marrying a horse
(Disclaimer: It's a joke about the game)
Thanks for clarifying that @@CassianoDalPizzol
Palt well “joke” in the you can actually do it way
@@SomeGuy-cp1km yeah i know i have 800 hours in the game
Palt noob ;)
Bar Satanic cults, Glitterhoof and occasionally discovering that your Daughter is actually a bear, this does a pretty good job at summing up my everyday experiences in CK2. If only real life were so chaotic...
wait a bear? how did THAT happen?
@@HunterDrone Apparently I gave birth to a bear and didn't notice for 30 years... I did think the baby was a but hairy
Just wait a few centuries for the polar bears.
And the immortality event that kills 99/100 times
@@e.richens3736 I then became that bear... and fathered both human and bear children with my human wife lol
The king is dead, long live the king ....
And that's how the entire dynasty was ended.
'Strong...cruel... does a lot of torture' - Squire's delivery in this video is, as always, absolutely bang on. Always appreciate his appearances in your videos.
When you somehow assign the guy with 20 Intrigue and Ambitious to be your Court Chaplain when you meant to make him your Spymaster
Making a guy with 20 intrigue and Ambitious your Spymaster is a great way to commit suicide.
You will have no problem if you have good relationship with him. If he hates you, you character will meet an extortionist hobo who is also an assassin and ask for $7.
@@nathfrancois5507 I eventually imprison the ones i own , castrate them, strip them of property and send them to China
@@yaujj65 At which point you reply "What in Heaven's name is a Dollar?" and I think you can figure it out from there.
Vassals: *unanimously vote in favor of increasing crown authority*
*crown authority is increased*
Vassals: LOWER CROWN AUTHORITY! OR CIVIL WAR!
Me: but you literally all voted in favor of it yesterday!?
Vassals: you gave us massive bribes. how could we refuse
James Gillespie I also gave you all massive tracks of land I literally raised you from a peasant to king of France!
@@helpmereach690subscribers3 Vassals: but you kept the duchy of Flanders which is my right as king of France.
James Gillespie ...Flanders is my home province. I only abandoned it last year since I somehow became the Byzantine Emperor and moved Constantinople
@@helpmereach690subscribers3 Vassals: thats another thing you have too many duchies. and in order to become emperor you changed your religion to orthodox you heretic
DAMMIT! There was no exploding manure. Consider this video ruined.
But great video, keep up the good work!
Or unstable balconies. I mean its Medieval Europe.
@@BattleUnit3 i mean, yeah, dude that walked away could have fallen off the balcony
I cannot believe one of the Kyles did blow up the leper while sleeping with his nephew...
So unrealistic!
I was killed by exploding manure as my last ruler in a recent game. I was sort of waiting for him to go so I could be Jewish again (I had to convert when Carpathia was targeted for a crusade...), but now I kinda miss allies. D:
This is so accurate that it hurts my soul
Stuck in Wales for ONLY 7 YEARS!
This man is obviously a diplomacy 20
Long live the king, aaaand dead
You have been chosen, Prepare to die.
"England only has about six different face types" > See?! How can some continue to pretend that CKII lacks realism?
I expected it to end with a horse being king
Headcanon:
That last King was killed by the Swashbuckling Man from Diplomancy
Christ, isnt this the truth. The council always seems to know the best ways to drive the Kingdom into the ground, and every poor sod who becomes King is in more danger from his own council than the plague. This game is amazing, lol
seriously though the second you give the council any leeway into actually ruling a country you know its fucked now
Sound like the parliament right ?
Generally safest to have a heathen and foreign spymaster than one on the same culture and religion
Non-Agglutinative Krenak that’s what I do conquer a new nation then use them preferably pagans they have some decent stats in my games
The thing is it is much much much harder for people to get foreign heathens to act against you in game specially if they like you. Specially harder since they do not like anyone in your court and no one likes them so no one is above suspicion. Historically puting religious or ethnic minorities in administrative positions or roles with authority has not sat well with people in the know or who were accustomed to holding those positions by default and in turn by the transitive property oftentimes with the bulk of the population but tons of rulers used them because they had more skin in the game than the other advisors since something bad happening to the ruler tended to mean something about as bad or much much worse happening to them those that follow their beliefs or match their race at a much higher percentage than any other advisor.
They're already making it to the ceremony? Assassins are getting lazy.
Do one with the Boat Mormons as a secret society
I am a Latter day Saint. I second this motion. It could be a heresy that appears when you find the ARK of the covenant :)
I just realized that at 2:10 when he says “that one was both of us, yeah?” He is indicating that they both were part of the Assasination plot 😂
I once had a ruler last two months in game, his was the longest rain.
Quite a ruler if he could control the weather like that.
Then there was a great drought, and he was sacrificed by a Satanic cult to appease the Dark Lord.
Quintinohthree
My poor grammar has dishonored my family, the only remedy is ritual suicide.
This Squire guy is really good.
Why no horse adviser deciding who gets to be king?
Why no horse becoming king? Long may Glitterhoof reign!
Because No King Lived Long Enough To Appoint A Horse As The Chancellor.
What about ISPs satanic horse eating and absorbing his childrens life essence
@@manderic5436 Why use a real horse? Horse head masks are cheap and would still be very clearly Glitterhoof
Wait, is this the history channel, where did the Door Monster go.
If it's History Channel, it's missing some aliens....
0:55 he tried to control his smile and was successful
I love it when I start a plot against a courtier and every new courtier who joins my court immediately joins the plot like their signing up for the kingdom's newsletter.
I’m surprised he didn’t immediately turn into Kyle when he stood up to take the throne.
Aaah King Basil, the greatest monarch we've ever had
-15 opinion of predecessor
And Basil's son looks at the vassal, and it's a newborn.
The proper term is venomous snake, not poisonous snake. I demand that you re-record and repost the video to fix this minor error!!!
Who's to say that his hobby wasn't snake eating
Not in Dark Age alternative history Europe that's being invaded by the Aztec is aint', me horse sister daughter mother wife spymaster glitterhoof told me so!
What if they took unvenomous snake and added poison on its teeth? Wouldn't it make snake "poisonous"?
No, a bunch of snakes fell into his mouth while he was sleeping. Accidentally. It was his own fault, for keeping a Snerricks TM Patented Snake Funnel by his bedside.
Snakes are actually rather dry. I demand that you re-record and repost the video to erroneously call snakes slimy!
Should do a Byzantium one next. (Looks at the sundial) "Looks like it time for *another* civil war again... How many have we been through, 30, 40?" "62 to be precise" "I was close enough! If only they could stop fighting me and start fighting our enemies!"
"I must be the one God truly loves!"
"And humble, too."
_W H E E Z E_
Squire's inclusion upped the immersion to 1066.
My dick is harder than when William the Conqueror raped Harold Godwinsson
This is painfully accurate.
What IS this game?
Yes
@@connorschultz380 truly though they forgot all of the new born slaughter..... are those sirens?
@@connorschultz380 Crusader Kings 2.
Love it! Perhaps a Stellaris one next?
You know it's EU4 and HoI before Stellaris, or was that Vic II?
Is Squire always doing an extravagant British accent in your videos, or is that just how he talks?
Given his own channel and appearance on the Tank Museum's top five series. I think this is how he naturally talks XD
That's how he talks
I mean, his name is Squire. Why would you assume he is even capable of speaking in any other voice?
Fair enough lmao
I suspect hes actually from Louisiana and has a strong Cajun patois. Hes merely a good actor.
When you get *possessed* and put your *horse* as a *councilor*
Glitterhoof !
Absolutely brilliant, this really is one of your best to date and that is saying something
Civil war in ten years? That’s probably the longest period of peace I've ever had
Accuracies through the roof.
"That one was both of us, right?"
*Nods*
Fantastic.
Anyone else notice that the leper king who was left handed use his right hand to drink
this remains one of my favorite videos you have ever done,....please make another one for Cursaders 3
You forgot that the heir joined the gavalkind faction.
I had a bastard and so I sent him to the Teutonic order, he then became the leader of it. Wish I could legitimize him. Proud of my boy
Don't forget the inevitable civil war!
I will not be blackmailed!
It isnt a real succession of the throne if it isnt followed by a civil war
Ehh civil wars are easy to prevent. Ever since Conclave and Charlemagne I haven’t had to deal with civil wars. And if you do, make sure you have enough Levies (not counting retinues) to beat down the majority of your vassals
@@Gothic7876 , Why would you want to prevent civil wars? They are an excellent way levy a bit extra taxes from nobles.
I feel like you could remove the reference to CK2 and claimed this video was about actual history and it would fit just as well.
"Why would anyone want to do that, then they'd have to be king."
*Is next in line for the throne*
*Convinces Court Chaplain to take the throne*
"Anyone want to start a plot?"
1:48 - I WISH disfigured characters in Crusader Kings II looked like that. Instead they wear Phantom Of The Opera masks.
"Next up is, huh, Baldric the Lepper. Yes, God's natural choice."
That line always cracks me up.
Reminds me of Medievil TW 2 (with the Pope):
Me: *minding my own buisness*
Whole of christianity: *attacks without mercy*
Me: *defends myself*
Pope: "YOU MONSTER, MAY YOU BURN IN HELL!"
Me: "Oh! It seems there has opened up a spot as the pope*
*cicle repeats like in the video*
"Yesterday I opened a book and it drove me insane."
Welcome back to the loving embrace of Paradox games!
Squire's mention of his sister being married to the king's uncle and that putting him in succession reminded me how my character married his aunt to a Byzantium prince and decades later his (the character's) son became the emperor after Byzantium nobles rebelled in a civil war and overthrew their new emperor.
Arthur, Gregor... These names are all too normal.
I'm pretty sure there're more Buttfaces or Assclowns in CK2 than your rival in pokemon.
The delivery of the final punchline is damn perfect.
*Get's inherited by Norway*
This is one of the best things you've done. I need to hear more of Squire describing people in terms of CK2 traits.
A brilliant Door Monster video, but which aren't!?
The dialogue was great and very well-delivered, and, as usual, you got me with the last line.
Nice video and all but why did the Croats gain full control of Jerusalem?
"I opened a book the other day and it drove me insane!" That bloody thing...
"I have like a 80% chance of becoming a possesed lunatic, but those +2 learning are dang worth it"
-me in every campaign ever
@@samuelladrillo5281 Besides; "A book of mysterious lore...eh, probably not important, on my way, do di do..." What kind of a story is that?
@@GriffinPilgrim the roleplay value is more important than keeping your sanity, that is why I spend excesive amonts of effort and manpower on just raiding the fuck out of france every couple years
"Long may he reign. Unlike his father."
10 seconds later.
"Not his son. It's his twin brother."
Squire and Door Monster making a video together?
That is so amazing.
No random han chinese heir mixed in? Must be very early on in the campaign.
In one of my recent games I glanced down to North Africa and saw a small independent country lead by a Han Chinese Jew and his one province was Yazidi... then I glance out in the steppe and find a bunch of Czech Catholics hanging out.
@@labrynianrebel my favorite game was where I started in Cornwall, then made the Roman Empire Jewish Again. It was a wild ride.
@@labrynianrebel My Campaign ended with a British Invasion of China in a war of succession, Britain being the Modern Day USSR
@@essexclass8168 modern day ussr
In one playthrough, there was a random Taoist province in North Africa. Don't ask how it became Taoist.
Squire: "I do hope it's not catching. Yeah, lucky we're at a coronation, ey?"
Coronavirus: *Interesting choice of words...*
I volunteer to join the plot!
Also, all comments are in a Squire voice now. Can't help it.
I love how the Squire/Chancellor and Court Chaplain were basically having a "who can murder the king first" contest, then the Chancellor realized he was next in line and likely to be murdered by the Chaplain, so he maneuvered the Chaplain into taking the position first to murder him instead.
"So that was both of us, right?"
So did they both poison him?
0:57. I love how he can't hide his smile. It is adorable.
That man is obscenely British
Let's all take a minute to appreciate Squire's acting. He really put on a good performance with great inflection and tone changes when appropriate.
Never played CK but this was absolutely wonderful to watch. It'd probably be a little difficult to plan but I think a Kingdom Come: Deliverance video would fit this channel pretty well if you put your minds to it!
Having played CK2 a lot, this is only slightly exaggerated. Basically every word out of their mouths is a reference to some game mechanic or design quirk.
I love your channel keep up the great stuff!!!
the leper should have stayed king and somehow be the greatest king of all time
They need to make one about the court physician. That guy is an endless source of entertainment. Please more CK2, you are doing a great job.
This is the game. Don’t buy it if you haven’t already cause that was it.
Anyone up for a plot?
The Crusader Kings Facebook page shared this! Awsome!
"maybe we could be a republic or something" nope noo that ends the game.
Maybe he means Merchant republic
@@MishaFlower either way it doesn't help. You will experience the exact same thing except with more characters involved because you can't remove all the other families
I go elective monarchy... Does that count?
@@blackfang101 Obviously, He just wanted to avoid becoming the king.
"I liked him you know?"
*Has +1 approval*
You sure this is England and not the Byzantine Empire?
He’s grandpa was emperor but his father was not born in the purple and he somehow got the marriage
Impressed with Squire's acting
Yeah tthat seems normal
This is probably one of your best videos recently, if not of all times. And I've definitely had games that went this way before, except that they included slightly wonkier lines of succesion!
My games largely consist of me plotting against my own children because they suck, and the good one is last in line....
This game, as well as Crusaders Kings 3, definitely makes me think like Tywin Lannister.
I thought it was Squire... I was like: that's a pretty good English accent... wait, is that... Squire? A little younger than I expected.
At first I thought this was gonna be a demon spawn killing all their older siblings but chain assassinations works too.
Overall I rate it 4/10, can't get much better than that because you had CK2 without any glorious xwedodah.
Here's hoping for more CK2 sketches.
The Flip Is Xwedodah?
dude those fucking demon spawns are always the best. I remember once I got on who ended up being immortal was a god killer and was even getting military advice from jesus
@A-DrewG I'm just waiting for the game where I get a demon spawn who is also a child of destiny, that'll be the perfect character.
Once I Had A Demon Spawn As My Brother. If I Remember Correctly, He Was Surprisingly The Only Adult In My Dynasty To NOT Have Any Sinful Traits...