Money Gossip: Cringeworthy Stories, Crazy Rich People, And Venmo Culture
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
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Chelsea and guest Kelsey McKinney dive into crazy real-life money stories from the TFD audience.
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Gossip chains are the only ways women in my hometown are able to protect themselves from abusive men, I'm all for gossip
Great point babe 👍🏿
Yup!
Often if "gossip" is done by men it's called "networking."
Oh my God, I'm so mad I didn't get the notification on this because I have the perfect story! When I was in college, a friend of mine invited our whole friend group to stay at a "cabin" by a lake about an hour north of our school over fall break. Most of us agreed and were prepping with sleeping bags and pillows, but our friend insisted that it had fully outfitted beds.
We drive up there and are expecting to see, ya' know, an old log cabin with a couple rooms. It was a house. A full fucking second home that his parents owned outright, complete with a dock and a pontoon boat. We all immediately started shitting on him for calling it a "cabin" and renamed it the "camansion". 😂 He's a good guy, so he took it in stride, but holy shit did it emphasize the wealth gap in our friend group, lolol.
We listen to her podcast at work and love it!!! It’s a bakery so it’s a bunch of girls who love the second hand drama lmao
Second-hand drama is the only kind worth having! Love that term used here!
I had to stop and relisten to the cabin nonsense, I was laughing so hard. Dying when Chelsea said something to the effect of "this disgusting cabin." This was a great episode.
I remember the cabin one from r/AITA and r/AITD
The cabin family: are these people unfamiliar with the concept of guests?? If you go round for dinner do they want a contribution to their mortgage? The WASP stinginess is appalling!
The room charges story seems to be a by-product of the hustle culture, like I can imagine a TikToker mentioning this as a 'hack' to earn additional income or something 😂
Totally. I think Airbnb did this to us. Everything is monetizable now.
Sure.....if you tell them beforehand? After the fact is soooooo wrong. I've rented out my guest room on the cheap to friends. But 1) it was agreed on beforehand 2) it was still way cheaper than an air bnb would have been. Especially since when I cooked dinner I offered it, no strings attached. So it was a win win.
I can't believe this. It's so far removed from what is seen as normal by me that I don't know how I would react. It's similar to the "scandal" of Scandinavians letting kids on playdates sit in the next room without offering dinner.
How can you charge someone a set amount of money without checking with the other person first? If you're selling something, the price should be out in the open from the very beginning. How do you know if the other person wants or can pay for it?
Exactly, it's "imposed service" and is against the law in some countries. If you are charging someone for whatever they have to be informed of the price beforehand to give consent
*US Hospitals enter the chat*
@@FebruaryJulia I was thinking exactely that. Was listening to the video while doing dishes - not one of the priviledged kids, of course :) - and shouted to my phone 'yeah, good luck with euro laws'. It's a gratuitous contract, just like a donation: you offered your space and said absolutely nothing about paying.
The community engagement thing: I suspect that it's partially driven by how poorer communities live. After people make a certain amount of money in North America, they tend to move to suburbs or exurbs. They live in places where their contact with other people is deliberately minimised. Meanwhile, poorer families tend to live in neighbourhoods that are by necessity more densely zoned. Frequently, third places (places other than work and home) are nearby, and act as gathering places for a community. This means that you see your neighbours, you see their kids, and you tend to build a sense of rapport and community with them.
My hypothesis is that it's correlation that being poor leads to greater sense of community, not causation, and that the cause of community is more likely to be living in a place where community is likely to grow.
Secret parental money - reminds me of Rory Gilmore in the revival saying "I'm broke" as she flits around cpntinents to meet her rich lover, burns her trust fund, turns down a job repeatedly as 'beneath' her despite the possibility of it paying well while she tries for her dream job, has a business owner mom, rich dad and grandparents who paid her Ivy league education leaving her with no loans... ,😂😂
Hate all you may, but 'Girls' was groundbreaking the way it showed how much privilege a character needs to support a career in the arts without luck, patronage and/or a super distinctive voice, and how out of touch with reality privileged people can be in their self perception as a 'struggling' artist
I think Lena Dunham is the person they specifically mentioned as having their parents pay their NYC rent into their 40s while portraying a fake persona of relatability.
Agreed!! Schitt’s Creek did a great thing knocking David down a notch when it was revealed that his parents were his only “patrons” that kept his art gallery afloat.
This a very interesting conversation, I have always been quite about how I make my money or how much money I make as these days conversations shared could bring enough negative energy which come as them caring. After covid I had to work two jobs to meet up financially and I did that for eight months it’s was a stressful eight months but am of that now, thanks to good investment ventures am financially stable.
I totally understand this feeling, to most they feel like you bragging or something!
During the pandemic was really crazy it’s an experience I won’t forget so soon.
Not all gossiping are harmful tho, you just have to really know the kind of people you are dealing and know gets to share with them.
Am currently working three jobs which is very exhausting at the moment, Covid was bad and with this current recession with the economy it increasing been difficult to survive. I made an okay income but the price of things keeps increasing, it’s sad.
Hopefully the economy can recover and things can get better.
The wealthiest friend I ever had would nickel and dime me to pay them back, but conveniently forget when they owed me money. Kind of assumed most rich people were the same.
I can confirm that after nearly a decade in non-profit fundraising, the most generous people are usually the ones who have the least ability to give. People who can afford to write a $10k check to charity think of it as a tax write-off that will also buy good publicity for their company. The teacher buying their own classroom supplies, though, actually wants to donate that $20 out of each of her paychecks to fight childhood poverty.
I was thinking of the exact same thing. I work on the fundraising team of an ngo as well, and you have no idea how universal this truth is, even in a different culture. Whenever we try to appeal to the upper-middle class corporate folk, we get rejected without them even listening to our cause, alongside that disgusted look on their face, of course, and an attitude to match. Instead, the people most willing to donate in order to help others were exactly those who would've been justified to dismiss us, since they themselves didnt make that much.
This reminds me of when my friend gave me a sim card she wasn't using on her families data plan because it was unlimited and mine wasn't. I didn't ask she just offered it to me. 4 months later when I moved back to paris she asked me to pay for the months that I used the simcard. I refused because it's twice what my shitty sim card cost and if she wanted me to pay her she should've said that from the start. I would've given her the sim card back and used my own. You can't charge for something after the fact.
My mom does this all the time 😪 like I usually will. Ask for her to pay me back if she asked me to go get it for her. I make like 1000$ per.month rn and can't always afford to treat her. There's times where she offers me help (buying dinner, money for groceries or extra anything) only to turn around and right after ask for the money. Something like dinner isn't a big deal but something vital like a sim card is an issue 🥲🙃 like she knows struggling and still does this.
Its put a huge strain on our relationship
Daaang, you can't give someone the terms and conditions after the fact!
I had a coworker who, once the friendship was over, charged me $100 for taking me home with her car a couple times. Like it was pretty disgusting and it messed with my sense of trust for a while.
@@rosalieo5045 wait that's crazy
Yeah there’s this book called On Tyrany about not giving consent up front and in this case, it would have implied prior consent which just isn’t the facts
Ok, so I had a friend with sort of the opposite of "Secret Family Money" in college. I was already the poor kid (comparatively) at a rich kid private college (its own long story) but she was an order of magnitude above the rest, girl once "lost" a new car, and it was no big deal. Anyway, she wasn't secretive about it at all, she was just entirely oblivious. She'd invite a bunch of friends out for "let's all drive to the city and go to a spa!" (An incredibly expensive one at that) and I'd have to politely try to decline as "I really can't afford that" and she'd immediately change the invite to: "let's all drive to the city and go to a spa, I'm sure my parents won't mind paying for it!" (I never saw that bill, but I can't imagine it to this day). So she was incredibly sweet if prodded a little bit.
And then at the same time, I've never been dressed down as much as when, junior year, I finally cobbled enough money together to buy an old beater to get to my summer internship, and I got a long conversation about "putting a price on safety" and "how could you put your girlfriends life at risk if she gets in it with you!?!" as my car wasn't up to the latest standards. I just could not convince her of the idea that I simply did not have 20,000 dollars to buy a brand new, but low end Toyota. The phrase "That's what loans are for!" came up multiple times.
Lmao! I laughed haard at the second paragraph. Didn't see that turn coming!
@@gdjwarren2 Me neirher🤣🤣holy hell
Okay so to be fair to your friend it sounds like she was repeating lines she heard from her parents and really cared about your safety. This doesn’t excuse her obliviousness but it’s still a bright side? 😅
On gossip: I grew up in a very culty fundamentalist Christian community, and that bit about the leadership being the ones to demonize gossip is so true! What you said about gossip being a way for women to communicate, advise, and warn each other really hit me. In that environment, men hold the power, and some of them don't care enough about the effects of their actions. I remember listening to women "gossip" in the spaces where men didn't spend time, like the sewing rooms, kitchens, and child care areas. In retrospect, a lot of that was women getting advice on important topics. I remember overhearing conversations that ranged from breastfeeding and potty training, to marital problems, to sewing advice and baking tips. There was a real sense of solidarity when someone who felt ashamed or inadequate could get judgement free advice - I can't tell you how many times I heard one mom reassure another with "oh, don't worry, that's totally normal and you're doing fine." Because the culture was so repressive, those were the most sincere and open interactions I ever witnessed as a kid. As an adult with a partner who works in the corporate wold, I'm often reminded of my childhood by the toxic positivity bs and the fear of honesty in his workplace. For example, the reluctance of anyone to discuss salaries and who makes what. Like you've often said, communication is power.
millennial reporting from europe: me and my friends are all students or low-income jobbers, and we usually split everything evenly, but if someone's going through a rough patch, we spot them some cash, hold cookouts etc to make sure they can eat well. bigger transactions are cleared before the fact, NOT WHILE YOU'RE "CHECKING OUT" jfc. that story about surprise-charging one's friend for a guest room is sending my brain into terminal velocity.
Me too
I feel a lot better living at home at 33 after hearing some people have their parents pay their rent until their 40s :/
Hey, if there cool about it and it saves you money, I say do you. Every family situation is unique. If it's right for ya'll, that perfectly fine.
33 and still living with my family in ny. It’s a 2 family home so both sides are split between my sister and I and my parents and brother. But I’d rather help my sister pay down her mortgage than to rent a $4000 apartment in the city to barely have enough space to stretch in. Don’t ever let anyone or anything tell you where you should or shouldn’t be in life. Always do what works for you.
Right? I would be embarrassed!
I lived with my mom until I was 27, and then my younger brother and I rented for five years. He now lives with our older brother in another state, who's letting him stay as he goes to school (I think for HVAC) and I...finally and very happily live on my own 😅. My mental health thanks me. But I do wish I could've lived at home without working so I could focus on school. It was too exhausting having to do both (and it wasn't even a part time job but a full-time one), so when it became too much and bills and car notes were due, something had to give...and sadly, it was and still is school. If you have parents that are able to cover some or all of your expenses while you focus on school or other advancements in your life, don't squander it...
@@carleewalsh5502 my dad did this and it led me to have absolutely no respect for him. He’s a grown man whose house is paid for by his mommy, it’s fucking shameful. It’s embarrassing to be a kid in that situation and I don’t talk to him anymore partially because of this. If you want your kids to respect you, don’t do this.
Your show was certainly spot on!
🧐Some unsolicited advice for the young lady with the boyfriend who expects her to chip in with the renovation cost of his family cabin, dump his ass cuz it only gets worse! 🙄In my experience , "Dutch Date" boyfriends make really stingy, self-centered husbands.
Yep!
Right?! The audacity 🤣🤣
Agreed! I don't think these days it's unreasonable for a guy to expect you to treat him now and again however... Especially if you are together for a while! Just like friendships there should be a balance and a mutual trust in maintaining that balance.
If you ask someone out. You treat unless otherwise stated up front, or if they refuse to be treated. You can't assume another person has the same amount of expendable income (disposable income) as you. Dump cabin boy, he is selfish.
During this whole conversation, I'll I could think about is the "Van Life" people. These people have to have some kind of financial privileged to fund their lifestyle. I saw one van lifer saying she makes money from selling rocks on Etsy. Ummm..... what? You can finance your nomad lifestyle by selling rocks? Just be honest - you have rich parents, you have a trust fund, etc.
I think I saw that exact one with the rocks 🙄! And I’ve seen several that buy tons of fresh exotic fruits and specialty items every single meal while wearing 2-3 different elaborate “hippie” outfits every day-(have to change after the romp in the ocean)!!
I think the travel story is more common now than in years’ past because people do not know how to be unselfish as much as our parents, grandparents, were in the past. Friend invited me on a family trip and told me there was plenty of room for me at her mother’s house which we would spend a few days at toward the end of the trip (international). During the trip, I spent time watching her kids at restaurants and at the pool. Spent hours dealing with child meltdowns and loud tantrums, split grocery bills that included diapers and other stuff that I didn’t enjoy…when we came home, she told me her boyfriend (now husband) said that the expenses for the rental van (for her family), groceries and the cook (her mom’s employee) fees totaled about $700. I was so caught off guard that I’ve mentally blocked most of the conversation (via text) since that time. I negotiated it down to $500 citing that I spent money on him specifically at bars, etc. I would never charge anyone to visit me at a family home. I would have gladly spent that $500 at a hotel to be at a peaceful beach; but hey, lesson learned. Didn’t break the friendship, just view it differently now.
wow i would've caught off guard too thank you for sharing your experience
It's very very nasty, if they're wealth to the point of having a cook they don't need your money. You don't make people pay something if they didn't have the occasion to consent to it beforehand. You should have charged her for the babysitting...
I hope you get the opportunity to charge them back for the money and also the time you spend on the kids.
girl, you need to BREAK that friend ship, they sound NAST!
Omg! I really don’t understand charging a friend to stay in a family’s home. I get splitting groceries but to send an itemized bill to some *you invited* to stay in a family home is so tacky and weird
Just jumping in to say that when I was splitting a one bedroom apartment with 4 people and living off food stamps/food pantries I would regularly cook for my friends and roommates and not charge them a red cent because I WAS RAISED RIGHT WTF
every time you mention that your audience is mostly women, it makes me sad for all the men who don't know the delicious financial gossip they're missing.
They have their own. They’re not missing out.
I'm only 14 mins in but I have a story -
I was raised upper/middle middle class. Never had my rent paid but did have college paid for and always have a financial cushion.
I became friends with 2 "progressive" friends while working at a grocery store. I was honest about my financial situation. These people constantly dumped on me for having "rich" parents and being spoiled. Come to find out, their parents lived in bigger houses than my parents. We were all in the same social class but they felt the need to ostracize me so they could feel better about being "rich kids" themselves. Idk if they were deflecting or what but it was very annoying and became toxic. One of them even had a trust fund.
It's fine to get help from your parents but don't make fun of others to make yourself seem more "poor". Just own it and be honest! I've experienced this from so many people. I'm honest about my upbringing and some folks make fun of me; then I find out their parents are richer than mine.
When I've met someone that's actually from a poverty upbringing, they never criticize me for my upbringing. It's always, always other "rich kids" that criticize me for it. These kinds of people tell on themselves very easily. And it's not like my parents are RICH but they are upper middle class. I understand it's embarrassing to have a financial cushion but i prefer when people are just honest about that. Rather than putting on some fake poverty show to fit in or something
Well, that's what happens when there is a mass conspiracy not to talk about wealth. When everybody from $50,000 to $500,000 thinks they are middle class, and people making $1million are dodging taxes. Multi-billion dollar income is in the same class, except that the top is making thousands more than the mere millionaires. And some people do come from nearly NOTHING, because zero is still zero.
I have a similar story to yours, though the income difference was larger. I just do my best to save money, and that includes buying a moderately expensive version of something I anticipate to last a long time, like my coat that's lasted a decade. I live below the poverty line and am honest about the fact that I have significant but less than five figures of savings, but jeez people are weird about even that.
"Being rich is a choice", Kelsey really laying down the fact hammer with that quote cuz she right.
My older sister got a used car from our parents they bought out of inheritance from my grandma. She was the only one of us who got a car from them, and my parents were only able to do it because of the inheritance. Her junior year of college her transmission died, it was $800 to fix, so she had to catch rides with friends while she saved money from her job to fix it. Her clueless rich college friend said "just call your parents and tell them to get a new car." 😅 Rich people are weird.
The cabin thing makes zero sense to me. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but to my latin family, charging them to use the family vacation place would be a pretty effective way to get them to disown you. In our culture it is kind of implied that if we all use the same place for whatever purpose, the upkeep costs, cleaning and general maintenance are everyone's responsibility and guests are guests (romantic partners, friends, whoever). You never charge guests.
Chelsey's story about her friend who was billed for staying at her friend's home in Europe > This would not happen with South Asian/Middle Eastern/African cultures....not ever. It would be taboo and shameful.
This is along the lines of the Swedish family who told their daughter's friend to stay in the room while they ate dinner.
In the Netherlands we send people home if we're going to eat dinner and they weren't invited to stay for dinner. I don't know what the norm is in Sweden, but I do know that they also belong to the cultures in Europe where you shouldn't expect to spontaneously to be invited to stay for dinner if you're visiting during the afternoon.
???? I have to Google that one
Europe has very varied practices around guests from country to country in my experience (as a Scottish/Irish woman). Billing a friend would be insane to me, as would sending a child home without their tea (meal). In my house we always ask if people are staying for tea, and I think that's expected in Irish households.
That said, there was an (unspoken) expectation on me as a child that if I wasn't actively asked to stay for tea I should go home. Because as a guest it would be outstaying my welcome to impose without being asked.
In other cultures the guest-host culture has its own toxic traits you know
@@highbrowife yeah feeding, looking after someone is sooooo toxic... let's start charging
If someones invites to their home and then charges for the meal...kill the friendship, for real pay and kill that friendship those types of ppl won't be persuaded by a nice sit and talk about boundaries and to be quite honest they themselves should be able to see how f up that kind of behaviour is, better off finding someone who doesn't treat friendship as a business
I was once charged rent by “friends” I stayed with for a week while I was between apartments. During that week they asked me to leave on two nights as they had friends staying. They still tried to charge me for those nights.
If you want to know the worst, while I was there I got a call saying to come home immediately as my dad wasn’t going to make it. I collapsed on the floor in shock. They both went to work knowing I had to wait all day for my flight.
The girl asked her boyfriend (who was more my friend than she was) to tell me how much I owed three weeks after my dad passed. They did not however bother to see how I was or how my family were doing DESPITE being there when I got the worst news I have ever received.
Suffice it to say I have never spoken to them again. It’s just not something friends should do. Help a friend if you can, if you want to charge them, that is not a friendship.
I am so sorry that they were so cruel!
I don't think it's a bad thing to ask friends who stay at your place for more than a few nights to pay for groceries or something else to help with the costs, but not based on the number of nights and certainly not if that includes nights they tell you to find to stay somewhere else because they don't want to have you in the house when they're having other friends over. I think you did the best thing you could've done by letting that friendship go after this whole situation.
Sorry that happened to you. They are jerks.
Kelsey's example of friends eloping made me laugh because my best friend did that! And she called me to apologise because she was maid of honour at my wedding 🥺 I just told her that I was so pleased for her and that I didn't ask her to be maid of honour just to get asked back!
I didn't want this episode to end 😂
My family is relatively well off in many ways, so I really appreciate my mum's candor about growing up poor (50s Dublin, IE) and how lucky we are not to be. If anything, on my irish side you're more likely to get in a fist fight to *pay* the bill, than not pay it.
There's something really distasteful to me about people with money treating it like something that should be secret. Like they know the privilege they have but want the appearance of their wealth being their own merit, as opposed to an incredible accident of birth.
Im living at home because I can't afford to leave yet and id been paying about 450$/ month for my bedroom 😪😪
My mom walked in one day and announced that she's raising it to 1000$/month. She knows I can't leave and I have no choice but to pay 🙃🥲🥲
Like I was not able to pick this apartment or neighborhood when moved. I was a kid 👀😭.
So I get mad thats she talking about market rent now when I told her as she was apartment hunting that I couldn't afford it. It was so sudden too 🙃🙃
Lile suddenly I had 2 months to find 2 new jobs to eat an extra 600%/ month. I feel like id expect this from a landlord BUT THIS IS MY MOTHER 🥲☝️
Our relationship will never be same after this. Now that I know what to expect from her as soon as I'm struggling
Once upon a time, my friend's roommate wanted to charge a guest her full prorated rent if they came to stay--in my friend's room. The guest was only doing this because they were between apartments. The roommate was not going to be present as she was on vacation those two weeks and in the process of moving into a new place. The roommate had a good job and no challenges paying her rent. The guest stayed in a different friend's guest room for free instead.
I can't believe these folks. When I had a good day of sales at our little shop ($500+) I was so excited I treated some friends to $70 worth of Chinese takeout, which is big spending at a restaurant for me....we had already planned to split it but at the end of the day I was like you know what nope I got it. People who don't have to worry about money don't need to be being this stingy.
Gossip is only stigmatized because of patriarchy. If women talk to each other it might undermine male control/dominance.
What about women who gossip about other women? Should people just believe anything they hear?
I find it weird that gossip only related to woman, because men gossip just as much in my experience. Men talks about other people too
i’m taking a master of information and you’re 💯 right about gossip! it’s a super important part of information sharing especially for marginalized people
I will say one - potentially controversial - thing. I have one friend whose signature move is to show up at an event other people have planned, and then complain about how much it costs or remind us that she's on a tight budget. I'm not talking outrageously expensive choices - I'm a writer, our other friend is a teacher. The girl who complains is getting her second master's degree. Yes, we have more income than her right now, and may for a long time. But - she never suggests things that work for her!! If she said, "let's have a picnic" or "let's get a bottle of wine and drink it at your apartment," I would say "absolutely!!" Instead, she leaves it up to us to plan something, and then complains about how we plan it and makes us feel like we should offer to pay for her, even though we are definitely not wealthy. So I have definitely encountered some non-generous rich friends, but I have also encountered a few people (not just this one friend) who never advocate for what actually fits in their budget. If you can't afford something or need a full breakdown of what it's likely to cost, speak up.
Part of my friend group was like this. They wouldn't suggest any new places -- like at all. Even when we were in regular hangouts we'd ask them to pick and they said: "we'll go wherever you pick / we're too indecisive, etc". We used to spot them a lot as we knew they were on really tight budgets (because that's what they said), but a few days later we'd see posts that they were in other fancier restaurants or bought new things, which I was always confused about. We just eventually stopped inviting them, because yeah, they never really spoke up. If they did it would be right as we're paying as if we all didn't see the same menu.
That sounds really snobby to me but they never really suggested we all have a house hangout -- which I preferred as a homebody. They weren't homebodies though.
Devil's advocate, because I don't know the friend, so this advice may be misplaced.
Maybe the complaining is her way of speaking up. I know people who feel they are "bringing things down" if they suggest cheaper options. Relying on the less well off friend to be assertive in this way may be the whole reason she doesn't organise things.
You could ring her and actively engage in this conversation in a non-shaming way. Like, 'hey, I know the cost of socialising stresses you out, are there ways we can accommodate that?"
Maybe you guys can have a rotation system - each time you get together a different person plans the itinerary. Make a rule where the budget has to be disclosed up front. For example, friend A plans a trip to the local museum this week and the total cost per person is $60 (entrance fee, food, and chipping in for gas). Next week friend B plans a girl's night in binge watching Netflix and total cost is $8 per person (chipping in for pizza).
@@medioreblatherskite haha, yeah - this friend does that too! She totally spends money on other stuff that I personally consider out of my budget - cabs instead of subway, air travel. I know everyone gets to decide how to spend their money but like... it makes me less sympathetic.
@@Elspm I think that's probably true, but that's also behavior I really can't stand personally. I have turned things down that I couldn't afford. I have asked to do things I want to do. It's a skill people can acquire. My friend and I have indeed taken to suggesting cheaper plans, which is fine, I don't mind at all. I was more bringing it up because I feel like a lot of the stories on here are people being like, "I agreed to go on an expensive vacation and then my friend didn't pay the whole cost for me!!" and like, at some point you have to be a grownup
Dude the cabin story is just woooow on so many levels lmaooo
It is so strange that generosity isn't a trait that people strive to have! When we had more money in my DINK days I loved treating friends to meals or drinks or whatever. Now I try and be generous with my time or skills or whatever. Everyone is so tightfisted.
There is no way I would ever even acknowledge the charge. If pressed, I would send them a bigger bill for my time spent being a great guest.
That's a great take!
😂👍👍
Friend dealt with this ridiculousness. Her parents were mad that she was going to grad school where they didn't want her to, so they started charging her for meals at home. $8 for breakfast, $10 for lunch, $15 for dinner. She refused to pay, bought her own food, and allied her younger brothers to sneak her leftovers in exchange for beer. Her parents broke down and decided to support her so they but only if she FLEW ON THEIR JET back and forth to school. It was, let me be clear, a nice ass jet.
Wow
The American rich are so out of touch compared to what you would encounter in Europe. I even find it fascinating. I can't imagine even the mega rich flying on a jet here.
What?! Because she chose a school they didn’t like? Did it have to be frickin Harvard? 🤣
My siblings and I went to high schools of polar social classes. I went to a school that consisted of very lower class people, they went to a school with people who were mostly upper middle class if not upper class. My friends were poor, and I'm not just throwing that word around like mostly everyone does nowadays, but if one of us had money, we always shared, by buying each other food or bus fares. I'm never going to forget this story where while my sibling went to someone's house to study (in an extremely wealthy area) and the only thing she was offered to eat was nuts and water, while the family had a full meal in the other room. I couldn't believe it, I was outraged.
that's terrible
So proud I found this!!! New Sub here!! Gossip is used to inform and keep things honest. This reminds me of when I was in the midst of salary negotiations for a group of employees only to be told I was gossiping and to let it go. I was demonized for trying to help my department. People even stopped talking to me (yes some of those Iwas even trying to help.)
As mentioned I was trying to make "them (men) look bad" versus trying to do right by my team.
Turns out they were severely underpaying women that do the same job as men by ALOT!!
Recently Google allegedly had to pay $118 million to women as women were paid on average $15,000 less than men doing same job!!
Gossip is certainly king in helping us find truth and justice (because we r often shut out of these negotiations as women)
The story of being influenced by religion I know very well. Stay in a bad marriage, say nothing about your husband wasting money and yours because "we don't talk about money" are always ways women are disserviced.
Thank you both for this amazing conversation 💕
Tbh I feel embarrassed for my friends that are well off and call themselves "self made"
I think this has to do with wanting to feel like they "deserve" their wealth. I work with a guy who made a bunch of money during the dot com boom. He just happened to be friends w/ a guy who started an ISP (which got bought before the bust), and he had some IT competence. He mostly remembers the competence part and forgets the part where he had a rich friend who started an ISP at just the right time.
I'm fuming 😤 This cabin-attendance-fee story is wrong on so many levels, one of them, not covered in the video is: with this arrangement, the girlfriend actually has to PAY to be allowed to meet her guy's extended family. Like it's a privilege that has to be remunerated! Think of it from another angle, if you had to pay $250 to meet her mother because the mother has a leaking roof and unless you pay, you won't be given access to acquainting her. Bluntly speaking, it looks like the family of the guy are some exclusive people and even approaching them to say hi! is a chargeable service. They have the same reason to charge the girl to be able to come meet them as the girl has to take a shoe-repairing fee from this group of people because otherwise she has no shoes to come meet them, and it's a fair arrangement because she charges all of her acquaintances that (sarcasm). What makes them different from the rest of us who agree to get to know each other (and each other's families) for free? If it's really about meeting the girlfriend, it can all happen outside of the cabin in the city, at a coffee shop, movie theater etc. where everyone is equal and your guests don't have to finance the upkeep of your real estate as a prerequisite of meeting you!
Chelsea: “I know some of us were raised saying that gossip is a bad thing…”
Latinas: “Not us!”
“Chismecito” runs in my veins! 😎💖 hahaha
thats the bedrock of latina feminism!!!
this episode is the most "at home" i've felt listening in, and this is coming from someone that thoroughly enjoys every episode!
the country home thing in canada is having a cottage. as an urbanite i just don’t understand it. my dad got one as part of his midlife crisis and it’s wack because also its “crown land” (aka unceded indigenous territory) and its kind of a shitbox but he’s enjoying his walden pond ig
Your comment - golden
This is so fucking funny
Your channel has truly changed my life. i've been studying and researching about crypto for a while now and i got stuck at some point on the learning curve. now i can say l'm truly improving my understanding of this whole new world and making great profit weekly, all thanks to you
It's strange how people talk about all the profits, they have been making through trading of crypto, while am here making huge losses. Please can someone put me through on the right path or at least advise me on what strategy to follow.
Years ago I was out to dinner with a group of my best friends and when it came time to split the tab, and we were all trying to tally up what we should all reasonably owe, my one friend uttered the phrase, "Don't worry so much, friendship evens out" and that's been my guiding philosophy ever since. You pitched in the same amount at dinner as me when I had an extra drink? Well now I'll treat you to dessert the next time we're out, or grab you an extra coffee when I pick one up for myself. The cost in the moment doesn't matter, because eventually you'll do the same for me. If someone insists on nickel & diming they are not someone I need in my life.
*EDIT* Since my replies suggest that I might not have made my main point perfectly clear - I'm not saying you need to evenly split the bill 50/50 every time vs just paying your portion. It's just unnecessary to get upset when you end up paying $2 more than someone else did when you're out together. The point is that there's no pricetag on experiencing things with your friends, and as long as the group is respecting each others' differing budgets, it feels unnecessary to spend time worrying about how much one person is spending vs another.
I think the second step of this is that friendship usually allows you to know who can’t afford to pick up the extra and not put them in that spot. One of my good friends has three children and lives on a single income. Because of this phase in her life, I’m more likely to offer to pay or pick up the extra, knowing that as her circumstances continue to evolve, the balance may shift again.
That sort of applies but not really. If I go out with my friends and I have a different budget so I order less then I can't afford to even it out. However, my friend and I often switch off paying for lunch when we go out. I'm not going to worry that the bill for her was 75 and mine was 114.
That is exactly how I see things! Maybe your friend doesn't have the money to take you out to eat at the time, but true friendship has no price!
It does matter when my "entertainment" budget for the month is $30 and yours is $800. But it's the $800 people who usually demand we split it evenly when I specifically got something cheap at a restaurant, and didn't get drinks at all. Friendship can only even out when people consider others' situations.
I have had this done to me once when I had almost no money. I also ordered next to nothing, mostly I just sat there trying to enjoy the company. So I was paying for other people's food while I could not afford it. It would have been very embarrassing to protest at that time. You have to be quite sure this is ok, before suggesting even splitting. As many say, peoples budgets are different. I am more in a position to do this now, but I don't, as the lesson learned back then was something I never forgot. I could never pressure people to pay for my choices.. for me this 'even splitting' is more about group/social pressure to treat money as 'no big deal', while it might be for someone in the group! Now, I either pay for myself or I pay the whole bill.
One example for me is the show Girls written by Dunham- the girls are shown struggling in NYC - when in fact Dunham went to a $50/k year high school- how was she supposed to write an accurate description of struggling financially?
I lost it at, "driving 200 miles to my country home where perhaps a bear has entered." XD
I came here to learn how to invest after listening to a guy on radio talk about the importance of investing and how he made $960,000 in 4 months from $160k, somehow this video has helped shed light on some things, but I'm still confused, I'm a newbie and I'm open to ideas.
Investing in stocks is a good idea, a good trading system would put you through many days of success.
Interesting. I have a lump sum doing absolutely nothing at all in my bank account, I wanna get something started with it. You seem to be doing excellent for yourself, how do you achieve this?
@Chad Campbell Hello Do you trade on your own?
@Chad Campbell That's impressive. Are you giving her your money or the money stays in your trading account? What's really the idea behind copying trades.
@Chad Campbell Is her service available outside of the US? As her broker is registered in the US.
When all you have is your labor, you're willing to help others out rather than throw money at problems
Great point!
I don't understand their take on the charging wedding guests at all. They highlight the vindictive element but that's not the point. The people RSVPed. The couple then spent money on the fact they confirmed they were going to be there. If they back out, they owe money because the couple only spent it because of them in the first place. That's not vindictive, that's simply consequences to their actions.
Since they intended to go to the wedding, they should have just sent the gifts they've prepared, alongside a card with apologies. That seams the right thing to do. Especially if they cancel last minute, those people should be mindful that money were already spent on their meals etc. The bride and groom are also missing the opportunity to invite other friends instead, cause you can't do that last minute.
But there will always be some people who RSVP'd but then don't show the day of, for all kinds of reasons. I had about 20 not show up who had RSVP'd (and about 20 who had not RSVP'd who did show, so it worked out). Ultimately I view the provision of food for your guests as an act of hospitality, not an exchange where they pay you for it, either with cash or their presence. If they don't show, they don't show, and you spent the exact same amount of money you were going to spend anyway, and you just have more leftovers, which a lot of caterers will happily box up for you at the end. We took home a bunch of leftovers from our wedding catering and feasted for a week.
@@thatjillgirl I just don't agree at all. They made a commitment to be there, the couple spends money for their seat. Another loved one could have filled it or they could have had a smaller wedding. The no-shows, excluding extreme circumstance, would be charged and then out my life for good.
I guess it depends on the type of wedding and how close you are to the no-shows. This happened to me, and since the people were close to me, it felt bad. I was definitely not being made a priority by that friend, her actions were irresponsible. At the same time I had regrets for not inviting a few other people as well. Bailing last minute is not something people should do, in an ideal world they should be mindful of your feelings, since you invited them to your wedding.
@@zdravkachavdarova7056 I had to bail on a wedding once and gave the bride a weeks notice. It was in another country and had an exam coming up. The exam date had been changed to a Monday morning and I couldn't get home in time plus attend the wedding. However, I made sure they still received their gift.
I went to a nice school as an upper middle class kid but when asked I said my family was quite wealthy and that I was incredibly privileged to be there as my parents paid my way. I talked to the other people on my dorm floor and when they talked about their families it was a different story. "Oh, we get by okay. We're comfortable, thats all." Then one of them pulls up in a brand new Tesla and the other mentions that they live in the same neighborhood as the Clintons. They turned out all to be way richer than me and I judged them for being so blase and misleading about their privilege. I ended up socializing with other people because it left a bad taste in my mouth after awhile. Some of my friends from home couldn't afford to go to college at all and were some of the smartest people I know but these rich people acted like we were living in some utopian meritocracy where money didn't matter.
The problem is that corporate America is screwing us and instead of unionizing we are fighting each other (exactly as the corporate executives want).
You guys definitely know it already, but in Europe (Central/Western) it's quite commonplace to go Dutch when you go out to eat. It's not about not valuing the friendship. It's also absolutely no big deal for the servers as this is normal. Everyone pays for themselves and no hard feelings accumulate over behaviour including always ordering more expensive stuff, for instance.
That doesn't mean that you never invite your friends, of course.
Yes, it’s often like this in the UK. But in that case you split the bill at the table - I would never pay someone’s share at the restaurant and then send them a request for money afterwards unless it was something we discussed (like the restaurant doesn’t allow bill splitting or they didn’t have cash or something). I’d be so mortified to ask for or be asked for a portion of the meal after the fact!
In Korea, everyone at the dinner is expected to pull out their wallet and offer to go dutch, but sometimes the oldest or most wealthy at the table will offer to pay for everyone. Then there might be a fight between ppl who want to foot the bill until there's ultimately a winner. If we're all on the same playing field, then going dutch is standard. However, asking for money afterwards is considered rude, so we usually just split the bill then and there.
On dates, it's kind of the same thing. It's an unspoken rule to at least offer to go dutch.
Exactly you enjoy your time and there's zero pressure cause you know what you're paying
Damn! Being rich is a choice. That's amazing. I love that.
It's also cultural. Non-White cultures usually are "host" cultures. Where you are always served food and drink, even for stopping by. No way, they would charge you for room and board. It sounds, like White people from working classes share that with us.
All these stories remind me of #SwedenGate and colonisation. If there is one thing, history has taught us, is that White world expansion was partly motivated by greed. I feel, that greed is what motivates some of these stories.
I can understand why rich people might not want to talk about it with those who have less, beyond either wanting to project a false self-image or being unaware of the difference. It can also be from not wanting to "rub it in people's faces". I, having previously been poor and only recently gotten above what I call the "financial equator" (where things spin the opposite way and push you north/up instead of south/down), recently met someone who treated paying for even a not-very-expensive, several-years-old car for years & years as a given, as if that's just the way it always is for real people in the real world. It was my first time experiencing what it's like to be significantly better off than somebody else I was interacting with, having just finished paying for a more expensive and newer vehicle than his in 16 months. I didn't see any good in pointing that out to him, so I didn't.
Good for you I have a friend that literally pointed out that I am lower class than her
I am sooooo glad this topic finally aired. I really needed to have my experiences validated, and to know others experience some ludicrous levels of stinginess. It's a sore spot in many of my interactions, tbh - and the silence around it all is perhaps the hardest part. And thanks also for pointing me towards the etymology of gossip. The more you know 🌈✨
My bf was the one who made me realize it's actually GOOD to talk about what you make at a company. Businesses try to act like it's rude or improper so that you don't find out how much your Co workers are making.
On the girlfriend and the cabin fee - girl, when someone shows you who they are believe them. You have no future with that individual.
This is FASCINATING because I grew up evangelical in Georgia and gossip was the ONE sin people did with abandon--that, and gluttony. As I deconverted I finally asked my mother to stop gossiping about the sinful lives her friend's kids were living because it was none of my business and made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable.
Scintillating how different people's experiences can be within a similar community.
the cabin story got me rolling.....the audacity of this person lmao. they wanted HER to meet THEIR family and come to THEIR family's home but she had to pay an entry fee?? nah, they're lucky she didn't dump them!
I was once with a group of University Students at Lunch and they ordered food and Drinks for Like 40-50€ pP... I had a soup and a Softdrink for Like 10€...
They didn't asked, they insisted on Splitting the Bill evenly... I excused myself, went to the waitress and paid my food... They will never speak with me again... All of them were rich Kids, sponsored Like 1000-1500€/month by their parents. I had 600€ Bafög ("Student loan", but half of it is a Gift...)
Another group "invited" me to a Christmas Market and I reclined, because I was broke a.f.... They all also was in need of gouvernmental help and they invited me for two drinks! We became Friends and eben five years later we stay in contact ❤️
Poor helping poor... Rich shaming normal incomes...
I'm crying, that cabin story was on Reddit's AITA subreddit a while back. YTA, don't come crying to TFD! Hysterical
My ex boyfriend would ask me to pay every time he invited me out, along with paying half of his grocery bill simply because I was staying for a day or two. I never asked him for anything whenever he was visiting for weeks at a time.
Thank god he is an ex now.. pity his next victim 🥲
'Being rich is a choice' is a great quote, buuut, there is something to be said for privilege--like someone who comes from wealth who could literally not work or work a low-paying job and talk about being broke, but honestly still not get it because they are still well-connected and have a robust safety net...even someone in Congress or whatever might not make a ton of money, but they aren't there for the salary and they aren't there to work...but we all know they get plenty out of it
I don't think I like anyone else's family enough to pay $400 to spend a weekend with them.
I really like what you said about no contact.
I also have an abusive mother, and while I’m very low contact (basically no contact, except I have the messages unblocked), I don’t want to regret not being there for her because she has Alzheimer’s.
In the church I was raised in, gossip was strictly talking negatively about a person especially in a petty, shallow way = bullying. Because bullying a child (usually) upsets their parent.
When it comes to someone taking the bill for you- ask them what they’re having. That will give you an idea of what they’re paying for their meal. You don’t make them pay more for your meal than theirs.
Whew....after hearing these stories I'm so glad that I have the friends that I do cause we would never. We speak openly about our money journey and other life goals. We encourage one another and call each other out on our bs.
My daughter scored very high on her college entrance exams, and was accepted into ivy league schools back East with lots of scholarships. But there's no way we could have afforded the "extras" of running with a rich crowd. I was relieved when my daughter chose a state school instead. I didn't want her to feel "less than" ,🤷
I promise it isn’t always that bad. My husband is from a lower middle class family and he did ok at an Ivy.
It’s unbelievable how people can be so inconsiderate. I tend to drop those friends because it’s clearly obvious how they are. You are so correct as those type of people are usually the ones that make more money and are the most frugal.
the cabin seems to be a ponzi scheme of the grandparents hahaha. they are living LARGE
Old Millennial here- 'billing' friends is just about the strangest thing to me about young Millennials and Zoomers. My friends and I kept track of who picked up large tabs when we were young and broke (but ONLY when going out- NEVER having a friend over), but now it's not even a conversation. We just take turns- kind of. We don't keep tab. My friends and I are all financially stable, but none of us are wealthy.
I had a trust fund friend. She would tell people she grew up poor because her mom was broke but her dad was rich AF. (Her parents weren’t together). Her dad though, He payed for her to go to the most expensive private school in the city and constantly e-transfer her money. She would invite me to places I couldn’t afford and when I told her she would say “it’s okay just pay me back”. I would feel so awkward because I knew paying her back meant I wouldn’t be able to afford both food and rent that month but I always payed her
I'm on the younger end of the millenials (I was born in 1994) and I agree with you that splitting costs for food is only acceptable for going to a restaurant or ordering pizza and even then only after you've talked about splitting the costs, never for a home made meal because if you can't afford to feed your friends something fancy like salmon you could just go for a dish with cheaper ingredients unless your friends offer to give you some ingredients to work with.
okay as someone with a family cabin and we all help with upkeep it is their responsibility to pay for their guest... also its easier to have the cabin in a TRUST and you all pay less, spend MORE time there, also if you all get together once a year and do the work together it is a family reunion AND keeps upkeep costs lower!!!!!
This conversation reminded me so much of the “Rice Husband” chapter in The Joy Luck Club.
I've never had so much fun listening to one of your podcasts. They're always super informative and useful, but this one was super light-hearted and shows just how gossip can be really full of life lessnos!
I'm a firm believer in reciprocity at your level. My parents are comfortably retired and will sometimes treat me to a crab pot dinner. I make decent money, but I'm not at their level. I'll treat them to breakfast at a diner, or lunch at the all you can eat Indian buffet. It may not be equal, but it feels fair. Plus I've introduced my parents to some amazing restaurants they would not have found on their own.
We were invited to a destination wedding (Las Vegas), the trip cost each of us about $1000. A few days to the wedding the bride sends us menu so "we would know how much our dinner would be". Due to no refund, since it was last minute, we still went, had to pay for our dinner, but the friendship is over.
A big rule of mine (for me personally, I don’t expect this of others) in social outings is, “if it was my idea, and I know the price precludes someone from coming, I pay for everyone.” If I can only afford going out to dinner with friends if one friend on food stamps spends her week’s laundry money or grocery budget, I am in the wrong. And I don’t want them to feel embarrassed or like they’re taking advantage, so I just offer to pay for everyone. And if I don’t know someone’s financial situation, I also offer to pay. The point is that if they need their money more than I do, it’s my job to not pressure them into spending it. I either offer to pay, or we do something in their budget, or free. If it’s my idea, it’s my responsibility to make sure everyone can happily afford what I’m suggesting.
Yes about the subsidized artists. This was the case with a shitty band from my hometown. Their 3rd album charted when their parents all bought a case of CDs pre-release. How did I find out? While getting something out of a closet, there it was. Un-opened, and un-shared.
The band members also got allowances from their folks until they were about 30, and some still do.
My jaw dropped at the cabin story. I am agape!!!!
29:22!!! LOVE THAT DHDHS like no more “being poor is a choice just don’t be poor” being RICH is definitely a choice why aren’t you sharing your capital HMMMM????
Some Anthropologist believe that one of the earliest purposes of human language was gossip. So when, say, the hunter of a family goes off to find food, when he comes back he can learn what’s been going on while he was gone! Because when you think about it, you really don’t need to have language when you’re hunting. You are just, well, hunting!
This was such an interesting and also uncomfortable conversation! So many good points were made.
Im a big advocate for venmo during dinner. I cant afford to pay for everyone or just split it. Some friends eat a lot more (and more expensively), while I only order a soup or the cheapest thing on the menu. Before venmo, I used to just order a separate bill to avoid these issues. I dont want to be rude, but I also do not want to get less bang for my buck just because I go out with friends who are more indulgent.
This is such a regional thing. In my area of the country, separate checks is the default when you go out with a group. The wait staff will usually ask if it's separate checks, and you'll tell them who all is together, and they just bring everybody their own separate checks. I honestly didn't know that retroactively splitting the bill with everyone just chipping in some amount that isn't necessarily the amount they spent was even a thing until I was an adult and started seeing stories about it online. Separate checks are definitely the way to go.
@@thatjillgirl where are you from? I had no idea separate checks were a thing!
I'm French and we have one large check for the whole group. When the waiter brings it, each member of the group tells the waiter what he had, pays for it and then someone else does and so on. It must be annoying for the waiter but I'm sure they are used to it 😅
@@perthfanny3017 I'm in the U.S., specifically Oklahoma. Here it's completely the norm for wait staff to do separate checks when people come in as a group. They don't even bat an eye when you tell them it's separate. But I know even in some other parts of the U.S., it's more typical to do a single check and the group sorts out who owes what later. I vastly prefer the separate check method. I never have to worry about what I'm ordering or what someone else is ordering or whether I'll be paid back or anything. We all just pay for our own.
See I am that friend who never ask for Venmo from my friends. They always take it on themselves to pay me back, but I know if they can't I am not mad or going to hound them for money. I'd rather get that time with my friends.
“Don’t talk to each other about things” Fortunately for me, even though I too was raised in the church, that was NOT our definition of gossip. Imagine not being able to talk to each other about things??? What would be the point of fellowship?
Gossip to us meant denigrating a person with information that may not be true, is personal, and mostly said behind their backs with them not having the opportunity to defend themselves or even correct the false info.
I believe that’s a great way to be.
I hear this the most with cult leaders and church leaders who have definitely done something heinous. A few months ago, I remember Philio DeFranco covering a story of a pastor who was screaming that certain gossipers were "witches" and more offensive words, trying to put the congregation on his side. Turned out, he'd made sexual advances with several women, though he's married.
Me and a few girls were renting a hotel room for the weekend. Another friend was not staying with us, but me and her took a nap for one hour in the afternoon when we first got there. And one of the other girls renting the hotel with me said I need to charge the friend for taking a one hour nap in the room (she took the nap on the floor by the way).
😳
Yikes
This is nuts
wtf
I had two friends in college who were super stingy and would be insanely picky about splitting the bill for meals exactly. They were both wealthy and one had a grandfather who used money as a means of manipulation and control. When you are calculating what portion of the tip you owe and you count the cents, you need to chill.
Truly the worst! This is why I do anything I can not to go out to eat with certain people and then they act confused!
David Graeber writes about indebtedness between community members as an integral part of the social fabric for millennia in his book 5000 years of debt. Paying off debt equating to terminating a relationship is nothing new in human history according to his research.
such a great book & author
At restaurants, the idea of just splitting the bill is a bit complicated to me, because I'm a fat girl who often chose the most expensive desert. Most likely, what I ate cost more than my share of the bill, and so I feel like people may resent me (especially if it combines with the idea that the fat girl can't control herself).
I don't have enough money to pick up everyone's bill, but I also don't think it's fair for me to always pay less than I really should. I generally say "hey let me pay some more, cause I had that desert", but then we approach calculating the bill.
I've always preferred to just pay what each ordered and for a tip, what each of us is able to pay. I will admit though that it took until probably my mid-20's to realize tipping was seen as a mandatory thing because I very rarely eat at a restaurant instead of bringing food back home. It would be food apps that made me realize, "Oh...that's pretty much expected." I tip and I hope I tip well, but I would be first in line at a tipping protest to just raise wages and the price of the food.
@@BewareTheLilyOfTheValley I agree. It's so much better when you just pay for what you had. This way you don't have to worry about eating too much or paying for other people's stuff if they consume more. I'm French and I feel like this is more the way we usually do it.
@@perthfanny3017 I usually don't even have the money to just treat a group of people to a meal, lol. I'll maybe cover one person but beyond that, you better be family if I'm paying for everyone 😂
Separate bills is much easier, and there won’t be any lingering resentment in the long run.
As a Gen X I would never charge a guest to stay at my house. That being said as a guest I would offer to pay for food, take my host out and give them a host/hostess gift. I have also learned that wealthy people are the least generous group by far.
YEP they really are
This ep is unhinged in the best way
Keeping shoes in the box makes them last longer. Keeps them safe. The tags and packaging let's you resell them easier.
So I've been told.
I understand packaging but if the tags are still on im assuming youre not wearing them right
We were always told to take price tags off of everything. Tacky not to do so.
If you don't have anything good to say about someone, come and sit next to me😂