I’m 36 and have a core memory of getting ready for kindergarten, my saddle shoes were extremely uncomfortable but I was told too bad, I broke down crying and my siblings and mom laughed and took a picture of me. We still have the picture. There wasn’t even an Internet to post it on yet but having that experience of my family belittling me in a such a way has still stuck with me. I can’t imagine what it’s like to know that your parents, the ppl you rely on for safety, are posting your most vulnerable moments for the world to see.
I saw a short of a boy finding out he got a puppy. It was extremely emotional for him, and even though it was a happy occasion, I saw something wrong with using your child's authentic reaction for content. Even if the boy was "alright" with it at the time, who's to say the permanent record online would always be.
I keep seeing videos lately of parents styling their child’s hair and the child is crying and visibly in pain and these parents post such videos for laughs as if to say “look how soft my child is” it’s disturbing to say the least. It’s bad enough that you are torturing your child for a hair style but to post it online for laugh, clicks and views? That’s a new low
I remember a similar experience with being made to try on older family members wigs for photos. It's humiliating and uncomfortable to not have bodily anatomy at any age! Hoping the kids who have to work online for influences are afforded best therapy and healthcare in the future
I’m a 90s kid so thankfully my experience of sharenting was limited to rudimentary Facebook posts, but my mom has frequently said she wishes family vlogging were a thing when my sister and I were growing up 🙃 exploitative parenting is not okay and it’s getting so much easier and more normalized.
I've only pretty recently started see a few more people commenting on videos on kids things like, "stop sharing your kids online," and I'm so here for it. I think Sarah is at the forefront of this shift, and I really hope it makes these sharents change.
I'm 10 years older than my younger sister and when I was a teen and she was a little kid I would post so many photos of my sis online just because I love her and thought she was perfect. I has a whole facebook album dedicated to her. Then I read something about people taking kids faces and putting it in crazy nfsw videos and other disturbing things and I deleted every photo of my sister from my page. I even closed down my facebook account. I was like 16 at the time. All to say at 26 now I can't grasp how GROWN WOMEN and MEN (why are dad's always left out of these conversations?) feel no level for responsibility to protect their children when I as a minor myself felt such guilt that I had accidentally and naively put my little sister at risk. It's so scary out here. We don't need to be parents to care about the wellbeing of ALL children in our country and in the world as a whole.
The concerning thing to me is that molestation and exploitation of minors can happen even in a family system-so even if photos or videos are shared privately, you never know who is truly safe
I have a friend who worked in intelligence (US) before and slightly after she was pregnant. She said, after working there, it was her policy to NEVER post any photos, information etc online. What people do, with this information, is alarming. And parents dont think about it.
As a mom who hides full on face shots of my kid on social media, PLEASE DONT LET UP ON THIS! There are so many (narcissistic) parents who are doing this and something has to change!
Talking about consenting adults, but my husband went through a horrible illness and we didn't post any pictures of it. Not because we are very shy or private people it just didn't feel right. I am now having to almost convince people that we were out of town for more than two years for medical reasons. It's crazy to me that for some people cancer could be a "must-share" experience.
My husband survived a gnarly car accident this summer and my only online posts/images maybe showed his hands, in a larger overall image. I wanted the candor of how someone navigates the aftermath for their debilitated partner, but his wounds were not public business. The next photo I posted of him was when he was nearly fully healed and we were dressed up for Halloween.
that's terrible. i'm convinced social media is impacting the brain in a way that destroys object permanence. for the most habitual social media users, if it wasn't online, it never happened. if you're not online they forget you still exist. people have forgotten how to use their phones for the traditional purpose of calling people, checking in on loved ones, and actually keeping up in real life. it's very sad and very bad for relationships.
There was a tiktoker who announced their mom had cancer but they didn’t ever give any updates. Folks got mad and screamed “They used their mom for clout” And it feels weird to me that people think they’re entitled to essentially a stranger’s private life
it's interesting how the apps that require us to sign away our privacy in their "terms and conditions" have also eroded the very concept of privacy in our culture @@Kirakirakira96
I really enjoyed the section on discussing identity! I’m a new mom and I feel slightly uneasy when others called me “mom of (insert child’s name)”. Yes, I am their mom. But I’m also still Liz; my identity hasn’t just magically disappeared.
yes , I also feel like there is such a DRASTIC change on how people behave with you before, when it's just you/while you are pregnant. VS when the baby is born. You suddenly become less than less, nothing about you matters it's all about the child. Which make sense, but also you are your child whole universe, If you are unwell your baby will for sure also be unwell. So you should still deserve respect and being treated with care,compassion etc and as a full person. From what I have witness more often than not. No one cares if the mother is tired or doesn't want visitor and privacy. Everyone just want to rush-in. SEE THE BABY . Most don't offer actual help. They just want to hold the baby while the tired new mom, that just gave birth or had a major surgery like a C-section ,does the tasks, like serving people food and cleaning,returning back to work right away and anything related to her discomfort or new needs is an annoyance. Plus because of the non-existent social support and parent-work-leave are pretty much non-existent in USA. Very expensive child-care and increasing cost of living- It is pretty much impossible for parents to maintain any sort of social life, and it seems most mothers feel very isolated and lonely. I wonder if part of this oversharing of children online comes from mothers needing connections /supports/validation/advises that our now almost non-existent social support used to bring.
I'm glad there's a conversation around this. I thought it was my own paranoia that I very seldom posted my kid online. When I did, locked the posts down to certain friends/family. I freaked out when someone shared a picture (I had forgotten to turn off sharing), so now I very, very, VERY rarely post her for family. I just couldn't and still can't wrap my head around exposing my sweet, beautiful toddler to potentially millions of people. It's bizarre and feels unnatural to just have that level of exposure so young. I hated my pictures as a kid (something something trauma), and I still cringe seeing pics of myself as a kid. I can't imagine having those pictures floating around on the internet for anyone to see.
Thanks for the discussion. I personally have taken the descision to not post anything regarding my children, with exeption of a couple of pictures of the backs of their heads. On a side note, I absolutely loath questions on the topic of "why do mothers switch to their lives revolving around the kids". The reason why is because it's a 24/7 job. It is either all that you do, or you need to be able to pay to outsource some of the responsibilities (which then still leaves you with no free time because you are working). And once again as a mother you are held up to an unattainable standard - try to be a great mother, but also make it look easy, keep other interests, don't become boring. A majority of women find this shift happens because it's natural to for it to happen, motherhood is an extremely involved job (at least unless we return to cating for children communally)
I'm an 80's baby and the limits of my parents sharenting was them showing our relatives and friends embarrassing pictures in an old photo album. How times have changed.
Something that really comes up for me about this conversation is one, very specific, underlying psychology that has been present since at least my own childhood and, likely, before: I had a childhood friend whose mother required her to participate in beauty pageants. For her mom, the participation was ostensibly the "character building" of the activity but at its heart, the mom was living vicariously through her child. Instead of coping with her feelings of shame surrounding her own disappointment about her life, she pushed her daughter to the success she wanted and then claimed the victory. I can't help but wonder how much of this plays into the parenting influencer culture.
I'm a middle-aged Gen X-er, so I grew up way before the internet. But my parents were writers and journalists. They wrote a book about their marriage and raising their 2 kids. My brother and I were tweens when it was published, and it was humiliating. But it was also very successful, so we weren't allowed to complain. Later, my dad wrote an op/ed column for a local newspaper. Usually it had to do with politics, but he'd also slip in personal stories. During this time my brother and I were teens/young adults. It was still humiliating. It felt like every moment of our lives was fodder for their writing. I can't even imagine what it's like to have all that available to the entire world. 😞
I'm a writer and a mom and I have always felt deeply creeped out writing about my kids knowing that strangers will read it. But there's also an anxiety that people will think I don't care about my kids because I don't write about them? This encourages me to trust my gut and continue keeping them out of my writing. Thanks!
GOOD AFTERNOON!!!! Thank you for sharing this topic on your TH-cam channel. I myself is 60 years old and I have a daughter who is 26 years old and have autism. Right now there a mother who have a daughter who have autism and she's around the age of 4 or 5 . She a beautiful child, but her mother keeps aiming the 📷 camera on her even when she have a melt down. Doesn't that mother know she crossing the line when it comes to her privacy 🤔. The posting that got me kinda confused and mad is she announced that her daughter haven't took a bath for 2 MONTHS!!!😮 I'm not kidding. It's SAD 😔!!! My daughter saw this and shook her head and couldn't believe what was happening. I wish parents would think twice about sharing EVERYTHING about their child.
the entitlement to others lives is what gets me…i don’t use socials but people will regularly tell me they know what i did over the weekend because they saw me in someone’s story during a party or event- often, someone i’m not even close enough to for them to have a picture of me.
One of my ‘friends’, a mom of a friend of my kid and a neighbor, had a mommy Instagram and it was so toxic and disturbing I had to stop being friends with her and I went to therapy for bystander trauma. She even had a third kid for the IG likes, even though she pretty much despised her kids and spanked them about 5 times a day.
I ise to watch a little of this kind of content until the Stauffers "rehomed" their adopted son Huxley. Now I barely post my family (all adults) on social media. I got really serious about consent, even for adults.
Chelsea's questions and observations in this interview are SO on point. However, this is the second TFD interview I've watched where the interviewee seems either unprepared, uninterested, or unequipped to engage in the kind of sociological analysis and philosophy that Chelsea wants to explore (and I do too!). I think Chelsea has mentioned in past that she sends questions in advance, so I don't know where the disconnect is. Perhaps in the selection of guests. I hope the solution is not to dumb down the interviews.
1000% agree. While she made some valid points, it was really unbearable at times to listen to. The self appointed "call out" nature and "I'm doing this better than other moms" is something I absolutely hate in SM. I also hated the fact that she admitted she could be more versed in child development research but she is not. The irony in her being a content creator that's focused on calling mothers out for their content while she is benefiting as a content creator is wild.
@@mariolahdiaz I don't agree, I think all the points this guest made were valid, and I did not detect self-righteousness (though I am not a mom, so maybe I'm less sensitive to it). I just think that she has a single message, "children deserve privacy!" whereas Chelsea was trying to have a much broader conversation, which I would've enjoyed hearing.
So glad I never posted a single pic of my kids. My kids are the most important part of my life but I don't own their image. My 9 year old is so glad she does not have an online presence before even being old enough to use social media herself.
I'm 39 and when I was a kid, I had an experience where I was on this swing that went over some water where the tide regularly went out. The tide was out leaving jagged rocks down below and I swung out but didn't have the momentum to get back. I was crying as it was a hold swing and I was slipping. My mom and step dad just laughed and my brother helped me out. Pretty callous and I think were there social media, it'd be going on there.
People need to just share the pics and updates of their kids in a family group chat or email chain- that’s it. You never need to share images & videos of your children to hundreds or thousands of people online
So true ! I have a “ insert my child’s name “ fan club , which is a WhatsApp group for the grandmas in our family ☺️Never posted her on my socials because I don’t know everyone who follows me .
One of my main fears about potentially one day becoming a mother is not being able to keep them safe, and also losing my identity so completely.... this touches on both. Thank you for this discussion!
This is really important to talk about. I’m a homeschooling mother. My children’s privacy has been extremely important to me since their births. Why do people need to display their children during their most vulnerable moments -childhood?! Childhood is sacred and beautiful but as children, we have experienced it, it is interesting/hard getting to know yourself and the world. Children need privacy until they can make decisions for themselves, voting age. That’s absolutely my opinion and I’m not trying to press that onto anyone else.
I truly appreciate her perspective. I don’t have kids and don’t want them but I’ve always felt the same way she does basically on all the points she brought up.
A big reason I think many of us posted our kids so much (as a mom of older kids) is that we don’t have a village and motherhood is isolating more so than ever. This was our “online village.” But of course some take it to a stage mom degree.
I appreciate TFC for its depth in exploring various topics. Chelsea's insightful questions reveal a genuine commitment to thoughtful discussions. I'd love to see her tackle veganism with guests like Earthling Ed, Joey Carbstrong, or David Ramms. As an ethical vegan, I find connections between TFC themes and veganism. For example, just from this video - victim autonomy or the climate crisis. Chelsea's engagement with these ideas in relation to veganism would be fascinating.
I would love to see her have an earnest conversation with Earthling Ed in particular, but I don't see that ever happening. She clearly really wants to continue eating meat and dairy while seeing herself as a good person, so she repeatedly takes BS labels like "small farm" and "local" at face value. Engaging with this issue with someone who actually knows what they're talking about would require a pretty massive mental shift, and I don't think she's ready for that. This is someone who served foie gras as an appetizer.
@laurawynne2441 agreed, it would require a massive mental shift. I've heard her mention veganism in another video, I can't remember where but the tone was "but that's something we're not going to get into now." In a weird way that gives me hope because it's on her radar in some capacity.
Agree with Chelsea, as a mom don’t refer to me as “mama” etc. unless you are using the sentence “_____ is _____’s mom”. I’m an individual, use my own name. While the types of comments Chelsea mentions are well meaning, wording them that way gives me the ick.
Parents don’t necessarily want them on TH-cam but it’s an extremely easy way to keep them entertained without having to do the work yourself. It’s given to keep kids from being difficult. I’ve asked and is always the same answer/excuse.
I’ve completely changed the way I share my life online and that includes my own life and my kids after seeing so many wild things. The more I watch other people online sharing their kids and realizing how weird it feels that I know almost everything about these kids, and adults! Makes me feel so weird!
I don’t have kids but thought this discussion was very well done and very important. Often wonder what younger kids/children will think of being put online without consent.
Remember those tv reality shows?. Octo mommy, bill and Katie plus 8 , the dugger family? These were people with large families and we watched to see how they managed at home with soo many children to attend to.❤
These mommy bloggers and family channels give off the same energy as the parents who want their children to be Hollywood stars. Managing their money and having them look a certain way… and the notion of unpaid child labor!
This is why those videos of kids reuniting with their parents after deployment seriously upset me. As a military brat I know how hard it is to re-integrate the family and the fact that people post those moments to try and get likes makes my blood boil. Those kids have it hard enough with all the other issues of military parents.
I won't even send a recording in a DM (video message) of a kid's face up close, often even far away it doesn't feel right. They don't even necessarily understand how these things work. That messenger I use has such an invasive privacy policy, but I'm begrudgingly consenting to it., they're not Other things I post even of adults in public spaces,I blur or try to cut off people's faces if they're close enough to see. I just don't get how people are ok with sharing these things much less of people who can't consent and can't understand. Like if I take a selfie with my adult friend I check it's ok with them to post.
But transportation isn't the only thing that changes when you buy locally. If you are eating local foods that typically means less packaging, if you're choosing responsible farms then there is less land use change. I'm just saying it's pointing people in a better direction than the alternative. It's about progress not perfection :)@@missloly824
Unlike child actors who are somewhat protected by law financially, these children are not protected AND they are creating social media content mostly from home. Home should be a place of privacy, a place to enjoy down-time and family, etc. Where do these kids go for a break from “work”?? So sad. Even if minors do “consent” to creating content, they don’t know the extent of what they’ve agreed to until they are adults.
41:01 children working (meaning long hours of paid labor, especially exploitative labor) was not the case for "most of human history." That was a result of capitalism and the industrial revolution.
It would probably be extremely controversial, but I would love an episode that explores this idea you touched on of basically taking the self care treat yourself care for yourself first narrative too far. I find that my generation says “well I’m a giver and I need to put myself first” a lot. Of course sometimes that’s is absolutely true, and there are individuals out there who make time, health, physical, financial and/or emotional sacrifices for others constantly. But I find that when my friends, who don’t have children or dependents are using this narrative all the time, I am so confused… who are you putting above yourself to justify xyz purchase or xyz action that may hurt someone else’s feelings? I think selflessness is something that should be applauded, and sometimes it feels like my millineal generation and gen z are hyper fixated on taking care of themselves over taking care of others.
I hope she wouldn't feel pressured to do so but there's potential for her to write a book about her experiences that could help shift this normalization of "sharernting". I'm reminded of Jennette McCurdy's book 'I'm Glad My Mom Died' and how it made child stars and the exploitative work they engage in top of mind. I like to imagine it's helping change folks perspectives.
If you ever teach in a classroom, your students will likely be gleeful to point out what word you tend to overuse! I had a group one year who had several teachers in a program I was part of and they had a running list for all of us 😂
Right? Is the same thing as a like or validation. The bigger question is why are other women so antinatalism versus the overprotective mother. Being exposed to media heightens the propensity for fears and reinforces overreacting thoughts and subsequent behaviors
Sustainable meat is a myth. It's fundamentally bad for the environment: over using antibiotics creates resistant viral diseases. Cows produce huge amounts of methane. Chickens are genetically engineered to constantly produce eggs and grow so large they cannot stand up. All the animals have their freedom restricted, they're slaughtered in front of each other, and always live in over crowded conditions with the cheapest possible level of nutrition and medical care. It's a profit making scheme, after all, you've got to keep overhead costs low.
Then there's Christian families with handicapped children /foster children showing the lifes of their kids. One of those even got cancer and it became a whole other level exploting her faith her illness and her two down syndrome girls . I stopped watching when i realised that me looking at their lifes was actually obscene (even if in the begining i just felt sorry for the kids as i myself had an handicaped family member once)
Disappointed to see an ad for a butcher's in this??? Especially as topics around consent, the rights of others and climate change are touched on this very same video?
I think there can be a lot of valid ethical discussions around oversharing online with kids. However, I really abhor the safety line of argumentation as well as the conversation around strangers utilizing the images of children inappropriately. This is just the "stranger danger" nonsense of the 80s and 90s repackaged. The data does not support this trope. When it comes to the likeness of children being viewed inappropriately by creeps. All this mindset does is fuel anxiety and instill a false sense of control amongst the public. It gives people the idea that it's their responsibility to control how other people view and think about their children. This is not a normal or healthy mindset for people to have. None of us can control the thoughts people have about us. This viewpoint is also a slippery slope towards victim blaming. It puts the onus of responsibility on victims...."why were those images online" to me is not much different than "why were you out that late at night". It’s not my business the sin that someone else has in their heart and mind. If they’re going to use innocuous pictures for disturbing purposes…… that’s on them. To be honest, It doesn’t hurt me or my children. Out of sight out of mind. Trying to preemptively control someone else’s thoughts, feelings and desires is futile and a recipe for misery. I don’t think children or their parents should be limited in their actions by this false sense of control. Creeps have existed long before the internet and social media. The fact that unhealthy people exist online shouldn’t be our burden and placing that responsibility on parents is tantamount to victim blaming. Keep the shame where it belongs…with the perverts. If this is your mindset why even stop online then? Every time you leave your house with your child you're exposing their likeness to the world. How do we know that some weirdo might not be following in the bushes taking a mental image of your child for demented purposes later on. Wouldn't a responsible parent never let their child leave the house...just in case? Why risk it?
So while I completely agree with this mindset, it’s a little different when parents share thousands of images of their children online because AI can use those to generate new content with those kids that is not innocent. That can follow yours kids and come back up later so I think that is a big factor to consider. I agree we are not responsible for how other people view innocent photos, we are responsible for our children’s digital footprint and those photos (if there are enough) can be used for deepfakes.
I'd say this makes most sense when viewed through the lense of consent. A child cannot consent to a whole hoard of their pictures being shared online for random people to see and keep. If a random person on the street takes my picture without my consent, I will 100% at least try to chase them down with hopes of deleting it. No one should have to deal with their own child hating them for years for making their private moments and emotions a public spectacle. The dangers of perverts is just... Something else to consider. I would say consent is primarily what this discussion should be about. A child is a human being too, their own person. Once someone realises that, it's kinda hard to wake up everyday and just shove a camera on their face willy-nilly and then later edit and upload these kind of contents for millions to see
Her account mainly calls out parents who use content that monetized their kids. Videos and photos of your kids in the bath don't belong online for obvious reasons. Nor do videos of kids being upset. By the time kids turn five, their parents have shared around 3000 photos of them online. No other generation has had to grow up with private moments shared this way.
The word “right” to have someone else understand what you’re trying to convey is extremely overused. There has got to be another way to convey your message and ask if another understands. “Right” is very on trend, lol, it’s just annoying. It’s reminds me of a filler such as “like” and can come across as not being sure of what you’re saying.
@@AS-or6otThis is a “perfect” time for you to analyze the words you use, your inner dialogue and the way words affect your “empowerment”. Saying you love, hate, using the word “but” or slay, in a cavalier way forms intent, habits and our subconscious. Even the way N. Americans speak, their cadence and rhythm and amount of words in sentences ALL affect our lives. Ick, creepy, fat and name calling are all examples of unhealthy perspectives and behaviours. Both parents lose perspective and share inappropriate things. Parents imprint on children. Also look at how people worship social influencers, celebrities and athletes. Learn to vote through my spending habits. Corps use charity for financial gains. Good people who volunteer or perform acts of service without any expectation of a return are being unconditional and the pay off is their own endorphins and simply feeling good via giving. The internet is forever and data mining creates a set of data tied to a person and the data is used to quantify stock futures and marketing for govs and mega corporations. Fear and paranoia is something which wasn’t as prevalent pre-internet. Perfection is impossible, be careful what you wish for!
I was excited for this video until I saw the sponsor. Ugh. So disappointing to see someone who cares so deeply about their pet not extending that compassion to other animals. "Local" doesn't mean "kind." If my neighbor kept her dog in a crate all day, that wouldn't be less cruel just because it was "local" to me.
Can we have someone come on next season to discuss the financial realities of recovering from a natural disaster? Maybe even two somebodies, like someone who has been through it (dr.beachgem10 would be great for this) in like a “this is what you do and how to apply for FEMA” type episode and maybe an insurance person to talk about homeowners/renters insurance vs flood insurance vs insurance to cover your mortgage in the even your home is completely destroyed type episode. Like a how to prepare episode and a how to respond when it happens episode.
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I’m 36 and have a core memory of getting ready for kindergarten, my saddle shoes were extremely uncomfortable but I was told too bad, I broke down crying and my siblings and mom laughed and took a picture of me. We still have the picture. There wasn’t even an Internet to post it on yet but having that experience of my family belittling me in a such a way has still stuck with me. I can’t imagine what it’s like to know that your parents, the ppl you rely on for safety, are posting your most vulnerable moments for the world to see.
I had a similar experience too, and even as an adult it still embarrasses me. I’m sure my parents never expected that I would remember it today
Being laughed at by my parents makes up a lot of my early childhood memories too.
I saw a short of a boy finding out he got a puppy. It was extremely emotional for him, and even though it was a happy occasion, I saw something wrong with using your child's authentic reaction for content.
Even if the boy was "alright" with it at the time, who's to say the permanent record online would always be.
I keep seeing videos lately of parents styling their child’s hair and the child is crying and visibly in pain and these parents post such videos for laughs as if to say “look how soft my child is” it’s disturbing to say the least. It’s bad enough that you are torturing your child for a hair style but to post it online for laugh, clicks and views? That’s a new low
I remember a similar experience with being made to try on older family members wigs for photos. It's humiliating and uncomfortable to not have bodily anatomy at any age! Hoping the kids who have to work online for influences are afforded best therapy and healthcare in the future
I’m a 90s kid so thankfully my experience of sharenting was limited to rudimentary Facebook posts, but my mom has frequently said she wishes family vlogging were a thing when my sister and I were growing up 🙃 exploitative parenting is not okay and it’s getting so much easier and more normalized.
I've only pretty recently started see a few more people commenting on videos on kids things like, "stop sharing your kids online," and I'm so here for it. I think Sarah is at the forefront of this shift, and I really hope it makes these sharents change.
I'm 10 years older than my younger sister and when I was a teen and she was a little kid I would post so many photos of my sis online just because I love her and thought she was perfect. I has a whole facebook album dedicated to her. Then I read something about people taking kids faces and putting it in crazy nfsw videos and other disturbing things and I deleted every photo of my sister from my page. I even closed down my facebook account. I was like 16 at the time. All to say at 26 now I can't grasp how GROWN WOMEN and MEN (why are dad's always left out of these conversations?) feel no level for responsibility to protect their children when I as a minor myself felt such guilt that I had accidentally and naively put my little sister at risk. It's so scary out here.
We don't need to be parents to care about the wellbeing of ALL children in our country and in the world as a whole.
The concerning thing to me is that molestation and exploitation of minors can happen even in a family system-so even if photos or videos are shared privately, you never know who is truly safe
I have a friend who worked in intelligence (US) before and slightly after she was pregnant. She said, after working there, it was her policy to NEVER post any photos, information etc online. What people do, with this information, is alarming. And parents dont think about it.
As a mom who hides full on face shots of my kid on social media, PLEASE DONT LET UP ON THIS! There are so many (narcissistic) parents who are doing this and something has to change!
Talking about consenting adults, but my husband went through a horrible illness and we didn't post any pictures of it. Not because we are very shy or private people it just didn't feel right. I am now having to almost convince people that we were out of town for more than two years for medical reasons. It's crazy to me that for some people cancer could be a "must-share" experience.
My husband survived a gnarly car accident this summer and my only online posts/images maybe showed his hands, in a larger overall image. I wanted the candor of how someone navigates the aftermath for their debilitated partner, but his wounds were not public business. The next photo I posted of him was when he was nearly fully healed and we were dressed up for Halloween.
After my wedding and honeymoon, I came back to work and my boss said 'you didn't post any photos, did you even get married?' 🙄
that's terrible. i'm convinced social media is impacting the brain in a way that destroys object permanence. for the most habitual social media users, if it wasn't online, it never happened. if you're not online they forget you still exist. people have forgotten how to use their phones for the traditional purpose of calling people, checking in on loved ones, and actually keeping up in real life. it's very sad and very bad for relationships.
There was a tiktoker who announced their mom had cancer but they didn’t ever give any updates. Folks got mad and screamed “They used their mom for clout” And it feels weird to me that people think they’re entitled to essentially a stranger’s private life
it's interesting how the apps that require us to sign away our privacy in their "terms and conditions" have also eroded the very concept of privacy in our culture @@Kirakirakira96
I really enjoyed the section on discussing identity! I’m a new mom and I feel slightly uneasy when others called me “mom of (insert child’s name)”. Yes, I am their mom. But I’m also still Liz; my identity hasn’t just magically disappeared.
yes , I also feel like there is such a DRASTIC change on how people behave with you before, when it's just you/while you are pregnant. VS when the baby is born. You suddenly become less than less, nothing about you matters it's all about the child. Which make sense, but also you are your child whole universe, If you are unwell your baby will for sure also be unwell. So you should still deserve respect and being treated with care,compassion etc and as a full person. From what I have witness more often than not. No one cares if the mother is tired or doesn't want visitor and privacy. Everyone just want to rush-in. SEE THE BABY . Most don't offer actual help. They just want to hold the baby while the tired new mom, that just gave birth or had a major surgery like a C-section ,does the tasks, like serving people food and cleaning,returning back to work right away and anything related to her discomfort or new needs is an annoyance. Plus because of the non-existent social support and parent-work-leave are pretty much non-existent in USA. Very expensive child-care and increasing cost of living- It is pretty much impossible for parents to maintain any sort of social life, and it seems most mothers feel very isolated and lonely. I wonder if part of this oversharing of children online comes from mothers needing connections /supports/validation/advises that our now almost non-existent social support used to bring.
I'm glad there's a conversation around this. I thought it was my own paranoia that I very seldom posted my kid online. When I did, locked the posts down to certain friends/family. I freaked out when someone shared a picture (I had forgotten to turn off sharing), so now I very, very, VERY rarely post her for family. I just couldn't and still can't wrap my head around exposing my sweet, beautiful toddler to potentially millions of people. It's bizarre and feels unnatural to just have that level of exposure so young.
I hated my pictures as a kid (something something trauma), and I still cringe seeing pics of myself as a kid. I can't imagine having those pictures floating around on the internet for anyone to see.
Thanks for the discussion. I personally have taken the descision to not post anything regarding my children, with exeption of a couple of pictures of the backs of their heads.
On a side note, I absolutely loath questions on the topic of "why do mothers switch to their lives revolving around the kids". The reason why is because it's a 24/7 job. It is either all that you do, or you need to be able to pay to outsource some of the responsibilities (which then still leaves you with no free time because you are working). And once again as a mother you are held up to an unattainable standard - try to be a great mother, but also make it look easy, keep other interests, don't become boring. A majority of women find this shift happens because it's natural to for it to happen, motherhood is an extremely involved job (at least unless we return to cating for children communally)
That is precisely why I don’t share any of my personal life online, and neither did my parents
Same I talk a lot about my hobbies and things that I’m interested in but rarely do I share details about my actual life
I'm an 80's baby and the limits of my parents sharenting was them showing our relatives and friends embarrassing pictures in an old photo album. How times have changed.
Something that really comes up for me about this conversation is one, very specific, underlying psychology that has been present since at least my own childhood and, likely, before: I had a childhood friend whose mother required her to participate in beauty pageants. For her mom, the participation was ostensibly the "character building" of the activity but at its heart, the mom was living vicariously through her child. Instead of coping with her feelings of shame surrounding her own disappointment about her life, she pushed her daughter to the success she wanted and then claimed the victory. I can't help but wonder how much of this plays into the parenting influencer culture.
I'm a middle-aged Gen X-er, so I grew up way before the internet. But my parents were writers and journalists. They wrote a book about their marriage and raising their 2 kids. My brother and I were tweens when it was published, and it was humiliating. But it was also very successful, so we weren't allowed to complain.
Later, my dad wrote an op/ed column for a local newspaper. Usually it had to do with politics, but he'd also slip in personal stories. During this time my brother and I were teens/young adults. It was still humiliating. It felt like every moment of our lives was fodder for their writing.
I can't even imagine what it's like to have all that available to the entire world. 😞
I'm a writer and a mom and I have always felt deeply creeped out writing about my kids knowing that strangers will read it. But there's also an anxiety that people will think I don't care about my kids because I don't write about them? This encourages me to trust my gut and continue keeping them out of my writing. Thanks!
GOOD AFTERNOON!!!! Thank you for sharing this topic on your TH-cam channel. I myself is 60 years old and I have a daughter who is 26 years old and have autism. Right now there a mother who have a daughter who have autism and she's around the age of 4 or 5 . She a beautiful child, but her mother keeps aiming the 📷 camera on her even when she have a melt down. Doesn't that mother know she crossing the line when it comes to her privacy 🤔. The posting that got me kinda confused and mad is she announced that her daughter haven't took a bath for 2 MONTHS!!!😮 I'm not kidding. It's SAD 😔!!! My daughter saw this and shook her head and couldn't believe what was happening. I wish parents would think twice about sharing EVERYTHING about their child.
the entitlement to others lives is what gets me…i don’t use socials but people will regularly tell me they know what i did over the weekend because they saw me in someone’s story during a party or event- often, someone i’m not even close enough to for them to have a picture of me.
One of my ‘friends’, a mom of a friend of my kid and a neighbor, had a mommy Instagram and it was so toxic and disturbing I had to stop being friends with her and I went to therapy for bystander trauma. She even had a third kid for the IG likes, even though she pretty much despised her kids and spanked them about 5 times a day.
Yikes!
If you saw any abuse, I hope that you reported her.
I ise to watch a little of this kind of content until the Stauffers "rehomed" their adopted son Huxley. Now I barely post my family (all adults) on social media. I got really serious about consent, even for adults.
Chelsea's questions and observations in this interview are SO on point. However, this is the second TFD interview I've watched where the interviewee seems either unprepared, uninterested, or unequipped to engage in the kind of sociological analysis and philosophy that Chelsea wants to explore (and I do too!). I think Chelsea has mentioned in past that she sends questions in advance, so I don't know where the disconnect is. Perhaps in the selection of guests. I hope the solution is not to dumb down the interviews.
1000% agree. While she made some valid points, it was really unbearable at times to listen to. The self appointed "call out" nature and "I'm doing this better than other moms" is something I absolutely hate in SM. I also hated the fact that she admitted she could be more versed in child development research but she is not. The irony in her being a content creator that's focused on calling mothers out for their content while she is benefiting as a content creator is wild.
@@mariolahdiaz I don't agree, I think all the points this guest made were valid, and I did not detect self-righteousness (though I am not a mom, so maybe I'm less sensitive to it). I just think that she has a single message, "children deserve privacy!" whereas Chelsea was trying to have a much broader conversation, which I would've enjoyed hearing.
So glad I never posted a single pic of my kids. My kids are the most important part of my life but I don't own their image. My 9 year old is so glad she does not have an online presence before even being old enough to use social media herself.
I'm 39 and when I was a kid, I had an experience where I was on this swing that went over some water where the tide regularly went out. The tide was out leaving jagged rocks down below and I swung out but didn't have the momentum to get back.
I was crying as it was a hold swing and I was slipping. My mom and step dad just laughed and my brother helped me out.
Pretty callous and I think were there social media, it'd be going on there.
People need to just share the pics and updates of their kids in a family group chat or email chain- that’s it. You never need to share images & videos of your children to hundreds or thousands of people online
So true ! I have a “ insert my child’s name “ fan club , which is a WhatsApp group for the grandmas in our family ☺️Never posted her on my socials because I don’t know everyone who follows me .
One of my main fears about potentially one day becoming a mother is not being able to keep them safe, and also losing my identity so completely.... this touches on both. Thank you for this discussion!
This is really important to talk about. I’m a homeschooling mother. My children’s privacy has been extremely important to me since their births. Why do people need to display their children during their most vulnerable moments -childhood?! Childhood is sacred and beautiful but as children, we have experienced it, it is interesting/hard getting to know yourself and the world. Children need privacy until they can make decisions for themselves, voting age. That’s absolutely my opinion and I’m not trying to press that onto anyone else.
I truly appreciate her perspective. I don’t have kids and don’t want them but I’ve always felt the same way she does basically on all the points she brought up.
A big reason I think many of us posted our kids so much (as a mom of older kids) is that we don’t have a village and motherhood is isolating more so than ever. This was our “online village.” But of course some take it to a stage mom degree.
I appreciate TFC for its depth in exploring various topics. Chelsea's insightful questions reveal a genuine commitment to thoughtful discussions. I'd love to see her tackle veganism with guests like Earthling Ed, Joey Carbstrong, or David Ramms. As an ethical vegan, I find connections between TFC themes and veganism. For example, just from this video - victim autonomy or the climate crisis. Chelsea's engagement with these ideas in relation to veganism would be fascinating.
I would love to see her have an earnest conversation with Earthling Ed in particular, but I don't see that ever happening. She clearly really wants to continue eating meat and dairy while seeing herself as a good person, so she repeatedly takes BS labels like "small farm" and "local" at face value. Engaging with this issue with someone who actually knows what they're talking about would require a pretty massive mental shift, and I don't think she's ready for that. This is someone who served foie gras as an appetizer.
@laurawynne2441 agreed, it would require a massive mental shift. I've heard her mention veganism in another video, I can't remember where but the tone was "but that's something we're not going to get into now." In a weird way that gives me hope because it's on her radar in some capacity.
About 50-60 years from now, we're going to a lot of parents shoved into the worst nursing homes imaginable.
Agree with Chelsea, as a mom don’t refer to me as “mama” etc. unless you are using the sentence “_____ is _____’s mom”. I’m an individual, use my own name. While the types of comments Chelsea mentions are well meaning, wording them that way gives me the ick.
Parents don’t necessarily want them on TH-cam but it’s an extremely easy way to keep them entertained without having to do the work yourself. It’s given to keep kids from being difficult. I’ve asked and is always the same answer/excuse.
I’ve completely changed the way I share my life online and that includes my own life and my kids after seeing so many wild things. The more I watch other people online sharing their kids and realizing how weird it feels that I know almost everything about these kids, and adults! Makes me feel so weird!
I don’t have kids but thought this discussion was very well done and very important. Often wonder what younger kids/children will think of being put online without consent.
Im grateful my parents are private people and did not feel the need to post me and my siblings embarrassing moments on social media.
Remember those tv reality shows?. Octo mommy, bill and Katie plus 8 , the dugger family? These were people with large families and we watched to see how they managed at home with soo many children to attend to.❤
Love mom uncharted! Great guest and interview
I'm 41. My childhood was grieving my dad who died by sooicide...
Had to take care of my family through daily harassment and health issues.
These mommy bloggers and family channels give off the same energy as the parents who want their children to be Hollywood stars. Managing their money and having them look a certain way… and the notion of unpaid child labor!
This is why those videos of kids reuniting with their parents after deployment seriously upset me. As a military brat I know how hard it is to re-integrate the family and the fact that people post those moments to try and get likes makes my blood boil. Those kids have it hard enough with all the other issues of military parents.
My friend's wife was posting the daily goings-on of their kids. My wife told her why that may be dangerous. She blocked her.
Very interesting conversation! Thanks for sharing
Every video like this makes it seem more and more like the Amish have had the right idea all along…
I won't even send a recording in a DM (video message) of a kid's face up close, often even far away it doesn't feel right. They don't even necessarily understand how these things work. That messenger I use has such an invasive privacy policy, but I'm begrudgingly consenting to it., they're not Other things I post even of adults in public spaces,I blur or try to cut off people's faces if they're close enough to see. I just don't get how people are ok with sharing these things much less of people who can't consent and can't understand. Like if I take a selfie with my adult friend I check it's ok with them to post.
In regards to the Butcher Box ad, just because a farm is local or small doesn’t make it any less unethical
That part
But it does make the carbon footprint smaller
@@kaylachristenson9664 Barely. Transportation is a tiny fraction of the impact of animal farming.
But transportation isn't the only thing that changes when you buy locally. If you are eating local foods that typically means less packaging, if you're choosing responsible farms then there is less land use change. I'm just saying it's pointing people in a better direction than the alternative. It's about progress not perfection :)@@missloly824
Unlike child actors who are somewhat protected by law financially, these children are not protected AND they are creating social media content mostly from home. Home should be a place of privacy, a place to enjoy down-time and family, etc. Where do these kids go for a break from “work”?? So sad. Even if minors do “consent” to creating content, they don’t know the extent of what they’ve agreed to until they are adults.
41:01 children working (meaning long hours of paid labor, especially exploitative labor) was not the case for "most of human history." That was a result of capitalism and the industrial revolution.
It would probably be extremely controversial, but I would love an episode that explores this idea you touched on of basically taking the self care treat yourself care for yourself first narrative too far. I find that my generation says “well I’m a giver and I need to put myself first” a lot. Of course sometimes that’s is absolutely true, and there are individuals out there who make time, health, physical, financial and/or emotional sacrifices for others constantly. But I find that when my friends, who don’t have children or dependents are using this narrative all the time, I am so confused… who are you putting above yourself to justify xyz purchase or xyz action that may hurt someone else’s feelings?
I think selflessness is something that should be applauded, and sometimes it feels like my millineal generation and gen z are hyper fixated on taking care of themselves over taking care of others.
She is awesome!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
I would love to know how Honey BooBoo feels about this now.
I hope she wouldn't feel pressured to do so but there's potential for her to write a book about her experiences that could help shift this normalization of "sharernting". I'm reminded of Jennette McCurdy's book 'I'm Glad My Mom Died' and how it made child stars and the exploitative work they engage in top of mind. I like to imagine it's helping change folks perspectives.
I have followed a couple of young families for a while, but stopped to the point that their videos no longer appear. It started to feel invasive. TMI.
She says 'right' a lot. 😂😂😂😂
If you ever teach in a classroom, your students will likely be gleeful to point out what word you tend to overuse! I had a group one year who had several teachers in a program I was part of and they had a running list for all of us 😂
“But” within a sentence. There’s a better impact when it’s the first word of the next sentence
Right? Is the same thing as a like or validation. The bigger question is why are other women so antinatalism versus the overprotective mother. Being exposed to media heightens the propensity for fears and reinforces overreacting thoughts and subsequent behaviors
...right? ....right?
I don't understand the hate Butcherbox gets? I'm not their target audience, but it looks like it's a convenient and sustainable way to consume meat.
Sustainable meat is a myth. It's fundamentally bad for the environment: over using antibiotics creates resistant viral diseases. Cows produce huge amounts of methane. Chickens are genetically engineered to constantly produce eggs and grow so large they cannot stand up. All the animals have their freedom restricted, they're slaughtered in front of each other, and always live in over crowded conditions with the cheapest possible level of nutrition and medical care. It's a profit making scheme, after all, you've got to keep overhead costs low.
Not butcher box ugh 😭🤦♀️
But love this episode 😅
❤❤❤❤
Then there's Christian families with handicapped children /foster children showing the lifes of their kids. One of those even got cancer and it became a whole other level exploting her faith her illness and her two down syndrome girls . I stopped watching when i realised that me looking at their lifes was actually obscene (even if in the begining i just felt sorry for the kids as i myself had an handicaped family member once)
Disappointed to see an ad for a butcher's in this??? Especially as topics around consent, the rights of others and climate change are touched on this very same video?
My thoughts exactly 😢
I love you thank you for commenting this ❤
Not everyone is a vegetarian?
Some of us like to buy meat from local farmers with higher ethical standards and there is nothing wrong with that.
Oh my, here we go~
I think there can be a lot of valid ethical discussions around oversharing online with kids. However, I really abhor the safety line of argumentation as well as the conversation around strangers utilizing the images of children inappropriately. This is just the "stranger danger" nonsense of the 80s and 90s repackaged. The data does not support this trope. When it comes to the likeness of children being viewed inappropriately by creeps. All this mindset does is fuel anxiety and instill a false sense of control amongst the public. It gives people the idea that it's their responsibility to control how other people view and think about their children. This is not a normal or healthy mindset for people to have. None of us can control the thoughts people have about us. This viewpoint is also a slippery slope towards victim blaming. It puts the onus of responsibility on victims...."why were those images online" to me is not much different than "why were you out that late at night".
It’s not my business the sin that someone else has in their heart and mind. If they’re going to use innocuous pictures for disturbing purposes…… that’s on them. To be honest, It doesn’t hurt me or my children. Out of sight out of mind. Trying to preemptively control someone else’s thoughts, feelings and desires is futile and a recipe for misery. I don’t think children or their parents should be limited in their actions by this false sense of control. Creeps have existed long before the internet and social media. The fact that unhealthy people exist online shouldn’t be our burden and placing that responsibility on parents is tantamount to victim blaming. Keep the shame where it belongs…with the perverts.
If this is your mindset why even stop online then? Every time you leave your house with your child you're exposing their likeness to the world. How do we know that some weirdo might not be following in the bushes taking a mental image of your child for demented purposes later on. Wouldn't a responsible parent never let their child leave the house...just in case? Why risk it?
So while I completely agree with this mindset, it’s a little different when parents share thousands of images of their children online because AI can use those to generate new content with those kids that is not innocent. That can follow yours kids and come back up later so I think that is a big factor to consider. I agree we are not responsible for how other people view innocent photos, we are responsible for our children’s digital footprint and those photos (if there are enough) can be used for deepfakes.
I'd say this makes most sense when viewed through the lense of consent. A child cannot consent to a whole hoard of their pictures being shared online for random people to see and keep. If a random person on the street takes my picture without my consent, I will 100% at least try to chase them down with hopes of deleting it.
No one should have to deal with their own child hating them for years for making their private moments and emotions a public spectacle.
The dangers of perverts is just... Something else to consider. I would say consent is primarily what this discussion should be about. A child is a human being too, their own person. Once someone realises that, it's kinda hard to wake up everyday and just shove a camera on their face willy-nilly and then later edit and upload these kind of contents for millions to see
Her account mainly calls out parents who use content that monetized their kids. Videos and photos of your kids in the bath don't belong online for obvious reasons. Nor do videos of kids being upset. By the time kids turn five, their parents have shared around 3000 photos of them online. No other generation has had to grow up with private moments shared this way.
The word “right” to have someone else understand what you’re trying to convey is extremely overused. There has got to be another way to convey your message and ask if another understands. “Right” is very on trend, lol, it’s just annoying. It’s reminds me of a filler such as “like” and can come across as not being sure of what you’re saying.
After a point ‘Right’ was the only word I was registering. 😅 and a little bit ‘you know’ from Chelsea, though nowhere near as bad as the guest.
@@AS-or6otThis is a “perfect” time for you to analyze the words you use, your inner dialogue and the way words affect your “empowerment”. Saying you love, hate, using the word “but” or slay, in a cavalier way forms intent, habits and our subconscious. Even the way N. Americans speak, their cadence and rhythm and amount of words in sentences ALL affect our lives. Ick, creepy, fat and name calling are all examples of unhealthy perspectives and behaviours. Both parents lose perspective and share inappropriate things. Parents imprint on children. Also look at how people worship social influencers, celebrities and athletes. Learn to vote through my spending habits. Corps use charity for financial gains. Good people who volunteer or perform acts of service without any expectation of a return are being unconditional and the pay off is their own endorphins and simply feeling good via giving. The internet is forever and data mining creates a set of data tied to a person and the data is used to quantify stock futures and marketing for govs and mega corporations. Fear and paranoia is something which wasn’t as prevalent pre-internet. Perfection is impossible, be careful what you wish for!
I noticed this "right" away. There were times when Chelsea slipped some into her thoughts making it worse.
I was excited for this video until I saw the sponsor. Ugh. So disappointing to see someone who cares so deeply about their pet not extending that compassion to other animals. "Local" doesn't mean "kind." If my neighbor kept her dog in a crate all day, that wouldn't be less cruel just because it was "local" to me.
Ahhhh first
Can we have someone come on next season to discuss the financial realities of recovering from a natural disaster? Maybe even two somebodies, like someone who has been through it (dr.beachgem10 would be great for this) in like a “this is what you do and how to apply for FEMA” type episode and maybe an insurance person to talk about homeowners/renters insurance vs flood insurance vs insurance to cover your mortgage in the even your home is completely destroyed type episode. Like a how to prepare episode and a how to respond when it happens episode.