Thank you for this video, it brings back the same feelings I’ve felt while reading Asimov’s The Naked Sun book. As a single man in my early 30s I can say that you are spot on about the fears and challenges we face trying to find mates and form families.
I think women are choosing whether to have a child or not based on safety trust pair bonding. Romantic gestures helped her feel extremely attached bonded to her mate and then she feels relaxed to have a child with him. The resources could be accumulated together through their lifetime to raise a child as a common goal.
Sounds more and more akin to social and sexual relations outlined in Huxley's "Brave New World". Prescient! Edit: Oops! I see someone already commented on that! :)
If it is ligit diagnosed NPD there is no changing that can happen...they cant change because the mere fact that they cannot IS part of the disorder. They are god. They are not wrong. Whats to change? They MUST believe this to survive...to exist. Its their unyielding reality.
9:48 "There are many divorces in childless couples which leads to other childless couples." This didn't make much sense to me. Can you elaborate? You follow it up by saying, "Childless couples are fast becoming normative." And that follows; yes. But the divorce part left me scratching my head.
Sergei Lazrev said also anecdote about modern realtiosnhips, someone asked...to why the old generations are so different than ours. Husband and wife constantly argue about something. Wife says to him, go over to the neighbors to look how they it. They never fight. He went there. Husband kicked accidenatly to bucket of water he apologised, sorry it was my fault. Wife said no it was my fault I put the bucket in wrong place. then they eat at the table he accidenatlly dropped the glass of water. He apologised sorry it was my fault. She said no it was my fault I put it in wrong place.The husband hears their conversations, he comes home. Wife asks so do you know what is their secret? He says yes. In our house everybody is right. in their home everybody is guilty....or both contribute to problem the same way. The lesson is that at beginning of marriage nobody is perfect, but they learn to be better, so they see the small mistakes differently as the opportunity to learn. people expect to meet perfect peprson maybe.
I also like comment of some psychologist who works with families, that parents do mistake. The child at age 1 and half years old mimics the parents, the brain tells them, copy the parents in order to survive. The parents are thouching technologies and smartphones, coffeemaker and miltitasking so the child starts to copy the parent the parents are upset saying to child, No dont touch it dont do it, etc. they give a lot of commands, the child observes the energy of parents...Child is very confused. Biology tells me to follow my parent - the leader I trust the leader tells me to not follow him/her. The child starts to feel pressure, and loses the trust and starts misbehaving being upset etc..parents need to learn how to react in situations... and learn to communicate with kids. not to stop the good behavior of kids, by over reacting... or if the child is learning a new task, observing things, the parent is overly happy and noisy and its also very distracting for the baby so the child stops doing the good stuff, feels distracted..Children´s curiosity is natural, they are not motivated by the praise or too much attention, yet....or validation...the validation should be natural too...saying thank you etc.. there are situations where mom should distract the child, when the child steps in some water or almost touches electricity.....so she wants to get the childs attention "look at this toy", instead of injuring itself... and as they get older and something happens in school, they dont come home to tell the parent because the parent is overhelmed with their stuff. Parent would say "choose the sport or job you like" and the teenager is like ...my parent isnt happy with any sport or job, what kind of advice I can get from them, I love them but I dont trust them. There are situations where overeacting or being upset is healthy, the child starts to pay attention because its not every day, and feels protected by the parent. He observed often there wasnt anything wrong with misbehaving kids but the parents.. because kids that trust their parents usually dont misbehave. because children love to be led by parents that they trust. He says there are two extremes of parents, he met, the ones who are consistent but constantly forbid the kids or punish them etc, or there are parents who are not consistent, they are too nice and allow the kids everything and the kids want to become boss. that thye dont understand the difference between being nice and being consistent. Hea sked his own son how many times i had to yell at you, when I used discipline , the 18 years old said maybe 5 times a year not much...overeacting is healthy in some situations... they have harmonic relationship. because being boy is healthy, boys challenge other boys abit..father just has to make sure they will not use some weapon or something. Some girls of some families are harming themselves, cutting or burning , just to get attention and get attention also of her peers. For kids is best if they are often with good adults, who act well grandma, grandpa, aunt uncle cousin, they observe their good relatiosnhips and learn more than from their peers. The older generation has some great values.
@@samvaknin Yes its interesting topic. He also told moms or women clients,, that boys hear from mom about 50 commands a day, the moms told it to him, plus sister mimics the mom,, aunt grandma, teachers in school which suppresses their manhood, so as they turn age 18 they somehow learn to stop listening women because he hears 200 000 commands from women...or if they get married the wife waits month or 6 months to make him fix something etc...These ,men say in therapy I didnt hear my wife saying it...The men learned how to stop listening to her, because his mom did it too and yet she continued being mom.....or she pampered him etc...Or other extrem is some men become so feminine and nice and loyal, thatt they ask their partner every stupid thing.... she likes it, but after some time, she feels like he is another child, that he is asking everything, like a mom´s boy. Boys need a father who sets the boundaries etc.
Professor may i request to give a comprehensive definition and all subtle nuances of dependent personality disorder in a video as there are varied versions of it provided online which lead to confusion ...thanks
Maybe we should just let the fertility drop to absolute 0 so we can stop wasting time. Not like women ever liked us. The only people holding society together is that one bright color
Actor and humosrist, thinker Jarosalv Dušek He said recently: "We are using logic against common sense." and before he said that in some way animals know things we humans dont or that they are above us in some ways.
Just woke up lonely again because narc ex caused end of my 35 year marriage. Now Im all alone...always. Driving me insane. Thank you Sam. I need to watch this!
This is off topic question, since this is your latest video, in hope that you will see and answer it? You talk about many presidents of countries being narcissist and psychopaths, does that apply for the presidents and other politicians of the balkan countries, Serbia, Bosnia, Croatia etc. ? Thank you.
When referring only to women, the word is hypergyny, not hypergamy.
Thank you for this video, it brings back the same feelings I’ve felt while reading Asimov’s The Naked Sun book.
As a single man in my early 30s I can say that you are spot on about the fears and challenges we face trying to find mates and form families.
I feel like standing up and clapping. Yet another majestic talk by Prof Vaknin !
Wow! The ending!
Whole presentation is very well laid out for us.
Thank you 🙏
Seriously interesting topic. Would love you to keep talking about relationships in the modern world!!!
Watch the contemporary sexuality playlist.
I think women are choosing whether to have a child or not based on safety trust pair bonding. Romantic gestures helped her feel extremely attached bonded to her mate and then she feels relaxed to have a child with him. The resources could be accumulated together through their lifetime to raise a child as a common goal.
Sounds more and more akin to social and sexual relations outlined in Huxley's "Brave New World". Prescient! Edit: Oops! I see someone already commented on that! :)
"Do you watch Dr. Vaknin?"
"Uh, no... why?"
*unmatches*
If it is ligit diagnosed NPD there is no changing that can happen...they cant change because the mere fact that they cannot IS part of the disorder. They are god. They are not wrong. Whats to change? They MUST believe this to survive...to exist. Its their unyielding reality.
As someone who's been struggling with dating for several months I find this video quite depressing
Dr. Vaknin hello. Can people with narcissistic TRAITS (and not qualifying for a clinical diagnosis of NPD) change & heal?
Yes.
@@samvaknin You're the best.
Yes, Jail, Religion, Therapy and having Children helped me a lot.
@@user-vi3sz3fg2r As a self-aware narcissist, he knows that already.
kind of sounds like brave new world
No this is just human nature
9:48 "There are many divorces in childless couples which leads to other childless couples." This didn't make much sense to me. Can you elaborate?
You follow it up by saying, "Childless couples are fast becoming normative." And that follows; yes. But the divorce part left me scratching my head.
Second and third marriages are even more childless than first marriages.
Sergei Lazrev said also anecdote about modern realtiosnhips, someone asked...to why the old generations are so different than ours.
Husband and wife constantly argue about something. Wife says to him, go over to the neighbors to look how they it. They never fight. He went there. Husband kicked accidenatly to bucket of water he apologised, sorry it was my fault. Wife said no it was my fault I put the bucket in wrong place.
then they eat at the table he accidenatlly dropped the glass of water. He apologised sorry it was my fault. She said no it was my fault I put it in wrong place.The husband hears their conversations, he comes home. Wife asks so do you know what is their secret? He says yes. In our house everybody is right. in their home everybody is guilty....or both contribute to problem the same way. The lesson is that at beginning of marriage nobody is perfect, but they learn to be better, so they see the small mistakes differently as the opportunity to learn. people expect to meet perfect peprson maybe.
I also like comment of some psychologist who works with families, that parents do mistake. The child at age 1 and half years old mimics the parents, the brain tells them, copy the parents in order to survive.
The parents are thouching technologies and smartphones, coffeemaker and miltitasking
so the child starts to copy the parent
the parents are upset saying to child, No dont touch it
dont do it, etc. they give a lot of commands, the child observes the energy of parents...Child is very confused.
Biology tells me to follow my parent - the leader I trust
the leader tells me to not follow him/her.
The child starts to feel pressure,
and loses the trust and starts misbehaving being upset etc..parents need to learn how to react in situations... and learn to communicate with kids.
not to stop the good behavior of kids, by over reacting...
or if the child is learning a new task, observing things, the parent is overly happy and noisy and its also very distracting for the baby so the child stops doing the good stuff, feels distracted..Children´s curiosity is natural, they are not motivated by the praise or too much attention, yet....or validation...the validation should be natural too...saying thank you etc.. there are situations where mom should distract the child, when the child steps in some water or almost touches electricity.....so she wants to get the childs attention "look at this toy", instead of injuring itself...
and as they get older and something happens in school, they dont come home to tell the parent
because the parent is overhelmed with their stuff.
Parent would say "choose the sport or job you like"
and the teenager is like ...my parent isnt happy with any sport or job, what kind of advice I can get from them, I love them but I dont trust them.
There are situations where overeacting or being upset is healthy, the child starts to pay attention because its not every day, and feels protected by the parent.
He observed often there wasnt anything wrong with misbehaving kids but the parents..
because kids that trust their parents usually dont misbehave. because children love to be led by parents that they trust.
He says there are two extremes of parents, he met, the ones who are consistent but constantly forbid the kids or punish them etc,
or there are parents who are not consistent, they are too nice and allow the kids everything and the kids want to become boss. that thye dont understand the difference between being nice and being consistent. Hea sked his own son how many times i had to yell at you, when I used discipline , the 18 years old said maybe 5 times a year not much...overeacting is healthy in some situations... they have harmonic relationship. because being boy is healthy, boys challenge other boys abit..father just has to make sure they will not use some weapon or something.
Some girls of some families are harming themselves, cutting or burning , just to get attention and get attention also of her peers.
For kids is best if they are often with good adults, who act well grandma, grandpa, aunt uncle cousin, they observe their good relatiosnhips and learn more than from their peers. The older generation has some great values.
Watch the SEEU playlist.
@@samvaknin Yes its interesting topic. He also told moms or women clients,, that boys hear from mom about 50 commands a day, the moms told it to him, plus sister mimics the mom,, aunt grandma, teachers in school which suppresses their manhood, so as they turn age 18 they somehow learn to stop listening women because he hears 200 000 commands from women...or if they get married the wife waits month or 6 months to make him fix something etc...These ,men say in therapy I didnt hear my wife saying it...The men learned how to stop listening to her, because his mom did it too and yet she continued being mom.....or she pampered him etc...Or other extrem is some men become so feminine and nice and loyal, thatt they ask their partner every stupid thing.... she likes it, but after some time, she feels like he is another child, that he is asking everything, like a mom´s boy. Boys need a father who sets the boundaries etc.
@@samvaknin I look for it.
42:00 describing "Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley
Thank you Professor.
I've retired from dating.
Professor may i request to give a comprehensive definition and all subtle nuances of dependent personality disorder in a video as there are varied versions of it provided online which lead to confusion ...thanks
Search the comorbidities playlist.
“You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel” 🎶🌞
If men are not needed, what is the male obligation to society?
what is the female obligation
Praying mantis according to family courts
Men are needed in society ,but women don't need to be in a relationship with a man anymore.
Maybe we should just let the fertility drop to absolute 0 so we can stop wasting time. Not like women ever liked us. The only people holding society together is that one bright color
@@abusivebrainpleasuring different Chads
My god this is grim. But true. Better retreat to my fantasy bubble.
Actor and humosrist, thinker Jarosalv Dušek
He said recently: "We are using logic against common sense." and before he said that in some way animals know things we humans dont or that they are above us in some ways.
Just woke up lonely again because narc ex caused end of my 35 year marriage. Now Im all alone...always. Driving me insane. Thank you Sam. I need to watch this!
Get a dog, my one left after 23 years. Dog was a breakthrough in my therapy 🎉 alone yes, love it.
🗣📢 🍀Srećna si jer je On otišao.
Još samo da to-🧠 shvatiš ‼️
35 years is a long time . I wish you heal soon.
and what happens when alcohol enters the equation
Casual sex. Watch the contemporary sexuality playlist.
re read a Brave New World .
This is off topic question, since this is your latest video, in hope that you will see and answer it? You talk about many presidents of countries being narcissist and psychopaths, does that apply for the presidents and other politicians of the balkan countries, Serbia, Bosnia, Croatia etc. ? Thank you.
I haven’t studied them.
Sup doc?🎉✌🏽🗿