Have a home birth. Breastfeed. Do not work outside the home. Sleep with your baby until they are ready to sleep alone (it will be years, no problem), STAY HOME. Create a warm, comfortable, sanctuary in your house for your family. Cook homecooked meals. That is your role. It pays off handsomely in the end.
@@adsf6033 I slept with my babies and they're now grown adults. Eskimos slept with their babies, as did all the other societies. Just because they designed their papooses "with sticks" that was simply to carry the baby around while allowing your arms to be free...they slept with their children in the teepees, all under animal skins, all together as a family.
For me, in order to be emotionally available for my kids, I need time away from them occasionally to recharge. So my kids sleep in cribs and have set bedtimes. It helps my mental health :)
@@abigailwilson1601Came here to say this! I breastfed my baby until she was almost 2, I stayed home, love to cook from scratch, trying to do 1000+ hours outside, but the sleeping apart has helped my mental health sooo much. I need that alone time with my husband and for an hour or two before bed to just be me.
Learning to internalize your own locus of control is the answer to: how do I find and stay in the sweet-spot between depression and anxiety? Caring primarily about the present moment.
this explains almost 2 generations now of people who don't know how to self regulate their emotions. We as a culture just don't know HOW. It takes great effort to learn that as an adult.
I have 5 kids whom I homeschool and I can tell a very real difference in my kids and the kids of my girlfriends who have left them as soon as they can work again.
home schooling is usually for the wrong reasons. Children need to learn to interact well with other (non family) children and adults. Parental involvement in teaching children to deal with others productively, but helicoptering is not productive or useful in development.
@@stonetoolcompany3649 where do you get these statistics? Because homeschooling was the norm for thousands of years before the Prussian model was introduced and schools were created to brainwash kids into being good factory workers. You need to research this it's not conspiracy, I suggest you read dumbing us down by John taylor gatto. I pulled my kids out of school because they were being held back and getting no proper excercise or socialization. Now my kids thrive with other kids through co ops, clubs, and sports. Not sure where you heard that bs but unless you have proof I can only go off of my 5 years of doing it and the kids are way more mature, articulate, social and resourceful then any public school child I've ever met.
Me and my 8 siblings were all homeschooled. We can't tell you how many times we have been told by employers, college professors and others that they actually prefer to hire/work with/teach people who were homeschooled as kids because of the superior work ethic, better communication skills and overall maturity that many of them display in comparison to the products of public schools. And even private schools. Absolutely there are those helicopter weirdo types who are doing their kids a disservice by ultra-sheltering them. But that is definitely a huge minority in the homeschool community. No regrets for me or my siblings!! And planning on homeschooling my babies when they're of age.
47:56 - This was my mom. She was a fabulous homemaker, very organized, never neglected our physical needs, but not always emotionally available especially as we got older. I don't remember her sitting down to play with us and really connect in that way. She was always busy. I remember being told to "go play" a lot. Don't get me wrong, she was not a bad mother. When we really needed it she was there emotionally, but the little every day interactions often felt a bit distant, as if we kids should do our own thing all day and not bother her. Anyway, when I became a mother myself I made a point of connecting with my kids through play and every day interactions, really trying to get to know them individually. But I know I've allowed myself to get distracted plenty or let stress get the better of me. It's especially hard when I feel emotionally tapped out during the toddler years and just crave a break 🥴
Wow. I can 100% relate. That was my childhood too & now I make sure to be always there & present with my soul for my toddler. I do have meltdown moments too but slowly getting better with practice
You just explained my childhood too and exactly how I feel now as a mom. I agree with you! I don’t have any memories of my mom actually getting down on my level with me as a kid ever. She would just buy us all the toys we wanted and let us play outside by ourselves. Basically anything to keep us busy. Even though my Dad would work all day, he made it a point to play with my sister and I every chance he could get. And I remember all those games and play time so much more. Children don’t care about the same things adults do. They need someone to be there for them emotionally but also crave that attention. They learn through play, so by playing with them we’re actually teaching them more than we even realize
Totally agree I have a one year old and a 2 month old. My husband and I aren’t in a place where I can completely quit but I work from home. I always try and play and spend time with my babies. I remember my mom telling me she never liked doing that with us. I keep my babies home unless they go with their grandma. My goal is to become softer for them and create a warmer home
I have PPD and tried medication. It made me worse. I fake happiness in front of my kid because I know this is temporary and I don't want to screw him up. Even if I'm miserable, I smile and act bubbly in front of him. I still snuggle as much as possible. I respond to his cries quickly, even if I'm exhausted. You have to sacrifice yourself as a mother no matter what you're going through because you're the only "calm" they have.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I'm an adult who is estranged from his mother because of the issues discussed in this video. You nay not see it now, but your sacrifices will pay off in the future, when your children reciprocate the love you sacrificed to give them.
Ouf! Hard topic! I had a burn out when my twins were about 18 months old. I really wasn't there anymore, only physically. Oh boy, did the kids not like that! They cried and cried, and forced me to take action. Ask for help, do therapy and so on. I'm so glad they didn't enable me! I don't think I was able to do everything perfect in those first three years. But I gave them all I could! And I sincerely hope, it was enough to break the cycle screwed attachement both me and my husband have to our parents. It was my dream to do better on them than was done on me.
I don’t know how this episode found me (actually I know the only One who could have had a hand in it 🙏🏽) but this is exactly what I needed to hear. Listen to again. Think about. Write about. Pray about. I Hope I haven’t waited too late to become emotionally available for my kids. They are 7, 10, and 13. I’ve always been a full time homemaker/ Mom but this is my struggle. The emotional availability. It feels so hard to me. It seemed easier to me when they were younger bc they relied on me so much to meet there physical needs and now their emotional needs and mental needs are screaming! This is how it feels to struggle with emotional availability.
It’s not too late. Dr. Erika Komisar’s second book is about the second critical window of development, ages 9-25 and she talks about meeting the child’s needs during that time and how that’s when you can repair anything that happened to them from 0-3.
Oh my gosh. I never thought of that. I always say I'm doing my best to enjoy these years because one day my son will grow up and not need or want me anymore. Thank you for adding the bit at the end about some moms being afraid to connect because of this. It's crazy how ingrained on a deep level that is that I didn't even see it. I one hundred percent have been fearing the loss of our relationship when he is older. Knowing this will help me be more present thank you!
Great episode! I felt the Covid part. I’ve been so happy to have my daughter home 24/7 and have started looking into homeschooling it’s going so well. I feel guilty saying anything because a lot of mothers around me are struggling with it.
11:55 That is so true about how men naturally have this instinct to protect against predators. Mind Maren will hear noises that my ears did not even notice. We live in an apartment building and if he hears steps it will keep him up at night. But me, I sleep through it. I don't have any babies but sometimes in our apartment complex when I hear a baby or kid in distress, I get very concerned and worried
Thank you for this video. It has helped me to understand why my mother was emotionally unavailable due to her depression. She definitely was preoccupied with past loses; she would voice them to me!
Great interview! I loved Erica's book. Its interesting to think of the impetus for her career, that she found it difficult to find authentic relationships during a materialistic period.... Her analysis of the past experiences of mothers makes me wonder about the past experiences of nannies too. The strict & petulant West Indian nanny my sisters and I had had a greater impact on my attitude toward children and life since I spent more time with her than I did my parents. That's a huge thing that working parents overlook
The fact that nannies, dating care centers and schools bring a totally different culture to forming their children's character. Way more so than parents who's priorities are elsewhere.
My mother was not attached to me as a baby and as a teen. But God helped me not be the same as my mom. I have 3 kiddos whom I breastfeed and homeschool. I love being with my children.
I guess thats what it is. Since having kids it has slowed me down as far acheiving my goals and it has made me resentful. Im trying to work through it, but accepting it without resentment, holding a grudge is difficult
As a type-A mom, who also struggled with the transition to motherhood and slowing down, I feel compelled to challenge this a little… Did it make you resentful or did you choose to be resentful? I know that’s a direct question to ask, but it’ll be less likely that you’re able to move past it if you don’t take full responsibility for your part in it. It’s difficult to appreciate that the most important work or goal we can strive for is to raise our children well. Our culture doesn’t appreciate or celebrate these types of accomplishments and it takes years to show the fruits of our efforts. But, you’ll find that true freedom lies in sacrificing for your children. It might be time to reassess the goals that are driving you. I know it’s helped me to pivot my aspirations to be centered around raising the kids and homemaking. Though this doesn’t mean I stopped doing my work entirely. I simply reordered my priorities and work adapted to an amount that aligned with its order of importance.
Could you talk about the mother that gives the child to the grandmother. The grandmother works and is not always at home. Could you explain the long term effects on a child.
This is interesting that you explained the biology and psychology of why some moms just don't properly attach to their baby, or wanted to be childfree. I heard another cause of childhoods not working correctly is when the normal child loses too much attention, because they have a special need brother or sister. I don't know if that problem is really possible to resolve. It's not like anybody gets to choose that situation. It's not like some parent can decide to give them 50/50 of their time, when one is frequently in a hospital or special ed classes. 20:50 Some women are pressured not to talk about postpartum depression. Maybe they want others to have children? 36:00 can happen with other drugs considered addictive as well. However, you are correct, a tragedy often happens first. You can often someone who is drinking themselves to an early grave because they lost everything and are sure they can't get it back. Sure, the "Alcohol won't solve your problems" line is true. However, it assumes all problems can be solved. Some say people are addicted to a drug because they never were diagnosed. Some argued that marijuana smokers didn't get psychosis from smoking weed, they had psychosis or were on the verge of it, didn't know it, and the weed revealed it.
This was such a profound video, i believe some women are afraid to see their babies as vulnerable because they to often buried their vulnerability to live a modern lifestyle and the surreal culture, physical, emotional, and spiritual change a baby expose the falsehood of this ideology of modern feminism.
31:28 "Therapy...helps you to look at that pain and break the cycle". I would argue for a short period of singleness to do therapy for this exact reason so your past traumas don't affect your marriage and future children. Suzanne if you're reading this, I love love love your show and have been watching a few episodes a day since I discovered you! However I think I disagree with the general advice to "marry young" when there are so many millennials who need healing from emotionally unavailable parents. I got married at 31, have 2 beautiful sons and tried very hard to attract my person younger. However my past traumas blocked me from seeing the beautiful men in front of me sometimes. I don't even think my now husband (whom is an excellent match for me) would have been attracted to me back then when I was projecting a lot of my past pain onto men.
Completely agree with you! The get married young advice is kind of in contradiction to the healthy healed marriage that she often talks about- when are these twenty somethings suppose to actually do the WORK to heal? In highschool when they are still living with the problem? At college before their prefrontal cortex is online and they are just learning how to be independent? I got married at 24, but I also spent years in therapy in college and my husband did therapy before our wedding so that we could each bring a happy whole person into this fresh Union, but a lot of people can’t afford that or aren’t even aware they need therapy. Getting married young worked for us because we both truly knew what we wanted and were committed to putting in the effort and time needed to be our best selves first… but that is not the reality for the majority of young marriages.
Alcoholism often is caused by the lack of an enzyme called aldehyde dehydrogenase. There is a feedback loop that causes the body to crave more alcohol to push the chemical reaction forward. Yes, alcoholism is a disease, but can also be psychological addiction.
Suzanne love your channel and your guest here was amazing her knowledge. I do think the last few lines though about not to get a pre nup etc is quite hard to avoid these days from a mans perspective. A man who has worked very hard and met a partner at 30 or after for example doesn’t want to lose all that’s been worked for. Fear of the bait and switch from the female being the reason men are fearful as repeated relationships or seeing them in others see the women become unhappy or not fancy their partner anymore or think they can do better and leave...it’s rife in the west...it’s a shame to not be all in but how can the very realistic risk be ignored by intelligent men...It can’t.
For the love of all that is sensible, why on Earth do we keep comparing women who stick their kids in childcare weeks after birth to women who homeschool until they’re 18? These are extreme. And homeschool should not be done for separatism, or to make sure moms never have to cut the cord (ALSO TERRIBLE FOR CHILDREN). If you’re passionate about education and MAKE SURE your kids still get lots of social exposure, fine. But instead I keep hearing about Moms who are paving the way to have basement dwelling kids with no social skills and a sub par education instituted by someone with no actual background or passion in education. Can we ever like EVER talk about the women who stay with their kids until they are 5 or 6 and THEN go back to work? And then work part time so as to still be available after school? Something in the middle and not the clear extremes of the entire space? Why am I never ever represented in this? A moderate middle? A woman who KNEW she did not have the skills to homeschool but stayed home for 11 years to get my kids all into full time school and to have a baseline of attachment before they did? My kids are great. I’m going back to work. Homeschool cannot and would never be a good job for me. I feel like I’m beating my head bloody against the brick wall of black and white thinking.
What we must do is make children aware of their mother's instability as a woman. ..and offer the children as much protection as possible from any ill will that the mother may have, especially towards the male child.
My experience was that I was demonized as the "problem child" bc I talked "too much" in class. I was used as an emotional sponge to sop up a lot of verbal and emotional abuse from a manic depressive Mother. Public School Children are not the "problem/issue". Public School Children are mirrors of their Parents mental dysfunction(s). Which, I sincerely, sadly doubt, will ever either be realized or garner the much-needed attention it deserves.
Why do you think that a child would even intellectually understand what is going on in an emotionally abusive Parent's life? I, as a child, only came to understand one thing: home was not a safe place to be/stay/live and the calvary was not coming to save me. Thank God I survived a childhood/adolescence of "walking on eggshells".
Then those mothers would go nuts ranting that everyone is turning their children against them. You have to be careful with parents like that. If they think they’re being attacked, they often go off the deep end. Might result in a lot more filicide stories in the news.
12:00 That is so true about how men naturally have this instinct to protect against predators. My man that I live with is always on alert for danger and he will hear noises that my ears did not even notice. We live in an apartment building and if he hears steps it will keep him up at night. But me, I sleep through it. On the other hand, I don't have any babies but sometimes in our apartment complex when I hear a baby or kid in distress, I get very concerned, worried & hyper focused on seeing if they are ok.. he doesn't.
Have a home birth. Breastfeed. Do not work outside the home. Sleep with your baby until they are ready to sleep alone (it will be years, no problem), STAY HOME. Create a warm, comfortable, sanctuary in your house for your family. Cook homecooked meals. That is your role. It pays off handsomely in the end.
All except the sleeping with part. Even in ancient societies and eskimos etc babies have their sling on sticks
@@adsf6033 I slept with my babies and they're now grown adults. Eskimos slept with their babies, as did all the other societies. Just because they designed their papooses "with sticks" that was simply to carry the baby around while allowing your arms to be free...they slept with their children in the teepees, all under animal skins, all together as a family.
I birth in a hospital, and put my babies in a crib. They’ve all turned out great! We’re very close.
For me, in order to be emotionally available for my kids, I need time away from them occasionally to recharge. So my kids sleep in cribs and have set bedtimes. It helps my mental health :)
@@abigailwilson1601Came here to say this! I breastfed my baby until she was almost 2, I stayed home, love to cook from scratch, trying to do 1000+ hours outside, but the sleeping apart has helped my mental health sooo much. I need that alone time with my husband and for an hour or two before bed to just be me.
38:00 "Depression is preoccupation over past loses. Anxiety is preoccupation over future loses."
That's such a great and clear definition.
Thank you for posting it in a comment!
Learning to internalize your own locus of control is the answer to: how do I find and stay in the sweet-spot between depression and anxiety?
Caring primarily about the present moment.
this explains almost 2 generations now of people who don't know how to self regulate their emotions. We as a culture just don't know HOW. It takes great effort to learn that as an adult.
I have 5 kids whom I homeschool and I can tell a very real difference in my kids and the kids of my girlfriends who have left them as soon as they can work again.
home schooling is usually for the wrong reasons. Children need to learn to interact well with other (non family) children and adults. Parental involvement in teaching children to deal with others productively, but helicoptering is not productive or useful in development.
@@stonetoolcompany3649 where do you get these statistics? Because homeschooling was the norm for thousands of years before the Prussian model was introduced and schools were created to brainwash kids into being good factory workers. You need to research this it's not conspiracy, I suggest you read dumbing us down by John taylor gatto. I pulled my kids out of school because they were being held back and getting no proper excercise or socialization. Now my kids thrive with other kids through co ops, clubs, and sports. Not sure where you heard that bs but unless you have proof I can only go off of my 5 years of doing it and the kids are way more mature, articulate, social and resourceful then any public school child I've ever met.
@@Magdalena287 you're doing a good job :)
Tyvm!
Me and my 8 siblings were all homeschooled. We can't tell you how many times we have been told by employers, college professors and others that they actually prefer to hire/work with/teach people who were homeschooled as kids because of the superior work ethic, better communication skills and overall maturity that many of them display in comparison to the products of public schools. And even private schools.
Absolutely there are those helicopter weirdo types who are doing their kids a disservice by ultra-sheltering them. But that is definitely a huge minority in the homeschool community.
No regrets for me or my siblings!! And planning on homeschooling my babies when they're of age.
47:56 - This was my mom. She was a fabulous homemaker, very organized, never neglected our physical needs, but not always emotionally available especially as we got older. I don't remember her sitting down to play with us and really connect in that way. She was always busy. I remember being told to "go play" a lot. Don't get me wrong, she was not a bad mother. When we really needed it she was there emotionally, but the little every day interactions often felt a bit distant, as if we kids should do our own thing all day and not bother her.
Anyway, when I became a mother myself I made a point of connecting with my kids through play and every day interactions, really trying to get to know them individually. But I know I've allowed myself to get distracted plenty or let stress get the better of me. It's especially hard when I feel emotionally tapped out during the toddler years and just crave a break 🥴
Wow. I can 100% relate. That was my childhood too & now I make sure to be always there & present with my soul for my toddler. I do have meltdown moments too but slowly getting better with practice
You just explained my childhood too and exactly how I feel now as a mom. I agree with you!
I don’t have any memories of my mom actually getting down on my level with me as a kid ever. She would just buy us all the toys we wanted and let us play outside by ourselves. Basically anything to keep us busy. Even though my Dad would work all day, he made it a point to play with my sister and I every chance he could get. And I remember all those games and play time so much more.
Children don’t care about the same things adults do. They need someone to be there for them emotionally but also crave that attention. They learn through play, so by playing with them we’re actually teaching them more than we even realize
Totally agree
I have a one year old and a 2 month old. My husband and I aren’t in a place where I can completely quit but I work from home. I always try and play and spend time with my babies. I remember my mom telling me she never liked doing that with us. I keep my babies home unless they go with their grandma. My goal is to become softer for them and create a warmer home
@@MoonstoneElements As a kid I had the toys I wanted but as an adult what I really cherish are the handful of times my mom and I just hung out.
@@alsoknownas875 couldn’t agree more ! I felt the same way
I have PPD and tried medication. It made me worse. I fake happiness in front of my kid because I know this is temporary and I don't want to screw him up. Even if I'm miserable, I smile and act bubbly in front of him. I still snuggle as much as possible. I respond to his cries quickly, even if I'm exhausted. You have to sacrifice yourself as a mother no matter what you're going through because you're the only "calm" they have.
I hope you get some relief soon from the PPD! It certainly sounds like you deserve a break and that you are an incredible mom.
I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I'm an adult who is estranged from his mother because of the issues discussed in this video.
You nay not see it now, but your sacrifices will pay off in the future, when your children reciprocate the love you sacrificed to give them.
Ouf! Hard topic!
I had a burn out when my twins were about 18 months old. I really wasn't there anymore, only physically.
Oh boy, did the kids not like that! They cried and cried, and forced me to take action. Ask for help, do therapy and so on. I'm so glad they didn't enable me!
I don't think I was able to do everything perfect in those first three years. But I gave them all I could! And I sincerely hope, it was enough to break the cycle screwed attachement both me and my husband have to our parents.
It was my dream to do better on them than was done on me.
I don’t know how this episode found me (actually I know the only One who could have had a hand in it 🙏🏽) but this is exactly what I needed to hear. Listen to again. Think about. Write about. Pray about.
I Hope I haven’t waited too late to become emotionally available for my kids. They are 7, 10, and 13. I’ve always been a full time homemaker/ Mom but this is my struggle. The emotional availability. It feels so hard to me. It seemed easier to me when they were younger bc they relied on me so much to meet there physical needs and now their emotional needs and mental needs are screaming! This is how it feels to struggle with emotional availability.
It’s not too late. Dr. Erika Komisar’s second book is about the second critical window of development, ages 9-25 and she talks about meeting the child’s needs during that time and how that’s when you can repair anything that happened to them from 0-3.
th-cam.com/video/R3V2rEsJT6o/w-d-xo.htmlsi=jLuhkVjTZAzEGiVV
Necer too late 😊
Oh my gosh. I never thought of that. I always say I'm doing my best to enjoy these years because one day my son will grow up and not need or want me anymore. Thank you for adding the bit at the end about some moms being afraid to connect because of this. It's crazy how ingrained on a deep level that is that I didn't even see it. I one hundred percent have been fearing the loss of our relationship when he is older. Knowing this will help me be more present thank you!
Great episode! I felt the Covid part. I’ve been so happy to have my daughter home 24/7 and have started looking into homeschooling it’s going so well. I feel guilty saying anything because a lot of mothers around me are struggling with it.
This is beautiful ❤
This is such a relevant truth. Unfortunately it became a taboo in our modern culture.
Thank you for giving it a voice.
11:55 That is so true about how men naturally have this instinct to protect against predators. Mind Maren will hear noises that my ears did not even notice. We live in an apartment building and if he hears steps it will keep him up at night. But me, I sleep through it. I don't have any babies but sometimes in our apartment complex when I hear a baby or kid in distress, I get very concerned and worried
Thank you for this video. It has helped me to understand why my mother was emotionally unavailable due to her depression. She definitely was preoccupied with past loses; she would voice them to me!
Great interview! I loved Erica's book. Its interesting to think of the impetus for her career, that she found it difficult to find authentic relationships during a materialistic period....
Her analysis of the past experiences of mothers makes me wonder about the past experiences of nannies too. The strict & petulant West Indian nanny my sisters and I had had a greater impact on my attitude toward children and life since I spent more time with her than I did my parents. That's a huge thing that working parents overlook
The fact that nannies, dating care centers and schools bring a totally different culture to forming their children's character. Way more so than parents who's priorities are elsewhere.
My mother was not attached to me as a baby and as a teen. But God helped me not be the same as my mom. I have 3 kiddos whom I breastfeed and homeschool. I love being with my children.
I guess thats what it is. Since having kids it has slowed me down as far acheiving my goals and it has made me resentful. Im trying to work through it, but accepting it without resentment, holding a grudge is difficult
As a type-A mom, who also struggled with the transition to motherhood and slowing down, I feel compelled to challenge this a little… Did it make you resentful or did you choose to be resentful? I know that’s a direct question to ask, but it’ll be less likely that you’re able to move past it if you don’t take full responsibility for your part in it.
It’s difficult to appreciate that the most important work or goal we can strive for is to raise our children well. Our culture doesn’t appreciate or celebrate these types of accomplishments and it takes years to show the fruits of our efforts. But, you’ll find that true freedom lies in sacrificing for your children. It might be time to reassess the goals that are driving you. I know it’s helped me to pivot my aspirations to be centered around raising the kids and homemaking. Though this doesn’t mean I stopped doing my work entirely. I simply reordered my priorities and work adapted to an amount that aligned with its order of importance.
Could you talk about the mother that gives the child to the grandmother. The grandmother works and is not always at home. Could you explain the long term effects on a child.
This is me
This is interesting that you explained the biology and psychology of why some moms just don't properly attach to their baby, or wanted to be childfree.
I heard another cause of childhoods not working correctly is when the normal child loses too much attention, because they have a special need brother or sister. I don't know if that problem is really possible to resolve. It's not like anybody gets to choose that situation. It's not like some parent can decide to give them 50/50 of their time, when one is frequently in a hospital or special ed classes.
20:50 Some women are pressured not to talk about postpartum depression. Maybe they want others to have children?
36:00 can happen with other drugs considered addictive as well. However, you are correct, a tragedy often happens first. You can often someone who is drinking themselves to an early grave because they lost everything and are sure they can't get it back. Sure, the "Alcohol won't solve your problems" line is true. However, it assumes all problems can be solved. Some say people are addicted to a drug because they never were diagnosed. Some argued that marijuana smokers didn't get psychosis from smoking weed, they had psychosis or were on the verge of it, didn't know it, and the weed revealed it.
This was such a profound video, i believe some women are afraid to see their babies as vulnerable because they to often buried their vulnerability to live a modern lifestyle and the surreal culture, physical, emotional, and spiritual change a baby expose the falsehood of this ideology of modern feminism.
31:28 "Therapy...helps you to look at that pain and break the cycle". I would argue for a short period of singleness to do therapy for this exact reason so your past traumas don't affect your marriage and future children. Suzanne if you're reading this, I love love love your show and have been watching a few episodes a day since I discovered you! However I think I disagree with the general advice to "marry young" when there are so many millennials who need healing from emotionally unavailable parents. I got married at 31, have 2 beautiful sons and tried very hard to attract my person younger. However my past traumas blocked me from seeing the beautiful men in front of me sometimes. I don't even think my now husband (whom is an excellent match for me) would have been attracted to me back then when I was projecting a lot of my past pain onto men.
Completely agree with you! The get married young advice is kind of in contradiction to the healthy healed marriage that she often talks about- when are these twenty somethings suppose to actually do the WORK to heal? In highschool when they are still living with the problem? At college before their prefrontal cortex is online and they are just learning how to be independent? I got married at 24, but I also spent years in therapy in college and my husband did therapy before our wedding so that we could each bring a happy whole person into this fresh Union, but a lot of people can’t afford that or aren’t even aware they need therapy. Getting married young worked for us because we both truly knew what we wanted and were committed to putting in the effort and time needed to be our best selves first… but that is not the reality for the majority of young marriages.
Alcoholism often is caused by the lack of an enzyme called aldehyde dehydrogenase. There is a feedback loop that causes the body to crave more alcohol to push the chemical reaction forward. Yes, alcoholism is a disease, but can also be psychological addiction.
i want to thank god fir you.....i learn a lot crom you
Suzanne love your channel and your guest here was amazing her knowledge. I do think the last few lines though about not to get a pre nup etc is quite hard to avoid these days from a mans perspective. A man who has worked very hard and met a partner at 30 or after for example doesn’t want to lose all that’s been worked for. Fear of the bait and switch from the female being the reason men are fearful as repeated relationships or seeing them in others see the women become unhappy or not fancy their partner anymore or think they can do better and leave...it’s rife in the west...it’s a shame to not be all in but how can the very realistic risk be ignored by intelligent men...It can’t.
For the love of all that is sensible, why on Earth do we keep comparing women who stick their kids in childcare weeks after birth to women who homeschool until they’re 18? These are extreme. And homeschool should not be done for separatism, or to make sure moms never have to cut the cord (ALSO TERRIBLE FOR CHILDREN). If you’re passionate about education and MAKE SURE your kids still get lots of social exposure, fine. But instead I keep hearing about Moms who are paving the way to have basement dwelling kids with no social skills and a sub par education instituted by someone with no actual background or passion in education.
Can we ever like EVER talk about the women who stay with their kids until they are 5 or 6 and THEN go back to work? And then work part time so as to still be available after school? Something in the middle and not the clear extremes of the entire space? Why am I never ever represented in this? A moderate middle? A woman who KNEW she did not have the skills to homeschool but stayed home for 11 years to get my kids all into full time school and to have a baseline of attachment before they did? My kids are great. I’m going back to work. Homeschool cannot and would never be a good job for me. I feel like I’m beating my head bloody against the brick wall of black and white thinking.
Absolutely agree with you and I'm in a similar situation
FYI Erica Komisar is of the tribe.
She’s also pro-choice
What we must do is make children aware of their mother's instability as a woman. ..and offer the children as much protection as possible from any ill will that the mother may have, especially towards the male child.
My experience was that I was demonized as the "problem child" bc I talked "too much" in class.
I was used as an emotional sponge to sop up a lot of verbal and emotional abuse from a manic depressive Mother.
Public School Children are not the "problem/issue".
Public School Children are mirrors of their Parents mental dysfunction(s).
Which, I sincerely, sadly doubt, will ever either be realized or garner the much-needed attention it deserves.
Why do you think that a child would even intellectually understand what is going on in an emotionally abusive Parent's life?
I, as a child, only came to understand one thing: home was not a safe place to be/stay/live and the calvary was not coming to save me.
Thank God I survived a childhood/adolescence of "walking on eggshells".
Then those mothers would go nuts ranting that everyone is turning their children against them. You have to be careful with parents like that. If they think they’re being attacked, they often go off the deep end. Might result in a lot more filicide stories in the news.
What
What about what?
Who?
12:00 That is so true about how men naturally have this instinct to protect against predators. My man that I live with is always on alert for danger and he will hear noises that my ears did not even notice. We live in an apartment building and if he hears steps it will keep him up at night. But me, I sleep through it. On the other hand, I don't have any babies but sometimes in our apartment complex when I hear a baby or kid in distress, I get very concerned, worried & hyper focused on seeing if they are ok.. he doesn't.