@@milesmcquerrey2836 They are quoting the video. They cut out "is only ever the compassion of the fallen for the fallen." but made sure to add "True love" in the beginning so that it was a complete quote.
expressing "tenderness at the sight of the struggles and pains of another" is born out of the fear of loosing the other. Change the context and you get war. there's nothing inside you but fear.
If we don't love ourselves, we risk attachment--which is not love. We risk becoming attached to someone who could give us the love we want, even if it is only given to us in pieces. With this, we may become dependent on this person to give the love that we long for internally. This purely external source of love causes suffering when gone, but having an internal source keeps us afloat.
This video stirred up a lot of emotions since I know all too well the feeling of self-hatred and how it can destroy relationships. Growing up, I wasn't taught to love myself and it's been a long, demanding path to progress to my current stage. Nevertheless, I'm not exactly there yet, but I'm pushing myself to get there. Love yourself, you deserve it! ♥
Subconscious priming! If we are loving to ourself we are creating a subsconscious comfort zone of being loved. So when it comes around we accept it fully and it feels right.
"True love is only ever the compassion of the fallen for the fallen" is poetry!! who wrote this?!? I'm a songwriter and i gotta say I wanna steal this so bad. bravo y'all
This is so true. This happened in both of my last relationships. First, I made them love me and I eventually made them hate me because of my self-loathing.
I was honestly surprised that the first moment I could express love to myself was the day I realized nobody else was ever going to do it. The callousness and pure evil of other human beings means I am all I have or will ever have.
1 year of IFS therapy helped me to finally learn to love myself ♥️ I became a primary caretaker for my Inner Child so I won't burden my partner with that role. My favourite book: You're the One You've Been Waiting For
I think, even if it has been mentioned before, that there is something to be said for self-love versus how a lot of us grew up in the older generation of people, pleasing and children being seen and not heard, and told to never talk back or be selfish and only think about themselves all of the time. So we did the opposite. I know what I am struggling and wrestling with as an adult is how to be empathetic and get out of my own head and listen to others, while also knowing when to pull back and tune out from their negative energy, and know that I can’t always help them or be responsible for their lives, even if they can’t see that or don’t want to help themselves. I love the music in these videos by the way.
It is so true. Often i feel as tho whenever i would drop my guard and allow myself to fully open up and trust the other persons feelings for me.. I might be in for a disappointment, a lie or the fear that they might change their minds once they really get to know me. It's terrifying to open up and believe, when you've been rejected and fooled in the past.
ive been my own worst enemy for the last 5 years of my life. After years of trying different things to appreciate the life I was given it took a 4 min and 15 sec video for me to do some proper and deep self reflection. Thank you, I think this is the start of a better lief
Very cool video A month ago, I ended a five-year relationship. My soulmate made the decision to walk away from me, and even though I've done everything in my power to get him back, I can't help but feel disappointed because I can't see my life with anyone else. I want to say that I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I simply can't. I miss him so much and I don't know why I'm saying this here.
I learnt the hard way that saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult when a 12-year relationship ends. But I was unable to let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counsellor, and he was able to assist me in getting him back.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked him up online. striking I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
Came here to make just to comment that I'm SO glad I'm now deeper in the path to true inner peace and that I'll (probably) never need to come back to school of life videos again. I wish to thank this channel that brings a lot of light in a sea of confusion in the self-help midia, you helped me a bunch! And for those in strugle, have hope, it IS possible to find peace, organize your thoughts and be present. Good luck!❤
The timing of this is video is ridiculous. It aligns with my present relationship with someone who displays the worst of narcissistic traits. Though I've been used & abused by this person, I still feel deep sorrow for whatever their past has done to create such a severely scarred individual. It's a sad situation all around. ❤️⚖️🧠
@@earnyourimmortality Save the children. With narcs the best solution is no connection. The longer they will remain in contact with a narc the more damaged they will become.
@@earnyourimmortality so he belittle you? U have to demand him to see ur want. Try marriage consulting for the sake of your children. They're the first victim .
Truth in the romantical sense, but the inability to see your own self-worth does not mean others cannot. Rather people still care about you, however you bring obstacles towards the feeling which distances them. Self love is not necessary for love to begin, but rather for it to prosper.
I have despised people for being nice to me and liking me as I felt their judgement was so wrong. It's so twisted. I also sometimes feel a raging jealousy for those that love themselves.
We are 19 and since 4 years together. This relationship makes me so sad, because he barely shows interest in a way I feel loved. I just want that he asks questions and that we can be silly together, but he always says that he is too "introverted". But what broke my heart is that he do all the things I ever wished for in a relationship with his best friend(laughting, texting, asking randomly what's going on in ur life) So I am the problem? I have come to the point where I cry several times in a week. I am overreacting? My mind goes crazy to imagine being my whole life with someone together who can barely communicate with me. But the loving part in me has still hope.
This happened to me and honestly drove my anxiety through the roof where my behaviour became erratic. Fuck these people "their me time" and utter lack of communication pisses on the peace of mind of people that want to connect with them . They ghost people on days on end and live a comfortable life in the meantime not giving due consideration to the latter in any capacity. They are rather selfish and self centred, this individual used to call me their friend and used to ghost me for 2 - 3 days and even weeks and then start talking to me again under the pretense "I forgot to text you" , then one day they will forget I even existed because that's how it seemed. I faced this torturous behaviour for months and finally I broke down and voice messaged them, I can't do this anymore I am losing my mind I feel like I have done something that you are not telling me , what was my fault I had no one other than you to call me my friend yet this is how you treated me, whereas you will go and have a normal life I will have to live with this decision of cutting the only person I had in my life.
Ahh beautiful! This animation is great. This topic was already discussed in the video from 6 years ago titled (Love and self-love), and narrated by Alain. Still it´s marvelous to watch again, and being fleshed out in great animation.
Thanks Juan. We think it's important to revisit subjects from time to time, especially if they are as important as this one is. We only learn if we repeat.
Your one of the best channels out there. Each video, each post has some incredible things about life, humans, love, relationships everything. Thanks alottt for being here and making this valuable content about life, emotions and mental health in this age where only few people know about the importance of these for an individual. I'm glad i found your Channel.❤
I just recently (literally today) rekindled a relationship with a man that I love after having not spoken for 2 months due to a situation where he felt abandoned, in result, disappeared until he reached back out. Many words were exchanged and I wanted to try again with him. He has always disliked certain traits of his, but he’s changed and is even further down the path of self-hatred. It’s so hard because he truly won’t let me love/care about him because he can’t understand how someone could love him. I wish he would look into resources such as School of Life/other websites, books, etc. but he isn’t interested in getting help. He thinks he’s hopeless. I want to help him as much as I can as I have such an infinite amount of love for him, but I didn’t think it was possible for someone to help another love themselves. The timing of this video is scary.
Been in an extremely similar relationship before. Look after yourself. You can't help someone who won't even help themself, you'll only get broken yourself in the longer run.
your love for him is infinite because your love is infinite period. you're a loving person but that won't fix someone else. your inner child needs you, his inner child needs him and if he's not taking care of it, that's sadly his problem. you'll be okay and we are praying for you ❤
I have build resentment towards my parents over the years. I can't stand being with one of them in the aame room even if there is nothing to be angry about i still feel the anger inside of me. I have ADHD and i am trying to help myself out of my trauma and to forgive my parents but it's very difficult
Being someone who's been abused and has been through a lot of trauma, I can tell you that when people tell me that you can't love anyone into your love yourself is not a phrase and it actually validates what my abusers have told me because they would tell me that no one's going to love me the way I am and that I have to change myself if I want anyone to love me. Therefore, I really don't like the ideology of you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. I do agree that you can't get happiness from someone and that you should love yourself but I refuse to believe that I can't love someone just due to my trauma and the recovering relationship that I have with myself.
I agree. Also the saying "Treat others like you would yourself" is idiotic for me, because the fact I don't treat others like I do myself is precisely why I am able to have friends and so on. Self-acceptance is necessary, not self-love.
I agree with that phrase but obviously a lot of people don't so I'm going to try and give my interpretation on it. I think when people use that phrase, what they actually mean is that it's impossible to be loved back if you don't love yourself. They're referring to love as a two-way system. I know that it's very easy to love people when you're insecure, it's almost like you pour the love that should be going to yourself entirely into somebody else. However, I think that it makes it very hard for somebody to love you back which is the point that this video is trying to illustrate. They address it at the end, it's not self-love in a narcissistic sense, it's self-acceptance. For if you don't fully "accept yourself" (an amazing Smiths song), don't really know what fulfils or what you're looking for, you aren't going to be able to open that up to other people to allow them the chance to be truly intimate & connected with you. If that's the case, you have to strive to make that happen which might be removing yourself from certain situations or making lifestyle changes bit-by-bit until self-love comes flowing back through. Otherwise it makes relationships even harder than they are in the first place.
I'm sorry to hear about your trauma but to clarify, the way your abusers said "no one will love you" is not the same as "love yourself before someone else". the latter is what is essentially "love yourself first". not that you are inherently unlovable, but people need to be responsible for themselves. accepting yourself doesn't mean stagnancy. you need to give yourself that love before giving it to someone else. putting someone's needs and life and personhood ahead of yours is very unsustainable, and it's very easy to fall into that if you don't love yourself at least somewhat (know how to put yourself first at least)
She’s basically saying that when you hate yourself so much, these two things occur: A.) genuine love feels FAKE. You think… That person is obviously lying. I know that no one can love me, so if this person does, they are a liar, and I find liars disgusting. I will push them away. B.) I kind of like this person, and I feel really sorry that they love a stupid person like me. Because I like them, I want better for them. I’m going to be selfless and force them away from me before they get hurt by my ugly nature. They’re too innocent to know what they are getting into.
The school of life still have amazing wisdom but doesn’t seem to have excellent art style life they used to. Not a complaint, I’m still very grateful for these nugget insights but still a little nostalgia for those old beautiful art style. And Alan’s soothing voice, of course
This resonated with me. I feel like eventually my partner of 5 years will see me how I see myself and realise there is someone better adjusted out there. I know this is a view twisted by my self hatred but I don’t know how to fix it. Always feel like a fraud in life.
My partner told me some days ago,that travelling is more important to him than I am to him. Afterwards, he went for a 2 week trip. I am devastated. I have held back on having a baby and building my home because of him. Anyway, I begun asking myself,why? Why did I let go of so much of myself for him? Could it be that I need to extend more love to myself than I do to him? That kind of thinking defeats all of my upbringing and religion but I have to start acknowledging it. Thanks SoL
Self Love means you will never change. Rather , Dont do self hate. Be humble. Keeping yourself in check doesn't mean you bad. You can become a slave to your self deception. That will lead to self hate. Always strive to be better. Look deep within. The words we use matter. Be still sometimes. Water your life with goodness. Its not complex. It is if you taking instruction from your monitor and Radio. Discern for yourself. No ones to blame. You'll get stuck if you do that.
Humility is not incompatible with self love. Nor is personal change or growth. To love one's self is to practice forgiveness for one's own being in place of relentless hatred.
This starts with a false premise that self-love means you will never change… Just like when you love someone else you want to see them be the best they can be, self-love leads to self-improvement. You cannot hate yourself into a better place.
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). The Idea Tha Eu Got To Love Urself First To Find Someone Who Loves Eu Is WRONG Not Only is it Not TUU it Causes Peephole Extreme Pain and Causes Them to Approach Self-love From a Totally Wrong Angle
I don't know, for me it is exactly that: I can't accept and don't want the (how do u say it) unconditionally love from parents or so. This exactly makes me hate me more and them when I can't get them to be simply happy and ... expecting accomplishments from me. That... "love" is for me just the sign that they do not believe in my accomplishing anything and don't even want me to...
I think the meaning of self-love is that you have to be love yourself first so you can accept the love form others. Not because nobody loves you. (Sorry i my grammar is wrong)
This is hard... u rly feel u have to spare someone from you, bc they are better than you... and sooner or rather they will find it and the question: enjoy haven't they figured out earlier / u told them earlier...
I think I prefer to think of self neutrality. But if all needed self love to love another and be loved, I think there'd be a lot of loveless folk out there. Having to love yourself before another sets a lot of us up for failure and it could be that when someone loves us, that shows us we are then capable of loving ourselves. Maybe they're doesn't have to be one set strict order?
Hi thanks for sharing the insights! I found this very related to my childhood experience which this negative talk got internalized within myself for long unconsciously. I realized how much self-sabatoage I did to myself which led to lost opportunities to reach full potential. Now I started getting more aware of that and practice self-love...But still time to time, if something happens, I will be super hash on myself and self hate/negative talk again without having the ability to control myself. So does to my loved ones, friends. Could you offer some tips to overcome it and help establish a more stable habits of self love unconditionally?
I relate to this but also don’t believe it came from my parents (not that I have that many memories of how they were). How does one become better at self love? Any tips?
A video with great insights, but it assumes that someone loved us (loved in the romantic sense of the word). for some people it's not about not accepting someone's love but about not having received any in the first place. I would like to see a video that explores this topic.
This video is so depressing. It should be titled "This is why no one will ever love you". These problems with self perception don't go away when someone loves you. They don't change with therapy. If someone is truly broken by an aggressive parent, they'll always be damaged, and secure happy people can smell and avoid it from a mile away.
Jesus can save you. Start going to adoration, confession in a traditional Latin mass. Repent of your sins. Stop sinning. Do semen retention. Eat healthy. Sleep healthy
If you think they’ll always be damaged, you’ll make it true. It’s a process of reprogramming beliefs given to you as a child. It is absolutely possible but a person has to recognize and want it enough. Because it does take work but it is so worth it. Therapy alone will not do it. Meditation can help. Positive self talk, even if you don’t believe it at first, because you need the repetition for it to seep into your subconscious. There are so many ways, but a person needs to find their own tools. It is an absolute journey and the best one. Some books that have been monumental for me are “You Can Heal Your Life” and “You are a Badass”. Real “secure happy” people don’t avoid. If they do, there is still something insecure in themselves. The real ones have compassion.
Jesus can save you. Start going to adoration, confession in a traditional Latin mass. Repent of your sins. Stop sinning. Do semen retention. Eat healthy. Sleep healthy
"true love is the search by one radically imperfect being to express their tenderness at the sight of the struggles and pains of another."
"Who are you quoting?"
@@milesmcquerrey2836 They are quoting the video. They cut out "is only ever the compassion of the fallen for the fallen." but made sure to add "True love" in the beginning so that it was a complete quote.
expressing "tenderness at the sight of the struggles and pains of another" is born out of the fear of loosing the other. Change the context and you get war. there's nothing inside you but fear.
@@florinmoldovanu Yours is the belief that “all relationships are, at their root, transactional.” IE there’s no such thing as pure altruism.
@@hfjjor3681 not transactional but based exclusively on self interest.
If we don't love ourselves, we risk attachment--which is not love. We risk becoming attached to someone who could give us the love we want, even if it is only given to us in pieces. With this, we may become dependent on this person to give the love that we long for internally.
This purely external source of love causes suffering when gone, but having an internal source keeps us afloat.
This comment should be pinned! ❤
When is love not given in pieces? Are you stil in school?
This video stirred up a lot of emotions since I know all too well the feeling of self-hatred and how it can destroy relationships. Growing up, I wasn't taught to love myself and it's been a long, demanding path to progress to my current stage. Nevertheless, I'm not exactly there yet, but I'm pushing myself to get there. Love yourself, you deserve it! ♥
You’re not alone! Thanks for sharing, this gives me hope ❤
@@stephymc2450 Absolutely! We all have our own battles and it's so important to share our stories in order to encourage and support one another ♥
Subconscious priming! If we are loving to ourself we are creating a subsconscious comfort zone of being loved. So when it comes around we accept it fully and it feels right.
"True love is only ever the compassion of the fallen for the fallen" is poetry!! who wrote this?!? I'm a songwriter and i gotta say I wanna steal this so bad. bravo y'all
‘Human is the only animal which can hate itself. ‘
Good observation
This is so true. This happened in both of my last relationships. First, I made them love me and I eventually made them hate me because of my self-loathing.
I was honestly surprised that the first moment I could express love to myself was the day I realized nobody else was ever going to do it. The callousness and pure evil of other human beings means I am all I have or will ever have.
What kind statement about yourself would you wish to remember in self-hating moments? Let us know in the comments below.
You were enough for your friend Heather, your mother & father. They only wanted you to be healthy & happy ❤
To have self compassion for oneself..❤
Hating yourself is too much work, so instead love yourself it's much easier and fun ❤️
You're allowed to exist.
"I have the worth, needs and entitlements of a living human being, and any thought that suggests otherwise is missing that basic truth about me."
"To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness." Robert Morely
1 year of IFS therapy helped me to finally learn to love myself ♥️
I became a primary caretaker for my Inner Child so I won't burden my partner with that role.
My favourite book: You're the One You've Been Waiting For
give us some insights of the book and ur journey
@@manoaruldhas I agree!
Thnx for the recommendation!
I have been through self hate 😢 I understand and 100% agree with this topic. Thnx for this lesson
Sending our warmest wishes to you Shula
Why the fuck did you spell thnkx like that? " -- Socrates
@@milesmcquerrey2836 I think you need some self love m8
I think, even if it has been mentioned before, that there is something to be said for self-love versus how a lot of us grew up in the older generation of people, pleasing and children being seen and not heard, and told to never talk back or be selfish and only think about themselves all of the time. So we did the opposite. I know what I am struggling and wrestling with as an adult is how to be empathetic and get out of my own head and listen to others, while also knowing when to pull back and tune out from their negative energy, and know that I can’t always help them or be responsible for their lives, even if they can’t see that or don’t want to help themselves. I love the music in these videos by the way.
We live in a society of perpetual exploitation, abuse and trauma. From generation to generation.
I have been heavy into self hatred
I have been curing it for the last 2 years and i can comfortably say I have beaten it with a lot of struggle
The fact that the value in this video is free 💯
You can imagine!
It is so true. Often i feel as tho whenever i would drop my guard and allow myself to fully open up and trust the other persons feelings for me.. I might be in for a disappointment, a lie or the fear that they might change their minds once they really get to know me. It's terrifying to open up and believe, when you've been rejected and fooled in the past.
ive been my own worst enemy for the last 5 years of my life. After years of trying different things to appreciate the life I was given it took a 4 min and 15 sec video for me to do some proper and deep self reflection. Thank you, I think this is the start of a better lief
Very cool video A month ago, I ended a five-year relationship. My soulmate made the decision to walk away from me, and even though I've done everything in my power to get him back, I can't help but feel disappointed because I can't see my life with anyone else. I want to say that I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I simply can't. I miss him so much and I don't know why I'm saying this here.
I learnt the hard way that saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult when a 12-year relationship ends. But I was unable to let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counsellor, and he was able to assist me in getting him back.
Interesting-sounding! How can I most efficiently get in contact with a spiritual counsellor that you recommended?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
I appreciate you providing this important information; I've just checked him up online. striking I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and wow, he's really genuine. Thank you so much again ❤
This is exactly what I needed to hear today
Came here to make just to comment that I'm SO glad I'm now deeper in the path to true inner peace and that I'll (probably) never need to come back to school of life videos again. I wish to thank this channel that brings a lot of light in a sea of confusion in the self-help midia, you helped me a bunch! And for those in strugle, have hope, it IS possible to find peace, organize your thoughts and be present. Good luck!❤
The timing of this is video is ridiculous. It aligns with my present relationship with someone who displays the worst of narcissistic traits. Though I've been used & abused by this person, I still feel deep sorrow for whatever their past has done to create such a severely scarred individual. It's a sad situation all around.
❤️⚖️🧠
We're very sorry to hear what you've been going through, and deeply touched that our film has reached you at the right time.
@The School of Life
Thanks & I will work ceaselessly to remain optimistic, especially for the sake of our 2 young children.
Check out Little Shamen she’s an NPD expert.❤️
@@earnyourimmortality Save the children. With narcs the best solution is no connection. The longer they will remain in contact with a narc the more damaged they will become.
@@earnyourimmortality so he belittle you? U have to demand him to see ur want. Try marriage consulting for the sake of your children. They're the first victim .
Like mama Ru says: If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?
I mean, you can love one person and hate another
Can I get an amen
🙌
Now everybody say love!
Truth in the romantical sense, but the inability to see your own self-worth does not mean others cannot. Rather people still care about you, however you bring obstacles towards the feeling which distances them. Self love is not necessary for love to begin, but rather for it to prosper.
I have despised people for being nice to me and liking me as I felt their judgement was so wrong. It's so twisted.
I also sometimes feel a raging jealousy for those that love themselves.
this might be your most important video
thank you. i genuinely think i felt something "click" or heal within myself listening to this
Sometimes these videos pop up in my feed in the exact moment I need them ❤
That is beautiful, we should give ourselves the same amount of understanding, support and acceptance that we give to people we care about 💖
No one can love us better than we can. ☺️
A little kindness goes a long way
I’m so happy I’m not in a state of self hate anymore. There is more
We are 19 and since 4 years together. This relationship makes me so sad, because he barely shows interest in a way I feel loved. I just want that he asks questions and that we can be silly together, but he always says that he is too "introverted". But what broke my heart is that he do all the things I ever wished for in a relationship with his best friend(laughting, texting, asking randomly what's going on in ur life) So I am the problem? I have come to the point where I cry several times in a week. I am overreacting? My mind goes crazy to imagine being my whole life with someone together who can barely communicate with me. But the loving part in me has still hope.
This happened to me and honestly drove my anxiety through the roof where my behaviour became erratic.
Fuck these people "their me time" and utter lack of communication pisses on the peace of mind of people that want to connect with them . They ghost people on days on end and live a comfortable life in the meantime not giving due consideration to the latter in any capacity. They are rather selfish and self centred, this individual used to call me their friend and used to ghost me for 2 - 3 days and even weeks and then start talking to me again under the pretense "I forgot to text you" , then one day they will forget I even existed because that's how it seemed. I faced this torturous behaviour for months and finally I broke down and voice messaged them, I can't do this anymore I am losing my mind I feel like I have done something that you are not telling me , what was my fault I had no one other than you to call me my friend yet this is how you treated me, whereas you will go and have a normal life I will have to live with this decision of cutting the only person I had in my life.
Love yourself is a must way of life.
We need to learn expect nothing from people. Always priorities ourselves not others !
Ahh beautiful! This animation is great. This topic was already discussed in the video from 6 years ago titled (Love and self-love), and narrated by Alain. Still it´s marvelous to watch again, and being fleshed out in great animation.
Thanks Juan. We think it's important to revisit subjects from time to time, especially if they are as important as this one is. We only learn if we repeat.
I really identified with the guy with the moustache.
Your one of the best channels out there. Each video, each post has some incredible things about life, humans, love, relationships everything. Thanks alottt for being here and making this valuable content about life, emotions and mental health in this age where only few people know about the importance of these for an individual. I'm glad i found your Channel.❤
Thanks. Now I'm weeping
I just recently (literally today) rekindled a relationship with a man that I love after having not spoken for 2 months due to a situation where he felt abandoned, in result, disappeared until he reached back out. Many words were exchanged and I wanted to try again with him. He has always disliked certain traits of his, but he’s changed and is even further down the path of self-hatred. It’s so hard because he truly won’t let me love/care about him because he can’t understand how someone could love him. I wish he would look into resources such as School of Life/other websites, books, etc. but he isn’t interested in getting help. He thinks he’s hopeless. I want to help him as much as I can as I have such an infinite amount of love for him, but I didn’t think it was possible for someone to help another love themselves. The timing of this video is scary.
Been in an extremely similar relationship before. Look after yourself. You can't help someone who won't even help themself, you'll only get broken yourself in the longer run.
your love for him is infinite because your love is infinite period. you're a loving person but that won't fix someone else. your inner child needs you, his inner child needs him and if he's not taking care of it, that's sadly his problem. you'll be okay and we are praying for you ❤
Let him go
Self love is always the limiting factor in loving others!
We Love YOU SCHOOL OF LIFE. REPARENT yourself
I have build resentment towards my parents over the years. I can't stand being with one of them in the aame room even if there is nothing to be angry about i still feel the anger inside of me. I have ADHD and i am trying to help myself out of my trauma and to forgive my parents but it's very difficult
My parents drive me crazy too, but I still depend on them. Can't wait to be free and live my life.
Self-love is about being kind to yourself and doing small things that make you happy.
Being someone who's been abused and has been through a lot of trauma, I can tell you that when people tell me that you can't love anyone into your love yourself is not a phrase and it actually validates what my abusers have told me because they would tell me that no one's going to love me the way I am and that I have to change myself if I want anyone to love me. Therefore, I really don't like the ideology of you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. I do agree that you can't get happiness from someone and that you should love yourself but I refuse to believe that I can't love someone just due to my trauma and the recovering relationship that I have with myself.
This!! Absolutely agree.
I agree. Also the saying "Treat others like you would yourself" is idiotic for me, because the fact I don't treat others like I do myself is precisely why I am able to have friends and so on. Self-acceptance is necessary, not self-love.
I agree with that phrase but obviously a lot of people don't so I'm going to try and give my interpretation on it.
I think when people use that phrase, what they actually mean is that it's impossible to be loved back if you don't love yourself. They're referring to love as a two-way system.
I know that it's very easy to love people when you're insecure, it's almost like you pour the love that should be going to yourself entirely into somebody else. However, I think that it makes it very hard for somebody to love you back which is the point that this video is trying to illustrate. They address it at the end, it's not self-love in a narcissistic sense, it's self-acceptance.
For if you don't fully "accept yourself" (an amazing Smiths song), don't really know what fulfils or what you're looking for, you aren't going to be able to open that up to other people to allow them the chance to be truly intimate & connected with you. If that's the case, you have to strive to make that happen which might be removing yourself from certain situations or making lifestyle changes bit-by-bit until self-love comes flowing back through. Otherwise it makes relationships even harder than they are in the first place.
I'm sorry to hear about your trauma
but to clarify, the way your abusers said "no one will love you" is not the same as "love yourself before someone else". the latter is what is essentially "love yourself first". not that you are inherently unlovable, but people need to be responsible for themselves. accepting yourself doesn't mean stagnancy. you need to give yourself that love before giving it to someone else. putting someone's needs and life and personhood ahead of yours is very unsustainable, and it's very easy to fall into that if you don't love yourself at least somewhat (know how to put yourself first at least)
First, you should stop hating yourself.
Love yourself. You can do it❤
She’s basically saying that when you hate yourself so much, these two things occur:
A.) genuine love feels FAKE. You think… That person is obviously lying. I know that no one can love me, so if this person does, they are a liar, and I find liars disgusting. I will push them away.
B.) I kind of like this person, and I feel really sorry that they love a stupid person like me. Because I like them, I want better for them. I’m going to be selfless and force them away from me before they get hurt by my ugly nature. They’re too innocent to know what they are getting into.
This video is really eye-opening, it made me understand a lot about myself
I define true love as self love reciprocated unconditionally
Oh, guys, you are so special. ❤
This is such a powerful topic.❤❤❤
Thanks!
The school of life still have amazing wisdom but doesn’t seem to have excellent art style life they used to. Not a complaint, I’m still very grateful for these nugget insights but still a little nostalgia for those old beautiful art style. And Alan’s soothing voice, of course
I still can't even after years of therapy ((😢😢
Everything was better the wars and when i was at high school (
I AM telling you this because I love you
If been bullied basically throughout my whole childhood and somehow i ended up to be my biggest bully
This resonated with me. I feel like eventually my partner of 5 years will see me how I see myself and realise there is someone better adjusted out there. I know this is a view twisted by my self hatred but I don’t know how to fix it. Always feel like a fraud in life.
Lizzie, you need coaching to get you out of your shell. You built a wall around you.
Thank you
Thank you! ❤
My partner told me some days ago,that travelling is more important to him than I am to him. Afterwards, he went for a 2 week trip. I am devastated. I have held back on having a baby and building my home because of him. Anyway, I begun asking myself,why? Why did I let go of so much of myself for him? Could it be that I need to extend more love to myself than I do to him? That kind of thinking defeats all of my upbringing and religion but I have to start acknowledging it. Thanks SoL
Brilliant! Thank you.
I dont see how i could ever but i hope ill be able to
Thanks
That was beautiful.
Self Love means you will never change. Rather , Dont do self hate. Be humble. Keeping yourself in check doesn't mean you bad. You can become a slave to your self deception. That will lead to self hate. Always strive to be better. Look deep within. The words we use matter. Be still sometimes. Water your life with goodness. Its not complex. It is if you taking instruction from your monitor and Radio. Discern for yourself. No ones to blame. You'll get stuck if you do that.
Humility is not incompatible with self love. Nor is personal change or growth. To love one's self is to practice forgiveness for one's own being in place of relentless hatred.
This starts with a false premise that self-love means you will never change… Just like when you love someone else you want to see them be the best they can be, self-love leads to self-improvement. You cannot hate yourself into a better place.
@Ben Goodes You're comment sounds as if you didn't even watch half of the video.
Love is not opposite to change. On the contrary, loving parents facilitate child's growth, hateful parents damage and stunt its growth.
It sounds to me like you have a very warped definition and misunderstanding of what love is.
Please make another video with same topic and on professional aspect.
Self love and professional job.
(FACTS OVA FEELINGS). The Idea Tha Eu Got To Love Urself First To Find Someone Who Loves Eu Is WRONG Not Only is it Not TUU it Causes Peephole Extreme Pain and Causes Them to Approach Self-love From a Totally Wrong Angle
Thank you.
I don't know, for me it is exactly that: I can't accept and don't want the (how do u say it) unconditionally love from parents or so. This exactly makes me hate me more and them when I can't get them to be simply happy and ... expecting accomplishments from me.
That... "love" is for me just the sign that they do not believe in my accomplishing anything and don't even want me to...
An excellent video!
That's not a choice we don't choose our past sometimes u need outer love first
I think the meaning of self-love is that you have to be love yourself first so you can accept the love form others. Not because nobody loves you. (Sorry i my grammar is wrong)
Please introduce Low Price Editions of your books for the Indian subcontinent. I really want to read your books.
You have a playlist on eastern philosophy. Please make a video on Indian philosophy in that too. 🫡
Good enough is good enough, thankyou #Tsol.
But stating that we need to love ourselves before we enter into a relationship suggests we're undeserving of love until we do so.
I don’t think it’s saying we are undeserving at all. It’s saying we will have a very hard time accepting love until we love ourselves.
This is hard... u rly feel u have to spare someone from you, bc they are better than you... and sooner or rather they will find it and the question: enjoy haven't they figured out earlier / u told them earlier...
I think I prefer to think of self neutrality. But if all needed self love to love another and be loved, I think there'd be a lot of loveless folk out there. Having to love yourself before another sets a lot of us up for failure and it could be that when someone loves us, that shows us we are then capable of loving ourselves. Maybe they're doesn't have to be one set strict order?
Hi thanks for sharing the insights! I found this very related to my childhood experience which this negative talk got internalized within myself for long unconsciously. I realized how much self-sabatoage I did to myself which led to lost opportunities to reach full potential. Now I started getting more aware of that and practice self-love...But still time to time, if something happens, I will be super hash on myself and self hate/negative talk again without having the ability to control myself. So does to my loved ones, friends. Could you offer some tips to overcome it and help establish a more stable habits of self love unconditionally?
I relate to this but also don’t believe it came from my parents (not that I have that many memories of how they were). How does one become better at self love? Any tips?
Amen to that
Self neglecting is a greater sin than self love. Shakespeare
true love is fear
i been getting these videos and they all based on my situation 😂
Not Hermoine Granger
Anyone else hate themselves and wanna try dating? 2 negatives make a positive 🎉
Haha sounds like a terrible idea
BILLIE I LOVE MYSELF! IM READY 🥑🌯😎🔥🎅🌞🌈🌋☻🕷 OBRIGADA
It's exactly what RuPaul has been saying for the last 15 years
A video with great insights, but it assumes that someone loved us (loved in the romantic sense of the word). for some people it's not about not accepting someone's love but about not having received any in the first place. I would like to see a video that explores this topic.
I'm not crying, you're crying.
Gr8
This cliche is very victim-blaming imo. I’ve met numerous couples who have very low self esteem, yet they have families.
Wow this feels pointed 🥴🥴
The importance of going on a trip with your partner
Video content is good, but please change this voiceover, it is so tiresome voice, it is keeping away the interest to continue further.
wow
... The long, strict regimentation of mandatory public school pernicious agency and communion, and creates self-hatred
interesting comment
huh? Whose voice is that? Not the same impact.
Totally
This video is so depressing. It should be titled "This is why no one will ever love you". These problems with self perception don't go away when someone loves you. They don't change with therapy. If someone is truly broken by an aggressive parent, they'll always be damaged, and secure happy people can smell and avoid it from a mile away.
Jesus can save you. Start going to adoration, confession in a traditional Latin mass. Repent of your sins. Stop sinning. Do semen retention. Eat healthy. Sleep healthy
@@youcanthandlethetruth5433 LOL so funny
If you think they’ll always be damaged, you’ll make it true. It’s a process of reprogramming beliefs given to you as a child. It is absolutely possible but a person has to recognize and want it enough. Because it does take work but it is so worth it. Therapy alone will not do it. Meditation can help. Positive self talk, even if you don’t believe it at first, because you need the repetition for it to seep into your subconscious. There are so many ways, but a person needs to find their own tools. It is an absolute journey and the best one. Some books that have been monumental for me are “You Can Heal Your Life” and “You are a Badass”. Real “secure happy” people don’t avoid. If they do, there is still something insecure in themselves. The real ones have compassion.
@@DaniL-lv9cp Thank you for the thoughtful response to my depression-fuelled post :) I've taken a note of those titles. I'll investigate. Thank you!
@@wanderingseth You’re so very welcome. I’ve been there and I want to share what’s possible.
poor ned flanders
Guess I've ruined my life 🙂
Still got good enough time to fix it!
Jesus can save you. Start going to adoration, confession in a traditional Latin mass. Repent of your sins. Stop sinning. Do semen retention. Eat healthy. Sleep healthy
Unless your parents teach you that self-love is selfish and bad.
Going through a break up brother?
😊