Little over 4 years ago, I lost my wife of 35 years, but my girl for 45 of 57 years (you read that correct). She passed after a 16 year battle with brain cancer (long, long story). Like you, I was holding her as she did. As I sit here, right now, listening to you, it cuts like it was yesterday. Good for you for being able to put words to it all, and for being able to process it in a way that was right for you.
so sorry to hear that. I've been far from a model of the grief process, but after 10 years i learned a few things that i hope might helps folks like yourself, or at the very least let you know you're not the only one that's had to go through it. Take care of yourself and live a life that makes her proud of you.
You have a golden heart for putting the effort into sharing your thoughts and knowledge throughout this channel videos, having a profound view on life's meaning, which is not so common in today's world - so superficial and lacking sense. You weren't dealt the best cards in life - heart problems, and losing Sunshine - but these modeled you into the person you are today. And I think if you could choose to have never met her, you wouldn't give up the 6 years you had together, just to avoid the pain and grief that came with it. And maybe the heart problems couldn't be given up in exchange for a rat race kind of life. I was living this kind of life, and recently had an AVR at the same age as your first one - your experience helped me get easier through it (at least mentally), and it's very unlikely that I will go back disregarding myself and the time I have left here. I lived in the year before I had my heart surgery, more than I did in the previous decade. And I have to thank people like you for showing me a healthy and meaningful life perspective.
much appreciate the kind words. figure if i can navigate some of the messes life throws at me, best to share with others and make it a little easier for them. you're 100% right, as much as it killed me to lose her, i wouldn't trade a minute of our time together to erase that pain. kudos on using your health issues to squeeze more out of life. Good job and keep making every day matter
Family is still praying for you dude, still remember when i watched your cross country video on YT and being blindsided when you had finished the run and the next thing was you showing her stone under the tree. Sorry man, hope all is well
losing her was part of the story and felt like i had to include it in the video. balance of life, highest and lowest points of my life 7 months apart. much appreciated.
I don't know why you came into my mind today. I wanted to see if you are still alive. I didn't know my notifications for your channel were off. So I deliberately sought you out and wow..........first, very sorry for your loss. Second, my best friend for over 40 years died after a massive stroke at age 47 on Nov 2nd. What a coincidence. "No right answers." I wrote that down, thanks. Wishing you well.
funny, i have a couple buddies that said they periodically google obituaries to see if i show up or not. wild coincidence for sure, both on all soul's day. Thanks and nothing but the best to you as well.
The guilt was always a weird one for me. I felt tremendous guilt being in a relationship with someone new from both ends of the spectrum. He was gone and I felt guilty for loving someone new. My new relationship had to deal with me simultaneously loving someone who was no longer here while loving him. People who haven’t lost someone don’t understand. It sometimes feels like we can only be with someone who’s lost someone. I never felt right mentioning my boyfriend who passed to anyone new. Very difficult to go through but it sounds like you’ve got it figured out
Far from figured out. I've struggled with that the entire time too, and i don't have much for good answers. I've gone through the same exact dual guilt you mention every time. Sadly the easiest dates are casual ones that don't care. I've had gf's that said they understand, but then got mad when i released the Sunshine book. I've dated someone who lost their SO too, and while she understood better, i don't know that it made things any easier? in some ways maybe even harder? as we age, we all have 'baggage' from the past to some extent, and there are worse things than caring so much about someone you lost, but it's a unique challenge for sure. You know the person would want you happy, and you know the other person has ex's too, but def a no right answers situation, so you keep trudging through, experimenting, find out the path that suits you best. Best to you in your journey.
Said boyfriend explained to me that he didn’t bring his exes up so I shouldn’t either no matter the reason for the “break up” but we don’t really go through a break up, we go through a loss so it’s different. While I can understand a current significant other being insecure because you’re releasing books about the loss it would have been better if she could have relayed to you that it bothered her. I spoke to a therapist that lasted a day and she said to me that I wouldn’t want my boyfriends ex brought up constantly so I shouldn’t bring mine up either. No real answers but just a road we’re on. Best of luck to you
@@LaraM59 it's very different. any ex of mine, i can say "it failed because...", the loss ended with us perfect for each other. agree fairness is important, never good to talk about previous relationships any more than a rare reference for context. best to you as well.
10 years after losing Sunshine, this is what i learned about loss and grief over that period.
Little over 4 years ago, I lost my wife of 35 years, but my girl for 45 of 57 years (you read that correct). She passed after a 16 year battle with brain cancer (long, long story). Like you, I was holding her as she did. As I sit here, right now, listening to you, it cuts like it was yesterday. Good for you for being able to put words to it all, and for being able to process it in a way that was right for you.
so sorry to hear that. I've been far from a model of the grief process, but after 10 years i learned a few things that i hope might helps folks like yourself, or at the very least let you know you're not the only one that's had to go through it. Take care of yourself and live a life that makes her proud of you.
You have a golden heart for putting the effort into sharing your thoughts and knowledge throughout this channel videos, having a profound view on life's meaning, which is not so common in today's world - so superficial and lacking sense.
You weren't dealt the best cards in life - heart problems, and losing Sunshine - but these modeled you into the person you are today. And I think if you could choose to have never met her, you wouldn't give up the 6 years you had together, just to avoid the pain and grief that came with it. And maybe the heart problems couldn't be given up in exchange for a rat race kind of life.
I was living this kind of life, and recently had an AVR at the same age as your first one - your experience helped me get easier through it (at least mentally), and it's very unlikely that I will go back disregarding myself and the time I have left here. I lived in the year before I had my heart surgery, more than I did in the previous decade. And I have to thank people like you for showing me a healthy and meaningful life perspective.
much appreciate the kind words. figure if i can navigate some of the messes life throws at me, best to share with others and make it a little easier for them. you're 100% right, as much as it killed me to lose her, i wouldn't trade a minute of our time together to erase that pain. kudos on using your health issues to squeeze more out of life. Good job and keep making every day matter
Family is still praying for you dude, still remember when i watched your cross country video on YT and being blindsided when you had finished the run and the next thing was you showing her stone under the tree. Sorry man, hope all is well
losing her was part of the story and felt like i had to include it in the video. balance of life, highest and lowest points of my life 7 months apart. much appreciated.
I don't know why you came into my mind today. I wanted to see if you are still alive. I didn't know my notifications for your channel were off. So I deliberately sought you out and wow..........first, very sorry for your loss. Second, my best friend for over 40 years died after a massive stroke at age 47 on Nov 2nd. What a coincidence.
"No right answers." I wrote that down, thanks. Wishing you well.
funny, i have a couple buddies that said they periodically google obituaries to see if i show up or not. wild coincidence for sure, both on all soul's day. Thanks and nothing but the best to you as well.
The guilt was always a weird one for me. I felt tremendous guilt being in a relationship with someone new from both ends of the spectrum. He was gone and I felt guilty for loving someone new. My new relationship had to deal with me simultaneously loving someone who was no longer here while loving him. People who haven’t lost someone don’t understand. It sometimes feels like we can only be with someone who’s lost someone. I never felt right mentioning my boyfriend who passed to anyone new. Very difficult to go through but it sounds like you’ve got it figured out
Far from figured out. I've struggled with that the entire time too, and i don't have much for good answers. I've gone through the same exact dual guilt you mention every time. Sadly the easiest dates are casual ones that don't care. I've had gf's that said they understand, but then got mad when i released the Sunshine book. I've dated someone who lost their SO too, and while she understood better, i don't know that it made things any easier? in some ways maybe even harder? as we age, we all have 'baggage' from the past to some extent, and there are worse things than caring so much about someone you lost, but it's a unique challenge for sure. You know the person would want you happy, and you know the other person has ex's too, but def a no right answers situation, so you keep trudging through, experimenting, find out the path that suits you best. Best to you in your journey.
Said boyfriend explained to me that he didn’t bring his exes up so I shouldn’t either no matter the reason for the “break up” but we don’t really go through a break up, we go through a loss so it’s different. While I can understand a current significant other being insecure because you’re releasing books about the loss it would have been better if she could have relayed to you that it bothered her. I spoke to a therapist that lasted a day and she said to me that I wouldn’t want my boyfriends ex brought up constantly so I shouldn’t bring mine up either. No real answers but just a road we’re on. Best of luck to you
@@LaraM59 it's very different. any ex of mine, i can say "it failed because...", the loss ended with us perfect for each other. agree fairness is important, never good to talk about previous relationships any more than a rare reference for context. best to you as well.