The best thing a man can do for his children is to love and cherish their mother...I can only speak for myself ..never allow your relationship to stagnate or take your partner for granted.....no one wants to feel used or ignored....men tend to become unaware and expect a woman to be satisfied and happy in being financially supported and fail to give the emotional and personal affection required.....love begins in the morning when you wake up..if your indifferent or act and speak unkindly ..don't expect to be treated lovingly when you return at night..nothing angers more than a relationship that becomes mundane..boring... routine...and taken for granted..
This is so true. My ex said he didn’t understand why I needed him To respect my wishes and spend time with me because I owned my own home and car and am independent and his ex girlfriend didn’t so she needed his help more. As if owning my own things that I worked for are a replacement for respect and companionship
@@solomongrundy1467 I believe its not the fact men don't become bored..its they become comfortable and conditioned to being taken care of..not all women are bored..it all depends on the commitment you make to the relationship...if your indifferent ..your bored..if you respect and love your mate..you want the best for them and are content..however..women like it when their significant other helps out and shares duties around the house..we need to learn to ask for what they want....I never attended a school that taught mind reading
Interesting. I am also a woman and I know that there are many many super attractive and intelligent women who are lonely because most men think they are too good for them and ignore them. I know so many beautiful women desperate for attention. Humans are weird. We just need to release our trauma and increase our confidence to get past all that fear.
@@Blake4625kHz ya? What did she do? Ask you to actually spend time with her? Introduce her to your friends instead of letting her stand around awkwardly at social gatherings?
Imagine putting a woman with many options, a profound lack of experience with men and their needs, who likely is bitter towards men at the front of your life. If she's attractive and can't get a date, she's a l a z y coward or has a personality disorder.
There must be some truth to this. I heard a man in his 30s laughing over his ideas about women when he was 18 yr old ; how shocked he was that women pass gas! It's almost frightening to know that young men see women as a different species.
you are a different specie... it's just that you are weak and emotional... and the image we grow up with - because of feminism - is that you are basically like a dude but wow! you can fuck her and she has boobs!!! this Wrong image leads to suffering - for both sexes. if women want to be treated nicely(for example, guys dont understand that you cant take criticism and discussions) you are going to have to say no to feminism.
@@wtfvids3472 If you believe the Biblical account; man & woman are different parts of the same creature, you may not get so confused. You also need to grasp that strength comes in many forms, not just physical. Women have more complex thought processes which men interpret as ' emotional '. We women are cyclical during child bearing years. Men's hormone levels stay pretty level, but ours has strong fluctuations. Women's brains are function a bit differently. Our corpus callosum is far more developed, allowing increased and faster communication between the hemispheres. This is why, generally speaking, women have the advantage in language and communication. A good resource is " Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti". Understanding is the 🗝️.
When women tell you things like, "Girls don't fart!", for 18 years you will draw a divide between how you function and how they function. Most men don't see women as a different species but as the same species with a different function. Men are terrified of women because women are the greatest judge of the man's value in life.
@@jamesnewman8011 Who said that women told my friend anything like " girls don't fart".? Again, that was his crazy notion as a very young man. You seem to have misread my comment.
My first boyfriend was so terrified of losing me he beat me, he wanted to end me if I left him. This is what the terror can do. My father was so terrified of my intelligence he would hate me for reading a book, for finding school easy (I was called a liar, deceptive, sneaky, sly, I was called arrogant, a bully, I was called evil, selfish, I was a bad person) , he would hate me when I did well at school. I'm so "powerful" that the men in my life set out to distroy me. I wasn't able to flourish, and now I have anger and have to fight hard. one day I realised I could get better, I do try and try and try. Life is tough but I'm breaking the trauma, I'm doing it notwithstanding my past.
Yeah it's about men putting a woman on a pedestal. I generally agree with Jordan, his got some amazing views. And I have also benefitted from his insights. But I don't know if men putting a woman that high up in their minds is healthy. I think we are both great when we are at our best. One complements the other. This is how I try and think with my partner now.
I think your opinion is healthy. Watching this video I actually do understand that this pedestal is how a lot of men view women- when I was a little girl I would watch women on TV and they seemed like another species- like flowers that were sentient. I related more to the flawed and active humanness of all the men, but was in awe of the women. I wondered how I would turn from a boy into a woman (because of course the men characters showed the human qualities I related most to)- I wondered when I would develop this perfect high feminine female form. Then I got older and realized I’d achieve it by shaving, wearing shoes that hurt, spending hours and hours every day on my appearance, hundreds of dollars and hours on makeup and hair and basically watching myself from the outside all the time until I felt perpetually uncomfortable and fake. I had assumed like a catipillar turning into a butterfly, I’d *become* a woman, but instead, underneath all that makeup and trying- I’m still just like a man. We are all so similar to each other and yet strange and unique, I think a man can fall in love with the image of womanhood I’ve worked so hard to curate for him- but he still wouldn’t love me. He would only be able to love me if he fell in love with my humanness. That’s what’s real.
Madam get away from those people as far as possible you need to become more strict with people I don't know your financial situation but if it's possible move far from friends or relatives like that.and be more upfront with the men you are dating don't be nice.
In general, women reject men at the very beginning and men reject women after getting to know them or getting intimate with them. Because of this, I think women have it harder when it comes to rejection, but who knows? Relationships are impossible to figure out.
So women have it harder with rejection because they face it less and aren't held accountable until they do something that's worthy of breaking the relationship? Sounds real difficult.
It's great to get over the fear of rejection, but eventually we become numb to the individual, and that's really hard to get rid of once you do find someone who doesn't reject you, to the point that it could be the reason that the relationship doesn't work in the long term.
It's a catch 22. The man gets over the fear of rejection and women get over constantly rejecting men and get an inflated ego. Nobody profits. It'd be better to return to a baseline. And pretty much nobody wants to do that.
That's not getting over fear of rejection That's emotional unavailability. Which is another form of fear of rejection. You never bonded enough for her desires to be important to you, like your families would, for example.
@@steph6109 but what if you don't bond because there's nothing there to create a bond? You stop seeking the validation of family if it requires too much of a loss of self to obtain or maintain. That bond is really created because of proximity and it's position as first in your life. To overcome fear you have to reduce some aspect of it. Either it's power over you or your concern of it. Correct me, but the video stated that it's the idea of perfection that must be eliminated to overcome the paralyzing fear. What he fails to address is the female idea of SEEKING perfection. While the idea creates fear (AND idolization aka simping) in men it creates delusions (AND indifference) in women. A healthy amount of loss will humble the proud and sharpen the dull. An unhealthy amount can crush the spirit or corrupt the soul. Unless your success rate is 50% or higher that "numbness" or indifference is guaranteed to set in. A male/female non familial relationships are unique in that ONLY one party is "SUPPOSED" to do anything for the other. Therefore how can a man be emotionally available if that's the environment? The circumstances. That's the equivalent of saying a man's fear of bullets is him being irrational.
You get numb to the individual means your attention has been diverted and you're no longer satisfied with the one who accepted you. It's not so much there's something wrong with her as there's something that you fail to recognize about yourself that makes you want to look for something challenging.
What Jordan Peterson explains here is exactly what happened to me in middle and high school. I have come to call it the goddess effect(ideal feminine). I didn't know how to separate the goddess from the real woman but what I did know(or thought I knew) is that no goddess would EVER date me. I got lucky my first gf asked me out and showed me the ropes of dating and romance. But it still took a few years after that to gain control of it. I still am not great at handling rejection but happily married now 12 yrs so no need to continue working on that part.
I dont think I ever saw women that way. Not after about 14, anyway. Sure, there were the neighborhood girls who I did everything with- - riding bikes, playing tennis, volleyball, having dinner with her parents, & vice versa. And every once in a while Id meet some girl whose beauty swept me off my feet But even at 14 I understood vanity. That there were beautiful girls who were down to earth, but most of them were vain. As if I had to do anything I was asked, just because she'd smile & ask nicely. Even a 13 year old understands the difference between "being a gentleman" & letting someone manipulate you into being their servant
@@magnificentmuttley154 Well yeah because you literally had interaction with a female so you had an archetype which gave you a synopsis of what a female is or can be like. But many young men (but not most) don't have that. You don't know what you don't know you need to know. It's not hard to understand women but it's hard to understand them when you don't know what needs to be understood about them.
*@Yeshua is Lord* Well you express the problem so articulately. Essentially, what you dont know will hurt you. Ok, youre right I suppose my problem is I cant imagine raising my children without the social interactions of church & of public school. The most drastic social change I saw raising a millennial & a genZ (1995-2018) was the way parents would lock their kids in the house, even during the summers. Suddenly we had millions of kids who instead of riding bikes, roller blading, & playing outdoor sports were spending 6+ hours a day on the Internet or playing video games Ok, yeah. I saw alot of that around me. But I still managed to find parents like myself who know that children have to live OUTSIDE the home. Swimming, going to the city park, the creeks, the tennis court, the baseball diamond, the volleyball net, or even just the indoor mall. Being unfamiliar with girls, afraid of girls, or seeing only their beauty but not the real personality beneath- - it appears to me to be a problem of lacking social interaction; an isolated life
@@magnificentmuttley154 My biggest problem growing up is that the only female I interacted with outside of school was my mom. Which wasn't great. I only ever talked to other boys in school because the girls did not want anything to do with me for some reason. It was not until college, where nobody knew who I was, that I could actually have a decent interaction with females and even form friendships. I think it was because I was always authentically me. I did not know how to be authentic in front of girls in high school, perhaps I spoke to the wrong girls. But I figured it out. Experimented with flirting and asking girls to hang out with me. Eventually, it worked and I met my wife, she is as deeply in love with me as I am with her.
Anyone who hasn't read 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson yet, while simultaneously valuing him or his messaging, you are doing yourself a disservice. Go read it. Edit: David in the comments suggested I post the rules as well. 1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back. 2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping. 3. Make friends with people who want the best for you. 4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today. 5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them. 6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world. 7. Pursue what is meaningful. (Not what is expedient.) 8. Tell the truth -- or, at least, don't lie. 9. Assume the person you are listening to might know something you don't. 10. Be precise in your speech. 11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding. 12. Pet a cat (or dog) when you encounter one on the street. (The list is no substitute for how the ideas are conveyed in the book, but still good enough, if this is all you can manage for now.)
Rejection is a terrible thing to encounter and it takes courage to continually face it. Perhaps it is just me but I have found that true love is easy. When it is the right time and the right person it happens without much effort. All relationships take effort to maintain but the honeymoon of it all seems easily done. Sending love and warm wishes to anyone reading this. Mental hugs.
Yes. It happened to me and it's been over 25 years. I've never been the you know "hit on every girl in my way" type of guy, in 30 years I've only tried it 3 times and been brutally rejected. Before I was like Romeo trying to find my Juliet, but I found that the idea of "Juliet" was too toxic, and what I thought about what love is was completely wrong. Today my friends even tried to pay prostitutes to lose my virginity, but I'm not that kind of guy. I gave up on relationships. I have friends a good job and peace in my life. I decided to focus on myself and put effort into my life. This is the best thing man can do today. 🤗
It is terrible at first then it becomes fun. LOL! I approached 360 women asking for direction and then trying to get a phone number and made stats about their reactions. about 10% were very warm/kind. 50% were warm/kind, 30% were cold and 10% were unresponsive or a bit annoyed.
@@tongobong1 i watch a video here on TH-cam a girl saying that if a man aproatch and talk with her without consent is sexual abuse....wtf....imagine that...i guess all man need be telepaths now.......lol
When I read about all of the issues and insecurities of both men and women, I am always surprised to note that we have not extinguished ourselves after thousands of years.
The way I overcame this is when me and my friends was admiring a beautiful woman from a distance and started pointing out the things about her that we find attractive. Then came our teacher who then said, "eh, she poops like everyone else" and the way I analyzed that was women are people too, they're not the perfect beings that we virgins once worshipped 🤣
They’re dirty rags, walking around with a bacteria ridden hole between their legs. They’re self absorbed and ultra critical. Consider this when idolizing them. The sex drive of a man goes nuts when he sees a pretty face and tight ass. We’re blinded by our innate condition. Just focus on how she just took a shit and when wiping herself got it on her hand. She’s an animal like us. Embrace this and win.
A story called, "Phantastes: A Faerie Romance for Men and Women" by George MacDonald, perfectly illustrates man's pursuit of the feminine ideal. In the story, the main character, Anodos, finds himself in fairyland, where he encounters many strange beings, one of which is the marble lady. He sees her as the perfect ideal, but she wants a man, not a boy. Anodos tries to emulate his ideal of masculinity when he encounters a brave knight, who, unbeknownst to Anodos, has already won over the marble lady. The entire story is about the breaking down of ideals. It's a good story for women to read if they wish to know a man's heart, and a great story for men to read if they wish to have their ideals about beauty and masculinity broken down. You can read the entire story for free on Project Gutenberg.
Learning to talk to women is a skill too. You have to use it and slowly get better at it. Start by talking to women of differrent ages, - younger or older - without trying to date them, just to get a basic communication going. In the supermarket, while sitting on a bench, etc. Create an opportunity. It will not be easy in the beginning but if you are not trying to get their number you will have no real pressure and this is subconciously reflected in your posture and voice and you can practice a light chat without being too much at risk. Once you are more comfortable talking to women you can bring the conversation further and ask for their number or whatever. Start small, get comfortable, then take the next step.
Well this is one of the better advice I have seen online coming from a guy..yes keep it simple and polite DO NOT PUSH IT BEYOND THAT no matter how tempted you may be, if we are interest we will let you know it and even meet you half way and take some of the pressure off..the key is to respect our boundaries. It never ceases to amaze me how hard this is for alot of men!
@@carolinesalv this is bullshit. Men have to risk it. There is no other way. You are giving opposite advice to what you want in a man. When asking for a number it will always be an awkward moment, and 9 out of 10 times a man will be rejected. It's not the talk that needs practice, it's the rejection. Talking is easy, when you meet that 1 out of 10 that digs you. You can say the most stupid thing on Earth followed by "can I get your number?" and she will say yes.
@@kriptonis LOL 😂 YOU SIR just proved my point! That 9 out of 10 rejection is because you like to "risk it" at our expense, yes it is this kind of reasoning that keeps so many men single! Let me let you into a little secret..when you are cold approaching someone it is NOT about you! It is about making the other person feel safe around you. You are a stranger could be a serial killer for all we know so your willingness to take it easy and respect our boundaries is what we are subconsciously assessing about you and when we deem you safe enough then thats when you stand a chance! Thats something about us women most men don't realize.
@@greyngreyer5 ok I will give you a serious answer. You cannot get a woman by pleasing her with buying her things or by being nice to her. You need to offer her something that she craves for. You need to offer her the real man that she wants to f..k badly. Women are sexually repulsed by nice guys. They are attracted to strong, tough, serious... man.
I am old now, when I was young I was out going, was no problem approaching women and being rejected. Most will reject, was no big deal I just moved on. Most men I knew were afraid/didn't how to talk to women. They would ask how do you do it? I said just talk, they just couldn't for some reason. I think this video is a good explanation what is going on.
@@human678 dont bother. Main thing its arousal. If person feeling it, what you are talking doesnt matter. If other woman interested in you, its not about your rhetoric skills.
When I was younger, in my early to mid twenties, I'd go out to bars and clubs with guy friends and I was the designated puller. Meaning I was sent to initiate contact with groups of girls. Something quite easy actually. Once I sat down and talked with them a bit another friend would come over like my buddies were looking for me and I'd introduce the girls to him and him to the girls. Eventually everyone would meet everyone throughout the night. If you're worried about 2 or three, try 5 or 6. I was especially good with bachelorette parties of 10 or more.
@@samfeikema9447 yes those bachelorette are the easiest since they start conversation with men as part of "games" they play. I usually play game with them by selecting the hottest one and offering few bucks for a kiss. LOL!
I wish I had Jordan Peterson as a mentor when I was younger. No one has pegged me as well as him in so many areas of my life. While I know my teenagers won’t listen to me, I pray they imbibe Jordan’s wisdom
When i was young i was not aware of my beauty and i was so scared that handsome men rejected me, then by grewing up, i understood that men are not so much looking for a perfect beauty but at least a woman who wants them.
My ex put women on such a high pedestal that when I asked for emotional needs to be met, he acted if I had sinned against me. It became clear to me that me asking for my needs to be met made me imperfect. He pushed me away because I wanted more of him. He told me that that's not the kind of woman he wanted to be with, someone he needed to give his time to. I never thought that asking to spend more time together would make him dislike me so much.
I'm so sorry. I went through something so close to that myself. My take on it is that people never should have had unrealistic standards for each other, while at the same time failing to accept flaws and learn from them. I think there's a lot of good in that, it's just a shame how often there's people who ignore that and wind up being like the guy you're describing.
Some men will get into a relationship but never progress beyond that judgemental ideal. The woman he chooses will be judged continually against that ideal. Any differences he detects from his ideal will create chaos and destroy the relationship. His expectations will never be met because the woman is being measured against an ideal fantasy which does not exist. Women are capable of this as well.
I don't really fear rejection anymore, I just have a difficult time approaching people because my brain immediately goes into overdrive, "What do I say?" "How do I introduce myself?" "When do I break off thr conversation so I don't come off as desperate?" But that's with people in general, it's tricky, but talking to people isn't that hard once you build the momentum, the icebreaker is the tough part, even more so steering the conversation in the direction of "Should I ask her out now or...?" But I worry about it less these days, I figure if I just keep moving forward with life in general it'll happen someday, if not.... well I just hope it does happen.
Women do understand this about men. They don’t when they are super young (and are equally as terrified of men as men are of them at that age!) but they do by their mid twenties on average because they have started to understand themselves and the world around them better.
No, no we don't. I am 52 years old and am sitting here shocked at learning how young men put women up on a pedestal like they are not real human beings. Like, really??! They have moms, sisters, aunts, etc.
I'm 33 y/o and this ia the first time I knew man are so cute, even the comments are leaving me with such a bubbly feeling. You really don't understand how badly we are educated about man, we are told man are agressive and that sh*t, it is only until watching this video and reading the comments that I finally understand how cute man really are, nobody ever told me this, and now I understand my dad comments about how I should behave ladylike, he was trying to teach me to be the perfect woman according to male ideals of their daughters and every woman in general, everything makes so much sense now, I was always told growing up that I should be a strong female and not the princess he wanted me to be, this is a total surprise to me!
@@catwhisperer1253 Maybe you did not have many male friends or cousins growing up. I did. I went through a phase of being terrified of men simply because I had some terrifying experiences but I always knew that I had to fight that instinct and to try my best to remember that not all men were like that as I had a father, brother, cousins, friends who did not behave in that way. It’s very hard to do that after experiences that cause ptsd though.
@@jujutrini8412 I had a brother, a father, and plenty of uncles, cousins, friends, etc. I just don't understand how men can have all these women in their lives...moms, sisters, aunts, cousins, etc...see all their imperfections and then think there is a perfect robotic like wife out there for them. Like seriously...they didn't think about how women poop and fart too?? You don't think we are human with flaws?? Weird.
@@livethelife4833 Well-meaning people in your life were probably trying to prepare you for real life. There ARE a lot of mean and abusive men out there. Yes, there are good ones too, but it might be 50/50. Who knows? I think you should still be a strong female, get a good education, have a way to support yourself financially, and take protective measures to keep you physically safe. You don't have to lose your femininity doing those things. You can still be ladylike...if you want...but if you don't want to...that's o.k too. You be you. Anything can happen. Your husband could die, become disabled, leave you, etc. You need a way to support yourself financially and be able to stand on your own if necessary.
Once there was one man who offered me his phone number after an hour talking in an airplane to Paris. And I said yes, and he wrote his number on a part of a newspaper, gave the sheet of paper. You know, it was the time, where we had a social life without Zuckerberg, mobiles and so on. He became for 28 years my best comrade. I did not had to wait until he was calling me. It was my decision when I called him. The 1970ies and 80ies was a good time for trying new rule models.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 No, still alive. 8 years ago he married a 20 year younger colleague from Poland and finished our relationship with an E-Mail after 28 years. All because of the will of his mother. After years I've been waisting my time while listening when he told me how disgusting it is when an elderly Professor and his very young female student ... Both of his best male friends felt betrayed and cheated, one of them said:"They were married like thieves, none of us was invited. Only his mother." Maybe he developed Alzheimer's disease and non of us realized early enough.
Well, I'm sorry for that. I'm a child of double divorce, so family breakups burn me up. Although my theory is despite how much you think you know another, you don't. Even if you have a loyal goodmannered cat or dog, they are another species. They have their own cat or dog life completely different than the sheltered well-fed home life. As a man, I know we like thrills, feeling vital. If he's old, he may have wanted to feel young one last time. I still think a lifelong partner is more valuable. But I've never had, never seen, nor will ever have one. Those days are done. For now, at least.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Thanks for your kind words. Probably the next generation is able again to perform a life-long lasting relationship. In between the 28 years of comradeship I got 2 kids, was left by the fathers during the both pregnancies, raised them alone. But my son married this year and they love each other since 6 years. At the wedding she told us, why she is so happy to have found someone who let her be like she wants to be, not wanna change her. Few month before he said with his toilet bag in his hand while visiting me and smiling:"she had thought of everything, forgotten nothing. I can marry her for sure." It warms my heart to see the young couple. Don´t be sad. Sometimes love comes unexpected into your life again, even when you are old like me.
@@omagrandma4111 congrats, I'm done with romantic love. Dealing with family hate, now. Everyone I know is a lesser version of themselves, including me. TH-cam has been a substitute for relationships I once had.
This perspective is beneficial for both men and women to hear. It exposes two truths: 1. Women are not just objects, and 2. Men can feel vulnerable....both deserve grace.
Men are like "We don't need women, we train for the boys." And women are like, "we dont need a man we make our own money and cleaning up after the husband sucks let's get a divorce." Soon we will be so isolated eventually our life will be all virtual. Put us in a tub and plug us into the matrix.
@@sphericalspice If you spend anytime in the Fitness sphere on Instagram that is what a lot of men say when women say "we don't like our men too muscular", the common say back is "we don't do it for you, we do it for the boys." I am not sure if the men are trying to shame themselves. As a competitive lifter I prefer men who work out and I don't think men should feel ashamed of wanting to look good either for themselves or for women. There doesn't have to be just one reason to work out.
They mostly say they do it for themselves and that's only as a response to women shaming muscular men. It's pretty obvious they do it to impress girls.
I was always asking myself as a woman this "why they never see the true me who is just humble and is scared as much as they are scared ?" I'm not a manifestation of idealism, I'm just a person who wants to be heard
Probably because women put most of their value and effort in their appearance and they tend to ignore the rest while guys are aware they need to put more effort in all aspects just to get a chance with a woman. We are all human though and it's good to know that we all want the same things i.e. to be loved and appreciated.
Because of their image of you projected on you. It's never realistic It's idealistic. What they would like, how they are conditioned by society and upbringing to think of women. Women do it too. People get so caught up in their fantasies they are frustrated when they realize the truth. Most can't handle it.
Re: Ask 50 Women: At college there was a guy who had printed business cards with his contact details and he would constantly go up to women and say "I don't know you but I think I would like to. Here's my contact details if you think the same." - he was never without a date.
I'm on dating sites and all the guys it seems like they're just idealizing women and they write to me and they're like "you're so gorgeous, I'm just looking for the woman of my dreams & I just want us to love each other for the rest of our lives".. and I'm like okay buddy, that's a tall order to fill, come back down to earth.. well you're probably going to be a little disappointed because I'm just me".. looks fade...it's really weird, they base everything off looks. I feel like an object, I don't feel like a human being... I mean I feel for them because they don't understand but also it's hard.
NGL I will admit when I was a kid in my late teens, I always assumed that women were better at social avenues such as dating. Obviously I understand that yall just like us, human. Pron to making mistakes. The only reason I thought that way was bc of listening to older women who understand relationship dynamics bc that had to go through a ton dickheads in their lives in order to learn. Holding others to unrealistic exception is not only setting you for disappointment that can forms into resentment but also putting unnecessary pressure on another gender.
From a woman’s perspective it’s hard to live up to the perfection and ideal. Also the fact that looks alone are what’s paralyzing and making men willing to work at it that makes it shitty for us. On an aesthetic level there is a lot of ideals for a man to pursue leaving alot not afraid but straight up players for always looking for the next best target for his ego and leaving women obsessed with their appearance which is a lot more stressful, always questioning your worth over something you have no control over than something you can work on like in the male scenario. In that way I wish men were more skeptical. Not mesmerized by a false sense of truth. The exterior can fool them into playing hard for someone with an ugly interior. If infatuation were not in the picture both would waste alot less time. Women on obsessing over what they can’t control and perfectionism and men on actually building a beautiful relationship based off of compromise.
That's rich. You say you don't go for looks? Listen, I'll make it simple. Men go for chiefly looks? Nope. What's more, men's standards of physical attraction are lower. Much lower than women's. You want a chiselled jaw, full head of hair, at the LEAST. Men want someone with a cute face that doesn't look like a man. That's all. That's looks. Now, you don't stop there. You want: a provider, a thrilling experience, an entertainer, a big cock. And if anyone is making you obsess ovsr appearance it's your own envy and jealousy towards women trying to get that chimera of a man that exists in only 1% of the world's human population.
I disagree with you, as a woman, this doesn't make me feel disgusted, this is the first time I knew men are so cute, even the comments are leaving me with such a bubbly feeling, it is only until watching this video and reading the comments that I finally understand how cute men really are, nobody ever told me this, and now I understand my dad comments about how I should behave ladylike, he was trying to teach me to be the perfect woman according to male ideals of their daughters and every woman in general, everything makes so much sense now, I was always told growing up that I should be a strong career-oriented woman and not to be the princess he wanted me to be, this is a total surprise to me! I was told he was been chauvinistic, but knowing that's not true, makes it easy to know what he was trying to communicate to me and how cute he is because of that, even my brother does the same, f*ck, that's what my litlle brother was trying to tell me all this time, I'm melting inside, they're so cute!!!
I wasn't afraid of rejection as much as public humiliation. She has friends, and they talk. I was convinced that a "crush" was an embarrassing humiliating dilemma. Now, I can see the benefit of "Arranged Marriages". There, you might get lucky and get your crush, and she can't run away disgusted by your obvious obsession with her.
Rejection is pervasive to all that anyone does every day but sometimes the best answer that a person can hear is no … because the most difficult entity to overcome is ego.
just passed 20 years with a woman 20 years older . . . I never had time to wonder about what "ideal" might be . . she had the confidence to be herself in the first 5 days . .and still has plenty of mojo
Imagine a woman saying this. "A relationship with a man is a sacrifice because there is no ideal man." The answer would be "her standards are too high" and many men would be offended. if man would see the woman as an individual first the likelihood of being rejected would decrease rapidly. Maybe the problem is not the woman being too beuatiful but the man generalizing and not seeing the indivdual?
That's a good point. If you scroll through comments of nice guys/incels, which is basically who this video is directed at, they give the impression that they view women basically as having a hivemind
@@herculesbrofister265 yes and videos like that just perpetuate it further. The first conversation my bf of 5 years and I had was actually about growing vegetables bc his mother likes gardening and he told me all about it. I thought it was so sexy of him to talk like that about a passion of his and so respectful about his mother. Any nowadays "dating coach" would have propably told him those topics werent "manly" enough... A loving dad baking cookies is so much more attractive than a "manly" husband. What do they think what most women are searching for?
@@selinanachtmann2705 i mean...it's not like we want it to be true. We realised that it's the truth after many brutal rejections... Most men are going through the rejection phase from the age of 18-29, and then they just stop. i mean 11 years of brutal rejections is a lot..
@@akhsdenlew1861 women are rejected too tho, I was also rejected very often and painfully, so were many of my friends. And most women that I know are looking for a suitable PARTNER, not a hook up, not a man child, no one to be a maid for. So some of them even choose to be single because of their bad experiences with men. It is a big societal issue and most women feel really unheard by men. men be like "it is so painful to be single and rejected" women be like "it is so painful to be raped and assaulted, to not be able to libe freely because of my gender". If you cry about being rejected maybe just maybe, it is a you problem that you are too focused on jsut yourself and not honestly invested in the feelings of other people ing eneral, not only womens feelings.
As almost always I heartily agree with Jordan on this and so eloquently and movingly stated ...it brought tears to my eyes. I met a man I fell deeply in love with. He was wounded at the time but covered it fairly well.,We met the night his divorce was final at a singles mixer. I had been widowed a,year he was 37 and I was 32. He did not hide the fact,he was bankrupt yet his self esteem seemed intact.,He was a terrific guy. Fit, he loved water sports as did,I, sailing most especially. Rare that. we both had saile since chlldhood. We both were avid readers and book collectors we loved many of the same books,both of us had backgrounds in psychology,he had an undergrad degree,in it,and zoology a double major and I was a new clinical,psychology professor. We both were STARTLED with each other that first night, we both realized we had met someone magical. He had been a wildly successful builder developer. He had diversified into several,other businesses as well, that didnt save him financially in the late 70s. His wife walked out sayimg, "I married you for your potential". Big gaping wound she caused that never completely healed til the last ten years of his life when building our dream retirement home cured him totally. I told him right,away. I Ioved him for himself not for what he could DO for me financially. But. It was always there chained to him that early success the wealth, the sense of achievement followed by failure. HIS estimation of himself I could not change..that ball and chain he was dragging,behind him. It didnt ruin our lives,but it was there lurking like a vultuure ready to pick his bones and he tried, but he could not get traction. At,first,he was making more than I an associate professor, but I went into administration and my salary overtook,his. If affected him, his self,esteem, he did not go off the rails,like,it does affect some men. But it affected his enjoyment of our life . He passed away a few mos ago after 41,years together. Our last five years were our happiest...strange. He dropped that ball and chain once we finished this house and THEN he found total joy in life again. So bittersweet to realize we could have had that all along...it was THERE all,along if he could have overcome this vast NEED to impress me and himself, when money just wasnt that important. Together we earned enough to retire early at 50 but it wasnt the UBER success he craved. God I MISS him and love him and always did. He knew it and he reciprocated it I NEVER,doubted he loved me. So I was lucky...and my memories of us sustain me.
That's beautiful... I hope you continue to be the happy and amazing person he fell in love with, even if he's not here to share time with you. I'm sorry for your loss
Wow, I'm a very young woman, only 18 years of age and your story is very moving to me. I can only think of how you were my age once, and how you have gone through all of that. You were his light, always will be. Never stop learning and you will forever be young. Bless you ♥
What a beautiful tribute to your husband. Sounds like he found himself a wonderful partner too. Nobody's journey is perfect, but one day I hope I find a woman and build a relationship capable of standing the test of time like yours did. Best wishes to you
The manifestation of a judgemental ideal 💯 Once/if a man is able to grow out of that, or grab the reins of the inspiration, his life changes. It's about taking hold of your own confidence
The exact moment you let go of the fear of rejection is the moment you instantly become 100x more attractive to women. Jordan is right. The only way to overcome that fear, or any fear for that matter, is to face it head on. Stop caring about being rejected. Who cares?!!
After being rejected so many times by females, it did not make me stronger and braver.. Actually effect is opposite...so I really can't figure how failure can be encouraging? I really don't know anyone around me that is encouraged by rejections.
Honestly, I had this type of mindset when I was insecure and felt no passion for anything. I'd look at pretty females and get motivated to do things because I'd love to have a pretty spouse and be emotionally fulfilled by her, but when I became a Christian my motivation came from God and I feel extremely good and fulfilled now compared to before. "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." God Bless You All and Amen!!!!
I appreciate Jordan's efforts to explain the differences between men and women. He can best explain the man. The fear of rejection in men is surprising to me as a woman because by what it seems to me, men are good actors. They act like they don't care if a woman accepts them or not, there are always others. And there are. The likelihood that the man will move on to another ideal female is high. But constant rejection is not a good thing for either sex. Women are rejected all the time by men. I heard a saying once, They're just like you. That has stuck with me for years. In essence I believe that is true.
I don't think it's that men are just good actors in your particular scenario as much as they are just used to it. We understand that the chances of us getting rejected at any given attempt are higher that the chances of the opposite happening. I can't speak for all, but if I approach someone, I have already made up my mind that she will most likely reject me. So it's not that I don't care because it's like a game to me, but because there is no reason for me to really care as it's futile to do so. Think of it as applying for a job. You submit your resume to multiple companies. Some will reject you and it may make you ponder at first, but slowly after multiple rejections, you just realize that you have a certain skill set and you have to make the most of it and expand it when provided with the opportunity. There will be a company that will hire you. There is no point paying attention to the companies that reject you because there is no benefit in doing so. So when you get a rejection letter/email, you just shrug your shoulder and move on to the next.
Coming from my 36 years experience. There is a point of repeated rejection that you permanently burn out. So I advice don't push it too hard. We are not machines. We all have our limit. It's very damaging to the individual if they only experience rejections. I like Peterson but we are not the same and our limits differ. Wishful thinking we all find our other half. But it's not reality.
As a woman I can tell you that women understand this about men very well. Some think it's fair game to use/abuse men for it, some don't. The ones who don't get grief because the guys take their revenge on them instead of the ones who hurt them. Nice women finish last, too.
There is a reason why the term ''bad boy'' is used a lot and ''bad girl'' is not. In general, bad girls are not very popular among guys while bad boys are very popular among girls.
@@Life_as_an_ant Correct, they are not popular. Popular girls might turn into bad girls cause they feel like they can get away with it due to them being attractive but in general it is not them being bad girls that makes them attractive to guys. Just think about bodycount: girls want a guy that has had a lot of experience but if a girl has a high bodycount they are often looked at as damaged goods/sluts/not trustworthy by men. Even if a guy likes a bad girl, it's mainly for hookups and not for a relationship. I can give a lot more examples, confidence is another one: girls love a confident guy but it's far less important for guys that a girl is confident. In general, guys want a girl to be submissive and girls want a guy to be dominant. That's how it has always been, no matter what culture.
I took his advice, and asked 50 women for their number. Surprisingly, 17 of them gave it too me. I also gave them my number. Now, women won't stop calling me. Thanks Jordan! 🤨
What's with this men afraid of rejection thing? We women been afraid of men pulling away. For decades I've thought it's women suffering from absence of love and from getting love from men they could have interest in
You don't understand that desiring а body is animalistic, nothing more than just a lust. Look for a soul and hearts, not bodies. We are not bodies, we are the gods living in the hearts.
It's not always bitterness. I knew before I even hit puberty that I didn't want a partner and that's never changed. I'm 36 now and have never felt romantic feelings at all. I've never been on a date, never had sex, never even held hands with or kissed a girl. Never wanted to.
A lot of women don't get this. They think because _they_ are attracted to ambitious, high-status men, that men look for the same in a woman. That's why you see them playing up these traits on dating apps claiming they're highly ambitious or a manager (when in reality they work a dead-end retail job).
@@Tomn8er thats so f’ed up man, i dont care if she is even presedent im a man, i care about her femininity, her respect to me, how she behaves and if she is gonna be a good mother to my kids or not. Like, what the heck am i gonna do with your degrace or your high status, i already have it i dont care if you have it too show me some feminity instead, feminism blinded them all. If they are not willing to chance and and train their femininity instead, most of them will die alone with their cats and yet, we’re the ones still gonna have the foult according them for sure 😂
What DO men want exactly? And what does feminine mean to you guys? Cooking, cleaning, wearing pink? Is it ok to be funny and smart? I ask that not in a smart ass way but honestly does it turn men off if women are smart and funny? What do you guys want?
Perhaps there is some fear of rejection, but I think that pales is comparison to the fear of being accepted by the wrong woman. The woman who decides its in her best interest to choose to utterly destroy the rest of your life even after you make many sacrifices for her.
This lends itself to more than just relationships between men and women. It's the relationship between men and their focused desire. If a woman makes that happen we have what is here in the video. When it's a job, the fear of failure can be even more paralysing because you have more to lose financially than you do being rejected by a woman. People should understand men are fragile and complicated and that's why it makes us hard and in turn as part of the desires of others, masculine.
So, what's the point if they paralyzed? I mean, they paralyzed to ever beautiful woman they met, and cheat over and over again because of self-centeredness.
I really feel for men. Society/people generally expect a lot from them, but (maybe I’m in the minority) women are def afraid of being rejected too; esp if they’re really attracted to someone.
I don't like being rejected as it's a core wound from my caregivers. But it's better than abandonment and betrayal. Or ending up with a narcissist and trauma bonding. Just got rejected again. Probably the 10th time. It gets easier when I'm healing the wounding with plant medicine and hypnotherapy. We both rejected each other but there was a learning for me in prolonging contact with him for 8 months. Learning what subtle, covert narcissism looks like. I got discarded but he was still polite and responded. It's a weird dynamic. Rejection is protection from someone who wouldn't appreciate you and also redirection back to God, who ought to really have residence in our hearts in the first place. Xx
Men are basically the scumbags of society right now.. The trash, the abomination. If you are a white caucasian average male.. you're literally trash. "Women, children and pets are loved and appreciated for what they are" "Men , are appreciated for what they provide" Noone will Love a man unconditionally the way a woman, a child or a pet will be loved.
The thing about telling men to ask 50 women for their phone number, to conquer their fear of rejection... well i am pretty sure that many women would have a hard time asking 50 men for their number as well, as most women know well that they do not excatly look like the ideal image of a goddess and for that reason, they too fear rejection.
This goes for both men and women: there are billions of people in this world, why do you think that ONE you are infatuated with has to be THE one? Someone you met in your neighborhood, or your high school sweetheart. There are too many people in this world to think that one will match you exactly. Not everyone has to like you, and you don't like everyone. Move on.
It's devolved to a game. People try and fix me by thinking that I simply don't know the game and need to learn how to win. What they don't realize is that I saw that the game was rigged and that I have zero interest in participating in the superficiality of what has become of mankind.
First, I really enjoy Jordan Peterson's lectures. Second, that experiment for men to conquer rejection fear by asking 50 strangers for their numbers? How would these people (especially rejection-sensitive) feel knowing their numbers were asked for the purpose of an exercise?
Eh PUA. The point is not getting rejections. The point is getting women without getting rejections. There is so much bad dating advice online from PUA gurus...
Thats a great paradox. And also probavly the reason why I could never succeed with the women I truly want: I make a fool of myself and women do not like that. I can be calm with the women I desire less and get them, but then it is forfeiting my ideal woman.
So I've just decided to believe the reason men never ask me for my number is because they are paralyzed by their fear of me. That's better than feeling unattractive and old and undesirable.
@@Ljmunseeable lol asking the number of a woman is like... never in my bucket to do list. i'd rather fight my way up to mordor. if a woman is interested, she can ask me... Otherwise i'll die alone who the fuck cares. - a random male.
Today the main problem with women is the supply and demand. In recent decades there are more men than women almost everywhere and many women are unattractive so the number of beautiful women is low and competition among men is strong. 50 years ago there were more women than men and women were more attractive - slimmer and back then every man could easily get a nice looking woman.
@@darcyroyce attraction has alot to do with looks, don't be so daft and contrarian. Its literally in the word. And the wealthier among us have an extremely higher genetic chance to turn out attractive. Natural Selection of more desirable traits over generations is a real thing. Have you spent time in the hood, trailer parks or "the sticks"?? Slim pickings. And to your last point: You seem to look past definitions of words and their uses because "matured love" would generally be reserved for, well, people who are mature or in the mid-late stages of life, and dating is a young persons game. Unless we all wait till 28-30yrs old to look for our life partners, its only gunna get worse in these times of glorified narcissism and failing education.
I’m so happy I’m not one of those men Jordan is describing. I don’t give a F want women think or want I never do anything to impress women i don’t need women’s approval for anything I know who I am & that’s all it matters. I ain’t chasing no woman instead, I chase my dreams improve myself daily, do things that make me happy etc.
@@remowilliams7569 You’re grossly misinterpreting the point. As someone has has drudged through every redpill community, Mgtow etc, I can assure you that this is not the way. And a few years of this lifestyle will only depress you. The point of all of this is to remove women from your number 1 priority. But you must recognize that humans are designed to be compatible and sociable with the opposite sex. Creating this idea that women must be banished from a man’s livelyhood for him to be happy is simply false. Like I said, women only become an issue once you focus on them. Focus on your career, finances etc. but be willing to live and to connect with someone special if that opportunity presents itself. Life is precious, time is finite, do not regret happiness because you thought that women were “this” or “that” or whatever.
Probably still a good idea to go to therapy or hypnotherapy. I can't relate to anyone who isn't in therapy any longer. They've not been able to self reflect
After 34 years of not getting a single woman to agree to a date, I’ve come to just accept that everyone I encounter in my life will reject me. Even my closest friends from college have moved away to start families, and none of them talk to me anymore.
Change that belief, the outside world is only a reflection of your inner being. If you want to learn about women you should watch women and understand us instead of watching other men talk about us, you guys still haven't tried that yet. ❤️
@@RichPoorGrl , worst advice ever. On a large scale, women say one thing and act the opposite way. There are endless examples, such as when they say they want a nice guy but go for the bad boy.
@@philladelphia5081 , I'm talking about the rule, and you are talking about the exception. Yes, not all women do this. But with regards to men, most do. Your argument is more valid from a woman's perspective. Many women go after the bad boy, and then they claim "All men are trash", when all of them choose the same type of man.
@@spasa2 There's flaw in your understanding of "nice guy". A lot of men who call themselves that have the fake persona of "nice guy". They go around it as transactional thing just to get women to notice them but once they do, the bad and disturbing behaviour comes out. Especially in US culture from what I've heard from american women. So who would you choose as a woman, someone who fakes being nice but in most cases isn't when you get to know him better or someone who is very confident about himself and is who he is and doesn't lie about it? It's not easy for women to find real genuine men.
I'm 43 and still paralysed by women, longest relationship 9 month in my lifetime, but I've become more so then ever in the last 10 years or so, sucks like, I'm a very anxious person in general always have been, does not make anything easy especially women, I'm not blaming women however, I couldn't do that game they played I would be so cringey for me to ask 50 women out nd get 50 nos that's going to really give me a shot in the arm so too speak lol, sorry sarcastic as always 😂, but JP is correct the fear eats you up, I had to go through loosing a leg allsorts now nd I have zero confidence plenty of bluster that's about it
You know....I think that may be what drew me in to ask my boyfriend out instead of the other way around. When we first met, we met at a public farmers market, and he started arguing with me in a friendly way that I found indearing...I think I was taken aback by this encounter mostly because he was engaging with me in a conversation, in a way that I didn't see as flirtatious. So I knew he wasn't looking to gain anything, so he was already looking at me past the "ideal women". Long story short I asked him out on a date, and after four dates he asked me to be his girlfriend...Since the first date he had become obviously nervous around me till he asked that question, so I assume it's because he felt he had to prove himself, and until he had my approval he wasn't going to be 100% comfortable again. I still found his nervousness attractive to an extent because it assured me that there was genuine interest for more. I guess my point is that he's right. At least with the initial approach. When engaging with a women the first time you have to be prepared to be rejected. Like, if you were approaching a boss at an interview. You don't want to appear timid when asking for the job. You got to show the security in yourself that you have, whether you are qualified or not. And the only time to show doubt is when you've already got your foot in the game(that shows humbleness)
I don't feel sorry or care to understand any man or woman who objectifies their attraction and blame their attraction for the cause of their suffering. That is the characteristic of a narc. The narc will eventually hurt, damage the person they claim to love because of their massive ego narcissistic injury. Objectification is not love. Read up on narcissistic personality disorder and your interpersonal relationship will improve dramatically instead of blaming your failure on someone else. Taking accountability is something narcs can't do when the common demoninator of their failure is them and their choices.
so.. 1, it's completely normal I am so used to rejection I don't even notice anymore. Yes it hurts every time, but the period it takes for me to get over it, especially if I was really into her, grows shorter every time. 2, I blame social media for this
The best thing a man can do for his children is to love and cherish their mother...I can only speak for myself ..never allow your relationship to stagnate or take your partner for granted.....no one wants to feel used or ignored....men tend to become unaware and expect a woman to be satisfied and happy in being financially supported and fail to give the emotional and personal affection required.....love begins in the morning when you wake up..if your indifferent or act and speak unkindly ..don't expect to be treated lovingly when you return at night..nothing angers more than a relationship that becomes mundane..boring... routine...and taken for granted..
Why is it that men can handle the boredom better than women? Men seem to be content in relationships and women always want more.
@@solomongrundy1467 lol
That man is out cheating with another woman. Don’t kid yourself. Men actually tend to get bored much easier
This is so true. My ex said he didn’t understand why I needed him
To respect my wishes and spend time with me because I owned my own home and car and am independent and his ex girlfriend didn’t so she needed his help more. As if owning my own things that I worked for are a replacement for respect and companionship
@@solomongrundy1467 I believe its not the fact men don't become bored..its they become comfortable and conditioned to being taken care of..not all women are bored..it all depends on the commitment you make to the relationship...if your indifferent ..your bored..if you respect and love your mate..you want the best for them and are content..however..women like it when their significant other helps out and shares duties around the house..we need to learn to ask for what they want....I never attended a school that taught mind reading
What do women need to do?
Interesting. I am also a woman and I know that there are many many super attractive and intelligent women who are lonely because most men think they are too good for them and ignore them. I know so many beautiful women desperate for attention. Humans are weird. We just need to release our trauma and increase our confidence to get past all that fear.
Actually its men looking at them and thinking high maintenance. I waved bye bye to that circus years ago.
@@Blake4625kHz ya? What did she do? Ask you to actually spend time with her? Introduce her to your friends instead of letting her stand around awkwardly at social gatherings?
@@boomds5602 projection much?
Imagine putting a woman with many options, a profound lack of experience with men and their needs, who likely is bitter towards men at the front of your life. If she's attractive and can't get a date, she's a l a z y coward or has a personality disorder.
If they are attractive (men don't care about intelligence) and men are ignoring them, that means there's a problem with the women.
There must be some truth to this. I heard a man in his 30s laughing over his ideas about women when he was 18 yr old ; how shocked he was that women pass gas!
It's almost frightening to know that young men see women as a different species.
you are a different specie... it's just that you are weak and emotional... and the image we grow up with - because of feminism - is that you are basically like a dude but wow! you can fuck her and she has boobs!!! this Wrong image leads to suffering - for both sexes.
if women want to be treated nicely(for example, guys dont understand that you cant take criticism and discussions) you are going to have to say no to feminism.
@@wtfvids3472 If you believe the Biblical account; man & woman are different parts of the same creature, you may not get so confused.
You also need to grasp that strength comes in many forms, not just physical.
Women have more complex thought processes which men interpret as ' emotional '.
We women are cyclical during child bearing years. Men's hormone levels stay pretty level, but ours has strong fluctuations.
Women's brains are function a bit differently. Our corpus callosum is far more developed, allowing increased and faster communication between the hemispheres.
This is why, generally speaking, women have the advantage in language and communication.
A good resource is " Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti".
Understanding is the 🗝️.
young women see men as a different species too.
When women tell you things like, "Girls don't fart!", for 18 years you will draw a divide between how you function and how they function. Most men don't see women as a different species but as the same species with a different function. Men are terrified of women because women are the greatest judge of the man's value in life.
@@jamesnewman8011 Who said that women told my friend anything like " girls don't fart".?
Again, that was his crazy notion as a very young man.
You seem to have misread my comment.
My first boyfriend was so terrified of losing me he beat me, he wanted to end me if I left him. This is what the terror can do. My father was so terrified of my intelligence he would hate me for reading a book, for finding school easy (I was called a liar, deceptive, sneaky, sly, I was called arrogant, a bully, I was called evil, selfish, I was a bad person) , he would hate me when I did well at school. I'm so "powerful" that the men in my life set out to distroy me. I wasn't able to flourish, and now I have anger and have to fight hard. one day I realised I could get better, I do try and try and try. Life is tough but I'm breaking the trauma, I'm doing it notwithstanding my past.
Your experience have nothing to do with what described in the video.
Yeah it's about men putting a woman on a pedestal. I generally agree with Jordan, his got some amazing views. And I have also benefitted from his insights. But I don't know if men putting a woman that high up in their minds is healthy. I think we are both great when we are at our best. One complements the other. This is how I try and think with my partner now.
I think your opinion is healthy. Watching this video I actually do understand that this pedestal is how a lot of men view women- when I was a little girl I would watch women on TV and they seemed like another species- like flowers that were sentient. I related more to the flawed and active humanness of all the men, but was in awe of the women.
I wondered how I would turn from a boy into a woman (because of course the men characters showed the human qualities I related most to)- I wondered when I would develop this perfect high feminine female form.
Then I got older and realized I’d achieve it by shaving, wearing shoes that hurt, spending hours and hours every day on my appearance, hundreds of dollars and hours on makeup and hair and basically watching myself from the outside all the time until I felt perpetually uncomfortable and fake.
I had assumed like a catipillar turning into a butterfly, I’d *become* a woman, but instead, underneath all that makeup and trying- I’m still just like a man.
We are all so similar to each other and yet strange and unique, I think a man can fall in love with the image of womanhood I’ve worked so hard to curate for him- but he still wouldn’t love me.
He would only be able to love me if he fell in love with my humanness. That’s what’s real.
@@blythetaylor4063 So, you want somebody to love you without your looks?
Madam get away from those people as far as possible you need to become more strict with people I don't know your financial situation but if it's possible move far from friends or relatives like that.and be more upfront with the men you are dating don't be nice.
In general, women reject men at the very beginning and men reject women after getting to know them or getting intimate with them. Because of this, I think women have it harder when it comes to rejection, but who knows? Relationships are impossible to figure out.
So women have it harder with rejection because they face it less and aren't held accountable until they do something that's worthy of breaking the relationship? Sounds real difficult.
"Men don't see the woman they're attracted to as an individual, they see the manifestation of a judgemental ideal." Profound!!!!
Nobody chokes women anymore according to the thumbnail
Im bringing sexy back
Right! Misleading as hell. I thought Mr. Peterson was going to say more women needed to be Anastasia Steele or something 🤦🏾♀️
Well. It worked. Looks like that's the reason the three of us are here lol
Lol I love being choked 🤣
@@mandyjane 😂😂
It's great to get over the fear of rejection, but eventually we become numb to the individual, and that's really hard to get rid of once you do find someone who doesn't reject you, to the point that it could be the reason that the relationship doesn't work in the long term.
It's a catch 22.
The man gets over the fear of rejection and women get over constantly rejecting men and get an inflated ego.
Nobody profits.
It'd be better to return to a baseline.
And pretty much nobody wants to do that.
That's not getting over fear of rejection That's emotional unavailability. Which is another form of fear of rejection.
You never bonded enough for her desires to be important to you, like your families would, for example.
That is literally me with girls lmao
@@steph6109 but what if you don't bond because there's nothing there to create a bond? You stop seeking the validation of family if it requires too much of a loss of self to obtain or maintain. That bond is really created because of proximity and it's position as first in your life.
To overcome fear you have to reduce some aspect of it. Either it's power over you or your concern of it.
Correct me, but the video stated that it's the idea of perfection that must be eliminated to overcome the paralyzing fear.
What he fails to address is the female idea of SEEKING perfection. While the idea creates fear (AND idolization aka simping) in men it creates delusions (AND indifference) in women.
A healthy amount of loss will humble the proud and sharpen the dull. An unhealthy amount can crush the spirit or corrupt the soul.
Unless your success rate is 50% or higher that "numbness" or indifference is guaranteed to set in.
A male/female non familial relationships are unique in that ONLY one party is "SUPPOSED" to do anything for the other.
Therefore how can a man be emotionally available if that's the environment? The circumstances.
That's the equivalent of saying a man's fear of bullets is him being irrational.
You get numb to the individual means your attention has been diverted and you're no longer satisfied with the one who accepted you. It's not so much there's something wrong with her as there's something that you fail to recognize about yourself that makes you want to look for something challenging.
What Jordan Peterson explains here is exactly what happened to me in middle and high school. I have come to call it the goddess effect(ideal feminine). I didn't know how to separate the goddess from the real woman but what I did know(or thought I knew) is that no goddess would EVER date me.
I got lucky my first gf asked me out and showed me the ropes of dating and romance. But it still took a few years after that to gain control of it. I still am not great at handling rejection but happily married now 12 yrs so no need to continue working on that part.
I dont think I ever saw women that way. Not after about 14, anyway. Sure, there were the neighborhood girls who I did everything with- - riding bikes, playing tennis, volleyball, having dinner with her parents, & vice versa. And every once in a while Id meet some girl whose beauty swept me off my feet
But even at 14 I understood vanity. That there were beautiful girls who were down to earth, but most of them were vain. As if I had to do anything I was asked, just because she'd smile & ask nicely. Even a 13 year old understands the difference between "being a gentleman" & letting someone manipulate you into being their servant
@@magnificentmuttley154 Well yeah because you literally had interaction with a female so you had an archetype which gave you a synopsis of what a female is or can be like. But many young men (but not most) don't have that. You don't know what you don't know you need to know. It's not hard to understand women but it's hard to understand them when you don't know what needs to be understood about them.
*@Yeshua is Lord* Well you express the problem so articulately. Essentially, what you dont know will hurt you. Ok, youre right
I suppose my problem is I cant imagine raising my children without the social interactions of church & of public school. The most drastic social change I saw raising a millennial & a genZ (1995-2018) was the way parents would lock their kids in the house, even during the summers. Suddenly we had millions of kids who instead of riding bikes, roller blading, & playing outdoor sports were spending 6+ hours a day on the Internet or playing video games
Ok, yeah. I saw alot of that around me. But I still managed to find parents like myself who know that children have to live OUTSIDE the home. Swimming, going to the city park, the creeks, the tennis court, the baseball diamond, the volleyball net, or even just the indoor mall. Being unfamiliar with girls, afraid of girls, or seeing only their beauty but not the real personality beneath- - it appears to me to be a problem of lacking social interaction; an isolated life
never let your game go always have a plan B :D
@@magnificentmuttley154 My biggest problem growing up is that the only female I interacted with outside of school was my mom. Which wasn't great. I only ever talked to other boys in school because the girls did not want anything to do with me for some reason. It was not until college, where nobody knew who I was, that I could actually have a decent interaction with females and even form friendships. I think it was because I was always authentically me. I did not know how to be authentic in front of girls in high school, perhaps I spoke to the wrong girls. But I figured it out. Experimented with flirting and asking girls to hang out with me. Eventually, it worked and I met my wife, she is as deeply in love with me as I am with her.
Anyone who hasn't read 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson yet, while simultaneously valuing him or his messaging, you are doing yourself a disservice. Go read it.
Edit: David in the comments suggested I post the rules as well.
1. Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
2. Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.
3. Make friends with people who want the best for you.
4. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today.
5. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.
6. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.
7. Pursue what is meaningful. (Not what is expedient.)
8. Tell the truth -- or, at least, don't lie.
9. Assume the person you are listening to might know something you don't.
10. Be precise in your speech.
11. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.
12. Pet a cat (or dog) when you encounter one on the street.
(The list is no substitute for how the ideas are conveyed in the book, but still good enough, if this is all you can manage for now.)
He doesn't get it. He applies to modern men.
Got the book last week!
@Corpsegrinderxander Enjoy the read.
@@schipholvliegtuig Good for you. The best book I've purchased.
@@bullish3584 I’m excited!
Rejection is a terrible thing to encounter and it takes courage to continually face it. Perhaps it is just me but I have found that true love is easy. When it is the right time and the right person it happens without much effort. All relationships take effort to maintain but the honeymoon of it all seems easily done. Sending love and warm wishes to anyone reading this. Mental hugs.
Sometimes though, a man can let true love walk by, due to fear of just saying 'hello'
Yes. It happened to me and it's been over 25 years. I've never been the you know "hit on every girl in my way" type of guy, in 30 years I've only tried it 3 times and been brutally rejected. Before I was like Romeo trying to find my Juliet, but I found that the idea of "Juliet" was too toxic, and what I thought about what love is was completely wrong. Today my friends even tried to pay prostitutes to lose my virginity, but I'm not that kind of guy. I gave up on relationships. I have friends a good job and peace in my life. I decided to focus on myself and put effort into my life. This is the best thing man can do today. 🤗
It is terrible at first then it becomes fun. LOL! I approached 360 women asking for direction and then trying to get a phone number and made stats about their reactions. about 10% were very warm/kind. 50% were warm/kind, 30% were cold and 10% were unresponsive or a bit annoyed.
@@tongobong1 i watch a video here on TH-cam a girl saying that if a man aproatch and talk with her without consent is sexual abuse....wtf....imagine that...i guess all man need be telepaths now.......lol
@Garrett Glenn Nah...i'm good, keep these ladies far away from me....
When I read about all of the issues and insecurities of both men and women, I am always surprised to note that we have not extinguished ourselves after thousands of years.
The way I overcame this is when me and my friends was admiring a beautiful woman from a distance and started pointing out the things about her that we find attractive. Then came our teacher who then said, "eh, she poops like everyone else" and the way I analyzed that was women are people too, they're not the perfect beings that we virgins once worshipped 🤣
They’re dirty rags, walking around with a bacteria ridden hole between their legs. They’re self absorbed and ultra critical. Consider this when idolizing them. The sex drive of a man goes nuts when he sees a pretty face and tight ass. We’re blinded by our innate condition. Just focus on how she just took a shit and when wiping herself got it on her hand. She’s an animal like us. Embrace this and win.
Haha reminds me of the comic where the author draws that he imagined his beautiful girlfiend as a butterfly but then realised that she farts too 🤣🤣
A story called, "Phantastes: A Faerie Romance for Men and Women" by George MacDonald, perfectly illustrates man's pursuit of the feminine ideal. In the story, the main character, Anodos, finds himself in fairyland, where he encounters many strange beings, one of which is the marble lady. He sees her as the perfect ideal, but she wants a man, not a boy. Anodos tries to emulate his ideal of masculinity when he encounters a brave knight, who, unbeknownst to Anodos, has already won over the marble lady. The entire story is about the breaking down of ideals. It's a good story for women to read if they wish to know a man's heart, and a great story for men to read if they wish to have their ideals about beauty and masculinity broken down. You can read the entire story for free on Project Gutenberg.
Thanks 🎉
Real life is better. I got a passport and lived these hard lessons.
Learning to talk to women is a skill too. You have to use it and slowly get better at it. Start by talking to women of differrent ages, - younger or older - without trying to date them, just to get a basic communication going. In the supermarket, while sitting on a bench, etc. Create an opportunity. It will not be easy in the beginning but if you are not trying to get their number you will have no real pressure and this is subconciously reflected in your posture and voice and you can practice a light chat without being too much at risk. Once you are more comfortable talking to women you can bring the conversation further and ask for their number or whatever.
Start small, get comfortable, then take the next step.
Well this is one of the better advice I have seen online coming from a guy..yes keep it simple and polite DO NOT PUSH IT BEYOND THAT no matter how tempted you may be, if we are interest we will let you know it and even meet you half way and take some of the pressure off..the key is to respect our boundaries. It never ceases to amaze me how hard this is for alot of men!
@@carolinesalv this is bullshit. Men have to risk it. There is no other way. You are giving opposite advice to what you want in a man.
When asking for a number it will always be an awkward moment, and 9 out of 10 times a man will be rejected. It's not the talk that needs practice, it's the rejection.
Talking is easy, when you meet that 1 out of 10 that digs you. You can say the most stupid thing on Earth followed by "can I get your number?" and she will say yes.
No
@@kriptonis Yes, I practicing the rejection is part of what I meant. Thanks for mentioning it.
@@kriptonis LOL 😂 YOU SIR just proved my point! That 9 out of 10 rejection is because you like to "risk it" at our expense, yes it is this kind of reasoning that keeps so many men single!
Let me let you into a little secret..when you are cold approaching someone it is NOT about you! It is about making the other person feel safe around you.
You are a stranger could be a serial killer for all we know so your willingness to take it easy and respect our boundaries is what we are subconsciously assessing about you and when we deem you safe enough then thats when you stand a chance!
Thats something about us women most men don't realize.
"If you are trying to please her, you're putting the cart before the horse." The best advice my dad ever gave me.
exactly. Women are there to please us - men and not the other way around like feminists would like to convince us.
And what is the proper way?
@@greyngreyer5 the proper way is to put the horse before the cart. LOL!
@@tongobong1 That's not even a dad joke, just poor reading comprehension.
@@greyngreyer5 ok I will give you a serious answer. You cannot get a woman by pleasing her with buying her things or by being nice to her. You need to offer her something that she craves for. You need to offer her the real man that she wants to f..k badly. Women are sexually repulsed by nice guys. They are attracted to strong, tough, serious... man.
I am old now, when I was young I was out going, was no problem approaching women and being rejected. Most will reject, was no big deal I just moved on. Most men I knew were afraid/didn't how to talk to women. They would ask how do you do it? I said just talk, they just couldn't for some reason. I think this video is a good explanation what is going on.
Most women rejected you? What did you ask them?
Just talk, but talk about what? What do you start talking about to a complete stranger?
@@human678 dont bother. Main thing its arousal. If person feeling it, what you are talking doesnt matter. If other woman interested in you, its not about your rhetoric skills.
When I was younger, in my early to mid twenties, I'd go out to bars and clubs with guy friends and I was the designated puller. Meaning I was sent to initiate contact with groups of girls. Something quite easy actually. Once I sat down and talked with them a bit another friend would come over like my buddies were looking for me and I'd introduce the girls to him and him to the girls. Eventually everyone would meet everyone throughout the night.
If you're worried about 2 or three, try 5 or 6. I was especially good with bachelorette parties of 10 or more.
@@samfeikema9447 yes those bachelorette are the easiest since they start conversation with men as part of "games" they play. I usually play game with them by selecting the hottest one and offering few bucks for a kiss. LOL!
I wish I had Jordan Peterson as a mentor when I was younger. No one has pegged me as well as him in so many areas of my life. While I know my teenagers won’t listen to me, I pray they imbibe Jordan’s wisdom
jordan peterson is the biggest pussy ever .... you are just to ypung to realize it
@@manuelr7121 Learn to spell "too" and "young".
I hope no one pegs me 😅
JP as a mentor ? oh god no. you would never become a strong male, only nerd symp
Jordan Peterson has no clue about seducing women.
When i was young i was not aware of my beauty and i was so scared that handsome men rejected me, then by grewing up, i understood that men are not so much looking for a perfect beauty but at least a woman who wants them.
My ex put women on such a high pedestal that when I asked for emotional needs to be met, he acted if I had sinned against me. It became clear to me that me asking for my needs to be met made me imperfect. He pushed me away because I wanted more of him. He told me that that's not the kind of woman he wanted to be with, someone he needed to give his time to. I never thought that asking to spend more time together would make him dislike me so much.
I'm so sorry. I went through something so close to that myself. My take on it is that people never should have had unrealistic standards for each other, while at the same time failing to accept flaws and learn from them. I think there's a lot of good in that, it's just a shame how often there's people who ignore that and wind up being like the guy you're describing.
Yeap he didn't love you for you. Somebody who truly loves you will give you his time effortlessly.
Some men will get into a relationship but never progress beyond that judgemental ideal. The woman he chooses will be judged continually against that ideal. Any differences he detects from his ideal will create chaos and destroy the relationship. His expectations will never be met because the woman is being measured against an ideal fantasy which does not exist. Women are capable of this as well.
I don't really fear rejection anymore, I just have a difficult time approaching people because my brain immediately goes into overdrive, "What do I say?" "How do I introduce myself?" "When do I break off thr conversation so I don't come off as desperate?" But that's with people in general, it's tricky, but talking to people isn't that hard once you build the momentum, the icebreaker is the tough part, even more so steering the conversation in the direction of "Should I ask her out now or...?" But I worry about it less these days, I figure if I just keep moving forward with life in general it'll happen someday, if not.... well I just hope it does happen.
Same happened to me.. what should we do??
Women do understand this about men. They don’t when they are super young (and are equally as terrified of men as men are of them at that age!) but they do by their mid twenties on average because they have started to understand themselves and the world around them better.
No, no we don't. I am 52 years old and am sitting here shocked at learning how young men put women up on a pedestal like they are not real human beings. Like, really??! They have moms, sisters, aunts, etc.
I'm 33 y/o and this ia the first time I knew man are so cute, even the comments are leaving me with such a bubbly feeling. You really don't understand how badly we are educated about man, we are told man are agressive and that sh*t, it is only until watching this video and reading the comments that I finally understand how cute man really are, nobody ever told me this, and now I understand my dad comments about how I should behave ladylike, he was trying to teach me to be the perfect woman according to male ideals of their daughters and every woman in general, everything makes so much sense now, I was always told growing up that I should be a strong female and not the princess he wanted me to be, this is a total surprise to me!
@@catwhisperer1253 Maybe you did not have many male friends or cousins growing up. I did. I went through a phase of being terrified of men simply because I had some terrifying experiences but I always knew that I had to fight that instinct and to try my best to remember that not all men were like that as I had a father, brother, cousins, friends who did not behave in that way. It’s very hard to do that after experiences that cause ptsd though.
@@jujutrini8412 I had a brother, a father, and plenty of uncles, cousins, friends, etc. I just don't understand how men can have all these women in their lives...moms, sisters, aunts, cousins, etc...see all their imperfections and then think there is a perfect robotic like wife out there for them. Like seriously...they didn't think about how women poop and fart too?? You don't think we are human with flaws?? Weird.
@@livethelife4833 Well-meaning people in your life were probably trying to prepare you for real life. There ARE a lot of mean and abusive men out there. Yes, there are good ones too, but it might be 50/50. Who knows? I think you should still be a strong female, get a good education, have a way to support yourself financially, and take protective measures to keep you physically safe. You don't have to lose your femininity doing those things. You can still be ladylike...if you want...but if you don't want to...that's o.k too. You be you. Anything can happen. Your husband could die, become disabled, leave you, etc. You need a way to support yourself financially and be able to stand on your own if necessary.
Once there was one man who offered me his phone number after an hour talking in an airplane to Paris. And I said yes, and he wrote his number on a part of a newspaper, gave the sheet of paper. You know, it was the time, where we had a social life without Zuckerberg, mobiles and so on. He became for 28 years my best comrade. I did not had to wait until he was calling me. It was my decision when I called him. The 1970ies and 80ies was a good time for trying new rule models.
Dead?
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 No, still alive. 8 years ago he married a 20 year younger colleague from Poland and finished our relationship with an E-Mail after 28 years. All because of the will of his mother. After years I've been waisting my time while listening when he told me how disgusting it is when an elderly Professor and his very young female student ...
Both of his best male friends felt betrayed and cheated, one of them said:"They were married like thieves, none of us was invited. Only his mother."
Maybe he developed Alzheimer's disease
and non of us realized early enough.
Well, I'm sorry for that. I'm a child of double divorce, so family breakups burn me up. Although my theory is despite how much you think you know another, you don't. Even if you have a loyal goodmannered cat or dog, they are another species. They have their own cat or dog life completely different than the sheltered well-fed home life. As a man, I know we like thrills, feeling vital. If he's old, he may have wanted to feel young one last time. I still think a lifelong partner is more valuable. But I've never had, never seen, nor will ever have one. Those days are done. For now, at least.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Thanks for your kind words.
Probably the next generation is able again to perform a life-long lasting relationship. In between the 28 years of comradeship I got 2 kids, was left by the fathers during the both pregnancies, raised them alone.
But my son married this year and they love each other since 6 years. At the wedding she told us, why she is so happy to have found someone who let her be like she wants to be, not wanna change her.
Few month before he said with his toilet bag in his hand while visiting me and smiling:"she had thought of everything, forgotten nothing. I can marry her for sure."
It warms my heart to see the young couple.
Don´t be sad. Sometimes love comes unexpected into your life again, even when you are old like me.
@@omagrandma4111 congrats, I'm done with romantic love. Dealing with family hate, now. Everyone I know is a lesser version of themselves, including me. TH-cam has been a substitute for relationships I once had.
This perspective is beneficial for both men and women to hear. It exposes two truths: 1. Women are not just objects, and 2. Men can feel vulnerable....both deserve grace.
Men are like "We don't need women, we train for the boys." And women are like, "we dont need a man we make our own money and cleaning up after the husband sucks let's get a divorce." Soon we will be so isolated eventually our life will be all virtual. Put us in a tub and plug us into the matrix.
That’s deep
What's the meaning of "we train for the boys"? Is it a cheap shaming tactic?
@@sphericalspice If you spend anytime in the Fitness sphere on Instagram that is what a lot of men say when women say "we don't like our men too muscular", the common say back is "we don't do it for you, we do it for the boys." I am not sure if the men are trying to shame themselves. As a competitive lifter I prefer men who work out and I don't think men should feel ashamed of wanting to look good either for themselves or for women. There doesn't have to be just one reason to work out.
The pessimist
They mostly say they do it for themselves and that's only as a response to women shaming muscular men. It's pretty obvious they do it to impress girls.
When I feel the fear but do it anyway and approach the woman, it is so liberating even if you get rejected
I was always asking myself as a woman this "why they never see the true me who is just humble and is scared as much as they are scared ?"
I'm not a manifestation of idealism, I'm just a person who wants to be heard
Probably because women put most of their value and effort in their appearance and they tend to ignore the rest while guys are aware they need to put more effort in all aspects just to get a chance with a woman.
We are all human though and it's good to know that we all want the same things i.e. to be loved and appreciated.
Because of their image of you projected on you. It's never realistic It's idealistic. What they would like, how they are conditioned by society and upbringing to think of women. Women do it too. People get so caught up in their fantasies they are frustrated when they realize the truth. Most can't handle it.
Re: Ask 50 Women: At college there was a guy who had printed business cards with his contact details and he would constantly go up to women and say "I don't know you but I think I would like to. Here's my contact details if you think the same." - he was never without a date.
I asked 360 and got 9 phone numbers and ZERO dates. LOL! This was before I found the truth about seducing women.
He would be thrown out of college for that today. Approaching females you do not know is a fool's game, now.
Yes! The law of averages!
obv you don't give your card to a girl that looks like an sjw
also you can only have your email and number on your card without a name
Sounds made up, like something ChrisChan would do
Wow - I’m 62 and you just blew me away !
I'm on dating sites and all the guys it seems like they're just idealizing women and they write to me and they're like "you're so gorgeous, I'm just looking for the woman of my dreams & I just want us to love each other for the rest of our lives".. and I'm like okay buddy, that's a tall order to fill, come back down to earth.. well you're probably going to be a little disappointed because I'm just me".. looks fade...it's really weird, they base everything off looks. I feel like an object, I don't feel like a human being... I mean I feel for them because they don't understand but also it's hard.
NGL I will admit when I was a kid in my late teens, I always assumed that women were better at social avenues such as dating. Obviously I understand that yall just like us, human. Pron to making mistakes.
The only reason I thought that way was bc of listening to older women who understand relationship dynamics bc that had to go through a ton dickheads in their lives in order to learn.
Holding others to unrealistic exception is not only setting you for disappointment that can forms into resentment but also putting unnecessary pressure on another gender.
From a woman’s perspective it’s hard to live up to the perfection and ideal. Also the fact that looks alone are what’s paralyzing and making men willing to work at it that makes it shitty for us. On an aesthetic level there is a lot of ideals for a man to pursue leaving alot not afraid but straight up players for always looking for the next best target for his ego and leaving women obsessed with their appearance which is a lot more stressful, always questioning your worth over something you have no control over than something you can work on like in the male scenario. In that way I wish men were more skeptical. Not mesmerized by a false sense of truth. The exterior can fool them into playing hard for someone with an ugly interior.
If infatuation were not in the picture both would waste alot less time. Women on obsessing over what they can’t control and perfectionism and men on actually building a beautiful relationship based off of compromise.
That's rich. You say you don't go for looks? Listen, I'll make it simple. Men go for chiefly looks? Nope. What's more, men's standards of physical attraction are lower. Much lower than women's. You want a chiselled jaw, full head of hair, at the LEAST. Men want someone with a cute face that doesn't look like a man. That's all. That's looks. Now, you don't stop there. You want: a provider, a thrilling experience, an entertainer, a big cock. And if anyone is making you obsess ovsr appearance it's your own envy and jealousy towards women trying to get that chimera of a man that exists in only 1% of the world's human population.
I feel sorry for women because feminist and gay agenda destroyed men that you would find attractive.
@@darcyroyce Naught*
@@darcyroyce Piss off, Redcoat (just kidding. Don't take it seriously)
I disagree with you, as a woman, this doesn't make me feel disgusted, this is the first time I knew men are so cute, even the comments are leaving me with such a bubbly feeling, it is only until watching this video and reading the comments that I finally understand how cute men really are, nobody ever told me this, and now I understand my dad comments about how I should behave ladylike, he was trying to teach me to be the perfect woman according to male ideals of their daughters and every woman in general, everything makes so much sense now, I was always told growing up that I should be a strong career-oriented woman and not to be the princess he wanted me to be, this is a total surprise to me! I was told he was been chauvinistic, but knowing that's not true, makes it easy to know what he was trying to communicate to me and how cute he is because of that, even my brother does the same, f*ck, that's what my litlle brother was trying to tell me all this time, I'm melting inside, they're so cute!!!
I wasn't afraid of rejection as much as public humiliation. She has friends, and they talk. I was convinced that a "crush" was an embarrassing humiliating dilemma. Now, I can see the benefit of "Arranged Marriages". There, you might get lucky and get your crush, and she can't run away disgusted by your obvious obsession with her.
"Chivalry is dead and women killed it" dave chappelle
@@darcyroyce name calling proves his point. Grow up
@@darcyroyce that very same man has waaay more money than you 😆
I'm okay with that, chivalry was weird anyway.
I like chivalry..
@@RazuX5 What the hell would money have to do with that point?
Rejection is pervasive to all that anyone does every day but sometimes the best answer that a person can hear is no … because the most difficult entity to overcome is ego.
just passed 20 years with a woman 20 years older . . . I never had time to wonder about what "ideal" might be . .
she had the confidence to be herself in the first 5 days . .and still has plenty of mojo
I appreciate this comment very much.
Good for you my friend!
Imagine a woman saying this. "A relationship with a man is a sacrifice because there is no ideal man." The answer would be "her standards are too high" and many men would be offended. if man would see the woman as an individual first the likelihood of being rejected would decrease rapidly. Maybe the problem is not the woman being too beuatiful but the man generalizing and not seeing the indivdual?
That's a good point. If you scroll through comments of nice guys/incels, which is basically who this video is directed at, they give the impression that they view women basically as having a hivemind
@@herculesbrofister265 yes and videos like that just perpetuate it further. The first conversation my bf of 5 years and I had was actually about growing vegetables bc his mother likes gardening and he told me all about it. I thought it was so sexy of him to talk like that about a passion of his and so respectful about his mother. Any nowadays "dating coach" would have propably told him those topics werent "manly" enough... A loving dad baking cookies is so much more attractive than a "manly" husband. What do they think what most women are searching for?
@@selinanachtmann2705 i mean...it's not like we want it to be true.
We realised that it's the truth after many brutal rejections...
Most men are going through the rejection phase from the age of 18-29, and then they just stop.
i mean 11 years of brutal rejections is a lot..
@@akhsdenlew1861 women are rejected too tho, I was also rejected very often and painfully, so were many of my friends. And most women that I know are looking for a suitable PARTNER, not a hook up, not a man child, no one to be a maid for. So some of them even choose to be single because of their bad experiences with men. It is a big societal issue and most women feel really unheard by men. men be like "it is so painful to be single and rejected" women be like "it is so painful to be raped and assaulted, to not be able to libe freely because of my gender". If you cry about being rejected maybe just maybe, it is a you problem that you are too focused on jsut yourself and not honestly invested in the feelings of other people ing eneral, not only womens feelings.
As almost always I heartily agree with Jordan on this and so eloquently and movingly stated ...it brought tears to my eyes.
I met a man I fell deeply in love with. He was wounded at the time but covered it fairly well.,We met the night his divorce was final at a singles mixer. I had been widowed a,year he was 37 and I was 32. He did not hide the fact,he was bankrupt yet his self esteem seemed intact.,He was a terrific guy. Fit, he loved water sports as did,I, sailing most especially. Rare that. we both had saile since chlldhood. We both were avid readers and book collectors we loved many of the same books,both of us had backgrounds in psychology,he had an undergrad degree,in it,and zoology a double major and I was a new clinical,psychology professor. We both were STARTLED with each other that first night, we both realized we had met someone magical.
He had been a wildly successful builder developer. He had diversified into several,other businesses as well, that didnt save him financially in the late 70s. His wife walked out sayimg, "I married you for your potential". Big gaping wound she caused that never completely healed til the last ten years of his life when building our dream retirement home cured him totally.
I told him right,away. I Ioved him for himself not for what he could DO for me financially. But. It was always there chained to him that early success the wealth, the sense of achievement followed by failure. HIS estimation of himself I could not change..that ball and chain he was dragging,behind him. It didnt ruin our lives,but it was there lurking like a vultuure ready to pick his bones and he tried, but he could not get traction.
At,first,he was making more than I an associate professor, but I went into administration and my salary overtook,his. If affected him, his self,esteem, he did not go off the rails,like,it does affect some men. But it affected his enjoyment of our life .
He passed away a few mos ago after 41,years together. Our last five years were our happiest...strange. He dropped that ball and chain once we finished this house and THEN he found total joy in life again. So bittersweet to realize we could have had that all along...it was THERE all,along if he could have overcome this vast NEED to impress me and himself, when money just wasnt that important. Together we earned enough to retire early at 50 but it wasnt the UBER success he craved. God I MISS him and love him and always did. He knew it and he reciprocated it I NEVER,doubted he loved me. So I was lucky...and my memories of us sustain me.
That's beautiful... I hope you continue to be the happy and amazing person he fell in love with, even if he's not here to share time with you. I'm sorry for your loss
What a moving story. Thank you for sharing it . Im sorry for your loss
@@jomens8929 Thank you.
Wow, I'm a very young woman, only 18 years of age and your story is very moving to me. I can only think of how you were my age once, and how you have gone through all of that. You were his light, always will be. Never stop learning and you will forever be young. Bless you ♥
What a beautiful tribute to your husband. Sounds like he found himself a wonderful partner too. Nobody's journey is perfect, but one day I hope I find a woman and build a relationship capable of standing the test of time like yours did. Best wishes to you
I’m so happy to have a man like Jordan Perterson around. I thank him for helping me understand myself and men better. He’s just so amazing.
The manifestation of a judgemental ideal 💯 Once/if a man is able to grow out of that, or grab the reins of the inspiration, his life changes. It's about taking hold of your own confidence
The exact moment you let go of the fear of rejection is the moment you instantly become 100x more attractive to women. Jordan is right. The only way to overcome that fear, or any fear for that matter, is to face it head on. Stop caring about being rejected. Who cares?!!
After being rejected so many times by females, it did not make me stronger and braver.. Actually effect is opposite...so I really can't figure how failure can be encouraging? I really don't know anyone around me that is encouraged by rejections.
Honestly, I had this type of mindset when I was insecure and felt no passion for anything. I'd look at pretty females and get motivated to do things because I'd love to have a pretty spouse and be emotionally fulfilled by her, but when I became a Christian my motivation came from God and I feel extremely good and fulfilled now compared to before.
"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
God Bless You All and Amen!!!!
Amen
Amen & Amen
Amen
Amen💙🤍
Amen brother I'm so happy for your ascension.
I appreciate Jordan's efforts to explain the differences between men and women. He can best explain the man. The fear of rejection in men is surprising to me as a woman because by what it seems to me, men are good actors. They act like they don't care if a woman accepts them or not, there are always others. And there are. The likelihood that the man will move on to another ideal female is high. But constant rejection is not a good thing for either sex. Women are rejected all the time by men. I heard a saying once, They're just like you. That has stuck with me for years. In essence I believe that is true.
I don't think it's that men are just good actors in your particular scenario as much as they are just used to it. We understand that the chances of us getting rejected at any given attempt are higher that the chances of the opposite happening. I can't speak for all, but if I approach someone, I have already made up my mind that she will most likely reject me. So it's not that I don't care because it's like a game to me, but because there is no reason for me to really care as it's futile to do so. Think of it as applying for a job. You submit your resume to multiple companies. Some will reject you and it may make you ponder at first, but slowly after multiple rejections, you just realize that you have a certain skill set and you have to make the most of it and expand it when provided with the opportunity. There will be a company that will hire you. There is no point paying attention to the companies that reject you because there is no benefit in doing so. So when you get a rejection letter/email, you just shrug your shoulder and move on to the next.
Women are shopping, men are knocking on doors selling.
rejected all the time by men, how??
Coming from my 36 years experience. There is a point of repeated rejection that you permanently burn out. So I advice don't push it too hard. We are not machines. We all have our limit. It's very damaging to the individual if they only experience rejections. I like Peterson but we are not the same and our limits differ. Wishful thinking we all find our other half. But it's not reality.
As a woman I can tell you that women understand this about men very well. Some think it's fair game to use/abuse men for it, some don't. The ones who don't get grief because the guys take their revenge on them instead of the ones who hurt them. Nice women finish last, too.
Men finish last in 99% of cases. Women always rise above it. I know from personal experience.
There is a reason why the term ''bad boy'' is used a lot and ''bad girl'' is not. In general, bad girls are not very popular among guys while bad boys are very popular among girls.
@@dotexe4981 This guy gets it!
@@dotexe4981 bad girls aren't popular? Which culture do you belong to?
@@Life_as_an_ant Correct, they are not popular. Popular girls might turn into bad girls cause they feel like they can get away with it due to them being attractive but in general it is not them being bad girls that makes them attractive to guys. Just think about bodycount: girls want a guy that has had a lot of experience but if a girl has a high bodycount they are often looked at as damaged goods/sluts/not trustworthy by men. Even if a guy likes a bad girl, it's mainly for hookups and not for a relationship. I can give a lot more examples, confidence is another one: girls love a confident guy but it's far less important for guys that a girl is confident. In general, guys want a girl to be submissive and girls want a guy to be dominant. That's how it has always been, no matter what culture.
Men in general have such a complex relationship with women. And as women have suffered for this throughout history.
i feel badly for those 50 women who were expecting or hoping for a phone call and never received one. LOL
She will have 900 DM's on instagram she friendzoned
I took his advice, and asked 50 women for their number. Surprisingly, 17 of them gave it too me. I also gave them my number. Now, women won't stop calling me. Thanks Jordan! 🤨
😂
What's with this men afraid of rejection thing? We women been afraid of men pulling away. For decades I've thought it's women suffering from absence of love and from getting love from men they could have interest in
You don't understand that desiring а body is animalistic, nothing more than just a lust. Look for a soul and hearts, not bodies. We are not bodies, we are the gods living in the hearts.
It's not always bitterness. I knew before I even hit puberty that I didn't want a partner and that's never changed. I'm 36 now and have never felt romantic feelings at all. I've never been on a date, never had sex, never even held hands with or kissed a girl. Never wanted to.
Dear, that's called aromantic and probably asexual too. Some people are just like that.
Ace Representation
You’re lucky.
You're soooo lucky.
Jordan sir, the rejection shatters our self confidence and self image.
He is right. Women should chill out a bit and learn about what men wants and what motivate us than telling their independency and how strong they are.
A lot of women don't get this. They think because _they_ are attracted to ambitious, high-status men, that men look for the same in a woman. That's why you see them playing up these traits on dating apps claiming they're highly ambitious or a manager (when in reality they work a dead-end retail job).
@@Tomn8er thats so f’ed up man, i dont care if she is even presedent im a man, i care about her femininity, her respect to me, how she behaves and if she is gonna be a good mother to my kids or not. Like, what the heck am i gonna do with your degrace or your high status, i already have it i dont care if you have it too show me some feminity instead, feminism blinded them all. If they are not willing to chance and and train their femininity instead, most of them will die alone with their cats and yet, we’re the ones still gonna have the foult according them for sure 😂
@@darcyroyce you are a obese women at her 60’s still complaining? Damn 😂
@@darcyroyce that wasn't my point at all.
What DO men want exactly? And what does feminine mean to you guys? Cooking, cleaning, wearing pink? Is it ok to be funny and smart? I ask that not in a smart ass way but honestly does it turn men off if women are smart and funny? What do you guys want?
Perhaps there is some fear of rejection, but I think that pales is comparison to the fear of being accepted by the wrong woman. The woman who decides its in her best interest to choose to utterly destroy the rest of your life even after you make many sacrifices for her.
This lends itself to more than just relationships between men and women. It's the relationship between men and their focused desire. If a woman makes that happen we have what is here in the video. When it's a job, the fear of failure can be even more paralysing because you have more to lose financially than you do being rejected by a woman. People should understand men are fragile and complicated and that's why it makes us hard and in turn as part of the desires of others, masculine.
The truth is, not everybody gets the happy ending.
so basically the youtube comments is a place of people without that happy ending..
I got rejected so many time it became normal and I just shrugged it off....
Absolutely stunning assessment.
So, what's the point if they paralyzed? I mean, they paralyzed to ever beautiful woman they met, and cheat over and over again because of self-centeredness.
To have a relationship with a woman you have to see her as a person. That is the short version...
"If you want to conquer fear, you have to get through it"
I really feel for men. Society/people generally expect a lot from them, but (maybe I’m in the minority) women are def afraid of being rejected too; esp if they’re really attracted to someone.
I don't like being rejected as it's a core wound from my caregivers. But it's better than abandonment and betrayal. Or ending up with a narcissist and trauma bonding. Just got rejected again. Probably the 10th time. It gets easier when I'm healing the wounding with plant medicine and hypnotherapy. We both rejected each other but there was a learning for me in prolonging contact with him for 8 months. Learning what subtle, covert narcissism looks like. I got discarded but he was still polite and responded. It's a weird dynamic. Rejection is protection from someone who wouldn't appreciate you and also redirection back to God, who ought to really have residence in our hearts in the first place. Xx
Men are basically the scumbags of society right now.. The trash, the abomination.
If you are a white caucasian average male.. you're literally trash.
"Women, children and pets are loved and appreciated for what they are"
"Men , are appreciated for what they provide"
Noone will Love a man unconditionally the way a woman, a child or a pet will be loved.
I wouldn't even want to ask out 50 wmen. Rejection has nothing to do it. It's just an exhausting waste of time.
You kneel before a woman, she will treat you like a servant.
Neither should be kneeling.
You kneel before a man and he will abuse you and treat you like a servant
M'lady, it shall be done
Not if he’s a narcissist, he just wants to control.
The thing about telling men to ask 50 women for their phone number, to conquer their fear of rejection... well i am pretty sure that many women would have a hard time asking 50 men for their number as well, as most women know well that they do not excatly look like the ideal image of a goddess and for that reason, they too fear rejection.
This goes for both men and women: there are billions of people in this world, why do you think that ONE you are infatuated with has to be THE one? Someone you met in your neighborhood, or your high school sweetheart. There are too many people in this world to think that one will match you exactly. Not everyone has to like you, and you don't like everyone. Move on.
And after he gets her approval, then he plays the hot and cold silly games and with no reason becomes not interested
It's devolved to a game. People try and fix me by thinking that I simply don't know the game and need to learn how to win.
What they don't realize is that I saw that the game was rigged and that I have zero interest in participating in the superficiality of what has become of mankind.
Exactly!! Don’t be afraid of rejection- it’s their loss!!
First, I really enjoy Jordan Peterson's lectures. Second, that experiment for men to conquer rejection fear by asking 50 strangers for their numbers? How would these people (especially rejection-sensitive) feel knowing their numbers were asked for the purpose of an exercise?
That last line by Jordan Peterson about getting conditioned to rejection is PUA 101
Eh PUA. The point is not getting rejections. The point is getting women without getting rejections. There is so much bad dating advice online from PUA gurus...
Since they're just scammers pushing Jedi Mind Tricks, they really have to get to you expect rejection.
But this is also truth for women. For human beings..
Thats a great paradox. And also probavly the reason why I could never succeed with the women I truly want: I make a fool of myself and women do not like that. I can be calm with the women I desire less and get them, but then it is forfeiting my ideal woman.
Only fix is exposure. Add a ton of girls on Snapchat talk to them and take some on dates.
your ideal woman just lives in your head, shes not real.
@@mcchickenmuhchicken you don't know who his ideal woman is though.
I went into the Lamborghini dealership and asked how much? They said if you have to ask it's not your time.
You hit the nail on the head each time. Only if my woman would/could understand this concept as well as I do.
Interesting content. Thanks for sharing
I remember being struck dumb by a beautiful woman who came up and asked me a simple question once. I'll never forget it, or her for that matter.
Just curious why do beautiful women have that effect on men? Why are they so affected by it?
Of course they know...
So I've just decided to believe the reason men never ask me for my number is because they are paralyzed by their fear of me. That's better than feeling unattractive and old and undesirable.
Lemme get them digits
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 😂. Thank you
@@Ljmunseeable lol asking the number of a woman is like... never in my bucket to do list.
i'd rather fight my way up to mordor.
if a woman is interested, she can ask me...
Otherwise i'll die alone who the fuck cares.
- a random male.
@@akhsdenlew1861 Dear random male... Just ask her.
This goes both ways.
This is also shown in that men will do everything for woman, even things u wouldnt do for a men.
Today the main problem with women is the supply and demand. In recent decades there are more men than women almost everywhere and many women are unattractive so the number of beautiful women is low and competition among men is strong. 50 years ago there were more women than men and women were more attractive - slimmer and back then every man could easily get a nice looking woman.
@@darcyroyce attraction has alot to do with looks, don't be so daft and contrarian. Its literally in the word. And the wealthier among us have an extremely higher genetic chance to turn out attractive. Natural Selection of more desirable traits over generations is a real thing. Have you spent time in the hood, trailer parks or "the sticks"?? Slim pickings. And to your last point: You seem to look past definitions of words and their uses because "matured love" would generally be reserved for, well, people who are mature or in the mid-late stages of life, and dating is a young persons game. Unless we all wait till 28-30yrs old to look for our life partners, its only gunna get worse in these times of glorified narcissism and failing education.
Sounds more like shopping for a car
@@apopuffkin1717 Supply and demand is the most important natural law in the world.
To add to this, women's value has inflated like the price of gas. And men are worth less like the dollar.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 exactly.
Sacrifice compromise then settle.
I’m so happy I’m not one of those men Jordan is describing. I don’t give a F want women think or want I never do anything to impress women i don’t need women’s approval for anything I know who I am & that’s all it matters. I ain’t chasing no woman instead, I chase my dreams improve myself daily, do things that make me happy etc.
The only way a man can have his best life is when he removes women from that life.
@@remowilliams7569 well I wouldn’t say remove them from your life completely just don’t make women your priority.
Remove them only way to get full peace. Who’s meant will fit your program
@@remowilliams7569 Why to remove? Only don't please them, don't simp to them.
The bad ones disappear on their own.
@@remowilliams7569 You’re grossly misinterpreting the point. As someone has has drudged through every redpill community, Mgtow etc, I can assure you that this is not the way. And a few years of this lifestyle will only depress you.
The point of all of this is to remove women from your number 1 priority. But you must recognize that humans are designed to be compatible and sociable with the opposite sex.
Creating this idea that women must be banished from a man’s livelyhood for him to be happy is simply false. Like I said, women only become an issue once you focus on them.
Focus on your career, finances etc. but be willing to live and to connect with someone special if that opportunity presents itself. Life is precious, time is finite, do not regret happiness because you thought that women were “this” or “that” or whatever.
All of my insecurities summed up in 3:26 minutes. Not to mention the money saved on therapy. TRUTH!!
Probably still a good idea to go to therapy or hypnotherapy. I can't relate to anyone who isn't in therapy any longer. They've not been able to self reflect
After 34 years of not getting a single woman to agree to a date, I’ve come to just accept that everyone I encounter in my life will reject me. Even my closest friends from college have moved away to start families, and none of them talk to me anymore.
Change that belief, the outside world is only a reflection of your inner being. If you want to learn about women you should watch women and understand us instead of watching other men talk about us, you guys still haven't tried that yet. ❤️
@@RichPoorGrl , worst advice ever. On a large scale, women say one thing and act the opposite way. There are endless examples, such as when they say they want a nice guy but go for the bad boy.
@@spasa2 not all women do this… maybe you go after the wrong type of woman?
@@philladelphia5081 , I'm talking about the rule, and you are talking about the exception. Yes, not all women do this. But with regards to men, most do. Your argument is more valid from a woman's perspective. Many women go after the bad boy, and then they claim "All men are trash", when all of them choose the same type of man.
@@spasa2 There's flaw in your understanding of "nice guy". A lot of men who call themselves that have the fake persona of "nice guy". They go around it as transactional thing just to get women to notice them but once they do, the bad and disturbing behaviour comes out. Especially in US culture from what I've heard from american women. So who would you choose as a woman, someone who fakes being nice but in most cases isn't when you get to know him better or someone who is very confident about himself and is who he is and doesn't lie about it? It's not easy for women to find real genuine men.
Jordan is an absolute Genius
A-hem women feel the same way and act the same way around an attractive man
Thx
I'm 43 and still paralysed by women, longest relationship 9 month in my lifetime, but I've become more so then ever in the last 10 years or so, sucks like, I'm a very anxious person in general always have been, does not make anything easy especially women, I'm not blaming women however, I couldn't do that game they played I would be so cringey for me to ask 50 women out nd get 50 nos that's going to really give me a shot in the arm so too speak lol, sorry sarcastic as always 😂, but JP is correct the fear eats you up, I had to go through loosing a leg allsorts now nd I have zero confidence plenty of bluster that's about it
Women do this, too. We're all hoping for validation.
woman: just a regular human
jordon: ITS A GOD, ITS A GOD!
You know....I think that may be what drew me in to ask my boyfriend out instead of the other way around.
When we first met, we met at a public farmers market, and he started arguing with me in a friendly way that I found indearing...I think I was taken aback by this encounter mostly because he was engaging with me in a conversation, in a way that I didn't see as flirtatious. So I knew he wasn't looking to gain anything, so he was already looking at me past the "ideal women". Long story short I asked him out on a date, and after four dates he asked me to be his girlfriend...Since the first date he had become obviously nervous around me till he asked that question, so I assume it's because he felt he had to prove himself, and until he had my approval he wasn't going to be 100% comfortable again. I still found his nervousness attractive to an extent because it assured me that there was genuine interest for more.
I guess my point is that he's right. At least with the initial approach. When engaging with a women the first time you have to be prepared to be rejected. Like, if you were approaching a boss at an interview. You don't want to appear timid when asking for the job. You got to show the security in yourself that you have, whether you are qualified or not. And the only time to show doubt is when you've already got your foot in the game(that shows humbleness)
I don't feel sorry or care to understand any man or woman who objectifies their attraction and blame their attraction for the cause of their suffering. That is the characteristic of a narc. The narc will eventually hurt, damage the person they claim to love because of their massive ego narcissistic injury. Objectification is not love. Read up on narcissistic personality disorder and your interpersonal relationship will improve dramatically instead of blaming your failure on someone else. Taking accountability is something narcs can't do when the common demoninator of their failure is them and their choices.
Absolutely , Jordan.
What kind of man wants to marry a woman who plays a man
They all do to some degree.
@@darcyroyce Men usually marry a woman who will replicate whatever disfunction that they were subjected to growing up, sadly.
so.. 1, it's completely normal I am so used to rejection I don't even notice anymore. Yes it hurts every time, but the period it takes for me to get over it, especially if I was really into her, grows shorter every time.
2, I blame social media for this
Great video. It's always great hearing JP in the morning
No
I don’t know why men don’t understand that it’s the same thing for women. It’s the same effing thing I act and I feel the same