I got fired from one of my first jobs because I took too long trying to do things the right way, when there was apparently a "good enough" threshold that no one told me about.
My current problem is that I don't know my limits. Before burnout it was typical for me to keep loading myself till I feel exhausted and that would be my limit. Of course, it led to a burnout, so now I just feel exhausted all the time. But recently I got some extra batch of energy and what did I do? Everything possible till I feel I can't do anything anymore. Because I got excited, because I miss being able to do thing, because I accumulated things that should be done. But also because I have no idea how much energy I actually have and how much I can spend. It's like winning a lottery, but unknown amount of money
I hear ya!! (Newly minted at age 49), adult life of burnout, boredom and then overdoing it again. I think we need to experiment with the edges - what does it feel like to stop before I'm ready, before I'm done in, to go to bed with spoons in the bank. What does it feel like the next morning, by the end of the week? I'm trying to see it like a discipline (so I'm still achieving, right? 😅), which the video is alluding to.
I can completely relate to what you're going through. Figuring out our limits can feel like a never-ending struggle, especially after experiencing burnout. It's so easy to get caught up in that rush of newfound energy and fall back into the same cycle of overcommitting. The feeling of excitement can sometimes overshadow our need for balance. Maybe it helps to remind ourselves that it’s okay to take things one step at a time, even when we’re eager to dive back into everything we’ve missed. Each moment we choose to rest is not a step back but a way to recharge and prepare for the challenges ahead. I don't know .... I would say that, as you explore your limits, consider how your unique experiences are not just challenges but also strengths that can guide you. How does that sound? I think that perhaps by embracing those contradictions it can empower you to find a rhythm that works for you. Let’s keep striving to understand our energies better-it’s a journey, but every little step counts toward a healthier balance. Don't you think? You’ve got this! ✨ God bless you! Cheers!
I have ME/CFS on top of everything else. Over a year ago it progressed to the degenerative kind and now my baseline continues to decline and not recover. Take care of yourselves yall.
I'm so sorry to hear - how frustrating for you! Sending you wishes for some recovery nonetheless, but keep on taking good care of yourself, whatever your baseline is. And thank you for the effort of making the comment and sharing that with us.
As a parent of a child on the spectrum, I felt the profound weight of the M.r Micallef’s words echoing in my heart. Each day can feel like a whirlwind, especially after navigating a rough patch filled with meltdowns and moments of misunderstanding. Do you know what I mean? One thing I can not stop thinking is how can we harness our paradoxes and idiosyncrasies to cultivate resilience in the face of chaos? This makes me reflect on the balance between ambition and fear; the recognition that our complexities aren’t burdens but rather sources of strength. Our contradictions remind us that life is inherently chaotic, yet they equip us to engage with that chaos creatively. Would that make a minimum sense for you? I mean, In acknowledging our unique traits, we create space for transformation. Our journey isn’t just about enduring entropy; it’s about thriving in it. It’s a reminder that while challenges are inevitable, so too are opportunities for growth. You can tell better, I believe. On the other hand, as a matter of the fact, I do believe, It also raises another important question: How do we find the balance between being their shield while allowing our children the freedom to face their own battles? It’s a question that haunts me, especially after discovering my own autism just after my 40th (something) birthday. This realization has deepened my understanding of both myself and my child, and while it’s a challenging journey, it’s also filled with hope and growth. This video is a beautiful reminder that embracing our imperfections and those of our loved ones can lead to incredible strength and resilience. Thank you for shining a light on this journey!
I've been in burnout for years. After unknowingly masking (diagnosed at 38), I basically had a nervous breakdown, and recovery sometimes feels impossible. I am SO careful about how I use my spoons, when I have enough to actually use. Thank you for helping people to prevent getting to this point. ❤
Had the exact same problem. My acute and perpetual autistic burnout was just mis-diagnosed as depression which is one reason why it took myself to even realize what was actually wrong. Only until one of my autistic friends asked me if I was one, everything suddenly just fell into their correct places. But due to the initial mis-diagnosis, I had to fight to tooth and nails for over two years before I finally got my correct diagnosis at the age of 30. Having a sort of autism that is very disabling but in invisible ways without any readily observable giveaways, it's very hard to get a correct type of help.
My mantra this year has been "half a$$ed is better than not at all," it reminds me that by doing a less than perfect job I can do more things and have more energy for other things. Ive also been following Taylor Heaton's advice to challenge yourself to have spoons left at the end of the day (it's harder than you think!). And challenging myself to take breaks (😱😱😱the hardest one of all!). These seem to be helping me even out my productivity. Another great video Paul! ✨✨✨
Hi all just discovered this channel. Diagnosed at 57, during covid. I had 3 diagnosis, Autism, ADD (no H, definitely!), and Hyper-intelligence. Some of what you are talking about falls under the HI diagnosis as well, overthinking, not starting until you have the whole path mapped out in your head,... Tie that in with not knowing mom lied and everyone is most definitely NOT like you and it made life ... interesting. I got into trades because while I got A and B grades in advanced science classes aimed at post secondary, including Physics, I couldn't pass Math. I would get 90% on an exams on nuclear physics and chemistry and 20% in algebra... I knew that going to Uni would be a waste of money and I would fail. My father, DEFINITELY on the spectrum to some degree, took me to the union hall and said "you're getting a fitter ticket, after that you can figure out what you want to do with your life with the ticket as a fallback". I made it to supervisory roles over multiple trades on multi million dollar jobs, and never more than a handful of friends. As I look back at the people I knew in the trades, a good 40% were on the spectrum somewhere, a grinder doesn't care if you can do chit chat or not, and conversation isn't a metric to measure progress. There is a method to do things with enough variation that creative thinking is always needed, so routine but room to be different. The ADD is under control now thanks to modern pharmacology, and it's much easier to realize there is no easier way than just get at it while it's only a 30 sec job and not wait until it's 30 minutes of drudgery that you berate yourself for not doing sooner... My solution to burnout on any one subject, which is what I now know it is, has always been something of a "shotgun" approach. I recognized my brain will go "F this" at some point so I try to have a project running multiple streams as long as possible, can't focus on this path? go do that one. Drives some folks crazy but works for me. Also explains why when projects got to the "Cross the i's and dot the t's" I was looking for a new job, only one path to follow.
I recently found out, that I had severe mineral and vitamin deficiance. I fixed that and now can spend 3x more time doing what I like. But I feel this video is still relevant to that. I probably shouldn't overdo it. Maybe. Eventually. Hopefully.
I met burnout at age 49 Retired and have been relaxing evrer since. I put in my years of massive productivity and it didnt even matter to anyone except me ! Now 65 and just doing my thing. And everyone close to me is angry because i was able to quit working. 😂
Yeah I have 6 categories of my own: work, work, work, work, home (firewood, fixing house, etc), and family. In reverse order of importance, obviously. Also, done is always better than perfect. That has saved my skin so many times.
In September, I participated in a decluttering exercise when you go after a specified area for just five minutes per day and you have to find five items. It's amazing how much I was able to get rid of and no burnout.
I have been very heavily optimising my life to be as energy efficient as possible even long before I ever even suspected I'm an autist. One very good example is that I don't prepare food almost at all. I eat much the same stuff as every other people do, but instead of preparing and mixing them together, I eat them individually. One day I eat two or three steaks and nothing else. The next day I eat one raw cauliflower for lunch and one cucumber for the evening snack. Thing is, I actually enjoy making food and I'm pretty good at it too. It's just that I get the enjoyment out of it only if I can then see other people enjoying it, but for me alone (which is most of the time) it's just a huge energy expenditure when I can just skip all that and eat the ingredients individually. And I got a lot more of similar energy saving schemes. Like for example I never do my dishes. I only use one single plate, fork, etc. I know that sounds bad but I assure you, I'm autistic about using only extremely clean foodware(pun very much intended). It's possible because I only eat such foods that do not leave tightly sticky stains and go away in just hot water and light brushing. The only problem with that is that I'm loosing out on a lot of foods I actually love, such as ketchup, but the trade-off of doing the dishes by hand is way too expensive for me. If I had a dishwasher, I think I could eat a lot more different things than I currently do.
I've similarly reduced kitchen work. I assemble 2 different meals that don't take any prep. One dish one fork. I know I like them and I feel full and satisfied. I sometimes miss the variety but I don't miss the chaotic energy of "figuring out what's for supper" and the energy for cooking and cleanup.
Thankyou SO much for this video!!! I might always go back and watch it when I'm in one of those energy highs. Relate hugely to the 'trap' and it's so easy to fall into, especially when those recovery periods take so long and there's so much I want to do and catch up on when I finally have energy. It wouldn't be so bad if spending energy recklessly was like a hangover and it just took a day to recover from, but with the potential of burnout lasting weeks or months.. A new strategy is needed.. Love some of the suggestions. Relate to all the categories. Resisting the temptation to perfect things is a big one for me, especially creatively.
I tend to be most at risk for burnout when things with my day job change, but I don't pull back on my personal life to compensate. For example, one of my colleague recently left our organization and I had to do all their work for 4-5 months. It was incredibly difficult trying to balance both sets of tasks, but I didn't give myself enough downtime at home and was still socializing / attending events as I would have done before my colleague left, because I didn't want my life to be just "work and sleep." But on the downside, it pushed me to the very edge of my limits and I was at real risk of a deeper burnout.
@juliegolick, your experience resonates with me on so many levels. Please, I hope you don’t mind me sharing my two cents. It really strikes me how the pressures of work can spill over into our personal lives, pushing us to maintain a semblance of normalcy while juggling more than we should. I’ve often found myself in similar situations, where the fear of losing balance makes us forget to prioritize our own well-being. It raises an interesting question: how can we learn to recognize when we’re stretching ourselves too thin? The need to socialize and engage in life outside of work is vital, but so is the need for recovery time. Maybe creating a more intentional schedule could help-designating specific downtime, or even a “social budget,” so we can enjoy our relationships without compromising our mental health. Does it make sense? What you just wrote, seems to me, highlights an essential aspect of our human experience, I guess. How can I express my self? I'd say: the delicate dance of managing multiple responsibilities while remaining true to ourselves (if you will). How do you think we can better prepare for these shifts in our workload? Perhaps acknowledging our limits could be the first step toward a healthier balance, I'm not sure. Thanks for sharing your journey; it’s a reminder for all of us to be kinder to ourselves in these moments of challenge.
The "good enough" thing makes a lot of sense. I realize that I started doing this unknowingly a long time ago. I always had a easy time learning so school was always easy for me. In the first few years I always wanted to do everything the best and the fastest. Part of it was ego and comparing myself to others but part was also me being a perfectionist. But then starting at like 5th grade I realized that I don't have to put in much effort and I would still get decent to good grades. Of course my parents and teachers hated this but to me it always made sense to just put in a little energy to pass and not more.
I appreciate your insights on the “good enough” concept! It’s fascinating how our early experiences with learning can shape our understanding of effort and success. Have you ever thought about how this mindset could be a double-edged sword? While it helped you navigate school more easily, do you think it also affected how you approach challenges now? You know? It’s intriguing to consider the balance between striving for excellence and allowing ourselves the grace of imperfection. How might embracing “good enough” empower us to explore new passions without the pressure of perfection? Think about it, as we reflect on these questions, I believe it’s essential to remember that each of us has a unique path. How does that sound? Your journey from perfectionism to finding value in simplicity is a testament to your growth. What new opportunities might arise if we continue to let go of that constant comparison? Anyway, I liked what you brought, keep nurturing that awareness-it’s a powerful tool for both personal development and creativity! 🌟 God bless you!
I definitely resonate with the need to pace myself and the siren song of NOT doing that. Some obstacles for me are doing the ongoing psychological work with the part of me that is truly pained by accepting a "good enough" job. It's like an inner toddler having a tantrum over how tragic this is, and I've learned that like with toddlers, logic and arguing don't help much. I try to use techniques like Internal Family Systems on myself to acknowledge these internal knotty situations. When I put aside some goals for another big one, I also have difficulty maintaining the faith that no matter how long it will take, at some point this major goal will be over with and I will be able to move on to something else. I have a lot of inner "well, you'll never get to..." types of thoughts that may be correct, but may not be - working with those is also something I do a lot - on an as needed basis, that is, whenever they come up. And finally, there are some things I've had to give up on, or feel like I will never get to, and accepting that has a bunch of grief attached to it, that tends to erupt unexpectedly. I thought I was fine with my decision and all of a sudden I'm overcome with sadness five days later. And since I don't have lots of energy to begin with, and because it's such an unpleasant feeling, I don't want to sit with these feelings. I don't want to wallow. But I've found I just have to. I have to take the time, use the energy to acknowledge these feelings of loss and grief even though they don't make an appointment, don't let me know when they'll show up, I have to take the time to sit with the pain and discomfort and meditate on it, consider ways to comfort myself, but also be willing to just sit with it even if it seems highly unreasonable that they are showing up at that moment. And through all of this, to make sure I'm supporting myself, physically, emotionally and mentally as much as possible, and to remember that when I'm tired (or hungry, or stressed) things look and feel much bleaker than they do when I'm not.
Sounds like you're doing the required work. I relate deeply. I'm so proud of how I've continued to take this work on, and how much I've grown in the process. I'm in awe of just how strong ASD folks are. I'm now 61, got dx'd at 50 after a severe burnout 2 years earlier, and then went for a ride through hell trying to pull my life together. I didn't understand I was High Masking until very recently, which is now providing me building insight at just how complex things got in my life. And definitely, it's been a major slog at times, but through the autistic communities, I see that of course , it would be. I'm so glad we are all coming together and supporting each other and telling our stories! 😎
Wow been quietly watching your content for a while now. I'm not autistic I watch to understand a family member but I do recognise a lot of the traits in myself. Helpful strategies thank you.
Ive never exactly struggled with "good enough" I am far from a perfectionist. Functioning is good enough for me, every time. Now yes sometimes ill be very particular about what I consider functional, but other times im really not. My main issue with executive dysfunction is less often burn out but more choice paralysis. I do encounter burn out sometimes, but more often I just dont do anything because I cant make a decision on what to do in the first place. So I just do the things that need to get done, and then *nothing much else.* Except watching youtube. Granted, I may be spending recourses by doing... Exactly what I am now, writing youtube comments. I tend to spend 2-4 hours a day watching youtube, and reading comments, and making comments. And its a kind of big waste of time, maybe I shouldnt. In fact... Im just going to see how it works out, for a week starting... Ok starting Monday, because I want the weekend, maybe I can just hide the comments and just *deal with that.* I already try to limit the amount of time I watch videos to four hours but I should probably limit this commenting issue too.
Hi Paul!! I don't know if you are aware that there's already a book with an almost identical title. Maybe you already know it. Unlocking the Emotional Brain (Ecker, Ticic, Hulley). Of course this might benefit you, cause it's an AMAZING book. But I just in case an original title is important to you, wanted to let you know. Big fan from your channel 💜
This issue, of growing to consume efficiency improvements, applies to a lot of elements of life. Get a good budget, all this money may as well spend it. Saved some time on games, wow look at all these new games I could try. Got more energy, well may as well take up learning Macedonian. This always puts me in the red. Practically speaking any solution that relies on willpower is doomed to fail, but I've yet to find an alternative.
It is SO HARD to accept "good enough"! Even if I say that, it's hard to internalize it and not still pursue something, even if given out to the wider world. And for what you said about one life is one life, that makes sense, but at the same time, it's scary. I want to live my life to the fullest, but due to health and just priorities, it's not possible. One concept I thought of with your first topic was implementing "governors" to manage your attention.
I realise now that my post covid exhaustion was partly due to autism and bpd ever since having COVID in 2022 there's been a hill that prior to that id just walk up now I can't and Monday tested COVID positive again few days prior to that struggled to get to my Friday support group now walk five minutes to doctors at moment I'm isolating hope I recover some energy but if it's a problem get more taxis up and down so exhausted first time ever in my life dropped asleep in bed at 5pm last night came to very confused at 5am this morning weird it's a first I'm going back to bed soon❤❤❤
I have histamine intolerance and the type of food I eat has a great influence on my strength. So do the kind of thoughts in my mind. Bad thoughts suck.
@ I use an app called All I can eat. Basically I avoid everything that has been fermented in any way, like most cheeses. I prefer to make my food myself from basic ingredients, and prefer meat and fish that is frozen in the store. And in addition I use the app to find the histamine level in other food. I try to stay away from everything with ingredients I don’t know what is. That’s not easy. Good luck, it’s worth the efforts.
That the state, where I was diagnosed bipolar. Trying and wasting my energy leading straight into depression... Reaching energy again, I tried so hard and guess what...
I was never diagnosed with autism, but since I was little I was bullied because I didn't have friends and preferred playing alone rather than playing in groups. And as I grew older, my peers often said I was autistic because of my awkward social skills. Because I was often said to be autistic by friends or even family, I found out what autism was when I was a teenager through reading lots of books and starting to research my childhood. Is it true that I am autistic as said by friends who bully me? Looking at my childhood, I had autistic symptoms such as more sensitive skin, or sensory problems, actually when I was little I didn't like bathing and didn't like combing my hair because it felt a bit painful for my scalp. I also have sensitive hearing so I can hear the sound of termites inside the door frame. When I was little, I liked to buy the same food, namely bread, at the same shop at the same time. I was bullied very badly from when I was little left behind trauma, even when I was an adult my social life got worse. I divorced my wife because she thought I wasn't social enough. My father-in-law even said that I should socialize more with my neighbors without them knowing that I really have difficulty socializing. But I succeeded in academia like most people with mild autism or Asperger's. I'm really obsessed with computers. In my country in Asia parents will not take their children to be diagnosed with autism unless their child has severe autism. Of all the things that made the biggest impression on me was bullying. I was very traumatized, even the people closest to me and my family did not hesitate to judge my low social skills, and they did not hesitate at all to call me an autistic child. I was so traumatized by my childhood that I really empathize with autistic people in this world. Do you know Muhammad Bahr from Gaza? He has Down syndrome and autism and you know what the IDF does? They killed him by leaving him to die after being bitten by a dog. Where is the international autistic community? Why don't you talk about Muhammad Bahr from Gaza?
Paul, do you have, or could you create a video on how people can share affection and build up a person with autism? I want to know so that the relationship can be strengthened and the person with autism will know that they are loved. In my case, this is with my 20 year old son with mild undiagnosed autism. There always feels like a disconnect and that he doesn’t recognize or just doesn’t care to try to reciprocate. I know that much of this falls on me to recognize that’s just the way he interacts and that just because it’s not shown in a way that is socially expected doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it. But I really don’t know if what I am doing is even getting through to him. Any tips?
My life has become " excessive physical exercise, " excessive " reading / learning. For no apparent reason.... ( I'm assuming that's why it's excessive ) Basically to use analogy. I understand the wind blows beyond my control, I have a boat, that needs careful maintenance, I can use the sails and science to create my own steam... But I feel rudderless. And it's kind of working as a holding pattern ? Meaning I'm managing but
Does anyone have irreversible burnout? I've been in burnout for 19 years. Have tried everything. Rest, nutrition, caffeine, supplements, spirituality, doctors, exercise, minimalism, withdrawal. Can't work. Can't recover.
Did you consider sensory overload and how to reduce that? Sounds, smells, brightness of lights, feeling of the texture of clothes, things that everyone else dismisses as it really can't be a problem, but to you they might be? This is a huge contribution to burnout for many people with autism.
Perhaps it's not your fault but (the sum of all faults of) our world? (or: of us, or: of you all)? Perhaps You are one of the few really mentally sane persons on the planet. Think of what we (or: they) are doing with the earth and why. Think of what "work" means in our capitalist matrix-like fake-world. Certainly something opposite to real life as intended by the creator.
Do I actually NEED to finish all creative projects though? Best example would be the Animal Crossing games. Yes, there are certain things in it that you can finish, like getting all the insects and fish for the museum or collecting all furniture and the like. But the main game mechanic - the actual creative part - of collecting resources and designing and redisigning the place is never over. And I can't say the game ever burned me out. I play as long as its fun and then I stop for months, maybe even years, until it gets fun again.
Grounding earthing is very important for my neurodivergency and others as well I’ve noticed. I noticed your plant simple activities like that that are low energy and their restorative for humanity of any Neurodifferent type . Sunflower power Cart cafe 🌻
@@Katastr0phic_KaticornThe problem is that TH-cam throws the unavailable premiere all over our feeds, and then inevitably decides that we aren't interested because we don't sit there in the premiere lobby for 2 days and it disappears from the feed by the time it's available. Not only is it an unnecessary bit of visual noise before being available but it winds up disappearing and never getting watched when it finally is available. Is it a big problem in the grand scheme of things? No, of course not, but it's also an incredibly easy problem to fix (it takes more effort to post a premiere than a normal video) and it is bothering what seems to be at least a significant minority of viewers with no clear benefit to anyone else
My trick for writing a book is National Novel Writing Month. I signed up last year and had the core of my book done in 30 days. You write 1,667 words a day and you have the first 50,000 words by the end of November. I "won" NaNoWriMo last year, finishing the rest of my first draft two weeks later. 60,000 words total. And I wrote a second book over the spring, and now I'm planning for a third book this year. When I retire in a few years, I should have a few projects worth editing and rewriting to produce a final product. If you've been planning your book for ten years, you have enough to join up and put the rough draft together. NaNoWriMo start November 1. Come join us
![ลองสุ่มไอโฟน 990 โกงมั้ย? [ โกงมั้ยครับ ep.101 ] | DOM](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/bfsWe0j492k/mqdefault.jpg)
"Perfection is the enemy of good enough" really resonates with me and is something I really need to remember. Thank you!
I got fired from one of my first jobs because I took too long trying to do things the right way, when there was apparently a "good enough" threshold that no one told me about.
My current problem is that I don't know my limits. Before burnout it was typical for me to keep loading myself till I feel exhausted and that would be my limit. Of course, it led to a burnout, so now I just feel exhausted all the time. But recently I got some extra batch of energy and what did I do? Everything possible till I feel I can't do anything anymore. Because I got excited, because I miss being able to do thing, because I accumulated things that should be done. But also because I have no idea how much energy I actually have and how much I can spend. It's like winning a lottery, but unknown amount of money
For me knowing what makes me spend more spoons is still not possible. There are some many factors involved!
I hear ya!! (Newly minted at age 49), adult life of burnout, boredom and then overdoing it again. I think we need to experiment with the edges - what does it feel like to stop before I'm ready, before I'm done in, to go to bed with spoons in the bank. What does it feel like the next morning, by the end of the week? I'm trying to see it like a discipline (so I'm still achieving, right? 😅), which the video is alluding to.
Having limits requires accepting that I'm only human, which is not acceptable.
I can completely relate to what you're going through. Figuring out our limits can feel like a never-ending struggle, especially after experiencing burnout. It's so easy to get caught up in that rush of newfound energy and fall back into the same cycle of overcommitting.
The feeling of excitement can sometimes overshadow our need for balance. Maybe it helps to remind ourselves that it’s okay to take things one step at a time, even when we’re eager to dive back into everything we’ve missed. Each moment we choose to rest is not a step back but a way to recharge and prepare for the challenges ahead.
I don't know .... I would say that, as you explore your limits, consider how your unique experiences are not just challenges but also strengths that can guide you. How does that sound? I think that perhaps by embracing those contradictions it can empower you to find a rhythm that works for you. Let’s keep striving to understand our energies better-it’s a journey, but every little step counts toward a healthier balance. Don't you think? You’ve got this! ✨
God bless you!
Cheers!
I have ME/CFS on top of everything else. Over a year ago it progressed to the degenerative kind and now my baseline continues to decline and not recover. Take care of yourselves yall.
I'm so sorry to hear - how frustrating for you! Sending you wishes for some recovery nonetheless, but keep on taking good care of yourself, whatever your baseline is. And thank you for the effort of making the comment and sharing that with us.
I have CFS too.
Almost 30 years now.
I was managing it till we had a cyclone in February 2023.
Now life just sucks
❤❤❤❤❤
Icebathing in winter and kriochamber helps for cfs
As a parent of a child on the spectrum, I felt the profound weight of the M.r Micallef’s words echoing in my heart. Each day can feel like a whirlwind, especially after navigating a rough patch filled with meltdowns and moments of misunderstanding. Do you know what I mean?
One thing I can not stop thinking is how can we harness our paradoxes and idiosyncrasies to cultivate resilience in the face of chaos? This makes me reflect on the balance between ambition and fear; the recognition that our complexities aren’t burdens but rather sources of strength. Our contradictions remind us that life is inherently chaotic, yet they equip us to engage with that chaos creatively. Would that make a minimum sense for you?
I mean, In acknowledging our unique traits, we create space for transformation. Our journey isn’t just about enduring entropy; it’s about thriving in it. It’s a reminder that while challenges are inevitable, so too are opportunities for growth. You can tell better, I believe.
On the other hand, as a matter of the fact, I do believe, It also raises another important question: How do we find the balance between being their shield while allowing our children the freedom to face their own battles? It’s a question that haunts me, especially after discovering my own autism just after my 40th (something) birthday.
This realization has deepened my understanding of both myself and my child, and while it’s a challenging journey, it’s also filled with hope and growth. This video is a beautiful reminder that embracing our imperfections and those of our loved ones can lead to incredible strength and resilience. Thank you for shining a light on this journey!
I have walked into this trap hundreds of times. Can’t help it. Love the feeling of being able to do the things I love.
I've been in burnout for years. After unknowingly masking (diagnosed at 38), I basically had a nervous breakdown, and recovery sometimes feels impossible. I am SO careful about how I use my spoons, when I have enough to actually use. Thank you for helping people to prevent getting to this point. ❤
Had the exact same problem. My acute and perpetual autistic burnout was just mis-diagnosed as depression which is one reason why it took myself to even realize what was actually wrong. Only until one of my autistic friends asked me if I was one, everything suddenly just fell into their correct places. But due to the initial mis-diagnosis, I had to fight to tooth and nails for over two years before I finally got my correct diagnosis at the age of 30.
Having a sort of autism that is very disabling but in invisible ways without any readily observable giveaways, it's very hard to get a correct type of help.
I relate to the whole video! One thing I'm trying has been consciously accepting limits, and self kindness!!
My mantra this year has been "half a$$ed is better than not at all," it reminds me that by doing a less than perfect job I can do more things and have more energy for other things. Ive also been following Taylor Heaton's advice to challenge yourself to have spoons left at the end of the day (it's harder than you think!). And challenging myself to take breaks (😱😱😱the hardest one of all!). These seem to be helping me even out my productivity. Another great video Paul! ✨✨✨
Hi all just discovered this channel. Diagnosed at 57, during covid. I had 3 diagnosis, Autism, ADD (no H, definitely!), and Hyper-intelligence. Some of what you are talking about falls under the HI diagnosis as well, overthinking, not starting until you have the whole path mapped out in your head,... Tie that in with not knowing mom lied and everyone is most definitely NOT like you and it made life ... interesting. I got into trades because while I got A and B grades in advanced science classes aimed at post secondary, including Physics, I couldn't pass Math. I would get 90% on an exams on nuclear physics and chemistry and 20% in algebra... I knew that going to Uni would be a waste of money and I would fail. My father, DEFINITELY on the spectrum to some degree, took me to the union hall and said "you're getting a fitter ticket, after that you can figure out what you want to do with your life with the ticket as a fallback". I made it to supervisory roles over multiple trades on multi million dollar jobs, and never more than a handful of friends. As I look back at the people I knew in the trades, a good 40% were on the spectrum somewhere, a grinder doesn't care if you can do chit chat or not, and conversation isn't a metric to measure progress. There is a method to do things with enough variation that creative thinking is always needed, so routine but room to be different. The ADD is under control now thanks to modern pharmacology, and it's much easier to realize there is no easier way than just get at it while it's only a 30 sec job and not wait until it's 30 minutes of drudgery that you berate yourself for not doing sooner... My solution to burnout on any one subject, which is what I now know it is, has always been something of a "shotgun" approach. I recognized my brain will go "F this" at some point so I try to have a project running multiple streams as long as possible, can't focus on this path? go do that one. Drives some folks crazy but works for me. Also explains why when projects got to the "Cross the i's and dot the t's" I was looking for a new job, only one path to follow.
A now have a weekly checklist instead of a daily. I like it a lot.
Does that help alleviate some of the pressure for you ?because I noticed the daily task list is challenging for myself.
I recently found out, that I had severe mineral and vitamin deficiance. I fixed that and now can spend 3x more time doing what I like. But I feel this video is still relevant to that. I probably shouldn't overdo it. Maybe. Eventually. Hopefully.
I met burnout at age 49
Retired and have been relaxing evrer since.
I put in my years of massive productivity and it didnt even matter to anyone except me !
Now 65 and just doing my thing.
And everyone close to me is angry because i was able to quit working.
😂
Very relatable. But very hard to do this tbh. Balance is so hard!
Yeah I have 6 categories of my own: work, work, work, work, home (firewood, fixing house, etc), and family. In reverse order of importance, obviously.
Also, done is always better than perfect. That has saved my skin so many times.
In September, I participated in a decluttering exercise when you go after a specified area for just five minutes per day and you have to find five items. It's amazing how much I was able to get rid of and no burnout.
I have been very heavily optimising my life to be as energy efficient as possible even long before I ever even suspected I'm an autist. One very good example is that I don't prepare food almost at all. I eat much the same stuff as every other people do, but instead of preparing and mixing them together, I eat them individually. One day I eat two or three steaks and nothing else. The next day I eat one raw cauliflower for lunch and one cucumber for the evening snack.
Thing is, I actually enjoy making food and I'm pretty good at it too. It's just that I get the enjoyment out of it only if I can then see other people enjoying it, but for me alone (which is most of the time) it's just a huge energy expenditure when I can just skip all that and eat the ingredients individually.
And I got a lot more of similar energy saving schemes. Like for example I never do my dishes. I only use one single plate, fork, etc. I know that sounds bad but I assure you, I'm autistic about using only extremely clean foodware(pun very much intended). It's possible because I only eat such foods that do not leave tightly sticky stains and go away in just hot water and light brushing. The only problem with that is that I'm loosing out on a lot of foods I actually love, such as ketchup, but the trade-off of doing the dishes by hand is way too expensive for me. If I had a dishwasher, I think I could eat a lot more different things than I currently do.
I've similarly reduced kitchen work. I assemble 2 different meals that don't take any prep. One dish one fork. I know I like them and I feel full and satisfied. I sometimes miss the variety but I don't miss the chaotic energy of "figuring out what's for supper" and the energy for cooking and cleanup.
Thankyou SO much for this video!!! I might always go back and watch it when I'm in one of those energy highs. Relate hugely to the 'trap' and it's so easy to fall into, especially when those recovery periods take so long and there's so much I want to do and catch up on when I finally have energy. It wouldn't be so bad if spending energy recklessly was like a hangover and it just took a day to recover from, but with the potential of burnout lasting weeks or months.. A new strategy is needed.. Love some of the suggestions. Relate to all the categories. Resisting the temptation to perfect things is a big one for me, especially creatively.
I tend to be most at risk for burnout when things with my day job change, but I don't pull back on my personal life to compensate. For example, one of my colleague recently left our organization and I had to do all their work for 4-5 months. It was incredibly difficult trying to balance both sets of tasks, but I didn't give myself enough downtime at home and was still socializing / attending events as I would have done before my colleague left, because I didn't want my life to be just "work and sleep." But on the downside, it pushed me to the very edge of my limits and I was at real risk of a deeper burnout.
@juliegolick, your experience resonates with me on so many levels. Please, I hope you don’t mind me sharing my two cents. It really strikes me how the pressures of work can spill over into our personal lives, pushing us to maintain a semblance of normalcy while juggling more than we should. I’ve often found myself in similar situations, where the fear of losing balance makes us forget to prioritize our own well-being.
It raises an interesting question: how can we learn to recognize when we’re stretching ourselves too thin? The need to socialize and engage in life outside of work is vital, but so is the need for recovery time. Maybe creating a more intentional schedule could help-designating specific downtime, or even a “social budget,” so we can enjoy our relationships without compromising our mental health. Does it make sense?
What you just wrote, seems to me, highlights an essential aspect of our human experience, I guess. How can I express my self? I'd say: the delicate dance of managing multiple responsibilities while remaining true to ourselves (if you will). How do you think we can better prepare for these shifts in our workload? Perhaps acknowledging our limits could be the first step toward a healthier balance, I'm not sure.
Thanks for sharing your journey; it’s a reminder for all of us to be kinder to ourselves in these moments of challenge.
The "good enough" thing makes a lot of sense. I realize that I started doing this unknowingly a long time ago. I always had a easy time learning so school was always easy for me. In the first few years I always wanted to do everything the best and the fastest. Part of it was ego and comparing myself to others but part was also me being a perfectionist. But then starting at like 5th grade I realized that I don't have to put in much effort and I would still get decent to good grades. Of course my parents and teachers hated this but to me it always made sense to just put in a little energy to pass and not more.
I appreciate your insights on the “good enough” concept! It’s fascinating how our early experiences with learning can shape our understanding of effort and success. Have you ever thought about how this mindset could be a double-edged sword? While it helped you navigate school more easily, do you think it also affected how you approach challenges now?
You know? It’s intriguing to consider the balance between striving for excellence and allowing ourselves the grace of imperfection. How might embracing “good enough” empower us to explore new passions without the pressure of perfection?
Think about it, as we reflect on these questions, I believe it’s essential to remember that each of us has a unique path. How does that sound? Your journey from perfectionism to finding value in simplicity is a testament to your growth. What new opportunities might arise if we continue to let go of that constant comparison?
Anyway, I liked what you brought, keep nurturing that awareness-it’s a powerful tool for both personal development and creativity! 🌟
God bless you!
I definitely resonate with the need to pace myself and the siren song of NOT doing that. Some obstacles for me are doing the ongoing psychological work with the part of me that is truly pained by accepting a "good enough" job. It's like an inner toddler having a tantrum over how tragic this is, and I've learned that like with toddlers, logic and arguing don't help much. I try to use techniques like Internal Family Systems on myself to acknowledge these internal knotty situations.
When I put aside some goals for another big one, I also have difficulty maintaining the faith that no matter how long it will take, at some point this major goal will be over with and I will be able to move on to something else. I have a lot of inner "well, you'll never get to..." types of thoughts that may be correct, but may not be - working with those is also something I do a lot - on an as needed basis, that is, whenever they come up.
And finally, there are some things I've had to give up on, or feel like I will never get to, and accepting that has a bunch of grief attached to it, that tends to erupt unexpectedly. I thought I was fine with my decision and all of a sudden I'm overcome with sadness five days later. And since I don't have lots of energy to begin with, and because it's such an unpleasant feeling, I don't want to sit with these feelings. I don't want to wallow. But I've found I just have to. I have to take the time, use the energy to acknowledge these feelings of loss and grief even though they don't make an appointment, don't let me know when they'll show up, I have to take the time to sit with the pain and discomfort and meditate on it, consider ways to comfort myself, but also be willing to just sit with it even if it seems highly unreasonable that they are showing up at that moment.
And through all of this, to make sure I'm supporting myself, physically, emotionally and mentally as much as possible, and to remember that when I'm tired (or hungry, or stressed) things look and feel much bleaker than they do when I'm not.
Sounds like you're doing the required work. I relate deeply. I'm so proud of how I've continued to take this work on, and how much I've grown in the process. I'm in awe of just how strong ASD folks are. I'm now 61, got dx'd at 50 after a severe burnout 2 years earlier, and then went for a ride through hell trying to pull my life together. I didn't understand I was High Masking until very recently, which is now providing me building insight at just how complex things got in my life. And definitely, it's been a major slog at times, but through the autistic communities, I see that of course , it would be. I'm so glad we are all coming together and supporting each other and telling our stories! 😎
An excellent video on a very important topic. I will need to digest this, analysing my own life.
Wow been quietly watching your content for a while now. I'm not autistic I watch to understand a family member but I do recognise a lot of the traits in myself. Helpful strategies thank you.
Ive never exactly struggled with "good enough" I am far from a perfectionist. Functioning is good enough for me, every time. Now yes sometimes ill be very particular about what I consider functional, but other times im really not.
My main issue with executive dysfunction is less often burn out but more choice paralysis. I do encounter burn out sometimes, but more often I just dont do anything because I cant make a decision on what to do in the first place. So I just do the things that need to get done, and then *nothing much else.* Except watching youtube.
Granted, I may be spending recourses by doing... Exactly what I am now, writing youtube comments. I tend to spend 2-4 hours a day watching youtube, and reading comments, and making comments.
And its a kind of big waste of time, maybe I shouldnt.
In fact... Im just going to see how it works out, for a week starting... Ok starting Monday, because I want the weekend, maybe I can just hide the comments and just *deal with that.*
I already try to limit the amount of time I watch videos to four hours but I should probably limit this commenting issue too.
It is so relatable, thank you!
Thank you Paul.
This is so helpful 💎
Perfect is the enemy of good. Yep.
I need to see this. I really relate.
Hi Paul!! I don't know if you are aware that there's already a book with an almost identical title. Maybe you already know it. Unlocking the Emotional Brain (Ecker, Ticic, Hulley). Of course this might benefit you, cause it's an AMAZING book. But I just in case an original title is important to you, wanted to let you know. Big fan from your channel 💜
I needed this. Thank you
This issue, of growing to consume efficiency improvements, applies to a lot of elements of life.
Get a good budget, all this money may as well spend it.
Saved some time on games, wow look at all these new games I could try.
Got more energy, well may as well take up learning Macedonian.
This always puts me in the red. Practically speaking any solution that relies on willpower is doomed to fail, but I've yet to find an alternative.
It is SO HARD to accept "good enough"! Even if I say that, it's hard to internalize it and not still pursue something, even if given out to the wider world. And for what you said about one life is one life, that makes sense, but at the same time, it's scary. I want to live my life to the fullest, but due to health and just priorities, it's not possible.
One concept I thought of with your first topic was implementing "governors" to manage your attention.
I realise now that my post covid exhaustion was partly due to autism and bpd ever since having COVID in 2022 there's been a hill that prior to that id just walk up now I can't and Monday tested COVID positive again few days prior to that struggled to get to my Friday support group now walk five minutes to doctors at moment I'm isolating hope I recover some energy but if it's a problem get more taxis up and down so exhausted first time ever in my life dropped asleep in bed at 5pm last night came to very confused at 5am this morning weird it's a first I'm going back to bed soon❤❤❤
hi! have read new studies about connection between autism and microbiome in the gut, that could be intresting topic to dive into.
I have histamine intolerance and the type of food I eat has a great influence on my strength.
So do the kind of thoughts in my mind. Bad thoughts suck.
I am currently trying to work out if I have histamine intolerance also. May I please ask what foods you predominantly eat now on a low histaMine diet?
@ I use an app called All I can eat.
Basically I avoid everything that has been fermented in any way, like most cheeses. I prefer to make my food myself from basic ingredients, and prefer meat and fish that is frozen in the store. And in addition I use the app to find the histamine level in other food.
I try to stay away from everything with ingredients I don’t know what is. That’s not easy.
Good luck, it’s worth the efforts.
That the state, where I was diagnosed bipolar. Trying and wasting my energy leading straight into depression... Reaching energy again, I tried so hard and guess what...
I was never diagnosed with autism, but since I was little I was bullied because I didn't have friends and preferred playing alone rather than playing in groups. And as I grew older, my peers often said I was autistic because of my awkward social skills. Because I was often said to be autistic by friends or even family, I found out what autism was when I was a teenager through reading lots of books and starting to research my childhood. Is it true that I am autistic as said by friends who bully me? Looking at my childhood, I had autistic symptoms such as more sensitive skin, or sensory problems, actually when I was little I didn't like bathing and didn't like combing my hair because it felt a bit painful for my scalp. I also have sensitive hearing so I can hear the sound of termites inside the door frame. When I was little, I liked to buy the same food, namely bread, at the same shop at the same time. I was bullied very badly from when I was little
left behind trauma, even when I was an adult my social life got worse. I divorced my wife because she thought I wasn't social enough. My father-in-law even said that I should socialize more with my neighbors without them knowing that I really have difficulty socializing. But I succeeded in academia like most people with mild autism or Asperger's. I'm really obsessed with computers. In my country in Asia parents will not take their children to be diagnosed with autism unless their child has severe autism. Of all the things that made the biggest impression on me was bullying. I was very traumatized, even the people closest to me and my family did not hesitate to judge my low social skills, and they did not hesitate at all to call me an autistic child. I was so traumatized by my childhood that I really empathize with autistic people in this world. Do you know Muhammad Bahr from Gaza? He has Down syndrome and autism and you know what the IDF does?
They killed him by leaving him to die after being bitten by a dog. Where is the international autistic community? Why don't you talk about Muhammad Bahr from Gaza?
i've definitely had some difficult pills to swallow since discovering that im autistic - thanks for the video always enjoy your insights
I just slept 24 hours.
Goals and Fun, for me it's chess. The only game I've decided that I'm allowed to play.
Just dont intoxicate you with alcohol. It makes your neuro transmitter completly off balance at that age. You will feel miserable for multiple days.
Back at horse one
I related so hard to every word in this video 😅
Paul, do you have, or could you create a video on how people can share affection and build up a person with autism? I want to know so that the relationship can be strengthened and the person with autism will know that they are loved. In my case, this is with my 20 year old son with mild undiagnosed autism. There always feels like a disconnect and that he doesn’t recognize or just doesn’t care to try to reciprocate. I know that much of this falls on me to recognize that’s just the way he interacts and that just because it’s not shown in a way that is socially expected doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel it. But I really don’t know if what I am doing is even getting through to him. Any tips?
My life has become " excessive physical exercise, " excessive " reading / learning. For no apparent reason....
( I'm assuming that's why it's excessive )
Basically to use analogy.
I understand the wind blows beyond my control, I have a boat, that needs careful maintenance, I can use the sails and science to create my own steam... But I feel rudderless.
And it's kind of working as a holding pattern ?
Meaning I'm managing but
I feel the written pop ups help me
Does anyone have irreversible burnout? I've been in burnout for 19 years. Have tried everything. Rest, nutrition, caffeine, supplements, spirituality, doctors, exercise, minimalism, withdrawal.
Can't work. Can't recover.
Did you consider sensory overload and how to reduce that? Sounds, smells, brightness of lights, feeling of the texture of clothes, things that everyone else dismisses as it really can't be a problem, but to you they might be? This is a huge contribution to burnout for many people with autism.
Try halusenigenics
Perhaps it's not your fault but (the sum of all faults of) our world? (or: of us, or: of you all)? Perhaps You are one of the few really mentally sane persons on the planet. Think of what we (or: they) are doing with the earth and why. Think of what "work" means in our capitalist matrix-like fake-world. Certainly something opposite to real life as intended by the creator.
Try physical sport. Does wonders. Start running
@@lieke9460
At my age ?
😂
I can barely get out of bed !
Do I actually NEED to finish all creative projects though? Best example would be the Animal Crossing games. Yes, there are certain things in it that you can finish, like getting all the insects and fish for the museum or collecting all furniture and the like. But the main game mechanic - the actual creative part - of collecting resources and designing and redisigning the place is never over. And I can't say the game ever burned me out. I play as long as its fun and then I stop for months, maybe even years, until it gets fun again.
Grounding earthing is very important for my neurodivergency and others as well I’ve noticed.
I noticed your plant simple activities like that that are low energy and their restorative for humanity of any Neurodifferent type .
Sunflower power Cart cafe 🌻
💚
orderingup this video will makeyour computer crash.lol
47 years straight burnt out.
my energy and my finances :(
you could save a lot of video editing time by not putting in all the sound effects and pop ups that destroy our ability to stay focused on your words
Please don't do premieres, they're SO annoying, just noise.
Just keep in mind while it's noise for us it does actually play into subconscious things to engage many people in the video
You don't have to click on them.
What's the point of a video you can't watch
@@Katastr0phic_KaticornThe problem is that TH-cam throws the unavailable premiere all over our feeds, and then inevitably decides that we aren't interested because we don't sit there in the premiere lobby for 2 days and it disappears from the feed by the time it's available. Not only is it an unnecessary bit of visual noise before being available but it winds up disappearing and never getting watched when it finally is available.
Is it a big problem in the grand scheme of things? No, of course not, but it's also an incredibly easy problem to fix (it takes more effort to post a premiere than a normal video) and it is bothering what seems to be at least a significant minority of viewers with no clear benefit to anyone else
My trick for writing a book is National Novel Writing Month. I signed up last year and had the core of my book done in 30 days. You write 1,667 words a day and you have the first 50,000 words by the end of November.
I "won" NaNoWriMo last year, finishing the rest of my first draft two weeks later. 60,000 words total. And I wrote a second book over the spring, and now I'm planning for a third book this year. When I retire in a few years, I should have a few projects worth editing and rewriting to produce a final product.
If you've been planning your book for ten years, you have enough to join up and put the rough draft together.
NaNoWriMo start November 1. Come join us
Satisficing may help overcome perfectionism en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satisficing