me!!! 😭 ive recently been diagnosed and im recovering from what i discovered to be a burn out! i need t know how to rest and how to work before my resting time ends :(
Same! And I really think (for now) that trying to force myself into top-down approaches would cause so much anxiety that it's not a usable strategy. I tend to just give myself time, get in the zone/flow and work my way through things one-by-one.
@@linden5165 Yay, I'm not the ONLY person here who is afraid of missing something important and isn't comfortable just saying that if I haven't opened an e-mail after three days, it's not important! THANKS for the validation that others here are trying to DENY by calling my pointing out the anxiety of throwing things out without looking at them first "combative"!
Depending on the overall task, bottom-up can be necessary. Like if someone dies and you're trying to get their house in order and you know they probably have money and important paperwork stashed around the house in places it shouldn't be.
I'm trying to do this more, but part of the issue is that I can't just spot at a glance the most important thing. If I have a doom pile of papers, I have to look at every single paper in order to know what it is. Also, I suck at prioritization. I can look at something and simply be unable to judge whether it's important. Everything feels important to me. I don't know how to cull, because everything feels important. It's why I write too much. It's why I hoard crap. It's why I can't organize my time and energy. My impulse is to do everything on my list. And if I can't do everything, I get overwhelmed, shut down, and do nothing. Because I can't decide which of the tasks are more important than the others.
same :( i try to declutter my room - I start on a small pile, and after a long while of deciding what to do with just a few pieces of paper I'm already so mentally exhausted I give up. :(
I am self-diagnosed on the Spectrum at age 80 and happy to report that over time I have figured out every one of these strategies that you have so brilliantly described but now I have a better understanding of why I do the things that I do so thanks
so happy to hear that you are able to enjoy yourself even better nowadays 🫶 i also look forward to knowing myself better in order to live happily. sending you my best wishes! :D
For me, part of it is just daily maintenance to make sure things don't get overwhelmingly large. Doing 5-10 minutes of filing at the end of a workday prevents piles from getting super-big, and usually 5-10 minutes is enough to get through a full day's worth of stuff. Another thing I've realized is that sometimes when I'm stressed about all the things I need to do or am procrastinating on a particular project, I'm actually overwhelmed. And in those cases, I ask myself the question "what's the smallest next thing I can do to move this forward?" Sometimes it's just opening an email, bringing a dish to the sink, getting up out of my chair, etc. And once I've done that tiny small thing, it gives me the momentum to do the NEXT tiny small thing. (Read the first sentence of the email, rinsing off the dish, putting on my shoes, etc.)
Do you even get overwhelmed after step 1, like open the email, then get too overwhelmed to read it, close the email and then it's no longer unread and you forget to go back?
Some good tips here. On calls from unknown numbers, I've started ignoring them too. If it's important enough they can either send a text or leave a voicemail. 90% of the time they do neither.
If you have a Google pixel phone there is an option to screen the call and the caller will hear that you are screening the call and are asked for the reason they are calling. You see a transcript of the conversation. 99% of the time the caller hangs up within 5 seconds 😂 I then block that number as it's not important and report it as scam.
I don’t answer the phone or the door unless I’m expecting someone. Delivery instructions are made in advance, with additional instructions posted on the door if needed. My voicemail tells callers that messages aren’t opened, and to text me instead. If they aren’t willing to share information via text, it’s not important. If they must call, my voicemail instructs them to call after 3 pm, when the market closes. It’s my way of controlling my environment so I can focus on work. Receiving communications by text also protects you and creates a record if you need it.
Hello, this is exactly what I need today. I'm on leave due to burnout, and frightened to death about how I'm going to handle going back to work (and when). This is going to help, functionally as well as by helping me to describe these experiences and challenges with my coworkers. So thank you for the perfect timing🙏😊
@@Craigjamieson88 I've been off for 4 months already which feels so weird cos I don't go off sick. Only just beginning to work out what my issues are with no help from anyone, only these video's and online learning. No help at all from NHS unfortunately.
@@rebeccagrey235 I went back to work after a week. Had a couple of days back and I'm spiralling quickly. But feel too embarrassed/ashamed to take time off. Feels like I'm making it up. I've spoken to several NHS professionals too, got recommended mindfulness and asked if I wanted a sick note. Very unhelpful! Hope you're ok.
When sorting through piles or decluttering, someone on TH-cam said to ask yourself, “Can I live without this?” It was an epiphany which helped me clear out garage space for my new car. Zero sorting decisions involved. The same goes with cleaning out cabinets, pantries and closets: if expired, throw it out. No exceptions. Clothing that no longer fits, is considered expired.
Anytime I question my undiagnosed autism status I can just watch your videos and have you word for word explain the issues in my brain. 😂 It really is nice to hear that my issues are not singular to me, and I love the "Doom Piles" term.
Starting in my mid-late 40s I started being unable to rely on my memory for way too many things. Tthe first few times I forgot important things, I was angry and frustrated with myself. Fortunately, a friend showed me how to use the reminders on my cell-phone. I use them in conjunction with other tools to stay on top of things. One example is that I use a list on my phone for notes to myself when I'm away from home. But I have an alarm that goes off twice a week that prompts me to check the list! PS - Ahh, I didn't know I could access the recordings of past webinars. I will go take a look. Time zone constraints prevent me from participating in real time...
We have to make decisions constantly. What helped me, was to identify what's important in my life. Do i need to continue contacts because it is expected to me? Do i like this or that? Since selfdiagnosed with autism, i allowed myself to say "no" to many of this. That was a real relief. And to get along with all my stuff, i store them in categories, that makes it easier. 😊
I try to make decisions in advance when I can and when I can't, I try to just defer answering any questions at all until I've had the chance to understand and consider it. .
13:50 I recently went through a 1 foot high stack of envelopes of mail this way. It consisted of mostly junk mail from 2018 to 2021 somehow (it’s 2024 now). It took 3-4 hours. But I did find a hand-made card from my son to me that I love. The top down approach sounds really useful.
Well... ACTUALLY, I was holding this video in my browser tabs because I was feeling it might contain some really helpful information... And I was right after all!! I should have watched it sooner, but luckily this time I didn't just closed the tab which I would have done in other cases, and I find out that's your actual advice 😂😂. Love it, great advice and information Paul!!
I have a pile from decades ago. My ex-girlfriend asked me why I keep it. Because these days, I just throw my old notes away when I have gotten stuff done. Now I understand: the pile is a reminder that I do not need to make any piles anymore ;-)
I’m recovering from burnout, and really want to avoid being in this spot as much as possible. So this is very timely. I’m not sure I’ll be able to apply it to my pictures, 😅but it’s a helpful reminder that letting unimportant things go is better than feeling stressed about it for months/years
I'm struggling through a lot of that this week, too! Yesterday, I was overwhelmed to the point where I couldn't do anything at all. Today, I responded to an email I put off for a couple of weeks. People always have grace for me, even my close friends when I dont respond to their text messages for months. I don't know why I get this way. But thankful for days when I get some things taken care of. Thank you for the help, Paul. I was only a little stressed while listening and trying not to think of my mental list. 🤪
I decided to throw out things this morning and now it seems so easy since I only have 4 boxes to sort through and I only have to look for the one or two things I really want to keep. Thanks Paul, Rozlynn
@@mirakidd9950 I don't know. I add interesting youtube video's to my watch later list all the time. And then, later that day or week, I pick one. I would have forgotten about it otherwise.
Oh geez, I must have 300 doom piles in my house. Most of them aren't even paper. My mom passed away and we had to empty her house and I was already in burnout, then I went to grad school.
If I have a big life problem/stressor, I can’t sort information effectively or make good decisions in any other area of my life. I think it might be a monotropic thing? I can’t switch away from one big priority so focusing on the most important thing for that day means other really important stuff (as there’s more than one priority in life at a time - e.g. health and money) doesn’t get done and creates more problems. Don’t know how to get around this.
Decide and schedule: when I have the spoons to make decisions, I make them. Then I just have to follow through at the scheduled time, which saves effort in the moment.
Thank you for this advice. I relate so much to what you mention! All the information is a heavy burden that takes a lot of my mental space, makes me anxious to carry everything in my mind for days and days. Letting go feel real good. Thanks a lot 🙏🏼
I check email at least twice a day and immediately delete things that I won't need. I also try and keep up with setting rules and have emails go into focused or other - other can basically all be deleted. Things I keep go into subfolders for different projects/aspects of life. There is no way I would just delete emails without reading them (unless it's obvious junk). Staying on top of email is a strength for me. I use my diary to remember everything about where and when I have appointments. There is no way I could hold that information in my head. Physical piles and boxes of stuff is an issue for me, I find all that decision-making difficult. I don't often know what is "baby" and what is "bath water" without a lot of consideration and time.
I NEVER answer the door unless I am expecting someone…and that is rare. I DO answer unknown phone calls, because one of my “hobbies” is messing with scammers’s heads.
Really important here..... My approach evolved over being online since the end of the 1970s, mostly in the 80s and early 90s. I noticed my email tool features a hierarchical tree feature. Messages can be sorted by many criteria into different branches of the tree structure. So I work with a pre-sorted list usually closely related to importance. I can then chew away at email one branch at a time rather efficiently. I context switch poorly. So this minimizes such context switching. (Yeah, sometimes that misfires. The world is like that.) In some folders I systematically read messages in the order received. I *never* go back to look at context the correspondent trimmed off. I skip the message. It takes too much time to go back to look for context and critical data hidden in it. And some lists I am on get a bulk delete if I do not see an interesting topic. That is an advantage of presorting the email. These days (80+ yo) that is most of my social interaction. No X. No Meta. No Twitch. No whatever it is you piddle with. They just don't work with me. Um, I also don't like "forums". Their for(u)m gets in the way of communications. {^_^} Troglodytes R us. Yeah, I really am a hermit.
I’m also a happy hermit. Can you please recommend email software/app (for a non techie) that can filter as you just described? I have thousands of old emails and miss the new ones because they’re mixed together.
@@Ichimokulover I am starting "simple". It gets a little into the self-education weeds if you wish to go there. I recommend learning how to read email headers. They are WONDERFUL tools for your "is this E#)(&**& message legitimate or not?" decision process. I started doing it with the old OutLook Express from Windows NT. It appears newer offerings, to stay competitive, have maintained that ability. I'd look for "How do I sort mail using .....: Fill in the mail client you use. Usable help should follow. I use Mozilla Thunderbird. In the hands of somebody who knows message formats it is a little more adept at sorting mail since I can dig into the message headers to detect badness. On the other hand, when converting over I found only one feature of Outlook Express at the time that would not translate. With T'bird I go to "tools->Message filters". It more or less hand holds you (very lightly) while you determine characteristics in the mail to use for sorting and determine what you want to do with mail that shows that characteristic. For me the real "guts" of the spam sorting is in a Linux based mail handler I built. It downloads my mail from my ISP checking once a minute for new mail. It then filters it through something called "SpamAssassin". That tool uses a lot of tools and a "Bayesian filter" to classify how spammy it thinks the email is. A score over 5 grants the email a modified "Subject" field that adds "SPAM" and a score to the front of the original subject. The filter in T'bird for that is easy. I look for the "SPAM" (actually something a touch different) tag and if it or a new header entry "X-Spam" is present the crap finds its way to a "Spam" folder. I look at that once a day in case of a false alarm. If email has a "From:" header "noreply@youtube.com" AND an appropriate "List-Unsubscribe:" header then I push that mail into T'bird's "TH-cam" folder on its tree list I created, for example. After the first couple it becomes clear what is happening and you can go to town with it. It does help to look for email related "RFC" entries. RFCs, Request For Comment, are the documents that describe both the history and current status for almost everything Internet related down at the nuts, bolts, and bits level. The higher the RFC number the more recent it is. (There is even an RFC for Internet over homing pigeons from when they still had a sense of humor.) Finding the right one should not be too bad a search. ===8
@@Catlily5 Very slow dialup modem, CP/M OS, 8080 or Z80 CPU, and BBS systems. It was online. It was not Internet. 300 bps then 1200 bps seemed blistering fast. The (very) late 70s started opening everything up. The mid 80s really opened things up with Compuserve, GEnie, BIX, and others. {^_^}
Yes. Executive function hack that has helped in the past AFTER I have done the most important thing of the day --I set a timer for a countdown of 30 minutes for the largest stack on my desk and I work solid to see how far I can get. I have trash and a save for now and a needs filed basket. On days when I have extra time and feel up to it I will spend 30 minutes on the needs filed basket.
For me the trick is structure: the "emails hour" on a fixed day, fixed time in the calendar. Or for example take out my dog every day for a bigger walkie even when I'm dead tired. Not keeping structure would break the habit and habits are only cheap if you don't make decisions about them.
Something I've learned from someone when it comes to a doom pile or a catastrophic mess in the kitchen is to just set a timer for 10 minutes and do whatever one can in that amount of time everyday and to strictly stop when that timer goes off. Just doing 10 minutes a day will get it done faster than freaking out about the need to do it for that entire time and ending up paralyzed so that one does nothing.
Very useful video. Thank you. Your analogy of memory as being like a filing cabinet was a lightbulb moment for me as I realised what my equivalent is: tape loops, cassette collections, and recording studios - this is actually a useful realisation for me
My advise: do NOT delete emails. ‘We’ are often at a disadvantage when it comes to office politics and keeping emails has often helped me to prove that I did all I could to warn people about things that were going wrong way before they started accusing me of being the cause of the eventual failure.
I completely agree with this. Also, old emails that are marked as unread should stay this way. There is no need to bother with moving them to a different folder.
I have an iPhone. In Settings you can program your phone to ring only if it's someone in your Contacts List. I did this because I was getting spam calls approximately every 15 minutes, and it was stressing me out. If it's something important, the caller can leave me a Voice Mail. Just be sure to not let your Voice Mail box become full by weekly deleting all the old messages. In the rare instances where I'm waiting for a call from the lab or my doctor, or I've decided not to wait on Hold and have a company call me back I can turn off this function. It's wonderful : )
I think your previous analogy in your very first TH-cam video about memorizing information is the best strategy. It is like a recycling process of the mind. I think in this respect the way to recognize what to ignore is to find material conscious aspects typically represented by noun words to get rid of and unconscious non material aspects to keep. Of course we have to process this in line with our values and beliefs too.
i wouldn't be able to ignore my wondering thoughts from having had ignored someone knocking at door ,which helps me save time in the long run knowing the reason for that individual to knock. i have autism but also am highly curios person ,so for her if she doesn't have those kind of thoughts then it makes sense for her situation to ignore. thx for the tips btw.
This is a very helpful video, I've already watched it three times and wil watch it again. I'm in the middle of a huge project of sorting my stuff, because I want to move to a senior appartment with far less room than my current house. Thank you, Paul. 👍🙂
Wow, I just realized I am not able to do the top-down approach at all with to-do lists, because I can’t “scan” for importance - I either read and process every item and feel progressively more overloaded, or my eyes will gloss over things and not really read them. I’m going to try to see if drawing my to-do list in pictures helps! Worth a try at least.
I do this kind of thing more and more instinctively in the last years since the lockdown. I left all social media, y never answer the door, neither the phone if I don't know the number. I have always the volume off and not disturb mode on, and sometimes I even block notifications of things like WhatsApp so they don't disturb me. I also always give the phone number and email of my partner or mother when it's something important. Since I don't want the stress of having to be checking all the time to see if I'm called or emailed. I know this last point makes me lose independence, but for the moment I have enough to deal with and I prefer it that way.
My intercom (I live in a flat) is on silent and my smartphone is on 'do not disturb' and silent mode. I only switch on an alert when I'm expecting something important. At work I prioritise according to importance and energy levels. Like today, I still had some things to do, but I got a call just 2 minutes before a meeting I was going to and the call lasted 15 minutes. It doesn't happen often, but this client was a female high pitched rattler and had a serious problem. I passed on her question to a different department for a call-back since I can't look into this particular issue myself. A female high pitched rattler that is in a panic mode and won't stop, is very overwhelming to me. When I got to the meeting, I was too overwhelmed and tired to participate actively. After the meeting, I needed a longer break than usual and I've had to put off a few things. I'll try to do one of these things tomorrow before a course that lasts from 09:00 till 16:00 (with breaks and lunch provided so I don't need to bring that). That is just one thing that I think cannot wait till Thursday, when I'm probably still tired and it's an office day with meetings. I'm like, I'll do what I can manage and put the rest off till the next day which depends on urgency triage. I know people can't help the way they are and during high stress, people need an answer or a reassurance. I get all that, but sometimes I just want to live in my own world. And I might just do that if I win a lottery. Move to the country side, have an awesome veggie garden and build a fish room. I'd really like to have like a 4 m tank with blackwater and just cardinal tetras. I also always have some marked emails I am supposed to respond to or something. But on occasion, I just go through them, consider if they're still relevant. If not I remove them. Years ago, I did an online course time management. But such courses are really much more suited to neurotypical minds because my mind doesn't work like that. but what I did pick up from it is how to prioritise and that has helped me a lot. Looking back at my uni days, I think things were going too fast for me and I expended a lot of energy trying to keep up. That would explain why I had such difficulties because you're expected to complete three courses every trimester and you don't get the time to process the books and do the assignments. So you're on the run constantly or you're playing computer games all day because you're just too tired. It was actually fortunate for me the Dutch universities were switching to the current Bachelor and Master system (before you had to complete a full 4-year course in my case to get a 'doctorandus' degree) so I could settle for a bachelor's degree after 8 years of struggling without fitting support. I think a lot of people would benefit from a mostly online course with discussion groups for projects and exchanging feedback.
I not only don't answer my phone when I don't recognize the number, I also block the number. In all the time I've done this I only know of one person who I did that to that actually mattered instead of answering. It was a scheduler at my doctor's office and no harm done.
I have a deathly fear of not having anything to do, so I keep tons of unfinished things around me. I work constantly and get a lot done, but my life is stressful and I fret a lot about all the things that need to be done. I procrastinate over the most important things and focus on other things as a form of avoidance. I enjoy working on things to avoid other things. I alternate between things that need to be done, each getting its turn at being the fun thing and the avoid thing. Silly, I know, but I figure as long as I'm always getting things done, and I am usually working on what I "want" to, I'm ok. Forcing myself to work on the things that are most important is miserable work, but I do it as necessary. Eventually, everything on my to do list will become the fun thing I can throw myself into with gusto and I do very much enjoy completing tasks, except for the disappointment it is done and the brief fear of not having something to do until I tackle the next thing.
I have been known to hide myself when people turn up outside my house unannounced 🙈 Phone ringing also induce a guge stress responce, hate it and do not answer if I don't know who is calling. My friends know not to call or just turn up at my place.
I've thrown away the whole box before but it wasn't easy. I've lost my own place and am now living in a very tiny single room and I've been forced to throw away so much stuff. Some stuff I've really missed but I have learned that life is a process of losing things because, at the end, one loses one's life even.
For emails I just do it immediately. I look at my mail a couple of times a day and just delete stuff. If I need to respond, I respond immediately. I do have a To Do map, but that is for mails I need to get an answer from someone or ones that I don't want to delete right now, but are needed later (like a coupon when I go to a store)
Happy pride month everyone 🏳️🌈 For anyone that needs it you are loved, seen, and valid In your identity. Out of the closet or not. Be proud to be you!
If I can’t decide between a couple of important tasks: I complete them in any order for a specific amount of time. (Normally 30 mins) Then it’s easier to make a decision about which task I want to duplicate and work on for another 30 mins.
I don't have doom piles! *Looks to the right at a pile of probably maybe important mail* *Turns around and sees a stack of todo lists* *Goes into office and sees stack of paperwork from a recent doctor visit, stack of important documents for something I need to do eventually, and my stack of notebooks I use to track info for work.* Oh.
For emails, I have started going through bit by bit, flagging any that NEED responses and archiving anything I’m done with. I try to leave with a mostly empty inbox or at least have everything flagged or categorized. Archiving helps because my inbox is all pretty much still there in the back I just don’t have to look at it
Omg, this video is literally me. With the boxes and old papers. I didn't know this was an autistic trait, I just thought I was lazy and messy, as my mother always told me.
These things seem so scary to me. My brain just takes a little bit more time to process and I've had people take advantage of me by simply acting urgently. Now I don't trust myself to know when something is actually important. It's so frustrating because I feel like any time anyone says something to me I need like 5 min to respond in a way that is not just a knee-jerk agreement or making it a doom pile item.
feeling personally called out, but not quite ready to let go of the thought haunting me for months about sorting my 23K or so pictures on my phone yet😔
This is funny, I haven't answer the mobile (unknown number) for years, and have set the mobile to filter most of those calls, so now even thought it shows me missed calls, it doesn't ring! My inbox is almost empty, I save a few emails in folders, but every few years I delete old emails from those folders. This is what you mean when you say we're all different I guess. Oh, and I also don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone. I've missed a parcel or two, but that's not the end of the world. For me is really more annoying to answer the door if I'm busy or having anxiety. Edit: I don't delete photos. I have tons of photos, and I don't care XD
I don't delete really any of my emails. I just move them into a folder for that year when I've either dealt with them or just declared email bankruptcy and moved them anyways. These days, email storage space is so cheap, that there's no real reason not to keep all of them. I can always use the search function to identify the ones that I'm interested in later on.
Just to illustrate that you also are under no obligation to answer your door, one time I was having some gastrointestinal issues and so I was stuck on the toilet when someone knocked forcefully. I could tell by the forcefulness of the knock that it was the police but I simply couldn't get off of the toilet so, when I finished, I even washed my hands because I figured I was entitled to do at least that as a human being, and then I went to the door. When I opened it, I saw the police walking away, so I quietly closed it and completely ignored them. The bottom line is that if it's someone you know, they'll text you. If it's something important from someone you don't know, they'll persist by either staying at the door or coming back later or using a loud speaker to tell everyone in the area something or even send their own phone notification these days. Obviously you know that you're home but some random person knocking on your door has no real idea whether you are home or not and you have every right not to be home and even to pretend not to be home if you are home. Life is too short to deal with all the completely unnecessary drama of having people invade your private space by knocking on your door all the time. This was super annoying when I had my own apartment in a poor neighborhood because so many people would come to the door when basically no one would knock at my mom's house in a middle class neighborhood. One of the most important things to me has been not to assume any additional duty that the outside world tries to impose upon me when I'm at home. If you don't shut that shit off, you'll simply just shut down even the things you want to do and have planned to do. No one has the right to take away your life like that!
I have taken it one step further and fortressed my house with a huge rollerdoor, huge fence and a padlock to slip on the gate if I choose to really get wild with it. Noone can see if my car is home either lol. Just the way I like it
My wife picked up my phone one time when somebody called. And I think the guy may have had dementia, because he'd call multiple times a day and leave personal messages on my voicemail clogging it completely, and I wound up having to block it. The whole thing was kind of sad as the person he was trying to get in touch with hadn't had my phone number in at least 15 years as that's how long I'd had the number.
Regarding emails, I find I can ignore a lot of emails if I just briefly check the subject, most emails that get sent these days are things like receipts, reminders and such that either don't need direct action, or convey all required information in the subject and the body is just a waste of time
I always hang up on unknown numbers, and I google the number and then I can call back if it was important. and Ill be more prepared for the conversation..
It’d be great if it was the post office... Some courier company once tried to (or rather pretended to) deliver me a package, they pretended I did not respond and I ended up having to spend FOUR HOURS to pick it up from their warehouse in the middle of nowhere. I basically wasted the entire day because they refused to even tell me what their hours were so I had to assume they close at 5. I hate courier companies so much
I don't have a car so going to the post office is hard. I would rather just open the door. Luckily unexpected people only knock like once a week. So it isn't too bad.
Whenever I give anyone my phone number, I tell them to only send texts because then they are constrained by actual words without nonverbal bullshit just like I am (but I don't tell them that second part usually lol) and I also tell them that my number is not an emergency line, which means I might not see it right away or be able to respond quickly. If it's a real emergency, they should call 911 or whatever the applicable number is (but it's 911 here). Some people get annoyed but I'd rather they get annoyed at the outset than get annoyed when they really need help and can't get ahold of me.
Oh I also got rid of all the notifications on my phone that anyone has even called me at all because people who know me send a text so those people who call me don't know me and it's all bullshit. I haven't even set my voicemail box up and I put an app on my phone that sends people into endless ringtones rather than into a voicemail box or anything like that.
I have one EF hack. Not forgetting to take your ADHD meds. I only processed 20% of this video, because I felt like I would fall asleep ONLY watching the screen and needing to fidget with 20 other toys.
I found instructions that my phone will automatically send unknown callers to voicemail without informing me. So if they leave a message i know it was important but i dont have to question if i should pick up or not.
Do you have any strategies for parents to avoid overwhelm? When it comes to work or my social life, I have no problem prioritizing. But for ex if I’m trying to cook dinner quickly before an appointment AND I get an important phone call AND my children are asking me questions all at the same time, it’s incredibly disorienting and my brain will short circuit.
I never pick up if I don't know who it is. If it's important, they can leave me a voicemail. I get rid of emails almost as fast as I get them. Got no time for clutter, virtual or otherwise.
May be a little off topic, but anyone have tips for reducing internal dialogue and the feeling of needing to be understood? I’ve been struggling recently with explaining my autistic traits and experiences to imaginary people in my head. It gets me no where but when it starts it’s hard to stop.
I like and recognize the content of this video. But it still fills me with dread when I consider being better about filtering out information/things. xd Welp... xD Except for the last advice - which I already do at work to not burn out (too fast xd). Really nice and good video! Thank you for it!
If I deleted all my work emails that are more than 3 days old, I would probably get fired 😂 I often ignore phone calls though - I think if they want something from me, they can email me. I don’t have the time or patience for small talk. In my personal emails it’s a different story - I have emails that are months or sometimes years old.
Great tips. Thank you. A friend of mine shared this hack: “let the container be the bad guy”. This means: only keep or do what you can fit in the space you have. It can be physical space, time-frame, energy or something else.
For me this sounds as important as unlocking the secrets of the universe!
😂 That's actually quite sad
@@beingme7235 Don't judge.
@@beingme7235 ...and quite true either. Perhaps it's the sad truth after all 😂.
Different strokes for different folks = different minds are different universes!
me!!! 😭 ive recently been diagnosed and im recovering from what i discovered to be a burn out! i need t know how to rest and how to work before my resting time ends :(
As a bottom up thinker, I find it very difficult to shift into a top-down mentality. There's also a looming fear of missing something important
Same! And I really think (for now) that trying to force myself into top-down approaches would cause so much anxiety that it's not a usable strategy. I tend to just give myself time, get in the zone/flow and work my way through things one-by-one.
@@linden5165 Yay, I'm not the ONLY person here who is afraid of missing something important and isn't comfortable just saying that if I haven't opened an e-mail after three days, it's not important! THANKS for the validation that others here are trying to DENY by calling my pointing out the anxiety of throwing things out without looking at them first "combative"!
Depending on the overall task, bottom-up can be necessary. Like if someone dies and you're trying to get their house in order and you know they probably have money and important paperwork stashed around the house in places it shouldn't be.
I think that was the whole point of the video. I too suffer from this and I find validation in this new approach. I will try it.
@@jlillerill help 😂👌
I'm trying to do this more, but part of the issue is that I can't just spot at a glance the most important thing. If I have a doom pile of papers, I have to look at every single paper in order to know what it is. Also, I suck at prioritization. I can look at something and simply be unable to judge whether it's important. Everything feels important to me. I don't know how to cull, because everything feels important. It's why I write too much. It's why I hoard crap. It's why I can't organize my time and energy. My impulse is to do everything on my list. And if I can't do everything, I get overwhelmed, shut down, and do nothing. Because I can't decide which of the tasks are more important than the others.
you're not alone; if that helps
same :( i try to declutter my room - I start on a small pile, and after a long while of deciding what to do with just a few pieces of paper I'm already so mentally exhausted I give up. :(
Same!
I am self-diagnosed on the Spectrum at age 80 and happy to report that over time I have figured out every one of these strategies that you have so brilliantly described but now I have a better understanding of why I do the things that I do so thanks
so happy to hear that you are able to enjoy yourself even better nowadays 🫶 i also look forward to knowing myself better in order to live happily. sending you my best wishes! :D
For me, part of it is just daily maintenance to make sure things don't get overwhelmingly large. Doing 5-10 minutes of filing at the end of a workday prevents piles from getting super-big, and usually 5-10 minutes is enough to get through a full day's worth of stuff.
Another thing I've realized is that sometimes when I'm stressed about all the things I need to do or am procrastinating on a particular project, I'm actually overwhelmed. And in those cases, I ask myself the question "what's the smallest next thing I can do to move this forward?" Sometimes it's just opening an email, bringing a dish to the sink, getting up out of my chair, etc. And once I've done that tiny small thing, it gives me the momentum to do the NEXT tiny small thing. (Read the first sentence of the email, rinsing off the dish, putting on my shoes, etc.)
Do you even get overwhelmed after step 1, like open the email, then get too overwhelmed to read it, close the email and then it's no longer unread and you forget to go back?
Some good tips here. On calls from unknown numbers, I've started ignoring them too. If it's important enough they can either send a text or leave a voicemail. 90% of the time they do neither.
agreed :)
Text, only monsters leave voicemails to phones that can receive texts.
If you have a Google pixel phone there is an option to screen the call and the caller will hear that you are screening the call and are asked for the reason they are calling. You see a transcript of the conversation. 99% of the time the caller hangs up within 5 seconds 😂
I then block that number as it's not important and report it as scam.
my iphon has a setting that sends calls from numbers not in my phone to voicemail withour ringing;
no voicemail = number blocked
I don’t answer the phone or the door unless I’m expecting someone. Delivery instructions are made in advance, with additional instructions posted on the door if needed. My voicemail tells callers that messages aren’t opened, and to text me instead. If they aren’t willing to share information via text, it’s not important. If they must call, my voicemail instructs them to call after 3 pm, when the market closes. It’s my way of controlling my environment so I can focus on work. Receiving communications by text also protects you and creates a record if you need it.
Hello, this is exactly what I need today. I'm on leave due to burnout, and frightened to death about how I'm going to handle going back to work (and when). This is going to help, functionally as well as by helping me to describe these experiences and challenges with my coworkers. So thank you for the perfect timing🙏😊
Me too!!!
And me too !!
Me too! I'm only a couple of days in, not really sure how long to take...
@@Craigjamieson88 I've been off for 4 months already which feels so weird cos I don't go off sick. Only just beginning to work out what my issues are with no help from anyone, only these video's and online learning. No help at all from NHS unfortunately.
@@rebeccagrey235 I went back to work after a week. Had a couple of days back and I'm spiralling quickly. But feel too embarrassed/ashamed to take time off. Feels like I'm making it up.
I've spoken to several NHS professionals too, got recommended mindfulness and asked if I wanted a sick note. Very unhelpful! Hope you're ok.
When sorting through piles or decluttering, someone on TH-cam said to ask yourself, “Can I live without this?” It was an epiphany which helped me clear out garage space for my new car. Zero sorting decisions involved. The same goes with cleaning out cabinets, pantries and closets: if expired, throw it out. No exceptions. Clothing that no longer fits, is considered expired.
Gotta finally use that black and white thinking for something good 😂
Anytime I question my undiagnosed autism status I can just watch your videos and have you word for word explain the issues in my brain. 😂
It really is nice to hear that my issues are not singular to me, and I love the "Doom Piles" term.
Starting in my mid-late 40s I started being unable to rely on my memory for way too many things. Tthe first few times I forgot important things, I was angry and frustrated with myself. Fortunately, a friend showed me how to use the reminders on my cell-phone. I use them in conjunction with other tools to stay on top of things. One example is that I use a list on my phone for notes to myself when I'm away from home. But I have an alarm that goes off twice a week that prompts me to check the list!
PS - Ahh, I didn't know I could access the recordings of past webinars. I will go take a look. Time zone constraints prevent me from participating in real time...
Thanks for the idea of setting an alarm for the to-do list. I write it and then forget 😂
We have to make decisions constantly. What helped me, was to identify what's important in my life. Do i need to continue contacts because it is expected to me? Do i like this or that? Since selfdiagnosed with autism, i allowed myself to say "no" to many of this. That was a real relief. And to get along with all my stuff, i store them in categories, that makes it easier. 😊
I try to make decisions in advance when I can and when I can't, I try to just defer answering any questions at all until I've had the chance to understand and consider it. .
Don’t ever stop Paul- you are so helpful- thanks friend
13:50 I recently went through a 1 foot high stack of envelopes of mail this way. It consisted of mostly junk mail from 2018 to 2021 somehow (it’s 2024 now). It took 3-4 hours. But I did find a hand-made card from my son to me that I love. The top down approach sounds really useful.
But hey, I had this video on my huge ”watch later” list, and I actually got around to watching it! That’s a win!
Me too!!
Well... ACTUALLY, I was holding this video in my browser tabs because I was feeling it might contain some really helpful information... And I was right after all!! I should have watched it sooner, but luckily this time I didn't just closed the tab which I would have done in other cases, and I find out that's your actual advice 😂😂. Love it, great advice and information Paul!!
I have a pile from decades ago. My ex-girlfriend asked me why I keep it. Because these days, I just throw my old notes away when I have gotten stuff done. Now I understand: the pile is a reminder that I do not need to make any piles anymore ;-)
I’m recovering from burnout, and really want to avoid being in this spot as much as possible. So this is very timely. I’m not sure I’ll be able to apply it to my pictures, 😅but it’s a helpful reminder that letting unimportant things go is better than feeling stressed about it for months/years
I love this video so much, I think I need to rewatch it every day for a week until the solutions are integrated!
Haha me too! :)
I'm struggling through a lot of that this week, too! Yesterday, I was overwhelmed to the point where I couldn't do anything at all. Today, I responded to an email I put off for a couple of weeks. People always have grace for me, even my close friends when I dont respond to their text messages for months. I don't know why I get this way. But thankful for days when I get some things taken care of. Thank you for the help, Paul. I was only a little stressed while listening and trying not to think of my mental list. 🤪
I decided to throw out things this morning and now it seems so easy since I only have 4 boxes to sort through and I only have to look for the one or two things I really want to keep.
Thanks Paul,
Rozlynn
Can't watch now but will definitely come back to this!
It's funny cause he literally talks about exactly this "bad habit" in the middle of the video 😂
@@mirakidd9950 look I literally had a deadline that night. I really couldn't make time XD.
@@mirakidd9950 I don't know. I add interesting youtube video's to my watch later list all the time. And then, later that day or week, I pick one. I would have forgotten about it otherwise.
This just makes so much sense... my mind is actually blown, how did I not already do all these things!
Oh geez, I must have 300 doom piles in my house. Most of them aren't even paper. My mom passed away and we had to empty her house and I was already in burnout, then I went to grad school.
Great ideas! Thanks!
I find that if it’s an unknown number and it’s important, they’ll leave a voicemail.
If not, I don’t worry about it
If I have a big life problem/stressor, I can’t sort information effectively or make good decisions in any other area of my life. I think it might be a monotropic thing? I can’t switch away from one big priority so focusing on the most important thing for that day means other really important stuff (as there’s more than one priority in life at a time - e.g. health and money) doesn’t get done and creates more problems. Don’t know how to get around this.
Decide and schedule: when I have the spoons to make decisions, I make them. Then I just have to follow through at the scheduled time, which saves effort in the moment.
9:20 taping a list to boxes helps deciding if you should actually put this item in your box
Thank you for this advice. I relate so much to what you mention! All the information is a heavy burden that takes a lot of my mental space, makes me anxious to carry everything in my mind for days and days. Letting go feel real good. Thanks a lot 🙏🏼
I check email at least twice a day and immediately delete things that I won't need. I also try and keep up with setting rules and have emails go into focused or other - other can basically all be deleted. Things I keep go into subfolders for different projects/aspects of life. There is no way I would just delete emails without reading them (unless it's obvious junk). Staying on top of email is a strength for me. I use my diary to remember everything about where and when I have appointments. There is no way I could hold that information in my head.
Physical piles and boxes of stuff is an issue for me, I find all that decision-making difficult. I don't often know what is "baby" and what is "bath water" without a lot of consideration and time.
Thank you SO MUCH Paul...carrying so much baggage can just really skew your thinking about...everything.
Unread starred emails from 10 years ago!!! Guilty. 😅 I'm totally going to address them. Along with all the emails I starred this year.....
I NEVER answer the door unless I am expecting someone…and that is rare. I DO answer unknown phone calls, because one of my “hobbies” is messing with scammers’s heads.
😂 Good for you! I have done that as well on occasion!
I have met my spirit animal
There are a lot of eye opening points in this video. Thanks for these.
I'm a CEO of a multimillion dollar company and just deleted my 2000+ emails. All gone. THANK YOU! I ALREADY FEEL BETTER! ❤
Really important here.....
My approach evolved over being online since the end of the 1970s, mostly in the 80s and early 90s. I noticed my email tool features a hierarchical tree feature. Messages can be sorted by many criteria into different branches of the tree structure. So I work with a pre-sorted list usually closely related to importance. I can then chew away at email one branch at a time rather efficiently. I context switch poorly. So this minimizes such context switching. (Yeah, sometimes that misfires. The world is like that.) In some folders I systematically read messages in the order received. I *never* go back to look at context the correspondent trimmed off. I skip the message. It takes too much time to go back to look for context and critical data hidden in it. And some lists I am on get a bulk delete if I do not see an interesting topic. That is an advantage of presorting the email.
These days (80+ yo) that is most of my social interaction. No X. No Meta. No Twitch. No whatever it is you piddle with. They just don't work with me. Um, I also don't like "forums". Their for(u)m gets in the way of communications.
{^_^} Troglodytes R us. Yeah, I really am a hermit.
I’m also a happy hermit. Can you please recommend email software/app (for a non techie) that can filter as you just described? I have thousands of old emails and miss the new ones because they’re mixed together.
@@Ichimokulover I am starting "simple". It gets a little into the self-education weeds if you wish to go there. I recommend learning how to read email headers. They are WONDERFUL tools for your "is this E#)(&**& message legitimate or not?" decision process.
I started doing it with the old OutLook Express from Windows NT. It appears newer offerings, to stay competitive, have maintained that ability. I'd look for "How do I sort mail using .....: Fill in the mail client you use. Usable help should follow.
I use Mozilla Thunderbird. In the hands of somebody who knows message formats it is a little more adept at sorting mail since I can dig into the message headers to detect badness. On the other hand, when converting over I found only one feature of Outlook Express at the time that would not translate. With T'bird I go to "tools->Message filters". It more or less hand holds you (very lightly) while you determine characteristics in the mail to use for sorting and determine what you want to do with mail that shows that characteristic.
For me the real "guts" of the spam sorting is in a Linux based mail handler I built. It downloads my mail from my ISP checking once a minute for new mail. It then filters it through something called "SpamAssassin". That tool uses a lot of tools and a "Bayesian filter" to classify how spammy it thinks the email is. A score over 5 grants the email a modified "Subject" field that adds "SPAM" and a score to the front of the original subject. The filter in T'bird for that is easy. I look for the "SPAM" (actually something a touch different) tag and if it or a new header entry "X-Spam" is present the crap finds its way to a "Spam" folder. I look at that once a day in case of a false alarm. If email has a "From:" header "noreply@youtube.com" AND an appropriate "List-Unsubscribe:" header then I push that mail into T'bird's "TH-cam" folder on its tree list I created, for example. After the first couple it becomes clear what is happening and you can go to town with it.
It does help to look for email related "RFC" entries. RFCs, Request For Comment, are the documents that describe both the history and current status for almost everything Internet related down at the nuts, bolts, and bits level. The higher the RFC number the more recent it is. (There is even an RFC for Internet over homing pigeons from when they still had a sense of humor.) Finding the right one should not be too bad a search.
===8
How did you get online in the 70's?
@@Catlily5 Very slow dialup modem, CP/M OS, 8080 or Z80 CPU, and BBS systems. It was online. It was not Internet. 300 bps then 1200 bps seemed blistering fast. The (very) late 70s started opening everything up. The mid 80s really opened things up with Compuserve, GEnie, BIX, and others.
{^_^}
Yes. Executive function hack that has helped in the past AFTER I have done the most important thing of the day --I set a timer for a countdown of 30 minutes for the largest stack on my desk and I work solid to see how far I can get. I have trash and a save for now and a needs filed basket. On days when I have extra time and feel up to it I will spend 30 minutes on the needs filed basket.
For me the trick is structure: the "emails hour" on a fixed day, fixed time in the calendar. Or for example take out my dog every day for a bigger walkie even when I'm dead tired. Not keeping structure would break the habit and habits are only cheap if you don't make decisions about them.
Something I've learned from someone when it comes to a doom pile or a catastrophic mess in the kitchen is to just set a timer for 10 minutes and do whatever one can in that amount of time everyday and to strictly stop when that timer goes off. Just doing 10 minutes a day will get it done faster than freaking out about the need to do it for that entire time and ending up paralyzed so that one does nothing.
Very useful video. Thank you. Your analogy of memory as being like a filing cabinet was a lightbulb moment for me as I realised what my equivalent is: tape loops, cassette collections, and recording studios - this is actually a useful realisation for me
My advise: do NOT delete emails. ‘We’ are often at a disadvantage when it comes to office politics and keeping emails has often helped me to prove that I did all I could to warn people about things that were going wrong way before they started accusing me of being the cause of the eventual failure.
Instead of deleting, put them in a separate file for the aforementioned backup but it’s out of our inbox.
I completely agree with this. Also, old emails that are marked as unread should stay this way. There is no need to bother with moving them to a different folder.
I have an iPhone. In Settings you can program your phone to ring only if it's someone in your Contacts List. I did this because I was getting spam calls approximately every 15 minutes, and it was stressing me out. If it's something important, the caller can leave me a Voice Mail. Just be sure to not let your Voice Mail box become full by weekly deleting all the old messages. In the rare instances where I'm waiting for a call from the lab or my doctor, or I've decided not to wait on Hold and have a company call me back I can turn off this function. It's wonderful : )
I think your previous analogy in your very first TH-cam video about memorizing information is the best strategy. It is like a recycling process of the mind. I think in this respect the way to recognize what to ignore is to find material conscious aspects typically represented by noun words to get rid of and unconscious non material aspects to keep. Of course we have to process this in line with our values and beliefs too.
Good advice. The work around for emails is to archive other ones.
i wouldn't be able to ignore my wondering thoughts from having had ignored someone knocking at door ,which helps me save time in the long run knowing the reason for that individual to knock. i have autism but also am highly curios person ,so for her if she doesn't have those kind of thoughts then it makes sense for her situation to ignore. thx for the tips btw.
Oh man! The Doom pile… The years of my life I’ve wasted due to this phenomenon. Thank you Paul for your work & super videos.🌟
So much good content from your videos I'm glad I discovered you. Learning so many things about how I operate
I found this video very valuable. I have tried this kind of top-down approach when organizing home but not as radical.
This is a very helpful video, I've already watched it three times and wil watch it again. I'm in the middle of a huge project of sorting my stuff, because I want to move to a senior appartment with far less room than my current house. Thank you, Paul. 👍🙂
Wow, I just realized I am not able to do the top-down approach at all with to-do lists, because I can’t “scan” for importance - I either read and process every item and feel progressively more overloaded, or my eyes will gloss over things and not really read them. I’m going to try to see if drawing my to-do list in pictures helps! Worth a try at least.
I do this kind of thing more and more instinctively in the last years since the lockdown.
I left all social media, y never answer the door, neither the phone if I don't know the number. I have always the volume off and not disturb mode on, and sometimes I even block notifications of things like WhatsApp so they don't disturb me.
I also always give the phone number and email of my partner or mother when it's something important. Since I don't want the stress of having to be checking all the time to see if I'm called or emailed. I know this last point makes me lose independence, but for the moment I have enough to deal with and I prefer it that way.
My intercom (I live in a flat) is on silent and my smartphone is on 'do not disturb' and silent mode. I only switch on an alert when I'm expecting something important. At work I prioritise according to importance and energy levels. Like today, I still had some things to do, but I got a call just 2 minutes before a meeting I was going to and the call lasted 15 minutes. It doesn't happen often, but this client was a female high pitched rattler and had a serious problem. I passed on her question to a different department for a call-back since I can't look into this particular issue myself.
A female high pitched rattler that is in a panic mode and won't stop, is very overwhelming to me. When I got to the meeting, I was too overwhelmed and tired to participate actively. After the meeting, I needed a longer break than usual and I've had to put off a few things. I'll try to do one of these things tomorrow before a course that lasts from 09:00 till 16:00 (with breaks and lunch provided so I don't need to bring that). That is just one thing that I think cannot wait till Thursday, when I'm probably still tired and it's an office day with meetings. I'm like, I'll do what I can manage and put the rest off till the next day which depends on urgency triage.
I know people can't help the way they are and during high stress, people need an answer or a reassurance. I get all that, but sometimes I just want to live in my own world. And I might just do that if I win a lottery. Move to the country side, have an awesome veggie garden and build a fish room. I'd really like to have like a 4 m tank with blackwater and just cardinal tetras.
I also always have some marked emails I am supposed to respond to or something. But on occasion, I just go through them, consider if they're still relevant. If not I remove them.
Years ago, I did an online course time management. But such courses are really much more suited to neurotypical minds because my mind doesn't work like that. but what I did pick up from it is how to prioritise and that has helped me a lot.
Looking back at my uni days, I think things were going too fast for me and I expended a lot of energy trying to keep up. That would explain why I had such difficulties because you're expected to complete three courses every trimester and you don't get the time to process the books and do the assignments. So you're on the run constantly or you're playing computer games all day because you're just too tired. It was actually fortunate for me the Dutch universities were switching to the current Bachelor and Master system (before you had to complete a full 4-year course in my case to get a 'doctorandus' degree) so I could settle for a bachelor's degree after 8 years of struggling without fitting support. I think a lot of people would benefit from a mostly online course with discussion groups for projects and exchanging feedback.
Thanks Paul for helping out making life a little bit better
This is super helpful for me. Thank you.
Really interesting and insightful video. I apply some of what you said myself. But I learned some new stuff from your video.
I not only don't answer my phone when I don't recognize the number, I also block the number. In all the time I've done this I only know of one person who I did that to that actually mattered instead of answering. It was a scheduler at my doctor's office and no harm done.
Me too, it's feels great and saves energy
I have a deathly fear of not having anything to do, so I keep tons of unfinished things around me. I work constantly and get a lot done, but my life is stressful and I fret a lot about all the things that need to be done. I procrastinate over the most important things and focus on other things as a form of avoidance. I enjoy working on things to avoid other things. I alternate between things that need to be done, each getting its turn at being the fun thing and the avoid thing. Silly, I know, but I figure as long as I'm always getting things done, and I am usually working on what I "want" to, I'm ok. Forcing myself to work on the things that are most important is miserable work, but I do it as necessary. Eventually, everything on my to do list will become the fun thing I can throw myself into with gusto and I do very much enjoy completing tasks, except for the disappointment it is done and the brief fear of not having something to do until I tackle the next thing.
I have been known to hide myself when people turn up outside my house unannounced 🙈 Phone ringing also induce a guge stress responce, hate it and do not answer if I don't know who is calling. My friends know not to call or just turn up at my place.
This is so me with the emails, work & personal ones. Such a nightmare, need to chose a date to delete from & clear my inbox & my mind 🤯
This is minimalism for the brain😊❤
I love your videos so so much! Definitely gonna try this one
I've thrown away the whole box before but it wasn't easy. I've lost my own place and am now living in a very tiny single room and I've been forced to throw away so much stuff. Some stuff I've really missed but I have learned that life is a process of losing things because, at the end, one loses one's life even.
I still have a total existential crisis when my mom wants me to organize my shit. I can't even! lol
For emails I just do it immediately. I look at my mail a couple of times a day and just delete stuff. If I need to respond, I respond immediately. I do have a To Do map, but that is for mails I need to get an answer from someone or ones that I don't want to delete right now, but are needed later (like a coupon when I go to a store)
Another extremely useful video. Many, many thanks!
Probably the most useful video of yours(or anyones*) I’ve seen… thank you very very much.
*other than park tools bike fixing videos.
Excellent advice!
thank you. I just erased some thirrty more emails pending, waiting, from the past ten days. it is a small start, yet it is a start. 🙂
Happy pride month everyone 🏳️🌈 For anyone that needs it you are loved, seen, and valid In your identity. Out of the closet or not. Be proud to be you!
Great information…thanks!
If I can’t decide between a couple of important tasks: I complete them in any order for a specific amount of time. (Normally 30 mins) Then it’s easier to make a decision about which task I want to duplicate and work on for another 30 mins.
I don't have doom piles!
*Looks to the right at a pile of probably maybe important mail*
*Turns around and sees a stack of todo lists*
*Goes into office and sees stack of paperwork from a recent doctor visit, stack of important documents for something I need to do eventually, and my stack of notebooks I use to track info for work.*
Oh.
For emails, I have started going through bit by bit, flagging any that NEED responses and archiving anything I’m done with. I try to leave with a mostly empty inbox or at least have everything flagged or categorized. Archiving helps because my inbox is all pretty much still there in the back I just don’t have to look at it
Omg, this video is literally me. With the boxes and old papers. I didn't know this was an autistic trait, I just thought I was lazy and messy, as my mother always told me.
Unknowing numbers is in the uk can be mental health services and social services so I pick up
Thanks Paul. Great info.
These things seem so scary to me. My brain just takes a little bit more time to process and I've had people take advantage of me by simply acting urgently. Now I don't trust myself to know when something is actually important. It's so frustrating because I feel like any time anyone says something to me I need like 5 min to respond in a way that is not just a knee-jerk agreement or making it a doom pile item.
feeling personally called out, but not quite ready to let go of the thought haunting me for months about sorting my 23K or so pictures on my phone yet😔
Luckily AI is getting better able to help every year.
I hear you lol I’ve got the same thought
This is funny, I haven't answer the mobile (unknown number) for years, and have set the mobile to filter most of those calls, so now even thought it shows me missed calls, it doesn't ring!
My inbox is almost empty, I save a few emails in folders, but every few years I delete old emails from those folders.
This is what you mean when you say we're all different I guess. Oh, and I also don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone. I've missed a parcel or two, but that's not the end of the world. For me is really more annoying to answer the door if I'm busy or having anxiety.
Edit: I don't delete photos. I have tons of photos, and I don't care XD
I don't delete really any of my emails. I just move them into a folder for that year when I've either dealt with them or just declared email bankruptcy and moved them anyways. These days, email storage space is so cheap, that there's no real reason not to keep all of them. I can always use the search function to identify the ones that I'm interested in later on.
Just to illustrate that you also are under no obligation to answer your door, one time I was having some gastrointestinal issues and so I was stuck on the toilet when someone knocked forcefully. I could tell by the forcefulness of the knock that it was the police but I simply couldn't get off of the toilet so, when I finished, I even washed my hands because I figured I was entitled to do at least that as a human being, and then I went to the door. When I opened it, I saw the police walking away, so I quietly closed it and completely ignored them.
The bottom line is that if it's someone you know, they'll text you. If it's something important from someone you don't know, they'll persist by either staying at the door or coming back later or using a loud speaker to tell everyone in the area something or even send their own phone notification these days. Obviously you know that you're home but some random person knocking on your door has no real idea whether you are home or not and you have every right not to be home and even to pretend not to be home if you are home. Life is too short to deal with all the completely unnecessary drama of having people invade your private space by knocking on your door all the time. This was super annoying when I had my own apartment in a poor neighborhood because so many people would come to the door when basically no one would knock at my mom's house in a middle class neighborhood. One of the most important things to me has been not to assume any additional duty that the outside world tries to impose upon me when I'm at home. If you don't shut that shit off, you'll simply just shut down even the things you want to do and have planned to do. No one has the right to take away your life like that!
I have taken it one step further and fortressed my house with a huge rollerdoor, huge fence and a padlock to slip on the gate if I choose to really get wild with it. Noone can see if my car is home either lol. Just the way I like it
Thank you!
1:09 you undestimate my ability to procrastinate!
My wife picked up my phone one time when somebody called. And I think the guy may have had dementia, because he'd call multiple times a day and leave personal messages on my voicemail clogging it completely, and I wound up having to block it.
The whole thing was kind of sad as the person he was trying to get in touch with hadn't had my phone number in at least 15 years as that's how long I'd had the number.
Regarding emails, I find I can ignore a lot of emails if I just briefly check the subject, most emails that get sent these days are things like receipts, reminders and such that either don't need direct action, or convey all required information in the subject and the body is just a waste of time
I always hang up on unknown numbers, and I google the number and then I can call back if it was important. and Ill be more prepared for the conversation..
Paper bag labeled sort me from a year ago ... amongst other accumulations
It’d be great if it was the post office... Some courier company once tried to (or rather pretended to) deliver me a package, they pretended I did not respond and I ended up having to spend FOUR HOURS to pick it up from their warehouse in the middle of nowhere. I basically wasted the entire day because they refused to even tell me what their hours were so I had to assume they close at 5. I hate courier companies so much
I don't have a car so going to the post office is hard. I would rather just open the door. Luckily unexpected people only knock like once a week. So it isn't too bad.
Whenever I give anyone my phone number, I tell them to only send texts because then they are constrained by actual words without nonverbal bullshit just like I am (but I don't tell them that second part usually lol) and I also tell them that my number is not an emergency line, which means I might not see it right away or be able to respond quickly. If it's a real emergency, they should call 911 or whatever the applicable number is (but it's 911 here). Some people get annoyed but I'd rather they get annoyed at the outset than get annoyed when they really need help and can't get ahold of me.
Oh I also got rid of all the notifications on my phone that anyone has even called me at all because people who know me send a text so those people who call me don't know me and it's all bullshit. I haven't even set my voicemail box up and I put an app on my phone that sends people into endless ringtones rather than into a voicemail box or anything like that.
I have one EF hack. Not forgetting to take your ADHD meds.
I only processed 20% of this video, because I felt like I would fall asleep ONLY watching the screen and needing to fidget with 20 other toys.
I stopped taking my ADHD meds, they were making me ill. Never looked back and It's fine.
@@ThePancakeJedi Good for you
@@OperationDarkside Hey thanks.
I found instructions that my phone will automatically send unknown callers to voicemail without informing me. So if they leave a message i know it was important but i dont have to question if i should pick up or not.
I’m guessing mail works differently in Australia in USA they will just leave the package on your door and you risk it being stolen if you don’t answer
True
If my landline calls I pick up the phone, but I don't say anything. Most times the line is totally quiet or cuts off.
Do you have any strategies for parents to avoid overwhelm? When it comes to work or my social life, I have no problem prioritizing. But for ex if I’m trying to cook dinner quickly before an appointment AND I get an important phone call AND my children are asking me questions all at the same time, it’s incredibly disorienting and my brain will short circuit.
I never pick up if I don't know who it is. If it's important, they can leave me a voicemail. I get rid of emails almost as fast as I get them. Got no time for clutter, virtual or otherwise.
Note that this is similar to the KonMarie method - because they are similar, it means they operate from a common truth.
May be a little off topic, but anyone have tips for reducing internal dialogue and the feeling of needing to be understood? I’ve been struggling recently with explaining my autistic traits and experiences to imaginary people in my head. It gets me no where but when it starts it’s hard to stop.
Thank you! 🙏🏼🌷
It makes it clear to me, but I know I already did know this, but I don't know how to apply it properly, it is so hard
I like and recognize the content of this video. But it still fills me with dread when I consider being better about filtering out information/things. xd Welp... xD
Except for the last advice - which I already do at work to not burn out (too fast xd).
Really nice and good video! Thank you for it!
If I deleted all my work emails that are more than 3 days old, I would probably get fired 😂
I often ignore phone calls though - I think if they want something from me, they can email me.
I don’t have the time or patience for small talk.
In my personal emails it’s a different story - I have emails that are months or sometimes years old.
Great tips. Thank you. A friend of mine shared this hack: “let the container be the bad guy”. This means: only keep or do what you can fit in the space you have. It can be physical space, time-frame, energy or something else.