Live at Madison Square Garden "No one in the universe has read the terms and conditions." Very true. Over 350K views!! Thanks to everyone who's stopped by my channel!!
In an old children's book, Giant Jam Sandwich, they do indeed use a helicopter to transport a giant jam sandwich. Idk if that's what he was referring to, but I thought it was a hilarious coincidence
fun fact: there is a clause in the iTunes terms and conditions that runs like this-'You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missiles, or chemical or biological weapons.' Go look it up for yourself.
+BritanniaGamer fun fact: you could tell me just about anything is in the term and conditions and I will just take your word for it. god knows Im not checking.
IKR?! I no longer do updates on my apple ipod touch cus the last time i did an update it changed things around and made everything 10X more complicated and work WAY slower
More bugs. I’ve seen a sum total of two bugs fixed (out of probably well over a hundred that I’ve reported to Apple so far about iOS)... In SIX MAJOR revisions.
I saw this show live...i think this one is from madison Square Garden. I saw him while he played Radio City Music Hall....it was all the same material. It was brilliant! I loved it.
@@Blackadder75 Can you really blame us for being a bit grumpy? We have to deal with fellow Americans all the time. That sort of thing tends to fray the nerves after awhile. I've just spent an entire year trying to dodge anti-maskers who are trying to kill me, give me a bit of slack.
@@Primalxbeast sorry , I have no clue why I typed that 3 months ago, but be assured that I always meant those other kind of Americans. edit: on second thought: it was during the Trump riot days. i guess I had not a very positive image of americans at that point.
@@Primalxbeast I must say "we have to deal with other Americans" is jotted in my mind and I now realize that is quite a bit of what ails me. Your comment made me laugh almost as much as the video. Fabulous.
Apple is smooth and sexy to make them easier to stick up. The least ridiculously expensive alternative to Windows is Linux. Ubuntu for me, but other flavours exist. i.e. Mint, etc.
10 years old and still true! I'm an engineer, tech-savvy. I used to write my own software, for example. I have a PC, but I use Itunes for music. I haven't downloaded anything for a while, but I wanted 1 song. It took me at least 30 minutes to get through the login, resetting password, entering the code sent to my cellphone, and then just simply figuring out which option to seldect. OK, I got to Search. entered my song, found it, selected it, and about 3 albums' worth of songs appeared. I finally thought I'd selected just the song I wanted because all menus disappeared ... I checked my laptop. Nothing. Honest to God, I'd chain these website designers to a desk and make them use each other's software for a week. I wouldn't give them any food or bathroom options, either. I think that then they might realize how bad they are. I guess where we've come to is something we've always known. The average guy is not very smart. Unfortunately, they've gained more control over our lives than before.
links that lead to empty articles in wikipedia are not blue, as pointed out above, they are red. no one "makes" them blue, the colour is determined by the server, when the page is sent to each client. if the link is to a non-existent wiki page, it will never be blue. on other websites, sure. on wikis, no. what eddie is doing here is something comedians do a lot, called "lying for comical effect". he is not describing a real situation. if you think his stories are factual, clearly you are the one "not smart enough for his humo*u*r".
If the future wars would be fought with throwing computers at each other, I think those people that collect old computers like from the 60s would have everyone beat. Those things weigh a ton. These new models barely hurt your feelings when you get hit by one.
Jebediah Kerman Talking about other comedian specials, did you not read the comment?..... Just incase, OTHER COMEDIANS SPECIALS. Other comedians should incorporate screens for there specials for those in the back row. -.-
I once read the terms and conditions of a certain website that stated I agreed to give them ownership of my soul- needless to say, I did not join, whether or not the soul is real, I didn't want to take that chance.
A complex mish mash between modern technology & old school ways. Finally the update has completed, having waited bloody ages for it's completion, yet its still as bloody slow as it was before.
A few years back I bought some jam at a fete, then put it in the cupboard and forgot about it. When Eddie started talking about jam I remembered it and desperately wanted a jam sandwitch. Talk about Pavlov. Oh to wield such power.
@@bossfan49 oh yes. If you lacked a moral upbringing you can put butter or margarine on the bread first, but for dilettantes two pieces of plain white bread separated by 25mm (1") jam is the food of the gods.
they also had something similar in the terms and conditions of a online game selling store and for each game you brought you sold a little piece of your soul or life and they did it to show no one read the terms and conditions
Pavlova was the world's best ballet dancer, most famous for her "dying swan" from Tsjaikovskijs "Swan lake", not an opera singer. She also had a pet swan named Jack. Pavlovas are actually rather good, if you you strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, kiwis, and mangos. You should try it next spring.
pavlov was a scientist/ animal behaviourist who trained dogs by ringing a bell when it was time for food, so his joke was he rang a bell and dogs made pavlovas, I'm guessing coz it's sounds similar to pavlov x
"Helicopters are used to transport jam around." LOL! My new fav comedian!
Warrior Girl and those helicopters were probably made out of spoons :D
Warrior Girl all that's missing is an evil giraffe piloting a helicopter.
In an old children's book, Giant Jam Sandwich, they do indeed use a helicopter to transport a giant jam sandwich.
Idk if that's what he was referring to, but I thought it was a hilarious coincidence
So happy for you. Can you PLEASE tell us ALL about your preferences?
@@Richusbabe thanks for that! Wouldn’t doubt it. He’s so intelligent and witty, he can tie anything up together .
Eddie izzard is like a Pixar film, you need to watch him about 5 times to spot all the jokes and understand them, the guy is on another level.
Robin Williams' crazy brother with diluted DNA. 😁😀😉
Phil Jon but Robin Williams isn't funny.
I didn't know that about Pixar movies.
Yes! I could follow him like people followed the Grateful Dead, because I'm sure every show is different, and every one is great.
its actually a she. Izzard is genderfluid
when someone is extremely intelligent, well read, educated, eloquent and stuff, comedy is the only option. or defense against reality.
comedy, or ketamine
Au contraire, it is the ONLY reality.
It’s so ridic, comedy is surely one of the best defences against reality.
"Eloquent and stuff" that right there is comedy.
🙄
The "Wikipedia tangent". Then you snap out of it an hour later and think "why am I reading about Sint Maarten of all places?"
0:13 “Lady Badcrumble” those who cheered are old fans of Eddie 😂
SJ Sixx I laughed lol. Call back reference
As someone who missed the boat on Eddies early work, I was going to ask, but never mind I’ll look it up on Alta Vista
Mr. Izzard, You are now, and have been for years, my favorite "executive" comedian. "well done, sir"
He wont read this you failure
@@buhtsecks1303 whether Eddie reads it or not, there's no reason to be mean😡
buht secks What’s your problem, dude? Your mom didn’t hug you enough?
Executive transvestite, last I heard
@@buhtsecks1303 why such a dick mate?
fun fact: there is a clause in the iTunes terms and conditions that runs like this-'You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of nuclear, missiles, or chemical or biological weapons.'
Go look it up for yourself.
+BritanniaGamer Well fuck. There went my plans for the weekend....
+BritanniaGamer That's the very reason I didn't agree to the terms and conditions.
+BritanniaGamer fun fact: you could tell me just about anything is in the term and conditions and I will just take your word for it. god knows Im not checking.
Ryan Ochoa fun fact: there is a clause in the terms and conditions that says:
Ryan Ochoa is stupid"
guess it must be true.
BritanniaGamer dude wth? That was unnecessary.
I now know that jam was first made by Mr. and Mrs. Jam; no need to Wiki it. Thanks, Ed!
What a glorious human being
Just pure comic genius. Love this guy
"Then you get the update, and nothing has changed."
If you're lucky. 'Cause often, the software will be WORSE than before.
+SethBlizzard Or better.
tomlxyz Or crashes like usual.
IKR?! I no longer do updates on my apple ipod touch cus the last time i did an update it changed things around and made everything 10X more complicated and work WAY slower
@@OsamaBinLooney There are still updates for the iPod touch?!
More bugs. I’ve seen a sum total of two bugs fixed (out of probably well over a hundred that I’ve reported to Apple so far about iOS)... In SIX MAJOR revisions.
Only Butters has read the terms and conditions.
Melissa Metivier 😂😂😂😂😂 polka will never die.
I always do that's why I'm not humancentipad
E=PN⁵ * 10 (Monkey⁹)
Yup. Those maths are solid.
And it's all true!
Honestly, the silliness of 'Monkey9' makes me smile every time I think of it
"No one in the universe has read the terms and conditions."
I have. But I fell asleep halfway trough, so some of it is a bit blurry.
Appreantly the terms and conditions on iTunes are as long as Shakespeare's Tempest and would take as long to read.
sophie waghorn Equally interesting too :P
Please. You could read the tempest 20 times before you finished any T&Cs for anything. You'd doze off about 30 times less too.
He's absolutely right about the terms and conditions!
I cannot believe Eddie dissed PC's like that! ... you put the handle in & turn the handle thing... nearly died LMAO
CHOCKS AWAY! lmao
"And then you get the update and nothing has changed..."
The Universe took 14 billion years to produce humans. Bit of a long project, and it's still in the Proof Of Concept stage..
" ... and then you get the update - and nothing has changed." In a nutshell!
I kid you not just as he sed nothings changed - an update alert popped up interrupting the video...i nearly fell out my chair...laughing!
do you use a mac? :)
Best one I've seen yet! :D
Brilliant. "Chocks away!" :)
I'm wondering how he knows I'm still using XP?
Love love. Must watch several times to catch all the jokes. Brilliant
He was slightly off with the PC update. It updates, and then it never turns on again, and then you get a new computer.
I love his jacket
Same, I had a couple of female ones in the 80's with coloured lining. Loved them
Difference between Mac and PC: Mac is three times as expensive.
kamran102 100x the quality for 3x the price is a pretty good deal. Bentleys cost more than Hondas.
I've always preferred a windows pc over a mac pc
After Hannibal, Dr. Gideon went to make stand up comedy in the afterlife.
god Eddie's hilarious
I think he'd had a drink before the how as he seemed half-legless.
omg this guy revived me , kudos
I saw this show live...i think this one is from madison Square Garden. I saw him while he played Radio City Music Hall....it was all the same material. It was brilliant! I loved it.
I saw him live in LA. What a night that was.
I can’t get over how funny Eddie is while simultaneously seeming like one of the nicest people on Earth. So warm-hearted. How does he do that?
By not being American, for starters
@@Blackadder75 Can you really blame us for being a bit grumpy? We have to deal with fellow Americans all the time. That sort of thing tends to fray the nerves after awhile.
I've just spent an entire year trying to dodge anti-maskers who are trying to kill me, give me a bit of slack.
@@Primalxbeast sorry , I have no clue why I typed that 3 months ago, but be assured that I always meant those other kind of Americans.
edit: on second thought: it was during the Trump riot days. i guess I had not a very positive image of americans at that point.
@@Blackadder75 No need to apologize, I wasn't offended, I was just being silly. :+)
@@Primalxbeast I must say "we have to deal with other Americans" is jotted in my mind and I now realize that is quite a bit of what ails me.
Your comment made me laugh almost as much as the video. Fabulous.
Brilliant!
sharing post from while on holdidays. shameful!
Brilliant comedy
He describes something I call "bluelinking". And it's why I love Wikipedia. So much random information.
Wow, aside from his very early days, Eddie has never looked this butch while performing.
I like cisvestite(?) Eddie. It's a nice change of pace :)
Is it my imagination, or is he one change of shirt colour away from being Danny Archer in Blood Diamond?
a very intelligent man .
So good. A classic comic. Love him.
Apple is smooth and sexy to make them easier to stick up. The least ridiculously expensive alternative to Windows is Linux. Ubuntu for me, but other flavours exist. i.e. Mint, etc.
Eddie did a wonderful Christmas movie about a sharing of the Christmas spirit. He's also a great actor.
“Chocs away!!” WMSL XD
it was a tv special from 2011 - eddie izzard: live at madison square garden
Reminds me, I need to update iTunes...
Hamsterdrive
Here's a reminder to up date your itunes! Hahaha!
My dad reads the Terms and Conditions.
absolute comedic genius
Still love him... even though he's a Mac. :)
He's hilarious no matter what he's wearing.
10 years old and still true! I'm an engineer, tech-savvy. I used to write my own software, for example. I have a PC, but I use Itunes for music. I haven't downloaded anything for a while, but I wanted 1 song. It took me at least 30 minutes to get through the login, resetting password, entering the code sent to my cellphone, and then just simply figuring out which option to seldect. OK, I got to Search. entered my song, found it, selected it, and about 3 albums' worth of songs appeared. I finally thought I'd selected just the song I wanted because all menus disappeared ... I checked my laptop. Nothing. Honest to God, I'd chain these website designers to a desk and make them use each other's software for a week. I wouldn't give them any food or bathroom options, either. I think that then they might realize how bad they are.
I guess where we've come to is something we've always known. The average guy is not very smart. Unfortunately, they've gained more control over our lives than before.
Tell me ..why in what part of your mind did you think we wanted to know this.
🥱😴💤💤💤💤💤💤💤
On Eddie, you slay me.
Is it weird that I have a crush on this guy? I think he's handsome. Plus he could carry on a decent dinner conversation.
He likes women not men. He's not gay. He just dresses up as a woman.
I'm a straight guy and I have a bit of a crush on Eddie Izzard. XD I'd be mortified at dinner though - I don't know how I could keep up with him!
@@Nautilus1972 apparently he feels like a lesbian trapped in a man's body! He is bloody handsome though!😍
@@Nautilus1972 Yeah... but OP's name is Rebecca, so.
Not weird at all. Wit and intelligence are sexy.
Genius.
It runs perfect, I can (if I want) still play the games I had on it.
‘I don’t know what they want with us any more. Don’t they know we agree with them’. Ahahah
THE BLUE LINE OF TIME
BEST Pavlov Dog joke of all.
I've only once not read the terms and conditions before I checked the box, and I felt so bad about it that I went back and read it thrice.
"why did you put it in blue?"
It's not. It's in red...
+zoidberg590 never seen a red link on wiki in my life.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Red_link
huh cool. never stumbled upon one before :D
links that lead to empty articles in wikipedia are not blue, as pointed out above, they are red. no one "makes" them blue, the colour is determined by the server, when the page is sent to each client. if the link is to a non-existent wiki page, it will never be blue.
on other websites, sure. on wikis, no.
what eddie is doing here is something comedians do a lot, called "lying for comical effect". he is not describing a real situation. if you think his stories are factual, clearly you are the one "not smart enough for his humo*u*r".
nice of you to explain, no need to call someone dumb though
If the future wars would be fought with throwing computers at each other, I think those people that collect old computers like from the 60s would have everyone beat. Those things weigh a ton.
These new models barely hurt your feelings when you get hit by one.
OMG, Eddie, I share your sentiments about Macs and iTunes fully.
"Kenny? Rogers? ...two people" might be my favorite joke in this whole thing... every part of it is brilliant, but that makes me laugh so damned hard.
I've never seen a comedy show more true than this XD
I don't know why most comedians don't have screens for live shows it makes so much sense for jokes that revolve around facial expressions and actions.
Don't you think? I think it's a pretty good idea. I've always wondered; why not?
Cinam Zee There is a screen... did you even watch the full video?
Jebediah Kerman Talking about other comedian specials, did you not read the comment?..... Just incase, OTHER COMEDIANS SPECIALS.
Other comedians should incorporate screens for there specials for those in the back row. -.-
Eddie is my spirit animal 😁😁😜😜
I once read the terms and conditions of a certain website that stated I agreed to give them ownership of my soul- needless to say, I did not join, whether or not the soul is real, I didn't want to take that chance.
Contracts are not enforceable if they have unconscionable clauses, so you're ok.
This man is just so random. Hilarious.
this was such a good look for her
He wasn't a her then. Stop trying to score woke brownie points 😆
"Then why did you put it in blue?"
There are reasons I only allow updates to iTunes about once a year.
He loves Jam. :)
oh yeah, well thank you for telling me that
soo true updates takes ages lol
Come to Brazil, Eddie!
Then in a loud voice, a clear voice you say... Chocks away! Lmao
I would love it for turning on my pc to be that eventful.
Fair enough. :P I've not got that good a memory to remember the details. ;)
A complex mish mash between modern technology & old school ways. Finally the update has completed, having waited bloody ages for it's completion, yet its still as bloody slow as it was before.
I feel sorry for the people who have to write the terms and conditions. There probably the few that read them.
soooo true!! :P
I want to see him live now.
u cant
i had no control over it. youtube disabled the option for this video.
Legend.....And how very true?
A few years back I bought some jam at a fete, then put it in the cupboard and forgot about it. When Eddie started talking about jam I remembered it and desperately wanted a jam sandwitch. Talk about Pavlov. Oh to wield such power.
Jam sandwich? That's an actual thing? Two pieces of bread and only jam in between?
@@bossfan49 oh yes. If you lacked a moral upbringing you can put butter or margarine on the bread first, but for dilettantes two pieces of plain white bread separated by 25mm (1") jam is the food of the gods.
they also had something similar in the terms and conditions of a online game selling store and for each game you brought you sold a little piece of your soul or life
and they did it to show no one read the terms and conditions
Not going to lie... he makes PCs sound awesome!
"Chocks Away!"
Is he honestly trying to imply that Apple *isn't* the choice of the computer illiterate?
British comedians are just funnier somehow.
Did anyone else look up 'pavlova'... on Wikipedia?
It's a kind of a cake my mother makes occasionally, but no one seems to like it. (She makes good cakes too, except this one)
Isn't it basically a jumbled heap of meringue with a bucketful of raspberries dumped on top of it?
yes, I gues, but my mom uses pomegranate
Pavlova was the world's best ballet dancer, most famous for her "dying swan" from Tsjaikovskijs "Swan lake", not an opera singer. She also had a pet swan named Jack. Pavlovas are actually rather good, if you you strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, kiwis, and mangos. You should try it next spring.
pavlov was a scientist/ animal behaviourist who trained dogs by ringing a bell when it was time for food, so his joke was he rang a bell and dogs made pavlovas, I'm guessing coz it's sounds similar to pavlov x
He has a thing about jam!!
Especially here in Thailand were no matter what I do the conditions still come in Thai ...... but who reads it anyway right
lol Mr. and MRs Helicopter ahhh so true
Yeah I know. I noticed as soon as I wrote it and posted. I was about to delete and re-post but got lazy and moved on.
Part of this was put in the "terms and conditions may apply" docuamtary from this year. hilarious btw.
I manged to get from feaces to sword on wikipedia
Impressive.
"Shit stabber" was the link word, wasnt it?
I thought of the most boring thing I could and looked up "door". There is someone in this world that loves doors.
I read the terms and conditions...do I understand all of them.
Yeah sure. ☑️
"Dont they realise we agree with them?". Oh man....so so funny
This is pure awesomeness and should be the ACTUAL terms and conditions on EVERYTHING!
Then everyone would really read them! :D
If he came on and read the T & C to me, I would listen!
Ditto 😁👍🏻
idk about you but I wouldn't want "We'll take your buttocks and sell them to the Chinese" to be on whatever terms of agreement I sign
Pavlov would ring a bell and the dog would make a pavlova :D.
Mr Minky and Lady ..Whatevercrumble should absolutely always go together .
best!!!
The jam bit is like his old Spoon bit.