this has been one of the most helpful things I have heard. My wife had an affair and I found out about 4 months ago by accident. I have been devastated and even attempted suicide; spent 5 days in ICU and then 8 days in a psych facility. Ive read everything I could from books to articles to studies, etc. I have yet to be able to wrap my head around the how or the why of what she did. Hearing this woman speak is helpful. My wife doesnt express her resentment in the same way and is only forward thinking, which has seemed too quick for me to simply just “let’s move on.” My entire foundation is shattered though and I continue to blame myself. Hearing your interviewee say it was never ever about us means so much. My wife has said the same, as have my doctors and therapists, but its so hard to accept. Thanks for this.
It's definitely not your fault and no one ever causes anyone to cheat. I pray you value yourself and take care of yourself. You need help to move on, in life. Taking yourself out of life would hurt so many people. God loves you more than you could ever know. There are total strangers out in this world who care about your pain and want the best for you. For you to heal, to know you're of value and to one day truly know that it was not your fault.
Keep pressing on it will get better. Trust in the Lord for strength and guidance. I’m going through it as well, lost 19 years of my marriage because of the same thing. But no one is worth losing there life for because they will still continue their lives.
Sometimes I find there to be a catch-22 with when people act hurtfully and without empathy: yes, it was never about you. But it kind of should have been. As in your feelings should have been considered by the other person. You can get through this. Remember that it can often be when we get to our lowest point, that we have our breakthrough, our a-ha moment. God or the Higher Power is there for you. You are never ever alone.
Very sad. I honestly believe that childhood wounding unaddressed and healed can lead to many bad decisions. Infidelity is never the spouse’s fault. You never know how your mate processes their pain.
Thank you for the bravery it took to share your story. I am currently waiting for reconciliation and the return of my wife, while I’m trying to deal and heal with the ongoing trauma. I can say hearing your testimony gives me hope, even though I’m still in an uncertain and dark place, that one day she may repent and we can work on putting our family back together.
You're a lucky, lucky woman. I'm a betrayed husband, and I'm working at giving my wife a second chance but I wouldn't be able to accept multiple affairs. One is already one too many. Your husband is a better man than me
I feel the same way. I'm a betrayed husband myself and found multiple affairs after discovering the first which took place only months ago (Dec 2019). She spent her Bday with her lover rather than me. I cannot forgive such behavior. It's too much to deal with. Best advice I have is to stay single. I'm hating being alone for now but I am sure I will get used to it. Being stress free from lies and deception is bliss.
Yea and not only multiple affairs but almost 30 years and their entire marriage.. sorry I couldn't move past all that and wouldn't even try. How could you expect someone to change after 30 years of a false marriage or trust it.
Yeh I’m finding this with alot of these videos now. They have the fancy words & “insight” to verbally make it sound like they’re putting in SO MUCH WORK. But I’m sure anyone being sincere about their remorse would sound good / the point I always come back to in these videos is, does it matter? Does it matter that the unfaithful comes to some sudden realisation? Because what they did, they did at the time because they wanted to - just because now they can say “that wasn’t me it was my coping mechanisms” doesn’t take away from the shit they took over another person
Thank you. My wife had multiple affairs and our marriage did not survive. Even though it was 40 years ago, I'm still working through my emotional issues. This video was really good, very helpful,and touched my heart. Thank you.
Thank you so much for THIS. I've been requesting and waiting for exactly THIS video. Of the hundreds I watched, THIS is the holy grail. Please try to do a few more on THIS subject. I'm extremely grateful!
What I love about this interview: Why's - Family of origin, patterns of living, patterns of thinking. Transition of taking ownership. Her comments about her filter of choices throughout it all.
Please try to find more women to open up like this. This is my 15 year d day anniversary. Not as hard to face this day as it was in the first couple of years. But everyday i wake up to the hurt and humiliation of what happened. As time has past i deal with the failures on my part. For everything one fault i find in her i can find two in me. I know the betrayed cant blame themselves but i cant help but feel that i am to blame. The pain was so intense i did the worst thing and retaliated. I gave up any morals i had to hang onto. I needed to feel like i was man enough to attract a woman. Plus i thought if i were in the same level as her i would feel better and she would understand just how i felt. Any men who have been betrayed please get help! I didnt and let my anger supress the hurt and all i have to show is resentment and regret
Thank you AR. I really needed this. Very similar story to our battle. Looking forward to hearing from the husbands point of view. To all the other men out there in this situation, God bless you all, stay strong.
Tremendous interview; should benefit many people. Her stated reasons for betrayal seemed slightly vague and amorphous(??). But, I was impressed with her honesty and openness in sharing her story. Any successful marital reconciliation always takes 2 high quality, empathetic and mature persons who are honestly committed to resolving issues in the marriage. Kudos to her husband who stood for the marriage and worked for a successful reconciliation. The amount of work/effort that both parties will require is extremely exhausting and frustrating, so many people are not capable of putting in the work [sadly].
I'm the offender, and my D-day was 48 hours ago. I have so much work to do.... if my partner now bears the unnecessary burden I've laminated our lives with... I chose to not deal with my own heart, and sabotaged someone else's maybe possibly beyond repair... I understand the "free" feeling... once, for me, the lies are exposed... it is very easy to pour it all out. I will spend the rest of my life tackling and hopefully one day ultimately overcoming my unhealthy coping and emotions. The truth and the entirety of it...even the boring parts....I think....are necessary, if not for your destroyed partner... for you. Lying to yourself...is still lying to him and everyone affected.
Thank you that with the truth to yourself are absolutely true words! That's exactly what I've been fighting with my husband for months - that he can be honest with himself, because only then can he be absolutely open and honest with me. And only since he managed to do this do I have the feeling that I will be able to trust him deeply again in the future. And there are no boring details, I find. Every little snippet could be a potentially important detail that becomes a key insight. That's exactly what I'm experiencing every day with my husband, who is finally able to look deeply and fearlessly into himself. And also allowed me these insights into his memories and his soul. And that's how I come to myself again, all these terrible feelings are no longer so tormentingly present, I feel moments of calm and moments of deep connection with my husband. It's been almost eight months since the last D-Day for us. I wish you and your partner healing and love!
This is beautiful. I am 6 days from my 1-year anniversary of my D-day (with our first version of DD being more than 12 years ago) and I have suffered because I do not feel my wife understands the real cost of her "white lies" (no lie is "white"/innocent as they undermine the foundation of truth/respect/love) and gas lighting which carried on for 8-9 months afterwards (scraping a clawing for the truth destroys a man regardless of DD coming purely because of her inward desire to open the dialog about what's occurred). We are all human and I recognize the strength Melanie needed to do this... I **know** that the measure of accountability required to have this shared and desire to assist other at her own cost means the absolute world to her husband. Melanie, thank you, but as a male BS, I feel confident in encouraging you by saying that I know how much relative joy it brings your husband to see your works back up your words. I imagine for many of us, we do not expect perfection as we are all merely fancy pieces of dirt. But to have enough empathy to put yourself out makes your true feelings evident. It's my intent to respectfully share your experience with my wife Melanie.
My wife wants me, the betrayed, to get therapy and never talk to her about her affair. I'm not sure she is serious about recovery. She gets irritated if I talk about it
Almost 4mos since D-day and my wife is showing very little initiative but this gave me hope. Thank you so much for posting this. Thank you Melanie for giving men like me some insight into our partner’s mind. I’m looking forward to the next video with your husband.
I wish my stbx wife would watch this!! Wow!! The triggers!!! The lies and defensiveness!! I wish she wouldn’t but she almost thinks she did nothing wrong... ☹️
Man, I with you all the way, my feels nothing, said she has no true LOVE for me, but still lives in a marriage like nothing happened. She even said that we are just roommates, just doesn't want to talk or work on are MARRIAGE, but she doesn't want to divorce
@@mrchevy73 You could make the decision for her and file for divorce. If she doesn’t face any consequences she’ll never learn a thing. My ex wife was the same way.
Please can we have an update from this couple. I pray that they are still together trying to work through things almost a year after this video was first issued. 🙏
I wasn’t going to listen to this at first because I’m a betrayed wife & I know women cheat for different reasons than men. Women generally cheat because they feel neglected & unloved & unseen & undervalued by their husbands. I had every reason to cheat on my husband but never did. I would never do that to my integrity & my identity or to be the cause of such great pain to my loved ones. I value trust too much to be untrustworthy. I believe that life will throw all kinds of terrible things at you that you did not cause, so why create your own difficulties that will only give you more pain on top of what is already too difficult to handle? BE your own best friend. However, I’m glad I listened to this blog about an unfaithful wife. She has learned a lot of things I’m hoping my unfaithful husband will learn. They are very similar. More so than I thought they would be. She gave me some hope that he might begin to be more intentional in his recovery.
@TerryWade same thoughts here ❤️ She made me cry, I’m also in hope for my H to be self aware. I feel like I need some of his aware for me to heal, however I’m working on my healing alone. It’s hard but I had no more patient to keep waiting. Sending you a hug 🤗
My wife and I listened to this together. As the betrayed, I've been struggling pretty heavily since DDay on November 2 this year. We've run the gamut of every list of common mistakes, we're firmly in the "these things will delay healing" category, she works directly with her AP. BUT this video helped me to understand some of what's going on.
I couldn't imagine having that sitting in the back of my mind every day my wife went to work. I know, for me, I wanted all reminders gone. New job, new house, lots of changes. I hope you guys are healing. Take care man.
wow! as a betrayed husband who is 6 months in from discovery, and in recovery with my wife. this really hit me in the heart. i cried plenty through this. thank you soooo much for your story and your bravery. i have watched all videos on this channel and this was as emotional as "the apology" video. i will carry your words with me. wishing nothing but the best for you and your husband Melanie.
You are not alone, my woman did it with my best friend and Battle Buddy (I was in the military at the time) and I found out a month ago because of dreams I was having about it and confronted her. It's so difficult but you are not alone man, glad to see you here trying to get help.
I just discovered my wife had a multi year affair with a coworker which ended 25 years ago upon his sudden death. She emotionally and sexually separated from me 6 years before the affair ended and to this day has never returned . We live only as roommates. Divorce now is not an option as she is now disabled and I'm her caregiver. Though I have mounds of proof.....lies I've caught her in, story changes and tons of gaslighting, she refuses to admit the affair or take any responsibility for the destruction of our marriage. Everything in this video rings a bell as to my feelings, especially the triggers. they are so difficult to deal with. This interview also gave me some insight as to maybe why she cheated, and for so long, but it didn't address why she emotionally vanished and never came back. She would never think of watching this interview because she feels she is the victim.......not me!
Her husband is a God strong to accept her again and also a fool to pain himself again till his death bed. He always thinks his marriage, love and life is failed. Why bother to be together? It's highly stupid to be together.
I'm the betrayed, and at first wasn't going to listen because my anger to my husband's AP came to mind and then I decided to listen and it gave me so much insight as to what my husband may have felt. And she also gave me the okay that I expect Truth and openness because that currently is not happening, so thank you!
30 years of marriage has been unfaithful.. Mutiple affairs... Wow.. Her husband do love her and has a big heart to take her back. 30 years of habit that i doubt will change. I really want to hear his story. Where are they now? Are they still together?
Thank you so much for this video. 2 years past D Day this month. My UW also thought the video was helpful. Been waiting for a video like this... I feel a little less alone. Thank you again.
One affair is bad enough for a betrayed spouse to deal with, but several … that ‘s insane. Discovery and a confession may be cathartic for the betrayer, but the betrayed’s nightmare is only just beginning.
Thank you very much for this. I appreciate your contrite and humble spirit. I have been married for more than 33 years. My wife betrayed me in our 2d year of our marriage, but my wife revealed in our 12th year of marriage. She didn’t appreciate my detestation and thanks to really poor Christian counseling, I was never allowed to heal in a healthy way. It was mostly forbidden to talk about. This caused years of re sentiment followed by periods where I would blow up, feel guilt, then go back to silence. How I wish we had had something like this following the reveal. Thank you for your courage......you are saying the things I wish had been said, particularly the section on triggering
Thank you for sharing it helped so much I’m the betrayer but also the betrayed because he went ahead and had an affair to get back at me but this statement really helped me a lot help me through my healing process may God bless you all and whoever is listening to this🙏🏻
So grateful for her bravery and willingness to share her moral failure. May she and her husband have the years restored by God that were stolen by the enemy. Her husband is a Great Man of God! He is a Champion! Do NOT WORRY about the people who will say He was Cuckolded! God is faithful....Read Hosea and Gomer! Great and faithful Godly study! Great work Samuel for this most precious interview! Simply beautiful! 😇
I am in a similar situation. My husband found out 18 years after the fact. I put everything so far back in my mind that I can not remember what he wants to know specifically and he will not believe what I do. how did you work through that? Was she able to remember everything? If she didn’t What kind of work did you do for her to remember?
sometimes it comes through a professional. other times you may be able to use emdr or ett for it. or, you can also commit to doing work together, like one of our courses and making a commitment that any time you think of new information that's significant you can bring it up and discuss it. if he's doubting you, you may also consider a lie detector.
It was tough. I didn’t believe that she had forgotten so many details. It made it hard for me , but eventually my need to know was less important than where we were at that moment and how best to move ahead. As much as I wanted to know, I realized there was some solace in it being unmemorable. My wife said that the Lord had helped her to let go of those memories. She also implored me to not want her to recall things that would drag her down and back particularly since she was a very different person 12 years later. The single most important thing she did eventually do, was learn how to comfort me when I was triggered. She didn’t have to make a big deal about it, but kind of followed the pattern in the video. I wish she would have done it earlier and more frequently. I hope that helps you. Blessings
She’s very lucky that her husband stayed with her after all the lies and deceit she has given him. That man is honorable. I couldn’t or wouldn’t take that. She says she was low hanging fruit, so essentially I took that as she was easy ? Good for them
Thank you for these videos. This interview has been the words I wish I could hear from my wife, now or one day. But it just doesnt seem possible right now. I would sure like a comprehensive video on helping the betrayed understand that the person they are trying to talk to, trying to initiate recovery (maybe unsuccessfully at that moment in time) is not the "same" person before the infidelity. A video that touches on the physiological aspect, the psychological aspect of affair fog, shame, denial, and not being in touch with reality. I've struggled to, and continue to struggle with why my spouse cant see what they did, yet or maybe at all... A video that gives guidance on how to cope with and tips to wait it out or tips to bring her back... She's a good person doing a bad thing, and need emphasis on how to handle that reality that she is not the same person right now, possibly anymore. Not sure if all that made sense or not
I'm right there with you, sir! Dday was a year ago and it's been like I'm talking to an alien. I tried to save the marriage but she turned into a completely different person and refused ANY treatment/work. The FIRST thing I knew that I had to do was pick myself off of the ground and turn into the VERY best person I could be. I knew that even if my marriage didn't work out that I needed to be a better dad, husband and friend. I began working out 4-5x a week (hard for someone who felt like they were in shape but didn't like lifting weights). Making sure to take my two boys to church. Becoming more involved with the church as well (I joined two different men's groups). I read so many different books from infidelity to forgiveness. I went to counseling 3-4x a month with someone who specialized in marriages. I wrote in a journal so that I could see the feelings I had at that time and to look back later to see my growth. I say do all of these things without mentioning them to her. Your growth and development will be obvious for her. In my experience I will say this just like Samuel has mentioned in other videos, do not solely rely on the opinions of family and friends. They don't want to see you get hurt any further so the advice they give might create even more problems in your healing and possible reconciliation. You need to find a neutral 3rd party to talk with. I wish I had some amazing reconciliation story but sadly as of December 1st our divorce was finalized. I stay positive because I can look back on my journey with my head held higher than I've EVER done before. I fought for my marriage. I did the hard work. I'm proud of the man I am today and that I will continue giving my two boys a solid foundation of love, compassion and faith. As for my now ex-wife, even in the two weeks of divorce I'm seeing how this is affecting her and painfully, she's not working on herself. I will close with this after my novel of a response :) Do NOT let this situation define you. Own your side of the street (like Samuel said in previous videos) and forgive. Don't just forgive her but also forgive so that this situation doesn't leave you bitter. My heart goes out to you and all of the other betrayed spouses. It's a nasty thing to go through but I truly believe God has a bigger plan for my boys and I!
I am swimming around the same boat as you. Only difference is, I’ve never had a DDay. 20 years of lying and cheating, and still to this day denies everything.
Thanks to this lady, I’m a betrayed husband but the worst part is that after I forgive her she walked away from marriage and continued her life with the other man
Thank you Melanie... you have no idea how encouraging your testimony has been... Thank you from the heart for your humility and courage in sharing your testimony... for you have truly ministered whether you realize it or not in reflecting the image of Christ... I know the Lord has and will continue to Bless you dear sister and your wonderful husband for your willingness in sharing both of your testimonies... in bringing life and real hope for those struggling in their marriage... God Bless you and your dear husband for your ministry... as unto the Lord!
Wow, THANKS, I just wish my wife could listen to this, She feels no remorse or love for me. She doesn't want to talk or work on our MARRIAGE. She just wants to live as roommates. She knows I want move, but she hasn't truly LOVE ME, in the last 35 years of our marriage. She just want to keep sweeping it under the rug, that's her answer to this MARRIAGE
She’s telling you that she doesn’t respect you. Your life will only become more miserable the longer you stay with her. I’ve learned the hard way that staying with an unrepentant cheater is a miserable existence.
We are 7 weeks into my discovery of my husband’s infidelity. He still says he did NOTHING!! 🥺😭 he is adamant that it was only an emotional affair, not sexual. (I don’t believe him)
Pls can Melanie write a book. Can we do a live Q n A with her. How much detail did she tell her hubby, and how is he really. Did she have multiple physical interactions like beyond emotional.
D day, 6/21/17,wife and brother in law,so much fall out ,30 intertwined family members ,devastated ,more from her ambivalence than the affair itself ,we were all tight,and now so lonely,she has an attitude that is unbelievable
I am a unfaithful female spouse. Can I ask Melanie how do you deal with the specific questions? I am constantly having to deal with questions of why I chose my AP. I have no idea what to say. My affair was emotional only. I am shamed for my choice of AP he was 60 I was 34. How do you deal with those questions and triggers?
it's about getting help to discover those answers. you probably won't be able to answer them on your own, but that's why and where professional, expert help comes in. i would recommend finding a therapist who is an expert or considering our online courses which you can find here: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses the process will help answer those questions and help you find clarity.
I’m in a very similar situation but my wife refuses to stop talking to the other man and doesn’t want to work on anything because I had my own issues with porn addiction and open wounds from my relationship before her. She was mad at me for it and started talking to another man. I caught her at a bar with him 2 weeks ago from a tip off by a random text messsage. I’ve been watching all sorts of videos and have a therapist visit scheduled. I’ve changed my daily habits and have detoxed from the porn addiction. She started talking to him while I was going through this process of healing and change. I caught her and she says she won’t stop and doesn’t want to work on us, but is still staying home. We have three kids together. I need some insight and help on this because I want to work it out but she doesn’t want to seem to help us fix this.
Melanie mentioned a support group for unfaithful women, but I cannot see the resource for this. Would you please share which group this is? Thank you (and apologies if I missed this if you have listed it somewhere!)
I'm thankful y'all did a video like this, but what do you do if your spouse won't accept that you don't and never did love the AP? And unless you admit you do/did that you can never heal?
you'll need expert third party help to get through to your partner as you're not able to and that's pretty normal. you need expert objectivity....without that, it's incredibly hard to get through it and make a partner understand what you're trying to convey.
My DDAy was 2016 the week of our 10th anniversary, now my unfaithful wife all of a sudden doesn't believe in marriage. I'm stuck I need to leave but feel like I'm trying to swim with a cruise ship anchor attached to my ankles. My wife wants me around in the house for what I assume is convenience and not to have to constantly explain herself to our 10 and 12 year old sons. It doesn't matter though, I've lost identity. I got laid off just as I found a place to live. She wants me around but doesn't want me, she still lies. I've seen three different therapist and still haven't been able to rebound because I'm still here. My depression has affected my sons and must be seaping from me during interviews because I haven't worked since July. I feel I'm losing hope living in the basement of my own house while she goes on living her life spending time with friends. While I'm constantly being rejected, over quality for some jobs, under for others. I'll try again today to get up out of bed smile when I see my boys and dread the day.
Wow I'm really sorry this is so far after your D day and you're still being hurt by her actions. No one deserves to be hurt like you were and I hope you find some peace in your heart soon.
Friend, get out and meet your friends and family. Don't sink into isolation! If she was your social connection, then that is dangerous for you. Volunteer work may help you.
forums are found at affairrecovery.com but it's a members forum where those in crisis look for help and insight and encourage others. it's not super expensive to become a member.
Hey! Thank you for this interview it was very helpful. My question is : My wife and I have been married for 16 years. She said she had an emotional affair only with her Taekwondo Instructor. He’s 62 and she’s 34. Both of them have children at home. Both of them are married. I want to understand why she went after him. What does/did she see in him? He’s the exact opposite kind of person that I ( her husband ) am. I’m totally confused. Please help me understand this !
I don’t know if your wife fits this particular category- but I was. My AP was much older also (we have lots in common) and connected via friendship way before anything more ever happened. In regard to myself/my marriage.. I met and married my spouse at a young age. I was starting graduate School at the time and had very little experience in dating (life in general) prior to our coming together. We had been married for a little over a decade and were very disconnected (basically living as friends/roommates). Lots of difficulty with communicating.. and physical intimacy had always been an issue (was basically nonexistent at the time). The other person was filling in the gaps (of what was terribly missing). All of this was kind of a perfect storm if that makes sense... I say none of this to make excuses.. but just to paint a picture of where I was at- at the time the other relationship began. In hopes that it might make some sense for you as to where your wife might have been.
The age gap and emotional affair aspect sounds similar to my situation. My spouse is 59, his AP was 31. We were 10 years in, estranged, living more like roommates, barely a sex life for years. Porn was the first issue, then heavier drinking, then closet drinking when I tried to reign in his heavier drinking. I kind of saw it coming because he was dishonest and unreliable. Yet was still somehow shocked and devastated when I realized this girl, that I knew too had pretty much replaced me. She gave him the attention he needed and felt he deserved. That's been his excuse all along and still fairly much is over half a year later. Likely the only reason it didn't go sexual was because he was afraid of performance issues. Since he brought her home to help her out when her dad died, I got to see that she was trying hard to make it sexual.
there is a course for women here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing each class has their own forum, and there is a recovery library forum you can become a member to here: www.affairrecovery.com/members/recovery_library?category=0&page=1&num_per_page=20
@@MizzSkizz801 you may consider taking both to be honest. i would do one, then maybe the other so you're able to get both sides. it's a bit tricky on which one you do first....it really depends on your situation and how it's going now. but i would do both for sure.
I wish my wife would listen to this. I pray to God she would listen to this and have similar breakthroughs. But it is God's will, not my own will be done. I praise His plan. It just sucks to have this hurt. I can only work on me. Thank you for sharing your story. It gave me some hope and sadness. But the hope is greater.
Wow. I am destroy my 20 year partnership with affair😢is almost 1.5 year when i told him. He doesn't want me any more. I tried to explain him but he still can't belive i did this to him and kids. I want to restore our familly but he is such a pain😢😢
How do you not make the betrayed spouse feel gas lighted when you cant support when they keep saying you are in love with the AP. I never loved him, but as my BP puts it I did go to the AP after every bad relationship I had for 8yrs and I didn't recognize how evil the AP was from day one and never connected the evil he had done to me until my BP pointed it out to me now 17yrs later. This is why he thinks I loved the guy. I recognize I loved not being judged or accountable, but not the AP himself.
You must understand, that depending on the length of time of the affair and all the lies that were told, to maintain the affair for the betrayed, we clearly view that as an emotional entanglement.
Darn, I was hoping this would help me. I don’t regret my emotional affair and he doesn’t know about it (or maybe pretends to not know). I don’t love him and don’t think I ever did (we married because I was pregnant) but he loves me very much and that makes me sad because I cannot reciprocate. I think I have to leave him and he will have the chance to meet a woman who can love him.
How could you possibly take the images of your wife sleeping and enjoying with other men? It's impossible impossible impossible. That too she had multiple affairs. These female therapists are focus only towards women perspective. May be therapists are good to heal ppl, but that should not be guaranteed for reconciliation and relationship. Don't make MEN weak.
I think that this lady has a big heart because she tried and is trying to have a a relationship she is trying . and is bad that there are partners that wouldn't do the same to put there partner at eass she whent the extra mile to put her self out there for the only person that really ever counts .everything that she did is to be expected with out being asked .
same thing right now is happening just got told my misses has been unfaithful and it was with her sisters ex boyfriend im so messed up hence my previous comment sry
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 88 | คู่เอก "ป้อมเพชร vs อัสลามจอน"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1ZqTVVbMgbo/mqdefault.jpg)
this has been one of the most helpful things I have heard. My wife had an affair and I found out about 4 months ago by accident. I have been devastated and even attempted suicide; spent 5 days in ICU and then 8 days in a psych facility. Ive read everything I could from books to articles to studies, etc. I have yet to be able to wrap my head around the how or the why of what she did. Hearing this woman speak is helpful. My wife doesnt express her resentment in the same way and is only forward thinking, which has seemed too quick for me to simply just “let’s move on.” My entire foundation is shattered though and I continue to blame myself. Hearing your interviewee say it was never ever about us means so much. My wife has said the same, as have my doctors and therapists, but its so hard to accept. Thanks for this.
It's definitely not your fault and no one ever causes anyone to cheat. I pray you value yourself and take care of yourself. You need help to move on, in life. Taking yourself out of life would hurt so many people. God loves you more than you could ever know. There are total strangers out in this world who care about your pain and want the best for you. For you to heal, to know you're of value and to one day truly know that it was not your fault.
Keep pressing on it will get better. Trust in the Lord for strength and guidance. I’m going through it as well, lost 19 years of my marriage because of the same thing. But no one is worth losing there life for because they will still continue their lives.
Sometimes I find there to be a catch-22 with when people act hurtfully and without empathy: yes, it was never about you. But it kind of should have been. As in your feelings should have been considered by the other person.
You can get through this.
Remember that it can often be when we get to our lowest point, that we have our breakthrough, our a-ha moment. God or the Higher Power is there for you. You are never ever alone.
To all those who are hurt around here just like me, i may not know your names but i’ll keep on praying on you for i am also on your shoes right now
Very sad. I honestly believe that childhood wounding unaddressed and healed can lead to many bad decisions. Infidelity is never the spouse’s fault. You never know how your mate processes their pain.
Thank you for the bravery it took to share your story. I am currently waiting for reconciliation and the return of my wife, while I’m trying to deal and heal with the ongoing trauma. I can say hearing your testimony gives me hope, even though I’m still in an uncertain and dark place, that one day she may repent and we can work on putting our family back together.
Melanie, thanks for coming forward to do this interview. Hopefully more women will be willing to speak from this side of the issue.
You're a lucky, lucky woman. I'm a betrayed husband, and I'm working at giving my wife a second chance but I wouldn't be able to accept multiple affairs. One is already one too many. Your husband is a better man than me
Dark Cloud unfortunately I doubt anything will change in her. Words are easy to say.
I feel the same way. I'm a betrayed husband myself and found multiple affairs after discovering the first which took place only months ago (Dec 2019). She spent her Bday with her lover rather than me. I cannot forgive such behavior. It's too much to deal with. Best advice I have is to stay single. I'm hating being alone for now but I am sure I will get used to it. Being stress free from lies and deception is bliss.
Yea and not only multiple affairs but almost 30 years and their entire marriage.. sorry I couldn't move past all that and wouldn't even try. How could you expect someone to change after 30 years of a false marriage or trust it.
Was wondering after this video....let's hear from him?
Yeh I’m finding this with alot of these videos now.
They have the fancy words & “insight” to verbally make it sound like they’re putting in SO MUCH WORK.
But I’m sure anyone being sincere about their remorse would sound good / the point I always come back to in these videos is, does it matter?
Does it matter that the unfaithful comes to some sudden realisation? Because what they did, they did at the time because they wanted to - just because now they can say “that wasn’t me it was my coping mechanisms” doesn’t take away from the shit they took over another person
Thank you. My wife had multiple affairs and our marriage did not survive. Even though it was 40 years ago, I'm still working through my emotional issues. This video was really good, very helpful,and touched my heart. Thank you.
Thank you. As a betrayed male spouse this helped me a lot to try to understand more from my wife's perspective. Thank you for telling your story.
Thank you so much for THIS.
I've been requesting and waiting for exactly THIS video.
Of the hundreds I watched, THIS is the holy grail.
Please try to do a few more on THIS subject.
I'm extremely grateful!
thank you for sharing that
What I love about this interview:
Why's - Family of origin, patterns of living, patterns of thinking.
Transition of taking ownership. Her comments about her filter of choices throughout it all.
thanks so much for listening and sharing my friend. means a ton to both of us.
Please try to find more women to open up like this. This is my 15 year d day anniversary. Not as hard to face this day as it was in the first couple of years. But everyday i wake up to the hurt and humiliation of what happened. As time has past i deal with the failures on my part. For everything one fault i find in her i can find two in me. I know the betrayed cant blame themselves but i cant help but feel that i am to blame. The pain was so intense i did the worst thing and retaliated. I gave up any morals i had to hang onto. I needed to feel like i was man enough to attract a woman. Plus i thought if i were in the same level as her i would feel better and she would understand just how i felt. Any men who have been betrayed please get help! I didnt and let my anger supress the hurt and all i have to show is resentment and regret
Thank you AR. I really needed this. Very similar story to our battle. Looking forward to hearing from the husbands point of view. To all the other men out there in this situation,
God bless you all, stay strong.
An enormous weight is lifted - that isn't true.
It is a transfer of weight and burden from betrayer to betrayed.
This...
4 years after the last reconciliation, I pray and wish for this.
Tremendous interview; should benefit many people. Her stated reasons for betrayal seemed slightly vague and amorphous(??). But, I was impressed with her honesty and openness in sharing her story. Any successful marital reconciliation always takes 2 high quality, empathetic and mature persons who are honestly committed to resolving issues in the marriage. Kudos to her husband who stood for the marriage and worked for a successful reconciliation. The amount of work/effort that both parties will require is extremely exhausting and frustrating, so many people are not capable of putting in the work [sadly].
I'm the offender, and my D-day was 48 hours ago. I have so much work to do.... if my partner now bears the unnecessary burden I've laminated our lives with... I chose to not deal with my own heart, and sabotaged someone else's maybe possibly beyond repair... I understand the "free" feeling... once, for me, the lies are exposed... it is very easy to pour it all out. I will spend the rest of my life tackling and hopefully one day ultimately overcoming my unhealthy coping and emotions. The truth and the entirety of it...even the boring parts....I think....are necessary, if not for your destroyed partner... for you. Lying to yourself...is still lying to him and everyone affected.
Thank you that with the truth to yourself are absolutely true words! That's exactly what I've been fighting with my husband for months - that he can be honest with himself, because only then can he be absolutely open and honest with me. And only since he managed to do this do I have the feeling that I will be able to trust him deeply again in the future. And there are no boring details, I find. Every little snippet could be a potentially important detail that becomes a key insight. That's exactly what I'm experiencing every day with my husband, who is finally able to look deeply and fearlessly into himself. And also allowed me these insights into his memories and his soul. And that's how I come to myself again, all these terrible feelings are no longer so tormentingly present, I feel moments of calm and moments of deep connection with my husband. It's been almost eight months since the last D-Day for us. I wish you and your partner healing and love!
If you're comfortable with doing so, can you update on how & where you are now? Or your journey since this post
This is beautiful. I am 6 days from my 1-year anniversary of my D-day (with our first version of DD being more than 12 years ago) and I have suffered because I do not feel my wife understands the real cost of her "white lies" (no lie is "white"/innocent as they undermine the foundation of truth/respect/love) and gas lighting which carried on for 8-9 months afterwards (scraping a clawing for the truth destroys a man regardless of DD coming purely because of her inward desire to open the dialog about what's occurred). We are all human and I recognize the strength Melanie needed to do this... I **know** that the measure of accountability required to have this shared and desire to assist other at her own cost means the absolute world to her husband. Melanie, thank you, but as a male BS, I feel confident in encouraging you by saying that I know how much relative joy it brings your husband to see your works back up your words. I imagine for many of us, we do not expect perfection as we are all merely fancy pieces of dirt. But to have enough empathy to put yourself out makes your true feelings evident. It's my intent to respectfully share your experience with my wife Melanie.
My wife wants me, the betrayed, to get therapy and never talk to her about her affair. I'm not sure she is serious about recovery. She gets irritated if I talk about it
Going through the same thing right now 💔
Almost 4mos since D-day and my wife is showing very little initiative but this gave me hope. Thank you so much for posting this. Thank you Melanie for giving men like me some insight into our partner’s mind. I’m looking forward to the next video with your husband.
Thank you Samuel and Melanie. This is tremendously helpful! You are doing great work!
I wish my stbx wife would watch this!! Wow!! The triggers!!! The lies and defensiveness!! I wish she wouldn’t but she almost thinks she did nothing wrong... ☹️
Same here...
Im a betrayed female spouse and my husband is the same... Hope you find healing brother✨
Man, I with you all the way, my feels nothing, said she has no true LOVE for me, but still lives in a marriage like nothing happened. She even said that we are just roommates, just doesn't want to talk or work on are MARRIAGE, but she doesn't want to divorce
@@mrchevy73 You could make the decision for her and file for divorce. If she doesn’t face any consequences she’ll never learn a thing. My ex wife was the same way.
My ex wife was the same way.
Please can we have an update from this couple. I pray that they are still together trying to work through things almost a year after this video was first issued. 🙏
I wasn’t going to listen to this at first because I’m a betrayed wife & I know women cheat for different reasons than men. Women generally cheat because they feel neglected & unloved & unseen & undervalued by their husbands. I had every reason to cheat on my husband but never did. I would never do that to my integrity & my identity or to be the cause of such great pain to my loved ones. I value trust too much to be untrustworthy. I believe that life will throw all kinds of terrible things at you that you did not cause, so why create your own difficulties that will only give you more pain on top of what is already too difficult to handle? BE your own best friend. However, I’m glad I listened to this blog about an unfaithful wife. She has learned a lot of things I’m hoping my unfaithful husband will learn. They are very similar. More so than I thought they would be. She gave me some hope that he might begin to be more intentional in his recovery.
@TerryWade same thoughts here ❤️ She made me cry, I’m also in hope for my H to be self aware. I feel like I need some of his aware for me to heal, however I’m working on my healing alone. It’s hard but I had no more patient to keep waiting. Sending you a hug 🤗
Thank you, Melanie! You are helping so many people - like me!
My wife and I listened to this together. As the betrayed, I've been struggling pretty heavily since DDay on November 2 this year. We've run the gamut of every list of common mistakes, we're firmly in the "these things will delay healing" category, she works directly with her AP. BUT this video helped me to understand some of what's going on.
I couldn't imagine having that sitting in the back of my mind every day my wife went to work. I know, for me, I wanted all reminders gone. New job, new house, lots of changes. I hope you guys are healing. Take care man.
wow! as a betrayed husband who is 6 months in from discovery, and in recovery with my wife. this really hit me in the heart. i cried plenty through this. thank you soooo much for your story and your bravery. i have watched all videos on this channel and this was as emotional as "the apology" video. i will carry your words with me. wishing nothing but the best for you and your husband Melanie.
The road is hard. The road is long. It gets better, maybe never goes away, but I promise, it gets better.
thanks so much for sharing that. it will encourage melanie
immensely as well as myself.
You are not alone, my woman did it with my best friend and Battle Buddy (I was in the military at the time) and I found out a month ago because of dreams I was having about it and confronted her. It's so difficult but you are not alone man, glad to see you here trying to get help.
Been waiting for a video like this.
I just discovered my wife had a multi year affair with a coworker which ended 25 years ago upon his sudden death. She emotionally and sexually separated from me 6 years before the affair ended and to this day has never returned . We live only as roommates. Divorce now is not an option as she is now disabled and I'm her caregiver. Though I have mounds of proof.....lies I've caught her in, story changes and tons of gaslighting, she refuses to admit the affair or take any responsibility for the destruction of our marriage. Everything in this video rings a bell as to my feelings, especially the triggers. they are so difficult to deal with. This interview also gave me some insight as to maybe why she cheated, and for so long, but it didn't address why she emotionally vanished and never came back. She would never think of watching this interview because she feels she is the victim.......not me!
Finally. This is what we need MORE of. We need to hear from the female cheater. It helps a lot.
Her husband is a God strong to accept her again and also a fool to pain himself again till his death bed. He always thinks his marriage, love and life is failed. Why bother to be together? It's highly stupid to be together.
I'm the betrayed, and at first wasn't going to listen because my anger to my husband's AP came to mind and then I decided to listen and it gave me so much insight as to what my husband may have felt. And she also gave me the okay that I expect Truth and openness because that currently is not happening, so thank you!
30 years of marriage has been unfaithful.. Mutiple affairs... Wow.. Her husband do love her and has a big heart to take her back. 30 years of habit that i doubt will change.
I really want to hear his story. Where are they now? Are they still together?
Thank you. Thank you for your openness and honesty. Hope is like air to me now. Thank you for helping me catch my breath.
She’s honest, unlike my ex wife, who was a serial cheater and a repeat offender.
Thank you so much for this video. 2 years past D Day this month. My UW also thought the video was helpful. Been waiting for a video like this... I feel a little less alone. Thank you again.
One affair is bad enough for a betrayed spouse to deal with, but several … that ‘s insane. Discovery and a confession may be cathartic for the betrayer, but the betrayed’s nightmare is only just beginning.
Thank you so much for having the courage to open up. Where are they now? We did EMS Weekend in Fall 2018.
Thank you very much for this. I appreciate your contrite and humble spirit. I have been married for more than 33 years. My wife betrayed me in our 2d year of our marriage, but my wife revealed in our 12th year of marriage. She didn’t appreciate my detestation and thanks to really poor Christian counseling, I was never allowed to heal in a healthy way. It was mostly forbidden to talk about. This caused years of re sentiment followed by periods where I would blow up, feel guilt, then go back to silence. How I wish we had had something like this following the reveal. Thank you for your courage......you are saying the things I wish had been said, particularly the section on triggering
Thank you for sharing it helped so much I’m the betrayer but also the betrayed because he went ahead and had an affair to get back at me but this statement really helped me a lot help me through my healing process may God bless you all and whoever is listening to this🙏🏻
Same here
So grateful for her bravery and willingness to share her moral failure. May she and her husband have the years restored by God that were stolen by the enemy. Her husband is a Great Man of God! He is a Champion! Do NOT WORRY about the people who will say He was Cuckolded!
God is faithful....Read Hosea and Gomer! Great and faithful Godly study!
Great work Samuel for this most precious interview! Simply beautiful! 😇
I have listened to your videos everyday since, again and again, I have made mistakes with not setting boundaries
I am in a similar situation. My husband found out 18 years after the fact. I put everything so far back in my mind that I can not remember what he wants to know specifically and he will not believe what I do. how did you work through that? Was she able to remember everything? If she didn’t What kind of work did you do for her to remember?
sometimes it comes through a professional. other times you may be able to use emdr or ett for it. or, you can also commit to doing work together, like one of our courses and making a commitment that any time you think of new information that's significant you can bring it up and discuss it. if he's doubting you, you may also consider a lie detector.
It was tough. I didn’t believe that she had forgotten so many details. It made it hard for me , but eventually my need to know was less important than where we were at that moment and how best to move ahead. As much as I wanted to know, I realized there was some solace in it being unmemorable. My wife said that the Lord had helped her to let go of those memories. She also implored me to not want her to recall things that would drag her down and back particularly since she was a very different person 12 years later. The single most important thing she did eventually do, was learn how to comfort me when I was triggered. She didn’t have to make a big deal about it, but kind of followed the pattern in the video. I wish she would have done it earlier and more frequently. I hope that helps you. Blessings
How the hell did he find out 18 years later????
She’s very lucky that her husband stayed with her after all the lies and deceit she has given him. That man is honorable. I couldn’t or wouldn’t take that. She says she was low hanging fruit, so essentially I took that as she was easy ? Good for them
Thank you for these videos. This interview has been the words I wish I could hear from my wife, now or one day. But it just doesnt seem possible right now.
I would sure like a comprehensive video on helping the betrayed understand that the person they are trying to talk to, trying to initiate recovery (maybe unsuccessfully at that moment in time) is not the "same" person before the infidelity. A video that touches on the physiological aspect, the psychological aspect of affair fog, shame, denial, and not being in touch with reality.
I've struggled to, and continue to struggle with why my spouse cant see what they did, yet or maybe at all...
A video that gives guidance on how to cope with and tips to wait it out or tips to bring her back...
She's a good person doing a bad thing, and need emphasis on how to handle that reality that she is not the same person right now, possibly anymore.
Not sure if all that made sense or not
I'm right there with you, sir! Dday was a year ago and it's been like I'm talking to an alien. I tried to save the marriage but she turned into a completely different person and refused ANY treatment/work.
The FIRST thing I knew that I had to do was pick myself off of the ground and turn into the VERY best person I could be. I knew that even if my marriage didn't work out that I needed to be a better dad, husband and friend. I began working out 4-5x a week (hard for someone who felt like they were in shape but didn't like lifting weights). Making sure to take my two boys to church. Becoming more involved with the church as well (I joined two different men's groups). I read so many different books from infidelity to forgiveness. I went to counseling 3-4x a month with someone who specialized in marriages. I wrote in a journal so that I could see the feelings I had at that time and to look back later to see my growth. I say do all of these things without mentioning them to her. Your growth and development will be obvious for her.
In my experience I will say this just like Samuel has mentioned in other videos, do not solely rely on the opinions of family and friends. They don't want to see you get hurt any further so the advice they give might create even more problems in your healing and possible reconciliation. You need to find a neutral 3rd party to talk with.
I wish I had some amazing reconciliation story but sadly as of December 1st our divorce was finalized. I stay positive because I can look back on my journey with my head held higher than I've EVER done before. I fought for my marriage. I did the hard work. I'm proud of the man I am today and that I will continue giving my two boys a solid foundation of love, compassion and faith. As for my now ex-wife, even in the two weeks of divorce I'm seeing how this is affecting her and painfully, she's not working on herself.
I will close with this after my novel of a response :)
Do NOT let this situation define you. Own your side of the street (like Samuel said in previous videos) and forgive. Don't just forgive her but also forgive so that this situation doesn't leave you bitter.
My heart goes out to you and all of the other betrayed spouses. It's a nasty thing to go through but I truly believe God has a bigger plan for my boys and I!
I am swimming around the same boat as you. Only difference is, I’ve never had a DDay. 20 years of lying and cheating, and still to this day denies everything.
Thanks to this lady, I’m a betrayed husband but the worst part is that after I forgive her she walked away from marriage and continued her life with the other man
I pray my wife would listen to this. Her ongoing ambivalence is slowly strangling my heart.
Thank you Melanie... you have no idea how encouraging your testimony has been... Thank you from the heart for your humility and courage in sharing your testimony... for you have truly ministered whether you realize it or not in reflecting the image of Christ... I know the Lord has and will continue to Bless you dear sister and your wonderful husband for your willingness in sharing both of your testimonies... in bringing life and real hope for those struggling in their marriage... God Bless you and your dear husband for your ministry... as unto the Lord!
Wow, THANKS, I just wish my wife could listen to this, She feels no remorse or love for me. She doesn't want to talk or work on our MARRIAGE. She just wants to live as roommates. She knows I want move, but she hasn't truly LOVE ME, in the last 35 years of our marriage. She just want to keep sweeping it under the rug, that's her answer to this MARRIAGE
She’s telling you that she doesn’t respect you. Your life will only become more miserable the longer you stay with her. I’ve learned the hard way that staying with an unrepentant cheater is a miserable existence.
Divorce IS an option. My only regret was not divorcing a cheating wife much sooner.
This has REALLY helped me with some things I don't think I could truly understand in myself. Thank you for this!!
We are 7 weeks into my discovery of my husband’s infidelity. He still says he did NOTHING!! 🥺😭 he is adamant that it was only an emotional affair, not sexual. (I don’t believe him)
It has been 3 years since DDay. My wife still has not started any recovery. I guess it is time to end it, or me.
This was a good one Samuel! Well done as always.
thank you friend for listening and sharing.
Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you for posting this, from a BH.
Trust. Hurt. Babysitting. Shouldering.
"The trauma I've inflicted on you..."
Pls can Melanie write a book. Can we do a live Q n A with her. How much detail did she tell her hubby, and how is he really. Did she have multiple physical interactions like beyond emotional.
D day, 6/21/17,wife and brother in law,so much fall out ,30 intertwined family members ,devastated ,more from her ambivalence than the affair itself ,we were all tight,and now so lonely,she has an attitude that is unbelievable
Thank you so much! This was a true eye opener. I just want to ask how long time it took to go from resentment to love?
I think it would be fascinating to get a follow up to this. Say a 5 years later are they still in recovery, how are things going etc.
I am a unfaithful female spouse. Can I ask Melanie how do you deal with the specific questions? I am constantly having to deal with questions of why I chose my AP. I have no idea what to say. My affair was emotional only. I am shamed for my choice of AP he was 60 I was 34. How do you deal with those questions and triggers?
it's about getting help to discover those answers. you probably won't be able to answer them on your own, but that's why and where professional, expert help comes in. i would recommend finding a therapist who is an expert or considering our online courses which you can find here: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses the process will help answer those questions and help you find clarity.
Why did you cheat again after being caught? I'm kinda disappointed with the video, I expected a lot more information.
I’m in a very similar situation but my wife refuses to stop talking to the other man and doesn’t want to work on anything because I had my own issues with porn addiction and open wounds from my relationship before her. She was mad at me for it and started talking to another man. I caught her at a bar with him 2 weeks ago from a tip off by a random text messsage. I’ve been watching all sorts of videos and have a therapist visit scheduled. I’ve changed my daily habits and have detoxed from the porn addiction. She started talking to him while I was going through this process of healing and change. I caught her and she says she won’t stop and doesn’t want to work on us, but is still staying home. We have three kids together. I need some insight and help on this because I want to work it out but she doesn’t want to seem to help us fix this.
I appreciate this!
This is awesome and right on time!!
So very profound and helpful!
Melanie mentioned a support group for unfaithful women, but I cannot see the resource for this. Would you please share which group this is? Thank you (and apologies if I missed this if you have listed it somewhere!)
Hello! You can find more information about the group she mentioned here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing
I'm thankful y'all did a video like this, but what do you do if your spouse won't accept that you don't and never did love the AP? And unless you admit you do/did that you can never heal?
you'll need expert third party help to get through to your partner as you're not able to and that's pretty normal. you need expert objectivity....without that, it's incredibly hard to get through it and make a partner understand what you're trying to convey.
My DDAy was 2016 the week of our 10th anniversary, now my unfaithful wife all of a sudden doesn't believe in marriage.
I'm stuck I need to leave but feel like I'm trying to swim with a cruise ship anchor attached to my ankles.
My wife wants me around in the house for what I assume is convenience and not to have to constantly explain herself to our 10 and 12 year old sons.
It doesn't matter though, I've lost identity.
I got laid off just as I found a place to live.
She wants me around but doesn't want me, she still lies.
I've seen three different therapist and still haven't been able to rebound because I'm still here.
My depression has affected my sons and must be seaping from me during interviews because I haven't worked since July.
I feel I'm losing hope living in the basement of my own house while she goes on living her life spending time with friends.
While I'm constantly being rejected, over quality for some jobs, under for others.
I'll try again today to get up out of bed smile when I see my boys and dread the day.
Wow I'm really sorry this is so far after your D day and you're still being hurt by her actions. No one deserves to be hurt like you were and I hope you find some peace in your heart soon.
Friend, get out and meet your friends and family. Don't sink into isolation! If she was your social connection, then that is dangerous for you. Volunteer work may help you.
That's rough man, I feel for you.
How are you doing now, friend?
So where are they now?
Hello, has the interview with her husband been uploaded?
Seams like she was able to have the best of both worlds....must be nice.
So useful, thank you!
I needed to hear this. I am a woman married to a woman who is a diagnosed bi polar sex addict. This really resonated.
I wish there were more resources out there for affairs in lesbian relationships
Thank you for this interview!!!!
Yeah resentment is the justification to keep doing what doing to validate why unfaithfulls need to keep the affair going!!!
Awesome interview! Thank you
Thank you for this ...what is the forum please
forums are found at affairrecovery.com but it's a members forum where those in crisis look for help and insight and encourage others. it's not super expensive to become a member.
@@samshealingpodcast ok thank you ..I will check it out
Thank you very much for opening up.
I wish there were more of these videos from the unfaithful female side.
Hey! Thank you for this interview it was very helpful. My question is : My wife and I have been married for 16 years. She said she had an emotional affair only with her Taekwondo Instructor. He’s 62 and she’s 34. Both of them have children at home. Both of them are married. I want to understand why she went after him. What does/did she see in him? He’s the exact opposite kind of person that I ( her husband ) am. I’m totally confused. Please help me understand this !
I don’t know if your wife fits this particular category- but I was. My AP was much older also (we have lots in common) and connected via friendship way before anything more ever happened.
In regard to myself/my marriage.. I met and married my spouse at a young age. I was starting graduate School at the time and had very little experience in dating (life in general) prior to our coming together. We had been married for a little over a decade and were very disconnected (basically living as friends/roommates). Lots of difficulty with communicating.. and physical intimacy had always been an issue (was basically nonexistent at the time). The other person was filling in the gaps (of what was terribly missing).
All of this was kind of a perfect storm if that makes sense... I say none of this to make excuses.. but just to paint a picture of where I was at- at the time the other relationship began. In hopes that it might make some sense for you as to where your wife might have been.
The age gap and emotional affair aspect sounds similar to my situation. My spouse is 59, his AP was 31. We were 10 years in, estranged, living more like roommates, barely a sex life for years. Porn was the first issue, then heavier drinking, then closet drinking when I tried to reign in his heavier drinking. I kind of saw it coming because he was dishonest and unreliable. Yet was still somehow shocked and devastated when I realized this girl, that I knew too had pretty much replaced me. She gave him the attention he needed and felt he deserved. That's been his excuse all along and still fairly much is over half a year later. Likely the only reason it didn't go sexual was because he was afraid of performance issues. Since he brought her home to help her out when her dad died, I got to see that she was trying hard to make it sexual.
@@EadsB7002sounds like excuses
What is the forum for unfaithful women?
there is a course for women here: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing each class has their own forum, and there is a recovery library forum you can become a member to here: www.affairrecovery.com/members/recovery_library?category=0&page=1&num_per_page=20
What is your opinion on which course I should take being as I am betrayed & an unfaithful?
@@MizzSkizz801 you may consider taking both to be honest. i would do one, then maybe the other so you're able to get both sides. it's a bit tricky on which one you do first....it really depends on your situation and how it's going now. but i would do both for sure.
I wish my wife would listen to this. I pray to God she would listen to this and have similar breakthroughs. But it is God's will, not my own will be done. I praise His plan. It just sucks to have this hurt. I can only work on me.
Thank you for sharing your story. It gave me some hope and sadness. But the hope is greater.
Amazing interview.
Wow. I am destroy my 20 year partnership with affair😢is almost 1.5 year when i told him. He doesn't want me any more. I tried to explain him but he still can't belive i did this to him and kids. I want to restore our familly but he is such a pain😢😢
Mines too 😭
How do you not make the betrayed spouse feel gas lighted when you cant support when they keep saying you are in love with the AP. I never loved him, but as my BP puts it I did go to the AP after every bad relationship I had for 8yrs and I didn't recognize how evil the AP was from day one and never connected the evil he had done to me until my BP pointed it out to me now 17yrs later. This is why he thinks I loved the guy. I recognize I loved not being judged or accountable, but not the AP himself.
You must understand, that depending on the length of time of the affair and all the lies that were told, to maintain the affair for the betrayed, we clearly view that as an emotional entanglement.
she values her marriage now and sees it as something something worth protecting? how she see her marriage before?
Darn, I was hoping this would help me. I don’t regret my emotional affair and he doesn’t know about it (or maybe pretends to not know). I don’t love him and don’t think I ever did (we married because I was pregnant) but he loves me very much and that makes me sad because I cannot reciprocate. I think I have to leave him and he will have the chance to meet a woman who can love him.
How could you possibly take the images of your wife sleeping and enjoying with other men? It's impossible impossible impossible. That too she had multiple affairs. These female therapists are focus only towards women perspective. May be therapists are good to heal ppl, but that should not be guaranteed for reconciliation and relationship. Don't make MEN weak.
Wow, very powerful, best wishes
I think that this lady has a big heart because she tried and is trying to have a a relationship she is trying . and is bad that there are partners that wouldn't do the same to put there partner at eass she whent the extra mile to put her self out there for the only person that really ever counts .everything that she did is to be expected with out being asked .
But why did the affair occur
Thanks so much!
no words...
same thing right now is happening just got told my misses has been unfaithful and it was with her sisters ex boyfriend im so messed up hence my previous comment sry
A lot of these questions he should be asking the husband in an interview not her. If possible
Still wallowing in this with your husband years later? I’d rather start over if it’s going to linger that long.
🙏