8 years. He got more and more selfish. Eventually cheated and tried to force me into a poly relationship to cover his track. Eventually in couples therapy he admitted that he really didnt care if I was happy so I threw him out. Best decision I ever made
Did you really throw him out it sounds like he was kind of done with you a long time ago and you guys just finally accepted it. When someone asks for a poly relationship they're basically saying I don't want to be with you anymore but I don't want to split our stuff. You basically just said let's just split our stuff and move on.
@@robertstone9988 if he was done with me, if he said that I would have been ok and we could have gone our separate ways. He is the type of individual who is a leech. He leeches off anyone’s kindness. So why would be give up a free place to live with free food? He was also the kind of person that when I’d try to talk about things, he’d stone wall me. Plus he didn’t pay for anything, he didn’t pay for rent or food, I payed for everything. Plus I bought my house with my money, he didn’t contribute anything. Did I do it to myself, sure cause I loved him. But he kept taking and not giving. Hell I even gave him a month and a half to find an apartment. It is what it is cause I don’t regret ending it
@@robertstone9988 … your legit a complete stranger why do you act like you know this persons past relationship ?? All that matters is that they got out of that relationship. Let’s not be victim blamey and be that person to say to sum up your assumption “ why didn’t you break it off earlier/ or just accepted it ?” . Rude af dude
It should be legal, when someone asks/demands an open relationship, for you to play a Halfsies card. You immediately walk away with half of everything, no questions asked, no lawyers needed, a judge signs off within a week and it's done. And if it's discovered your ex has someone new before that week is done, they pay your rent for the next six months.
I got together with my ex when we were 16. By the time we got to our mid 20’s we had grown into two different people. Only regret was trying to force the relationship the last year or so.
Similar happened to me, we were just friends and had to end things! After the initial fallout and not talking for a few years we are now (ironically ot that ironically) really good friends now
Was married 27 years. He cheated and I truly believe I mistook him for actually loving me. I think just felt like he had a duty since we had two kids. He can fck all the way off because I definitely did not deserve the way he treated me at the end.
Dates a guy for 5 years and a few months. We broke up due to long distance, never knowing if we would meet and I was going to college. 5 years of college and December of 2019 we got back together and May 1st, 2020 we started to live together. Those 5 years apart showed us that we needed the time to grow and we definently wanted each other in the end.
I was used, cheated on, and betrayed. PoS only craved for attention and expects women to fight over for him. I was young and blindsided. Break up was a mess and took a long time to recover from a major heartbreak.
We were together for 10 years; met when I was 23, he was only 21 and we were both Wiley and unruly. We did the most and even though I was desperately in love our relationship was toxic. We were codependent, lost our own personal sense of self, really all around looking back it was a very typical young love. After our youngest son turned three, some very complicated things happened and I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. We had been struggling for a while, That feeling you get when you know things have run its course- it was definitely there and I had told him right before all of this happened that if he got in trouble with the law again I wasn’t gonna do it and be there (I cannot even tell you how much time away had been due to him being in and out of jail). I was tired of living like that and we were getting older, it simply wasn’t cute anymore and now I had a family to think of. There wasn’t really one defining moment but he did move out thinking that maybe a little bit of space and time to think and miss each other is what we would need but we were in different spots. There was one night where he came by to grab some clothes and he kissed me goodbye and I inherently knew that that was the absolute last time I was going to kiss that man. After that last kiss good night it would only be a few weeks before he was taken into custody and spent the next year back in prison. While he was there he would write me letters that I wouldn’t read and just throw away. The one letter that I did read he had begged me to take him back, that he only wanted his family back so I replied by telling him he needed to take the time to be selfish and work on himself to focus on being a good human and a good father instead of being in a relationship because having his family back what wouldn’t mean anything if he was still doing things the wrong way. Another year passed he was released worked his way through a work release program, never contacted me once. then one day out of the blue he called and simply asked if I would allow him time with his children. we talked on the phone for a little while he told me for the first time in his life he had his own apartment of his own his own car earned his license back was insured and had a tax paying job I was impressed and happy. During our time apart we had both been in short term abusive relationships; mine resulted in fling from my home with my children in the middle of the night and a police report, his resulted in another son - - that was a surprise and a hard pill to swallow. After being back in contact and getting back up to speed there was definitely an adjustment period and we struggled some because after a decade together no matter how much time has passed you’re overly comfortable and sometimes it was hard remembering that we weren’t together! After about nine months we realize we were still in love and even though we still had work to do in order to start over older and wiser learning from our past mistakes and the time we spent apart it was evident that we needed that time to learn a few things to grow up and gain perspective; I love that man good bad in between I love him I don’t regret the time we spent apart it was necessary, and things are still developing and we’re still learning how to do better and be better but today our relationship is as good as it has ever been and I’m pretty sure that he’ll be by my side even when we’re in the ground.
Green flag commitment/relationship checklist! I just thought it might help! -They the one person you are most comfortable communicating with, especially with difficult things. -They prioritize your well-being over themselves in a balanced way. -They respect you. -They address their relationship concerns with YOU and do not gossip to others. -When they are angry, they maintain self-control and release the anger in non-harmful ways. -They are generally kind and respectful to others, even those there to serve (such as waitstaff). -They treat you as a human being with equal importance and value in the relationship. -They cherish you (in whatever love language that is). -You can easily speak each other's love languages. -You both understand and respect each others' boundaries and needs. -Trust is airtight between each other. -You are each other's most comfortable humans, the safest of safe places. -You both prioritize the relationship over being correct. -You don't play games. You both clearly address issues in an honest, respectful way (without passive aggression or assumptions) -You both put in the WORK to grow both as humans and in the relationship!! Nobody is perfect, but I'd say if your partner and you demonstrate most of these with each other, maybe stop worrying so much.💙 what matters is recognizing imperfections, but working with the person you love, not against them. Help each other grow, and put in the effort. You are a team! Include them!💙
I had a close friend end her relationship after 7 years because her ex cheated on her with a girl from the gym. When she found out, she broke it off with him. He begged her. My friend is happy and he is now married to the girl from the gym. After seeing her go thru this, I decided I don’t want to date for a long long time because I don’t want to waste my years in a relationship that is going to go nowhere.
This scares me to no end. The fact that I will never be able to have someone who loves me due to my depression, it’s upsetting and I hate idk everything? Myself yeah I’ll go with that one
About 3 years too late, but I have loved the same girl for over 8 years and she has incredibly severe depression, BPD and other diagnoses. When it's YOUR person, those things doesn't matter. It's part of your daily life and you make it work. But if someone sees you as "that depressed person " or "my depressed bf/gf", it will be doomed from the start. I assure you, there is hope. But you have to work for it. Do nothing, and nothing will happen. Do something, and something will happen.
5.5years. Typical narcissistic abusive cycle Lovebombing (first year or so) - Devaluation (after 3 months to 4.5years) - accused me of cheating, made fun of my weight gain, would get horribly drunk and high and take his moods out on me, belittling me in front of his friends but denying he ever did it or say he was joking. Discard (he was cheating on me with random women in the last year of our relationship. He abused me verbally and emotionally to get me to break up with him so he wouldn't have to look like the bad guy. When the girl he liked turned him down 2 days after he ended it with me, he changed his mind and made my life hell for a year when I refused to take him back)
That man with his little girl deserves a WHOLE standing ovation!!! It may have taken a while, but he saw how the mom didn’t care about her baby, and did what he needed to do. A TRUE KING! 👑
I stayed with a selfish man-child too long, to keep my family off my back about settling down. I didn't want a relationship with anyone and my family treated me like a monster for that. After some time of weighing up how much more badly they would treat me for dumping him versus how much the relationship was dragging me under, I dumped him. No regrets, other than not having done it sooner.
My high school sweetheart and I were married, after 10 years (19) all together, he left me and our 7 year old daughter for my brothers girlfriend. They didn't last 6 months. I remarried to my now wonderful husband for 14years now. My ex is still unmarried and struggles to keep minutes on his track phone.
This is one of my biggest fears. I've been through breakups before, but never had a relationship make it to the 1 year point (closest was 11.5 months). I'm so terrified to fall in love with someone, start forming a life with them, be together for years and then just... Not be with them anymore. If my 11 month relationship ending hurt that much, I can't imagine how much it would hurt to end a 5 year or 10 year relationship. That kinda thought makes me never want to try to be with anyone
The first cut is the deepest (great song lol maybe it gets easier or maybe you just never fall that deep again! I dunno but I think that first heart break is always, for me going to be the worst
It is scary. I completely agree. But it is beautiful to love someone. I stopped worrying and being so anxious every time I was going through the bad time and also the best, once I stopped it was so much better. We were just together. Not counting down the days together, counting all the days we’ve been together
It’s really scary especially if you just got out of a bad break up . Had a bad break up that lasted 9- almost 10 months on and off with a guy I did my best to make it work … ever since the break up I found a healthy relationship and me and my new partner have lasted 3 going on 4 years and I’m getting married next week ❤️ allow yourself to heal that your willing to get back out into the dating scene and always learn from your past relationships. If I never got hurt and cheated on and left behind I wouldn’t have met my soon to be husband
Dated a guy for seven years.... After tomorrow university graduation, he wasn't ambitious or thought about his future. He wanted me to plan everything for him when he wanted to start a business. I was in no position to do so or know anything about. He didn't even want to spend the time or effort to do research about it. I went back to school and got more education realizing that as much as I love him he wasn't going anywhere and had no intention or marrying me or have future plans with me. I broke it off. I dated other people eventually I found out he married someone else two years later we broke up. I was a bit sad at first, but it was better off this way. It wouldn't be the future that I wanted and wouldn't have what I have right now. I do wish that I realized this sooner that we weren't a match and dated other people instead. I felt like I wasted so much time on a relationship going in circles or no where.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 almost 5 years we are long distance and I'm so scared of us living together and losing love for each other because we will spend so much time together...
Make sure to spend time apart and to have your own things that you do by yourself, and practice mindfulness with them. It takes effort to be in a good relationship and I think a trap that people fall into is they stop making an effort to see what they love about their partner and also telling their partner that, and showing it to them. If you can spend quality time without them and if you can remember to appreciate them and to show it and say it, I think that will help.
@@chelseahalcomb5292don’t worry about it. Be sure to keep “Me Time” a thing. Distance is important as closeness in a relationship. Its a careful balance. Just be very clear and very precise when you are defining borders in a relationship
First story is almost exactly my previous situation. My ex and I were long distance (she lives in Seattle, I live in Los Angeles) which was its own set of difficulties. Plus, we weren’t compatible at all. But I convinced myself that we could overcome our differences as long as we were willing to work. Plus, we had genuine love for each other. Then one day, she broke up with me, saying that our romantic relationship was over. It wasn’t a blindside, but it still hurt like shit. Then almost a year later, she told me that she had developed feelings for another man, and that was why she broke things off with me. To say it didn’t wreck me would be a lie, but it was still miles better than being cheated on.
She got depressed she couldn’t have kids and then started sleeping with her boss, caught them twice. Forgave her the first time after the second time our relationship was over. Later on in the months she called and asked forgiveness because after going to a therapist she realized she threw away a perfect marriage because of depression, letting her single friends goat her into cheating, and being jealous of other happy family’s with kids. Yeah that’s why after 5 years it fell apart.
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you". "Ok, then why did you stay with me this long? You should have said that before we went further." That was the conversation I had with my ex girlfriend last year. We were dating for 6 years. She left me for some stoner she hardly knew. Now she's regretted leaving me and is constantly begging me to take her back. Nope, not gonna happen.
Last story kept repeating “it’s all about the little things.” Seems like the lesson of that story is ‘watch out for substance abuse issues, they can sneak up on you.” After all, it was one big thing that ended his relationship. Addiction. Not the little things.
I... really did not like the planets and moons metaphor. All that really says, imo, is that that person has had a lot of imbalanced relationships. It should be equal. It's a fantastic example for some relationships and also unhealthy ones, but using it as an example for all relationships is worrisome imo. It's not that relationships like that cannot work or are naturally unhealthy, but it should not be the expected norm. Ngl I'm just kinda concerned about them and hope they're alright.
Agree! Also something about the individual (planet) having no control over their own feelings/actions - everything is a function of the system - just strikes me as so strange.
She was using and manipulating me and i was a doormat. Every one else in my life could see it but my blinders was on so i actual cut some people out due to it. When i stopped being a doormat in every other aspect of my life i left her after she cheated doubt it was the first time. And i refused to be manipulated or be used so she was pissy about that. 2 yrs later me and the cats are alot happier still single. Got used by another girl decided to focus on myself before trying again. Hopefully i find someone mature since i seem to keep picking "fun" aka immature women.
Going strong close almost 17 years now. Though we did have a long distance period which forced us to really understand each other and learn to talk it out when things got difficult. Now happily married and we're best friends because our communication is the building blocks of our relationship.
This was just depressing, I thought it'd be more 'found a bunch of cp' or 'yeah turns out she's in a cult and I didnt' want to join'. Most of these jsut made me sad.
20 Years and just ended it. Sexual infidelity for years, texting escorts. Financial infidelity, saying he was managing debts when he was not. Pretty sure he was a narc, he was just all about himself, his needs, his wants....Constantly complaining and whining about his financial circumstances, blamed me, his kid everyone for his circumstances. He would demean me, belittle me. I got diagnosed with ms, he would go so low and make comments that no one would want me because I have ms. At this point he made me angry, resentful, bitter to the point I would constantly reactively abuse him so he would hate me and leave willingly, I was that sick of his sh%$. I ended up kicking him out.
To those struggling with the thought of commitment: the question of "but do I love them enough to marry them?" Is a question easily answered with another question: "can I live without them? Could I watch them walk that aisle with someone else?" Imagining life without my husband was all it took for me to be like "okay yeah that thought strikes mortal peril directly into my soul" Another important question is, "am I afraid of working harder than them at the relationship?" This question absolutely involves your partner and knowing them well up until this point. This question MUST be communicated to your SO. This should be a person you can tell anything. In short, know what you want, and know how to figure out what you want. (It usually involves asking yourself questions and listening for the answers).
Green flag checklist I just thought might help! -They the one person you are most comfortable communicating with, especially with difficult things. -They prioritize your well-being over themselves in a balanced way. -They respect you. -They address their relationship concerns with YOU and do not gossip to others. -When they are angry, they maintain self-control and release the anger in non-harmful ways. -They are generally kind and respectful to others, even those there to serve (such as waitstaff). -They treat you as a human being with equal importance and value in the relationship. -They cherish you (in whatever love language that is). -You can easily speak each other's love languages. -You both understand and respect each others' boundaries and needs. -Trust is airtight between each other. -You are each other's most comfortable humans, the safest of safe places. -You both prioritize the relationship over being correct. -You don't play games. You both clearly address issues in an honest, respectful way (without passive aggression or assumptions) -You both put in the WORK to grow both as humans and in the relationship!! Nobody is perfect, but I'd say if your partner and you demonstrate most of these with each other, maybe stop worrying so much.💙 what matters is recognizing imperfections, but working with the person you love, not against them. Help each other grow, and put in the effort. 💙
7 years. When she was unemployed for a year gain weight (40kg on her natural 80) and was depressed, I was here for her. When I got depressed (bad work environnement) and she got better, she cheated to see if she could score better
5.5 years in the pen for me here, I called it off. We became roommates more than anything, there was no romance or passion, yet she still wanted to get married. For two years when I would try to initiate bedroom time to which she’d get annoyed & say “if you want it so badly go find it elsewhere” (and yet she’d get mad when I serviced myself) Eventually, 3 weeks before our wedding I snapped and called it off. Moral of the story: Romance is a key component of relationships. Don’t bottle up your emotions in the name of “hoping for the best”
My husband said he didn’t wanna be a father. I left him 24 days after our son was born. He’s had no part in his life, 100% his choice. I’m much happier with the man my son calls father.
6:02 that's what I thought when I heard the first part, I'm so glad to hear this relationship didn't collapse after all. As someone who's never been in a relationship in his mid 20's these stories (especially the one in 13:30) make me realize that maybe I didn't miss out much with the whole "young love" thing. I was a very different person back in high school and college (in some aspects for the worse) and thank goodness I didn't try to date at the time, had I even been successful somehow in landing a date eventually it all would have fallen apart anyways when my old worldview collapsed a few years ago (thus I could relate a bit to the story at 15:45). It could be that one very important thing to remember (like 26:38 says), as I recall hearing elsewhere, is that you should never, ever take your relationships for granted as if you do it might be over. 17:27 and 20:44 reminded me that I've also recently realized that it really is not a good idea to try get dates to escape the loneliness I have sometimes, if you don't know how to deal with that relationships will not save you from it (not in the long run at least), I guess it's another reminder that maybe in my case I'm putting the cart before the horse.
I had one relationship where we both got bored, were some attempts to cheat but didn't fully do it, we were relatively honest. The only long lasting relationship where the spark was gone.
I'm bewildered by the tenor of these comments. I was in a relationship that went from good to bad and back to good and then to bad - it went on for over 4 years as a constant up or down drama. Certainly it wasn't this 'suddenly realised we'd got boring' ...
I left a relationship at the 4 year mark. At about one year I was sad in the relationship because he was angry all the time and hated to talk and we fought all the time mostly because he likes to get angry at every little thing always. I was unhappy but thought it was bad to just give up so I hung on but after awhile I couldn't take any more. It wasn't sudden, it was just a ridiculously slow death by a thousand cuts. I feel so relieved I just ended it and don't have to endure his nonsense anymore.
Not me but a best friend of mine had their 9 year long relationship ruined by covid restrictions - not being able to see each other. I guess it just.. faded because of that? It was awful to see my best friend so miserable but ultimately their relationship was ruined.
My then Ex Girlfriend cheated on me with a guy she met at a party after 6+ years. She suggested an open relationship afterwards as if to patch her tracks. I dumped her. I wanted to marry that woman and propose A year later I found someone truly amazing. And realized that in my first relationship I was mever loved at all. My wife is the most amazing person on earth. 11 years and still going strong.
I wish I knew. My ex and I had been together for nine years, dated all through college and we got along really well. Then in February of this year, he heard me say “motherfucker” about something while he was playing Warhammer Darktide with some friends. Told me to take my stuff out of his apartment the next morning, cause he couldn’t date someone who insulted his friends. I honestly was too shocked to protest my innocence/good intentions. I suspect a few things had been simmering-primarily me dragging my feet on getting a job near his apt so I could move in-and this was just the last straw…but he didn’t even ask if I’d really said what he heard me say. I don’t know if I’ll ever get an answer from him as to why _that_ happened. I can’t bring myself to ask about it.
i was dating my most recent ex for just under 10 years.. had a few issues along the way but what ended it for us was when she started wanting to go "hang out" with all her male friends while i was at work, and with in 2 months was sleeping with 3 of them before i had proof and left....... also in that 2 months never wanted to be touched by me........ do i work to much? yeah i do... but if you're not happy just break up with me.... i dont get why cheating is the go to when people are not happy just leave
I saved my fiance from an abusive father, abusive twin and a rapist roommate of theirs. I took care of her on my own trying to give her time to get a job and sort her life out. I had to do almost everything: drive, work, shop and manage all the bills and finances. My first red flags is that she was content smoking weed and sleeping/watching stuff all day and NEVER cleaning and when I asked she would do a poor job, making It my job to do correctly instead of arguing to do it better... I broke up after 2 years and tried to work things out because I really cared and loved her. Now I'm typing all this after 5 years saying I wish I never had. Even after she got a job and finally started paying her share of the bills; I was happier but It highlighted everything else that was wrong with her over time: selfishness, short sighted with life, easily frazzled, bad at listening, still didn't help with chores, and would get so upset if I tried to be happy with anything or anyone else as a friend. I look back on all the love and good times and how they are overshadowed by fights over things that should be easy to fix or understand. I had my 4th or 5th mental breakdown over fighting with not being heard from respected enough to be acknowledged. I wasted 5 years of my life, attempting to save someone from a horrible situation, just to be treated like someone not worthy of real love and real consideration because I saved a miserable person who is the way she is because of abuse. Even if it's not her fault, it's a responsibility that she wasn't taking care of, so I'm miserable I have to leave her but I have no choice anymore...
Because I’m bad at planning and my wife wanted me to work while I was a full-time college student. Ignoring that I got money from the GI Bill and I’m a disabled veteran with a rating of 90%, apparently it was acceptable when she was in college and I worked full-time. But when we switched roles the expectations became ridiculous. I was supposed to work FT, school FT, take care of the house, and be available. All while she worked 3 days a week.
My ex-wife was hard enough to live with when she wouldn't take her anti-depressants. When she turned type II & wouldn't take her blood glucose drugs, she became a full on maniac.
People change over time. Sometimes you change in different directions and you’re no longer on the same path. Often people change together in the same direction, and that’s a wonderful thing, but it’s not guaranteed. You just need to accept that you’re no longer compatible. Why beat a dead horse?
I once told a good friend "people can change, but generally not in the way you want or expect" i still stand by those words.
That's...... I'm using that. Thank you for commenting this.
I won't use but I damn sure will be thinking it, thanks.
8 years. He got more and more selfish. Eventually cheated and tried to force me into a poly relationship to cover his track. Eventually in couples therapy he admitted that he really didnt care if I was happy so I threw him out. Best decision I ever made
Did you really throw him out it sounds like he was kind of done with you a long time ago and you guys just finally accepted it. When someone asks for a poly relationship they're basically saying I don't want to be with you anymore but I don't want to split our stuff. You basically just said let's just split our stuff and move on.
@@robertstone9988 if he was done with me, if he said that I would have been ok and we could have gone our separate ways. He is the type of individual who is a leech. He leeches off anyone’s kindness. So why would be give up a free place to live with free food? He was also the kind of person that when I’d try to talk about things, he’d stone wall me. Plus he didn’t pay for anything, he didn’t pay for rent or food, I payed for everything. Plus I bought my house with my money, he didn’t contribute anything. Did I do it to myself, sure cause I loved him. But he kept taking and not giving. Hell I even gave him a month and a half to find an apartment. It is what it is cause I don’t regret ending it
@@robertstone9988 … your legit a complete stranger why do you act like you know this persons past relationship ?? All that matters is that they got out of that relationship.
Let’s not be victim blamey and be that person to say to sum up your assumption “ why didn’t you break it off earlier/ or just accepted it ?” . Rude af dude
☹️
It should be legal, when someone asks/demands an open relationship, for you to play a Halfsies card. You immediately walk away with half of everything, no questions asked, no lawyers needed, a judge signs off within a week and it's done. And if it's discovered your ex has someone new before that week is done, they pay your rent for the next six months.
Imagine choosing 5 minutes of sexual satisfaction over 5+ years of love, affection and protection. I can't understand people.
My ex did that with like five different women LMAO, the best part is that all of his affairs failed and then I dumped him. 🤣
@@laneatkinson6441 This means that the dude has been in relationships with women he ended up cheating on for more time than I have been alive.
You’re premise is that there was 5+ years of love and affection. You have no idea what any of their relationships are like behind closed doors.
@@theslavicdoomerandfighter2631 Each affair did not last 5+ years, they lasted a few weeks at best. Lol
5 minutes? Oof
I got together with my ex when we were 16. By the time we got to our mid 20’s we had grown into two different people. Only regret was trying to force the relationship the last year or so.
Similar happened to me, we were just friends and had to end things! After the initial fallout and not talking for a few years we are now (ironically
ot that ironically) really good friends now
Plus she probably start to get fat too
Yeah just left a 7y yesterday. Not a good feeling. But ik its a nessary one
@@richardmetellus2336 sorry man...
Was married 27 years. He cheated and I truly believe I mistook him for actually loving me. I think just felt like he had a duty since we had two kids.
He can fck all the way off because I definitely did not deserve the way he treated me at the end.
Dates a guy for 5 years and a few months. We broke up due to long distance, never knowing if we would meet and I was going to college. 5 years of college and December of 2019 we got back together and May 1st, 2020 we started to live together.
Those 5 years apart showed us that we needed the time to grow and we definently wanted each other in the end.
I had the same experience. What they say is true, “if it’s meant to be, it will be.”
“Arizona Winter” is a great title for a Rom-Com or something.
Definitely! And if you've ever experienced a winter in Arizona, you would totally understand the beauty of it!
Totally..
And then the sequel will be “Manhattan Summer”😂
My biggest fear is that I will be cheated on, stay in the relationship because I am unaware and waste all my young time on some pos.
Same.
I was used, cheated on, and betrayed. PoS only craved for attention and expects women to fight over for him. I was young and blindsided. Break up was a mess and took a long time to recover from a major heartbreak.
Must have been very difficult.
@@norasmith287 yeah...but that was years ago. I've moved on to better things.
@@Love2Banime it was same for me, but now , I have leant how to use the power of attraction to find a good man
@@norasmith287 ... kinda how it works. But make sure that isnt all you are. A good man can see through just attraction
We were together for 10 years; met when I was 23, he was only 21 and we were both Wiley and unruly. We did the most and even though I was desperately in love our relationship was toxic. We were codependent, lost our own personal sense of self, really all around looking back it was a very typical young love.
After our youngest son turned three, some very complicated things happened and I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. We had been struggling for a while, That feeling you get when you know things have run its course- it was definitely there and I had told him right before all of this happened that if he got in trouble with the law again I wasn’t gonna do it and be there (I cannot even tell you how much time away had been due to him being in and out of jail). I was tired of living like that and we were getting older, it simply wasn’t cute anymore and now I had a family to think of.
There wasn’t really one defining moment but he did move out thinking that maybe a little bit of space and time to think and miss each other is what we would need but we were in different spots. There was one night where he came by to grab some clothes and he kissed me goodbye and I inherently knew that that was the absolute last time I was going to kiss that man.
After that last kiss good night it would only be a few weeks before he was taken into custody and spent the next year back in prison. While he was there he would write me letters that I wouldn’t read and just throw away. The one letter that I did read he had begged me to take him back, that he only wanted his family back so I replied by telling him he needed to take the time to be selfish and work on himself to focus on being a good human and a good father instead of being in a relationship because having his family back what wouldn’t mean anything if he was still doing things the wrong way.
Another year passed he was released worked his way through a work release program, never contacted me once. then one day out of the blue he called and simply asked if I would allow him time with his children. we talked on the phone for a little while he told me for the first time in his life he had his own apartment of his own his own car earned his license back was insured and had a tax paying job I was impressed and happy.
During our time apart we had both been in short term abusive relationships; mine resulted in fling from my home with my children in the middle of the night and a police report, his resulted in another son - - that was a surprise and a hard pill to swallow. After being back in contact and getting back up to speed there was definitely an adjustment period and we struggled some because after a decade together no matter how much time has passed you’re overly comfortable and sometimes it was hard remembering that we weren’t together!
After about nine months we realize we were still in love and even though we still had work to do in order to start over older and wiser learning from our past mistakes and the time we spent apart it was evident that we needed that time to learn a few things to grow up and gain perspective; I love that man good bad in between I love him I don’t regret the time we spent apart it was necessary, and things are still developing and we’re still learning how to do better and be better but today our relationship is as good as it has ever been and I’m pretty sure that he’ll be by my side even when we’re in the ground.
Oh man .. I stopped reading halfway lol
I read all the way to the end
It's nice to see he matured and you guys are doing better
Similar situation here.
Your choices in men are questionable…
Just left a financially draining relationship with a man child who told stupid little lies 😑
Yay, more money for you!
@@abohsukampret yesss
Green flag commitment/relationship checklist! I just thought it might help!
-They the one person you are most comfortable communicating with, especially with difficult things.
-They prioritize your well-being over themselves in a balanced way.
-They respect you.
-They address their relationship concerns with YOU and do not gossip to others.
-When they are angry, they maintain self-control and release the anger in non-harmful ways.
-They are generally kind and respectful to others, even those there to serve (such as waitstaff).
-They treat you as a human being with equal importance and value in the relationship.
-They cherish you (in whatever love language that is).
-You can easily speak each other's love languages.
-You both understand and respect each others' boundaries and needs.
-Trust is airtight between each other.
-You are each other's most comfortable humans, the safest of safe places.
-You both prioritize the relationship over being correct.
-You don't play games. You both clearly address issues in an honest, respectful way (without passive aggression or assumptions)
-You both put in the WORK to grow both as humans and in the relationship!!
Nobody is perfect, but I'd say if your partner and you demonstrate most of these with each other, maybe stop worrying so much.💙 what matters is recognizing imperfections, but working with the person you love, not against them. Help each other grow, and put in the effort. You are a team! Include them!💙
I had a close friend end her relationship after 7 years because her ex cheated on her with a girl from the gym. When she found out, she broke it off with him. He begged her. My friend is happy and he is now married to the girl from the gym. After seeing her go thru this, I decided I don’t want to date for a long long time because I don’t want to waste my years in a relationship that is going to go nowhere.
This scares me to no end.
The fact that I will never be able to have someone who loves me due to my depression, it’s upsetting and I hate idk everything? Myself yeah I’ll go with that one
Start to love yourself and someone who does the same will come around .🙃
Therapy
About 3 years too late, but I have loved the same girl for over 8 years and she has incredibly severe depression, BPD and other diagnoses. When it's YOUR person, those things doesn't matter. It's part of your daily life and you make it work. But if someone sees you as "that depressed person " or "my depressed bf/gf", it will be doomed from the start. I assure you, there is hope. But you have to work for it. Do nothing, and nothing will happen. Do something, and something will happen.
I got tired of hearing, "Whatever you want to do, the answer is NO!" every weekend.
Wow that's terrible, I'm glad you're out and I hope you're still doing better even 3 years after you've left this comment ❤
5.5years.
Typical narcissistic abusive cycle
Lovebombing (first year or so) -
Devaluation (after 3 months to 4.5years) - accused me of cheating, made fun of my weight gain, would get horribly drunk and high and take his moods out on me, belittling me in front of his friends but denying he ever did it or say he was joking.
Discard (he was cheating on me with random women in the last year of our relationship. He abused me verbally and emotionally to get me to break up with him so he wouldn't have to look like the bad guy. When the girl he liked turned him down 2 days after he ended it with me, he changed his mind and made my life hell for a year when I refused to take him back)
That man with his little girl deserves a WHOLE standing ovation!!! It may have taken a while, but he saw how the mom didn’t care about her baby, and did what he needed to do. A TRUE KING! 👑
14:02 has me shook. So beautifully explained
6:19 happy ending! yay! 12:30 is like she regressed to college girl student mindset 17:17 HAPPY ENDING AGAIN!
23:47 this one hurts
I stayed with a selfish man-child too long, to keep my family off my back about settling down. I didn't want a relationship with anyone and my family treated me like a monster for that. After some time of weighing up how much more badly they would treat me for dumping him versus how much the relationship was dragging me under, I dumped him. No regrets, other than not having done it sooner.
The metaphorical explanation with planets and their moons (gravitational pull) is amazing.
My high school sweetheart and I were married, after 10 years (19) all together, he left me and our 7 year old daughter for my brothers girlfriend. They didn't last 6 months. I remarried to my now wonderful husband for 14years now. My ex is still unmarried and struggles to keep minutes on his track phone.
This is one of my biggest fears. I've been through breakups before, but never had a relationship make it to the 1 year point (closest was 11.5 months). I'm so terrified to fall in love with someone, start forming a life with them, be together for years and then just... Not be with them anymore. If my 11 month relationship ending hurt that much, I can't imagine how much it would hurt to end a 5 year or 10 year relationship. That kinda thought makes me never want to try to be with anyone
The first cut is the deepest (great song lol maybe it gets easier or maybe you just never fall that deep again! I dunno but I think that first heart break is always, for me going to be the worst
It is scary. I completely agree. But it is beautiful to love someone.
I stopped worrying and being so anxious every time I was going through the bad time and also the best, once I stopped it was so much better. We were just together. Not counting down the days together, counting all the days we’ve been together
It’s really scary especially if you just got out of a bad break up . Had a bad break up that lasted 9- almost 10 months on and off with a guy I did my best to make it work … ever since the break up I found a healthy relationship and me and my new partner have lasted 3 going on 4 years and I’m getting married next week ❤️ allow yourself to heal that your willing to get back out into the dating scene and always learn from your past relationships. If I never got hurt and cheated on and left behind I wouldn’t have met my soon to be husband
Because I got tired of being put last and turned the tables. Took him 2 months to get tired.
Dated a guy for seven years.... After tomorrow university graduation, he wasn't ambitious or thought about his future. He wanted me to plan everything for him when he wanted to start a business. I was in no position to do so or know anything about. He didn't even want to spend the time or effort to do research about it. I went back to school and got more education realizing that as much as I love him he wasn't going anywhere and had no intention or marrying me or have future plans with me. I broke it off. I dated other people eventually I found out he married someone else two years later we broke up. I was a bit sad at first, but it was better off this way. It wouldn't be the future that I wanted and wouldn't have what I have right now. I do wish that I realized this sooner that we weren't a match and dated other people instead. I felt like I wasted so much time on a relationship going in circles or no where.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 almost 5 years we are long distance and I'm so scared of us living together and losing love for each other because we will spend so much time together...
Well then marriage would be out of the question.
Make sure to spend time apart and to have your own things that you do by yourself, and practice mindfulness with them. It takes effort to be in a good relationship and I think a trap that people fall into is they stop making an effort to see what they love about their partner and also telling their partner that, and showing it to them. If you can spend quality time without them and if you can remember to appreciate them and to show it and say it, I think that will help.
We have an amazing relationship I just worry we will become stagnant once we live together which will be soon hopefully
It's a valid concern.
Signed, someone who was in a LD relationship for 6 years before moving in together 1 year ago.
@@chelseahalcomb5292don’t worry about it. Be sure to keep “Me Time” a thing. Distance is important as closeness in a relationship. Its a careful balance.
Just be very clear and very precise when you are defining borders in a relationship
Mine was just… The flame was gone. She lacked motivation to get a job. I’m with someone new now, after almost a year and a half.
I use the phrase "It takes two to tango" ALL THE TIME!! Especially when it comes to relationships
First story is almost exactly my previous situation.
My ex and I were long distance (she lives in Seattle, I live in Los Angeles) which was its own set of difficulties. Plus, we weren’t compatible at all. But I convinced myself that we could overcome our differences as long as we were willing to work. Plus, we had genuine love for each other. Then one day, she broke up with me, saying that our romantic relationship was over. It wasn’t a blindside, but it still hurt like shit.
Then almost a year later, she told me that she had developed feelings for another man, and that was why she broke things off with me. To say it didn’t wreck me would be a lie, but it was still miles better than being cheated on.
10 years. I found strength to open my eyes to the narcissistic abuse and left. Hardest decision but best decision
She got depressed she couldn’t have kids and then started sleeping with her boss, caught them twice. Forgave her the first time after the second time our relationship was over. Later on in the months she called and asked forgiveness because after going to a therapist she realized she threw away a perfect marriage because of depression, letting her single friends goat her into cheating, and being jealous of other happy family’s with kids. Yeah that’s why after 5 years it fell apart.
"I love you, but I'm not in love with you". "Ok, then why did you stay with me this long? You should have said that before we went further."
That was the conversation I had with my ex girlfriend last year. We were dating for 6 years. She left me for some stoner she hardly knew. Now she's regretted leaving me and is constantly begging me to take her back. Nope, not gonna happen.
The planet and moon metaphor is so damn poetic and sciency....
Yeah, but it also means that person always has lopsided relationships. That's not good.
Last story kept repeating “it’s all about the little things.” Seems like the lesson of that story is ‘watch out for substance abuse issues, they can sneak up on you.” After all, it was one big thing that ended his relationship. Addiction. Not the little things.
When she finally left...I was so exhausted in every way..it took me 3 years to recover.
It’s usually cheating/boredom/itching to see what else is out there.
I... really did not like the planets and moons metaphor. All that really says, imo, is that that person has had a lot of imbalanced relationships. It should be equal. It's a fantastic example for some relationships and also unhealthy ones, but using it as an example for all relationships is worrisome imo.
It's not that relationships like that cannot work or are naturally unhealthy, but it should not be the expected norm. Ngl I'm just kinda concerned about them and hope they're alright.
Agree! Also something about the individual (planet) having no control over their own feelings/actions - everything is a function of the system - just strikes me as so strange.
@@akhipavi Quite true. It feels like a copout for excusing potentially abusive behavior by saying they don't have control over themselves.
Don't promise to wait for someone after agreeing to a short break then turn tf around with a new fuckboy
She was using and manipulating me and i was a doormat. Every one else in my life could see it but my blinders was on so i actual cut some people out due to it. When i stopped being a doormat in every other aspect of my life i left her after she cheated doubt it was the first time. And i refused to be manipulated or be used so she was pissy about that. 2 yrs later me and the cats are alot happier still single. Got used by another girl decided to focus on myself before trying again. Hopefully i find someone mature since i seem to keep picking "fun" aka immature women.
Going strong close almost 17 years now. Though we did have a long distance period which forced us to really understand each other and learn to talk it out when things got difficult. Now happily married and we're best friends because our communication is the building blocks of our relationship.
People change. It's a sad reality.
This was just depressing, I thought it'd be more 'found a bunch of cp' or 'yeah turns out she's in a cult and I didnt' want to join'. Most of these jsut made me sad.
I'm not too sure, but I think my watching all those Say Yes to the Dress episodes on his Netflix scared him off 😅.
It’s not a happy ending if you’re moving from Manhattan to Arizona.
20 Years and just ended it. Sexual infidelity for years, texting escorts. Financial infidelity, saying he was managing debts when he was not.
Pretty sure he was a narc, he was just all about himself, his needs, his wants....Constantly complaining and whining about his financial circumstances, blamed me, his kid everyone for his circumstances.
He would demean me, belittle me. I got diagnosed with ms, he would go so low and make comments that no one would want me because I have ms.
At this point he made me angry, resentful, bitter to the point I would constantly reactively abuse him so he would hate me and leave willingly, I was that sick of his sh%$. I ended up kicking him out.
To those struggling with the thought of commitment: the question of "but do I love them enough to marry them?" Is a question easily answered with another question: "can I live without them? Could I watch them walk that aisle with someone else?" Imagining life without my husband was all it took for me to be like "okay yeah that thought strikes mortal peril directly into my soul"
Another important question is, "am I afraid of working harder than them at the relationship?" This question absolutely involves your partner and knowing them well up until this point. This question MUST be communicated to your SO. This should be a person you can tell anything. In short, know what you want, and know how to figure out what you want. (It usually involves asking yourself questions and listening for the answers).
Green flag checklist I just thought might help!
-They the one person you are most comfortable communicating with, especially with difficult things.
-They prioritize your well-being over themselves in a balanced way.
-They respect you.
-They address their relationship concerns with YOU and do not gossip to others.
-When they are angry, they maintain self-control and release the anger in non-harmful ways.
-They are generally kind and respectful to others, even those there to serve (such as waitstaff).
-They treat you as a human being with equal importance and value in the relationship.
-They cherish you (in whatever love language that is).
-You can easily speak each other's love languages.
-You both understand and respect each others' boundaries and needs.
-Trust is airtight between each other.
-You are each other's most comfortable humans, the safest of safe places.
-You both prioritize the relationship over being correct.
-You don't play games. You both clearly address issues in an honest, respectful way (without passive aggression or assumptions)
-You both put in the WORK to grow both as humans and in the relationship!!
Nobody is perfect, but I'd say if your partner and you demonstrate most of these with each other, maybe stop worrying so much.💙 what matters is recognizing imperfections, but working with the person you love, not against them. Help each other grow, and put in the effort. 💙
7 years. When she was unemployed for a year gain weight (40kg on her natural 80) and was depressed, I was here for her. When I got depressed (bad work environnement) and she got better, she cheated to see if she could score better
5.5 years in the pen for me here, I called it off.
We became roommates more than anything, there was no romance or passion, yet she still wanted to get married. For two years when I would try to initiate bedroom time to which she’d get annoyed & say “if you want it so badly go find it elsewhere” (and yet she’d get mad when I serviced myself)
Eventually, 3 weeks before our wedding I snapped and called it off.
Moral of the story: Romance is a key component of relationships. Don’t bottle up your emotions in the name of “hoping for the best”
My husband said he didn’t wanna be a father. I left him 24 days after our son was born. He’s had no part in his life, 100% his choice. I’m much happier with the man my son calls father.
Did he say he didn't want to be a father before you got pregnant or only when the baby arrived?
@@martineaaahhh7326 that’s my question too
I often think many people know when it's over (usually less then 5 years)but won't admit it.People get comfortable with each other.
6:02 that's what I thought when I heard the first part, I'm so glad to hear this relationship didn't collapse after all.
As someone who's never been in a relationship in his mid 20's these stories (especially the one in 13:30) make me realize that maybe I didn't miss out much with the whole "young love" thing. I was a very different person back in high school and college (in some aspects for the worse) and thank goodness I didn't try to date at the time, had I even been successful somehow in landing a date eventually it all would have fallen apart anyways when my old worldview collapsed a few years ago (thus I could relate a bit to the story at 15:45).
It could be that one very important thing to remember (like 26:38 says), as I recall hearing elsewhere, is that you should never, ever take your relationships for granted as if you do it might be over.
17:27 and 20:44 reminded me that I've also recently realized that it really is not a good idea to try get dates to escape the loneliness I have sometimes, if you don't know how to deal with that relationships will not save you from it (not in the long run at least), I guess it's another reminder that maybe in my case I'm putting the cart before the horse.
12:40 glad the cheaters parents had OPs back!
0:19..." Okay... I'm out! "
I had one relationship where we both got bored, were some attempts to cheat but didn't fully do it, we were relatively honest. The only long lasting relationship where the spark was gone.
I'm bewildered by the tenor of these comments. I was in a relationship that went from good to bad and back to good and then to bad - it went on for over 4 years as a constant up or down drama. Certainly it wasn't this 'suddenly realised we'd got boring' ...
I left a relationship at the 4 year mark. At about one year I was sad in the relationship because he was angry all the time and hated to talk and we fought all the time mostly because he likes to get angry at every little thing always. I was unhappy but thought it was bad to just give up so I hung on but after awhile I couldn't take any more. It wasn't sudden, it was just a ridiculously slow death by a thousand cuts. I feel so relieved I just ended it and don't have to endure his nonsense anymore.
14:09 this describes perfectly how toxic / abusive relationships work and how they feel!
Not me but a best friend of mine had their 9 year long relationship ruined by covid restrictions - not being able to see each other. I guess it just.. faded because of that? It was awful to see my best friend so miserable but ultimately their relationship was ruined.
My then Ex Girlfriend cheated on me with a guy she met at a party after 6+ years. She suggested an open relationship afterwards as if to patch her tracks. I dumped her. I wanted to marry that woman and propose
A year later I found someone truly amazing. And realized that in my first relationship I was mever loved at all. My wife is the most amazing person on earth. 11 years and still going strong.
I wish I knew. My ex and I had been together for nine years, dated all through college and we got along really well. Then in February of this year, he heard me say “motherfucker” about something while he was playing Warhammer Darktide with some friends. Told me to take my stuff out of his apartment the next morning, cause he couldn’t date someone who insulted his friends.
I honestly was too shocked to protest my innocence/good intentions. I suspect a few things had been simmering-primarily me dragging my feet on getting a job near his apt so I could move in-and this was just the last straw…but he didn’t even ask if I’d really said what he heard me say. I don’t know if I’ll ever get an answer from him as to why _that_ happened. I can’t bring myself to ask about it.
i was dating my most recent ex for just under 10 years.. had a few issues along the way but what ended it for us was when she started wanting to go "hang out" with all her male friends while i was at work, and with in 2 months was sleeping with 3 of them before i had proof and left....... also in that 2 months never wanted to be touched by me........ do i work to much? yeah i do... but if you're not happy just break up with me.... i dont get why cheating is the go to when people are not happy just leave
You either grow really close or you grow apart …. We grew apart
First one hit close to home. Had the exact same situation
I saved my fiance from an abusive father, abusive twin and a rapist roommate of theirs.
I took care of her on my own trying to give her time to get a job and sort her life out. I had to do almost everything: drive, work, shop and manage all the bills and finances.
My first red flags is that she was content smoking weed and sleeping/watching stuff all day and NEVER cleaning and when I asked she would do a poor job, making It my job to do correctly instead of arguing to do it better...
I broke up after 2 years and tried to work things out because I really cared and loved her.
Now I'm typing all this after 5 years saying I wish I never had.
Even after she got a job and finally started paying her share of the bills; I was happier but It highlighted everything else that was wrong with her over time: selfishness, short sighted with life, easily frazzled, bad at listening, still didn't help with chores, and would get so upset if I tried to be happy with anything or anyone else as a friend.
I look back on all the love and good times and how they are overshadowed by fights over things that should be easy to fix or understand.
I had my 4th or 5th mental breakdown over fighting with not being heard from respected enough to be acknowledged.
I wasted 5 years of my life, attempting to save someone from a horrible situation, just to be treated like someone not worthy of real love and real consideration because I saved a miserable person who is the way she is because of abuse. Even if it's not her fault, it's a responsibility that she wasn't taking care of, so I'm miserable I have to leave her but I have no choice anymore...
Because I’m bad at planning and my wife wanted me to work while I was a full-time college student. Ignoring that I got money from the GI Bill and I’m a disabled veteran with a rating of 90%, apparently it was acceptable when she was in college and I worked full-time. But when we switched roles the expectations became ridiculous. I was supposed to work FT, school FT, take care of the house, and be available. All while she worked 3 days a week.
1+ years. Now that is a record!
My ex-wife was hard enough to live with when she wouldn't take her anti-depressants. When she turned type II & wouldn't take her blood glucose drugs, she became a full on maniac.
People change over time. Sometimes you change in different directions and you’re no longer on the same path. Often people change together in the same direction, and that’s a wonderful thing, but it’s not guaranteed. You just need to accept that you’re no longer compatible. Why beat a dead horse?
I disagree with the idea that one person should be running the relationship. Needs balance in different areas.
He joined Scientology.
As a kid, “Love Hurts” is a song. As an adult, not a song.
2:19 damn.
18:15 why was that a mistake?
"Light the oven"? Lol wtf does that mean?!
His horrible mother.
Whats the song in the background?
my uncle cheated on my auntie after a 30 year marriage and she divorced him
The planet metaphor was amazing
Loving the anecdotes, loathing the pronouncement 'yeurs'. 🥴
i wish my ex would stop been informed by my brother and my friends in town. i dont need checking up onn.
The person who wants the least out of the relationship is the one who has all the power.
Room to grow😂😂😂
Uh they arent married yet that's not a happy ending lmao
Lol the thumbnail
I just came to terms with myself so I ended it.
Not First
HI
RRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
He killed my dog
Beda beda lah.
Tiap hubungan gave own story
It was either that or suicide 😜
First
I am confirming!