Signs That Your Relationship Is Falling Apart, Part 2
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ค. 2019
- Fr. Mike offers a follow-up to his video on Dr. John Gottman’s “four horsemen of the apocolypse” with this video on Dr. Gottman’s proposed remedy: the Golden Ratio. For every one instance of these four horsemen that signify a relationship is falling apart-which are defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt-there should be five instances of the opposite. The four horsemen still rear their heads in the healthy relationships that Dr. Gottman observed, but these relationships have the following interactions five times as often:
1. Giving respect and honoring the other person
2. Building up the other person and affirming them
3. Meeting the other person where they are
4. Opening up to receive their questions and comments in a positive manner
If you feel like you’re in a relationship where the four horsemen show up too often, try putting this Golden Ratio into practice.
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Me: Please, if this relationship isn't meant to be just give me a sign :(
God 8 seconds later: "Signs that your Relationship is Falling Apart pt. 2"
Rather than ask for a sign, did you go to the scriptures and see how God tells us to treat people and respond to them on the bad days? Ive found in my own life, that sometimes with "signs" we see what we feel, we see what we look for, there is worldly prompting... Satan gives signs too. Flee for those. Test the spirits always. The bible is full of stories and guidance that we as Christians are not to seek signs (mostly), as our compass for life, how to treat others, or our future. Christ is for unity and clarity. Satan is for division and confusion. Ultimately, love your neighbor (bf,gf, spouse) as yourself. Would you want the relationship with your loved one to hinged on a passing youtube video? Probably not. If not, do not subject them and your relationship to such impersonal advise.
By the way, "narcissist" make up less that 1% percent of the population yet oddly enough.....there are allegedly thousands of videos out there claiming that if you are dissatisfied with your relationship, that you are the "victim" of a narcissist. Narcissism is a spectrum. We all have those tendencies at times based on many things, even how other treat us. By mistreating your partner, you can give them narcissistic episodes. Adultery, habitual lying, and physical abuse can contribute to it. We are accountable for our behavior, yes; however, I also dont want to be the one "causing another to stumble" by irresponsibly triggering an unflattering emotion. Essentially, dont fall into the diagnosing everyone as a narcissist bandwagon. Good look. Ask rather, are you dying to self? Are you loving your spouse like Christ loved the Church? Are you loving as much as you desire to be loved yourself?
@@preston6618 God does not require any of us to stay in a relationship that is harmful to us either physically and/or spiritually. We should love people as Jesus loves us, but sometimes it has to be from a distance.
This 'sign' could also mean that your relationship isn't good the way it is, as you have already suspected, but that God is giving you the tools to make it good...
The last part about the golden ratio was so reassuring. It acknowledges we will mess up, but we can love more than we mess up. Love that realistic hopefulness
"but we can love more than we mess up". Love it. Thank you.
I watched this one purely put of curiosity. The whole video all I could think of is all the times my wife has made me laugh and caught myself smiling
Today my husband and I are officially separated. Your words bring hope that relationships can withstand the four Horseman. I can see now where we went wrong and yes it is possible for relationships to heal, become stronger and stay together when two people agree and keep working towards the goal. Gods is holding my small hand while I struggle with the pain and through the tears I implicitly trust Him to bring about good in all situations. Today also marks the anniversary of my father’s passing away 18 years ago. Interesting how these milestones interconnect this way... Thank you Father Mike, I needed to hear your message today :).
I pray for everyone else who struggles in relationships and urge you all to heed the message, accept the difficulties and work through them together in a loving way. Marriage is like fine wine, it gets better with age. I have witnessed it in strong marriages.
Pray the rosary
So? Did you guys come back together? I hope you did. God bless you both.
Stay strong! I consecrated my marriage during the pandemic lockdown to Saint Joseph and Virgin of Guadalupe. I prayed so hard and did my best, only to find that I was being cheated on. However, it was God's will to move me away from a relationship that had all 4 horsemen. If you guys are willing to work through it, with God in front of both of you, you'll strive and succeed.
Stay strong!
This video explains why my friendship with a particular person did not last
I love you Father Mike! This video hit home just by reading the title ! Thank you!!❤
Such amazing awareness! How we just keep rolling along and it’s good to know how to stop , drop n roll!
Just what I needed, Father Mike! I’m dealing with relationships at my workplace.
The stonewalling video was so good and eye-opening. Love this one, too! Thank you 🙏🏼
Perfect timing on this video being made. Thank you Fr. Mike Schmitz.
Now I've got to admit when I read the title I was not thrilled about hearing the content. There is so much more to life when #ItIsFinished.... Then it got to the end and the hopeful part. It is a very mature message overall and very good guidance. What a beautiful message it turned out to be. I think you are saving not only marriages but relationships too. What a wonderful spirit.
Amazing help Fr Mike and at a crucial time in my life. Thank God for your gifts. Amen
Your Mother must love you so, Fr. Mike! ♡
As a newlywed, this is helpful for how to balance some of the playful banter. Thank you
Amazing! This also happens in an unhealthy relationship amongst siblings. This video was very informative.. need to take this advice to heart.. need to turn it around. Thank you Fr. Mike! 🙌🏽👍🏽
Thank you Father. Now I'm analyzing...
Awesome video! Thanks for sharing this information God bless you Father Mike.
Your Eminence, 10/10 splendid message! brilliant, brilliant, opulently said.
Thank you Fr. Mike💌🫶You're Awesome⭐️
Great video, as always, keep up the good work!
Great video. Many people are going to benefit from this
Thank you so much, ☺️ this video is helping me a lot in my relationship
Thanks for this. Going through a divorce. All four horsemen active in our relationship prior to marriage. 17 years. 5 kids. What a shame.
I needed to hear this
I'm a subscriber in Singapore. Looking forward to an entire talk longer and Father Mike can expound more on each point. Get well soon, Father!
Benia Me I love Singapore, will be there soon again for the Formula 1. God bless you!
@@Steve-qr2lm God bless u, too and don't forget to visit the Cathedral of the Good Shepherd. It is very near to where F1 will be held.
Thank you for this video.
FATHER MIKE, I AM PLEASED THAT THERE IS SOMEONE STANDING UP IN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH; THAT IS BRINGING A FRESH NEW FACE TO THE CATHOLIC CHURCH AND WITH MANY OF THE ISSUES AND THOUGHTS THAT NEED TO BE ADDRESSED.
Thanks Fr. Mike!! Hope you get well soon. 🕆📿🤕😊😆
Thanks for this..
I've been sneezing all day, too!!! ARGH!
your vids are great
hi father.....get well soon
Thank you...
awesome video 💞💞
Making a relationship work takes effort on both sides in which you never think of only yourself.
We live in a time when people place themselves before others they are selfish. So when things get tough for them because it's not benefiting themselves they walk away. They don't care about their spouse or their children they only care about themselves. This would be different if abuse was involved therefore by thinking of your own safety or your children's safety you are thinking of others before just yourself.
I probably have more experience about this topic Fr. Mike being that I've been married for 15 years and have two children. And having three sisters whom went through divorces each time either it was them or their ex-husband thinking of only themselves.
AMEN. Thank you for these loving words of wisdom. Love is work. It takes effort. All good things do. Lets all love going to work for our partners.
Ya but then what do you do when you are the only one putting in effort? This video hits home
Then I watch that marriage isn’t a contract and we are not guaranteed to “be or feel loved” just cause we are married and can’t walk away cause it’s not a contract so then I just sit back depressed and angry…
I will continue to make God my number 1 relationship and only His love for me matter.. its still hard.
Great video.. Made me think of so many things, wonder about 4 horseman on relation to God and to self.. Also Gods relationship to us..
The past has caught up with us and I am angry, disappointed, fearful, and dying inside after 47 years of marriage...:(
Who'd think that seasonal allergies affect you Fr. Mike? Thank God for your words of wisdom. I've been able to look at my past relationships and understand why they didn't work out. God Bless you always.
You crack me up. I get the same allergies to tree dust.
Amen.
My ex husband is a covert narcissist with psychopathic tendencies. I put up with 27 years of abuse. Throw in a few breakdowns, physical abuse, mental and psychological abuse, financial abuse. He has turned my children against me. He has turned my siblings against me. These evil creeps are a reality. I tried and God knows I tried.
I am going through this. There will be Divine Justice. I hope you are safe now. Let me know as these demons seem to have everyone’s support.
🤔 have you ever considered you might be the reason they’re against you? I have made my fair share of enemies in the past myself, and I can honestly say, yes, I was the problem. Narcissism is a very specific personality disorder that can be diagnosed only by a mental health professional. Was your husband ever diagnosed for it? I find people use these labels without really knowing what they mean. Just understand (and I mean this in the best possible way) you can deflect everything on others, or you can reflect and see where you went wrong, because we all do things that can go wrong. I’ve got people who don’t want to speak to me, and that’s fine. I’ve made my peace with God.
Uh look, just in time.
You literally describe My family in this video ahahahaha, in another hand, i count in relationships, sometimes i am a little defensive i go to improve that now
Father Mike some of us don't need a description at all about what those 4 horsemen of the acopolypse look like in marriage while we are already facing all 4 of them in one person. Just a reminder that if we don't watch out maybe we could end up there in that kind of situation all over again.
I never been in one lol but if I say that....it means all who follow my life .see something I don't see as their truth
Jeremiah 17:9
9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Romans 8 v 6 -10 6 For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. 8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot* please God. 9 But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. 10 And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you.(ref John 6 v 63 reiterates verse 11 above in Romans )
*What about a video for couples who’ve had a miscarriage or struggle with infertility?????*
Everyone talks about NFP but forgets about the couples who struggle even to conceive or have a full term pregnancy
GOLDEN RATIOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Contempt for authorities always only comes from being below them, Fr. Mike, and is the natural fruit of being subordinated to another, due to their place proving to be a significant threat to the safety of the other below them, but those below really aren't worth the effort to harm, but well-worth the effort to build up. Whereas the people in power are always only worth the effort to tear down, to rip off their posts that God Himself placed them in and to rend them asunder and apart due to their place, due to their places making them subhuman at best as the result of their higher place- they only are subhuman if they're above on the social ladder.
What if you do that and the other person continues in there disrespectful way?
Fr Mike, have you thought about going on the Joe Rogan Experience podcast?
Amen
Funny intro😁
Love this, but where’s part 1?
Look it up on the page it was from three months ago and it's titled "signs that your relationship is falling apart." 😎
Thank you!
I agree
Hello! Father Mike what is the purpose of Holly hour.
Father Mike, Do you feel that there is more than just the bible that Father has left for us to explore in regards to his teaching and truth?
Just broke up with my girlfriend because she’d bring up things from her past and I’d say that hurts me because I don’t agree with that and then she’d get mad at me
Timely video. I'm writing a novel, and I need some information on the perspective of the church on abuse, both physical and emotional, and how that would tie into becoming a convert (the victim, not the abuser), divorce, OR staying in the marriage. Is there anyone with Ascension I could email to get help with these questions, beyond all the googling I've done? (lol) Thank you!
Fr. Mike Smith resembles a bit the actor Mike Rowe of "dirty jobs"
"Tree dust" 😂😂😂😂
where can I find that video where Fr. Mike shares a topic about being loyal to your partner during a fight?
Part 2, in case you dragged your feet in hanging on to the relationship despite the good advice in Part 1 lol.
Fr Mike, I would like your opinion on MGTOW. (Men Going Their Own Way) and if I may ask a bonus question; what should one do when their spouse changes/delves into another religion. Particularly pagan/earthbound/new age religions? Thank you sir. :)
Wow, I know it’s been 3 years, but let me guess…your wife is delving in that stuff? 🤦♀️ what’s up with my fellow women these days? I can’t say anything, I’ve explored and read about different faiths in the world, but only Judaism and Christianity make true claims. Pray for your spouse, if she’s still your spouse. She may be having a crisis of faith, as I was. I really sought to know what the truth was, and a lot of times the Holy Spirit is more than eager to let you take on that journey. Peace be with y’all! ❤
How do you counsel couples when you don't get to participate in one?
hi father! i'm 24, i've been baptized and took first communion in school but never thought about religion very seriously untill now. I'm angry all the time, i have no sympathy for anyone, I feel no love. I know that somewhere along the way i've lost my soul.
I've been far from church and Christendom since high-school......
What i have to do to come back to god? I've forgotten almost every prayer i'm ashamed of myself
Pablo E I admire your honestly and humility. Humbling yourself before God and recognizing that we have sinned against Christ is the first step for Christ to enter back into your heart. Once your there, take some time to find a Catholic church that has adoration of the Eucharist. The Eucharist is Jesus Christ, Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity. He never left us and is hidden under the appearance of bread. Go to Him and bring a piece of paper. There you can talk to Him and open your heart. Say, “Jesus, please show me my sins that have hurt you and please give me the grace to open my heart to your Truth.”
Then begin to write down what you believe you have done to sin against Our Lord.
The next thing you want to do is to find a priest and go to confession to speak to Jesus about all those sins you wrote on the paper. Jesus will then forgive your sins and they will be washed in His most precious blood!
Then go to Church and receive Our Lord in the Mass. Tell Him how much you need Him and love Him and ask Him to stay close to you and to teach you His ways.
Then ask a priest if they can help teach you about the faith. Jesus will lead you day by day to be closer with Him. He is so gentle and such a good Father. He will help heal you Pablo and help you love the way He desires you to love. Trust that Christ can do everything! And Get ready for Jesus to enter into your heart! He doesn’t want to live without you, so go to Him. Praying for you. 🙏🏻
Hi Pablo bless you, for you are willing to turn to Jesus. Read the bible. Check out The Bible Project, they can be really helpful wit that. Pray the Lord’s Prayer, line by line, like a meditation. You’ll find it in Matthew 6:9. Also, educate yourself on emotions. Your anger has built up for a reason, and not a happy one. Understanding your history is an important step towards healing. Peace and blessings to you Pablo ❤️
Peblo E, I have read the two comments above. I have had struggles in my life as well. I have done what the others have advised you to do. The life we live is a journey. The hope and love that you feel a loss for is in Jesus. It takes time to build a relationship with Him. Keep trying, keep persevering. My priest tells me all the time in confession...keep persevering, that's what the saints did. The world will fail you, but Jesus will not. Give yourself some room to grow. Forgive not only yourself and others, but also the event or circumstance that occurred that has caused your bitterness. Pray for them as well as yourself. You are worthy and you are enough. God bless you!! Remember, God loves you. Novena to our lady undoer of knots.....very helpful for me in my recent struggles.
I know it’s been 3 years, but firstly, don’t be ashamed. Our God is not a god of shaming, but rather lifting us, empowering us, and giving us life. Jesus meets everyone wherever they’re at. Come as you are. I became like you 2 years ago, I was bitter, angry. Jesus met me where I was. The first thing you need to do, if you haven’t already done it, is go to confession. Find a local parish, and find out when they have confession or set up an appointment with a priest. My husband and I did this, we went and confessed, and from there we started going to church again. So you don’t know the prayers? Same. 😂 I forgot them all. But you’ll learn them again. He picked up the rosary, as did I, but he’s more devout. I pray the liturgy of the hours and the chaplet of divine mercy more. God is a perfect gentleman and cannot meet you where you are unless you give him the opportunity. We did, and he radically changed our lives.
Eating quail eggs helped my son's allergies. It's actually documented. Look it up and give them a try.
Hey, this is irrelevant to this topic; however, what would you do if your parents, in a sense, took away what you love most in terms of faith? And what would be best to do, if your the only catholic or practicing catholic in your family?
Tell them to drop you off at church. They don’t have to come.
Do any of these apply to parent/adult-child relationships? Like mother/grown daughter or father/adult son relationships?
Teresa Baker-Carl
I honestly think it does apply to mom/grown daughter and father/adult son relationships as well.
@@cheetahgirl5958 thank you; I have a distinct feeling you're probably right about that, although I must say it breaks my heart to admit that.
@@natsgrey7769 you're probably right!
Do you feel that they're Angels in the flesh on the Earth doing they're bidding? I do know that they are here, yes always right under our noses working hard to help maintain the balance.
Where’s part 1? I can’t find it 😞
techas
Search on TH-cam - Ascension Presents: Signs Your Relationship Is Falling Apart. The name of that video is the first part before this video.
I don’t do that
So how can we fix these things about ourselves so we can save our marriage I told my wife before she will be the only one I will ever marry, but she feels all the ways that you speak of. Please help.
What is part 1 titled? I don’t see it
@Stacey Biddle I think this is it: th-cam.com/video/lSHIt6_xhZU/w-d-xo.html
💯👍👏👏👏
When you're in a relationship . Whats that like ?
It's not all about me anymore. No longer me, but we.
I'm glad I don't have any relationships or intend to have and I'm consecrated to the blessed Virgin. The modern dating scene is too aggressive, and women too hypergamous, it's not worth it for men, specially if you are not called to, don't waste energy swimming against the Divine Will. As St Paul said: -''Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.''
Fr. Mike, you look tired on this video and your speech patterns are much more rushed than usual, get more sleep and ease out on the coffee. Blessings, Fr.
Fr. Mike I have a question about psychic mediums... is it possible that they are truly connecting with loved ones who have passed? Are they associated with palm readers and horoscopes etc? Please shed some light on this topic. Love your videos God bless! 🙏🏼
Elizabeth Vargas from a Catholic perspective I think it’s a no. Once someone passes they aren’t allowed to send messages or visit us. But correct me if I’m wrong
At any rate, we are warned in the Bible (Leviticus 19:31, Leviticus 20:6, Deut. 18:9-12 and more) not to engage mediums, necromancers, fortune tellers, none of those things. It’s for a few reasons. It goes against natural law firstly. Second, there are forces we cannot see that may be driving those visions and people. And they may not be good forces (aka demons-they’re real and out to get you). Thirdly, it’s your trying to bend God’s will, and God’s will cannot be bent. I speak from experience, don’t do it.
How do we have to react about Amazone Synode father since the agenda very scary , married priests in Amazone, women priests, eucarist made not from wheat ? If our Pope ok we as Catholics will having big faith crisis. 😭😭😭
You should check out Dr. Taylor Marshall’s videos, he touches on this a few times. Very helpful.
So what can I do if it's all one-sided? What if only one of us is being positive?
What about "the sanctity of marriage"?
Then you have to bring that positivity to the table. Prayer is extremely effective. God answers prayers. The problem is people sometimes don’t get the answer they want so they pretend that he didn’t answer it, or that God hates them somehow. I’ve come to a realization in the past year. I’ve prayed to God and he’s responded to every one of my prayers. Every single one. Not kidding. But sometimes he tells me no. So now I just say “Your will be done, not mine.” That was what Jesus said too, and it’s changed my life. I’m currently pregnant because of that prayer.
Please God fix my parents relationship :(
What if the couple can't carry on a conversation on any topic for 15 minutes? (joking / not joking)
That’s me and my husband after 42 years…😞
When I get a runny nose or a cough, I say whoever is in my causing my symptoms in the Name of the Name of Jesus I Command you to get out and my body and in the Name of Jesus I have you to stay out! Believe and I it it will work! First time it will take you about 20 or 30 times to get the results of Healing ! After that it works the first time you say it ! I have not sick for 13years! Doing this! It works!
In my body! I am sorry the proof reader let this out!
😪
#ASKFR.MK " how can we roman catholic increase intimacy with God! "
May you please make a video on if it’s ok to watch a movie with profanity in it? #askfathermike
INTERESTING A PRIEST WITH AN EGO - VERY CUTE.
Halloween episode idea: what happens to the souls of the undead? Does intelligence affect what happens? ( High Intelligence being a vampire, good examples in the video game Skyrim. Low intelligence being zombies, good examples in the TV show The Walking Dead.)
I would find it more authentic if you didn’t try so hard to be hip. Otherwise good stuff.
Spoken by a Priest who has had "0" Relationships! He got this out of a book with no experience? There is a rational reason why Priests have no clue regarding Relationships particularly, regarding marriage which is much more complicated! It may sound rational and sound advice but it is unbelievable shallow!
Says someone who has never even tried this. He doesn’t need to be in a relationship. Priests study for years not just theology, but philosophy, psychology. If there is anyone in the world that I trust knows what’s happening to me is a priest. The main thing they understand (which you don’t) is that life is not really complicated but we humans make it unnecessarily uncomplicated. They understand that because they know it all comes down to original sin, so they understand more than you realize. I say that as a happily married woman. The advice in this video is absolutely valuable and wise. Take it or leave it.
What's with the priest vibe? Is this TH-cam or church?
I'm poking fun, but I'm looking for answers. I doubt TH-cam is the place for that.
Please, ignore my ignorance.
I enjoyed the video for what it is... I have serious marital problems that can't be explained or defined in a video. I'd love you to come to my house and get into it - but I don't believe what you believe. Sometimes failure and mistrust trump a positive outcome.
Why am I talking to you right now like you look at your messages?
Hopeful that TH-cam isn't just a ploy... and that some meaning and value is still out there.
Goodnight, TH-cam... sigh...
Why are Music,Money and free Sex more satisfying than going to Mass?
Why doesen't God make Mass the best thing ever?
Because he doesen't exist.