Love Bombing vs. Love? 5 Ways to Spot Emotional Manipulation
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Love bombing= When a person doesn't know you at all and depicts you as a princess in a fairytale
It feels soo fake, right? Keeps you thinking... Mmmsomething just don t feel normal.. 🤔
Too deep too much too early. THAT is a Red Flag in of itself.
Doesn't have to be, believe me, happened to me, second narc I was with was a friend I have known since I was 19 years old, they are so sneaky. But I do agree with your statement it's the most common way. Just a bit warning, be careful to whom you are talking to about your ex narc and what they did wrong chances are it's another narcissist and he or she will morphe itself into opposite of your ex and you will start to think, finally a normal person. The depths of their deception is unbelievable. At the time I didn't know what a narcissist was, the knowledge literally saved my life.
Mine also came in the first time he met my kids and thanked them for caring about me until he got there. I had forgotten that. We all thought he was a little odd. If I'd only known.
I've been saying to people like this that I AM a caring person, BUT I'm not perfect and do get very angry at times, which highly narcissistic ones definitely don't want to hear when they're idealising. 😀
Another red flag is if your new love immediately expects 24/7 contact.
Very "intense emotions". Very enmeshed, simbiotic relationships. 24/7 relationships. Too much, Too soon.
I was like that but I'm not a narcissist. I was in the throes of limerence & anxiously attached (that's another type of red flag altogether. Just means they're not ready for a real relationship).
That's right and they tend to get angry if people don't answer the phone when they ring, or if they don't receive replies to their messages etc immediately, yet they don't do it! Mind you, I've experienced this with so-called female friends and had to stop contact with them, because it was too stressful. 😟
I agree, but more like, "On Demand" since 24/7 is literally impossible.
@@origvincecarter3843 Rights: he expects. Doesn’t get it. Therefore you’re always ‘in trouble’.
1. Person doesn't know you
2. Person tells you what to do using lovebombing
3. Lovebombing has an off switch / silent treatment
4. Love is Freedom / Lovebombing wants to control
5. words and actions don't match
Thank you
High schoolers should see
this video before getting swept off their feet and left broken-hearted. Relative content for anyone with a heart 😉
In order, for a person to know who you are - you also have to know who you are. If you yourself, have a false identity which many people do, you're simply being accepted for the act you put on. Many people do this in relationships.
Excellent comment!! 😁😀👌
So very true!!!
EXCELLENT remark
Love is unconditional
Love is patient
Real love brings out the best in you
Being a different breed, outside the box of today's users, can keep someone intrigued. Or if in fact your so enamored your reciprocating those love bombs...yours are intended different. Don't mistake interest for relationship progression. Like Michelle said in words., keep your head out of the clouds, keep your feet on the ground.
Due to my past, I'm more blunt describing where my head was. To be polite, I was considering a glass stomach so I could see what's going on.
I am glad you're doing this as so many channels focus on what isn't love and what to look out for, that they don't tell us what the good parts are and what we can look for in real love. In fact, some of them seem to discourage the idea of trying to find a partner and if you're someone who doesn't mind being alone, that's great. Some people do desire to partner up. I don't think that's wrong either, so having the tools to find really good love is just as important as avoiding the fake kind.
I ended up joining a church, giving up my friends, limiting time with my family, and sacrificing a niche in my career that was going well in an effort to mold myself into the image she wanted. After marriage, I was forced to mold myself into the idealistic view of a husband and father she wanted, and it became a ridiculously uphill battle. In all that, I accepted her for who she was and never tried to change her in any way, yet she labels me as a narcissist.
Oh yes that is their new thing now that people are getting the knowledge to label others as narcissists. The same way a liar calls other liars. Just cut her off if you can.
Sorry I just saw in your post that you have children with her. Atleast you are aware of what she is and you can get your life back.
Yess fell in love with words not actions. No consistency and I see it all clear now. Thank you.
Girl you are the bomb. So helpful. So easy to understand. God bless and guide you. God bless your business.
Went through this with a neighbor
I had or have C-PTSD
My neighbor knew something was off with me wasn't home ...so he stepped in did this to my wife
I am the first one commenting! Thanks... Excellent video as always... The more we heal, the more skeletons we see that we didn t notice before... Yet, I just know the better I get... Better the people I will be meeting in my new life... 🤗😁
i'm third to comment !
@@notanomba4598 totally awsome!!! 👍😁
@@lesleygarvs4640 thank you Lesley :D
@@notanomba4598 🤗😁💅❤️🤗
This is my very first heart from Michelle!! 🤗🤗❤️😁👍
May Everyone Gets their Dream Life.
Thanks to All Supreme Forces in Advance❤
I just recently had to spend a vacation w narc fam. I had to go head to head, nowhere to escape, I knew I was being abused, gaslighted, and manipulated and in the worst of it, I held it together, I didn't Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain (maybe a little) but I want you to know that in the worst of it , it was your voice that came to me in the back of my head telling me I was right telling me to trust my gut feeling, and telling me not to get sucked in... I can't thank you enough, you are the good mother I never had ! :) ❤️
Wow Michele, my ex narc said the same thing to me. She told me "you being calm and patient is so sexy". I was actually usually friendly and excitable. But she groomed me to be "calm" so that I would take her abuse and love her for it. She wanted to turn me into a machine to dispense her appreciation and validation with the tiniest breadcrumbs in return and she 90% succeeded before I ended it. I had an amazing support system of friends, family, and frankly, validating exes who know who I was and watched me poisoned before their eyes and called me on it.
What the f.... that's a new manipulation technique. Great that you are out of it.
@@jelena7440 She was extremely intelligent and clearly had mastered how to subjugate her men. She'd even admit to abusing me. She'd breadcrumb by saying "I guess I'll keep you around awhile longer." You could feel the power shift in the relationship as I broke up with her twice and was hoovered back previously. A few days she was good post breakup. Then she took back control by picking a fight and raging.
@@mattblom3990 I presume that sex was good, it's female narcissist favourite weapon. And yes sometimes they even admit who they are when they think you won't fight back.
@@jelena7440 Ok so here's the thing. She was extremely sexual and graphic talking about it. The most sexual woman I've ever met. But we were both Christians and committed to not doing it until we got married. Something she'd say she'd always fail with every past boyfriend because she loved sex so much. She pushed our boundaries and was begging for sex on Valentine's but it was in an almost rapey way not romantic so I stopped it. She would never tell me the amount of sexual partners nor relationships that she had. Also, towards the last month of the relationship as I was very romantic...But getting almost nothing in return she withheld kissing and even cuddling from me for the most part saying she wasn't feeling it. Odd, given how sexual she was.
@@jelena7440 The best way she manipulated me was simply presenting herself as a broken woman with her guard up. I'm a sucker for a hard luck case like that and would let her be very abusive as I explained away her behavior with her past.
Please, please add subtitles to all of your videos. I'm a late deafened adult, or ALDA. Lots of ALDA people love closed captioning because subtitles pick up whatever sounds we can't hear well. Also someday, please help the Deaf who rely on American Sign Language (ASL) instead of speed reading through the captioning. Learn ASL or hire a professional ASL Interpreter. I assure you that we could all benefit from your wisdom and experience.
I noticed someone I had dated for a very short time was already grooming me on how he expected me to act when we were out in public. He wanted us to be ‘so connected’ that we were oblivious that anyone else was even around. So, a public show of infatuation and affection...which felt exhibitionistic...and more like him being ‘in control’ of me, to prove how irresistible I found him...than anything else. Like I was ‘so crazy’ over him...nothing else mattered or existed. In the moment, with a couple of cocktails...it felt fun and exciting. But, taking a step back and reflecting on it afterwards...it felt creep and controlling. I had to end it with him, because - as alluring as it all was (in the moment)...my gut was telling me to run for my life. More ‘love bombing’ than anything remotely authentic...when you are being encouraged to behave in a way that isn’t natural...but ‘openly suggested’. 🚩 A bit too ‘50 Shades of Greyish’...to ignore.
My boyfriend, then husband was just like this. I didnt listen to my gut. I do now!! & I'm teaching this knowledge to my young adult kids
Good on you for ending it so quickly and not getting caught up with him!!! ❤
You said it oh so well Michele, all is not what it seems. I wish you had a channel back in 1987 when I met my ex-wife. Thank you Michele for all the words of wisdom you impart in your videos.
Ooooo, this video remembered me about the phrases ex narc used when love-bombing me: "oh, You are a wise girl, I never met such a wise woman", "oh, You are Smart" and then "oh, I thought of You are Smart, but this thing that You did îs not reprezenting You" , "oh, your mom îs such a wise and kind woman, You are șo alike her" and then " oh, I never expected You tot do such a thing, îț îs not reprezenting You, îț îs not what your mom would have done"......a lot of manipulations.
Thank you Michelle. So simply and straightforwardly explained. Invaluable advice for many misinformed people.
It hurts when your partner can’t actually connect to you ..
If you look at the definition of love and love bombing definitions are not the same. I believe that people who are hurt by somebody they love and didn't get that love in return often put a wall up the protect themselves. I'll give you an example...suppose there is a great fighter and one day he is knocked out...you'll notice after he is not the same...he is not as aggressive and doesn't take chances like he used too because he has that fear that he will be knocked out again. So this circles back to the person or people who have hurt you still having that control over you. This fear might make you miss out on someone who really loves you...these fears are making you put a lable on something that is beautiful pure and is a gift from god when he sends you this person...love can be alot of things but one one thing it can never be is selfish...it is the most subtle force on earth
Michele you are such a beautiful person. Thanks so much for educating us
MLN, you have something special and practical to offer, keep up the good work and thank you for making things affordable.🖖🏻
You nailed it again!🔥
Thanks Michelle, action is better than words!
I just saw this video because I'm in a current situation where I'm being loved bombed and I've been in it before and totally recognize it.
Very important and spot on!👍
Exactly It doesn’t feel right but you try to minimize it. I am a Christian and I believe is the Holy Spirit trying to tell you to not trust this person. Thank you for this video
I just got burned by a Christian narc. It burns because she loved bombed me while we studied the Bible together and Christian books. It shakes your foundation as a Christian. However, our first date I had an uneasy feeling but she was everything else I could have ever wanted.
@@mattblom3990 'that' Quandary dealing with a Super Religious Beliefs type of Person who is a little Clingy Needy and Self Absorbed......
Thank you Michele You have a most lovely day beautiful
Excellent info, thanks 😊🦋⚘
Valuable video thank you
Excellent!! Thank You
Terrifically tremendously True A-Z!
I empathise so much with people who are in toxic relationships because I know personally that I could be trapped in one today. People often erroneously believe that others merely choose to be in a relationship with a narc but it's so not that simple. The great film 'I Tonya' about the ice skater Tonya Harding(Alison Jainey soooo deserved the oscar for playing Tonya's Mother) illustrates so well the difficult dynamics of narcissism. Tonya's original home situation was already an abusive. Her Mother was very mentally unstable, a narcissist herself and indeed could have caused great harm to Tonya. Tonya didn't run off with that Gilooly guy because she thought he was her knight in shining armour. She ran off with him and ultimately married with because being with him was just as safe or just as dangerous as being with her Mother, indeed at least with her husband she was getting some action in the bedroom department. It is this inevitable progression that is never spoken about where narc relationships are concerned. Plan A of staying with the narc abuser may not be fortuitous-but who says plan B is any better......
It s needed to be healed first... After 1 year no contact with the heavy ones, and just ocassional contact with 1 or 2 in the streets(you can t help it... They are everywhere... Well, yes, my brain is getting better, i remember more and most important.. I notice the difference between normal people and the other ones... I think everything will be coming more natural than we think... 😁👌🤗😅
@@lesleygarvs4640 Personally speaking Lesley I think we shud spend as little amount of time with people as we can and as much as time as we can with our dogs!
@@barryosullivan3428 😁🤔🐕🐩🐶👍🤗😀❤️❤️
Helpful insights
Love vs. Love bombing is the same as the difference between a compliment and flattery! Learned it the hardest way:(
Oh my god you really talked my story of unhealthy relationship that's really true
Makeup looks great on this video. I thought I had teal love but this bpd turned so fast leaving me reeling...I honestly dont feel at 51 I can recover.
Merci Michèle 😁 Michèle, ma belle; sont des mots qui vont très bien ensemble...😍🥰😍
Les Beatles!
Wow im learning so much
Thank God
There a cute guy I like but im detaching my self
I want to learn about all this
So my mother's conditional love was love bombing?
i dont have a lot of emotions or empathy
so i pretend to have them and in doing so i've become so good at it that' it's called charm
lovebomming is about the same thing
i try to show you not knowing what it really does because i dont feel it
so i overdo it
(and yes i'm way better at reading ppl and getting a reaction)
After listening to this, I realize I'm being "love bomb" by someone, TOTALLY!
Run.
My friend is being love-bombed right now by a person who is romanticizing her trauma and pretending to be a knight in shining armor. He alone is going to heal her. I pointed out the red flags but she's so used to crumbs that this guy feels like cake. 23 Days in and he's met her child, been staying over and she thinks he's her twin flame meaning they were One soul in a past life.
Nice video. Good information, you pretty too ; )
I love listening to your podcasts! They have and still continue to help me in my present narcissistic relationship that im trying to get away from.
I'm just trying to be careful because he has made so many threats and has just showed up at all hours during the day and night even when he lives an hour away which scares me and I don't know what he's all capable of. I do believe that he will follow through with his threats which he has now been texting 1 of my children and threatens to send them and tell them and social media personal things between him and I.
I've just been ignoring him and have blocked him completely but somehow he still is able to leave me voice-mail.
I am saving everything incase I need them but really want him to leave me alone and not get anyone else involved like he has done now by contacting 1 of my children.
Do you have any suggestions for me?
If so..please help me
Assume the relationship is over before it began. If he or she truly likes you then he or she will be nice and be there for the both of you. If not, then narc or not, they don't really like you and just move on. This should take no more then two dates and you will know in your gut. Listen to it. The five ways you speak of are accurate and I saw them all. And yes narcs are all sunshine in the beginning, too much so. Only thing I would add is if there is a lot of future faking beware.
If I jad a ism I'd have ny samsung backups and audio and like nic all's but even pics orbsnapd I delted😭😭
Ppl who say 'everything is lovebombing' or 'everyone is a narc nowadays' are dismissive idiots. Can't stand them. They either haven't gone through it themselves or they've been doing it and feel called out
I haven't watched yet but i have to say there's a cultural component to this.
In east asian countries, "love bombing" by the man is the norma and couples assume the relationship in the 2nd date and they date and know eachother within a commited relationship, because it's "cool" to be in a relationship.
U need to raise ur blush!!
What if I'm drawn only to toxic woman ? Every time I meet somebody, she turns out to by toxic, every woman I've met after relationship with npd, dating lasted no more than 3 weeks, because other shoe dropped eventually and either I ended this, or them. Always they gave me something to believe in and hope. Always something what I desire along with understanding, good talk, mutual interest etc. Funny thing is.. I don't want anything else.. If a woman I met not offering me something I want from a potential relationship I'm not interested at all and prefer to be single. Also I noticed that always when it fails, I cry after this picture, this faith, hope which again I have to put in a small box on shelf to collect dust focusing on my life and accepting it how it is.
Michelle, dear heart. Would you talk a little bit about transference? There's a lot of projection, yes. But what about resentment for a parent being transferred? I just realized he's been barking at his dead mother for YEARS.
I am NOT her. He tells me I'm "not involved" but nooooo no no no no. That was her. Imagine never being driven to practice. No games attended. At like 10 years old. Yeah... You can play but you have to find a way there and back to practice and games.
And here I am... I am creating one of the best little ball players ever. I spend 4.5 hours a week at camp - not on the bleachers reading a novel, either. I'm in training with him so I can be the pitching coach next year. Another 6 hours a week of team practice. Another 1-2 hours/day of fielding and body mechanics. Girl, I'm almost 50 and I was out on our front lawn today doing sit up pitches with this kid - at least 40 people drove by laughing. 5 of em parents from his team. I'm getting laughs, hollers, "go Mom!"s.... Oh yeah, and I bring the GOOD snacks all laid out in a spread.
I am the antithesis of his mother. Yet he barks at me for the way she actually was. Need something on transference. Lol
Edited this sorry I am half asleep sorry
only a child and a dog's love is unconditional
the devocerate is 46 % where i live tell me gain love is unconditional
Michele ❤️❤️❤️❤️ 😉
And pat jh atatentiiknin class
Volume!
I might've weriitten in samsung notes
Uk padhai
She called menclone pretttier and ehrrn I didj fallsbhe said u cant
Aarushi madaam or bhubnarcissm and anshikaaaa
The silent treatment is abusive
Audio too low.