OP’s Mom Wants To Plan Her Wedding After Abandoning Her.
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
- AITA for telling my mom her new family is clearly her do-over family? (PerDegaton in r/AmItheAsshole)
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There’s no validation of the mom unless we are saying that every single kid suffering a bad childhood has the right to inflict that bad childhood on their kids. I had a seriously messed up childhood from sexual abuse to a kidnapping attempt, it only made me more protective of kids rather than putting my trauma above the actual child
yea theres not really ever a good reason, i have a soft spot for people who were forced to carry a pregnancy they never wanted, especially a teen since ur so immature, i will never understand why people think its better to force clearly unwanted babies on someone, u ruin so many lives. Obviously. I was a child born into the same situation and would have rather my mom and dad done what was good for themselves. That doesn't make how they treated us right, ever. Or being told you were never wanted, blah blah. nor do i want any contact with my parents ever. op never needs to build a relationship with their mother unless they want too.
Yeah, but everyone has a different reaction to their childhood n’ life experiences. You’re acting like the mom abused OP when she was a child when that’s not the case. She took care & provided for her child. She’s done everything she could for her daughter. It just happened so when she joined the military, that’s when their relationship went downhill. Other than that OP’s mom was not an abusive, neglectful mother.
It has nothing to do with "the right to". Many kids in abusive situations never get the chance to fully recognize or acknowledge the trauma that they went through and to get help in processing it and more than likely other mental illnesses BEFORE having children of their own. So that cycle just continues. You can say that's a choice, but it's a choice made with an ill mind under bad circumstances while in survival mode. You not continuing the cycle is great. It means you had a strong head on your shoulders and support, and maybe even got therapy of your own. But sadly you are an exception.
My spouse was really badly abused growing up and he used it as a lesson on how NOT to treat the kids and grandkids and was very loving, gentle, helpful and supportive as a man could be.
@@wednesdayschildfullofwoe But it doesn’t matter whether it’s a choice or not, the moment a person victimized someone else them being once a victim doesn’t matter, they’re now the person they once were afraid of
Ok well.. her dad didn't really have a choice, though. I get that she feels that way, but her dad didn't just dip. Like if the mom was this spiteful with her own daughter, I can only imagine what steps she'd take to hurt the dad.
Yeah, He did what he had to do to support her, so her having anger towards him is graving misplaced
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He had choices. He could have quit the army and been there. He helped create that life the mother was forced to keep. He also could have told the mom to just give op up for adoption if no one cared about being around.
Op mom barely did the bare minimum. Op’s mom didn’t do all she could to take care of her and a good childhood. Also the military will pay for higher education later on in op’s life.
Sounds like OP did rotc in college. So they already did and she got sent in as an officer. Its what my cousin did and what my uncle tried to have me do.
She really just breezed over the fact mom cut her off and excluded her from things with the intention of hurting her , it’s not coincidental pain but intended pain. Fuck all of that
I'm honestly confused with the mother. She wants to make amends, to reconnect, but remodeled the house erasing all traces of first daughter from it, has social media and crops off OP from photos, invites her to stay "with family" but doesn't offer her to stay in the remodeled house (the FIRST thing I'd say to her). I mean, she does or does not want daughter back in her life?
EDIT: Well, talking about the uncle would have helped a lot back then, before cutting ties...
Wait....so the mom was only able to come since the husband's thing got canceled. Not because she was going to originally. Hmmmm
S1: What OP needs to do is let go of the mom. The mom is letting whatever trauma she has affect OP's childhood. As a parent, you have to work through that trauma so you don't let it harm your child. OP needs to stop feeling guilty over her mom being a bad mom, but that's easier said then done.
Update: So she treated OP and her dad terribly for someone else's bad choices
this kid should never have had to be responsible for her parents feeling she could have gotten ptsd therapy when she was in her 20s and didn’t and choose to affect her own child she let her mental illness all most distort her family if her child never spoke out it wouldn’t have changed at sll
when she was a kid she was almost like the parent. so it's like a coping and a lot in the box. they need therapy.
Take the lullaby book because it didn't work on the new kid....what
From an outside perspective, it’s clear that intentional or not, the mother is emotionally manipulating OP. She intentionally left OP out SPECIFICALLY to “teach her a lesson”. That’s not okay. And the way she talked about “rewarding” OP if she didn’t go to the military by putting her name on the documents was awful. She needs to get away from that woman.
EDIT: the father is horrible too, but in a different way. I just don’t want to talk about it because I recently lost my own father.
I find it interesting that this comment section hates on the mom, but praises the bio-dad. OP’s mom was a child when she had a child. I’m not saying that excuses the mom ghosting on OP or pretending she doesn’t exist, but that does play a role on why the mom acts the way she does. Let’s also not forget that when OP’s dad left for the military, he didn’t fight for custody or visitation rights. He just left. If he really wanted to be in his daughters life, he would’ve thought for her, but he didn’t. At the end of the day, both parents have failed OP. At least both of them are bothering to show up now & are apologizing for it.
I think this is one of my favorite Reddit post out there.
i geniunely can’t understand people trying to put blame on OP
One common theme here was messed up teenage years , the mom got pregnant twice as a teen , the father became a father as a teen, and I do belive joining the army and sending money may have been better if he was not emotionally cable of being a father back then, also knowing OP's grandparents they might have tried to get rid of him when OP's mom got pregnant. OP herself being emotional abandoned by her mom when she was still alone , hadn't met her fiance or gotten close to her farther. The only thing I can say here is that I am happy all the three of them survived it ... Some of the parents actions were bad but they themselves more than likely had a bad childhood and didn't know how to be a good parent. While Mom's reasoning for abandoning OP were wrong she most likely never got any help after what happened to her so that may have been her mind trying to protect itself. In the end I am glad that the father daughter have reuinted , OP has found someone she loves and even if OP hasnt forgiven her mom I belive atleast they can have a relation that is not filled with hate or aniexity . I would also like if OP told us more about her father , fiance and Mom's new family though the last group might be difficult to talk about right now. I also would like if she has a relation with her siblings, afterall they haven't done nothing wrong and it can be helpful, kids dont think or feel the ways adults do and sometimes that innocence helps you move past some really bad things. In the end atleast there is no hate between anyone , well except the grandparents, I dont know them even still I hate them. That level of abuse to kid especially your own , they were even more messed up than the uncle who actually went through something that messed him up but the grandparents were just evil.
I'm sorry, but this OP needs a lot of help (which I'm glad she's getting) she has way too many issues that she needs to work on... and her getting married at this point I don't know if that was a good move because if I was the husband, from his POV, I would have postponed everything until the psychiatrist said she was in a good head space to move forward with marriage.
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The biggest lie OP was ever told is that she's not valuable because of the circumstances around her birth. It breaks my heart. Build your own life away from those awful people and continue to touch the lives of everyone else around you
Why didn't the mother just give up op? I can't stand when women are forced to have children they don't want but I don't get why then keep the child you didn't want? Your father sucks too for not being around. I understand why the mother was the way she was but it still wasn't right. Op doesn't need to have contact with someone that never wanted her.
I've read so many of these stories that half the time I just want to recommend therapy because that would help a lot of fucking people
Story 1 you know already that eyes of your mom toward you is mistake that all
I don’t like the grandparents for what they did with the abuse but I understand there stance on abortion and I am glad they took it so that OP was here and was able to do the amazing things she did
Yeah I'm sure OP is so happy she was forced to be born and abused her whole life. You can't be serious. Her mother should have given her up instead of being forced to keep her.
@@SALshaNoma I agree op mother should have given op up for adoption, I don’t think she should have aborted op though, life is always filled with suffering, to be alive is unfortunately to suffer, that doesn’t mean we should unalive every one just cause they will suffer
@@landonpoland5092 everyone may have some form of suffering but most of it is unavoidable that doesn't make it okay.
@@SALshaNoma your right it is unavoidable, that doesn’t mean someone should be unalived because they are going to suffer, if we don’t let people commit self unalive when times are tough, why would we abort because times might be tough
The mom is really putting in the effort. And I think she deserves a second chance because of that.
No she doesn’t. She doesn’t “deserve” anything. To suggest she “deserves” a second chance implies OP is obligated to ignore the years of erasure and being thrown out of the family because her egg donor wants to look good. OP doesn’t owe the egg donor a damn thing.
The OP, who is alive and doing well, is angry at her grandparents for insisting their 16 y/o daughter not abort the developing OP? Also, the GPs left the OP’s mother a house? The OP is a just odd and needs to get out of the military. It’s too complicated a job for someone with her skewed logic.
I think it's more about complex feelings regarding the components of what happened than skewed logic. OP is angry at the fact they condemned their traumatized child to have a child she had to raise alone. GPs died when OP was 2 so mom was like 18. They left both of them with all damage and no help, except the inheritance. But imagine an 18 y/o teen mom maintaining a whole house on her own with a baby to take care of?
It's a fucking lot. To me, OP wasn't regretful to be alive and that she wasn't aborted. She was mad at the horrible abuse and injustice her mom experienced from people who were supposed to love her unconditionally and protect her. Their decisions left both OP and her mom to deal with poverty and untreated trauma. It is something to be mad about.
I'm sorry, it is hard for me to feel sympathy when she keeps talking about how bad the grandparents are, which she has never met, and her only proof is that they would not let the mom kill her like they saved her life and she thinks there horrible people, that so dumb
They were horrible people bc they let their daughter get abused and then beat her up so badly she miscarried her baby at age 13.
I must have missed that part, I didn't hear it, I would agree with that, that horrible, I still agree with my point though @@leticiagraziele6428
OP got some serious issues. Grandparents seemed to have nothing but good intentions
Except the part where they didn't care their daughter was being abused by her uncle and when they beat her up so bad she had a miscarriage
Far too much grace offered to op’s op mother in that long ass comment. Mom deserves no forgiveness.