I Found an Interview with MORMON ME (My Reaction)

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 เม.ย. 2024
  • Who is this woman? Is that me? I don't even recognize myself.
    Clarification! I spoke with Carissa and I remembered the story incorrectly. She shared that she was arrested for harassment because she threw a small amount of lemonade at a former friend who was ended up dating her husband right after the got divorced.
    *Why I left the Mormon Church: (www.mormontruths.com/why-i-le...)
    A few resources I mention in the video:
    *Link to the original video interview: ( • Arriving to the Colora... )
    *My book, How to Leave the Mormon Church: An Exmormon's Guide for Rebuilding After Religion (www.amazon.com/How-Leave-Morm...)
    *My Mormon wedding explained video ( • Mormon Temple Weddings... )
    *My Mormon endowment explained video ( • Secret Mormon Temple C... )
    *My Mormon garments explained video ( • Mormon Garments Explained )
    *My Mormon faith crisis ( • Why I Left the Mormon ... )
    - where to find me -
    Patreon (ad free & bonus content): shorturl.at/8bpnw
    TikTok: / alyssadgrenfell
    Instagram: / alyssadgrenfell
    Blog: www.mormontruths.com
    Email me: alyssadgrenfell@gmail.com
    - support my channel -
    Venmo: venmo.com/u/Alyssa-Grenfell
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  • @alyssadgrenfell
    @alyssadgrenfell  3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1688

    Clarification! I spoke with Carissa and I remembered the story incorrectly. She shared that she was arrested for harassment because she threw a small amount of lemonade at a former friend who was ended up dating her husband right after the got divorced.

    • @SaxandRelax
      @SaxandRelax 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +172

      Good for her, I’d do that same

    • @17630973
      @17630973 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +52

      She should have bought his new honey a beer and given her a few tips on the care and feeding of her ex-husband. She might have turned it into a consulting business.

    • @kirbysthiccthighs
      @kirbysthiccthighs 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

      tell her that the people support her decision for me, lol- i would’ve done the same, probably worse😭 i’m always runnin my mouth LMAO

    • @leslieflynn7893
      @leslieflynn7893 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

      I had two young women Mormons knock on my door when I was in my early twenties. I invited them in and was shocked when they came in without knowing me. They ended up coming back over and over until I threatened to call the cops. I stumbled on this video...but explained alot about my experience.

    • @anonymous-jd2mc
      @anonymous-jd2mc 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +51

      Everyone should have to record themselves articulating their most deeply held conviction at 18-20. And watch again in 15 years

  • @Cat-Muppet
    @Cat-Muppet 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6759

    The light in your eyes isn't there.. you radiate such happiness and joy now 😊

    • @alyssadgrenfell
      @alyssadgrenfell  3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1582

      It’s like with every word I’m walking on egg shells. So weird to watch me self-edit in real time to seem/be as faithful as possible.

    • @lizcoddington4421
      @lizcoddington4421 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +155

      I was shocked at the difference between my drivers license pic of all things being in/out. 😂 You genuinely see how much happier I am (even at the DMV) even though I’m smiling in both.
      Just found your channel & appreciate your courage and voice!

    • @BlacqueJacqueShellacque_
      @BlacqueJacqueShellacque_ 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +64

      Came here to say the same thing. She is so much happier now.

    • @ppgranja3
      @ppgranja3 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +54

      You're so much more authentic and happy now!

    • @barbowens8626
      @barbowens8626 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      Truth!✌️💜

  • @Sam_dea
    @Sam_dea 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +5319

    The absolute jumpscare seeing sad Mormon Alyssa

    • @iambored678
      @iambored678 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +174

      I know, it's got me thinking of an alternate timeline where she never breaks free from the matrix 😲 it's jarring, really

    • @alyssacorexcore
      @alyssacorexcore 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +56

      I thought it was AI at first before I registered what was going on 😭

    • @PlutosAsleep
      @PlutosAsleep 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +50

      @@iambored678i can’t imagine how many people would be stuck still in the church after “loosing their testimony” and suffering if Alyssa didn’t have the power to not only leave, but write about it so eloquently ❤

    • @rachabonespittz
      @rachabonespittz 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +43

      She looks soulless

    • @fuhtsgeorge7663
      @fuhtsgeorge7663 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      I was still for like 20 seconds

  • @SENSEF
    @SENSEF 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1327

    You're right about the friending to convert mindset.
    Today I took my neighbor, who is going through a divorce, flowers and a card. I also invited her outside to watch the solar eclipse with my extra pair of eclipse glasses.
    And it was AMAZING to not have that "now invite her to church" voice in my head.
    True friendship just for the sake of it, no alterior motives. What an amazing experience!

    • @beelzebabe5112
      @beelzebabe5112 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +43

      I love this energy for you 💛

    • @allieross6912
      @allieross6912 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

      That is such a beautiful act of friendship I’m sure she appreciated it dearly!

    • @karinsmith6934
      @karinsmith6934 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +39

      That is the true love of Christ when you actually care about someone not just about “converting.”

    • @BasteAndThreadpilled
      @BasteAndThreadpilled 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      this is the cutest thing ive ever read!

    • @MossyMozart
      @MossyMozart หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @SENSEF - The weight of all that guilt for being such "a bad person" and responsibility to be "a good person" in the eyes of god and in my own eyes dragged me down. I am now weight-free and it feels wonderful!

  • @mattwilliams7454
    @mattwilliams7454 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +800

    For all the folks saying they'd never be brainwashed; it's different when they start on you when you're a child and everyone in your circle says the same thing. Congratulations on growing and your ongoing happiness

    • @annorabelle
      @annorabelle หลายเดือนก่อน +44

      I was raised in the cult end of protestant christianity. as an adult, i am horrified. but i was indoctrinated from birth and knew no different. when it is literally all you know, it doesn’t seem that bizarre. you look back as an adult and your mind just explodes at what you believed.

    • @katraylor
      @katraylor หลายเดือนก่อน +26

      They start teaching you the songs as soon as you can speak, and they do their best to restrict your social circle to other members. Pre-internet it was much more effective, but I guess it still works.

    • @nickywal
      @nickywal หลายเดือนก่อน

      Watching an interview with someone who was deprogrammed by basically the top cult deprogrammer. She has said he told her, even he could be brainwashed in the right circumstances. The people who think they're immune are probably more likely to be vulnerable

    • @ingvildkvakestad
      @ingvildkvakestad หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Yep happened to me never thought it would but When you’re vounrable you can Get stuck inn

    • @carlilaforce
      @carlilaforce หลายเดือนก่อน +17

      Not even just that, i found myself almost in a Korean doomsday cult bc they were under the guise of a normal bible study. Like it’s easier than you’d expect

  • @smarttraveler8232
    @smarttraveler8232 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2654

    I went to a Catholic boarding school that was all female and was run by a group of nuns. They hired a female police officer to teach us self defense every year. I remember that they taught us that self defense is an attitude and I still remember it to this day. I am super grateful for those nuns. You would be surprised at how good it was to be a teenager surrounded by strong powerful women.

    • @christinalynnemelchior9282
      @christinalynnemelchior9282 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +165

      That's actually super cool 😮wow

    • @KayoEll
      @KayoEll 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I went to an all women's Catholic college. I'm not sure the general public realizes what bad@sses certain groups of Catholic nuns are. Mine were Benedictines, and being an emerging adult surrounded by strong, powerful women was good, too.
      I realize that for generations, Catholic nuns inflicted serious physical and psychological abuse on children and, in some cases, entire cultures. But I thank God for my strong, powerful women!

    • @Evan.280
      @Evan.280 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +143

      Some cool Nuns you got to have in you school!

    • @lelandunruh7896
      @lelandunruh7896 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +179

      My mother had a similar experience. She ended up graduating near the top of her paratrooping class (in 1970--in El Salvador!). A certain kind of late-second-wave feminist would decry religious sisters as brainwashed tools of the patriarchy. My mother always responded that they were among the strongest women she'd ever known!

    • @annieboookhall
      @annieboookhall 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +62

      Recently stayed at a Teappist Monastery- no self defense classes (lol) but still came away completely in love with those nuns!

  • @xbrizamarii
    @xbrizamarii 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2655

    There’s a reason most missionaries are like 18-22. They’re naive enough to not question anything. But this also puts them in extraordinary danger, because they’ll think “oh the spirit will protect me” and put themselves in very sketchy situations.

    • @nadineevans5195
      @nadineevans5195 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +203

      Being raised in a conservative, protected home environment leaves these young adults incredibly vulnerable. They don't know what they don't know. And, they potentially could walk straight into a risky situation and not even recognize it for what it is. Scary.

    • @lynnefox4892
      @lynnefox4892 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +61

      Sounds like the military.

    • @realyopikechannel
      @realyopikechannel 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@nadineevans5195 that is literally the dumbest thing ive ever heard. fun fact but should not expose your kids to messed up stuff to try and toughen them up for the "real world"
      if you dont see a value in raising your kids in a protected home environment youre a literal child abuser. you raise them protected while educating them so they dont walk into sketchy situations

    • @doblepollodoblequeso
      @doblepollodoblequeso 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +120

      how does it feel like missing the point so hard@@realyopikechannel

    • @titomartinez5581
      @titomartinez5581 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +22

      @@lynnefox4892Maybe, but at least the military actually trains and arms you to deal with the dangerous situation.

  • @witchytaedragon
    @witchytaedragon 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +334

    The way the old Alyssa looks so dark and unhappy while present day Alyssa is literally glowing. Hell even her hair looks healthier and brighter

  • @aleemaybee
    @aleemaybee 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +430

    So that’s why my roommate snuck a Book of Mormon back into my suitcase after I tossed it in the trash 😳

  • @LaraGroves
    @LaraGroves 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1406

    Many years ago, there were 2 sister missionaries that were kidnapped and raped, this was in South Africa, and remember many people asking if they were wearing their garments. To me, it was implying that if they weren't, that's why they were assaulted. I was 14 at the time.

    • @JuliaGulia310
      @JuliaGulia310 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +163

      Wow. Awful! And the victim blaming question is awful too. Or maybe it was based on fear.

    • @dollsNcats
      @dollsNcats 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +96

      That’s awful!!! Those poor girls :( how dare people ask that

    • @Aelffwynn
      @Aelffwynn 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +191

      ​@@JuliaGulia310victim blaming is always based in fear. Non-predators who blame victims are acting out of fear that the same thing could happen to them. By finding something the victim did "wrong," they think they (or their loved ones) are protected from it.

    • @Sweetzoo1976
      @Sweetzoo1976 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +21

      Holy cow! Reprehensible

    • @CabFamilyAdventures
      @CabFamilyAdventures 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +14

      Oh how sad..... 😔

  • @lifeisbeautiful3954
    @lifeisbeautiful3954 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2889

    Im a gay, male former LDS member. I made the decision to leave very recently. Your videos have helped me alot. I served a mission and it was horribly damaging to my mental health. I served in Liberia, west Africa. Ive seen lots of horrible things on my mission....but the worst part was the harassment from other missionaries and the horrible living conditions. We had sometimes 3 weeks with no water in our house or power. I saw traumatizing things like people getting killed in markets. Being gay on my mission made me hate myself...it was so hard...my companions physically and mentally harassed me. My mission president refused to help. I remember telling him I was struggling but he told me "it was a result of my sin and pain of repentance" :( . I had nights were I wanted to end it all... I was all alone...but im glad i am done with it. I'm free. Thank you! 😊

    • @awkwardotter13
      @awkwardotter13 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +151

      I hope things get better for you ♥️

    • @lifeisbeautiful3954
      @lifeisbeautiful3954 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +174

      @@awkwardotter13 thanks... I still have issues however. We would get robbed frequently at night while we were sleeping, where people would remove our roofs and steal things while we slept. This has left me with extreme night terrors where I will lash out and attack people in my sleep. It makes things difficult. I'm taking every day slowly! 🥰

    • @jamesmcmackin8773
      @jamesmcmackin8773 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +93

      ​@@lifeisbeautiful3954 Take care to remind yourself as best you can that you're not the problem, the backwards ideas of others is the problem. You'll never satisfy people whose expectations exist completely outside the realm of logic, whether that's because of their interpretation of God or a million other reasons people close their minds off with hate. Good luck on your new life.

    • @jonathonwells7934
      @jonathonwells7934 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +121

      Find a therapist that is not faith based it should help ❤

    • @Alyse_bell
      @Alyse_bell 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +103

      Must have been so awful, really no excuse for a multi billion dollar church to have its missionaries (aka salespeople) living in dangerous or conditions that they can barely afford food or have no water or power. Disgusting

  • @janellestoermer5479
    @janellestoermer5479 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +151

    I am a born-again Christian (not lds), and I did a lot of mission trips as a college student (late 90s, early 2000's). In 2001, at age 19, I was part of a group that did Vacation Bible Schools at Baptist churches in Boston. We didn't go door to door the way Mormons do, we did these Bible schools with kids at churches. Anyway, one day, my team and I ran into some Mormon missionaries, and they tried to convert us. We asked them a few doctrinal questions, which they side-stepped, and they just wouldn't leave. We tried to engage them and share what we believed, but they didn't want a discussion. They wanted to do their presentation on us. We were polite, but kept saying, "Look, you're not going to convince us, and it looks like we're not going to convince you. Let's call it quits. We have commitments to get to." But they still wouldn't let us go, and they kept trying to convert a group of young adult Baptists. They held us up about 2 hours, and finally asked if they could sing to us, and we shrugged an okay, and they sang the song "The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Rock." We knew that one. It was very odd. They seemed like sweet young men, but really only trained to do their presentation, not engage wirh people who already had a strong faith that differed from Mormonism. They werebt able to give real answers to our questions about sone discrepancies in Mormonism.

    • @marciasloan534
      @marciasloan534 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Utah is a MISSION FIELD

    • @joegallegos9109
      @joegallegos9109 10 วันที่ผ่านมา

      That's because they're 19-year-old knuckleheads. They don't know how to interact with people or to critically think or have conversations beyond the propaganda they've been told.

  • @clementine8853
    @clementine8853 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +103

    I have to say, you look much younger now than you did as a teen. There’s a glow to your face, a light in your eye, and sureness in your voice that I can see now that is absent from your teen version of yourself. I’m so happy for you

  • @iambored678
    @iambored678 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +934

    I hear old Alyssa correcting herself a lot, like she's afraid of being interpreted the wrong way 😔 i kinda relate to that anxiety

    • @beelzebabe5112
      @beelzebabe5112 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

      Same, sweets 💛

    • @Blakenew127
      @Blakenew127 20 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      Wow I do that :( still so many times I’m so misinterpreted

  • @michellepadilla632
    @michellepadilla632 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1157

    Your eyes were dark and now just radiate light! I’m so happy your FREE

    • @thepreacher5934
      @thepreacher5934 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Her eyes are now glazed which is an indication of demons

    • @suerasley7237
      @suerasley7237 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      @@thepreacher5934 bahahahahaha

    • @joannaprevost426
      @joannaprevost426 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +60

      I noticed that too ! She looked void, now she has a sparkle in her eyes.

    • @cmo6055
      @cmo6055 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +49

      It might also be the make up...

    • @Philosina
      @Philosina 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

      I totally agree that she looks and talks much more light-hearted now! However, the colours and type of makeup she is wearing now is complimenting her eyes, skin and hair very very well :D This definitely has an impact too :)

  • @StandedInUtah
    @StandedInUtah 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +163

    My family lived in Utah for 7 years. This video has given me a new insight into why it was so hard to connect with other women. When meeting a Mormon it always went like this....
    1. What Ward are you in? Oh, we aren't LDS.
    2. Oh, have you been to our church? No, we are happy with our own Church.
    3. Well it was nice meeting you.
    4. Cease to exist
    Then neighbors would try to get my kids. My daughter was in 1st grade when we moved there. The prblems didn't start until they invited her to the girls' after-school program, 4th grade I think. I told the mom in charge that I didn't care if she was asked to read Bible Verses but I didn't want her reading from the Book of Mormon. She assured me that would be fine. After a few weeks I learned that she was asked to read from the BoM outloud every single time!!
    Rather, than thinking she was a liar I reiterated that I didn't want my daughter reading from the BoM but the Bible was okay!! Turns out our good LDS woman was a liar and made her from the BoM AGAIN!! I signed her up for gymnastics so she couldn't go anymore.
    Next it was trying to get her to jpin the choir.... I'll stop this is too long already!!

    • @sunnymountainhoneyfountain
      @sunnymountainhoneyfountain หลายเดือนก่อน +21

      Sounds like a horror movie. "Invasion of the Soul Snatchers"

    • @zhoupact8567
      @zhoupact8567 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      I mean... Do it make any difference? Its ok if my child read Harry Potter, but I do not want my child to read from Lord of the Rings.

    • @StandedInUtah
      @StandedInUtah 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +3

      @zhoupact8567 It does if a parent says we will be reading Harry Potter and then knowing your feelings on the issue has your child read Lord of the Rings out load to the group.
      She lied to me regarding an 8-9 year old little girl. She was trying to indoctrinate her. This is standard procedure and considered godly by the LDS Church.

    • @zhoupact8567
      @zhoupact8567 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@StandedInUtah I dunno. At that point I feel like its the parent being a bit silly.
      As someone who was not allowed to watch Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings, I think I would side with the person letting the child enjoy reading the books or watching the movie in this particular case... With the context that the child wanted to watch it anyway.
      I get that its slightly different in your case. Indoctrination is more serious and a bigger deal. However as someone looking in from outside reigious stuff all together though. I am not sure how much of a difference it really makes whenever its a book of mormon or a bible. Is it better if its the parent's preferred flavour of indoctrination of a child? Perhaps it is, but you know.
      Obviously for me, and probably if it was anyone else from outside christianity, making a 8-9 year old child read the bible also sounds like an attempt at indoctrination, right? And there are probably fair bits of the bible that can be said to be not suitable for children to read at all.
      God having children mauled to death by bears for finding a person's look funny enough to laugh comes to mind. (You better do as the priest says or god may get angry! 'Creepy laugh.')
      I dunno. Its not as if its something I care massively about. If nothing else, reading the bible is at least culturally relevant and I can not deny that, living in a reality where somehow a large portion of the population actually believe in magical stuff like that. Its probably not bad to learn what is in the book.
      I just presume you think christianity, jesus is like, the difference between someone burning in a hell forever, or going to that weird heaven place right? So say that it was my child, who I raise to not be exposed to christianity at all. Or say I was muslim, hindu, norse and raised my child that way.
      Would you look at it as equally terrible for someone to try to slip my child what you deem to be the secret, they key the lifeline to avoid hell?
      Presuming religious people truly believe the stuff they are into. Would not trying to 'indoctrinate' someone, even a child. And even against the parents wishes, be a terrible thing to do. Worse than if you caught the parent molesting their child, but they tell you they do not want you to do anything about it. Although I think it is all silly, I can understand why religious people would do stuff like that. And if they where not based in something... ?superstitious? but rather something real. I guess I would side with their action probably being the right one. Between upsetting/going against a parent, and saving a soul. The difference there in values is night and day right?

    • @saharadessert8917
      @saharadessert8917 10 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

      ​@@zhoupact8567 imagine someone forcing your child to read a book you don't believe in

  • @Jallen6442
    @Jallen6442 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1223

    Hi, linguist here!
    You're on the right track when you talk about how your voice is different now than how it was when you were still in the church. I'm not an expert on this particular subject (I'll try to include some studies that I can find) but one phenomena that could be occurring is what's called "code switching" (there's two definitions for codeswitching but I'm gonna use this one).
    Code switching is where a person alters parts of their speech (such as vocabulary, cadence, accent, timbre, and/or pitch) in order to fit in with a group or community (“Code Switching” in Sociocultural Linguistics. Nilep, 2006). This learned alteration can be conscious or unconscious on the speakers part.
    (sorry this is super brief and condensed, there's a lot more that goes into this phenomenon that I can't really explain well since it wasn't my main focus of study but it's really interesting!)

    • @vanessachristopher1515
      @vanessachristopher1515 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +111

      I LOVE that you answered since you are a linguist. I mentioned in a different comment that Dr. Steven Hassan, a cult expert, talks about the use of these vocal and speech techniques in various parts of the recruitment and indoctrination practices of high control groups. The science behind it is really fascinating.

    • @abakers1374
      @abakers1374 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +66

      Your voice doesn't sound much higher to me, but it does sound more "breathy" which is strongly coded as feminine. Trans women learn to do this to achieve a voice congruent with their presentation

    • @mihi-himi
      @mihi-himi 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +51

      i’ve also heard ex religious members, specifically women, talk about their experience with this. they call it the “baby fundie voice” and essentially describe it as a voice consciously or subconsciously adopted to better fit what’s expected of a woman in most religions, gentle, docile, subservient and motherly. (i just got to the part where she talks about exactly this. sorry for scrolling into comments so early 💀💀)

    • @Scarfgirl
      @Scarfgirl 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@abakers1374 fundies take it a step further. Transwomen do it to sound more feminine. Fundies do it to sound more childlike (and feminine)

    • @carlagraca2729
      @carlagraca2729 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      This is a super interesting topic, I wonder if this also works with different languages (I know it's not the topic here, but I was thinking how I and other people that I know have different voices when speaking in different languages)...

  • @alreadytired6515
    @alreadytired6515 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +463

    Anyone who says that leaving the church will make you lose your joy should watch this video. You are clearly a more joyful person now. I’m so glad we left the church. Interesting that they groomed my brother to go on a mission but they never did with me as a girl. I was groomed to get married and make babies. Women missionaries were rare when I was growing up.

    • @fatmoogle4560
      @fatmoogle4560 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +24

      I'm so glad that I wasn't pressured into serving a mission. I feel like I was in the same boat as you. I really believe my brothers were brainwashed more severely because of their missions. I got out pretty young because I wasn't forced into that.

    • @lavieenrose5954
      @lavieenrose5954 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      It’s great that you’re out of this Mormon cult but I hope you’ve not lost your love for God and Jesus Christ ❤

    • @johnholland9371
      @johnholland9371 2 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      ​@@lavieenrose5954 let it go 🙄 we don't need your imaginary friends in our lives

  • @thatdude2091
    @thatdude2091 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +66

    Another interesting thing about mission training is that it’s very similar to initiation into a cult. Sleep deprivation, loss of identity (sister last name instead of going by your name), endless information and work, separation from outside world and family, and never being alone to think about it.

  • @hollyburke3235
    @hollyburke3235 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +49

    Hi. We went to high school together in KY! (Don’t know if you remember me) but yesterday I had two young ladies come to my door asking if they could read me scripture. Because of your videos I was educated on concept of Mormon missions and was able to ask them questions on how they were doing and asked if they felt safe. I just hope that they are okay. Even though I have no desire to be Mormon, I let them read and talk to me and it was an overall very pleasant experience.

  • @AlaskanQueen74
    @AlaskanQueen74 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +762

    over the years I have had many Morman missionaries come to my door, but when I was 21 and living alone, I had 2 (males) come to my door, I politely told them no thanks, I am not interested and went to close my door, on of them stuck his foot in my door and wouldn't let me close it, I got so mad and a little scared at the same time, yelled at him to move his foot, before I moved it for him.

    • @hyates9653
      @hyates9653 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +360

      The training is just so wildly oblivious, it’s like they don’t get that it’s really not safe for two women missionaries to go knocking on anyone’s door, and they also don’t get how scary it can be to have two male missionaries be pushy. Such an awful practice all around

    • @alexlarsen6413
      @alexlarsen6413 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +165

      Exactly. The reverse situation is statistically even more dangerous. Two female missionaries go around knocking on doors every day. How likely it is they'll knock on that one wrong door of a predator for example. Oh, you two want to talk to me about the gospel of Jesus Christ and the Book of Mormon? Well, come on in....

    • @EmelyPhan
      @EmelyPhan 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

      That's sad. A few years back, I remember getting approached by 2 females doing the same thing but I was going home from my high school after finishing a club activity. They also did the same to a classmate of mine who was in the same club as me.
      I would have slammed the door into his foot anyway while saying try me if he is ignoring it, just to prove a point.

    • @christinecrowley2133
      @christinecrowley2133 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

      Never open door if it's a stranger.

    • @TheKorfish
      @TheKorfish 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +33

      I would've told him if you wanna meet God I can arrange that but if not get your foot out of my door.

  • @bubgerkirg
    @bubgerkirg 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +512

    I was never Mormon but grew up a JW knocking on doors without adult supervision as young as 12. this brings back so many memories about the way we thought about safety and that “god will just protect us, it’s fine :)” kind of attitude when faced with grown adults screaming, spitting, threatening us with baseball bats, knives, guns, siccing their dogs on us. not even to mention the creepy comments and people trying to touch us or get us inside…

    • @Lisa-dv1xn
      @Lisa-dv1xn 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +37

      I was around 12 when my mum let JW in, i was sucked into it and I remember begging her to get me baptised. Thankfully speaking with kids in my school at the time made me a bit more sceptical

    • @tonifitzpatrick3511
      @tonifitzpatrick3511 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Your voice was fundy baby

    • @llovley
      @llovley หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      Funny story about the JW. I was house and cat sitting for my parents who were out of town. The house, in a neighborhood outside of city limits, was soon to be out on the market for sale so I always answered the door just in case it was something to do with getting it on the market when they got back in town. Anyhow I'm taking a soak in the Jacuzzi bathtub around 5:30pm after a long day at work. The doorbell rings so I hopped out of the tub as quick as I could, wrapped a towel around me, and answered the door. It was JWs going door to door. The 2 adult ladies could clearly tell I wasn't in any position to chit chat, plus I told them I was in the middle of a relaxing bath. They kept me for nearly 35 minutes and wouldn't take no for an answer and when I said I was Catholic (not completely true since I'm only baptized but not practicing) and not looking to convert they questioned why I was Catholic, why I agreed with Catholicism when it had shortcomings, and just doubled down on their pitch. Those girls were persistent! I finally had to say "No offense but I need to go. [closed front door politely on them and lock it]."

    • @Avi-qn1sm
      @Avi-qn1sm หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Unrelated but I loved the game your pfp is from as a kid, I don't remember the name though

    • @bubgerkirg
      @bubgerkirg หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@Avi-qn1sm it’s from the neverhood! i love it too haha

  • @user-bb5qt3rw3e
    @user-bb5qt3rw3e หลายเดือนก่อน +16

    my grandparents left the mormon church when my dad was little. i will forever be thankful for their bravery in doing so

    • @JohnDLee-im4lo
      @JohnDLee-im4lo 11 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Yeah...their confusion and weakness extends into the new generations...enjoy the unaccountable life!

  • @hawkeye8278
    @hawkeye8278 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +42

    I took a tour of the Tabernacle in SLC years ago and my guide gave me a Book of Mormon. It was such a treasure! I figured the most loving, giving thing I could do was to share it with a stranger -- so I left it in a stall in the men's room. 😁😁

  • @1g5efj7t
    @1g5efj7t 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +606

    Cult voice is the perfect way to describe mormon voice. I can always point out a mormon person by how their voice sounds its very distinct

    • @wellIdiditagain
      @wellIdiditagain 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

      Yes, I grew up LDS and I call it Mormon speak. It's strong in them. You can definitely pull them out.

    • @kjeracarroll450
      @kjeracarroll450 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      You wouldn’t be able to tell with me, sorry. Not all of us use this voice. Maybe many Utah members do. But since our church is global and there are so many cultures involved, we don’t all sound like that. This is a Utah thing. It’s wild she adopted it. There are probably people out there that feel like they have to adopt it to fit in, but so many of us do not use this.

    • @1g5efj7t
      @1g5efj7t 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +33

      @kjeracarroll450 its not just the sound, its also the words you use. I grew up mormon i can always pick out a mormon.

    • @Zero-ei8jn
      @Zero-ei8jn 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +37

      I'd swear there are cult eyes too. Some sorta, idk...distant, sorta vacant and glazed look in the eyes, hard to put my finger on. The leader of Heavens Gate is a prime example but most people aren't that extreme in the look.

    • @ninetailskwami
      @ninetailskwami 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      unfortunately i feel like i still have a mormon voice because i speak very low and timid and careful and slow but you can certainly tell quickly i'm not mormon by what i'm saying lol

  • @sewingalong
    @sewingalong 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +448

    Your Mormon outfit! It’s all so familiar. The voice, the cautious cadence, the subservient posture.

  • @Nosnehp
    @Nosnehp 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    I have recently spoken to a couple of young female missionaries and as one of them was talking she told me she wanted to recite her favorite passages from the Book of Mormon and of course I said go ahead and the moment she started reciting she went into the trance like state, her eyes appeared tired, her voice changed a little and the whole time she was reciting she reminded me of the completely brain washed soldiers that I met while I was in the Army. I really felt sorry for her.

    • @wmluna381
      @wmluna381 13 วันที่ผ่านมา

      What are the key signs of a brainwashed soldier? How many of those exist vs. the general population of soldiers in your estimation? Like 10% or close to 50%? Do they tend to behave like that only while they are active or does it tend to continue in civilian life?

  • @jessemachuca
    @jessemachuca 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +17

    You are so brave because I am a manager at a call center and I can’t even bear to hear my voice let alone see my face in a video and when you work in a call center it is voice is not face kudos to you. I am so proud of you. You are an amazing human being, and you inspire me every day and although I was never a Mormon, I am an extra Jehovah’s Witness, you will always be my favorite channel

  • @jonbaker476
    @jonbaker476 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +563

    I was in Argentina 2014-2016 and I literally was almost murdered on like nine different accounts. I actually have to be medicated for the trauma I recieved in the mission field. Oddly enough though, almost dying wasn't the worst thing for me. It was more being held against my will, being constantly monitored by everyone and having absolutely zero privacy, and also being forced to go against my own conscience in order to do what church leadership wanted me to do

    • @pattyrech4471
      @pattyrech4471 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +46

      Sounds like PTSD. I am so sad for your experience and wish you brighter days ahead. ❤

    • @pattil7847
      @pattil7847 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      I am so sorry.

    • @euge7569
      @euge7569 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      Woah! Where were you serving? I've been living in Argentina for almost 30 years and have even voluteered in shanty towns (villas miseria) and I don't see Argentina as being as dangerous but idk

    • @jonbaker476
      @jonbaker476 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +53

      @@euge7569 I lived in Mar del Plata, Bahia Blanca, and places like that. The best place I lived was easily Tandil. I would probably live there now tbh. Most argentine people are awesome (if not really blunt lol) but when you're being shoved into enough ghettos and shanty towns dressed like a wealthy american in a white shirt and tie, you tend to have things happen to you. One guy in my mission even got stabbed in the liver. We were robbed a lot. And since we weren't allowed to carry any weapons or even walking sticks, I got creative and turned my scriptures into a weapon that I used to fend off wild dogs and thieves. One time I was helping an older woman carry her groceries to her house in Mar del Plata and a drug addict tried to attack us with a big knife. I had to protect us with my scriptures lol. The church also refused to let us go to the hospital and it was common to get dysentary and other illnesses

    • @jonbaker476
      @jonbaker476 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +37

      @@euge7569 In hindsight I would've done a lot of things differently to protect myself and my missionary companions, but you aren't really thinking as much when you're only 19 years old

  • @Meganmama
    @Meganmama 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +280

    You looked so young but also so old. Like, you look more youthful and free now. Congratulations on your 100k and on living your best life.
    I’m ex evangelical and the exmo space has been really helpful in my deconstruction. So thank you ❤

  • @leemcdannold
    @leemcdannold 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

    In high school I was a hardcore southern Baptist. Also very cult-y and brainwash-y. My friend from youth group and I decided we should read the Book of Mormon so that we could better understand the religion and be able to counter-argue with missionaries. Our goal was to be able to convert Mormon missionaries to Baptist missionaries. We went online and ordered a book, only to have an entire group of church elders show up at my house one evening. My mom answered the door and was utterly confused about the whole situation. She ended up refusing to take the book because as far as she was concerned, that was witchcraft. She came up to my room with hands on hips and went "child, you have some explaining to do." I had to convince her over the next few weeks that I was not planning on converting to mormonisn, but I wanted to try and convert THEM. I no longer ascribe to religion, and my mom and I laugh about that experience quite often.

    • @wmluna381
      @wmluna381 13 วันที่ผ่านมา

      That's pretty funny 😊

  • @If4c4ad3
    @If4c4ad3 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    Your analysis of the "but jesus was watching anyway" healed my inner SA victim who was told "why did you fight the spirit."

  • @EASchneid
    @EASchneid 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +290

    As an ex Fundie, these videos are so cathartic and so healing ❤️‍🩹

    • @alyssadgrenfell
      @alyssadgrenfell  3 หลายเดือนก่อน +56

      I’m so happy to hear it. The journey is long 🤍

  • @LizaFergison
    @LizaFergison 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +321

    Wow! You were in your "I am pleasant" mode. You were a perfect Mormon girl.
    Something I recently learned is that the Church has a significant fund to "bring home the many missionaries who were killed or died on their missions". Those were the words used. There were several hundreds returned. Terrifying that the Church places baptising new members above the safety of missionaries.
    When I lived in South Africa, I had female missionaries come to my door. S.A. was and is a very dangerous country. I left because I was held at knifepoint in an attempted r@pe. I could no longer raise my daughter there. My family was greatly relieved when I returned to Europe.

    • @jenniferlynn3537
      @jenniferlynn3537 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +11

      It’s also confusing that the Mormon church places baptizing new members above the safety of its missionaries - because what good does it do to risk the lives of your members? They’d only be trying to convert amongst the least likely to join - at the risk oflosing a devout member. 😵‍💫

    • @Warriorcats64
      @Warriorcats64 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      @@jenniferlynn3537 Everyone loves a martyr. Nothing confusing about that, very horrifying though.

    • @quietestkitten
      @quietestkitten 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      @@jenniferlynn3537yes, but if one missionary makes even 2-3 converts, the church makes more money, even if the missionary leaves

    • @WatchingwaitingG2D
      @WatchingwaitingG2D 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Liar.

  • @randallsmith7885
    @randallsmith7885 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Thank you for doing this video. My granddaughter is currently serving as a missionary for the LDS Church and she strongly believes that God is directing her actions and paving the way with miracles. I worry for her safety as she enters the homes and apartments of people that she does not know to share her message. She believes that she is being protected and yet every year missionaries return home with serious illnesses, injuries, mental and emotional trauma and sometimes not alive. This is an 'elephant in the room' that goes undiscussed in the church. Parents across the church who have missionaries out in the field spend 18-24 months in fear and anxiety hoping that their child will return unscathed, while on the outside they exude confidence that the Lord is looking out for their missionary.

  • @lilbeano7234
    @lilbeano7234 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

    Im 16 year old lesbian and Im currently really struggling with leaving the church. I’ve realized it was wrong and I’ve known that since I was 13 but I can’t seem to break away because of my brainwashed family. I don’t know how to feel especially because my best friend is the MOST brainwashed member I have ever met..sometimes I feel bad because I personally have so many problems with it and to see her doing all these things I feel like she will regret but not wanting to go against her testimony..

    • @allison5104
      @allison5104 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +10

      Oh honey. I’m not a Mormon but I am a Christian and I’ve been 16 before. Two things I know to be true: (1) most decisions are easier when you give yourself breathing room and (2) all decisions feel urgent when you’re 16! Remember that you don’t have to make any moves today, tomorrow, or even next year. Take your time, go to school, do your homework, hang out with your friends, pray if you’re comfortable with it (heck, maybe even if you’re not!), and try to extend grace to yourself and your family… not because your struggles aren’t important, but because they are so very important that you can’t rush to a resolution. Basically, be gentle with yourself and you’ll figure it all out. When and if it’s time to leave, you’ll know. You’ve got this ❤️

    • @nuggethewarrior279
      @nuggethewarrior279 2 วันที่ผ่านมา

      @@allison5104 "and if" is foul

  • @marilynfranks8995
    @marilynfranks8995 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +187

    I grew up with victim-speak as a mormon in Idaho. It has taken me a lifetime to recover from all the lies and deception I was taught. This cult sets women up to be victims of misogyny for their whole lives. I'm so glad that you are the person you are today. There is life in your eyes, health in your voice, and you seem genuinely happy.

  • @Ziriatfalls
    @Ziriatfalls 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +210

    Your eyes looked so lifeless and distant. Now they look radiant. The difference in your eyes alone is striking.

    • @graceg3250
      @graceg3250 15 วันที่ผ่านมา

      It’s mainly her eye makeup.

    • @citrussarcodactylis526
      @citrussarcodactylis526 9 วันที่ผ่านมา +1

      @@graceg3250i mean, the eye makeup is different, and it could be the nerves from being on camera, but she sort of has a thousand yard stare going on, and less facial expressions as well. she seems much more tired and subdued

  • @Hannahdealer8180
    @Hannahdealer8180 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    That sounds like talking-at-gunpoint voice, to me. WOW! Coercive control is so mad.

  • @JaimeMesChiens
    @JaimeMesChiens หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Years ago, I met a lovely woman named Jen at a (secular) weekend community festival.
    We clicked right away and hung out the entire day and exchanged photo numbers. (We are both straight; it wasn’t that.)
    We are the same age, both of us RNs, and both of us antique collectors. I was an antique doll appraiser and she had/ has a wonderful collection, and a ton-of knowledge about each piece she owned.
    Anyway, she called me a couple-days after, and wanted to come visit my home, which sounded cool.
    She arrived with another woman, a little older, gave me a Book of Mormon, and started her schpiel.
    I actually listened and went to some sort of LDS chapel, on a Sunday, with her.
    Quite soon, I read the book and started asking questions. I couldn’t buy the gold plates thing.
    The entire thing seemed just-so odd.
    Jen kept at me.
    When I told her that I wasn’t interested in Mormonism, she ghosted, although that wasn’t a term in use when this happened.
    I felt awful and felt foolish for thinking she was a nice, new friend, when she wasn’t interested in me other than to boast her new-Mormon numbers.
    About two years after that, I ran into Jen at a grocery store. She has since left the Mormon religion.
    She apologised for having ghosted me, said that she really though we connected as friends, but it was so difficult for LDS women to have friends who refused to join the -cult-religion.
    I asked her what it was that brought her to leave LDS; she said,
    “A cult is a religion that provides all the answers, but doesn’t allow questions.”
    We are still fine friends to this day, and I recently shared, with her, the link to your channel.
    Alyssa, great content! ❤

  • @LittleMissLounge
    @LittleMissLounge 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +59

    Hearing "'Cause sometimes people want to kill you" in the fundie voice is something else.

  • @sagefi1
    @sagefi1 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +174

    As I kid I did a fund raiser where we were told to go door to door to sell random crap from a catalog. That experience was enough to make me realize I would never go door to door for anything again!

  • @Elise10000
    @Elise10000 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Hi Alyssa, I’m a never-Mormon who saw your 2 extensive interviews on Mormon Stories and then found your channel (or it found me via TH-cam :) which is great. How often do we get to really hear about and share in the detailed lives of others (especially women), where people can speak and tell their stories, and I appreciate your authenticity and desire to support to others. Wow a published author (loved you speaking about how we sometimes want to be “chosen” by a big publishing house and instead you just did it, Inspiring to many of us). Now the TH-cam award. And all while being “you.”💜

  • @TheSquirrely
    @TheSquirrely 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Total night and day. The courage it takes to leave a world you're raised in couldn't have been easy. Glad you found happiness.

  • @sinisterhug1394
    @sinisterhug1394 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +215

    At the time, I loved my mission, (Kansas) where I felt like I learned god, & church history (& obviously, MAN was I wrong!) but I did lean shame, guilt, scrupulosity, realize I’m bad as “sales”, and have a ton of social anxiety.
    I was also really closeted (I’m trans for context) and came out to my sister like 3 days after I came home. She was really supportive.
    Fast forward 9 years now and I’ve left the church, been transitioning for 2 years, & I’m an atheist. What a WILD RIDE! 😂

    • @SmolTrailer
      @SmolTrailer 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      I'm from Kansas... ya'll have missions to Kansas?! 😂😂😂

    • @sinisterhug1394
      @sinisterhug1394 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

      @@SmolTrailer surprisingly yes, lol
      I was Spanish speaking too

    • @mariesabine2385
      @mariesabine2385 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Enjoy the ride! 🏳️‍⚧️😊

    • @sinisterhug1394
      @sinisterhug1394 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@mariesabine2385 oh yeah! The ride to PRIDE! (Next week… because yeah, it’s almost June, & that’s, that’s where all the queers & ally’s are.. at PRIDE 👀)

  • @Hart-Strings
    @Hart-Strings 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +224

    My mother was actually brought into the LDS church my missionaries. It made her personality unrecognizable to me. I didn’t handle it the way I think I should have now.
    But one thing I stand by was when she’d get my kids for a weekend and she’d take them to church activities. They’d come home very unhappy. Ages 10 and 14. We raised our kids in the Methodist church and were strong believers in that doctrine. And she “had the nerve” to tell me I wasn’t being a good mother because I wasn’t taking care of their spiritual lives. So she got the nonnegotiable, if you take them to one more church meeting that will be the end of weekend visits, and probably the end of unsupervised visits. That about killed her because she adored her grandchildren. But she never took them to things again.
    Your story also explains why, At Her Funeral! one of the men followed our family to the car and said to my older daughter, right in front of me, it’s too late for your parents, but you can be saved. He pushed the Book of Mormon into her hand and told her she must read it. She tried to hand it back but he stepped away and wouldn’t take it.

    • @lunamoondrop
      @lunamoondrop 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +36

      ew.

    • @YogiTheBearMan
      @YogiTheBearMan 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +32

      How gross. Doesn’t he know the official response is it’s never too late for anyone?

    • @kristiecox7350
      @kristiecox7350 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Wow, what a guy 😢

    • @jathompson37
      @jathompson37 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      😳 that’s insane!

    • @MunroMcLaren
      @MunroMcLaren 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      My family is Methodist.

  • @lauren2835
    @lauren2835 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    “Sanctification” is also a term I grew up with in a Wesleyan holiness tradition - I was told that it was a second work of grace. So it’s not enough to just confess your sins and “be saved”, but that once you are a good enough Christian essentially you will be “sanctified holy”, also referred to as being filled with the Holy Spirit. It was very confusing! It doubled up on that feeling of never quite knowing you’re saved, resulting in hyper vigilance for a lot of kids.
    Thanks for the vid! I hope you see this Alyssa! ❤ never mormon, loved your book. It helped me see my own experience from the outside in a way.

  • @dishwasher1527
    @dishwasher1527 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    My friends and I always talk about the eyes mormoms have. We all grew up in the church and saw it ourselves after. I'm so happy you have gotten out and are helping others in the exmo community.

  • @ashquinton1528
    @ashquinton1528 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +136

    I was a missionary 10 years ago and one of my companions had an obsessive stalker that knew where we lived. I literally thought my companion was going to end up dead. The elders in the area did not think this guy was a threat, so I called the mission president who also did nothing. After I left the area, things escalated and the sisters had to move to a different city.

  • @Monica-gj2yx
    @Monica-gj2yx 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +104

    A few years ago, during the Summer at 95 degrees, I treated a couple of male missionaries to lunch. They had asked the restaurant owner if they could sit in the air conditioning for a few minutes. They first had to call their senior missionary ("supervisor") for permission first. They were soaked wirh perspiration. I was afraid they were about to drop when they entered the restaurant.

  • @jujuchee
    @jujuchee 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    i think the main difference in the tone of your voice is how confident and assured you sound now. you speak with more conviction and certainty. love your content, i’ve binged everything you put out. ❤❤ i’ve never been mormon but i find it so fascinating.

  • @gardenmariah7345
    @gardenmariah7345 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I was raised mormon and i wish i could keep adding likes to this video as i watch. Its such a validating experience listening to your story. Thank you for sharing your story and giving this perspective.

  • @fawnwolf
    @fawnwolf 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +187

    As you’re talking in the interview, it almost feels as though you’re trying to convince yourself you mean what you’re speaking about! The shift and exuberance you possess now makes me so incredibly happy 😭🫶🏻

  • @Corkinee
    @Corkinee 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +67

    I think it would be really cool for you to have a Colorado trip where you experience all the things you should have when you lived there. Go on the hikes, see the city, snowboard etc!

    • @CynthiaRaeC
      @CynthiaRaeC 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      YES!!

  • @phoenixvision100
    @phoenixvision100 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +13

    It’s not only her voice that is giving off the submissive, Mormon vibe, but it sounds like she is just telling them what they want to hear. Basically, memorized sentiments that she doesn’t necessarily believe. The language seems very formal. I think what you see is a lack of true emotion that makes the words she is saying believable. In her current state, you can see the conviction, the belief in what she is telling us. Here it’s like “I’m a good little girl telling you what you want to hear.” So glad you got out and took your power back!

    • @LilJbm1
      @LilJbm1 6 วันที่ผ่านมา

      Yes this is exactly what I got! She just didn't seem like she believed anything she was saying. As a Christian, NOT a Mormon, I firmly believe in my savior Jesus and I don't really "recite" anything my speech comes from the Holy Spirit and my own testimony. Nobody told me to believe in Christ I just do. Right now I'm really wrestling with "don't cast pearls before swine" in letting people go who are dead in their sins. My soon ex-wife I really have struggled during this season in what to pray, what to say, etc. She's evil, abusive, and a danger to me and my son. I realize that more and go more no-contact but as my boy's mother we of course communicate some. She claims to believe in Christ and God but His word does not reach her and she doesn't live it out at all. She's a fake wolf in sheep's clothing. Still heartbreaking because I genuinely want her to come to know Jesus for real so He can save her soul and life. I don't want her to go to Hell, not really (I admit I do think that sometimes), but I have no doubt she will if she doesn't repent. Please pray for her healing and salvation and peace 🙏

  • @Jazzy.girl.Sarah2023
    @Jazzy.girl.Sarah2023 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    Powerful video. I'm so glad you got out. You have such a bright face and so muchlight in your eyes now that you didn't have then.

  • @paraboo8994
    @paraboo8994 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +108

    I remember when i was at uni and I lived in a dormitory, there was a flat near us that was obviously rented by the Mormon church and they would cycle their missionaries through there. I don't know how or when but over time the missionaries would drop by for chats. In the beginning ostensibly about their faith but then it transitioned into more social calls really. We invited them for BBQs and parties and they were genuinely a lot of fun to hang out. Somehow when the first set of "deviant" missionaries left, the new ones came by pretty soon, standing there like very clearly knowing there would be fun and hanging out in the garden, but not knowing how to ask for it 😂
    That went on for quite some time and then the missionary flat was moved somewhere else. i always thought it was a pity, because they seemed to enjoy it so much and then they just stopped coming.

  • @derekkerr6158
    @derekkerr6158 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +229

    I'm an exmo now thankfully. I served my mission in central america. My first week we went without food. My trainer sent all of our money home to his family. He assumed I would have money because I was american. Nope. We had some left over bread that we shared. we went 4 days without food. we did have running water at the apartment though. A few weeks later I saw the only village cop get stabbed and killed in front of me. Throughout my mission, there were dangerous situations. I've been chased down and mugged. I was chased and almost stabbed with a screwdriver. I would find dead bodies on the dirt roads walking to church in the morning. Some missionaries decided on their own to go against the mission president and carry machetes or knives of their own for protection. Also, going without water, electricity, or food was not uncommon. We were living on a little island with another set of missionaries where the small island flooded and we were without fresh water for a little over a week. We filled a jug with dirty water and poured chlorine into it. Most apartments didn't have showers, just a bucket. and some had dirt floors. We would have to lock down during political riots. It was crazy! The most we could do is call for help to the mission office several hours away. My experiences were standard for most missionaries in that area.

    • @TempestPhaedra
      @TempestPhaedra 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +39

      Holy crap dude. That's crazy. It's amazing you're okay. With all that happening I think I'd have decided god was forcefully telling me he didn't want me there after all and I'd go home.

    • @grannytrez
      @grannytrez 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

      I went to something similar to that when I was in the Peace Corps. I was one of the first groups that went out and they didn’t realize asking us to live like the natives people. Ha ha was making us very very sick. We were with we lived without any utilities you had to go out and get your own water, and there was no sanitation of any kind And we were 12,000 feet up in the mountains so there was very very little food that we could get. I went from 130 pounds to 92 pounds and I was seven months pregnant when I weighed the 92 pounds I had gotten in Amiba while I was there that was causing me to opt check at least five times a day, but I will say the people were very kind to us. I was not fearful for my life.

    • @Nwladylaura369
      @Nwladylaura369 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      So wrong on all accounts! Surprised to hear how horrendous the circumstances were for many of you.

    • @SmolTrailer
      @SmolTrailer 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Nicaragua?

    • @derekkerr6158
      @derekkerr6158 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      @@SmolTrailer yep

  • @catie5939
    @catie5939 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    Oh, my goodness, your sad, dead eyes. 😓
    I'm so glad you're out, what a wonderful little family you have and the light in your eyes sparkles now. You have a freedom to your personality and body language now that's so beautiful. 💜

  • @sophiahassmusic
    @sophiahassmusic 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    I served my mission in 2019, and there was absolutely no safety training specifically for sister missionaries. We were pushed to talk to everyone we saw, even creepy men, which were abundant. My innocence was taken from me as I saw the men look at us and realized that they were interested in us, but not in our message. And even after I knew that, I still felt pressured to talk to them anyway- because I was taught that their salvation was in my hands. I was put in countless uncomfortable and dangerous situations, and I am grateful I made it home without being seriously harmed. Thank you for speaking up about this huge issue that is still ongoing today.

  • @TheLokiBiz
    @TheLokiBiz 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +99

    I've had to spend a few periods in my life homeless (doing better now, thankfully) and when asked I'd often tell people that one of the worst things about homelessness is the complete and utter lack of privacy. Rooms in shelters all had at least 5 other dudes in them, the rest of the time you were on the streets or in the library looking for work/housing etc. - Literally the only time I was truly alone with my thoughts was when I was in the washroom (and even then, only in the really nice public restrooms that actually are private lol) - It's kinda amazing/depressing to learn that Mormon Missionaries go through something similar.

  • @Nepuski
    @Nepuski 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +110

    You in your old interview reminded me in a weird way of princess Diana and her famous interview after her divorce. At first I was thinking it's styling (your hair, makeup etc) but then you mentioned the voice! I have never thought that women in very traditional enviroments alter their voice, but it really makes sense now that you said it

    • @phenomadology23
      @phenomadology23 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +15

      Ohhh you're right!! I'm now reconsidering many old interviews and movies...

  • @Jaebirdsing
    @Jaebirdsing 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    I came out of charismatic/Pentecostal Christianity about 10 years ago. A lot of what you talk about is similar to what I was like when in the church. I even went to a missionary training school. I don’t have any interviews to look back on but I have a lot of Facebook posts that still come back to haunt me in the “on this day” memories lol.

  • @marenlatham4349
    @marenlatham4349 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    This was one of the most satisfying videos I have ever watched on leaving Mormonism. I was born and raised in the church and was ALL IN. I left in 2009. I have tried to nail down this topic on my own....just about the tone and timing of Mormon speech patterns. When I hear it now, it also makes me feel both sick to my stomach and really angry. How incredible that you had this interview with yourself and you can hear yourself using that kind of speech...but also the constant self editing....or always putting the faithful positive spin on everything. I felt for you so much!!!! My Goodness!! It was such a burden wasn't it. I am sure if I had a recording like that of myself, I would see all of the same things. I see it in my journal writings...but obviously I can't hear it. I thought your analysis was so astute. I've sent this to my mom who is also out now.

  • @lanneren
    @lanneren 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +96

    The difference in voice was something I immediately noticed. Absolutely accurate.

  • @cronchypickle
    @cronchypickle 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +85

    You spoke a lot about the inherent danger in serving a mission and I think that those negative experiences are half the point. They want missionaries to recruit but it also doesn't hurt their cause if, at the point in your life when you begin to question things more and potentially start thinking for yourself, you are confronted with how dangerous and scary the world outside of you Mormon bubble can be. You are actively encouraged to bother the hell out of people and those negative reactions you receive may make you want to retreat further in to that comfort zone rather than exploring life outside Mormonism in a safe way.

    • @janetdw
      @janetdw 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      Excellent point!!

    • @emilyr8668
      @emilyr8668 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

      This is what I’ve always believed. Missions are only partly about conversion but more importantly solidifying the us versus them mentality through fear and isolation

    • @help4343
      @help4343 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      And if nothing bad actually happens, those close calls and seemingly dangerous situations are interesting missionary stories you can tell after.

  • @Orson-tw7cj
    @Orson-tw7cj 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Great Video!! I wish I had an interview like that I could go watch through of old-me. I guess one of these days I should go dig through my mission journals.

  • @ambi.z4233
    @ambi.z4233 16 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Thank you for being so honest about your emotional experiences being ex mormon. Ive seen your videos recommended to me a few times but have been hesitant to watch because i think im still so afraid that if someone else's experiences with the church differ from mine, that means mine arent valid. But im working on that. And hearing you talk about the identity crisis that comes with leaving high demand religion makes me feel very seen 💜

  • @muriel5826
    @muriel5826 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +73

    Congratulations on more than 100K subs. And May I say that 9years-ago-Alyssa was courageous to speak up about the danger of being a Mormon missionary and recommending a safeguard like pepper spray.

  • @bigsky14
    @bigsky14 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +89

    My urge to request a wellness check on that poor girl is intense. good lord. Real scientology energy behind the camera.

  • @mimimaitri1
    @mimimaitri1 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +6

    It looks like you had to be so careful about what you were saying. I’m so glad you found your way out.

  • @NoNo-en4cr
    @NoNo-en4cr 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Thank you for sharing ❤ glad you are free

  • @Zyphera
    @Zyphera 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +57

    Not just your voice. Your whole body and face feels more joyfull, content, at peace and happy now.

  • @alyssacorexcore
    @alyssacorexcore 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +63

    You are so brave (and stunning) for being able to sit through a video of yourself from so long ago. I can't get through more than 20 seconds of my old YT vids before I cringe and die.

    • @TempestPhaedra
      @TempestPhaedra 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

      Lol good point! I don't even like to read old emails I've sent at work. I don't think I could have made this video! Maybe the fact that she is so utterly different now helps her disassociate from it.

  • @R_Pope
    @R_Pope 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Congratulations on your award! I just discovered your videos and am enjoying what you have to say.
    I’m not Mormon, but we lived in a very Mormon area of Las Vegas for two years.

  • @TheGrades90
    @TheGrades90 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you for sharing this.
    I remember my ex asking me about my testimony while I was still a member, and the way I answered resembled the way you did in this interview. Makes me sad to think about, but happy to have left the church!

  • @ImaginaryMdA
    @ImaginaryMdA 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +44

    Good thing the spirit will definitely tell you if you're in an area you shouldn't be, cause sounds like no one else will.

  • @ElizabethT45
    @ElizabethT45 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +140

    I once met a group of returning missionaries at an airport when they sat near me at the gate. The young man next to me was so sweet, so very young, and surprised that I even knew what a Mormon mission was. He was holding a Book of Mormon and asked me if I knew about it, which I did. Do these boys not know that there are Book of Mormon copies in the nightstand drawers of many hotels? Anyway, I was asking about his family, and he actually asked me if I would call his mom and tell her I saw him at the airport. He wrote her name and number on the front page of the Book. Well then I had to take it, as a mom, and I did call his mom. Maybe it was just a way to get a book into my hands, but it was done in such a way that I just wanted to help him. Smart kid, yes?

    • @willstorm8331
      @willstorm8331 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +18

      Your kindness is important.

    • @bunnylacy2097
      @bunnylacy2097 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

      They’re not allowed to talk to their parents while on missions so it was more than just a way to get you to take the book. He wanted her to know he was okay.

    • @ElizabethT45
      @ElizabethT45 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@bunnylacy2097 So not even on a payphone from the airport, because until they get home, they are still technically on their mission?

    • @SeattlePioneer
      @SeattlePioneer 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes. I wonder how many times he did that?

  • @jod4771
    @jod4771 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    You hit the nail on the head when you talked about the voice in your head when talking to non-members/less-actives ‘now you must invite them to something at church’ ugh.. I thought that way alllll the time. Gross. I was wondering why I had that drilled into my head. Now I know and I don’t feel alone in this!! Thank you for sharing!

  • @patirving705
    @patirving705 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you for sharing your experiences and your feelings. I doubt few people can come out of the situation you endured as "honest" and insightful as you did. I admire you so much! I know how many people you are helping by making these videos. You are amazing!

  • @aaliyahrandom
    @aaliyahrandom 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +178

    The coffee cured your dark circles!

    • @xxx041189xxx
      @xxx041189xxx 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +16

      Let's face it, that one's on make-up. Having coffee is still awesome!

    • @cl5470
      @cl5470 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      ​@@xxx041189xxx makeup doesn't magically add life to your eyes.

    • @alanathibault6778
      @alanathibault6778 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

      She has a lot of highlighter around her eyes, beforehand her hooded eyelids young face combined with her less confident personality gave her eyes a sunken look... she's matured and radiating power now!

  • @joeys-wooden-spoon
    @joeys-wooden-spoon 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +24

    I left the church when I was about 20 and I’m now 35.
    I truly appreciate everything you share about your personal experience and your perspectives.

  • @wbwarren57
    @wbwarren57 3 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Thank you for being so courageous! Thank you for thinking carefully about your life and sharing your thoughts, even though it must be hard.

  • @AndrejPodzimek
    @AndrejPodzimek 25 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    Just stumbled upon your channel after a recent encounter with Mormon missionaries. Thanks for all the insights and background details - this helped me gain more perspective on who those missionaries are and why they do what they do.
    I’ve had quite a number of such encounters, always initiated by missionaries who just talked to me on a street at random. Perhaps I look like a potential believer to them… I was always fair to them in telling them upfront that there was no way to convert me, but that I’m always happy to chat. In most cases it was a very interesting conversation about their life, studies, travel experience and other stuff.
    One thing I found shocking (and scary, in a way) was their language knowledge. You already covered the language education in another video, but I bet very few people will really understand how good that education is until they actually talk to missionaries. Two of them talked to me on a street in the Czech Republic. For a moment I stared at them in disbelief and then I asked: “So, you must be of Czech origin, right…?” Their Czech was flawless. No foreign accent, no common mistakes made by foreigners. (Just to make this clear: Czech is a language with 7 cases/modes with declensions of all nouns, adjectives and pronouns, with information encoded into the ordering of words in a sentence, with “gender-aware” nouns and even verbs, etc.) Anyhow, they said they were actually from Utah and had been through a year or so of a language course. No Czech ancestry involved! Incredible!
    Those language courses are almost dangerous. I doubt that most foreign intelligence services of powerful countries have this level of language education. 😀
    Another time I behaved in quite a stupid way, I must admit. I told two missionaries that I had an important message for them from my Lord and Savior, Dionysus. I explained to them that Lord Dionysus was the Only Lord and Savior and that He was becoming increasingly upset about the sheer number of fake “gods” in the world. Now, for the sake of redemption, salvation and all that stuff, and also to honor Lord Dionysus in general, you are required to chug bottles of wine in His Honor, so that you don’t accidentally enter Lord Dionysus’ Underworld sober. An Eternity of suffering awaits those who do! Lord Dionysus will puke His Fiery Puke right in the faces of former non-believers, for Eternity! However, if you chug wine and praise Dionysus (and sing dithyrambs) while you still can, you can reach Salvation and then chug wine with The Lord for Eternity in His Underworld one day.
    As I was “explaining” all of this to them, suddenly I started to feel ashamed, in a way. This time the encounter took place in Geneva. Two young girls. Their French was absolutely flawless. (So was their German, actually.) As I told them about Lord Dionysus, they looked confused, if not a bit scared. They didn’t laugh. They were struggling to figure out what to think about what I had said. Then I realized how little they knew about life and about the stupid jokes that come with it. Anyhow, sadly I did not manage to convert them and bring them closer to Lord Dionysus. May He have mercy with their avatars entering His Underworld one day.

  • @melaniemonaco774
    @melaniemonaco774 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +50

    Your best video so far🙌🏼 the part when you talk about de “Logic mormon trap” was the reason I started doubting eventually and left the church: I must have been about 18yo, when I was having my last interview prior going to the temple. I shared with my bishop that I was having doubts and stuggling with my faith, so he said “if you really want to know the truth and WANT to belive, you will recive”, and I was like “but if I Really Want to belive, im I not just brain washing myself setting me up for a certain answer?” He didn’t know what to tell me… soon after I left for good.
    This was 15 years ago , and to this day it was the best decision of my life. I will never regret leaving! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

    • @celestewatson8351
      @celestewatson8351 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      So my dad spent some time with missionaries at one point in his 20s or 30s after my grandfather converted. That is exactly what he said convinced him not to go through with it. He told me he had a great time and everyone was really nice but when he asked them why he should believe in the book of mormon and Joseph Smith, they said the same thing and he wad like well if it's true, you would have a better answer, so no thank you...

  • @maddieallen9297
    @maddieallen9297 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +20

    i’m from utah and i can pick a mormon accent out of a crowd! i can’t quite explain it to my partner who is from pa, but it’s so distinct to me

  • @WitchyLioness
    @WitchyLioness 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you for this video.
    Your eyes were so sad back then, but you sparkle now 🥰

  • @helloxo666
    @helloxo666 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Happy general conference. Your channel has been a really great idk. I love it. ❤

  • @hypepotatoe
    @hypepotatoe 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    I can't speak for all missions, but on my mission there was also a culture of being proud to be in such a dangerous area because it was proof that we must have been stronger spirits in the pre-mortal existence. I was attacked and threatened more timed than I remember and I remember wearing it as a badge of honor. I took a bus back with my district leader on his last transfer and we had to go through a mountain pass during a pretty bad snow storm and I remember him deadpan looking at me and saying that he had always had the feeling that he was not supposed to make it home from his mission.
    Ironically a war broke out weeks after he left and the hardest part for me, at least mentally, was the fact that it meant I had to go home early. That cult really f***s with your head.

    • @ChicaTiquita
      @ChicaTiquita 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

      Where did you serve your mission?

  • @Nikita-pj2hd
    @Nikita-pj2hd 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +92

    Wow this is wild! One second in and I could already see that the light in your eyes is completely missing in the old video and your soul just seems so tired 😢 Such a contrast from how you are now. I’m so glad you got out of that. You’re a beautiful person, thank you for all that you do :)

    • @Em-sb4cz
      @Em-sb4cz 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      Right??? As everyone’s saying, she obviously looked scared, but she also looked **tired**. Like, exhausted. I was genuinely surprised when she said this was a month after getting back from the mission and not directly after.

  • @leslieviljoen
    @leslieviljoen 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thanks for sharing your story Alyssa. I remember something we often said at our church: "how should I think about this" or "help me know how to think about this". And if someone should think differently from a leader about some important issue, we would need to "get with the programme". (I was not a Mormon was was in a high-control group)

  • @marthaswanson5739
    @marthaswanson5739 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    This is fascinating information that you share and I can’t stop listening!

  • @hyates9653
    @hyates9653 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    You have such amazing perception of all the subtle yet important differences! Like cadence in tone, feeling obligated to downplay harm- very interesting stuff. I love your videos so much!

  • @liv-bv3pl
    @liv-bv3pl 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +55

    Because Judaism is a closed religion, as a jewish person, i have always found the goal of constant evangelizing as being fascinating and bizarre. Thank you for sharing ❤

    • @rogueshadows4664
      @rogueshadows4664 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I'm very curious about this. I've heard of people converting to Judaism. Is there something in Judaism for that or are those people acting in a more appropriating lane?

    • @Wannabe_Toothless
      @Wannabe_Toothless 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Most people who convert either marry into Judaism or they are Jewish by ethnicity or family ancestry and rejoin the religious part of their heritage. So I guess the second one is more of a “home coming” than a conversation. But like most converts have some connection to the faith already.

    • @Wannabe_Toothless
      @Wannabe_Toothless 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

      (At least that’s how conversation was explained to me by my mom when I asked her just now.) I’d never considered it before since everyone in my family is pretty much Jewish.

    • @sorrya3851
      @sorrya3851 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      ​@@rogueshadows4664 I'm orthodox which is the most difficult but also most widely accepted community to convert to. If someone wants to convert the have to go to a bais din ( jewish court) which discourages them heavily from converting ( called geirus) the idea is a truly sincere person will return asking to convert 3 times. After this they might ( or might not) be approved to move forward and start adopting religious practices like kosher and shabbos and once they've basically become as religious as orthodox jews the go to the mikva with another bais din and say a bracha on geirus and afterwards are considered as if they were born jewish

    • @shittymcrvids3119
      @shittymcrvids3119 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Christians and Muslims do it a lot

  • @longtailedbroadbill
    @longtailedbroadbill 17 วันที่ผ่านมา +2

    all nighter without caffeine sounds like torture. the things you've gone through make me shiver.

  • @c471
    @c471 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    The cadence pretty much every member has is so apparent to me! I'm glad you brought it up.

  • @PeachBlueSkies
    @PeachBlueSkies 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +34

    The difference in your voice is definitely the first thing I noticed!! I’m not a linguist by any means - but I think it makes perfect sense that women who are raised in a male oriented religion like Mormonism to grow up and present more “docile”, or submissive.
    And in terms of serving missions, I think having a voice that comes off more as sweet, gentle, etc makes people more receptive towards hearing you out. Because from someones appearance, their voice is usually the first indicator we have to “judge” them. I think most of us would be more open to talking/listening to someone who’s more soft spoken, compared to someone who comes off as more aggressive.

  • @brackalack1
    @brackalack1 3 หลายเดือนก่อน +26

    You look really tense back then. Lots of words but no self confidence or joy. Glad you're happier now and more comfortable with yourself ❤

  • @ainemcdonnelll
    @ainemcdonnelll 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I’ve been trying to watch this so many times every night this week going to bed, but your fundie voice keeps putting me to sleep! 😂😂😂

  • @kimgoeckeritz6320
    @kimgoeckeritz6320 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Your voice now is so authentic! Before it was very “humble Mormon woman”. Such a fascinating thing to observe. Thanks for sharing this phenomenon. So so interesting!