Would you and jackson ever do a remake of the gay marriage conversation? Like a video of it? I think it would help stop homophobia to have something like that out there ❤ maybe open other people's minds like it did yours ❤
39ish mins I think I could also be just from getting married because of the religion like "God" wants you to get married before a certain age or your parents. Then when they leave they realize they were only together because of being kinda forced within the religion. Which is good I think it means they aren't going to stay in a unloved marriage. I think you guys got lucky because you actually fell in love when dating ❤
"Not once in the process of leaving the church did I consider divorcing you." Real man right there, loyal all the way. His point about mental flexibility was really well put. Y'all are a beautiful couple!
He is a real man, for sure ;) and that's real love! I know he would love me if I stayed forever or if I left. His love for me wasn't about religion to begin with.
@@alyssadgrenfellThat seems like the key to me. My husband and I also left a religion that had been the heart and center of our life--first he left and then both of us. Our marriage fell apart soon after, but not because of the process of leaving the church or disagreeing about religion. It made us realize that we had been leaning hard on the faith to cover over deep values differences. Even though we still loved each other, there was no real foundation for a shared life anymore.
I think another facet for mutual divorce could be that if you weren't Mormon or another faith the promotes early marriage that you probably wouldn't have ever gotten married. I remember being 17 and picking out names for our children with my high school sweetheart, and once I left the church I couldn't even fathom having kids. She was incredible and we were deeply in love for a while, but we were so wrong for each other and our religion blinded us of that.
@@alyssadgrenfell ❤ you guys as a couple. I reasoned my way out of the church earlier in life, but it's nice to see the commonalities (like realizing "the spirit" ain't shit)
A bunch of my friends did Confirmation during high school and while we had been Christmas Easter Catholics (I call it genuflexing) for at least a decade, I asked my mom if it was something I should do and she said that if I wanted to she would help me. "I talked to God about it. We're cool." was 100% the vibe when I told her I didn't think I needed to. A+++ would recommend
Alyssa, you ARE a teacher. Just not the way you envisioned it. You have taught so many people about the Mormon church, some of us nevermos and some probably questioning and wanting to leave. I imagine you’ve helped more people than you know, and the impact you’ve had is huge.
For. Real. I found Alyssa through her shorts, they blew up a bit before she started making long form content and I remember looking to see (at the time) if she bad any long videos and was bummed she didn't. The next week she uploaded her first video- not short, and I was elated for more! I wasn't Mormon, but my family has Catholic and Southern Baptist trauma so I was already into ex fundy content but Alyssas delivery is very calming and interesting. I think her experience informs her content and her open mindedness is the key. She wouldn't be here without having an open mind!
My grandma was exmormon and while living in Utah being a single mom she helped women and young girls that wanted to leave the Mormon church because of a marriage that their father or family set them up with and had no other choice but to marry. She'd give them a place to stay and help them get back on their feet, she was a badass❤️
That party is hilarious! I’m imagining it as something from a nature documentary. “The single Mormon males are all seeking the attention of the Mormon female. One, in order to reclaim her attention, one brings sustenance to distract the other males. His ploy is successful, and he claims the spot next to her on the couch.”
My wife and I left the LDS church after 45 years. That was 10 years ago, and we discussed having a vow renewal that is more like a “real” wedding, finally, last year, my wife and I did a 30th anniversary vow renewal. Wedding dress, new suit, new wedding ring professional photographer, the whole 9 yards. Wedding reception at a banquet hall on the beach (including open bar, to the horror of our Mormon parents), then a honeymoon cruise down to Mexico. It was awesome! We got married the right way our second time! Highly recommend you do it (kind of costs a lot of $$ though, prepare for that)
@@Joeen-n7hReally? You’re going to bring religion back into this? I don’t care if it was Pagan, Buddhism, Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever. I could invite anyone I wanted, and didn’t need an ecclesiastical authority to approve their attendance. In other words, I don’t give a flying rats a$$ what the Bible says that my vow renewal was. I was there. It’s what my wife and I wanted. It was beautiful.
since you are used to that tithe amount being subtracted from your operational/disposable income; take that amount and invest in yourself. Especially with interest rates they way they are now. It won't take long to be able to afford the wedding of your dreams.
It’s really impressive that he had that kind of perspective on gay marriage as a member of the church. Also having the wherewithal to understand that his religious beliefs should not dictate the laws of others who don’t share them
My wife and I stopped attending church about 10 years ago. Our journey has been similar to yours. My wife had doubts about the church a few years ago prior to that. We were not on the same page for a year or two. I struggled with that for a while but I always felt that my wife was more important than the church. After some time I began to think more critically about things that used to really bother me about the church (polygamy in particular). When the church implemented the November 5th policy (the one where the church said they would not baptize the children of gay parents). It felt to me that the Church leadership was being vindictive because they could no longer prevent same sex marriages. Within a month, I asked to be released from my calling as a youth Sunday school teacher and I stopped attending church. My life has been so much better ever since.
@@alyssadgrenfella woman doesn’t need a man to be a strong woman, but it IS clear when a strong woman has a strong and supportive man standing by her. It is evident in your confidence and self-assurance. And Jackson clearly has the spirit of a man who knows his wife is solidly in his camp.
I think you two deciding to drink coffee together the first time is absolutely the biggest moment. I think that's when you became spiritually sealed to each other for all eternity. That moment is sacred because you examined your beliefs and moved through them together.
I had no idea that any religion would forbid to drink coffee. I don’t see the point of forbidding it either. More on topic: I agree that that moment must have been monumental.
you are mocking and making fun of those who understand, interesting how those who “leave” have to mock by wearing tank tops, drink coffee, get a tattoo, those who don’t do those simple things make a choice between the Lord and a cup of coffee. I see it as a way to choose what is more important. Humility needed for sure. The Temple simply represents The Savior and making fun of the Temple and the symbols of Christ. You are mocking Him. Nothing wrong with quietly walking away if you are struggling.
I'm an atheist that has never been mormon or even interacted with anyone from the mormon church but your videos are so fascinating to me that i can't stop watching them. It's so rare to get such a detailed look into what actually happens in the mormon faith from someone as eloquent and transparent as you and your husband are. So happy for you both that you followed your own path and stayed true to your relationship through all of it!
Talk about a dictatorship. Wow that’s manipulating and Abusive to treat others like the church does. Your wedding day. Omg. I so happy you two are free and loving life. You’re amazing humans. ❤
Go to South Lake Tahoe to renew your vows. The glass chapel overlooking the trees and lake are stunning. And you can any kind of ceremony you want. Plus a beautiful second honeymoon.
Most of my close friends growing up were (and still are are) Mormon. I had a lot of exposure and went to church and events with them but I’m as unreligious as a person gets so I was always just kinda shrugging at the weird things they did. I was actually so unreligious that they never even tried to convert me, lol. The more I learn though and the older I get, the more I just smh. Religion is just all about control and the LDS church is definitely one of the most controlling.
@@somanykittiesMy youth was just like yours. I still love my Mormon friends, but I also feel so sad that they never really had any say in what they believe, and I wonder how much more they would have flourished and developed as their authentic selves if they hadn’t been born into the church.
Your story of your final day at church had me sitting here slack-jawed. I grew up evangelical and no longer am active in the church, but much of my extended family is. I truly cannot imagine the courage it took for you to stand up there in front of everybody and essentially say “yeah, so, maybe most of this is bullshit” and then walk out. The thought of doing that myself, even now when I’ve been out of the church for years, makes me want to curl into a ball with anxiety. You’re such an unbelievable badass, Alyssa!
I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness after 65 years when I realised it was not the so-called Truth. What made it excruciating for me my husband had just been diagnosed with cancer. Sadly we lost him within weeks so when I needed my faith, my family, my friends I had nothing. I’ve lost everything, but I cannot return no matter the cost. I’m so happy you have each other and friends to rebuild your life
You don't have to be Religious to have Faith .. I gave up on the "cults" not on God .. I consider myself Spiritual not Religious. I feel your loss .. I pray you find comfort. Thank you Beautiful Soul for sharing. Have a Wonderful Journey
I honestly feel like in all the other mormon pics I've seen of Alyssa, her eyes don't have the sparkle and emotion that you can clearly see in the engagement photos. Clearly, you two have something special! ❤
I noticed it too. Looks like her eyes sparkle. The eyes are the windows to your soul. When she was in the Church, she looked souless or just going through what the church doctrine teaches Day to day. Way too much repression to adhere to day to day. It's seems like living through a mine.
Happens with a lot of cult like religions. You aren't living for yourself, but for your faith and community. There is no "self", but only what you can do for the faith.
OMG! I am so amazed that you truly questioned the dogma taught by the church. I went to BYU as a non-Mormon. Many tried to convert me. I actually met president Hinkley once while working for catering at BYU while serving at a banquet. My Mormon roommates were so jealous. They told me, “you will believe once you meet our prophet”. Well, I met him and even said hello. Nothing changed in my mind, no aha moment, no bright light, etc. he was a very nice old man who did not like carrots. It was a pleasant encounter and nothing more. I did have a great experience and fantastic roommates while studying there. They even saved me from very eager missionaries knowing that I had no interest in becoming a Mormon. I appreciated that they did not judge me and were not afraid of me (some Mormons do not like associating with non-Mormons). We always had mutual respect for each other. Some of my non-Mormon friends had a different experience. Sadly.
@mikegirard4388 "Renewing your vows in “Sin City” seems like the perfect venue for your post-LDS life together.' I just LOVE when self-righteous judgmental people like you comment ... Otherwise people might get the mistaken idea from watching Alyssa's videos that mormons are decent (if misguided) people.
@@marelinem541 I don't think you get the joke. They're pointing out that the irony is almost poetic, not defending the Mormon church or accusing her of being a sinner. I get that people get a little touchy after leaving the church, and a lot of things can be triggering. I understand that, having religious trauma myself. Take a deep breath and do something you love. You'll be alright.
I'm going to give an example as to why gay people need to be married. In Florida, a lesbian was forced to die alone. Her wife and adopted children were kept out of the room because the dying woman's homophobic bio family kept them out. Her wife was not family. Her adopted children were not family. Marriage would have prevented that cruel and crushing grief.
There are also numerous cases of the family of a gay person completely rewriting their life to a "cleaned up" version for their obituary that removes any mention of life partners etc. It's terrible.
It’s also why it’s important to legally adopt your children. We didn’t realise that in our country you can’t adopt an adult and we had to get a tonne of paperwork done so that I have something approaching the legal rights of a genetic child
I believed gay people should be able to marry even when I was a wingnut fundamentalist Christian. Because civil marriage has nothing to do with God's sacrament -- that was how I saw it. To me, enforcing religious standards on civil marriage undermined the first amendment and therefore threatened my own freedom of religion.
There’s so much love in the way you look at each other. It’s rare to see love that just “radiates” off a couple- but it totally does. It’s amazing how you guys started out in a cult and yet here you are😂 absolutely thriving!
Thank you so much for this comment, it means a lot :) 8 years and two kids later we've been on a wild ride, and it feels like we're only getting started!
You chose a keeper - one only has to see the compassionate, thoughtful and respectful way Jackson listens to you without interrupting. He’s a good one! Happy for you!
I’m a few years older than you, was not raised in the Moridor, discovered the truth about Joseph Smith as a teenager, and left the church when I turned 18. I gasped when you told your story about bearing your testimony on your last day of church! I could only dream to be so bold! I’m so proud of your courage and strength.
Very interesting to hear they offer classes to prepare Mormons to counter criticisms of the church. Also it’s so funny Jackson called it Defense Against the Dark Arts lol
Apologist tendencies in religion have always been the enemy of sincere attempts at understanding, understanding people different from you, the world in general. Mormons really haven't invented such teachings, neither are they the only ones with those tendencies, although they integrated them really well in their brainwashing procedures. Still, in Europe these would largely not be successful nowadays, so you really have to question what makes the US such fruitful soil for such ideas and preying on potential converts.
i had a similar class when i was studying Biologie (in the Netherlands). i don't remember what it was called. one part of it was how to talk to journalists or animal activists and defend animal testing. i'm a vegan now.... funny how these things sometimes go
At BYUI, we had a religion class where we had to write small papers about common issues in the church, like gospel topic essays, and how we would help explain them to someone who is doubting the church
All that Thithing nonsense in USA. Keeping churches and pastors rich in all kind of religions😒 keeping poor people even more poor without this money. Mammon is a strong god still and believe Me this was not in Jesus image
Should be based on the money left after rent/housing (electricity etc) and medical expenses 10% of what is left after base stuff But I guess having more financial justice isn't a priority for these churches x) Like the percent should change too, if you earn 8000 paying 800 isn't that bad cuz you don't have a 4000 rent usually haha If you earn 1500 paying 150 is harder cuz half your salary goes into rent/housing (electricity etc) But anyways since this money isn't really used to redistribute to the needy, really that's just another weight for poor families...
Former Mormon here. I was a convert and pressured to get married young and met another convert who was a decade older. He felt the pressure to marry and start a family asap. He wanted to get married 3 months after meeting and proposed to me at the Temple we eventually married in. I was so caught up in the fantasy of it all being the answer to a happy life and eternity. We had a 9 month engagement and every we knew pushed to get it done faster. I overlooked every red flag that I was marrying the wrong person who just wanted “a good girl”. I had my endowment, Temple marriage and first intimate encounter all in one day. I was so overwhelmed with everything but stuck out with counseling with my bishop. My husband wanted to get me pregnant right away but at 21 I put my foot down and wanted to wait at least two years. My husband was so mad because I was ruining his plans. The temple experience made me so sad and our wedding was lonely and didn’t feel like a celebration. It was first and foremost a commitment ceremony to the church not each other. Two kids later I really got into church history. My husband was the church librarian and I had access to official church books only. I found so much information I didn’t know and asked so many…too many questions. When I no longer believed my husband was ok with it at first. I still believed in God and found another church I loved. He even came with me. But when leaders found out he was less active they pressured him to come back. He started to change and picked arguments. He started insulting and calling me names. Then it became physical. I couldn’t talk to him about my LDS doubts or my joy in my new church where I felt peace. I was not allowed to talk about my thoughts that were different than his because he said I was being disrespectful and breaking our vows. (Not to each other but the church) . I was heartbroken and told I was not worthy of being treated kindly. I then caught him having an affair with another Mormon woman who had an inactive husband. I was still willing to work it out if he would go into counseling. He refused and after 18 years of marriage we divorced . He is still an active Mormon and never remarried. I have PTSD from that marriage but I am grateful I still have two wonderful grown children (who are non religious) that I have good relationships with. I don’t regret the divorce. I’ve dated off and on through the years and paid closer attention to toxic relationships. I never felt I had to be in another relationship or married again. I do have a new relationship now that is so healthy and respectful and loving. My ex keeps going through several short term relationships. I don’t miss him even when I think about all the years we could have spent together in a reasonably happy marriage. But after what I have now I realize I never had love I had a situationship at best. I’m smiling that you let your love speak louder than your fears! Thank you for sharing your story!
Something I find so interesting about these “revelations” you’re talking about is that they seem like normal human desires. It seems like you weren’t allowed to want for anything in your life whether it be travel, relationships, etc. so subconsciously justified it by claiming it was divinely revealed to you in a religiously safe way. “I want to go to Italy” was “I’m being called to Italy for a mission.” “I like this boy” was “the spirit lead me to him.” I can’t imagine how disempowered you must have felt. Maybe I’m just reading into it tho
I didn't grow up Mormon but I did grow up evangelical and I think subconsciously we would use "callings" and "revelations" to validate our desire for something or decision to do something. We were always guilted for doing something we wanted by being asked things like "is this your God's will? Or your will?"
@@alyssadgrenfellY’all got me giggling and kicking my feet with how obviously in love y’all are. Like at 23:45?? SIR??? Why am i feeling flustered?? I’m so glad you two found each other and hope your family lives a happy life😤🥺
When I asked my parents about Joseph smith’s polygamy and pointed out that he was in his 30’s when he married the 14yo, mom said “it was a different time, girls getting married young was normal then.” What was actually normal was you women married young men, not men twice their age.
Even the whole "people just married young back then" is not true. Some people married as teenagers, but that was very much the exception. And even then only really in high society. A 30 year old man marrying a random 14 year old would have definitely been seen as wrong.
@Faolan42 People throughout history have always partnered up/married somewhere between 17-28. The man is usually a few, but not a whole lot of years older than the woman. Not always though. Why we think women/girls married very young is because royals and leaders betrothed their very young (like 12-14) women/girls to men ranging in ages from 16-70 for alliances and stuff like that. And history was written by/about the people in power. So we look at that and think thats the way it was. But it wasnt. Common people were kind of just like us. They partnered up in their late teenage years to late 20s, to people generally around the same age.
@APerson863 I Don't Think That Was Completing True. In "Little House On The Prairie" There Was This One Story About A 13yo With An Older Man. People Were Not In Favor Of It, But It Was Legal.
@@childofcascadia Not throughout history. Aristotle famously said he thought the best ages of marriage for men and women were 37 and 18 respectively. Men in the Greco-Roman World at least seem to have gotten married much later than women.
Mixed faith marriage is not easy, and I’m SO glad I had accepted my husband’s non-belief before we got married. Now we’re both non-believing and HE made me feel safe to explore my beliefs and to know that he would be there further me either way. I very much relate to how Jackson would express ideas that opened up your mind, because my husband did that for me 100%.
Yeah same here. My religious beliefs (Presbyterian) were destroying my marriage and I had no idea. My husband was miserable. I was okay at the beginning of our relationship but years in I got way more extreme in my religion and my husband just never was religious. I finally found my way out and things have never been better. I don't know what my life would be like now if I had not stayed with my husband and head look for someone that was more religious. Fortunately for me the religious man at my church had no interest in me at all😂😂😂. I had to find someone else 400 mi away instead
@@curtismartin2866It depends on the congregation! At least in America, PCA is actually pretty hardcore conservative calvinist, while PCUSA is a lot more liberal both politically and in its approach to the doctrine
So basically you got yourself involved in a unequally yoked relationship, something the Bible said we should not do and now have to compromise the Bible to satisfy your unreligious husband. Sure
Not Mormon nor have I ever been but it took me a long time to realize that the churchy burning in my bosom or the feeling in my stomach were anxiety and heartburn and eventually an ulcer
The Dungeon's and Dragons warning really hit home with me. When I was a kid, my dad said he was going out to buy a pack of D20's, and he never returned 😭
why not re-do more than the vows? have a full new ceremony the way you two want, not how anyone else wants (and wear a slightly not white enough dress lol)
But they are also super excited to talk about how much they like each other. So they dart little things in while the other one is collecting their thoughts. Like they don't interrupt, but they also create space for each other while story telling.
“Religion shouldn’t be using government to tell people how they should live”. 👏👏 I see why you married the guy. Brilliant. As a former Catholic clergy student I can attest that it takes singular discernment to recognize the flaws in your most cherished teachings and beliefs.
Let’s talk about sex! I’m forty five years married. After I left the church (not Mormon) I really knew nothing about sex. I was married in 1978. It seemed like everyone was having a hoot in the seventies but I was clueless. My husband and I bought the book The Joy Of Sex! Seems like such an innocent book now but we hid it in our bedroom. That book was the greatest! Not trying to embarrass anyone but the church never talks about a healthy sex life with your own husband or wife.
yes! absolutely. education is empowerment. the mental whiplash of going from 2 decades of 'sex is evil' to 'you're married now- have fun' all with 0 information, mentoring, or understanding was just so difficult to get through.
My dear, it’s great that she still giggles when she’s talking to her husband after all these years. It’s enduring and sweet and shows they’re still head over heels for each other. There’s so many toxic relationships out there and especially on SM so this is refreshing to see. Plus, they’re filming and technically talking to themselves so it’s gotta be a bit awkward which could make one giggle.
@@Saliacha Yeah, they're just expanding on what they said by giving examples & comparisons. Conversations can also work that way - it doesn't have to be each person sharing a completely new, standalone & different thought in each comment lol, chill.
“You are on a marriage assembly line…made for speed and efficiency” Perfect description! Our “sealer” told us to never spend a night apart - my husband had just graduated from medical school and we were facing having to spend every third night apart for his internship year. Now when I think back to my wedding day - that memory is the biggest one! We both just groaned internally. Nobody took the trouble to even get to know us so our wedding was a freaking rubber stamp. Pathetic
I think it was very kind and almost poetic in a way that Jackson wasn't the one to initially leave. It was something you were both leaning towards heavily and in the end, you made that decision for you. Not out of any other pressure or shame but because of a bold proclamation of your beliefs and a choice you made *for* you. 🧡💛💚 I hope your proud every day of the confidence you have in yourself, I bet the growing pains were rough-
You mentioned in another video that your husband hasn't taken his name off the roll because he's trying to get the church to excommunicate him. I would love to hear more about that!
I can give some advice about that ... Reporting to a bishop that a family member had molested my 11 year old son (accompanied by 100% proof) got me instantly excommunicated. The perpetrator was told to have another baby (their third) to repair their marriage, moved into the Scouting program from being a Sunday school teacher (because being a pedophiles means you are not holy enough to teach Sunday School, but being a pedophile does not disqualify you from being a boy Scout leader [??? and this known pedophile remained in the mormon scout program for years]). This person admitted to having had sex with a relative that was legally a minor and the mormon church decided to handle it as if if were 'an adulterous affair.' Bishops are given a great deal of 'discretion' in how (and even if) to acknowledge/discipline pedophiles.
@@marelinem541 holy shit. I’m actually in shock reading this. I hope your son is okay, and that both of you are getting the support you need to heal bc. wow. and I thought the catholic church was bad 😢😢
@@marelinem541I know the Mormon church in our area keeps their own pack and troop. Please inform the BSA Council you are in about this man. They will have him removed from leadership. Im not sure how he got past the back groud check. This is terrifying.
He got thru the background check because no one within the church was allowed to report it, so it’s unlikely anyone outside the church knew about it - clearly no one reported it to the police (or if they did, you might be forgiven for thinking the police were “fine, upstanding” Mormons!!!
When my daughter was younger we had neighbors that were Mormon, they weren’t the most strict practicing ones but the daughter invited my daughter to some young women’s thing or whatever that they did every other Wednesday. the first one wasn’t too bad but the second one before the girls got out to the car the woman that was running the whole thing politely I told my neighbor that it would be best if my daughter didn’t come back when she asked why the lady told her that my daughter was too opinionated. Apparently at some point my daughter said I’ve never had religion and I never will and a couple of the other girls said something along the lines of what does she mean she’s never had religion. I’ve often wondered if she changed any lives that day.
Jackson is so cool! A natural born philosopher. It’s incredibly impressive to have such amazing perception and ability to articulate it when you’re embedded in such a stringent and oppressive environment. I’m glad you guys found each other ❤
Yall's first drinking experience is honestly a great example of the teaching sex ed argument; way better for someone to be taught how to do something risky responsibly than them guess through it when they do decide to. I didn't get a hangover until several times into drinking and didn't throw up from drinking for years, I've still only ever done that once despite two blackouts... but I was taught by my family how to drink responsibly and knew what pacing was normal to see how things hit
Why are dating stories so fun? Idk, but I always love to hear them. And I was raised in a totally secular home. We went to a church a few times with my grandma. And I maybe went worth a few friends, a few times and that's it. My parents were both hippies and totally secular. It was a wonderful way to be raised. And makes this story that much more interesting from that perspective.
The way my skin CRAWLED when I heard the words "Thank you for your testimony sister." I haven't heard those words in years, and my skin is actively crawling
@@JohnDLee-im4lo Look at you, busting out the thesaurus for this! Imagine caring this much about rubbing salt in the wounds of those who were already hurt by your church. Now all you have to do is arrange those words in a way that makes sense, and you might actually succeed in doing so.
I am an atheist who comes from conservative laestadian community. It's a lutheran christian revival movement mainly in Finland, in which they believe only conservative laestadians will get to heaven and have a lot of rules (no tv, no movies, no popular culture, no rhythmic music, no dancing, no make up, no piercings, no dying hair, no nail polish, no birth control, ofc no alcohol) and while its not mormonism, so much of what you were talking about hit home... You described the feeling of truly believing in the religion and once not, everything falling apart and feeling unable to attend the church. I lived for couple of years pretending to be laestadian while i really wasnt in my heart and i felt so horrible all the time. Once i denied my faith, i couldnt even bring myself to pray bc before it wasnt about the community as much as it was about truly feeling connected with god, and without that it felt just empty and that feeling was scary. Also learning about the history of my church, the huge amount of times it had branched off, the straight up cults derived from it and the older very culty features it used to have, it was a read that made me truly question how can this one branch of all of these branches in finland far from everything else be the only correct one? Only answer people had was to not listen to the "reason/brain" bc it was actually the devil, but have a child-like belief. All the doubts were forgiven and you just had to ask forgiveness when in doubt and never think them further. Idk, i felt so understood by this video even though mormonism and laestadianism are very different things. Your trying coffee together moment reminded me of when i tried some eyeliner for the first time, or dancing to a rhythmic music in my bed room, seemingly a tiny thing yet such a huge thing for me. With my background I rarely find creators who i can relate this much. Thank you
That is interesting! I'd never heard of fundamentalist Lutheranism. I was raised evangelical Lutheran in the US. In my 30s I think is when I began questioning my beliefs and came to different ideas. I was able to slowly develope my own beliefs which don't include church dogma but became my spirituality.
I'm so sorry you went through that. But I can't help but notice how eerily similar this is to a conversative Muslim upbringing (no nail polish, music, dancing, TV, films, makeup, hair dye (except henna), alcohol, birth control etc). But if you mentioned this to them, of course they'd see anyone following Islam as being on the Devil's path (& vice versa, ofc!) It's ironically funny to me how all of these religions are more similar than they care to admit lol.
😂😂 I grew up with those same rules. Basically no fun. I’m also an atheist now. My family is from a country where only one percent of that country was other than orthodox Christian and my family was that unlucky 1 percent. Childhood was hell. I never believed yet I had to sit through 4 hours of church every Sunday. It was pure hell. I came to the realization that if church was heaven hell doesn’t sound half bad. Stupid missionaries that somehow converted my ancestors. 😂😂
Words are powerful. In a way, your father's "blessing" has come true. You are being a powerful and highly effective teacher--showing people new paths to personal growth and enlightenment.
That was exactly what I was thinking lol. If you have enough visions or blessings, one of them will stick, in one way or another. Reminds me of those prophecies in fantasy that are interpreted in a completely wrong way.
His quiet appropriateness letting you share without his dude-need to interrupt, his admiration-gaze, your (both of you) give and take, both of your thoughtful language. I LOVE watching the two of you together. Sooo good. My marriage vows included the words "not looking inward, rather out in the same direction..." (...obviously not a mormon.) I love seeing you both together in this video!! Thank you.
I’m sorry you grew up around a bunch of men who never let their wives speak. Where did you grow up? In my nearly 20 years of marriage I’ve never once “dude-interrupted” my wife and neither do the other hundreds of married men I’ve known over the years while attending church. 99% look at their wives in admiration and love, as most good marriages are wont to do.
its super interesting hearing alyssa talk about not beinf cut out for teaching, now having a channel dedicated to educating people on mormonism. you guys are an inspiration!
That claustrophobic feeling is so real. Not Mormon but Mennonite. Going back to my childhood church gives me so much anxiety and almost PTSD that I can’t stand it.
Growing up Mormon, and not believing makes me feel weird. I just want to tell everyone around me how fake it is. But by doing this I could affect so many people who I grew up with, and their perspectives of me. There’s so many strangely Mormon things that are kind of isolating.
Over the past 14 years since I left my life has drastically improved for the better. No longer in a relationship with a woman I shouldn't have been married to in the first place , and much happier living my authentic life with a loving and supportive husband. Thank you for sharing your story, it will be very helpful for those who are struggling with the decision to leave
This was such an intriguing video to listen to. Thank you so much for your story! I'm a born again protestant Christian believer. I grew up going to church, but didn't decide to put my faith in Jesus as my Savior and Lord until I was 17. Throughout the years I've had times of struggle and doubt, but my questions have always been welcomed. It physically pained me to hear that when you (Alyssa) voiced your doubts during testimony time in Relief Society, that you were shoved aside, shunned, dismissed, and looked at with shock and disgust. I know how isolating that feels (I went to Liberty University, and the culture of BYU sounds so similar to the culture at Liberty), and it makes complete sense why you didn't want any more part of it. I left Liberty after similar doubts and questions. I think a core difference is how in your experience, everything Mormon is all tied together and linked. While I had difficulties with the rules and culture of Liberty, my faith in Jesus is not tied to where my money goes or where I went to school. It seems so scary to leave behind an entire community and culture, especially one you grew up in and truly believed in! I remember after a traumatic event while I was a student at a Bible School in Wisconsin, the whole class was having a prayer meeting. I voiced how I was struggling to believe if God could be good or if He could be in control because He let something so terrible happen to the city where I lived. I voiced other times in my life where I felt like God had failed or been absent. People responded with compassion and empathy. People patiently walked with me through my doubts and sorrows and showed me grace upon grace. Their steadfast love and reflection of the character of Jesus gave me the slivers of assurance I needed to keep moving forward. There were many times in the Bible when it seemed like God had failed or was absent, but He was doing things in His time as shown through the rest of the story unfolding.
Your reply to Alyssa is so kind and thoughtful! I felt sad when she said something like, "At that point I could have tolerated Jesus stuff but not Jiseph Smith stuf . . ." I often wonder if she feel she feels to reject Joseph Smith, she has to reject all belief in anything spiritual. I hope Alyssa and her husband are still on their spiritual journey. I am a believer in the Father. Son, and Holy Spirit but I feel alienated from churches in general. I hope to find a compatible faith community at some point. I am happy that you left the toxic religious environment (Liberty) with your faith in God intact, and found a faith community that supports you.
A moment with my bishop was also pivotal in me leaving the church. I was living in Salt Lake City at the time, I had just come back from my mission (which actually already broke my testimony) and I got a job. I was trying to hold on to something to save my testimony but then I was required to work one Sunday per month by my job. So I was really conflicted about it and spoke to my bishop. He basically said, well you need a job so you gotta do what you gotta do. I was appalled that he was so nonchalant about the commandments and I was so upset that I decided to follow his advice and instead of being targeted by Satan I actually felt relaxed that Sunday and that was the start of me leaving the church within 6 months of that moment. I just kept going less and less to church and eventually never came back.
ALYSSA you are just so badass!!! You make learning so easy-- you might have your doubts on being called to be a TEACHER, maybe, but you're a born educator. Have you ever considered doing a TED Talk? ❤
Thank you both for being so open and frank. I'm so pleased that your marriage is going from strength to strength. You are such a delightful couple, it's really beautiful.
The temple ritual part of your wedding is so sad: family members excluded in a parking lot and your wedding dress. It's so wonderful to see you are both committed to each other. I wish you many happy years together.
Left the Mormon church when I was 12, just felt like BS to me. Years later they sent me a letter asking me to update my information for the temple and I wrote them back saying just please drop me from the Church as I was never interested in being a Mormon. They wrote me back saying I was going to hell. I was recovering from Encephalitis from the flu, Pneumonia and the chicken pox at the time. I told them it was too late I was already in hell, just get me off their records I refuse to be a Mormon. LOL... Jeeze. I don't even believe in hell...
I was done with them by time I was 6 ... The mormon response to any question asked was to say (in front of the whole Sunday school class) that surely the devil / Satan had made me ask the question, and NEVER, not once, made any attempt to answer the question. So you learn that asking anything is pointless.
Reminds me of Voltaire’s last words. When asked if he would ‘renounce the devil’ on his deathbed, his reply was “Now is not the time for making new enemies.”
I left the church 8 years ago and am just now comfortable talking about it. I relate with everything you're saying. I'm going to binge watch every episide now. Thank you for being brave!
PLEASE get your vows renewed! it's truly amazing that you two have grown so much closer in your post-mormonism lives, it's an incredible achievement and you both deserve to celebrate that 😊
Jackson has such an interesting and nuanced outlook on not only religion, but also life, relationships, etc. Loved listening to both of your experiences!
Alyssa, "the Satanic Panic?" Could you do a little video about what that was? This was a really fun video - I totally cracked up about the D&D risk. Your Jackson is a dear, so glad you found him. I won my husband of 31 years in a role playing game.
The Satanic Panic wasn't limited to the Mormon church...it was basically the Salem witchtrials rebooted where a bunch of people got accused of being Satanists that ritually abused children, and people got so worked up about it that they started claiming things like DnD influenced kids to get into witchcraft and harm themselves. It got to the point that the FBI investigated...and surprise! they could find absolutely no evidence of satanic ritual abuse. Look up some more in-depth info about it, because it's wild, and you still see echos of it today.
I didn’t live through the bulk of it, but like Alyssa, I lived through a lot of the consequences. A lot of it came from an honest place of care that children were being abused as a part of "rituals". A therapist published a book about how his patient (later wife) has DID and that one in the system remembers being abused as part of a satanic ritual. From there, mass moral and religious histeria took over as people panicked about what would be a gateway that would lead impressionable young people to join Satanic groups and then they would be lead into SA, be sacrafically murdered, ect. And, this was the 80s-90s. Right when horror was hitting a stride in the mainstream, which made it seem all the more real for people because they were given this very realistic visual of what might happen to their kids should the Satanists gain control.
The Satanic Panic wasn’t just the Mormons. Evangelicals got really weird too. My neighbor in Canada was sure there were satanic spells being put on my son’s Teenage Mutant Turtles. She kept giving me books on demonic possession.
There are quite a few other videos on TH-cam that could probably say more about it than Alyssa could. Fun fact, one of Tom Hanks first roles was in Mazes and Monsters, a TV Movie based on a book by one of the people who first whipped up the hysteria about D&D
There is a podcast, called “You’re Wrong About” that did a episode on Satanic panic in May, 2018, and they are really really good at researching and validating their research. It wasn’t just Mormons impacted. There is also an article in Culture on Vox, May 25, 2021, entitled “Why are we so worried about Satan?”
When I married my husband he was not a member. At the time we met he was becoming a mason- his whole family was involved in the masons. He joined the church and 2 years after our marriage we went to the temple- this was like 1986. The Endownment was very scary back then. Afterwards I looked at him and said “was that strange?” He reliefd “ its exactly what we do when I go to the Mason temple.”
Five Guys ftw haha! Bearing your ex-testimony in relief society is wild!! Congrats, and welcome to real life. I would not have had the courage to do so publicly. I applaud you. 👏🏻
This was such a beautiful conversation. I have no connection to mormonism at all, and I'm not even sure why youtube recommended this video, but I think you really set an example for open, respectful and loving communication. Thank you for sharing your story!
You sparked a really intense interest in Mormonism for me I've delved into other religions before but not nearly as much as I have with LDS your videos are amazing!
Please don't take it as an invitation to join, though, unless you are absolutely _SURE_ of what it means. ---------- When my lonely, widowed mother was enticed to join by a new friend and the missionaries started working on her, they *never* told her about the way the LDS (Mormon) afterlife works, how very good LDS get to be a genuine God, too, and get their own planet to lord over and that men are encouraged to have many more wives than Joseph Smith ever dreamed of in order to have 1,000s of offspring. ----------- If they had told her about those aspects before sucking her in, she would have run for the hills! It was hard enough for her to accept the science-denying because up until then, all she ever read (and read to me) were books about science, discovery, exploration - including evolution. She knew evolution to be rock solid true and struggled to rationalize it with the church's teachings. It was sad to see.
@@MossyMozart oh dear god no. I was raised Hindu and when my non believing brother introduced the concept of evolution (I was 6/7 he was about 12/13) thankfully youtube was around) I asked my mother about it and she completely rejected it and said god made everything. As I grew up and became more vocal and strong minded I hated that women were considered dirty and not worthy of touching statues of god or entering a mundhir(Temple) due to menstruating I did also learn that the native people of the India reigon who developed Hinduism believed in science and appreciation of natural beauty. Also in orignal scripture and core beliefs of hinduism we shouldn't have idols or engage in consumerism and pollution but many "religous" events and practices involved dressing statues in tiny clothes and dumping them into rivers. Knowing my mother who was raised Hindu and any priest who specialised in teaching Hinduism couldn't answer my questions on karma and evolution and science I knew as a woman who believed in science and respect I couldn't practice it. I believe that religon is an aspect of humanity's history and cultural beliefs eg roman gods, greek gods, Aztec gods ect.
@@MossyMozartWhat? Very good LDS get to be Gods to, & have a planet too?? Wow! My sister & the missionaries who came to pray with me during a particularly rough time in my life & my own Christian Faith, never said a word about any of that!! They let me ask any questions I wanted (politely of course) & they answered them. From day 1 I was honest & said that there are things I really like about the Faith my sister's family has & their prayers,etc., but that I smoke, have a "swear jar" that's never empty for long & so I wouldn't be joining the church. They were ok with that & wanted to pray with me, answer any questions & I tell you, I 'wore out' 2 pairs of missionaries during my time in OR.😌 They were my strength during those worst of times & the best people, truly from their hearts, they were likely the only reason I survived what I went thru up there! As I've told people, when I was losing my Faith, they loaned me theirs. The fact I was Christian & love Jesus was enuff for them. I asked many ??? They were so patient. & I learned alot. I went to "Bible Study" a few times, curious mostly, but I quit going cuz' it was only about the Book Of Mormon, NOT the Bible! The Bible warns to beware those who put any teachings before The Bible. But, I am 4ever grateful to those missionairies💖 & to God Who Sent Them. I love them - all 5 of them! They accepted me as I am - it was mutual. I have far too many things about LDS beliefs to ever join the church. But, I belong to no particular religion.
My ex wife was a teacher, her hopes and dreams of educating young people was shattered by the rudeness of kids, the rudeness of parents, and the rudeness of the entire school system. I don't see how teachers stay in the profession for more than a couple of years.
The rudeness of kids would not exist without the issues with school systems/parents. I think sometimes people put too much emphasis on blaming the kids bc tbh i dont think they really have that much control. But when u look at the history of public education in america its working exactly the way its meant to - really it was formed to make students into good factory workers.
@@AlexaSmith I am 55 and have been teaching since I was 22 and I have NEVER heard this! My parents, siblings, and one grandmother were teachers. I am talking about public schools, too. I am a product of public schools as are my children. I had to go google this because I have never heard this. Please do further research. Comments like this really hurt. Also it is the responsibility of states to fund and pass laws concerning public schools so a school in the southeast is very different from a school out west and that is okay, too. The US is huge and blanket public school statements (clergy and politicians are THE WORST) are so unfair. I apologize for my long statement, but your comment hit me much the same way as when a preacher says "public education is working exactly the way it's meant to since they took God out of the public schools" which just flies all over me.
@@jeni688 Really depends on the school and the person. I went to several different schools and in one the students had pretty much usurped the system. They were playing badminton in class, shouting and throwing things at teachers they didn’t like because they still insisted on, well, teaching. Once I was like guys stop throwing stuff at the teacher like this she is crying. I thankfully switched schools again pretty quickly because that school was wild. (My others schools were pretty normal.)
It really depends on the school, the culture around the school, administrators, the school board, and the parents. In some schools, the administrators and parents are all very supportive of their teachers in general and they also do their part to make sure student issues are taken care of before they become issues. Other times, it’s a situation where the kids of school board members are creating all the chaos, but administrators won’t do anything and they give the directive to the teachers to not do anything because the student’s parent is on the school board and the administrators are fearful of the school board. Other times the general culture around the school is often from rich parents of kids they send to private school who are community leaders and often speak poorly of the public school and try to divert public funds from the public school for “performance issues,” further leaving the school expected to do more with less and the problem kids who are not doing well at the private school are kicked out and they have no option but to go to the public school further giving the illusion that the public school is the problem. I’ve seen this kind of nonsense play out. A lot of the teacher turnover is related to being undervalued, underpaid, and under resourced, and their department may be underfunded in general. So they often leave for less stressful jobs for significantly more pay, so now the public schools are now under staffed further leading to additional performance issues, then it becomes a never ending spiral of defeat.
I could feel how the comments of others were bothering you. I hope you get to feel the support of everyone who is very happy for your strong, healthy relationship. Thank you for sharing your stories!
Hearing about men using the "god told me we are meant to get married" line to try and manipulate women into being with them makes me sick man, what a terrible environment for young women
your husband seems so sweet! I love the way you look at each other. You have been through a trauma together and have strengthened your bond along the way. I love that you were able to help open one another's eyes and did it together. Relationship goals!!
I absolutely LOVE the fact that you got to know each other over "the Satan game." My hubby and I are avid D&D fanatics and it has made our relationship stronger and sharing our passion brings us so much joy. Do you still play? I've been bingeing your videos since I found them. Exmo here... I appreciate that you are sharing your stories and insights - it's helping me understand some of my experiences.
A fascinating story. I’ve had a few Mormon neighbours. The first couple were vegetarian and, as a ten year old animal lover, I thought that was wonderful. Years later, we had an older Mormon couple for neighbours. We got to know them better and they were very nice, helping us get acquainted with the neighbourhood and such. I had general idea that there were restrictions against coffee, alcohol and soft drinks, but not the other things. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
We need more vids with Jackson!! you guys are the cutest😭 maybe one on how leaving the church affected you guys’ family relationships? (if it’s not too personal)
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Was waiting for this video ❤ love your content
Would you and jackson ever do a remake of the gay marriage conversation? Like a video of it? I think it would help stop homophobia to have something like that out there ❤ maybe open other people's minds like it did yours ❤
Also why don't you guys "redo vows" and do the wedding you guys wanted ❤ I think you both deserve to get what you want on your special day ❤
Lol right after I commented that you said about it 😂❤
39ish mins I think I could also be just from getting married because of the religion like "God" wants you to get married before a certain age or your parents. Then when they leave they realize they were only together because of being kinda forced within the religion. Which is good I think it means they aren't going to stay in a unloved marriage. I think you guys got lucky because you actually fell in love when dating ❤
I'm obsessed with the fact that Alyssa accidentally orchestrated her own mini episode of Mormon bachelorette in order to find a husband
"Not once in the process of leaving the church did I consider divorcing you." Real man right there, loyal all the way. His point about mental flexibility was really well put. Y'all are a beautiful couple!
He is a real man, for sure ;) and that's real love! I know he would love me if I stayed forever or if I left. His love for me wasn't about religion to begin with.
@alyssadgrenfell for a sec there thought 🤔 you and your sister shared in laws
@@alyssadgrenfellThat seems like the key to me. My husband and I also left a religion that had been the heart and center of our life--first he left and then both of us. Our marriage fell apart soon after, but not because of the process of leaving the church or disagreeing about religion. It made us realize that we had been leaning hard on the faith to cover over deep values differences. Even though we still loved each other, there was no real foundation for a shared life anymore.
I think another facet for mutual divorce could be that if you weren't Mormon or another faith the promotes early marriage that you probably wouldn't have ever gotten married. I remember being 17 and picking out names for our children with my high school sweetheart, and once I left the church I couldn't even fathom having kids. She was incredible and we were deeply in love for a while, but we were so wrong for each other and our religion blinded us of that.
@@alyssadgrenfell ❤ you guys as a couple. I reasoned my way out of the church earlier in life, but it's nice to see the commonalities (like realizing "the spirit" ain't shit)
"Nah, I talked to God about it. We're cool." The most badass response he could have come back with.
Simpsons line
(still badass)
@@katiekawaii episode 3, season 4, "Homer the Heretic" 👌🏼
A bunch of my friends did Confirmation during high school and while we had been Christmas Easter Catholics (I call it genuflexing) for at least a decade, I asked my mom if it was something I should do and she said that if I wanted to she would help me. "I talked to God about it. We're cool." was 100% the vibe when I told her I didn't think I needed to. A+++ would recommend
"The 11th Commandment is cuddle thy woman" "Thanks brah"
Floored that Jackson was the "bad boy" figure but it's because he critically considers dogma and respects human rights.
Don't forget he was rolling Satan's D20!
That's a pretty accurate definition of punk tbh
Alyssa, you ARE a teacher. Just not the way you envisioned it. You have taught so many people about the Mormon church, some of us nevermos and some probably questioning and wanting to leave. I imagine you’ve helped more people than you know, and the impact you’ve had is huge.
I second this!
For. Real. I found Alyssa through her shorts, they blew up a bit before she started making long form content and I remember looking to see (at the time) if she bad any long videos and was bummed she didn't. The next week she uploaded her first video- not short, and I was elated for more! I wasn't Mormon, but my family has Catholic and Southern Baptist trauma so I was already into ex fundy content but Alyssas delivery is very calming and interesting. I think her experience informs her content and her open mindedness is the key. She wouldn't be here without having an open mind!
My grandma was exmormon and while living in Utah being a single mom she helped women and young girls that wanted to leave the Mormon church because of a marriage that their father or family set them up with and had no other choice but to marry. She'd give them a place to stay and help them get back on their feet, she was a badass❤️
She sounds wonderful.
Wow what a great grandma.
I didn't really care for my grandma she wasn't that great of a person.
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexiteyeah old ppl tend to be really sweet or total cunts lol
That is my definition of a good woman!
❤❤
That party is hilarious! I’m imagining it as something from a nature documentary.
“The single Mormon males are all seeking the attention of the Mormon female. One, in order to reclaim her attention, one brings sustenance to distract the other males. His ploy is successful, and he claims the spot next to her on the couch.”
"Their prey; Cesar's pizza. One of the finest options for the Mormon specimens."
This narrated by Werner Herzog would take a dark turn fast
LOL
Did you offer her a piece of cheese?
Narrated by David Attenborough
My wife and I left the LDS church after 45 years. That was 10 years ago, and we discussed having a vow renewal that is more like a “real” wedding, finally, last year, my wife and I did a 30th anniversary vow renewal. Wedding dress, new suit, new wedding ring professional photographer, the whole 9 yards. Wedding reception at a banquet hall on the beach (including open bar, to the horror of our Mormon parents), then a honeymoon cruise down to Mexico. It was awesome! We got married the right way our second time!
Highly recommend you do it (kind of costs a lot of $$ though, prepare for that)
Read the Scriptures about marriage and you find everything you did is all pagan.
I love that! Hope all is going well! ❤️
@@Joeen-n7hReally? You’re going to bring religion back into this? I don’t care if it was Pagan, Buddhism, Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever. I could invite anyone I wanted, and didn’t need an ecclesiastical authority to approve their attendance.
In other words, I don’t give a flying rats a$$ what the Bible says that my vow renewal was. I was there. It’s what my wife and I wanted. It was beautiful.
since you are used to that tithe amount being subtracted from your operational/disposable income; take that amount and invest in yourself. Especially with interest rates they way they are now. It won't take long to be able to afford the wedding of your dreams.
Many religions don't like when you ask too many questions and don't like when you decide to think on your own
It’s really impressive that he had that kind of perspective on gay marriage as a member of the church. Also having the wherewithal to understand that his religious beliefs should not dictate the laws of others who don’t share them
My wife and I stopped attending church about 10 years ago. Our journey has been similar to yours. My wife had doubts about the church a few years ago prior to that. We were not on the same page for a year or two. I struggled with that for a while but I always felt that my wife was more important than the church. After some time I began to think more critically about things that used to really bother me about the church (polygamy in particular).
When the church implemented the November 5th policy (the one where the church said they would not baptize the children of gay parents). It felt to me that the Church leadership was being vindictive because they could no longer prevent same sex marriages. Within a month, I asked to be released from my calling as a youth Sunday school teacher and I stopped attending church. My life has been so much better ever since.
Why should a church allow Gay marriage when it's clearly against the word of God?
omg you guys have such a healthy relationship literal goals
Thank you so much! It was so fun to have him on the channel, usually I'm just alone so it was very great to have him join and do this together ❤
@@alyssadgrenfellthis is one of my favorite videos of yours!!
@@alyssadgrenfella woman doesn’t need a man to be a strong woman, but it IS clear when a strong woman has a strong and supportive man standing by her. It is evident in your confidence and self-assurance. And Jackson clearly has the spirit of a man who knows his wife is solidly in his camp.
This is like the opposite of a lot of the toxic Korean drama relationships I see on TV.
Is Joseph and Emma Smith your relationship goal? I am joking.
I think you two deciding to drink coffee together the first time is absolutely the biggest moment. I think that's when you became spiritually sealed to each other for all eternity. That moment is sacred because you examined your beliefs and moved through them together.
This is the most underrated comment I’ve read in my investigation ❤😂
I had no idea that any religion would forbid to drink coffee. I don’t see the point of forbidding it either.
More on topic: I agree that that moment must have been monumental.
you are mocking and making fun of those who understand, interesting how those who “leave” have to mock by wearing tank tops, drink coffee, get a tattoo, those who don’t do those simple things make a choice between the Lord and a cup of coffee. I see it as a way to choose what is more important. Humility needed for sure. The Temple simply represents The Savior and making fun of the Temple and the symbols of Christ. You are mocking Him. Nothing wrong with quietly walking away if you are struggling.
@@Love-ashedid I agree and I’ll choose coffee every day.
@@Love-ashedidyou’re weird
I'm an atheist that has never been mormon or even interacted with anyone from the mormon church but your videos are so fascinating to me that i can't stop watching them. It's so rare to get such a detailed look into what actually happens in the mormon faith from someone as eloquent and transparent as you and your husband are. So happy for you both that you followed your own path and stayed true to your relationship through all of it!
Talk about a dictatorship. Wow that’s manipulating and Abusive to treat others like the church does. Your wedding day. Omg. I so happy you two are free and loving life. You’re amazing humans. ❤
Go to South Lake Tahoe to renew your vows. The glass chapel overlooking the trees and lake are stunning. And you can any kind of ceremony you want. Plus a beautiful second honeymoon.
Most of my close friends growing up were (and still are are) Mormon. I had a lot of exposure and went to church and events with them but I’m as unreligious as a person gets so I was always just kinda shrugging at the weird things they did. I was actually so unreligious that they never even tried to convert me, lol. The more I learn though and the older I get, the more I just smh. Religion is just all about control and the LDS church is definitely one of the most controlling.
@@somanykittiesMy youth was just like yours. I still love my Mormon friends, but I also feel so sad that they never really had any say in what they believe, and I wonder how much more they would have flourished and developed as their authentic selves if they hadn’t been born into the church.
❤❤❤
It's a little hilarious that your Capstone project (and the thing which broke your shelf) was a flowchart of Joseph Smith's body count 💀
@@doctorquestian😂
Your story of your final day at church had me sitting here slack-jawed. I grew up evangelical and no longer am active in the church, but much of my extended family is. I truly cannot imagine the courage it took for you to stand up there in front of everybody and essentially say “yeah, so, maybe most of this is bullshit” and then walk out. The thought of doing that myself, even now when I’ve been out of the church for years, makes me want to curl into a ball with anxiety. You’re such an unbelievable badass, Alyssa!
You've become a teacher, but not in the way you thought you'd be ❤
Nice point.
I admire the way you offer your views without being offensive. Nice teacher quality!
I thought the same thing!!! And the irony is that Alyssa now teaches to such a larger audience - and in a way that is FAR more impactful!
I came here to say the same thing!!!
I was raised a Jehovah’s Witness after 65 years when I realised it was not the so-called Truth. What made it excruciating for me my husband had just been diagnosed with cancer. Sadly we lost him within weeks so when I needed my faith, my family, my friends I had nothing. I’ve lost everything, but I cannot return no matter the cost. I’m so happy you have each other and friends to rebuild your life
If I may be curious, what allows you to carry on as you are? What gives you your strength? How are you now?
You do indeed have SUCH STRENGTH! I am so sorry you need every ounce of it right now 😢
May your future be brighter... 💞💞💞💞💞💞🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
Be well. best wishes.
So happy you were able to see the truth and get out. Sending light, love, and well wishes your way
You don't have to be Religious to have Faith .. I gave up on the "cults" not on God .. I consider myself Spiritual not Religious. I feel your loss .. I pray you find comfort. Thank you Beautiful Soul for sharing. Have a Wonderful Journey
I honestly feel like in all the other mormon pics I've seen of Alyssa, her eyes don't have the sparkle and emotion that you can clearly see in the engagement photos. Clearly, you two have something special! ❤
I noticed it too. Looks like her eyes sparkle. The eyes are the windows to your soul. When she was in the Church, she looked souless or just going through what the church doctrine teaches Day to day. Way too much repression to adhere to day to day. It's seems like living through a mine.
From NPC to main character
Happens with a lot of cult like religions. You aren't living for yourself, but for your faith and community. There is no "self", but only what you can do for the faith.
I would agree, they're both glowing here.
Hope they have many more happy decades together.
it's because photos don't show movement bro
"Me and God are cool, yeah, we're alright".
What a lad.
Beautiful couple, the two of ye.
OMG! I am so amazed that you truly questioned the dogma taught by the church. I went to BYU as a non-Mormon. Many tried to convert me. I actually met president Hinkley once while working for catering at BYU while serving at a banquet. My Mormon roommates were so jealous. They told me, “you will believe once you meet our prophet”. Well, I met him and even said hello. Nothing changed in my mind, no aha moment, no bright light, etc. he was a very nice old man who did not like carrots. It was a pleasant encounter and nothing more.
I did have a great experience and fantastic roommates while studying there. They even saved me from very eager missionaries knowing that I had no interest in becoming a Mormon. I appreciated that they did not judge me and were not afraid of me (some Mormons do not like associating with non-Mormons). We always had mutual respect for each other. Some of my non-Mormon friends had a different experience. Sadly.
Renewing your vows in “Sin City” seems like the perfect venue for your post-LDS life together.
@mikegirard4388 "Renewing your vows in “Sin City” seems like the perfect venue for your post-LDS life together.'
I just LOVE when self-righteous judgmental people like you comment ...
Otherwise people might get the mistaken idea from watching Alyssa's videos that mormons are decent (if misguided) people.
Ironically, for a long time Vegas was about the most Mormon city outside Utah.
@@billcook4768you learn something new everyday
@@marelinem541 I don't think you get the joke. They're pointing out that the irony is almost poetic, not defending the Mormon church or accusing her of being a sinner. I get that people get a little touchy after leaving the church, and a lot of things can be triggering. I understand that, having religious trauma myself. Take a deep breath and do something you love. You'll be alright.
I'm going to give an example as to why gay people need to be married.
In Florida, a lesbian was forced to die alone. Her wife and adopted children were kept out of the room because the dying woman's homophobic bio family kept them out. Her wife was not family. Her adopted children were not family. Marriage would have prevented that cruel and crushing grief.
Deplorable 😮
There are also numerous cases of the family of a gay person completely rewriting their life to a "cleaned up" version for their obituary that removes any mention of life partners etc. It's terrible.
It’s also why it’s important to legally adopt your children. We didn’t realise that in our country you can’t adopt an adult and we had to get a tonne of paperwork done so that I have something approaching the legal rights of a genetic child
That happens to lots of people 😢or similar
I believed gay people should be able to marry even when I was a wingnut fundamentalist Christian. Because civil marriage has nothing to do with God's sacrament -- that was how I saw it. To me, enforcing religious standards on civil marriage undermined the first amendment and therefore threatened my own freedom of religion.
There’s so much love in the way you look at each other. It’s rare to see love that just “radiates” off a couple- but it totally does. It’s amazing how you guys started out in a cult and yet here you are😂 absolutely thriving!
Thank you so much for this comment, it means a lot :) 8 years and two kids later we've been on a wild ride, and it feels like we're only getting started!
If you'd have stayed, you'd have to strike that, reverse it, with 8 kids in 2 years. 😅
@@alyssadgrenfell Your children are so lucky to have parents who left the cult.
You chose a keeper - one only has to see the compassionate, thoughtful and respectful way Jackson listens to you without interrupting. He’s a good one! Happy for you!
I’m a few years older than you, was not raised in the Moridor, discovered the truth about Joseph Smith as a teenager, and left the church when I turned 18. I gasped when you told your story about bearing your testimony on your last day of church! I could only dream to be so bold! I’m so proud of your courage and strength.
Very interesting to hear they offer classes to prepare Mormons to counter criticisms of the church. Also it’s so funny Jackson called it Defense Against the Dark Arts lol
Who’s offering classes? Is this being done at the meeting house? Just for rank and file members?
Just read between the lines of that religion and you’ll get a great awakening!
Apologist tendencies in religion have always been the enemy of sincere attempts at understanding, understanding people different from you, the world in general. Mormons really haven't invented such teachings, neither are they the only ones with those tendencies, although they integrated them really well in their brainwashing procedures.
Still, in Europe these would largely not be successful nowadays, so you really have to question what makes the US such fruitful soil for such ideas and preying on potential converts.
i had a similar class when i was studying Biologie (in the Netherlands). i don't remember what it was called. one part of it was how to talk to journalists or animal activists and defend animal testing. i'm a vegan now.... funny how these things sometimes go
At BYUI, we had a religion class where we had to write small papers about common issues in the church, like gospel topic essays, and how we would help explain them to someone who is doubting the church
31:20 Tithing off of net income is how he was able to afford to win your heart with Little Caesars Pizza at the Alyssa Games, though. 😅
Lmao I was thinking the same thing. Financial King!
Sometimes you have to choose wisely in life 😀
All that Thithing nonsense in USA. Keeping churches and pastors rich in all kind of religions😒 keeping poor people even more poor without this money. Mammon is a strong god still and believe Me this was not in Jesus image
😅
Should be based on the money left after rent/housing (electricity etc) and medical expenses
10% of what is left after base stuff
But I guess having more financial justice isn't a priority for these churches x)
Like the percent should change too, if you earn 8000 paying 800 isn't that bad cuz you don't have a 4000 rent usually haha
If you earn 1500 paying 150 is harder cuz half your salary goes into rent/housing (electricity etc)
But anyways since this money isn't really used to redistribute to the needy, really that's just another weight for poor families...
Jackson kept saying how Alyssa was a catch but hes a catch aswell. You two saved eachother from living a restricted life
Former Mormon here. I was a convert and pressured to get married young and met another convert who was a decade older. He felt the pressure to marry and start a family asap. He wanted to get married 3 months after meeting and proposed to me at the Temple we eventually married in. I was so caught up in the fantasy of it all being the answer to a happy life and eternity. We had a 9 month engagement and every we knew pushed to get it done faster. I overlooked every red flag that I was marrying the wrong person who just wanted “a good girl”. I had my endowment, Temple marriage and first intimate encounter all in one day. I was so overwhelmed with everything but stuck out with counseling with my bishop. My husband wanted to get me pregnant right away but at 21 I put my foot down and wanted to wait at least two years. My husband was so mad because I was ruining his plans. The temple experience made me so sad and our wedding was lonely and didn’t feel like a celebration. It was first and foremost a commitment ceremony to the church not each other. Two kids later I really got into church history. My husband was the church librarian and I had access to official church books only. I found so much information I didn’t know and asked so many…too many questions. When I no longer believed my husband was ok with it at first. I still believed in God and found another church I loved. He even came with me. But when leaders found out he was less active they pressured him to come back. He started to change and picked arguments. He started insulting and calling me names. Then it became physical. I couldn’t talk to him about my LDS doubts or my joy in my new church where I felt peace. I was not allowed to talk about my thoughts that were different than his because he said I was being disrespectful and breaking our vows. (Not to each other but the church) . I was heartbroken and told I was not worthy of being treated kindly. I then caught him having an affair with another Mormon woman who had an inactive husband. I was still willing to work it out if he would go into counseling. He refused and after 18 years of marriage we divorced . He is still an active Mormon and never remarried. I have PTSD from that marriage but I am grateful I still have two wonderful grown children (who are non religious) that I have good relationships with. I don’t regret the divorce. I’ve dated off and on through the years and paid closer attention to toxic relationships. I never felt I had to be in another relationship or married again. I do have a new relationship now that is so healthy and respectful and loving. My ex keeps going through several short term relationships. I don’t miss him even when I think about all the years we could have spent together in a reasonably happy marriage. But after what I have now I realize I never had love I had a situationship at best. I’m smiling that you let your love speak louder than your fears! Thank you for sharing your story!
Something I find so interesting about these “revelations” you’re talking about is that they seem like normal human desires. It seems like you weren’t allowed to want for anything in your life whether it be travel, relationships, etc. so subconsciously justified it by claiming it was divinely revealed to you in a religiously safe way. “I want to go to Italy” was “I’m being called to Italy for a mission.” “I like this boy” was “the spirit lead me to him.” I can’t imagine how disempowered you must have felt. Maybe I’m just reading into it tho
I didn't grow up Mormon but I did grow up evangelical and I think subconsciously we would use "callings" and "revelations" to validate our desire for something or decision to do something. We were always guilted for doing something we wanted by being asked things like "is this your God's will? Or your will?"
y’all are so cute!! love how hubby constantly is hyping up alyssa🤍
I know :) I love when he shared the book. I'm not crying, you're crying 🥹🥹
@@alyssadgrenfellY’all got me giggling and kicking my feet with how obviously in love y’all are. Like at 23:45?? SIR??? Why am i feeling flustered?? I’m so glad you two found each other and hope your family lives a happy life😤🥺
When I asked my parents about Joseph smith’s polygamy and pointed out that he was in his 30’s when he married the 14yo, mom said “it was a different time, girls getting married young was normal then.” What was actually normal was you women married young men, not men twice their age.
Even the whole "people just married young back then" is not true.
Some people married as teenagers, but that was very much the exception. And even then only really in high society.
A 30 year old man marrying a random 14 year old would have definitely been seen as wrong.
@Faolan42
People throughout history have always partnered up/married somewhere between 17-28. The man is usually a few, but not a whole lot of years older than the woman. Not always though.
Why we think women/girls married very young is because royals and leaders betrothed their very young (like 12-14) women/girls to men ranging in ages from 16-70 for alliances and stuff like that.
And history was written by/about the people in power. So we look at that and think thats the way it was.
But it wasnt. Common people were kind of just like us. They partnered up in their late teenage years to late 20s, to people generally around the same age.
@APerson863 I Don't Think That Was Completing True. In "Little House On The Prairie" There Was This One Story About A 13yo With An Older Man. People Were Not In Favor Of It, But It Was Legal.
@@childofcascadia Not throughout history. Aristotle famously said he thought the best ages of marriage for men and women were 37 and 18 respectively. Men in the Greco-Roman World at least seem to have gotten married much later than women.
@childofcascadia
No comment on what you said, but I love your username. ✊
Mixed faith marriage is not easy, and I’m SO glad I had accepted my husband’s non-belief before we got married. Now we’re both non-believing and HE made me feel safe to explore my beliefs and to know that he would be there further me either way. I very much relate to how Jackson would express ideas that opened up your mind, because my husband did that for me 100%.
Yeah same here. My religious beliefs (Presbyterian) were destroying my marriage and I had no idea. My husband was miserable. I was okay at the beginning of our relationship but years in I got way more extreme in my religion and my husband just never was religious. I finally found my way out and things have never been better.
I don't know what my life would be like now if I had not stayed with my husband and head look for someone that was more religious. Fortunately for me the religious man at my church had no interest in me at all😂😂😂. I had to find someone else 400 mi away instead
@@UlexiteTVStoneLexiteI have to admit that I have never heard of an extreme Presbyterian 😂
@@curtismartin2866 oh they are definitely out there.
@@curtismartin2866It depends on the congregation! At least in America, PCA is actually pretty hardcore conservative calvinist, while PCUSA is a lot more liberal both politically and in its approach to the doctrine
So basically you got yourself involved in a unequally yoked relationship, something the Bible said we should not do and now have to compromise the Bible to satisfy your unreligious husband. Sure
This story is so reassuring. I grew up in the south in a church and watching people become healthy and free is just beautiful. Yall keep doin you
I have to say, the story of you and Jackson and how you are learning these things together and communicating is so heartwarming. 😊
If your husband feels comfortable on camera, we would love more videos with you both. Your combined energy is brightening my day.
Loved the chance to meet Jackson. What an intelligent and articulate partner. I appreciated what he added to a difficult conversation.
Not Mormon nor have I ever been but it took me a long time to realize that the churchy burning in my bosom or the feeling in my stomach were anxiety and heartburn and eventually an ulcer
God works in listeriosis ways
@400_billion_suns
Awesome. Just awesome.
😜
@@400_billion_suns Salmonella for me!!!!
You need a doctor and Jesus, forget the “church”.
So grateful my husband and I were on the same page at the same time, left together and stayed together best decision we ever made…
The Dungeon's and Dragons warning really hit home with me. When I was a kid, my dad said he was going out to buy a pack of D20's, and he never returned 😭
wait, d20's come in packs? I be right back!
Are you serious? 😟
why not re-do more than the vows? have a full new ceremony the way you two want, not how anyone else wants (and wear a slightly not white enough dress lol)
Or a red dress!
@@linzraz9834I got married in red. Love it.
And a full coffee bar
I would love to hear more about Jackson’s story and his Mormon experience! (If he’s willing to share of course!)
I think its very admirable how neither one interrupts the other yet they both have valuable things to share
But they are also super excited to talk about how much they like each other. So they dart little things in while the other one is collecting their thoughts.
Like they don't interrupt, but they also create space for each other while story telling.
“Religion shouldn’t be using government to tell people how they should live”. 👏👏 I see why you married the guy. Brilliant. As a former Catholic clergy student I can attest that it takes singular discernment to recognize the flaws in your most cherished teachings and beliefs.
“down on my luck vibes” and “brain injury” took me
out 😭😭😭 talk about a first impression lmfao
Let’s talk about sex! I’m forty five years married. After I left the church (not Mormon) I really knew nothing about sex. I was married in 1978. It seemed like everyone was having a hoot in the seventies but I was clueless. My husband and I bought the book The Joy Of Sex! Seems like such an innocent book now but we hid it in our bedroom. That book was the greatest! Not trying to embarrass anyone but the church never talks about a healthy sex life with your own husband or wife.
You’ve got to be kidding me. Smh.
yes! absolutely. education is empowerment. the mental whiplash of going from 2 decades of 'sex is evil' to 'you're married now- have fun' all with 0 information, mentoring, or understanding was just so difficult to get through.
Good grief. Y’all are so in love. 🥰 You can’t stop giggling whenever you speak to your husband.
My dear, it’s great that she still giggles when she’s talking to her husband after all these years. It’s enduring and sweet and shows they’re still head over heels for each other. There’s so many toxic relationships out there and especially on SM so this is refreshing to see. Plus, they’re filming and technically talking to themselves so it’s gotta be a bit awkward which could make one giggle.
And this 'late in the game' as well. Impressive.
@@aveleedeleon7694 that is quite literally what they said
@@Saliacha Yeah, they're just expanding on what they said by giving examples & comparisons. Conversations can also work that way - it doesn't have to be each person sharing a completely new, standalone & different thought in each comment lol, chill.
“You are on a marriage assembly line…made for speed and efficiency” Perfect description! Our “sealer” told us to never spend a night apart - my husband had just graduated from medical school and we were facing having to spend every third night apart for his internship year. Now when I think back to my wedding day - that memory is the biggest one! We both just groaned internally. Nobody took the trouble to even get to know us so our wedding was a freaking rubber stamp. Pathetic
I think it was very kind and almost poetic in a way that Jackson wasn't the one to initially leave. It was something you were both leaning towards heavily and in the end, you made that decision for you. Not out of any other pressure or shame but because of a bold proclamation of your beliefs and a choice you made *for* you. 🧡💛💚 I hope your proud every day of the confidence you have in yourself, I bet the growing pains were rough-
"Kiss like Jesus is watching."
So put on a show. Got it.
Just put on a NSFW sign, then he can decide on his own.
You mentioned in another video that your husband hasn't taken his name off the roll because he's trying to get the church to excommunicate him. I would love to hear more about that!
I can give some advice about that ...
Reporting to a bishop that a family member had molested my 11 year old son (accompanied by 100% proof) got me instantly excommunicated.
The perpetrator was told to have another baby (their third) to repair their marriage, moved into the Scouting program from being a Sunday school teacher (because being a pedophiles means you are not holy enough to teach Sunday School, but being a pedophile does not disqualify you from being a boy Scout leader [??? and this known pedophile remained in the mormon scout program for years]).
This person admitted to having had sex with a relative that was legally a minor and the mormon church decided to handle it as if if were 'an adulterous affair.' Bishops are given a great deal of 'discretion' in how (and even if) to acknowledge/discipline pedophiles.
@@marelinem541 holy shit. I’m actually in shock reading this. I hope your son is okay, and that both of you are getting the support you need to heal bc. wow. and I thought the catholic church was bad 😢😢
@@marelinem541I know the Mormon church in our area keeps their own pack and troop. Please inform the BSA Council you are in about this man. They will have him removed from leadership. Im not sure how he got past the back groud check. This is terrifying.
He got thru the background check because no one within the church was allowed to report it, so it’s unlikely anyone outside the church knew about it - clearly no one reported it to the police (or if they did, you might be forgiven for thinking the police were “fine, upstanding” Mormons!!!
@@WatchingwaitingG2Dkind of a laughable statement coming from someone in a cult that is told not to question anything as “the thinking has been done.”
When my daughter was younger we had neighbors that were Mormon, they weren’t the most strict practicing ones but the daughter invited my daughter to some young women’s thing or whatever that they did every other Wednesday. the first one wasn’t too bad but the second one before the girls got out to the car the woman that was running the whole thing politely I told my neighbor that it would be best if my daughter didn’t come back when she asked why the lady told her that my daughter was too opinionated. Apparently at some point my daughter said I’ve never had religion and I never will and a couple of the other girls said something along the lines of what does she mean she’s never had religion. I’ve often wondered if she changed any lives that day.
Research the meanings of religion and you’ll know why.
Your daughter is awesome 💪
@@Joeen-n7h yeah its called control and i aint gonna be some fuckers puppet
Jackson is so cool! A natural born philosopher. It’s incredibly impressive to have such amazing perception and ability to articulate it when you’re embedded in such a stringent and oppressive environment. I’m glad you guys found each other ❤
Yall's first drinking experience is honestly a great example of the teaching sex ed argument; way better for someone to be taught how to do something risky responsibly than them guess through it when they do decide to. I didn't get a hangover until several times into drinking and didn't throw up from drinking for years, I've still only ever done that once despite two blackouts... but I was taught by my family how to drink responsibly and knew what pacing was normal to see how things hit
Why are dating stories so fun? Idk, but I always love to hear them. And I was raised in a totally secular home. We went to a church a few times with my grandma. And I maybe went worth a few friends, a few times and that's it. My parents were both hippies and totally secular. It was a wonderful way to be raised. And makes this story that much more interesting from that perspective.
Omg I was just thinking I wonder if she'll ever have her husband on the channel! I'm excited to watch!
Yes, here he is!! He's done a few short form videos with me but it was definitely time for a long form video. :D
@alyssadgrenfell thank you for replying to my comment! 🤩 it was a pleasure watching you two!
He's really got a good camera presence too. If he wanted to make a podcast etc. obviously only if he wants to, but he could.
The way my skin CRAWLED when I heard the words "Thank you for your testimony sister."
I haven't heard those words in years, and my skin is actively crawling
Our skin was more like limping reading your drivel.
@@JohnDLee-im4loyou are such a 🤡
@@JohnDLee-im4lo Look at you, busting out the thesaurus for this! Imagine caring this much about rubbing salt in the wounds of those who were already hurt by your church. Now all you have to do is arrange those words in a way that makes sense, and you might actually succeed in doing so.
I am an atheist who comes from conservative laestadian community. It's a lutheran christian revival movement mainly in Finland, in which they believe only conservative laestadians will get to heaven and have a lot of rules (no tv, no movies, no popular culture, no rhythmic music, no dancing, no make up, no piercings, no dying hair, no nail polish, no birth control, ofc no alcohol) and while its not mormonism, so much of what you were talking about hit home... You described the feeling of truly believing in the religion and once not, everything falling apart and feeling unable to attend the church. I lived for couple of years pretending to be laestadian while i really wasnt in my heart and i felt so horrible all the time. Once i denied my faith, i couldnt even bring myself to pray bc before it wasnt about the community as much as it was about truly feeling connected with god, and without that it felt just empty and that feeling was scary. Also learning about the history of my church, the huge amount of times it had branched off, the straight up cults derived from it and the older very culty features it used to have, it was a read that made me truly question how can this one branch of all of these branches in finland far from everything else be the only correct one? Only answer people had was to not listen to the "reason/brain" bc it was actually the devil, but have a child-like belief. All the doubts were forgiven and you just had to ask forgiveness when in doubt and never think them further.
Idk, i felt so understood by this video even though mormonism and laestadianism are very different things. Your trying coffee together moment reminded me of when i tried some eyeliner for the first time, or dancing to a rhythmic music in my bed room, seemingly a tiny thing yet such a huge thing for me. With my background I rarely find creators who i can relate this much. Thank you
That is interesting! I'd never heard of fundamentalist Lutheranism. I was raised evangelical Lutheran in the US. In my 30s I think is when I began questioning my beliefs and came to different ideas. I was able to slowly develope my own beliefs which don't include church dogma but became my spirituality.
I'm so sorry you went through that. But I can't help but notice how eerily similar this is to a conversative Muslim upbringing (no nail polish, music, dancing, TV, films, makeup, hair dye (except henna), alcohol, birth control etc). But if you mentioned this to them, of course they'd see anyone following Islam as being on the Devil's path (& vice versa, ofc!)
It's ironically funny to me how all of these religions are more similar than they care to admit lol.
Have you found God yet or did you give up?
@@joeking433 I said I was atheist, im not trying to find god lmfao.
😂😂 I grew up with those same rules. Basically no fun. I’m also an atheist now. My family is from a country where only one percent of that country was other than orthodox Christian and my family was that unlucky 1 percent. Childhood was hell. I never believed yet I had to sit through 4 hours of church every Sunday. It was pure hell. I came to the realization that if church was heaven hell doesn’t sound half bad. Stupid missionaries that somehow converted my ancestors. 😂😂
I’ve never been Mormon, but this was still wonderful to watch and see the love radiating between you two
As someone who loves coffee and DnD it feels so interesting to hear that these things were so symbolic in your relationship.
Me too 😃
Words are powerful. In a way, your father's "blessing" has come true. You are being a powerful and highly effective teacher--showing people new paths to personal growth and enlightenment.
That was exactly what I was thinking lol. If you have enough visions or blessings, one of them will stick, in one way or another.
Reminds me of those prophecies in fantasy that are interpreted in a completely wrong way.
Thought that you are a teacher. You are one of the few you tuibers who deserves to be called an influencer.
"I was also relieved on our wedding night" lolol
He is so well-spoken! Would love more videos with him and more videos about his story, esp growing up with one Mormon parent and one non-Mormon parent
His quiet appropriateness letting you share without his dude-need to interrupt, his admiration-gaze, your (both of you) give and take, both of your thoughtful language. I LOVE watching the two of you together. Sooo good. My marriage vows included the words "not looking inward, rather out in the same direction..." (...obviously not a mormon.) I love seeing you both together in this video!! Thank you.
I’m sorry you grew up around a bunch of men who never let their wives speak. Where did you grow up? In my nearly 20 years of marriage I’ve never once “dude-interrupted” my wife and neither do the other hundreds of married men I’ve known over the years while attending church. 99% look at their wives in admiration and love, as most good marriages are wont to do.
its super interesting hearing alyssa talk about not beinf cut out for teaching, now having a channel dedicated to educating people on mormonism. you guys are an inspiration!
That claustrophobic feeling is so real. Not Mormon but Mennonite. Going back to my childhood church gives me so much anxiety and almost PTSD that I can’t stand it.
Do you consider menonite or amish a cult?
You're so well articulated and the way you can think outside of the box you were born into, it really shows what integrity you have.
Growing up Mormon, and not believing makes me feel weird. I just want to tell everyone around me how fake it is. But by doing this I could affect so many people who I grew up with, and their perspectives of me. There’s so many strangely Mormon things that are kind of isolating.
Don’t hesitate, they must own their feeling , no apologies needed.
I mean every single word of this, you are NOT responsible for other people's feelings ❤
You never had a testimony...hardly a Mormon at all. Just a poser.
@@JohnDLee-im4lo enjoy Joseph’s smiths lies for the rest of your life🤝
@@swagothemonkey6959 Poser.
The pizza move was GENIUS! I’m so glad it worked out cause you both are so compatible
Over the past 14 years since I left my life has drastically improved for the better. No longer in a relationship with a woman I shouldn't have been married to in the first place , and much happier living my authentic life with a loving and supportive husband. Thank you for sharing your story, it will be very helpful for those who are struggling with the decision to leave
This was such an intriguing video to listen to. Thank you so much for your story!
I'm a born again protestant Christian believer. I grew up going to church, but didn't decide to put my faith in Jesus as my Savior and Lord until I was 17. Throughout the years I've had times of struggle and doubt, but my questions have always been welcomed. It physically pained me to hear that when you (Alyssa) voiced your doubts during testimony time in Relief Society, that you were shoved aside, shunned, dismissed, and looked at with shock and disgust. I know how isolating that feels (I went to Liberty University, and the culture of BYU sounds so similar to the culture at Liberty), and it makes complete sense why you didn't want any more part of it. I left Liberty after similar doubts and questions.
I think a core difference is how in your experience, everything Mormon is all tied together and linked. While I had difficulties with the rules and culture of Liberty, my faith in Jesus is not tied to where my money goes or where I went to school.
It seems so scary to leave behind an entire community and culture, especially one you grew up in and truly believed in!
I remember after a traumatic event while I was a student at a Bible School in Wisconsin, the whole class was having a prayer meeting. I voiced how I was struggling to believe if God could be good or if He could be in control because He let something so terrible happen to the city where I lived. I voiced other times in my life where I felt like God had failed or been absent. People responded with compassion and empathy. People patiently walked with me through my doubts and sorrows and showed me grace upon grace. Their steadfast love and reflection of the character of Jesus gave me the slivers of assurance I needed to keep moving forward. There were many times in the Bible when it seemed like God had failed or was absent, but He was doing things in His time as shown through the rest of the story unfolding.
Your reply to Alyssa is so kind and thoughtful! I felt sad when she said something like, "At that point I could have tolerated Jesus stuff but not Jiseph Smith stuf . . ." I often wonder if she feel she feels to reject Joseph Smith, she has to reject all belief in anything spiritual. I hope Alyssa and her husband are still on their spiritual journey.
I am a believer in the Father. Son, and Holy Spirit but I feel alienated from churches in general. I hope to find a compatible faith community at some point. I am happy that you left the toxic religious environment (Liberty) with your faith in God intact, and found a faith community that supports you.
A moment with my bishop was also pivotal in me leaving the church. I was living in Salt Lake City at the time, I had just come back from my mission (which actually already broke my testimony) and I got a job. I was trying to hold on to something to save my testimony but then I was required to work one Sunday per month by my job. So I was really conflicted about it and spoke to my bishop.
He basically said, well you need a job so you gotta do what you gotta do. I was appalled that he was so nonchalant about the commandments and I was so upset that I decided to follow his advice and instead of being targeted by Satan I actually felt relaxed that Sunday and that was the start of me leaving the church within 6 months of that moment. I just kept going less and less to church and eventually never came back.
I would be a Mormon if there were no God. They have better lives than many people.
ALYSSA you are just so badass!!! You make learning so easy-- you might have your doubts on being called to be a TEACHER, maybe, but you're a born educator. Have you ever considered doing a TED Talk? ❤
Exactly!! She’s still teaching even if it’s not in a “traditional” way.
Thank you both for being so open and frank. I'm so pleased that your marriage is going from strength to strength.
You are such a delightful couple, it's really beautiful.
The temple ritual part of your wedding is so sad: family members excluded in a parking lot and your wedding dress. It's so wonderful to see you are both committed to each other. I wish you many happy years together.
Would love to see more longform videos with Jackson if he’s up for it! You two bounce off of each other’s thoughts so well. ❤
Left the Mormon church when I was 12, just felt like BS to me. Years later they sent me a letter asking me to update my information for the temple and I wrote them back saying just please drop me from the Church as I was never interested in being a Mormon. They wrote me back saying I was going to hell. I was recovering from Encephalitis from the flu, Pneumonia and the chicken pox at the time. I told them it was too late I was already in hell, just get me off their records I refuse to be a Mormon. LOL... Jeeze. I don't even believe in hell...
I think it is sad that Jesus id used for pover and control. I am not religious but it is still hard to see
I was done with them by time I was 6 ...
The mormon response to any question asked was to say (in front of the whole Sunday school class) that surely the devil / Satan had made me ask the question, and NEVER, not once, made any attempt to answer the question. So you learn that asking anything is pointless.
Reminds me of Voltaire’s last words. When asked if he would ‘renounce the devil’ on his deathbed, his reply was “Now is not the time for making new enemies.”
Yeah, I'm an atheist. "Hell" is a place that I kind of wish existed since I have a list of folks I'd like to send there, starting with Donald Trump...
@@marelinem541doesn’t make sense. They will have to answer to God someday for their actions. You weren’t wrong for questioning anything.
I left the church 8 years ago and am just now comfortable talking about it. I relate with everything you're saying. I'm going to binge watch every episide now. Thank you for being brave!
PLEASE get your vows renewed! it's truly amazing that you two have grown so much closer in your post-mormonism lives, it's an incredible achievement and you both deserve to celebrate that 😊
you both look free ✨ it’s so good to see. I loved hearing your story together! Especially the story of getting drunk the first time 😂
Jackson has such an interesting and nuanced outlook on not only religion, but also life, relationships, etc. Loved listening to both of your experiences!
the way y'all look at each other and the mutual respect for each other is inspiring ❤️
Alyssa, "the Satanic Panic?" Could you do a little video about what that was? This was a really fun video - I totally cracked up about the D&D risk. Your Jackson is a dear, so glad you found him. I won my husband of 31 years in a role playing game.
The Satanic Panic wasn't limited to the Mormon church...it was basically the Salem witchtrials rebooted where a bunch of people got accused of being Satanists that ritually abused children, and people got so worked up about it that they started claiming things like DnD influenced kids to get into witchcraft and harm themselves. It got to the point that the FBI investigated...and surprise! they could find absolutely no evidence of satanic ritual abuse. Look up some more in-depth info about it, because it's wild, and you still see echos of it today.
I didn’t live through the bulk of it, but like Alyssa, I lived through a lot of the consequences. A lot of it came from an honest place of care that children were being abused as a part of "rituals". A therapist published a book about how his patient (later wife) has DID and that one in the system remembers being abused as part of a satanic ritual. From there, mass moral and religious histeria took over as people panicked about what would be a gateway that would lead impressionable young people to join Satanic groups and then they would be lead into SA, be sacrafically murdered, ect. And, this was the 80s-90s. Right when horror was hitting a stride in the mainstream, which made it seem all the more real for people because they were given this very realistic visual of what might happen to their kids should the Satanists gain control.
The Satanic Panic wasn’t just the Mormons. Evangelicals got really weird too. My neighbor in Canada was sure there were satanic spells being put on my son’s Teenage Mutant Turtles. She kept giving me books on demonic possession.
There are quite a few other videos on TH-cam that could probably say more about it than Alyssa could. Fun fact, one of Tom Hanks first roles was in Mazes and Monsters, a TV Movie based on a book by one of the people who first whipped up the hysteria about D&D
There is a podcast, called “You’re Wrong About” that did a episode on Satanic panic in May, 2018, and they are really really good at researching and validating their research. It wasn’t just Mormons impacted.
There is also an article in Culture on Vox, May 25, 2021, entitled “Why are we so worried about Satan?”
When I married my husband he was not a member. At the time we met he was becoming a mason- his whole family was involved in the masons. He joined the church and 2 years after our marriage we went to the temple- this was like 1986. The Endownment was very scary back then. Afterwards I looked at him and said “was that strange?” He reliefd “ its exactly what we do when I go to the Mason temple.”
What was scary about it?
Five Guys ftw haha! Bearing your ex-testimony in relief society is wild!! Congrats, and welcome to real life. I would not have had the courage to do so publicly. I applaud you. 👏🏻
This was such a beautiful conversation. I have no connection to mormonism at all, and I'm not even sure why youtube recommended this video, but I think you really set an example for open, respectful and loving communication. Thank you for sharing your story!
You sparked a really intense interest in Mormonism for me I've delved into other religions before but not nearly as much as I have with LDS your videos are amazing!
Please don't take it as an invitation to join, though, unless you are absolutely _SURE_ of what it means.
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When my lonely, widowed mother was enticed to join by a new friend and the missionaries started working on her, they *never* told her about the way the LDS (Mormon) afterlife works, how very good LDS get to be a genuine God, too, and get their own planet to lord over and that men are encouraged to have many more wives than Joseph Smith ever dreamed of in order to have 1,000s of offspring.
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If they had told her about those aspects before sucking her in, she would have run for the hills! It was hard enough for her to accept the science-denying because up until then, all she ever read (and read to me) were books about science, discovery, exploration - including evolution. She knew evolution to be rock solid true and struggled to rationalize it with the church's teachings. It was sad to see.
@@MossyMozart oh dear god no. I was raised Hindu and when my non believing brother introduced the concept of evolution (I was 6/7 he was about 12/13) thankfully youtube was around) I asked my mother about it and she completely rejected it and said god made everything. As I grew up and became more vocal and strong minded I hated that women were considered dirty and not worthy of touching statues of god or entering a mundhir(Temple) due to menstruating I did also learn that the native people of the India reigon who developed Hinduism believed in science and appreciation of natural beauty. Also in orignal scripture and core beliefs of hinduism we shouldn't have idols or engage in consumerism and pollution but many "religous" events and practices involved dressing statues in tiny clothes and dumping them into rivers. Knowing my mother who was raised Hindu and any priest who specialised in teaching Hinduism couldn't answer my questions on karma and evolution and science I knew as a woman who believed in science and respect I couldn't practice it. I believe that religon is an aspect of humanity's history and cultural beliefs eg roman gods, greek gods, Aztec gods ect.
@@MossyMozartWhat? Very good LDS get to be Gods to, & have a planet too?? Wow! My sister & the missionaries who came to pray with me during a particularly rough time in my life & my own Christian Faith, never said a word about any of that!! They let me ask any questions I wanted (politely of course) & they answered them. From day 1 I was honest & said that there are things I really like about the Faith my sister's family has & their prayers,etc., but that I smoke, have a "swear jar" that's never empty for long & so I wouldn't be joining the church. They were ok with that & wanted to pray with me, answer any questions & I tell you, I 'wore out' 2 pairs of missionaries during my time in OR.😌 They were my strength during those worst of times & the best people, truly from their hearts, they were likely the only reason I survived what I went thru up there!
As I've told people,
when I was losing my Faith, they loaned me theirs. The fact I was Christian & love Jesus was enuff for them. I asked many ??? They were so patient. & I learned alot.
I went to "Bible Study" a few times, curious mostly, but I quit going cuz' it was only about the Book Of Mormon, NOT the Bible! The Bible warns to beware those who put any teachings before The Bible.
But, I am 4ever grateful to those missionairies💖 & to God Who Sent Them. I love them - all 5 of them! They accepted me as I am - it was mutual. I have far too many things about LDS beliefs to ever join the church. But, I belong to no particular religion.
My ex wife was a teacher, her hopes and dreams of educating young people was shattered by the rudeness of kids, the rudeness of parents, and the rudeness of the entire school system. I don't see how teachers stay in the profession for more than a couple of years.
The rudeness of kids would not exist without the issues with school systems/parents. I think sometimes people put too much emphasis on blaming the kids bc tbh i dont think they really have that much control. But when u look at the history of public education in america its working exactly the way its meant to - really it was formed to make students into good factory workers.
@@AlexaSmith I am 55 and have been teaching since I was 22 and I have NEVER heard this! My parents, siblings, and one grandmother were teachers. I am talking about public schools, too. I am a product of public schools as are my children. I had to go google this because I have never heard this. Please do further research. Comments like this really hurt. Also it is the responsibility of states to fund and pass laws concerning public schools so a school in the southeast is very different from a school out west and that is okay, too. The US is huge and blanket public school statements (clergy and politicians are THE WORST) are so unfair. I apologize for my long statement, but your comment hit me much the same way as when a preacher says "public education is working exactly the way it's meant to since they took God out of the public schools" which just flies all over me.
@@jeni688 Really depends on the school and the person. I went to several different schools and in one the students had pretty much usurped the system. They were playing badminton in class, shouting and throwing things at teachers they didn’t like because they still insisted on, well, teaching. Once I was like guys stop throwing stuff at the teacher like this she is crying. I thankfully switched schools again pretty quickly because that school was wild. (My others schools were pretty normal.)
@@AlexaSmith Exactly, they're trained to be mindless slaves who don't ask questions.
It really depends on the school, the culture around the school, administrators, the school board, and the parents. In some schools, the administrators and parents are all very supportive of their teachers in general and they also do their part to make sure student issues are taken care of before they become issues.
Other times, it’s a situation where the kids of school board members are creating all the chaos, but administrators won’t do anything and they give the directive to the teachers to not do anything because the student’s parent is on the school board and the administrators are fearful of the school board.
Other times the general culture around the school is often from rich parents of kids they send to private school who are community leaders and often speak poorly of the public school and try to divert public funds from the public school for “performance issues,” further leaving the school expected to do more with less and the problem kids who are not doing well at the private school are kicked out and they have no option but to go to the public school further giving the illusion that the public school is the problem. I’ve seen this kind of nonsense play out.
A lot of the teacher turnover is related to being undervalued, underpaid, and under resourced, and their department may be underfunded in general. So they often leave for less stressful jobs for significantly more pay, so now the public schools are now under staffed further leading to additional performance issues, then it becomes a never ending spiral of defeat.
I could feel how the comments of others were bothering you. I hope you get to feel the support of everyone who is very happy for your strong, healthy relationship. Thank you for sharing your stories!
Hearing about men using the "god told me we are meant to get married" line to try and manipulate women into being with them makes me sick man, what a terrible environment for young women
your husband seems so sweet! I love the way you look at each other. You have been through a trauma together and have strengthened your bond along the way. I love that you were able to help open one another's eyes and did it together. Relationship goals!!
This is the first time I'm seeing Jackson. The energy between the two of you seems palpable. So happy for you both.
I absolutely LOVE the fact that you got to know each other over "the Satan game." My hubby and I are avid D&D fanatics and it has made our relationship stronger and sharing our passion brings us so much joy. Do you still play?
I've been bingeing your videos since I found them. Exmo here... I appreciate that you are sharing your stories and insights - it's helping me understand some of my experiences.
You’ve come full circle and still retain you values hoorah
A fascinating story.
I’ve had a few Mormon neighbours. The first couple were vegetarian and, as a ten year old animal lover, I thought that was wonderful. Years later, we had an older Mormon couple for neighbours. We got to know them better and they were very nice, helping us get acquainted with the neighbourhood and such. I had general idea that there were restrictions against coffee, alcohol and soft drinks, but not the other things. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
You guys clearly have such a solid foundation of mutual trust and communication to have gone through all of this together.
Merchant idea! Joseph Smith shot glasses and coffee cups.
Brilliant, another church money maker. Surprised they haven’t thought of it before.
@@Joeen-n7hwho cares, if capitalism can ruin me, I can profit off of one of the biggest money making scams in history 😅
We need more vids with Jackson!! you guys are the cutest😭 maybe one on how leaving the church affected you guys’ family relationships? (if it’s not too personal)
its lovely seeing such a normal happy couple on youtube, so happy for you guys!
True love grows by going through challenging times together, to share them, to talk about them and to find a way out together. Congratulations!