This is all 100% true, It is the most painful and challenging thing to deal with, a narcissistic mother. The lies, jealousy, and negative mind programming. Their daughter can do no right in their eyes. The only cure is releasing ALL those negative beliefs she placed on you. They belong to HER, not you. God bless!
There's a loneliness when you have a mother who disregards your feelings constantly, walks all over your needs in order to meet her needs and here's the best part...when you confront her on it or get very offended and angry she's acts like there's something wrong with you!!! So it works out great for her because she never loses SHE DEMANDS TO GET HER WAY. IT'S EXPECTED FROM YOU THAT YOU COMPLY, BECAUSE SHE'S "THE MOTHER" AND IF YOU GET OUT OF LINE, SHE STILL WINS BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING DYSFUCTIONAL ABOUT YOU FOR WANTING SOME CONSIDERATION...SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO CHANGE!!!UNREAL BUT SO TRUE!!! Honestly, I despise my mother and I am learning to detach from her it took years but these changes have empowered me to take control of my life.Basically, you literally have to seek support elsewhere work on your self esteem on your own and truly detach so much that you learn to STOP BEGGING HER AND BEING CO DEPENDENT ON HER IN ORDER TO RECIEVE LOVE.WHICH ISN'T REAL LOVE ANYWAY!!! LEARN TO STOP DEMEANING YOURSELF TO GET CRUMBS OF DYSFUCTIONAL INSANE OR UNHEALTHY UNFULFILLING LOVE. THESE WOMEN CAN'T LOVE PROPERLY.THAT'S THE TRAGEDY GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!! I LOVED THIS VIDEO IT'S SO STRAIGHT FORWARD ABOUT THIS ISSUE. BRINGING SOLUTION QUICKLY, HELPING PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY ARE AND HOW TO GET OUT! THANKS!
I thought I was the only one with a Mom like that. I don't feel loved or good enough for my Mom. Everything you put is my Mom exactly. She's never going to change and she will never NEVER LOVE ME. I'M GIVING IT ONE LAST TIME AND AFTER THIS IT'S OVER. SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
I'm gonna be straight with you it gets worse before it gets better. Thank god my parents got divorced this year. I'm 22 now and had the help of my dad but go to any family member who will listen to you. Cry to them tell them how bad it is. Show them this video. Start saving money and never look back. Expose her to someone you trust and try to get help. When you turn 18 see if you can live with them until you save up money.
I was never allowed to show any emotion. Smiling or laughing was met with shame, crying caused rage. Dad & I never spoke to each other. We took turns being attacked. I can't cope with contact with them. He never cared for anyone but her. She's a cruel puppeteer. Thanks for this. 💖
I found that denial on my behalf took a life time for me to wake up to the hidden secrets hidden in my narcissistic mother/family... it is do difficult to face the evil facts with what I dealt with as a child
I think I can relate--- I just replied to this comment above, too, and it has also taken me a lifetime to start realizing how horrible the brainwashing's been, because it's robbed me of knowing / remembering who I REALLY AM! Instead of "sleepwalking" through my life, I'm starting to remember, non-judgmentally, who i am!
I'm done with control and any toxic individuals in my life and attatchments of anyone from the past holding me back from living in the moment the present now
My narcissist alcoholic father used to sarcastically call my Narc mother "God". He really was on to something(?!) She was very cruel to my sister. I was treated well because I figured how to mirror her every move & mood, telling her how wonderful she was, etc. Her interest span was maybe 2 minutes, then it was all about her. If anything went wrong, she was Never to blame. She threw me at men so SHE would get attention from them. So bizarre...
Your comment about men, made me think of the time my CN mother made a play for my husband... on a visit, right in front of me! They truly have and recognize no boundaries unless they want them. Then everyone has to pay attention! My CN mother was also cruel to my sisters, but more so to me because I couldn't kowtow like she wanted. I am still very socially underdeveloped. Your dad comment was almost funny, all my father ever said about our female parent was, "Strange woman!" She certainly was!
Very validating, thank you! Yes, “how do you think I felt”, is my mom’s big go to. She tries to act supportive, but always turns it around to her...”I know what you mean”, “I thought the same thing”, “you’re so smart, you get that from us”, “I had a feeling you were going through something “, I know people like that, I handled them the same way the same way you did, I’m so proud of you”, “I’m so happy you made a friend”, “are you getting exercise? I do (x) and it really helps me”....ugh! A lot of it is to look good to my narcissist dad, show what a good mom she is. Because, the most important thing to both of them is to be remembered as the most functional, best parents ever.
Everything you said is what I have experienced my entire life. As a mature adult, I have issues with validation, feelings of abandonment out of the blue, I have a hard time saying NO and I do many many things for people that I don't necessarily want to do. I also have recurring nightmares of being lost and often feel unlovable and rejected for no reason. I have been married 4 times, each time to a physically and/or mentally abusive husband. I fully blame my mother for this.
They taught you to be a doormat. That’s not your true personality or purpose though. Just create better behaviors, and go from there. It’s such hard work, especially amid adult responsibilities (we needed to do this work as children, but were robbed), but the results are absolutely AMAZING. Seek BALANCE. Good luck to you!! 🧡
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Mothers are always portrayed as being "kind and supportive" in most stories we read. But in reality many mothers (or some, at least!) aren't the "Saints" they pretend to be in public- we all know that who are posting here! i really hope you won't be like me, and get pregnant & have to raise your child alone, and live near your narcissist mom so the grandchild can have "family" and see his lovely grandmother-- who will then take over and criticize you, disrespect you, &compare you to other relatives, etc. etc. and gossip about you, blah blah blah!
My thought growing up was something was wrong but never could understand what it was .. I would say I'm not going to be like this with my kids ... I'm going to break the cycle of domestic violence ... I ended up married at 17 with a narcissist and abusive behavior just to get remarried to a another one .. repeating this cycle the same type of guy and now that I'm looking back on all of it ... And counseling for the last year found out I had PTSD childhood trauma a depression anxiety panic disorder amongst other things I am trying to face because this is my life mission to break this cycle now that I know and I have to accept that this was abuse and very damaging to my mental health ... I am fighting the good fight till the end .
In the healing process I've had to add up the many times I've been shut down and controlled. Its been exhausting but good to realize a healthy way to regard past mistakes. I wouldn't trust her again and so minimal interaction seems best for me. Plus moving 2k miles away helped. Lol
@Paula P It's extremely confusing!! I am 48 years old now & I can sadly tell you that her being nice....is #always temporary. It's a forever vicious cycle of emotional narcissistic abuse.
The relationship cycle typical of extreme narcissistic abuse generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding. Please look this up it’s just a tactic used by abusers. If you have Instagram @melanietoniaevans explains it really well.
She’s trying to reel you back in. Remember she needs you to be her scapegoat so she looks perfect and you are the problem!! My mother did this until I won’t tolerate this anymore! Good luck!
I've known this for a while (couple of months) but I feel so beaten down and trapped, I don't even know how to establish my life as an adult without her and without this underlying misery. I don't have a support system outside of her (or with her really) and that makes me really afraid and keeps me going back to her.
I ran away from my "mom". She is such an abusive person. When I left I told to her "you're crazy, you make us suffer (me and my sister)" and she said "I know and I don't care". For me she is dead. She can end up under a bridge for what I care.
What a good video. My nm taught me that she is my only friend, that people around you are your enemies, actively working to destroy you. I am glad to have grown out of this crap, but it took me a long time. I wish the sound could have been cleaned up and background hum removed, but maybe in the future?
You mention that as an adult you must make a conscious decision to live for yourself. The narcissistic conditioning from childhood makes this the challenge because the 'adult child' has learned to be an extension of the parent. Like knowing where your mind,body,and soul belong to you. Everything you said is accurate.
My mom used to tell us no one would ever love her bc she's a single mom. She told us that's the reason she's single, struggling to pay bills and so alone and depressed bc she's a mother and men think of mothers as ruined women. My mom was young and attractive, and we were made to believe she was one of the "nicest" and most "caring" people, so we believed it. We felt responsible for her pain our entire lives up until I figured her out. My siblings though still believe the lies and the distorted reality we were made to believe. My mom is the perpetual victim of life.
My mother has a chronic illness, my grandmother needs 24/7 care, and my dad just broke his leg. I’m positioned as the only person who can help. It’s killing me. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m the only person who can handle it, although I’m aware that there are other families that find ways to solve their problems and compensate. I don’t know exactly how to remove myself because she has financially bound me to the family yet withholds payment that I work for by being a full time caretaker until the last minute when she knows I’ve accrued so much debt that I can do nothing but pay it off and continue to work.
My grandfather was an alcoholic abusive narc to my grandmother: he used to have jealous tantrum and call her perverse…. I was 5 years old when he scared me to death having a tantrum destroying all her plates. Because all religious environment I have lived I still struggle to accept the true truth of all of it and feel guilty for sharing with anyone all that madness I’ve been conditioned to believe it was normal. My narcissistic mother hated my grandmother who saved my psychological health providing me the affection and love I desperately needed as a kid. I can’t trust female friends since the ones I had were narcs too and betrayed me the deepest level. I was following the narcissist program abuse by accepting false love and tolerating female abuses. Now, I fully accept and love myself for loving gay men.
My Mother has to "one up" everything I do. If I'm sick, she's sicker. My laptop wasn't working, her laptop is even worse! The one thing that bothers me the most is when she calls her self Mom, Momma, Mommy to my son.
How bad is the CN Mom who sleeps with her sons friends and then has as relationship with one of them till they get caught, then tells her son that she is sorry and only pretends its over with the friend. Along with that she's married, her son and the TWO friends are 17 in high school where one tells the whole school and the other keeps quiet and stays in a relationship with the mom who is 37. Today she is 53 and thou not in a normal relationship still behind everyone's back and diabolically secretive she and the son's freind, 33 now, still see each other making careful plans to have weekends together. The kids moved to Florida and PA and those trips are the cover for both to have a near-by hotel be the time they have. When back on LI its done not all the time since he's got a girlfriend and yes I was her boyfriend. The whole story is just incredible and how I found out all this landed me in jail for a night, but it was worth it to know the truth than to go on another day with the abuse from her. Never trust them
Yes, you nailed it. My mom takes no responsibility for her health. She does nothing for herself. She thinks everyone around her must take care of her. I guess in her world we are all better off than she is and so we are expected to drop our lives and care for her because she trusts no one else? These people have no sense of grace or humility! Where's the " I don't want to be a burden" that parents are supposed to say? If I don't give into her demands .. she just stays in her lazy chair, watching tv, complaining about how much her body hurts , but it hurts because she doesn't move . She never goes outside anymore ... She refuses any recommended treatment by a doctor if it doesn't fall on line with what she wants. It's impossible to help her. When I try to help her she sends me on wild goose chases and I can't allow my life to be wasted being used to feed someone's delusional self image What a waste of a life?!? It boggles my mind the effort that they put in to get others to attend to them. It seems to me it's just easier and faster to do things myself? Thanks for the video :) it's nice that there are others who understand 💜
it hurts me to see you hurting but I cant help you, i hope you dont get sick again because i cant help you, see there you go again, maybe it was something you did, i have worked hard my whole life to have what i have, i have always been there for you....my mom manipulates me and gaslights me so bad i have developed major depression, anxiety, panic disorder, she has left me alone hurting disregarding my feelings when I'm hurting. all i ever wanted was for her to love me. all the things u said in the beginning about how everything is my fault and the other things u said is exactly my mother. I wish I had a different family
It's funny how blind we can be about our own mothers. I think mother-in-laws with this mental/spiritual illness are far easier to spot because they aren't your actual mother, and so mother-in-laws are the ones who enjoy a notorious reputation for this, in general (not every individual of course).
Indeed. I'm 55 and only just realising how toxic my mum really is. Went no contact a few months after her ranting and abusing me over the phone. She's never told me that she loves me and delights in letting me know how cold, unloving and uncaring I am. Years of blaming myself is a bitter pill to swallow.
Yes, and how trapped in a very abuseful situation, she almost takes the abusers party, and just says, "its Hard for me to hear about your problems". And then asks"why Are you angry with me?" Make me feel guilty towards her for My abuseful situation + crazy. Really creapy stuff.
No one believes me that this is how she is. It’s such a shame because my brother moved to Ireland (where we originally from) when he finished uni. He was out of the home for so much shit. Now I’m 39, divorced from a bipolar narc and realised about my mum being covert.
This video was just excellent thank you you've done it really well by covering a range of aspects at each turn. Thanks. I do have nm at Christmas as a child I used to ask santa for a different mum! My mother gave me wine in egg cups aged 3 later in life drugs.
I'm a 30 year old female and I finally realized my mom is a narcissist...she had me under her spell but I'm finally waking up to her mindgames..mind games... Next step is to get a job and move out asap
It is true that some mothers are narcissistic because they expect perfection in both themselves and in their daughters too. Like the aged mother of a neighbor I used to live next to who felt hurt after her mother in a nursing home finally told her what she had thinking about her all along after she became pregnant while only engaged to be married at the time. Thank goodness my mom wasn't like that. She was dissapointed in me because of the same reason however she got over it. 'So too was I dissapointed about getting pregnant with an unplanned pregancy and then miscarrying in an early miscarriage too before I could start feeling happy about new life in my womb. While both me and my mom were trying to cope with my narcisisstic and authoritarian minded father in our home. The truth is far more often it is a case of many people working in the medical care and care giver systems and many people working in the family court system right now seem to believe it is okay to fail making a police report when children are involved or they believe crystal ball like they can discern who is telling the truth and who isn't telling the truth when a legal separation and/or divorce proceedings are going on when often it is more a case of one person's word against anothers because of paid professionals failing to do their duty to report evidence of crimes done when children are involved to police. Mother blaming is never going to help stop that from happening. Many harried and overburdened family members who are trying to help a disabled family member who got so down on their luck it was only a slow barely noticeable level of lifestyle improvement in their loved one as result of all their constant help the rest of the world filled with complacent bystanders expect them to offer their domestic violence victim relative. Please stop the multigenerational mother blaming.
Told my NM i loved her. She scoffed and said my love was not good enough. My NM told me I was ugly. For years I believed that I had face even a mother could not love. She told me she had been praying for me to land a job. When I did, she said I should be grateful because I had a bad a attitude. Blessed to have a loving father to pick up my broken pieces and friends who kept me together. Life now goes on with my NM and I am so much at peace. It was either her or me. I chose me. I hope those who are in deep pain would have the courage to make this brave choice too. Not easy but the reward is YOU. You are worth it. Peace to all and keep safe.
It is so sad such people become moms and cause so much havoc for the kids.Narc moms are the worst situation kids get because thats the best relation in a human life
Narcissist also use comparing there child to another child To eat at there confidence and try to gain control over that child Narcissist mother thinking : hey I’m loving this child who kiss my ass and follow in my foots steps You should be Like them Compete for my love so I can continue to control you with manipulation and keep you home to never gain independence and always need me So I can use you -To make up for the love my mom didn’t give me when I was a kid I will never turn you into a man or a woman I need you to need me it makes me feel good and loved YOUR RESPONSIBLE FOR MY HAPPINESS BECAUSE I BIRTH YOU AND I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING MY MOMMY HAPPY so you have to do the same, it’s only fair NARCISSIST MOTHERS THINKING: I won’t teach you about life I wan’t You To be to scared to go out AND LIVE YOUR LIFE REALIZE YOUR SMART AND YOUR A LOVABLE PERSON AND NORMAL I Will Keep You In My Cycle Of Narcissm Abuse Making you feel crazy, weird isolated, dependent on me, And A Black Sheep. Because That’s How I Had To Feel As A Kid I won’t push you to hard with your future I want you to be good but not as good, or Better Than ME, Or I want you to be Exactly Like Me. And I’ll make you feel like shit if you don’t I won’t care if you have/ or push you to have a social life and go to extreme lengths (making it look innocent) TO PREVENT YOU FROM HAVING ONE Because There I’m Jealous I Didn’t Get One So Why Should You I DIDNT get to have friends I DIDNT get to play outside or go to the movies I’ll Tell My Kids My Mental Illness Is Tradition And This Is Normal And Make Them Feel Crazy When They Realize Its Not So They Can Stay Trapped In My Bubble Sick, Evil, Wicked Shit And The Narcissm Carrys From Gen To Gen Break Generational Curses Mental Illness Disguised As And Called FAMILY SECRETS LIES CURSES THEY SAY: ( it’s Tradition, Its our Culture, That’s Just How Our Family Is, I’m Protecting You, I Don’t Want You To Be Like Me, You Ain’t Grown To you Get Outta My House) KNOWING THEY NEVER GAVE YOU THE STRENGTH OR KNOWLEDGE TO DO THAT BECAUSE THEY NEED YOU TO...Give The Attention Love And Affection They Getting Get From There Parents They Feel Your In Debt To Them Because they felt like they where in debt to there parents Because they parents made them feel worthless and that they life will be better off if they didn’t have you So THAT TOXIC EVIL BRAIN PASS DOWN AND DOWN Untill It’s Stop READ FULL MESSAGES READ FULL MESSAGE
Do you offer private online (Skype/zoom) counselling? Or ACT therapy? I’m in need of someone who really understands narcissistic mothers like you.. you are spot on with your video. Please let me know if you’re available. Thank you
You know why you're having problems with your family? You hold yourself to a higher standard although you might not know what that standard is just yet. Keep going!! Matthew 10:34-36 “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household."
I just realized and feel sick about that but I think my mother guilt trip me into cutting all of my hair off so I had an even harder time feeling pretty and loving myself again.
Need to sign up for your coaching when I have $. Realizing why she tells me even nOw at age 29 how even daddy doesn’t like me and is sick of me type thing and same with my twin sister
Thank you. This time I can't even watch your video complete all at once. It is making me feel so sad. I've been trying for a while and should better stop and rest...Memories... It is curious that I don't get the information the same in english as in spanish, through your other channel. Well, anyhow I know at the end every step in the process finally leads to the recovery. Thank you Alina. See you soon!
HI Noehmí! yes! I think I speak differently in English as well...and sometimes videos end up being different right? Thank you !!! No need to watch if it makes you feel sad.
I don't know if my mum was a narcissist but she told me my dad died 12days before I was born. My sister was 7yrs older than me and brother 14yrs older. He died of lung cancer so was very poorly for a long time. I treasured the photos etc and always asked about him. He was slightly ethnic in appearance so I assumed I was the same. Mum remarried when I was 7. Her husband was not so nice and I just remember not being able to help round the house or do anything like wash up or clean which is why i ended up in my room studying all the time in the hope I could improve my self out of the situation. She also told me I never read. Which every time I read that message came through as I tried to study. So I couldn't think...... Now at 65 i had a dna test done at my sisters behest when she found out she is 25%*West African. Mine came back 100% british. So for all those years she span a Web of fundamental lies about who my father was. She lived til 96 and I spent a lot of time with her in her last - 10yrs. She could of told me the truth by then.
I’ve read many books and have watched many videos on narcissistic mothers, and this one hit home with me the most. Most of what you said, describes what I have been dealing with and working on for many years. My last therapist never made the connection of how much my mother has affected me. Im 58 and have struggled with depression for years as well as fibromyalgia. My Mom still thinks that it’s something I did to have caused these things, or she discounts my struggles as me being “weak.” Most of the time she doesn’t say these things out right, but she doesn’t have to. It’s what she doesn’t say. I can read her like a book and I think I suffer more than my other two siblings because Im the middle child, the sensitive one, who never liked the status quo. My siblings are drinkers and cope that way with things. I don’t drink anymore because I too, have had problems with it and so I don’t have that numbing that they experience. It’s just this constant feeling of being less important than everyone else. A feeling of being very alone. I wished I would have seen a therapist who made those identifications. This last one that I saw for some years, was more like a friend relationship, which I know wasn’t “ethical” but the fact is, we were kindred spirits whom were a lot alike and I frankly needed a friend more than a therapist at the time. She helped me a lot by just being there and loving me and supporting me. Just when I thought, I probably wouldn’t benefit from therapy at this point since I’ve had quite a bit and have been “working” on myself since my early twenties. I am stuck though and wonder if it’s just the depression, or the “inner critic” or both. It’s hard to discern because when Im in the depression mode, my mind tends to go real negative with regards to my past and my family of origin and all the lack that is involved there. My father and mother divorced when I was 9 and we rarely saw my Dad. I had probably seen him a handful of times since I was young. He’s gone now, and I hate to say it, but it’s true, I have relief now that he’s gone. I don’t feel that rejection as strongly as I did when he was alive. I’ve raised two children completely different and that in itself was healing in many ways. My daughter struggles with depression, but has since she was young, and we do have depression on both sides of my family. Im not sure why Im going on like this, but just wanted you to know how much I enjoyed your video and how much it really described what I go through. Do you do online therapy? Im in Florida. Thank-you for your video and I look forward to watching more of them. I just found you on my TH-cam feed.
My mum would manipulate me to phone her so when I did all she was doing is just moan and talk about herself. When I told to my mum that I am bit tired and had bad day my mum said "that's nothing...listen to me". I live in Scotland 11 years she was never visited me once. It's always about her. When I decided to focus on myself to save money for car and learning driving she flying now off the handle be cause I want to do something for myself once.
So my question would be; how do I know if I am a narcissist? My mother definitely is, cult leader ish even. I am going on the 4th year no contact. My son is 13. All I want now is to do right by him now that I spent 4 plus years healing and reparenting myself and learning how to do life all over again. I have exhibited some behaviors, and trying to understand that obvs if I claim my mom is and she “raised” me; then clearly I must have. I do regularly reflect on all the narcissist research I have done with my parents and myself in mind. I want to be the mother I wanted. Come hell or high water. Not competing 🤣 I just want better for my son. He didn’t ask to be here. I was young. But if he weren’t here I may not have survived the family I escaped. So I mean I owe it to him on all the levels. He is happy and healthy and seems to be doing well but I just want to cover what I can while I still have time to correct what I have done by us staying in her life far too long.
Mother to me “ if it wasn’t for you I would never have married your father”......me “well you should have had an abortion “........mother’s answer.....”unlike you I believe in god!”
I’m 41 and just recently realized I was raised by a narcissistic mom. I don’t see her much, but every chance she gets she reminds me what a horrible kid and teenager I was. Maybe I’m just remembering things badly, but I was a straight A student, held down a job from the age of 15, paid for all my needs myself until I moved out at 20 years old. Was home or at work every night. I wasn’t a trouble maker. But she makes me sound like I was spawned in hell.
I completely get what you mean and ironically, my mom calls me the devil whenever she's mad at me, despite me seeing pure evil in her eyes when I saw lack of empathy and depth
My mother is exactly the same...I am tired mentally, emotionally and physically of abuse since childhood...I feel helplessness...I am so pissed off decent people like me n my sister have to suffer all unnecessary shame n abuse from my mother...she cannot see us happy even for a sec...can anybody tell me why we have to go through all these n will god not punish her for doing all bad things to us...
I love my mom, she means a lot to me and she does a lot for me, but that’s the problem.I’m just now realizing that my mom could be a narcissist.She won’t let me do things on my own. I’m 20 years old and I want to start living a life of my own without my mom constantly prying into my and telling me that I could never make it in the world on my own. She recently started to subtly say that I should live with her until the rest of her life and take care of of her and “devote my life to her”. I’m planning to move out behind her back.
I spent years depressed on 20 different medications because my mother was never happy I kept waiting for her to get happy but I realized that will be be so I moved on with my life without her in it I’m so much happier now!!
I can tell by her quote, that she does not care about your future. You are an object to her. Life awaits... take care of yourself. Think for yourself. You owe parents nothing, but you owe yourself a life.
I spent 42 years trying to please my mother and keep all her secrets and lies from coming to the light. Then one day laying in bed I realized I would never be happy if I kept her in my life. I made a video detailing my sexual abuse that my step father did to me and she completely disowned me and told me she was going to “prove (me) mentally unfit” to care for my child. And suddenly all feelings and love I had for her was gone and the veil fell away from my eyes and I saw for the first time in my life how evil and controlling she was. I do not mourn losing her. She does not care that her husband hurt me, she only cares about herself and her image. I feel nothing. It was like a light switch shut off. Thank God!
My mother is a covert narc, I do not think she is remotely aware of her behaviour and I know she is not interested in listening and changing. I speak about my journey on my channel and its helping me process my feelings.
She’s aware. They just don’t care and think thats how they must survive. Key word: survive. Not thrive, flourish, or excel... just barely SURVIVE, and miserably. 🤦🏽♀️
@@Dannniellleee I feel that’s my mom too. She just doesn’t know, I’ve tried to explain to her but she can’t change to save her life. At 90 it’s just her and her golden child son. So I guess she is barely surviving in a miserable way
Hello! I have been watching some of your videos- they're really informative, thanks for sharing your journey living on beautiful Portugal coast! it made me think seriously about maybe doing something similar, at least on a vacation. I live in the U.S> and drive frequently up to northern Oregon (from CA)where my son lives. I don't know where in the videos, you are sorting out feelings about your mom--maybe I'll come across it...
Being thrown out of my Narcissistic mothers house at 16 was scary and great all at the same time. I struggled. Which is what they want. They want to destroy you. Theyll triangulate you w your younger half siblings. Nothing you ever do will ever be good enough or measure up to what her golden children are doing. She will marry many times but its always the exes fault. Its your fault because you were born to her due to a bad marriage. Youll always be the problem. It can't possibly be her. Shes perfect. Narcissm is text book. They all think they're perfect. They all devalue.. shame and discard you.They don't have empathy so they can't love you. They use their golden children to hurt you and to prove to you that you're not good enough. You will hold hard feelings toward the Golden kids but they're victims too. The Narc will divide you from them too. This way they can talk crap about you. Get out.. and save yourself--+
I feel like you just wrote my life story like you are in my head lol it’s nice to know and sad to know that you went through something similar to me thank you for expressing this
I was twelve years old the first time my mother told me that I was “lucky” she didn’t abort me. And I was told this story of her sacrifices she made for having me my entire childhood.
Raised by my Dad. My entire life he told my sister and I about how "He sacrificed his whole life." Who tf says that type of shit to their own children? These people are evil.
Is my mother a narcissist? She’s put me down all the time. Never taught me to do anything but would put me down and get angry when I wouldn’t know how to do certain things. She was physically and emotionally abusive. Although she stopped hitting me once I got older. She is a gambler, destroyed everything because of her gambling. She stole money from me many time’s and wasn’t even sorry. I had to move out the last time she stole from me she didn’t even say sorry she couldn’t care less. She interfered in all my relationships. She pretty much ignored me all my life until she needed my help. She use to go through all my things and ears drops when I’m on the phone. I believe in Jesus Christ and the bible says to honour your mother and father but I am tired of her Crap. I’m so confused.
Demonic influence. Psychology(Personality disorder s), evolution, big bang all satanic indoctrination. Heck the C-eye-a has been hiding Noah's Ark since 1949.
Psalms 27:10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in. If a parent is abusive then they no longer have authority over you. You are God's child not theirs. You came here through your parents not from them. You are a child of God and are now a part of the Christ body and that becomes your family. God bless you!
God will never ask you to respect someone who is disrespecting you. You can love from a distance. This is horrible what she did to you and you have the right to protect your life and your peace. The Bible means it in a context, it's not a flat theory you have to apply regardless. Respect your parents like you respect to yourself. Parents don't deserve your presence at all if they break you in your life. Their burdens are their problems as adults. Hope you can let go of the accusations shooted like arrows from religious background. You are free and entitled to reject manipulation. In Jesus Name amen 😊🌻
Yup ,,my mother triangulates my sister and I ,, there’s no way to get along,, can’t carry a conversation with the 2 of them ,, the jealousy,, the competition,, it’s Exhausting,,,
I have been raised by a narcissistic mother. I know how painful it is! A big hug to everyone who have gone through the same
🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️
Thank you very much! I wish you all the best in your healing endeavour!
This is so hard to listen to. It feels like a hundred little knifes stabbing the heart. So familiar and painful.
This is all 100% true, It is the most painful and challenging thing to deal with, a narcissistic mother. The lies, jealousy, and negative mind programming. Their daughter can do no right in their eyes. The only cure is releasing ALL those negative beliefs she placed on you. They belong to HER, not you. God bless!
Mind programming! 100% happened to me as well!!!!
God bless you too. Their daters can do no right and their husbands can do no wrong!
There's a loneliness when you have a mother who disregards your feelings constantly, walks all over your needs in order to meet her needs and here's the best part...when you confront her on it or get very offended and angry she's acts like there's something wrong with you!!!
So it works out great for her because she never loses SHE DEMANDS TO GET HER WAY. IT'S EXPECTED FROM YOU THAT YOU COMPLY, BECAUSE SHE'S "THE MOTHER" AND IF YOU GET OUT OF LINE, SHE STILL WINS BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING DYSFUCTIONAL ABOUT YOU FOR WANTING SOME CONSIDERATION...SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO CHANGE!!!UNREAL BUT SO TRUE!!!
Honestly, I despise my mother and I am learning to detach from her it took years but these changes have empowered me to take control of my life.Basically, you literally have to seek support elsewhere work on your self esteem on your own and truly detach so much that you learn to STOP BEGGING HER AND BEING CO DEPENDENT ON HER IN ORDER TO RECIEVE LOVE.WHICH ISN'T REAL LOVE ANYWAY!!!
LEARN TO STOP DEMEANING YOURSELF TO GET CRUMBS OF DYSFUCTIONAL INSANE OR UNHEALTHY UNFULFILLING LOVE.
THESE WOMEN CAN'T LOVE PROPERLY.THAT'S THE TRAGEDY GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN!!!
I LOVED THIS VIDEO IT'S SO STRAIGHT FORWARD ABOUT THIS ISSUE. BRINGING SOLUTION QUICKLY, HELPING PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY ARE AND HOW TO GET OUT! THANKS!
I also needed to see this today
My crazy mother has been dead for 30 years and I still despise her. Every year on the anniversary of her death I celebrate!!
I thought I was the only one with a Mom like that. I don't feel loved or good enough for my Mom. Everything you put is my Mom exactly. She's never going to change and she will never NEVER LOVE ME. I'M GIVING IT ONE LAST TIME AND AFTER THIS IT'S OVER. SHE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
@@theresamorello9892 I don’t blame you hope you are doing well and everything is on now in your favour ❤
I can relate and distance is best for the sake of your own mental state 🙌
I was very unfortunate to have a narcissistic mother father and brother.
same!!!
Me too - surrounded
me, too.
ditto
Same !!!!!!!
I wish I was 18 so I can move far away from her. I’m so tired of this.
I’m 18 but don’t have enough money to move out 🙃
@@chosenone2226 look for a scholarship, bursary. Millions available. Get out asap
I'm gonna be straight with you it gets worse before it gets better. Thank god my parents got divorced this year. I'm 22 now and had the help of my dad but go to any family member who will listen to you. Cry to them tell them how bad it is. Show them this video. Start saving money and never look back. Expose her to someone you trust and try to get help. When you turn 18 see if you can live with them until you save up money.
If you can love your mum unconditionally, the person you’ll become after moving out will be a HERO
@@adilo7467 oh hell no. Thats abuse. Why are we loving people who are abusive?
I was never allowed to show any emotion. Smiling or laughing was met with shame, crying caused rage. Dad & I never spoke to each other. We took turns being attacked. I can't cope with contact with them. He never cared for anyone but her. She's a cruel puppeteer. Thanks for this. 💖
That's exactly my father.
I found that denial on my behalf took a life time for me to wake up to the hidden secrets hidden in my narcissistic mother/family... it is do difficult to face the evil facts with what I dealt with as a child
I think I can relate--- I just replied to this comment above, too, and it has also taken me a lifetime to start realizing how horrible the brainwashing's been, because it's robbed me of knowing / remembering who I REALLY AM! Instead of "sleepwalking" through my life, I'm starting to remember, non-judgmentally, who i am!
@@lindadee34 yeh the cover up and your denial is most of the time intense.. take care friend 🌄🌺🌷🐡🌲🦋
Me too. I lost my life because of all of the narcissistic family crap I went through.
I'm done with control and any toxic individuals in my life and attatchments of anyone from the past holding me back from living in the moment the present now
My narcissist alcoholic father used to sarcastically call my Narc mother "God". He really was on to something(?!) She was very cruel to my sister. I was treated well because I figured how to mirror her every move & mood, telling her how wonderful she was, etc. Her interest span was maybe 2 minutes, then it was all about her. If anything went wrong, she was Never to blame. She threw me at men so SHE would get attention from them. So bizarre...
Your comment about men, made me think of the time my CN mother made a play for my husband... on a visit, right in front of me! They truly have and recognize no boundaries unless they want them. Then everyone has to pay attention! My CN mother was also cruel to my sisters, but more so to me because I couldn't kowtow like she wanted. I am still very socially underdeveloped. Your dad comment was almost funny, all my father ever said about our female parent was, "Strange woman!" She certainly was!
@@jeanettecook1088 Wow - thank you for your response.
Very validating, thank you! Yes, “how do you think I felt”, is my mom’s big go to. She tries to act supportive, but always turns it around to her...”I know what you mean”, “I thought the same thing”, “you’re so smart, you get that from us”, “I had a feeling you were going through something “, I know people like that, I handled them the same way the same way you did, I’m so proud of you”, “I’m so happy you made a friend”, “are you getting exercise? I do (x) and it really helps me”....ugh! A lot of it is to look good to my narcissist dad, show what a good mom she is. Because, the most important thing to both of them is to be remembered as the most functional, best parents ever.
Everything you said is what I have experienced my entire life. As a mature adult, I have issues with validation, feelings of abandonment out of the blue, I have a hard time saying NO and I do many many things for people that I don't necessarily want to do. I also have recurring nightmares of being lost and often feel unlovable and rejected for no reason. I have been married 4 times, each time to a physically and/or mentally abusive husband. I fully blame my mother for this.
They taught you to be a doormat. That’s not your true personality or purpose though.
Just create better behaviors, and go from there. It’s such hard work, especially amid adult responsibilities (we needed to do this work as children, but were robbed), but the results are absolutely AMAZING. Seek BALANCE. Good luck to you!! 🧡
So true, my NM did all of this. NC is the only way to heal yourself.
yes! I agree! Thank you!
What is NC?
@@monicachandrashekar5159 no contact
@@seanfaiers3289 thank you
R no contact ok
Hit it straight up what I deal with all my life and I'm almost 56 years old and very affected by it!... thank you for this video
I’m right there with you sherry 55. I am really stating to see that I can believe in myself without her approval.
A child: It wasn't my decision to be born.
Narcissistic mother: Well, I didn't know that my child would become such an idiot.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Mothers are always portrayed as being "kind and supportive" in most stories we read. But in reality many mothers (or some, at least!) aren't the "Saints" they pretend to be in public- we all know that who are posting here! i really hope you won't be like me, and get pregnant & have to raise your child alone, and live near your narcissist mom so the grandchild can have "family" and see his lovely grandmother-- who will then take over and criticize you, disrespect you, &compare you to other relatives, etc. etc. and gossip about you, blah blah blah!
Exactly!
Accurate
My thought growing up was something was wrong but never could understand what it was .. I would say I'm not going to be like this with my kids ... I'm going to break the cycle of domestic violence ... I ended up married at 17 with a narcissist and abusive behavior just to get remarried to a another one .. repeating this cycle the same type of guy and now that I'm looking back on all of it ... And counseling for the last year found out I had PTSD childhood trauma a depression anxiety panic disorder amongst other things I am trying to face because this is my life mission to break this cycle now that I know and I have to accept that this was abuse and very damaging to my mental health ... I am fighting the good fight till the end .
In the healing process I've had to add up the many times I've been shut down and controlled. Its been exhausting but good to realize a healthy way to regard past mistakes. I wouldn't trust her again and so minimal interaction seems best for me. Plus moving 2k miles away helped. Lol
How do I reconcile when she is being nice? It gets confusing when she gets all nice and then she doesn't
@Paula P It's extremely confusing!!
I am 48 years old now & I can sadly tell you that her being nice....is #always temporary.
It's a forever vicious cycle of emotional narcissistic abuse.
Intermittent positive reinforcement. Typical abuser behavior
She nice to keep you from leaving or shutting her out. DONT GIVE IN.
The relationship cycle typical of extreme narcissistic abuse generally follows a pattern. Individuals in emotionally abusive relationships experience a dizzying whirlwind that includes three stages: idealization, devaluing, and discarding.
Please look this up it’s just a tactic used by abusers. If you have Instagram @melanietoniaevans explains it really well.
She’s trying to reel you back in. Remember she needs you to be her scapegoat so she looks perfect and you are the problem!! My mother did this until I won’t tolerate this anymore! Good luck!
I am 52 and went no contact 3 years ago, Your video helped me so Much!!! Please keep Educatimg people!!!
I can so relate to this. My ex mother in law and her son had the same signs.
Thank you Ranalynn! :)🤗😘
'Extract life juice' My God the accuracy.
I've known this for a while (couple of months) but I feel so beaten down and trapped, I don't even know how to establish my life as an adult without her and without this underlying misery. I don't have a support system outside of her (or with her really) and that makes me really afraid and keeps me going back to her.
I ran away from my "mom". She is such an abusive person. When I left I told to her "you're crazy, you make us suffer (me and my sister)" and she said "I know and I don't care". For me she is dead. She can end up under a bridge for what I care.
More people need to see this
Thank you...I learned more from you than umpteen years of therapy. I needed to hear your message...
What a good video. My nm taught me that she is my only friend, that people around you are your enemies, actively working to destroy you. I am glad to have grown out of this crap, but it took me a long time.
I wish the sound could have been cleaned up and background hum removed, but maybe in the future?
You mention that as an adult you must make a conscious decision to live for yourself. The narcissistic conditioning from childhood makes this the challenge because the 'adult child' has learned to be an extension of the parent. Like knowing where your mind,body,and soul belong to you. Everything you said is accurate.
I'm tired of calling her mother... Can't brainwash myself anymore
I know I'm two year late on your comment but I call mine my "smother" because that is exactly what she tries to do to me.
Yep they always see us as an chore and it’s never an honor to have a child. To them, we are always a chore. Someone that they must deal with.
Thank you, love your work. What you say is very healing, and it comes so clearly and truly from your heart. Thank you, so very powerful.
My mom used to tell us no one would ever love her bc she's a single mom. She told us that's the reason she's single, struggling to pay bills and so alone and depressed bc she's a mother and men think of mothers as ruined women. My mom was young and attractive, and we were made to believe she was one of the "nicest" and most "caring" people, so we believed it. We felt responsible for her pain our entire lives up until I figured her out. My siblings though still believe the lies and the distorted reality we were made to believe. My mom is the perpetual victim of life.
right on, thank you for understanding and commenting............................Wendy. I am 71 this year, and still live with her nightmare!
Mine compares me to everyone as if they are always better off than me. Like she’s trying to purposely make me feel worthless and mentally ill.
My mother has a chronic illness, my grandmother needs 24/7 care, and my dad just broke his leg. I’m positioned as the only person who can help. It’s killing me. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m the only person who can handle it, although I’m aware that there are other families that find ways to solve their problems and compensate. I don’t know exactly how to remove myself because she has financially bound me to the family yet withholds payment that I work for by being a full time caretaker until the last minute when she knows I’ve accrued so much debt that I can do nothing but pay it off and continue to work.
Great discussion!✌😊
Thank you for your efforts 💜 I’m struggling with the guilt, your video was very helpful. Do you offer online sessions?
My grandfather was an alcoholic abusive narc to my grandmother: he used to have jealous tantrum and call her perverse…. I was 5 years old when he scared me to death having a tantrum destroying all her plates. Because all religious environment I have lived I still struggle to accept the true truth of all of it and feel guilty for sharing with anyone all that madness I’ve been conditioned to believe it was normal. My narcissistic mother hated my grandmother who saved my psychological health providing me the affection and love I desperately needed as a kid. I can’t trust female friends since the ones I had were narcs too and betrayed me the deepest level. I was following the narcissist program abuse by accepting false love and tolerating female abuses. Now, I fully accept and love myself for loving gay men.
My Mother has to "one up" everything I do. If I'm sick, she's sicker. My laptop wasn't working, her laptop is even worse! The one thing that bothers me the most is when she calls her self Mom, Momma, Mommy to my son.
How bad is the CN Mom who sleeps with her sons friends and then has as relationship with one of them till they get caught, then tells her son that she is sorry and only pretends its over with the friend. Along with that she's married, her son and the TWO friends are 17 in high school where one tells the whole school and the other keeps quiet and stays in a relationship with the mom who is 37. Today she is 53 and thou not in a normal relationship still behind everyone's back and diabolically secretive she and the son's freind, 33 now, still see each other making careful plans to have weekends together. The kids moved to Florida and PA and those trips are the cover for both to have a near-by hotel be the time they have. When back on LI its done not all the time since he's got a girlfriend and yes I was her boyfriend. The whole story is just incredible and how I found out all this landed me in jail for a night, but it was worth it to know the truth than to go on another day with the abuse from her. Never trust them
Wow it is a description of my mum and how she makes me feel!
Very good video in explaining these things and that a mother inherits this from her parents
Yes, you nailed it. My mom takes no responsibility for her health. She does nothing for herself. She thinks everyone around her must take care of her.
I guess in her world we are all better off than she is and so we are expected to drop our lives and care for her because she trusts no one else? These people have no sense of grace or humility! Where's the " I don't want to be a burden" that parents are supposed to say? If I don't give into her demands .. she just stays in her lazy chair, watching tv, complaining about how much her body hurts , but it hurts because she doesn't move . She never goes outside anymore ...
She refuses any recommended treatment by a doctor if it doesn't fall on line with what she wants. It's impossible to help her.
When I try to help her she sends me on wild goose chases and I can't allow my life to be wasted being used to feed someone's delusional self image
What a waste of a life?!? It boggles my mind the effort that they put in to get others to attend to them.
It seems to me it's just easier and faster to do things myself? Thanks for the video :) it's nice that there are others who understand 💜
Great video! Very helpful!
it hurts me to see you hurting but I cant help you, i hope you dont get sick again because i cant help you, see there you go again, maybe it was something you did, i have worked hard my whole life to have what i have, i have always been there for you....my mom manipulates me and gaslights me so bad i have developed major depression, anxiety, panic disorder, she has left me alone hurting disregarding my feelings when I'm hurting. all i ever wanted was for her to love me. all the things u said in the beginning about how everything is my fault and the other things u said is exactly my mother. I wish I had a different family
It's funny how blind we can be about our own mothers. I think mother-in-laws with this mental/spiritual illness are far easier to spot because they aren't your actual mother, and so mother-in-laws are the ones who enjoy a notorious reputation for this, in general (not every individual of course).
Indeed. I'm 55 and only just realising how toxic my mum really is. Went no contact a few months after her ranting and abusing me over the phone. She's never told me that she loves me and delights in letting me know how cold, unloving and uncaring I am. Years of blaming myself is a bitter pill to swallow.
Videos got a lot of truth
Yep, hit the nail on the head.
Yes, and how trapped in a very abuseful situation, she almost takes the abusers party, and just says, "its Hard for me to hear about your problems". And then asks"why Are you angry with me?" Make me feel guilty towards her for My abuseful situation + crazy. Really creapy stuff.
YOU ARE SO RIGHT. I GET IT. I VE LIVED IT.
No one believes me that this is how she is. It’s such a shame because my brother moved to Ireland (where we originally from) when he finished uni. He was out of the home for so much shit. Now I’m 39, divorced from a bipolar narc and realised about my mum being covert.
This video was just excellent thank you you've done it really well by covering a range of aspects at each turn. Thanks. I do have nm at Christmas as a child I used to ask santa for a different mum! My mother gave me wine in egg cups aged 3 later in life drugs.
I'm a 30 year old female and I finally realized my mom is a narcissist...she had me under her spell but I'm finally waking up to her mindgames..mind games...
Next step is to get a job and move out asap
My grandmothers name was Alina!!
(She was a Finn though.. from Finland)
🙏🥀♥️🥀🙏
It is true that some mothers are narcissistic because they expect perfection in both themselves and in their daughters too. Like the aged mother of a neighbor I used to live next to who felt hurt after her mother in a nursing home finally told her what she had thinking about her all along after she became pregnant while only engaged to be married at the time. Thank goodness my mom wasn't like that. She was dissapointed in me because of the same reason however she got over it. 'So too was I dissapointed about getting pregnant with an unplanned pregancy and then miscarrying in an early miscarriage too before I could start feeling happy about new life in my womb. While both me and my mom were trying to cope with my narcisisstic and authoritarian minded father in our home. The truth is far more often it is a case of many people working in the medical care and care giver systems and many people working in the family court system right now seem to believe it is okay to fail making a police report when children are involved or they believe crystal ball like they can discern who is telling the truth and who isn't telling the truth when a legal separation and/or divorce proceedings are going on when often it is more a case of one person's word against anothers because of paid professionals failing to do their duty to report evidence of crimes done when children are involved to police. Mother blaming is never going to help stop that from happening. Many harried and overburdened family members who are trying to help a disabled family member who got so down on their luck it was only a slow barely noticeable level of lifestyle improvement in their loved one as result of all their constant help the rest of the world filled with complacent bystanders expect them to offer their domestic violence victim relative. Please stop the multigenerational mother blaming.
Told my NM i loved her. She scoffed and said my love was not good enough.
My NM told me I was ugly. For years I believed that I had face even a mother could not love.
She told me she had been praying for me to land a job. When I did, she said I should be grateful because I had a bad a attitude.
Blessed to have a loving father to pick up my broken pieces and friends who kept me together.
Life now goes on with my NM and I am so much at peace.
It was either her or me. I chose me. I hope those who are in deep pain would have the courage to make this brave choice too. Not easy but the reward is YOU.
You are worth it.
Peace to all and keep safe.
Very helpful! Thanks for this.
Thank you your videos are a blessing 🙏🙏🙏
This was really good.
It is so sad such people become moms and cause so much havoc for the kids.Narc moms are the worst situation kids get because thats the best relation in a human life
Thank you for this.
Thank you!!! This is very helpful to me!!!
Such moms make us feel v r useless and v can't have self love or success in life
This is all so true😢
Wonderful, thank you!
Narcissist also use comparing there child to another child
To eat at there confidence and try to gain control over that child
Narcissist mother thinking : hey I’m loving this child who kiss my ass and follow in my foots steps
You should be Like them
Compete for my love so I can continue to control you with manipulation and keep you home to never gain independence and always need me
So I can use you
-To make up for the love my mom didn’t give me when I was a kid
I will never turn you into a man or a woman
I need you to need me it makes me feel good and loved
YOUR RESPONSIBLE FOR MY HAPPINESS BECAUSE I BIRTH YOU AND I WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR MAKING MY MOMMY HAPPY so you have to do the same, it’s only fair
NARCISSIST MOTHERS THINKING: I won’t teach you about life I wan’t You To be to scared to go out AND LIVE YOUR LIFE REALIZE YOUR SMART AND YOUR A LOVABLE PERSON AND NORMAL I Will Keep You In My Cycle Of Narcissm Abuse Making you feel crazy, weird isolated, dependent on me, And A Black Sheep. Because That’s How I Had To Feel As A Kid
I won’t push you to hard with your future I want you to be good but not as good, or Better Than ME, Or I want you to be Exactly Like Me. And I’ll make you feel like shit if you don’t
I won’t care if you have/ or push you to have a social life and go to extreme lengths (making it look innocent) TO PREVENT YOU FROM HAVING ONE
Because There I’m Jealous I Didn’t Get One So Why Should You I DIDNT get to have friends I DIDNT get to play outside or go to the movies
I’ll Tell My Kids My Mental Illness Is Tradition And This Is Normal
And Make Them Feel Crazy When They Realize Its Not
So They Can Stay Trapped In My Bubble
Sick, Evil, Wicked Shit
And The Narcissm Carrys From Gen To Gen
Break Generational Curses
Mental Illness Disguised As
And Called
FAMILY SECRETS LIES CURSES THEY SAY: ( it’s Tradition, Its our Culture, That’s Just How Our Family Is, I’m Protecting You, I Don’t Want You To Be Like Me, You Ain’t Grown To you Get Outta My House)
KNOWING THEY NEVER GAVE YOU THE STRENGTH OR KNOWLEDGE TO DO THAT BECAUSE THEY NEED YOU TO...Give The Attention Love And Affection They Getting Get From There Parents
They Feel Your In Debt To Them Because they felt like they where in debt to there parents
Because they parents made them feel worthless and that they life will be better off if they didn’t have you
So THAT TOXIC EVIL BRAIN PASS DOWN AND DOWN
Untill It’s Stop
READ FULL MESSAGES READ FULL MESSAGE
Thank you very much for this video.
Of all the videos I’ve watched, this was the most helpful ❤️🌟
Do you offer private online (Skype/zoom) counselling? Or ACT therapy? I’m in need of someone who really understands narcissistic mothers like you.. you are spot on with your video. Please let me know if you’re available. Thank you
You know why you're having problems with your family? You hold yourself to a higher standard although you might not know what that standard is just yet. Keep going!!
Matthew 10:34-36
“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household."
Omg 😳
Thanks for this!
I just realized and feel sick about that but I think my mother guilt trip me into cutting all of my hair off so I had an even harder time feeling pretty and loving myself again.
Need to sign up for your coaching when I have $.
Realizing why she tells me even nOw at age 29 how even daddy doesn’t like me and is sick of me type thing and same with my twin sister
Thank you. This time I can't even watch your video complete all at once. It is making me feel so sad. I've been trying for a while and should better stop and rest...Memories... It is curious that I don't get the information the same in english as in spanish, through your other channel. Well, anyhow I know at the end every step in the process finally leads to the recovery. Thank you Alina. See you soon!
HI Noehmí! yes! I think I speak differently in English as well...and sometimes videos end up being different right? Thank you !!! No need to watch if it makes you feel sad.
Thank you!
How do I fix myself?
Thanks Doctors
100% true. Thank you.
I don't know if my mum was a narcissist but she told me my dad died 12days before I was born. My sister was 7yrs older than me and brother 14yrs older. He died of lung cancer so was very poorly for a long time. I treasured the photos etc and always asked about him. He was slightly ethnic in appearance so I assumed I was the same. Mum remarried when I was 7. Her husband was not so nice and I just remember not being able to help round the house or do anything like wash up or clean which is why i ended up in my room studying all the time in the hope I could improve my self out of the situation. She also told me I never read. Which every time I read that message came through as I tried to study. So I couldn't think...... Now at 65 i had a dna test done at my sisters behest when she found out she is 25%*West African. Mine came back 100% british. So for all those years she span a Web of fundamental lies about who my father was. She lived til 96 and I spent a lot of time with her in her last - 10yrs. She could of told me the truth by then.
My mother had always told me "I wish to god you had been an abortion".................
It’s like I knew but I did know why my mom just stood there and watched and smiled as my ex boyfriend was beating me up in front of my daughter.
I lost my oldest son in 2017 in his sleep and then my ONLY daughter was murdered in 2019.......No call or visit from my mother.
Can i please ask how old you were when you figured this all out?
50
Omg that’s my mom exactly
I’ve read many books and have watched many videos on narcissistic mothers, and this one hit home with me the most. Most of what you said, describes what I have been dealing with and working on for many years. My last therapist never made the connection of how much my mother has affected me. Im 58 and have struggled with depression for years as well as fibromyalgia. My Mom still thinks that it’s something I did to have caused these things, or she discounts my struggles as me being “weak.” Most of the time she doesn’t say these things out right, but she doesn’t have to. It’s what she doesn’t say. I can read her like a book and I think I suffer more than my other two siblings because Im the middle child, the sensitive one, who never liked the status quo. My siblings are drinkers and cope that way with things. I don’t drink anymore because I too, have had problems with it and so I don’t have that numbing that they experience. It’s just this constant feeling of being less important than everyone else. A feeling of being very alone. I wished I would have seen a therapist who made those identifications. This last one that I saw for some years, was more like a friend relationship, which I know wasn’t “ethical” but the fact is, we were kindred spirits whom were a lot alike and I frankly needed a friend more than a therapist at the time. She helped me a lot by just being there and loving me and supporting me. Just when I thought, I probably wouldn’t benefit from therapy at this point since I’ve had quite a bit and have been “working” on myself since my early twenties. I am stuck though and wonder if it’s just the depression, or the “inner critic” or both. It’s hard to discern because when Im in the depression mode, my mind tends to go real negative with regards to my past and my family of origin and all the lack that is involved there. My father and mother divorced when I was 9 and we rarely saw my Dad. I had probably seen him a handful of times since I was young. He’s gone now, and I hate to say it, but it’s true, I have relief now that he’s gone. I don’t feel that rejection as strongly as I did when he was alive. I’ve raised two children completely different and that in itself was healing in many ways. My daughter struggles with depression, but has since she was young, and we do have depression on both sides of my family. Im not sure why Im going on like this, but just wanted you to know how much I enjoyed your video and how much it really described what I go through. Do you do online therapy? Im in Florida. Thank-you for your video and I look forward to watching more of them. I just found you on my TH-cam feed.
My mum would manipulate me to phone her so when I did all she was doing is just moan and talk about herself. When I told to my mum that I am bit tired and had bad day my mum said "that's nothing...listen to me". I live in Scotland 11 years she was never visited me once. It's always about her. When I decided to focus on myself to save money for car and learning driving she flying now off the handle be cause I want to do something for myself once.
ty for the video. is that a bracelet watch ? so beautiful. where did u buy iy i? ty
So my question would be; how do I know if I am a narcissist? My mother definitely is, cult leader ish even. I am going on the 4th year no contact. My son is 13. All I want now is to do right by him now that I spent 4 plus years healing and reparenting myself and learning how to do life all over again. I have exhibited some behaviors, and trying to understand that obvs if I claim my mom is and she “raised” me; then clearly I must have. I do regularly reflect on all the narcissist research I have done with my parents and myself in mind. I want to be the mother I wanted. Come hell or high water. Not competing 🤣 I just want better for my son. He didn’t ask to be here. I was young. But if he weren’t here I may not have survived the family I escaped. So I mean I owe it to him on all the levels. He is happy and healthy and seems to be doing well but I just want to cover what I can while I still have time to correct what I have done by us staying in her life far too long.
Great question! Here's the video I made about this th-cam.com/video/SmbkXLDhArg/w-d-xo.html
@@EclecticAlu thank you so much 😊
😒 just sad 😞
Absolutely
So true
Mother to me “ if it wasn’t for you I would never have married your father”......me “well you should have had an abortion “........mother’s answer.....”unlike you I believe in god!”
I’m 41 and just recently realized I was raised by a narcissistic mom. I don’t see her much, but every chance she gets she reminds me what a horrible kid and teenager I was. Maybe I’m just remembering things badly, but I was a straight A student, held down a job from the age of 15, paid for all my needs myself until I moved out at 20 years old. Was home or at work every night. I wasn’t a trouble maker. But she makes me sound like I was spawned in hell.
She's jealous of you.
Oh yes, 62 and I realized my mom was taking advantage of me
I completely get what you mean and ironically, my mom calls me the devil whenever she's mad at me, despite me seeing pure evil in her eyes when I saw lack of empathy and depth
You are not remembering badly. You remember just fine. She's trying to tell you her version of reality. Don't let her
My mother is exactly the same...I am tired mentally, emotionally and physically of abuse since childhood...I feel helplessness...I am so pissed off decent people like me n my sister have to suffer all unnecessary shame n abuse from my mother...she cannot see us happy even for a sec...can anybody tell me why we have to go through all these n will god not punish her for doing all bad things to us...
Thank you!
I love my mom, she means a lot to me and she does a lot for me, but that’s the problem.I’m just now realizing that my mom could be a narcissist.She won’t let me do things on my own. I’m 20 years old and I want to start living a life of my own without my mom constantly prying into my and telling me that I could never make it in the world on my own. She recently started to subtly say that I should live with her until the rest of her life and take care of of her and “devote my life to her”. I’m planning to move out behind her back.
Get out now!!! Been there and I know you can do it!! It’s scary but it’s so much better when you are in control of your own life 💕 sending big hugs
Girl I’m 22 if I was 20 again I would change some things . I’m moving out pretty soon . Get out save as much as you need and GO
Yes get out!!! Good luck.
I spent years depressed on 20 different medications because my mother was never happy I kept waiting for her to get happy but I realized that will be be so I moved on with my life without her in it I’m so much happier now!!
I can tell by her quote, that she does not care about your future. You are an object to her. Life awaits... take care of yourself. Think for yourself. You owe parents nothing, but you owe yourself a life.
I spent 42 years trying to please my mother and keep all her secrets and lies from coming to the light. Then one day laying in bed I realized I would never be happy if I kept her in my life. I made a video detailing my sexual abuse that my step father did to me and she completely disowned me and told me she was going to “prove (me) mentally unfit” to care for my child. And suddenly all feelings and love I had for her was gone and the veil fell away from my eyes and I saw for the first time in my life how evil and controlling she was. I do not mourn losing her. She does not care that her husband hurt me, she only cares about herself and her image. I feel nothing. It was like a light switch shut off. Thank God!
I relate to the first line of your experience - so sorry -
All praise to you and your healing 👏
My mother is a covert narc, I do not think she is remotely aware of her behaviour and I know she is not interested in listening and changing. I speak about my journey on my channel and its helping me process my feelings.
She’s aware. They just don’t care and think thats how they must survive.
Key word: survive. Not thrive, flourish, or excel... just barely SURVIVE, and miserably. 🤦🏽♀️
@@Dannniellleee I feel that’s my mom too. She just doesn’t know, I’ve tried to explain to her but she can’t change to save her life. At 90 it’s just her and her golden child son. So I guess she is barely surviving in a miserable way
@@luv2cook. And that's what she's CHOSEN.
Hello! I have been watching some of your videos- they're really informative, thanks for sharing your journey living on beautiful Portugal coast! it made me think seriously about maybe doing something similar, at least on a vacation. I live in the U.S> and drive frequently up to northern Oregon (from CA)where my son lives. I don't know where in the videos, you are sorting out feelings about your mom--maybe I'll come across it...
What's the video called where you discuss it? I'd like to check it out
Being thrown out of my Narcissistic mothers house at 16 was scary and great all at the same time. I struggled. Which is what they want. They want to destroy you. Theyll triangulate you w your younger half siblings. Nothing you ever do will ever be good enough or measure up to what her golden children are doing. She will marry many times but its always the exes fault. Its your fault because you were born to her due to a bad marriage. Youll always be the problem. It can't possibly be her. Shes perfect. Narcissm is text book. They all think they're perfect. They all devalue.. shame and discard you.They don't have empathy so they can't love you. They use their golden children to hurt you and to prove to you that you're not good enough. You will hold hard feelings toward the Golden kids but they're victims too. The Narc will divide you from them too. This way they can talk crap about you. Get out.. and save yourself--+
I feel like you just wrote my life story like you are in my head lol it’s nice to know and sad to know that you went through something similar to me thank you for expressing this
You know it all so well. They are textbook!
I relate to this very much. Getting kicked out of the house at 18 was the hardest and best day, all at once.
We all can relate, that's why we're here and strong 💪
I was twelve years old the first time my mother told me that I was “lucky” she didn’t abort me. And I was told this story of her sacrifices she made for having me my entire childhood.
Wow, I'm sorry you went through that, I hope your in a better place in life now
My mother was the same. She told me many times during my childhood she should have abort me when my father wanted to.
Raised by my Dad. My entire life he told my sister and I about how "He sacrificed his whole life." Who tf says that type of shit to their own children? These people are evil.
Mine repeatedly shouted to me that she regretted not drowning me in the pond...
Is my mother a narcissist? She’s put me down all the time. Never taught me to do anything but would put me down and get angry when I wouldn’t know how to do certain things. She was physically and emotionally abusive. Although she stopped hitting me once I got older. She is a gambler, destroyed everything because of her gambling. She stole money from me many time’s and wasn’t even sorry. I had to move out the last time she stole from me she didn’t even say sorry she couldn’t care less. She interfered in all my relationships. She pretty much ignored me all my life until she needed my help. She use to go through all my things and ears drops when I’m on the phone. I believe in Jesus Christ and the bible says to honour your mother and father but I am tired of her Crap. I’m so confused.
Demonic influence. Psychology(Personality disorder s), evolution, big bang all satanic indoctrination. Heck the C-eye-a has been hiding Noah's Ark since 1949.
She most definitely is one, ur story is quite similar to mine.
Psalms 27:10 For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.
If a parent is abusive then they no longer have authority over you. You are God's child not theirs. You came here through your parents not from them. You are a child of God and are now a part of the Christ body and that becomes your family. God bless you!
God will never ask you to respect someone who is disrespecting you. You can love from a distance. This is horrible what she did to you and you have the right to protect your life and your peace.
The Bible means it in a context, it's not a flat theory you have to apply regardless.
Respect your parents like you respect to yourself. Parents don't deserve your presence at all if they break you in your life.
Their burdens are their problems as adults.
Hope you can let go of the accusations shooted like arrows from religious background.
You are free and entitled to reject manipulation. In Jesus Name amen 😊🌻
Yup ,,my mother triangulates my sister and I ,, there’s no way to get along,, can’t carry a conversation with the 2 of them ,, the jealousy,, the competition,, it’s Exhausting,,,
Yep, I feel ya - gone though it - went no contact -
I love your energy! it calms me down right away.
me 2
Same