The problem with being the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and how to fix it.
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
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the scarest thing is when you cut the contact with your mother and you start to finally feel freedom and you realize that you don't even know what to do with it because you don't even know who you are....
Lena Nox did we have the same mother??? That resonated so much with me
That's why so many people don't cut contact they feel regret staying away from there parents
@@sugaredwings yes. i stopped talking and seeing my family since march 2019 and still trying to understand how to keep living normal....
So true. 🙁
That's me,I cut all contact
My mother could chop off my arm and make me apologize to her
it funny how same they are my mom is the same
Literally
You are so right OMG!
Right and the sad part is I don’t know about you but you still care and want to make her feel better. But not anymore I give up Its stressful 🥴
I completely understand
I always felt invisible, but judged at the same time.
TBD there are those that have been through , and understand exactly what you've felt, stay light and keep pushing
THAT'S IT! I've been trying to put that into words all my life
story of my liiiife!!
TBD :(
TBD i can relate and its so hard to admit its narcissism
It is life saving to realise that someone else understands
Some people can be pushed over to the edge of depression and co dependant to the point.of suicide if no.one understands
Yes frrl
@MARJAN omg just subscribed to you, could have sworn i felt npd mum energy from you too thats kinda synchronistic
@TNishaa Green
My brother killed himself 2019. I tried but never succeeded. Both parents narcs. His death, followed by prayer and research opened my eyes and i am no longer lost
@@tnishaagreen6978 Yeah, that’s what happened to me...but I was saved by having good friends
Being raised by a narc creates an underlying feeling of inadequacy, fear and anxiety that will be your constant companion in life. It took me 40 years to recognize where my deep rooted depression and anxiety stemmed from.
Bonnie Wolf 30 for me. The saddest part is that she will never réalise the damage she’s done
I've lived with a great sense of guilt and condemnation a big part of my life. Insecure in relationships, can't even build strong genuine friendships. When I started working I took out a loan to help her with renovating our house, biggest regret of my life because now I'm stuck with her for the next 5yrs because I have to pay off the loan and can't afford to buy or rent my own place,I would've been out of here a Ling time ago. It is true about feeling like everyone is judging you because no matter how nice you are it's like they can see through you that you're the "bad, evil hearted" and "mean spirited" you were always told you are 😢😢😢 I'm 36 now
I just understood this yesterday.
36 for me... Just last Sunday she called a meeting for me cause I still live and am the only one left with her, my brother and sister wanted to throw me out into the streets because she'd complained to them that I'm ill treating and disrespectful towards her.All because I now choose to keep quiet when she starts with me, I just keep quiet and continue with whatever I'm doing, I guess ignoring her really gets to her and I'll be keeping it up until I move out. Right now I can't afford to rent or have family I can stay with because I took out a loan last year to help her with the house building project(ever regretful). So am stuck with her until I can afford to move out
@@bernardinsaintpierre9555 it took 3O for me as well, all I am gonna say is WOW I kinda hate her now i hate to say it .. to much pain and anger and It came from her
my mom had kids when she should have just gotten a golden retriever. she wants something to master, be quiet, listen to her, serve her.
That's exactly how my mom thinks of me and my dad. In the house, both of us are often treated as slaves. If we don't do as she says, the nuke comes in.
Its so controlling and fearful its really just exhausting
It’s really hard to realize I’m a daughter of a narcissistic mother... I’m an empath, so I have a pattern of having narcissistic partners.
Me too. However, I didn't understand what a narcissist was until my husband.
That’s how I feel too, it’s been hard coming to grips with moms behavior. I’m an empath too and I don’t want her traits.
Unfortunately, a narc seeks empath first of all.
Wouw, same here.
I have been single for nearly 5 year nowe.
Same here.
At the root of everything with a narcissistic mother is the realization that they never loved us. They just weren't capable. This what leaves the empty hole in our soul.
I have this desperation now to be a mom so that I can give my little girl everything my mother never gave to me. Not materialistic items but love, compassion, encouragement, empathy, and understanding. So that I can finally have the mother/daughter relationship I always wanted.
Edit: I wrote this when I was feeling hella sappy and just learned that what I went through growing up was not normal, and was very abusive. I’ve seen a lot of therapists since then, and been diagnosed with PTSD. I’m also 21. So I got years and years to grow and develop from my childhood. To simply say you don’t want kids bc you’re scared doesn’t imply you won’t ever have kids, just like I am not sure if I’ll ever actually have kids. I’m just stating that if I was to have a child, they would be so loved. They might not get what they want all the time, but they will have a mother who loves them enough for a whole PTA of parents. And that’s because I was given the opposite. I got everything I wanted, except the love and respect from my mom. And that’s the main thing I wanted. I hear it from everyone who’s suffered neglect. If you disagree, that’s fine, make sure you don’t have children.
Sydney Bishop same
My dogs are my children. I was unprotected as a child, thrown to the wolves. Now I cater to their needs and keep them safe in every way. I was careful to avoid having children. Never wanted to fall into the single parent trap. I am just not that strong.
I hope you can fulfill your dreams, have your own children and become the better mom you did not have. I wanted the same, unfortunately I had 4 miscarriages and will never be a mom. In the meantime, I am stuck with my mother… and am only now finding out about narcissism and that your own mother can be a narcissist. I all makes sense now what I have been through. Pure abuse and pure betrayal. Now trying to stay away as much as I can.
@@liesbetwillems3905 But never forget: you did nothing to deserve it. It's just bad luck.
That's no good solution, to have children just so you can have the bond. I can understand your longing. But have you thought about that you would kind of use the children, for your needs to be met. Deeper down not the children's needs. You can say, oh yeah, they get their needs met. But only partially, because they have to be of service to you, and they will feel and see that and not feeling loved just because of them, but because they are fulfilling your needs. Which is psychological damaging to do for a child. No matter the intention this is what would happen, and you would damage the children, creating a dysfunctional relationship, and code pendency.
A child needs desperately to be loved by its own, not because of your unfulfilled need. That will never go well.
I've always thought that these narcissistic people are energy vampires.
They are. They don't connect to their inner core. That's why.
I'm literally having coffee as a pick me up, trying to gain the lost energy
Say it again Helene Mohlin!!!!!
This. I’m literally in tears cause every point is my life. I made the choice in July to block my mom from all aspects of my life. I still feel extreme guilt and am not sure if it’s what I should’ve done. But I can’t keep living like I was before.
@megha saini This is good advice that I'll try to take. I haven't spoken to my mom since last June. I went through a very traumatic event and she volunteered to help get me out of that situation. But it turns out I was getting thrown back into the same old situation as before. There was no where to turn. The last day I saw her, she had told me I was evil and that my children were demons, and threatened to call the cops to kick me out of her place. My own children want nothing to do with her, and they are still very small. I had no part in their decision. I was only there for 2 days. It took 2 days of living with her again to be treated the same way I was as a child. A part of me keeps wanting to give her a call and give her a list of all the trauma I've endured since I last spoke to her, but I know it'll be useless. I know I have to forgive eventually so I can stop strapping myself up with grudge feelings... I just don't know how I'm going to be able to muster up the courage to talk with her again. She'll likely expect me to apologize and comfort her needs over mine.
I also went no contact with my mother 2 years ago. She has reached out several times but still refuses to admit any fault in this decision. I know I made the right decision as now being a mother I can’t even IMAGINE not doing whatever I must do to stay in my child’s life. Yet, here we are...two years since I’ve heard her voice. I won’t go back until she is able to admit she needs help. We need help for our relationship.
34 yo. Female.
Sis listen do not feel guilty. Our moms are very I'll but self preservation is the 1st law of man. Pray for your mom she needs it but NC is paramount 4ur survival. Also guilt & shame is not from the CREATOR but sent from the enemy. Sending live peace joy happiness your way ETERNALLY cause I was there. My mom is gone now I did home hospice she passed in her home with a smile in her face so TRUST OUR CREATOR s & all is well GBU!
I also decided to cut my mum off. I feel guilty too. This is hard but part of the healing.
You did the right thing. Take care of yourself.
This hit so hard. I'll start med school this September and mom is already bragging to absolutely everyone and everybody that it is due to her merits only. Not mine. Only hers. As if she did all the admission tests, attended the interviews and got the grades to get in for me apparently. Of course every opportunity she gets now she already tells me how stupid I am and how I'm going to fail in med school. I feel so trapped and hate her so much. They tell the truth when they say education is power. I stopped hating myself for my "shortcomings" and plan on going NC with her as soon as I'm done. At this point I have no desire for family anymore and my career will be the highlight of my life I guess.
Narc mom has that effect. Even I wonder if I'll get married.
Mine did this when I went to law school. I went no contact when I started. Five years later she’s on her knees begging me to come to the graduation. I KNEW she’d try to ruin it so I gave her the wrong date. Rolls around to the day I gave her and true to form she tried to ruin it. I txt her “it was two weeks ago, bye Felicia” and went back no contact. It’s the only way...
Zara Rhodes LOVE this.
it's134340
All I will say to keep it short and sweet. I’ve been there and dealt with that. Whatever you do, allow yourself to go through the pain but at the same time don’t give up on yourself. It does get better. But you have to first go through the healing process. You have to go through the pain of losing them. Then you have to go through finding yourself and getting to know who you really are as a person, where you come from and eventually what purpose you decide to give yourself in life. The second one will take a long time but trust me it’s all part of the process. It took me 8 years. Third, you have to bring peace to yourself, your mind, your spirit. You have to forgive them for you and then let them go. At this point you will have understood you are only in control of yourself and no one else and will help you grow and evolve as a person. Lastly, keep yourself around positivity no matter what. Do not allow toxicity to come into your life and also give back the knowledge you have gained to others like you and me.
I know you’ll make it through.
Good luck at Med School..I am a Nurse in the UK. Have been for a long time+still love to care for people..Enjoy caring,look after yourself too🌹
All I can say is I'm scared, as a mother. I dont want my daughter to be affected by my mother's narcissism and I cannot even begin to unravel myself from the web of destruction she caused in my life. I feel cornered.
Whatever you do keep her away from your mother.
And realise that even as a adult she will try turning your daughter against you.
So you have to always tell your daughter about your mother how she's really like.
I've let my kids experience her on their own. They are well aware of her issues and realize that I have done things as a mother to make sure they never go through what I have. She charged me to watch my house for a few weeks. She ordered pay per view, allowed dogs to tear up things, moved all our stuff around, ate all the food, trashed my son's room (dirty men's underwear and poo on the sheets). I said nothing and paid her. Grey rock. The kids saw it. Know it. I mentioned one thing and she turned the whole mess on me. She then asked me to give her a review, so she can get another housesitting job! I politely refused and incurred the wrath. Bye. Kids saw the whole thing.
literally same. i want to be a mother so bad to give my daughter what my mother did not give me, but there's always this fear that i'll fail miserably. I've said on multiple occasions before that I would never treat my chilf the way she does to me & my siblings & her response is always "yeah you're gonna be just like me" & that really, really gets under my skin.
Shelter her as much as you can, your daughter has the right to a half normal gnaw until the cat's out of the bag. My daughter is very sympathetic to me and can see it's out of my hands, all gnaws doing. Your mom will undoubtedly made mistakes all over, just keep your cool. She'll try to spar you into conflict, might even think your daughter will choose her over you (they are that stupid). Kids are smart, you won't be able to keep gnaw's NDP from her but 'you' woman up and deal with it. Get what you can from gmaw, act so so grateful but realize it's gnaws job to help out. Whenever my mom would say I keep her grandchildren from her, I'd respond with - "You're funny!" Enough said, they know how they behave! When my kids were little mom said that she acted dumb around my kids so they'd like her! That sent warning signs down my spine...her act dumb enough. My whole family is toxic narc squad, my husband's family's all in Europe (drats), so they're a bunch of negatives but fine, I had to suck it up some more and now they're fabulous darling! Strength on, your kid needs you!
Hey, my mother was awful, AWFUL. I’ve picked up so many off her habits through the years and I can see some of it coming out with myself with my child BUT what matters is actively seeking help beyond your own internal voice and doing everything you can to turn that behavior back into something positive. My mother was always very impatient with me and I can be the same way with my son, I’ll sit him down and do my best to apologize and explain to him hey yeah what you were doing was bad but I should not have been impatient and that it’s not his fault and I’ll keep trying. I was worried too this was a huge reason I didn’t want kids but we are not our parents and we have the tools available to us to fix ourselves and make better lives and decisions for our babies. That’s what your little one will remember. Keep at it and keep strong
My mom didn’t start putting her hands on me until I was pregnant carrying my daughter. She knows im not going to risk my kids and being around them. Next time she put her hands on me I’m knocking her clean tf out. 🤷🏽♀️ I’m tired of the abuse.
That's crazy. Get away from her, you don't have to fight if you leave.
My mom did this also when I was pregnant and I will be knocking her ass out also if she does it again
@@mikkygames- yes, i can totally understand that. i am sorry to hear that. i just fighted 3 times with her physically when i was a child because she fighted my dad. i hate her so much i cant find words
@@NatalieNicole2222 I understand how you feel. The damage they cause is overwhelming. My mo. croaked in 2009...I am so glad that bitch is dead
Same thing happened to me when I was pregnant with my first son. Then she went and told everyone that I threatened her and refused to come take care of me when I had my son.
This video needs to be seen by millions
Deep down I will always harbor resentment and anger towards narc moms because of what they do to their kids having gone through some of the same cancer myself growing up. I see them all the time in grocery stores talking down to their kids like they are lower than dogs. I hate how they look at their kids as investments like a 401k and as utilities.
Me too.
Working in retail is THE WORST for this. There are so many awful mothers that come in with their kids and if they can’t scream at me they turn it on their kids. Makes it VERY hard to keep that customer service attitude.
I am temporarily disabled - and have the misfortune of living with mine. She has burned me to all my relatives, has no gratitude for my fiscal contributions. I will never forgive her. She treats my sister like a princess and has turned her completely against me.
😢😢😢😢
Facts me too 💯
These pair of eyes always judging you ... imagined the abuse... still acting like a child in adulthood. Facts!!!!
Seems my mother was always around. Listening. Watching. & Would give me this look when I said something to someone else. She'd give me this look & correct me right then or later on. Like I said something wrong. I got very nervous & shy & just started clamming up when she was around. & Really wasn't talking much at all up until she died.
Brought me to tears... I’m currently in
this cycle 😭
Don't cry zoe with cute choke necklace your freedom will come when you live away from them
Be strong!! Its hurting I been threw this with my mon finally got away from her. Cut her off for 7 months because of my peace and healing..
Get away as soon as feasible. The universe will provide for you 🙏
Always remember You are stronger thn you think you are.
she avoided me all Xmas and holidays making me feel alone.and now says I'm.an ungrateful daughter for not visiting her.
Lol typical bs
CLOROX ELLA Ella wow!! This is my mom too. She’s isolated herself around the holidays
Sorry to hear that is so sad how they don’t appreciate us at all
Well good riddance
Thats the word they love to say .. Ungrateful
YOU HAVE FULLY DESCRIBED MY MOTHER!
Mine too
You have described most parents, nut up people, unless it's really terrible abuse.
Most parents are NOT like that.
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Mine too
My mom and I never had a perfect relationship but the breaking point was when I went off to college. I finally had some space from her so I was able to really come into my own without considering her first. Everyone goes through so much self discovery in college. I came into my sexuality, met new people, learned new things, and my politics were very different from hers. I experimented with my appearance and got really into feminism. She was disgusted by me and couldn’t handle my differentiation from her. Even though I was a straight A student and graduated with the highest honors, she wasn’t proud of me. The invalidation, emotional neglect, and her clear preference for my other sibling has had a profound impact on me. It is a pain so deep it’s hard to describe to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. You would think a mother wouldn’t let surface level differences ruin her relationship with her only daughter.
I have such a rich, deep, and creative interior world that I wish my mom could be a part of or at least see me for who I really am.
From a very early age my mother called me evil hearted, mean-spirited, hateful, crazy, disliked by people, spiteful and angry, so much that I started believing her. I'm insecure in relationships and very guarded, I've built this "no one will reject me, I will reject them first" defense mechanism. I'm very anxious, fearful and jumpy, protective and authoritative. I think I don't even like myself 😢I've tried so hard to change from what my mother used to call me that it led me to depressive episodes.I have trust issues, and never had a long term relationship, I've had sex with over 100 men, I attach and detach very easily from a guy. I don't even want children.I will definitely cut all ties and contact once I move out of home.
Girl... Are we the same person
She just tells me “whatever, who cares, get over it” at this point.
I’m so emotionally broken I feel like I’m suffocating and i fall into a depression. Everything you said is such a learned behavior.
Strenght on sister, keep going and you'll remove yourself from the trenches, you got this!
My whole life she made me seem like I was crazy and she messed me up mentally and Now I’m happy to learn that this is my own mothers doing. Thank you for sharing this!
Hypercriticism, the word for how a narcissistic mother (and older 'sister') treated me, they HYPERCRITICISE me. EVERYTHING I do is wrong in their eyes. "You learn to not be yourself" yup, I have been there.
My mother was all my life telling me I am failure, never got enough, that nobody's going to love me and leave me. I heard it so many times that I live with it and ruin every relationship or friendship and end up alone. I have two failed marriage behind me.
Feeling unworthy and have so low self esteem, daily anxiety and depression. Hope it goes away one day but I doubt it. She scarred me for life
Someone told me a month ago that my mom might be a narcissit and I laughed. Then I googled the traits and everything rung true with her personality. I'm 27 years old and I'm now coming to terms that I grew up with narcissistic mother. I had no idea, I thought the way I was treated was normal. Thank you for this video, I clearly have a lot of research and healing to do.
MadGab Me Tooooo Never would of thought
I became the mum I always dreamed and my children are loved and kind caring young people who adore me as I do them we respect each other and they know I’m always here to be there guide and friend I broke the curse there is hope
This is going to be a lengthy post but I will do this in hopes to somewhat enlighten someone. At a very young age my Mother would tell me when I'm sleeping she would record me nude and send it to my friends to embarrass me, when I was 7 she would point to her back and told me her back never felt the same since she gave birth to me and I felt terrible as if I owed her something, she threw my hamster in the garbage and left it there and saw me sob and had no remorse and told me "I couldn't take care of a pet anyways", she has attended my Christmas concerts then later told me "you weren't even at the front". I remember her picking me up in Grade 1 pointing to a girl in my class that I will be her janitor cleaning her office one day because she is smart and I am not. I failed my road test and she found my paper and showed it to everyone in the family to make fun of me, she has abused my Dad and I've heard her joke around to friends plotting his murder (unfortunately they are still together and I'm sure he just sucks it up to be on her good side) I knew something was off I also thought maybe this is normal. For most of my life I have had friends tell me to make amends - she is my mother but that piece of advice never resonated with me and I am a very rational person who rarely holds hatred. This emotional neglect caused massive self esteem issues, anxiety, and depression. I always felt like maybe I was never suppose to be happy, maybe I was never meant keep a job, I'm not suppose to have goals, or things I deserve and I also attracted partners and friends who would emotionally neglect my needs and gaslighted me but it was difficult for me to set healthy boundaries because I didn't like conflict. I was an over achiever and a creative arts kind of child but as I got into high school my grades slipped because I realized my Mother will never be proud of me. One night someone she had a falling out with sent me this link describing Narcissistic Personality Disorder and my Mother fit everything in the checklist (she is definitely a full blown Narcissist). I started watching more TH-cam videos - and first it was very HARD to watch and read. I felt sad, angry, and sometimes had to watch or read content in increments but I knew I had to study it. I've also read the book "Will I ever be good enough by Karyl Mcbride" and then decided to be active in Therapy. I then found a picture of me when I was a little girl and I started talking to her. I told her what she needed, what her dreams were, what she loved, what she felt she missed out on. It took years worth of healing (and it's still on going) here I am now at 28 years old just opened my own private practice and is currently fulfilling my long time dream of becoming a dancer (I did not let age stop me) and it is freeing to realize the problem was NEVER me and I am not what my Mother says I am. To all those still healing from NPD abuse, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! I am now living a life I never thought I was able to build! But I know I need to tell myself one thing.. Recovery is an ON GOING journey when we think there's an end to it we just slow down the process - embrace it and hold on.
Vanessa Castillo I’m 54 and and just found out what Narcissistic personality disorder is...My mom has been abusing me for years and I thought it was me...My Dad was terminally ill and I moved in to take care of him...The He’ll he went through over the years had to be horrible...I lived close but never realized what he was going thru...When my dad died at home she had the last word and blamed me for his death...I know the last 2 months of my dads life he was taken care of and loved...I’m no contact for 4 months now and have no desire to go back...After seeing my dad treated the way he was...I know deep in my heart he would want me happy...He was a Pastor, a great man that never would hurt anyone...I know he’s in a better place and he stayed because of his beliefs...I know now that “Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors” I Love and miss him dearly...And hope to be his voice to let people know what Narcissistic Personality Disorder can do...I am getting counseling, and doing better, but I still think of my dad and It hurts...If he would have told me maybe I could have helped him...Nobody deserves this kind of abuse....I love you Dad! ❤️
Im so sorry that that woman did that to you and you realized it was her and not you. You are a valuable person just the way you are.
I'm 37 today, yay! Thank God for another yr of endurance. Evil aunt who raised me called yesterday for the first time in a couple years with drama. Calmly told her the Truth of the matter and politely hung up in her face before I gave her some negative fuel. It gets waay better u guys! Oh happy day in Shandas world, with my good natured yet STRONG 15yo son. Who can be against us?🌞
Vanessa Castillo I felt what you said on such a personal level you made me tear up a lil bit, congratulations on your growth & accomplishments! I’m a dancer as well with my talent being put on hold due to my tie with my mother... I’m looking to move forward this year your comment was very encouraging right now... THANK YOU!!!
IAM Timbia I thought I’d be too old to start but here I am doing 3 performances this year! You will thrive!
This video has me holding back tears because it’s so true. I have always been in a body I didn’t feel like was my own.
I cried too
Same!!! I was in my perfect weight always till I started to understand what my mother is doing to me and my body psychologically started creating a shield by being overweight
I left my country when I was 26 and never went back. It was the best thing I could had done for myself. It has been 9 years now. I still on a journey to discover my true self, but the freedom I experienced worth all the effort. It was like being born again. It was like the universe gave me a second chance, a second life. I appreciate small things in life that weren't possible before .
I enjoy cycling, walking and feeling the breeze on my face. I can decide my own diet, I can wear what makes me feel comfortable without having to justify myself. I don't need to hide my boyfriends and friends. Yes, is like being an orphan of alive parents, but I can't change it. I choose to live and appreciate life
❤
I'm 69 years old...I wish I saw this video & knew this woman's wisdom decades ago. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for this ! My mother is indeed incapable of celebrating my wins. Always criticizing and double faced. I did not know so many people dealt with this. Wow.
My mother is severely bipolar with manic episodes leading her to complete psychosis. My brother and I as we got older called her mean behavior “the Arlene hit list.’ We knew it was better for us to behave and be quiet to avoid being targeted. My uncle lived with us while I was in Junior high school and he was the one on her hit list which saved me and my brother at that time. I definitely didn’t trust myself or feel validated in my emotions which eventually led me to be prey for a man narcissist partner for 17 years which was a nightmare to get out of. In 2012, my dear brother and her golden child, ended his life by suicide. Still today she still tells me how he was her favorite child and she loved him more. Recently she said to me, “when you were a baby I didn’t even notice you until you were 9 months old and standing in the crib. “. I know I was neglected as a baby. I truly wish that our schools would teach kids about real life. Maybe I would have noticed the warning signs earlier than living almost my entire life until age 50 not understanding that narcissism is a pathological condition. I cut my mother out of my of my life for a year when she attacked my daughter who was 13 calling her a spoiled little bitch. When I told her that her behavior reminded me of how she treated me as a child calling me a little bitch, she said, “it’s true you were a little bitch.” She cut my daughter out of her will leaving my 2 sons in the will. All of this made me very career focused always choosing work over travel when I was younger just so I wouldn’t need to depend on her or anyone. What she did to my brother was awful. He could not even thinkfor himself or make a decision until he made the final decision to end his life. He thought she needed him so he devoted his life to her. I definitely blame her. She destroyed his marriage and his relationship with his fiancée. In addition, with all the psych meds she has been hoarding she started medicating my brother. Today, I have strong boundaries and live moved of state so when she acts up, I cut her out. I have told her in anger that she killed my brother. When we were young because she was emotionally unavailable, I comforted my brother when we were very young and many nights if he felt fearful he would come to me for comfort and I would tickle his back to fall asleep. Many nights my brother snd I slept in a single bed. We both had fear of something and now know it was our mother. She gloats when she is mean to others and will often try to turn people against one and other. Thank you for this video. It is all true and very helpful. 🙏
Mine has gotten so bad towards me that I am in hiding and in the process of moving to get away from the control and ridicule.
Mines is crazy I wanna call DePaul on her
i am always the villain in my mothers eyes, according to her i "bully" her every time i try to address that i'm unhappy and have depression, because admitting it to her is in itself a criticism of her parenting. So if i tell her i have it bad, she will throw things, yell at me, tell me to go away because i am ruining her life. and then when she's not in any photo's with me she starts crying and makes her boyfriend attack me over sms because she feels like the family don't want her anymore.... I'm just so tired of it all.
I'm so sorry about everything you've gone through!
My Mom has gone out of her way to turn my siblings against me. For many years, I’ve always felt ashamed and ostracized and yearned for her validation
Same here by any chance are your siblings brothers because I do see a pattern
Ok now I UNDERSTAND me being a great actress
As the oldest daughter, I have always been treated this way by my narcissistic mother. I was openly ridiculed (“your uncle and aunt think you got fat”), my achievements were minimized (“anybody can do that”), my feelings were invalidated (“the fault is in you”), and was forced to feel an incredible amount of guilt for doing normal things (dating, studying abroad, going to graduate school - you’re abandoning your family and putting yourself first, being selfish for pursuing advanced degrees). When I became pregnant, she was so manipulative and abusive that I almost miscarried my child. I had to cut ties for the remainder of my pregnancy to protect my baby. I felt peace but also incredibly guilty for cutting ties with her but I couldn’t risk losing my baby. Before I gave birth, we were in contact again and she said very inappropriate things about my baby (“babies growing up away from their extended families are more likely to be retarded, so you should move back to where I am”). After finally going to see a therapist about it, I was able to identify that she has always been a narcissistic mother. I am now going to read more about it and focus on how I can heal as a person. I hope I can find peace and joy despite this endless cycle of hurt and pain my mom continues to inflict on me.
All I will say to keep it short and sweet. I’ve been there and dealt with that. Whatever you do, allow yourself to go through the pain but at the same time don’t give up on yourself. It does get better. But you have to first go through the healing process. You have to go through the pain of losing them. Then you have to go through finding yourself and getting to know who you really are as a person, where you come from and eventually what purpose you decide to give yourself in life. The second one will take a long time but trust me it’s all part of the process. It took me 8 years. Third, you have to bring peace to yourself, your mind, your spirit. You have to forgive them for you and then let them go. At this point you will have understood you are only in control of yourself and no one else and will help you grow and evolve as a person. Lastly, keep yourself around positivity no matter what. Do not allow toxicity to come into your life and also give back the knowledge you have gained to others like you and me.
I know you’ll make it through.
I'm crying watching this. Everything you said is how I feel.
I told her I've got not one good memory of her!
NADA!
She showed NO love, NO affection, NO support, NO understanding, NOTHING.... EVER!
- Only punished me always for what others did as she LOVED to take it all out on me,
and the siblings LOVED to USE that to their advantage! It was a GAME they PLAYED! And NEVER did ANYONE in the FAMILY CARE about the TRUTH!
The TRUTH is ALL I DEAL IN!
But they ALL make ME out to be the LIAR!
They are NASTY GAME PLAYERS.
Recently... I discovered: they JUST NEVER CHANGED!
They've done NO WORK on themselves ALL THEIR LIVES!
So how they were BROUGHT UP, STUCK!
And when your mother has SERIOUS PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES, she renders THEM PSYCHOLOGICALLY UNHEALTHY!
I've worked on MYSELF A LOT, and am the ONLY ONE who can SEE things CLEARLY!
I don't give her an inch! I see RIGHT THROUGH HER!
But fact of the matter is: the NARCISSISM spread now to my brother and his first-born.
It's a MULTI-GENERATIONAL SATANIC CURSE!
I realized when people have DEEP-ROOTED SPIRITUAL PROBLEMS and REFUSE to DEAL WITH THEM, they become serious PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS!
So NOW you're STUCK with having to DEAL WITH ALL THESE NARCS SIMULTANEOUSLY
who ALL BACK EACH OTHER UP as they are CO-CONSPIRATORS!
BIG TASK!
HUGE!
I'm bringing the PRIEST IN, a CHRISTIAN PSYCHOLOGIST and SECURITY!
These SINNERS need to be DEALT WITH!
- GAME OVER!
Best & God Bless!
+Q-S/
The good news is you don't have to fix them. We step back and let Father God roll up his sleeves so step back and rest in God's presence. Vengeance is his. He's in the business of breaking generational curses. I'm glad you understand the spiritual side. I can actually feel the demons on my mom because I asked Jesus to give me spiritual discernment. It is a spiritual war and physical weapons don't work. It is Jesus' supernatural power that does it. Prayer is powerful.
Oh wow .. your words are on point 👌 👏 🙌 💯 👍 .... that is very damaging to do that to someone it can cause alot of harm , it causes you to be depressed and feels like you are not but you really are and you are stuck in a BOX . Its a cycle. I'd rather 10 people beat on me physically then to experience what I did as you described
I am not lying , all these things you told at the 1st half about if you have a narcissistic mama, i cried ...i really cried watching this coz my mom really fits in all those criteria. I had to pause the vid. To stop crying only to cry again, my mind became so unstable , i am 20 i want to free myself but i don't know how? And how to live without my parents. I don't trust them, but i can't live without them.
I’m currently going through court for full custody of my daughter because her mum is narcissistic and she’s abusive. My daughter is almost 14 and it’s taken me years and a lot of money to prove to social services and the court. They can all see it themselves now and I’ve currently got an interim order while I wait for the final hearing. My daughter refuses to see her mum, it’s got to the point where she’s even ripping up photos of her mum because she believes her mum doesn’t want her. It’s an awful situation. I have to say that I heard a lot of bad stories about social services, but the social workers I’ve had have been fair and completely impartial, they are doing what is best for my daughter. Her mother is so self entitled she says the complete opposite to what social services have seen, and continues to defy the court. It’s like she lives in a delusional state the whole time, she thinks she’s been s good mother yet in reality she’s rejected my daughter since she was born and only ever has her when it makes her look good, like my daughter is a show piece or something, I don’t think it helps that my daughters grandmother is what id class as machiavellian which has clearly had a knock on effect .
They used to have kids just to have extra farm hands around. Most adult kids these days are products of people wanting to extend their own egos. Once you realize that parenthood was never as pure and sacred as society or even your parents led you to believe then everything clears up.
Instead of thinking she's your mom, think of her as unhappy old woman, then it becomes clear why she's not happy for your success, why she talks over you, why she doesn't want you to have a life, etc. The ideal nourishing mother was only applicable till like 5 yrs old. Then you're just trying to have conversations with mostly bitter women who can't stop complaining that they wasted their best years raising ungrateful children that did not live up to their egos.
Come to think of it the biggest enemies in your life SHOULD BE your parents. It's why in Greek tragedies the father tries to kill the son. Humans are hierarchical social creatures that pray on the young and weak.
Jesus Christ! Your in trouble. You sound like me, like a machine trying to analyse data. Holy....whats it called again.
@@edenwithin8382 ?
I hate my family. They ruined my life. I've cut them out completely, but the damage is done. I have numerous physical illnesses that were caused by their abuse. I also have numerous psychological problems, including CPTSD. I can't function. I can't even leave the house. I have no life. I've been struggling and trying SOOOO HARD every single day, FOR YEARS. But nothing ever improves. My life is a nightmare, I can't take it anymore. They will rot in hell for what they did to me. That's my only comfort.
Here for you, too! 💕
I just want to hug you and tell you that it will be ok.....and it will be ok
Thanks to all of you for your sweet messages 💕 I just don't know how it's going to be ok, I feel so hopeless
I feel the same love! But I feel something big is coming my way. I’m going to pray for you! ❤️
@@LittleLulubee fight for your life!.....Dont let anyone take it away!.....Your alive so a good change can happen even though it seems hopeless.......God was the one who got me through the hardest times in my life........I know it sounds cliche but its true!.....at my lowest point in my life is where I met God.....Im not trying to push my religion or my beliefs on anyone so please don't think such a thing.....Im just offering what has worked for me....I will pray for you but I beg you, please please please DONT GIVE UP!....God loves you and he knows and care for you......
I only regret that it took my 35 years to finally get it despite my narc "mom" not even being in my life.
Thank you Tary. My parents were super toxic. My mom had to control everything, every breath I took, every thought I had, no individuality, no boundaries allowed for me. She forced me to be friends with the rotten daughter of her good friend. That awful girl was a ball and chain until I graduated high school. My father was a hateful alcoholic bully to me, and very much enabled by her. His drinking drove her up the wall, but all his verbal and physical violence was directed at me. He never raised a hand to her. And yes making decisions is the hardest think for me. It took me forever to complete my college degree. Thank God they are no longer around tormenting me, but they still live on in my mind, and the painful memories that are ever present.
I'm the scapegoat of my family,I rlly felt that when you were talking about feeling like a ghost in a shell, that's what I've felt through my whole childhood,I started waking up to my moms abuse around 15 and 16 is where things peaked and I was the worst mentally, I was feeling that ghost feeling and I started self harming. It's very hard for me to regulate my emotions bc I didn't feel anything until litterally 2-3 years ago my emotions feel so under developed and childish vs my peers and I feel every emotion now so intensely, but I'd rather have that then ever go back to being numb. My mom would isolate me alot as a child so I used to be very socially awkward and anxious, extremely terrified of my mother, I could'nt rlly talk properly freshman year of hs, I'm better now, people who knew me 4 years ago always say that I've opened up so much and that I'm completely different person.im 18 now and I just graduated hs but I still live with my narc mom, I'm trying to progress even more with my healing but living here makes it so hard to.
Tary, I can not thank you enough for sharing this, It so blessed my heart. I was overwhelmed with tears as I heard you sing my deepest pain and struggle til this day in my life. To live with hatred from the one who is supposed to love you most and feel hatred for the one you are supposed to love the most! I have been praying for God to remove the anger in my heart as I continue to have to deal with my mother's verbal and emotional abuse but I refuse to bow down, it's never enough anyway! I have saved all of your videos that are in English and even listened to in Portuguese because I have studied and learned some. Again Thank you so much, this video brought me a healing I have been so confused about and crying out for my whole life,,, God Bless You!!!
I'm so glad to read all of that! Thank you so much for sharing how the video helped you!
The videos about offense by Katie souza helped me get stronger. Actually I use all her videos.
Keep plenty of tissues handy.
This is the most accurate and comprehensive list I have ever come across. For each point raised in this video I could tell you about at least one real life example from my childhood / early adulthood that I experienced at the hands of my narcissistic mother. My goal for 2020 is to educate myself on the ways to heal. I am trauma bonded & it is so hard, but I have to have faith in myself.
holy shit this is so acurate, I still live with my parents and i feel like they're great sometimes because they seem nice sometimes and pay for me to be on a dance team but also tell me that they're the best parents and exhibit all of the traits you explained. im literally crying because people always deny that they're abusive but they definitely are and now I know how to tell them thank you so muchhhh
Thank you Taryana, you rock. It's taken a lifetime to get past childhood trauma, still working on it. Your insight helps to see the light, my truth. I'm o.k. being me. I'm better @ keeping my mother out of my head. She is a covert narcissist, I'm recovering from her disorder. I'm 60, she's 87, & still trying to sabotage me. I've separated emotionally, & physically, as much as I can. Thanks again. Love & evolution to all, keep learning & evolving as spiritual beings. It's the journey...keep going, don't give up on yourself, we can overcome...your not alone...
So i have come to the painful realization of saying it for what it is “I have a narcissistic mother.. “ I have been in such denial, I’ve had therapists even say they thought she was, I didn’t want to see it because she is my mother... but it is so in my face and it’s so painful I cannot keep trying to get her approval. I feel like the only way to have my own life back is to completely cut off contact with her until I have a strong enough sense of self again.
im crying because you have completely described my mother, and i still have a few years before i can legally move out and i absolutely can’t stand her anymore it’s so painful but hearing someone confirming this felt like a lifesaver, thank you so much
I’ve been through a severe case of narcissistic mother, when you mention the audience part it’s so affecting me mentally everywhere I go I think people are watching or out to get me, or I’m performing for eyes who are watching me, can you talk in more detail about that point and how to try and resolve it if it can, so I can get help
Yes .. I would love to hear about how to deal with this too
Eyes are watching. Demons through other ppl, they've been assigned to us
Lashanda Williams could you explain a bit more what you mean by that comment
@@kimonevictoriamycookbook507 Evil, disembodied entities latch onto ppl and use them to wreck havoc in good ppls lives
@@kimonevictoriamycookbook507 Spiritual gangstalking. Demon summoning
Bro... every narcissistic video about mothers is the EXACT reflection of mine. It’s so freaking enlightening, but the scariest part is I thought that only my dad was a narc because he was very overt... I just found out about coverts and I have to admit that I fear her more than I fear him because this entire time she’s lied... she’s put up this facade. I literally felt like shit EVERY time I thought about going no contact. Even as I type this, I’m constantly checking to see if she’s coming. I’m not looking back this time... I’m leaving and I’m not turning around. Not even a glimpse!
This is so spot on. I put my blood sweat and tears into successfully completing nursing school and she persistently tried to get me to drop out of school so she could milk my dads money. My success has never been attributed to me and my qualities or abilities. People have always congratulated my mom and said she did an excellent job with my siblings and I because of what we pursued. It’s such BS. I’ve always had huge imposter syndrome too. I still feel this way and I feel stuck
I just realized a couple days ago that the relationship I have with my father is toxic and that he is in fact a narcissist. . I have always struggled SO much with him.. not being able to be myself, always thinking about what I can and cant say.. you name it. I have so many issues because of him, dont really knowing who I am, not being able to set boundaries ... It feels so good to know that there are others out there tho, who have toxic parents as well. My mom is a blessing tho, I am so glad to have her. Everything you mention here I can relate perfectly to my father and my issues.. maybe you could consider to talk about parents in general? I think the issues are super similar. thank you for sharing your tips :*
Best video on this that I've seen. Especially the description of gaslighting, the false self, and not being able to trust self.
Could you also do a video for boyfriend of daughter's of narcissistic mothers? like, this affects my boyfriend so much and I love you did this video in english so i can show him and he can understands me a lit more.
I love that idea!
yes! my mom talked me out of my relationship with my boyfriend and even got my dad to agree with her. i am still with him but in secret from them. It makes him feel terrible but we've been together for many years and he has seen the pain my parents have caused me. yet it's still a big problem between us
@@TaryanaRocha really great idea. Maybe the subject could be dating and recovering from narcissist abuse. My boyfriend and I both have narrsissist parents. His father and my mother... I feel like the way we communicate is toxic... we act like his crazy parents and when they fight (which is ALWAYS) he laughs.. But I know deep down it really bothers him.
My ex-gf is a daughter of a narcissistic mother. This is why I'm watching this video. I didn't have a great upbringing by any means but I still find it difficult to really understand the pain and trauma, it's very hurtful to even imagine.
I’m in this exact same position. My girlfriend’s mom is bi-polar and also a narcissist who refuses to seek help. She’s stolen money from my girlfriend, verbally and physically abused her and even almost killed her. To make matters worse, they live in the home of my girlfriends grandmother who is very old and can’t seem to understand the severity of the abuse that my girlfriends has gone through. The mother manipulates her to let her inside the house (there’s a restraining order that I convinced my girlfriend to place against her mom) and my girlfriend refuses to call the police unless something serious happens. I don’t want to marry into this family even though she assures me that her mother will never be around our home and our future kids. She refuses to move out because she wants to care for her grandmother. I’m not sure what to do anymore.
You are a Godsend. I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother who recently cut off ties. I finally found peace, and myself.
You have to relearn and retrain your mind into knowing and loving who you are when dealing with narcissism.
I have literally never commented on a youtube video, but you bring me so much comfort. I honestly thank you, your positive feminine energy in assertively defining everything I went through really just feels like a hug from a friend I wish I had, you really understand what it means to be raised in this way and the horrible consequences, you are so positive and helpful and warm. Honestly thank you
I sometimes come back to know I am not alone and keep my crown aligned. Thank you.
❤️🤗❤️🤗
This is the best explanation and most accurate to my inner feelings. I've had a hard time putting my finger on what I went through as a child. I didn't even realize my mother was narcissistic. It's taken me 40yrs to have access to this information. I'm now on the path of finding my true self. It's a struggle. I'm glad there is hope. I'm starting to set boundaries with my family. Thank you for your wise insight to this issue ❤
I NEVER want to see my mother again, EVER! And yet, as soon as she broke her leg, I came back to help her, only to run smack dab back into serious abuse! Now I have to recover again! Is it wrong to NEVER want to see your mother again?! And how do I explain this to my children?
You summarized my life . My mom and dad hate me since childhood . Daily trauma brought many negetive codependent patterns within me . I was not sure if just this acknowledgement could help me . But I am living my true self prioritizing my needs and desires ,not subjecting me to anything that degrade or make me unhappy .
Hi, so in the video you said you wanna help with something we (victims of narcissistic mothers) struggle with most. For me its a lack of self esteem. Not physically but mentally i guess. In ANY situation where i am talking to other people i always feel like i am being judged or like they hates me. Its gotten so bad in my life that i have quit a job from this before because i couldn't take the feeling of being hated. I am constantly walking on eggshells around everyone, even the occasional rude person because i have a deep fear of being put down verbally. I always agree with other people and never have my own voice because i dont want to be looked at with disgust. I also have not dressed as nice or not been social in social environments or not expressed my personality in my everyday life because i feel wrong for having any attention on me. When i try to look people in the eye i get so uncomfortable and lose track of what im saying because i think "they totally hate you, stop trying idiot". This happened at a very vulnerable time in my life, during middle school. I remember being a confident, spunky, cool kid. Then once i started going through puberty in middle school my mom became very hostile towards me. She would humiliate me in social situations constantly (this made me insecure of myself), and when i would try and tell her a story or about my day she would give me a look of disgust while i was talking (which gives me the anxiety to have any regular conversations with people today). I remember one time i wore these super cute pink shorts and i was sitting in my room aalone and no one is in the house except my mom and I andshe walkes to my room and straight up tells me "why are you such a slut? wearing those shorts for attention. Your a whore" that night i was in my room crying and praying "why does my mom hate me? what did i do so bad". This effected my view on myself and the world DRASTICALLY. Ever since then i emotionally disconnected myself from my mom and it is nearly impossible for me to make new friends. Im 20 now and i have tried to give myself little pep talks when im feeling too overwhelmed with my thoughts of being not good enough or hates or minimized. It helps sometimes. I try to always push myself out of my comfort zone because i WANT to have a good emotional connection with people. I want to feel more confident. I want to find that cool, funny kid i used to be and embrace her. But till this day i can not get rid of those eyes looking at me with disgust or that voice making fun of me and putting me down. Im sorry to throw this depressing story on you but it makes me feel good to type this all out because i never discuss this with anyone and when i try to people say "your just being dramatic" or "your over thinking". Its hard to state exactly what a narcissist is doing (for me) because alot of what my mother did to me was non verbal. Its infuriating because as humans we have a sixth sense, we feel it in our gut. And when somethings just not right about a person and the way they are treating you, you know.
You are not crazy. My mom also tells me crap when I wear shorts. I'm 30 years old.
Ignore her.
You are smart and beautiful. Pursue your goals. Dont be afraid.
My relationship with holy spirit has improved my self esteem a lot. Reading your comment is helping me heal.
rachel14rod thank you so much god bless you 🖤
oh my gosh it's you're not your
Wouw so young and being able to express your fealings so well!
You are so much stronger and wiser than you realise.😘
Carla Dee I know how you feel. My mother is the same way. Her treatment made it difficult for me to have a job and go to school. I even got diagnosed with bipolar disorder so you can see where the gaslighting makes it difficult to trust my own thoughts sometimes. All I have to say is hold to your true self and this too shall pass. The world is so big and wonderful don't let this one negative person tell you who you are or who you can be. You have the power if you believe. Your going to get through and everything will be OK. Thank you for sharing this response I'm glad to know I'm not alone. If you ever want to talk feel free to msg me. I can always use a friend :) take care 💕
I was so hurt a year ago when I realized that my mother is a narcissist. It hurts to realize the evilness that she had done to make me feel like trash. But now, I am hearing this but I’m no longer hurt. I was abused, I tried to be the better person, and I survived.
Omg everything that she explained here is still my life today. My mother has managed to make me feel guilty for 43 yrs. I think about walking away, however just not sure how.
My father abandoned me and my mother is a narcissist so I'm the poster child for instability.. lol I'm never good enough to do anything, and I'm constantly being compared to other people who she deems as more successful so she "manipulates" me to follow the same steps, because I'll never be happy if I am not as successful as the others. She also married to another narcissist who is pretty abusive mentally to her and it is to me too. The constant fights, the constant drama, always instilling fear and uncertainty... I have terrible control over my emotions and I cry and get mad at her and other people I'm close to pretty easily which sucks because I lose a lot of friendships this way. Yet I can see that she's also suffering, she went through a lot in her life and is a fighter, she had to fight her whole life for the things she had no matter the cost. I just wish things were better but I'm not sure they will ever be... I'm trying to love myself and be independent and it's really hard, but I'm very persistent and always learning how to be a better woman. I need to forgive and accept who I am even, though she'll never do it.
you are so on point. I am 71 years old with a 87 year old mother who I felt never loved me and now I know why. I was made to feel like I did not matter. If I got hurt she laughed. In fact about 4 years ago I was going up some cement steps and tripped and fell, broke my nose and she stepped over me and never helped me. I drove myself to the hospital. I have a hard time making decisions because I question everything, I think because I never felt good enough or capable. Now she wants me to do everything for her, She has turned my family against me with lies. I just had triple bypass surgery and 5 strokes in April this year. She never asked how I am or showed any concern. I know it was the stress over all these years under her thumb. I am trying to distant myself from her because we always argue and my bp goes up. I have no one to turn to.
I literally felt identified with every single word of this video. It’s comforting to see in the comments section I am bot the only one who has suffered and is continuing to suffer because of having a mother with narcissistic personality disorder.
Like I learned in a book called "you were meant to sing", your true self is reflected not in the inner harsh loud unhelpful voices impressed upon you but in your quiet gentle helpful inner voice, so quieten the former and listen to the latter.
Today, at 34, I realized that my parents were narcissistic... Wow! The description of feelings is so accurate as well as the solution. When I was 29 I tried the mindfulness-based therapy. For once in my life I started asking myself how I felt about things and what I wanted to do and went with accordance to my feelings. My life got so much better! Then, being super optimistic and thinking my life will be good no matter what, I started ignoring my feelings and choosing what doesn't work for me. Then I again I got into the habit of disconnecting with myself and went back to feeling bad. It's been 3 years in this state. Hoping to get back to good life.
Omg! You just saved my life, Taryana! The most accurate thing I’ve heard in my life and I am really thankful for watch your video! 🙏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤️ thank you for such great video !!! Best rgds from Brazil Vanessa
Thank you for this video. You are a good communicator. I’m 53 raised by both narc parents. It is hard, but once I realized the well was dry I stopped going and I feel better now. But it is sad when you just wanted unconditional love and it isn’t in the well! Had to go no contact with dad and I just don’t expect ANYTHING from my mum so I’m never disappointed. Love to you all 💕💕💕 wishing you healing and happiness 🙂
I’m 19 in a few weeks and 3 weeks today my mum kicked me out on the streets, I’m getting back on my feet now but I never realised how much my mum was a narcissist until now...wow. Thank you for sharing 💕
I always felt like I needed to loose my face in order to be able to live. Fading away, but at the same time being a prisoner. Thank you a lot for this video! I hope I and everyone else, who is trying to reconnect with their true self, will find a way and peace for their mind. Sending light and strenght.
Please dont. Be strong.... We need each other. Your face can take the heat off some one else and fingers crossed there will be some one who can take take it away from you.
Tess looks beautiful.
I feel for you. I witness three precious children being destroyed by their mother everyday. Always told to shut up, no praise, effection or love. I can literally feel my heart break seeing the effect it has on them. It is an indescribable pain that feels like a knife is being twisted in my heart and lifting me up. I cant bear to imagine what they must be going through.
I’m the son of a narcissistic mother and this seems familiar
Think about it. So many people. So similar experience. That's the real kicker it was never us. But, a disease.
Thank you. I could really relate to the lightness and feeling good being my true self. I have no contact AGAIN with my narcissistic mother who again slammed me when I was already down. As soon as I decided to not call her anymore and blocked her on my phone, I felt so liberated, I barely knew what the feeling was until I saw it written and I said, yes, that is how a slave feels when freed!
This hit home so hard I started tearing up. For awhile i lived this way having both narcissistic parents and everything you talked about i grew up thinking it was normal until i started getting older and realize it wasnt right of what they are doing to me and it has affected me as a person to feel confident, to communicate and being scared to trust the way i think or i would feel crazy, i struggled with keeping friendships/relationships because of them, i would feel that i wasnt enough, they would control everything i do with my life, my accomplishments were their accomplishments and it wasnt because i did it myself, if i failed at something i was humiliated and compared me to the kids in the family who were doing better and why cant i be like them. They would make up stories about themselves so i can look up to them and then later finding out by someone else that it wasnt true and started to have trouble trusting anything they say to me, they would brag about how honest they were and liars are ugly people but they never admitted their wrongs and blame it on others, i started to view them differently when i had paid attention to those things.. they would gift me things out of “love” or whatever good they did to me they used it against me to feel bad if i went against them and how ungrateful i am, later i learned to not ask them for anything so they wouldnt have to use that against me. Yet they still find other ways to make me feel bad. They would ridicule me for feeling a certain way and saying i shouldn’t because i have it easy, i would often fall into depression and they would tell me to get over it and i have nothing to be depressed about but i would fall into depression because i lost confidence, i would take in everything my parents would make me feel and i would have ugly thoughts about myself that im useless to them or the worst child they had and i if i expressed how upset i was to how they would word things out, they would tell me i cant handle the “truth” or they say things like that because it was for my own “good” and add other irrelevant things that had nothing to do with the topic because i would recognize their wrong doings. They would tell me how to think, how to act with others, and it didnt feel right to not be myself. They went against what i wanted to do for my art career and talked bad how i wont get anywhere and suggested i get into being a registered nurse or be a cop which i almost did just to make them happy, but they claim its for myself when thats not what i wanted until i realized i should do what makes ME happy. They still make me feel bad for not being a registered nurse or cop. I always had interest for music and arts and begged my parents to put me in music programs in grade school when i was younger because all i would do at home was stay in and do nothing and i would get bored just doing nothing and they never did put me in music or art programs because they thought it was useless for me to do. I felt empty, alone, emotionally drained and started thinking maybe i am a bad person?...im still dealing with them and trying to learn how can i deal with this much longer till i leave on my own. But now that im starting to recognize this and seeing that im not alone it makes me feel so much better and i really am glad i found this video you dont know how much this helped me. I hope to heal from this and i do not wish for my future children to feel the way i currently do
This video was a saving grace to me. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude. I remember watching it for the first time over a year ago.
I've finally cut my narc mum off after years upon years of abuse, I had my first child and she went into a rage about how I was parenting and then I realised, I won't allow my child to become a victim of abuse by the same person as me. Finally free
Thank you for this!! You have no idea how validated I feel even more than any therapist has given me. Choosing my true self indeed!!!
❤️🌹🐈🌷
Seeing such videos really helps to get away from the guilt, thank you so much.
I am glad you mentioned daughters and sons as I was harmed significantly by a narcissist mother who continues to have such a big hold over me with destructive consequences. A very complicated issue, that's not easy to reconcile.
I feel like I have a narcissistic mother , my mother is a jealous person already . She nags my dad and is jealous is another woman gets near him .When she argues she won’t shut up. I had a huge panic attack in the car because of this...my father got mad too and it’s also affecting my relationship with my dad.I think she is also jealous of that ! I don’t want to think like this but after today ,I am starting to think that.
i wish i had a person to cuddle&makes me feel safe. like you..💔💔
My mother used to hurt my feelings and make me cry all the time.she would try to hypnotize me all the time.she used to yell me i could do something and i would try and i couldnt do it.she would tell me i cpuldnt do something that i actually could do.she used to buss in my room without knocking.slave me and my sisters.she would make everything in the house dirty every single day then call me and my sisters trifling and always make us spend our time cleaning up behind Her. She was extremely mean.she cursed to hard that i could feel the words touch my body.and she used to stare at me for long periods of time without blinking and it would literally make me cry
Omg,my mom use to do that,well she still does. The long stare without blinking. She is truly evil.
She sounds possessed.
@@dollreemappmmk14 same its messed up. she still does it to me
You're beautiful inside and out. Thank you. I needed this. I recently returned to my narcissistic parents house due to financial instability and it has been brutal.
Thank you SO much. For me, the challenge is stamina...having the energy needed to pursue what I know to align with "my true self". At 58 I understand the how and the why of my current actualization.
I have struggled with the Competition, Jealousy, Disparagement and Dismissal from my Mother. I have struggled to find the internal, focus and belief of my own talents, ideas, abilities and creativity. I struggle DAILY with anger and resentment towards my mother. I worry for my health and future.
As the eldest child and only daughter, plus the current societal circumstances, I am my mother's primary caretaker. At 78, she has multiple health issues, added to her narcissism and as yet undiagnosed (and likely) bi-polar mental issues. She is also, now, early onset Alzheimer's, which may or may not be exacerbated and used to her advantage, pre-meditatively...it is all so tiresome.
This was the best of the 1000 narcissist videos i have watched on TH-cam. Amazing. All true for me. Never heard all this.
Thankyou for sharing. Its really opened my eyes making me realise I wasn't wrong after all. My mum is very manipulitive ,verbally abusive and was physically abusive during my childhood and uses reverse psychology when she blasts on me. She even allowed her partners to abuse me during my childhood too and gets upset when I mention it! She blasted on me two days ago over something small that it reduced me to tears. She tried to give me a kiss but for the first time in my life I pulled away from her and told her not to kiss me as I know she's not sorry for belittling me. She'll just say ''I acted like that because you was acting so dumb but don't cry ok''. Ive stayed out of her way since but she still hasnt apologised or spoken to me so it shows that her kissing me was fake after all. Was I wrong for not letting her kiss me? Please tell me because there's that inner child in me whats starting to believe I was wrong for not letting her kiss me.
You were not wrong. That kiss was mostly about her trying to convince herself she's a good mom. My mom buys me stuff then turns around and beats me over the head with them trying to make me out as the ungrateful child. I simply tell her "I never asked you to do that for me. You are not going to manipulate me."
It sounds like you know my mother extremely well!! You have described her so very accurately
Hi Taryana, I feel a lot better after watching your video. I’m 13 and ever since my aunt/housekeeper left my mom has been doing all the housework and she gets so moody. Eventually she talked to me and my brother with this angry tone and it made me scared. She would always force me to fold all the clothes and do other housework. If I failed to do so, she would shout at me and make me feel unworthy. The truth is I’m not doing very good in school either because my mom has been pressuring me to be the best. And I’ve also been blaming myself for hurting my ex best friend(her parents are divorced and she hurts herself a lot) because I’ve been taking up my moms behavior(judging me and advising rather than encouraging) and being harsh on my ex bff. My mom and I used to be really close and all but I grew up and we became distant. Like you said, I’m scared to share my accomplishments because my mom wouldn’t be proud and compare herself with me. But when we hang out with other people she would pretend to be this good parent and stuff. I cry sometimes every night because when I pray to lord I think of the pain I’ve gone through, including my narcissist mom, bullying and my ex bff. The truth is, I’m scared to become a narcissistic parent myself because I never want my kids to go through what I’m going through
Found this on my feed today. God knows I needed this. Been living with my narcissist mother during the pandemic ): my question is related to the fact that I'm always trying to get my mom to see she's being toxic and trying to get her to recognize her behavior towards me. Why is that? She proved to me that she doesn't care by being blatantly unapologetic or gaslights me, even when I tell her she's gaslighting me.
I have learned more about healing my damaged inner child and being an emotionally healthy adult by watching just 3 of your videos than I have learned in hundreds of hours of therapy.
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