After going to AA for 3.5 years relapsing and trying to listen to some of those quoting the big book and talking a good talk I ended up in a treatment centre , for week upon week I had to learn to talk about my feelings . No quoting books or saying my sponsor says this or Clancy says that . Pure emotional work which set me up for a successful recovery in AA and NA . I see people many years sober in 12 step programmes for years sober who would struggle with the emotional work of group therapy .
I dare say that this letter sums up the ills of all humans, not just alcoholics. Social media and advertising have strengthened and entrenched these unhealthy dependencies. The younger generations seem to crave positive reinforcement to the point they feel they have to have it. Ex. "Using the letters of my name, describe me and what I mean to you".......we get that dopamine boost which is short lived. We mentally retreat into mild depression and low self esteem. So we make a post similar to the example I used. And we now need more of this reinforcement for us to feel good about ourselves. Yet at our core we don't really believe any of the things people are saying about us. We are dependent upon what others think about us. Can't we see how this is destroying us?
Deeper fourth n fith step. Possibly with therapist. Every nook and cranny of our past. Childhood. Adolescence. Helping others is just a bandaid if we don’t take this self emotional journey. Where did these hurts come. Exactly. What deep emotional defect did I adopt about myself. God has to be trusted. Step 2 n 3. I have to find deep daily self acceptance. Self love. Then absolutely give love and direction away. Step 12.
This emotional sobriety letter and the references here really help to illuminate vital aspects of life experiences and how these concepts have great relevance currently. ☺️❣️👍
I love love love This! Best most practical speaker (on emotional sobriety) that I've ever heard!! I've been in and out of recovery for 22 yrs. This is totally going to help me STAY SOBER!
@@kimlaurinda261Bwahahahahahahahahaaaa! Mickey Bush's mum commented that the family cat had 12 years without a drink or drugs as well, so what! Knocked Mickey down to a more humble place. True Sobriety is so much more than not drinking and drugging.... It aint easy! Blessings unto you
Paul, thank you. One hundred books in one video. Yes, yes to all that was said. I was ready this time to really hear it and own my shadow, codependencys., projections. Also what l introject and take personally - life, others BS and lack of boundaries l had, and allowing others to step on mine.
Bill Wilson took LSD in 1956 and 1957 and recommended it for certain types of alcoholics. Interestingly, he had his revelation around the same time "Suddenly, I realized what the matter was. My basic flaw had always been dependence, almost absolute dependence, on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when defeat came, so did my depression."
A relationship with God/Higher power will reveal all our shortcomings and provide a way to deal with life, people, places, things and ourselves in a healthy helpful way. Forgiveness is the key to this journey. A relationship with God is where true healing true power exists day night and holiday... Always there. spiritual sobriety emotional sobriety starts with admittance which leads to humble repentance and the narrow path of a sanctified dignified life where all the glory goes to our higher power, as we become useful vessels of grace mercy compassion and love. People places and things will let you down yes even AA will let you down however God will not. God got me to AA and AA got me to God... Thank God they didn't hang the horse thief after he sobered up. Aloha
No, dependency, discarding our right's as well as any expectations. We must turn all things over to the father of light. We must be free of anger for it block's us from the sunshine of the spirit. God bless the AA fellowship and them drunks that show us the way.
10 years sober and im coming apart at the seams. no desire to get loaded whatsoever. im the type that would jump off bridge before i picked up again because it would be the same result if i did. not sure why im here but, searching i guess
If you like this talk then you will like my book 12 Smart Things to do When the Booze and Drugs are Gone. You might also like to check out the all day workshop that Herb K. and I recorded. You can check this out and other audio programs at www.abphd.com.
@@abphd1 ive been sober 26 years and im involved with AA , but i still have a lack of emotional sobriety, and that affects how i feel about myself and how i react with my wife and how my life looks to me, I've got a great life and wonderful family including 6 children, but deep down inside i struggle emotionally
It took 9 years for me to get over some stuff.God knew if i got ALL to quick i might go back out.i love that im " in the herd" as much as 1st year.gains and losses.what works, what doesn't.
Blessings, however even if it does not work out the way we want/expect it to we can be okay and not drink if we are willing to draw close to our higher power and that is where our true dependency needs to be.... Because even when AA people places things cannot be around, God is... That source is the perfect power to be plugged into, it never goes out, its always there for us day, night or holiday God is there if we seek and God will see us through help us overcome any situation even death. I pray things are going better for you and yours, this too shall pass if we let it
Thanks Paul.i was told to find my voice and this has helped me greatly.my undifferentiated part has being running my life till I found sobriety and t wisdom in t rooms.but need this so much.
Paul Jes, thank you for posting this. I just took Alan & Herb’s emotional sobriety workshop last Saturday, and after I got home I was hungry to hear this information again and again.
Thank God I found this. It ties right in with what I got from Clancy when he said nothing would make me feel good all the time and I would never be any better than human and with Tom B.'s emotional sobriety talk. Without just getting all this piecemeal like I have been I have been using this inventory process + the tyranny of the should's to much success. being OK with being pissed off, afraid, and horny only took me so far. This gets all that stuff on pgs 60-63....
I don’t think the letter contained the first recorded reference to emotional sobriety. In the 12 steps and 12 traditions, published in 1952, Wilson mentions it in the first paragraph of Step 12 on page 106.
You are right on Todd, in fact he states that the intended purpose of working the Steps is to achieve emotional sobriety. I've never heard that stated in a meeting.
YOu are right Todd, I had this incorrect and later realized that Bill actually explicitly stated that the purpose of the 12 Steps is to achieve emotional sobriety. Very exciting stuff.
thank you. I bought your cd a couple years ago. I uploaded it to TH-cam for a couple of friends, literally. a year later it has over 16,000 views. wow!! it's an excellent talk! Thank you. My favorite is "we are always looking at people for what they can or cannot do for us instead of us looking at them in their own right".
You are welcome Paul. Yes this is a very important talk. So thank you for sharing it. Check out my new book too, it extends this conversation in important ways. I will also be releasing some DVDs on this subject. How are you? I enjoy your discussion of the Steps.
I'm good. thank you. how are you? youre up late? lol. What's the name of your book? I might have it already. it's funny, during this year as I watched the views increase on your talk I thought I might get in trouble soon. Lol. thank you for allowing me to upload and share it. a few guys I shared it with, went to see you speak last year. Monterey I think. not quite sure.
12 More Stupid Things. Yes I am up late. Ready to call it a night. I am working on upgrading my website. It will be released this Friday. Check it out. www.abphd.com. Yes I thought about you posting it without permission but it is really not mine, God's work. If this is what God wanted to happen with this talk then so be it. The important thing is that many people who need it get to hear it. So once again thanks.
I really don’t know what to make of this. I don’t like it when parents are to blame for peoples problems. My dad was a great guy. My short-comings are not his fault. What happened to the God sized hole idea. By the way this shoulding business was put out years ago. I doubt he was the first either. People have to be somewhat pleasing to be in relationship.
After going to AA for 3.5 years relapsing and trying to listen to some of those quoting the big book and talking a good talk I ended up in a treatment centre , for week upon week I had to learn to talk about my feelings . No quoting books or saying my sponsor says this or Clancy says that . Pure emotional work which set me up for a successful recovery in AA and NA . I see people many years sober in 12 step programmes for years sober who would struggle with the emotional work of group therapy .
❤wow this is very good 👍 I thank you for sharing 😊sober since 5-10-2015❤
@murielleleblanc437750😅:56
I have been talking about emotions in A A meetings for years but people don’t want to listen. Emotion Commotion, that’s my illness
I dare say that this letter sums up the ills of all humans, not just alcoholics. Social media and advertising have strengthened and entrenched these unhealthy dependencies. The younger generations seem to crave positive reinforcement to the point they feel they have to have it. Ex. "Using the letters of my name, describe me and what I mean to you".......we get that dopamine boost which is short lived. We mentally retreat into mild depression and low self esteem. So we make a post similar to the example I used. And we now need more of this reinforcement for us to feel good about ourselves. Yet at our core we don't really believe any of the things people are saying about us. We are dependent upon what others think about us. Can't we see how this is destroying us?
Extremely helpful breakdown. I'm just about 60 days sober and I really needed this.
Deeper fourth n fith step. Possibly with therapist. Every nook and cranny of our past. Childhood. Adolescence. Helping others is just a bandaid if we don’t take this self emotional journey. Where did these hurts come. Exactly. What deep emotional defect did I adopt about myself. God has to be trusted. Step 2 n 3. I have to find deep daily self acceptance. Self love. Then absolutely give love and direction away. Step 12.
"Being convinced, that Self, manifested in various ways was what had defeated us". Big Book
This emotional sobriety letter and the references here really help to illuminate vital aspects of life experiences and how these concepts have great relevance currently. ☺️❣️👍
I am absolutely gobsmacked with listening to this!!! It is AMAZING 😱. Thank you for posting
This letter and Dr Berger's commentary are staples of my first 3 years of recovery. I love this
Best piece I've heard in my 8 years of sobriety, needs to be listened to over and over , there is so much to learn from it , thank you xx
Enlightening! I've listened a couple times. Made sure I had a pen and paper handy the 2nd time!
Took Bill 20 years to realize this. He definitely wasn’t talking to Lois enough. She made an entire 12 step program to deal with EXACTLY this.
Louis's program was a reaction to living with emotionally volatile/sober drunks.
I love love love This! Best most practical speaker (on emotional sobriety) that I've ever heard!! I've been in and out of recovery for 22 yrs. This is totally going to help me STAY SOBER!
The wife that wasnt excited for her husband getting that 6mo coin reminds me of alanon response. For sure.
@@kimlaurinda261Bwahahahahahahahahaaaa!
Mickey Bush's mum commented that the family cat had 12 years without a drink or drugs as well, so what!
Knocked Mickey down to a more humble place.
True Sobriety is so much more than not drinking and drugging.... It aint easy!
Blessings unto you
It’s about codependency. Which is exactly what this letter is about.
Paul, thank you. One hundred books in one video. Yes, yes to all that was said. I was ready this time to really hear it and own my shadow, codependencys., projections. Also what l introject and take personally - life, others BS and lack of boundaries l had, and allowing others to step on mine.
Thank you for sharing!! 🙏🌞
Grateful to listen to this wow grateful for emotional sobriety
Absolutely amazing thank you for sharing 🙏
Bill Wilson took LSD in 1956 and 1957 and recommended it for certain types of alcoholics. Interestingly, he had his revelation around the same time "Suddenly, I realized what the matter was. My basic flaw had always been dependence, almost absolute
dependence, on people or circumstances to supply me with prestige, security, and the like. Failing to get
these things according to my perfectionist dreams and specifications, I had fought for them. And when
defeat came, so did my depression."
Ya, scientists say LSD can create a genius.
I had to identify my alcoholism before I could find a power greater than myself like the big book says but I had to identify the alcohol problems
A relationship with God/Higher power will reveal all our shortcomings and provide a way to deal with life, people, places, things and ourselves in a healthy helpful way.
Forgiveness is the key to this journey.
A relationship with God is where true healing true power exists day night and holiday... Always there.
spiritual sobriety emotional sobriety starts with admittance which leads to humble repentance and the narrow path of a sanctified dignified life where all the glory goes to our higher power, as we become useful vessels of grace mercy compassion and love.
People places and things will let you down yes even AA will let you down however God will not.
God got me to AA and AA got me to God... Thank God they didn't hang the horse thief after he sobered up.
Aloha
No, dependency, discarding our right's as well as any expectations. We must turn all things over to the father of light. We must be free of anger for it block's us from the sunshine of the spirit.
God bless the AA fellowship and them drunks that show us the way.
V ç xx Z xx v nvm kryff dubbing in c CVS CFC c
Popped p
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Wonderful!!! Wow did I learn a lot. Thank you
10 years sober and im coming apart at the seams. no desire to get loaded whatsoever. im the type that would jump off bridge before i picked up again because it would be the same result if i did.
not sure why im here but, searching i guess
wow. I'm overwhelmed by how this speech sums me up
And me
If you like this talk then you will like my book 12 Smart Things to do When the Booze and Drugs are Gone. You might also like to check out the all day workshop that Herb K. and I recorded. You can check this out and other audio programs at www.abphd.com.
@@abphd1 ive been sober 26 years and im involved with AA , but i still have a lack of emotional sobriety, and that affects how i feel about myself and how i react with my wife and how my life looks to me, I've got a great life and wonderful family including 6 children, but deep down inside i struggle emotionally
Thank you for this well produced media on an extremely important topic from an amazingly wise steward of psychology and spirituality.
It took 9 years for me to get over some stuff.God knew if i got ALL to quick i might go back out.i love that im " in the herd" as much as 1st year.gains and losses.what works, what doesn't.
this hit me like a brick, im struggling in my marriage with lack of emotional health
I hope it’s going well now, my friend.
41 years thank God I'm still teachable
Blessings, however even if it does not work out the way we want/expect it to we can be okay and not drink if we are willing to draw close to our higher power and that is where our true dependency needs to be.... Because even when AA people places things cannot be around, God is... That source is the perfect power to be plugged into, it never goes out, its always there for us day, night or holiday God is there if we seek and God will see us through help us overcome any situation even death.
I pray things are going better for you and yours, this too shall pass if we let it
Thanks Paul.i was told to find my voice and this has helped me greatly.my undifferentiated part has being running my life till I found sobriety and t wisdom in t rooms.but need this so much.
Thank you for uploading Paul Jes 👍🙏
Absolutely fantastic, so helpful was Bill in helping us decipher the causes of our suffering and how we create it
I see this as Bill's fourth legacy.
Were fuxed, no question about it, why even Saint Paul referred to himself a wretch near the end of his earthly ministry.
Very powerful.
Truly excellent. Thanks to Bill W. and Dr. Berger.
Pure Gold.
This has been a real eye opener for me. Thanks Carole
Found this to be very valuable and informative. Thank you so much.
Glad i found this, my friends and myself have been discussing this a lot for a while now, thank you for uploading 👍
O
Paul Jes, thank you for posting this. I just took Alan & Herb’s emotional sobriety workshop last Saturday, and after I got home I was hungry to hear this information again and again.
Can you please tell me more about that workshop?
@@notthrowinawaymyshot824
th-cam.com/video/1jdUrAkL6EM/w-d-xo.html
Thank God I found this. It ties right in with what I got from Clancy when he said nothing would make me feel good all the time and I would never be any better than human and with Tom B.'s emotional sobriety talk. Without just getting all this piecemeal like I have been I have been using this inventory process + the tyranny of the should's to much success. being OK with being pissed off, afraid, and horny only took me so far. This gets all that stuff on pgs 60-63....
the depths of joy is endless. just be present
Three years later Still practicing...if there is a tyranny of the Should's there is a tyranny of the Shouldn'ts too...
This video clip is circulating with appreciation through Alanon after meetings as " not program sanctioned," but very helpful.
Thank you
Found this really helpful for where I am in life.
yes, me too! I like what he said about "people pleasing", or "moving away from people" and undifferentiated!!
Me too! I can really relate to what he said about withdrawing. Do you know if he has anything else on youtube, that I can listen too?
th-cam.com/video/BGIQr-eNc7c/w-d-xo.html
Just Google or youtube Dr Allen Berger
also try Dr Mate.
th-cam.com/video/_KTqCmajPGk/w-d-xo.html
This is so helpful....thank you!
1:00:10 it is about me..my story..learning to speak.
I don’t think the letter contained the first recorded reference to emotional sobriety. In the 12 steps and 12 traditions, published in 1952, Wilson mentions it in the first paragraph of Step 12 on page 106.
Todd Smith yes you are correct
You are right on Todd, in fact he states that the intended purpose of working the Steps is to achieve emotional sobriety. I've never heard that stated in a meeting.
YOu are right Todd, I had this incorrect and later realized that Bill actually explicitly stated that the purpose of the 12 Steps is to achieve emotional sobriety. Very exciting stuff.
great stuff that i am aware of and work on
Excellently!
Thank you✨
Anything that starts out with the word “unpack” is worthless
Nice 🙏👍
Any one did the 2 therapeutic homework he assigned? I'm looking for questions now to edit this and add here>>>1.list all . "I should...."
did he ever say what the sixth column was, I must of missed it and can't seem to find it
I legit double checked that I hadn't accidentally changed my playback speed to half speed 😂😂
ty😉
39:11 🤙
Herb K. and I have posted a video where we unpack the wisdom of Bill's letter. Check it out. vimeo.com/401519652
Thank you Mr Berger 🙏✨
39:00
also try Dr Mate. he's really good!
th-cam.com/video/_KTqCmajPGk/w-d-xo.html
Paul Jes thanks
The last post was by Allen Berger not Bonnie.
thank you. I bought your cd a couple years ago. I uploaded it to TH-cam for a couple of friends, literally. a year later it has over 16,000 views. wow!!
it's an excellent talk! Thank you.
My favorite is "we are always looking at people for what they can or cannot do for us instead of us looking at them in their own right".
You are welcome Paul. Yes this is a very important talk. So thank you for sharing it. Check out my new book too, it extends this conversation in important ways. I will also be releasing some DVDs on this subject. How are you? I enjoy your discussion of the Steps.
I'm good. thank you. how are you? youre up late? lol. What's the name of your book? I might have it already.
it's funny, during this year as I watched the views increase on your talk I thought I might get in trouble soon. Lol. thank you for allowing me to upload and share it. a few guys I shared it with, went to see you speak last year. Monterey I think. not quite sure.
12 More Stupid Things. Yes I am up late. Ready to call it a night. I am working on upgrading my website. It will be released this Friday. Check it out. www.abphd.com. Yes I thought about you posting it without permission but it is really not mine, God's work. If this is what God wanted to happen with this talk then so be it. The important thing is that many people who need it get to hear it. So once again thanks.
thank you!! I will get your book. I'll share your website for sure. 👍. Thank you!
Ho
I really don’t know what to make of this. I don’t like it when parents are to blame for peoples problems. My dad was a great guy. My short-comings are not his fault. What happened to the God sized hole idea. By the way this shoulding business was put out years ago. I doubt he was the first either. People have to be somewhat pleasing to be in relationship.
" fishing for support " Support ! She's a sick woman ! She married you , dummy .!! She needs help ! Great expectations !
37:39