It’s injustice! It’s an emotional and psychological war zone in my brain. He shows no remorse, no empathy, no compassion no apology! He sleeps like a baby, in love, happy and I’m left sick and tormented!
I agree completely that it is an injustice. However, I'd almost bet he is not sleeping like a baby and, if he is, his days are consumed with some capacity of guilt, regret, remorse, shame etc. Unless someone is certifiably a complete sociopath there is always some negative internal feelings. The trick is to get them to admit it so they can start working on it.
It's the MOST frustrating emotion for me because I'm just not an angry person by nature...but now I'm angry ALL the time. It's so confusing because we are trying to build a new marriage and he IS remorseful and doing everything he can to help me through this so I'm feeling all these conflicting emotions at once....as well as experiencing hysterical bonding. I'm so broken that I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know what I need. One moment I am so angry at the selfishness he acted upon and the next moment all I want is to be held by him while still being angry at him. I feel INSANE. I'm even angry that I'm angry....I just want it to stop for a moment so I can catch my breath.
As much as this feel like complete insanity everything you mentioned is 💯 common. Your body and entire world is going through a metamorphosis. You’re going to feel crazy/like you are going insane. Just do your best to manage each moment and day to the best of your ability. The dust takes a LONG time to settle. - Mr. Jay
First of all I COMPLETELY understand. You are JUSTIFIED in your extreme rage. I cannot and don't blame you. That said, anger is the bodyguard to sadness and sadness can be addressed when you allow yourself to go through the grieving process. The first step to the grieving process is acceptance. None of this is easy or fun.
@@BetrayalTraumaPractitioner I accept what he did and my new reality… I also accept that my brain is stuck in danger fr the trauma inflicted upon me. i can’t control my thoughts and emotions with ptsd to even grieve properly…
Anger is my biggest obstacle after discovering my wife’s affair. July 10th will be the 1 year anniversary of D-Day and the anger is still strong. We are doing great, but it’s so hard to get past the fact that I treated her like a queen and she still did it. She also blamed me for all of it. She has now owned it 100%, but it doesn’t take the pain away. It seems as if anytime we are doing fine something else comes up to remind me about it. For example, one night she started telling me about a friend who is cheating on her husband. All that did was build up my anger again because I know what her friend is doing is wrong as well as know how her husband will feel when he finds out. I know he will find out because cheaters always get caught. “What’s done in the dark will come to light”.
Are you both getting professional help? It sounds as if your wife has some unaddressed insecurities. And keep in mind anger is the outward expression of hurt, fear, frustration or a combination of them. I'm sure you are hurt. I'm sure you are frustrated, I would guess in some capacity there (if not now) was some fear. No doubt you are angry.
@@VintageVice-li4pqWhat does such a terrible comment mean to you? Yes, it's very possible that our partners will cheat on us again, but that's really none of your business. Not all people are the same. Does it make you feel good to unsettle or even hurt other people?
What do you do when you discover your husband of 45 years has been having an affair with a woman for 8 years, splitting time with each of us , vacationing with each of us, and all this is discovered after he and the affair partner die in a helicopter crash? Very complicated grief experience. A real nightmare to recover from.
That is certainly complex and multi-leveled trauma. I hope you are seeing a trauma-informed professional. I always recommend letter-writing as a great start. Write your (ex) spouse a letter. Write the affair partner a letter. Of course you cannot give them to each of them but it's a start in the grieving process.
This was excellent.. helped me get unstuck and become happy again in my path forward with my wayward spouse ( who is doing everything right I just could not get over the anger and hurt). I can’t thank you enough for this video !!!!
“I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.” --CS Lewis. This has always meant a great deal to me. My anger seems bottomless; like a bottomless black well. We are almost 7 months past D-Day and I am STILL miserable and angry. But, is it really anger I'm feeling? Or is it grief at the loss of what I believed my life to be---for almost 40 years? Grief at the loss of trust; that lovely feeling of believing so completely that someone you love would never, EVER hurt you? Maybe it's all of those things. My life will never be the same and I find devastation impossible to deal with.
It’s injustice! It’s an emotional and psychological war zone in my brain. He shows no remorse, no empathy, no compassion no apology! He sleeps like a baby, in love, happy and I’m left sick and tormented!
I agree completely that it is an injustice. However, I'd almost bet he is not sleeping like a baby and, if he is, his days are consumed with some capacity of guilt, regret, remorse, shame etc. Unless someone is certifiably a complete sociopath there is always some negative internal feelings. The trick is to get them to admit it so they can start working on it.
It's the MOST frustrating emotion for me because I'm just not an angry person by nature...but now I'm angry ALL the time. It's so confusing because we are trying to build a new marriage and he IS remorseful and doing everything he can to help me through this so I'm feeling all these conflicting emotions at once....as well as experiencing hysterical bonding. I'm so broken that I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know what I need. One moment I am so angry at the selfishness he acted upon and the next moment all I want is to be held by him while still being angry at him. I feel INSANE. I'm even angry that I'm angry....I just want it to stop for a moment so I can catch my breath.
As much as this feel like complete insanity everything you mentioned is 💯 common. Your body and entire world is going through a metamorphosis. You’re going to feel crazy/like you are going insane. Just do your best to manage each moment and day to the best of your ability. The dust takes a LONG time to settle. - Mr. Jay
I’m not just angry I’m livid! I’m insane! I’m traumatized. Ptsd… sad… I’m
Everything, disgusted.
First of all I COMPLETELY understand. You are JUSTIFIED in your extreme rage. I cannot and don't blame you. That said, anger is the bodyguard to sadness and sadness can be addressed when you allow yourself to go through the grieving process. The first step to the grieving process is acceptance. None of this is easy or fun.
@@BetrayalTraumaPractitioner I accept what he did and my new reality… I also accept that my brain is stuck in danger fr the trauma inflicted upon me. i can’t control my thoughts and emotions with ptsd to even grieve properly…
I love how you put new perspectives when it comes to infidelity without making it seem like you are justifying the act.
Thank you :)
Anger is my biggest obstacle after discovering my wife’s affair. July 10th will be the 1 year anniversary of D-Day and the anger is still strong. We are doing great, but it’s so hard to get past the fact that I treated her like a queen and she still did it. She also blamed me for all of it. She has now owned it 100%, but it doesn’t take the pain away. It seems as if anytime we are doing fine something else comes up to remind me about it. For example, one night she started telling me about a friend who is cheating on her husband. All that did was build up my anger again because I know what her friend is doing is wrong as well as know how her husband will feel when he finds out. I know he will find out because cheaters always get caught. “What’s done in the dark will come to light”.
Are you both getting professional help? It sounds as if your wife has some unaddressed insecurities. And keep in mind anger is the outward expression of hurt, fear, frustration or a combination of them. I'm sure you are hurt. I'm sure you are frustrated, I would guess in some capacity there (if not now) was some fear. No doubt you are angry.
Bro divorce her she will cheat again....look at her friend...good god.
@@VintageVice-li4pqWhat does such a terrible comment mean to you?
Yes, it's very possible that our partners will cheat on us again, but that's really none of your business. Not all people are the same.
Does it make you feel good to unsettle or even hurt other people?
@@bittehiereinfugen7723 tough love....God bless
@bittehiereinfugen7723 truth hurts kid.
One of my best videos I’ve watched. My biggest shown emotion is anger.
What do you do when you discover your husband of 45 years has been having an affair with a woman for 8 years, splitting time with each of us , vacationing with each of us, and all this is discovered after he and the affair partner die in a helicopter crash? Very complicated grief experience. A real nightmare to recover from.
That is certainly complex and multi-leveled trauma. I hope you are seeing a trauma-informed professional. I always recommend letter-writing as a great start. Write your (ex) spouse a letter. Write the affair partner a letter. Of course you cannot give them to each of them but it's a start in the grieving process.
This was excellent.. helped me get unstuck and become happy again in my path forward with my wayward spouse ( who is doing everything right I just could not get over the anger and hurt). I can’t thank you enough for this video !!!!
Awesome. There is no greater joy than to use the lessons of my pain to help others alleviate some of theirs.
“I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.” --CS Lewis.
This has always meant a great deal to me. My anger seems bottomless; like a bottomless black well. We are almost 7 months past D-Day and I am STILL miserable and angry. But, is it really anger I'm feeling? Or is it grief at the loss of what I believed my life to be---for almost 40 years? Grief at the loss of trust; that lovely feeling of believing so completely that someone you love would never, EVER hurt you? Maybe it's all of those things. My life will never be the same and I find devastation impossible to deal with.
Sometimes just accepting our partners are human and fallible helps. I hear you however, life is now divided in two; pre Dday and post Dday.
100% 🎯