I took the advice from this video and my children, ages 6 and 4, have been sleeping in their own beds for the past week for the very first time!! It was easy to implement and I am so grateful that bedtime is not a struggle any longer. We did it the "long way" and it didnt even take very long. Thank you so much!!
I absolutely love the 3 reasons to get out of bed. Kids are so clever ! Haha i love this thank you . Will give it a try , my daughter is 5 and she wraps her legs around mine so she is aware when i leave the room.
@@MommyAnswerLady I am so down.. so frustrated.. I left a comment on another video, I think about tantrums.tantrums.. but my 8 year old is having issues in school, not doing his work, not listening.. today I had him write a whole page in a notebook "I will listen to my teacher" and he went to bed 2 hours early, no TV or toys... I don't know what to do. This has been on going. Last year I asked for a planner so he would be accountable and it literally worked overnight. For 3.5 quarters last year he had 0 issues. Now it's started again and the planner slightly is working. I need some real help. I sit at night crying and wondering what am I not doing right or saying right.. he was saying tonight he doesn't care about himself and my heart sank! Sorry to keep on and on but I feel like you would have a solution for this. His father and I have been together 15 years, he works a lot but he's involved, he works 2nd shift so he's gone right b4 he gets home from school and is gone until after he's sleeping for a few hours.. I just need some help. I need a solution, I need guidance.. I just feel so lost at how to help him.. 😞
@@MorganASpencer I am so sorry you are struggling. The first thing that you need to do is have eye to eye time with him twice a day. I’ll send a link that will explain that. Do you work outside the home? Is it possible to homeschool him? That would be the best thing to consider imo. He needs to feel successful and worthy. He needs to connect with you in wha way that he can talk to you, you can laugh with him, and he can reach goals and succeed. If you are going to bed feeling sad, imagine how he feels. What would you sacrifice to help your son? Here’s the link: th-cam.com/video/83trk-HR7qU/w-d-xo.html
@@MommyAnswerLady I stay at home. I spend just about all my time with him and my youngest who's 3. I praise him all the time and try to lift him up. It's when it comes to school work he struggles. I've done meetings with the school and teachers, implemented everything, which seemed to work. Last year he was a rock star. What ive noticed I'd when his work gets hard he doesn't want to do it and most of th e time will try everything not to do it. I do everything for my boys. They're why I'm here, why I get up, they're #1. I want to build my boys up. We have an amazing relationship, he talks to me about everything, sometimes I'm even surprised what he tells me. I have thought about homeschooling. When covid started and we had virtual school for 2 years, it was tough getting him to do his work. He'd be in kitchen and I'd be doing the cleaning, laundry ect in there to help him. I'd sacrifice literally everything and anything for him and his brother. Obviously I'm not perfect, but I always talk with him. He hasn't gone to bed upset or crying. 1 thing I remember from my dad was never letting me go to bed upset and it made a big impact on me. When he gets frustrated and doesn't want to do his schooling he will say he doesn't care about himself or his work, I get the frustration but I want him and try to help him understand just bc something is hard he can't give up and feel like he doesn't matter or is dumb. This is the only time he has said that is during schoolwork. I guess I'm just hoping for a magic answer, do this and this and he will understand schoolwork will be hard but that's okay, it's part of learning. I just want the world for him, and his brother. I'll check out your other video you recommended. Thank you.
I'm SO glad to hear your reply. I must tell you that I often get requests for help and the parent many times wants a quick answer but is not really willing to invest. You clearly are willing and that's great! I truly believe the best thing for him is homeschooling for several reasons. One is that school is something that he should enjoy. If he is continually struggling, that cannot be enjoyable. Of course you want him to crave learning. Homeschooling can help do that by centering the subjects around his interests. I'll send another video link that explains this. Also, if he is having self-esteem problems, public school especially can be a haven for destructive ideologies that he could explore that will take him to some very dark places. I have seen it happen over and over again. At this age, he needs protection and ways to learn about how to reach goals without the distraction that some social issues can bring. My advice, start homeschooling. Get him involved in some groups of kids through activities such as 4H, scouting, sports, etc. Attend a church with a conservative and active youth group. Here is the video about how to get him excited about learning: th-cam.com/video/d8wNZhx72RI/w-d-xo.html
My 3 year old son wakes up multiple times a night. We just painted his room, bought him a new bed. Bought a tv to put In there. He’s not in there alone. He has his 3 brothers in there with him. Since before transition this has been a constant problem. Now he’s in his room same thing. He wakes up anywhere between 2-4 maybe 5 times at night ! He cry’s out and sometimes he will stay stuck on a crying whiny mode I don’t know why. Sometimes he will cry I now get up immediately go to his room to lay with him before he gets out and comes to my bed. Once he falls asleep I go back to mine. Then repeat. I’m exhausted. I’m also expecting another one in October. I do pray this stops! I can’t sleep in the same bed as him & his dad anymore. We wake up sore. We have no room. No privacy. No full night rest. And he is 3 YEARS OLD! it’s like dealing with a newborn
I’m sorry you are struggling. This will not stop unless you stop it. Remember your response to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit. When he starts to cry in the night, what does he now expect? He will continue to do this same behavior because he has an expectation that you have unwittingly formed in him by going in and laying down with him. If you want this to change, you have to change the expectation. The expectation for when he behaves like this needs to become something he will not like as a replacement for what is happening now. Have a conversation with him on his level. Explain waking at night is ok, but he is not to wake others. If he does, you will take charge and stop this behavior until he decides to stop it himself. When he wakes in the night...first Do the same things in this video about the three questions. If he continues to fuss, apply CTM everytime once those three questions have been asked. Be patient and calm. If you do this EVERYTIME without ANY deviance from it, he will stop. Remember, the middle of the night encounters must be unpleasant and unfulfilling or he will continue the behavior. You are not going to be mean, angry or frustrated. But take a couple nights to train him to behave and this behavior will stop. Take time to explain to your other children that are in his room so they will know the plan too. If you don’t know what CTM is, I’ll send a link that explains. You must watch the entire 15 minutes of instruction! Lmk if you have any questions. 😊 Here’s the video link th-cam.com/video/SEMcTzLHAn8/w-d-xo.html PS- I wouldn’t have a TV in his room...it’s much harder to monitor his screen intake when that is on his room.
Hello! This is the first time my daughter (4YO) is sleeping in her own room; she’s slept with us in her own bed up until this month when we finally closed on our house. She wakes up consistently through out the night crying and yelling as if we’re in a horror movie 😅. Of course I wake up panicking and thinking the worst. But I get up grab her by her hand and put her back in bed. She will repeat this many times through out the night until my husband gives up and brings her into our bed. We work early mornings and feel like zombies because of this. The thing is also when we lived in our 2 Br apartment she knew when bedtime was and would be left to sleep in our shared room alone until we went to sleep and not once did she get up to look for us. Is it because she knew we would be there? She has a projector in her room, new bed set that she chose, tons of new and old Plushies, and consistent night time routine. She’s only slept one full night in her new room and we of course praised her for it. Ever since then it’s never happened. What do you suggest?
I’m sorry you are struggling. Remember this: Every response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit. You have unwittingly formed a habit with her. If she gets up in the night, what does she expect? Eventually she expects she will get to sleep in your room. And, her expectation is met every time. Therefore, she repeats the habit. To change the behavior you must change the expectation. See this video and implement it exactly as instructed. If you do, it will change. Here is the link: th-cam.com/video/MJEfyt-7kHk/w-d-xo.html
Thanks for the tips, thought spanking is not about an opinion, it objectively causes long term harmful consequences even if it can give short term results. Please think twice before abusing your kids physically and mentally
Appropriate spanking under the specific circumstances I put in this video does not cause short or long term harm and is not abusive. That has been shown since the beginning of time. You may have a opinion it causes harm, but that isn’t true. Abusive spanking causes harm--as does abusive time out, abusive withholding of food, abusive isolation, abusive correction of any kind. Context matters.
Hello and thank you for the video! Once we go in, ask the three questions, and exit the room..how long do we wait before going in the next time? Should we let the child (3 year old) “cry it out”? What about multiple night wakings?
You do not go in and ask three questions. That is if they come out of their room and walk to you. If they get up and go to you--then you ask those questions. What exactly is going on in your situation?
Question regarding the questions of is there a fire are you bleeding our darling daughter will convince her self she can smell smoke or is bleeding and nothing calms her down it gets to a point we are trying to get her to breath with us and calm down but she works herself up we have to walk out the room collects our self and go back for round 2 eventually she will forget what she was crying about we would leave the room eventually we would just crash out of no where
Are you willing to do plan #2? That would be my response. Lol Swift and to the point. Go into the room, No conversation, swat, “stay in bed”, walk out of the room. Remember that the less hassle bedtime is for you, the less hassle it will be for them too. It’s to the benefit of both of you to make it short and nip it in the bud. 😊💕
My kid is 6. She will do absolutely everything she can not to fall asleep. She won't sleep in her own bed either. As a single mom who has to deal with this daily it's driving me insane. She will cry so much when i leave her to bed.
I replied to another one of your comments and have to say the same thing here. Your daughter is only behaving that way because of the response she has received when she does. If she received this response that she did not like, she would stop behaving that way. And each time you give in to her crying, it shows her that if she cries long enough, she will get her way. Until you change your response, and have a greater will than she does, she will continue to do what is causing you to feel insane! The instructions in this video, tell you exactly what to do. If you do them, and you are consistent, she will stop. But you have to be consistent. Not just a Bedtime but throughout the day. You need to take charge and she needs to know she is your priority. Once you do that in a firm and loving way, she will understand and start to comply. I also suggest you do eye to eye time at least two times a day to make sure she gets all the attention that she needs. If you don’t know what that is, I suggest you watch more of the videos on this channel, because it will be explained throughout. If you have any more questions, please let me know. See this video. th-cam.com/video/83trk-HR7qU/w-d-xo.htmlsi=7K1eZJIwAGsYmKJL
Tip: show no emotion. No smile or frown. Say only words I suggested and none other. If you smile, he will think it’s a game. Eyebrows down is fine when you say…go to bed…just don’t get angry. Like I said, the fast way works to nip it and saves time and energy for everyone including him. But, if you have the patience and want to continue, consistency and no emotion will work. Thank you for asking! 😊
Allow me to understand this.... So if after 2 hours of sleep a child goes to the toilet, can't fall asleep, gets frightened and needs reassurance from their parent who is meant to be their soft landing.... And parent had enough and goes for OPTION 2.... SPANKING?!?! Then the poor kid gets shut down AND spanked?! What is wrong with you? Just so we all understand, this shows a child that feeling their fear is wrong. And the conclusion they draw is... Well if I'm feeling wrong feelings, something is wrong with me. And so it goes, a child whose confedence is knocked out of them. Well done! What a rubbish advice!
In case you are not aware... children continue to get up for two reasons. One is true anxiety and the other is manipulation. Fear can and should be overcome and manipulation should not be rewarded. Both reasons are addressed BEFORE any kind of response is given--and they are given clear reasons they can get up if needed. If they are afraid truly, they have already been instructed on what to do to help them overcome ...and if they are manipulating, the parent has two options to fix it. Every parent can make their own choice. If yours is to allow them to keep getting up, then that’s ok too...but the goal of helping them overcome or of not being rewarded will not be accomplished. Sleeping through the night is best for everyone including the child. Keeping that in mind, and doing what is best for them is the ultimate goal. If you don’t like the advice, you are welcome to look elsewhere. 😊
What kind of consequences? I would love to know. My 4 year old does everything mentioned and acts like a limp noodle and runs away when we try to take her hand.
Hello mommy answer lady i have 2 children 1 is 2 and the other is my children never want to sleep in there beds every time i try to be consistant with them they treat it like a game what can i do to just to show them that bed time is not a bad thing
I am a little bit confused about the ages of your children. What I read it seems like one of them is two years old. I’m not sure about the other ones age. I suggest you have a sit down conversation at a time of no conflict and talk out the situation with them. Again this would not apply if the child is under two years old! But there are several other videos on the channel about bedtime battles. If you want your child to get excited about going to bed, see the video that says no fuss bedtime for kids. I’ll put a link here. th-cam.com/video/fJNgDQCkqrM/w-d-xo.html If you want to explain the situation in a little more detail, that might be helpful. But I suspect they do not take you seriously when you tell them it’s bedtime. I am going to make another video very soon about how to handle a child who acts overly silly or foolish. I’m not sure if that’s what you’re describing but it could be.
If you would like more guidance on how to have a conversation with your child about the issue, please see this video. It is a short nine step explanation of what you need to do. th-cam.com/video/GEvDHzbqkVA/w-d-xo.html
I need your help I have a one and three year old boys who doesn’t listen to me at all nor do anything I say or tell them to do they tell me no I take toys and cut off the tv they throw things and jump around and wanna fall out what am I post to do ima mother Of four and im sick of it I need help
I'm so sorry I didn't see this message! Apply as soon as possible. The sooner the better. It would have been better to start it at your old residence so he won't feel isolated in his new environment, but it can work either way. Just be sure to do eye to eye time twice a day too. If you don't know what that is, tomorrow a new video will post to explain it. It is in other videos on this channel too. Again, I apologize that I didn't see this message and respond earlier! LMK how it goes!
I’m sorry you are struggling, but not sure why this is a question. This video tells you exactly what to do. Do not allow them to sleep in your bed and do not reward the behavior. Once you do, You set a precedent and can expect it to become habit. Do what this video says no matter what time they get up. Be consistent and they will understand that getting up gives them no reward and no satisfaction.
I’m struggling with my little one staying in bed. We recently moved house and she is in a new room and bed (no longer a cot and is also turning two next week). Do you think it’s too early to try to get her to stay in bed, or should I put her back in a cot? Thank you
I’m sorry you are struggling. Once she is in a bed, her staying there is a matter of learning that she must. Be consistent and she will learn. Do not allow her to form a habit of getting up after being put to bed. Every response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit. What is a “cot”? Most children are in a crib before being in a bed. I just want to clarify what you are referring to with the word cot.
@@MommyAnswerLady Thank you for your advice, I stuck to the same bed and was consistent. My daughter is now sleeping without difficulty by herself. Thanks again x
Hi my daughter is 2 and a 1/2 she occasionally sleeps through the night but most of the time she's waking up 3 to 5 times throughout the night and comes in our room crying that she wants to sleep with her daddy. I take her back to her room and explain that she's a big girl and she has to sleep in her own bed but that doesn't seem to work. And sometimes we just wake up and she's in our bed. Last night was one of the worst I probably had to take her back to her bed 7 or 8 times.. I don't know what to do and I'm exhausted from waking up multiple times throughout the night to take her back to her bed. Please help me!
For some reason, I just saw this message... I apologize for the delay. Did I answer this and it is not showing here for some reason? This video was for this exact kind of problem. From the description of your comment, you have not implemented the advice in this video. I suggest you watch it again carefully and follow the instructions carefully. Keep in mind the part that says not to have any conversation. According to what you said here, you "explain that she's a big girl". Please listen to the instructions and follow them in this video. I would also suggest that you consider option two. It will save all of you a lot of grief and speed up the process if you are consistent.
So what do you do if your child (2.5 and 4) get out and start banging on the door and screaming keeping the other awake too?? Like he’s so strong that I think he’s going to break the door.
@@MommyAnswerLady I have tried laying them back down in bed. And they keep getting up. I’ve tried spanking and that doesn’t work. They start to spank themselves or spit at me. I don’t do it out of anger but the spitting makes me mad inside so I try to calm myself first before any discipline.
I'm sorry you are struggling. I know it may seem hopeless. But, you can change things especially since you are catching the problems so early in their development! It seems your children do not believe you are in charge and are disrespectful. The problem is, they believe that they have a stronger will than you do and they are right at this point. You need to take charge in this area as well as many other areas. I believe that if they behave this way at bedtime, they likely behave badly at other times. Do you feel like you often make decisions based upon how you believe they will behave rather than on what you think is best? Be honest with yourself. We can only help the situation if you are completely honest. Do you hesitate to make them do certain things, serve certain foods, tell them playtime is over, etc... because you are afraid of the way they will respond? Do you make plans based on how you think they will behave rather than on what you want to do? If this is the case, it is because you know they will manipulate you with their bad behavior and you dread the confrontation that will ensue. This would mean that you are parenting out of fear rather than with authority. Honestly, now that I have put things in this way, do you believe it is possible that this is what is going on?
@@sydneygray1331 There are so many things that need to be said to remedy the underlying problem here. I suggest you take advantage of the videos on this channel and get my book asap. The sooner you implement the concepts, the quicker things will get better. You need to take charge and your children need to know it. But, not by force. Instead, by loving, firm action and consistency. I know it’s difficult right now, but you can do this!
Hi I just came a cross your channel I thought I'm beyond this my boy used to sleep in his room since he was 1 year old & now a couple of months back things started to go badly, he refuses to sleep in his room/bed and I have been staying with him until he falls a sleep (it's not working) he keeps waking up multiple times. I'm gonna apply ur tips tonight, if you have any additional suggestions please let me know, he keeps clinging to me and won't let me leave the room BTW spanking doesn't work either
Thank you for commenting your question. I’m sorry you are struggling. My channel is for exactly your situation. Please remember anything I am writing here is only an attempt to help, so I hope you will understand some of what I say may be hard to read… How old is your child now? Keep in mind that it is in the best interest of your child as well as your entire family that you all get a good night’s sleep. This isn’t just about how inconvenient it is for you, although that matters too! There are a few clues in your comments that I think will help to focus on first. “he refuses to sleep in his own bed” and “he…won’t let me leave the room”. These clues tell me that you have not fully claimed your role as parent. Who is in charge here? If you are the parent, and give a reasonable instruction, if the child understands who is in charge, they will obey it. He knows he doesn’t have to and that’s why he doesn’t. There has been no consequence sufficient to deter him from his own will. Remember this: Every response you give to a child’s behavior creates an expectation and then a habit. So, when your child first got out of bed and came to your room, what happened? Did you send him back to his room without any reward for this behavior? Or, did he receive a reward of being able to stay in your bed or you going to his room until he fell asleep? And, if you were a little kid, and you got up and went to your parent’s room, which response would cause you to do this again? Once you allowed him to stay in your room that first time… or went to his room and stayed there until he fell asleep, an expectation was formed. Then, when you repeated it, a habit began. Now, that is the expectation and habit and you have to make a plan to change it. Further, every person has deep sleep and lighter sleep cycles through the night. What habit was formed when he was in a lighter sleep cycle and he got up? Now, when he is in a lighter sleep cycle, what is the expectation he has of what will happen? I hope you see what I am saying here. You have to take charge and create a different habit for him. And, this will take a bit of determination on your part. But you have to know that until you claim your role as parent, he will simply wear you down until you do what he wants. When you give in, he has won… and then he thinks…why not do the same thing again? There is a playlist entitled ‘Bedtime Battles” on my channel that I suggest you thoroughly listen to. There are plans for every one of the issues you have brought up. Each is a short instructional video with step by step instructions. Remember to do EXACTLY what the step by step instructions say. Don’t waiver. There are also lots of other videos on different behavioral issues that all give plans to change habits and expectations that are not what they should be. This is one that will help… IF you do EXACTLY as instructed. How to Keep Your Child in Bed th-cam.com/video/MJEfyt-7kHk/w-d-xo.html There are others that would help: “No Fuss Bedtime for Kids” and “How to Get Your Child to Sleep in Their Own Bed” and “Best Bedtime Routine”. Here is the bedtime battles playlist: th-cam.com/play/PL3UBb1ffpIiuiSTIyq6Jlw1xJPPkPUoe5.html But also there is a playlist about tantrums. I am wondering if you say he “refuses”… are you referring to tantrum behavior, excessive crying for not getting his way, etc? If so, look at the tantrum playlist. th-cam.com/play/PL3UBb1ffpIiuqbzkSFpky31NcSKrvOqRE.html You can do this! LMK if you have any other questions.
@@MommyAnswerLady Dear you are alive saver. You are absolutely right, I let my role as a parent slip, I could feel it in my bones. My son is 4.5 years old and as I said he's sleeping in his room in the dark by the age of 1. So I've been called too strict,rugged. I'm going through a divorce and moved to another city so lots of changes at once & I said to myself go easy on him, let it go... you get the picture. So thank you so so much for your reply You saved my sanity BTW once I watched this video, I kept watching & watching🥰🥰 . Thank you so much, you have given me more than a technique you snapped me back to myself.
@@hebahjaffer8842 Very glad to know it has helped. If you are going through a divorce, I first want to say I’m really sorry this is going on. Remember that the very best you can give your son is an intact family with his mom and dad. Do everything possible to work on your relationship with his father and reconcile. In the end, this is what may be the best thing for him overall. But, also, he is feeling insecure because of these issues. Make sure you are spending lots of quality time listening to his worries and concerns. Do eye to eye time at least twice a day. Eye to eye time is 5-10 minutes where you focus completely on your child. Turn off your phone, computer, TV and any other distractions and give them your full face to face attention. Allow them to tell you anything they like about their day, dreams, hopes, sorrows, struggles, etc. Listen and talk things through but remember this is not a reprimand time. It’s time to build your relationship. He will need this even in the midst of a reconciliation with his father. But--night time is night time and stick to the rules about this. Hope this helps too. Thank you again for your comments. 😊
@@maidadrane7475 I see. First thing is that baby needs to be in a crib. Too young for a bed. This will take some doing because you have unwittingly trained him to expect sleeping with you. I’ll post a link to a video to help you teach him this. th-cam.com/video/toi0J_j2U1g/w-d-xo.html
I would like to try this with my 4 1/2 year old. He’s never been a great sleeper. We’ve had issues on and off for a long time. He got sick about a month ago and got attached to our bed but is not wanting to move out and I am getting zero sleep. I did move a pallet beside the bed but it’s gotten to where he won’t move down there. I have zero time to do last minute things in the house because he follows me around and comes and sit beside the tub while I bathe. Lol. I’m low key losing my mind. I want to transition him back to his bed. We’ve always had a good bed time routine before he moved to our room. We would do baths, brush our teeth, then read 2 books. But he has always struggled with getting angry if you leave him alone. To the point of beating on the walls and hollering and screaming. Could you please give me advice on this!!?
I’m sorry you are struggling. You really need to take charge and not allow that kind of behavior. There are several videos on this channel that talk about tantrums and how to deal with those issues. This one addresses a process of getting them into their own room/bed. th-cam.com/video/F6vU5Q4NUK0/w-d-xo.html But keep in mind every response you give to your child’s behavior become ms an expectation and then a habit. The habit will only change when his expectations change. Please look at the playlists on this channel to address other issues. I am here to answer questions, so feel free to comment again on videos you watch about specific behaviors.
@@MommyAnswerLady First night back in his bed. We spent a good 30 min talking about expectations and how I expect him to stay in his bed until I return to get him out in the morning. He was all for it until the reality set in that I was serious lol. He screamed and hollered at the top of his lungs. I told him the first 3 nights I would sit in the chair in the corner of his room. Then after that, he would have to fall asleep on his own. Tonight as I sat in the rocking chair, he screamed, his leg hurt, he’s thirsty, someone please come up there, he doesn’t want to do this it’s boring, etc. I responded with the 4 questions of did you poop/pee, did you throw up, are you bleeding? No? Ok back to bed. Probably did that 50 times in a span of an hour before he finally gave it up. Whew. Hoping this gets easier. Because I would love to have my bed back and would love for his sleep to improve. I have a persistent one, that’s for sure!
@@kellyrobbins752 Thank you for the update! I know this is confusing at times…but I hope this reply helps. The reason it took so long is that you didn’t do exactly as instructed. First… Why are you in the room at all? Why are you in the corner? You should not be in the room at all and by doing that, you are giving them reason to doubt your resolve and work harder to get their way. Second…30 minutes of explanation? This was a problem another parent I worked with personally had in training their child. I had to keep telling them not to talk so much. Give them a clear and kind explanation. Then stop and take action. The longer you go on about it gives the impression you aren’t confident and are apologetic about what is clearly doing the right thing! Give them the information, then walk out of the room and follow through with the plan. There is absolutely no need to stay in the room or talk about it for a long time. Did that long explanation help? No. Remember your child is FINE. They are just trying to get you to do what they want. And, that’s not what is best for them. Do what is best and be confident.
Darn. Are you a godsend!? Lol. I literally sent that message in the midst of chaos and here you are offering next steps moments later. Thank you! I did mess up on that part. I watched the video weeks back and decided tonight was the night. Should have refreshed and watched one more time right before to make sure I had things right. I can see where sitting in the room did not help. I’m always in a weird position of trying to stop the yelling and banging on walls before he wakes up 2 year old sister one wall over or husband that wakes up at 2AM for work. That has been my only hang up - him not disturbing others. I find that when he gets loud, that’s when I tend to lose control and not think the respond calmly part through. He just gets a spanking - but will tell me he’d rather have one than go bed. Could you explain exactly or direct me to which video would assist with that part? He’s asleep now after giving all the excuses in the book. Must have worn himself out with the nonsense 😂 Will try again tomorrow with the added correction of not sitting in the room. Will come back and update if you would like one. Thanks so much for all of the help. This has been a big stressor in my life lately and the whole house has suffered. My husband and I have been ships passing in the night because we have zero alone time and my 4 year old follows us around until we come get in our bed with him. Many nights I don’t finish nightly household tasks or have time to spend alone to just breathe. I’m overwhelmed and hoping for a positive change. @@MommyAnswerLady
@@kellyrobbins752 I can see that it would be very helpful if you look at the whole bedtime battles playlist because you need a steady and consistent routine and a plan to deal with training your child to go to bed and stay there. I suggest you take the time to listen to all of the ones on that playlist. The only one that might not need is the one that tells how much sleep each age child needs. I’ll send link to playlist. th-cam.com/play/PL3UBb1ffpIiuiSTIyq6Jlw1xJPPkPUoe5.html Seriously you need to understand that it’s not your responsibility to get your child to sleep. Only to teach them to go to bed and stay their. If done correctly, the sleep part is up to them and happens naturally.
My child seems to get up at like 3 am-5am. They will literally wait in the doorway after being put to bed. I’m currently up and it’s been over an hour, but my child has fallen asleep on the floor. What should I do?
@@MommyAnswerLady 4 years old. I would pick him up and put him to bed repeatedly. When I lay him down, he’s kicking the covers off, but I still leave the room until he gets up to leave his bed room. On another note: if he does sleep through the night, he’ll wake up at like 6am, but just to head into his mom’s room to go back to sleep. We believe he has separation anxiety and is afraid to be alone. Even sometimes during the day if my girlfriend and I aren’t in the same room as him, he feels the need to be at mostly my girlfriend’s leg. Perhaps it could be that his biological father abandoned the family when he was two. We are trying to build his confidence and build a more secure relationship with not only us, but himself as well.
@@whootyasmr3956 I’m confused about the family dynamics. You said your child…but then you said his father abandoned the family. You aren’t his father? If he is adopted by you, and only 4 years old, but his father abandoned him at two…??? You adopted him and married his mom? Is your girlfriend and his mom the same person? Then, this isn’t really your child, but your girlfriend’s child? I need clarification because that will change what my answer may be.
@@MommyAnswerLady I’m not married. He is not my biological son. His biological father is not involved in his life. My girlfriend and I are working together as a family. I don’t have any biological children. We are planning on getting married in the near future. I am invested in taking the role as his father. I hope that clears things up. Also, I have developed a strong bond/trust with him as if I were his father.
@@whootyasmr3956 There are several things I would say then. Please understand, I am being blunt because I care about this little boy. I am not trying to be mean to you. First, this is something his mother should be dealing with. Until you are married, the commitment is not solidified and the concern is that he may feel abandoned again unless you legally adopt him. If you and she break up, where does that leave him? And statistically, that is unfortunately a likely possibility. She could break off ties with you suddenly and then he gets the brunt of the emotional damage. I suggest first you either get married and adopt him immediately, or be very careful establishing a bond that could be broken in the future and cause him even more psychological damage. His mother should be taking the reins to deal with this problem. She is responsible for him and his care until you are married and have officially adopted him. Do not move in or live with them until you are married to avoid further problems. This is my advice for now. While he is in an unstable situation, I would not advise the boyfriend of his mother to do anything to teach and train him.
You’re not allowed to hit people so it’s definitely not okay to hit a child that’s learning - under any circumstances. Hitting children leads to so many mental health problems - anxiety, depression, low self esteem. It triggers psychological distress that causes huge problems for them as they become teenagers and adults. Just look at Millennials almost all of us suffer from some sort of mental health issue and we were all spanked/hit as children. All you’re doing is teaching the kid if you don’t stay in your bed and ignore your instincts you’ll be punished creating fear.
So you are of the anti-spanking crowd. Here’s the deal. A well-deserved age appropriate spanking given to a willfully disobedient child by a calm and loving parent is not abuse. Your assessment of people with mental issues is not valid. There are literally millions and millions of people who have been spanked by their parents who are doing just fine. There are also millions and millions of people who have not been spanked by their parents who are not doing just fine. There are also millions who were not spanked in both categories. There is no correlation that can be directly made between spanking in appropriate circumstances, and the problems in life you are referring to. And do you know what else?. I’ve raised nine children. We spanked them when it was appropriate with an appropriate attitude and they understood well the situation. They were not abused and they all know that. I was spanked too. I do not have mental issues due to spanking. If a parent is spanking, a child inappropriately, that can be abuse. Just like any other kind of discipline measures can be done in an abusive way. In this video, there is more than one way to deal with a child who will not get in bed and stay there. If you don’t like the spanking option, there is another option you can do. But your blanket statement about spanking is just untrue and an old worn out ridiculous argument that has no basis in truth.
And by the way. You millennials have some skewed idea that your mental health issues are due to spanking? Really? How about you go back several generations and see if those people who were spanked had the same mental health issues you are describing. Spanking is not the reason you have mental issues. The reason you have mental issues is because of too much coddling, too much privilege and not enough hard work. And because you choose not to face reality as it is. Of course, not all millennials are like that. But I’m guessing you are in that camp considering your comments. I could be wrong. Maybe you’re just against spanking. But to bring up millennials and say their mental health issues are due to their parents spanking them is so ridiculous it about floors. You’re not the only generation to look at! There were many generations on this planet before you ever were born.
That is so very sad that your belief that hitting kids is the right thing to do. I feel so sorry for you that a belief like that has been so deeply ingrained into you. I hope you seek help. For the parents who’s instincts tell you hitting is wrong believe it. I wrote my comment for any parent who is questioning advice to hit your children. You know it is so wrong and detrimental to their health trust yourself and know that the “long” way is the kindest way. We are teaching our kids to be kind so let’s also demonstrate kindness.
@@bluetiger6941 You mistake spanking for being unkind. You do not understand the basics of human nature. Hitting is not the same as spanking. Context matters.
My daughter will scream if I leave the room which make her sister to wake up . I Have to seat down with her until she will fall asleep. Is very hard for me :( I am not sleeping for the past months either her
You don't have to sit down with her. That is what you do... but you don't have to do that. You have created an expectation in her. She screams, and because your response has been to sit down and wait for her to fall asleep...now you have formed an expectation and a habit. To break this, you have to change your response. If she throws fits, I suggest you do the CTM method until she is finished and do it consistently. If you don't know what that is... see this video. Remember, she is not better off to have this habit or this dependency. She is suffering because of it. Change it for HER own good and HER peace of mind. This will take a time of initial difficulty to overcome the habit that has been formed here. She will not like that part... but in the end, she will be happier and you will be too. Go through the storm in order to stop the problem and you can solve it. Here is the video to help her learn to stop screaming and throwing fits. Stop giving in. th-cam.com/video/SEMcTzLHAn8/w-d-xo.html
@@MommyAnswerLady update . Thank you very much for all your tips it’s helping a lot and we are 60 % better than before. She was doing great waking up only 1 time to pee and that’s it but she and her sister got sick and I had to put them to my bed to sleep because of the high fever . Now we went back to how it was , my older waking up every 45 minutes and now the youngest cries when I put her to sleep and says she is afraid . I think she says it because he heard her sister. The youngest fight when you put her to bed but she can sleep through the night if her sister doesn’t wake her up. My 3 years old came back to do the same , waking up every 45 to 1 hour and she comes to my bed and says she need to pee I allow only one time then I bring her back to her bed but she cries screams and wake up her sister . It’s again hard for me :( this past 2 weeks I haven’t sleep that’s how you see me commenting your video at 2:15 :( I have a question what to do when she gets up go to my room and says she wants me to bring her back to her room. If it is the 1 st time she gets up I bring her back if not, I tell her to go back by herself (is next to my room) I always tell her if she doesn’t listen she will have consequences. Honestly she fits for 10 minutes but at the end she goes back by herself and sleep. Can you let me know if I am doing good ? I really appreciate your help. Hopefully everything can go back normal again. I get frustrated because of my sleep deprivation and I feel bad when I yell . Thank you
This was great advice, and it worked for almost a month. Then she, started saying "mom I'm really hungry", "mom don't ever spank my butt, you have your own butt and there is daddy's butt". I need more advice! Please help!!!
@@MommyAnswerLady i felt bad and thought oh boy she is hungry i should have given her more to eat. We went in the kitchen and I told her sit on the floor and I gave her food she ate and went to bed. That was the first time she said "I'm so hungry mom" the second night she said "mom I'm so hungry" was 3 days after, I did the same thing and now its only one day, so since yesterday that she used that play. I finally just told my husband I am leaving and somehow he got her to bed. I was outside sending you this comment. For the spanking thing, I didn't spank because I was already frustrated. Ugh good thing is she doesn't get out of bed through the night like she use to. Thats still solid from your technique! So thank you. Help!
@@MsIris18 Here’s the thing…any response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit. You didn’t stick to the plan. the plan was three questions if she gets up. No matter what--those questions, and then back to bed. As soon as you did something else, that taught her to expect something else. Now, she knows she just has to say she is hungry and what will happen? She will get attention and food! So what do you think she is going to do? You need to have a conversation and tell her no more getting up except for those three reasons. Watch the video again and then stick to the plan. The first time you gave her food at night, you started the whole problem. She is not going to starve if she doesn’t eat at night. Don’t give in and the problem won’t happen again. Lmk what happens. Stick to the same thing and be consistent.
I took the advice from this video and my children, ages 6 and 4, have been sleeping in their own beds for the past week for the very first time!! It was easy to implement and I am so grateful that bedtime is not a struggle any longer. We did it the "long way" and it didnt even take very long. Thank you so much!!
Thank you so much for the testimonial! I’m glad it all worked out for you. Let me know if you have any questions!
I absolutely love the 3 reasons to get out of bed. Kids are so clever ! Haha i love this thank you . Will give it a try , my daughter is 5 and she wraps her legs around mine so she is aware when i leave the room.
My 3 year old has started getting up 5 plus times after we put him to bed. I'll be putting these tips to use tomorrow night!
Great! Lmk if you have questions!
2 years later are you able to provide any results or tips? From one exhausted parent to another 😭
I love your method
@@BerryZain Thank you! Has it been helpful for you?
My 2 year old is too young to understand this tips. And mommy is too tired to ask questions. But I am willing to give this a try. I CAN DO THIS!
Your child can understand “go to bed and stay there.” Be consistent and it will work. You can do this! And if you do, you will not be tired anymore. 😊
I just found you and I love you and agree with you completely!! I can't wait to implement tomorrow!
Great! Lmk how it goes or if you have any questions.
@@MommyAnswerLady I am so down.. so frustrated.. I left a comment on another video, I think about tantrums.tantrums.. but my 8 year old is having issues in school, not doing his work, not listening.. today I had him write a whole page in a notebook "I will listen to my teacher" and he went to bed 2 hours early, no TV or toys... I don't know what to do. This has been on going. Last year I asked for a planner so he would be accountable and it literally worked overnight. For 3.5 quarters last year he had 0 issues. Now it's started again and the planner slightly is working. I need some real help. I sit at night crying and wondering what am I not doing right or saying right.. he was saying tonight he doesn't care about himself and my heart sank! Sorry to keep on and on but I feel like you would have a solution for this. His father and I have been together 15 years, he works a lot but he's involved, he works 2nd shift so he's gone right b4 he gets home from school and is gone until after he's sleeping for a few hours.. I just need some help. I need a solution, I need guidance.. I just feel so lost at how to help him.. 😞
@@MorganASpencer
I am so sorry you are struggling.
The first thing that you need to do is have eye to eye time with him twice a day.
I’ll send a link that will explain that.
Do you work outside the home? Is it possible to homeschool him? That would be the best thing to consider imo.
He needs to feel successful and worthy. He needs to connect with you in wha way that he can talk to you, you can laugh with him, and he can reach goals and succeed.
If you are going to bed feeling sad, imagine how he feels.
What would you sacrifice to help your son?
Here’s the link:
th-cam.com/video/83trk-HR7qU/w-d-xo.html
@@MommyAnswerLady I stay at home. I spend just about all my time with him and my youngest who's 3. I praise him all the time and try to lift him up. It's when it comes to school work he struggles. I've done meetings with the school and teachers, implemented everything, which seemed to work. Last year he was a rock star. What ive noticed I'd when his work gets hard he doesn't want to do it and most of th e time will try everything not to do it. I do everything for my boys. They're why I'm here, why I get up, they're #1. I want to build my boys up. We have an amazing relationship, he talks to me about everything, sometimes I'm even surprised what he tells me. I have thought about homeschooling. When covid started and we had virtual school for 2 years, it was tough getting him to do his work. He'd be in kitchen and I'd be doing the cleaning, laundry ect in there to help him. I'd sacrifice literally everything and anything for him and his brother. Obviously I'm not perfect, but I always talk with him. He hasn't gone to bed upset or crying. 1 thing I remember from my dad was never letting me go to bed upset and it made a big impact on me. When he gets frustrated and doesn't want to do his schooling he will say he doesn't care about himself or his work, I get the frustration but I want him and try to help him understand just bc something is hard he can't give up and feel like he doesn't matter or is dumb. This is the only time he has said that is during schoolwork. I guess I'm just hoping for a magic answer, do this and this and he will understand schoolwork will be hard but that's okay, it's part of learning. I just want the world for him, and his brother. I'll check out your other video you recommended. Thank you.
I'm SO glad to hear your reply. I must tell you that I often get requests for help and the parent many times wants a quick answer but is not really willing to invest.
You clearly are willing and that's great! I truly believe the best thing for him is homeschooling for several reasons. One is that school is something that he should enjoy. If he is continually struggling, that cannot be enjoyable. Of course you want him to crave learning. Homeschooling can help do that by centering the subjects around his interests. I'll send another video link that explains this.
Also, if he is having self-esteem problems, public school especially can be a haven for destructive ideologies that he could explore that will take him to some very dark places. I have seen it happen over and over again. At this age, he needs protection and ways to learn about how to reach goals without the distraction that some social issues can bring.
My advice, start homeschooling. Get him involved in some groups of kids through activities such as 4H, scouting, sports, etc. Attend a church with a conservative and active youth group.
Here is the video about how to get him excited about learning:
th-cam.com/video/d8wNZhx72RI/w-d-xo.html
My 3 year old son wakes up multiple times a night. We just painted his room, bought him a new bed. Bought a tv to put In there. He’s not in there alone. He has his 3 brothers in there with him. Since before transition this has been a constant problem. Now he’s in his room same thing. He wakes up anywhere between 2-4 maybe 5 times at night ! He cry’s out and sometimes he will stay stuck on a crying whiny mode I don’t know why. Sometimes he will cry I now get up immediately go to his room to lay with him before he gets out and comes to my bed. Once he falls asleep I go back to mine. Then repeat. I’m exhausted. I’m also expecting another one in October. I do pray this stops! I can’t sleep in the same bed as him & his dad anymore. We wake up sore. We have no room. No privacy. No full night rest. And he is 3 YEARS OLD! it’s like dealing with a newborn
I’m sorry you are struggling.
This will not stop unless you stop it. Remember your response to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit.
When he starts to cry in the night, what does he now expect? He will continue to do this same behavior because he has an expectation that you have unwittingly formed in him by going in and laying down with him.
If you want this to change, you have to change the expectation.
The expectation for when he behaves like this needs to become something he will not like as a replacement for what is happening now.
Have a conversation with him on his level. Explain waking at night is ok, but he is not to wake others. If he does, you will take charge and stop this behavior until he decides to stop it himself.
When he wakes in the night...first
Do the same things in this video about the three questions. If he continues to fuss, apply CTM everytime once those three questions have been asked.
Be patient and calm. If you do this EVERYTIME without ANY deviance from it, he will stop. Remember, the middle of the night encounters must be unpleasant and unfulfilling or he will continue the behavior.
You are not going to be mean, angry or frustrated. But take a couple nights to train him to behave and this behavior will stop.
Take time to explain to your other children that are in his room so they will know the plan too.
If you don’t know what CTM is, I’ll send a link that explains. You must watch the entire 15 minutes of instruction! Lmk if you have any questions. 😊
Here’s the video link
th-cam.com/video/SEMcTzLHAn8/w-d-xo.html
PS- I wouldn’t have a TV in his room...it’s much harder to monitor his screen intake when that is on his room.
I just want to say I appreciate your videos and your knowledge and your experience so much 💕 thank you for helping us mommies out!
That’s very sweet of you to say! Thank you and I hope to hear from you again. 💕
Hello! This is the first time my daughter (4YO) is sleeping in her own room; she’s slept with us in her own bed up until this month when we finally closed on our house. She wakes up consistently through out the night crying and yelling as if we’re in a horror movie 😅. Of course I wake up panicking and thinking the worst. But I get up grab her by her hand and put her back in bed. She will repeat this many times through out the night until my husband gives up and brings her into our bed. We work early mornings and feel like zombies because of this. The thing is also when we lived in our 2 Br apartment she knew when bedtime was and would be left to sleep in our shared room alone until we went to sleep and not once did she get up to look for us. Is it because she knew we would be there?
She has a projector in her room, new bed set that she chose, tons of new and old Plushies, and consistent night time routine. She’s only slept one full night in her new room and we of course praised her for it. Ever since then it’s never happened. What do you suggest?
I’m sorry you are struggling.
Remember this:
Every response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit.
You have unwittingly formed a habit with her. If she gets up in the night, what does she expect? Eventually she expects she will get to sleep in your room. And, her expectation is met every time. Therefore, she repeats the habit.
To change the behavior you must change the expectation.
See this video and implement it exactly as instructed. If you do, it will change.
Here is the link:
th-cam.com/video/MJEfyt-7kHk/w-d-xo.html
I love your advice!
Thanks for the tips, thought spanking is not about an opinion, it objectively causes long term harmful consequences even if it can give short term results. Please think twice before abusing your kids physically and mentally
Appropriate spanking under the specific circumstances I put in this video does not cause short or long term harm and is not abusive.
That has been shown since the beginning of time. You may have a opinion it causes harm, but that isn’t true.
Abusive spanking causes harm--as does abusive time out, abusive withholding of food, abusive isolation, abusive correction of any kind.
Context matters.
Thank you! ❤️
I love your channel, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
Thank you for the comment! 😊
Hello and thank you for the video! Once we go in, ask the three questions, and exit the room..how long do we wait before going in the next time? Should we let the child (3 year old) “cry it out”? What about multiple night wakings?
You do not go in and ask three questions. That is if they come out of their room and walk to you. If they get up and go to you--then you ask those questions.
What exactly is going on in your situation?
Question regarding the questions of is there a fire are you bleeding our darling daughter will convince her self she can smell smoke or is bleeding and nothing calms her down it gets to a point we are trying to get her to breath with us and calm down but she works herself up we have to walk out the room collects our self and go back for round 2 eventually she will forget what she was crying about we would leave the room eventually we would just crash out of no where
How old is your daughter?
What would you do if you can hearr your child is not in bed but has not come out the room do you go in?
Are you willing to do plan #2?
That would be my response. Lol
Swift and to the point. Go into the room, No conversation, swat, “stay in bed”, walk out of the room.
Remember that the less hassle bedtime is for you, the less hassle it will be for them too. It’s to the benefit of both of you to make it short and nip it in the bud. 😊💕
My kid is 6. She will do absolutely everything she can not to fall asleep. She won't sleep in her own bed either. As a single mom who has to deal with this daily it's driving me insane. She will cry so much when i leave her to bed.
I replied to another one of your comments and have to say the same thing here. Your daughter is only behaving that way because of the response she has received when she does.
If she received this response that she did not like, she would stop behaving that way.
And each time you give in to her crying, it shows her that if she cries long enough, she will get her way.
Until you change your response, and have a greater will than she does, she will continue to do what is causing you to feel insane!
The instructions in this video, tell you exactly what to do. If you do them, and you are consistent, she will stop. But you have to be consistent. Not just a Bedtime but throughout the day.
You need to take charge and she needs to know she is your priority. Once you do that in a firm and loving way, she will understand and start to comply. I also suggest you do eye to eye time at least two times a day to make sure she gets all the attention that she needs.
If you don’t know what that is, I suggest you watch more of the videos on this channel, because it will be explained throughout. If you have any more questions, please let me know.
See this video.
th-cam.com/video/83trk-HR7qU/w-d-xo.htmlsi=7K1eZJIwAGsYmKJL
@@MommyAnswerLady Thank you.
My child is 10 and is bigger than me and I have tried every method any tips?
How’s that?
It’s not about size. It’s about relationship and authority.
Any tips if my 3 year old believes it’s a game? I’m following the long way.
Tip: show no emotion. No smile or frown. Say only words I suggested and none other. If you smile, he will think it’s a game. Eyebrows down is fine when you say…go to bed…just don’t get angry.
Like I said, the fast way works to nip it and saves time and energy for everyone including him. But, if you have the patience and want to continue, consistency and no emotion will work.
Thank you for asking! 😊
Allow me to understand this.... So if after 2 hours of sleep a child goes to the toilet, can't fall asleep, gets frightened and needs reassurance from their parent who is meant to be their soft landing.... And parent had enough and goes for OPTION 2.... SPANKING?!?! Then the poor kid gets shut down AND spanked?! What is wrong with you?
Just so we all understand, this shows a child that feeling their fear is wrong. And the conclusion they draw is... Well if I'm feeling wrong feelings, something is wrong with me. And so it goes, a child whose confedence is knocked out of them.
Well done! What a rubbish advice!
In case you are not aware...
children continue to get up for two reasons. One is true anxiety and the other is manipulation.
Fear can and should be overcome and manipulation should not be rewarded.
Both reasons are addressed BEFORE any kind of response is given--and they are given clear reasons they can get up if needed.
If they are afraid truly, they have already been instructed on what to do to help them overcome ...and if they are manipulating, the parent has two options to fix it.
Every parent can make their own choice. If yours is to allow them to keep getting up, then that’s ok too...but the goal of helping them overcome or of not being rewarded will not be accomplished.
Sleeping through the night is best for everyone including the child. Keeping that in mind, and doing what is best for them is the ultimate goal.
If you don’t like the advice, you are welcome to look elsewhere. 😊
What kind of consequences? I would love to know. My 4 year old does everything mentioned and acts like a limp noodle and runs away when we try to take her hand.
I suggest the short method. That consequence should work if you do all the other things in these instructions.
Hello mommy answer lady i have 2 children 1 is 2 and the other is my children never want to sleep in there beds every time i try to be consistant with them they treat it like a game what can i do to just to show them that bed time is not a bad thing
I am a little bit confused about the ages of your children. What I read it seems like one of them is two years old. I’m not sure about the other ones age.
I suggest you have a sit down conversation at a time of no conflict and talk out the situation with them. Again this would not apply if the child is under two years old!
But there are several other videos on the channel about bedtime battles. If you want your child to get excited about going to bed, see the video that says no fuss bedtime for kids. I’ll put a link here.
th-cam.com/video/fJNgDQCkqrM/w-d-xo.html
If you want to explain the situation in a little more detail, that might be helpful. But I suspect they do not take you seriously when you tell them it’s bedtime.
I am going to make another video very soon about how to handle a child who acts overly silly or foolish. I’m not sure if that’s what you’re describing but it could be.
If you would like more guidance on how to have a conversation with your child about the issue, please see this video. It is a short nine step explanation of what you need to do.
th-cam.com/video/GEvDHzbqkVA/w-d-xo.html
I need your help I have a one and three year old boys who doesn’t listen to me at all nor do anything I say or tell them to do they tell me no I take toys and cut off the tv they throw things and jump around and wanna fall out what am I post to do ima mother
Of four and im sick of it I need help
Looking to implement this with my almost 4 year old..we are moving in 3 weeks..would you recommend we do it at the new place instead ?
I'm so sorry I didn't see this message!
Apply as soon as possible. The sooner the better. It would have been better to start it at your old residence so he won't feel isolated in his new environment, but it can work either way. Just be sure to do eye to eye time twice a day too. If you don't know what that is, tomorrow a new video will post to explain it. It is in other videos on this channel too.
Again, I apologize that I didn't see this message and respond earlier! LMK how it goes!
Yes, This is my fight now😩
You can do it! If you do, peaceful evenings are in your future. 😊
What about toddlers who go to bed easily but wakes up in the middle of the night (after 3-4hrs of sleep) to sleep in your bed?
I’m sorry you are struggling, but not sure why this is a question. This video tells you exactly what to do.
Do not allow them to sleep in your bed and do not reward the behavior. Once you do, You set a precedent and can expect it to become habit.
Do what this video says no matter what time they get up. Be consistent and they will understand that getting up gives them no reward and no satisfaction.
I’m struggling with my little one staying in bed. We recently moved house and she is in a new room and bed (no longer a cot and is also turning two next week). Do you think it’s too early to try to get her to stay in bed, or should I put her back in a cot? Thank you
I’m sorry you are struggling.
Once she is in a bed, her staying there is a matter of learning that she must.
Be consistent and she will learn. Do not allow her to form a habit of getting up after being put to bed.
Every response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit.
What is a “cot”? Most children are in a crib before being in a bed. I just want to clarify what you are referring to with the word cot.
@@MommyAnswerLady Thank you for your advice, I stuck to the same bed and was consistent. My daughter is now sleeping without difficulty by herself. Thanks again x
@@genevieveama8729 consistency is the key to effectiveness! Good to hear from you💕
Hi my daughter is 2 and a 1/2 she occasionally sleeps through the night but most of the time she's waking up 3 to 5 times throughout the night and comes in our room crying that she wants to sleep with her daddy. I take her back to her room and explain that she's a big girl and she has to sleep in her own bed but that doesn't seem to work. And sometimes we just wake up and she's in our bed. Last night was one of the worst I probably had to take her back to her bed 7 or 8 times.. I don't know what to do and I'm exhausted from waking up multiple times throughout the night to take her back to her bed. Please help me!
For some reason, I just saw this message... I apologize for the delay.
Did I answer this and it is not showing here for some reason?
This video was for this exact kind of problem. From the description of your comment, you have not implemented the advice in this video. I suggest you watch it again carefully and follow the instructions carefully. Keep in mind the part that says not to have any conversation. According to what you said here, you "explain that she's a big girl". Please listen to the instructions and follow them in this video.
I would also suggest that you consider option two. It will save all of you a lot of grief and speed up the process if you are consistent.
So what do you do if your child (2.5 and 4) get out and start banging on the door and screaming keeping the other awake too?? Like he’s so strong that I think he’s going to break the door.
What has been your response so far to this behavior?
@@MommyAnswerLady I have tried laying them back down in bed. And they keep getting up. I’ve tried spanking and that doesn’t work. They start to spank themselves or spit at me. I don’t do it out of anger but the spitting makes me mad inside so I try to calm myself first before any discipline.
I'm sorry you are struggling. I know it may seem hopeless. But, you can change things especially since you are catching the problems so early in their development!
It seems your children do not believe you are in charge and are disrespectful. The problem is, they believe that they have a stronger will than you do and they are right at this point.
You need to take charge in this area as well as many other areas. I believe that if they behave this way at bedtime, they likely behave badly at other times. Do you feel like you often make decisions based upon how you believe they will behave rather than on what you think is best? Be honest with yourself. We can only help the situation if you are completely honest.
Do you hesitate to make them do certain things, serve certain foods, tell them playtime is over, etc... because you are afraid of the way they will respond? Do you make plans based on how you think they will behave rather than on what you want to do?
If this is the case, it is because you know they will manipulate you with their bad behavior and you dread the confrontation that will ensue. This would mean that you are parenting out of fear rather than with authority.
Honestly, now that I have put things in this way, do you believe it is possible that this is what is going on?
@@MommyAnswerLady yes!!!! I hate to say it but yes!
@@sydneygray1331
There are so many things that need to be said to remedy the underlying problem here.
I suggest you take advantage of the videos on this channel and get my book asap. The sooner you implement the concepts, the quicker things will get better.
You need to take charge and your children need to know it. But, not by force. Instead, by loving, firm action and consistency.
I know it’s difficult right now, but you can do this!
My four year old boy is a pro at "I'm hungry" after midnight...why??? 😄
What do you do when he tells you he is hungry after midnight?
He may actually be hungry
Hi
I just came a cross your channel
I thought I'm beyond this my boy used to sleep in his room since he was 1 year old & now a couple of months back things started to go badly, he refuses to sleep in his room/bed and I have been staying with him until he falls a sleep (it's not working) he keeps waking up multiple times.
I'm gonna apply ur tips tonight, if you have any additional suggestions please let me know, he keeps clinging to me and won't let me leave the room BTW spanking doesn't work either
Thank you for commenting your question. I’m sorry you are struggling. My channel is for exactly your situation.
Please remember anything I am writing here is only an attempt to help, so I hope you will understand some of what I say may be hard to read…
How old is your child now? Keep in mind that it is in the best interest of your child as well as your entire family that you all get a good night’s sleep. This isn’t just about how inconvenient it is for you, although that matters too!
There are a few clues in your comments that I think will help to focus on first.
“he refuses to sleep in his own bed” and “he…won’t let me leave the room”.
These clues tell me that you have not fully claimed your role as parent. Who is in charge here? If you are the parent, and give a reasonable instruction, if the child understands who is in charge, they will obey it. He knows he doesn’t have to and that’s why he doesn’t. There has been no consequence sufficient to deter him from his own will.
Remember this: Every response you give to a child’s behavior creates an expectation and then a habit.
So, when your child first got out of bed and came to your room, what happened? Did you send him back to his room without any reward for this behavior? Or, did he receive a reward of being able to stay in your bed or you going to his room until he fell asleep?
And, if you were a little kid, and you got up and went to your parent’s room, which response would cause you to do this again?
Once you allowed him to stay in your room that first time… or went to his room and stayed there until he fell asleep, an expectation was formed. Then, when you repeated it, a habit began. Now, that is the expectation and habit and you have to make a plan to change it.
Further, every person has deep sleep and lighter sleep cycles through the night. What habit was formed when he was in a lighter sleep cycle and he got up? Now, when he is in a lighter sleep cycle, what is the expectation he has of what will happen?
I hope you see what I am saying here. You have to take charge and create a different habit for him. And, this will take a bit of determination on your part. But you have to know that until you claim your role as parent, he will simply wear you down until you do what he wants. When you give in, he has won… and then he thinks…why not do the same thing again?
There is a playlist entitled ‘Bedtime Battles” on my channel that I suggest you thoroughly listen to. There are plans for every one of the issues you have brought up. Each is a short instructional video with step by step instructions.
Remember to do EXACTLY what the step by step instructions say. Don’t waiver.
There are also lots of other videos on different behavioral issues that all give plans to change habits and expectations that are not what they should be.
This is one that will help… IF you do EXACTLY as instructed.
How to Keep Your Child in Bed
th-cam.com/video/MJEfyt-7kHk/w-d-xo.html
There are others that would help: “No Fuss Bedtime for Kids” and “How to Get Your Child to Sleep in Their Own Bed” and “Best Bedtime Routine”.
Here is the bedtime battles playlist:
th-cam.com/play/PL3UBb1ffpIiuiSTIyq6Jlw1xJPPkPUoe5.html
But also there is a playlist about tantrums. I am wondering if you say he “refuses”… are you referring to tantrum behavior, excessive crying for not getting his way, etc? If so, look at the tantrum playlist.
th-cam.com/play/PL3UBb1ffpIiuqbzkSFpky31NcSKrvOqRE.html
You can do this! LMK if you have any other questions.
@@MommyAnswerLady Dear you are alive saver.
You are absolutely right, I let my role as a parent slip, I could feel it in my bones. My son is 4.5 years old and as I said he's
sleeping in his room in the dark by the age of 1. So I've been called too strict,rugged.
I'm going through a divorce and moved to another city so lots of changes at once & I said to myself go easy on him, let it go... you get the picture.
So thank you so so much for your reply
You saved my sanity
BTW once I watched this video, I kept watching & watching🥰🥰 .
Thank you so much, you have given me more than a technique you snapped me back to myself.
@@hebahjaffer8842
Very glad to know it has helped.
If you are going through a divorce, I first want to say I’m really sorry this is going on. Remember that the very best you can give your son is an intact family with his mom and dad.
Do everything possible to work on your relationship with his father and reconcile. In the end, this is what may be the best thing for him overall.
But, also, he is feeling insecure because of these issues. Make sure you are spending lots of quality time listening to his worries and concerns.
Do eye to eye time at least twice a day.
Eye to eye time is 5-10 minutes where you focus completely on your child. Turn off your phone, computer, TV and any other distractions and give them your full face to face attention.
Allow them to tell you anything they like about their day, dreams, hopes, sorrows, struggles, etc. Listen and talk things through but remember this is not a reprimand time. It’s time to build your relationship.
He will need this even in the midst of a reconciliation with his father.
But--night time is night time and stick to the rules about this.
Hope this helps too. Thank you again for your comments. 😊
@@MommyAnswerLady thank you so much, you really helped.
Thank you for all the information you're putting out there
I need help with getting my 14 month old to sleep in his in bed that is in our room.
We have a room bed room house
Do you mean one bedroom house?
A 14 month old should still be in a crib or pack n play. Is he in one?
@@MommyAnswerLady no he sleeps with us in our bed. Yes it is a one bed room house
@@MommyAnswerLady first time mom
@@maidadrane7475
I see. First thing is that baby needs to be in a crib. Too young for a bed. This will take some doing because you have unwittingly trained him to expect sleeping with you.
I’ll post a link to a video to help you teach him this.
th-cam.com/video/toi0J_j2U1g/w-d-xo.html
@@MommyAnswerLady I meant crib.
Thank you. I will watch video I have a crib in storage
I would like to try this with my 4 1/2 year old. He’s never been a great sleeper. We’ve had issues on and off for a long time. He got sick about a month ago and got attached to our bed but is not wanting to move out and I am getting zero sleep. I did move a pallet beside the bed but it’s gotten to where he won’t move down there. I have zero time to do last minute things in the house because he follows me around and comes and sit beside the tub while I bathe. Lol. I’m low key losing my mind. I want to transition him back to his bed. We’ve always had a good bed time routine before he moved to our room. We would do baths, brush our teeth, then read 2 books. But he has always struggled with getting angry if you leave him alone. To the point of beating on the walls and hollering and screaming. Could you please give me advice on this!!?
I’m sorry you are struggling.
You really need to take charge and not allow that kind of behavior. There are several videos on this channel that talk about tantrums and how to deal with those issues.
This one addresses a process of getting them into their own room/bed.
th-cam.com/video/F6vU5Q4NUK0/w-d-xo.html
But keep in mind every response you give to your child’s behavior become ms an expectation and then a habit. The habit will only change when his expectations change.
Please look at the playlists on this channel to address other issues. I am here to answer questions, so feel free to comment again on videos you watch about specific behaviors.
@@MommyAnswerLady First night back in his bed. We spent a good 30 min talking about expectations and how I expect him to stay in his bed until I return to get him out in the morning. He was all for it until the reality set in that I was serious lol. He screamed and hollered at the top of his lungs. I told him the first 3 nights I would sit in the chair in the corner of his room. Then after that, he would have to fall asleep on his own. Tonight as I sat in the rocking chair, he screamed, his leg hurt, he’s thirsty, someone please come up there, he doesn’t want to do this it’s boring, etc. I responded with the 4 questions of did you poop/pee, did you throw up, are you bleeding? No? Ok back to bed. Probably did that 50 times in a span of an hour before he finally gave it up. Whew. Hoping this gets easier. Because I would love to have my bed back and would love for his sleep to improve. I have a persistent one, that’s for sure!
@@kellyrobbins752
Thank you for the update! I know this is confusing at times…but I hope this reply helps.
The reason it took so long is that you didn’t do exactly as instructed.
First…
Why are you in the room at all? Why are you in the corner? You should not be in the room at all and by doing that, you are giving them reason to doubt your resolve and work harder to get their way.
Second…30 minutes of explanation? This was a problem another parent I worked with personally had in training their child. I had to keep telling them not to talk so much. Give them a clear and kind explanation. Then stop and take action.
The longer you go on about it gives the impression you aren’t confident and are apologetic about what is clearly doing the right thing!
Give them the information, then walk out of the room and follow through with the plan. There is absolutely no need to stay in the room or talk about it for a long time.
Did that long explanation help? No.
Remember your child is FINE. They are just trying to get you to do what they want. And, that’s not what is best for them. Do what is best and be confident.
Darn. Are you a godsend!? Lol. I literally sent that message in the midst of chaos and here you are offering next steps moments later. Thank you! I did mess up on that part. I watched the video weeks back and decided tonight was the night. Should have refreshed and watched one more time right before to make sure I had things right. I can see where sitting in the room did not help. I’m always in a weird position of trying to stop the yelling and banging on walls before he wakes up 2 year old sister one wall over or husband that wakes up at 2AM for work. That has been my only hang up - him not disturbing others. I find that when he gets loud, that’s when I tend to lose control and not think the respond calmly part through. He just gets a spanking - but will tell me he’d rather have one than go bed. Could you explain exactly or direct me to which video would assist with that part? He’s asleep now after giving all the excuses in the book. Must have worn himself out with the nonsense 😂 Will try again tomorrow with the added correction of not sitting in the room. Will come back and update if you would like one. Thanks so much for all of the help. This has been a big stressor in my life lately and the whole house has suffered. My husband and I have been ships passing in the night because we have zero alone time and my 4 year old follows us around until we come get in our bed with him. Many nights I don’t finish nightly household tasks or have time to spend alone to just breathe. I’m overwhelmed and hoping for a positive change. @@MommyAnswerLady
@@kellyrobbins752
I can see that it would be very helpful if you look at the whole bedtime battles playlist because you need a steady and consistent routine and a plan to deal with training your child to go to bed and stay there.
I suggest you take the time to listen to all of the ones on that playlist. The only one that might not need is the one that tells how much sleep each age child needs.
I’ll send link to playlist.
th-cam.com/play/PL3UBb1ffpIiuiSTIyq6Jlw1xJPPkPUoe5.html
Seriously you need to understand that it’s not your responsibility to get your child to sleep. Only to teach them to go to bed and stay their. If done correctly, the sleep part is up to them and happens naturally.
My child seems to get up at like 3 am-5am. They will literally wait in the doorway after being put to bed. I’m currently up and it’s been over an hour, but my child has fallen asleep on the floor. What should I do?
How old is your child? What has been your response when they get up at an inappropriate time?
@@MommyAnswerLady 4 years old. I would pick him up and put him to bed repeatedly. When I lay him down, he’s kicking the covers off, but I still leave the room until he gets up to leave his bed room.
On another note: if he does sleep through the night, he’ll wake up at like 6am, but just to head into his mom’s room to go back to sleep. We believe he has separation anxiety and is afraid to be alone. Even sometimes during the day if my girlfriend and I aren’t in the same room as him, he feels the need to be at mostly my girlfriend’s leg. Perhaps it could be that his biological father abandoned the family when he was two. We are trying to build his confidence and build a more secure relationship with not only us, but himself as well.
@@whootyasmr3956
I’m confused about the family dynamics. You said your child…but then you said his father abandoned the family. You aren’t his father?
If he is adopted by you, and only 4 years old, but his father abandoned him at two…??? You adopted him and married his mom?
Is your girlfriend and his mom the same person? Then, this isn’t really your child, but your girlfriend’s child?
I need clarification because that will change what my answer may be.
@@MommyAnswerLady I’m not married. He is not my biological son. His biological father is not involved in his life. My girlfriend and I are working together as a family. I don’t have any biological children. We are planning on getting married in the near future. I am invested in taking the role as his father. I hope that clears things up.
Also, I have developed a strong bond/trust with him as if I were his father.
@@whootyasmr3956
There are several things I would say then. Please understand, I am being blunt because I care about this little boy. I am not trying to be mean to you.
First, this is something his mother should be dealing with. Until you are married, the commitment is not solidified and the concern is that he may feel abandoned again unless you legally adopt him.
If you and she break up, where does that leave him? And statistically, that is unfortunately a likely possibility. She could break off ties with you suddenly and then he gets the brunt of the emotional damage.
I suggest first you either get married and adopt him immediately, or be very careful establishing a bond that could be broken in the future and cause him even more psychological damage.
His mother should be taking the reins to deal with this problem. She is responsible for him and his care until you are married and have officially adopted him.
Do not move in or live with them until you are married to avoid further problems. This is my advice for now. While he is in an unstable situation, I would not advise the boyfriend of his mother to do anything to teach and train him.
I can't wait to try this on these little $hit$ tomorrow. You are a Godsend lady
You’re not allowed to hit people so it’s definitely not okay to hit a child that’s learning - under any circumstances. Hitting children leads to so many mental health problems - anxiety, depression, low self esteem. It triggers psychological distress that causes huge problems for them as they become teenagers and adults. Just look at Millennials almost all of us suffer from some sort of mental health issue and we were all spanked/hit as children. All you’re doing is teaching the kid if you don’t stay in your bed and ignore your instincts you’ll be punished creating fear.
So you are of the anti-spanking crowd.
Here’s the deal. A well-deserved age appropriate spanking given to a willfully disobedient child by a calm and loving parent is not abuse.
Your assessment of people with mental issues is not valid. There are literally millions and millions of people who have been spanked by their parents who are doing just fine. There are also millions and millions of people who have not been spanked by their parents who are not doing just fine.
There are also millions who were not spanked in both categories.
There is no correlation that can be directly made between spanking in appropriate circumstances, and the problems in life you are referring to.
And do you know what else?. I’ve raised nine children. We spanked them when it was appropriate with an appropriate attitude and they understood well the situation. They were not abused and they all know that.
I was spanked too. I do not have mental issues due to spanking. If a parent is spanking, a child inappropriately, that can be abuse. Just like any other kind of discipline measures can be done in an abusive way.
In this video, there is more than one way to deal with a child who will not get in bed and stay there. If you don’t like the spanking option, there is another option you can do.
But your blanket statement about spanking is just untrue and an old worn out ridiculous argument that has no basis in truth.
And by the way. You millennials have some skewed idea that your mental health issues are due to spanking? Really? How about you go back several generations and see if those people who were spanked had the same mental health issues you are describing.
Spanking is not the reason you have mental issues. The reason you have mental issues is because of too much coddling, too much privilege and not enough hard work. And because you choose not to face reality as it is.
Of course, not all millennials are like that. But I’m guessing you are in that camp considering your comments. I could be wrong. Maybe you’re just against spanking. But to bring up millennials and say their mental health issues are due to their parents spanking them is so ridiculous it about floors.
You’re not the only generation to look at! There were many generations on this planet before you ever were born.
That is so very sad that your belief that hitting kids is the right thing to do. I feel so sorry for you that a belief like that has been so deeply ingrained into you. I hope you seek help. For the parents who’s instincts tell you hitting is wrong believe it. I wrote my comment for any parent who is questioning advice to hit your children. You know it is so wrong and detrimental to their health trust yourself and know that the “long” way is the kindest way. We are teaching our kids to be kind so let’s also demonstrate kindness.
@@bluetiger6941
You mistake spanking for being unkind. You do not understand the basics of human nature.
Hitting is not the same as spanking. Context matters.
My daughter will scream if I leave the room which make her sister to wake up . I Have to seat down with her until she will fall asleep. Is very hard for me :( I am not sleeping for the past months either her
You don't have to sit down with her. That is what you do... but you don't have to do that.
You have created an expectation in her. She screams, and because your response has been to sit down and wait for her to fall asleep...now you have formed an expectation and a habit.
To break this, you have to change your response.
If she throws fits, I suggest you do the CTM method until she is finished and do it consistently. If you don't know what that is... see this video.
Remember, she is not better off to have this habit or this dependency. She is suffering because of it. Change it for HER own good and HER peace of mind.
This will take a time of initial difficulty to overcome the habit that has been formed here. She will not like that part... but in the end, she will be happier and you will be too.
Go through the storm in order to stop the problem and you can solve it.
Here is the video to help her learn to stop screaming and throwing fits. Stop giving in.
th-cam.com/video/SEMcTzLHAn8/w-d-xo.html
@@MommyAnswerLady update . Thank you very much for all your tips it’s helping a lot and we are 60 % better than before. She was doing great waking up only 1 time to pee and that’s it but she and her sister got sick and I had to put them to my bed to sleep because of the high fever . Now we went back to how it was , my older waking up every 45 minutes and now the youngest cries when I put her to sleep and says she is afraid . I think she says it because he heard her sister. The youngest fight when you put her to bed but she can sleep through the night if her sister doesn’t wake her up. My 3 years old came back to do the same , waking up every 45 to 1 hour and she comes to my bed and says she need to pee I allow only one time then I bring her back to her bed but she cries screams and wake up her sister . It’s again hard for me :( this past 2 weeks I haven’t sleep that’s how you see me commenting your video at 2:15 :( I have a question what to do when she gets up go to my room and says she wants me to bring her back to her room. If it is the 1 st time she gets up I bring her back if not, I tell her to go back by herself (is next to my room) I always tell her if she doesn’t listen she will have consequences. Honestly she fits for 10 minutes but at the end she goes back by herself and sleep. Can you let me know if I am doing good ? I really appreciate your help. Hopefully everything can go back normal again. I get frustrated because of my sleep deprivation and I feel bad when I yell . Thank you
This was great advice, and it worked for almost a month. Then she, started saying "mom I'm really hungry", "mom don't ever spank my butt, you have your own butt and there is daddy's butt".
I need more advice! Please help!!!
What was your response when she said she was hungry? What was your response when she talked back?
@@MommyAnswerLady i felt bad and thought oh boy she is hungry i should have given her more to eat. We went in the kitchen and I told her sit on the floor and I gave her food she ate and went to bed. That was the first time she said "I'm so hungry mom" the second night she said "mom I'm so hungry" was 3 days after, I did the same thing and now its only one day, so since yesterday that she used that play. I finally just told my husband I am leaving and somehow he got her to bed. I was outside sending you this comment.
For the spanking thing, I didn't spank because I was already frustrated. Ugh good thing is she doesn't get out of bed through the night like she use to. Thats still solid from your technique! So thank you. Help!
@@MsIris18
Here’s the thing…any response you give to a child’s behavior becomes an expectation and then a habit.
You didn’t stick to the plan. the plan was three questions if she gets up. No matter what--those questions, and then back to bed.
As soon as you did something else, that taught her to expect something else.
Now, she knows she just has to say she is hungry and what will happen? She will get attention and food! So what do you think she is going to do?
You need to have a conversation and tell her no more getting up except for those three reasons. Watch the video again and then stick to the plan.
The first time you gave her food at night, you started the whole problem. She is not going to starve if she doesn’t eat at night. Don’t give in and the problem won’t happen again.
Lmk what happens. Stick to the same thing and be consistent.
Spanking?! Are you insane?! Hell no.