Can You Love the Narcissist and Rescue Him?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ม.ค. 2011
- Everything you Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/faq...
I believe in the possibility of loving narcissists if one accepts them unconditionally, in a disillusioned and expectation-free manner.
Narcissists are narcissists. Take them or leave them. Some of them are lovable. Most of them are highly charming and intelligent. The source of the misery of the victims of the narcissist is their disappointment, their disillusionment, their abrupt and tearing and tearful realisation that they fell in love with an ideal of their own making, a phantasm, an illusion, a fata morgana. This "waking up" is traumatic. The narcissist always remains the same. It is the victim who changes.
(From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/the...)
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I tried... he dragged me through broken glass 😢 the creature I loved did not exist.
You have to be in touch with your own strength. You don't have to be a doormat. Have strong boundaries. When you realize the nature of the person you love, it feels like something inside has died, but the only thing that died was your expectations. Don't think of yourself as a victim if you have chosen to stay. It's your choice and you can make a new choice every day. Don't be needy. It's all about lowering your expectations and relying on yourself for your own happiness.
“Don’t be needy” why?
So loving a narcissist means loving myself?
And they CANNOT change. NPD is the most severe, and most dangerous of personality disorders. You don't torture people you love. If you continue giving them what they want, you'll continue getting back what they give, nothing. And if you stop giving them what they want, they won't change. They will simply find another person to supply them, because they DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, THEY ONLY CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU GIVE THEM. Sorry to be so harsh, but it's the truth.
It is *hardly* the most dangerous. Further to that, they can change! Don’t be so rigid and judgemental.
Idiot. You are not an expert on it.
What about people that have narcissistic traits but not npd?
I was married to one. They are indeed a spiritual cancer. Since they fall in a spectrum, some are not as evil and torturing as others. In any case, on the long term, the partner/victim is always left depleted.
Soy true, a cruel truth 😢😢😢😢😭😭😭
15 years with a covert narcissist.... A diagnosis of fibromyalgia and the strongest antidepressants my doctor can give and im done. I cant do it anymore. When i started fighting back and finding out more and more secrets, i had to go. The time I wasted...
yep, the time wasted is one thing. more sad to me is the incredible amount of psychological energy invested and seeing it vanishing into that narc's black hole thus being completely anihilated...
what shocks me most about that experience is that I was so infected by that virus -
thank you Sam, that metaphor is so powerful!! -
that I saw yet didn't see for so long in one more relationship with a narc.
I feel most of my slowly recuperating energy comes from realizing that I need to actively mourn all of the losses (time, energy, etc. I used to cater to him and suffer secretly instead of to take care of myself) and reconcile with what I did to myself (for decades!) in letting the narcs do what they did to me.
all the best to you in your life's journey!!
15yrs! Same experience for me... Robert I hope you are healing well. Take care of Yourself...
Robert Khattar same here 15 years and overnight a person I dontveven know. It's a nightmare but not a dream painfully real.
Robert Khattar how did you get the evidence you needed to let go?
@@Peaka01 over time, I started to hear stories from other people who had known him earlier....how he had rolled a former girlfriend's car and never offered to pay for the damage, or how he had pushed on a bottle of C 😲oke that a girl in high school was drinking and knocked her front teeth out. What? You realize that you have no idea who this person really is.
basically tl;dw "sure u can have a tiger as a pet but don't be surprised if he eats u while u sleep"
Let the tiger eat me happily. As a receiver of narcissistic personality disorder that's one of the only keys for survival
Yes well I dealt with the exact same thing. And you said it yourself, "They are like a drug," and "He always comes back to me because he knows he can count on me to be there for him no matter what." And I felt sorry for a person like that, and I felt like they deserved love, and that they were miserable and wanted to change. I felt like I was doing such a NOBLE thing putting up with their crap. And you know what that gets you? Nothing. Misery. They don't change. Ever.
@@ozsoyluceyhun I understand your sorrow, im sooo in love with my ex, i never been so mesmerized by a person... I wish him happiness with or without me... I had to leave him and he spend the holidays alone, i feel guilty and sad for him... Im checking everything to maybe find something to heal them with... But im slowly losing hope... Im even thinking about sacrificing myself to give him someone in his life (i know im codependent)... But i realize he will never understand or appreciate this... It would be the most selfless act ever which i am incapable of....
Its weird that you are in a relationship with another person but basically you are alone!!! And how do you explain it to them?? I told mine that he had cPTSD and he listened and told me he would like to heal!! Is there hope??
I just realized yesterday how massive this problem is and also how widespread in our society... This realization is heartbreaking... I wish healing from all the suffering for all ppl dealing with this problem...
@@ozsoyluceyhun buy the book "the rational male by Rollo Tomassi". If you put the hard work into personality development or change, and go "all" the way, one day you will look back at that relationship with her the narc and thank her for crushing you.
@@ozsoyluceyhun just read it first. Reflect it, let it sink and then come back. It's up to you what you make out of this book. Best
Same here, 4 years in relationship and i got nothing
After 5 years with a narcissistic boyfriend I have finally found the courage to leave and move on. He has physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted me. I tried everything to make him feel loved. Absolutely nothing worked. His presence is a constant reminder of how absent he is. I never felt so lonely than when he was there. I feel so much pity for him. More pity than anger. I am terrified that he is going to find another victim and ruin another life.
A narcissist isn't going to react to love & kindness like most people will. A normal person can be helped by love,acceptance & kindness. It may help them get through a rough time or get over a past trauma etc. A narcissist will take that kindness as if it is their birthright & use it against you. You will never "fix" a narcissist. About the best outcome for a narcissist is them realizing they get more for themselves if they play by the rules of society but they will always be extremely selfish.
There is no reason a sane, normal person would want to love a narcissist. Period. A sane, normal person realizes they deserve love as much as the narcissist and will dump the loser and go find someone who treats them as an equal. Narcissists are psychopaths, gods in their own minds. They can only use people who don't recognize what they are and are deluded into believing they have a core goodness that love will bring out. They don't. Once you accept this hard truth, leave them alone.
Many reason don’t always allow you to walk away, please don’t be harsh, with what you may not understand.
@@abutterfly7975 The fact that he saying the truth and you view it as harsh leads me to believe you might have BPD due to childhood trauma. Was either parent a Narc? I hope you choose you and get therapy for ❤️🩹
Thank you!
No Contact works best.
Never beat yourself up...we learn then we apply what we've learned and we move on.
Love and Happiness to EVERYONE!! ❤❤❤❤
OMG!!! As they take their last bow, they should be kneed in the face.
🤣🤣
I'm a Narcissist and once I started telling my girlfriends what I am my relationships lasted a lot longer and I felt a lot more tolerant and closer to them, but there is no cure for us it has taken me over 10 years to change from a catagoriy 9 to 7. I will not give up but time is not on my side
I doubt you're a narcissist then. You wouldn't have any empathy
It’s terrible, hurtful, frustrating and it exhausts you and takes your soul.
"He renders his victims more and more like him as time passes."
Yes. 8(
then accuse you of being the abuser!
That hit home!
And finally, they're just jerks. You can't relate to them emotionally. You can't relate to them intellectually. You can't make a meaningful connection to them at all, therefore you can't ACTUALLY love them, even in one direction. You only love an illusion, even recognizing they are a narcissist, you are still loving a false image. This guy is a self-aware narcissist, and he HASN'T CHANGED. Knowing he is a narcissist, hasn't made him not a narcissist. They are broken people.
Dear papermermaid - I am so emotionally scared. Every minute of the day and night I think about all the betrayal, the lies, the hurt, the excrutiating pain of feeling so unloved and devalued. He had it all with me and couldn't see it. I would have taken a bullet for him and he doesn't give a shit. He is in excrutiating pain too - don't worry about that - but it's only because (as Sam Vaknin says) his narcissistic supply is gone. Thank God for His grace of strength He is giving to me to survive
There is no point in loving a narcissist. A narcissist will accept your love, but they won't reciprocate it. They will drain you, and eventually become unsatisfied with what you give them, wanting more and more like a drug addict. They will drain you and never return anything, similar to a vampire, then leave in search of fresh supply. Anyone who wants to love a predator, go adopt a scorpion and shower it with affection and see if it changes into something else. Same scenario.
Well wolves are predators and we turned them to dogs so
@@AshwinPraveen and narcissists don’t huh… 🤦♀️ news flash they do they just prey on you and you’ve in turn demonized them
@@angiep.9349 Aloha🌺 A wolf will show you more mercy and compassion than an intimate partner with NPD. Please research Vaknin's channel for resources explaining 'narcissist abuse.' It is all pervasive and complete annihilation in its destruction. Years ago, I left a narcissist and his vindictive rage continues to this day. I just found Vaknin a month ago. Please, Angie, heed the warnings if you are still with a narcissist, plan carefully and leave.
Realize the narcissist doesn't love YOU (or care about you, or value you, or have feelings for you). They don't form relationships or friendships or bonds with ANYONE. They are incapable of empathy, they are incapable of love. They love what you provide, which is narcissistic supply. You mistake this dysfunctional need for a reliable source of that supply as love. You mistake his using you as caring for you. And you fail to realize what you provide will NEVER be reciprocated. They are PARASITES.
Yes, I mistook it for love. Sigh.
Yup. I actually called him that once.
Kindness is ok -- as long as you have nothing to lose. Giving without getting gets old. I know, I've had one living with me for 12 years. First a tenant, then a lover, then a pitiful needy suicidal case, then a seeming prayer partner... but ultimately a needy-ass, uncaring, non-compliant, self centered taker. My kindness has become "pearls before swine".
Unfortunately I still believe he could change by a miracle. I do love mine even after everything.
there's a difference between people who have "narcissistic traits" and real narcissists. obviously everyone can behave like a narcissist at times (e.g. lie, behave selfishly, callously, etc.) but with true narcissists it's a constant, predictable, ongoing pattern of behavior. Although a "normal" person is capable of narcissistic behavior, a narcissist is not capable of "normal" behavior. A person can ignore their conscience, but a narc has no conscience to ignore.
Superb!!!!! I do not think you can help a narcissist. In a way, a great tragedy. Leave them behind as far as possible.
Bless you for these videos..the analogy you gave "discussing emotions with a narcassist is like discussing atheism with a religious fundamentalist" is the absolute best way to describe communication with them! You feel crazy and frustrated as hell!!
my wife is a narccist. It didn't click until after 14 years. it's heartbreaking realizing what I do now. one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with is loving and genuinely caring for a narccist
I'm in the same boat, after 20 years in a marriage, constantly trying and forgiving and loving, it's the most heartbeaking thing to learn they don't really love you and are incapable of it.
Sam you have described my relationship of 12 years as if you witnessed it! I'm dumbfounded and heartbroken as I know I must separate myself from him in order to truly thrive and have normalcy in my life. Thank you.
Ha! Your "virus" analogy rang very true for me. I actually told my narc partner (in the midst of my own raging response to his behavior) that he is like a disease..like cancer. He enters a perfectly good body...takes over...and then destroys anything good and decent about it....turning it into a cesspool of sickness and disfunction.
Utterly brilliant video. I can completely empathise with what you have described. A relationship with a narcissist can best be described as making a deal with the devil.
Excellent conclusion: "NO LONGER MY BUSINESS". Right on.
These people are possessed by a bad spirit. That spirit wants to destroy anyone in its path
The narcissist is usually not liked by many they meet. Their arogance around people make it very hard for them. The one I knew had no friends, even though he has many family members he was never invited to their homes. These empty souls go anywhere seeking for any kind of attention. Even if it is with strangers most of the time. They are doomed to live a very lonely life, and maybe they like it that way.
A narcissist I once knew said ' if you walk out on me, you walk out on God'
He has proceeded in his life to use God as a strong arm to control and manipulate people
Narcissism and Religion
vaksam.tripod.com/journal45.html
vaksam.tripod.com/faq47.html
The Cult of the Narcissist
vaksam.tripod.com/journal79.html
That's self idolatry and demonic
Can you love a narrisosist and rescue him? Through experience I will say ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I as an Empath and a recovering Codependent have tried this, feeling sorry for this grown man for the abuse he encountered as a child. I realized that no I am not God and that he had to truly want to change which he tried, kept going in and out of threw the course of our relationship, going to church and saying his affirmations off and on then relapsing into this mean alcoholic drug user. I tried to show him the unconditional love and forgave him many times for his abuse and bad behavior, but I was slowly losing myself, I wasn't as happy as I used to be. I was a little defiant which he didn't like, I wouldn't let him totally control me. The final straw was when he almost killed me through strangulation, after I passed out I woke up and he was standing over me with no facial expression, no compassion, his neighbor was home that lives upstairs from him, he kept telling me to go into the basement to turn the heat off, because I had told him that I was hot and refused to come back into the bedroom, I think if I had went into the basement where his nieghbor couldnt hear me, he would have followed me down there and finished me off. I had just bought a semi new car and I think he would have taken it and drove out of town with it afterwards. He was very jealous of me and what I had, even though I was helping him and spending money on him, he was never satisfied, never. He became snappy when I was in need of anything, he was very selfish. I don't think I can ever trust anyone ever agin. I seems that there are way too many narcissist, especially where I reside. But still in all I am resilient and I am happy to be alive today. I am now pressing charges on him. I have learned my lesson, a changed person forever.
Met my narcissist in 1994 and was lovebombed. Remember her sisters the narcissist wolf pack. We got married and divorced and then dovorced in 2006 after 6 years of a roller coaster ride. I was in process of getting back with her now 2021 and now realise i fell in love her mirroring me. Hard pill to swallow.
Thanks I do if I get the opportunity but it's better to walk away when you really can't stand their behaviour anymore. Then hold them away at arm's length when they come chasing back after you which they invariably do because no one else can stand them either. Best advice I have heard: don't tell the Narcissist much about yourself (they don't care and they will use it against you); just ask them about themselves and let them rattle on contented in self absorption Works every time lol
I feel so sad, I so wanted to love him. And still keep trying and deluding myself that he is not a narcissist.
@gummynumberone it's similar to the analogy of a drug addiction. People continue to use the narcissist to supply them with their own need to feel devalued, but what they fail to realize is that the narcissist IS the reason they have that need. Once the narcissist is gone, you wonder what you got from them in the first place. Just because a person needs something doesn't mean what they need is good for them. A heroin addict needs heroin, but that doesn't mean heroin is healthy.
Thank you sir. I have become emotionally drained trying to hold onto my sons mother and gf. Your work in this field is appreciated. Thank you sir.
The same is true of N mothers. They drop the daughters if they do not emulate them. Because N mothers see their daughters as objects, and as merely extensions of themselves, they feel the daughter does not have a right to a "self," the right to be her own self, or loved for it. The N mother becomes enraged, and emotionally aborts her child. Since a N mother has no empathy, just grandiosity, she feels no shame for the ultimate betrayal, bringing a child into the world that she could never love.
Getting rid of one is like having surgery. Afterwards is like rehab. Being free of the cancer (the narc) allows you to actually focus on the things you weren't able to while the narc was around. I'm sure it's unique for every person, but it's generally all or some of the obvious factors like wrecked physical health, wrecked finances, wrecked mental state, etc. etc. Narcs don't have a conscience, they're life destroyers by their nature simply because they only care about themselves.
thats the thing, I'm hypersensitive and it's very sad seeing that you can see what is causing the problem and they cannot see, Were you can see they are causing their own destruction, but Ive come to the point where i think, you must let people learn on their own.
"Rescue" him? Don't even try. Love him? Maybe... from a long distance :) Keep the distance, we all deserve love!
I know of a covert Narc. She was very quiet and hardly utter words and would never involve in any discussion or conflict of misunderstanding. She would avoid any discussion. If I approach her she would distance herself from me, only to come back later on to repeat the same without any provocation. One just cannot get through a narc, no matter what strategy you apply. It is like trying to walk through a solid wall to the other side...true Sam: A Narc is a narc is a narc, take it or leave it.
Thank you..yes, i am very open to energy and narc's infiltration was like a demon- darkness, that captured me into their net.. yes it feels like that which is pretty scary. And from day one. Glad I am out.
I wish I had known this 7 years ago. As in 'know' and understand.
I really got this on a much deeper level, thank you! The victims of narcs most definitely would fit their own category: the effects and their own unique solution, starting with no contact. The healing begins with that first step, and thereafter. In comparison, Al-Anon does this for the family & friends of alcoholics, recognizing that those affected by alcoholism need their own recovery. Perhaps a similar program can be instituted for the narc-relatives, friends, etc. Thank you Sam - you have led me to another level of awareness and emotional freedom.
The answer is "No."
Please don't be sorry...your views are invaluable. I believe every word you said and total truth. I have observed a narc with these striking qualities as if they are a breed separate from normal people. No gift/love given matters to them. Giving them the most expensive gift is like putting the same in your bin for morning collection by the bin men. There is no thanks or any regard for it as if you owe them as a debt,been late to return in time. They are not bad, per se, but grossly deficient.
so true the love for him was never enought
Shadowlit, It's like telling a clean /tidy human to not only to 'forcefully' love a foul dirty muddy-filled pig but to eat rotten carrots/cabbage along with him and sleep with lips held tight with his all night through, just to wake up in the morning all blissful.
You goes off!! And know about narcissism like no other it can be toxic at this point but fall to sleep with your informative comfort and I thank you so much. Your videos truly have helped me❤️
The first word that always comes out of a narcissist’s mouth is No. So, don’t expect love especially.
omg soooo true .. after 15 years my narcissitic bff has been sooo depressed and feeling unloved for the last 6 years .. I have stopped by less and less but always to
make sure he is ok .. his jealousy and rage caused him to steal my phone right in front of me . soooo I learned my lesson no longer my business ..
You can't save and rescue a narcissist , if you try you will just get used up and burnt. It is a no win situation once you recognise the narcissist cut your losses get the hell out fast. I see your chances of love helping a narcissist deal with his mental illness as being on a par as love helping a crack addict get off crack. No chance and you will be damaged even trying.
Eil. You never stood a chance. Cleaning out the rot and damage created by these destructive individuals is a mamouth task by it self. That is a tall order and YOU are in control of that so what chance does anyone have trying to turn round someone else who has these issues and deseases? You have to be very careful to not allow the abuse you received in the past infecting your relationships going forward. Good luck.
My wife is one... Its killing me
I know of one classical narcissist I gave her gift. She took and turned away, as though in anger and dissatisfied. I was surprised and couldn't understand this strange behaviour, only ro find out later on she was a severe type of narc. It is frighteningly true what they are capable of ... I was just an object or an undeserving postman delivering expensive parcel to her door. She shamelessly took it without a flinch of joy on her face...it was awful to point of being sick by that scenario.
A narcissist wants you to love him/her unconditionally. Of course, because they have these huge faults. The drug addict analogy is very good. Do you love a cocaine addict by accepting him unconditionally? Is it good for the cocaine addict or for you? Will the addict change that way? The only way an addict changes is if you stop giving him/her their drug of choice or enabling them. Unfortunately, their drug is people and there is an infinite supply of them and most are unaware of the disorder.
OMG how in the world do theu know my ex every step in that horrible horrible relationship even until his last moves !I amso glad I found this series, and this doctor knows his stuff and it hep me understand me and what i just went through!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What the man is saying resonates. I used to date a narcissist or, at least someone who showed the characteristics. It was one of the worst years of my life - constant disappointment and hurt on my behalf. I used to think that I was the problem, but now realise that may not be true. However, there is always a reason why narcissists are the way they are - probably linked to their childhood? Shouldn't we be trying our best to show them kindness instead of leaving them? Isn't kindness the only way?
The first minute of this video were my EXACT thoughts. I thought I would be the one to show him true love and heal him since his mom abandoned him as an infant. It still saddens me to see him as a professional alcoholic. But maybe he will get the help he needs one day. I know after this relationship which I just ended I will need some counseling to help me find my inner strenght again.
One of my parents was a Narcissist. I tend to fall deeply in love with Narcissists in relationships. The abuse & psychological destruction that goes with the relationship is the price paid for all the good things & gifts they bestow as the valued human beings that they are: 'sometimes someone who is very bad, can also make you very glad.' Ultimately there must be some withdrawal from Narcissists for self-preservation; it's like swimming with sharks; you will only survive for so long. Gr8 vids !
No, big mistake to try to "change" him or her through "love". They are vampires.
a sane normal person who sees themselves as worthwhile would want to be treated as an equal, not an inferior. All narcissism on any level is defined by that basic rule. The rights, wishes, needs, feelings, priorities, and opinions of the narcissist are always superior to those around them, including (and especially) those in close proximity to them. To love that, is insane. To love that, is masochistic. What most narcissists need; is for less people to put up with their their crap and walk away.
Hint: Children of narcissists.
Just refuse? Don't be afraid to engage in a fight? If you receive a threat, retaliate?
Seriously?
A Narc is a worst type of human happened to be as a result of their own traumatized past. It is like they are in vengeance but unknowingly. Sadly, at the end they destroy themselves squarely, as a result of their own inner poison. You constantly try to save them and they constantly try to destroy you. Two opposing poles can never meet.
Thank you for the description that you put under each video.
This is incredibly accurate. Everything you said just knocked me for six!
You speak with such wisdom and knowledge of this condition. Your words ring true.
I am talking about grown people, not about children, however his is also valid for them. Narcissist is especially dependent on narcissistic supply, and you can easily trade narcissistic supply into good behavior, or cause narcissistic injuries as punishment.
With proper actions you can turn narcissist into obedient slave. Only problem that you cant love narcissist only use him.
Thank you for your videos. They have been a eye opener, painful but helpful.
This is spot on.
Thank you! That was great!!! It's just so crazy the pathology being so constant with these type of personality disorders. You said exactly what I have postulated; it's similar to a virus. I have never heard narcissism put the way you have. Great inside on new key terms to look up to understand the spectrum. TY again.
Thank you Dr. Vankin, your videos have helped me build my path of moving forward and away. Separated and will stay separated.
Incredible that you should describe my experience with a psychopath and narcissist in such a clear maner. I thank you for being out there!!!
Sometimes we don't like to live in an environment but have little choice to leave and we tend to stay put and afraid of change in our lives. But once change is decided and decision made a new avenue opens up in life. The hardest bit is to accept that change as a turning point in life is fundamental for survival and avoiding insanity upon oneself. BE BRAVE in life!
Oh my. Soooooo enlightening 🙏🏼
Thank you☆THANK YOU☆Thank you so much! I didn't believe I was crazy,but he insisted I was,and that I totally lacked in judgement,instinct and sight of reality.
You can save them again and again and again, year after year. But the moment you are unable to provide, you'll stop to exist (best case) or be faced with hatred and contempt.
I 100% agree with what Shadow said in a comment to you. He is keeping you in reserve,for a time when he may need to use you again. You mentioned he cut you away when you said you would support him if he goes to therapy. Assuming he is NPD he sees no reason to go to therapy. There is nothing wrong with him. He will view problems in a relationship as other peoples fault so he sees no reason to go to therapy. Even if he has been to therapy & accepts a diagnosis he isn't likely going to change
Totally amazing profound genius thoughts
This is my mother. She has waged a battle against my wife, in laws and myself. For over twenty years my mother has waged open battle with us. I was perplexed. My love for her has been eroded over the years. I was holding on because I didn’t want to be disinherited. She’s spending her money purchasing supply.
She is making arrangements to sell off her rental properties. She tells me that everything is mine but she will not yield control to me. I now understand that she has no intentions of my inheriting anything from her. These people are actually insane.
I am relieved to understand why things are the way they are. Her angry outburst are monumental. At this point I am no contact. My daughter’s graduating from high school. Without my mom and her ridiculous demands we will have a grand time. Narcissists are empty loveless people. There’s no salvaging your relationship with them.
The triangulation will cause you to feel isolated. It’s a package deal. The flying monkeys have to go also.
pretty black and white. the core of narcissism is ego, and although everyone has one, the fundamental manifestation of Narcissism is a lack of humility, an inability to see oneself as flawed and therefore equal to anyone else. A narcissist feels no empathy for others because a narcissist feels superior to others. The narcissist sees flaws in others but is in love with their own imperfect image they see as perfect. Unable to see their flaws, as they have removed them from their conscious mind.
A narcissist will chew you up and spit you out when they're done using you, and then then still demand attention, compliments and more attention. If you don't adhere to their needs, they'll resort to abuse (verbal and physical), and the cycle continues until you are either dead or fucked up because you're living with a narcissistic.
Perfectly said and relatable. Thank you .
FOR THEM "SELF"
I wasn't saying you had any intention of taking advantage of her. i did word that poorly & can see how you may have thought that. I was referring to her boyfriend. I saw you answering her questions in the comments & that is a good thing. Some people just can't get along with a narcissist & I think your answering questions for her helped her insight.
Great video sir!!!
These are very difficult people to deal with. For your sake you must walk away and never look back.
They’ll never changed...they are damaged beyond repair.
There are narcicists who can still love others. I'm a bit narcistic but in no way some crazy violent psychopath...I want love and I give love like any other human being, I want to be treated like one too.
JohnnyX1239 you're not a narc
You're not a narcissist. 😊
You said it very right. I know one narc, fortunately not a partner and living abroad. When I communicate with her she would immediately keep away as though I stung her with something Then later she would come abck to me and I can foretell her next move. They just do not know what they want from life. Believe me, they torment themselves more than they do to you. It is like a totally spoiled 5-year old in a grown up body. She would even talk with a tone of a child, poor her. It is madness.
thanks Sam. im struggling
thats what mine did to me. i became like him but only to him. not to others. i also loved him unconditionally at one time but when i lost my relationship with god, which had nothing to do with him because he wasnt even a part of my life at that time, but when other things broght me to the conclusion that i couldnt trust god, then i changed and he came back over a year later and we tried the same thing again. little did either of us know that i had become a ticking time bomb. ...insignificant other...haha i like that. 😜
Sam. You are saving lives. Thank you!!!
I am a foster mom of a 17 year-old Covert narcissist. He’s charming and athletic which is getting him through school. My bio kid’s dad is also a covert narcissist. I am clear on what he is. I see how he treats me as a parent and his girlfriend. Sometimes I want to give up and feel defeated with his familiar survival tactics. I guess they hurt me from the inside because I was free from that for a while and now I’ve inadvertently invited it in my home. How do I handle one more year so that I can help him?. I’d like to see him get to college. I don’t think he has a chance of that without me. He has lots of family around but nobody wants to take responsibility of him. If it’s too much and I let him go, how do I forgive myself?
Hello Sam Vaknin. Thank you so much. Im just wondering about Neuroplasticity as help for these people? Mindfulness? This is tragic for everyone.
Be assured ...narcs are never short of their supply. They migrate from one place to another to get their supply like drug addicts. One is bound to 'pity' a drug addict/alcoholics since they are victims first and then oppressors. At least drug addicts have chance to come out of their addiction but not a narc : a self- tortured mental torturer.
Absolutely do accurate
true that .... if anyone thinks their love will make a difference they are delusional
Well said mscartman74.
Hello Sir Vakrin, gratitude to you for your candidness of the wisdom you consistently extend. Never a boring segment in your channel. All topics well spoken of precise reality👌 Can you discuss Hyper-sexual Psychopathic traits. Mainly a male gender who’s in relationships with multiple women (dishonesty yet with men secretly (on the down Low gay) whom abuses females through emotional and sexual degradation.
Shadow, what you said as a narcissist are all very true. I have seen and experienced a narc with all these qualities. But are they not ashamed to go back to the person again after years? That must be shameful, too. Or is it that the need for narc supply becomes greater than the Shame? I prefer a run away narc than a stalker. I know of one female narc living with another male partner in the house of her ex husband because the ex is too timid, harmless and soft to push her out.
Sooogood ;>
I wonder why people accept being controlled that easily. is it so hard to say NO. ?
If narcissist or anyone else demands you something just refuse and that's it. don't be afraid of making scandal or engaging in fight. if you receive threats ignore them, or retaliate.
It is no wonder if you always obey someone you become instrument.