Would You Date a Bus Driver at a Big Age?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.ย. 2024
- Welcome back friends! In the kickoff to season three, Margo and Tashira discuss a hot topic happening over on social media. Would you date a bus driver? Tune in for a discussion that digs deeper than career and ends at relationship non-negotiables.
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This was the BEST conversation surrounding the "Dating a Bus Driver" topic. Everybody else was just talking trash. I like how Margo pointed out that you are not saying you would not date a bus driver, you are saying you would not date a person who doesn't want to travel, or who is fiscally irresponsible, who does not prioritize their health, etc. I think that is the essence of this conversation.
I agree- in my opinion, it is all about alignment with goals.
I would not date a bus driver who felt insecure in our relationship - my relationship with the manager of an online auction site just ended recently - he had a lot of anxiety about his lack of financial security/lack of retirement savings as he is five years from retirement- I am a health professional with a six figure annual income and a guaranteed pension indexed for cost of living increases - I was quite happy and willing to share my life and money with him, he could not be comfortable with me bringing more to the table and even said I need to find someone more on my level - I am also a big age and know my non-negotiable areas - I will continue looking for someone to share my life with - wishing me better luck next time❤
Exactly!! It's not Black women who primarily have the issue. There can be emotional abuse from men who aren't secure in what they're doing when they have a financially secure Black woman.
Good luck! You deserve a wonderful human!
It is as Margo said. It's less about the job (although I would not date a cop or corrections officer either) but more about what I can do with the person. For example, if travel is not important to them, I can't see myself with them. Also, I wouldn't partner with anyone who makes significantly ($20k or more) less than me. It's ALWAYS been an issue in my relationships from my partner's perspective, so I can no longer do that.
"I am not healed beyond my tendency towards codependency" 👏🏽
Thanks for centering the bus driver conversation on who the person is rather than their profession. I say that because I dated someone in law school who was getting his PhD 20 years ago. I now realize it was the most emotionally abusive relationship I encountered in my life. At the time, we both made less than a bus driver as students. The abuse I endured was rooted in who was going to be more successful in their profession because, in his mind, it couldn't be me. Neither of us had worked professionally yet, so there was no basis to judge who would be more successful except for job title and maybe misogyny. I refused to dim my light and got dumped. I was devastated, but it was the best thing to happen to me in my 20s. I am now more successful than I would have ever been with an insecure man who has not achieved their goals, whatever they are, that is angry about it. I married a man in my mid-30s who does very well with his Master's degree and is secure in his manhood. My non-negotiables evolved over time but having a supportive partner has always been on my list. My husband is as supportive of me as I am of him. Healthy relationships, support and conversations are what we need out here. ❤❤
This is so awful and i am so sorry you lived through this. Job titles actually have no correlation to humanity.
This conversation. Layers.
Thank you for watching!
I have to agree with both of you…I definitely wouldn’t date someone in the military, police officer and/or non-flexible position. But I also don’t just go off what someone does for their job as a definitive answer of if I’d date them or not.
Good point!
I think we did agree at the end. :)
GOT A QUARTER TANK OF GAS IN MY NEW E CLASS!🎶
🎶But that's okay, cuz I'm gone ride!😂😂
I AM HOLLERINGGGGG!!!!
are there certain professions that I would not date straight out? Yes
is a bus driver included in that? Yes
I did my time in my twenties lol then it didn't matter what your job was or how much money you made. I was not as particular as I should have been. now I have very hard limits and I stick to them and I am more than okay with that. when you know better, you do better
Thank you! for watching!
Damn, Margo is freaking smart, she asks all the right/ relevant questions!
It’s interesting how these conversations are held and the interrogations endured by whom.
When discussing topics like would you date a bus driver, trash collector, etc that’s when convos about stepping stones, travel, other goals surface.
However we don’t quite have the same types of interrogations when it comes to doctors, lawyers, hedge fund folk, etc.
We don’t see that some of those same people are stark out of alignment and should be using those careers as stepping stones to their true why.
We assume and presume.
Which often results in people inviting the state into their relationships (aka marriage) and finding out later that person actually falls short on things that we desire because of said assumptions and perceived notions of competence.
Someone can be a lawyer and still not have goals.
It’s just quite interesting how we make blue collar folk show up and prove real early. But we yield assumptions to others because of careers. Real real interesting.
This convo would not be had were we discussing a neuro surgeon.
This is such an interesting comment. I was talking to my partner yesterday and he suggested we do another episode- would you date an investment banker/surgeon? I think you are right that most dont inquire or same judgements when someone holds a position of public aclaim, but i think the conversation is incredibly important- i have really strong feelings here as well. I would not want to date a surgeon. or other professions.
@@margolindauer I agree with you. Especially when you said you wouldn’t date a C.O. or cop. Same.
There are various slices to this “conversational pie”.
I think that often when this question is posited, people quickly go to the social positioning, social optics, finances piece.
My response was less about morality, politics, etc and moreso about social capital. Who gets assumed as competent/incompetent. Who gets assumed as having goals/not having goals.
I don’t see conversations around using one’s career as a stepping stone when it comes to careers with high social capital.
I would think that if someone said no they wouldn’t date an investment banker (or things like attorney, physician, PhD, etc) the reasons likely would not be around stepping stones, inquiries about them wanting more for themselves, etc.
I also looked up top reasons for divorce in the U.S. and surprisingly, it wasn’t about money directly. According to the National Library of Medicine, the most common “final straw” reasons were infidelity, domestic violence, and substance use. According to Divorce.com the top 3 reasons are Too Much Conflict, Incessant Arguing, Lack of Commitment, and Infidelity / Extramarital Affairs.
Perhaps careers / social capital is wrapped up in those reasons. But I was surprised to learn that money disputes weren’t in the top three.
Thanks for responding. 🙏🏾
You can date whom ever you choose to, as for me it is a nope to dating the bus driver. I chose to date and have married a man with EP (Earning Potiential).
EP new acronym for me!
This is such an important conversation, the fact of the matter is that it is very important to ask if these men are interested in us. I have been married for 21 years, and my husband is now doing the wiggle, because I have gotten my master's, and it appears to HIM like I have outgrown him, I am having a time dealing with this and I see this conversation as vital now.
I’m finally catching up!!! Listening and watching while I’m at work and thoroughly enjoyed this! Lots of controversial topics! I’d date a bus driver but depends on the bus company! He would need to go pay for some massages though! I know for a fact that these MTA bus drivers make a pretty good salary not to mention benefits and pension. 😛
Great convo...definitely a process of learning about yourself and growing into a sense of deservingness as far as choosing well in the relationship space...in my life I finally came to a point where I have sworn off broke activists :) It's great bro that you want to change the world but if you're living in a box "for the cause" (wearing kente cloth no less)...it's a hard NO for me- peace out!
I AM SCREAMINGGGG!!! Friend I had to be delivered from this ministry too 😂
I love watching you guys. Yall are my more mature fly ass friends in my head 😂
Same!! I keep saying these are my big sisters and around where I hope to be in 5yrs ❤
Geesh! The commentary on this show is consistently 🔥🔥👌🏾
Thank you.
I meant to say thank you!!!
Thank you Ladies!
Thank you! for watching!
Love the topics and the respect you both have for one another’s thought processes! For me at a very big age, it would come down to their ability to communicate, where they are in mind, body & spirit. They have to be financially responsible and independent. My non-negotiables…😘
Thank you for watching!
Miss y’all. Love this channel. ❤. Healing, Humor, Honor & Hope.
Thank you thank you thank you!
I yelped when I saw this was up!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉 so excited 🎉🎉
This makes us so happy. Thank you!
Happy you are back!
Thank you!
This was so GOOD'T!
Yay! Welcome back! The title made me click oh so fast!! Great conversation! Thanks for sharing 😊
Thanks for watching friend!
Yeah, thanks!
I am so HAPPY to see you back!!! Missed YOU!!!
Thank you so much. We missed being back! I hope you love this season!
Loved the episode
Thank you! Hope you like this week as well. :)
❤❤❤❤
What makes y’all think a person isn’t stable if they are a bus driver! This is borderline classist and elitist
I addressed why I was making this assumption. Also, it was my perspective and not that of my co-host. Thanks for watching!
Hmmmm from my observation Iyanla got more of the drag-erisation than Ebony for sure
I think black women are finally coming into their own and we're deciding to choose healthier, better, smarter in all aspects of life. So Iyanla's question triggered many BW for sure
And as discussed...a large number of men / "bus drivers" would not be happy with the lifestyle and aspirations of women who earn more..dream of more, etc. Again BW are DONE with this kind of struggle love & life. Let's move on