I had a counselor who gave no opinion and was largely blank. Occasionally she would say, "that's an interesting way to think." If you had told me about this style of therapy before experiencing it, I would have said no thanks. It ended up really working for me because I couldn't figure out what she wanted or how to get her to like me. It took a long time, but as I became less afraid of what she might be thinking, my own thoughts, feelings and wants started to emerge
0:10 Setting the vibe, opening 4:00 Brutally honest therapist vibe 5:50 Power dynamic 8:35 Therapy stigma´ 9:50 "I have no dog in this fight" psychoanalytic approach, feedback, ''what do you want out of today's session'' 18:12 Swearing, authority. Advice giving 24:15 No 100% success rate 25:40 Brief therapy and charlatans 29:10 * humanistic notions that the self can correct for itself , living in the present
Commenting without watching your reaction (yet) I just watched Stutz this weekend and loved it. A lot of his messages really hit home for me on a spiritual level.
I cried so much watching this. I loved this so much. I want to find his books. I really think they will help me so much. No therapists will help me because I got brain damage from coma. So I think these books will do wonders. I cried so much with this. It was so magical for me
Im currently struggling really hard with alcoholism but my therapist acts very similar to how stutz handles his therapy, and i haven’t felt more grateful than i do now for him. Thank you dr. Scholey❤
Thank you, Dr. Honda. I’m in grad school to become a therapist and it helps so much to hear your perspective on things. I’m really scared to enter this field and hearing what you have to say about it all is so incredibly helpful.
I think the issue is that he can’t really guarantee that. It’s a nice sentiment but as Dr. Honda pointed out there is treatment resistant depression and for a therapist to claim that they will make you feel better….what if you don’t? Ya know?
@@15seas I see what you are saying but he's just saying "better" even 1% is better. just to get out and move makes people feel better, I think what he is saying is that just try and it will be better for you. Anything is better than doing the same thing day after day and not getting any results.
@@paolamori31 I think Dr. Honda is saying there is no guarantee you will feel better, not even 1% better. Some ppl seek treatment and never find the relief they’re looking for.
Dear Dr Honda, Thank you so much for saying that the more you know within the therapy field the more you feel incompetent. Its my case. I have been wondering for years now whats wrong with me that after every new training i feel like im less prepared to do my job than i was before. Its such a relief to hear its perfectly normal. It realy is such a hard job to do.
I had a therapist that would start out with "Tell me what's important to you this week" and it immediately made me shut down. The first time I brushed it off but I realized it was her pattern everytime I had to think about why I found it so off putting. I came to the conclusion I felt everything I had planned to talk about in therapy were not "important" and made me super uncomfortable 🙃
I can see how that could be interpreted that way. I personally would interpret it differently, the therapist allowing me to set the agenda. Definitely sounds like they were not a good fit for you. I hope you found someone who you could be comfortable with. ❤️
Been with my therapist for 7 years now. At this point I just come in and start word vomiting as soon as the initial pleasantries of “how are you” are over. She knows everything about me all the way down to my sister’s romantic relationships (at some point it seemed like she was there just for the hot goss 😂). I wonder when I got past the initial awkward phase of “what do I say now?”? I think doing tele-therapy helps me with feeling more OK with just word vomiting without self-judgment, but I could actually see it being the opposite for some people.
@jessk this I can relate to! I never felt significant compared to my siblings and had minimized my own needs and wants so much that I would also be shutting down and judging myself afterwards for having wasted a conversation or session on something trivial like my feelings. I realize that I don’t do that anymore. Progress? My current counsellor is a great fit. We will chat and she will stop me if she detects any hint of emotion and then we work with that. She is IFS trained and uses somatic tools too. Good luck - your stuff is most certainly important and deserving of someone’s undivided attention ❤
@jessk oh yeah! Sorry to leave it on a bad note. It was a totally fine question it just brought up my issues. Thankfully I was far enough into therapy and a faithful listener of this podcast and I took Bob's advice and talked about it with her. It lead to a great conversation about why those feelings were coming up for me. And I saw her for a long time until she moved out of state. Thank you for checking in 💛
@Danielle Marie Yes this was very much the problem. I grew up in a heavily enmeshed family and also have codependency habits with my mother. By this point in therapy I had got to a place of starting to recognizing my own feelings and distinguish them from what I was supposed to be feeling according to other people. But I wasn't comfortable expressing those feelings or felt like I was making too big of a deal out of them. I've made more progress in that area the last couple years but it can still feel self indulgent to talk about myself... like this comment lol Thank you 💛
Dr. Kirk Honda just analysed this video and doesn’t even understand it’s abusive for a therapist to allow their clients to make a movie about them and their therapeutic relationship. When Jonah first told Stutz “I want to make a movie about you” Stutz should’ve said “and what makes you want to do that?” Instead of actually doing it
A client of mine told me about it and I watched it last weekend. I loved it! I have a similar rapport with many of my clients. It was very validating. I do spend time building rapport and gauging a clients personality. I practice from the Relational Cultural perspective, but I am very eclectic. Most of my clients have told me they appreciate how genuine and real I am. I'll self-disclose my own journey and things I've dealt with. They feel that I normalize and also help educate. I stay on top of science, neurological understanding, epigenetic ideas, I really consider holistically. I hope that were moving more this direction, but I think the more needed direction is understanding how important cultural humility is and seeing that traditional therapist practices don't work well with many. I have had so many people sit in sessions where there was lots of silence and guiding questions, but feel they're not getting much out of it.
My therapist starts with, "So catch me up on what's happening for you this week." I don't like it. I want her to ask me, "So how are you feeling this week?" Then I can say, "ANGRY." Then she should say, "Okay that's good you're aware that you're feeling anger, what's causing you to feel this way? How do you feel you handled the situation causing you to be angry? Did things go the way you would have wanted? What would you like to be feeling right now or do you want to be angry and just need validation that it's okay to just be angry right now and sit with why you may want to be angry. Anger is a valid emotion." You know what my therapist says when i say I am angry? She asks, "So what's new since our last session?" And then I say, "Well this event triggered me so I got angry and reacted this way." She IMMEDIATELY snaps at me and goes, "NO! THAT'S NOT YOUR RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT HER/HIM/THEM! STAY IN YOUR LANE!" Um...excuse me what?
MY issue with this whole letting clients explore is that I can do that at home for free. I am coming for help. For advice. For your expertise. Not to talk to myself.
Dr. Honda! I love the content you make on your channel. I just watched this movie on Netflix a couple of days ago. Here I am, just got home from work and get on TH-cam to see this?? I haven’t even watched your video yet, but wanted to take a moment to say you’re awesome. Okay bye, watching it…. NOW!!
24:30 I don't think he's guaranteeing he will cure the client; I think he's guaranteeing that he will improve his condition. The word 'better' here is ambiguous, but that would be a more reasonable claim.
I swear to god that somehow Dr. H is attached to my Alexa because he just recounted nearly word for word the conversation I had with my husband last night about “you should just get more sleep,” including the “mansplaining” and “no shit, Sherlock” comments. This is not the first time this has happened…in the last few days. I don’t know if I should unplug my Alexa or plug in more and hope that he analyzes the rest of my life.
I wish Dr H had listened to more of the film before commenting, there was so little of what was said in this segment. I enjoy what Dr H says (mainly) but the small soundbites from the film didn't do it justice.
Dr Honda I always learn so much from your videos. I'm currently doing postgraduate social & community work & one of the first things they emphasized to us is listening. To put aside all the intake forms for a moment and to actively listen without giving advice. I'll be choosing family social work with a focus on young people (teens) to specialize in this upcoming semester in part owing to your discussions on family systems theory.
My husband thought therapy was a joke until I started going and he saw changes in me that he was amazed by. For him it's cultural, therapy is only for crazy people.
It's a HUGE red flag when a person is so privileged and entitled that they reject people who reject something that has caused trauma because of gaslighting, manipulation and abuse they faced. Not to mention the fact that ACTUAL mentally ill, neurodivergent or ya know, not neurotypical people cannot be helped by an incompetent person who knows nothing about you. Oh and ya know, most people can't afford to spend money like that. Some of us are disabled. Some of us are POOR. And not working!!😮
This is actually way better than the movie itself lol... I thought the movie was soooo shallow. Such basic LA psychobabble. I came out of it thinking stutz is a total fraud to be honest. The man needs more therapy himself than his own clients.
As a therapist, I agree, it's what works. It depends on the client. Sometimes they start session and sometimes I do. If it's a good client/therapist relationship, it tends to flow. Not always of course, but generally. What doesn't work is when clients expect me to do their work for them.
I've met with a lot of therapists. Honestly I hated when they started by asking me what I want out of therapy. It seemed like such a dumb question. I thought, isn't that what you're supposed to figure out and help me with? I'm here because I need help. Now help me. It felt so simplistic and unnecessary. It made me feel like they actually didn't care or have anything helpful for me. It was like I was supposed to understand my own problems. That's why I'm here!
Me too, and I'm just burnt out on it and financially I can't continue to pay for a couple sessions to see if a therapist is any good for me, decide after a couple of sessions they either aren't any good (when you're angry, try taking a breath and see if that helps. Wow, thanks for that never-heard-before approach. Issue solved!) or won't go deep, and then rinse, repeat, rinse repeat.
@@KC69134 Yeah. I get it. I think they have good intentions for the most part. They want to help but I usually felt like they didn't go deep enough or fully know what I needed. Something always felt missing. Also, they don't have a lot of incentive to actually solve problems. They get paid to listen to problems. I realized they're making a lot of money off of me, and I didn't see a lot of lasting results. I think there's some benefit but it's definitely not a solution. Or a cheap solution. I wish I could sit around and get paid to talk to people.
Spot on. I’ve always thought “how am I supposed to know...?” when therapists ask me that. Incredibly frustrating when they expect you to have enough insight into your emotions to be able to set goals and articulate your struggles like that right off the bat.
My ex therapist on the start of the session would ask me about concrete topics. Like how is work, or how did it go with such and such. And I would spend half of the session answering her questions. Which would mean that I would rarely get ti the topics I really wanted to talk about. Used to think well ok, she has her method and obviously se has a plan so I would comply but after 2 years I had enough. When I challenged her about she denied she made mistake and blamed me for being secretive... Good therapist needs to be able to adapt to a person and read the room, not only follow their training and vision
I started watching this doc but immediately wondered if it’s healthy to know your therapist private life that they discussed. My opinion is absolutely not .
Really? I think it's good in some ways like for example this therapist lost his brother and then Jonah lost his brother so there's a sense of the patient knowing that their therapist knows exactly what they're going through.
@@joanna0988 agree, that’s functional. But ( and I have to admit I’m just 30min in ) knowing your therapist did drugs and had a rocky childhood isn’t really helpful ?
I agree when i was a kid i had a therapist who like unprovoked told me details about her eating disorder. And like i wasnt even there for an eating disorder
Folks in Hollywood swear by Stutz, I hear. He was on Marc Maron's WTF podcast years ago. I recommend that podcast episode over this movie. I didn't think the movie really captured the tools very well. It veered very much into Jonah Hill's relationship with Stutz, which is fine. Maybe that is what gets other dudes into badly needed therapy. Stutz put out a mini book on the shadow years ago, which is nice. but I still would have liked to see the tools more in this movie. BTW, I only watched the movie so I could watch Dr. K's commentary on it. lol.
Your experience with your first therapist was exactly like mine at the same age. I was waiting and waiting, thinking, have i told enough, please say something... I went there for 2 years out of politeness, but my feeling was, that talking to my friends was more helpful, since after i figured it wasn't a two-way thing, i kind of lost interest to go deep so it was just some trivial nonsense to waste both of ours time. But i thought that's what therapy was, so i went until i was sure it wasn't beneficial to me. Years and years later i found the kind of therapy that changed my life.
@@helen.k what is DBT? I feel like I could benefit from that. I have 30 minutes of therapy between my classes every Wednesday but I don’t know if it’ll actually help me. I found out I may be a narcissist (self diagnosed using the internet) I want to get diagnosed and I see the problems I have. I want real lasting change and a therapist or therapy that will help promote positive growth within myself so I don’t hurt other people or myself by losing relationships that mean the most to me
@@cheezuschrist firstly, I'm sorry you've been suffering. There is a new patreon rerun episode about dialectical behavior therapy, if you want a thorough explanation, but it's basically a study to recognise your feelings, change the pattern where your head goes when you encounter a hard feeling or a feeling you don't recognise and change the reaction. It's mostly done with a group so you can reflect better ways to cope and learn with vulnerability, well, actually also learn to be vulnerable before others, learn with real life examples within your group and get acceptance. It's not just random talking, but fairly structured psychoeducation with new topics every week. I hope you'll find a beneficial form of therapy for you. This could for sure be it, but you may have to look for a while until you find your fit. It's great that you're looking for help. Really. Take care!
I’ve mentioned it before but TEAM CBT is fast therapy for depression and anxiety that really works to change your thoughts and feelings fast. Ya still should go deeper with somatic therapies tho.
Maybe saying, "dont come here and dumb all your shit on me", can mean - Just because you are going to a therapist dosent mean, that you are excuse for not taking responsibility for your own feelings.
The thank you sherlock phrase remind me of one session with my actual T that after saying that I didn't like him saying something in last session he just got triggered and had his ego hurt. He literally said: you have this issue, you will probably do X thing for the following days and you are being infantile (plus too much sensitive with my words). I said, well saying this things for sure won't help me, and wow thanks for telling me some things that I already know plus judging my behavior as infantile out loud. Why so much hostility since I was not aggressive and used the I statement!?! That day I cried a lot and it took me 3 weeks to get better and accept to talk to him safely in sessions. I try to use NVC and "I-statement-phrases" but therapists keep triggering at me. Sometimes other people do as well. I really get confused.
This doesn't feel like a genuine reaction. You're watching two seconds, not even letting the film finish out the thought, and then using the two seconds of the clip to launch your own soundboard.
It was honestly so frustrating to hear you react to every single moment without letting it play out more before making comments and giving your professional opinion. I don’t think I’m the beginning he was saying that he can cure depression, he was saying that if you listen to his advice you will feel better. Very distinct difference there. But otherwise nice video.
For a therapist, you are surprisingly cynical and take everything so literally..... Even from the beginning of the movie its quite interesting to see that the persepctive you take on Phil & Jonah's relationship is so rigid and narrow, especially when it comes to Phil's humour and the dark jokes he makes. I guess it's because Phil was directly criticising psychs like yourself and you felt the need to justify your stance and therapeutic approach. I know who'd I'd rather see lol
I thought about emailing him when the judge was going through the forensic psych evals because she read verbatim a good chunk of at least one of the reports.
Oh, I've been wanting to get your take on this. I have not watched yet, but, I mean, how old-school Hollywood odd is this? He made documentary on his shrink......
It's frustrating to listen to you only listen to less than 10 or 15 seconds and then respond. Listen for a few minutes and then react. Seems like you're making a lot of assumptions without having allowed them to talk.
Goddamn, your insight and commentary are so helpful and brilliant. God bless you for having this channel. (also don't believe in god but if there was one, would want you to be blessed:)
Really wish you watched it ahead of time and gave your thoughts after to pull out things you want to highlight. Watching you talk at length about 10 seconds of the doc at a time is excruciating. You're not even responding to the doc that much.
Idk Stutz's approach seemed experimental and even tho he's a nice guy it just didn't seem ethical or professional to use theories he made up without research. Maybe I'm projecting because I think Jonah Hill is full of shit lol his therapist seemed nice enough albeit a bit of a quack
Jesus man, can you let the video play out a little more so we ALL have a little more context, you and us. You keep commenting on such micro moments and phrases. The series is going to be in 236 parts if this your style. Besides that annoying aspect, thanks for the video, it was... helpful in the most annoying way. Summarise stop pausing and and starting every (less than) minute.
I was looking forward to hearing your reaction but I cannot finish listening to this. You are talking 10 times more than listening and it seems like you like to hear yourself talk. You don't listen to him long enough to get a complete thought from him to respond to.
I had a counselor who gave no opinion and was largely blank. Occasionally she would say, "that's an interesting way to think." If you had told me about this style of therapy before experiencing it, I would have said no thanks.
It ended up really working for me because I couldn't figure out what she wanted or how to get her to like me. It took a long time, but as I became less afraid of what she might be thinking, my own thoughts, feelings and wants started to emerge
0:10 Setting the vibe, opening
4:00 Brutally honest therapist vibe
5:50 Power dynamic
8:35 Therapy stigma´
9:50 "I have no dog in this fight" psychoanalytic approach, feedback, ''what do you want out of today's session''
18:12 Swearing, authority. Advice giving
24:15 No 100% success rate
25:40 Brief therapy and charlatans
29:10 * humanistic notions that the self can correct for itself , living in the present
I watched it with my mom and she's a therapist. We loved it soooo much. She said she recommended it to some of her clients
Commenting without watching your reaction (yet)
I just watched Stutz this weekend and loved it. A lot of his messages really hit home for me on a spiritual level.
I cried so much watching this. I loved this so much. I want to find his books. I really think they will help me so much. No therapists will help me because I got brain damage from coma. So I think these books will do wonders.
I cried so much with this. It was so magical for me
His book is called Tools. Hope you will enjoy it
@@LenaL146 oh thank you so much for helping with that!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
@@LenaL146 thank you
Im currently struggling really hard with alcoholism but my therapist acts very similar to how stutz handles his therapy, and i haven’t felt more grateful than i do now for him.
Thank you dr. Scholey❤
Thank you, Dr. Honda. I’m in grad school to become a therapist and it helps so much to hear your perspective on things. I’m really scared to enter this field and hearing what you have to say about it all is so incredibly helpful.
I think I met Dr Kirk Honda the university lecturer today. I’ve been watching too much of Michael and Angela. This was nice. 😊
I took it that he said that he guarantees 100% that they would feel “better” not cured. Just that he would give them a way forward
That's exactly what the therapist said. Sometimes I'm amazed how often what people hear is completely different from what was said.
I think the issue is that he can’t really guarantee that. It’s a nice sentiment but as Dr. Honda pointed out there is treatment resistant depression and for a therapist to claim that they will make you feel better….what if you don’t? Ya know?
@@15seas I see what you are saying but he's just saying "better" even 1% is better. just to get out and move makes people feel better, I think what he is saying is that just try and it will be better for you. Anything is better than doing the same thing day after day and not getting any results.
@@paolamori31 I think Dr. Honda is saying there is no guarantee you will feel better, not even 1% better. Some ppl seek treatment and never find the relief they’re looking for.
@@Dreabz617 I can see that, thanks.
Dear Dr Honda, Thank you so much for saying that the more you know within the therapy field the more you feel incompetent. Its my case. I have been wondering for years now whats wrong with me that after every new training i feel like im less prepared to do my job than i was before. Its such a relief to hear its perfectly normal. It realy is such a hard job to do.
I had a therapist that would start out with "Tell me what's important to you this week" and it immediately made me shut down. The first time I brushed it off but I realized it was her pattern everytime I had to think about why I found it so off putting. I came to the conclusion I felt everything I had planned to talk about in therapy were not "important" and made me super uncomfortable 🙃
I can see how that could be interpreted that way. I personally would interpret it differently, the therapist allowing me to set the agenda. Definitely sounds like they were not a good fit for you. I hope you found someone who you could be comfortable with. ❤️
Been with my therapist for 7 years now. At this point I just come in and start word vomiting as soon as the initial pleasantries of “how are you” are over. She knows everything about me all the way down to my sister’s romantic relationships (at some point it seemed like she was there just for the hot goss 😂). I wonder when I got past the initial awkward phase of “what do I say now?”? I think doing tele-therapy helps me with feeling more OK with just word vomiting without self-judgment, but I could actually see it being the opposite for some people.
@jessk this I can relate to! I never felt significant compared to my siblings and had minimized my own needs and wants so much that I would also be shutting down and judging myself afterwards for having wasted a conversation or session on something trivial like my feelings. I realize that I don’t do that anymore. Progress? My current counsellor is a great fit. We will chat and she will stop me if she detects any hint of emotion and then we work with that. She is IFS trained and uses somatic tools too. Good luck - your stuff is most certainly important and deserving of someone’s undivided attention ❤
@jessk oh yeah! Sorry to leave it on a bad note. It was a totally fine question it just brought up my issues. Thankfully I was far enough into therapy and a faithful listener of this podcast and I took Bob's advice and talked about it with her. It lead to a great conversation about why those feelings were coming up for me. And I saw her for a long time until she moved out of state. Thank you for checking in 💛
@Danielle Marie Yes this was very much the problem. I grew up in a heavily enmeshed family and also have codependency habits with my mother. By this point in therapy I had got to a place of starting to recognizing my own feelings and distinguish them from what I was supposed to be feeling according to other people. But I wasn't comfortable expressing those feelings or felt like I was making too big of a deal out of them. I've made more progress in that area the last couple years but it can still feel self indulgent to talk about myself... like this comment lol Thank you 💛
I always enter the room and say "hey how are you?" and my therapist says "thats my line!" haha
Just realised after a long day how soothing it is to listen to dr Kirk while winding down 😊
Would love to hear more about the intricacies of the therapist-client power dynamic!
Dr. Kirk Honda just analysed this video and doesn’t even understand it’s abusive for a therapist to allow their clients to make a movie about them and their therapeutic relationship. When Jonah first told Stutz “I want to make a movie about you” Stutz should’ve said “and what makes you want to do that?” Instead of actually doing it
@@apnea6734 "abusive" interesting choice of words...
I've never heard of this film but I'll watch because of DKH
I haven't heard of this either but want to watch based on all these awesome comments 🙂
A client of mine told me about it and I watched it last weekend. I loved it! I have a similar rapport with many of my clients. It was very validating. I do spend time building rapport and gauging a clients personality. I practice from the Relational Cultural perspective, but I am very eclectic. Most of my clients have told me they appreciate how genuine and real I am. I'll self-disclose my own journey and things I've dealt with. They feel that I normalize and also help educate. I stay on top of science, neurological understanding, epigenetic ideas, I really consider holistically. I hope that were moving more this direction, but I think the more needed direction is understanding how important cultural humility is and seeing that traditional therapist practices don't work well with many. I have had so many people sit in sessions where there was lots of silence and guiding questions, but feel they're not getting much out of it.
My therapist starts with, "So catch me up on what's happening for you this week."
I don't like it. I want her to ask me, "So how are you feeling this week?" Then I can say, "ANGRY." Then she should say, "Okay that's good you're aware that you're feeling anger, what's causing you to feel this way? How do you feel you handled the situation causing you to be angry? Did things go the way you would have wanted? What would you like to be feeling right now or do you want to be angry and just need validation that it's okay to just be angry right now and sit with why you may want to be angry. Anger is a valid emotion."
You know what my therapist says when i say I am angry? She asks, "So what's new since our last session?" And then I say, "Well this event triggered me so I got angry and reacted this way."
She IMMEDIATELY snaps at me and goes, "NO! THAT'S NOT YOUR RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT HER/HIM/THEM! STAY IN YOUR LANE!"
Um...excuse me what?
Get a new therapist. That's ridiculous. A good therapist is hard to find but don't settle for one that projects their stuff onto you.
Those are therapist red flags. I hope you found someone better.
MY issue with this whole letting clients explore is that I can do that at home for free. I am coming for help. For advice. For your expertise. Not to talk to myself.
Dr. Honda! I love the content you make on your channel. I just watched this movie on Netflix a couple of days ago. Here I am, just got home from work and get on TH-cam to see this?? I haven’t even watched your video yet, but wanted to take a moment to say you’re awesome. Okay bye, watching it…. NOW!!
Hahaha😂 “have you tried scented candles?” I literally just ordered 8 of them and I felt like a madman. So funny
24:30 I don't think he's guaranteeing he will cure the client; I think he's guaranteeing that he will improve his condition. The word 'better' here is ambiguous, but that would be a more reasonable claim.
I swear to god that somehow Dr. H is attached to my Alexa because he just recounted nearly word for word the conversation I had with my husband last night about “you should just get more sleep,” including the “mansplaining” and “no shit, Sherlock” comments. This is not the first time this has happened…in the last few days. I don’t know if I should unplug my Alexa or plug in more and hope that he analyzes the rest of my life.
I wish Dr H had listened to more of the film before commenting, there was so little of what was said in this segment. I enjoy what Dr H says (mainly) but the small soundbites from the film didn't do it justice.
Dr Honda I always learn so much from your videos. I'm currently doing postgraduate social & community work & one of the first things they emphasized to us is listening. To put aside all the intake forms for a moment and to actively listen without giving advice.
I'll be choosing family social work with a focus on young people (teens) to specialize in this upcoming semester in part owing to your discussions on family systems theory.
He didn't say he would cure your depression 100%. He said "do what I say and you'll feel better"
Very different things. I think you're misinterpreting
Yeees! I've been waiting for this!
🚩 🚩 It’s a red flag for me when people reflexively reject therapy 🚩 🚩
My husband thought therapy was a joke until I started going and he saw changes in me that he was amazed by. For him it's cultural, therapy is only for crazy people.
It's a HUGE red flag when a person is so privileged and entitled that they reject people who reject something that has caused trauma because of gaslighting, manipulation and abuse they faced. Not to mention the fact that ACTUAL mentally ill, neurodivergent or ya know, not neurotypical people cannot be helped by an incompetent person who knows nothing about you. Oh and ya know, most people can't afford to spend money like that. Some of us are disabled. Some of us are POOR. And not working!!😮
@@thedanespeaks bless you
It's just the culture of older ppl
Much more fun to watch this here with Dr Kirk than alone on Netflix 👌😎
The screech I did when I saw this video notification
This is actually way better than the movie itself lol... I thought the movie was soooo shallow. Such basic LA psychobabble. I came out of it thinking stutz is a total fraud to be honest. The man needs more therapy himself than his own clients.
As a therapist, I agree, it's what works. It depends on the client. Sometimes they start session and sometimes I do. If it's a good client/therapist relationship, it tends to flow. Not always of course, but generally. What doesn't work is when clients expect me to do their work for them.
This was beautifully done I recommend it!
I’ve actually never heard about this!
Yay!!! I’m so happy to see these video!! I loved this movie.
I've met with a lot of therapists. Honestly I hated when they started by asking me what I want out of therapy. It seemed like such a dumb question. I thought, isn't that what you're supposed to figure out and help me with? I'm here because I need help. Now help me. It felt so simplistic and unnecessary. It made me feel like they actually didn't care or have anything helpful for me. It was like I was supposed to understand my own problems. That's why I'm here!
Me too, and I'm just burnt out on it and financially I can't continue to pay for a couple sessions to see if a therapist is any good for me, decide after a couple of sessions they either aren't any good (when you're angry, try taking a breath and see if that helps. Wow, thanks for that never-heard-before approach. Issue solved!) or won't go deep, and then rinse, repeat, rinse repeat.
@@KC69134 Yeah. I get it. I think they have good intentions for the most part. They want to help but I usually felt like they didn't go deep enough or fully know what I needed. Something always felt missing. Also, they don't have a lot of incentive to actually solve problems. They get paid to listen to problems. I realized they're making a lot of money off of me, and I didn't see a lot of lasting results. I think there's some benefit but it's definitely not a solution. Or a cheap solution. I wish I could sit around and get paid to talk to people.
Spot on. I’ve always thought “how am I supposed to know...?” when therapists ask me that. Incredibly frustrating when they expect you to have enough insight into your emotions to be able to set goals and articulate your struggles like that right off the bat.
I have no trouble knowing exactly what i want.
My ex therapist on the start of the session would ask me about concrete topics. Like how is work, or how did it go with such and such. And I would spend half of the session answering her questions. Which would mean that I would rarely get ti the topics I really wanted to talk about.
Used to think well ok, she has her method and obviously se has a plan so I would comply but after 2 years I had enough. When I challenged her about she denied she made mistake and blamed me for being secretive... Good therapist needs to be able to adapt to a person and read the room, not only follow their training and vision
I started watching this doc but immediately wondered if it’s healthy to know your therapist private life that they discussed. My opinion is absolutely not .
Really? I think it's good in some ways like for example this therapist lost his brother and then Jonah lost his brother so there's a sense of the patient knowing that their therapist knows exactly what they're going through.
@@joanna0988 agree, that’s functional. But ( and I have to admit I’m just 30min in ) knowing your therapist did drugs and had a rocky childhood isn’t really helpful ?
I agree when i was a kid i had a therapist who like unprovoked told me details about her eating disorder. And like i wasnt even there for an eating disorder
@@flask223 that is very weird . Zero boundaries.
Im so excited to watch this!
How do you not listen to what is happening and then comment? Just wait for it man.
Folks in Hollywood swear by Stutz, I hear. He was on Marc Maron's WTF podcast years ago. I recommend that podcast episode over this movie. I didn't think the movie really captured the tools very well. It veered very much into Jonah Hill's relationship with Stutz, which is fine. Maybe that is what gets other dudes into badly needed therapy. Stutz put out a mini book on the shadow years ago, which is nice. but I still would have liked to see the tools more in this movie. BTW, I only watched the movie so I could watch Dr. K's commentary on it. lol.
I checked out the book and it’s only $10 on Amazon rn.
Yay! Just watched it last weekend 🥳
Dr Kirk, please would live to see your reaction to The Patient. Amazing TV series. Please 🙏 🙏 🙏
So excited for your reaction to a show I've watched.
I'm watching now. I have only seen about half of it and I already want to share it
Your experience with your first therapist was exactly like mine at the same age. I was waiting and waiting, thinking, have i told enough, please say something... I went there for 2 years out of politeness, but my feeling was, that talking to my friends was more helpful, since after i figured it wasn't a two-way thing, i kind of lost interest to go deep so it was just some trivial nonsense to waste both of ours time. But i thought that's what therapy was, so i went until i was sure it wasn't beneficial to me. Years and years later i found the kind of therapy that changed my life.
What was the therapy style that helped you?
@@trea492 dbt including 1h/week individual and 2,5h/week group therapy.
@@helen.k what is DBT? I feel like I could benefit from that. I have 30 minutes of therapy between my classes every Wednesday but I don’t know if it’ll actually help me. I found out I may be a narcissist (self diagnosed using the internet) I want to get diagnosed and I see the problems I have. I want real lasting change and a therapist or therapy that will help promote positive growth within myself so I don’t hurt other people or myself by losing relationships that mean the most to me
@@cheezuschrist firstly, I'm sorry you've been suffering. There is a new patreon rerun episode about dialectical behavior therapy, if you want a thorough explanation, but it's basically a study to recognise your feelings, change the pattern where your head goes when you encounter a hard feeling or a feeling you don't recognise and change the reaction. It's mostly done with a group so you can reflect better ways to cope and learn with vulnerability, well, actually also learn to be vulnerable before others, learn with real life examples within your group and get acceptance. It's not just random talking, but fairly structured psychoeducation with new topics every week. I hope you'll find a beneficial form of therapy for you. This could for sure be it, but you may have to look for a while until you find your fit. It's great that you're looking for help. Really. Take care!
@@helen.k thank you so much for the recommendation and I’ll look into it. I really appreciate it. It means a lot.
I’ve mentioned it before but TEAM CBT is fast therapy for depression and anxiety that really works to change your thoughts and feelings fast. Ya still should go deeper with somatic therapies tho.
Dear Dr. Honda, I would love to know how well Stutz's kind of visualization exercises work for neurodivergent people?
Could be even more effective, neurodivergent individuals can texturize the ideas that stutz was conveying in a more profound manner
I loved the doc. To me it embodied sanity, all the way around.
This documentary was brilliant
Siii 🙌👏 muchas gracias 🤗
Many thanks for your thoughts on it :)
Please do more couples therapy videos! I love those! Tks
Have you seen the show 'In Treatment' with Gabriel Byrne.Excellent.
Maybe saying, "dont come here and dumb all your shit on me", can mean - Just because you are going to a therapist dosent mean, that you are excuse for not taking responsibility for your own feelings.
If I wanted a therapist with a specific style what would be the best way to approach it ?
All of this and we could be getting 'Couple Therapy'...:(
Everytime i get to my theraphy I told my therapist I hate the question 'how are you? Triggers me and makes me more anxious
Getting to know ur client is the key...I would have stutz any day...he has it gets it and understands it
Yes!! 🥳🥳🥳
The thank you sherlock phrase remind me of one session with my actual T that after saying that I didn't like him saying something in last session he just got triggered and had his ego hurt. He literally said: you have this issue, you will probably do X thing for the following days and you are being infantile (plus too much sensitive with my words). I said, well saying this things for sure won't help me, and wow thanks for telling me some things that I already know plus judging my behavior as infantile out loud. Why so much hostility since I was not aggressive and used the I statement!?! That day I cried a lot and it took me 3 weeks to get better and accept to talk to him safely in sessions. I try to use NVC and "I-statement-phrases" but therapists keep triggering at me. Sometimes other people do as well. I really get confused.
Sounds like an insecure therapist
@@YonkoAgenda yes but that is not the first one I know. It's more common that I thought. At least at my city and circle.
DMT is my therapist.
Honestly I'd hoped you could listen better XD he's just talking about a first step, feeling better is not the same as completely cured..
Watch Stutz! it's worth it!
Are you going to make a video on the Love is blind reunión and the cuties scene?
Yes he mentioned in the last comments video that it’s already recorded but not yet released
Yeah cause we want that first these will be watched later 😂😂😂
This doesn't feel like a genuine reaction. You're watching two seconds, not even letting the film finish out the thought, and then using the two seconds of the clip to launch your own soundboard.
I just find it hilarious that "Stutz" is slang for a bad hookup over here
No concern. He is real
It was honestly so frustrating to hear you react to every single moment without letting it play out more before making comments and giving your professional opinion. I don’t think I’m the beginning he was saying that he can cure depression, he was saying that if you listen to his advice you will feel better. Very distinct difference there. But otherwise nice video.
I agree 100%
It felt like I was listening to my ex-wife interject every other sentence!
I hadn’t heard of this!
For a therapist, you are surprisingly cynical and take everything so literally..... Even from the beginning of the movie its quite interesting to see that the persepctive you take on Phil & Jonah's relationship is so rigid and narrow, especially when it comes to Phil's humour and the dark jokes he makes. I guess it's because Phil was directly criticising psychs like yourself and you felt the need to justify your stance and therapeutic approach. I know who'd I'd rather see lol
The comments are interesting. People who have therapists for years. ? Wow.
I guess insurance may cover this.
I would love to see an analysis on Darrel Brooks
I thought about emailing him when the judge was going through the forensic psych evals because she read verbatim a good chunk of at least one of the reports.
but where is the love is blind upload :(
I agree!!!! I'm kinda over it now, its been so long since the reunion 😭😭😭😭😭😭
Oh, I've been wanting to get your take on this. I have not watched yet, but, I mean, how old-school Hollywood odd is this? He made documentary on his shrink......
Hermano, we súper loved y.
It's frustrating to listen to you only listen to less than 10 or 15 seconds and then respond. Listen for a few minutes and then react. Seems like you're making a lot of assumptions without having allowed them to talk.
Christmas Tree! :)
Goddamn, your insight and commentary are so helpful and brilliant. God bless you for having this channel. (also don't believe in god but if there was one, would want you to be blessed:)
The guy is in entertainment, comedian
Not focused enough on Stutz. Its like youre afraid of what he could do to you if you talked to much smack…
Really wish you watched it ahead of time and gave your thoughts after to pull out things you want to highlight. Watching you talk at length about 10 seconds of the doc at a time is excruciating. You're not even responding to the doc that much.
Idk Stutz's approach seemed experimental and even tho he's a nice guy it just didn't seem ethical or professional to use theories he made up without research. Maybe I'm projecting because I think Jonah Hill is full of shit lol his therapist seemed nice enough albeit a bit of a quack
How come all Americans seem to be in therapy. Seems like a cultural thing
They're not. It's too expensive for the vast majority.
holy shi i would hate to have you as my therapist LMAO
Ew, the..... how are things going question has always seemed disingenuous and uninvolved
Christ, man, you play 2 seconds of the video and then talk for 30 minutes. Listen. Stop talking. Listen.
Just go watch the original video if you don’t it to be interrupted. His input is the entire point of this channel
Am I the first one commenting 😮
Jesus man, can you let the video play out a little more so we ALL have a little more context, you and us. You keep commenting on such micro moments and phrases. The series is going to be in 236 parts if this your style. Besides that annoying aspect, thanks for the video, it was... helpful in the most annoying way. Summarise stop pausing and and starting every (less than) minute.
I was looking forward to hearing your reaction but I cannot finish listening to this. You are talking 10 times more than listening and it seems like you like to hear yourself talk. You don't listen to him long enough to get a complete thought from him to respond to.