Very rarely do you get epiphanies while a friend is "just listening" to you, but quite often when a therapist is "just listening" to you. It's not a coincidence.
Honestly I did not think I was going to love this series so much. Lots of cool new to me ideas percolating in my brain. Thanks for working hard and bein you, Dr Kirk ❤
I really found a lot of value from Phil Stutz books, The Tools and Coming Alive. I'd like to see Dr. Honda read these books (they are not long) and comment again. But I also enjoyed Dr. Honda's comments. But there's on tool, from The Tools, that helps me so much: It's when I get obsessed about someone I feel hurt by. You feel love in your heart, let it fill all of you and all around you. Then concentrate that love in your heart. Then imagine the person you're obsessed with and send love straight from your heart into their heart. After a bit that love comes back at me and fills me again. And I am over the obsession. It's really cool how well it works for me. Yeah every tool isn't for everyone but Stutz has developed some profound tools. Nothing wrong with good therapy (it's great), AND Stutz' tools can make an immediate difference with present problems.
I wanted to cry just reading your description of that visualization exercise! Imagine how different life would be if humans did this on a regular basis.
Sometimes I bring things to my therapist to "just listen" to because it feels like a safe place to confide. I don't necessarily want to complain about my relationship with my mom or gossip about one friend with another. I can talk things out with an objective third party without talking about someone behind someone else's back and maybe spoiling their reputation in some way.
Yes and lots of my friends are exhausted by my issues with my in-laws so I feel better taking that stuff to a professional who also gives me tools to process the issues plus different perspectives.
Absolutely! Heck even if it’s a weird problem that we’re stuck on like do I take that other job, or whatever. It’s not that you want them to tell you what to do…but kinda someone holding your hand as you think it through out loud. Or if there’s a problem you need to bring to a loved one, they can help you kinda prepare to do that. Lots of fantastic uses of it.
I think when people say therapist "just" listen , they're leaving a very important part behind, which is that therapist create a safe and comfortable space for people to express themselves. I don't think listening is as easy as people make it to be, but even if... How many of us would feel comfortable telling what we tell our therapist to anyone else? It's not casual, it's part of therapy itself. I wish more people have it a chance before believing the 'just' listening story
My therapist was very reluctant to self disclose anything in the first year of our therapeutic relationship. I've been seeing him for 5 years now and he's less reluctant to share some things. The one time he self disclosed his beliefs about homosexuality, it was the breakthrough I needed to overcome my religious trauma. I think that it made him feel less wary about self disclosure.
Doodling is also really useful to learn and remember things. It was one of my favourite study tricks in school/university. I'd draw concepts to study, or doodle random things in class when I was really tired to keep my brain activated and focused on the lecture.
I was lucky enough to find my therapist on my first try. She has been so helpful to me. I guess it's not 100% listening therapy, but very close. And I'm happy about that. After years I can see she knew from the first day most of my issued, but she allowed me to find out for myself and I'm not sure I would have listened if she just layed it out to me directly. I'm grateful for her and please let's stop saying therapy is "JUST" listening. Big hug!
I always try to tell friends who are looking into a therapist, that don’t fret if you aren’t jiving with the first or third therapist. We’re all different and have different personalities, needs or desired outcomes. If your not feeling it, tell them. They won’t be offended and may even have a great recommendation to try if you want.
i dismiss listening therapy because it feels like a waste of time - mine and the therapists - and doesnt do anything i couldn’t get from a journal. this video is making me reconsider why i feel that way - thanks!
Good therapists can steer convo along productive routes. Not dwelling on the "why" of a situation in a negative feedback loop. A friend might join in that trip down a "why did _____ do that" dead end. A good therapist won't. That's valuable.
Do you think this therapist would appeal more to men? I know my husband was skeptical of therapy but if he saw a therapist talk like this and be so "action" minded he would probably be more open to talking to them.
Stutz has a universal appeal - a quality unteachable and divine. I think a different subset of therapists are effective with very few kinds of personalities. If 10 professionals had identical training, certain ones would be limited by their character and communication.
Also im excited to watch your face reacting to the PLOT TWIST in this doc hahahahahahah my jaw, istg, dropped to the floor. I never in my life have seen a documentary do something like that before
Thank you for talking about the gendered aspect! "Women just want to talk and cry" is so demeaning, like you can have all the tools and it not address any of the actual problem's in one's life.
Yeah to have the right fit is everything. It takes a while to find a therapist that suits you and its even beyond the method. it's also about personality and whether you match on personal level. I have done 2 years of the therqpy that was focused on coaching, hear and now ,tool based method which was great cause it emopwered me to make changes and put me in the driving seat. But it wasn't sufficient to heal my traumas and defuse anxiety. I switched now to more analytical approach that helps me to understand and heal my traumas. I think it's important to change therapist from time to time to hit the problem from different angles.
I had a therapist that was, in my opinion, abusively aggressive. Yelled at me and got angry with me that I was scared about something medical that wasn't very likely to happen, but I took medical action to check it out and they yelled at me that I was wasting the system's time and money. I did not enjoy the "tough love/bootcamp" type of therapy. I had another that just listened.. and nothing else.. and that felt like a huge waste of time. I didn't want tools, necessarily, but I wanted guidance down the journey... to each their own, but I feel like the aggressive bootcamp/tough love.. there's a fine line.
Also - true that... I ran into that with tools. I hated being given the homework because it gets so overwhelming, or it's things I don't feel confident to go down the path of alone, but I know someone who actually did all the homework and it helped them and it helped long-term until the homework became part of their mind's process.
Honestly I've only ever had sweet therapists and and i think it's time to try someone like stutz. I don't really like to talk in therapy and those therapists who just sit silent nodding started to annoy me lol. Also, i need someone who will be like ALRIGHT SPILL IT when i start to just say things that don't really matter like ooh i went grocery shopping, then i watched a movie, then i took a nap.... Like i get home and I'm frustrated i wasted therapy time with useless shit when there are lots of more important things to talk about, but im not strong enough to do that during the session and the sweet therapists all just let me say whatever and waste time
I agree with that 100%. I'm avoidant so when a therapist was"sweet" or just let me ramble on I got nothing out of it. Because, of course, I couldn't bring up the difficult issues I really needed addressed. Then I hated myself for all the money I've wasted. I haven't gone back since.
The reviewer seems out of touch with how unproductive a lot of talk therapy is. I definitely get where Jonah is coming from and I'm in a totally different part of the country.
I would have enjoyed this so much more if you had watched it once through and knew when to stop it instead of trying to get what he was saying before he had a chance to say it. why so few comments, will I be edited out?
You just described your clients as starving rabid hoarding squirrels that privately admire your love notes to symbolize your love to keep them going lol da fuck
You've clearly got a motive of watching this in bad faith, but no, he's literally saying that sometimes clients come in and don't want him to go into deeper details that could help them better utilize tools, but they meanwhile WANT the tools, so of course he'll give them those tools. And maybe they'll be able to utilize them well without any other work about their personalities, but if they have behavioral or personality issues they don't want to reflect on, there's also a good chance that they won't handle those tools well.
I was cracking up when you said “Humberto … he’s okay”
Very rarely do you get epiphanies while a friend is "just listening" to you, but quite often when a therapist is "just listening" to you. It's not a coincidence.
TOTALLY agree!
I guess it depends. I totally have those moments with friends, who are very good listeners. It's definitely an acquired skill if you ask me
One thing I think you have overlooked, is how likeable Stutz is. That's a gift and a valuable one to therapy surely?
Honestly I did not think I was going to love this series so much. Lots of cool new to me ideas percolating in my brain. Thanks for working hard and bein you, Dr Kirk ❤
I really found a lot of value from Phil Stutz books, The Tools and Coming Alive. I'd like to see Dr. Honda read these books (they are not long) and comment again. But I also enjoyed Dr. Honda's comments. But there's on tool, from The Tools, that helps me so much: It's when I get obsessed about someone I feel hurt by. You feel love in your heart, let it fill all of you and all around you. Then concentrate that love in your heart. Then imagine the person you're obsessed with and send love straight from your heart into their heart. After a bit that love comes back at me and fills me again. And I am over the obsession. It's really cool how well it works for me. Yeah every tool isn't for everyone but Stutz has developed some profound tools. Nothing wrong with good therapy (it's great), AND Stutz' tools can make an immediate difference with present problems.
I wanted to cry just reading your description of that visualization exercise! Imagine how different life would be if humans did this on a regular basis.
If you liked that read Phil Stutz and Barry Michels books! The Tools and Coming Alive. So glad you enjoyed that.
@@cesenther I'll definitely check them out, thanks !
Just feel the love
Yup, I also figured that out. I projected a lot of emotions on other people.
Sometimes I bring things to my therapist to "just listen" to because it feels like a safe place to confide. I don't necessarily want to complain about my relationship with my mom or gossip about one friend with another. I can talk things out with an objective third party without talking about someone behind someone else's back and maybe spoiling their reputation in some way.
Yes and lots of my friends are exhausted by my issues with my in-laws so I feel better taking that stuff to a professional who also gives me tools to process the issues plus different perspectives.
Absolutely! Heck even if it’s a weird problem that we’re stuck on like do I take that other job, or whatever. It’s not that you want them to tell you what to do…but kinda someone holding your hand as you think it through out loud.
Or if there’s a problem you need to bring to a loved one, they can help you kinda prepare to do that.
Lots of fantastic uses of it.
I think when people say therapist "just" listen , they're leaving a very important part behind, which is that therapist create a safe and comfortable space for people to express themselves. I don't think listening is as easy as people make it to be, but even if... How many of us would feel comfortable telling what we tell our therapist to anyone else? It's not casual, it's part of therapy itself. I wish more people have it a chance before believing the 'just' listening story
Thank you, Dr. Honda. Great video.
There is a reason why Frasiers catchfrase on the radio was ”I’m listening”.
My therapist was very reluctant to self disclose anything in the first year of our therapeutic relationship. I've been seeing him for 5 years now and he's less reluctant to share some things. The one time he self disclosed his beliefs about homosexuality, it was the breakthrough I needed to overcome my religious trauma. I think that it made him feel less wary about self disclosure.
Doodling is also really useful to learn and remember things. It was one of my favourite study tricks in school/university. I'd draw concepts to study, or doodle random things in class when I was really tired to keep my brain activated and focused on the lecture.
I was lucky enough to find my therapist on my first try. She has been so helpful to me. I guess it's not 100% listening therapy, but very close. And I'm happy about that. After years I can see she knew from the first day most of my issued, but she allowed me to find out for myself and I'm not sure I would have listened if she just layed it out to me directly. I'm grateful for her and please let's stop saying therapy is "JUST" listening.
Big hug!
I always try to tell friends who are looking into a therapist, that don’t fret if you aren’t jiving with the first or third therapist. We’re all different and have different personalities, needs or desired outcomes. If your not feeling it, tell them. They won’t be offended and may even have a great recommendation to try if you want.
i dismiss listening therapy because it feels like a waste of time - mine and the therapists - and doesnt do anything i couldn’t get from a journal. this video is making me reconsider why i feel that way - thanks!
Good therapists can steer convo along productive routes. Not dwelling on the "why" of a situation in a negative feedback loop.
A friend might join in that trip down a "why did _____ do that" dead end.
A good therapist won't. That's valuable.
I'm so happy you started reacting to this. As soon as I started watching I said to my husband that it would be a good reaction for your channel hehe
Do you think this therapist would appeal more to men? I know my husband was skeptical of therapy but if he saw a therapist talk like this and be so "action" minded he would probably be more open to talking to them.
Stutz has a universal appeal - a quality unteachable and divine. I think a different subset of therapists are effective with very few kinds of personalities. If 10 professionals had identical training, certain ones would be limited by their character and communication.
Also im excited to watch your face reacting to the PLOT TWIST in this doc hahahahahahah my jaw, istg, dropped to the floor. I never in my life have seen a documentary do something like that before
Thank you for talking about the gendered aspect! "Women just want to talk and cry" is so demeaning, like you can have all the tools and it not address any of the actual problem's in one's life.
Yeah to have the right fit is everything. It takes a while to find a therapist that suits you and its even beyond the method. it's also about personality and whether you match on personal level. I have done 2 years of the therqpy that was focused on coaching, hear and now ,tool based method which was great cause it emopwered me to make changes and put me in the driving seat. But it wasn't sufficient to heal my traumas and defuse anxiety. I switched now to more analytical approach that helps me to understand and heal my traumas.
I think it's important to change therapist from time to time to hit the problem from different angles.
You are my stutz Dr Kirk
I like the monochrome theme of this series.
I was going to see a therapist but I chickened out I felt like I would overwhelm them I'm not kidding
Keep it up!❤
Have you seen the Series 'In Treatment ' with Gabriel Byrne.Excellent.
I had a therapist that was, in my opinion, abusively aggressive. Yelled at me and got angry with me that I was scared about something medical that wasn't very likely to happen, but I took medical action to check it out and they yelled at me that I was wasting the system's time and money. I did not enjoy the "tough love/bootcamp" type of therapy. I had another that just listened.. and nothing else.. and that felt like a huge waste of time. I didn't want tools, necessarily, but I wanted guidance down the journey... to each their own, but I feel like the aggressive bootcamp/tough love.. there's a fine line.
Also - true that... I ran into that with tools. I hated being given the homework because it gets so overwhelming, or it's things I don't feel confident to go down the path of alone, but I know someone who actually did all the homework and it helped them and it helped long-term until the homework became part of their mind's process.
Yikes sounds awful , good you recognized that was not healthy
Yelling at a client is never okay.
Honestly I've only ever had sweet therapists and and i think it's time to try someone like stutz. I don't really like to talk in therapy and those therapists who just sit silent nodding started to annoy me lol. Also, i need someone who will be like ALRIGHT SPILL IT when i start to just say things that don't really matter like ooh i went grocery shopping, then i watched a movie, then i took a nap.... Like i get home and I'm frustrated i wasted therapy time with useless shit when there are lots of more important things to talk about, but im not strong enough to do that during the session and the sweet therapists all just let me say whatever and waste time
I agree with that 100%. I'm avoidant so when a therapist was"sweet" or just let me ramble on I got nothing out of it. Because, of course, I couldn't bring up the difficult issues I really needed addressed. Then I hated myself for all the money I've wasted. I haven't gone back since.
The reviewer seems out of touch with how unproductive a lot of talk therapy is. I definitely get where Jonah is coming from and I'm in a totally different part of the country.
I agree with everything you are saying, but I feel like you take some of their dialogue a little too literal.
What does he say at the very beginning of the video? I can't understand him.
"Hey, deserving listeners." :-) As 'Psychology In Seattle' started out as a podcast.
@@EmOrganizer oooohh. Thank you. I couldn't figure it out. For some reason it didn't make sense.
I think Jonah Hill should make a second one focusing on the opposite listening focused style. In a way that props it up and shows it’s merits too.
I would have enjoyed this so much more if you had watched it once through and knew when to stop it instead of trying to get what he was saying before he had a chance to say it. why so few comments, will I be edited out?
You just described your clients as starving rabid hoarding squirrels that privately admire your love notes to symbolize your love to keep them going lol da fuck
how tf is this what you got from what he said
You just described that you will invent tools and manipulate your clients because they pay you lol and then are too stupid to use them IRL
You've clearly got a motive of watching this in bad faith, but no, he's literally saying that sometimes clients come in and don't want him to go into deeper details that could help them better utilize tools, but they meanwhile WANT the tools, so of course he'll give them those tools. And maybe they'll be able to utilize them well without any other work about their personalities, but if they have behavioral or personality issues they don't want to reflect on, there's also a good chance that they won't handle those tools well.