When I was in high school in Miami I had a classmate (black girl) who fell pregnant. The guy was kinda sorta her bf. He told her that he would help her. ("Help" her-- baby that's your kid too!) And all our girl classmates were encouraging her. I was the only one telling her no. I told her I would take the bus with her to Hialeah and we worked together to scrounge up the cash for what needed to be done, the antibiotics and a taxi home. I stayed with her that night at her place. It's nearly 40 years later. The guy went to prison for killing someone in a club. She is now the property manager for a company that handles airbnb type condo units in Miami and she has well over 200 ppl working under her including engineering, maintenance and cleaners. Every year she sends me a Christmas card.
You saved her from a life time of struggles... the majority of black teens have babies just because they got pregnant.... abortion isn't an option, mostly religious beliefs or hiding it until it's too late...I went to a majority white school and not one was pregnant, they were on birth control or had multiple abortions...the few black girls that were pregnant had to give birth and grew up fast
You drastically helped changed her life for the better.. there’s no telling what could’ve happened. You’re blessed, I’m always loving how she remembers your kind act and sends appreciation 💗💕
This is a generational curse the black community needs a hard reset no kids.. kids will be in poverty the men will abandon the kids .. the black community is not conducive to child raring you will be in poverty
@@MyDuckSaysFucc yeah. Some women do not like to take birth control and at the same time they are not demanding that the men wear condoms to lessen the likelihood of a pregnancy.
You deserve to be congratulated, I know firsthand how hard it can be to stand by your choice and not get pressured by society. Congratulations and welcome 👏❤️
My mother told me and my sisters not to have kids. My older sister and I listened and remained childfree. My oldest sister DID NOT and had 6 kids by 4 different men. As a result, she was a lifelong welfare and section 8 queen. People don't even believe she is our sister because our lives are so vastly different. My brothers also have kids. I got enough nieces and nephews to last me a lifetime, but I only see them when I want to, mostly on Thanksgiving. I want nothing to do with actual motherhood. I love my life of peace, freedom, and financial security. So does my sister. She is married to a retired Air Force pilot and living her best life. They go everywhere.
I love this for you and your other child-free sister. My mother also warned me to not follow in her footsteps. I am so glad I listened! I have nieces and nephews...I barely know them and will let them know to reach out after they finish high school if they want to hang out. I don't want to be involved in their negative conditioning and everything else I don't agree with that they're being exposed to too young. I love them but they're not my responsibility and I never got attached. I have my own life to live.
Yep. I come from a family of 3 girls. I saw my mother struggle with single motherhood (due to separation/divorce from our father) even though my father paid his cs and did not “disappear” from his children’s lives. We were still poor. I hated being poor. My mother struggling with 3 kids did not look “fun.” Only the youngest (baby mama😂) had children. I love my nieces, but I have never been involved in any co-parenting or childcare-I’m an aunt to a reason! Further, nobody who knows ME, would open their pie hole to ask me to babysit. It just doesn’t come up in conversation with me. Nobody does or has. 😼 I ain’t the one.
Tell your sister and her husband to protect their assets ASAP. My in-laws had an aunt/uncle couple like this. They wanted children but never did. They owned their home, traveled, and kept friends and family close. Both died horribly as a result of family leeching. In laws had to become beneficiaries and re-homed them on the cheap. They continue to use their bank accounts for growth and live in their house!
I will never understand why women still believe that men will be with you after a child...married men will leave their own families. Why do you think a boyfriend would stick around..men are in and out its in their nature.
That part. These silly women love clowning divorced mothers, as if being a single mother is better. They are just embarrassed and want to make everyone equal to them so they don't carry the shame.
I want to believe our brains are wired differently. I don't know how some people chose "Struggle". There are many things in this world to worry about. I'm not about to add children to it. Can someone tell these women they can actually have "SEX" without getting pregnant especially after the first one. It's crazy how human beings inflict pain on themselves willingly.
I'm childfree for these reasons. I married young, he cheated with his co-worker and left, and i've been happily single since and thriving. If we had a kid, I know that he would have given me a hard time with custody/child support. I was the loneliest when I was married, so even if got a man, doesn't mean you will be cherished by him. Women need to go into relationships with our heads, rather than our hearts--most males don't know how to properly handle a woman's heart.
imho some people think the "village" means free, unlimited babysitting and financial assistance. it's hard for everyone right now so why would they pick up for your slack...i feel bad for the woman with the 4 kids, i cant begin to imagine of having to take care of that many in this economy. i don't understand how it took 4 times but each person has their way of learning life's lessons i just dont like the kids have to pay the most along the way.
I honestly enjoy being part of the village so I’ll usually do it for free if it’s a once a week thing. Unfortunately we do live in a capitalistic society so it is hard for the village to be free.
I don’t feel bad for those who chose to have kids. And the ones who chose to have more than one, i really don’t feel sorry for them because after the first one they should’ve already figured out how much work it was before continuing to have more. The only ones i do feel sorry for is the ones who had them children by force due to SA. But the ones who were not SA’d that resulted in having that child, they gets no sympathy from me.
@tanisha7789 I don't understand how they keep saying it's a mistake, after the first child. I may agree with the first child, but after that it's a choice.
My sister has three kids and for the past tens years she’s been telling me “don’t have kids.” Until recently I really didn’t understand how serious she was but after listening to these women’s experiences, I get it now. 😢 And she has a village! She has lots of friends and help. Her kids go to summer camp and friends or relatives will take them for a couple weeks or even a month a couple times a year and she still tells me don’t do it.
I'm sorry but...what? I can understand having one maybe even two but four?! I'm happy that she can recognise her mistakes and is learning from that. I'm also happy that I can see vidoes like this at 24 because I really don't want to end up like this. It is so terrifying. This is also why I'm single and staying a virgin for as long as possible.
People always say to be financially stable but, they leave out the fact that you need to be mentally, emotionally and spiritually stable FIRST. Having children makes your life exponentially more difficult. I want Women to know that you can have a meaningful and fulfilling life without having children.
She's a real one. The fake ones will hype you up until you have that man's baby even though it was a one-night stand, he's abusive, and y'all were in a situationship.
Just dont have a child until you can take care of them on your own, and you can afford them and have considered what kind of life and experiences you want for them. There is no need to rush and, most importantly, dont have a child just because you got pregnant.
No woman is going to want to take care of children alone. Her working diminishes the want of having children. Plus men shouldn't have the privilege of having children if they aren't working for the mother.
@@biblethumper8088I have a friend who was ready to become a single mom, she had broken up with her longterm partner at 28 and at 30 she didn't want to wait to have kids anymore. She then ended up having to wait anyway because she met her current partner with whom she's now expecting their 2nd. But she was fully ready to be a single mom because kids are the only thing she really really wanted. But most people wouldn't choose to be single mothers, that's true.
Why don't they give the kids to the dads. I swear women are still trying to carry patriarchy on their back will the men walk away. Let him be the main parent and you be the weekend parent.
We’re scared of being accused of being a dead beat parent. The dad will tell the children every chance he gets how horrible of a person the mom is. A lot of moms won’t do this because they know how emotionally tragic it would be on them.
@@JanayNikki it's tragic being raised by a single mother. Don't you hear how these adult children despise their mothers for staying? Bw need to wise up and let these children go. Millions of women have tried and failed before you.
@@JanayNikki and it doesn't matter what he tells them. You have to think about self preservation because children will drag you down into poverty and will seek a relationship with the father who left them for d___d.
@BeAWarriorNoTAVictim I don't believe that, what usually happens is they get the next woman to raise their children for them, usually the deadbeats mother or they typically get into another relationship quickly with some young dumb woman who can act as mother to the kids. All while complaining to anyone that will listen that they are a single parent. But I know the children's mothers will do a much better job as the weekend parent than most men do. It will give the women a chance to save for those kids futures and improve her own career to increase earnings to pour back into the children. These men get all this free time after separation and they use it to spend money on the next dumb woman or to stay broke and underemployed and to keep returning to the children's mother saying they have changed and want to be an involved dad but in reality they just need a roof and a provider woman to let them live without responsibility
I sincerely believe that women should only have as many children as they can comfortably take care of on their own with no partner. I stopped at one in my marriage even though my ex husband was pushing hard for a second soon after my first was born. Glad I said we should wait a bit, because not even a year later we were filing divorce. I now parent one son and am having a wonderful time as a mom. I financially support him and myself with ease and we are living an amazing life. I know for a fact I would be stressed mentally and financially with 2 and can’t imagine my life with more.
I have two adult children. Neither one plans on having children for various reasons and not once have I told them they should. My daughter is engaged and her fiancé doesn't want kids because he already has 8 nieces and nephews. They are living their lives and can't see giving up their freedom to kids. People want everyone to just follow this unwritten rule book on life and they give in to society telling them to have children and want to shame those that choose not to take that route. If you want kids, fine. If you don't want kids, fine. Do what's best for you and not what other people tell you what you're expected to do just because millions of others before them did it.
Sometimes you just can't with some of these stories. You figure that the first time is naivete. The second time is because you still had a foot in delulu land, which had you in your 'feels' that "next time it's gone be different". After that, come on people. Now, I do hope this mom gets help for the sake of the children involved. But, sometimes we have to take those 'L's' and use them as an indicator that we need to come up with a different game plan for our life.
She was only with two men, she had 3 boys to the one guy and then the little girl just recently. I had a friend who took her Birth control but still got pregnant. 2 times, when she stopped taking them and go and get a tubal, she got cancer and it killed her. I say, just don't even bother in the first place. Never miss what you never had. it is overrated anyways. LOL
Doing anything with the assumption that you will have others to help you is usually always a bad decision - especially when it comes to having a child. If you want to be a mother, you should do so knowing you may very well have to be doing it on your own. If you aren’t financially able to PAY for the help you need, when you need it, then don’t have them. Other people have their own lives, and if you aren’t paying them for their aid, they are under no obligation to relieve the load you chose to take on. A relative is a single mom and I make it very clear to her often that she knew my childfree stance since I was a child. I will help in a true emergency if there are truly no other options, but otherwise, you have to figure it out because I don’t want you getting comfortable relying on me for childcare. This was your lifestyle choice. I want nothing to do with any aspect of childcare and never have and am not going to alter MY chosen lifestyle to accommodate yours.
Exactly. Well said. It's normal to want a living supportive family system, but to have children expecting them to help raise your children is completely offensive and entitled thinking. Family support is by choice, not by force.
I always try to be there for my friends but they know not to call on me for childrearing help. You need a shoulder, a listening ear, drop by the farmacy if you're sick? Sure. But I'm the absolute last babysitter you should ever call because there's not much I enjoy less than having to deal with getting kids fed and into bed.
4. If you change your mind there are options like adoption,freezing embroys or eggs and surrogate mother (which cost money of course ) 5. Otherwise ,do what makes you happy
@theaqua1517 I'm okay for now, but thank you! Since Alabama ruled that embryos are people, I can move there, take some eggs out, fertilize them , freeze them, and then write those "kids" off on my taxes. 🤣
I’m 35, no kids. I might adopt when I’m older. But it’ll be an older child. I was orphaned at 15 so it would be someone in a situation like that. I’ve never wanted to be pregnant
I’m 48 and CF and it’s the BEST. I do like kids and if I’d of had a healthy childhood and met a healthy man in a healthy environment I may have been a good mom. But those situations are few and far between. I’d say even you want kids WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE YOUR NAME ON A HOME AND A LEGAL SPOUSE. ❤
@@Jessejessen_ I think alot these women are....intellectually slow. I don't mean sound mean but...these women who are poor, broke single mothers always give slow bus energy....1.56 GPA. The women who went to college and develop stable careers then became single mothers are completely different than these women. Completely different.
The issue is choosing the wrong partner and having more than you can handle. 4 is no joke... please use protection!!! You don't want to use protection and want to come here "advising" people. Advise ppl to use protection and plan emotionally and financially and marry if they want to have kids. Your experience is not everyone's experience with kids. You chose an abuser and to stay with him and have a baby, it's no accident to not protect yourself.
Women are acting like people want to be alive. Why do you think crime is so high? Why do you think deletions are so high? People do not want to be here! Stop bringing them here.
I have a cute medium size dog that is more than enough for me to handle. I've considered never having kids a long time ago and seeing as I had a hard time adjusting to my dog and sometimes I just don't want to walk her but I know I have to, children are off the table. I love my dog and I take super good care of her, but sometimes I just want to take a break. I can't imagine the people who are single and alone with kids. Horrible. Our entire economic structure in the US is not designed to encourage people having families. Kids are too expensive, especially day care and they put a lot of stress on the family. You really have to be ready and want them. Also birth control. When I was dating casually, I would purposely tell men I wasn't on any to force them into wearing a condom. I was on birth control consistently and I didn't have any issues going to get the morning after pill in case an oopsie happened. I never had to worry about kids. If it's not serious, he isn't owed the right to know if you are on birth control or not. Because he will whine condoms suck as soon as he knows. Nope. Either wrap it up or else. Dont let dudes bully you into letting them sex without one.
What I don’t understand is why not consider abortion. I know many women who have done that and it saved their lives. If I ever found myself in the same situation I wouldn’t hesitate to get one.
Sorry, but the village is not responsible for their walking, talking and breathing decisions. I don’t like how she told people interested in kids to only have kids when they have a village. Like naw, you chose to lie down and make those decisions, the village didn’t make those decisions for you.
Exactly. Those women that talk about not having a village literally have not been a village to anyone else, that’s why they so easily spew out entitlement. On three separate occasions I’ve had to drop my life and go and look after different family members children while they were in hospital or travelled. The last one had twins in her 40s and I would go from my overnight job when I didn’t have uni the next morning to sleep on the floor in between the cribs so that I can help her out. It was the most tiring and challenging experience I’ve had. But because of that experience I’m not approaching having children lightly nor am I ever going to depend upon a village for anything because I never want to put other women through what I went through. It’s not fair to just expect the unpaid labour of women.
Why would anyone choose to be a single mother once, let alone 4 times? That is the last person who should talk about having kids. She did not go about it a smart way. Even if she had one abusive child father why continue to have kdis after that?
I am even scared to have 1 kid let alone 4 kids. I always feel like once you have one you're more than likely to have more unless you make sure to not have them ie birth control, condoms etc.. My mom had 7 of us and she check out mentally many times. I could just see how she was barely making it, but she did keep us together. For that I am proud of her. We struggled growing up with things being cut off and having to move around a lot because mom was struggling to pay rent. Luckily my mom got this great job and they helped us a lot with clothes, food, paying our bills, and more. Out of 5 girls and 2 boys. My brother is the only one who has 2 kids and married. My other sister just got married and she's 34 years old. I want to be married and possibly have kids, but with money behind me and support from friends and family. I am not there in my lofe right now though.
when I tell you everything sis says is real..the operative word "Village"...it is nearly impossible without..i am fighting for my life and my children..DO NOT PASS GO..don't do it
I have trauma from my own childhood thats why I DON'T have kids. I still carry that trauma now. I think she really just didn't know or understand the level of her trauma until she started having her own kids.
They act like birth control, celibacy/abstinence, and simply telling a man NO are not options in life. Then they get online and want sympathy for being victims of their own stupidity.
@@Childfree334 😂 Chile....😂...these heffas always give off short bus energy....like....low IQ score energy....250 SAT score realness...😂 It's 2024....we know what these 🥷🏾 give...why are signing up for this??? Why???????
This is going to sound a little silly but another thing is I was always scared of the process of giving birth..... The whole thing carrying the child all the risks that go with, the stretching out, etc etc..... It looks so uncomfortable and scary why would I want to go through that voluntarily
I have scars, so does my niece, not going to lie, it will scar you. inside and out and it takes your body about a year to get back but it will never be like it was before. Just saying. your hips will be wider and the fat will live on you longer.
This woman could’ve avoided all of this by simply being on birth control yet she’s probably not. I can’t understand why women don’t learn their lesson after one child yet they keep getting pregnant.
BW focus on yourselves! I'm sick of us being put in pain. Generational trauma, neglect and abuse. ENOUGH! Everything is womens fault so singlehood/courting forever 🤷♀️. I still need lots of space if I were with someone.
But why stress the village out...? Asking for a friend...and myself. My sister has two kids and I'm the one being told to help her, if she struggles I'm looked at to come to her rescue. Why stress the village out and let the BD chill tf???
Because we're all in this together. When you need help, who's going to be there for you if you're being selfish? Community is so important, they uplift you and support you and you support others. The individualism in this country is so sad. People here dont realize what they're missing when you actually know the people around you.
@@VannaMae my apologies, maybe I should've kept it simple. Why do women keep stressing out other women with their kids instead of the men they made the same kids with???
I don't think it's just Black women, but all women. we have be taught from day one that we are beneath man and we are not equal, so we are taught to be mild and quiet and to take our punishment because they also blame women for the fall of mankind. But, Eve was lied too, but old Adam stood right beside her and bite the apple knowingly.
@@roshellegouldbourne787 no, it tells the same story that happens to every women no matter the color or race. the tactics may seem a little different, but the end result is the same. CONTROL.
Please listen to the wisdom. And for those saying "Marry before you carry!" Smh, that's a trick of the devil, married men teap wives with babies too. Then start cheating and make you feel Obligated to Stay because of The Kids.
Such a sad reality to face for a lot of us women who grew up looking forward to motherhood. But she’s right! It’s just not a smart move. I personally can’t even think of a man id trust enough to be the father a child needs, nor one id like to be permanently tied to.
Kids are awesome when u can give them back to their parents at the end of the day. I hate noise and mess and I don’t want to share my money. Ladies please get an iud and a second form of bc. Stay safe
I was brought up by My Mom and my Dad was out of the picture. (he was an abusive alcoholic tried to see if he could get away with hitting my Mom and luckily my Mom wasn't having it). She made me into the strong woman I am today. She had to play both roles of a Father and Mother. She warned me not to have kids when I was a child myself. This didn't make me feel bad or anything cause I knew my Moms loved me and my sister. There was never a time that I ever had to doubt that. So I always wondered what it is she meant. Now I know. I'm so grateful.
Please continue to monitor your blood panels and hormone levels. Your body has been through more than you realize…. just so you could have sex with men. And this might cost you painful periods and hormone issues in the future. I’m dead serious.
And the advice they could give her would be “she should’ve gotten married first” like that shit makes a difference. She would’ve just been a married single mother.
I tbink what a lot of single mothers might miss is they're a part of the village too, and it doesn't serve just one person. If you need the village's support for emotional and financial support, and you cant give back in some way (it doesn't have to be the exact return) then it feels unfair. I'm a part of a village for a few mothers and I notice that there are some who give back in the ways that they can manage: they listen when I have a hard time or they give me a small gift now and again. They spend time when they are able, and they make that time about us and not the kids. They're a part of my village as much as I am of theirs. I'm not insisting on being gifted if they need my support....i just notice that the villages that are the strongest are the ones that are maintained. One of those single mothers calls it reciprocity and she's big on being my village too.
While you can end up a married single mother, still, don't carry until you're married. Just because you can crash your car anyway doesn't mean you should drink and drive. Marriage offers a number of legal protections most men are not willing to give you unless they are serious about you, while those same men will be cool putting a baby into any random woman they meet.
This is coming from a mother of 1 with a husband that is not inept partner and 2 sets of grand parents that helps( sometimes) and friends who help.Do not have kids without a village. I am one and done( tubes removed) and I have a village. A caring partner and good friends to help you. Trust me do not
lol I have a husband and 2 kids and I’m not planning on having anymore 😂😂😂😂😂 even tho I’m married I still don’t see the need of having any more children I have 2 boys sorry but I ain’t going after no girl I’m good I just want to enjoy what I have now
Ppl really knew to stop caring about ppl judging them 🤦🏽♀️ you weren’t worried about being judged when you were doing whatever you were doing that you didn’t wanna be judged for
I understand wanting children….in the world our parents had that did t have to deal with the socioeconomic issues we are right now. That’s honestly what too much goes back to along with the turn of cultural expectations of men to be fathers and husbands. I’m not talking in the traditional sense though. I mean the motivation and desire to procreate out of love and hope for the future. We have seen behind the veil and we are unsubscribing and deconstructing from the beliefs pushed down our throats by the church and older generations who had different circumstances. I’m so glad we’re talking about this collectively to help one another prevent issues instead of just get out of them.
@MedusssssaChristo 0 seconds ago I love & wanted my children but I am not having any more out of my body. I didn’t enjoy pregnancy, childbirth & raising annoying screaming nasty infants. I love my children more as they became older. I felt rather disconnected when they were infants. Me & my children are very close now & I’m just a big child around them 😭😂
I wish more women were honest with themselves and seek help for mental health before having romantic relationships and children. I just don't understand having multiple children when things are going south 🤷🏽♀️
You should only have kids with a man who you would trust to be a single father. Cus if something happens to you, then your kids getting malnutrition based illnesses should not be a consequence of that.
What I say isn't meant to sound mean, I just don't get why after 2 boys and an abusive relationship continuing having another kid not even being in a committed relationship?? 2 kids are already hard to raise while being in a bad relationship and after that 2 more children?? Thats the part where I think emotionally broken women unconsciously want to have a baby to keep a man and they think finally the picture perfect family developes. It's just bizarre to me to keep having kids while being overwhelmed with the first 2 kids, why would anybody do that?? Condoms cost nothing... I don't have a lot of compassion for her situation, I know it sounds mean, but I'm just trying to say this woman is traumatised and her irresponsible behaviour shows it... she needs help
Team one and done it’s a hell no for me I tell everyone far and wide do not have kids our community does not like kids the fatherless rate, foster care rate,poverty…avoid at all costs
After I heard breastfeeding for one year is almost the equivalent to a 40 hour work week for a year with holidays…. And ain’t no holiday breaks with a child… I think I’m ok. In fact, I AM OK. I already don’t have a village for myself, so with a child… nah. Hell to the naw naw naw.
4:12 Girl, you did that. If you like it, ❤️ it! I’m am so glad I never had kids, the primary reason i am glad, I would not want my kids in school all day with children of irresponsible people! No shade to their kids, but I wouldn’t want my kids exposed to this! 😢
Don't have kids young if you want kids. If you do, you will always be at the mercy of men. If you marry under 26, wait till 27 -30 to have your first child.
Depends on the person. My husband, God Rest his soul, was useless. He didn't want to be bothered with the kids, who are now grown. On the other hand, my dad, God rest his soul, was a hands-on amazing dad. I was married to my husband until death parted us for 24 years and my parents were married 60 years when my dad passed away. My parents helped with my kids more than my husband.
@@Childfree334 partially true.. but like there are soo many single married moms with kids. Who have the ring but fathers aren’t active. So it’s like I’d rather do it alone. However I can fault them for laying down with a man who can’t provide AT LEAST!
My little boy who is 4 is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I am also a single mama. My boy has helped me heal even more. He is my best buddy, my love, my everything. And this age is wonderful as I did the work to build a relationship with him. You need to do the work. It won't happen if you just throw them to be raised by the system.
Im so over these stories. Where are the black women that love to be mothers and are happy? I get thats not everyones reality, but it seems that everyone wants to focus on the negatives vs positive experiences.
Yes!!! I am over these too. I've never been into conspiracy theories, but based on all these stories being told and "advice" being given on this topic, in this particular time, I now think/see that an agenda is being pushed.
Y'all can have as many babies as you want for the black-male-identified 'community'. You saw the video title and clicked anyway. Women who choose not to have kids have put thought into it, unlike women who get baby trapped.
@@NovaPrincess Im allowed to watch and disagree. If you don't like what I have to say, then don't comment. I'm just so over the victim/negative mentality black women depict on social media.
@@NovaPrincess We have watched the video, actually. It's the same as what we hear from the rest of these videos. I acknowledge that some people are struggling and there is struggle among some, even when the economy is booming, but we are not all struggling. Additionally, there are many good men who stick by their families and are worthy of building families with. Sorry if you all haven't found good men. It takes more thought to choose to build families, than it does to merely react to life's circumstances or to jump on someone else's wagon of regret of having children, or of not wanting to have children, due to their feelings of hurt, resentment and guilt from bad decisions, etc.
When I was in high school in Miami I had a classmate (black girl) who fell pregnant. The guy was kinda sorta her bf. He told her that he would help her. ("Help" her-- baby that's your kid too!) And all our girl classmates were encouraging her. I was the only one telling her no. I told her I would take the bus with her to Hialeah and we worked together to scrounge up the cash for what needed to be done, the antibiotics and a taxi home. I stayed with her that night at her place. It's nearly 40 years later. The guy went to prison for killing someone in a club. She is now the property manager for a company that handles airbnb type condo units in Miami and she has well over 200 ppl working under her including engineering, maintenance and cleaners. Every year she sends me a Christmas card.
Wow, you were a really good friend to her at such a young age. 🥰
Blessings to you sis...you are a true friend ❤
You saved her from a life time of struggles... the majority of black teens have babies just because they got pregnant.... abortion isn't an option, mostly religious beliefs or hiding it until it's too late...I went to a majority white school and not one was pregnant, they were on birth control or had multiple abortions...the few black girls that were pregnant had to give birth and grew up fast
You drastically helped changed her life for the better.. there’s no telling what could’ve happened. You’re blessed, I’m always loving how she remembers your kind act and sends appreciation 💗💕
Smart ladies 💪🏽
What Is disheartening is that it takes several children for too many women to come to this realization.
They kept giving men the benefit of the doubt.
This is a generational curse the black community needs a hard reset no kids.. kids will be in poverty the men will abandon the kids .. the black community is not conducive to child raring you will be in poverty
Facts
For real, why didn’t she get on birth control after # 1, 2 or 3?
@@MyDuckSaysFucc yeah. Some women do not like to take birth control and at the same time they are not demanding that the men wear condoms to lessen the likelihood of a pregnancy.
I'm so happy young women get to see these videos. 37 and childfree by choice. If in doubt, wait!
You deserve to be congratulated, I know firsthand how hard it can be to stand by your choice and not get pressured by society. Congratulations and welcome 👏❤️
I’m 50 and child free. I saw how quickly guys dump the kids and women. I’m not signing up for that!!
You get it! Just turned 31 and don't have them either.
@@jazzyj6640Hey, boo. I'm 31 too. I'm inspired by childfree women! I'm single, childfree, and a homeowner. Life is good. 😎
43 and child free. I love being the rich auntie.
My mother told me and my sisters not to have kids. My older sister and I listened and remained childfree. My oldest sister DID NOT and had 6 kids by 4 different men. As a result, she was a lifelong welfare and section 8 queen. People don't even believe she is our sister because our lives are so vastly different. My brothers also have kids.
I got enough nieces and nephews to last me a lifetime, but I only see them when I want to, mostly on Thanksgiving. I want nothing to do with actual motherhood. I love my life of peace, freedom, and financial security. So does my sister. She is married to a retired Air Force pilot and living her best life. They go everywhere.
I love this for you and your other child-free sister. My mother also warned me to not follow in her footsteps. I am so glad I listened! I have nieces and nephews...I barely know them and will let them know to reach out after they finish high school if they want to hang out. I don't want to be involved in their negative conditioning and everything else I don't agree with that they're being exposed to too young. I love them but they're not my responsibility and I never got attached. I have my own life to live.
@unabashed I have always had this mindset lol.
My mother also told me not to have kids. I listened. I'm soooo happy I did!
Yep. I come from a family of 3 girls.
I saw my mother struggle with single motherhood (due to separation/divorce from our father) even though my father paid his cs and did not “disappear” from his children’s lives. We were still poor. I hated being poor. My mother struggling with 3 kids did not look “fun.”
Only the youngest (baby mama😂) had children. I love my nieces, but I have never been involved in any co-parenting or childcare-I’m an aunt to a reason!
Further, nobody who knows ME, would open their pie hole to ask me to babysit. It just doesn’t come up in conversation with me. Nobody does or has. 😼 I ain’t the one.
Tell your sister and her husband to protect their assets ASAP. My in-laws had an aunt/uncle couple like this. They wanted children but never did. They owned their home, traveled, and kept friends and family close. Both died horribly as a result of family leeching. In laws had to become beneficiaries and re-homed them on the cheap. They continue to use their bank accounts for growth and live in their house!
I will never understand why women still believe that men will be with you after a child...married men will leave their own families. Why do you think a boyfriend would stick around..men are in and out its in their nature.
That part. These silly women love clowning divorced mothers, as if being a single mother is better. They are just embarrassed and want to make everyone equal to them so they don't carry the shame.
I want to believe our brains are wired differently. I don't know how some people chose "Struggle". There are many things in this world to worry about. I'm not about to add children to it. Can someone tell these women they can actually have "SEX" without getting pregnant especially after the first one. It's crazy how human beings inflict pain on themselves willingly.
I'm childfree for these reasons. I married young, he cheated with his co-worker and left, and i've been happily single since and thriving. If we had a kid, I know that he would have given me a hard time with custody/child support. I was the loneliest when I was married, so even if got a man, doesn't mean you will be cherished by him. Women need to go into relationships with our heads, rather than our hearts--most males don't know how to properly handle a woman's heart.
I'm glad you're thriving... Thank you for this comment ❤
So true ❤
imho some people think the "village" means free, unlimited babysitting and financial assistance. it's hard for everyone right now so why would they pick up for your slack...i feel bad for the woman with the 4 kids, i cant begin to imagine of having to take care of that many in this economy. i don't understand how it took 4 times but each person has their way of learning life's lessons i just dont like the kids have to pay the most along the way.
@dontaycalvin7105
Lmao they do not get free houses or free cars. That’s lunacy.
I honestly enjoy being part of the village so I’ll usually do it for free if it’s a once a week thing. Unfortunately we do live in a capitalistic society so it is hard for the village to be free.
I don’t feel bad for those who chose to have kids. And the ones who chose to have more than one, i really don’t feel sorry for them because after the first one they should’ve already figured out how much work it was before continuing to have more. The only ones i do feel sorry for is the ones who had them children by force due to SA. But the ones who were not SA’d that resulted in having that child, they gets no sympathy from me.
@dontaycalvin7105the comment this person just left is delusion. Please read credible stats, we all have google.
@dontaycalvin7105 and if fathers don't get anything and hait for bw to get anything, then stop becoming fathers and 🪦 off already.
I just don’t understand why women keep having them I don’t see the upside to having them
@tanisha7789 I don't understand how they keep saying it's a mistake, after the first child. I may agree with the first child, but after that it's a choice.
@@tanisha7789
Did you ask your mum why she had you?
I much rather regret not having children than regret having them....
@@May52525 wow that was deep
My sister has three kids and for the past tens years she’s been telling me “don’t have kids.” Until recently I really didn’t understand how serious she was but after listening to these women’s experiences, I get it now. 😢
And she has a village! She has lots of friends and help. Her kids go to summer camp and friends or relatives will take them for a couple weeks or even a month a couple times a year and she still tells me don’t do it.
I'm sorry but...what? I can understand having one maybe even two but four?!
I'm happy that she can recognise her mistakes and is learning from that. I'm also happy that I can see vidoes like this at 24 because I really don't want to end up like this. It is so terrifying.
This is also why I'm single and staying a virgin for as long as possible.
Yes girl! These men are not worth the headache & sex with them soooooo isn’t worth it.
People always say to be financially stable but, they leave out the fact that you need to be mentally, emotionally and spiritually stable FIRST.
Having children makes your life exponentially more difficult. I want Women to know that you can have a meaningful and fulfilling life without having children.
Or just like you said being wholefully grounded and centered. To know oneself and to brace oneself for the journey ahead.
What makes them think that strangers want to take care of their kids if even they have gotten tired of them? The lack of logic is getting irritating.
They expect it like we owe them something for giving birth.
@@Spokentruths725 Yes and sadly women also expect other women to play the role of the caregiver too even if we chose to not be mothers or babysitters.
@@hopefulfortomorrow1039that’s a byproduct of patriarchy to me
She's a real one.
The fake ones will hype you up until you have that man's baby even though it was a one-night stand, he's abusive, and y'all were in a situationship.
Exactly, family too
Just dont have a child until you can take care of them on your own, and you can afford them and have considered what kind of life and experiences you want for them. There is no need to rush and, most importantly, dont have a child just because you got pregnant.
No woman is going to want to take care of children alone. Her working diminishes the want of having children. Plus men shouldn't have the privilege of having children if they aren't working for the mother.
@@biblethumper8088I have a friend who was ready to become a single mom, she had broken up with her longterm partner at 28 and at 30 she didn't want to wait to have kids anymore. She then ended up having to wait anyway because she met her current partner with whom she's now expecting their 2nd. But she was fully ready to be a single mom because kids are the only thing she really really wanted. But most people wouldn't choose to be single mothers, that's true.
Most people can’t take care of any child… we have the highest child abandonment rate kids not a priority in the bc
Why don't they give the kids to the dads. I swear women are still trying to carry patriarchy on their back will the men walk away. Let him be the main parent and you be the weekend parent.
We’re scared of being accused of being a dead beat parent. The dad will tell the children every chance he gets how horrible of a person the mom is. A lot of moms won’t do this because they know how emotionally tragic it would be on them.
@@JanayNikki it's tragic being raised by a single mother. Don't you hear how these adult children despise their mothers for staying? Bw need to wise up and let these children go. Millions of women have tried and failed before you.
@@JanayNikki and it doesn't matter what he tells them. You have to think about self preservation because children will drag you down into poverty and will seek a relationship with the father who left them for d___d.
@@biblethumper8088 if these women cared they wouldn't had f*** these ninjas in the first place. These Pickmeishas are committed to their stupidity.
@BeAWarriorNoTAVictim I don't believe that, what usually happens is they get the next woman to raise their children for them, usually the deadbeats mother or they typically get into another relationship quickly with some young dumb woman who can act as mother to the kids. All while complaining to anyone that will listen that they are a single parent. But I know the children's mothers will do a much better job as the weekend parent than most men do. It will give the women a chance to save for those kids futures and improve her own career to increase earnings to pour back into the children. These men get all this free time after separation and they use it to spend money on the next dumb woman or to stay broke and underemployed and to keep returning to the children's mother saying they have changed and want to be an involved dad but in reality they just need a roof and a provider woman to let them live without responsibility
I sincerely believe that women should only have as many children as they can comfortably take care of on their own with no partner. I stopped at one in my marriage even though my ex husband was pushing hard for a second soon after my first was born. Glad I said we should wait a bit, because not even a year later we were filing divorce. I now parent one son and am having a wonderful time as a mom. I financially support him and myself with ease and we are living an amazing life. I know for a fact I would be stressed mentally and financially with 2 and can’t imagine my life with more.
I have two adult children. Neither one plans on having children for various reasons and not once have I told them they should. My daughter is engaged and her fiancé doesn't want kids because he already has 8 nieces and nephews. They are living their lives and can't see giving up their freedom to kids. People want everyone to just follow this unwritten rule book on life and they give in to society telling them to have children and want to shame those that choose not to take that route. If you want kids, fine. If you don't want kids, fine. Do what's best for you and not what other people tell you what you're expected to do just because millions of others before them did it.
I believe motherhood is as enjoyable as the partner you have
Great point.
I’m married with 2 and I say don’t have them
Sometimes you just can't with some of these stories. You figure that the first time is naivete. The second time is because you still had a foot in delulu land, which had you in your 'feels' that "next time it's gone be different". After that, come on people. Now, I do hope this mom gets help for the sake of the children involved. But, sometimes we have to take those 'L's' and use them as an indicator that we need to come up with a different game plan for our life.
She was only with two men, she had 3 boys to the one guy and then the little girl just recently. I had a friend who took her Birth control but still got pregnant. 2 times, when she stopped taking them and go and get a tubal, she got cancer and it killed her. I say, just don't even bother in the first place. Never miss what you never had. it is overrated anyways. LOL
Doing anything with the assumption that you will have others to help you is usually always a bad decision - especially when it comes to having a child. If you want to be a mother, you should do so knowing you may very well have to be doing it on your own. If you aren’t financially able to PAY for the help you need, when you need it, then don’t have them. Other people have their own lives, and if you aren’t paying them for their aid, they are under no obligation to relieve the load you chose to take on.
A relative is a single mom and I make it very clear to her often that she knew my childfree stance since I was a child. I will help in a true emergency if there are truly no other options, but otherwise, you have to figure it out because I don’t want you getting comfortable relying on me for childcare. This was your lifestyle choice. I want nothing to do with any aspect of childcare and never have and am not going to alter MY chosen lifestyle to accommodate yours.
Exactly. Well said. It's normal to want a living supportive family system, but to have children expecting them to help raise your children is completely offensive and entitled thinking. Family support is by choice, not by force.
I always try to be there for my friends but they know not to call on me for childrearing help. You need a shoulder, a listening ear, drop by the farmacy if you're sick? Sure. But I'm the absolute last babysitter you should ever call because there's not much I enjoy less than having to deal with getting kids fed and into bed.
I feel the exact same way!
I don't understand people who put their personal lives all over social media in front of millions of people, then say "don't judge me." 🤔
Better than nothing
@@Key-Key444There are therapist that they can go to.
Lol, but please don't.
I appreciate her telling her cautionary tale. And yes that comes with judgement.
It's good that they share so that we can learn from them
1. Having children is selfish
2. Wait until you're age 30, then think about it.
3. Dont have children. 😂 😂
4. If you change your mind there are options like adoption,freezing embroys or eggs and surrogate mother (which cost money of course )
5. Otherwise ,do what makes you happy
@theaqua1517 I'm okay for now, but thank you!
Since Alabama ruled that embryos are people, I can move there, take some eggs out, fertilize them , freeze them, and then write those "kids" off on my taxes. 🤣
I’m 35, no kids. I might adopt when I’m older. But it’ll be an older child. I was orphaned at 15 so it would be someone in a situation like that. I’ve never wanted to be pregnant
same. I am also 35 no kids
I had one and saw how difficult it was and I had enough sense not to have any more. I was a single mom, working and going to school.
I’m 48 and CF and it’s the BEST. I do like kids and if I’d of had a healthy childhood and met a healthy man in a healthy environment I may have been a good mom.
But those situations are few and far between.
I’d say even you want kids WAIT UNTIL YOU HAVE YOUR NAME ON A HOME AND A LEGAL SPOUSE. ❤
I hope she gets on long term birth control. After four kids, she should know to take her birth control seriously.
I guarantee you she doesn't believe in birth control.
She said that "now she learned her lesson" after 4 kids! It doesn't take 4 for people to learn.
@@Jessejessen_ I think alot these women are....intellectually slow. I don't mean sound mean but...these women who are poor, broke single mothers always give slow bus energy....1.56 GPA.
The women who went to college and develop stable careers then became single mothers are completely different than these women. Completely different.
The issue is choosing the wrong partner and having more than you can handle. 4 is no joke... please use protection!!! You don't want to use protection and want to come here "advising" people. Advise ppl to use protection and plan emotionally and financially and marry if they want to have kids. Your experience is not everyone's experience with kids. You chose an abuser and to stay with him and have a baby, it's no accident to not protect yourself.
She right I was a married single mom!
Due to inflation it now cost $300K to raise just 1 child 😮😬 JUST ONE!!!
😳 what the hell?
@@krystalizedmagic4894 Yupp that’s insane isn’t it ? 🤦🏽♂️
Women are acting like people want to be alive.
Why do you think crime is so high?
Why do you think deletions are so high?
People do not want to be here!
Stop bringing them here.
I have a cute medium size dog that is more than enough for me to handle. I've considered never having kids a long time ago and seeing as I had a hard time adjusting to my dog and sometimes I just don't want to walk her but I know I have to, children are off the table. I love my dog and I take super good care of her, but sometimes I just want to take a break. I can't imagine the people who are single and alone with kids. Horrible.
Our entire economic structure in the US is not designed to encourage people having families. Kids are too expensive, especially day care and they put a lot of stress on the family. You really have to be ready and want them.
Also birth control. When I was dating casually, I would purposely tell men I wasn't on any to force them into wearing a condom. I was on birth control consistently and I didn't have any issues going to get the morning after pill in case an oopsie happened.
I never had to worry about kids. If it's not serious, he isn't owed the right to know if you are on birth control or not. Because he will whine condoms suck as soon as he knows. Nope. Either wrap it up or else. Dont let dudes bully you into letting them sex without one.
What I don’t understand is why not consider abortion. I know many women who have done that and it saved their lives. If I ever found myself in the same situation I wouldn’t hesitate to get one.
Some women don't consider abortion due to religious reasons, and some think it's murder.
Sorry, but the village is not responsible for their walking, talking and breathing decisions. I don’t like how she told people interested in kids to only have kids when they have a village. Like naw, you chose to lie down and make those decisions, the village didn’t make those decisions for you.
Exactly. Those women that talk about not having a village literally have not been a village to anyone else, that’s why they so easily spew out entitlement. On three separate occasions I’ve had to drop my life and go and look after different family members children while they were in hospital or travelled. The last one had twins in her 40s and I would go from my overnight job when I didn’t have uni the next morning to sleep on the floor in between the cribs so that I can help her out. It was the most tiring and challenging experience I’ve had. But because of that experience I’m not approaching having children lightly nor am I ever going to depend upon a village for anything because I never want to put other women through what I went through. It’s not fair to just expect the unpaid labour of women.
Yeap, agree. No simpaty for her. 1 kid when you are young and don't know better I can understand, but 4?
Why would anyone choose to be a single mother once, let alone 4 times? That is the last person who should talk about having kids. She did not go about it a smart way. Even if she had one abusive child father why continue to have kdis after that?
I am even scared to have 1 kid let alone 4 kids. I always feel like once you have one you're more than likely to have more unless you make sure to not have them ie birth control, condoms etc.. My mom had 7 of us and she check out mentally many times. I could just see how she was barely making it, but she did keep us together. For that I am proud of her. We struggled growing up with things being cut off and having to move around a lot because mom was struggling to pay rent. Luckily my mom got this great job and they helped us a lot with clothes, food, paying our bills, and more. Out of 5 girls and 2 boys. My brother is the only one who has 2 kids and married. My other sister just got married and she's 34 years old. I want to be married and possibly have kids, but with money behind me and support from friends and family. I am not there in my lofe right now though.
Thank you for sharing your story. Interesting that none of your sisters have gotten married but one and she’s just now 34 doing that. That’s crazy!!!
when I tell you everything sis says is real..the operative word "Village"...it is nearly impossible without..i am fighting for my life and my children..DO NOT PASS GO..don't do it
I have trauma from my own childhood thats why I DON'T have kids. I still carry that trauma now. I think she really just didn't know or understand the level of her trauma until she started having her own kids.
Me too thats another reason why I choose to be child-free
Get a tubal ligation ladies!!
Don’t risk it!! Keep your peace!!
Child free is the way to be!!
If you have any don’t have anymore!!
That is pathetic. Stop having sex with men.
Instead of drastically and surgically altering your body.
Jesus …is self discipline so hard?
Man, these poor women simply talk too much. It's starting to be hard to feel sorry for them
I thought it was just me 😅
They act like birth control, celibacy/abstinence, and simply telling a man NO are not options in life. Then they get online and want sympathy for being victims of their own stupidity.
@@Childfree334 😂 Chile....😂...these heffas always give off short bus energy....like....low IQ score energy....250 SAT score realness...😂
It's 2024....we know what these 🥷🏾 give...why are signing up for this??? Why???????
And let's define the village- men, lack of responsible men. Blessings to this woman!
i remember being 16 wanting a child because they were cute. i'm 18 now child free and dawn I was stupid. finding videos like these really saved me.
This is going to sound a little silly but another thing is I was always scared of the process of giving birth..... The whole thing carrying the child all the risks that go with, the stretching out, etc etc..... It looks so uncomfortable and scary why would I want to go through that voluntarily
I have scars, so does my niece, not going to lie, it will scar you. inside and out and it takes your body about a year to get back but it will never be like it was before. Just saying. your hips will be wider and the fat will live on you longer.
This woman could’ve avoided all of this by simply being on birth control yet she’s probably not. I can’t understand why women don’t learn their lesson after one child yet they keep getting pregnant.
Women like her don't believe in birth control.
BW focus on yourselves! I'm sick of us being put in pain. Generational trauma, neglect and abuse. ENOUGH!
Everything is womens fault so singlehood/courting forever 🤷♀️. I still need lots of space if I were with someone.
Why don’t these people stop having them and use protection?
But why stress the village out...? Asking for a friend...and myself. My sister has two kids and I'm the one being told to help her, if she struggles I'm looked at to come to her rescue. Why stress the village out and let the BD chill tf???
Because we're all in this together. When you need help, who's going to be there for you if you're being selfish? Community is so important, they uplift you and support you and you support others. The individualism in this country is so sad. People here dont realize what they're missing when you actually know the people around you.
@@VannaMae my apologies, maybe I should've kept it simple. Why do women keep stressing out other women with their kids instead of the men they made the same kids with???
It seems like many Black Women do not believe in birth control. And common sense.
I don't think it's just Black women, but all women. we have be taught from day one that we are beneath man and we are not equal, so we are taught to be mild and quiet and to take our punishment because they also blame women for the fall of mankind. But, Eve was lied too, but old Adam stood right beside her and bite the apple knowingly.
@@Hlorrh40 You're comment has NOTHING to do with my comment.
@@roshellegouldbourne787 no, it tells the same story that happens to every women no matter the color or race. the tactics may seem a little different, but the end result is the same. CONTROL.
I'm a mom and I agree. Don't have kids. I love my kids but if I could do it over again, I'd not have chose single motherhood and poverty.
Please listen to the wisdom. And for those saying "Marry before you carry!" Smh, that's a trick of the devil, married men teap wives with babies too. Then start cheating and make you feel Obligated to Stay because of The Kids.
Such a sad reality to face for a lot of us women who grew up looking forward to motherhood. But she’s right! It’s just not a smart move. I personally can’t even think of a man id trust enough to be the father a child needs, nor one id like to be permanently tied to.
Kids are awesome when u can give them back to their parents at the end of the day. I hate noise and mess and I don’t want to share my money. Ladies please get an iud and a second form of bc. Stay safe
I was brought up by My Mom and my Dad was out of the picture. (he was an abusive alcoholic tried to see if he could get away with hitting my Mom and luckily my Mom wasn't having it).
She made me into the strong woman I am today. She had to play both roles of a Father and Mother. She warned me not to have kids when I was a child myself. This didn't make me feel bad or anything cause I knew my Moms loved me and my sister. There was never a time that I ever had to doubt that. So I always wondered what it is she meant. Now I know. I'm so grateful.
She could've taken this a little deeper without being so shallow 😮 .
A kind, loving, self-sacrificing and generous husband, is the only kind of man that should get children.
Yes 🙌🏾 I been wanting to tell girls in middle school to not want kids. We have to tell them the why
I don’t need much convincing some of the best girls I know who are wives are suffering with these children.
Single mother of 10 yrs who has been struggling BUT you have a new baby!!!!!
I've definitely changed my mind so many times! I'm good on babies now. It's too much and I don't think I can deal with that.
team two and through! Tied tubes at 24! I was not having no more single or not
Please continue to monitor your blood panels and hormone levels. Your body has been through more than you realize…. just so you could have sex with men.
And this might cost you painful periods and hormone issues in the future.
I’m dead serious.
Why do people keep having a lot of kids, to me one is more than enough.stop having many if you can't handle it.
Listen- I have 1 and it is HARD AF!! Yes you need the village.
I told my girls don’t have his baby if he can’t give you his last name and buy you a home. He doesn’t deserve offspring if you’re not his wife.
Just hearing those kids screaming in the background like they’re in a lunatic asylum fills me with dread. 😬
And the advice they could give her would be “she should’ve gotten married first” like that shit makes a difference. She would’ve just been a married single mother.
I tbink what a lot of single mothers might miss is they're a part of the village too, and it doesn't serve just one person. If you need the village's support for emotional and financial support, and you cant give back in some way (it doesn't have to be the exact return) then it feels unfair.
I'm a part of a village for a few mothers and I notice that there are some who give back in the ways that they can manage: they listen when I have a hard time or they give me a small gift now and again. They spend time when they are able, and they make that time about us and not the kids. They're a part of my village as much as I am of theirs. I'm not insisting on being gifted if they need my support....i just notice that the villages that are the strongest are the ones that are maintained. One of those single mothers calls it reciprocity and she's big on being my village too.
I am so sorry hun, its so hard doing it alone, I completely understand you
While you can end up a married single mother, still, don't carry until you're married. Just because you can crash your car anyway doesn't mean you should drink and drive. Marriage offers a number of legal protections most men are not willing to give you unless they are serious about you, while those same men will be cool putting a baby into any random woman they meet.
This is coming from a mother of 1 with a husband that is not inept partner and 2 sets of grand parents that helps( sometimes) and friends who help.Do not have kids without a village. I am one and done( tubes removed) and I have a village. A caring partner and good friends to help you. Trust me do not
lol I have a husband and 2 kids and I’m not planning on having anymore 😂😂😂😂😂 even tho I’m married I still don’t see the need of having any more children I have 2 boys sorry but I ain’t going after no girl I’m good I just want to enjoy what I have now
Imagine her kids’ reaction when they see this…
They'll be o k. most adults find out that their mothers regret having them. It happens.
I don’t like she spoke to her baby…
When you are a single mother, that happens. Imagine constantly being interrupted and needed 24/7. Anyone would snap.
@@biblethumper8088 yeah but it’s baby not a 7 yr old
Your message at the end was the truth!
Because we really don't understand what it really means to have children...
I agree with her 💯💯💯💯..
Ppl really knew to stop caring about ppl judging them 🤦🏽♀️ you weren’t worried about being judged when you were doing whatever you were doing that you didn’t wanna be judged for
I understand wanting children….in the world our parents had that did t have to deal with the socioeconomic issues we are right now. That’s honestly what too much goes back to along with the turn of cultural expectations of men to be fathers and husbands. I’m not talking in the traditional sense though. I mean the motivation and desire to procreate out of love and hope for the future. We have seen behind the veil and we are unsubscribing and deconstructing from the beliefs pushed down our throats by the church and older generations who had different circumstances. I’m so glad we’re talking about this collectively to help one another prevent issues instead of just get out of them.
@MedusssssaChristo
0 seconds ago
I love & wanted my children but I am not having any more out of my body. I didn’t enjoy pregnancy, childbirth & raising annoying screaming nasty infants. I love my children more as they became older. I felt rather disconnected when they were infants. Me & my children are very close now & I’m just a big child around them 😭😂
I wish more women were honest with themselves and seek help for mental health before having romantic relationships and children. I just don't understand having multiple children when things are going south 🤷🏽♀️
Yes. God Knows The Village Helps….
Being A Good Mother is A 24/7 job!
Dnt Be Fooled..
no sympathy for her
You should only have kids with a man who you would trust to be a single father. Cus if something happens to you, then your kids getting malnutrition based illnesses should not be a consequence of that.
this message will miss the target audience yall got to start doing those tick tok dances first to get their attenttion. 🤣
What I say isn't meant to sound mean, I just don't get why after 2 boys and an abusive relationship continuing having another kid not even being in a committed relationship?? 2 kids are already hard to raise while being in a bad relationship and after that 2 more children?? Thats the part where I think emotionally broken women unconsciously want to have a baby to keep a man and they think finally the picture perfect family developes. It's just bizarre to me to keep having kids while being overwhelmed with the first 2 kids, why would anybody do that?? Condoms cost nothing... I don't have a lot of compassion for her situation, I know it sounds mean, but I'm just trying to say this woman is traumatised and her irresponsible behaviour shows it... she needs help
Team one and done it’s a hell no for me I tell everyone far and wide do not have kids our community does not like kids the fatherless rate, foster care rate,poverty…avoid at all costs
Are birth control pills not around anymore? Condoms, diva cup, diaphragm, tubes tied off?? Chiiile BYE
Marriage don’t mean a damn thing lol
She explained two fathers she has four kids so what about the others
Thank you Maria. 💖🌹
You are so welcome
After I heard breastfeeding for one year is almost the equivalent to a 40 hour work week for a year with holidays…. And ain’t no holiday breaks with a child… I think I’m ok. In fact, I AM OK. I already don’t have a village for myself, so with a child… nah. Hell to the naw naw naw.
Village ? Where is her husband
A village? How about the other parent. Its not meant to be done alone. And yet she continued to have them. This is her own fault.
4:12 Girl, you did that. If you like it, ❤️ it!
I’m am so glad I never had kids, the primary reason i am glad, I would not want my kids in school all day with children of irresponsible people! No shade to their kids, but I wouldn’t want my kids exposed to this! 😢
Don't have kids young if you want kids. If you do, you will always be at the mercy of men.
If you marry under 26, wait till 27 -30 to have your first child.
She had kids already so why did she believe him? She had practice prior….
What’s the mom’s TikTok name?
😬😬😬🫤
A ring changes a lot!
Shidddddd!!
Depends on the person. My husband, God Rest his soul, was useless. He didn't want to be bothered with the kids, who are now grown. On the other hand, my dad, God rest his soul, was a hands-on amazing dad. I was married to my husband until death parted us for 24 years and my parents were married 60 years when my dad passed away. My parents helped with my kids more than my husband.
you sure? lol..i had one
I have noticed that many single mothers say marriage does not matter in order to justify their own poor choices.
@@Childfree334 partially true.. but like there are soo many single married moms with kids. Who have the ring but fathers aren’t active. So it’s like I’d rather do it alone. However I can fault them for laying down with a man who can’t provide AT LEAST!
My little boy who is 4 is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I am also a single mama. My boy has helped me heal even more. He is my best buddy, my love, my everything. And this age is wonderful as I did the work to build a relationship with him. You need to do the work. It won't happen if you just throw them to be raised by the system.
I have my TV turned all the way up and I can barely hear some of y'all. What is with this low-talking/whispering sh*t?
Im so over these stories. Where are the black women that love to be mothers and are happy? I get thats not everyones reality, but it seems that everyone wants to focus on the negatives vs positive experiences.
Yes!!! I am over these too. I've never been into conspiracy theories, but based on all these stories being told and "advice" being given on this topic, in this particular time, I now think/see that an agenda is being pushed.
Y'all can have as many babies as you want for the black-male-identified 'community'. You saw the video title and clicked anyway. Women who choose not to have kids have put thought into it, unlike women who get baby trapped.
@@NovaPrincess Im allowed to watch and disagree. If you don't like what I have to say, then don't comment. I'm just so over the victim/negative mentality black women depict on social media.
@@KimberWaul I agree 💯.
@@NovaPrincess We have watched the video, actually. It's the same as what we hear from the rest of these videos. I acknowledge that some people are struggling and there is struggle among some, even when the economy is booming, but we are not all struggling.
Additionally, there are many good men who stick by their families and are worthy of building families with. Sorry if you all haven't found good men. It takes more thought to choose to build families, than it does to merely react to life's circumstances or to jump on someone else's wagon of regret of having children, or of not wanting to have children, due to their feelings of hurt, resentment and guilt from bad decisions, etc.