The SECRET To DESIRE In A Long-Term Relationship with Esther Perel & Lewis Howes
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 มิ.ย. 2024
- Full Interview - • This Is Why 80% Of Rel...
Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Her celebrated TED talks have garnered more than 20 million views, and she travels the world to speak about love, sex, intimacy, and infidelity. She is the host of the popular podcast Where Should We Begin? in which she conducts therapy sessions with real couples.
Recently Esther just came out with a new podcast called How’s Work?. In this podcast, Esther addresses workplace relationships, conflicts, and business negotiations via therapy sessions with coworkers and colleagues. How’s Work? is available on Spotify and wherever you get your podcasts!
The first time Esther Perel came on the podcast, she blew me away with her insights about love and intimacy. (A few hundred thousand downloads of that episode later and I know I’m not the only one!). When I had her at the Summit of Greatness, people booed me as I had to wrap up our Q&A - they wanted to hear more.
She truly is an expert on modern relationships, and I was so excited to learn about what she had to say about relationships in the workplace.
If you want to learn more about creating healthy workplace relationships, resolving conflict, and more about fostering intimate relationships with your partner, then tune into Episode 929 to hear from the queen of relationships herself, Esther Perel.
You can follow Esther at:
Instagram: / estherperel. .
Facebook: / esther.perel
Twitter: / estherperel
TH-cam: / perelesther
Website: estherperel.com/
You can follow Lewis at:
Website: lewishowes.com/
Instagram: / lewishowes
Facebook: / lewishowes
Twitter: / lewishowes
-----
Lewis Howes' New Book - The Mask of Masculinity
lewishowes.com/man
-----
Lewis Howes is NY Times Bestselling author, entrepreneur, and former professional Arena League football player. He hosts The School of Greatness, a talk show distributed as a podcast. Learn and hear the stories of various successful people around the world, become inspired, motivated and educated with the SCHOOL OF GREATNESS. lewishowes.com/book
"If you don't change or grow, you fossilize and you die. If you change too much, too fast, there's no stability. It's chaotic, and you disregulate." Esther Perel
I agree with that 100%
Why is changing too fast or too much seen as a bad thing?? I'm an Aries..I hate moving slow. I move quickly in life and especially on my passions. The reason I accomplish my goals is because I enjoy moving fast. Stability is a very dicey word. It sounds like they're saying that stability = slow moving and slow evolvement.
To me, i interpret "stability" as boring, predictable, contentment.
@@jojoc326 The speed is in the eye of the beholder.
❤
In a world where people jump from one partner to the other, I really want my relationship to last, ideally a lifetime. I'm sick of all this hook-up/Tinder crap. I just want to have one intimate relationship, and I won't give up until I'll get that, keep working on myself, keep searching.
Once you're up for it, you just have to let people know... Most women are in the same place as you.
Same.
You will find it Jonathan! ♡
If you are have issues in your relationship check yourself don't blame in on the dating site..
Same feeling🙏
Noticed how she paused when she said “You can’t expect one person to give you what a whole village is supposed to give you”!! She paused to really let that sink in! This is so true in modern day marriage. We expect our partners to be everything for us!
💯
“You learn to love yourself in the context of relationships with others....It’s being with others that you get to know who you are. “ Esther Perel
Best part of the interview ❤
This!!!
I just loved that point ❤️
The "fix yourself first" that she's railing against a little bit starting at (7:25) resonates with me.
"It's by being with others than you get to know who you are. Not just by sitting there alone saying 'who am I? who am I?'". This has been my experience. It's through the lens of a relationship that I learn most about myself and using that mirror that shows me where I need to improve.
"Relationships help you to become who you are."
Thank you. This is what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it.
Is it me being in need of a romantic relationship or is it Lewis becoming more and more attractive?
As she said, I learned MOST about myself because of my past relationships instead of allowing a partner to make assumptions of who I am or should be. After the relationship ended, I gained insight on who I am, what I want, what I dont want...etc. Reshaped and evolved me into who I truly am as a person.
Actually I only get to know myself more when I'm alone. I die to myself when I'm in the company of others; I contract and become smaller.
@repossession Beautiful.. You are at the right place at the right time. Go go Good Luck !
This was some serious wisdom.
“Taking responsibility is the ultimate freedom”
Yes exactly
I think Jordan Peterson says much the same thing
@@simonmasters3295 yep. "pick your damn sacrifice" is what i think JP says 😉
So true
Whose quote is this? Love it! 👌🏼
Happiness is when the individual is happy with themselves first. Then, meet the same partner who is also doing the same. Two hearts who are committed to growing together and having the same vision for the future. ❤️
1. Calibrate and diversify your expectations.
2. Do new things outside of your comfort zone.
Nice summary - this was my takeaway also.
3. Diversify
This was excellent!
I've been married 31 years, and Esther's information and advice is very correct.
sheeesh
2:46 just discovered this channel and I love how the host is actively listening and looks soo engaged. This is not just an interview, its him genuinely listening to learn!
That's because she's willing to answer questions directly. Most women only talk in code and hint at things. Men are excellent listeners. How else would humans have gotten to the moon, built skyscrapers and advance technology since the beginning of time. Not by dropping hints and speaking with vagueness and word games. She is different.
@@woodspirit98 sexist
@@woodspirit98 Oh goodness grief. "Men are losers." This statement is of the same quality as yours. 🤦♀️
I love this woman, every time she opens her mouth I’m learning something new!
If you thought Esther Perel is great, wait till you discover Susan Winter, also on youtube.
Omg the self work bit was crazy true. We’re social beings
Buddhism teaches that people are a mirror into your soul. if you wish to learn who you truly are, just look at your relationships, and your interactions with other people. She is spot on.
I agree
That's something you hear quite a lot in the US.
.
I'm always enlightened when I listen to Esther Perel. She digs deep, doesn't mince words and her wisdom is always extremely thought-provoking. These conversations are golden.
🙌
Esther! I am 65 years old. I recently found you and you are teaching me so much . If only I found you years ago when I was in my long time marriage . I am sharing you with my 3 daughters .
Thank you lovely lady ❣️
If you thought Esther Perel is great, wait till you discover Susan Winter, also on youtube.
@@jefftan8024 both are really great :) And Carol it is never too late to love again! :)
She's a very good teacher in my opinion
I like u
I m single ❤❤
Married for 33 years this year and we dated for 3 years before . We still really enjoy being around each other .
Love this🧡
"Are you looking for a love story or a life story?"
♥️
*Precisely.*
Both! We only come into this life once.
I have a beautiful house, beautiful child, no worries about money...a truly lovely life but a loves-less marriage, trust me...take the love story.
@@mackaruchi28 Hello, if you are u happy, why dont you get a divorce then?
Esther HAS to be one of the top relationship experts ever! I love her so much. Amazing insight ever single time she opens her mouth.
Even at 40, loved these tips. Hopefully I will find my life partner next time...not just love ❤
I feel you but actually if you were in a relationship and grows together the same roof. You will experience with no freedom and you'll have an overwhelming responsibility in The HOUSE. My life is a sabotage once in a while.
Im dont know to say this but maybe youll find best guy for you. Before i have worked and when i stop working focusing just in the house its feels like big regret.
Higher your Standards...don't settle.
@@CrystalDatingCoach she's 40.....
@@rally_chronicles 40 is still hot baby!
"Ask, "Who can I be in a relationship?". OMG. #Truth. Thank you!
I think Esther Perel is the best therapist I've ever witnessed. Every moment/ things she says have nuggets of wisdom. In church, it would be called 'conviction" (a good thing) that inspires us to change for the better. I also like the relationship dynamic between Esther and Lewis. You can see the mutual respect and just watching them you see shades of attraction and chemistry, and yet reservation which is a result of wisdom. Very cool!
This is one of the best podcasts on relationships.
" by being with others, it is how we will find ourselves, and Who We Are". So true!
On point. 🤗
If there miserable how can they make you happy.
I am so amazed by this video. I know Esther is such a great counselor with this matter. But what I loved the most was how Lewis was so into every word that she said, he took notes. Congrats for the amazing and inspiring work to both of you.
Thank you for this, you guys are amazing! ❤️❤️❤️
One person can't give you everything you need.... relationships help you to become who you are...make you whole....🤯mind blowing....I don't have to be whole first before I get into a relationship 😆
I found this segment to be both enlightening yet familiar. Dating can be something of a toy because people are too afraid to go that extra mile. Simple things will immediately erode interest.
How often does anyone face disappointment at work & you just simply quit? How often does a family member disappoint & you just cut them out of your life?
For some reason-although we don't have perfect families or perfect jobs-we feel there must be that perfect partner out of a million! Love & partnership exist in the exchange of thoughts, passions, experiences & yes, disappointments.
In the words of the oft quoted James Baldwin, “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
Holy shit her answer to taking care of yourself first literally changed the game for me!
Such an informative video. Thanks for sharing and discussing.
When your partner is happy and wants your happiness. This what makes a good Relationship. If your Partner is miserable...they can't make you happy.
Well.. No one can "make" you happy. It's not up to that person to be your personal supply of joy and sunshine 😂
My husband is happy, I struggle with happiness, right now.
@@cinmac3 How can your husband be happy if you're not?? What is he doing to make you feel good??
@@sammywildflower1617 Yes. But if I'm in a Relationship and I'm not happy...something is WRONG!!
@@CrystalDatingCoach it depends on why you're not happy. Sometimes it has nothing to do with your partner, but a good partner can see that and help. They have to be aware and care though.
Very helpful and she's very good..thank you!!
Thank you Lewis & Esther !! Great interview!!! Many takeaways !! ⭐️
She is sooo Amazingggg God bless her!!!!
this is really brief and interesting talk... thanks Lewis
Insight
Relationship beautifully articulated. Thank you
I have met so many Americans who never travel outside of their own town. It's astonishing! Even with little money I manage to travel anywhere I want, live there, and learn the language.
So?
Personal growth, investment.
Bon Voyage¡🌴
Amazing conversation. Just AMAZING.
Thank you Esther. I always find your advices so helpful and they help me to understand things better and hopefully become better. Thank you Lewis for great content.
These is the best thing ever happened in my life. Today I saw a great woman in you mama. Am proud of you.
Esther I love you since my first encounter of your TED talks and I can't love you enough everytime you appeared! Love you!
Love it! Absolutely on point! What a great perspective from Esther Perel!
Wow i can’t be more agree with her about the growth within a relationship!
the most sensible or realistic relationship advice I've ever heard
What a lovely discourse! Sound, common-sensical, but also highly entertaining. It’s a gas!
She is really amazing,
i have learned a lot.
Thankyou
Such an amazing conversation. I share all her views.. but some things need to change. 😅❤️ loved it
thanks for having this topic.
A wonderul and inspring presentation, especially the need for calibrating expectations of relationships and breaching disappointment. Very true and useful !
You have helped me. Listening to you speak is thoroughly amazing because what you speak of is so relevant to humanity.
I love you Esther Perel I completely agree with your perspective of relationship and life partner I too believe in same things you advice as my belief, wise advice!
Wow she helped open my eyes to a lot. Good information
I take so much notes from this interview ...this will definitely help in finding the one..n life after that. So much impressed by her she is real genius lady.
ALSO the host is a active listener n asks relevant questions. Loved it so much to learn.
Calibrating your standard, diversification, and doing new things with your partner. I love this and will keep in mind.
Every time I hear Esther, I want to listen to my favorite music. It's revelation every time. Each and every word matters.
Respect, be thankful, give all you can.
You onky get as much out of it as much you give.
I freaking love her! She helps so much!
You learn to love yourself in the context of others! Being with others helps you learn who you are! Sooo good!
Absolutely....learn so much more with another
Such a realistic view of relationships. It's super helpful for me, as I go thru my current season in life. ❤️
Ester is truly gold! I am insanely jealous! I want some time with her! 😲
I have always felt the cultural pressures of being _that_ man type that is expected of me (e.g. the three Ps) instead of where my heart truly lies with my true authenticity.
She is a welcome breath of fresh air that men have hearts and feelings too. ❤
I’m here making notes and repeating what’s been said. Thank you for these amazing interviews Lewis! They keep me coming back
Power pack .....true realisticall love this lady !
I love all matters relational,and everything Esther Perel has to say.
Super enlightening thank you
True! I learnt to love myself within a relationship!
Esther Perel is always great!!!
Some epic questions!! Esther! 😃👏🏼👏🏼 THANK YOU !!
I enjoyed her interview and perspective. The interviewer on the other hand was responding without listening based on his questions and responses.
she is brilliant. so much to think about
Wow. Today while I was working, I came up with this scenario in my head about love stories being a distraction and a fairly tale but life journey ( Esther said life story) is what you’d really want in live.
I’m blown away
In a world where DISNEY has hijacked the ethic of MILLIONS
BRAVO BRAVISSIMO!!! There is no more to the point video about relationship then THIS ONE. And I saw hundreds of them. THANK U ESTHER PEREL Thank you Lewis, for inviting her.
I've been with my husband 31 years (married 27)... our morals & values align... we have similar backgrounds & desires for the future. Our love story developed into a life story. Whilst there is no one size fits all to a parternership - I try to instill a sense of authenticity in my daughter to ensure she finds a lifelong partner. Good luck to those who are still looking.
Love this🧡
Great conversation!!
We expect so much from one another. But often don’t see the joy in what we have. We always think that somehow this person needs to be in our guidelines to make us happy.
This was the most refreshing discussion on relationships I have ever encountered. Few have resonated with me so much.
Calibrating expectations. Picking your battles. Doing new things. Taking responsibility and knowing if something is t working. We all have such expectations and are too willing to walk away too fast. Fast food love.
It's like talking to your wise mum. He's even writing the answers down. Hahaha I love Esther.
I just really love this video!!!
People change with age, their resources change, health can change, desires change, abilities change! Of course relationships can change as well!! 👏🏻
👍
Creative couples, not just stable ones, keep the spark.
This 20 mins is more valuable than months of therapy 👌🏻
EXCELLENT INTERVIEW!!!
Honestly, this is genius and really should be required viewing for all humans.
7:15 I super agree! We really need others or a relationship to know more about yourself and learn to love yourself. Self reflection is okay but isolation to learn to love yourself for a long period of time is something I really don't agree! 🙏
I’ve taken more notes in 20 minutes than I have in full hour-long podcasts. Great questions and great information. Thank you.
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
You are such a wise woman. Thank you for sharing your intellect
THIS WAS GOLD!!!!!
It's called chemistry and it is either there or not. The biggest mistake people make is pretending to be someone or something you are not. Be true to yourself.Genuine Love is alot harder to find than people think.
(9.25) excellent advice - never heard it articulated so well. All young people should hear this - especially if you are the romantic type and not very pragmatic in life.
Her insight and way of framing things that resonate and connect with us is just great! She knows relationship! Fo sho!
So glad you enjoy it! Thanks for being here!
This is amazing!
Amazing thanks lot
Very beautiful talk :) I am grateful to have another day and another chance in relationships 🙏🙏
EAGLE SPY 🦅 helped me cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with EAGLE SPY 🦅 and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets with the help of EAGLE SPY 🦅 . I’m here in US and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating and flirting with his phone. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and incoming messages. You can contact him to help you too on WhatsApp : +1 650 246 9893..
“Go fix yourself” can be about spiritual growth, to grow the soul. This is done in solitude.
If you want to be a team player you should be in a team.
I wish I could like this video 100 times. SO GOOD!
Glad you enjoyed it!
This conversation is Powerful! You need to calibrate in your relationship, you can be mad, and still care … most importantly be responsible for yourself….Esther you’re Beautifully Brilliant, such a Gift to all!!! thank you both very much …Grateful
Glad you enjoyed it! Means a lot!!!
I loved this!
This is great!
I love that this interviewer takes notes!!!
🧡
Brilliant! Thank you for having her on your channel and asking great questions. I have learnt a great deal and now it’s time to begin putting it into practice 😆
So happy you are enjoying the content. I would love for you to subscribe and leave me a review here:
podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/id596047499
@@GreatnessClips I will! Thank you for sharing your podcast, just discovered your channel and looking forward to listening more of your content 😀
Appreciate you! 🙏
So true. People are all lost today, especially men. Everyone wants to follow the script instead following the heart, and that's why there is no happiness in relationships
💜
Bs
People are all lost today, especially women. Lolololololol
Your life partner can be your love partner. Period. Be blessed.