leave me alone I'm pregnant🤰🏽 r/AITA
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2024
- You can check out today's video sponsor Pride Counseling and get 10% off your first month of therapy here: pridecounselin...
wanna be a member? grab a backstage pass! www.youtube.co...
HEY LET'S BE INTERNET FRIENDS:
Instagram @sherbetlemon007
Twitter @sherbetlemon007
TikTok @sherbetlemon007
Twitch @shaabaandjamie
Our site: shaabaandjamie . c o m
Jamie's channel: @jammidodger
Our gaming channel: @shaabaandjamie
Be kind and have a great day (:
The fact that the pregnant woman says that she knows it's her fault for getting pregnant again so soon makes me feel a bit ill. It takes 2 to make a baby and if she was told she was unlikely to get pregnant again after struggling to conceive the first time, it really makes me wonder who's telling her it's all her fault.
I have tears in my eyes hearing her story.
Agreed I can practically smell the abuse from here he needs to either man tf up or she she needs to take her kids and run
I was thinking the same thing. Poor woman.
Yeah. Also why is it a fault, anyway? It just is what it is, it needs no blame game!
She's not feeling well, so she should be treated kindly. End of discussion. What that MIL did was unkind.
I don't think she was ignoring his part in it o3o I think she just meant "Yeah procreating is at least a LITTLE intentional."
Besides, I don't think any of us are gonna be rude about her venting o3o
Being pregnant fucking sucks no matter HOW much you wanna be a parent :( I'm glad they could conceive but I'm worried that her husband is insensitive to her wellness while carrying and I don't know if he's the one she should have "fusion danced" with >n>
On the second story - I remember this one. A lot of the comments were very concerned for OP's health, as based on the way the US count weeks of pregnancy, she'd got pregnant at (at best) 4 weeks postpartum. Depending on circumstances, many people aren't signed off by their doctor for that kind of activity for 6 weeks, and aren't comfortable with it for some time after that - quite understandably. Given OP's acquiescence to pressure around the dinner party, it left concerns for her safety.
Agreed! Plus her MIL being uncaring and unsympathetic. You are not supposed to have intercourse until after your postpartum check, usually at 6weeks. Was there any updates?
That second story has MASSIVE red flags and honestly triggered my own trauma of abuse. The husband *insisted* that she come downstairs and take part in the dinner when she was feeling like shit, instead of letting her rest, then criticised her for coming down in comfy clothes, saying that she could have stayed upstairs and had a plate brought up, and saying she's the one who made a scene. It has to be said: *he* wanted to look like the victim and hero to his family. Her coming down and then standing up for herself means that he can say to his family that she is a nasty person or a drama queen or the like, *but* if she had stayed upstairs then he would have acted like she's lazy and demanding, needing to be waited on. None of this is okay. My ex would do similar things: he would start arguments in front of our friends and then act like the victim and that I was an unreasonable person. I didn't realise in the moment how manipulative and abusive it was until my (now) girlfriend pointed it out to me. I hope OP runs away with her kids.
Thank you for posting this. I realize now her story makes me feel ill because of my own experience with emotional abuse. Funny how I didn't draw that connection. I hope she gets away from that relationship.
@@cameoe805 I'm so sorry that you've also experienced emotional abuse. It's not something that I would wish on anyone. I do hope that you are doing much better now.
@lucysavill5724 Seems like we both survived, got out of those situations, and are living better lives! Therapy is helping me work through the trauma for sure.
Exactly. With how she's being treated by her husband alone (nevermind MIL bullying her), his gaslighting, etc.
I wonder if she can say "NO" to sex with him. As soon as you give birth, you're advised to not have sex for 6 weeks after giving birth so that you can heal. It's best to wait 6 months for the uterus to recover from the trauma of a baby before you become pregnant again.
She is quite young. I wonder if this was her first real relationship and husband took advantage of her "clean slate"/lack of knowledge about toxic relationships.
Tbh I wasn’t with my ex for very long but she started doing shit like that claiming I was physically abusive when I had literally never touched her and always acted like it was my fault when I got upset that she had been rude to me I agree op needs to take her kids and run
About the pregnant story: the way MIL and hsband treats OP, I genuinely don't think that SIL and her are close. It kinda seems to me that the in-laws (and the husband) don't take OP's depression seriously and have the "pick yourself up by your bootsraps" mentality. Like the poor woman didn't even have time to process her first pregnancy/the baby's birth (which already is traumatic for many) and she already is pregnant and are expected to carry it gracefully. Not to mention that she has to take care of an infant while pregnant... Honsetly there are so many red flags in that family...
Exactly. They're toxic af. OP shouldn't have had to deal with that shit.
They told her how to dress in her OWN house 🏡?!!! 😳 Get outta here
"Showed up to dinner in a track suit and caused a scene" definitely sounded like it was gonna be major A**hole territory, but now I just feel so bad that OP was put in that situation!
Totally agree! She sold herself short with that title!
That seems to be a theme. Completely innocent title, truly an awful story of assholery. Wow this sounds like an asshole title, oh babe! You’re being absolutely mistreated! Not the asshole story
@@salamanda11 usually the title is meant to be like a quote of what someone said to them her husband probably said that and she was quoting him that’s what they usually do
For the first Story: agree with a reluctant yta, but more importantly, I feel like you should never or at least very rarely give someone a gift for 1000 dollars without knowing whether they need it? That's a huge risk and unless you are 100% sure they're gonna like it don't do it
That is an extremely good point! I was wondering what it was about that one that bothered me so much. Generally I take a “it’s the thought that counts” stance on gifts. However, this only works for smaller gifts in the $100 or less range. They can be a surprise and it doesn’t matter so much if it’s not exactly what you wanted, but major purchases like this one should be discussed with your partner before hand.
A Brother???
For the money he spent he could have gotten a Bernina and she would have been over the moon.
“Not knowing sewing machines” isn’t an excuse these days. He didn’t make the effort to google or ask anyone, Including her?
I don’t think he’s a royal ahole - he just needs to get a grip and learn that a gift is about something the RECIPIENT wants.
“Look honey! I know you wanted a sewing machine, but you already have one - and this John Deere is awesome!”
Well he gave a perfect gift to make clothes so...
It seems more like a gift for him. Live and learn. Be manly and cry 😭 about it
@@glitterspray an accessory or extension for the existing machine would have done fine, or a detailed manual with projects to try out and pictures
OP's husband's attitude to her pregnancy, especially sooo soon after the first, makes me think he guilted or disregarded her feelings when wanting to have sex again. Docs recommend waiting longer after to heal. But I'm gonna guess hubby was like "ok, the baby's out, let's get back to bed" and didn't listen to her. Idk. That's just the vibes he gives off
OP even says “I get that it’s my fault”… it takes two to tango!!! That is when my alarm bells went off.
Fr so many red flags I know we aren’t supposed to read between the lines but I feel like she needs to take her kids and get out of there before he puts her in more danger
@@Peachessssss13 100%. It really feels like he set her up for failure on purpose, because it went from "he insisted I come down and eat with them" but then flips her and tells her she could've just asked for a plate to be sent out; OR that he changed it to their home so she could dress more comfortably, then let her get talked down to and made it her fault when others were nasty about her being comfortable. That just feels like baby steps into gaslighting
Yeah I don't know if I'd go THAT far, but I don't blame you for coming to that conclusion, he sounds like an insensitive prick who doesn't care how his wife is feeling if he prioritize a birthday dinner over her health...nasty shit.
>:I she didn't impregnante herself, he needs to pull friggin' back if she's out here CARRYING HIS HALF OF THE KID.
Certainly the math says 2 to 7 weeks which is between way too soon and right on the line.
On the pregnant sick lady: "you should have just explained my mum you are unwell but still want to be present". Well, isn't that what she said? I bet MIL realised (too late) that her comment was out of line. Agreed 100% NTA
Husband should have stepped in since he's the one who brought it to hers! Terrible people.
The first one lol. I feel so bad for that poor guy's misplaced kindness. In my marriage we have to first discuss large purchases, especially for gifts. I loved his update. On the pregnancy story, I just had a child a year ago. I went to a class at the hospital and was surprised to find out that getting pregnant so soon after having a baby is EXTREMELY likely, and since your body hasn't recovered it can be a miserable pregnancy. The teacher harped on all the new parents about it, like "do not have sex until you have contraception!" I'm amazed at how she stood up for herself to her MIL, and I'm so angry for her. I thought my bones were dissolving at the end of my ONE pregnancy.
I can attest to this, im an RN who has worked in an ob/gyn office and have seen women come in for a 6 wk postpartum check only to be told they’re pregnant again! Youre not even supposed to have sex until after your checkup
At my class at hospital the teacher told us the same thing and she even had a story of her own to share - after her first child was born she felt bad and sick for a long time and then she also found out she was pregnant again. So she said to us: "Learn from my mistake, I KNOW what I'm talking about!" :) She was a champ though, great woman! And I can almost bet none of us got pregnant again so soon :)
Second story I haven't even gotten to the aita question yet. That is some shit medical advice and a concerningly short amount of time to be sexually active again after giving birth (regardless of delivery method)
I'm appalled.
Right?! The baby is 4 months old and she's 3 months pregnant? That means they were having sex less than a month after her giving birth. It takes longer than that to heal!
That fact combined with how her husband disregarded her feelings and autonomy throughout the rest of the story has me very concerned for how she's being treated.
@Karina Carr They medically recommend not being sexually active for 6 weeks min and to give your body several months to a year between pregnancies. If he couldn't wait 6 weeks, that's a huge red flag.
Absolutely. It took me about 10 weeks to heal and at 6 weeks I was still bleeding. Just how 😭
@@luf.7648 Right?!? I think we tried after a month or so but it was a nonstarter.
Also also, some people HATE surprises, the fact that he tells us that gf would have hounded him if he has told her he went for something else kinda hints to me that maybe gf is one of those. I'm ND and surprises put you in such an awkward and stressful situation, while I don't mind it so much from people who are really close to me I definitely wouldn't want just anybody to surprise me.
Good point! I know a few people like that, who hate surprises and prefer to give a list of pre-approved gifts. That way, their partners/family/friends can have the satisfaction of making a surprise, but they are guaranteed to get something they actually appreciate.
I, for instance, like surprises, but only small ones, and from people whose taste I trust LOL
My mother learned the hard way that she should stop buying me house gifts... although she still slips sometimes xD
Even before the edit that last one was a NTA! You don’t just help yourself to HALF of a meal?! A bite is ONE SINGLE BITE!!!
RIGHT?! Who the fuck thinks that's OK? I'd have asked for a drink as compensation the next time out, honestly. Graceful way to keep the friendship, but let them know full well that it's not OK to try and bullshit me like that.
I think the sewing lady could probably just buy that sewing machine she wanted for his birthday.
🤣
You should have another badge thing that is just "babe, run" that means 'OP is the victim being made to feel like the a**hole' Course it's OP decision what to do but this is red flags and/or abusive behaviour
I agree
Seems antithetical to what Shaaba means to share in the world. AITA subreddit is first hand accounts from THEIR PERSPECTIVE, how could she definitely declare an OP is a victim that is being manipulated into being a victim. That's the job for a therapist and a therapist that could somehow detangle a personal account into what actually or may have happened.
I think 2:01 is an important detail. He'd agreed to get it for her. And he also didn't consult or even tell her when he changed his mind. Part of her complaint was that he did not listen to her wants. It's not nice to assume you know what's good for someone better than themselves (so what if the machine wasn't broken? so what if the other can do many things? does it fit what she actually wants to achieve?). It obviously doesn't come from a lack of care in this instance, just a blip in communication, so in the end it's not a serious issue. I wouldn't *normally* call him an AH, just someone who made a mistake, but for the purpose of the reddit I'd say he's the AH.
Exactly!! So many people are saying gifts aren't supposed to be expected. And like while that's true, promises are. It's one thing if she was disappointed bc she didn't get anything. Or disappointed bc she doesn't like Cricuts. She was disappointed bc he ASKED, she answered, he said he'd get her the thing and STILL got something else. Good intentions but I don't blame her. I also thought it not being broken was a weird detail and possibly a lack of communication. Is it technically functional but old? Is it basic and now she wants a professional one? Is it broken and he just doesn't know?
Thank you! Came here to say this. If she suggested things she wanted and he surprised her with something he thought was better, he tried, that's different than agreeing to buy something and going against his word. I'm guessing he's broken his word before and that's more of what she's upset about.
While I absolutely agree with you all, I'm also slightly baffled by the sowing machine situation. Like I can't help feeling that she would have probably been disappointed even if he had gotten her a sowing machine in the first place, since he had no idea how the existing machine was lacking. If he had understood why she needed a new one and how they're different, I'm sure he wouldn't have bought her a cricut instead.
No it's because he's a comolete idiot. Her machine is probably old or cheap and bought it before she really know what she was doing. She got better at it and wants a better one that works better.
@@durabelle That's a really good point. I do wonder if this was a case of her not clear the communicating or him not listening
My partner asked me what I wanted for Xmas and Chanukkah. I was very specific about what I wanted. They got me something they thought I'd like instead. The thing they got me sits in a drawer. I still want the thing I'd asked for. Like....I did act grateful for the present but....like....why bother asking me what to get me if you're gonna ignore my answer?
Sounds like my husband. Years ago I mentioned wanting a screen-type digital art tablet. The touchscreen monitors designed specifically for digital art. I said I already had a pen tablet (no screen) and never got the knack of not looking at my hand while drawing so it didn't get much use. When he got that "I've got an idea" look in his eye, I very clearly said "don't buy me one if you're going to get the cheaper ones without a screen. I already have one and I don't use it." What did I get for Christmas that year?
Because they wanted ideas of what to get you but then had an idea of their own which they thought you’d also like and would be a surprise. Whenever I ask anyone what they want it’s because I’m struggling to think of something and I usually keep that as more of a back up in my mind in case I can’t think of anything and I hate actually getting what they said because it feels like less thought and care has gone into it. I don’t know what it’s like for other people maybe this is just how I was raised, everything was always meant to be a surprise and we never wrote Christmas lists
@@Grace-td5dd Something to consider, and this may be a neurodivergent brain thing, but when someone close to me asks for a gift suggestion I won't give multiple people the same suggestion because I don't want the same gift from multiple people. If you're asking me what I want, I assume you're likely to get that thing if it's in budget. If there's anyone in your life like me, by not getting what they asked for, you might be guaranteeing that nobody gets them that gift and it may be something they really wanted.
@@Grace-td5dd You're assuming a lot. In this case it was a specific conversation about my partner not having any idea what to get me and needed to know what I wanted.
Also since we celebrate both Xmas and Chanukkah I always expect some surprises. But when specifically asked we usually get each other what was asked for.
In my family we always made a list.
@@JennaGetsCreative This exactly.
My dad used to say "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
I always thought it meant we intend to do something good, but our failure to follow through is what leads to damnation. Took me years to realize the true meaning.
For example; lead used to be put in gasoline, not with the intent of harming anyone, but with the good intention of protecting engine components... but because of ignorance, serious health hazards were the unintended result.
So maybe my dad's saying could go along with another I've heard; the way we're always apologizing, going "Sorry... Sorry! I'm sorry. Sorry?"
Don't be "sorry," be "aware."
My dad's version was "Don't be sorry, just don't do it again."
On the gift story, I have actually kinda been in OP's shoes a few times when getting stuff for my sister, finding myself thinking "Oh but *I* wouldn't necessarily want this..." Thankfully I caught myself in this thought *before* buying anything and realized that what I think would be cool is thoroughly irrelevant and if she's asking for this specific thing then obviously she will appreciate getting said specific thing.
I no longer share dessert with my husband after our second or third date when he said let's share and then I ate 2 bites as he inhaled the rest. We've got separate desserts ever since... related go that food sharing one
1st story: What he did is like someone asking for a gardening hose and being given a ride-on mower instead. Sure, it might be 'cooler' but it can't do the job required.
As someone who uses both a sewing machine and a fancy cutting machine: the fancy cutting machine is a very different skillset and if you aren't a big computer person it isn't something you will use/won't be as enjoyable as getting an upgrade to a better than basic sewing machine.
Love the update for them, I am glad they were able to learn the big thing. That's part of why I like AITA it does give folks the chance to learn.
I don’t think the first person is an Ahole exactly as they had kind intentions but I can understand the gf’s disappointment (though her reaction is kinda rude). I love sewing and would love an upgraded machine as a present, and as cool as Cricuts look, I just don’t think I’d use it. I would rather spend more time sewing then getting into a new craft. But if I’d been the gf I’d have researched my own model and asked for a specific one since it’s hard for a non sewist to know what the differences are
I think the reason she was disappointed was because she had wished for a sewing machine, her partner had said she would get one but then gave her something else - I would feel disappointed and disrespected as well.
He said he promised to get her the exact model she requested then he didn't do that and made a big financial move to get something 4x as expensive. It was a dick move.
MIL: you look sick
OP: yeah I just was, all over myself, if you don't get out within 5 minutes I will be again, and I'll be nice and aim at your trousers, not your face ;)
About the last story: a few days ago i met with a friend at a sushi restaurant, i let ger try some of the sweet potato gioza (i think thats how its spelled on english) i ordered because i thought shed like it. Later on in the meal after id finished eating she ordered a piece of cake for dessert for herself. She ended up eating just a few bites while i ate most of it (because she didnt want to not because i ate it before her), so i offered to split it with her. Because i ate most of the cake, i payed for part of it, but because i offered her some of the gioza i didnt ask her to pay for it. So my point is that the friend should have offered to pay for it if he ate most of the plate, especially since he knew she likes to save some to eat for later so the op was nta imo
I think it's spelt gyoza.
It sounds like you & your friend and the people in the reddit both have good communication skills. Especially if you go out to eat with each other pretty often, it's great to be able to negotiate these situations.
First story: I'd 100% call him YTA if he didn't save the receipts for his Cricut gift. Or bought it too far in advance, and gave it to her after the return window was past. Any time you shop off-list for a large gift like this, it's good to keep the return option open in case they don't like it. Then he could have just offered to exchange it when she was disappointed, so she'd still get her sewing machine (and help pick it out so she gets the exact model she wants).
Best answer! You are so absolutely right. He can gift her something he thought of himself, and show how much he cares and thinks of her, but still can get her another one, if she won't like his gift.
This is a great answer!!
My parents did this for my sister's big Christmas gift. Got her an expensive cross-stitch set, which isn't exactly her thing, but she can return it to the store in exchange for whatever other sewing stuff she wants.
That seems like a great solution.
That's what i kept asking myself, why don't they exchange it? Like what idiot buys a 1000 dollars gift and doesen't make sure they can return it? I spent 30€ for a gift to an uncle this christmas and made sure he could get skmething he liked instead if he didn't want it, i do that for all my gifts! Why wouldn'y you do that?
For the sewing machine one, I have a guess about what happened. I think the boyfriend had never heard of a Cricut machine before. But he started researching sewing machines and Cricut ads started popping up and he fell for them. That why he's so excited about all the things it can do! And so willing to go well over his original budget for this gift. This is not just a lesson in relationship communication. It's also a lesson in resisting advertising.
The first one sounds like a communication issue to me; Sarah clearly said that she wanted a sewing machine, OP agreed to buy a sewing machine. Then changed his mind without telling Sarah and bought something very different(i do like that they said that they paid for that Cricut out of their own pocket instead of, say, shared budget, because *that* would've been way less considerate on their part. Also, maybe they're tighter on the money than OP is trying to let on? Since Sarah points out that op could've bought more than one sewing machine for $1000). While Sarah immediately looking up how expensive the gift was is a little off-putting (it is considered rude to do that where i grew up, especially right in front of the gift giver), I can understand why she did that and why she was upset. They communicated and agreed on getting a particular gift, OP suddenly deciding that they know better is inconsiderate. Why bother directly communicating about gifts if you get something else instead?
The second one - NTA. OP's husband and mother in law sound rude as fuck; fully agree with your points about husband still wanting to host a party and trying to frame it as a caring gesture, and home being a safe space. The "why had you joined us for the dinner looking like that and caused a scene?" while *knowing* OP feels very unwell and after specifically asking her to go down takes the asshole cake.
The third one - NTA. I really like that they can communicate like that, but since OP's friend *knows* she takes meals home and still ate half of her portion and tried to make her pay for full meal? Very uncool. I admit, me and my friends switched meals a bunch of times, but we agreed to switch after tasting and realising we didn't really like our own meals, not just "hey, can i taste this?" and went to town on another person's meal. A taste is one, maybe two bites of a meal, not sneakily eating the rest of it.
A lot of people disagree with the first one, but i personally think a few details make it YTA:
1. He told her he would be getting the sewing machine. A lot of people have personal biases about gifts, but it seems they agree to get each other specific things they need/want (See, she references the fact she followed his list/got him what he wanted).
2. i don’t think he’s a bad guy or an asshole like some are in this subreddit, but as he had the girlfriend have resolved it and stuff i think he recognises that IN THE CONTEXT OF /THEIR/ RELATIONSHIP (sorry i can’t bold on mobile) that his choice to not follow her list was not the best idea.
3. I’m sorry, but you can’t control your emotions and disappointment is OKAY to feel about gifts and it doesn’t make someone bad or selfish or entitled. Especially if you had an agreement and expectations.
4. Again, if she sews that doesn’t mean she’d use the Circut, ya know?
5. I believe they were trying to be sweet, but missed the mark. Some people are particular about what they get- My partner for example, their family treated christmas a time to show off by buying as many gifts as possible. A lot of time these were either showy or competing with other parents- and not what my partner wanted, ever. This ended up hurting them and making them sad as they were consistently ignored and made to feel bad about having this emotion, so they make a list every year and i try to balance things from their list and things that speak to me for them, so they feel heard. Getting people things they don’t want when they’ve been specific can make them feel ignored and hurt, even if it’s trying to be a sweet gift!
I’ve seen a few people hating on Sarah and i don’t know her, but please leave space in your comments for people with gift and holiday/birthday related trauma and these feelings of being hurt but gifts that don’t feel thoughtful. everyone perceives “thoughtful” differently, and for some following their specific list is more thoughtful!
thank you!
I love your comment. I think he was NTA but I appreciate your points and can see what you're saying. For me, he just sounds like he got super excited and wanted to surprise her with something different, and I don't think that's a bad move, though clearly she was really set on the sewing machine.
I think it's a bad idea to take this kind of conflict and demand that it be yta, or nta bc there's too much nuance. He was mistaken but not an a-hole, neither of them were. I think it's silly to demand he be one or the other just bc the subreddit is named that
I'm able to bold by surrounding the text with asterisks. *For example: this*
Not responding to the contents of your comment, but hope that helped you for the future 😊
I think the reason people are having trouble agreeing with this one is because of what "you're the asshole" seems to imply. Really what people voting YTA are saying is not that he's an asshole, but that what happened was his fault. People saying NTA probably would agree that it's his fault, just not that he's an asshole, because he was only trying to be nice and ended up making a mistake. Sometimes YTA really does mean "you're the asshole", but other times (like right now) it's more like "you're not an asshole but this was your fault". Does that make sense? I was thinking NTA too because I was like "aww but he was just trying to be nice he's not an asshole"... But that's not really what we're trying to decide here.
My husband is like that. He hates getting gifts at all because when he was a kid his mom would ask what he wanted and he would show her in an ad or something and then she would get him something more expensive and worse quality. They didn't have much money and even as a kid he would kind of keep his parents in line with money and make sure they had enough for groceries. She would then invite over a lot of family over to see it. One year he literally asked her to not get him any thing and just make a cake because she would always invite tons of people and he would never get any of his birthday cake. She invited 30 people. This trait of hers, too not listen and never be reliable, leaks into all of her life but that's how it translated to gifts. For the first several years we were married he asked me to not get him anything and all he wanted for his birthday was a giant fruit salad in a mixing bowl and to not have anyone ask him to do anything for the whole day.
I think the problem with the first one was that OP had *agreed* to get a sewing machine. If he just knew that she wanted it would have been less of a problem since there was no promise of 1 specific machine and he then bought something he thought she would like. However, he promised 1 thing and then got a different machine instead.
THEN It was a bit of an asshole move for the GF to say "Why are you crying? I appreciate your present but it's just you totally disregarded what I wanted." she removed his right to cry because she got a bit disappointed in a gift he put his whole soul into. She invalidated his sadness.
Yes that bit made me kinda sad. The crying should've made it obvious that the partner really put love and effort into his gift. I remember one of my first Xmas w my bf he got me something he knew I'd like but I wasn't eager to recieve gifts bc it kinda makes anxious having to react the right way if that makes sense. But he was so excited to give it to me which showed how happy he was to give me a gift he thought would make me happy and that made me even more excited to recieve it. I just think the OP's girlfriend was maybe a little mean abt the whole thing idk 😔
Disagree. His feelings were hurt because she wasn’t thrilled that he didn’t listen to her. That’s on him. Bet she felt pretty hurt too.
Doesn’t sound like she “removed his right to cry.” She asked why.
This guy is doing a great job of garnering sympathy. “I tried so hard!”
The one I sympathize with is her.
Can’t help wondering if he’s pulled this before.
“If he just knew …” why didn’t he ask?
The crying should have been a point for OP's partner to understand that he's being upset bc he wanted to give her something awesome. But that he made those decisions without accepting that he went out of his way to decide what she needed/wanted vs what she actually said she wanted.
She didn't invalidate it, but declared that she deserves to have true feelings about what happened, and he was the one who invalidated her by saying the thought is what counts.
@@glitterspray Yeah, but if u spin it around. The gf cries bc she felt like he isn't respecting what she wanted, then the guy's like, why are you crying? I got you something better that I put a lot of effort into. We aren't the guy and don't know if he's just sensitive and the excitement of her opening up something he thought was cool just dropped to rock bottom and it made him cry. She had a right to be disappointed, but if he wasn't crying in a manipulative way but truly just felt like he failed the whole birthday, it is invalidating his right to cry and feel bad.
Asking why he's crying could be an asshole move or a decent one, depending on the tone. If she sounded impatient, it's an asshole thing to say, but if she sounded concerned, it's reasonable.
love people who actually use AITA to actually get advice. I feel really bad for the first guy.
The way the first OP learned and then actually went out and bought what his partner had asked for just got me in the feels. Idk man, that's just something that feels so kind and sweet to me. I'm glad he's been able to resolve the situation and I kinda really wanna know how Sarah reacted to receiving the nice sewing machine 🥺
My mom always said that hell is full of people with good intentions. People should apologize, even (and especially) when you mean well.
But also, don't feel ashamed for crying. You are waaay better than the usual AH that feel entitled for everything.
impact > intent, 1000% of the time, a person's intentions could be good but the impact may have ended up with harm, own up, take responsibility, & apologize
The first one reminds me a bit of my father, albeit on a much larger (and somewhat understandable) scale. He asked what I wanted for my birthday, I said very clearly that I wanted clay or him to pay for a new tattoo, in fact I said those exact words. He got me 20 10$ gift cards (they were out of the big ones) and a "lesbian uniform" (flannel, wife beater, and a carabiner) because I had come out to him earlier in the year and he wanted to show support. I'm not butch or masc in the slightest, so I'm still a bit confused where that came from.
Aaahh, the ‘trying to be supportive when you have a bunch of stereotypes in your head’. We’ve all had that loved one/friend. That does sound annoying.
As confusing as that might have been, it also sounds absolutely adorable. Like he’s a little confused but he’s got the spirit.
Imagine you asked your partner what they wanted for a birthday dinner and they answered "pasta" and you gave them a perfectly thought out full salad because you wanted to make something good for them and maybe they had pasta a few days ago. It's a lovely gesture but it's not what they asked for. It's a birthday, a day to be spoiled and get what you want for one day - not what you need, not what your partner thinks you need or want. If she specifically asked for something and you have the opportunity and the means to get it, you get it. What if that sewing machine she has does work but was on its last legs?
I honestly wouldn't care if I asked for one thing for my birthday dinner and my partner made something else. It'd still be really kind of them and I'd appreciate it.
How about pasta 🍝 salad 🥗 with pesto? 😋
@@Amira_Phoenix Sounds perfect to me!
Do you let people wal all over you? If i ask for a gift and my partner says they'll get it and then they give me a shit one i don't care about why should i be grateful? I'll be asking if we can return it or sell it or whatever and get myself a decent present that i want
2:20 i would never ever ever let someone who doesn't know about sewing pick a sewing machine for me. I'd tell them an exact model.
I love your facial expression when you read that OP has a 4 month old & is 3 months pregnant 😂
There was an edit for the last story where OP found out that her friend ate all her food because he was upset that she hadn’t slept with him yet.
The last one is like “we don’t have time to get on Judge John Hodgman so we’re just gonna dive into AITA” 😂
I can understand the excitement the first person had about maybe getting something that would be a surprise and thought it might be better. I recently listened to someone being interviewed about the brain science behind gift giving and receiving and it was fascinating. we all think (as a gift giver) it's boring to get a gift that isn't a surprise but in reality ( as the gift receiver) getting something you want and will use is the BEST! But really...no receipts? (ALSO...totally off topic...are Cricuts pronounced "crY-cut"? I thought they were more like cricket? UK thing or just me being wrong?)
I'm from the US and my aunt works at a crafting store and she always pronounces it like "cricket"
Worked at a place that sold the things for 6 years. We pronounced them "cricket"
To TRY someone's food is literally 1 mouthful! ...He ate her food! He didn't try it, he ate it!
My husband is the same with presents. He always said that he would get either something that he likes, so that the person who receives the present will always think of him, or something that is outrageously crazy that the person would never get themselves.
So basically, for years, he didn't even consider to get me something that I would have liked or used.
It went on for many years until he realised that he was wasting his money (a lot of money too, because he's very generous) on things that got me disappointed.
He gets it now after 17 years of us being together. He knows that I appreciate a lot more when he shows that he listens to me and knows my taste when he gets me something that I like. It can be small and inexpensive, I don't care, i just love being seen
The first one is a bit baffling. Yes, sure, the Cricut can do a lot of things...but are those things that she WANTS to do? For example, I crochet, but if someone bought be a sewing machine just because I crocheted, I'd be a little confused. Yes, it's crafty, and makes clothing faster than crochet does, but it's a WHOLE DIFFERENT CRAFT!!! Just because I crochet doesn't mean I want any random craft related item. If someone bought me an expensive Cricut, I wouldn't use it either. Because that's not my craft.
I remember one time someone asked if they can try a chocolate spread I had. I thought they'd try a little bit, but they took a big spoon and scooped like 1/3 of the jar (not over-exaggerating)!! I told them that I'm not happy with it, but their excuse was that they only had a spoonful. I never shared with this person again..
The way she says cricut was like giving me heart palpitations
i am literally losing my mind over the first one. in my family (and friends!!) we have *always* used wishlists to be guidelines to find something we think the person we're gifting to would love and never get for themselves. i *love* gifts that i haven't asked for because it shows how well that person knows me, and it's usually something i never would have thought of, but i love anyway. i actually really hate it when people get me the things i ask for (with exceptions being when i ask for a very specific thing--but even then, I'm not mad if i don't get that thing). i guess i was raised with "it's the thought that goes into the present vs the present itself" mentality?? please, if other people feel this way, let me know, i feel like I'm going insane.
I'm the exact same way! I hate when people ask me what specific things I want as gifts. Gifts are supposed to be something thoughtful from one person to another, not a shopping list dictated by the recipient.
I mean, (and I'm saying this from the point of view of an autistic individual meaning that I do not like change of plans/things) I also follow this rule but also if I ask you to buy me something as a gift, I'm expecting that gift, one thing is a wishlist you use to give you a guideline the other is asking you to buy me something and only that thing. Also depends from person to person, just because someone likes unexpected gifts doesn't mean the other person also likes it, for example if someone gifted me something that is not the thing I ask I'd be upset, I wouldn't show it, but I still would be upset.
so basically, depends on people and on how they were raised
(Edit:) Oh hahha i just noticed you asked if others felt the same way as you, i read it as why do people think like this sorry😅. I’ll just leave my message anyways but if it isn’ helpfull that makes sense since i read your question wrong.
As a kid when i made wishlists i never expected to get all the things, but i did always expect to get the stuff from my wishlist, if i were to get a gift, because that is what i wanted. The idea of assuming what someone likes and buying that instead of what they asked for freaks me out lol,i would not want someone to spend money on something i might not like, which is a very high chance since i didn’t put it on my wishlist lol, so i would feel bad for them for spending money on something i pbb wouldn’t like or use. If i would be sarah i would feel so bad for my boyfriend for spending so much money on something i didn’t ask for so i pbb wouldn’t like or use it. Did that never happen to you? (Btw I’m not saying that’s why sarah said those things or not wanted it, but that would be me in that situation). This also might have to do with that i’m autistic haha, i can’t handle change or unpredictably.
Yeah I feel the same. I don't care for specifics. As long as you got me something you thought I'd like (within reason). Most people who even casually know me know that I'm not into watches, that I wear rings on chains rather than my fingers, that I love bugs. I like gifts that I don't specify for the same reason you said -- that it shows how well they know me.
I think what you described is completely normal, but if the person says what they'd like and the other person then says they're going to get it, that creates an expectation. I think that's what happened in this specific case, since he mentioned that he considered telling her he wasn't going to get the sewing machine after all. I think that means he promised to get her one and then broke the promise. If she had just told him she'd like a sewing machine and he smiled and said "we'll see" or not said anything at all, that would create the expectation that he's going to try to get her something she wants, maybe a sewing machine, maybe something else. At that point, if she's a person who doesn't like being surprised or something like that, they could have discussed it.
Massive massive huge red flags on the pregnancy one. At best she was a month post partum when she got pregnant. The likelihood her doctor had cleared her for sex is slim. If she did decide on her own to ignore her doctors orders and have sex anyway, it takes two to tango. Unfortunately, i know multiple women who have similar stories. All of them spent time at a women's shelter and have restraining orders against their ex husbands. I hate jumping to conclusions, but even with just that snap shot into her life and the way she talked about herself, I'm very concerned for her safety.
6:42 Since when have presents been about what the receiver wants? Presents are about what the giver wants to give. If you want a sewing machine, you buy yourself a sewing machine. If you want it as a birthday gift, you can even wrap it.
Don't people get unwanted gifts as children anymore, if they don't learn it's extremely childish to throw a hissy fit over a present?
I am now an official member of Pride Counseling! Thank you, Shaaba. 🌈❤️
I don’t think the first one is the AH in this situation. He said she likes crafting in general, not just sewing, so the fact that he got her something he thought she’d love is really thoughtful. As he said she already had a working sewing machine, so it’s not like she was missing out in it. I think OP’s girlfriend is the AH for sure
If the first guy agreed to get the sewing machine, why would he switch the gift?
She wanted a specific item. A Cricut is not a sewing machine. They don't do anything the same. She was excited about a sewing machine. He completely changed an agreement.
"she already had a sewing machine that wasn't broken" is just.. a goofy place to come at that from. Your old junker stick shift car still runs, why would you ever want a new car?
No.1. "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Here endeth the lesson.
No.2. she got pregnant pretty much straight away after giving birth!! When I had my babies, it was emphasised that so my body could recover, I should not have sex for *at least 6 weeks*. Hoow-eee!! Who couldn't wait?
Based on how she was disregarded by her husband in the rest of the story, I'm guessing he's the one who couldn't wait.
@@carr0760 that’s so annoying, since there are many other ways to have sex that do not involve going into the hole that was blasted open by a baby
@@carr0760 Of course, so she should have told him to F off or AT LEAST insisted they use contraception. I wish people take more responsibility and put more thought into bringing a new life into the world.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517 again, based on the rest of the story, it sounds like she doesn't have much autonomy. He gets what he wants.
When a family member wants a taste, then I put that taste on their plate, and then they will usually put a taste on my plate of what they are eating. If we want to split, then we will put half of a portion on each plate so that is just how my family does it.
Just regarding getting pregnant again almost immediately: I feel like a lot of people don't seem to realise that's a possibility. You don't even have to have your period again before you get pregnant. If you're having sex with someone who can get you pregnant, use protection if you don't want to get pregnant. If you're using protection, layer it up; use multiple types like hormonal protection and condoms at the same time, because ALL of those things can and do fail even if you're using them 100% perfectly which most people don't anyway.
Having a baby is hard (and I don't just mean the birth), let alone when you're trying to also look after another baby at the same time. Mum needs to be able to rest and she can't do that if she's constantly suffering from morning sickness, while breast feeding, while getting up at all hours of the night to change nappies, etc, etc, etc. Even if the partner's doing all they can to help, that crying's still going to wake her, the need to feed and/or pump is going to take a lot out of her, simply existing while pregnant's going to take a lot out of her.
I'm not trying to judge or shame anyone who wants to have kids back to back. You do you, just think long and hard about it before you make any decisions you can't take back. I think back to back babies is a big ask for anyone, and laying on the bathroom floor after not making it to the toilet in time, exhausted and crying and regretting life while a baby's crying in the other room and you're just trying to breath... Well, I wouldn't wish it on anyone unless they had a bloody supportive network around them 24/7 and are really sure they can handle it.
So yeah, protect yourself (in as many ways as possible) straight after birth and think about if you're ready before coming off that protection. And get the heck outta dodge if it looks like protection will be taken away from you, be that from an unsupporting partner or legal representatives who don't have your best interests at heart while they're telling you what you can and cannot do with your body.
the problem is doctors say it's awful to have sex anytime before 6 weeks MINIMUM! it's suggested to wait 6 months-1year postpartum before conceiving as well to allow your body time to fully heal. im very concerned for op because of this.
For a hot minute I thought Shaaba was pregnant and I was like, that makes sense she and Jamie just got married, but damn it was a short honeymoon period... and then I remembered. 😅
Love the weekly aita videos and I find them really interesting and good to expand my brain 😀❤️
These videos always make me feel better, listening to someone who is very humane and has actual morals (there aren't really any people in my life who are genuinely kind and understanding). It amazes me how I agree with literally everything Shaaba says. I think what Shaaba shows is real kindness--respect, understanding, that open-mindedness and thoughtfulness towards these "assholes." I'm so tired of hearing that kindness is about what you do for others, and the sacrifices you make. Anyway, I just think these videos are very heartwarming and always leave me feeling happy.
For the first one, I don't know... Maybe it's because the etiquette around gifts is so different where I grew up, I feel like the gift giver's intentions are always far more important than whatever the gift is. Like I understand being upset over not getting a gift she thought she'd get, but in my culture you're not supposed to expect a gift at all. Any gift that is given is a gift to be taken with gratitude. So with that in mind, if my loved one bought me a gift that they were really really excited to give me, id probably still be so happy that they thought of me so much. I feel like for a gift, the intention always matters so much more than the gift itself.
Personally I don’t think the kettle and book analogy makes sense as kettles don’t have anything to do with books. Also OP being prepared to pay $1000 for a gift is a lot of money and gift could be used with her sewing project.
I consider one or two bites "trying" something. More is sharing, more so when it hasn't been ordered to share originally.
CCaptions on this video said “Hi peaches it’s shovel”
and on the last AITA video is said “Hi pages it’s Shelby” 😂😂😂😂
I really don't think #1 is an asshole, I've been on the receiving end of being the "art" person and getting gifts that are not in my skill range or interest (like getting a set of paints when they're a digital artist). It seemed like a cool thing for the gifter, and hey, maybe a learning experience for the giftee. Arts and crafts are a lot of things, and one doesn't exclude all others. It wasn't exactly what they wanted, but maybe something they could both try together?
i love seeing what youtube's auto captions decide shaaba's name is. today it's "shovel"
Aww that first guy I feel so sorry for him! This is why you shouldn't ask someone what they want cos then if you find something that you think is great you can't get it, you should get what they've asked for! I bet if she hadn't said what she wanted and you'd got the cricut, she would have loved it!
11:27 Oh I am LIVID at this guy and his mother >:( if it’s “her fault” (I don’t believe that but if that’s what’s being said) IT TAKES TWO GAMETES TO MAKE A BABY! It’s just as much on him and if actually wanted a baby carried by his partner (which it sounds like he wanted as much as op) the MINIMUM he can do is not be a whole a** to that partner while she goes through the negative parts.
CISHETS CHERISH YOURS WIVES DANGIT
1. Story: I actually had similar conflicts with my ex, multiple times. He meant really well, but he very often ended up giving me gifts that HE was excited about, rather than I, that HE would want to use, that he wished I was equally excited about. When it comes to spending money you as a couple don't technically have, it can lead to a lot of tension. He kept doing it, though, he just couldn't help himself. Maybe it had to do with his extreme adhd, I wonder sometimes. Like, he gets obsessed with an idea and can't let it go?
another one of Mister Peanutbutter's exes
@@Romanticoutlaw Omg, he has a lot in common with MPB, actually!!! I love the show, but somehow did not catch on that..?!?!? 🤯 Mabe unlike Mr PB, my ex is actually really smart. He wanted me to get excited about the techniccy-crafty things he was into, and never gave up lol
I really like this series, some people are a little wild with this subreddit but you do a really good job of looking at the situations for everyone's perspective being impartial, good on ya! Keep up the great vids!
5:55 impact over intention.
I'm a sewist and not having a machine that will do everything you need, is frustrating and limits your makes.
A cricut is fun if you do those sorts of crafts and minimal sewing. It's not going to be useful for someone who's trying to improve their success with their projects.
I'm in that spot right now. I need a serger to up my game especially with chronic illness.
❤
@@therewillbecatswithgwenhwyfar I understand your point but a gift is a gift there's never a guarantee that when someone else gets you something it will be exactly what you want that's not how gifts work if Sarah wanted her own sewing machine she could have bought her own sewing machine he made the decision to spend his money on what he thought would work and even if he made a mistake the thought should have counted even if she ended up frustrated and disappointed because she didn't have what she needed she didn't have to take that out on him and berate him for his honest efforts
@@thedukeofweasels6870 I think if they have a history of specifically asking and receiving the gifts that they requested… That there would have been that expectation.
However, if I found out that my partner had purchased $1000 worth of unopened products that I could take back to the store and then spend that money on all the sewing things I want… I would just do that. Lol
Idk, I find it a little weird to treat birthday gifts like a shopping list or a registry, but that's just me.
I think the first person just made the mistake of not discussing getting her something different before doing it, so part of the problem was that she was expecting something she really, actively wanted and got something that it sounds like she really wasn't interested in.
It also bothers me that they repeatedly referred to the current sewing machine as not being broken when they made it clear that that didn't know anything about it. It reminds me a lot of people insisting my car is in good condition while I'm trying to tell them i need to save up for a new transmission or major repair on it. Just because it appears to be running doesn't mean it's not broken or doesn't need to be replaced for one reason or another. She may have even just really wanted one so she'd have a backup, which if you do a lot of sewing is an EXTREMELY good idea.
To all the women... Do not have sex the weeks after giving birth, this is where a new pregnancy can very easily happen again, unless you want that to happen ofc hehe!
As a female who had a long-term male partner (now best friend/basically family), I can say I was so appreciative when he was on the verge of tears. I know everyone expresses their emotions differently and you don't need to cry for you to be feeling something deeply, but in that situation it meant a lot to see those tears in his eyes and I won't forget it
Guys, if you're with someone who thinks badly of you for crying, find someone better
THIS. I have seen my fiance tear up when talking about a family member he loved and lost too soon. It happened fairly early in our relationship, and I still remember how I felt seeing him. I was not disgusted or offended or even awkward. In fact, seeing he was able to experience grief and that he was comfortable enough to discuss it with me are a large part of why I fell in love with him.
I would expand your advice to women and enbies as well. If ANYONE is with someone who scoffs at you or looks down on you for crying, throw them in the bin immediately. Find someone who wants you to have feelings and openly accepts them.
Yta for the first one makes me ???????? Yes impact over intention but only if what you’ve done is actually wrong, no one is entitled to a gift from anyone, if you so desperately want something then buy it yourself, anything you’re gifted you should be grateful for and accept graciously (with obvious exceptions if it’s given mean spiritedly)
"only if what you've done is actually wrong" Yes! This!
As someone who fully agrees with reluctant YTA for the first one, I have a little trouble agreeing with your comment. "Only if what you've done is actually wrong" sure, but I think 'wrong' is more subjective than objective in this case. Also, gift-giving can be a wonderful thing, but there can be some unhealthy power dynamics and expectations that come can from it. A $1000 gift (or any expensive gift) can be a HUGE weight on the person receiving it with the expectation of being overwhelmingly grateful and love the gift. Not to mention, that the sewing machine wasn't just something she wanted, it was an agreed upon gift between the two of them that the OP changed his mind without talking to his partner. "Anything you're gifted you should be grateful for and accept graciously" Even with you clarifying there are exceptions with being mean-spirited I think this is a nice thought, but again, puts a lot of pressure on the recipient and makes them subject to manipulation. Ultimately, the OP took feedback and everything seemed resolved in the best way possible (sorry for the long comment).
Gifts (particularly expensive ones) can be used manipulatively though. Not saying that's what happened here, but there's nuance - gift giving isn't inherently positive or negative without intent. If you have arachnophobia and I buy you a tarantula because I think they're cool, should you be gracious and grateful? That's just as unreasonable as the alternative. They also had a verbal agreement that he would get her that, which changes the situation quite a lot.
EARLY! Love the AITA videos Shaaba, keep up the great work!!
Honestly, I think he bought her a Cricut because *he* wanted a Cricut. (At least, he did once he saw it.) I don't think he was really being thoughtful or trying that hard, because Cricut has nothing to do with sewing, and enjoying one craft doesn't necessarily mean you'll enjoy a different craft. Don't get her something for a hobby that she hasn't expressed any interest in.
I do a couple of different needle crafts, and I am also a musician. So one time someone got me some adult coloring books, because "you're so creative", they just assumed I would enjoy them. Drawing/ coloring is not an art form that I enjoy doing, though. It was a nice thought, and they were giving me a compliment by calling me creative. It was also a much lower-stakes situation; no gift was expected or promised, we weren't that close, and it wasn't a huge purchase. I think I was gracious enough in my thanks, but the coloring books ended up in the trash after I got home. And honestly, I was a little puzzled as to why they thought I would like that particular thing when I had never expressed any interest in it.
What this guy did was completely different than that. He knew what she wanted, and he bought her what he wanted. That is disrespectful. I also sense some disrespect in the repetition of the old sewing machine not being broken. Like, does that mean she's not allowed to want a better one? Maybe she's trying to develop her skills further and needs a more advanced machine to do it. I know her reaction isn't what you're supposed to do when you receive a gift, but I can understand it. She had been promised a new sewing machine, she was excited about it, and she opened the package to find something completely different.
I'm glad they've worked it out and he's getting the sewing machine now, and I'm glad he's learned a lesson about getting a gift for the recipient. And I kinda hope he keeps the Cricut and uses it himself.
I have concerns about your endorsement of a BetterHelp service
I think we need more information for the first one. Did he save the receipts for a return and the friend refused to return it? If he threw away the receipts so she couldn’t return it, that’s just a bad idea when you give an expensive gift. If he saved them and a return was possible, then NTA.
Idk as someone who rarely got birthday presents growing up cause my birthday is near xmas, i appreciate all presents whether its what i want or not haha!
But yes, probably should have got her the sewing machine, and the cricut for himself at a later date 😅
I consider getting a Cricut regularly for sewing-adjacent things but it is just so overwhelming thinking about learning to use it. It isn't a simple piece of kit and at the end of the day, I think I will upgrade my sewing machine to one with some extra features before I ever get a Cricut.
In what universe is 'do you want to try it?' an invitation to eat more than one bite? Am I nuts? That invitation is good for ONE free bite. More bites require additional invitation(s)!
Scenario 1, he bought himself a gift, pretended it was for her, and acted like a victim to make her look like a bad guy. I guarantee you that he will get a lot of use out of it. He's manipulative. At best, he's arrogant and thinks he's so much smarter than her, that he knows what she should like, and she's too stupid to figure it out for herself.
Honestly I'm kind of on the OP's side in the first case because not only did she already have a sewing machine that still worked and wasn't broken but also said in the post that she's really into crafting which implies more than just sewing. For the girlfriend to not even try the new gift which can do all the things he listed is kind of petty tbh. It's like if someone bought me an xbox instead of a playstation, yes I clearly wanted the other one but I'm not just going to let a perfectly good xbox just sit there.
As a sewer and a crafter, if I asked for a sewing machine and i got a cricut, i would cry. They have completely different uses. And this story is totally a part of long term relationships. I've been married for 10 years and there have been times when both of us have gotten the wrong thing. You live and learn.
It’s Mama Shaaba time :))
I’d love longer AITA videos from you!
Cricut machines ("cricket" by the way, according to the company's own website) are less and less appealing to me these days because they're taking a page out of Apple's and HP's books. Lots of software planned obsolescence, can't resell accessories because of the additional software elements that come with them that can't be downloaded to another machine after the license is claimed, etc.
I agree with previous commenters that the pregnant woman's partner is likely the AH in this. I doubt she was really down for activity after a dramatic first pregnancy, especially if she was struggling with depression and still sore down there.
Sewing machine/cricut: next time put the receipt in a sealed envelope. That way recipient can exchange, if necessary.
I actually think Sarah is the AH in the first story, yeah OP should have listened and got what she wanted in an ideal world. But she already had a sewing machine and I can see he was trying to think outside the box and surprise her. She should have hid her ungrateful reaction and at least have used it once or twice. You don't always get what you want :p
Re: story #1 - So my inlaws do a drawing for a single person to do a gift exchange with - I have frequently been drawn by either oldest BIL or his wife and we don't really get on well. We live in different cities and rarely see each other. Gifts from them have always been exceedingly generic, bordering on insulting. When we moved from general gift giving to a single person, the intention was to go from 10 adults and increasing numbers of kids with cheap gifts to a single gift in the $50-75 range so everyone could get a single nicer gift while spending much less overall. In past, since implementing this and being drawn by one of them (it's a blind draw) I have gotten a discounted fall candle, and two very large purses, both containing the several-times-marked-down clearance tags. This year, there were a number of things happening in the family the week before Christmas - health issues with MIL and a wedding - and in the craziness, my gift was apparently forgotten. BIL texted my husband on Xmas Eve stating he'd completely forgotten to get me a gift, where would I like a gift card from?
Money was very tight this year so husband and I decided against much for ourselves and hubs knew there were a couple of things I had put off buying with plans to get for Xmas, now put on indefinite hold - so he told BIL the location and then told me about the exchange and we laughed about how exciting it was to be getting a gift from them I actually wanted. I was super happy about gift exchange for a change. So the disappointment I felt when I was handed a large bag and pulled out yet another purse - this one by far the ugliest thing I have ever in my life laid eyes on - is difficult to state. I had to fight back tears because in addition to now owning yet another hideous bag I will never use (you'd think after 17 years of marriage they might have figured out I don't carry purses and it's not because I have none, and yet...), I was so disappointed not to be getting the thing I thought I was getting, which is a thing I really, really wanted.
So all of that to say, I understand where OP is coming from but I recently lived the similar disappointment and it was definitely much more severe for being told I was getting one thing and getting something else entirely. I'm glad OP saw the issue, because I do believe in the good intentions. And I understand how shitty it feels to be the recipient and have to fake the excitement and gratitude when you are feeling terrible disappointment and confusion.
Though, like Sarah getting her gift, I found out that this hideous bag can be sold on eBay for significantly more. At least, I've listed it with that hope. . .
Hi! I just wanted to share what my family's gift exchanges are like because they are very enjoyable. First, there is a 23-30 CAN$ budget, a theme that this year was local products and it is not directed to a specific person. That way, you are not disappointed by the pack of knowledge the gift giver has. Secondly, the gift giving proceeds has following: we all take cards and go pick a wrapped gift and unwrap in the random order of the cards. Then, there is a second round where you get to keep or steal (exchange) your gift. In my family it worked well to make everyone happy. We could have an influence on what we have has a gift and the process is really fun. Some exemples of what was offered: spice kit, maple products, homemade tomato sauces, handmade soaps, little brewer beers, a kit of evergreens products like spruce beer and flavored choucroute, it was some things that are nice to have, that you can enjoy for a while and that you wouldn't necessarily have bought for yourself. To be fair, we are a family who loves to eat and cook.
If someone read my comment, what do you think are the flaws of such a gift exchange?
@@polatouche7221 Oh white elephant exchange, sort of. Sounds fun! Honestly, there has been a lot of drama and this was the first Xmas the entire family gathered in years because of various issues between MIL and spouses (well and the pandemic). We stayed in our city for 8 years pre-pandemic when our kids were young, so now we are traveling to visit for holidays. This year - well. MIL was diagnosed with another round of cancer the week before Xmas (the day before my BIL's wedding), and while we are waiting for further testing for clear diagnosis and options, the kids all believe she will not pursue any treatment beyond surgery because her last experience was so bad she doesn't want to go through chemo/radiation again. So everyone pulled strings and made an effort to get there for Xmas.
(which incidentally made me feel like a huge asshole for being upset/disappointed, but here we are)
Did my mom write that last post about the food being eaten by someone else? It sounds like something that her siblings would do.
we should disclose that we are taking everything op says as true because sometimes their posts are colored with a particular lens.
Intentions don't matter. All that matters is the outcome. The YTA for the 1st one is 100% justified.
1. If someone tells me that they will buy want I want for my birthday, and then changes their mind I would like to know. I would probably not budget for one of whatever for myself knowing I would get it from that person. Knowing means I can rethink thing. Not knowing can in itself making me be unappreciative even though what they got instead might be good. My bf has done this a few times, and it can be hard to be happy about a new gift when I might not afford myself what I was "suppose to get".
If the new gift doesn't even suit my interests I will feel guilty on top of that if I don't want it and/or ever use it. I am a spiritual person, but I am not wicca (for instance) and if I got something wiccan because someone thought it was "as witchy as I am" then I would probably not be grateful, I would ask if it was returnable and if it wasn't I would regift it to someone that is wiccan.
What does this has to do with it? Just because OPs significant other is "crafty" (or whatever word was used) doesn't mean anything in that category is a good gift. OPs significant other clearly wanted and needed a sewing machine, not a Cricut. Btw I also googled and it seems OP spent more than double of what is needed on the Cricut maker 3, at least according to prices in my country/language.
I totally agree with you on the sewing machine one. So glad to see a happy ending to that story too!
Bad news on the third one, they aren’t friends who can actually talk through issues like this, and in fact are no longer even friends. He apparently admitted to someone else that he did it intentionally, knowing she planned to take home the extra, and knowing he’d get away with it. Why? Because they had gone out together many times (even though she always paid her own way) and she still hadn’t had sex with him.
From the first story: I want some advice on what presents to buy when I don’t know what someone wants. During the holidays, I was overwhelmed with what to buy my mom and my partner. I wanted so badly to buy presents I thought they would like, but I wasn’t given much information if they wanted any specific thing.
When I asked advice from my family, they either didn’t know themselves or they made me second guess my present choice. I’d eventually went for a candle and some nail polish for my mom and a video game for my partner that I thought they would like (which I haven’t given them yet since we both were on trips during the holidays). I would like to keep the overwhelm to a minimum but also give gifts I know people would love and use. Any advice?
For the first one if I had seen a gift that I thought was better I would have asked which one they wanted
I've been pronouncing it 'cricket'. Every day is a school day!