@@AlexHigbee-nl1fyI, for one, am tired of the continued existence of Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, because the owners never seemed to learn anything from the Bite of 1987, or was it the bite of 1983, I don't know, bot either way, for some reason - some reason, they didn't think that it's dangerous, when years ago, one of the animanabanana tronics took a bite out of a security guard's brain? and when they reopened they were still keeping them in the restaurant, when other security guards were killed by them? and sure, they did close down in the end, but why did someone else think it was a good idea to make a Halloween attraction out of it, which they called Five Bears Fright? because I bet you that some animation tronic from Freddy Five bear's pizza is going to be there - I fact- I actually heard that the will.i.am Afterwards was trapped in that old spring Bunny the Bonnie suit from the older restaurant that he had with Henry Emily, and that would be bad because he created the
Bwahahahahaahha! Jamie fell into my sticky little trap! Now to set up my own completely real and not at all made up RIVAL Jammy Dodgem business and steal all his customers. Mine is an evil laugh
There is an update from the father in the first story. The father and son/bf are on good terms, it was just bad timing. Basically, the bf's parents were the first to hear about their relationship with a negative response. The son's mother (father's ex) is crazy and went ballistic when she was told about the bf's parents' response, much to the father and son's dismay. The ex was belligerent on the bf parents' lawn and was arrested, bailed out, then sued. The whole "That's f*cking gay!" became a joke in the son/bf's relationship.
Thanks for the update! Glad to hear that OP and his son sorted it out, that would have been sad if it hadn't been a happy ending x'D Though, I'm a bit confused by your wording and would like the clarify, so OP's ex-wife got prissy at OP's son's bf's parents for being homophobic, am I getting that correct?
@SwordmaidenGwen Yes. When the ex-wife heard about the bf's parents' homophobic/negative reaction, the ex-wife drove over to the parents' house, parked in their lawn, and screamed profanities and challenged them to fight her. The cops were called, and the ex-wife was arrested. OP bailed her out. Then she was sued by the parents and has been quiet since. OP was also furious about the bf's parents' reaction, but respected his son's wishes to not say or do anything to make the situation worse. (This happened before the ex-wife was told, as both the son and OP tried to get the ex-wife from not doing anything crazy.)
Also, the BF moved in with the poster and the son due to BF's parents being douche nozzles. Also, because the dad here is a messy bench: Apparently, his ex (mother of the son in the story) came onto him after the ordeal. They had some ill-advised encounter, lots of drama and ultimately decided to try and fix it - with the help of therapy. Really rooting for those crazy knuckleheads.
@@aer015 Thanks for clarifying! Wow, that's pretty intense haha, can't say I blame OP's ex for blowing up, especially if her son's bf's parents said rude things about her kid too.
Throwing a gender reveal party for somebody who doesn't want one is bad enough, but throwing one for somebody who also already knows the sex makes no sense. Like if she actually wanted to do something nice then she should have thrown a surprise baby shower, but she clearly only cared for herself.
i would bet my kids' college savings account that she went for the gender reveal instead of the baby shower because she didn't want to have to actually buy gifts for OP.
@@dietotaku oh yeah, hadn't even thought about that honestly! I think if she did do any type of baby shower, she would want people to bring gifts for her instead of OP
You sure though? If they don't know the baby's gender yet, it's probably cause they don't wanna know till the birth. Don't know how an outsider could figure out the gender, but if they did, it would be a spoiler.
@@MithcorielA lot of gender reveals involve a trusted person being given the information and preparing the reveal for the couple and their loved ones.
September is also suicide awareness month. If you are struggling, just know that there are a lot of people who’ve come through the other side. I have been living with suicidal ideation for years, but I’ve learned to live with it. You are worth it, you are valid.
I was really having bad ideation last year especially when i was in my drug addiction thankfully it has lowered drastically to way more passive ideation since then but it usually comes up when i think about having a job im lucky to be on disability and parents who are supportive enough to not kick me out but i do have dpdr and recently have been having ideation i really want therapy but i have alot of anxiety about talkin about my emotions with anyone its how i was addicted and my own family didnt even know , sry for the "trauma dump" but im glad to see others who also struggle with these thoughts talking about them and bringing awarness to the issue especially from people with passive ideation .
I definitely feel like the first one is a “no assholes here” moment. The dad was well intended, albeit a bit impulsive with his response - it’s easy to misinterpret the severity of any conversation, especially in a situation like this where he thought it wasn’t a secret. The son interpreted that response in a way that was not to the dad’s intentions and was hurt by the presumed intent, and his feelings are entirely valid as well as opting to step away from the situation until he felt comfortable discussing it further. I think all that needs to happen here is a good, heartfelt conversation. Miscommunication happens, and I don’t think either of them took their hurt out on each other, so no assholes to be found.
Yea, I came here to say we need to use our other responses more, not every situation is NTA or YTA. We got NAH and ESH (everyone sucks here) and we should use them!
The only mistake I see here is that the father hadn't had enough conversations about sexuality (in a generalized way) such that his son would _know_ that his dad had no issue. As an example, I talked to my son from a really early age (appropriately) about different orientations. Like age 5? Basically there is straight, gay, bi and ace. (Yeah, that's deeply simplified but it covers 99% of folks.) He started mentioning asexuality around 11-12. And then about 6 months ago (age 15) he tells me in the car, "I told my friends I'm asexual. They've been bugging me about not having a girlfriend so I finally just told them." I thought for a moment and asked, "How did that go?" He answered that they all seemed chill about it. I followed up with, "Is there anything you want to talk about or do you have any questions" "Nope. I'm all good." And that was his big coming out to me. Lol Very anti-climactic and no Hallmark cards to be seen. But he knew I had no issue because I'd always framed asexuality as one of the valid ways of being. And we have discussed things more since but there has been zero drama over it.
@@CorwinFound Similar story with my own dad. I've never "come out" to him, but not because I'm afraid of his reaction. Quite the opposite, I'm entirely sure it won't change a thing. He's always said things like "love is love" and "so long as [person] isn't hurting anyone else, who cares what [pronoun] does?" so I was already certain he was accepting before I even realized I wasn't completely straight for myself. My big coming out moment was going to him for advice because I was being flirted with by someone who was younger than me (but still legal!) who also happened to be my own gender. I was so concerned with the "should I do this cuz' I don't see it going well long-term" that I didn't realize until years afterwards that I'd basically come out as bi or pan in that moment ahahaha
NGL, it's something I would say without thinking. Though, I'd really hope anyone who feels comfortable enough to come out to me, would also be a comfortable enough friend to expect a response like that. I've been on multiple different angles of the "wait, I knew the whole time, this is news?"
I thought it would be either a trans person or _"When I was still being carried, I did something medical that meant my mother had to leave the reveal party about me."_ Completely overlooked the possibility that OP was pregnant - the kind of person who'd have a gender reveal party!
I thought it would be someone who was pressured into having a gender reveal party and so did something silly like just announcing the gender from the start or using unexpected colours.
The grieving wife behaved like an asshole, and her grief does not excuse that. In fact, she'll probably look back at that moment with mortification. Holding her accountable is actually the kind thing to do in order to be a true friend.
And, as horrible as it might seem, sometimes bad things happen to bad people. Bad people also get sick, and bad people also lose close relatives. I've seen so many of them capitalize on other people's sympathy and empathy to act awfully and tyrannically without having to fear any backlash that I can't accept this kind of behavior, even on the grounds of grief.
I'm giggling so much at the first one. Yes, he is in the subreddit's terms "the asshole" as in he's in the wrong here and it's on him to clear it up, but I wouldn't say he's *an* asshole. He's also correct that it is comedy gold lmao
AITA actually has a specific ruling for when nobody is the asshole - NAH or "no assholes here," which is what the one commenter said (and i agree with).
The “it’s a boy, you can all go home now” is probably the best way to react to that. If it were me I’d also ask to get the keys back from that “friend” or whoever let her in because that’s a huge breach of trust.
My husband died a few years ago. I'm still grieving, although it is better. I had wonderful friends who were there for me, but I was always careful about making sure I wasn't intruding too much.
26:49 "she put a lot of [...] love into planning it." 26:59 "they're insisting I could have sucked it up for an hour." That's not love. If you plan a party for someone else to endure, that is not a loving act.
Still on the first story but I think the hot take everyone's looking past is, it's literally a misunderstanding. Boil everything down, it's that simple. There doesn't have to be an asshole when there's a misunderstanding. I understand our desire for virtue, but as an autistic that consistently fucks up this way, that doesn't make me an asshole. The fact that this parent even went out to ask "how can I do better" is evidence enough, imo
As an Autistic person who tends to misunderstand things before fully understanding them, I fully agree with your statement [since there are no shitty people when misunderstandings are made, but there's always a decision to either clear them up or leave them unfixed]
that's actually what the NAH ruling is for (the one given by the outnumbered commenter). it means "no assholes here." NTA is "not the asshole" and it means "you're not the asshole, the other person is." i agree in that situation there were no assholes, just a miscommunication and an honest mistake that dad is trying his best to make right.
I think I understand why there seems to be a misunderstanding about the "asshole" badge. Here, I don't think it's meant litteraly. I think the subreddit is using this term as in "in the wrong."
The gender reveal one... if you let her get away with that then she will do other entitled things, including turning up at the hospital/at home when you have said no visitors, not listening to rules like "dont kiss the baby" etc, just an overall nightmare. The OP should never leave the baby with the dad or gf. Because the dad clearly just wants to appease her too. I would be saying just because you let her walk all over you dad, doesnt mean im going to 😂
1st story: I don't think the dad's an asshole, I think he's just a bit of a dumbass. 😆 It was a severely poorly timed "dad joke". But, that relationship will bounce back between father and son, I have no doubt that their relationship will be completely fine.
Yes he is. Regardless of intent, he was being insensitive. Also if he knows his son is gay , why is he using gay in a derogatory manner in the first place ESPECIALLY as a response to him coming out ? This is why people need to think before they speak and don't just say whatever is at the top of their head
@@URFTBOUND4LIFE 3:51 "Now my son and I are usually pretty "edgy" with our humor, this being fairly tame for the stuff we joke about." Given the nature of that point in his post, and of how the son took a day and then is immediately going back the next day, he very likely knows and realizes that it wasn't meant that way. The tone of the way he said it would also be extremely important given the context. It is still not an appropriate response, it is insensitive, yes. But, given context, he reacted the way he probably normally would to something of similar context, because of how they probably speak to each other. You are right, people very much need to think before they speak (I'm quiet bad myself at letting myself think before I speak, sometimes). My reasoning why I don't think he is as well, is because intention is most of what I feel makes people the asshole. He meant no harm, and it's "tame" compared to their usual "edgy" conversations. HOWEVER, he is also immediately trying to fix what he said, because he knows and realizes very much that it was a bad joke to make at the time. Hence: my reasoning. I can totally understand why you and others, and Jammi are saying he is, that's just not my opinion of the situation.
I feel like part of why he's less of an asshole is because he also admits that it was a poorly timed edgy joke, many people would just think they're in the right so him admitting he made a mistake and being willing to apologize makes him a lot better
If they were called "g-tal reveal parties", I bet there would be less of them. Let's call them that from now on. And "gender reveal parties" will now be for trans and non-binary people to celebrate figuring out their true gender.
when i was pregnant with my first i wanted a girl so badly, for a lot of reasons, and when they told me it was a girl i literally cried happy tears in the exam room. but i'm still glad i had that moment privately, with just my husband, instead of in the middle of a big showy party with so much potential for things to go wrong. i didn't have to worry about disguising my disappointment if it had been a boy, i didn't have to worry about color mixups making me think it was one when it was actually the other, i didn't have to stress about food or guest lists or activities or STARTING A FOREST FIRE. just me, my husband, and that precious sonogram picture that made my dreams come true.
@@dietotaku That sounds beautiful!! I realize now my comment could come across as saying finding out the sex of your child is bad, when it absolutely isn't. I meant to say that the way society treats the whole "Are you having a girl or a boy?" part of it very odd. I wonder if it's because they can't think of any other questions to ask?.. I love you had such a wonderful and intimate reveal with your partner! I hope you're enjoying motherhood like you deserve!
Yes! I hate gender reveal parties. It's disgusting to celebrate a baby's genitals, which is what they are doing! Although, the way these started was wholesome. This woman had multiple miscarriages and finally was pregnant and carried for much longer than the previous ones. She had a gender reveal party to basically announce she was pregnant and they were having a baby to those who didn't know yet. She has expressed over and over again on how very unhappy she is with how out of control these parties have gotten and feels guilty for starting the trend. Ironically her child is now transgender.
@@donder91 well too bad. If you don't want to be celebrated then you can just not celebrate. Nobody is taking somebody else's celebration away by celebrating on the same month as another thing.
About the first one, as someone who just got a ton of uncomfortable questions when I came out, I completely get the 'first thing said should have been love and support'
Agreed. I wouldn't say the dad is TA in this (there isn't a TA), but I would say he stuck his foot in it. It doesn't seem an intentional thing, and he seems to understand he messed up, so I'd give him a "you really need to read the room next time" and tell him to have a more serious talk about it (and apologise to them both for the poorly timed joke).
The OP on the third story is awesome for saying “It’s a boy you can all go home now.” Mad respect. Totally the right way to stand up for yourself and your boundaries. All I’m gonna say was if OP actually was chaotic evil she would have said, “Is this a gender reveal party for me? Oh. It won’t be a surprise to me because the doctor already told me it was a GIRL” and then continued to be at the party to watch her dad’s GF reveal the “wrong” gender, and then go, “This is why I didn’t want a gender party. But thank you, I guess. You tried. And I suppose that should count for something. I’m just surprised you didn’t listen to me when I told you the gender and that I didn’t want a party.”
ive never been to a video so early, i like that most of the stories arent about someone being homophobic or transphobic, sometimes its nice to hear stories where lgbt people are mentioned as casually as cishet people
that one with the woman whose wife had died is a good example of someone not overreacting, while also being less effective than one would have liked in the moment. I mean, it might have been nice if the OP had asked Ian to call some of Jenna's friends to take her out on your birthday so he could be available to you then, but still... That's not a reasonable amount of support to expect from either OP or Ian, it's just a way that the situation could have been prevented... or, rather, delayed. Really, this is part of why I think friend therapy needs to be normalized, because if, as soon as OP noticed Jenna being possessive, the three of them had consulted a professional about setting appropriate boundaries, Jenna may have been at a point where SHE realized that she needed to rely on some of her other friends and even offer to go out with friends a couple of times per week.
Gods, I felt that first AITA so hard! When I came out to my dad he just laughed and responded with a "Why are you telling me this? I don't care!" and I felt so hurt at first. He had seen it coming a mile away and, on a later conversation, he explained he meant it as a "it's not a big deal, you don't need to justify who you love/are to me" statement, but it felt so bad at the time. I get that, much like OP, his meaning was more of a "we are cool. I didn't have to come out, so you shouldn't either", but I can totally understand the terror from OP's son when getting a jokey/dismissive response to what is a really serious and tense moment. I have seen in the comments that OP and his son have patched things up, and I am so glad for both of them. Yay for supportive parents, even if they mess up the wording sometimes.
Oh noooo, I'm autistic and I have said that line many times and had to go back and explain that by don't CARE i meant don't MIND. i've learned to switch words :p
I feel so silly. You memtioned the trans enjoyment of poking fun at gender reveals, and my first thought was "Thanks for thinking of us!" And then I remembered the whole reason I subbed to your channel. XD
Happy sexuality, bisexuals!!!! ❤💜💙 (It's bi month) Edit: every comment celebrating bi month has people under it spewing bi phobia. I'm very disappointed at how many people there are saying this under a video by a bi person.
Happy Bisexual Awareness month! (We are aware there is a pride month and that this month isn’t just Bisexual awareness month but we’re not causing harm by saying it)
@@Player-p4k Of course, but there are only 12 months and there are tons of things to celebrate. September is also baby safety awareness month and Italian cheese month and su*cide prevention month. No one's saying you have to be bi or eat cheese or have babies to be safe to.
If my son told me that he has a boyfriend I would tell him "ok first thing, I love and support you unconditionally and I love that you're willing to be yourself with me like this. Second thing, he better treat you right because I do not want my son tolerating disrespect from a significant other."
I've been through some pretty intense grief, and the worst I did was monopolize one of my favourite professor's office hours to talk about my feelings because having someone who knew my late significant other to talk to was very important for my grieving. We already had and still have a great rapport and joke that we're each other's therapists now.
Story 3: I absolutely hate when people play the "I'm forcing something upon you whether you like it or not and you should just be grateful and comply" card. That's complete toxic BS. Definitely not the asshole
As someone who is very clingy due to my childhood, Jenna needs therapy. She seems scared to be alone and anger is a fear response. But that also doesn't make what she did right.
I don't get gender reveal parties. The woman who came up with the idea has even denounced them. A part of me wants to get a cake with the sprinkles inside, but instead of blue or pink, they're green. While confused, I lock the doors and turn off the lights to start a slide show about gender identity. I'm gender queer though and realize that my kids may also be gender queer. I don't want to force them into a box.
yeah and she only had one because she'd had several miscarriages and that was the one pregnancy that got to the point where you could determine the sex, like it was supposed to be a happy thing
i would love you forever if you had a "gender reveal" and the sprinkles/confetti/smoke/whatever were gender queer colors instead! "surprise! we don't fucking know what gender it is because gender is a psychological construct that is determined by each individual through their lived experiences!"
YESSS! Throwing the Uno Reverse card - I love love love it. Almost makes me want to have a kid just so I can do this (not really, child-free is the life for me, but I will encourage anyone who is pregnant and considering a genital reveal party to go this route!).
that story with the grieving friend is NUTS. OP was already more than understanding and jenna just kept taking and taking. she's like a level 9 clinger. what was jenna's plan to process her grief and move on with her life? just live with OP & her husband forever? steal OP's husband? surgically attach herself to OP's husband so she's NEVER ALONE EVER AGAIN? several months should be plenty of time to muster up the strength to be alone for one evening (not even overnight) but instead of working towards the goal of being able to have her own life, she just latched on to her friend like a barnacle. jenna played bitch games and won bitch prizes.
the gender reveal story is yet another reminder that there are two types of people: those who give you something you want, and those who give you something THEY want YOU to have. dad's gf is clearly the latter, and it's a shame that OP's dad is defending his shitty immature selfish girlfriend instead of HIS DAUGHTER WHO IS GESTATING HIS GRANDSON. girlfriend needs to learn to take no for a fucking answer and if she wants to have a gender reveal party so bad, SHE can get pregnant herself.
My partner of 27 years died just under 3 weeks ago - my friends have been amazing, so I understand what Jenna is going through - the loneliness etc. It's fucking hard. You lose your soulmate for life so early, it makes me angry. BUT I am totally NTA on that AITA, because you also have to respect those helping you have a life too and that's good, I like to see stuff going on, kids being kids, have a laugh, distractions...the idea of inserting myself in that way would actually be bad for me as well - we all have grief differently but it does sound like Jenna needs professional help and has leaned on Ian too much. Yes the first night in the flat alone was not good, but I understood that I needed to face that fear and loneliness because I can't forever avoid it, as I live there...and I feel Jenna depending on how long it's been (and yes fuck timelines for grief, but certainly the first weeks I could TOTALLY understand that, whereas months later, you need to try and live on if you can...we'll see when I get there, maybe it's worse? I hope not...but I know my progression over the last 3 weeks has been non-linear and comes in waves, some dragging you backwards (Kuebler-Ross is bad cos it suggests some sort of nice linear path, no you cycle around those constantly) but there has been some progress with acceptance. Whereas I feel Jenna is still in that avoidance/denial stage and Ian is enabling her.
I am so sorry. I hope that you can heal as you go on. I agree with what you said, it's incredibly difficult but inserting yourself into someone elses life is not the way to go about it. I hope she gets some counseling and learns more about boundaries.
I lost my wife a couple of years ago to liver disease. We had been married for 17 years. She had been really supportive of me when I came out as trans. It has been really tough to be without her, but I would have never imposed myself on people the way the woman in the second story did. I hope she is able to get some help.
It's totally ok it is less LGBTQ themed than initially thought. Much rather a vid like this than one than examples of homophobic AHs thinking they're not the AH. Also congrats on your book!
I think Jamie is spot on about the dad. My wife and I had our first argument (lo these 34 years ago) after I was injecting humor when it was out of place, so I get where Dad was coming from, but maybe he should have seen that his role was the straight man (oops, there I go again)
I have a story. I (14f) came out to my grandmother, however, she thought I was just confused and told me that the reason I feel same and opposite sex attraction is because I don't have enough friends. My sisters and parents are super supportive though so that helps me alot "I can't wait to see who you bring home" my mom said 💖💜💙
Yeah grandparents often have a hard time understanding and accepting because of the way they were raised etc. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation. Sometimes you just have to lean on the people who do support you and rely on the grandparents for other things.
I wish i had the nerve and self love enough to do something like the pregnant woman in the 3rd story!! She is bad ass! I would have just say thru the party and ate the cake and hate myself for it.
You gotta learn to otherwise you'll be walked over forever. People that don't care don't care. You gotta play dominance game with the animals they'll not understand words
30:16 yeah, I'd question the relationship between Dad and stepmom if stepmom feels the need to pit dad against daughter; and I'd question dad if he let her. Ew! Also, why is there more pressure on the PREGNANT HORMONAL PERSON to appease others and work on interpersonal strife that OP did NOT start?! Dad's girlfriend is a grown woman, he needs to stop coddling her- or leave her, tbh. I have know way of knowing what all lead to OP's parents not being together, but hyping up this party as a special moment and leaving out the mom is incredibly selfish AND suss. OP didn't even make a big scene or anything- I get she's going to need to be The Adult TM for her baby, but not for her dad and stepmom! They ALSO need to show up as adults and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Stepmom for this whole fiasco, and dad for now letting his relationship with his own daughter suffer at the hands of this self-absorbed woman. I'll say it one more time- dad would be best off leaving this woman, and deserves whatever level of contact he loses should he refuse to choose daughter and grandbaby over her.
Technically, how does a "gender" reveal even work..? I have a child myself. I went to the doctor's, had an ultrasound, was told the sex of the fetus. How would you keep that a secret from the person having the baby? Who would arrange the whole thing? This is a genuine question. Please someone explain!
I think normally gender reveals are for the family and friends as a celebration, not the parents. Though I did see one where the wife made a small cake with the inside colored for her husband who didn't know yet, and it was only the two of them. Otherwise I would assume the information would be given to a third party and not the parents.
@@Pepperlysee that's what I thought too, but then I watched a whole bunch of them where one of the parents - or both - were somehow really disappointed with the sex of the child. So how does that work?
@@DestructionGlitter in those instances they tell the ultrasound tech they're having a reveal party and the tech writes down the sex and puts it in an envelope for the couple to give to whoever is organizing the party.
I think there's a little cover they can put up so the doctor sees the ultrasound screen but the parents can't? Then the parents get the info in a sealed envelope they can either look at or give to whomever they trust to plan the reveal party.
I can’t stand people who feel like they should be able to control everything and everyone around them. Those people should know shame is not a good motivator.
The first story reminded me of my cousins coming out. We all love him, but when his mother replied along the lines of "I had sort of hoped you might make me a grandmother before you're sure but good for you" and everyone else said "yes of course" told me he felt a bit more attention would have been nice... 😂
Hi Jamie! Remember a few years back when you did 'naming baby trans-es?' Could you possibly do that again? (And also take pictures from Snapchat strict parents who hate social media and all) no pressure just a suggestion
And straight up lied to OP's friends and mom-in-law about her feelings to get them to show up. That's an absurdly obvious ridiculously horrendous thing to do.
According to another comment, the boyfriend's mother went absolutely crazy when she found out her son is gay. She had to be arrested and sued. Must've been so scary and intimidating. That's why the two boys didn't take OP's dad's joke too well. They're all good now. (edit because I'm tired and misgendered the mom, well, if she even deserves this amount of respect)
@@JayLeeBeanz The boyfriend also moved in with OP and his son because his parents rejected him. It was a wholesome outcome between OP and his son, and the boyfriend of course. It was a dad joke gone wrong and he realized his mistake.
Yay! A new video. I know you're most likely won't see this Jayme, but I wanted to let you know that your videos have really helped me as a young LGBTQIA+ person. Me and my mum watch your videos together.
With the third story, I'm getting stong vibes of the father's gf throwing this party basically because she's probably always wanted to have kids of her own, with all the stereotypical stuff that goes with that in her mind, including a gender reveal party. But for whatever reason she didn't/couldn't get any children herself and is now trying to have a surrogate reveal party instead. I can get why she might feel the need to do so, maybe even to cope with her own feeling of having missed out, but she's still obviously way, way over the line! Generally, I feel that we really need so much more of "she's a woman who happens to have a wife, but the story has nothing to do with her sexual orientation". It still seems to happen so often in fiction that non-cis/het characters are reduced to that one aspect of their personality or their story arcs revolve solely or primarily around that. Realistic and normalizing representation, please, most people are not defined merely by their gender or orientation.
What I don't understand is why dad's gf couldn't just have a surprise baby shower. Problem solved. She's weirdly obsessive about it being a gender reveal.
2nd story - I completely agree with everything Jammie and the commenters said, and that OP absolutely is NTA. I will add that if OP (and/or Ian) is wrestling with her conscience, she by NO means owes Jenna an apology or any communication at all, but she and Ian may find it helpful to get some 'closure' by writing to Jenna in a neutral tone to summarize the events that led up to kicking her out, and ending on an "I/we are still willing to provide you with support, but within [clearly-stated boundaries]. Getting help from a professional grief counselor would be the best way to work through this and facilitate the healing process" note. More for their benefit - it can be good for one's mental health to 'clear the air', if you will, vs. having a nagging voice replay the events and plant the seed of doubt that you did the right thing. Edited to add: I love and appreciate this channel so much. Jammie is just such a funny, intelligent, empathetic, down-to-earth, and aesthetically-pleasing creator. So glad I found him!! IDR if his videos were suggested by The Algorithm, or if it was via The Click, but he's one of my top 5 YT creators and internet besties💜
In the first one, he wasn't an asshole, he just tried to be silly in the worst moment possible, althouh it would have been better the "Hi gay, i'm dad"
Here’s a good example of good communication from someone struggling. I have been going through a monumentally hard time for a while now. And then recently the most important person in my life by far, just dropped me one day. And my heart still hasn’t come back from that. So I’ve been leaning on two of my other friends pretty heavily these past couple months and yes they’re fantastic and I love them and genuinely don’t know how I would’ve gotten through these past few months without them; they’re still human and make mistakes. So for instance when I ask what time they’re coming over and when I should have dinner made and I don’t hear back from either one until 1am, I get a little frustrated. But it goes like this “hey guys, I understand if y’all got busy or didn’t want to come over and that’s totally fine. I just didn’t eat till pretty late cause I was waiting to hear when y’all would come over and I would just appreciate some more communication in the future” boom. No feelings were hurt, no arguments started. Just adults using words. I also very much understand that I don’t have a lock on them just because I’m struggling. They have a life. Like none of this is hard if you just have simple empathy. That’s literally it.
An easy solution for the last story: Throw a forgiveness party to be forgiven at. It would be very rude not to forgive op at the forgiveness party after all the time and effort put into it.
for the first one i agree. "that's pretty fucking gay" could've just been "that's pretty gay" and i imagine it would've come across alot less harsh while still having that dad joke moment.
Oh that surprise gender reveal party had me curling my toes SO BAD O.o I´m not keen on my birthday, so one year I actually asked if it could just be skipped. Let's just not do that, yes? And instead of being like "of course, if it makes you uncomfortable, we won´t do it", I was dragged into a birthday anyway. I have never felt worse. I wish, I could've done what OP did and just gone "I don´t need to be here, so I´ll be leaving now". Sometimes some people could really benefit from truly listening to what their loved ones are saying and take it into consideration every once in a while.
That last one was wild behavior from OP's dad's GF on so many levels, but also including the level of she's not even OP's dad's spouse or fiance, girlfriend. IMHO if she wanted to throw a disrespect party, she could've just done that.
From my ( limited) experience with grief I know you can feel angry at the world for continuing on with out the loved one you’ve lost as if nothing happened 😔 I wonder if something like that happened to Jenna 🤔 . I truly hope Ian and Jenna stay friends cuz I’ve seen similar situations like that and it completely broke the friendship
Y'know, it's cute that you go through the effort of making silly little websites for your (totally real) (not fake) (legitimate) businesses. I'm glad you're having fun with it.
People need to realize that your intentions don't matter. If someone was upset at you, you were being mean. The only exception is if the other person was deliberately choosing to be angry over something that was obviously not inflammatory. People need to think twice before they say things and guess correctly how their audience will perceive what you wanted to say.
Wife needed to speak to hubby before blowing up at the bereaved widow. Hubby needed to coax or coach her to back to indepencence. He failed to do so so wife stepped up and put her foot in her mouth.
For the first one, I'm gonna say NTA. It was a misunderstanding. OP was trying to lighten the tone of the conversation, and as he said himself, spoke before he really though it through. The son probably felt awful though, poor kid, but his dad's heart was in the right place. Sooo my verdict is NTA, we all accidentally say dumbass things without thinking at times.
I had a similar thing to the last case happen, but in much smaller scale. My sister in law got me a Christmas gift even though we'd all agreed on no Christmas presents for adults, and handed it out in front of everyone. I found this extremely awkward and disrespectful of my previously expressed feeling that I mostly feel awkward about receiving gifts. She saw my facial expression, asked if it was ok, and I honestly said "well, not really", and she went off crying and hid herself away for the rest of the celebrations making me both feel like an a*hole and pissed off at her for causing the whole scene and stomping off without trying to sort it out. In my story my sister in law clearly did want to do something nice for me but didn't listen. In op's story, since the dads girlfriend cried rather than being angry, I think she probably thought she was doing something that op would eventually appreciate because she just couldn't fathom that someone wouldn't appreciate it even though op SAID SO. A lack of listening ability and a love for grand gestures and drama will get you in trouble...
4 MINUTES?? HI! Also Jamie thank you for everything you do and this community. Im coming out to my family soon, I've been having good chats with my partner of over 5 years, and we're gonna tackle this thing. Masc nonbinary, broke from the trans egg like 8 years ago, it's time to accept ourselves. As a post i saw recently said: "normalize being trans in public" and that's what we gotta do. I'm ready to enter this new chapter and thank you everyone for this amazing happy little community. Allies save lives for real 🥺🖤💜🤍💛
I have two suggestions on possible upcoming videos: 1. yeast infections when starting T (I didn't know this was a thing until after it happened to me) 2. the transmaxxing phenomena (not sure what else to call it)
On the third story, if she had thrown a baby shower, I might have given her the benefit of the doubt, but a gender reveal after you specifically said you didn't want one, no, you don't have to stay. What's this woman's obsession with gender reveals?
That was my question. Why is dad's girlfriend so obsessed with a gender reveal party? A baby shower would have had the same (supposed) purpose, without going against the expectant mother's wishes. Did Girlfriend think she could gain control somehow?
You are never the asshole for walking out of a situation you did not ask for, and clearly did not want. If I told someone I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, I wouldn't even need to give a reason. I say, no birthday party, and someone brings over a bunch of people I don't even get along with, lies to people I do, and ambushes me with a surprise birthday party? That's not for me. She didn't throw a party to celebrate OP, but to prove that she was right to ignore her boundaries. This was a stick-in-bike-wheel scenario, which she will use to blame OP for their deteriorating relationship, and OP and her dad, as well.
If i was ever forced to spawn i would have a "baby reveal party where i show up with photos/ultrasound of said baby and everyone that comes has to bring a "personality and career kit" with a certain vibe like the science baby or the art baby or whatever and when the kid starts to be able to choose they'll have tons of types of outfits toys, blankets and accessories to choose from. Whoever picked the kids favorite things gets bragging rights and a cash prize on babys 1st birthday. That way nobody can get upset about what gender the baby is, they'll just be mad baby didn't like the dinosaur onesie and paleontology toys and likes the doctor kit but uses it on their unicorn and gargoyle toys and wants to be a cryptozoologist. Which isn't a goth nightclub dj or a surgeon. So george and susie were wrong and you gotta split that 50 between em. 😂😂😂
Yes! You got it right! Jamie was assigned a female at birth, you’ve got it right! But please don’t forget to mention that… they aren’t one anymore, they are a dude now. But please, it’s genuinely embarrassing that you just won’t shut up about someone who’s literally not hurting anyone, even you 😅
@@A_Dude_That_Happens_To_Create You are a Girl just like jamie so yes assigned female at birth means XX chromosomes and the doctor says : Its a Girl ! Just what happend with Jamie and you. So dont put your opinions on people . The doctors never lie , thats a fact.
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Comment what job I should try next!
:D
Remember the lgbt+ tea business? Well, in a shop near me they have bisexual tea!
@@loverofthesaltone little buddy it won't last long cuz it's the rest of us are tired of you
@@AlexHigbee-nl1fyI, for one, am tired of the continued existence of Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, because the owners never seemed to learn anything from the Bite of 1987, or was it the bite of 1983, I don't know, bot either way, for some reason - some reason, they didn't think that it's dangerous, when years ago, one of the animanabanana tronics took a bite out of a security guard's brain? and when they reopened they were still keeping them in the restaurant, when other security guards were killed by them? and sure, they did close down in the end, but why did someone else think it was a good idea to make a Halloween attraction out of it, which they called Five Bears Fright? because I bet you that some animation tronic from Freddy Five bear's pizza is going to be there - I fact- I actually heard that the will.i.am Afterwards was trapped in that old spring Bunny the Bonnie suit from the older restaurant that he had with Henry Emily, and that would be bad because he created the
Bwahahahahaahha! Jamie fell into my sticky little trap! Now to set up my own completely real and not at all made up RIVAL Jammy Dodgem business and steal all his customers. Mine is an evil laugh
There is an update from the father in the first story. The father and son/bf are on good terms, it was just bad timing. Basically, the bf's parents were the first to hear about their relationship with a negative response. The son's mother (father's ex) is crazy and went ballistic when she was told about the bf's parents' response, much to the father and son's dismay. The ex was belligerent on the bf parents' lawn and was arrested, bailed out, then sued. The whole "That's f*cking gay!" became a joke in the son/bf's relationship.
Thanks for the update! Glad to hear that OP and his son sorted it out, that would have been sad if it hadn't been a happy ending x'D
Though, I'm a bit confused by your wording and would like the clarify, so OP's ex-wife got prissy at OP's son's bf's parents for being homophobic, am I getting that correct?
@SwordmaidenGwen Yes. When the ex-wife heard about the bf's parents' homophobic/negative reaction, the ex-wife drove over to the parents' house, parked in their lawn, and screamed profanities and challenged them to fight her. The cops were called, and the ex-wife was arrested. OP bailed her out. Then she was sued by the parents and has been quiet since.
OP was also furious about the bf's parents' reaction, but respected his son's wishes to not say or do anything to make the situation worse. (This happened before the ex-wife was told, as both the son and OP tried to get the ex-wife from not doing anything crazy.)
Also, the BF moved in with the poster and the son due to BF's parents being douche nozzles.
Also, because the dad here is a messy bench: Apparently, his ex (mother of the son in the story) came onto him after the ordeal. They had some ill-advised encounter, lots of drama and ultimately decided to try and fix it - with the help of therapy. Really rooting for those crazy knuckleheads.
OMG! This family and story could be a whole SEASON of a soap opera!!
@@aer015 Thanks for clarifying! Wow, that's pretty intense haha, can't say I blame OP's ex for blowing up, especially if her son's bf's parents said rude things about her kid too.
Throwing a gender reveal party for somebody who doesn't want one is bad enough, but throwing one for somebody who also already knows the sex makes no sense.
Like if she actually wanted to do something nice then she should have thrown a surprise baby shower, but she clearly only cared for herself.
i would bet my kids' college savings account that she went for the gender reveal instead of the baby shower because she didn't want to have to actually buy gifts for OP.
@@dietotaku oh yeah, hadn't even thought about that honestly! I think if she did do any type of baby shower, she would want people to bring gifts for her instead of OP
You sure though? If they don't know the baby's gender yet, it's probably cause they don't wanna know till the birth. Don't know how an outsider could figure out the gender, but if they did, it would be a spoiler.
I think OP should show this person ALL the horror stories surrounding gender reveal parties!!!
@@MithcorielA lot of gender reveals involve a trusted person being given the information and preparing the reveal for the couple and their loved ones.
Happy bi visibility month to all my fellow bisexuals! 🩷💜💙
Whoahhh 🩷💜💙
@@alicebthegachaweirdo8378 Happy bisexual visibility month!
Wait... It's bi visibility month... I get a month 😢? Wehhh! ❤
I have been wondering why my invisibility cloak hasn't been working for the past few days😅
wait we got a month 😭
September is also suicide awareness month. If you are struggling, just know that there are a lot of people who’ve come through the other side. I have been living with suicidal ideation for years, but I’ve learned to live with it. You are worth it, you are valid.
You’re so strong. Keep going. Suicidal ideation is difficult, but you’ve got this.
How bout “know your struggle is valid, and you should have the right to find your own peace”
I struggle with the same thing, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this, take care :)
I was really having bad ideation last year especially when i was in my drug addiction thankfully it has lowered drastically to way more passive ideation since then but it usually comes up when i think about having a job im lucky to be on disability and parents who are supportive enough to not kick me out but i do have dpdr and recently have been having ideation i really want therapy but i have alot of anxiety about talkin about my emotions with anyone its how i was addicted and my own family didnt even know , sry for the "trauma dump" but im glad to see others who also struggle with these thoughts talking about them and bringing awarness to the issue especially from people with passive ideation .
It’s definitely a hard time right now. Hold tight during these rough times!
I definitely feel like the first one is a “no assholes here” moment. The dad was well intended, albeit a bit impulsive with his response - it’s easy to misinterpret the severity of any conversation, especially in a situation like this where he thought it wasn’t a secret. The son interpreted that response in a way that was not to the dad’s intentions and was hurt by the presumed intent, and his feelings are entirely valid as well as opting to step away from the situation until he felt comfortable discussing it further.
I think all that needs to happen here is a good, heartfelt conversation. Miscommunication happens, and I don’t think either of them took their hurt out on each other, so no assholes to be found.
Yea, I came here to say we need to use our other responses more, not every situation is NTA or YTA. We got NAH and ESH (everyone sucks here) and we should use them!
The only mistake I see here is that the father hadn't had enough conversations about sexuality (in a generalized way) such that his son would _know_ that his dad had no issue.
As an example, I talked to my son from a really early age (appropriately) about different orientations. Like age 5? Basically there is straight, gay, bi and ace. (Yeah, that's deeply simplified but it covers 99% of folks.) He started mentioning asexuality around 11-12. And then about 6 months ago (age 15) he tells me in the car, "I told my friends I'm asexual. They've been bugging me about not having a girlfriend so I finally just told them." I thought for a moment and asked, "How did that go?" He answered that they all seemed chill about it. I followed up with, "Is there anything you want to talk about or do you have any questions" "Nope. I'm all good."
And that was his big coming out to me. Lol Very anti-climactic and no Hallmark cards to be seen. But he knew I had no issue because I'd always framed asexuality as one of the valid ways of being. And we have discussed things more since but there has been zero drama over it.
@@CorwinFound Similar story with my own dad. I've never "come out" to him, but not because I'm afraid of his reaction. Quite the opposite, I'm entirely sure it won't change a thing. He's always said things like "love is love" and "so long as [person] isn't hurting anyone else, who cares what [pronoun] does?" so I was already certain he was accepting before I even realized I wasn't completely straight for myself. My big coming out moment was going to him for advice because I was being flirted with by someone who was younger than me (but still legal!) who also happened to be my own gender. I was so concerned with the "should I do this cuz' I don't see it going well long-term" that I didn't realize until years afterwards that I'd basically come out as bi or pan in that moment ahahaha
NGL, it's something I would say without thinking.
Though, I'd really hope anyone who feels comfortable enough to come out to me, would also be a comfortable enough friend to expect a response like that.
I've been on multiple different angles of the "wait, I knew the whole time, this is news?"
@@animeartist888 That's a great story and I'm so glad you had a very bland being out to your dad experience!
I thought the “did I ruin my own gender reveal” story was going to be a trans person throwing a party for their correct gender😂😂😂
The only good kind of gender reveal.
Same
Finally an actual revealing of a gender. Straight people keep revealing the same genders.
I thought it would be either a trans person or _"When I was still being carried, I did something medical that meant my mother had to leave the reveal party about me."_ Completely overlooked the possibility that OP was pregnant - the kind of person who'd have a gender reveal party!
I thought it would be someone who was pressured into having a gender reveal party and so did something silly like just announcing the gender from the start or using unexpected colours.
The grieving wife behaved like an asshole, and her grief does not excuse that. In fact, she'll probably look back at that moment with mortification. Holding her accountable is actually the kind thing to do in order to be a true friend.
And, as horrible as it might seem, sometimes bad things happen to bad people. Bad people also get sick, and bad people also lose close relatives. I've seen so many of them capitalize on other people's sympathy and empathy to act awfully and tyrannically without having to fear any backlash that I can't accept this kind of behavior, even on the grounds of grief.
I'm giggling so much at the first one. Yes, he is in the subreddit's terms "the asshole" as in he's in the wrong here and it's on him to clear it up, but I wouldn't say he's *an* asshole.
He's also correct that it is comedy gold lmao
AITA actually has a specific ruling for when nobody is the asshole - NAH or "no assholes here," which is what the one commenter said (and i agree with).
reddit needs a "situational asshole" badge
@@CanonSkyrissian or a dumbass tag.
The “it’s a boy, you can all go home now” is probably the best way to react to that. If it were me I’d also ask to get the keys back from that “friend” or whoever let her in because that’s a huge breach of trust.
Actually the party was at the Dad and girlfriend's apartment 😸
@@silverghostcat1924 woops my bad!
@@lynnboartsdye1943 not a prob 😸 some times we miss relevant information 😉
My husband died a few years ago. I'm still grieving, although it is better. I had wonderful friends who were there for me, but I was always careful about making sure I wasn't intruding too much.
🫂
26:49 "she put a lot of [...] love into planning it."
26:59 "they're insisting I could have sucked it up for an hour."
That's not love. If you plan a party for someone else to endure, that is not a loving act.
It's like sociopaths get a list of ways to "show love" and they pretend/play it out, without actually giving a fuck about anyone
Still on the first story but I think the hot take everyone's looking past is, it's literally a misunderstanding. Boil everything down, it's that simple. There doesn't have to be an asshole when there's a misunderstanding. I understand our desire for virtue, but as an autistic that consistently fucks up this way, that doesn't make me an asshole. The fact that this parent even went out to ask "how can I do better" is evidence enough, imo
Dad made a dad joke, dad joke didn't hit, dad realised it didn't hit and is trying to do better. Could do with a dad like that tbh.
Yup💯
All true!
As an Autistic person who tends to misunderstand things before fully understanding them, I fully agree with your statement [since there are no shitty people when misunderstandings are made, but there's always a decision to either clear them up or leave them unfixed]
that's actually what the NAH ruling is for (the one given by the outnumbered commenter). it means "no assholes here." NTA is "not the asshole" and it means "you're not the asshole, the other person is." i agree in that situation there were no assholes, just a miscommunication and an honest mistake that dad is trying his best to make right.
I think I understand why there seems to be a misunderstanding about the "asshole" badge. Here, I don't think it's meant litteraly. I think the subreddit is using this term as in "in the wrong."
The gender reveal one... if you let her get away with that then she will do other entitled things, including turning up at the hospital/at home when you have said no visitors, not listening to rules like "dont kiss the baby" etc, just an overall nightmare. The OP should never leave the baby with the dad or gf. Because the dad clearly just wants to appease her too.
I would be saying just because you let her walk all over you dad, doesnt mean im going to 😂
1st story: I don't think the dad's an asshole, I think he's just a bit of a dumbass. 😆 It was a severely poorly timed "dad joke". But, that relationship will bounce back between father and son, I have no doubt that their relationship will be completely fine.
I mean, if you were gonna make a dad joke in that situation, surely the only acceptable option is "Hi gay, I'm dad"?
Yes he is. Regardless of intent, he was being insensitive.
Also if he knows his son is gay , why is he using gay in a derogatory manner in the first place ESPECIALLY as a response to him coming out ?
This is why people need to think before they speak and don't just say whatever is at the top of their head
@@URFTBOUND4LIFE 3:51 "Now my son and I are usually pretty "edgy" with our humor, this being fairly tame for the stuff we joke about." Given the nature of that point in his post, and of how the son took a day and then is immediately going back the next day, he very likely knows and realizes that it wasn't meant that way. The tone of the way he said it would also be extremely important given the context. It is still not an appropriate response, it is insensitive, yes. But, given context, he reacted the way he probably normally would to something of similar context, because of how they probably speak to each other.
You are right, people very much need to think before they speak (I'm quiet bad myself at letting myself think before I speak, sometimes).
My reasoning why I don't think he is as well, is because intention is most of what I feel makes people the asshole. He meant no harm, and it's "tame" compared to their usual "edgy" conversations. HOWEVER, he is also immediately trying to fix what he said, because he knows and realizes very much that it was a bad joke to make at the time. Hence: my reasoning. I can totally understand why you and others, and Jammi are saying he is, that's just not my opinion of the situation.
I feel like part of why he's less of an asshole is because he also admits that it was a poorly timed edgy joke, many people would just think they're in the right so him admitting he made a mistake and being willing to apologize makes him a lot better
Totally. I wish when I first came out my parents just told some dumb joke and moved on with their lives
Gender reveal parties have always been so weird to me, "These are the genitals my baby will have!", "Yaaaayyyyy" 🤨
If they were called "g-tal reveal parties", I bet there would be less of them. Let's call them that from now on. And "gender reveal parties" will now be for trans and non-binary people to celebrate figuring out their true gender.
when i was pregnant with my first i wanted a girl so badly, for a lot of reasons, and when they told me it was a girl i literally cried happy tears in the exam room. but i'm still glad i had that moment privately, with just my husband, instead of in the middle of a big showy party with so much potential for things to go wrong. i didn't have to worry about disguising my disappointment if it had been a boy, i didn't have to worry about color mixups making me think it was one when it was actually the other, i didn't have to stress about food or guest lists or activities or STARTING A FOREST FIRE. just me, my husband, and that precious sonogram picture that made my dreams come true.
@@dietotaku That sounds beautiful!! I realize now my comment could come across as saying finding out the sex of your child is bad, when it absolutely isn't. I meant to say that the way society treats the whole "Are you having a girl or a boy?" part of it very odd. I wonder if it's because they can't think of any other questions to ask?.. I love you had such a wonderful and intimate reveal with your partner! I hope you're enjoying motherhood like you deserve!
@@dietotaku What if your child is trans...?
Yes! I hate gender reveal parties. It's disgusting to celebrate a baby's genitals, which is what they are doing! Although, the way these started was wholesome. This woman had multiple miscarriages and finally was pregnant and carried for much longer than the previous ones. She had a gender reveal party to basically announce she was pregnant and they were having a baby to those who didn't know yet. She has expressed over and over again on how very unhappy she is with how out of control these parties have gotten and feels guilty for starting the trend. Ironically her child is now transgender.
because it's bi visibility month, i'm sadly no longer invisible 😔😔😔
Same!
I see what you did there
You are being perceived… 👁^👁
Don't we already have pride month? I'm bisexual and just want to live a normal life. I don't need to be 'celebrated'.
@@donder91 well too bad. If you don't want to be celebrated then you can just not celebrate. Nobody is taking somebody else's celebration away by celebrating on the same month as another thing.
About the first one, as someone who just got a ton of uncomfortable questions when I came out, I completely get the 'first thing said should have been love and support'
First one sounds more like "Today I F'd Up".
Agreed. I wouldn't say the dad is TA in this (there isn't a TA), but I would say he stuck his foot in it. It doesn't seem an intentional thing, and he seems to understand he messed up, so I'd give him a "you really need to read the room next time" and tell him to have a more serious talk about it (and apologise to them both for the poorly timed joke).
23:34 OP: "I'm pregnant with a baby" Jamie: "What else would it be?". Why did this kill me??🤣🤣
Two babies
@@idonotknow8503three babies
Obviously a boy? (Dehumanizing a _wanted_ baby is a pet peeve of mine)
frankly the first belongs into r/TIFU more than AITA
Remind me what TIFU means?
@@shadowldragotoday I fucked up
@@thebirdchannelforfans623 Thank you.
@@shadowldrago you’re welcome!
I agree
The OP on the third story is awesome for saying “It’s a boy you can all go home now.” Mad respect. Totally the right way to stand up for yourself and your boundaries.
All I’m gonna say was if OP actually was chaotic evil she would have said, “Is this a gender reveal party for me? Oh. It won’t be a surprise to me because the doctor already told me it was a GIRL” and then continued to be at the party to watch her dad’s GF reveal the “wrong” gender, and then go, “This is why I didn’t want a gender party. But thank you, I guess. You tried. And I suppose that should count for something. I’m just surprised you didn’t listen to me when I told you the gender and that I didn’t want a party.”
ive never been to a video so early, i like that most of the stories arent about someone being homophobic or transphobic, sometimes its nice to hear stories where lgbt people are mentioned as casually as cishet people
that one with the woman whose wife had died is a good example of someone not overreacting, while also being less effective than one would have liked in the moment.
I mean, it might have been nice if the OP had asked Ian to call some of Jenna's friends to take her out on your birthday so he could be available to you then, but still...
That's not a reasonable amount of support to expect from either OP or Ian, it's just a way that the situation could have been prevented... or, rather, delayed.
Really, this is part of why I think friend therapy needs to be normalized, because if, as soon as OP noticed Jenna being possessive, the three of them had consulted a professional about setting appropriate boundaries, Jenna may have been at a point where SHE realized that she needed to rely on some of her other friends and even offer to go out with friends a couple of times per week.
Gods, I felt that first AITA so hard!
When I came out to my dad he just laughed and responded with a "Why are you telling me this? I don't care!" and I felt so hurt at first. He had seen it coming a mile away and, on a later conversation, he explained he meant it as a "it's not a big deal, you don't need to justify who you love/are to me" statement, but it felt so bad at the time. I get that, much like OP, his meaning was more of a "we are cool. I didn't have to come out, so you shouldn't either", but I can totally understand the terror from OP's son when getting a jokey/dismissive response to what is a really serious and tense moment. I have seen in the comments that OP and his son have patched things up, and I am so glad for both of them. Yay for supportive parents, even if they mess up the wording sometimes.
Oh noooo, I'm autistic and I have said that line many times and had to go back and explain that by don't CARE i meant don't MIND. i've learned to switch words :p
The father's GF being upset in the last one is just a perfect example of "play stupid games, win stupid prizes."
I feel so silly. You memtioned the trans enjoyment of poking fun at gender reveals, and my first thought was "Thanks for thinking of us!"
And then I remembered the whole reason I subbed to your channel. XD
Happy sexuality, bisexuals!!!! ❤💜💙
(It's bi month)
Edit: every comment celebrating bi month has people under it spewing bi phobia. I'm very disappointed at how many people there are saying this under a video by a bi person.
Y'all already have pride month.
Dawg stop being rude to bis
Happy Bisexual Awareness month! (We are aware there is a pride month and that this month isn’t just Bisexual awareness month but we’re not causing harm by saying it)
@@Player-p4k Of course, but there are only 12 months and there are tons of things to celebrate. September is also baby safety awareness month and Italian cheese month and su*cide prevention month. No one's saying you have to be bi or eat cheese or have babies to be safe to.
@@MaxwellIsEnbyI'm not rude
For your next square space job, you should sell musical instruments for Jammi's Jammin' Jamboree.
If my son told me that he has a boyfriend I would tell him "ok first thing, I love and support you unconditionally and I love that you're willing to be yourself with me like this. Second thing, he better treat you right because I do not want my son tolerating disrespect from a significant other."
Instead of gender reveal parties, we should have name reveal parties, if you want to have a party to do with the expected baby.
I've been to many baby showers where they did that. Some even make it a game where guests try to guess the name and win a prize if they do.
Hell yes!!!
"It's a boy, you all can go home now"
YES👏🏾 QUEEN👏🏾
I've been through some pretty intense grief, and the worst I did was monopolize one of my favourite professor's office hours to talk about my feelings because having someone who knew my late significant other to talk to was very important for my grieving. We already had and still have a great rapport and joke that we're each other's therapists now.
Story 3: I absolutely hate when people play the "I'm forcing something upon you whether you like it or not and you should just be grateful and comply" card. That's complete toxic BS. Definitely not the asshole
As someone who is very clingy due to my childhood, Jenna needs therapy.
She seems scared to be alone and anger is a fear response. But that also doesn't make what she did right.
I don't get gender reveal parties. The woman who came up with the idea has even denounced them. A part of me wants to get a cake with the sprinkles inside, but instead of blue or pink, they're green. While confused, I lock the doors and turn off the lights to start a slide show about gender identity. I'm gender queer though and realize that my kids may also be gender queer. I don't want to force them into a box.
yeah and she only had one because she'd had several miscarriages and that was the one pregnancy that got to the point where you could determine the sex, like it was supposed to be a happy thing
i would love you forever if you had a "gender reveal" and the sprinkles/confetti/smoke/whatever were gender queer colors instead! "surprise! we don't fucking know what gender it is because gender is a psychological construct that is determined by each individual through their lived experiences!"
@@CanonSkyrissian also the fact that that kid turned out to be gender nonconforming lol
@@dietotaku they did???? shit. nice!
YESSS! Throwing the Uno Reverse card - I love love love it. Almost makes me want to have a kid just so I can do this (not really, child-free is the life for me, but I will encourage anyone who is pregnant and considering a genital reveal party to go this route!).
that story with the grieving friend is NUTS. OP was already more than understanding and jenna just kept taking and taking. she's like a level 9 clinger. what was jenna's plan to process her grief and move on with her life? just live with OP & her husband forever? steal OP's husband? surgically attach herself to OP's husband so she's NEVER ALONE EVER AGAIN? several months should be plenty of time to muster up the strength to be alone for one evening (not even overnight) but instead of working towards the goal of being able to have her own life, she just latched on to her friend like a barnacle. jenna played bitch games and won bitch prizes.
the gender reveal story is yet another reminder that there are two types of people: those who give you something you want, and those who give you something THEY want YOU to have. dad's gf is clearly the latter, and it's a shame that OP's dad is defending his shitty immature selfish girlfriend instead of HIS DAUGHTER WHO IS GESTATING HIS GRANDSON. girlfriend needs to learn to take no for a fucking answer and if she wants to have a gender reveal party so bad, SHE can get pregnant herself.
My partner of 27 years died just under 3 weeks ago - my friends have been amazing, so I understand what Jenna is going through - the loneliness etc. It's fucking hard. You lose your soulmate for life so early, it makes me angry.
BUT I am totally NTA on that AITA, because you also have to respect those helping you have a life too and that's good, I like to see stuff going on, kids being kids, have a laugh, distractions...the idea of inserting myself in that way would actually be bad for me as well - we all have grief differently but it does sound like Jenna needs professional help and has leaned on Ian too much.
Yes the first night in the flat alone was not good, but I understood that I needed to face that fear and loneliness because I can't forever avoid it, as I live there...and I feel Jenna depending on how long it's been (and yes fuck timelines for grief, but certainly the first weeks I could TOTALLY understand that, whereas months later, you need to try and live on if you can...we'll see when I get there, maybe it's worse? I hope not...but I know my progression over the last 3 weeks has been non-linear and comes in waves, some dragging you backwards (Kuebler-Ross is bad cos it suggests some sort of nice linear path, no you cycle around those constantly) but there has been some progress with acceptance.
Whereas I feel Jenna is still in that avoidance/denial stage and Ian is enabling her.
Love and light to you in this difficult time. ❤
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. May your soul heal well.
I am so sorry. I hope that you can heal as you go on. I agree with what you said, it's incredibly difficult but inserting yourself into someone elses life is not the way to go about it. I hope she gets some counseling and learns more about boundaries.
❤❤❤
I lost my wife a couple of years ago to liver disease. We had been married for 17 years. She had been really supportive of me when I came out as trans. It has been really tough to be without her, but I would have never imposed myself on people the way the woman in the second story did. I hope she is able to get some help.
It's totally ok it is less LGBTQ themed than initially thought. Much rather a vid like this than one than examples of homophobic AHs thinking they're not the AH. Also congrats on your book!
Business idea: speed gun blocking devices that don't work very well - Dodgy Jammers.
Oh no hahaha
I think Jamie is spot on about the dad. My wife and I had our first argument (lo these 34 years ago) after I was injecting humor when it was out of place, so I get where Dad was coming from, but maybe he should have seen that his role was the straight man (oops, there I go again)
I have a story.
I (14f) came out to my grandmother, however, she thought I was just confused and told me that the reason I feel same and opposite sex attraction is because I don't have enough friends. My sisters and parents are super supportive though so that helps me alot "I can't wait to see who you bring home" my mom said 💖💜💙
Yeah grandparents often have a hard time understanding and accepting because of the way they were raised etc. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation. Sometimes you just have to lean on the people who do support you and rely on the grandparents for other things.
Gender reveal parties should become a coming out party for trans people. That would be amazing.
I wish i had the nerve and self love enough to do something like the pregnant woman in the 3rd story!! She is bad ass! I would have just say thru the party and ate the cake and hate myself for it.
You gotta learn to otherwise you'll be walked over forever. People that don't care don't care. You gotta play dominance game with the animals they'll not understand words
WOOO HAPY BI MONTH 🩷💜💙
Coming out this month anyone else coming out let's get the hype train going
I wish. Still have a long way to go.
Supportive mama hugs all around!
❤🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤎💙💗🤍
30:16 yeah, I'd question the relationship between Dad and stepmom if stepmom feels the need to pit dad against daughter; and I'd question dad if he let her. Ew! Also, why is there more pressure on the PREGNANT HORMONAL PERSON to appease others and work on interpersonal strife that OP did NOT start?! Dad's girlfriend is a grown woman, he needs to stop coddling her- or leave her, tbh. I have know way of knowing what all lead to OP's parents not being together, but hyping up this party as a special moment and leaving out the mom is incredibly selfish AND suss. OP didn't even make a big scene or anything- I get she's going to need to be The Adult TM for her baby, but not for her dad and stepmom! They ALSO need to show up as adults and TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Stepmom for this whole fiasco, and dad for now letting his relationship with his own daughter suffer at the hands of this self-absorbed woman. I'll say it one more time- dad would be best off leaving this woman, and deserves whatever level of contact he loses should he refuse to choose daughter and grandbaby over her.
On the gender reveal, I would demand an apology from the father's girlfriend. Make it crystal clear that she is not your mother.
Technically, how does a "gender" reveal even work..? I have a child myself. I went to the doctor's, had an ultrasound, was told the sex of the fetus. How would you keep that a secret from the person having the baby? Who would arrange the whole thing? This is a genuine question. Please someone explain!
I think normally gender reveals are for the family and friends as a celebration, not the parents. Though I did see one where the wife made a small cake with the inside colored for her husband who didn't know yet, and it was only the two of them. Otherwise I would assume the information would be given to a third party and not the parents.
@@Pepperlysee that's what I thought too, but then I watched a whole bunch of them where one of the parents - or both - were somehow really disappointed with the sex of the child. So how does that work?
@@DestructionGlitter in those instances they tell the ultrasound tech they're having a reveal party and the tech writes down the sex and puts it in an envelope for the couple to give to whoever is organizing the party.
@@dietotakuoh!! Thank you. That makes sense 😅
I think there's a little cover they can put up so the doctor sees the ultrasound screen but the parents can't? Then the parents get the info in a sealed envelope they can either look at or give to whomever they trust to plan the reveal party.
@30:05 I love Jamie's face when he pulls on his ears like that! LOL!
This is the only channel where I look forward to the ad just as much as I look forward to the content and I bloody love that.
happy bi visibility month!!
Happy bi visibility month!
Jamidodger is the name of Rita’s boat from flushed away. You like flushed away? CUZ I LOVE FLUSHED AWAY!
it's also the name of those cookies with jam inside
@@robo1513 oh… haha 😅
@@lilhedgehog8576 it could be either, I like both, maybe Jamie likes both and just thought it would make a good name lol
@@robo1513 😂👍
The boat is named after the popular biscuits, so I reckon it‘s a case of two things named after the same original thing
Nothing I'd hate more than a surprise party I expressed I didnt want
In the words of Charlotte Dobre for the last story "ab-sol-utely NOT!!!!" 😂
I can’t stand people who feel like they should be able to control everything and everyone around them. Those people should know shame is not a good motivator.
The first story reminded me of my cousins coming out. We all love him, but when his mother replied along the lines of "I had sort of hoped you might make me a grandmother before you're sure but good for you" and everyone else said "yes of course" told me he felt a bit more attention would have been nice... 😂
Hi Jamie! Remember a few years back when you did 'naming baby trans-es?' Could you possibly do that again? (And also take pictures from Snapchat strict parents who hate social media and all) no pressure just a suggestion
I hate how much I love the "new job" bit, but it really cracks me up every time.
Story 3, TFW you're crying because you ignored *crystal clear* boundaries
it's very "can't take no for an answer" isn't it?
And straight up lied to OP's friends and mom-in-law about her feelings to get them to show up. That's an absurdly obvious ridiculously horrendous thing to do.
I really want to know updates on the first two stories. I don’t think there’s an update needed on the third story.
According to another comment, the boyfriend's mother went absolutely crazy when she found out her son is gay. She had to be arrested and sued. Must've been so scary and intimidating. That's why the two boys didn't take OP's dad's joke too well. They're all good now.
(edit because I'm tired and misgendered the mom, well, if she even deserves this amount of respect)
@@JayLeeBeanz The boyfriend also moved in with OP and his son because his parents rejected him. It was a wholesome outcome between OP and his son, and the boyfriend of course. It was a dad joke gone wrong and he realized his mistake.
@@dragonfliesnh4204 I'm so glad they are safe!
How would a "Surprise gender Reveal party" even work?
"Surprise! You're having a boy! Which you already knew and have been sharing openly..."
23:37 an alien? Water weight? A mouse in tap shoes. Very many options
Yay! A new video. I know you're most likely won't see this Jayme, but I wanted to let you know that your videos have really helped me as a young LGBTQIA+ person. Me and my mum watch your videos together.
I was skipping through the ad and just stopped at "rival jam dodge" and kept going😂😭beautiful, nice.
oof, the last one gave me so much ick. that's straight up consent violation. and for such a trivial thing too.
With the third story, I'm getting stong vibes of the father's gf throwing this party basically because she's probably always wanted to have kids of her own, with all the stereotypical stuff that goes with that in her mind, including a gender reveal party. But for whatever reason she didn't/couldn't get any children herself and is now trying to have a surrogate reveal party instead. I can get why she might feel the need to do so, maybe even to cope with her own feeling of having missed out, but she's still obviously way, way over the line!
Generally, I feel that we really need so much more of "she's a woman who happens to have a wife, but the story has nothing to do with her sexual orientation". It still seems to happen so often in fiction that non-cis/het characters are reduced to that one aspect of their personality or their story arcs revolve solely or primarily around that. Realistic and normalizing representation, please, most people are not defined merely by their gender or orientation.
What I don't understand is why dad's gf couldn't just have a surprise baby shower. Problem solved. She's weirdly obsessive about it being a gender reveal.
@@barrylangille3523 ah, but at a baby shower the pregnant person gets gifts - that's expensive and places less attention on the hostess.
This month i celebrate that i have been out as bi for 9 years!
💗💜💙
I think that if the woman wanted to throw a surprise party so much, it should just have been a surprise baby shower.
2nd story - I completely agree with everything Jammie and the commenters said, and that OP absolutely is NTA. I will add that if OP (and/or Ian) is wrestling with her conscience, she by NO means owes Jenna an apology or any communication at all, but she and Ian may find it helpful to get some 'closure' by writing to Jenna in a neutral tone to summarize the events that led up to kicking her out, and ending on an "I/we are still willing to provide you with support, but within [clearly-stated boundaries]. Getting help from a professional grief counselor would be the best way to work through this and facilitate the healing process" note. More for their benefit - it can be good for one's mental health to 'clear the air', if you will, vs. having a nagging voice replay the events and plant the seed of doubt that you did the right thing.
Edited to add: I love and appreciate this channel so much. Jammie is just such a funny, intelligent, empathetic, down-to-earth, and aesthetically-pleasing creator. So glad I found him!! IDR if his videos were suggested by The Algorithm, or if it was via The Click, but he's one of my top 5 YT creators and internet besties💜
In the first one, he wasn't an asshole, he just tried to be silly in the worst moment possible, althouh it would have been better the "Hi gay, i'm dad"
It was still an assholey thing to do, but that doesn't mean that it's very bad and that he can't just apologise and it'll all he fine
Here’s a good example of good communication from someone struggling. I have been going through a monumentally hard time for a while now. And then recently the most important person in my life by far, just dropped me one day. And my heart still hasn’t come back from that. So I’ve been leaning on two of my other friends pretty heavily these past couple months and yes they’re fantastic and I love them and genuinely don’t know how I would’ve gotten through these past few months without them; they’re still human and make mistakes. So for instance when I ask what time they’re coming over and when I should have dinner made and I don’t hear back from either one until 1am, I get a little frustrated. But it goes like this “hey guys, I understand if y’all got busy or didn’t want to come over and that’s totally fine. I just didn’t eat till pretty late cause I was waiting to hear when y’all would come over and I would just appreciate some more communication in the future” boom. No feelings were hurt, no arguments started. Just adults using words. I also very much understand that I don’t have a lock on them just because I’m struggling. They have a life. Like none of this is hard if you just have simple empathy. That’s literally it.
Jamie causally beating the British people have bad teeth stereotype lol
Bro I need to know where that jumper thing is from 😭 I need it in my life lol
Whoa I’m here early!
Btw I showed my supportive aunt your book and she’s listening to it! She said it’s very informative and loves it!
An easy solution for the last story: Throw a forgiveness party to be forgiven at. It would be very rude not to forgive op at the forgiveness party after all the time and effort put into it.
Oh that‘s marvellous
for the first one i agree. "that's pretty fucking gay" could've just been "that's pretty gay" and i imagine it would've come across alot less harsh while still having that dad joke moment.
Oh that surprise gender reveal party had me curling my toes SO BAD O.o
I´m not keen on my birthday, so one year I actually asked if it could just be skipped. Let's just not do that, yes? And instead of being like "of course, if it makes you uncomfortable, we won´t do it", I was dragged into a birthday anyway. I have never felt worse. I wish, I could've done what OP did and just gone "I don´t need to be here, so I´ll be leaving now". Sometimes some people could really benefit from truly listening to what their loved ones are saying and take it into consideration every once in a while.
That last one was wild behavior from OP's dad's GF on so many levels, but also including the level of she's not even OP's dad's spouse or fiance, girlfriend. IMHO if she wanted to throw a disrespect party, she could've just done that.
From my ( limited) experience with grief I know you can feel angry at the world for continuing on with out the loved one you’ve lost as if nothing happened 😔 I wonder if something like that happened to Jenna 🤔 . I truly hope Ian and Jenna stay friends cuz I’ve seen similar situations like that and it completely broke the friendship
'It's a boy, you can go home now..' LOVE that response. 🤣👋 So simple yet effective.
Happy bi month!!!!! 💙💜🩷💙💜🩷💙💜🩷
As a note, NAH means No Assholes Here, not NTA.
Y'know, it's cute that you go through the effort of making silly little websites for your (totally real) (not fake) (legitimate) businesses. I'm glad you're having fun with it.
People need to realize that your intentions don't matter. If someone was upset at you, you were being mean. The only exception is if the other person was deliberately choosing to be angry over something that was obviously not inflammatory. People need to think twice before they say things and guess correctly how their audience will perceive what you wanted to say.
JAMIE! For your next job do “Squirrel Space on Square Space” and make it little woodworked squirrel homes 🥹👏🏻
People would go *nuts* 😂
Eeee, finally got to one of your videos early! Love your content and reactions!!
Wife needed to speak to hubby before blowing up at the bereaved widow. Hubby needed to coax or coach her to back to indepencence. He failed to do so so wife stepped up and put her foot in her mouth.
For the first one, I'm gonna say NTA. It was a misunderstanding. OP was trying to lighten the tone of the conversation, and as he said himself, spoke before he really though it through. The son probably felt awful though, poor kid, but his dad's heart was in the right place.
Sooo my verdict is NTA, we all accidentally say dumbass things without thinking at times.
I agree on your point but I'd say NAH because while the dad messed up a little bit neither of them meant anything bad.
I had a similar thing to the last case happen, but in much smaller scale. My sister in law got me a Christmas gift even though we'd all agreed on no Christmas presents for adults, and handed it out in front of everyone. I found this extremely awkward and disrespectful of my previously expressed feeling that I mostly feel awkward about receiving gifts. She saw my facial expression, asked if it was ok, and I honestly said "well, not really", and she went off crying and hid herself away for the rest of the celebrations making me both feel like an a*hole and pissed off at her for causing the whole scene and stomping off without trying to sort it out. In my story my sister in law clearly did want to do something nice for me but didn't listen. In op's story, since the dads girlfriend cried rather than being angry, I think she probably thought she was doing something that op would eventually appreciate because she just couldn't fathom that someone wouldn't appreciate it even though op SAID SO. A lack of listening ability and a love for grand gestures and drama will get you in trouble...
I love how proud jamie is of his puns in his adds, so wholesome so wonderful
4 MINUTES?? HI!
Also Jamie thank you for everything you do and this community. Im coming out to my family soon, I've been having good chats with my partner of over 5 years, and we're gonna tackle this thing. Masc nonbinary, broke from the trans egg like 8 years ago, it's time to accept ourselves. As a post i saw recently said: "normalize being trans in public" and that's what we gotta do. I'm ready to enter this new chapter and thank you everyone for this amazing happy little community. Allies save lives for real 🥺🖤💜🤍💛
I have two suggestions on possible upcoming videos:
1. yeast infections when starting T (I didn't know this was a thing until after it happened to me)
2. the transmaxxing phenomena (not sure what else to call it)
On the third story, if she had thrown a baby shower, I might have given her the benefit of the doubt, but a gender reveal after you specifically said you didn't want one, no, you don't have to stay. What's this woman's obsession with gender reveals?
That was my question. Why is dad's girlfriend so obsessed with a gender reveal party? A baby shower would have had the same (supposed) purpose, without going against the expectant mother's wishes. Did Girlfriend think she could gain control somehow?
You are never the asshole for walking out of a situation you did not ask for, and clearly did not want. If I told someone I didn't want to celebrate my birthday, I wouldn't even need to give a reason. I say, no birthday party, and someone brings over a bunch of people I don't even get along with, lies to people I do, and ambushes me with a surprise birthday party? That's not for me. She didn't throw a party to celebrate OP, but to prove that she was right to ignore her boundaries. This was a stick-in-bike-wheel scenario, which she will use to blame OP for their deteriorating relationship, and OP and her dad, as well.
If i was ever forced to spawn i would have a "baby reveal party where i show up with photos/ultrasound of said baby and everyone that comes has to bring a "personality and career kit" with a certain vibe like the science baby or the art baby or whatever and when the kid starts to be able to choose they'll have tons of types of outfits toys, blankets and accessories to choose from. Whoever picked the kids favorite things gets bragging rights and a cash prize on babys 1st birthday. That way nobody can get upset about what gender the baby is, they'll just be mad baby didn't like the dinosaur onesie and paleontology toys and likes the doctor kit but uses it on their unicorn and gargoyle toys and wants to be a cryptozoologist. Which isn't a goth nightclub dj or a surgeon. So george and susie were wrong and you gotta split that 50 between em. 😂😂😂
When jamie was born: ITS A GIRL !
Yes! You got it right! Jamie was assigned a female at birth, you’ve got it right! But please don’t forget to mention that… they aren’t one anymore, they are a dude now. But please, it’s genuinely embarrassing that you just won’t shut up about someone who’s literally not hurting anyone, even you 😅
@@A_Dude_That_Happens_To_Create You are a Girl just like jamie so yes assigned female at birth means XX chromosomes and the doctor says : Its a Girl ! Just what happend with Jamie and you. So dont put your opinions on people . The doctors never lie , thats a fact.
For the first father, I would say: "Please give your son a hug".
i’d call the first one “Accidentally The Asshole”. because he didn’t mean to be an asshole, but it came across that way.