Lessons Learned From the Death of My Niece
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ส.ค. 2024
- In 2008, my family was forever changed by the murder of my niece. Here are some lessons I learned during the weeks that followed. Share lessons you learned after a loss with me!
@KaritheMortician
kari@Karithemortician.com
I just cant wrap my mind around how someone could murder their own child. So sorry for you and your family.
When my grandmother died, a little old gentleman brought a can of coffee, milk, and bread.
Oh my goodness - how sweet that was, thank you for sharing...
After my husband passed, I was told by the funeral director that I could not even see him until he was ready to be displayed. I wanted to talk to him and tell him some things, and they told me no, that it wasn't legal to do so. They didn't even want me to be alone with him after the service, but I threatened to move him somewhere else if they didn't. When I was finally able to, they tried to limit me to five minutes. I lost it then and said a few things that I do not regret one iota.
😢 what a terrible experience at such a devastating time. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
That was personal to you. I don't blame you one bit!! This is hard enough! God bless you!
That’s horrible! I get so bad when I hear stories of “the funeral direct said so and so was illegal” when it’s absolutely not true 99% of the time. I’m sorry.
That is awful! Obviously they don't want to help people. Hopefully, your disappointment was heard and they lost some business.
We had a similar experience. They charged. us for the showing for our dear Son who died in a accident. we 15 minutes with him. I still can't get over it. I wish we had never used this undertmaker. he even asked me did I want the flowers from his Coffin. He was being Cremated. It's over a year now & it still hurts so much. Bless you my dear. ❤
I remember in 2001 after my my died, she was 67, there was this beautiful woman in the casket.
My brothers and sister said maybe we should have the casket closed since it didn’t look like her.
I said no, that is the beautiful woman she always was under all the years of alcohol abuse and mental illness she had suffered in her life.
She would be thrilled to allow others to see the beautiful woman she really was.
The casket was left open so all could see the beauty that was her
I can understand. I'm sure she was happy you let her be pretty that day. We lost my 18 year old nephew in 2007 and when we saw him before dressing him, he was about 3 shades darker. I requested that he have make up removed and redone to match the rest of his pale skin tone. They were kind and did so in our presence. We had a good experience. I can not imagine other's bad experiences. It saddens me.
@@nancyaquino2863 weird saying but maybe in death we see the true beauty
When my dad passed, I assisted the funeral associate that came to hospital to take him. My son and I lifted my dad into the gurney and walked him down holding his hand to the herse. My mom, I did her hair and makeup. My niece painted her nails. I didn't ever think I would be told no, so I just said these are things I want to do myself. The funeral home was gracious and never gave any pushback. The only thing I wish I had done was have my parents brought to my home before the funeral. Like they did in the old days, which I do remember.... allot of the old traditions are no longer done. I also can never get used to "viewing" times. Growing up and the funeral homes around where I lived didn't have " viewing times," the body was available to be viewed anytime of day. So that people could come and go at their convenience and the family could sit with their loved one as long as they liked.
When my thirteen year old grandson passed, the funeral director let my daughter dress her son. The week before the viewing my daughter, son in law, other grandson and I were allowed to see him laying on a table with a blanket on him. We each had time alone with him and my daughter, That was the first time I ever touched a dead body. He was my grandson, I wanted to. Before then I couldn't think of it. I feel that since the funeral director was so understanding, it helped us get through the worst days of our lives.
Yes! It made a huge difference to us.
I didn’t get to see my father after he died. He passed away in March of 2023. He had been in a nursing home (not my choice) as he was no longer able to live alone because of his mental illness. He had been taken to the hospital the morning of the 15th. I went to the hospital shortly after he was brought in. He wasn’t responsive. They said it was because of his fever and they suspected sepsis and was told they were moving him to the ICU. He passed away overnight. There was going to be a 5 day wait until the funeral because the cemetery was backed up. He didn’t want to be embalmed. The funeral director told me in no uncertain terms that there would be no way for me to see him the day of the wake due to the time in between his death and his wake/funeral. He was buried in a veterans cemetery in NJ. They do not allow you to watch the coffin being buried. So the last time I ever saw my dad, was the morning of the 15th in the hospital.
When my mom passed my sister and i bathed her, dressed her and got her ready. We draped her in flowers and all of her favorite things. When we visited her in the casket, we wrote all over her casket with colored pens. We taped cards to her casket. It was very healing for us to do that.❤
When my grandmother passed the funeral director asked if it would be ok for my son to help carry her. He was only six. I wondered how. He walked in between the pallbearers. He was so proud!!!
about a month after a friend's mom passed away, I sent that friend a Christmas centerpiece. I knew she wanted to decorate for Christmas but didn't have the heart. This allowed her to have a touch of Christmas and she loved it. Another great thing to take (Listening to you talk as I type - is paper goods: toilet paper, paper towels, paper plates, etc.
Kari, I began watching your videos after my son died. His wife handled all the arrangements without consulting me. He was Al ostensibly 39, just retired from 20 years military and suicided 56 days later. She only married him six years prior to get to USA. Never learned much English, held the funeral in Spanish. I was not invited to make any decisions nor allowed to view my son. He was buried in a Military plot and in a state no family live in. I so wanted him to be buried here where my son moved me prior to his last year in service. So sorry to hear of your little niece whose life was ended tragically.❤😢
I’m so sorry his wife did that. My sincere condolences to you 🥲
This video broke my heart. Your brother in law's family basically rewrote history! Were they at your niece's funeral? And I believe your idea of a marker with a large arrow pointing to your BIL's stone calling him exactly what he was is genius!!!! His family will carry the shame of his act forever. Sadly your loss will always be just that, an unthinkable loss.
It's so sad this little girl died by her fathers hand. It is horrible. His family will carry the shame of what he did. His family lost someone also and to them he was her father and that's why they included her name on his head stone. They could have done it as grief or out of spite.. who knows. When my sister passed away from cancer she was married with 3 kids her youngest was 13. She was married to a real a******. He never held a job and was an alcoholic so needless to say my parents paid for her funeral. My husband and I had a plot at the cemetery that was ours. My sister was cremated and her cremains were put in our plot. Well the blankety blank passed away about 10 yrs after her and his family wanted his cremains put in with her and I said no way. I didn't want that jerk anywhere near where my sister was. Some of the family thought it was cruel but I had final say so..
@@evansdeb..I don't blame you 🙏
@@evansdeb..I don't blame you 🙏
6:50 My mom is in her 70’s now. She now looks exactly like my grandmother (her mother) did in her 70’s. When I look at my mom now, I can’t help but feel like I’m looking at my grandmother. My grandmother passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in 1995. She passed peacefully in her sleep. 💜
❤
When my dad was dying at home on hospice, I asked the funeral home to take the cardboard box he would go into for his cremation process. We had it out in his garage and we all took turns painting it, writing on it and making this beautiful vessel his body would go in for his cremation. We didn’t have a funeral service so this was our way to honor my father and take time to process his death. A few funeral homes we asked to do this were confused or concerned why we wanted to. The one we went with thought it was a wonderful and thoughtful idea.
People going though grief and loss are in a long term cycle. I like to leave food items not only at funeral time but also beyond this. Grief and loss really hit hard after everyone has left. I leave things that can be used right away or to be frozen so it can be used as needed. Those grieving need support long term. So sending groceries from Insta cart and or edible arrangements in the months and years after is truly important. I also strongly believe that if i was excluded or simply not in a part of the deceased persons life I should not go and cry over them at their funeral. Perhaps sending something to contribute to after life care is an option. Honestly dedicating a bench and or tree in their memory has been a wonderful way to honor the deceased memory with long term respect and privacy. Thank you for this video. I believe it is as therapeutic and helpful to you as it is to all of us! Rest in peace forever loved to your niece 💖💐🕊️
very true
I wished that I could've seen my mother, but I couldn't. The funeral director, told me that it was best to have a closed casket, bc there was deterioration to her body. She died in February. We live in an apt., and there was so much heat. Even after opening the windows. I didn't get to see her. She was buried & I didn't see her.🕊💐✨️ I got to see my dad, tho. He looked as tho he was asleep. I kissed his forehead & touched his hand. It was cold & hard, like he was empty. Not like the father, I once knew.😢😢
Again, my condolences on the loss of ur niece. It was nice to have been able to bring her back with family, so that she wouldn't be all alone, at fh. She was surrounded by family. I hope she's at peace.✨️🌙🕊
Hi, Kari.
Thank you for posting this video, and I am so sorry that your family experienced such a tragic event.
When I was 20 years old, my mother died tragically. She was shot and killed by two teenagers in her own home. Like your family, I had to deal with the authorities and everyone who needed information, which was exhausting. However, I took on the honor of planning her funeral services. In 1987, there was no internet or mobile phones to look things up. I did not have a clue what to do, and I depended on assistance from elders who had planned a funeral. The first funeral home that I walked into did not make me feel comfortable and made me feel that they were more interested in how much money I could spend versus the experience that I was enduring; the second funeral home greeted me with open arms, did not ask me about money until later in the conversation but what struck me the most is when we discussed what my mother would have wanted. The female employee taking care of me was so caring and warm with me. I will never forget that she asked what was most important to me. I told her that my mother needed to look beautiful and that if they could not do that, we would have a closed casket wake/rosary service, etc. I believe she was not the actual funeral director; she was so compassionate and allowed me to visit my mother before the services began so that I could decide if the casket would be open or not. She shared with me that it appeared that my mother had just had her hair styled and that she felt my mother appeared well, considering a bullet penetrated her forehead. She was right that my mother looked beautiful, considering how she had died. Thank you for allowing me to share.
I'm very sorry for your loss 🙏
This was so much truth! I completely agree that I'd want to cover up my niece's name on her mudering father's tombstone. I hope you told him off while you were there and bade him to forever be not at rest. I love that you brought your niece home and kept her with your family. Nobody does that anymore. I read a story about a a woman up here in Canada who wanted her husband at home and was told that was against the law. The poor woman had to research and fight and argue. In the end, the funeral home conceded. Because it is NOT illegal. She had her husband at home with her for three days and it helped her to say goodbye to him. I'm so sorry this happened to your family.
Thank you for sharing this!
I didn't see either of my parents after they passed. My mother had been gone for probably a little over 12 hours before anyone found her, so her face was swollen and they couldn't get the swelling to go down. They allowed us to view, but I opted not to. We did close the casket to everyone else except close family. Her mom (my grandmother) viewed her and said we made the right decision to keep it closed for visitors. My father, I knew beforehand wasn't going to look like himself, as he wasted away from dementia, and he prided himself in looking well-kept before dementia. He wouldn't have wanted everyone to see him like that. The funeral home did not follow my wish to have it closed, but thankfully my husband did go in and view my dad (I asked him to) and said it should be closed, that my dad would not have wanted it open. I don't need to view someone to get closure, thankfully. I did view my grandmother and she looked so lovely. Just like herself. I also went and viewed a friend of mine who passed in his 40s. He looked so bad that people were sobbing just from seeing him. He looked nothing like himself. He definitely would not have wanted to be seen like that.
thank you for sharing this
Kari, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my older brother to Suicide. He took his life in the caynon by my Mom's home. He shot himself in the chest. I was the last one to talk to him, my twin brother found him dead in the caynon. He was an alcoholic & my brother went to search for him & found his body, it killed him! My brother had this planned 2 years & there were all notes for everyone including his daughter. This happened in 2017, & he was buried in a Military Cemetery here in San Diego. He is missed every day.❤
thank you for sharing this!
When my husband died on December 7th 2023, the hardest call was to his mom. She had already lost her oldest daughter and her husband. She kept asking about a service, he didn’t want one. He was cremated, which she didn’t really like. Going to pick up his cremains was a strange drive, luckily our son went with me. We are going to scatter his ashes in the spring in the mountains. I am comfortable with not having a service. We live hours from where we grew up and I really don’t want the grief restarted in having a service. We were married 44 years on Thanksgiving. In moments like this it is ok to do you. Don’t be forced to do something you are uncomfortable with.
thank you for sharing
Thank you for sharing----I am sorry for the pain all of you had and still carry today. The Heartbreak. Direct burial for my Mom in 1994... my Dad wanted no fuss or much cost....I did pick out her outfit and included rainbow colored toe socks. !! ! Put her grandsons toy cars in the casket,,,,, a small ring of mine on her finger... was able to say Psam 23 at her gravesite--she was not embalmbed...to save money. Still a loving farewell dispite my Dad being an athest ! Sorry this is long. I know you will all see your neice again--what a perfect send off--filled with Love...thank you Kari..blessings
When my cousin died in a car wreck, my aunt said the best thing anyone gave her was the meat/cheese and Veggie/fruit trays. She didn't have the capacity to think through meals or about eating, but we kept those trays out in a common area and she would grab something from the trays as she wandered by. That is how she stayed nourished during the hardest days of her entire life. She didn't want to sit down and eat. If any of us mentioned sitting down for dinner, she would break down crying that Jordan would never get to sit down and have another dinner with her. So, we would randomly hand her little plates of meats and cheeses if she hadn't wandered past the trays in a couple of hours. In our family, when someone passes we all show up to take care of everything so that the direct family can just do what they need to do.
We also learned that you can have police/security at a funeral. My cousin had a stalker as a teenager and we were concerned they would show up again at his viewing/funeral. We let the funeral home know and they arranged to have an officer there to ensure that the stalker did not enter, come near family, etc. It was super helpful in relieving a lot of anxiety because the stalker had threatened multiple family members once law enforcement got involved the first time.
After my husband passed away in 2011. My oldest son's friends got together and brought us a whole turkey meal to include serving utensils and plastic ware. Then my other son's school bought us over $1,000 of food, hygiene products, dog food and many gift cards. My best friend came over and just sat with me. We didn't talk we were just together. I'm so very sorry about your niece. I found my sister deceased in 2022 in her home. I was in the hospital/rehab facility and was unable to make it to her funeral. Every so often I thought I saw her.
Kari thanks for sharing your niece's and your story. When my mom died I chose the person whom I wanted to embalm her. He was no longer being utilized by the funeral home I selected as it had just been sold. When I called to inform them of her death and that I wanted Mike to embalm her, the new owner hesitated. I told him I would go to another location if he was not able to locate Mike. Luckily he did ask Mike and all worked out as I had requested.
Thank you for sharing such personal information so tenderly. My brother died November 30/23. There was no funeral and he lived in another province. So I didn't get to see him or say goodbye and I am having a hard time dealing with his loss even though I strongly believe he is with the Lord in heaven. I find myself watching random online funeral services for some odd reason. Do you have any videos on this that might help me to get through this? Part of me still feels like he is alive still.
My sister passed away on SEPTEMBER 11, 2021. One of the hardest things was trying to be strong and talking to people she knew from work. We were close. The loneliness. I was on autopilot. I Learned it is OK to grieve. I do miss her alot.. our favorite Christmas movie is a Christmas story and laugh out loud . Now the grief has turned into foun memories. Thanks Karri for your videos.
Thanks so much for sharing this! My mom was murdered in 2021 and having a relative who works in funeral services was such a blessing. We were able to see her right after she arrived to the funeral home. It made the day of the service so much easier. When her casket came in I got to put the padding in her casket; I sprayed it with her perfume she never got to open. Also, I can 100 percent agree that the press can be cruel at times. Again thanks for sharing this!
The worst part is killers have family who loves them despite their loved ones doings 💔… I definitely agree with the statement Murder lies here…. I wish I could shield everyone who has to suffer like this it’s just so heartbreaking 💔
very true
🩵 Thank you to you, your sister & everyone who loved your niece.
I've lost 3 of my 5 closest friends in life & I didn't see any of them & I don't think I really know they're gone
I reached out to you before about my family's cold case. I hope your sister and all of you have found peace. We have been waiting for closure since 1980.
After my dad died I hated being coddled and being constantly asked if i was ok, i wanted it to be normal again and be left alone. The moment it was "normal" again i broke down and sobbed uncontrollably, i wanted everyone around me again. After my mom and brothers died afterwards i realized ive become desensitized to it now.
Kari, my heart hurts for you & your family. I knew you'd lost your niece, but hadn't realized it was in such a horrendous way. (Not that there's any "good" way to lose a child.) I'm glad your family were able to care for her as you wished. I wish I'd been aware of certain things when my husband passed... I'd have certainly done things differently. I've spent the last 3 years second-guessing everything I did when he died. This was during the height of Covid, & there were so many limitations as to what could be done for funeral services. Still, I should have taken more time to plan, & asked a lot more questions. What you do on your channel is very helpful. Yoou were very brave to maake this video about such a painful, personal matter. Mmy prayers are with you & your family. 🙏🙏
Kari, thank you so much for telling us the 7 lessons you learned at the time of your niece's murder. I'm so sorry this happened to her and to your sister and family. My husband's brother was murdered in 1985 and we never got to see his body because it was too decomposed by the time he was found. His death didn't seem real to us and having to bring home things from the art studio he lived in made us feel so guilty, as if we were stealing his things. Over time that feeling faded and now we are so grateful and honored to have his art and books. We honor his memory whenever we can. He lives on in our hearts, as I'm sure your little niece does in yours. Bless you.
I can’t imagine what your family has gone through with this unspeakable tragedy. Thank you for questions you answer and advising of rights.
When my husband died, I wanted to play “our” song but decided against it since service was held in a church. It’s not a vulgar song or anything but felt it would be disrespectful to the church. I’ve regretted it ever since.
When my mother died, I went to the funeral home and asked to see her before being prepared. The funeral director tried to discourage me. I told him that I knew it was within my rights. He finally let me, and I cut off a great deal of her hair which she hated. My stepfather would not get it cut, and I wanted and for others to remember more the way she had looked in better days. I brought the nail polish I wanted on her. He said he didn’t think it was appropriate for her age (a pale pink?) but informed him didn’t care and that it was my right.
Stand your ground.
Losing a loved one is always hard but to lose one in those circumstances must be heartbreaking.
I lost both my parents 10 years apart. My mother in 2010 and my father in 2020. I didn’t get to see them before they passed away as they died interstate. I wasn’t even able to attend their viewing. I wanted to for my mother but my father advised against it saying it would be too upsetting. My sister and I scattered her ashes which was my way of saying goodbye. My daughter and I did the honour of scattering my father’s ashes at the very same lake so both of my parents could be together. To be honest, it was harder saying goodbye to my father as he worked away a lot as I was growing up and weren’t close. Grief is a terrible thing, but as with most adversities makes us stronger. Every anniversary I light a candle in honour of their life.
I really didn’t know how much more involved we can be in the entirety of the process. Thank you so so much for educating. ❤
Glad it was helpful!
Kari,
This was the most wonderful presentation you have ever made. I’m so very sorry for the grief you and your family endured so needlessly. You shared your heart in this video and it was so endearing to me, as I have always enjoyed what you share on this platform, because your presentation style is like a friend having a chat with me. God bless you!
Thank for sharing such a heart wrenching piece of your life. I also thank you for teaching us that we can more individualize our loved one’s funeral. I would have been afraid to ask but not after your 7 lessons. Thank you so very much.
May your niece rest in the peace of paradise. Thank you so much for sharing your touching words. I am sure she is watching over you and her family, and loves you all so much. So very sorry for your and your family's loss.
I was the last person to be with Gary before his coffin was closed.The door was closed to the room were close family was while Gary was put into the hearse. I asked if Rocky Theme and song by John Bon Jovi could be played in Church ... Yes.Reporter at the Inquest wrote a piece.I am sickened for you that your niece's name was put on the 'murderers' headstone.Yes I have seen doubles of Gary walking along a path,same height hair cut clothes way he walked a few times.I would have been more hands on if it had entered my head.Take a trusted person with you to the Funeral Home.If I had known what I have learned now it would have been different,from your videos & live sessions,thank you for that Kari,Bless you. 😊
thank you for sharing
Christmas time is hard for me, as it was my mom's favorite time of year. I still can't do that holiday, even after 17 years of her not being here. Father's day was a time I enjoyed with my dad.
I miss them both every day.
When you walk down the road heavy burden heavy load i will rise and i will walk with you I'll walk with you till the sun don't even shine walk with you everytime I'll tell you I'll walk with you believe me he'll walk with you.
I am so glad you did this video! We lost my nephew (18), Cesar in 2007 in Arizona. A freak car accident. My oldest sisters were raised in Mexico (I'm from California). Unfortunately, I wasn't raised with any of my Mexican culture or traditions. Thankfully my sisters were. My sister, Livier (mother) had Cesar's viewing at home. It was incredibly helpful emotionally to share moments, love, kisses, touch, we sang to him, his teachers and class mates came... let me tell you, it was a FULL house!! this gave it such a personal touch and was so inviting to people that loved him. At my sister's request, I helped her dress him before services. I am grateful my sister asked for what she wanted. The pain NEVER stops. But this helped us accept a little.
I never got to see my husband after he passed, the hospital staff where true a..holes and would not let me be with him as he passed because it was the COVID (he did not have COVID). Then they rushed me where to send his body and I picked the wrong funeral home and had the worse experience of my live. Thank God my brother stepped in to help and in the end everything worked out. (I had his body moved to a different funeral home)
I still see him in crowds and think he is just out and is going to come thru the door at anytime..I think this is from not seeing him in his final hours.😢
i am so sorry
I had never thought about headstones in that way. Something to think about!
thanks
Kari, Thank you for doing this video... I am sure it must have been so difficult for you. I am so sorry for your family's tragic loss.
I so appreciate your comments on how a family can request/demand to be there in all aspects until the very end... I think most people are so overwhelmed, they just put everything in the hands of the funeral home... and often regret later that they did not request to be a part of the final care. Thank you!
thank you!
Thank u for sharing these, my 2 yr old niece was killed in 2019, at the babysitters house, we just had the arrest finally happen last summer and waiting for trial etc. I wish I had gotten to see her one last time, my daughter and I only saw her twice in her very short life and we weren't able to go due to cost but also with my daughter's special needs and delays it was best to not interrupt her routine. My brother and his wife received a penguin that the hospital recorded her heart beat so they would always have that after they had to let her go and organ donation and then cremation. ❤
Thank you for sharing your story
How courageous for you to share. God bless. Ooohhh edit: the gravestone thing would have had me 💀….so the other side of the family didn’t come to her funeral but had the brass tacks to put that baby’s name on his stone? I’m going to pray about this: there’s no way I should be this mad
I'm with you!!
Oh Kari I am so sorry you went through this and always will carry with you. 😢
I don't have anything to offer as far as something I've learned, but I just want to say my heart still goes out to you and your family. I can't even begin to imagine what goes through your head when the news of something like this hits your ears for the first time. Thank you so much for continuing to share these snippets. Your beautiful heart always shows through when you talk about her. It's easy to see how much you loved her.
That’s heartbreaking. Can’t imaging going through something like that. Sorry y’all had to go through that. Thanks for doing the video. You never know who it will help.
I still remember episode 100 and this story still makes me cry. Love, light and blessings to you, your sister and your entire family. ❤
Thank you
When there is a loss, it is good to off transportation for errands and going places, so that a person after a loss does not have to concentrate on the road
Yes! This - offering to run errands or take people to appointments is incredibly helpful - or offering to take their pets for a few days if they will have a houseful of people.
Kari im so sorry for the loss your family suffered. I can't imagine losing a child, let alone by a parent, please accept my deepest condolences.
Kari you told me things I wish I knew when my child past away.
Big hugs
The most important thing about any tragic loss for all of us to remember is: to remember; the person may be gone, but the love that bound us to her or him still remains. We keep the person alive by talking about them, sharing stories and pictures -- even years later. Grieving can be, and often is, a long and bumpy road, but remembering and sharing, even sitting quietly with one another, can do two important things. First it tells the grieving person that her burden of grief is shared, second, that the one whom she has lost is never forgotten. If you haven't grieved yet, this will prepare you for that time, and if you have grieved, this will let you know that today you are surrounded by that special way of loving called remembering.
I wish I would have known all of this when my husband died back in 2017, I wanted to be wirh him every step of the way but didn't know I could
You can with most of it
May she rest easy with the angels ❤ beautiful soul 🙏🏼
Thanks Kari for your story, very touching. Im sure she,s watching from above and feels your love.
I didn’t see my parents, grandparents nor my sisters. I did see my brother. With my parents & grandparents I know they are gone but yes I sometimes wonder. And then I feel really silly. I understand your side and I understand the other side of the family’s reasons. Both sides have issues to work through. I’m so very sorry. I was so angry at God when my grandma passed. But as I went through the grief process I understood that she just wanted to go be with my grandpa. They were married 60 years. Yes a pacemaker would have made her live longer and given me more time but would she have enjoyed that time? Thank you for sharing about your niece.
I can see why they may not have let you 'see him' maybe they would have taken a video.
I agree w you in his headstone.
I have learned so much from you. I want you a lot. You’ve taught me a lot.
I'm very sorry Kari... So terrible 💕🌷💕
Thank you for this video, was not aware of the things you can do. That was a nice gesture bringing her home in your car and making things much more personable, could not imagine what your family went through.
With my Mum and Dad and then Andrew, I was with them as they died so I never felt the need to see them again. I had been with my mum when she went to visit her brother and I wasn’t wanting to repeat that experience.
With Andrew we were blessed that my son in law had worked with a funeral service so he said things we could ask for or do, this was a great comfort, like asking them to wear red ties and a particular tie pin, and my other 2 children walked his coffin into the service (we’d have never thought about) We had told them about Andrew and we were given notes on who had washed him, dressed him etc which was a blessing as they literally only had minimal touch as he did not like that, plus it was done by same person.
So even in UK, just ask they can tell you why or why not things can be done.
thank you for sharing
My dad passed away last month in Florida, I live in Texas my dad had his stepdaughter as power attorney I didn’t get to make it to the funeral. She did everything in her power so that I couldn’t get him buried in a our family cemetery here in Texas I grew up in Florida so now I don’t know what she did to his aches I’m devastated and angry but that’s what happened to me 😢
Power of attorney ends when someone dies so she had no power after his death
My dad is buried at the national cemetery in Dallas, at the top of his tombstone is across, then, his name and dates, under that we have written the phrase. See you later. He never said, goodbye, always see you later.
KARI I love that you are able to talk about your niece and what happened as hard as I know it has to be but I am sure it helps others to be able to get through this process and to hear the things that you have learned and share with us that we are allowed to do with our loved ones that have passed, some of it I new but some I didn't know, I feel your anger towards your brother in law I probably would want to do the same!I probably would do something small that would not be as noticeable to everyone! My heart ♥ is with you and your family and your inmy prayers! May GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY and your Sister! Love from AKRON, OHIO ❤❤❤❤😊😊😊😊
I Second Your Beautiful Reply...May God Bless You!
Kari. Thankyou for sharing. I remember the first time I you posted on your niece’s Death. God bless you & your loved ones. Sorry am I actually hearing this part. Is there no way that youz can have the name of your niece deleted from that man’s grave stone. ❤.
When my Mom died I told the funeral director that I wanted to go to the crematory and I was told, no that doesn’t happen. His reason was that no one does that and the location of the crematory was about an hour away. I was surprised but didn’t fight him. Later I found out that he was just not interested in accommodating me. Turns out that the crematory was the one Joan Rivers was cremated in.
To this day I regret not insisting I needed to be present for Mom.
Thank you for your honesty and compassion to help us learn what we as families can do to be more aware of our rights as family members. We need to ask the questions to help get our ‘closure’ with our deceased (Mom)
Lady di 🕊️😢
I am so sorry he took that moment away from you
I'm so sorry for your loss Ms. Kari, sending hugs
Wow I cannot believe the audacity of his family to put her name on his head stone like that. Was there anything you were able to do about that or no?
You are absolutely right about food and anonymous gifts being helpful for the families. When my brother passed away last February, our family didn’t have to cook one meal for quite a long time. So many people brought so many great things it was so sweet and thoughtful. The days of the prayer service and funeral were so hard. What’s especially hard though is that last moment when you are out at the cemetery literally putting them in the ground. That’s when it really hits you and you realize how final it is. I still can’t believe he has been gone for a year on Feb 3rd already. My cousins boyfriend also works for one of the area news stations so they put together a story about my brother, all the things he did during his life, and aired it later. He lived a 100 year life in 45 years, he was amazing!
I am so sorry about your niece Kari, that had to be so incredibly hard. She was so young and beautiful and had so much life ahead of her. Definitely one of those situations where you pray hard to be able to forgive and just know that your beautiful niece is resting safely in Jesus‘s arms.❤
I learned when my dad died, don't trust the funeral home. They closed the casket at the funeral home before the service, but never locked it. It went from there to the cemetery, through the graveside service, and was about to be lowered into the vault when I said something. Then they acted likywe wanted it open at the grave site.
Interesting
Hi beautiful! My brother passed away in a middle of the “C” craziness…I wasn’t able to visit him in a hospital, not in a funeral either…it’s happened a few times I saw a similar figure person and my heart stop for a second…❤
About the headstone of your niece dad is very weird…
One thought come to my mind…I do not know the “relationship “ of your sister or you with his parents …but I’m sure they hurt more…they lost they son and granddaughter as well…🤷♀️
Pictures - in my family, I am the historian, and in very emotional situations, I will sometimes go numb. I find pictures of the casket, of the loved one, to be incredibly helpful after the hubbub of the first days after the death and funeral have passed
THank you
My gram died out of state during Covid. Maine wouldn't let her be flown into the state. The mortician was kind enough to go the extra miles to get her. ❤
I am glad you were able to bring her home
I pray I get to meet you and the grave woman someday my health is improving I am still trying to get over pneumonia and congested heart failure
so so sorry Kari. Ty for sharing. so sad for you and your family.
I am sorry for what your family went though it breaks my heart to see something like this happen. She was a very beautiful young lady!!! Thank you so much for sharing her story with us !!!
I didn't get to see my husband after he passed. He wanted to be cremated which I didn't want but it was his wish. I had been in the hospital at the same time as he was but I'd gotten out. I was on oxygen and so weak I could hardly walk. He passed the day after Christmas 2021. We were with him all Christmas Day but when I left that afternoon I had no idea I'd never see him again. I believe the very sad part of that is I didn't get to say goodbye. We had been married just over 41 years...over 1/2 my life I had spent with my husband and didn't get to say goodbye.
I added my mom’s favorite cat’s ashes that were in a box into her casket and her bronze Russian orthodox cross as well, that I bought from an antiquity dealer, who imported it years ago. It was very old, the real deal.
Dear Kari, You have the most beautiful soul, my Heartfelt Condolences on the loss of Your niece, a loss that should've never happened. You have Every Right to feel the way You feel. He was a murderer, take solace that he is in a place of unimaginable torment. Jesus made it very clear what happens to those that offend a child. I Pray that God wraps His Arm's around You. The signing of the casket was a beautiful memorial. Time, lessen's the shock of the loss, but the pain remains, and their is still that small wound that doesn't close. I know that All too well.
My Mother & Father Passed a month apart, He was a U.S. Marine (Retired) passed of the widow maker heart attack. He never told me his wishes, he passed in Nov. 2014...I wanted a Full Military Funeral for him, the first Military Funeral, I had ever been too. The Love and comraderie from fellow Marines was Overwhelming. I am a musician, so I picked 3 song's to be played at his funeral, the first was "Amazing Grace" by Elvis Presley, the second was "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas, the 3rd was "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood. I wrote and delivered the Eulogy, it was a beautiful Service.
My Mother passed in Jan 2015, due to Sepsis, I believe could've been prevented...I was still grieving the loss of my Father. I Once Again wrote and delivered the Eulogy, I chose three song's to be played, I actually played these pieces on the keyboard when she was alive. The First two were Instrumental song's by Michael W. Smith, " The Giving" , and "The Blessing", the last was Leona Lewis "Footprints in the Sand"...After the funeral I gave my niece the Topaz diamond white Gold ring I bought her for her Birthday 12/09/47, it was an honor to be able to buy my Mother a gift I would've never otherwise been able to afford. The day to intern her, My Father & Mother were both cremated, my Sis-in-law wrapped the black box with her remains in her favorite Angel blanket, I placed a blue Sorry piece (the boardgame) and placed her wedding ring on top...and I placed a stuffed Daffy Duck I used to tease her with in the niche. We played alot of games growing up. I had childhood cancer and she was there with me Through it All. I remember not too long after, there was a Jim Brickman song, "Gift of a Mother's Love"....She Will Always be in my Heart, Her and My Dad. I Still Miss them So Much....
I'm sorry for your family's loss. Thank you for sharing.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your niece❤
It's funny you asked this. Thank you for sharing your info. My mother passed in 1989 and we had to everything big because my mom was a plus size lady that needed 31 size casket. We get to the cemetery and they want to charge us a additional $ 300.00 that was not in the contract. I was pissed off. I was made to go to the family car and my uncles took care of it. My father is to be laid to rest there. I'm feeling some kind of way about that. I guess we need to talk about that.
thank you for sharing Kenny!
Im so sorry for your loss of your niece
Beautiful story. Hugs, so sorry for your family loss. 😢 🌺🌸🌷🌹💗💗💗💗 I enjoy your website. Thank you.
So sorry for you and your family.That had to be so terabell.Thankyou so much for sharing that.Lot of people it's going to help them in there greave.❤❤❤❤
thank you
I'm glad you included a picture, what a beautiful little girl. Thank you for this video. I'm sure parts of this experience are still difficult for you to talk about. I'm so glad did talk about everything. Does one need special paperwork to transport the deceased? What about across state lines? I would still be livid about the father's headstone too. That is good advice about the news, getting the victim's side of the story out there first is good. Often the first thing people hear is what they believe even when it's completely disproven later. I hope your sister is doing alright, I can't imagine losing a child, particularly in such a horrible way. 🙏💞🙏
thank you
That is horrible. He has no business dealing with grieving families. I can't imagine your heart ache. It probably had something to do with money.😢❤
I understand that when time seems to fly by when you're planning a funeral for your loved ones. When my sister died , she died on a Monday morning . That Saturday five days later we were burying her. The same thing with my mom four years later. She died on a Saturday morning. We were having her funeral and burying her the following Friday 5 days later. It was as though time flew by in both cases. In both cases i just wanted to have time to be alone with them before the services and just look at them. But there was so much going on and so many people coming around and calling on the phone and making funeral arrangements that it just wasn't enough time for anything else. In hindsight there are so many things that i wanted to do in both circumstances but didn't know that i could do until later on or didn't think of until afterwards.
Thank you for sharing your story
So sorry for your families loss.
Thank you for sharing this with us Kari, I didn't know that a person could take their loved one who passed on out of the funeral home once they are there before the actual funeral, that's nice to know.
It depends on your state. Where I live, they can only be transported by the funeral home.
what state are you in?
you are welcome
@@KaritheMorticianI'm in Minnesota
My teacher had a daughter who was murdered & laid to rest in our local cemetery. My teacher fought so hard to have the words ‘murdered on xx/xx/xxxx’ on the headstone, but the local council refused. It took years & a lot of demand from the community to make the council relent. So maybe there are rules in the UK to what can be written on headstones. I know churchyards are very strict here about wording. We can’t use the word ‘Dad’ it has to be Father.
Another great video from you Kari . I am so sorry that your family experience such a horrible loss and that I appreciate these 7 things that you mentioned in the video to remind and remember and learn from . This is such a terrible event you are such a strong person Kari for being able to share this story with us again. May your family find peace in the midst of this tragedy and loss. God bless your family and loved ones. May her memory live on and she rest in peace in comfort in love. Thank you for visiting this topic again.
thank you
My condolences 🧸🕯
Watching this it's heartbreaking still even though it's been sometime ago. I think it's the fact she was a baby, any child taken like this to me is a baby. It's hard to wrap your mind around it and its hard to understand "WHY", I just can't imagine how someone you love that is suppose to love you could do such a terrible thing. The guy is a monster and I hope the karma for his actions puts him in the place he belongs (Hell is too good of a place for a monster like that). In a way it angers me to think that a parent would do this or even consider it or think it. What you do to yourself is your business but when it takes 2 people to create a beautiful life they can nurture and help grow and love, what he did doesn't tell me he loved himself so how could he love anyone else. I realize I don't know the whole situation and I'd never ask anyone to disclose that, that is a private matter that needs to remain with the people involved. I only go by the way it makes my heart feel and knowing someone else is hurting from something so terrible and how their hands are tied feeling, it just hurts my soul because while no one should ever die as a result of murder, a baby, a child, some ones world should NEVER be taken before their time. In 1997 my Grandma on my dad's side was killed in an evacuation of the nursing center she was in due to a former factory that closed in I believe 1978 was set on fire (that is another story) and the homes, nursing center and anything with a block of the building (all sides) was made to evacuate. During the evacuation (I knew the woman prior and the woman that did this isn't the brightest bulb on the tree but she knew how to play the system so she claimed she was in need of mental health prior, during and after....She was no more mental than you or I) so she couldn't have charges brought up on her. She put my grandma behind the van then backed over her and instead of stopping she ran her over, I mean seriously! My Grandma was 69 years old. During the depositions, hearings and court preparation she would sit a few seats down from me and when they were talking about my grandma she started laughing uncontrollably. I told her many times to shut her mouth and she laughed harder, I finally said to my attorney get her out of her or I'm going to clean this whole courthouse up with her a**. My mom looked and nodded at him and said she means business so they had to remove her or I would have been in serious trouble myself because I'm afraid she probably wouldn't be breathing when I was finished. That was the hardest ever because since my father had been deceased prior to his mothers passing I came in as the executor and I was 23 years old. I was dealing with the city, I was dealing with the nursing center, reporters, police, funeral home people in the town that knows me, my family as well as her. I ended up suing the nursing center and I had the administrated fired for his behavior at the graveside (he was being worse than a jerk and graveside wasn't the place) and that was alot of pressure, I'm thankful that my mom helped me. I couldn't hold the woman accountable because she had an evaluation done that claimed she was PTSD and other things so it made her un-responsible and it became a "Freak Accident" as it was dubbed (She knew I was going after her too) I did get her fired also which marked her nursing record so she wasn't able to work in CNA or Nursing staff in my state (I wasn't satisfied with that but nothing else I could do). I wouldn't wish anything like this on anyone, no matter how much I loathed them. Natural death on it's own is hard enough.
Great lessons. Thank you so much. ❤