Chris Distefano's 9/11 Story

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 พ.ย. 2024

ความคิดเห็น • 3.4K

  • @chrisdcomedy
    @chrisdcomedy 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8892

    YAASSSSSSSSSSS! APPRECIATE ALL YOU BABES CHECKING OUT THIS CLIP! I WAS LIT!

    • @ammech8750
      @ammech8750 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      WXZ

    • @apollo2426
      @apollo2426 3 ปีที่แล้ว +72

      This was great man. 10/10 comedy you are def on my top list of comedians to watch now!

    • @raccoonchloe
      @raccoonchloe 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      CHRISSY D!!!!!!!!!

    • @johnyhuizar7527
      @johnyhuizar7527 3 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Bro, you're fucking hilarious lmao

    • @SurgeryIsWoke
      @SurgeryIsWoke 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Shut up...BILL

  • @alljello3880
    @alljello3880 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15443

    This guys just a natural he doesn’t even seem like he’s trying

    • @whytower
      @whytower 5 ปีที่แล้ว +745

      i think the alcohol was doing all the heavy lifting.

    • @sadtoast6122
      @sadtoast6122 5 ปีที่แล้ว +140

      Bro he's just telling a story

    • @chrislovesannick
      @chrislovesannick 5 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Sad Toast hater

    • @sadtoast6122
      @sadtoast6122 5 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      @@chrislovesannick naw like I agree with him it's as easy as telling a story who says I'm hating??

    • @aidans4588
      @aidans4588 5 ปีที่แล้ว +65

      Sad Toast bruh you really think comedy is just getting up there and telling a funny story? Try telling a Dave chapelle home and it won’t even be half as funny as it is when he is it

  • @Delphiraee
    @Delphiraee 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8690

    “I’m daddy’s little princess and I know what daddy wants”😭😭😭😭

  • @ohnoyoyo
    @ohnoyoyo 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7717

    "... well look at that! whoopdeedoo! you're not on the phone" the most New York thing ever said.

    • @sayville_silver
      @sayville_silver 5 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      Now you're not on the phone. **

    • @Nemo0279
      @Nemo0279 5 ปีที่แล้ว +77

      I swear my dead aunt's ghost just came through my house after that phrase. Rattling walls and shit like she pays the bills here

    • @blazerfan2328
      @blazerfan2328 5 ปีที่แล้ว +28

      Pictured Adam Sandler saying that at that part for some reason lol

    • @BigJsSecretStash
      @BigJsSecretStash 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@WillaHerrera ?

    • @quickHitter5080
      @quickHitter5080 3 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      “Crissy, Lock the fucking door”

  • @1123awesomeness
    @1123awesomeness 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5642

    That "never forget" joke was GOLD

    • @keving90
      @keving90 5 ปีที่แล้ว +172

      Kunstler Kunstlerr it’s been 18 years... i don’t think “too soon” is applicable anymore

    • @JDJD-mw9rr
      @JDJD-mw9rr 5 ปีที่แล้ว +56

      @Kunstler Kunstlerr we all saw it happen, its been almost 19 years its not "too soon"

    • @yrvjutrtubxsyi
      @yrvjutrtubxsyi 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It was lmao

    • @xXmacan99Xx
      @xXmacan99Xx 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Kunstler Kunstlerr stfu

    • @coffeytv
      @coffeytv 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      LMFAOOOO facts

  • @Vmole1
    @Vmole1 2 ปีที่แล้ว +659

    What I love about this is he's just drunk enough that it fucks up his delivery a little but in a way that makes it funnier while retaining all the goodness. Seriously one of the best bits in the history of comedy.

    • @apez_cbo8572
      @apez_cbo8572 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      100%, good observation

  • @mwj9433
    @mwj9433 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9489

    This would be great on 'This is Not Happening'

    • @nicksurfs1
      @nicksurfs1 5 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      Michael Jeffrey I’m pretty sure it is.

    • @Quantum_GirlE
      @Quantum_GirlE 5 ปีที่แล้ว +62

      Michael Jeffrey oh crap! I legit I actually thought that was what I was watching. lol

    • @susanneskadetsinnverdilsek5901
      @susanneskadetsinnverdilsek5901 5 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      "This literally didn't happened" lol

    • @Daswassuphomie
      @Daswassuphomie 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@Quantum_GirlE how high are you 🤣🌱🌿🌿🌲🌲🌲🌲

    • @JC-ev2ns
      @JC-ev2ns 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      It’s great just like this why would being on that dumb show make it any better?

  • @enderjh-2560
    @enderjh-2560 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7889

    “They got the wrong guy!”
    “Here’s the thing, no they didn’t”

    • @sabrinaz670
      @sabrinaz670 4 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      I CACKLED

    • @kellyinCT09
      @kellyinCT09 4 ปีที่แล้ว +42

      "I know how the law works, ya fuckin' scumbag." 🤣🤣 I ugly laughed

    • @Papabandana
      @Papabandana 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Maury in a nutshell

    • @deliciasmith744
      @deliciasmith744 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @ericaritchie2543
      @ericaritchie2543 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I have a headache now from laughing so hard and my side hurts I pulled a Sal Vulcano watching this I slipped plum off the couch into the floor and I had to catch my breath before I could actually get off the floor 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @musingtoad714
    @musingtoad714 3 ปีที่แล้ว +836

    “When my dad called me by my transgender name”
    “Easy fucking breezy”
    Had me dying!!!

    • @gabrielkeeler6122
      @gabrielkeeler6122 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Is he trans?

    • @michaelkeegan8902
      @michaelkeegan8902 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@gabrielkeeler6122 no he's joking

    • @igotskunkyfunky
      @igotskunkyfunky 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      No his transgender name is Chrissy boneheaded bozzo easy breezy reminded him of cover girl.... mabaleen duh weiner breath get it right

    • @certifiednerd542
      @certifiednerd542 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      This is how you make trans jokes that ARENT offensive!! This was hilarious

    • @AUniqueHandleName444
      @AUniqueHandleName444 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@certifiednerd542 the offensive ones are great too tho

  • @dylmwidner
    @dylmwidner 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6030

    The fact that he doesn’t need a punchline to tell a story means this guy is going to be funny for a long time. I had tears in my eyes this entire video.

    • @alexanderrose1071
      @alexanderrose1071 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      William Johnson this was just a story. He has jokes with punchlines and they’re very good as well

    • @peteytrades3938
      @peteytrades3938 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      I literally was crying. His one line commentary to punctuate points are unreal.

    • @peteytrades3938
      @peteytrades3938 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @William Johnson the best part about it all, you can listen to someone else. Don't let us know who tho....

    • @alexanderrose1071
      @alexanderrose1071 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      William Johnson two things. I love that you came back 14 hours later because this was so on your mind. Also, you told me a lot about yourself and your age in that you went and checked out some late night sets. Nobody below 30 checks out late night sets.

    • @alexanderrose1071
      @alexanderrose1071 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      William Johnson I’m genuinely laughing really hard at the “get owned bitch” like you’re proud you did something. You didn’t. I’m also getting the sense that I was right.

  • @wesleycaffrey8149
    @wesleycaffrey8149 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6382

    He is so New York it hurts

    • @davidec.4021
      @davidec.4021 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @ghadixsa nice

    • @ghadixsa
      @ghadixsa 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Davide C. Glad u think so

    • @emanuelpapadopoulos1079
      @emanuelpapadopoulos1079 5 ปีที่แล้ว +28

      Wesley Caffrey I think Ik what high school he went to going to an all boys catholic school in queens I think it’s holy cross

    • @tahinafelisca4324
      @tahinafelisca4324 4 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      @@emanuelpapadopoulos1079 No, I think he went to Archbishop Molloy.

    • @emanuelpapadopoulos1079
      @emanuelpapadopoulos1079 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Tahina Felisca oh shit I forgot that was an all boys school at one point

  • @jacobwissel7381
    @jacobwissel7381 4 ปีที่แล้ว +721

    As a all guy catholic high school alumni, when he said get a detention for having the top button unbuttoned... I felt that

    • @patrickflaherty6586
      @patrickflaherty6586 3 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      Me too..lol.. I one time got a demerit for walking up the "down" stairs.., he was my 10th demerit and if you got ten demerits you couldn't go to the prom. They let me go because I told them I already bought the boutonniere for my girlfriend and she's ready to get picked up and I have my suit ready and already paid for it..lol...

    • @Andres-vo5uo
      @Andres-vo5uo ปีที่แล้ว

      That’s JUG

    • @darrenmurphy7410
      @darrenmurphy7410 10 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Took a Claritin, i'm ready to suck a dick. I fucking lost my mind after that. Too funny.

    • @javiruiz8365
      @javiruiz8365 10 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I went to a coed Catholic school in Napa and would get sent home for any dress code violation. I once forgot my tie for dress up day for mass and was sent home and got detention and had also had to go to Saturday school and do community service. 🥲

  • @UnimpressedGoose
    @UnimpressedGoose 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5852

    Somebody really needs to animate this story

    • @robertrossi9364
      @robertrossi9364 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      I would love that

    • @ErkFX
      @ErkFX 5 ปีที่แล้ว +108

      Me an animation student: Hmmmm 🤔

    • @Message167
      @Message167 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      It is! Well taped as live action. Comedy Central did it. It's on youtube!

    • @MCShvabo
      @MCShvabo 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@Message167 Yeah but this telling if the story is better.

    • @Message167
      @Message167 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@MCShvabo absolutely agreed. Just letting the OP know.

  • @aidenmiranda2466
    @aidenmiranda2466 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9033

    Best part is how many times he repeats, “i’m 17” “i’m on steroids” “true story” had me cracking up

    • @Youwood667
      @Youwood667 5 ปีที่แล้ว +139

      Im drunk right now !! LMAOOOO

    • @timbo752
      @timbo752 4 ปีที่แล้ว +173

      And he unironically says “I’ll never forget”

    • @ABC-pj8ly
      @ABC-pj8ly 4 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Your comment have 911 likes

    • @vinkeyla23
      @vinkeyla23 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Aiden Miranda 🤣🤣🤣😭

    • @metaljeremy
      @metaljeremy 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Or "you know"

  • @righteousduke2704
    @righteousduke2704 2 ปีที่แล้ว +74

    “That’s my father he’s …*gestures*… just… *gestures* …you know?”
    Absolutely, my man. Totally got it.

  • @DJAnthologic
    @DJAnthologic 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2617

    One of the best stories ever! His delivery “drunk” is better and more genuine than many comedians sober

    • @calisongbird
      @calisongbird 5 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      Anthologic I don’t think he was actually drunk, I think that bit was just part of the act

    • @SageGarlandSingerSongwriter
      @SageGarlandSingerSongwriter 5 ปีที่แล้ว +66

      When did you see a comedian sober lol

    • @jh8307
      @jh8307 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Seems like he's on speed as well lol

    • @deemkn
      @deemkn 4 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      @@calisongbird He was actually drunk, they talk about it in one of their podcasts!

    • @alexanderrose1071
      @alexanderrose1071 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      TH-camName he was not fully drunk, but quite tipsy

  • @jakesweet1000
    @jakesweet1000 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5863

    the youtube algorithm recommended strikes hot again

    • @andrewlemay2491
      @andrewlemay2491 5 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Amen like this guy is hilarious

    • @aryka922
      @aryka922 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Right comedy algorithm is getting it. I think you gotta be tuned in to key players though.

    • @aquaria1885
      @aquaria1885 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Right after I watched him and Sal on Something’s Burning!

    • @jakesweet1000
      @jakesweet1000 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@aquaria1885 watched that last night, great episode

    • @sadtoast6122
      @sadtoast6122 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Struck gold yo

  • @benjaminstevens6043
    @benjaminstevens6043 3 ปีที่แล้ว +770

    That was legitimately the funniest story I've ever heard. 1:50 am, south Austin, just me and a cigarette in the garage laughing my sweet ass off.

    • @jordyjohn2275
      @jordyjohn2275 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      What the fuck is this your journal? No one cares you were smoking alone in the garage

    • @lostinspace707
      @lostinspace707 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Nairrrrrrr Pretty sure you read it wrong, he typed AUSTIN.

    • @IdiotsIncorporated23
      @IdiotsIncorporated23 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I thought it was nice

    • @stanleyshady9465
      @stanleyshady9465 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      1:57 am Pittsburgh, PA i was laughing for 12 mins straight

    • @nateanbu859
      @nateanbu859 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      8:32 am South Texas and laughing as well

  • @karlwashere123
    @karlwashere123 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1252

    Wow that was so connected. Homeboy was super comfortable. And it showed. Great show.

    • @vqqqqq
      @vqqqqq 5 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      yeaaaaa alcohol does that, professor

    • @adasouffront9885
      @adasouffront9885 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@vqqqqq Well alchohol makes me very incoherent so I give him mad respect for that.

    • @idontwantahandlethough
      @idontwantahandlethough 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@vqqqqq this isnt just alcohol, this is years of practice + alcohol

  • @maeganclark2012
    @maeganclark2012 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6084

    This was one of the best stand up bits I’ve ever seen.

    • @kperreault420
      @kperreault420 5 ปีที่แล้ว +43

      Now you ruined it for me cause there's no way it could be that good

    • @Bradmhj
      @Bradmhj 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Meh

    • @hitzncritzmobilegaming9988
      @hitzncritzmobilegaming9988 5 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      The bar is set low for you then lol

    • @kevindube7096
      @kevindube7096 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      He met Theo Von & decided to become a NY version of him. It’s allright tho 🤷🏽‍♂️

    • @sub_second_life3174
      @sub_second_life3174 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Oh man I’m laughing so hard right now 😂

  • @tkrpclips8363
    @tkrpclips8363 3 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    "I'll take it 364 days of the year, NOT TODAY!!!" 😂😭😂😂

  • @heyysimone
    @heyysimone 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3881

    "anytime he called me by my transgender name". Im walking around town trying not to piss myself laughing like a maniac

    • @Q_QQ_Q
      @Q_QQ_Q 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      lol

    • @xxVeidxx
      @xxVeidxx 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Is he transgender ? (TH-cam just got me here )

    • @jackdaniel338
      @jackdaniel338 4 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      xxVeidxx lmao no its a joke

    • @JackJames-exe
      @JackJames-exe 4 ปีที่แล้ว +116

      I'm transgender and I've never heard a funnier trans comment in a joke from a straight cis white guy in my life

    • @katethepanfuckertm-9750
      @katethepanfuckertm-9750 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Ik it's a joke but I don't get it pls someone explain-

  • @theamazingspiderwuss4236
    @theamazingspiderwuss4236 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5317

    “A chain that’s Jesus’ actual height and weight in gold” one of the best off handed remarks in the whole story

    • @jondunmore4268
      @jondunmore4268 4 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Yes, but worked on and crafted for probably 3 months.

    • @daynejoseph2366
      @daynejoseph2366 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      The fact that there’s 666 likes on this particular comment is the greatest thing ever. Nobody fuck this up.

    • @deliciasmith744
      @deliciasmith744 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Right!🤣😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @Birdman2003
      @Birdman2003 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      What about me makes only 4 comments cuz no one wanted to touch it after the first comment...I'm all in

    • @DaSkonk
      @DaSkonk 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Couldn't agree more - an absolutely hilarious detail, just thrown in as a casual aside; legendary story-telling!

  • @jenniferiurato5333
    @jenniferiurato5333 3 ปีที่แล้ว +195

    he is so effortlessly funny it’s crazy, and the stories he has to tell are insane. watching the hey babe podcast and hearing some of the stories is the best and funniest thing ever

  • @cecilia4947
    @cecilia4947 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4465

    The fact that his father is an actual criminal, but being expelled from highschool is what dishonors the family 😂

    • @NAConen
      @NAConen 3 ปีที่แล้ว +106

      1) Even sociopaths usually have a sense of ethics.
      2)At least the man still wants to honor the mother of his children by keeping his son in school.
      3) I bet the kid didn’t get in any more fights in school after that.

    • @thinkbeforeyoutype7106
      @thinkbeforeyoutype7106 3 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Hahaha

    • @todx15
      @todx15 3 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      LMAO

    • @SKLZWL
      @SKLZWL 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That's really how it is or was in my family too! I could get caught by the cops with 270 oxycontin and I'd be like "shit.." expelled from Catholic highschool!? "I can't go home!!” True story. Shouts out to Cardinal Dougherty in Philly. FUCK you Mr. Kane!😅

    • @kaimiloamano5824
      @kaimiloamano5824 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Moral of the story
      Father and Principal are good friends!!!
      “Your worse enemy could be your best friend” Robert Nesta Marley

  • @prophetslost29
    @prophetslost29 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2245

    The fact his delivery is on point despite being drunk is proof that comedy is not for just anyone. You have to have real talent to do this.

    • @idontwantahandlethough
      @idontwantahandlethough 2 ปีที่แล้ว +50

      I think people underestimate just how much practice goes into it though. It takes *years* of practice (and yes, probably natural charisma) to be able to tell a joke this effortlessly.
      Like most art, what appears to be natural, god-given talent is almost always just an absurd amount of practice.

    • @rrpearsall
      @rrpearsall 2 ปีที่แล้ว +36

      He's not drunk or sober.. He's in the buzz zone.. the best state of mind

    • @BrandNameLess
      @BrandNameLess 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      well. if this actually happened. all this is true. he just reciting from memory. his impression of his father is gold. and he does fit a lot of relevant comedic adlibs in there. this is more just one of the best stories ever being told by an amazing story teller.

    • @Calilou52
      @Calilou52 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@BrandNameLess even if by chance it wasnt true, to tell such a great and detailed story while drunk without missing a beat that would be extremely talented too considering how long the story is. Either its a true story made hilarious by a great comedian, or its a consistently hilarious improvised 10+ minute story while drunk and in front of a crowd.
      I personally think its true, but my point is even if it wasnt it would be just as much talent being showcased

    • @wheelerzg76
      @wheelerzg76 ปีที่แล้ว

      watched this guy today for the first time,
      laughed my ass off... brilliant!

  • @jclem1600
    @jclem1600 2 ปีที่แล้ว +81

    That was one of the funniest bits I’ve ever seen. To take such a touchy subject WHILE drunk and have a whole room laughing takes so much talent.

  • @kh0357
    @kh0357 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3020

    “whoopdido you’re not on the phone anymore” killed me

    • @seanm7539
      @seanm7539 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Omg

    • @Trish-j2y
      @Trish-j2y 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Me too. I can picture it!

    • @wh1tewolf4
      @wh1tewolf4 3 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Finger slams on the phone rest button!

    • @dontbestupid6664
      @dontbestupid6664 3 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      I could imagine Pacino doing that it in one of those 90s mob movies.

    • @dyan785
      @dyan785 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Magic trick lolololol

  • @safoma
    @safoma 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7277

    This is Chris Distefano's The Machine story

    • @Blackkeys12
      @Blackkeys12 4 ปีที่แล้ว +87

      ✪ Safoma but actually true...ish

    • @philipribchester1994
      @philipribchester1994 4 ปีที่แล้ว +184

      Only this story is hilarious

    • @sdashia
      @sdashia 4 ปีที่แล้ว +46

      Except this is funny.

    • @joseservantes8123
      @joseservantes8123 4 ปีที่แล้ว +41

      You're kidding right? He's good, but this story ain't got shit on Burt's story

    • @uncleiroh4650
      @uncleiroh4650 4 ปีที่แล้ว +64

      John Shepherd Bert’s story isnt as much funny as it is entertaining. This story will get you to howl in laughter. The machine story gets some chuckles but the main appeal is the absurd situation, not really its comedic appeal. But to each their own.🤷🏾‍♂️ Both sets are great

  • @spencerl7826
    @spencerl7826 3 ปีที่แล้ว +89

    I've heard Chris tell this story multiple times from watching his specials and on Pandora. This time I felt like I got the real unedited version! You're the man Chrissy!

  • @VicAtNyte
    @VicAtNyte 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2117

    Joey Diaz should play your father

    • @bryanparish8046
      @bryanparish8046 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Omfg YES!

    • @neong
      @neong 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Holy fuck, yes please!

    • @Indi
      @Indi 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      MY EXACT THOUGHT THE WHOLE TIME

    • @jojack1234567890
      @jojack1234567890 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Does this count as Drunk History?

    • @mangumangoo
      @mangumangoo 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Chris and Coco exchanging stories would be a great podcast.

  • @YankeesFanForLife27
    @YankeesFanForLife27 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2980

    “I lost god September 21st, 1979” had me dying lol

    • @vladimirenlow4388
      @vladimirenlow4388 4 ปีที่แล้ว +95

      How could Earth, Wind, and Fire make someone lose their faith in God?

    • @jacksonp2397
      @jacksonp2397 4 ปีที่แล้ว +66

      Do you remember?

    • @7MTheHunger
      @7MTheHunger 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@jacksonp2397 😂😁🤣 .... If that wasn't a joke, then it's still pure Comedy.

    • @glamdoll9082
      @glamdoll9082 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      God with a capital G

    • @YankeesFanForLife27
      @YankeesFanForLife27 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      GLAM DOLL It’s okay just to laugh Karen

  • @joshuahorwitz6458
    @joshuahorwitz6458 3 ปีที่แล้ว +188

    I was at the Comedy Cellar on 9/12/19. Whilst it was an incredible night, and all the comedians killed, I will forever lament the fact I missed this set by one night.

  • @TCrob
    @TCrob 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1799

    Feel bad for whoever had to follow him that night

    • @loganwitte3477
      @loganwitte3477 5 ปีที่แล้ว +214

      @MichaelSanguine the audience's raucous laughter says otherwise

    • @TCrob
      @TCrob 5 ปีที่แล้ว +69

      @MichaelSanguine maybe if he whispered it in to the mic for you, you would have liked it.

    • @cbd7575
      @cbd7575 5 ปีที่แล้ว +75

      MichaelSanguine this was fucking hilarious. One of my favorite bits in recent memory

    • @raqueldeshow9678
      @raqueldeshow9678 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@TCrob WAAHAHAHAHAA

    • @TheKatarinaGiselle
      @TheKatarinaGiselle 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      MichaelSanguine you have a poor sense of humor..this guy’s set was incredible!

  • @swagn1f1c13nt
    @swagn1f1c13nt 5 ปีที่แล้ว +448

    CHRIS was hitting on ALL CYLINDERS with THIS ONE!!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

  • @drv3973
    @drv3973 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    I’ve listened to this 30 times in the last few years. My fav stand up bit of all time.

  • @IggyZardable
    @IggyZardable 4 ปีที่แล้ว +883

    „Id rather be in actual jail, with my friends.“ has me dying everytime

  • @luarodriguez6516
    @luarodriguez6516 5 ปีที่แล้ว +537

    I’d rather be in prison with my actual friends 😂😂😂

  • @DanielLopez-dy1ul
    @DanielLopez-dy1ul 3 ปีที่แล้ว +54

    "There's gotta be another way" in NY Italian accent had me dying lmao

  • @iamskippy
    @iamskippy 5 ปีที่แล้ว +656

    08:59 _”Are you stupid?”_
    09:23 _”Chrissy, lock the forking door.”_
    😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @shmigod1195
      @shmigod1195 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Yeah I heard it too

    • @javigd96
      @javigd96 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      He lost God september 21st 1979

  • @renewable1502
    @renewable1502 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1380

    This guy is a great comedian. Taking a story that should not at all be funny and making it absolutely hilarious. Hats to you my dude

    • @tws18st3
      @tws18st3 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Why shouldn't it be made fun of? It happened it's over with people love to hold on to it so they can blame their shitty lives on a disaster caused by our own government

    • @branon6565
      @branon6565 4 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      RenewableEnd85 ....why shouldn't it be funny? I mean he knocked some as**ole out cold with a chair, that sh*t's hilarious.....

    • @branon6565
      @branon6565 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      TWS 18st ....caused by the animals who follow a false prophet pedophile, not our gov't

    • @abrahamjosM
      @abrahamjosM 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You are right...
      - 9/11
      - crying teen
      - teen on steroids (in school?)
      - brutal attack on child
      - mom in blood
      - dad in jail
      - dad bribing, threatening Principal
      - principal doing underground supply....

    • @jessicabritton8750
      @jessicabritton8750 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@abrahamjosM cry

  • @StudioMod
    @StudioMod 2 ปีที่แล้ว +897

    This is one of the weirdest stream of consciousness types of routines I've ever seen. He just was riffing the whole thing but that story was hilarious. The part where his father looks at the ceiling and starts laughing then asks his son to lock the door murdered me. I hated my own principle. Seeing that shit would be hilarious

    • @nologic29
      @nologic29 2 ปีที่แล้ว +20

      Stream of consciousness? Yeah it's called conversation.

    • @chknrsandTBBTROX73
      @chknrsandTBBTROX73 2 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      @@nologic29 RIP Norm

    • @nologic29
      @nologic29 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@chknrsandTBBTROX73 RIP the goat 🙏😭

    • @SgtGatorade
      @SgtGatorade ปีที่แล้ว

      @@nologic29still makes me laugh man

  • @brischneider1400
    @brischneider1400 5 ปีที่แล้ว +494

    “I’m daddy’s little princess and I know what daddy wants” I lost it 😂😂😂

  • @pixelgaming5254
    @pixelgaming5254 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2853

    Chris destefano is the gayest straight man ever

    • @jefersonvilaede
      @jefersonvilaede 4 ปีที่แล้ว +88

      yes he is. It's just what it is, guy.
      Chrissy chlamydia. AKA Chrissy Neither straight nor gay.

    • @alyxchai1943
      @alyxchai1943 3 ปีที่แล้ว +67

      John mulaney

    • @chrishansen2409
      @chrishansen2409 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@alyxchai1943 definitely

    • @bigseeks1417
      @bigseeks1417 3 ปีที่แล้ว +70

      And Tim Dillon is the straightest gay man ever. I feel like they could do something with that lol

    • @maxschenner17
      @maxschenner17 3 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      He's just deeply closeted

  • @gabriellegallo7433
    @gabriellegallo7433 3 ปีที่แล้ว +47

    This will forever be my favorite story of all time

  • @Simply_chase
    @Simply_chase 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1528

    Give this man some benadryl, and get him over to YMH

    • @robreid2652
      @robreid2652 5 ปีที่แล้ว +54

      thatfitdad IG piss on me. Beat me.

    • @Daswassuphomie
      @Daswassuphomie 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@robreid2652 um ..ok?!

    • @bnww5022
      @bnww5022 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@Daswassuphomie It's a YMH reference

    • @caneface87
      @caneface87 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Jeans were high and tight!

    • @johndoe5272
      @johndoe5272 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Younga Munree Huwecors? I ront think that Widdle Wayne signs comerians. If rey do get Shane Gillis some benaril and send him too.

  • @gavinoldham7783
    @gavinoldham7783 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1955

    His dad voice sounds like coach Steve from big mouth

    • @ThisIsYourOnlyWarning
      @ThisIsYourOnlyWarning 5 ปีที่แล้ว +25

      Gavin Oldham I was thinking the exact same thing! This was a great set!

    • @krombopulosnichols4070
      @krombopulosnichols4070 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Breh

    • @biggiefish8223
      @biggiefish8223 4 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      "They got the wrong guy...... He didn't make the thick in the warm "

    • @EvilMonkey7818
      @EvilMonkey7818 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@biggiefish8223 Most appropriate username to match a comment I've seen in a minute.

    • @biggiefish8223
      @biggiefish8223 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@EvilMonkey7818 thank you

  • @yremogtnomnad
    @yremogtnomnad 3 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    He was like "never forget" and I was like "I forgot". I'm dying over here

  • @SkritchB
    @SkritchB 4 ปีที่แล้ว +700

    Somehow i find the funniest thing in this is when he walked in to school "youre expelled" "oh shit man i forgot" got me cracking in tears especially the way he said it

    • @BondofOblivion
      @BondofOblivion 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Did you hear of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?

    • @Mamaki69
      @Mamaki69 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Never Forget.

    • @muraddiab6393
      @muraddiab6393 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      He tried the George Costanza method

  • @MajicMarco
    @MajicMarco 4 ปีที่แล้ว +709

    "Some drunk guy just wandered onto the stage and started telling jokes, he doesn't even have a time slot." "Wait... let him talk."

    • @d3AdLyf3
      @d3AdLyf3 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Hahahhahahaha good one lmao

  • @manuelzapata8545
    @manuelzapata8545 3 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    I lost track of how many times I've watched this

  • @davidstillwell8091
    @davidstillwell8091 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1032

    When he’s talking about his dad coming to the school I’m picturing Adam Sandler lmao

    • @jasminesanchez542
      @jasminesanchez542 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Sameeeee

    • @Schyler__Parker
      @Schyler__Parker 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      It literally is a perfect Sandler impression 😂😂

    • @whymakeme
      @whymakeme 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      yes!

    • @liamflairty8944
      @liamflairty8944 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I’m just seeing my dad doing this lmao

    • @MalloryNewcomb
      @MalloryNewcomb 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I imagined Joey Diaz 😂

  • @bentimpe5303
    @bentimpe5303 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1285

    This sounds like Rocket Raccoon doing stand up. 😂

    • @Jay_Ara
      @Jay_Ara 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Ben Timpe - 🤣 bravo sir 👏

    • @JidoKashi
      @JidoKashi 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Ben Timpe HOLY CRAP! It really does!!!

    • @mjade1673
      @mjade1673 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Omg yeassss

  • @saracarr3382
    @saracarr3382 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4151

    This man has the exact opposite comedic energy as John Mulaney

    • @lionheart7019
      @lionheart7019 4 ปีที่แล้ว +34

      What is Mulaney’s effect. Haven’t seen too much of Mulaney.

    • @stevenosborne455
      @stevenosborne455 4 ปีที่แล้ว +404

      Mulaney is drunk gangster that sobered up and acts gay. This guy is clean cut gay guy that gets drunk and goes gangster.

    • @cecilia4947
      @cecilia4947 4 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      @@stevenosborne455 interesting

    • @soulbound2
      @soulbound2 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@stevenosborne455 oh

    • @stevenosborne455
      @stevenosborne455 4 ปีที่แล้ว +76

      @Keynesian Economics indeed he does, he's incredibley straight actually. However, I still stand by my metaphor.

  • @coop948
    @coop948 4 ปีที่แล้ว +364

    "They got the wrong guy."
    "Here's the thing, no they didn't." 😂😂😂

    • @calisongbird
      @calisongbird 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      That part killed me!! 😂😂😂

  • @blackdonaldtrump3869
    @blackdonaldtrump3869 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

    “Never forget” 😂😂 I’m sorry but that set up was so fuckin perfect

  • @petrovsimon
    @petrovsimon 5 ปีที่แล้ว +390

    40 years ago today, this man lost God...

    • @patphatkitten
      @patphatkitten 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Simon. Someone said it means he killed someone in prison.

    • @jimmypadilla3441
      @jimmypadilla3441 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Honestly could've been both...

    • @patphatkitten
      @patphatkitten 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@ali3nsuperstar yeah, possible.

    • @Papabandana
      @Papabandana 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@jimmypadilla3441 both..... *AT THE SAME TIME*

  • @DoctorSoles11
    @DoctorSoles11 5 ปีที่แล้ว +483

    By FAR chrissy’s best stand up YET cuz! WOW!

    • @adrianh818
      @adrianh818 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      what's his full name?

    • @andrewforce6516
      @andrewforce6516 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@adrianh818 Chrisanthimum.

  • @williamwiley4437
    @williamwiley4437 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I can rehear this story a hundred times and still be cracking up

  • @nsane87
    @nsane87 5 ปีที่แล้ว +223

    Legitimately one of the best sets I've seen in a long time, killed it man, great job!

  • @sarmenpm1304
    @sarmenpm1304 4 ปีที่แล้ว +563

    Who else comes back every now and then to watch this?

  • @maninjaking
    @maninjaking 4 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    I’ve watched this so many times & I will continue to keep watching it. I love his stand up so much.

  • @tylerswanson2922
    @tylerswanson2922 5 ปีที่แล้ว +814

    That "I lost God" line is hilariously dark

    • @seapeajones
      @seapeajones 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Agree! It's such a good detail for the story

    • @TheTribalistic
      @TheTribalistic 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Tyler Swanson
      Yeah.... i just stopped laughing and ...and started to think about shit after that line

    • @dannydbdhoes
      @dannydbdhoes 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I don't get it 🙃

    • @-j-4618
      @-j-4618 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      dannydbdhoes he lost God

  • @adstanator
    @adstanator 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1140

    This is what therapy looks like for a comedian

    • @_youngstajae
      @_youngstajae 3 ปีที่แล้ว +35

      Literally bro he sounds like he’s having a conversation 😂

    • @donny_chang
      @donny_chang 2 ปีที่แล้ว +28

      Funny enough his therapist told him he should do comedy and he's been killing it

    • @theeternalnow6506
      @theeternalnow6506 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yeah this was both hilarious and tragic at the same time.

  • @MalloryNewcomb
    @MalloryNewcomb 5 ปีที่แล้ว +401

    “How did you survive 9/11 and fall off the bus?!”
    “He was wearing a chain that was Jesus’ actual height and weight in gold” FANTASTIC, I actually used that last week 🤣
    But I had to stop the video at “I lost God September 21st, 1979” because I laughed so hard my (conservative Christian) soul could’ve escaped my body.

    • @jefersonvilaede
      @jefersonvilaede 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      and that "never forget" was fucking golden

  • @phise1
    @phise1 5 ปีที่แล้ว +177

    The second this started I knew chrissy was at least 2 drinks in. What a magical set!

  • @petermcgill1559
    @petermcgill1559 3 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    One of the STRONGEST sets I've ever seen. 12 minutes of gold. I mean it.

  • @MikeLaBelle
    @MikeLaBelle 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2446

    Chris should just do everything drunk from now on. This is comedy gold.
    I’ve watched this multiple times now & it’s laughs each & every time.

    • @jsharkey9287
      @jsharkey9287 4 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      i wish you knew english tbh

    • @tanishadarkar9210
      @tanishadarkar9210 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      ikr , drunk distefano for the win!!!

    • @kevintanner7772
      @kevintanner7772 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Mike LaBelle I’d forgotten about this - it’s so classic

    • @Paulymcfly1
      @Paulymcfly1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@jsharkey9287 Wow, smarty pants. Spell checking on youtube.

    • @00gr1ngo8
      @00gr1ngo8 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@jsharkey9287 my thoughts exactly

  • @jordansharqawi4062
    @jordansharqawi4062 5 ปีที่แล้ว +201

    This story was a legitamate roller coaster going through dimensions of change. Incredible

  • @juliesciulla
    @juliesciulla ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I’ve been unable to draw a complete breath this entire story….I can’t get enough of this guy❤

  • @randomgunk
    @randomgunk 5 ปีที่แล้ว +156

    Lost my shit at "Anytime my dad called me by my transgender name..." XD

  • @MalloryNewcomb
    @MalloryNewcomb 5 ปีที่แล้ว +209

    He totally turned into Chrissy when he was defending his vodka soda while on Keto oh gosh 😂😂😂. He’s like prepping for the audience to roast him

  • @colbythom223
    @colbythom223 3 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I watch this every year to remember.

  • @nictse500
    @nictse500 4 ปีที่แล้ว +147

    I love that he still has that childlike wonder towards what his dad did. It makes the story so much fun!

  • @edder.916
    @edder.916 4 ปีที่แล้ว +181

    "No habla ingles" that shit had me rolling 😂🤣🤣💀

  • @mykillmatic
    @mykillmatic หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Hands down one of if not the best set ive ever seen

  • @wrightcodyj
    @wrightcodyj 4 ปีที่แล้ว +194

    "You give me an antihistamine and some liquor; I'm tucking my-" LOL

  • @Cannolikiller
    @Cannolikiller 5 ปีที่แล้ว +116

    Tony Ballz is WILD.

  • @Sean-kg7vh
    @Sean-kg7vh 3 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    I chuckled when he said “and he looked at the ceiling and laughed”.

  • @dylancardoza2923
    @dylancardoza2923 4 ปีที่แล้ว +123

    That fact that the story of his mom almost dying is the opener for the real story shows how good this is

  • @anunnakimenagerie
    @anunnakimenagerie 5 ปีที่แล้ว +345

    I thought they were going to pretend that his mother died in 9/11 so that the school would take him back

    • @PinkLaptop
      @PinkLaptop 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Anunnaki Menagerie that would’ve been a good excuse.

  • @janedawson1398
    @janedawson1398 3 ปีที่แล้ว +31

    I think this just beat Jesus for the greatest story ever told.

  • @margaretdale4098
    @margaretdale4098 5 ปีที่แล้ว +104

    cant stop laughing "I'm daddy's little princes and I know what daddy wants"

  • @MrSpeedyAce
    @MrSpeedyAce 5 ปีที่แล้ว +182

    Look at dat.....whoopty-doo.....now you’re not on the phone.
    Hahahahahaha 😂😂😂

  • @effieborchert985
    @effieborchert985 3 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    This is one of the best sets I have ever watched!!!

  • @davidecapps65
    @davidecapps65 4 ปีที่แล้ว +187

    Top Segura and Bobby Lee brought me here.

    • @puklop
      @puklop 4 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      What about bottom Segura?

    • @robdela3632
      @robdela3632 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Meaty Fishoil he follows proto

    • @liljes34
      @liljes34 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Zachary Wilson his true colours? How do you mean exactly?

    • @jadey_babe5264
      @jadey_babe5264 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Same lol

    • @DuneLover6969
      @DuneLover6969 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Zachary Wilson awww poor baby wants no one to change

  • @BondofOblivion
    @BondofOblivion 4 ปีที่แล้ว +72

    "A chain that's Jesus's actual height and weight in gold" that had me dying 😂😂😂

  • @trentlomelino
    @trentlomelino 3 ปีที่แล้ว +50

    This will never fail to be hilarious. I've watched this too many times.

  • @dragendelao
    @dragendelao 5 ปีที่แล้ว +135

    This dude’s dad impression sounds like the coach from Big Mouth

    • @theloudestmind113
      @theloudestmind113 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Dragen DeLaO yeah it does hey? It’s that staten Island accent and deep voice haha

  • @mohammed-elghali3027
    @mohammed-elghali3027 4 ปีที่แล้ว +103

    "Distefano, you're expelled.
    Oh I forgot
    Never forget!
    I was like I forgot what you gonna do"

  • @DanielEspinoza-kh2km
    @DanielEspinoza-kh2km 9 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Atleast every other week or so I come back to this clip... Is something wrong with me? Lol Chris is amazing and his stories make me feel like I'm really there even though its comedy. Your one of the greats Chris! Keep on making people like me laugh when I'm down.

  • @AdmiralAckbar.
    @AdmiralAckbar. 4 ปีที่แล้ว +85

    “Never forget. I forgot.” Oh that’s a good job

  • @laurenclark1304
    @laurenclark1304 4 ปีที่แล้ว +64

    This human being was born to do what he's doing.... WOW! Honestly, such an effortless talent - I GENUINELY enjoyed spending 12 mins of my life watching this, and I absolutely will watch this again!

    • @HistoryHyenas
      @HistoryHyenas  4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Thanks babe! Share with friends and watch the poddy with a smoothie #cayoote

  • @nickricci19
    @nickricci19 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    "Look at dat whoopty doo now you're not on da phone" Barney Rubbles kills me

  • @0The_Farlander0
    @0The_Farlander0 4 ปีที่แล้ว +83

    This was spectacular, I've never seen someone get even better at telling a story the more unhinged they got.

  • @WindowPains
    @WindowPains 4 ปีที่แล้ว +417

    His dad reminds me of my VERY Russian uncle

    • @cofkavos
      @cofkavos 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      красивый

    • @Lemondude57
      @Lemondude57 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      yup

    • @blahblahblah9267
      @blahblahblah9267 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Oh shit russian uncles dont fuck around

  • @MillionDollarMullettt
    @MillionDollarMullettt ปีที่แล้ว +4

    “Whoopty do, now you’re not on the phone”😂😂😂😂

  • @reelirish7
    @reelirish7 5 ปีที่แล้ว +201

    Ok but why does Chris have so many jokes about hummus lol? I laugh at all of them, but I feel like every clip I watch he mentions it in some way 😂

    • @joanneweiss3864
      @joanneweiss3864 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      It's a freaking different reference than any other comedians so it's even funnier.

    • @Jason-vn5xj
      @Jason-vn5xj 5 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      The Cellar is famous for having really good hummus and it’s always backstage. A lot of comedians have talked about it in the past.

  • @javiersds8081
    @javiersds8081 4 ปีที่แล้ว +141

    2:21 - you can tell that he's genuinely drunk by the time he spends just trying to remember what he was telling before.

    • @Dwbi334
      @Dwbi334 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      He’s doing better than the girl that forgot 9/11 happened and said “what” in a surprised manner after he mentioned the towers going down right after that 😂

  • @andrewdoig9089
    @andrewdoig9089 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    "..People Have Questions" subtlety hilarious