Hi Tomi. I am new to your site. I am really sorry that happened. However, I've known many folks who struggled with this process-- with teenagers and young children. As people with DID, I think we are in a better position to understand abused kids, but it doesn't spare us the heartache. Hang in there. If you do decide to jump back in the pool, go slow. It's hard to overcome chaos and devastation but you and I both know it can happen.
TRUTH! It took me years to realize life did not have to be chaotic. And now she is back, we are trying to help her realize that as well. Baby steps, right?
Absolutely! Especially as being 17 in and of itself is chaotic. Add to that other conditions-- DID, mental illness and you are guaranteed a crazy ride!! Hopefully, you can say and show that there is another side to the mountain-- even if it takes a long time to get there.
I have a friend who went through that heartbreak. It's incredibly hard. You want to put up a wall and not get attached, but at the same time you want to show them all the love in the world because they are potential family for life. My heart goes out to you and Melissa. Do whatever is best for you.❤❤❤
We got her back, she wanted to come home. We went to Nashville to get her and when I saw her again, I grabbed her, hugged her tight and told her I missed her. A small voice whispered in my neck, "I missed you, too." She's my girl, my daughter,whatever happens from this day forward, I will always be her mom.
Tomi it's so nice to see you.I've missed you and all the video's you used to make.Also I love your book.I'm sorry to hear you're going through this heartache.
I have to say, even though it hurt so much she ran, I can understand why she did. She came home and we had a very long talk about what we did that scared her. We couldn't put it all on her. Things are much better now.
I'm sorry that happened. It would be incredibly hard to not get attached. You're right about being use to living in chaos though. Quiet and calm can even get confused with being "bored". I think 17 would be a very difficult age.
17 is right on the cusp of childhood and adulthood. The way the world sees you at that age is such a contradiction, they want you to be mature but then when you act like an adult they punish you for it. Her whole life has been like that. She was shocked when we were honest about everything, because we did treat her like an adult, with the understanding we still have to follow the rules from the state.
I'm so sorry that this happened. It's got to be a really difficult time right now and my thoughts are with you. Stay strong, and process it slowly. Don't rush yourself, both of you are dealing with so much right now
She was gone for about two weeks. When she came home she was better, more accepting of us, and now seems at ease with routine. We are over the moon she is home.
That's wonderful! I hope things continue to look up. From your second-to-last-video it looks like there's a lot of trust building to do, and I can't think of a better couple to have a child with a difficult background
I'm so sorry Tomi, i cant imagine how hard this must be right now.. I want to find some optimism for you, but i dont want it to seem like im disregarding the fact that this hurts.. I truly believe that you, of all people, would be a wonderful mother. You dont respond with anger, you respond with understanding and thats an immeasurable quality to have. I'm not saying you should jump back in the saddle, because emotions are fickle and take more time than we expect. But i think that if you do decide to adopt again, that would be an incredible idea. Not because of how others are/can be, but because of how you are. Caring, kind, understanding, and truly loving. Either way, you hold those traits, so i hope that gives you some peace of mind.
I completely understand what you are saying! She did come home, we talked for a long time about everything that happened before she left, while she was gone, and what we all need to do to move forward. It does give me peace of mind and I truly hope to give those traits to her as she becomes a full grown adult.
Please don't abandon your dreams to adopt through foster care. Many of the children do indeed adjust but sometimes you have to go through a few children to find the perfect one.
Hi Tomi. I am new to your site. I am really sorry that happened. However, I've known many folks who struggled with this process-- with teenagers and young children. As people with DID, I think we are in a better position to understand abused kids, but it doesn't spare us the heartache. Hang in there. If you do decide to jump back in the pool, go slow. It's hard to overcome chaos and devastation but you and I both know it can happen.
TRUTH! It took me years to realize life did not have to be chaotic. And now she is back, we are trying to help her realize that as well. Baby steps, right?
Absolutely! Especially as being 17 in and of itself is chaotic. Add to that other conditions-- DID, mental illness and you are guaranteed a crazy ride!! Hopefully, you can say and show that there is another side to the mountain-- even if it takes a long time to get there.
We are so sorry this happened, Tomi. Please know that we are all keeping you in our thoughts and heart.
Thank you so much! She did come home and is doing much better.
I have a friend who went through that heartbreak. It's incredibly hard. You want to put up a wall and not get attached, but at the same time you want to show them all the love in the world because they are potential family for life. My heart goes out to you and Melissa. Do whatever is best for you.❤❤❤
We got her back, she wanted to come home. We went to Nashville to get her and when I saw her again, I grabbed her, hugged her tight and told her I missed her. A small voice whispered in my neck, "I missed you, too." She's my girl, my daughter,whatever happens from this day forward, I will always be her mom.
Tomi it's so nice to see you.I've missed you and all the video's you used to make.Also I love your book.I'm sorry to hear you're going through this heartache.
I have to say, even though it hurt so much she ran, I can understand why she did. She came home and we had a very long talk about what we did that scared her. We couldn't put it all on her. Things are much better now.
I'm sorry that happened. It would be incredibly hard to not get attached. You're right about being use to living in chaos though. Quiet and calm can even get confused with being "bored". I think 17 would be a very difficult age.
17 is right on the cusp of childhood and adulthood. The way the world sees you at that age is such a contradiction, they want you to be mature but then when you act like an adult they punish you for it. Her whole life has been like that. She was shocked when we were honest about everything, because we did treat her like an adult, with the understanding we still have to follow the rules from the state.
I'm so sorry that this happened. It's got to be a really difficult time right now and my thoughts are with you. Stay strong, and process it slowly. Don't rush yourself, both of you are dealing with so much right now
She was gone for about two weeks. When she came home she was better, more accepting of us, and now seems at ease with routine. We are over the moon she is home.
That's wonderful! I hope things continue to look up. From your second-to-last-video it looks like there's a lot of trust building to do, and I can't think of a better couple to have a child with a difficult background
I'm so sorry Tomi, i cant imagine how hard this must be right now.. I want to find some optimism for you, but i dont want it to seem like im disregarding the fact that this hurts.. I truly believe that you, of all people, would be a wonderful mother. You dont respond with anger, you respond with understanding and thats an immeasurable quality to have. I'm not saying you should jump back in the saddle, because emotions are fickle and take more time than we expect. But i think that if you do decide to adopt again, that would be an incredible idea. Not because of how others are/can be, but because of how you are. Caring, kind, understanding, and truly loving. Either way, you hold those traits, so i hope that gives you some peace of mind.
I completely understand what you are saying! She did come home, we talked for a long time about everything that happened before she left, while she was gone, and what we all need to do to move forward. It does give me peace of mind and I truly hope to give those traits to her as she becomes a full grown adult.
Please don't abandon your dreams to adopt through foster care. Many of the children do indeed adjust but sometimes you have to go through a few children to find the perfect one.