Should You Choose a Career vs. Children?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
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I’m a stay at home dad. When we made this decision we were on baby step 2 with 50k in debt. We are on baby step 6 and my wife has never made 50,000 a year. Once the kids are in school I’ll work part time or full whatever God has in mind. With a $15 part time job baby step 6 will be done in 2 years. Budget is key to success with money. Good luck guys.
Refreshing, super strong options against stay at home parents but I think it’s important for the kids
I wonder how that works if she divorced you, would you get custody of the kids and she pay child support? There is a high probability she could get kids as the court system leans heavily towards the mother. Then would she have to pay alimony to you in that case?
I was fortunate to stay home with my babies until they were all in school, then I began a trade wherein I could work by appointment and be home when they were out of school… in the summer, I heavily thinned out mybooks. We only get one shot at raising our babies and no one else will love ‘em as much as mama ❤
I do both work and stay at home. Every 2 weeks I work and the rest of the time I stay at home. It's not much money but it helps and then I get out of the house and interact with other adults
I work out of the home but I used to dream of staying home with the kids. Before I had kids that was my wish. I went to college but I was not very career driven. When we started having kids, reality struck that my husband’s income wasn’t enough. So I worked full time. After having our second, I cut hours down to 32, just 4 days a week. To be honest, it wasn’t all that bad. I was in a job that was not stressful. My husband and I shared our household duties. A coworker friend shared how she did it. We had lots of routines. It flowed. After my 2nd was a few years older I went back full time, 5 hours a week. And now both my husband and I work remotely which is like a dream come true. It’s great to be home when the kids get on and off the bus. Working did not hamper my relationship with my kids. We are a close knit family and have lots of quality time together. In the end I’m happy how it turned out. I wouldn’t change it now.
Thanks, I needed to hear this!! To hear that it's a choice and that it can be great for some families. I'm an RN but pretty much hate my career, unfortunately. I recently quit right before summer & I'm staying home with my kids and having so much guilt over not working right now even tho my husband is fine with it. I'm looking into switching careers but I need to just enjoy my time off and not feel so bad about it!
You are experiencing burn out. It's common for nurses after the grind of the pandemic. Stay at home over the summer, and consider going back part time or PRN once school starts. I think you will find that you are bored when the kids go back to school. Money doesn't buy happiness, but a large college fund does buy opportunities for your children. Money also buys comfort and security in retirement. Just some things to consider.
Your story resonates with me. I’m an RN too. Became an RN, because I have a passion for helping others. It affected my mental health tremendously, especially when I’m taking care of kids my kids’ ages. The near drowner patients, car accidents, TBI patients memories would haunt me when I know I can’t save them all. I went on hiatus to be a SAHM & it’s been a few years now. Renewed my license not long ago to get back into the workforce. God had other plans for me. I’ve decided to switch gears & shift into a new career path. I have my BSN, and people continue making annoying comments to me about not putting it to use. People are always going to judge regardless. We do what’s best for our babies & our family. My Hubby fully supports my job as a SAHM & we are blessed I am able to be one. My kids are older now, so I’ve picked up coding for fun to connect with my older son doing BITSBOX. My goal is to finish learning & hopefully soon become a full stack web developer. I enjoy creating & building websites a lot & can work from home in the future. Good luck with everything. God’s got us❤.
I went PRN, and it works great for us!
Why do you hate being a RN?
How long where you a Nurse?
I’m an Lpn and also have thought of a career change, but have no idea what route to go. I just want something not so stressful. Thanks for sharing your story.
the problem is many people forget to contribute towards the stay at home parent's retirement.
Retirement from what?
That’s why I choose to work 28-30 hrs a week. I do everything at home, but I knew I needed to save for retirement. The hrs are great 830-230 pm.
That’s better known as a divorce. If you’re a man with a stay at home wife these days, you’ve not been paying attention.
@@katyedwards3935Retirement meaning when the stay at home parents is too old one day to be hired back in the workforce or has health issues related to age. Even the stay at home parent needs a retirement fund. As one other commenter stated… it protects one financially in case of divorce as well.
Thank you! Yes! People totally forget about this!!!! I stayed home with my boys for a decade. I’m now playing catch up on my retirement, socking away as much as I can afford (or at least what the government will allow).
We are transitioning from 1 income to 1 and 1/2. I’m going to teach part time at a private school and the state pays for most of the education, because our state is strong school choice state. I went to the capital and spoke to the state senate to advocate for making our school choice even stronger, and they passed the bill.
Coming from a different perspective: my husband and I don’t currently have any kids but we are wanting to have kids. We have both decided to work in this season but when I become pregnant, my husband and I have agreed that I would stay home with the kids and we will work around it and make it work.
Excellent. Better for the kids
Yup, set youself up to were you have options
Mom of 6
Stayed at home for 14 years
Homeschooled 8 of those
Now starting my career part time to increase much needed $ & self fulfillment.
I personally got burned out after all those blood sweat & tears & years of staying at home.
I am finding great balance and fulfillment and BOUNDARIES w my kids working part time in my profession.
My two cents.
Man I couldn’t imagine not spending time with my kids while they are young. It’s such a short period of time and must be cherished!
I see young couples today having to have the big brand new house, new cars, and fancy vacations straight away as they start their married lives. When I was growing up in the 1970’s no one cared what kind of counter tops you had in your kitchen and hardly anyone built or bought a brand new house back then. It’s unbelievable to me how luxuriously young people have to live. No wonder so many women have to work and can’t stay home with their kids. Most moms when I was growing up stayed home. There were far fewer problems with school age kids back then. I stayed home with my kids as they grew up and never regretted it. We lived conservatively and under our means. I couldn’t have imagined putting kids in daycare and hardly seeing them. Why bother having kids if you are going to do that?
You are talking about a very very small amount of entitled people that want a new house and car after marriage the reason more women have to work and cant stay at home is because of the living costs of things its not like the 70s anymore where a single person can provide for the family, I work in a school so i can understand the situation alot of parents are in we have kids staying in school from 7AM to 6:30PM and even in coming in during the holidays.
@@andrewwillis9759 I get that the cost of living has gone up outrageously in the past few years. But I see many friends’ young adult children and my own relatives’ 20 something kids running off to Europe and taking expensive vacations all the time. It’s ridiculous how they spend money. There’s so much more eating out now than when I was growing up. We never ate out. No wonder they both have to work. I have also seen many have to have a brand new house after marriage. Also brand new cars. These are kids from middle class upbringings not kids from rich families. I’ve never lived in a new build house in my lifetime. We’ve bought used cars over the years. There’s a lot of keeping up with the Jones and social influence going on. I still think that these young people could cut the spending quite a bit.
My mother was a working parent and I pretty much raised myself. I made a decision very early on to have children and to stay home to raise them. I had two sons, 21 months apart and had no regrets. I lft my teaching career to be at stay at home mom. Daycare was just not available in my era and area. After my sons went to school I built a small business at home so I could be home when they got home from school. I could monitor their snacks, homework and start dinner and have a healthy dinner on the table by 5:30 p.m. My husband was not an active helper at home. He expected me to handle everything in the home, in the yard etc. I had health issues and knew I could not work full time out of the home,and manage two children full time as well as my health needs and the total care of the home and yard on my own. I was realistic.
I love the idea of options. great advise Rachel.
The value has been lost in parents raising THEIR child(ren) and not shipping them off daily to be taught/raised by other adults.
The value in not judging people for leading a different life than you do has certainly been lost. Mind your own parenthood.
I 100% agree about trusting your gut. I knew i needed/wanted to go back to work after baby #4 and i work part time to earn extra and things not be so tight. I get to be hone during the week for the kids and work on the weekend while my husband is home. You have to make sacrifices for the greater good.
Women get punished for taking gaps in their careers in most fields. If I was to leave my role for a couple years I’d be starting at entry level when I would look to come back.
Its very umwise to opt out of the workforce especially as woman🤷♀️
Oh well at least your kids will be stable
Yeah I’d rather have someone else raise my kids. Nothing could go wrong there.
Well said - thank you! I need these words of encouragement today
Personally we chose for me to be home. I really do think this is a personal decision depending on the type of jobs you are doing. But the most important thing is that your children and family comes first in that decision.
What we did is have our kids young. I think a woman could start her career later when the kids are a little older. I’m 32 now with 4 kids. Once I’m in my mid 30’s all of my kids are in school and then I can pick up some type of work. My dream is to work from home as I still think there are a ton of things that needs to be done around the house even when the kids are in school. Just remember we aren’t stuck in the same position as kids don’t stay little forever
Your tip surprised me! Very sensible, though. 👍
Good luck! Wife is staying home… insurance cost to add my kids and wife to my insurance was ungodly.
The marketplace wasn’t that much better..
Let life play out. Working might make
Sense and sometimes you need to take some time depending on what’s going on and available childcare.
As a mom of 1 and a full time employee, I don’t want more kids as they are hard work, I don’t even feel like I’m doing a good job as I’m exhausted,always cooking,always cleaning up, always educating and stuck in a job I don’t love at the moment just so I can provide for my child.
I want to do something I love and work for myself but for now or until my daughter goes to high school in about 5yrs I just to sacrifice everything but I know it will pay off one day.
Interesting disclaimer…you should put that on all your videos and discussions.
Since you see black and white with credit scores, mortgages, and credit cards.
Meanwhile Americans absolutely need to have a good credit score in life, since we all aren’t soo fortunate enough to have rich roots to buy homes and cars outright. Never-mind there are jobs, apartment rentals, utility bills, and insurance rates can all be impacted by your credit score.
What is best tool to build a good credit score? I’m glad you ask: responsible usage of a credit card.
Side note: credit card is significantly safer in your wallet and with fraud protection than a debit card or cash.
I needed this, thank you!
Dumbest advise I heard on whether someone should go back to work was, guess you will never know if it was the right decision. Actually, it is no one else's business. Guilting someone who does go back to work is wrong. If you have a God given calling, you just do. It is a choices that only spouses should make. Each family is different too.
She’s right, it depends on ur experience, for me the female better be working to, u can stay at home until the kid is older enough to get on the bus for school, get back in the work force, women want equality but then expect a man to take of them, if thts the case why wld a female go to school if she’s planning on staying home, she’s just searching for tht guy who’s going to make alot of money. How about making ur own money. If u have to say is it worth it then don’t have kids! Yes it’s hard it’s called life, my mom worked 2 jobs, I hate this narrative, not saying taking care of kids easy but let’s keep it real a lot of todays females are straight up lazy, all they want to do is taking pic to post on social media to show how amazing their lives are. How about using the degree u went to school for and contributed financially.
$178k. Are you kidding me. Very misleading. Probably $150-$170k are already happening while working. You’re not saving $$178k.
Especially consider what happens that off time gap? Women can’t contribute, to retirement or men, unless the other person contributes. What happens with expertise and when kids are grown?
I grew up knowing I was going to stay home and raise my future babies, then there was a lot of obstacles where I went through a couple jobs and ended up in one I truly love the environment and job itself. My husband can’t afford to pay everything on his own, but thankfully he works remotely from home, so the future baby still has someone. 😢 it’s just not me.
She said a lot without actually saying a thing
The absolute longest way to say, "I don't know your life. Do what you want".
Y'all stay home all u want. I am going to be retiring earlier than my peers and someone needs to man those cash registers entering the work force part time at 40
For Christians, family over money everytime. Family you can love fully, the love of money however, is the root of all evil.
Huh? I think this an INSANE generalization. My parents are extremely God fearing people and the most conservative people you’ll know. But they both worked because we were immigrants from Haiti and we were POOR… not the fake poor people say when they can’t afford Starbucks.. the actual poor when you have to think about where food is coming from tomorrow.
They both had to work to support our family. So that mean they just didn’t care about the family and they just loved the money?? Lol.
Also in this economy it’s a privilege to be a stay at home parent. So if you have the privilege to do it, do it… but don’t come on here to judge people because they can’t afford to do it.. unbelievable lol.
What about the parable of the talents? By staying at home are women (or men) burying their God given gifts? If you can live comfortably on your spouse's income, that's great! Go out into the community and volunteer your time. Feed the hungry. Care for and protect abused children. Comfort the sick. Being a stay at home parent doesn't give you a pass from your obligation to make the wider world a better place.
historically most mothers did not stay at home, they had the children and (after first 6 months or so) typically continued work and the baby's care was taken care of by grandparents, extended family, etc. young, fertile women were never at home except the past 100 years, and most found it oppressive (look at the addition in the 1950s due to "women's issues); very very few women actually enjoy being at home. and you are right -- it is not the peak of talents to be fully 100% dedicated to baby/child care. it is part of it, and you can be exceptionally good at it, but it is not meant to be your soul path.
First pour your talents into making your home a better place and help husband and kids the use it in the outside world - which can often be done as a family. That's how we go about it
If everyone is always working who’s raising the kids? The
Teenage babysitter or the TV? Both don’t care!
My two cents: if you choose to raise kids, please consider adopting one of the 450,000 kids currently in foster care. No need to create your own child when there are kids who need love & care. Not to mention that it’s immoral to bring a child to life without their consent! We don’t have the moral right to inflict serious, preventable harms upon our children without their consent! Existence brings guaranteed harm & is imposed without consent. Because a child cannot consent to being born, the default should be to assume that consent doesn’t exist and that no action should be taken on the child’s behalf. Just like how it’s not okay to r@pe an unconscious person just because they can’t say no to s*x! Stop creating needs for no need while violating your children’s rights to eternal peace & freedom!! Since eternal peace & freedom are only possible through non-existence, every human being has the right to NOT be born unless they provide explicit consent to being born after agreeing to & understanding all the “terms and conditions” of life. Otherwise, bringing your child into this world without their consent is a violation of their autonomy followed by guaranteed suffering that they never asked for! You can’t obtain consent from the unborn child because they don’t exist yet, therefore you don’t have the right to act on their behalf unless your action will prevent an even greater harm, like pushing someone out of the way of a falling piano-assuming they were unaware, couldn’t react in time, & wanted to keep living. Point is, you don’t have consent unless you explicitly obtain it, which cannot be done in the case of procreation, therefore procreation is ALWAYS morally wrong and cannot be ethically justified. Think about it for a moment, most people would be outraged if I, unannounced, ordered for them at a restaurant and forced them to eat that food - rather than they decide for themselves. But somehow, creating someone else to suffer and die is a decision you’re allowed to make for someone else?
YESSS!!! Antinatalism all the way!
Did you just say it's immoral to have a baby because that baby didn't request to be born?
@@johnsantiago4810 Sure did! Antinatalism is the ethical position that views the birth of sentient beings as morally wrong. The justifications are: harm/suffering prevention, the questionable nature of gambling with another life, & the impossibility of consent to be born.
- No one has the moral right to inflict serious, preventable harms upon others without their consent! Existence brings preventable, guaranteed harm & is imposed without consent. Because a child cannot consent to being born, the default should be to assume that consent doesn’t exist and that no action should be taken on the child’s behalf. Just like how it’s not okay to r@pe an unconscious person just because they can’t consent to s*x!
- Everyone experiences at least some suffering, and some people experience disproportionately more suffering than others. Creating a life is inherently unfair & inconsiderate!
- By creating a life you are creating needs for no need while violating your children’s rights to eternal peace & freedom from all harm, both of which can only be attained through non-existence. Therefore, every human being has the right to not be born so long as they cannot provide informed consent to being born. Procreation is the biggest violation of one’s autonomy there is!
- An opinion being “negative” doesn’t make it untrue. On the contrary, it’s realistic as suffering is inevitable, & it’s impossible for someone to consent to life.
- Procreation is simply not anyone’s risk to take especially since they won’t be the ones suffering the consequences of their decision to procreate-their children will!
- Procreation is intentionally harming your “loved ones” for your own selfish desires to attain a sense of purpose, fulfillment, pride, achievement, or preferred social status.
- There’s no reason to create a child that’s for the child’s sake. For the potential child, birth doesn’t solve any problem that it doesn’t first create. All positives in life, such as love, happiness, or good food are based on fulfilling needs, which get created by birth.
- A nonexistent “person” cannot miss out on anything since they don’t exist & the nonexistent have no needs or desires, including the desire for life itself or any of its pleasures.
- For the betterment of humans, the environment & other sentient beings, humans need to go extinct. No one is being harmed by the extinction of humans since no one will exist to experience said harm. Who will care that humanity is ending if no one is around to care?
- Just because procreation is natural & societally accepted doesn’t mean it’s morally good. Diseases, natural disasters, & famine are all natural too, but that doesn’t mean they’re good. This is an appeal to nature, a logical fallacy! Slavery has been around for over 13,000 years. That doesn’t make it moral or ethical.
- None of the nonexistent wish to be born, but plenty of the living wish they had never existed.
@@johnsantiago4810 tl;dr: the right to not be born is the most important human right there is
Thanks for the long input, we are still going to conceive a baby of our own thank you
? What are the differences (fininacial & otherwise) b/w Carly Jean clothes and your Amazon clothing ?
Rachel makes $$ vs. not making $$
I want kids but the grannies I date are scared to give birth 2 seconds over 40
Adoption is always an option, you know. If you find a partner with whom you share the desire to adopt & start a family together, what’s the harm in doing so? On the plus side, you’ll spare your hypothetical child(ren) from all the harms of this world & you’ll avoid having to infringe upon their rights to eternal peace & freedom from harm, both of which can only be attained through non-existence!
Do the kids exist yet or not? If not, adjust your career to accomodate children. My cousin built a classroom into her boarding kennel to homeschool 4 kids while operating a very successful business. If you can't adjust your career, don't have kids.
Shows you how overpriced housekeepers and nannies are... $200k a year is $23 an hour 24/7!