Relationships have always been the biggest struggle in my life and the older I get the worst it’s gotten. The lack of vulnerability, the lack of emotional connection, the shallowness drives me insane. The older I get the more I enjoy my own company and I feel like nowadays it’s so tiring to make connections. To me it seems like people rather run and hide from their “demons” than to confront them and the moment you try to get them to just be themselves and be open they take offense and defense which drains the living hell out of me. I just crave depth like don’t just give me a version of who you are but be you. People are so used to wearing masks and putting on a show which I was always able to see through that this whole relationship thing feels like a labyrinth full of dead ends.
The only people I can reveal a little more of what I’m thinking to are my family. I don’t have any non related friends that I’m close enough to share my real emotions with. I think that having family who understand you a little better than the average person makes it a bit easier to share with.
Clay. Two weeks ago I learned I was an INFJ . I am 63 years old!! Truly bittersweet although it's taken me this long to process everything. my WHOLE life now makes sense! If you ever want to know what it feels like to be an INFJ at my age and how I learned to copel with it to a point could be interesting to you and your readers. This has been a life changing revelation. Don't ever give up on hope for your future!! let me know if I can help. Mary Beth
I agree you can't force people to open up neither should you be forced to open up. The best relationships happen naturally and don't feel forced at all. The idea of friendship is allowing someone else to be who they are and not condemning them for it. Most people think its not judging but that is a very big error. We always judge and should judge and do judge even as a natural part of our intuition. But you can judge and make judgements without condemning someone. The person who feels truly accepted as they are, will recognize they have found that really close, intimate friendship.
I m an infj and I found an infj friend 4 months ago and it's the best friendship I've ever had. It's so refreshing, comforting and liberating. There's emotional connection and intellectual connection. I always feel at peace when I am talking to this friend of mine. We both teenagers.
Progression in relationships is so important to INFJs. Stagnation almost always ensures a relationship won’t make it for the long-haul. I get uncomfortable too. It’s like an earthquake fault line in the relationship fractures. One thing that took me a long time to discover is that often times it’s easy to focus on a particular goal in a relationship and because of our fourth Se We often see things with rose-colored glasses instead of seeing things as they really are. I have made the mistake of staying in friendships beyond their expiration date. If two people individually are growing types of people, then the relationship will definitely grow. Sometimes two people grow together and sometimes two people grow apart. But it’s the growth between the two of you that’s more important than any goal. As I listen to you talk about progress, One of the other areas of progress is the level of emotional depth. It seems that deep emotional connection and discussions often trigger certain types of people who prefer more superficiality in their relationships. Not because they’re bad people because that’s just the way they are wired. It’s quite difficult for me to have close emotional friendships with people whose second letter of their Myers-Briggs type is the S. I can be quite friendly and enjoy their company and keep it easy breezy. I was raised by an immature ISTP father and it was a struggle. And cheers to the slow built relationships! It’s amazing when you feel that click with somebody and you know you’ll have a good connection.
Growth is a fundamental requirement. Agreed. My INFP friend and I definitely experienced a slow burn, but it's turned into something much more richer and authentic, and like you said, trust building. Actually, when we first met, we intuitively knew that we could trust one another. I just didn't realize how deep she could be at the time. It's a different kind of depth to my own. I do think we INFJs can have unrealistic expectations of others though. It's a balance between understanding our needs, what expectations are worth keeping, and what can be more flexible and negotiated. Because surely good friends come to accept (a term you used) us and make compromises. My directness of thought, like a child, is difficult for people. They are not there yet in that dimension of self-awareness and truth. They don't have that tolerance in understanding that I do. I have to remember that it is better to understand than to be understood. I would say that this is not so with my close friends though. I do expect more, at least an attempt to understand.
One other thing, I found that if I try to hard to force an emotional connection with someone who’s not wired that way or doesn’t want it it can come across as manipulative or controlling if not invasive. I have learned as I got older in life to be mindful of reading other people better.
You speak the ramblings of my mind. Haha. Fellow infj here. ✌ I particularly relate to the need for progression in life and relationships. I've had a hard time finding someone or someones that understand the need to be mindful and strive to have a quality relationships. It seems they either have their own emotional baggage they're preoccupied with or maybe simply unaware of the need. I find most are so busy, they simply don't have time to be mindful. Thanks for your thoughts. 🙏
I met my best friend about 3 years ago. I never thought that this would be possible since I used to be that girl who would try to fit with other people. Some friends that I admired a lot used to tell me that I was too clingy. So I never got close with anyone when I was in high school and college. At the same time, everyone, even those who used to push me away said that I built a wall around me. I did not know how to be, I did not know what friendship was about. It was until I met my best friend back in 2017 that I understood what friendship was. As you said, it is so intense, pure, and unique. There is no fear in it and you feel so free. And no matter who comes along, that person’s spot will never be taken. We don’t talk everyday, but somehow, she has that huge spot in my heart and I have the one in hers. I am an INTJ (I previously tested as INFJ; still figuring my type). She is an INFP.
INFJ here. I met my close INFP friend freshman year of high school. That was about 6 years ago. We have a similar bond that you talk about... when we aren’t together, we both can text each other on accident for hours and hours, she’s the only one I love texting. Sometimes both of us go days without responding or weeks/months without talking or texting, but we get right back on track when we do communicate. She’s definitely irreplaceable like you describe. When we meet it’s like both of our worlds collide and spark into a beautiful fire that warms us both. I’ve also been blown away by our connection as we’ve grown, and it led to me reflecting my previous relationships and comparing the one with her to every other relationship I had. My previous friendships almost seemed shallow and not even real by comparison. Like other INFJs probably relate, what a lot of people call a “friend” really wasn’t the type of friend I was looking for, so I always thought there was something wrong with me. Just some thoughts... :)
I actually recently went through a friendship conflict, describing exactly the scenario you were saying. They were the longest friends I’ve had and at several points, I realized they weren’t growing at the same pace I was. We also got into a conflict because of how I wanted to understand them and ask deeper questions to their thoughts. They thought I was being argumentative and insensitive, but I was really just asking why and trying to better understand where they’re coming from. Then I realized that even though these were my longest friendships, it doesn’t mean they were my deepest. It was a sad but also healthy realization that I need deeper connection and that I couldn’t get it with these friends. So I looked elsewhere and fortunately I do have friends where I can explore these ideas.
Yes,so true! Really appreciated your videos,they helped me realize I wasn't alone and also that my desire and expectations of deeper relationships is not weird! So thank you! I hope you find what you are searching for. I finally reached the point in life where I stopped trying to be what everyone else needed in my relationships/friendships and am now trying to focusing on figuring out who I REALLY am, independently from everyone else.... it also took me until my 30s to realize just how shallow all of my lifelong relationships have been and it was quite depressing to come to the conclusion that most people will never want or be capable of offering anything more than that. BUT it's also been freeing.. I am working on myself and figuing out what I want/need...and the people who want to be a part of that can and the ones who don't or can't, don't have too....either way, I'm done with being a shadow in my own world. I want to live life fully with meaning and depth, settling for less has really hurt me in life.
Another great video Clay. I spent my life adapting to the male persona thing, never feeling comfortable with it. My dad is an ESTP so I observed him and mimicked him a bit, but it never felt genuine for me. There are few males I find that interesting because of their lack of emotional intelligence, so it's difficult to connect. I mostly enjoy female company. I have to say the biggest breakthrough for me was studying herbal medicine and becoming a herbalist, I think it is an area rich in intuitive feelers. Also my shop and practice is like a filter for these people, I meet so many interesting people now on my wavelength. I think when you do something that reflects the genuine you the appropriate people are drawn to you, that's what I'm finding. And I'm not some kind of hippie I'm conscious of the fact I don't want to fool anyone and I try to be practical and realistic. Not sure whether that makes any sense at all.. I'll get my coat...
Makes so much sense. I’m looking for my intuitive feeler squad and have been around STs my whole damn life. I’ve been letting my guard down with a certain group and someone afterwards reached out to me and said they “respected and appreciated” my wilingness to be open. That’s something I would say to someone. Never before the other way around. So happy you’ve found your people.
Yes! I always feel like if I'm not growing, I'm dying. Same for relationships. Also, that "slow build" of relationships is the ONLY way I can do relationships. Most people seem to be just fine just "playing the role" of being in a relationship...which can be done almost instantly...but it's not authentic, it's "playing a part" that seems to be the part we've all been handed as "this is what you're supposed to want" and "if you don't go out and get it soon here, there's something wrong with you, so best to jump on whatever opportunity "fits" the standard". But this is basically a "dead end" which doesn't work for someone who much prefers authentically getting to know people...even if this approach doesn't produce "instant soul-mate" results....it's the only way that stands a chance of producing "real relating" in my view. And "real relating" isn't necessarily fireworks and a gorgeous house and 2.5 kids and a picture perfect life. It just is what it is, and if it's authentic and if there's room to grow, it's ultimately awesome regardless of what it looks like from the outside.
Thank you for your thoughts. I am going through a similar process at the moment and learning how to vet people for your time and attention can be quite a challenge. The thing about deep and meaningful friendships is that they are rare for every type though. INFJs are probably just highly susceptible to "catch them all" when it comes to people, because we typically orientate ourselves outwards toward the group and want everybody to feel comfortable with us, despite them not reciprocating the effort we put into the relationship, which means us often having a bunch of acquaintances whom we consider friends, when in reality they don't really care about us.
I'm getting better with vetting people too. I find alot of it comes down to trusting my intuition. Im always friendly even with acquaintances but use my intuition to create reasonable expectations.
Really speaks to my experience thus far as an INFJ. I'm sure being an enneagram 6 as well doesnt help. Your right finding people that are high IQ and EQ is challenging. The relentless desire to grow and change puts some people off as well. I just have to be careful to not impose that on others. Great suggestions as well👍🏾.
I agree on that I expect my friend and partner to grow with me. And usually I dont realize how high standards I set. I'm currently on relationship stage when I get upset on my partner that he holding on going forward and grow.
Yes - the same dilemma can be present in both friendships and romantic relationships / marriages alike. There does also have to be mutual vulnerability - but if they just don't grow, and we do, it doesn't fit anymore. It's really okay to disconnect when on separate paths. Healthy people can do that in a healthy manner. As an INFJ I have always found it difficult to find many deep relationships. In my older age, I'm.more okay with that.
I swear I could sit in a room with you and talk for hours with coffee... You have helped me through so many trials and tribulations in my own life by just sharing your thoughts... You are so AMAZING! Thank You Clay...
Happy Birthday, Clay, All the Best!! Thank you for opening so much of your experience with us! Fortunately we INFj can meet on the internet more easily! hehe I live on a very small island (Madeira Island, in Portugal) and my biggest source of connecting with people (especially with INFJs) is the internet.
Oi, eu sou INFP, mas tb gosto muito de conversas deep, sou Portuguesa mas vivo em Sintra, a minha melhor amiga é INFJ e adoro as conversas que temos as duas. Queres trocar contactos? Adorava conhecer mais pessoal português com esta inclinação para as profundezas da mente e existência humana 🙂
Clay luv ya, I have no idea why your wife didn’t see the wonderful man that you are. I am INFJ , I have watched all your videos for the last four days. You are amazing. You have helped me more than you’ll ever know! Please do more videos! You are helping so many people like us.
Getting adopted as a friend. 😅 Mee Easily distracted and liable to random on tangents. ✅ This video was so relatable. Thank you for being so INFJ, and the time you've taken to explain ourselves to ourselves for our neverending analytical curiosity with emotional depth. I was watching another video on how INFJs attract Cluster B personalities due to the high IQ and EQ with a balance in between. It's definitely been healing and validating for me to look into as I have my own history and brokenness with Narcissism
Happy Birthday Clay! I'm 38 on the 8th August :) My experience is that while developing some friendships with people I have known for some time, they still won't allow for deep discussion. I wonder if because people are so used to judging others, or being judged they assume that when you disagree with them you are being critical? I'm sure you feel the same when I say INFJ thinking during a discussion is the opposite. We like discussions to try to understand why someone has a different view. I'm thinking, 'How did you come to know that? What do other people say? How do you know that information is reliable? Why are you so interested in this topic?' For me, it's all critical to forming the big picture, and at the same time, part of intimacy development. Interestingly, you mentioned INTJ in the next breath. I find my INTJ husband is very difficult to converse with (due to my own desire for deep conversation and his aversion to sharing), but if I just let him talk without bringing up an alternative viewpoint, I get to see a little of his inner world occasionally. He is extremely intelligent (IQ 150+) so I find joy in listening to him, but I'm also glad to have other people to have a back and forth conversation with. I doubt that I have ever met an INFJ in real life. However, I do have a very close relationship with my almost 9-year-old daughter, an INFP. I find myself interpreting for her and my husband all the time in the hopes they will grow to understand each other better.
I enjoy listening to you Clay. Got me thinking about my own yearning for deeper connections, while simultaniously having a dismissive avoidant attachment style that manifests itself as witty sarcastic remarks at every romantic interest that's trying to get to know me. Quite a paradox I seem to be torn between. This elementary school crush from years ago happens to live in the same appartment complex as me, and he's tried 2x to get my number and get to know me more. Not gonna lie, I actually quite like him but I can't get myself to open up. While simultaniously feeling lonely 😂 I try to be vulnerable in all other aspects of life, but can't seem to do it when it comes to romantic relationships.
As an infj, this whole entire video really honestly resonated with me ever so deeply🥰 Thank you so much!!! I appreciate this as it’s comforting knowing there’s someone who understands and shares the legit exact values that I hold when it comes to friendships and relationships
As an INFJ My definition of friend is same as you, more robust than most people. This personly stuff is so accurate. And have deep knowledge about the subject.
I agree with a lot of what you mentioned in this video. I do believe a lot of the times not only in friendships but also in relationships, the other person is the one that pursues a relationship with us. We are chosen oppose to us choosing them. Thank you, your videos have helped me know and understand myself.
Thanks Clay! I was just talking with someone last night about this very topic. I really like the way you put your thoughts in an organized platform. Its all in my head but it sits there with no words...just feelings.
Hello Clay. I always enjoy, listening to your mind working. I shake my head in, agreement, and laugh at ...our,... truth of being. I am older than you, and have traveled many of the same roads, as, you. My best friend, has been such, for over 40 years. Friendship seems to require, such honest, non judgmental, vulnerability, plus life experiences...that, WE... cannot become fully connected, in short amounts of time. My 20+ year marriage, showed me I sure was will to try.. unfortunately, this individual, was a narcissist. I am in a relationship. Very great person. However, my lifelong friend, is still, my go-to, for, life’s complex issues. Thanks for sharing this journey. Never gets simple, for US!...... does it?... 😏
this video comes at a great time as i've been craving a best friend or deeper friendships than i have now! a lot of what you said resonated n are exact thoughts i've had, i hope i can apply the advice you gave! i need to remind myself that although some people have found really close friends early on in life, i still have a lot of time before me to do so too as i'm only 22!
Hi Clay, have you considered opening a live chat on your TH-cam channel? On a particular topic, whatever suits you, as a broader platform that allows for dialog and an exchange of thoughts and insights?
I related with everything you said, thank you for sharing your experiences so that others don't feel so alone. My personal growth is leading me away from many relationships in my life, but it's simultaneously given me some much deeper ones than I've previously had. I didn't make those connections until I stopped people pleasing and having my social chameleon mode running constantly. People can't see who you really are when you're doing those things so you attract people that aren't a good fit for you instead of people who like you just as you are. If you do make a connection with someone you can be deep with, trust your intuition and start being vulnerable even if you're scared. It's so easy to back out of deep connections unconsciously because they naturally make you uncomfortable because they force you to be honest with yourself. But the benefits of a relationship like that are worth the emotional growing pains a hundred times over.
When taking one of the personality tests I scored 46% Thinker and 54% Feeler and I am an INFJ. I have come to know a few other INFJs and find them to be pretty well balanced when it comes to thinking and feeling. Also you are absolutely right about not forcing people in relationships . I think sometimes INFJs can strive for (our version) of perfection in relationships which can contribute to why some of us don’t have many deep, and valued friendships/connections. P.S Happy Belated Birthday !🎊🎉🎂
Clay, thank you so much for posting these videos. I feel like you say everything that I feel and think but I struggle to articulate and verbalize. I think I struggle because I rarely find people who think like me or feel as deep as me and I often have to explain myself, which is exhausting and lonely. I appreciate subjects on friendships and relationships. :) Always look forward to your videos!
Fun fact: My Estj friend added me to a group on whatsapp (with other two of her friends that I don't even know well) to save her time (she always tells a lot of stories to everyone, and she forgets what she tells to each one). Now she barely speaks to me on private. Wonder how that made me feel? I can understand her point, but I think that's a little too much... I'm very disappointed. But thank goodness I guess I've found that (deep) kind of connection with an Infp friend, it wasn't easy at the begginning, I struggled to understand her Fi/Te, and she struggled to understand my Ni/Se, but I guess now we have a good foundation to keep growing our friendship.
The ESFJ friend doing that is sooo funny. I could totally see them doing that. It's like they are using Te for Fe stuff. It's hilarious on itself, but I understand if that happens to you it must feel sucky. I have this INTJ person in my life that seems to use his Te for social things. It sucks when you find out, because being so strategic in a social relationship just does feel bad. Like you're some sort of thing that needs to be "managed". It takes all authenticity and intimacy out of it.
@@PowerRedBullTypology exactly!!! you totally understand my point... I find it funny as well, and she explained to me what she was going to do when she created the group, and I get her, but deep down I feel that I'm not so important in her life as she is in mine, but it could be just an impression. Only time will tell, I guess.
Clay I'm so glad you went forward on my request, hope your channel blows up. You have a super wise and mature/healthy approach to things from an INFJ standpoint. Keep it up.
20:09. Haha, absolutely. I'm always direct with people if I feel like I have nothing to lose in the relationship. So mainly, anything to do with business connections, where I don't value the individual relationship as much, I can come off as very bossy and commanding. In fact, I was discussing this on the INFJ subreddit, and someone outright called me an ENTJ. Anyway, I feel very lucky. I have about 10 friends, which is about the amount I've always had. All of these relationships meet my definition of a friend, and it brings a huge amount of enjoyment and fulfillment in my life. I feel bad for other INFJs when they say they have no connections, so I often try to help those that don't. I often get criticized for not wanting to go to parties or go out much. It frustrates me so much when people don't seem to understand the nature of introverts. When I ask people why they want me to go, I'll ask why they want me to come, and the response is usually "So you'll have fun?" And then I respond with "Why don't you want to stay home alone?" And they say "Why would I want to do that?" And then I finally say "So you'll have fun?" It's funny seeing the look in their eyes after they realize what I just did.
Sorry to hear about the tough times you are going through. I hope the journey doesn’t get too rough for you. Thanks for sharing your insights, really comforting to know that we are not alone with these life experiences, not so lonely. I eagerly await your videos. Feel like I found a dear friend in the deeper sense of the word. So grateful to you.
Thank you for making this video. It really described my current struggles in my life and makes me feel a little more confident in that I am not alone in these feelings and thoughts.
I hope you had a wonderful birthday. Think you will find that many of your viewers have the same longing for deep abiding friendships. I have yet to meet another infj in person, as far as I know. But, whenever we are in large groups or unfamiliar settings, think we may be processing so much that we fail to recognize each other. During school, most of my friends were infps, as I think I made them feel comfortable and accepted. Find myself to be the one people come to for advice and problems in general, rather than a reciprocal exchange. It feels so strange when you realize that those who call you friend know so little about you or what is going on in your head. The few times I mention deeper things about life or philosophy, it seems they look at me like I'm an alien. Think we often learn to keep things to ourselves, particularly in real life. It is such a welcome experience for me to view your videos, as I do find you very relatable, honest, straightforward, and genuine. I find that we really want to believe in and hope that most can and will want to grow with us. It is entirely disappointing when we recognize that we view the world, growth, and relationships in a way that others do not. In spite of all our disappointments, we forever reach for hope. We recognize the possibilities. As you, I have dealt with a considerable number of cluster b personalities. It is truly a disturbing experience when we recognize that the person we were dealing with is the complete opposite of their portrayal. Going to leave a short article I wrote about the ones I have dealt with. Whether you are dealing with a narcissist, a sociopath, or a psychopath, they will cause destruction in the lives of family, friends, and coworkers who are near them. On the furthest side of the spectrum, the psychopath and the sociopath are often referred to as antisocial personality disorder. These individuals often are great story tellers, manipulators, and liars. They don’t flinch or give themselves away when telling a lie, and they think everyone else plays these games like themselves. They are so good at faking sincerity and honesty, that they can convince almost anyone. You can have audio or video tape of them, and they will convince you that your eyes and/or ears are deceiving you. They will suddenly have an evil twin, that it must be. They assume they are just “better” at playing the game. The worst among them have absolutely no conscience, no remorse, no guilt, and no empathy. As sincere as they may pretend to be, they never keep their word and are never sincere with others. Promises are not important to them. They merely use them temporarily to manipulate their family and “friends.” Enabling them is helping no one, including them. It is merely aiding and abetting them in their crimes. When you are in the presence of an individual that has these tendencies, you will notice them constantly smirking, often at what would seem to be strange times. They have a tendency to be smirking when they see others in pain or suffering, particularly if they have inflicted or caused that suffering. When you realize you have a person like this in your life, all you can really do is avoid them, as they will take any and all people they can down with them. The sociopaths and psychopaths will attempt high risk behaviors like drugs, promiscuous sexual behavior, lying, thefts, fraud, and other crimes. They don’t think of consequences, because they don’t think they should ever have consequences. They think they are above the law and above other people. These high risk behaviors, without thought of consequences, make these people a danger to all the people they are around, including themselves. Given the choice to do good, they consistently choose to do evil. Often individuals with these disorders, will start their relationship with you by love bombing. They will be the prince charming or the female equivalent during this phase. They will have a great deal of charisma, grandiose and enthralling stories, and will seem to be caring, friendly, and exciting. These individuals will seek narcissistic supply in the form of praise, adoration, and attention. Over time, they will begin to test your limits to see what they can get by with. Their actions will not match their words. They will manipulate any and all people and situations. They will gaslight, and try to convince you that you are just imagining their thefts, lies, deceit, tricks, and frauds. They will constantly use plausible deniability, and they will blame shift. They will never accept responsibility, and they will blame whoever they have victimized. The guilty party will then play the victim. What people dealing with these individuals have to accept is that the person that they thought they were dealing with is not the person they are actually dealing with. The “sweetie sweetie” was merely an act, a “mask.” The wolf was merely temporarily in sheep’s clothing. The sheep never actually existed. It was merely an exercise to manipulate you and your emotions. The person they purported themselves to be simply never existed. It was a mask the entire time.
I truly appreciate how you share/relate...as far as I can tell, feel, you are a genuine caring guy who does not let the majority influence you on what or how "a man" should be.. you are the type of man that someone would be blessed to have.
You made me laugh with the ‘friends on Facebook thing. And the whole concept of friends. I’m still saying that I have a lot people who are acquaintances and just a few friends.
I identify with your experience about shallow vs deeper relationships, as well as wanting an intellectual and an emotional connection. It's hard, can feel lonely, and often makes me think that I'm the strange one wanting too much. I'm there with you. I also crack up when you pause to search for the next word in your mind, and then we both say the same word at the same time. Lol. It's fun.
Thank you, Clay! Good stuff here. I catch myself nodding at your comments a lot. I think there are stark differences in the parameters of a “Friendship” for us INFJs than other types. I can count my true friends on one hand. Like you said, it takes time and trust to build. Having only one or the other can be problematic in the future. I totally agree with the current misperception of marriages, given that the perceived longevity is somehow equal to bliss. Some can have that, if there is a true soul-mate connection - and solid trust. However many don’t and shrug on. Many people have asked me, “Why are you not married?” I respond back, “Because I don’t want to get divorced.” 😂 But really it is finding that person that you can have a continuous improvement in the relationship as time goes on. Not just shrug along waiting for that “...until death do you part” bit. 😀
Great video Clay. I think NFJs want to connect at deep level because of their Ni-Fe. Since Ni is my fourth function it took me a long time to develop that skill. I connected well with an INFJ, a rowing buddy, in my 20's but it took me another 20 years before we connected at deep level. He always was a deep diver but my younger self used to prefer swimming in the sun at the surface. Before that happened, only rowing kept us together. These days, the NFJs who cross my path tend to stay in my life because of our connection and two ladies became more than friends. Those two wonderful intuitive feelers managed to open the gates to my soul. It was not easy but I could see they enjoyed the challenge from the sparkles in their eyes. We are growth friends now, coaching each other to become better versions of ourselves. Every time we meet, I get energized. :)
I was told by my doctor that I needed to find my tribe. I have a difficult time because I found that I need my relationships to have meaning to be worth the time. Because of the work I do, who I share time with matters even more. I appreciate this video.
Really enjoyed your video and you articulated what happens in my head but have not spoken of myself... the desire for a partner/friend that is both intellectual, emotional and dare I add spiritual. I grew up with a narcissist mother so I was so used to that dynamic, I continued on in life and had an old boss and close friend that were narcissists as well. Until one day I realized after an episodic blowup with the friend, how selfish she was. We had a falling out, my first ever INFJ doorslam. I found that to be immensely valuable because it was the beginning of a filter, a gauge on how much to invest in a relationship in terms of how reciprocal the exchange is regularly. Before that, I gave and gave and rarely reflected on my own needs. As I’ve matured, I’m coming to terms of being at peace with a lot of solitude and being selective with whom I engage is. There’s nothing worse to me to be in the company of a loved one and feel so alone. I’m more fulfilled by myself. I’ve also observed that as I spend more time filling my own cup and reveling in my own world, I’m attracting more like minds and genuine connections that are effortless. As we find more harmony within... it’s reflected in our life. As within, so without.
thanks for opening up and being so honest about a lot of these things, I really appreciate it. I feel it helps a great deal in connecting to what you're saying and understanding my own behaviours and thoughts
Happy (belated) birthday! I would love to be able to connect with you and have amazing conversations! INFJ-A here. I watch your videos because they all deeply resonate with me and I love the fact that you put this type of material out there. Deeply appreciate it. Love and light!
I will add to this that there is a time and place for solitude. Sometimes it's necessary to step away from the world in order to come to terms with who you are and what you want out of your relationships. While this may seem like general advice, I think it's particularly important for the INFJ. I realized that the shallow relationships in my life have been a sort of negative anchor that keeps me from progressing. I cling to them in order to justify not taking the responsibility to grow in areas that may be uncomfortable or difficult. Now, at 29, I've got a better grasp of what my duties are in life...to myself and to society. Since taking a more active role in my own self-development, I've noticed that I don't feel such a heavy burden when it comes to pleasing those people in my life who cling to me but don't offer anything substantive in the mutual exchange of friendship. It's easier to keep them at bay while maintaining my emotional integrity, instead of feeling like I have some obligation to interact with them because they consider me my "best friend". Be careful who you give your energy to, people!
Your video was very relatable. I too made a new friend that made me understand what true emotional connection looked like and it also made me re- evaluate my very stagnant marriage which is now over but it was over years beforehand. I now have two people in my life that I share a very close emotional bond with and I know I am always on the lookout to see if other friends are ready to step into that kind of connection. You are correct that people need to be ready for it including ourselves. INFJs can be very guarded sometimes especially if we have been hurt. Vulnerability begets vulnerability in many cases. Thank you for your video!
I left my relationships as soon as I felt it doesn't serve me in my personal growth. Also, I found that my INFP friend and partner also stimulate my rational and emotional world. It's facinating. Thanks for another video!
love this video. As a fellow INFJ, I agree with this wholeheartedly. I have several acquaintances, but honestly only one true friend. That friend always says that our conversations are refreshing. They are so used to talking to people, but never having an actual conversation. Even when we disagree, there is always a wonderful platform where we can each state our side(much like debate class) and learn/teach. Even on heated discussions, they say they feel renewed with hope that there are actual 'people' that exist and not robots. lol I resolved being a strange person, since the age of 12. Being a female and hate shopping, has put me in my own category. I detest going out into public and exchanging shallow comments with people. It is quite exhausting. I do, at times, find this 'non-vacant' spark in someone's eyes, that I will tentatively make small talk with...then plan my next move(much like the 'choose your own adventure' books I remember reading as a child). If the next thing out of their mouth is a 'bird' statement...I exchange a pleasant statement and move on...if there is a 'fish' statement that comes out, then I may stay and see if it can turn out into an actual conversation. Most endeavors turn out to be the typical 'please come to me all damaged people that need advice and attention' that seems to plague me.
Thank you for an interesting video. I definitely develop my friendships very slowly, but it is very important for me to have deep relationships. Vulnerability is super important for real friendships, so I agree. I feel like I invest so much in maintaining friendships, that I can only do so with just three persons. Everyone else are acquaintances and I only now have fully accepted that in my 30's.
I deeply connected with a guy on a train once.. Not romantic, he told me about his son that died in a car crash, aged 19, he and his wife didnt survive their marriage over it.. and he never spoke over it before, e remarried and really loved his wife, with a little girl, described, every detail of how beautiful she was as a soul,I opened up over my illness, which I just dont normally,he was so interested and damned gorgeous to look at but he really cared, after 50 mins he got up , hugged me so hard with tears in our eyes. I think on him often that was 16/17 years ago.. it's rare a connection . Plus I have a close guy friend, hes a real introvert, I love that he wants to listen and ask Questions and theres no judgement there from him, I can tho, which I'm working on.
Happy belated birthday, Clay! 39 y/o!?! I choked on my tea. You literally look like you're in your early 30's max. Your friend sounds like she was meant to come into your life to demonstrate to you and with you how your relationships should truly be like--"mutual vulnerability" as you said. And as you said, she proved to you all 5 pillars in 1 relationship was possible. I am so sure that she, as an incredibly smart and emotionally intelligent woman herself, was glad she finally found someone who could meet her halfway on equal grounds. Especially when old and young men alike in school, the workforce and everyday life being so quick to shut down brilliant, emotionally sensitive women. (But, you didn't hear it from me! You should ask her about it one day if you haven't already 😌.) I am sending you positive, fierce vibes for your ongoing healing journey. Side note, viewers commenting helps with the TH-cam algorithm as well!
I agree. I believe it’s about trusting that person enough that allows for the vulnerability. For me it begins with respect. How they respect, not only me, but also how they treat and respect others. That will allow me to open up to that person and see if it leads to a friendship.
I could relate to so many of your thoughts and perspectives it's almost a bit scary. I have 1 very good close friend whom I love which I've known for 6 years now. All you say is true, relationships take time, trust, vulnerability and constant work. Your thoughts about manliness and the cultural emotional stigma about what a man is is what amazes me too. Very interesting, keep doing what you are doing! I'm an INFJ-T and I felt very understood like many to all other infj's I can imagine. Very helpful, thankyou!
New to your channel, loving your content and really appreciate that you don't have an intro and that you immediately begin talking about the video topic. Great insights and I enjoy the way you speak.
Blunt and direct. It's called "having no filter" I have a coffee mug with that on it. I do warn people when they ask me for my opinion, "Caution, I have no filter" If they are okay with it. I will provide my thoughts. Yes spot on, this is what I do. Ask questions until they come to the conclusion I was going to offer.
This is insane. I’ve always wished that I could talk to myself to be able to analyze my mind from an ‘outside looking in’ point of view. I see and process things in such a similar way to you, it’s uncanny. It’s like talking into a mirror. Your videos are really helping me out, thank you sm man(:
Thank you for this video I thought I was just to selective, and then I’d get down on myself for being so selective. One thing I wanted to share that I’ve noticed; I sometimes have to withdraw from watching your videos after watching two in a row. Not negatively. Rather, I find I need time to fully sit back and rehash what it is that I’ve just learned about myself. A lot of the thoughts you shared, I’ve had only now there is someone saying them out loud. It’s profound. Post discovering I’m an INFJ I feel validated and no longer an outsider. Yes I’m make friends very easily, but staying interested for me, gets quite difficult. It’s as though I’ve reached a “limit” or “threshold” with how deep the bond can get.
17:32 🥺🥺🥺 finally someone said it. My friends say that I am mysterious because I refuse to talk about my family and my past, as if it is a must for all friendships. I really hate when I am called mysterious because all it means is that people wanna know my business 🙄🙄🙄. I am someone who really appreciates keeping my life private and I plan to keep it that way.
As an ENFP I'd love to have this kind of deep relationship or friendship on an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level. Maybe it's true that there is more emotional bonding between INFJs and ENFPs, but in my experience I always craved intellectual conversations. Now when writing this, I feel that intellectual conversations are plain dry without emotions connected to the topics discussed. I too get the point on accepting the person despite disagreeing on sth.
You are exactly right about ESTJs. We do resist emotional vulnerability. I will say that I’m highly aware of this weakness. I surround myself with people who have that strength. My closest and deepest friendships are with an INFP and INFJ. I don’t know if it’s common for this to happen with ESTJs, but I desire to always be growing as a person. It’s like I already have the momentum and don’t want that to stop. I also resonated with what you said about male and female stereotypes being logical and emotional.
I learnt so much with your insights..thank you thank you and thank you ❣️ I have left all hopes in finding people-relationships and trying to connect spiritually to the Universe❤️, that’s so much fun❣️
« You have a huge heart to offer but most people throw back to you small pieces of love» that’s what I have been told once. It is rare that people give me the same amount of love, respect and empathy that I give them 😆 I am proud to be INFJ though, we are better versions of most humans 😊
For me... intellectual and spiritual connection is a must! And someone who is compatible in having a mutual growth mindset... and the ability to laugh even when we are mad at each other. I was just telling my INTP partner that I loath watching shows/movies where the characters don’t evolve and don’t change their circumstances. He loves Married With Children for the humor and I couldn’t really watch it without wondering why Al Bundy always settled and never changed the things he was unhappy with. I felt my marriage with my ISTP ex felt shallow. He was too obsessed with sensory and there lacked depth even though there was understanding. It started to feel forced and we’d snuff each other’s fire, spontaneity, and energy. 😂 I love that you mention the adopting friends thing... my friends, growing up, were always people who “picked me” to be their friend. I did not vet and qualify them as my friends but at the end of the day I was unsatisfied with the friendship. Having little to no friends allows us to have time for our thoughts and keep mental clarity.
Hello. I like listening to your ideas and views, I just discovered that listening to your videos helps me pull thru long nights of homework. And yeah, there is a good possibility I'm an INFJ.
Yes, being an INFJ is tough in the relationships matter. Always seeking for emotional and intelectual intelligence on people, which isn't easy to find. My new guy friend, is bringing me hope of a natural close friendship and maybe more than that.
As time passes and as I mature, I realize that I have really less friends than I thought I had when I was in my school years. I don't consider them friends anymore, because friendship to me is becoming something very rare and of high value, almost like a romantic relationship. Any people in a "group friendship" in whom I haven't had one-to-one interaction, I don't consider my friend, because I feel like the relationship is too shallow. I need hours and hours of one-to-one interaction, vulnerability sharing etc with someone to feel close to them ^^
The person who I have the best bond with is my sister. It's so easy to have deep and mature conversations with her. We can disagree on things, but that doesn't make her frustrated or angry which makes me feel safe and comfortable. Knowing this about her, I don't feel like I have to hide my thoughts from her. So, I 100% agree with what you said in the beginning. Also, I don't know if this happens with all infjs, but I tend to bond more with people who are much older than me.
There is as interesting topic at the end about questions. I think it is a more complicated idea than it seems. I noticed lately that I do not question myself as much as I do other people. Which is surprising revelation because I thought I had a sufficiently critical approach to myself. I realized that this criticism is only a passive form of accepting who I am.
I am quite interested in the tangent about "vague hope" you went on. I hope you consider fleshing that out more in another video. I fear I have gotten played by these for a while. Thanks
You seem to mention narcissists often. Were you directly effected by a narcissist or someone with narcissistic tendencies? Vague hope can show up in romantic relationships and that to me is scary. Being in a committed relationship and never getting the change or thing that you're promised and things stay stagnant or get worse? Just scary. I hate feeling stagnant and stuck.
You should start an INFJ seeking INFJ service. Deep philosophical conversations without leaving the comfort of your home!
Not a bad idea. It would be an interesting experiment at the very least!
Yes please.
Yes please 😄 I need some INFJs in my life 💞
I wonder how many ENFPs would sneak into that forum :D
@@freneticsanastatics1024 And ENFJ's 😄
Being in friendships where I feel like I have to hide my thoughts is the most exhausting
yellowstripedsweater
Makes me want to stay home!
Being in every relationship where I have to hide my thoughts 😢
You are a mentor that literally understands all of my feelings. I feel understood and even able to make a explanation about myself to myself
Relationships have always been the biggest struggle in my life and the older I get the worst it’s gotten. The lack of vulnerability, the lack of emotional connection, the shallowness drives me insane. The older I get the more I enjoy my own company and I feel like nowadays it’s so tiring to make connections. To me it seems like people rather run and hide from their “demons” than to confront them and the moment you try to get them to just be themselves and be open they take offense and defense which drains the living hell out of me. I just crave depth like don’t just give me a version of who you are but be you. People are so used to wearing masks and putting on a show which I was always able to see through that this whole relationship thing feels like a labyrinth full of dead ends.
I totally agree, exactly how I feel. Really burns you out
The only people I can reveal a little more of what I’m thinking to are my family. I don’t have any non related friends that I’m close enough to share my real emotions with. I think that having family who understand you a little better than the average person makes it a bit easier to share with.
I couldn't have said it better!
very well explained!
Clay you are such a beautiful INFJ.
Clay. Two weeks ago I learned I was an INFJ . I am 63 years old!! Truly bittersweet although it's taken me this long to process everything. my WHOLE life now makes sense! If you ever want to know what it feels like to be an INFJ at my age and how I learned to copel with it to a point could be interesting to you and your readers. This has been a life changing revelation. Don't ever give up on hope for your future!! let me know if I can help. Mary Beth
me too, I'm 62. Discovering many aspects of self, pretty amazing stuff, and bringing my daughter & granddaughter into these new discoveries.
I agree you can't force people to open up neither should you be forced to open up. The best relationships happen naturally and don't feel forced at all. The idea of friendship is allowing someone else to be who they are and not condemning them for it. Most people think its not judging but that is a very big error. We always judge and should judge and do judge even as a natural part of our intuition. But you can judge and make judgements without condemning someone. The person who feels truly accepted as they are, will recognize they have found that really close, intimate friendship.
I m an infj and I found an infj friend 4 months ago and it's the best friendship I've ever had. It's so refreshing, comforting and liberating. There's emotional connection and intellectual connection. I always feel at peace when I am talking to this friend of mine. We both teenagers.
I definitely agree with expecting of your friends to grow with you.
Progression in relationships is so important to INFJs. Stagnation almost always ensures a relationship won’t make it for the long-haul. I get uncomfortable too. It’s like an earthquake fault line in the relationship fractures.
One thing that took me a long time to discover is that often times it’s easy to focus on a particular goal in a relationship and because of our fourth Se We often see things with rose-colored glasses instead of seeing things as they really are. I have made the mistake of staying in friendships beyond their expiration date. If two people individually are growing types of people, then the relationship will definitely grow. Sometimes two people grow together and sometimes two people grow apart. But it’s the growth between the two of you that’s more important than any goal.
As I listen to you talk about progress, One of the other areas of progress is the level of emotional depth. It seems that deep emotional connection and discussions often trigger certain types of people who prefer more superficiality in their relationships. Not because they’re bad people because that’s just the way they are wired.
It’s quite difficult for me to have close emotional friendships with people whose second letter of their Myers-Briggs type is the S. I can be quite friendly and enjoy their company and keep it easy breezy. I was raised by an immature ISTP father and it was a struggle.
And cheers to the slow built relationships! It’s amazing when you feel that click with somebody and you know you’ll have a good connection.
Growth is a fundamental requirement. Agreed. My INFP friend and I definitely experienced a slow burn, but it's turned into something much more richer and authentic, and like you said, trust building. Actually, when we first met, we intuitively knew that we could trust one another. I just didn't realize how deep she could be at the time. It's a different kind of depth to my own.
I do think we INFJs can have unrealistic expectations of others though. It's a balance between understanding our needs, what expectations are worth keeping, and what can be more flexible and negotiated. Because surely good friends come to accept (a term you used) us and make compromises. My directness of thought, like a child, is difficult for people. They are not there yet in that dimension of self-awareness and truth. They don't have that tolerance in understanding that I do. I have to remember that it is better to understand than to be understood. I would say that this is not so with my close friends though. I do expect more, at least an attempt to understand.
One other thing, I found that if I try to hard to force an emotional connection with someone who’s not wired that way or doesn’t want it it can come across as manipulative or controlling if not invasive. I have learned as I got older in life to be mindful of reading other people better.
You speak the ramblings of my mind. Haha. Fellow infj here. ✌
I particularly relate to the need for progression in life and relationships. I've had a hard time finding someone or someones that understand the need to be mindful and strive to have a quality relationships. It seems they either have their own emotional baggage they're preoccupied with or maybe simply unaware of the need. I find most are so busy, they simply don't have time to be mindful. Thanks for your thoughts. 🙏
I met my best friend about 3 years ago.
I never thought that this would be possible since I used to be that girl who would try to fit with other people.
Some friends that I admired a lot used to tell me that I was too clingy. So I never got close with anyone when I was in high school and college. At the same time, everyone, even those who used to push me away said that I built a wall around me.
I did not know how to be, I did not know what friendship was about. It was until I met my best friend back in 2017 that I understood what friendship was.
As you said, it is so intense, pure, and unique. There is no fear in it and you feel so free. And no matter who comes along, that person’s spot will never be taken. We don’t talk everyday, but somehow, she has that huge spot in my heart and I have the one in hers.
I am an INTJ (I previously tested as INFJ; still figuring my type). She is an INFP.
INFJ here. I met my close INFP friend freshman year of high school. That was about 6 years ago. We have a similar bond that you talk about... when we aren’t together, we both can text each other on accident for hours and hours, she’s the only one I love texting. Sometimes both of us go days without responding or weeks/months without talking or texting, but we get right back on track when we do communicate. She’s definitely irreplaceable like you describe. When we meet it’s like both of our worlds collide and spark into a beautiful fire that warms us both.
I’ve also been blown away by our connection as we’ve grown, and it led to me reflecting my previous relationships and comparing the one with her to every other relationship I had. My previous friendships almost seemed shallow and not even real by comparison. Like other INFJs probably relate, what a lot of people call a “friend” really wasn’t the type of friend I was looking for, so I always thought there was something wrong with me. Just some thoughts... :)
I actually recently went through a friendship conflict, describing exactly the scenario you were saying. They were the longest friends I’ve had and at several points, I realized they weren’t growing at the same pace I was. We also got into a conflict because of how I wanted to understand them and ask deeper questions to their thoughts. They thought I was being argumentative and insensitive, but I was really just asking why and trying to better understand where they’re coming from. Then I realized that even though these were my longest friendships, it doesn’t mean they were my deepest. It was a sad but also healthy realization that I need deeper connection and that I couldn’t get it with these friends. So I looked elsewhere and fortunately I do have friends where I can explore these ideas.
Yes,so true! Really appreciated your videos,they helped me realize I wasn't alone and also that my desire and expectations of deeper relationships is not weird! So thank you! I hope you find what you are searching for.
I finally reached the point in life where I stopped trying to be what everyone else needed in my relationships/friendships and am now trying to focusing on figuring out who I REALLY am, independently from everyone else.... it also took me until my 30s to realize just how shallow all of my lifelong relationships have been and it was quite depressing to come to the conclusion that most people will never want or be capable of offering anything more than that.
BUT it's also been freeing.. I am working on myself and figuing out what I want/need...and the people who want to be a part of that can and the ones who don't or can't, don't have too....either way, I'm done with being a shadow in my own world. I want to live life fully with meaning and depth, settling for less has really hurt me in life.
Another great video Clay. I spent my life adapting to the male persona thing, never feeling comfortable with it. My dad is an ESTP so I observed him and mimicked him a bit, but it never felt genuine for me. There are few males I find that interesting because of their lack of emotional intelligence, so it's difficult to connect. I mostly enjoy female company. I have to say the biggest breakthrough for me was studying herbal medicine and becoming a herbalist, I think it is an area rich in intuitive feelers. Also my shop and practice is like a filter for these people, I meet so many interesting people now on my wavelength. I think when you do something that reflects the genuine you the appropriate people are drawn to you, that's what I'm finding. And I'm not some kind of hippie I'm conscious of the fact I don't want to fool anyone and I try to be practical and realistic. Not sure whether that makes any sense at all.. I'll get my coat...
Makes so much sense. I’m looking for my intuitive feeler squad and have been around STs my whole damn life. I’ve been letting my guard down with a certain group and someone afterwards reached out to me and said they “respected and appreciated” my wilingness to be open. That’s something I would say to someone. Never before the other way around. So happy you’ve found your people.
@@fluffyclouds555 good luck, I hope you find them.
I'm an ENTJ female and enjoy bonding with the INFJ. I like that they help me grow emotionally, an area I am ready for growth.
Yes! I always feel like if I'm not growing, I'm dying. Same for relationships.
Also, that "slow build" of relationships is the ONLY way I can do relationships. Most people seem to be just fine just "playing the role" of being in a relationship...which can be done almost instantly...but it's not authentic, it's "playing a part" that seems to be the part we've all been handed as "this is what you're supposed to want" and "if you don't go out and get it soon here, there's something wrong with you, so best to jump on whatever opportunity "fits" the standard". But this is basically a "dead end" which doesn't work for someone who much prefers authentically getting to know people...even if this approach doesn't produce "instant soul-mate" results....it's the only way that stands a chance of producing "real relating" in my view. And "real relating" isn't necessarily fireworks and a gorgeous house and 2.5 kids and a picture perfect life. It just is what it is, and if it's authentic and if there's room to grow, it's ultimately awesome regardless of what it looks like from the outside.
Thank you for your thoughts.
I am going through a similar process at the moment and learning how to vet people for your time and attention can be quite a challenge. The thing about deep and meaningful friendships is that they are rare for every type though.
INFJs are probably just highly susceptible to "catch them all" when it comes to people, because we typically orientate ourselves outwards toward the group and want everybody to feel comfortable with us, despite them not reciprocating the effort we put into the relationship, which means us often having a bunch of acquaintances whom we consider friends, when in reality they don't really care about us.
I'm getting better with vetting people too. I find alot of it comes down to trusting my intuition. Im always friendly even with acquaintances but use my intuition to create reasonable expectations.
Really speaks to my experience thus far as an INFJ. I'm sure being an enneagram 6 as well doesnt help. Your right finding people that are high IQ and EQ is challenging. The relentless desire to grow and change puts some people off as well. I just have to be careful to not impose that on others. Great suggestions as well👍🏾.
I agree on that I expect my friend and partner to grow with me. And usually I dont realize how high standards I set.
I'm currently on relationship stage when I get upset on my partner that he holding on going forward and grow.
Yes - the same dilemma can be present in both friendships and romantic relationships / marriages alike. There does also have to be mutual vulnerability - but if they just don't grow, and we do, it doesn't fit anymore. It's really okay to disconnect when on separate paths. Healthy people can do that in a healthy manner. As an INFJ I have always found it difficult to find many deep relationships. In my older age, I'm.more okay with that.
I swear I could sit in a room with you and talk for hours with coffee... You have helped me through so many trials and tribulations in my own life by just sharing your thoughts... You are so AMAZING! Thank You Clay...
Happy Birthday, Clay, All the Best!! Thank you for opening so much of your experience with us! Fortunately we INFj can meet on the internet more easily! hehe I live on a very small island (Madeira Island, in Portugal) and my biggest source of connecting with people (especially with INFJs) is the internet.
Oi, eu sou INFP, mas tb gosto muito de conversas deep, sou Portuguesa mas vivo em Sintra, a minha melhor amiga é INFJ e adoro as conversas que temos as duas. Queres trocar contactos? Adorava conhecer mais pessoal português com esta inclinação para as profundezas da mente e existência humana 🙂
Clay luv ya, I have no idea why your wife didn’t see the wonderful man that you are. I am INFJ , I have watched all your videos for the last four days. You are amazing. You have helped me more than you’ll ever know! Please do more videos! You are helping so many people like us.
Getting adopted as a friend. 😅 Mee
Easily distracted and liable to random on tangents. ✅
This video was so relatable. Thank you for being so INFJ, and the time you've taken to explain ourselves to ourselves for our neverending analytical curiosity with emotional depth.
I was watching another video on how INFJs attract Cluster B personalities due to the high IQ and EQ with a balance in between. It's definitely been healing and validating for me to look into as I have my own history and brokenness with Narcissism
I absolutely love your insights and thought process Clay .... Thank you for sharing them with us and please keep posting.
Happy Birthday Clay! I'm 38 on the 8th August :) My experience is that while developing some friendships with people I have known for some time, they still won't allow for deep discussion. I wonder if because people are so used to judging others, or being judged they assume that when you disagree with them you are being critical? I'm sure you feel the same when I say INFJ thinking during a discussion is the opposite. We like discussions to try to understand why someone has a different view. I'm thinking, 'How did you come to know that? What do other people say? How do you know that information is reliable? Why are you so interested in this topic?' For me, it's all critical to forming the big picture, and at the same time, part of intimacy development. Interestingly, you mentioned INTJ in the next breath. I find my INTJ husband is very difficult to converse with (due to my own desire for deep conversation and his aversion to sharing), but if I just let him talk without bringing up an alternative viewpoint, I get to see a little of his inner world occasionally. He is extremely intelligent (IQ 150+) so I find joy in listening to him, but I'm also glad to have other people to have a back and forth conversation with. I doubt that I have ever met an INFJ in real life. However, I do have a very close relationship with my almost 9-year-old daughter, an INFP. I find myself interpreting for her and my husband all the time in the hopes they will grow to understand each other better.
I enjoy listening to you Clay. Got me thinking about my own yearning for deeper connections, while simultaniously having a dismissive avoidant attachment style that manifests itself as witty sarcastic remarks at every romantic interest that's trying to get to know me. Quite a paradox I seem to be torn between. This elementary school crush from years ago happens to live in the same appartment complex as me, and he's tried 2x to get my number and get to know me more. Not gonna lie, I actually quite like him but I can't get myself to open up. While simultaniously feeling lonely 😂 I try to be vulnerable in all other aspects of life, but can't seem to do it when it comes to romantic relationships.
OMG, as this video goes on, you are mirroring my life relationship experiences in love and in friendship!
As an infj, this whole entire video really honestly resonated with me ever so deeply🥰 Thank you so much!!! I appreciate this as it’s comforting knowing there’s someone who understands and shares the legit exact values that I hold when it comes to friendships and relationships
As an INFJ My definition of friend is same as you, more robust than most people. This personly stuff is so accurate. And have deep knowledge about the subject.
(MBTI) *personality
I agree with a lot of what you mentioned in this video. I do believe a lot of the times not only in friendships but also in relationships, the other person is the one that pursues a relationship with us. We are chosen oppose to us choosing them.
Thank you, your videos have helped me know and understand myself.
Hi Joann.G👋
You're right we let them choose us but, we have to
Approvable of them also our own approvable of them 🤔
Thanks Clay! I was just talking with someone last night about this very topic. I really like the way you put your thoughts in an organized platform. Its all in my head but it sits there with no words...just feelings.
H Eck
Getting from my head to mouth, it gets lost in the translation.
I really love watching you unwind your thoughts. Thanks a lot for sharing! I wish you a happy birthday subsequently! :)
Hello Clay. I always enjoy, listening to your mind working. I shake my head in, agreement, and laugh at ...our,... truth of being. I am older than you, and have traveled many of the same roads, as, you. My best friend, has been such, for over 40 years. Friendship seems to require, such honest, non judgmental, vulnerability, plus life experiences...that, WE... cannot become fully connected, in short amounts of time. My 20+ year marriage, showed me I sure was will to try.. unfortunately, this individual, was a narcissist. I am in a relationship. Very great person. However, my lifelong friend, is still, my go-to, for, life’s complex issues. Thanks for sharing this journey. Never gets simple, for US!...... does it?... 😏
this video comes at a great time as i've been craving a best friend or deeper friendships than i have now! a lot of what you said resonated n are exact thoughts i've had, i hope i can apply the advice you gave! i need to remind myself that although some people have found really close friends early on in life, i still have a lot of time before me to do so too as i'm only 22!
I found that my friendships changed a lot in my 20s. For the better in some cases.
Hi Clay, have you considered opening a live chat on your TH-cam channel? On a particular topic, whatever suits you, as a broader platform that allows for dialog and an exchange of thoughts and insights?
Yes
I related with everything you said, thank you for sharing your experiences so that others don't feel so alone. My personal growth is leading me away from many relationships in my life, but it's simultaneously given me some much deeper ones than I've previously had. I didn't make those connections until I stopped people pleasing and having my social chameleon mode running constantly. People can't see who you really are when you're doing those things so you attract people that aren't a good fit for you instead of people who like you just as you are. If you do make a connection with someone you can be deep with, trust your intuition and start being vulnerable even if you're scared. It's so easy to back out of deep connections unconsciously because they naturally make you uncomfortable because they force you to be honest with yourself. But the benefits of a relationship like that are worth the emotional growing pains a hundred times over.
When taking one of the personality tests I scored 46% Thinker and 54% Feeler and I am an INFJ. I have come to know a few other INFJs and find them to be pretty well balanced when it comes to thinking and feeling. Also you are absolutely right about not forcing people in relationships . I think sometimes INFJs can strive for (our version) of perfection in relationships which can contribute to why some of us don’t have many deep, and valued friendships/connections. P.S Happy Belated Birthday !🎊🎉🎂
Clay, thank you so much for posting these videos. I feel like you say everything that I feel and think but I struggle to articulate and verbalize. I think I struggle because I rarely find people who think like me or feel as deep as me and I often have to explain myself, which is exhausting and lonely. I appreciate subjects on friendships and relationships. :) Always look forward to your videos!
Fun fact: My Estj friend added me to a group on whatsapp (with other two of her friends that I don't even know well) to save her time (she always tells a lot of stories to everyone, and she forgets what she tells to each one). Now she barely speaks to me on private. Wonder how that made me feel? I can understand her point, but I think that's a little too much... I'm very disappointed.
But thank goodness I guess I've found that (deep) kind of connection with an Infp friend, it wasn't easy at the begginning, I struggled to understand her Fi/Te, and she struggled to understand my Ni/Se, but I guess now we have a good foundation to keep growing our friendship.
The ESFJ friend doing that is sooo funny. I could totally see them doing that. It's like they are using Te for Fe stuff. It's hilarious on itself, but I understand if that happens to you it must feel sucky. I have this INTJ person in my life that seems to use his Te for social things. It sucks when you find out, because being so strategic in a social relationship just does feel bad. Like you're some sort of thing that needs to be "managed". It takes all authenticity and intimacy out of it.
@@PowerRedBullTypology exactly!!! you totally understand my point... I find it funny as well, and she explained to me what she was going to do when she created the group, and I get her, but deep down I feel that I'm not so important in her life as she is in mine, but it could be just an impression. Only time will tell, I guess.
Clay I'm so glad you went forward on my request, hope your channel blows up.
You have a super wise and mature/healthy approach to things from an INFJ standpoint. Keep it up.
20:09. Haha, absolutely. I'm always direct with people if I feel like I have nothing to lose in the relationship. So mainly, anything to do with business connections, where I don't value the individual relationship as much, I can come off as very bossy and commanding. In fact, I was discussing this on the INFJ subreddit, and someone outright called me an ENTJ.
Anyway, I feel very lucky. I have about 10 friends, which is about the amount I've always had. All of these relationships meet my definition of a friend, and it brings a huge amount of enjoyment and fulfillment in my life. I feel bad for other INFJs when they say they have no connections, so I often try to help those that don't. I often get criticized for not wanting to go to parties or go out much. It frustrates me so much when people don't seem to understand the nature of introverts. When I ask people why they want me to go, I'll ask why they want me to come, and the response is usually "So you'll have fun?" And then I respond with "Why don't you want to stay home alone?" And they say "Why would I want to do that?" And then I finally say "So you'll have fun?" It's funny seeing the look in their eyes after they realize what I just did.
😂😂
THIS IS SO REFRESHING 😭 thank you. Love for all my INFJ 💙
Thanks for bringing up the gender roles! I’m 42 and men my age are usually threatened by me, but younger guys are much freer and more emotional, yes.
Sorry to hear about the tough times you are going through. I hope the journey doesn’t get too rough for you. Thanks for sharing your insights, really comforting to know that we are not alone with these life experiences, not so lonely. I eagerly await your videos. Feel like I found a dear friend in the deeper sense of the word. So grateful to you.
Thank you for making this video. It really described my current struggles in my life and makes me feel a little more confident in that I am not alone in these feelings and thoughts.
I have been with an istj for 27 years and you are accurate on the extraction process. 😞
I hope you had a wonderful birthday.
Think you will find that many of your viewers have the same longing for deep abiding friendships. I have yet to meet another infj in person, as far as I know. But, whenever we are in large groups or unfamiliar settings, think we may be processing so much that we fail to recognize each other. During school, most of my friends were infps, as I think I made them feel comfortable and accepted. Find myself to be the one people come to for advice and problems in general, rather than a reciprocal exchange. It feels so strange when you realize that those who call you friend know so little about you or what is going on in your head. The few times I mention deeper things about life or philosophy, it seems they look at me like I'm an alien. Think we often learn to keep things to ourselves, particularly in real life. It is such a welcome experience for me to view your videos, as I do find you very relatable, honest, straightforward, and genuine.
I find that we really want to believe in and hope that most can and will want to grow with us. It is entirely disappointing when we recognize that we view the world, growth, and relationships in a way that others do not. In spite of all our disappointments, we forever reach for hope. We recognize the possibilities.
As you, I have dealt with a considerable number of cluster b personalities. It is truly a disturbing experience when we recognize that the person we were dealing with is the complete opposite of their portrayal. Going to leave a short article I wrote about the ones I have dealt with.
Whether you are dealing with a narcissist, a sociopath, or a psychopath, they will cause destruction in the lives of family, friends, and coworkers who are near them. On the furthest side of the spectrum, the psychopath and the sociopath are often referred to as antisocial personality disorder.
These individuals often are great story tellers, manipulators, and liars. They don’t flinch or give themselves away when telling a lie, and they think everyone else plays these games like themselves. They are so good at faking sincerity and honesty, that they can convince almost anyone. You can have audio or video tape of them, and they will convince you that your eyes and/or ears are deceiving you. They will suddenly have an evil twin, that it must be. They assume they are just “better” at playing the game. The worst among them have absolutely no conscience, no remorse, no guilt, and no empathy.
As sincere as they may pretend to be, they never keep their word and are never sincere with others. Promises are not important to them. They merely use them temporarily to manipulate their family and “friends.” Enabling them is helping no one, including them. It is merely aiding and abetting them in their crimes.
When you are in the presence of an individual that has these tendencies, you will notice them constantly smirking, often at what would seem to be strange times. They have a tendency to be smirking when they see others in pain or suffering, particularly if they have inflicted or caused that suffering. When you realize you have a person like this in your life, all you can really do is avoid them, as they will take any and all people they can down with them.
The sociopaths and psychopaths will attempt high risk behaviors like drugs, promiscuous sexual behavior, lying, thefts, fraud, and other crimes. They don’t think of consequences, because they don’t think they should ever have consequences. They think they are above the law and above other people. These high risk behaviors, without thought of consequences, make these people a danger to all the people they are around, including themselves. Given the choice to do good, they consistently choose to do evil.
Often individuals with these disorders, will start their relationship with you by love bombing. They will be the prince charming or the female equivalent during this phase. They will have a great deal of charisma, grandiose and enthralling stories, and will seem to be caring, friendly, and exciting. These individuals will seek narcissistic supply in the form of praise, adoration, and attention.
Over time, they will begin to test your limits to see what they can get by with. Their actions will not match their words. They will manipulate any and all people and situations. They will gaslight, and try to convince you that you are just imagining their thefts, lies, deceit, tricks, and frauds. They will constantly use plausible deniability, and they will blame shift. They will never accept responsibility, and they will blame whoever they have victimized. The guilty party will then play the victim.
What people dealing with these individuals have to accept is that the person that they thought they were dealing with is not the person they are actually dealing with. The “sweetie sweetie” was merely an act, a “mask.” The wolf was merely temporarily in sheep’s clothing. The sheep never actually existed. It was merely an exercise to manipulate you and your emotions. The person they purported themselves to be simply never existed. It was a mask the entire time.
The smirking is an interesting observation. Good summary. I think I used to attract narcissists.
@@ClayArnall sadly, I think it's very common among infjs...
Happy belated birthday, Clay. I loved this video. I hope we will both find what we are looking for someday. 🌸
Honesty is the cornerstone of trust, which is the basis of friendship.
I truly appreciate how you share/relate...as far as I can tell, feel, you are a genuine caring guy who does not let the majority influence you on what or how "a man" should be.. you are the type of man that someone would be blessed to have.
You made me laugh with the ‘friends on Facebook thing. And the whole concept of friends. I’m still saying that I have a lot people who are acquaintances and just a few friends.
I identify with your experience about shallow vs deeper relationships, as well as wanting an intellectual and an emotional connection. It's hard, can feel lonely, and often makes me think that I'm the strange one wanting too much. I'm there with you. I also crack up when you pause to search for the next word in your mind, and then we both say the same word at the same time. Lol. It's fun.
Thank you, Clay! Good stuff here. I catch myself nodding at your comments a lot. I think there are stark differences in the parameters of a “Friendship” for us INFJs than other types. I can count my true friends on one hand. Like you said, it takes time and trust to build. Having only one or the other can be problematic in the future.
I totally agree with the current misperception of marriages, given that the perceived longevity is somehow equal to bliss. Some can have that, if there is a true soul-mate connection - and solid trust. However many don’t and shrug on. Many people have asked me, “Why are you not married?” I respond back, “Because I don’t want to get divorced.” 😂 But really it is finding that person that you can have a continuous improvement in the relationship as time goes on. Not just shrug along waiting for that “...until death do you part” bit. 😀
Great video Clay.
I think NFJs want to connect at deep level because of their Ni-Fe.
Since Ni is my fourth function it took me a long time to develop that skill.
I connected well with an INFJ, a rowing buddy, in my 20's but it took me another 20 years before we connected at deep level. He always was a deep diver but my younger self used to prefer swimming in the sun at the surface. Before that happened, only rowing kept us together.
These days, the NFJs who cross my path tend to stay in my life because of our connection and two ladies became more than friends. Those two wonderful intuitive feelers managed to open the gates to my soul. It was not easy but I could see they enjoyed the challenge from the sparkles in their eyes. We are growth friends now, coaching each other to become better versions of ourselves. Every time we meet, I get energized. :)
I was told by my doctor that I needed to find my tribe. I have a difficult time because I found that I need my relationships to have meaning to be worth the time. Because of the work I do, who I share time with matters even more. I appreciate this video.
Really enjoyed your video and you articulated what happens in my head but have not spoken of myself... the desire for a partner/friend that is both intellectual, emotional and dare I add spiritual.
I grew up with a narcissist mother so I was so used to that dynamic, I continued on in life and had an old boss and close friend that were narcissists as well. Until one day I realized after an episodic blowup with the friend, how selfish she was. We had a falling out, my first ever INFJ doorslam. I found that to be immensely valuable because it was the beginning of a filter, a gauge on how much to invest in a relationship in terms of how reciprocal the exchange is regularly. Before that, I gave and gave and rarely reflected on my own needs.
As I’ve matured, I’m coming to terms of being at peace with a lot of solitude and being selective with whom I engage is. There’s nothing worse to me to be in the company of a loved one and feel so alone. I’m more fulfilled by myself. I’ve also observed that as I spend more time filling my own cup and reveling in my own world, I’m attracting more like minds and genuine connections that are effortless. As we find more harmony within... it’s reflected in our life. As within, so without.
thanks for opening up and being so honest about a lot of these things, I really appreciate it. I feel it helps a great deal in connecting to what you're saying and understanding my own behaviours and thoughts
Happy (belated) birthday! I would love to be able to connect with you and have amazing conversations! INFJ-A here. I watch your videos because they all deeply resonate with me and I love the fact that you put this type of material out there. Deeply appreciate it. Love and light!
I will add to this that there is a time and place for solitude. Sometimes it's necessary to step away from the world in order to come to terms with who you are and what you want out of your relationships. While this may seem like general advice, I think it's particularly important for the INFJ. I realized that the shallow relationships in my life have been a sort of negative anchor that keeps me from progressing. I cling to them in order to justify not taking the responsibility to grow in areas that may be uncomfortable or difficult. Now, at 29, I've got a better grasp of what my duties are in life...to myself and to society. Since taking a more active role in my own self-development, I've noticed that I don't feel such a heavy burden when it comes to pleasing those people in my life who cling to me but don't offer anything substantive in the mutual exchange of friendship. It's easier to keep them at bay while maintaining my emotional integrity, instead of feeling like I have some obligation to interact with them because they consider me my "best friend". Be careful who you give your energy to, people!
Your video was very relatable. I too made a new friend that made me understand what true emotional connection looked like and it also made me re- evaluate my very stagnant marriage which is now over but it was over years beforehand. I now have two people in my life that I share a very close emotional bond with and I know I am always on the lookout to see if other friends are ready to step into that kind of connection. You are correct that people need to be ready for it including ourselves. INFJs can be very guarded sometimes especially if we have been hurt. Vulnerability begets vulnerability in many cases. Thank you for your video!
I left my relationships as soon as I felt it doesn't serve me in my personal growth. Also, I found that my INFP friend and partner also stimulate my rational and emotional world. It's facinating. Thanks for another video!
love this video. As a fellow INFJ, I agree with this wholeheartedly. I have several acquaintances, but honestly only one true friend. That friend always says that our conversations are refreshing. They are so used to talking to people, but never having an actual conversation. Even when we disagree, there is always a wonderful platform where we can each state our side(much like debate class) and learn/teach. Even on heated discussions, they say they feel renewed with hope that there are actual 'people' that exist and not robots. lol
I resolved being a strange person, since the age of 12. Being a female and hate shopping, has put me in my own category. I detest going out into public and exchanging shallow comments with people. It is quite exhausting. I do, at times, find this 'non-vacant' spark in someone's eyes, that I will tentatively make small talk with...then plan my next move(much like the 'choose your own adventure' books I remember reading as a child). If the next thing out of their mouth is a 'bird' statement...I exchange a pleasant statement and move on...if there is a 'fish' statement that comes out, then I may stay and see if it can turn out into an actual conversation. Most endeavors turn out to be the typical 'please come to me all damaged people that need advice and attention' that seems to plague me.
Thank you for an interesting video. I definitely develop my friendships very slowly, but it is very important for me to have deep relationships. Vulnerability is super important for real friendships, so I agree. I feel like I invest so much in maintaining friendships, that I can only do so with just three persons. Everyone else are acquaintances and I only now have fully accepted that in my 30's.
I deeply connected with a guy on a train once..
Not romantic, he told me about his son that died in a car crash, aged 19, he and his wife didnt survive their marriage over it.. and he never spoke over it before, e remarried and really loved his wife, with a little girl, described, every detail of how beautiful she was as a soul,I opened up over my illness, which I just dont normally,he was so interested and damned gorgeous to look at but he really cared, after 50 mins he got up , hugged me so hard with tears in our eyes.
I think on him often that was 16/17 years ago.. it's rare a connection .
Plus I have a close guy friend, hes a real introvert, I love that he wants to listen and ask Questions and theres no judgement there from him, I can tho, which I'm working on.
Happy belated birthday, Clay! 39 y/o!?! I choked on my tea. You literally look like you're in your early 30's max. Your friend sounds like she was meant to come into your life to demonstrate to you and with you how your relationships should truly be like--"mutual vulnerability" as you said. And as you said, she proved to you all 5 pillars in 1 relationship was possible. I am so sure that she, as an incredibly smart and emotionally intelligent woman herself, was glad she finally found someone who could meet her halfway on equal grounds. Especially when old and young men alike in school, the workforce and everyday life being so quick to shut down brilliant, emotionally sensitive women. (But, you didn't hear it from me! You should ask her about it one day if you haven't already 😌.)
I am sending you positive, fierce vibes for your ongoing healing journey. Side note, viewers commenting helps with the TH-cam algorithm as well!
I agree. I believe it’s about trusting that person enough that allows for the vulnerability. For me it begins with respect. How they respect, not only me, but also how they treat and respect others. That will allow me to open up to that person and see if it leads to a friendship.
I could relate to so many of your thoughts and perspectives it's almost a bit scary. I have 1 very good close friend whom I love which I've known for 6 years now. All you say is true, relationships take time, trust, vulnerability and constant work. Your thoughts about manliness and the cultural emotional stigma about what a man is is what amazes me too. Very interesting, keep doing what you are doing! I'm an INFJ-T and I felt very understood like many to all other infj's I can imagine. Very helpful, thankyou!
New to your channel, loving your content and really appreciate that you don't have an intro and that you immediately begin talking about the video topic. Great insights and I enjoy the way you speak.
Thanks for this soulful sharing!!
Blunt and direct. It's called "having no filter" I have a coffee mug with that on it. I do warn people when they ask me for my opinion, "Caution, I have no filter" If they are okay with it. I will provide my thoughts.
Yes spot on, this is what I do. Ask questions until they come to the conclusion I was going to offer.
This is insane. I’ve always wished that I could talk to myself to be able to analyze my mind from an ‘outside looking in’ point of view. I see and process things in such a similar way to you, it’s uncanny. It’s like talking into a mirror. Your videos are really helping me out, thank you sm man(:
Thank you for this video I thought I was just to selective, and then I’d get down on myself for being so selective.
One thing I wanted to share that I’ve noticed; I sometimes have to withdraw from watching your videos after watching two in a row. Not negatively. Rather, I find I need time to fully sit back and rehash what it is that I’ve just learned about myself. A lot of the thoughts you shared, I’ve had only now there is someone saying them out loud. It’s profound. Post discovering I’m an INFJ I feel validated and no longer an outsider. Yes I’m make friends very easily, but staying interested for me, gets quite difficult. It’s as though I’ve reached a “limit” or “threshold” with how deep the bond can get.
17:32 🥺🥺🥺 finally someone said it. My friends say that I am mysterious because I refuse to talk about my family and my past, as if it is a must for all friendships. I really hate when I am called mysterious because all it means is that people wanna know my business 🙄🙄🙄.
I am someone who really appreciates keeping my life private and I plan to keep it that way.
In Judaism it's said that if you have ONE true friend in life, you're blessed.
As an ENFP I'd love to have this kind of deep relationship or friendship on an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level.
Maybe it's true that there is more emotional bonding between INFJs and ENFPs, but in my experience I always craved intellectual conversations. Now when writing this, I feel that intellectual conversations are plain dry without emotions connected to the topics discussed.
I too get the point on accepting the person despite disagreeing on sth.
I agree that the two things overlap. And each person is different. ENFPs are a unique personality though and I really like them :)
You are exactly right about ESTJs. We do resist emotional vulnerability. I will say that I’m highly aware of this weakness. I surround myself with people who have that strength. My closest and deepest friendships are with an INFP and INFJ. I don’t know if it’s common for this to happen with ESTJs, but I desire to always be growing as a person. It’s like I already have the momentum and don’t want that to stop. I also resonated with what you said about male and female stereotypes being logical and emotional.
Love the sharing of excellent information!
Thank you for the words of wisdom my friend
As an INTJ, I felt calm and enlightened. Hard combo to get ;) Thank you for your wisdom!
🌬💞 Thank You "Clay" for your kind wordz. 💜 from Freind 😝 on the West Eastern part of America . 🎩 Keep up the good workz Clay. 💯 🇺🇸💐🇨🇦☮
This is on point, thank you!
You're a legend, man.
I learnt so much with your insights..thank you thank you and thank you ❣️ I have left all hopes in finding people-relationships and trying to connect spiritually to the Universe❤️, that’s so much fun❣️
This one of the best videos I've seen, thank you for putting this out there!
Absolutely for all the content but def for around the 18:00 mark. Thanks for the great content Clay :)
« You have a huge heart to offer but most people throw back to you small pieces of love» that’s what I have been told once. It is rare that people give me the same amount of love, respect and empathy that I give them 😆 I am proud to be INFJ though, we are better versions of most humans 😊
For me... intellectual and spiritual connection is a must! And someone who is compatible in having a mutual growth mindset... and the ability to laugh even when we are mad at each other.
I was just telling my INTP partner that I loath watching shows/movies where the characters don’t evolve and don’t change their circumstances. He loves Married With Children for the humor and I couldn’t really watch it without wondering why Al Bundy always settled and never changed the things he was unhappy with.
I felt my marriage with my ISTP ex felt shallow. He was too obsessed with sensory and there lacked depth even though there was understanding. It started to feel forced and we’d snuff each other’s fire, spontaneity, and energy.
😂 I love that you mention the adopting friends thing... my friends, growing up, were always people who “picked me” to be their friend. I did not vet and qualify them as my friends but at the end of the day I was unsatisfied with the friendship.
Having little to no friends allows us to have time for our thoughts and keep mental clarity.
Hello. I like listening to your ideas and views, I just discovered that listening to your videos helps me pull thru long nights of homework. And yeah, there is a good possibility I'm an INFJ.
Yes, being an INFJ is tough in the relationships matter. Always seeking for emotional and intelectual intelligence on people, which isn't easy to find. My new guy friend, is bringing me hope of a natural close friendship and maybe more than that.
As time passes and as I mature, I realize that I have really less friends than I thought I had when I was in my school years. I don't consider them friends anymore, because friendship to me is becoming something very rare and of high value, almost like a romantic relationship. Any people in a "group friendship" in whom I haven't had one-to-one interaction, I don't consider my friend, because I feel like the relationship is too shallow. I need hours and hours of one-to-one interaction, vulnerability sharing etc with someone to feel close to them ^^
The person who I have the best bond with is my sister. It's so easy to have deep and mature conversations with her. We can disagree on things, but that doesn't make her frustrated or angry which makes me feel safe and comfortable. Knowing this about her, I don't feel like I have to hide my thoughts from her. So, I 100% agree with what you said in the beginning. Also, I don't know if this happens with all infjs, but I tend to bond more with people who are much older than me.
I think it’s common to hang out with people older than you actually.
There is as interesting topic at the end about questions. I think it is a more complicated idea than it seems. I noticed lately that I do not question myself as much as I do other people. Which is surprising revelation because I thought I had a sufficiently critical approach to myself. I realized that this criticism is only a passive form of accepting who I am.
This video spoke to my soul. Thank you! 💙
I am quite interested in the tangent about "vague hope" you went on. I hope you consider fleshing that out more in another video. I fear I have gotten played by these for a while. Thanks
good idea! I was just sitting here trying to decide what I might record next when your comment popped up. I'll consider it.
You seem to mention narcissists often. Were you directly effected by a narcissist or someone with narcissistic tendencies?
Vague hope can show up in romantic relationships and that to me is scary. Being in a committed relationship and never getting the change or thing that you're promised and things stay stagnant or get worse? Just scary. I hate feeling stagnant and stuck.
Happy Birthday 🙂