Gilmore Girls Gets Therapized - Quid Pro Quo
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 มิ.ย. 2024
- Gilmore Girls continued! Watching Emily and Lorelai's relationship it's easy to see outside looking in why they do what they do. There are a lot of lesons to learn about communication while watching Gilmore Girls. Join us as we take a deep dive!
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00:00 Quid Pro quo
01:00 Gilmore Girls clip
04:30 Should Quid Pro Quo be in personal relationships?
08:00 The hurt has not been resolved
10:30 Don’t speak past each other
#gilmoregirls #mendedlight #jonathandecker
I think one of the major problems with this thinking is that Emily not only financially manipulates Lorelai to be around them on a weekly basis (and give updates about her personal life?) but then also expects this to somehow make Lorelai soften up to them, even though she is basically holding her in a multiple year long choke hold. Why did she think Lorelai would be more inclined to warm up to her by controlling her harder again? That's why Lorelai left in the first place. And then get mad when she responds prickly or distrustful sometimes.
Bc she’s a Classic narcissist
This is why I can't watch the show. It gives me an anxiety attack
@@stephanieakaashenka2537 my therapist says the same lmao
@@emmabunch-benson4795 she is, I agree
I'm not sure she did think it would make Lorelai soften up. I think she really believes on some level that Lorelai kind of hates her (which....she might be a little right). She's just so desperate for connection with Lorelai of any kind that she will accept even a manufactured connection by way of this quid pro quo. She doesn't think there's any other way to get Lorelai back into her life.
Emily is the type of person that if you're straight with her she'll find a way to twist it. If you're vulnerable with her she'll belittle you.
Maybe not a popular opinion, but the relationship between Emily and Lorelei isn’t the only toxic one. Lorelei is codependent on Rory, she cannot see that she is the parent and not Rory’s bff. I think Lorelei wanted so much to not be like Emily that she swung way too far in the other direction. And Rory was spoilt by it all. Over indulging grandparents who think money makes the relationship and a mother who never set real rules for growth. The final season showed that when a Yale alumni is jobless, homeless, and is sleeping with a man who is engaged to someone else. I used to love Gilmore girls, but now it’s kind of hard to watch.
Can't wait for you to get to the reboot when Lorelai and Emily end up in therapy together.
I like to pretend the reboot doesn’t exist lol
I really loved the Lorelei/Emily stuff, as rough as it got at points, because it felt like they reached a level of peace.
@@kelstwin3176I agree! Emily’s arc was the only thing I liked about the reboot
@@Redthreadwitch I think that's because it's the only think ASP had to write from scratch die to Edward Herman's passing. Everything else was her trying to pretend 8 years hadn't passed and her trying to keep the storylines she'd written as a season 7/8,which doesn't work at all.
@@marlyd She also had to drastically alter what she'd imagined for Lane, since she felt like she couldn't just ignore the fact that they had kids. And she thought that Lane and Zack couldn't be good parents *and* have a successful band that was always touring.
I’d love to see Jono react to the episode with Rory’s birthdays when Emily realizes she doesn’t know anything about Lorelei.
I think there was more to Lorelei distanced herself and Rory from her parents, the teen pregnancy was the last straw but she was in a world where she felt she didn´t belong and her needs and ideas weren´t listened to, and evermore she didn´t want that for Rory. Ultimately that´s where conflict especially in this family comes from, not listening and standing in your own ego and we can see how they learn to listen and be more empathic for each other throughout the series, how they grow and lear form each other
You should do Friday Night's Alright for Fighting from season 6. One of my favorite sequences in the show
Thta could be a Cinema Therapy crossover since it's a reference to Woody Allen's 'Husbands and Wives'
@@marlydI agree! It'd be great to see that episode done on Cinema Therapy. I'd love to hear both of their takes on the episode. :)
One of the best sequences in the whole show. 💜
This show does so well with conflict where there is no one right side, where you can see where both parties are coming from, and I love that you pinpointed that.
I love all of this. The only thing I low-key disagree with is where you talk about why Lorelai left. I think it had much more to do with trying to protect Rory from going through the same unbearable childhood that she had, not the way Richard and Emily responded to her pregnancy. Lorelai's relationship with her parents was already damaged beyond repair before she got pregnant. I fully believe Lorelai would have completely cut them out of her life the day she graduated from college if she hadn't had Rory.
Though one thing I've never understood is why Christopher's future was impacted at all by Lorelai having Rory. If they'd gotten married or he chose to be a present father, then sure, it would impact him. But that's not really what happened. Rory knows him well enough to call him "Dad" but he's clearly not a constant presence in her life.
I agree completely. Emily and Richard were not good parents. They only ever saw Lorelei as a reflection of themselves. Part of this is the world they lived in where I imagine children were meant to be seen and not heard. I also think though that maybe they were too damaged to be decent parents. There was no unconditional love in that household. There was no joy. I have to say watching this show again as an adult makes me really feel for Lorelei. She was raised in an emotionally abusive environment. It's really no wonder that she is an immature adult in some ways.
I think this is what Christopher’s parents tell themselves to cope. Blaming Chris’ shortcomings (in their eyes) on Lorelai because he could do no wrong. The fact is, he didn’t want to follow the college path, but his parents associated him “giving up his future” with the pregnancy
It's because in these circles, people gossip to high heaven and scandals like those will shut doors in your face, doors of connections you need to succeed. You see that again with Logan, later. It's all about who you know.
And a kid out of wedlock will close a lot of opportunities for you as the conservative influentials of these circles will not like to be seen affiliated with you
You should do a video about Luke and Lorelai and their communication problems throughout season 6-7 whenever you get to the point of the series and why they can’t have the love for each other like they did in seasons 1-5
At least the parents were honest about their expectations and they eventually came around. Some people I know have the "quid quo pro" mindset where everything is a bargaining tool but don't have the decency to say it. So you have to guess and endure mindgames, feeling worthless when you don't live up to your end of the unspoken deal. For some even love and affection are only provided as long as you achieve what they want. No idea the motive and I don't particularly care to find out, better off without such people.
I've found people result to quid pro Quo most when trust has been shattered, either by you or by someone in their past. Consistency can help, over time, with less score keeping.
I'm so happy you're gonna do the whole show! Gilmore Girls is such a rewatchable classic and an all-time favourite of mine.
Me too!!
It's nowhere near classic, just a low quality series for housewives
@zabavnaya-xt8tb person here who is not a housewife and who enjoys the show. Tbf fair, it's just your opinion, it's not a fact.
I would love to see you talk about Jess Mariano's character. He is very interesting.❤
1:17 I'm burned. So burned. I bought the Gilmore Girls soundtrack 'Our Little Corner of the World.' That was me.
Me too!😊
I found a playlist on spotify of all the songs played on gilmore girls! There are so many!!!
I think having dinner on Friday night is a good exchange for paying for Chilton. If you're paying for someone to go to school, you should be able to talk to them.
I'm sorry, but it's infuriating the way Emily is dismissive of Lorelai's feelings. She is telling Emily that she is happy, and her life is good, and Emily completely brushes it aside as if it is mediocre. She tells Lorelai that she is smart but refuse to acknowledge that Lorelai built a good life for her and Rory because she was resourceful and smart. Many teenagers in her situation would have struggled and would be still struggling tremendously as an adult, but Lorelai did it. I understand that Emily is very mad and hurt by the way Lorelai ran away and basically almost cut off contact, but refusing to see the life she created for her and Rory turned out well because it mean she was wrong, is selfish and petty.
You are totally right Emily should had been proud of her daughter instead of behaving that way
I have someone in my life who's like this and I can't comply to their requests often as I can already sense it's a "give them the little finger and they'll rip off your whole arm" situation.
So unfortunately my survival strategy was also not to even enter trades and even actively refuse their very conditional "help" that I had never asked for in first place, yet they'd still make me pay!
I have a friend whose mother is like this. Everything is conditional and if she gives her mother an inch she takes a mile then cries to everyone how mean the friend is to her poor dear mother🙄 She allows the grandkids to go visit but she keeps a distance. If she doesn't she's constantly criticizing or guilting my friend over one thing or another. It's wild to watch😳
Emily and some audience members don't really get that it's not about Lorelai's pride but her sense of self-preservation. It's not just a weekly dinner, it's dinner with a side of emotional abuse. When you deal with someone like Emily it's better to struggle than accept a favor or money because it comes with a million and one strings. That's why it was better for her to work as a maid and live in a shed than take money from her parents, because if she had she never would've been able to live the way she wanted or raise her daughter the way she wanted. And you're right, Emily has always been so obsessed with respectability and saving face that she fails to see that frankly Christopher is a flake and he and Lorelai aren't compatible. Lorelai struggles with hyper-independence, but it's only because of the rare times when she's trusted her parents they made her regret it. Emily mistakenly believes she has to buy Lorelai's time, but Lorelai probably wouldn't have avoided her so much if she didn't constantly belittle and manipulate her.
I think it's hard for them at this point to apologize because they wouldn't change their attitude. Emily only stops thinking about society and loosening up after Richard dies. And Lorelai still wants to reject that lifestyle.
Love Gilmore girls especially the earlier seasons so watching you as the family therapist trying to give suggestions and ways for this family to be vulnerable and open to one another without the need to be accusatory and lashing is wonderful! Different perspective now.
I love watching these! Enjoy hearing your thoughts on the Gilmore Girls and other characters in the show. This was one of my favorite shows growing up, so it's great to get a deep perspective about each character. Hope you keep up with it and hope you enjoy the show!
After gilmore girl, pleeease react to supernatural, siblins, parents, there is alot!
My question is how did Lorelei NOT know about the fees? I'm sure the tuition and fees MUST have been covered in the brochure or something. At the very least she had to know that a prep school in her parents' neighborhood was going to bw pricy, even of they let her pay in installments. I wonder how much of the entrance fee and tuition ahe had saved up. The more we learn about Lorelei's financial situation in the show, the less sense it makes that she even allowed Rory to apply to Chilton if she never intended to ask her parents for money
If I remember correctly Rory was supposed to get financial help from the school or charity or something that is there to help children with less money to still get the education. They just wouldn't pay for Rory because Emily and Richard have too much money even though Lorelei herself does not.
But it's been way too long since I last watched Gilmore Girls so I might misremember some of the details.
I think it`s just bad writing. The writers needed a reason for her to suddenly need money so that she has to visit her parents and the Friday Night dinners can get set up.
I wouldn’t necessarily characterize having Lorelai display a lapse in planning ahead as bad writing. Having a character sometimes make flawed choices is a good engine for storytelling, even though we don’t enjoy the feeling of a character we like screwing up. Sure, Lorelai had to be motivated to go to her parents, bringing them all into closer contact; that’s how plot works. Not liking a writing choice is not equivalent to poor storytelling, a.k.a. “bad writing”
@@kelstwin3176 Lorelai not being aware that the fancy private school she wants her daughter to go to costs money is ridiculous. It doesn`t make any sense that she doesn`t know that a prestigious PRIVATE school costs money. It`s lazy writing. Their would have been ways to put her in that situation without making her look like she got her brain amputated.
@@shoramusic5381 I think that happened with her Yale tuition, not Chilton. Rory wound up making her own deal with them for them to pay for Yale because she didn't qualify for financial aid (Lorelai had already paid them back for Chilton). But then later when Christopher inherited a bunch of money, she just had him pay for her remaining years.
I am so excited for this series!
No, in this exact situation there is a wrong party, and it's Emily. You excluded the scene at the table, when Lorelai was willing to be vulnerable but Emily and Richard just attacked her because they wanted to show her 'her place' now when she wasn't able to leave. This scene completely changes the perspective of who's right and who's wrong because it shows who older Gilmours are and how they view people around them, even their own daughter - like some things that are supposed to be useful to them. they 'bought' Lorelei and that means they can do whatever they want with her without thinking about her feelings.
Thank you for making these, they always brighten my day!!
I love that you're covering this series! There are so many moments that get my little therapist brain going.
Love the commitment for all the seasons😂 we are here for you Jonathan!
I love seeing these pop up. I'm a regular Gilmore Girls watcher. Currently rewatching season 4, just finished the Lorelai's go to University (don't want to spoil which one.)
I can't believe how much material this channel has been getting and will get out of Gilmore Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YAY! PLEASE the series!? Not every episode but the BIG moments?
I’m glad you are therepizing this show because it helped me a lot while I was reconnecting with someone in my life (very different situation but also painful and full of mutual distrust and separation.) I look forward to you reacting to the spa episode, scenes from the mall, all of season 4, the first half is season 6, and the one where Emily compares Lorelei to a kayak (no really it’s a complement). Their relationship is so very messy and wonderful because it is two steps forward 90 steps back, a vibe I completely understand.
I needed to hear this today.
My mother expects me to have a relationship with her after being a distant, disinterested and an emotionally inhibited, neglectful parent. Whatever happened in my life as a child I always knew my parents were the last people I could tell. My mom would just kind of awkwardly walk out of the room when someone started crying, and pretend nothing happened. The irony of ironies is that she's a family councillor. I know she has empathy despite everything. She has this whole empathetic tone of voice she uses with other people but never with me or my siblings. It's strange to hear it. With me and my siblings she's just kind of cold and distant and feels like emotional things, support, vulnerability and negative emotions don't belong in our relationship. It's truly amazing how she has been able to carve out an outlet for all that in her career life, as if by being a neglectful disinterested mother SHE suffered a lack of something, rather than inflicting it on her kids.
Now she expects us to have a warm relationship but she doesn't really know me as a person because she never took the time or the interest. She wasn't exactly a strict mother with high expectations, but she did very much impart an image of how she wished me to be, rather than getting to know me in any way. I've told her how my childhood affected me and that I don't think we really have much of a relationship to speak of, and that I'm not sure I want one because I feel neither of my parents are safe people for me to be around because I have to hide so much of myself and just be whatever they want me to be. I've tried to tell her about my feelings about a few pretty fucked up things that happened when I was a child, but she can take no ownership, even though she kind of tries. She's just so inhibited by her own bad feelings and probably shame too. She'll just say something idiotic like "you feel like this is what happened?", entirely questioning my sanity as if I just remember everything incorrectly.
She sort of tries, and I think she's learned some ways to show empathy since I grew up, and she's not as inhibited with other people as she is with her own children. But for me (and for us) it's too late I fear. With me she's stuck with the dissociative strategies she chose when I was small. So I know there will never be a normal relationship. Topics that are even remotely emotional or too personal are her cryptonite. They lock her in this cold, robot-like state in which she's unable to channel any empathy, and she'll just kind of be distant or change the subject or react really weirdly and awkwardly. I can't have normal conversations with her from fear of accidentally stumbling on something that makes her suddenly cold and awkward. And it's not like she ever asks me about my life hanyway. She's never asked me in my life how I'm doing. I think she doesn't actually want to know anyway.
So why does she have the audacity, despite everything, to expect we have any kind of a relationship, and that I make the work for the both of us to maintain it?
Yaaaay you're doing the whole show 😍 And we love you for this!!!!!! Do you watch the show with your family?
It also doesn't help that Lorelei didn't even go there looking to mend fences, looking to have that conversation and accountability but only to ask for money. Then, when she is free of the debt she proves her mother right when she immediately ceases to go to the Friday night dinners and it wasn't even because they had plans they literally had nothing to do and couldn't bother to make that move.
I don't know after being forced to attend weekly and on many of those occasions be a target of her mother (and sometimes father) I'm not really surprised she didn't feel like showing up once she had a choice. She asked for money for her child. She agreed to the conditions for her child. She endured a lot of crap from Emily in the name of that deal. It always amazes me how Emily is hurt by not being told certain things or Lorelai not really being willing to accept help (termites). What i she expecting??? She keeps putting her down and bullying her. No, I don't think Lorelai is perfect, she has her faults and there are situations she could have definitely handled better, but over a decade later her father is still going on about how she humiliated them by getting pregnant, and in her mother's eyes she can't do anything right. She criticizes everything in her life, what she wears, what she does, what she owns. Put yourself in her place. Would you really want to 'mend fences' or just get the hell away? Even if it is family. Being bound by blood doesn't always mean it's good to be close to certain people.
@@wynterblackwell3640I totally agree, honestly Lorelei never did anything wrong. She left at a young age because she felt suffocated and the only person that was suffering was her, either she stayed and eventually become entirely miserable that would’ve lead to other negative outcomes I.e. health issues or she did what she did and left and made a life for herself, I firmly believe that the people who side with Emily’s cruel actions are just like her. Lorelei promised to pay her parents back which she did and still her parents were annoyed because once an abusers loses control, they start playing the victim card, they were mad that once she paid them back they couldn’t belittle her as well as hold the payment over her head, so all in all Lorelei deserved better parents.
I think there is another type of person who might act in a "quid pro quo" way with the intention of having a healthy relationship. Some of us really struggle with intuiting a healthy give/receive dynamic in relationships. We can't tell when we're "doing too much" or "being a taker" until it's too late, OR we know that we are easily taken advantage of. It's not so much about being transactional as needing to be explicit with "this + that = balance".
I think you should do a video on Arrested development.
You should cover Loreleii and Rory's fight and Rory's decision to drop out of Yale.
yes, I do actually, I have a family member that will throw it back in my face that they've helped me or my kids, if I'm frustrated with them for any reason at all "After all I do for you"
then they follow it up with, "Maybe I won't help you anymore"
So, even though they were wrong, I end up having to apologize
I've just learned to not confront them about anything, and I try not to ask for help, but sometimes, like during Covid lockdown, I don't have a choice bc i'm a single parent
And I would never ever ever ask any of my family members for money. Not unless it was an absolute emergency.
Ah, narcissistic relatives... I'm no-contact with 2, and minimal contact with another. Hold on, the hard times don't last forever. 🙏❤
omg ure doing it im so happy!!!! cant wait for you to react to the scene where lorelai and emily got into argument over rory who they thought spend the night with dean
If you haven't already, I'd love to see you react to Lorelai and Emily going to therapy in the Netflix revival
My mum has been telling me I need to call my grandpa myself for years and years. He lives only with his daughter (who is almost 60 now), self-centered, conservative and I kept refusing because he never called on his own to ask about me and my sister, still pretty much children, or probably even my parents. He doesn't really want to know or even properly understand what we'd tell him, he just wants to be shown that someone "cares" about him by being called without calling himself. Every time I called him eventually, he sounded like I interrupted him in the middle of something important (he spends his days sitting on the sofa watching TV and walking outside so pretty much impossible), asked if I needed something and ended the call 2 minutes in. I know he somehow felt hurt that "nobody cared about him", he complained about that to my mum (who isn't even his daughter but daughter-in-law) several times and blamed her, to a point that one day mum came home with red eyes because she cried in the car. On his birthday we all came for lunch and not a word was said during eating. No conversation about anything at all. He only asks how we're doing at school to say that studying is important and we should be grateful. When we visited, he'd keep taking out his pictures of horses, shove them under our noses and talk about them, not even caring if we wanted to hear, he basically wanted to make us interested without actually asking what we liked to do, about our friends and lives. Mum's mother calls me from time to time just to talk, I call her as well and even though it's just 15 minutes about once a week, we have a relationship and we are involved in each other's lives and don't expect attention without communicating about it with each other.
My initial thought that brought me to this comment is that basically the only reason mum's ever made me call him was guilting me with the things "he's done for me" - like babysitting when I was small. Giving me birthday gifts. And mostly money, because he largely paid for my school (Emily much). So basically he paid with the expectation of attention in return.
(I have some suspicion he and dad might be somewhere in there on the autism spectrum because I finally got an appointment to get tested and grandpa's interest in horses is certainly something, but I won't tell them because if they ever even accepted it as who they are, they'd just use it as an excuse to be crap people.)
That sounds pretty awful, and I'm sorry. People think it is breaking a cardinal rule if you distance yourself from your family, it isn't..... It's protecting yourself. If people are choosing to be toxic and manipulative and guilting, you have the right to choose to keep a distance from them for your own protection and well-being.
Hi! It’s a great serial for a therapeutic conversations like that! 👍🏻 I also would recommend “Being Erica” if you didn’t watch it already. It’s very therapeutic itself and dive into a lot of topics people face to in therapies. The serial is about Erica who is going trought difficult time in her life and recive an invitation for unusual teraphy promising to help her but she have to fully commit to it. Every episide is a teraphy lesson and every season its a new point of you for Erica..like a new deeper level of understang.. Its also a 00's good made show, mistical, positive influence and just interesting to watch ..Could be great to see your perspective on that. Have a good day and great episodes ahead! ❤
Totally agree that "Being Erica" is such a great show ! I don't understand why it's so underrated.
Emily gave her two conditions. She had to come to Friday night dinner and she had to call her once a week.
My dad was like this, and so was his mother before him.
It drove me away. I forgave my father long before he died, but could never completely trust him or his side of the family.
As I've grown in age and experience , I learned of the inherited trauma and abuse that led to this, and am doing my best to work through it, and not pass these behaviors to my kid
I hate the initial agreement and how Emily presents it, but taking distance I think is so sad. I can´t imagine feeling like the only way to be present in your daughter and granddaughter's life is through money, Emily is so hard to be around but you can tell she feels so lonely and has a hard time expressing her feelings and needs, that everything turns into a passive-aggressive comment or a plain boxing match which is a vicious circle because then Lorelai distance herself even more. She has a loving heart but I don´t think up to this point she hasn´t learned how to love
Emily was quite cruel but let’s consider how she grew up and remember no parent wants their teenagers pregnant. Lorelei was sometimes right also in the wrong when the pride was too much. I’m glad she wasn’t a stereotype of a screw up trust fund kid who relies on parents for everything financially and does nothing with life. She needed the distance with a good conversation but not running away. When she had Rory, she feared history would repeat with a boyfriend, with school when she wanted to quit or left Yale.
I have a somewhat difficult relationship with my grandfather (in fact step-grandfather, but that's not the issue). It started to get tense when my eating disorder manifested at age 15. He (still) completely dimisses this as a mental health issue. ANY mental health issue really. I was also diagnosed with depression for the first time after that (but almost surely had depressive episodes already as a kid) and my mental health is even worse today. He still sees the (by now, at 37) chronified ating disorder as a "choice" (you just don't want to change) and the deeper roots of it all as pretty much "not real". But I'm digressing.
Despite my bad health, I still went to University to study. My parents are divorced, my mother (severe mental health issues and alcohol/(meds)drugs abuse was in invalidity pension by then). I have an older sister who studied too.
And it was my grandfather who helped financially, paying the rent for her appartment. Splitting it between the tow of us when I followed two years after her (because that's all he could afford). So, despite my grandfather not ackknowledging my health struggles, picking at me for it to sometimes being downright rude and almost bullying (with comments like "how you are calling these little peas of yours? Certainly not boops, right". Or advising me to "get laid" to cure me (I'm ace, but neither did I know (rather "habe the word" for my experience") then nor does he)... the list is long), I depended on his financial support. And I hated it. Feeling forced to keep close contact because I felt obligated to.
The moment this dependance stopped felt asolutely relieving. Sadly enough my issues were to bad and I could not finish my studies. But it took such a big weight from my chest to be more free.
He has turned less mean, is very sick himself, but he still occasionally picks on me and I just take it (as I generally tend to do. I really have hardly any self-esteem and very much am used to that kind of treatment) the fewer times I see him.
Sorry for another of these long comments of mine. And for maybe being too confusing. I'm afraid I have a habit of packing a lot of info into too long sentences?
Just wanted to say how well I understand the toll that being financially dependant on someone who treats you badly takes on you. Being thankful, sure, but it takes a sour note when it feels like this gives your "financier"even more power and "right" to disrespect you.
I mean I was very thankful for grandfathers help. I could not have even tried to study without it, but I was still relieved when the dependance stoppped.
(Also, he repeatedly stated that I "just did not feel like" studying any more.)
I don't think he was that "quid pro quo" in the end. At least not openly saying it (if that makes any sense), but implying it subtedly? Or it was ME feeling overly indepted to him. The more so because I did not deserve. And did not finish, thus having "wasted" his support... I'm not quite sure really. But even that felt bad. I totally agree. "Quid pro quo" is nice in business, but feels "off" in family relationships.
Thanks for keeping up your content. Interesting although if I have not even watched Gilmore girls. Still confirms that family tables are the worst... Or CAN be, sadly enough.
You should watch Young Sheldon and therapize them!
Would love to see your take on the show's depiction of neurodivergence (e.g., some say Rory is autistic, Lorelei has ADHD). Maybe in "Like Mother, Like Daughter" or "Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin' the Twist"
Who says Rory is autistic? I think Paris and April seem a lot more autistic to me and maybe they have ADHD too, aka they're AuDHD. And one of my friends sees autism in Luke but. I certainly don't see it in Rory. I see so much ADHD in this show though: Lorelai, Sookie, Lane, Rory, Christopher, April, and Paris.
@@VioletEmerald I've heard people say that about Paris too, and agree. Rory's a bit more subtle, but she also struggles with making friends (often misses social cues and takes things literally), has intense interests, struggles with change, and is very particular about how things should be. I think those two episodes showcase it well for Paris and Rory (and also "There's the Rub"). I said Rory mostly because I think she avoids some of the steretypes Paris falls into, particularly later on. But it's obviously open to interpretation for fictional characters.
I can't wait till you get to Emily in Wonderland. There's an exchange that takes place that starts to model what you're talking about.
Families can get really complicated when you mix in loaning money. Like i loaned my sister thousands of dollars for her wedding and shes not in a place to pay me back but she works at disney land and gets passes to let people in for free and takes me to disney when ever i visit as the payment . The quid pro que works for that for us but cause we feel on even ground not like Gilmore girls were it her golding it over her head
Emily: Like you were about to give him a lap dance.
Lorelai: Mom, he did not look at me like that.
That was the moment I fell in love with Emily. What a complex character.
I have someone in my family who is very q-p-q or transactional. I believe it stems from her lack of self worth and trust issues. She was let down a lot by her parents and suffers with multiple MH issues. I think she doesn't feel worthy of kindness and so tries to do things in a transactional way, but it just ends up pushing people away because she then is willing to risk the relationship to get what she wants, even though she knows deep down that she wants the relationship more.
I can’t wait to see what you think about when Emily and Lorelei go to therapy together in the reboot 😂
Emily is so much my grandma in every way. This show has been a way of therapy for years now. (First I was Rory, now more Lorelai)Not enough I guess.
I bet Lorelai would've reacted like Emily if Lory would've got pregnant when she was a teen
Maybe initially. But I don't think she would keep throwing it back in her face. Kind of like after dealing with the whole sleeping with married Dean, Lorelai never brings it up again.
I think Loreali does a much better job throughout the series of extending herself, being vulnerable and apologetic and sympathetic towards her parents (not often, but often enough)- I can't recall ever seeing that from her parents, though. Trying to image Emily saying anything close to what Jonthan suggested seems unimaginable to me.
My Life in a picture.
Can you do a video about accountability? I feel like my understanding of what it is is different to yours and I’d like to hear more about how you use that term
Please therapize being erica
Pride & Righteousness: A Gilmore Girls Story
If the friday night dinner and checking in because Emily and Richard missed Lorelai was the only thing they wanted, fine. I think it was fair.
But it was condition after condition after condition. They expected more and did not try to return the favor. They did manipulate and belittle Lorelai constantly which triggered Lorelai.
I do see them trying to change as the seasons go on, but not a lot.
GG TH-cam - JUST HOOK IT TO MY VEINS!!!!
Also, sorry in advance for the unsolicited and quite probably inappropriate request, since it involves more than just you. But more therapists need to be talking authentically about their own experiences of relationship breakdown. When to call it quits and how/not to deal with that, etc. Listening to the textbook answers is only helpful to a point, and from what I’ve seen, most YT creators discussing it are not trained mental health professionals.
Simpsons reference here was much appreciated, lol.
guys, it's lorelai not lorelei
I would be curious to know where you are in the series, cause from what we saw in flashbacks and from what Emily and Richard say during the whole show, I don't think they mistreated Lorelai when she got pregnant. They were sad, yes, but all the bad reaction you alluded to was only Lorelai's side of the story. I give Emily the benefit of the doubt as well as Lorelai. They only spoke two different love languages.
How about a Lorelai & Richard analysis next? I feel like 90% of the time, Lorelai gets along much2 better than Richard than Emily but when things get sour, Richard messed up even worse than Emily.
Can u do a video about Rory’s BF’s? Especially Dean
My mother was a manipulator. It was devastating. I first watched this when I was Rory's age and was almost exactly like her, but with the mother of Emily. It's hard to see the reasoning you bring having been so heavily abused by a manipulator. You ask if people did quid pro quo for manipulation... And if so, it's good to put up boundaries. You can't when it's your parents that are doing it. Not as a kid. Andddd I guarantee you Lorelei experienced it as a kid. It's obviously different with her being an adult now... And me now watching it again at Lorelai age. But you can't put those boundaries and distances with an abusive parental figure who goes at you quid pro quo.
comment for the algorithm
Day 1 of asking for you to react to "Everything Now
The condition is a good meal and a call once a werk. Not hard and Lorelai should have ha as much contact he last years. Or none at all but the not ask for money.
She only sees them as a source of money.
And Emily is right to not agree to that!
Being there for each other hat nothing to do with money!
I get so annoyed by the "having to swallow your pride and ask for help from your rich parents" trop..
Some people have REAL problems and NO source of money.
All human experiences can be and deserve to be depicted in fiction, unless you only want to watch shows about homeless people dying of cancer
@@radhiadeedou8286 yes, but seeing people not realising their privilege sometimes can be tiresome
So Lorelai wants her mom's money but doesn't give anything in return? If you cut the cords don't take the money, PERIOD
She didn't want a gift. She wanted a loan. She fully intended to pay them back. (And she later did, which Emily hated because she thought it meant without the quid pro quo arrangement, Lorelai would completely disconnect from them again.) She didn't have anywhere else she could get that much money from that quickly, and she wanted Rory to have every opportunity in life (to a fault, I think).
@@thatjillgirla personal loan is still a favor
@@radhiadeedou8286 Yes, but I'm responding to your statement that Lorelai wanted something with nothing in return. Lorelai wanted an equal exchange: They loan her money, and she pays them back in full.
I bet Lorelai would've reacted like Emily if Lory would've got pregnant when she was a teen@@thatjillgirl
@@zabavnaya-xt8tb ??? Maybe? And? That has nothing to do with what your or I were talking about.
Well, if you want your kid to go to a snob school, you have to pay for that. Rory could have attended her former schook further on.
Lorelei is a snob. And she alwas knew that her parents would give
her money.
She could have gone to a bank and get a credit like every normal person!
Or better,not let her daughter go to a school that costs that ot of money. Lane is as good at school as rory. But she doesn' t go to Chilton...
The Gilmore Girls online fandom knows that Emily is a narcissist and I'm sure you know a narcissist will never take accountability for anything they've done. Emily thinks her way is the only way and that Lorelei is immature and can't think for herself. She needs help to decide the best way to conduct her own life. in Emily's eyes, Lorelei is a big failure.
I despise Emily Gilmore through the whole show. She is narcissistic, insensitive, selfish, and an overall creep. She doesn't want a daughter. She wants someone to control, and she's annoyed that Lorelai has her own mind.
Please unpack how toxic the Grey's Anatomy series is. I know it's a lengthy show...but I fear how much damage it's doing to girls/women everywhere with its unrealistic portrayals of relationships and men. The women characters are strong but flawed so there's a lot to unpack. Even if you react blind to certain scenes it would be nice to point out how toxic this show is for relationships.
Never even watched the dumb show a full episode through but I know for sure their relationship is the epitome of enmeshment. I’m sure there’s lots of unhealthy relationships on that show
Lorelai is int the wrong, getting pregnant in your 16s is wrong, I bet she'd get mad if Rory got pregnant at 16.
Hypocrite much, she needs to take accountability for her actions
She took accountability by raising her daughter and going to work.
You’re missing a lot about why Lorelai left and why she has such a difficult relationship with Emily and Richard. They were abusive throughout her whole childhood. Lorelai felt suffocated and even burned her childhood photos because they kept criticizing her appearance. Lorelai didn’t leave just because they had a bad reaction to her teen pregnancy. She did it to escape an abusive household and to /protect/ her daughter from going through what she did. Leaving her rich parents to work as a maid at an inn was the right decision.
I think Loralia is a lot more similar to her mom than she wants to admit. Getting upset at Rory for reconsidering Chilton over a boy (I consider Rory's friends a part of Rory's decision, also) because her real issue is that now, talking to her parents may have been a waste of time. That's not a Rory issue. That's a Lorelia issue that Lorelia makes a Rory issue.
Agreed; even though I don’t remember either ever acknowledging it, they’re cut from the same cloth, especially in the ways they use witty speech, and, unfortunately, in how quickly they turn to weaponized words with each other 💔🥺
Ikr she's her mom's copy
That's not the same level of controlling though. Rory was excited about going to Chilton and it was a big opportunity for her to get her ultimate dream of going to Harvard. Then she wants to throw it away because a guy starts talking to her. I would have considered Lorelei irresponsible if she just let Rory choose dean over Chilton. Besides I don't see why she can't have both.
@@doesitmatterwhoiam8838 I never said it was the same level of control. I saidshe's a lot more similar to Emily than she wishes to admit and its true. And I never said Rory couldn't have both. It's how Lolelia interprets the situation and decides her issues need to be Rory's that makes her more (not exactly like Emily) than she wishes to admit.
@@Buffy8Fan just trying to make conversation. Sorry if it sounded argumentive. I think when Rory dropped out of Yale Lorelei should have been more understanding. It's really not that uncommon for students to need a break to regroup.