Ever listened to the popular podcast "Sex with Emily"? Pretty good stuff. Just curious, in medical school (Denmark) we happened (luckily) to have one of our 3 teachers in some ethics related classes being an actual sexologist (not used in our lessons, sadly) during our 3rd semester so I asked her if we'd get any sexology later on. "No, none at all". QUESTION: Are doctors in the USA taught any sexology in medical school? If not, then IMHO as applies to here, also regarding nutrition since it's like one little book anyone could chew thru in a day and get at the local library, patients should ask everyone but their doctor for advice on sex stuff. Unless your doctor has a personal interest in it and taught him-/herself about it, go find someone specializing in it, i.e. a sexologist or nutritionist, respectively.
In my two decades and a bit of being married there has been several occasions when both of us just didn't have the intention. Sat chatting and as one thing led to another, slowly we became intimate and ended up having a great physical experience. No faking no quickies. You know it's genuine when you smile at each other after.
Ladies, the two of you compliment each other in a way that gives me conversation ideas to go forward. I’m 61, she’s 69, so mentally and physically we’re changing so finding a roadmap through this is exciting. We’re about to vanlife it for a few weeks, so I get to put my side of it into action and see where it goes! Thank you so much, y’all leave life better because you were there!
What you are saying about relationships is very wise. It took me a lifetime to learn that people make decisions for emotional reasons and use logic to justify their decision. For example if a wife is emotionally unhappy with a relationship, she will see and focus on all the negative things you do and ignore the positive things you do. Then she will be justified in a mental or physical divorce. You are wise beyond your years!
Good points about "mothering," and the same in reverse. We both had periods where we spent significant time helping/caring for the other for medical reasons. Our relationship changed because of it. There was no less love, but desire morphed gradually into I guess compassion, and got stuck there. When moving towards intimacy, the slightest concern coming up would bounce either of us back into "caretaker mode," and that would be the end of it. Hard to break free of. Good video.
Moving away from "goal oriented" sex and moving to enjoyment based sex was the biggest change in our sex lives. If everyone is having fun and enjoyment, orgasms are not nearly as important to either person.
Everything has Goals, I feel sad for People no Goals like u. In Indian culture an Important Goal is the Kundalini awakening a Spiritual awakening through it, 3d Eye opening. And of course Procreation
@@mariolsinanaj5942 Goals for specific things in life are great and is what drives us to achieve what and where we want to be in life. In sex, it can add pressure, especially to women who already deal with so many issues around sex. Our goal is to enjoy ourselves, not check a box that each person had an orgasm. If we feel pleasure and are fulfilled, we have reached our goal of enjoyment, even if that doesn't come with orgasm from either person. I guess I should have put "orgasm oriented".
@@chevymike1968 if u don t have an orgasm how can u call it Enjoyable?? It even passes to Suffering and Health Damaging. U better stay without it without orgasm, u ll Feel Better without it at all
@@mariolsinanaj5942 I feel sorry for people who waste most of their lives chasing benchmarks and milestones instead of opening themselves up to the moment and letting life just happen organically.
@@chevymike1968 No I think you said correctly the first time. I think putting goal is to add an objective or underlying pressure. Taking the goal out of sex just leaves the two of you enjoying the experience together. Mariol doesnt understand that so stay with what you said initially. But i agree with what you said in your response as well
Sex is 80% between the ears, 20% between the legs! Understand what people want, what their experiences have been and talk about it all openly and honestly! Take time to explore the mind and body!
Exactly, the brain is the most important sex organ. If i woman is turned on by large penises, you're 2 steps behind from the get go, with anything less than large
@@kristensorensen2219 As a man, I have only one thing to say...BINGO! 😀 You're right...it's an instrument you need practice to play... But metaphors aside...communication is the key.
When people ask me how long I've been married? I always say long enough to tell a real orgasm from a fake orgasm. I know that you faked it but I appreciate that you are trying to make me feel good about myself. I also think that if you've been with someone for a long time you should know how to make them get off. I've been asked what was the most beautiful thing that I've ever experienced, and I always say a female orgasm. Especially when both of you happen to come at the same time. That is such a very rare and very beautiful experience. ❤️
I believe these doctors did not cover most of area in this subject: signs of her faking it, how long men have to last to bring her to the point (men’s stamina), some women don’t reach it with just intercourse and has to do with overly use of toys (vib…).
The problem is also that there are orgasms and there are orgasms. Sometimes it's really mind blowiing and she almost jumps off the bed or squirts the wall and sometimes it's just mild pulsing. There have been women who I couldn't make come and I have to say it's diissatisfying also for me. And it's not for lack of trying, my ex gf calls me 'the magic fingers' lol
You can’t tell, every women is so vastly different there is no point in detecting if she’s lying. Just accept the person is honest and go about your day.
About 20:00 in the video you raise some really important things, loads more excellent and valuable content than the title alone might suggest. This is the kind of content I wish had been available when I was at school and university and I'm not sure the situation is much better for teens today. Thank you for a really open and clear discussion about things that have so much potential for happiness but that often cause much suffering.
Aloha Dr. Malik, I always appreciate, and learn, from your frank discussions. Thank you for taking the time to develop this content. Please keep up the excellent work.
An issue that several women have told me is that they don't want a man to be all timid and almost afraid to make a move because it makes them feel less desirable. But for us guys the way our culture is now it is a very frightening thong to make a move because it's not just rejection any more, any move that she doesn't welcome can lead to a man's life being ruined. If a man asks a woman out once and she says no his best bet is to not even be alone with her. Myself I am 53 and can count on one hand with fingers left over how many times I have asked a woman out without her making it unbelievably obvious that she wants me to (at the least usually letting them make the first move). I have ended up going out with exactly 0 of them. I have had my share of girlfriends and 2 wives as well as quite a few 1 night stands, but they always made the first move. Women don't understand that us guys simply don't do subtle. The pressure on men to not only try not to do anything that causes her to be upset but to also try to please her is more than women know. Women should be upfront about what they want from the start. Most aren't. They try to be subtle and not appear "easy" and we miss it most of the time (except those arrogant egotistical guys who think a woman is coming on to him if she says excuse me, and that is one reason those guys get more dates than other guys). Just letting you see a guys perspective here.
I have watched many of your presentations and I get more and more educated. Thank you and this one hit a lot of check marks for me, not that the others were any less informative.
Speaking only for myself - cuddling - kissing and hugs , is also vitally important - its called affection / Something I lacked as a child.... to feel wanted 😕
Dr Malik I so enjoy your channel you and your guests hit it out the park everytime. As a man in his 50's who's partner is approaching 60 we go through long droughts sometimes and it awesome to get a simple reminder of the little things. Thx so much and keep up the good work and info! Remember everyone to take care of ourselves because we're worth it!
And they actively resent you for putting them in a position where they have to confront that they don't know what they like. They don't see it as you trying to help them, they see it as you trying to make them feel stupid.
If they do in fact fake it? Then we we are done. Yes I have ended the relationship based on the lying. It is NEVER right to take it: I'd rather have failed and been told I did, over ever being lied to. That is 100% unacceptable.
Yeah I hate when a girl fakes an orgasm. Especially when I have made her have actual orgasms in the past. Its 1000% obvious and cringey. Pisses me off though so I get more aggressive/dominant and then she "comes" around lol.
Communication is not a poor thing , it’s the lack of communication that’s the problem ..I want my man to talk to me and I talk to him…sex is great , when you know it’s not a cut down , it’s genuine informative information ❤
Been married 35yrs. There has been plenty of times the O didn’t happen for various reasons. Don’t get hung up on it. Don’t make her feel bad either. Learn to enjoy the intimacy regardless. There will be plenty of super sex times
Every woman I have ever been with I always told them never to fake it it doesn't do anything for me. I had one girlfriend, the only one actually, who could never climax during intercourse. So I did what I had to do so she could. Speaking as a man myself it doesn't do anything for me if a woman fakes it.
Likewise. There’s lots of men who truly want to please their woman and learning how to best bring joy and passion to lovemaking. It’s an insult to us to fake an orgasm and if women value and expect honesty in the relationship, then telling the truth is paramount. Sex can be a wonderful mirror into the relationship.
@@jimosborne2 so agree, I’m in my 40s and had sec for the first time w my guy that we dated casually for 2 years. Honestly I though there was something going on w me, more research I did, turns out most women that are older in their late 20 and so on it’s impossible for us to get a orgasm just by vaginal penetration. For the younger chics it’s a little different cause they’re a bit more sensitive down there. But ya I never faked it w him, we talked it through. We talked bout his past relationships and I told him those chica he was w must of been faking it as well. Just cause a women gets really wet doesn’t mean she’s having an orgasm 😒
Communication is certainly important, but when one partner would be ok never having again while the other can’t live without it, those conversations can be uncomfortable. No one wants to choose between duty sex and celibacy.
Interesting study on coercive orgasm! I have Secondary Progressive MS, and have significantly reduced sensation in my pelvic area. So orgasms are incredibly rare, even during masturbation. But sex became so much nicer because there was no "expectation" of an orgasm, and I had a medical reason which made it "okay" for sex partners to let themselves off the hook too. Sex is more fun with no expectations looming over anyone!
My girl said she never had an orgasm before she met me because men never stimulated her as much mentally as I do and that's the reason, where she just thought sex was just physical until I informed her that it's a spiritual, emotional, and mental experience.
My experience has been that no matter how much I warp myself to a woman's "needs and desires" she will always find another excuse for not having sex. Done.
@@MatildeVallespinCasas not worth the trouble. Spent years developing the skills, and it still made no difference. Once a woman has what she wants, be it kids or security, the sex dies.
@@robertspeed6200lesbians don't have that problem at all. Maybe you can learn from them. Or gay men, for that matter. I insist, the common denominator is you
What an eye opener this was for me. Ever since losing a very high paying job to downsizing my wife became the major provider to our household earning much more than me. Since then I guess the "mother figure" kicked in and sex has become literally non existent.
You are in a difficult situation, statistically speaking the future is grim for relationships with women that are paid more than men. Treat looking for a good job as a priority, your relationship depends on it. If you are not paid at least 20% more than your wife you are in the danger zone.
@@Gengh13 This thread is the saddest thing I’ve read since putan invaded Ukraine. I’m very sorry that is your situation, and I hope it changes. Don’t know what the h I would do.
Dr. Malik, please talk about different orgasm intensities. Not all orgasms are the same and I think this rarely understood topic needs to be covered. Thank you.
Me: "what would you like, we have all morning I'll do anything you want..." Wife: "shut up you weirdo, would you just get this over so we can go have coffee" These lovely ladies talk about women as if most aren't soul destroying machines.
Faking an organism is not productive, we "men" need to be told what feels good. Selfish vs selfless, Host, and hostess vs tic on the dog syndrome, or two ticks, and no dog.
I remember a discussion about work around the house issue. Many times it's not that the men won't or don't help but that there is a difference between what actually needs to be done and what does not. Women tend to think more needs to be done than actually what really needs to be done. It also means not doing many things doesn't mean the home will turn into a hell hole of a mess. So in many ways it's the women that inflicts the disparity on themselves by having too much focus of their own expectations.
I've experienced that one myself, I wondered if it was to do with anxiety disorder which as I understand it is quite common in women. To elaborate this particular woman believed that there was an overwhelming amount of work and wasn't able to prioritise (or more accurately she had assigned everything to maximum priority). Not really sure how you're supposed to help somebody like that, overworking yourself to try and meet their unreasonable expectations doesn't do it.
The ultimate personification of this was the 'house proud' woman who kept the 'best room' immaculate and no one was allowed to use it. Some even kept the curtains closed so that the sun would not fade the fabrics.
This describes my wife perfectly. She starts off our sexual activity by going through all of the possible distractions that might get her out of the mood, with the finale being that she's distracted by thinking about how distracted she is. (Which I'm supposed to do something about.) She will literally leap off of my crotch in the middle of sex to walk off and feed/play with the cats because one of them meowed or ran around while we were getting intimate, so it *must* be an emergency.
This is why I can't do one-night stands. I like to explore my lovers' turn-ons. Sometimes a kiss on the neck for one will be different for another. I had one person that liked being kissed but not when their left arm wasn't being caressed... right arm was fine. We all have different triggers, I think most of us don't even realize our triggers until they happen.
I agree or they think that this would really be hot or turn them on when try it it is not what they thought it was going to be like. I can do the whole hook up if we just met but don't care for the finality of it being one night only, especially if it were three or four times that night before sunrise.
I don't think Iv'e ever met a woman who faked it for me, However, I did meet one that said to me, hurry up, It worked a treat, I lost interest very fast.
I feel like if you follow most of the duscussion in the vid, you won't have to worry about faking. It's more about open communication and healthy relationships rather than "finding signs".
20:22 is a far more important point than it was given in this discussion. Many men who do a lot around the house often find women loose interest. As their perception if the man declines. Much womens media focuses on negatives, this skews perceptions and damages relationships. If you consume media where every article has the underlying assumptions are the women are "opressed" or men are useless will warp perceptions.
Some women don’t like to be asked what they like - it’s too analytical and kills the mood. Maybe it’s too controlling and puts pressure on her, as Dr. Casperson points out. Sometimes, they don’t even know what they like. So, you have to try things and pay attention.
@@rexwave4624 Ehm no asking questions in communication and commin sense. If you feel it is intrusive then it is your problem and you got to learn how to handle your issues.
Kinda feels like everything is the guys fault. We are so dumb that most of us don't even know if she finished. How about women taking responsibility for something. How about instead of saying men aren't very good at detection maybe you follow up with some reasons like men trust our women and what they're representing to us. This is another pass for women in the bedroom.
"Working on your sex life is like the final frontier in personal growth"- well said & pretty much sums up for me. I have used that as a yardstick to measure the self-esteem of potential partners for lonģ since sex is not an activity to be done in self-abasement. As for the act itself, that zen state during sex doesnt come naturally in the beginning (from a male perspective). You go through few failures, learn to understand the signs by looking at her face/ in her eyes/ feel her body. U prolong what u r doing if she likes it & stop something if she doesnt. U learn her comfort limits and the limits of ur own sexual & physical appetite. Most of the times, women seek self-validation through sex and they may not be forthcoming in expressing themselves verbally. However, slightly contradictory to what u said but the best sex involves two partners who seek to extend and intensify their own pleasure rather than trying to please the other person. Everything else then naturally follows. Great sex gets two bodies and souls merging. So much is happenning simultaneously at the same time like u dont even feel the effort at the time. U can be pressing, kissing, hugging, caressing with ur arms, fingers, chest, mouth all the while still thrusting inside of her. If u have been there even once, u will always want every sexual encounter to at least reach the same level of pleasure or even surpass it.
What about women who do very little to communicate with their partners what they want or like? We can't read minds, but yet some blame us for not knowing what to do for them when nothing is communicated to us even when asked. AKA "Everything is fine..." .
I got a great deal out of watching this episode, this has to be my favorite video of yours so far. Dr Casperson is equaly as straight forward with important information and concepts as you are Dr. Malik.
What if your partner doesn’t ever want to talk about sex. My wife never wants to, also she wants it to be spontaneous, we have 2 boys (11 and 7) and I work 10pm to 6am….I unfortunately have to ask when but that’s a turn off for her. But If I don’t ask we have gone 6 months with no sex. I find it frustrating
One dead giveaway she's faking is she's not moving her hips. That's a part women often forget. If her hips are moving she can still be faking it, but it's less likely. And I can't believe I have to tell this to two doctors but men don't necessarily feel something good when they ejaculate.
I really am into full body massage with Happy ending and g-spot focus work and love to practice being not only friendly and beneficial, but also therapeutic with women who are willing to be "girls" and friends.
That's my favorite also. The slow transition from massage to teasing is very exciting and you get to enjoy the touch and seeing her body and the reactions the entire time. Not to mention when I'm not workingi as a masseur and I'm with my wife! 🤣😝 Just kidding.
Yes! Excuses, excuses women I believe they are faking 95% of the time, but when dating they expect you to fall in love with them, tell me who’s going to be relaxed and love a person that gets caught telling lies , when you are a older guy we don’t care 🤷♂️ we just want to have our fun!! So lie and fake all you want makes no difference to me 😎!
You never talk about semen retention, delayed gratification, self control or discipline. Masturbation and pornography is destroying men's lives, making them weak, low levels of testosterone, even causing erectile dysfunction. I saw one of your videos talking about how good masturbation is. How can a doctor be so one-sided. You've embraced spectacle and sensationalism.
21:21 They all say that communication is so important, as if as soon as you talk everything is all right but it does depend a lot on how you talk, when you talk and what you talk about because the wrong word at the wrong time can cause great harm and can never be taken back.
if it's dripping wet then you might have done the job right. I can usually tell by the gushing noise that it makes when it's a good round. But you can't be 100 percent sure about anything in this world.
I give them credit. They waited until the 16 minute mark to nag men. Never mind that men have to almost double their wife's income to be attractive to her. Men work harder providing for the family. I think the uneven workload is against men despite what biased academia would have us believe.
I find it interesting that there never is a discussion about Men and us faking a good time. As if to say "we automatically have a good time cause we are having sex with a woman". But, just because we ejaculated doesn't mean we automatically had a good time; and some of us fake having a good time as well... BUT IT'S NEVER TALKED ABOUT HOW TO PLEASURE A MAN like we are just robots that just have sex at will. Don't get me wrong the video contained great information but, I'm curious when there's going to be talk regarding the men side of things
I don’t agree completely with the lubricant statements. Sometimes there is too much lube and it takes away from the friction. No matter how tight is is. Can’t open a door on if your hands are covered with Vaseline, no matter how strong the grip- for example.
I disagree with the generalization that women do more. Men often gravitate toward careers that are physically or mentally and emotionally exhausting such as construction worker or high level executive with tons of responsibility. In these cases the man may also be earning more and paying the bulk of the bills. Wouldn't that be "fathering" as a counter to the "mothering" theory mentioned? I also disagree when women say "you only want me for sex" because, at least for this man, sex, foreplay, and after is one of the few times I can let my guard down and be truly vulnerable and thus emotionally connected. Without regular reinforcement that emotional bond for me starts to weaken, I feel unwanted and unloved. I agree 100% men have more to learn about woman but I would say the same is true for women about men. To some degree "fake it til you make it" makes sense. There are times I just want alone time but she needs or wants something from me, so I do it because I care. And after I feel fulfilled in doing something for her. But I had to pull myself out of my rut to do it. Couldn't that be true when she's "not in the mood"? My point her being is a more balanced understanding is required.
I left my girlfriend for doing that once upon a time. Found out she was prostituting on the side too. Its a bad way to look at sex. It shouldn't be transactional in a relationship, huge red flag.
Check out Dr. Kelly Casperson's Book available NOW: "You Are Not Broken: Stop Should-ing All Over Your Sex Life" amzn.to/3O0f9Os (affiliate link)
My girl just lay there till she pushs my head away saying it starting to hurt ..so no faker
Ever listened to the popular podcast "Sex with Emily"? Pretty good stuff. Just curious, in medical school (Denmark) we happened (luckily) to have one of our 3 teachers in some ethics related classes being an actual sexologist (not used in our lessons, sadly) during our 3rd semester so I asked her if we'd get any sexology later on. "No, none at all".
QUESTION: Are doctors in the USA taught any sexology in medical school?
If not, then IMHO as applies to here, also regarding nutrition since it's like one little book anyone could chew thru in a day and get at the local library, patients should ask everyone but their doctor for advice on sex stuff. Unless your doctor has a personal interest in it and taught him-/herself about it, go find someone specializing in it, i.e. a sexologist or nutritionist, respectively.
this is an amazing video! I've learned so much from your channel, thank you!
Dr.kelly is the biggest midget I have ever seen😅
Whats crazy is I fake my orgasms and im a man. Its not just women who fake them. FYI
In my two decades and a bit of being married there has been several occasions when both of us just didn't have the intention. Sat chatting and as one thing led to another, slowly we became intimate and ended up having a great physical experience. No faking no quickies. You know it's genuine when you smile at each other after.
Well that’s good, did she communicate w you on how she liked things and what to do?
lol u knw its genuine wen she moans like a farm animal
True story
Melania left the chat...
@@tinahuttner7280kitnasmalangaapgodmonnigandthnks
Ladies, the two of you compliment each other in a way that gives me conversation ideas to go forward. I’m 61, she’s 69, so mentally and physically we’re changing so finding a roadmap through this is exciting. We’re about to vanlife it for a few weeks, so I get to put my side of it into action and see where it goes! Thank you so much, y’all leave life better because you were there!
What you are saying about relationships is very wise. It took me a lifetime to learn that people make decisions for emotional reasons and use logic to justify their decision. For example if a wife is emotionally unhappy with a relationship, she will see and focus on all the negative things you do and ignore the positive things you do. Then she will be justified in a mental or physical divorce. You are wise beyond your years!
Good points about "mothering," and the same in reverse. We both had periods where we spent significant time helping/caring for the other for medical reasons. Our relationship changed because of it. There was no less love, but desire morphed gradually into I guess compassion, and got stuck there. When moving towards intimacy, the slightest concern coming up would bounce either of us back into "caretaker mode," and that would be the end of it. Hard to break free of. Good video.
Moving away from "goal oriented" sex and moving to enjoyment based sex was the biggest change in our sex lives. If everyone is having fun and enjoyment, orgasms are not nearly as important to either person.
Everything has Goals, I feel sad for People no Goals like u. In Indian culture an Important Goal is the Kundalini awakening a Spiritual awakening through it, 3d Eye opening. And of course Procreation
@@mariolsinanaj5942 Goals for specific things in life are great and is what drives us to achieve what and where we want to be in life. In sex, it can add pressure, especially to women who already deal with so many issues around sex. Our goal is to enjoy ourselves, not check a box that each person had an orgasm. If we feel pleasure and are fulfilled, we have reached our goal of enjoyment, even if that doesn't come with orgasm from either person. I guess I should have put "orgasm oriented".
@@chevymike1968 if u don t have an orgasm how can u call it Enjoyable?? It even passes to Suffering and Health Damaging. U better stay without it without orgasm, u ll Feel Better without it at all
@@mariolsinanaj5942 I feel sorry for people who waste most of their lives chasing benchmarks and milestones instead of opening themselves up to the moment and letting life just happen organically.
@@chevymike1968 No I think you said correctly the first time. I think putting goal is to add an objective or underlying pressure. Taking the goal out of sex just leaves the two of you enjoying the experience together. Mariol doesnt understand that so stay with what you said initially. But i agree with what you said in your response as well
Partners should be totally relaxed with one another and know each other's body.. if the experience is genuine, there's no need to fake anything.
Sex is 80% between the ears, 20% between the legs!
Understand what people want, what their experiences have been and talk about it all openly and honestly!
Take time to explore the mind and body!
100% for females but not men. Faking is just foolishness. A female is like a musical instrument; not everyone can play well.🤷
Exactly, the brain is the most important sex organ. If i woman is turned on by large penises, you're 2 steps behind from the get go, with anything less than large
Boring…spoken like a woman
@@kristensorensen2219 As a man, I have only one thing to say...BINGO! 😀 You're right...it's an instrument you need practice to play...
But metaphors aside...communication is the key.
That’s fuck shit and I’ve heard that from women themselves.
THIS WAS SO NEEDED! FROM MY ZERO PERSPECTIVES TO COMPREHENSIONS OF DAWING KNOWLEDGES OF SELVES.
This is the best information that I've ever seen on this. The mothering aspect is definitely a buzz kill.
When people ask me how long I've been married? I always say long enough to tell a real orgasm from a fake orgasm. I know that you faked it but I appreciate that you are trying to make me feel good about myself. I also think that if you've been with someone for a long time you should know how to make them get off. I've been asked what was the most beautiful thing that I've ever experienced, and I always say a female orgasm. Especially when both of you happen to come at the same time. That is such a very rare and very beautiful experience. ❤️
It is not rare, sad for you. The man should know how to make her come, and time his during hers.
@@lhurst9550we can tell your experience comes from walking around the lingerie section of the local general store 😂
@@hjr2000 Hmm thank you, I was wondering where my 5 children from three different wives came from.
Is it just me or did they gloss over the "how to tell if she is faking it?" They told why she fakes it but not how to tell
Keep your head down and do the dishes, don’t ask questions
They glossed over it.
I believe these doctors did not cover most of area in this subject: signs of her faking it, how long men have to last to bring her to the point (men’s stamina), some women don’t reach it with just intercourse and has to do with overly use of toys (vib…).
@@Odieodius 🤣🤣🤣
@@s.b.2648 if men doesn't put women needs fisrt to make her go crazy on the bed they are bad lovers. Remember we finish first whether we like or not.
The two of you work well together, very intuitive and intelligent, communication leads to satisfying relationships in so many ways.
Been married 23 years, communication is key to not just an amazing relationship, but also an amazing sex life.
Dr.Malik is the hero we always needed
Based on my experiences; body movement is a good sign if your female partner is enjoying it.
The problem is also that there are orgasms and there are orgasms. Sometimes it's really mind blowiing and she almost jumps off the bed or squirts the wall and sometimes it's just mild pulsing. There have been women who I couldn't make come and I have to say it's diissatisfying also for me. And it's not for lack of trying, my ex gf calls me 'the magic fingers' lol
Thank you! This was educational, insightful, and informative. You two are a good team complimenting each other's expertise. Again, thanks.
You can’t tell, every women is so vastly different there is no point in detecting if she’s lying. Just accept the person is honest and go about your day.
If she tightens up or twitches it’s real
That’s why I know my wife’s having one . She’s just move’s her body a lot .
Yes I've certainly seen her whole body tense up and start shaking.
Doesn't her insides convulse and it "grabs" your pp
If she can lie u, she s for Hollywood u re the Public haha Many people watch a movie and actors and get lied it s Real
Fake it all you want, as long as i'm all in, i WIN !!!!
5:00 clear you mind 13:14 Mental aspect 18:07 mothering role 25:14 not transactional
"Why should I care ?" This is the real question.
If there is no open communication is a relationship, then why should I even care ?
Don't you want to be sexual satisfied with a partner
About 20:00 in the video you raise some really important things, loads more excellent and valuable content than the title alone might suggest. This is the kind of content I wish had been available when I was at school and university and I'm not sure the situation is much better for teens today. Thank you for a really open and clear discussion about things that have so much potential for happiness but that often cause much suffering.
Aloha Dr. Malik, I always appreciate, and learn, from your frank discussions. Thank you for taking the time to develop this content. Please keep up the excellent work.
An issue that several women have told me is that they don't want a man to be all timid and almost afraid to make a move because it makes them feel less desirable. But for us guys the way our culture is now it is a very frightening thong to make a move because it's not just rejection any more, any move that she doesn't welcome can lead to a man's life being ruined. If a man asks a woman out once and she says no his best bet is to not even be alone with her. Myself I am 53 and can count on one hand with fingers left over how many times I have asked a woman out without her making it unbelievably obvious that she wants me to (at the least usually letting them make the first move). I have ended up going out with exactly 0 of them. I have had my share of girlfriends and 2 wives as well as quite a few 1 night stands, but they always made the first move. Women don't understand that us guys simply don't do subtle. The pressure on men to not only try not to do anything that causes her to be upset but to also try to please her is more than women know. Women should be upfront about what they want from the start. Most aren't. They try to be subtle and not appear "easy" and we miss it most of the time (except those arrogant egotistical guys who think a woman is coming on to him if she says excuse me, and that is one reason those guys get more dates than other guys). Just letting you see a guys perspective here.
Good comment, rarely addressed
Ask lesbians. They don't have that problem and they are much better at the job to have a lesson or two on consent
I have watched many of your presentations and I get more and more educated. Thank you and this one hit a lot of check marks for me, not that the others were any less informative.
Speaking only for myself - cuddling - kissing and hugs , is also vitally important - its called affection /
Something I lacked as a child.... to feel wanted 😕
You sound reasonable, but 85% of the other women out here in the dating pool, they're toxic and have more Red Flags than a Chinese Parade.
Believe it or not,
We're -men- like that too
Hugs cuddling ...so on
Don't you want to hug and kiss before sex and cuddle after sex isn't the goal
@@richardpauly1635 - Basically - it's like - drinking a cup of coffee ☕ without cream /
Is like trying to enjoy sex with no love 🤣😍
Touching and getting splattered when he pulls out is really satisfying for women.
Congratulations on a great upload: frank, clear, unabashed.
Dr Malik I so enjoy your channel you and your guests hit it out the park everytime. As a man in his 50's who's partner is approaching 60 we go through long droughts sometimes and it awesome to get a simple reminder of the little things. Thx so much and keep up the good work and info! Remember everyone to take care of ourselves because we're worth it!
Enjoy your woman
What I appreciate the most is your explaining the clinical studies..they are a bit too technical for me...thanks Dr. Malik!
Yeah no. Communication doesn’t fix everything. Women often don’t wanna talk about what they like. Many have no idea what they like
And they actively resent you for putting them in a position where they have to confront that they don't know what they like. They don't see it as you trying to help them, they see it as you trying to make them feel stupid.
@@mylesleggette7520lesbians don't seem to have that problem. Maybe you can learn from them
Ask lesbians. They don't have the problem and can tell you a tip or two(that includes some kind of communication
If they do in fact fake it? Then we we are done. Yes I have ended the relationship based on the lying. It is NEVER right to take it: I'd rather have failed and been told I did, over ever being lied to. That is 100% unacceptable.
Yeah I hate when a girl fakes an orgasm. Especially when I have made her have actual orgasms in the past. Its 1000% obvious and cringey. Pisses me off though so I get more aggressive/dominant and then she "comes" around lol.
hear ya from a female perspective, there always has to be a open line of communication when it comes to sex/intimacy.
You poor thing. And I mean that sincerely.
Communication is not a poor thing , it’s the lack of communication that’s the problem ..I want my man to talk to me and I talk to him…sex is great , when you know it’s not a cut down , it’s genuine informative information ❤
An excellent example of a title as click-bait. As valid as it may be, the discussion's connection with the title is nil.
Very interesting and I shared it with my partner as well I always love the way that you guys get into the science of things!
My Grandfather said foreplay doesn't begin when you go to bed, rather it begins when you open your eyes in the morning.
I don't get it.... what do you mean?
So many of these issues are caused not by lack of info which still is a problem but a lack to heal from past wounds.
this channel is a gold mine
While listening to the doctors describe women, I remembered my first car. Hard to start when it was cold and often difficult to shift into first gear.
Dr Ruth would be so proud of you two. 😊
Thank you both for sharing your knowledge with us all.
Been married 35yrs. There has been plenty of times the O didn’t happen for various reasons. Don’t get hung up on it. Don’t make her feel bad either. Learn to enjoy the intimacy regardless. There will be plenty of super sex times
Wise words, sir.
Truth!
That's experience right there.
Married 34 years myself. I agree completely.
@@haroldhenderson2824 Awesome. It’s not an easy thing.
So women do not tell their partner what works for them and what not, preferring to fake it. And then they say that men do not communicate.
Every woman I have ever been with I always told them never to fake it it doesn't do anything for me. I had one girlfriend, the only one actually, who could never climax during intercourse. So I did what I had to do so she could. Speaking as a man myself it doesn't do anything for me if a woman fakes it.
I agree and feel the same way.
Likewise. There’s lots of men who truly want to please their woman and learning how to best bring joy and passion to lovemaking. It’s an insult to us to fake an orgasm and if women value and expect honesty in the relationship, then telling the truth is paramount. Sex can be a wonderful mirror into the relationship.
Agree 100%.
Agreed. When it’s all fake and exaggerated it’s more annoying than anything else and a huge turnoff.
@@jimosborne2 so agree, I’m in my 40s and had sec for the first time w my guy that we dated casually for 2 years. Honestly I though there was something going on w me, more research I did, turns out most women that are older in their late 20 and so on it’s impossible for us to get a orgasm just by vaginal penetration. For the younger chics it’s a little different cause they’re a bit more sensitive down there. But ya I never faked it w him, we talked it through. We talked bout his past relationships and I told him those chica he was w must of been faking it as well. Just cause a women gets really wet doesn’t mean she’s having an orgasm 😒
Communication is certainly important, but when one partner would be ok never having again while the other can’t live without it, those conversations can be uncomfortable. No one wants to choose between duty sex and celibacy.
Interesting study on coercive orgasm! I have Secondary Progressive MS, and have significantly reduced sensation in my pelvic area. So orgasms are incredibly rare, even during masturbation.
But sex became so much nicer because there was no "expectation" of an orgasm, and I had a medical reason which made it "okay" for sex partners to let themselves off the hook too.
Sex is more fun with no expectations looming over anyone!
Thank you for the discussion! Very informative! Dr Rocket 🚀
My girl said she never had an orgasm before she met me because men never stimulated her as much mentally as I do and that's the reason, where she just thought sex was just physical until I informed her that it's a spiritual, emotional, and mental experience.
It’s mainly about penis size
man, she is lying
😂😂😂😂
@@vicentepoulsen1502 😂😂😂
She's capping LMAO
Same applies for men too. To women - involve your man, ask him what works for him & what not works for him.
They already know and have satisfaction guaranteed. Not everything is about men
My experience has been that no matter how much I warp myself to a woman's "needs and desires" she will always find another excuse for not having sex. Done.
Been there, and now she's gone. My new wife of 16 years is the opposite. I guess I got lucky.
The common denominator is you. Don't blame others for your lack of skills
@@MatildeVallespinCasas not worth the trouble. Spent years developing the skills, and it still made no difference. Once a woman has what she wants, be it kids or security, the sex dies.
@@robertspeed6200lesbians don't have that problem at all. Maybe you can learn from them. Or gay men, for that matter. I insist, the common denominator is you
@@robertspeed6200lesbians and gay men don't have that trouble, so maybe it's you. I insist, you are the common denominator
You are right. They did not tell us how to tell if they are faking.
What an eye opener this was for me. Ever since losing a very high paying job to downsizing my wife became the major provider to our household earning much more than me. Since then I guess the "mother figure" kicked in and sex has become literally non existent.
100% bet shes still getting sex even tho it's not from you.
Women get resentful of men who dont have a job or make less then they do
She's a control freak narcissist.
You are in a difficult situation, statistically speaking the future is grim for relationships with women that are paid more than men.
Treat looking for a good job as a priority, your relationship depends on it. If you are not paid at least 20% more than your wife you are in the danger zone.
@@Gengh13 I literally couldn't agree more.
@@Gengh13 This thread is the saddest thing I’ve read since putan invaded Ukraine. I’m very sorry that is your situation, and I hope it changes. Don’t know what the h I would do.
Dr. Malik, please talk about different orgasm intensities. Not all orgasms are the same and I think this rarely understood topic needs to be covered. Thank you.
Me: "what would you like, we have all morning I'll do anything you want..."
Wife: "shut up you weirdo, would you just get this over so we can go have coffee"
These lovely ladies talk about women as if most aren't soul destroying machines.
stop being submissive. tell her what to do
Do it at night, dumbo.
Truth. But, hot tall Chads are getting the good stuff and don't have to put a ring on it. Peace.
Thats what happens when men go weak
Some good women think other women are good too
True
Faking an organism is not productive, we "men" need to be told what feels good. Selfish vs selfless,
Host, and hostess vs tic on the dog syndrome, or two ticks, and no dog.
I remember a discussion about work around the house issue. Many times it's not that the men won't or don't help but that there is a difference between what actually needs to be done and what does not. Women tend to think more needs to be done than actually what really needs to be done. It also means not doing many things doesn't mean the home will turn into a hell hole of a mess. So in many ways it's the women that inflicts the disparity on themselves by having too much focus of their own expectations.
I've experienced that one myself, I wondered if it was to do with anxiety disorder which as I understand it is quite common in women. To elaborate this particular woman believed that there was an overwhelming amount of work and wasn't able to prioritise (or more accurately she had assigned everything to maximum priority). Not really sure how you're supposed to help somebody like that, overworking yourself to try and meet their unreasonable expectations doesn't do it.
The ultimate personification of this was the 'house proud' woman who kept the 'best room' immaculate and no one was allowed to use it. Some even kept the curtains closed so that the sun would not fade the fabrics.
@@petegarnett7731 Ha!...you reminded me of some women I knew who did just what your saying.
This describes my wife perfectly. She starts off our sexual activity by going through all of the possible distractions that might get her out of the mood, with the finale being that she's distracted by thinking about how distracted she is. (Which I'm supposed to do something about.) She will literally leap off of my crotch in the middle of sex to walk off and feed/play with the cats because one of them meowed or ran around while we were getting intimate, so it *must* be an emergency.
I have heard a few women say that men "fake it" too. Well, to that I answered that one thing's for sure, men can't fake making a deposit.
I last about 2 hours now that I'm older, I've never had a woman fake it. You know, because they shake uncontrollably, that can't be faked.
This is why I can't do one-night stands. I like to explore my lovers' turn-ons. Sometimes a kiss on the neck for one will be different for another. I had one person that liked being kissed but not when their left arm wasn't being caressed... right arm was fine. We all have different triggers, I think most of us don't even realize our triggers until they happen.
I agree or they think that this would really be hot or turn them on when try it it is not what they thought it was going to be like. I can do the whole hook up if we just met but don't care for the finality of it being one night only, especially if it were three or four times that night before sunrise.
Really interesting video full of really useful information and advice: I will certainly play this again. Many thanks to you both.
I don't think Iv'e ever met a woman who faked it for me, However, I did meet one that said to me, hurry up, It worked a treat, I lost interest very fast.
She explained "why" but don't think she explained "how to tell." Or did I miss it?
Me also.... kind of misleading
I feel like if you follow most of the duscussion in the vid, you won't have to worry about faking. It's more about open communication and healthy relationships rather than "finding signs".
No, you didn’t miss it. We’re all still in the dark on the subject. 😉
One way is when her neck, chest or face gets flushed...
4:00
20:22 is a far more important point than it was given in this discussion.
Many men who do a lot around the house often find women loose interest. As their perception if the man declines.
Much womens media focuses on negatives, this skews perceptions and damages relationships. If you consume media where every article has the underlying assumptions are the women are "opressed" or men are useless will warp perceptions.
If she’s with her husband she’s faking it, if she’s with her boyfriend she isn’t.
She wouldn't have sex with her husband - and it would be all his fault
Been married over 20 years and have no clue if she’s faking. 😏
Classic
Some women don’t like to be asked what they like - it’s too analytical and kills the mood. Maybe it’s too controlling and puts pressure on her, as Dr. Casperson points out. Sometimes, they don’t even know what they like. So, you have to try things and pay attention.
That’s insane
So sounds like their problem then ?
@@sierraecho884 not at all. Asking questions can be intrusive, male-domineering, trying to engineer an outcome.
@@rexwave4624 Ehm no asking questions in communication and commin sense. If you feel it is intrusive then it is your problem and you got to learn how to handle your issues.
this is stupid
Kinda feels like everything is the guys fault. We are so dumb that most of us don't even know if she finished.
How about women taking responsibility for something. How about instead of saying men aren't very good at detection maybe you follow up with some reasons like men trust our women and what they're representing to us.
This is another pass for women in the bedroom.
If you are a bad lover is your responsibility. You know, when women self pleasure they have no problem whatsoever
"Working on your sex life is like the final frontier in personal growth"- well said & pretty much sums up for me. I have used that as a yardstick to measure the self-esteem of potential partners for lonģ since sex is not an activity to be done in self-abasement.
As for the act itself, that zen state during sex doesnt come naturally in the beginning (from a male perspective). You go through few failures, learn to understand the signs by looking at her face/ in her eyes/ feel her body. U prolong what u r doing if she likes it & stop something if she doesnt. U learn her comfort limits and the limits of ur own sexual & physical appetite. Most of the times, women seek self-validation through sex and they may not be forthcoming in expressing themselves verbally. However, slightly contradictory to what u said but the best sex involves two partners who seek to extend and intensify their own pleasure rather than trying to please the other person. Everything else then naturally follows. Great sex gets two bodies and souls merging. So much is happenning simultaneously at the same time like u dont even feel the effort at the time. U can be pressing, kissing, hugging, caressing with ur arms, fingers, chest, mouth all the while still thrusting inside of her. If u have been there even once, u will always want every sexual encounter to at least reach the same level of pleasure or even surpass it.
What about women who do very little to communicate with their partners what they want or like? We can't read minds, but yet some blame us for not knowing what to do for them when nothing is communicated to us even when asked. AKA "Everything is fine..."
.
then they complain that WE dont communicate
I got a great deal out of watching this episode, this has to be my favorite video of yours so far. Dr Casperson is equaly as straight forward with important information and concepts as you are Dr. Malik.
When she squirts and farts at the same time, you know she wasn't faking lmao😁
Of course squirting can happen without orgasm.
Hell yes that’s the damn truth lol 😂
But do women ever fart?
@@akunformalitas Women do NOT belch or fart; therefore they must BITCH or they will BLOW UP!!!🌋
@@akunformalitas all the time. They just don't like us men hearing them. And when they do it in bed lol...
Thanks you two so interesting on so many levels, well dun to both off you!
What if your partner doesn’t ever want to talk about sex. My wife never wants to, also she wants it to be spontaneous, we have 2 boys (11 and 7) and I work 10pm to 6am….I unfortunately have to ask when but that’s a turn off for her. But If I don’t ask we have gone 6 months with no sex. I find it frustrating
Just give it to her mate. She wants it lol
Carry her to the bedroom!!
You need a babysitter so you can go out with your wife and have sex
find a better wife. Stand up for yourself or tell her you are leaving.
THANK YOU DR RENE,,COMMUNICATION IS KEY,.CLOSE MINDED WOMEN ARE TOUGH FOR ME..STAY WELL
One dead giveaway she's faking is she's not moving her hips. That's a part women often forget. If her hips are moving she can still be faking it, but it's less likely. And I can't believe I have to tell this to two doctors but men don't necessarily feel something good when they ejaculate.
Also when their chest, neck or face gets flushed...
Great segment. Thank you
I really am into full body massage with Happy ending and g-spot focus work and love to practice being not only friendly and beneficial, but also therapeutic with women who are willing to be "girls" and friends.
That's my favorite also. The slow transition from massage to teasing is very exciting and you get to enjoy the touch and seeing her body and the reactions the entire time. Not to mention when I'm not workingi as a masseur and I'm with my wife! 🤣😝 Just kidding.
I once googled this with no clear answer, finally thank you
one thing I learned from this video is that women like to lie alot 😂
Good job Drs👍
Yes! Excuses, excuses women I believe they are faking 95% of the time, but when dating they expect you to fall in love with them, tell me who’s going to be relaxed and love a person that gets caught telling lies , when you are a older guy we don’t care 🤷♂️ we just want to have our fun!! So lie and fake all you want makes no difference to me 😎!
So, you suck in bed. Thanks for the tip
wow. the word "right" was certainly in focus. it should have been the title, right?
I just love you and your educational videos
Dr Rena You are Amazing. I really provide a Lot of Information. Thanks
How do we know if they say OMG your so big. They are telling the truth?
You never talk about semen retention, delayed gratification, self control or discipline. Masturbation and pornography is destroying men's lives, making them weak, low levels of testosterone, even causing erectile dysfunction. I saw one of your videos talking about how good masturbation is. How can a doctor be so one-sided. You've embraced spectacle and sensationalism.
21:21 They all say that communication is so important, as if as soon as you talk everything is all right but it does depend a lot on how you talk, when you talk and what you talk about because the wrong word at the wrong time can cause great harm and can never be taken back.
I didn't catch the part where they say how to tell the difference between a real one or not, anyone have a time stamp or summary?
I don’t think they did 🥲😕
Click bait title
I think so Rena! But who cares and men need to learn that lesson for them self’s. Thanks
if it's dripping wet then you might have done the job right. I can usually tell by the gushing noise that it makes when it's a good round. But you can't be 100 percent sure about anything in this world.
Great sex sounds like someone running in flip flops...
Am always told whoever crosses the finish line first wins!
Prediction: They are going to blame men > 50% of the time.
I give them credit. They waited until the 16 minute mark to nag men. Never mind that men have to almost double their wife's income to be attractive to her. Men work harder providing for the family. I think the uneven workload is against men despite what biased academia would have us believe.
Just watching this hours after breaking up with my first girlfriend😬. Very eye opening
Guys,… get your pleasure and let them fake and live in fake dreams!
Good video but did not answer the question of “how to tell if she’s faking it?”
I find it interesting that there never is a discussion about Men and us faking a good time. As if to say "we automatically have a good time cause we are having sex with a woman". But, just because we ejaculated doesn't mean we automatically had a good time; and some of us fake having a good time as well... BUT IT'S NEVER TALKED ABOUT HOW TO PLEASURE A MAN like we are just robots that just have sex at will. Don't get me wrong the video contained great information but, I'm curious when there's going to be talk regarding the men side of things
You are AWSOME! Thank you!
I don’t agree completely with the lubricant statements. Sometimes there is too much lube and it takes away from the friction. No matter how tight is is. Can’t open a door on if your hands are covered with Vaseline, no matter how strong the grip- for example.
I disagree with the generalization that women do more. Men often gravitate toward careers that are physically or mentally and emotionally exhausting such as construction worker or high level executive with tons of responsibility. In these cases the man may also be earning more and paying the bulk of the bills. Wouldn't that be "fathering" as a counter to the "mothering" theory mentioned? I also disagree when women say "you only want me for sex" because, at least for this man, sex, foreplay, and after is one of the few times I can let my guard down and be truly vulnerable and thus emotionally connected. Without regular reinforcement that emotional bond for me starts to weaken, I feel unwanted and unloved. I agree 100% men have more to learn about woman but I would say the same is true for women about men. To some degree "fake it til you make it" makes sense. There are times I just want alone time but she needs or wants something from me, so I do it because I care. And after I feel fulfilled in doing something for her. But I had to pull myself out of my rut to do it. Couldn't that be true when she's "not in the mood"? My point her being is a more balanced understanding is required.
I left my girlfriend for doing that once upon a time. Found out she was prostituting on the side too. Its a bad way to look at sex. It shouldn't be transactional in a relationship, huge red flag.
The face and upper torso turns red and is very warm!
great advice thank you
So much to learn about. Thanks doc