Is Your “Ride or Die” Relationship Toxic? This Author Wants You to Examine It

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.ย. 2024
  • Critically acclaimed writer and sociology professor Shanita Hubbard joins us to discuss her upcoming book “Ride or Die: A Feminist Manifesto for The Well-Being of Black Women.” She gets real about the negative impacts of being a constant support system for your peers while not investing in yourself. The conversation between Tamron and Shanita is a no-holds-barred conversation that you don’t want to miss.
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ความคิดเห็น • 48

  • @sandracampbell8377
    @sandracampbell8377 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    I really love watching this today. I am 57 years old and just last year I removed myself from toxic relationships with God help and therapy. I am so much better

  • @arodemidive6195
    @arodemidive6195 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    Powerful! We are too eager to benefit those who don't benefit us. We even are willing to hurt ourselves in the process. No one does that for us.

  • @christinemcgruder5734
    @christinemcgruder5734 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    It took some hard lessons before I learned that "NO" is a wonderful word to use, and setting great, healthy boundaries makes my life so much easier. I wish the young lady who quit her job as a teacher - a job she loved, would have just been strong enough to say NO, and to set good boundaries. She would still be doing what she loves. Her story made my heart so sad, because we need good teachers, and she left what she loved. Sad indeed.

  • @johntirado-glover3574
    @johntirado-glover3574 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    I tell people all the time; Allow yourself to be first, in your Life It's okay. You're not being Selfish. You cannot sustain being everything for everyone.
    Self Care is a Must. Ride on yourself!

    • @larsandradouglas3119
      @larsandradouglas3119 ปีที่แล้ว

      This ‼️🫶🏽

    • @michaeld.williamsiii9026
      @michaeld.williamsiii9026 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I absolutely agree, @John I’ve been doing a-lot of tending to myself lately since the passing of my adopted mom and the grief I’m in also. Self care is very important along with self love.

    • @SELFCAREMODEL
      @SELFCAREMODEL ปีที่แล้ว

      IM SO GAPPY FOR YOU BOTH.

    • @SELFCAREMODEL
      @SELFCAREMODEL ปีที่แล้ว

      IM SO GAPPY FOR YOU BOTH.

    • @SELFCAREMODEL
      @SELFCAREMODEL ปีที่แล้ว

      IM SO GAPPY FOR YOU BOTH.

  • @solangegarcia536
    @solangegarcia536 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Persons who ride or die for people are often persons who lack boundaries.

    • @autisticlybrē
      @autisticlybrē ปีที่แล้ว +2

      You're absolutely right atleast in my case you are and I'm only just now learning to set boundaries. Otherwise people will continue to use and abuse me for the rest of my life and I just can't anymore.

    • @alovelettertothebrave
      @alovelettertothebrave ปีที่แล้ว

      I agree. For me, it was lacking boundaries and being a people pleaser.

    • @DekiaWorthy
      @DekiaWorthy หลายเดือนก่อน

      For Sure! I was definitely one of those people, that's how I ended up riding for my students. Currently working on this now and living a MUCH more balanced life.

  • @cinnamonbrown47
    @cinnamonbrown47 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Wow. I am 57-years old and I have been single since 2015. I feel amazing. It's ok to be alone. It's ok to say no. It's ok to feel good about the decisions you make in your life. You have to be ok with yourself. I've learned that SELFCARE IS SELFLESS. Amen.

  • @heathermetz6576
    @heathermetz6576 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    10:36 "But, Let's get here, Let's get free and Let's get healed of that. Because, You Deserve That! You Deserve to show up for you at your fullest capacity!" 11:18 "Require and Reciprosity!"

  • @leirno
    @leirno ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Tamron, your a gift of God to us, pls keep doing what your doing

  • @sweetlady9809
    @sweetlady9809 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Yes this is where Im at in my life now as well. Please people learn how to reciprocate and therapy is very helpful .

  • @bellalee6927
    @bellalee6927 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    This really touched my heart. I felt this,in my spirit. I'm dealing with this very thing right now. Being there,for everyone but myself.

  • @SELFCAREMODEL
    @SELFCAREMODEL ปีที่แล้ว +3

    IM DEFINITELY GOING TO HAVE TO GIFT MYSELF THIS BOOK. A WELL NEEDED CONVO. & MIGHT I ADD RIDE OR DIE ISNT ALWAYS PRISON EXPERIENCES AS SHE MENTIONED. IT CAN SHOW UP IN A RELATIONSHIP. IF YOUR PARTNER’S MOTHER WAS RIDE OR DIE FOR HER HUSBAND & SON. YOU AS A GIRLFRIEND OF THE SON WILL EXPERIENCE THAT PRESSURE. & YOU WILL NEVER BE HIS MOM. BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE CANT UNSEE IT. THE CONDITIONING IS THAT STRONG. YOU WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH.

  • @heatherwashington7342
    @heatherwashington7342 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Your hair, your entire outfit is beautiful !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  • @marissa._
    @marissa._ ปีที่แล้ว +13

    I'll NEVER believe in "unconditional love"!
    That's the same things as saying, "love endures all" and it DOESN'T!
    I'd rather die than be abused!
    I'd rather die than be cheated on!
    I'd rather die than be controlled!
    I'd rather die than be manipulated!
    I'd rather die than be gaslighted!
    I'd rather die than pay the price for something I DIDN'T do or say!
    I'd rather die happily in peace than be stuck in a miserable, toxic relationship!
    There's NO SUCH THING as "unconditional love"! Because then the abuser is gonna want "unconditional forgiveness" when he cheats and abuses the girl he's with!
    I'll NEVER believe in "unconditional love"!
    I'll NEVER believe in the "ride or die" concept/culture because I'm gonna ALWAYS choose "die" over "ride"! NOBODY takes me for a ride! 🙅
    I'll NEVER believe in forgiveness! Abuse and cheating are NOT "mistakes"!
    A mistake is something ACCIDENTAL!
    A mistake is something done WITHOUT ill-intent!
    Even children and family DON'T get unconditional love!
    I don't know about anyone else but MY LOVE is 1,000,000% CONDITIONAL! WITHOUT QUESTION! And that's for BOTH romantic relationships AND familial relationships!
    NO ONE'S entitled to "unconditional love"! NOT MEN, NOT WOMEN & NOT CHILDREN! NO ONE! 🙅🙅🙅🙅
    I said what I said!

  • @CommonSenseSisters
    @CommonSenseSisters ปีที่แล้ว +2

    These conversations are very important & we’re glad they’re having it ❤
    Always VIP✅ to set clear boundaries, stick to it & implement the consequences of disrespecting those boundaries. Your mind & well-being will thank you for it, because you’re gonna have peace whilst on your journey fulfilling your life purpose. CHOOSE “YOU” FIRST ❤ & make your SELF-CARE❤ a PRIORITY💝 not an option

  • @flowerreyez6998
    @flowerreyez6998 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I'm so proud of you Shanita!! HEY GIRL!

  • @uscitizen3252
    @uscitizen3252 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Wow! She looks so much like Tasha Cobbs!!

  • @lt3074
    @lt3074 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Like the Karen White song I'm not your Superwoman.

  • @katherineday9093
    @katherineday9093 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I can relate to this!! I like her mindset!! This is Good!!!!

  • @eyram5098
    @eyram5098 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Very very powerful ❤

  • @vienicestyles
    @vienicestyles ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Children get our unconditional love. Love comes with conditions in relationships. Period.

    • @zee-zm1io
      @zee-zm1io ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Absolutely

  • @seensay2132
    @seensay2132 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Whomever you’re with should be pouring the same effort, love and attention into you. The original Ride or Die concept NEVER implied unhealthy relationships and imbalance. It just says you shouldn’t run from the hard times. But Everybody loves the Sunshine 🤷🏾‍♂️

  • @sonyalewis7745
    @sonyalewis7745 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Congratulations Shanita!!

  • @MarthaHenry1
    @MarthaHenry1 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I know more than I want to know about ride-or-die and narcissism. my husband was diagnosed with it, but I did not know the full impact of what that meant until...The love of my life, the only man I have ever loved and been married to for 38 years, decided he wanted to date while married. He went online and started dating up a storm without my consent or knowledge. That old Knucklehead does not even "have it like that" in the love department if you know what I mean. Well, to make a long story short and sweet, he moved in with one of the side-chicks in Georgia and I am here in California living my life like it is Golden. Every day, I wake up and I asked myself, "Martha, what wonderful thing will you do for yourself today?" God has let me know I don't have to understand all the foolishness and "carrying on" that happens in this earthly realm. Just keep moving, so I am moving my mind and body to a higher realm of joy with GirlTrek as a crew leader. Thank you, Jesus!!!

  • @sekhmet747
    @sekhmet747 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I like that outfit!

  • @mamphetelisekantsi7926
    @mamphetelisekantsi7926 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I needed to hear this

  • @tiffanyjackson3572
    @tiffanyjackson3572 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Riding for ME!

  • @Satawolf
    @Satawolf ปีที่แล้ว +1

    By definition they are. Ride or Die. Dying is the only alternative that is toxic

  • @IAMAQT711
    @IAMAQT711 ปีที่แล้ว

    I love this clip. Made me cry because it hit a nerve.

  • @deion55
    @deion55 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    What if you are this person and now you're sick and can't show up for yourself.

  • @lenaywhitlock4179
    @lenaywhitlock4179 ปีที่แล้ว

    TAM YOU LOOK FABULOUS!

  • @naturalnikki8675
    @naturalnikki8675 ปีที่แล้ว

    Great interview!

  • @chieftrice
    @chieftrice ปีที่แล้ว

    3.21.