@@thijsjong Every single human is a sentient flowchart, a endlessly repeating set of default programs. In fact, why am I even saying this to you? To make it Te fairsies. There's one of my own programs in action!
This describes my entire childhood and young adult years. Playing dumb and wearing the costume got me the reactions from people I wanted, but not the intellectual stimulation. And eventually the price became no one took me seriously even though I was a wicked smart kid. Sad. At some point I realized there wasn't a single person in my life that I could talk to brain to brain, and that all my conversations were for others' benefit to make them comfortable. Suddenly I saw just how deep my oddness went. Being an intj is no joke.
I gave candy to my friend I really don't want to share but I tried and I got label best friend . She got angry next time when I didn't give her . It was weird .
‘Playing dumb’ in childhood might mean going easy on a basketball game, being sillier or for some being more serious. I’d like to think that playing dumb is a child’s expression of humility. Hopefully as we grow we understand ourselves well enough to know when to hold back and when to be authentic.
@@InternetLiJo Agreed. I'm so isolated from society i don't know such practices. That's all. All my contact towards others is strictly professional IRL, nothing more. I did not had the urge to socialize in school. I had my own ways. Now i can see why that was not such a good practice. I found out in my late 30s, i always had aspergers. So i'm working on that too.
As an INTJ kid, I didn't play dumb. And I literally had no friends. But I didn't mind. I did get bullied, but I fought back. Lol. Later on in life, I'm surrounded with smart people and gained real friends . Mostly INTPs and INFPs. Won't have it any other way.
Do as the Romans do... the extroverted feeling mantra. Mine is less developed so I go with the “diet version of my personality” approach. I won’t fool any Romans haha it’s all fun till they give you the Caesar treatment 😂
Yes it like develops as a skill, as if you’re learning a different language in order to communicate more fluently by dumbing down your complex thoughts
Yes but it's exhausting, and over time you forget who you even are. I think that's why Fe users sometimes hit a wall and hate everyone for a little while.
Journaling helps intjs with their memory. The past has keys to our future. Missing those keys leaves us wondering what we need to open some of the future's doors.
@@InternetLiJo I recently read my journals from my previous (abusive) marraige and it was eye opening. They helped me remember I wasnt the "sad" victim who just got through it, but a strong minded fighter. Boosted my self respect quite a bit.
I find that I have a short memory too and so I journal almost everyday, been doing it since I was young and I draw little pictures along with my dark humor in them! LOL hope no one has to read it someday
There’s something inherent to being intj that makes us feel like outsiders no matter how in the group we are. It could be being an NT woman, or having Fi where we have it and being oblivious to any fe or traditional si norms
So interesting. I remember being around 12 when for this reason I asked somebody in a group of kids how long the young pigeons will be breastfed. Getting to know yourself will always be fascinating.
ionut ionut I remember going on a journey once about whales, starting off with the fact that whales are mammals. Well mammals have milk for their young, but I don’t think whales have lips because of their giant teeth fiber things, do whales have lips to nurse? No. They don’t. Whale milk is incredibly thick (like butter) and baby whales muzzle the teat until it comes out and then just drink their butter milk from the water
I understand and empathize. Must feel very lonely, alienating, and bewildering at times. As an INFJ I especially hate it when other ppl make baseless assumptions on INTJ's character or motives without merit. I tend to feel protective of INTJs and keep an eye out for them in case of bullying. It makes me mad rage when I see it happen esp when they maliciously cross a line, and I have even on few occasions publicly shredded these cowards to pieces. As an INFJ I tend to hold back a lot and it takes a lot to get me to this point, I tend to try to see the good or appeal to their better side and I usually give warning shots first. I feel bad because the INTJ is typically cluelessly blundering socially and not doing anything on purpose to anybody, so in that regard I see them as innocent and undeserving of abuse.
I remember in kindergarten, my classmates were fighting over who broke a toy, that had been broken for the entire year. So I just told them, "it's someone from the years before", and for some reason no one seemed to understand what I was saying, and continued to fight over who, at the moment, had broken the toy... I'm glad my friends now understand me (INFP, INFJ, ENFP), or at least try to.
That isn't necessarily a negative thing in the long run. You noticed what it took to change, if temporarily, your situation to make it tolerable and even enjoyable at times. Adaptability as a survival mechanism.
I was a sensitive kid during childhood and I was bullied in kindergarten and had to change schools during first grade.But when My Te started to develop I become the most coldest and sarcastic person you will ever meet.I wonder what I would become when Fi started to develop.
you will see highs and lows unlike anyone around... just try to keep away from self destruction... been there, not fun... although most likely unavoidable😅
INTP here. My Si developed first and Ne joined the club when it was almost too late. It was probably heavily suppresed due to all the conditioning in my earlier years or maybe that's just how the development went naturally to me. My higher self just placed the bet on high stakes and watched what will turn out.
When I was a teen, I made some efforts to "fit in" , but I never happened to feel good about it. I couldn't relate to most of the girls my age. I used to wear the same outfits all the time, I didn't wanna attend the parties, and I was always reading when everyone else was talking about the party last night. And it seemed boring to them lol. Well, I was (and still slightly am) insecure about myself but at the same time I saw myself at another level. So I stopped trying. Instead I tried to find my own people, and I did, I have very few friends but that's enough for me. I also learned to communicate intelligently.
You're not alone ;) That was my experience as an INFJ as well, couldn't relate to girls my age at all. I always felt I was doing something 'wrong' socially and practically. I hated having to retrofit myself to fit their norms and social rules.
As an INTJ male, this brought back memories for me as well. I remember as a teen that often when I would make comments or observations of an intellectual nature it would go so far over my peers' heads that they would think I was stupid. This was the case despite the fact that they knew that I routinely earned higher grades than them and took advanced classes in every subject matter. I also do remember outgrowing them to the point where a former best friend commented to me (years later after finding me on the internet) that he was hurt that I seemed to have one day abandoned him and moved on with my life for no reason at all.
My wife is an INTJ who experienced a similar pattern of behavior during her youth. As a male INFP, I had to do something similar, but instead of leaning into my more feminine lead/auxiliary combination (FI/NE), I was encouraged by male authority figures to develop and display my tertiary and inferior functions (Si/Te). I wanted to take the time to let you know that it helped her to hear your story, especially in regard to the limited access you have when trying to recall certain memories. Nearly everyone in her family has Si as a lead or auxiliary function, which makes them want to talk primarily about things experienced during the day, or from memories they are reliving in the moment that are expected to have a certain emotional response (Fe). Anyway, I could ramble on and on about observations we've made about the subject, but that wasn't the point, so I won't. Great video! You have two new fans. Yay.
Playing dumb slowed down my development when I was younger.. I would keep quiet to protect other people's egos and micromanage their emotions. It was so restraining not being able to talk about your quiet successes or ideas, since everyone would think I was showing off. That got to me as a kid. Once I stopped caring about people, I really grew. I also grew up around a lot of manipulative people, so that is a variable Can't wait to see your perspective
100$ #relatablecontent . A psychologist once told me when i was younger, "ok so you don't like that people only seek you out for what you know and what you can do, why don't you try to show what you don't know?" And boom, they started to like me as a person, despite how counterintuitive i found this. You sort of have to pander to people's insecurities a bit to socialize beyond small talk ime, and sometimes a wonderful thing happens where someone else is doing the same and after some normal human talk, the real talks begin to happen! Kinda like dropping the human suit and reveal the alien
OMG, this is so wild! INTJ here and I did this as well. In high school, I think it was my sophomore year, my INFJ Mom asked me why I was starting to act ditzy. She's like "Why are you acting dumb? You're a smart person. Just be yourself." It shocked me because I did not remember a moment deciding to do it but I absolutely knew she was right because I felt called out even though she said it with compassion. It was as if she saw that vulnerable part of me trying to fit in that I had not admitted to myself. But after that I stopped and just allowed myself to be my normal smart/nerdy self and did not worry if I had a lot of friends or not. I wonder if all INTJs go through this?
Most of the time I feel as if I may have played dumb for too long and now that I’m out of school I honestly wish I would have just been the “nerd” Especially being that I was STILL 🤦🏻♀️ referred to as one regardless.
I'm an INFJ and my childhood bestfriend is an INTJ. I remember a time when we used to fight all the time because she felt confronted by me whenever I tried to help her out with math. I remember crying because she often saw me as an opponent or an enemy, when I just wanted to help. This is the ultimate level of the INFJ x INTJ childhood😂😂
@@InternetLiJo I had the same friend. I had seeing others from my class as a primitive creatures who haven't and can't bring any original idea. In my mind I felt like they all are literally dead inside. Now I determined for sure there are a lot of zombies between us, they look like humans but have no mind, no will, no freedom.
I love to talk to you on the phone or email. My fb private chat is not working. I've been tested by a Canadian self employment program as intj. Mom said that in the early 70s my teacher thought their was something wrong with me..I shyed away from other kids. I remember because I could not relate to them. I'm now over 50 :((( and I feel my intj and possibly add may have killed my careers in the past.
@@zinasherif7791 I'm completely sure about it. Julia (the INTJ girl I mentioned) managed to win the math olympics in my country when we were still in school. I also don't think that being good at math is the definition of intelligence.
I recently realized why I've been thinking others considered me boring. It happened when I was in grade school. Probably second or third grade. I was always thinking about bizarre stuff, like why physics works the way it works, why I don't see the same thing when I close either the left or right eye, etc. The world's complexity enchanted me when I was in kindergarten. And I never talked about the topics I was fascinated by with people. I never knew that on a conscious level, but I was intuitively sure they'd freak out if I brought up something like that just out of curiosity. Or it'd be more accurate if I said I was just scared talking about that. But there was a day when I wanted trying to talk about what I was interested in. So I asked my classmate: "Have you ever wondered why...?" (The topic was so eccentric that I couldn't recall it.). And they looked at me silently with extreme confusion. I even felt they were disgusted when I saw their eyes. That was probably the first time when I felt dumb and misunderstood. It was like, "You're stupid, boring, or whatsoever." So I never spoke out about my odd interests ever again. I have no idea why this case caused me to think I was boring, though... Maybe just because humans consider unrelatable things tedious. After that event, I kept going with a parents-teachers-adults-pleasing attitude - just as it was before. And I'm doing that even now, yet on the unconscious level. I hate that. I feel like I'm losing myself while growing up. Also, I often think I'm not smart enough to be an INTJ. But if I am one, then I've been stuck in a NiFi loop at least for 10 months.
ENTJ: Never will I ever play dumb as it could be used against me in the future. However, I will try to raise everyone around me in some way to my level of thinking so as to ensure my vision becomes reality and we can all share in that success.
Omg, you've described my social life perfectly. I have 22 now, and still feel like i'm pretending to be someone else, at least partially, in order to be able to engage with my friends. I mean, i really like them, but i feel like i cannot talk about the things i really want to, because no one would be interested and it would be strange. So i think i always keep a part of myself hidden, and yes, play dumb sometimes, so that i don't feel completely awkward and out of place.
I played dumb in order to get through one of the many internships I did many moons ago. I learned a whole lot about the organization and the people there even let me into their "inner circle" at one point because they thought I didn't really know what was going on so it didn't matter if I "heard things". It was great on one hand to be given that level of trust but frustrating because of the fear of being found out. In hindsight it really stirred up an inner conflict of desiring to be real and unapologetic of structuring things that had great opportunities for success, while knowing that hiding the intelligence meant being included, trusted and generally liked. - INTJ
Interesting as INTJ, i went completely other way after trying to fit in a bit like you by pretending, but i found it quickly soooo exhausting.... and then i separated myself from most ppl and become observer of some kind of real life documentary (social hierarchy, mating rituals of human animals type of thing), since i didn't wanna go to their lvl of .. silliness and irrational behavior which i found extremely perplexing i guess (hence observing),... I become that one smart but quiet kid that didn't really fit in but was not separated completely, they would come to me when they needed help or music cd/dvds and i would demand sacrifice of chocolates for it XD ... i just needed them to grow up, and really first true friends i found only in my collage years.
Hi LiJo, I understand what you are talking about. I think what you experienced in your middle school years is the "Pratfall Effect". When you showed some vulnerability by making a mistake, your friends were able to relate to you. You actually were human after all, totally capable of making a mistake or doing something dumb. I think for INTJs folks learning to be vulnerable is a skill we need to develop if we are ever going to have effective relationships with the other 98% out there.
Lijo I love you. You just explained my whole life and you have helped me discover i am a SEVERE INTJ to the max. Thank you for everthing ❣️"thats all it took?" REALLY hit me
I was bullied pretty badly in middle school. Of course, at the time, I didn't know that what was happening to me was bullying. I thought everyone just hated me because I was smarter than them, and I thought that was normal and what kids do... I had a group of friends while in middle school and I don't remember dumbing myself down for them but I distinctly remember having a lot of conflict with them, and feeling as though they just tolerated me because they were friends with my "best friend," so they just included me but didn't value me or care to have me there. This "best friend" was also not a real friend. She would only hang out with me until someone better came along, and it would KILL me inside every time she would choose to sit with other people instead of me. I didn't know I was an INTJ at the time and I didn't understand how big of a deal loyalty, priority and reciprocal/mutual relationships was to me. I couldn't process my emotions or feelings at that age so I just would get into so many fights with her over this... Now that I'm 30, I could never even fathom the thought of fighting to be included in someone else's life or be put first, because knowing me and having me as a part of your life should be a privilege. I was really fortunate though. For high school, I applied to the best high school in the city and got in and was suddenly surrounded by a sea of like-minded people. There I met my actual best friend who is an INFJ, and I simply ADORE her. And I also met my other life long friends from that school. The majority of them are intuitive. All truly intelligent, independent, thoughtful, openminded, kind women who value me and prioritize my being in their life. When you meet your tribe, it's like the stars align.
This brings me to tears because I know very well that situation. I don't remember much from my childhood as well and it's probably better that way. As a teenager, being an outsider hurt. The more I tried to fit in the worse it was, I was bullied for 6 years. I've found my ways to deal with the lone wolf role, always standing by myself, but sometimes I just wish I can lean on someone. Luckily thanks to MBTI I can see I am not alone in this. Thank you for sharing.
My issue was that I couldn't play dumb, sure I tried at some point but I was already too far into being the "smart kid" at the time (not to mention the high expectations put on me since I was small and the childhood trauma that made me afraid to be weak), so I just never fit in and I was aware of it. For example. I would hear my family laughing and joking around in the living room and I used to try to join them and joke around but every time I would try I would end up being too serious I guess and ruining the fun. It was like this in every social interaction until I just stopped trying to interact with people and self isolated myself because no matter what I did i could never relate.
I never play dumb anymore. It's my last year of middle school and I've never made better connections than being patient and filtering through different people. When that connection comes, it just happens easy.
I feel known. This characterised my secondary school years (11-18), to the point that I didn't know who I was anymore. The social coping techniques I had developed became my personality.
Makes me want to cry just connecting to your story and feeling this reassurance. I have always analyzed and broken things down like you do, and nobody else seems to perceive or experience the world in this way. Even the way you describe humans as "humans" rather than "us" is something I resonate with. It's such a strange outside feeling, but I compensated heavily by developing a humorous persona that got me through many years of interaction where my shadow or entertainer type side would come forward. I actually even enjoy participating in this part of me now at times. But this idea of my interactions always being catered toward how I can adapt to the other person is something I don't quite always know how to handle even at 30. I have transitioned into being more unabashedly myself and authentic as time has moved on. But I have also basically accepted that there are masks we can willingly put on as a social lubricant that provide us all with a common ground or basis from which to interact from. Thank you
I just opted to grow up without friends. I don't need friends who want to hold me down. Made some in high school, one with quite inflated reputation, so students were actually competing to get in, which greatly increased concentration of growth mindset within my local population. Didn't last for a very long time, but it was a nice change.
I feel like to survive in social groups as a young INTJ, you have to learn how to fake a lot of behaviors that are common to others but not natural to the INTJ themself. Thank you for sharing this experience because I didn't even fully realize how much I did this as a kid until you talked about it!
Same for INFJ, we adapt to maintain harmony, but It's not easy to be interested in small talks. When I was a child, I nerver organize birthday party, I didn't understand why I had to give st catherine cards to others "friends" girls. My father force me to do sport, whereas i have always been thin, he wouldn'd I stayed in my bedroom, force me to move and go outside. Parents ISTJ & ESFJ : "You never know what you want", "You have to do this like this and not in an other way" All my life, most of time was "I don't know"& "Why ?" I didn't care what my parents offer me or not, all I just wanted is the peace, the harmony and to be understood. Not the negativity and see/heard conflicts. I never understood with other children/teenagers/people were so negatives, and hurtful, act bad. I hated holidays camps, I got no fun by playing/singing with others children, create things was fun. Each years et scholl and at sport, there were always 1 or 2 stupid guys to boring/annoy me. Speak was uselesss for me, I find it useless to says "hello", "good bye". I always hated to be carted, I always find it nasty and not funny at all, and disrespectful. "Oh we can't joke with you, laugh a little" Childhood and life is not easy for INxJ. When I see children, I hope they have good parents. I am so greatful to life for bringing me anxiety and depression, thanks to this I discovered MBTI. Discover this thing is one of the best things and knowledge happened to me. Since the beginning I see the world and people differently comparing to most of people, and after learning MBTI, I see/understand the world and people a level above. I understand why we call us "old souls", cause we are mature since the beginning. At kindergarden, I didn't understand why children have to sleep during the day. I could't do like others children, cause my brain never rested. The routines, the useless and stupids rules. At kindergarden, children colored sky in white, and clouds in blue. Me : Sky on blue, clouds on white. Sorry to all the blue markers which suffered. At 6 years old, I reproduced perfectly the pictures. I though It was normal. At 3 years old, I knew Santa Claus, the mouse for teeth, didn't exist, because I already knew people lied to me. Most of people though I was stupid, whereas I was surely just too mature for them. Happy to be weird ^^ Our time and energy are important.
My love for my IxxJ friends is because I saw you all doing this. You guys are so smart and quite. I love you!!! But, I’m an ENTJ so, NTJ love and relatable. I’m like a blast last too so, I was just so awkward and totally just embraced it. Yeah, make fun of yourself. People like smart people who also don’t take themselves too seriously.
@@InternetLiJo exactly!!! Especially if and when you are quite and observant... the silent elephant in the room that whenever they do talk the smart people listen.... every word is meaningful. That is truly gifted.
I always found new and innovative ways to embarrass myself as a youth. I eventually learned how to harness it by bottling my awkwardness into humor. But when visiting with an old high school classmate, they said they thought that I was funny. I don't remember being funny. I remember being laughed at. But I developed a saying, "If you're going to make a spectacle of yourself, at least sell tickets." And I use little one-liners and dorky flip-flop type punch lines where the joke is the unexpected one-lines.
Oh wow, I’m actually in tears because this was my *exact* experience as a child. I felt like I was watching a dance I could observe and understand but in which I could never participate. It was a real struggle for me and I felt like an alien, like everyone else was communicating in radio waves meanwhile I’m talking in hell, I don’t know, magic crystals or something. Scientifically verifiable or not, after learning my MBTI type things have just fallen into place. It only took three years of intense study but *now I have found my tribe* !
I used to play around being dumb and silly to make myself look interesting coz then people would laugh or just think I was cool. Idk- its shitty how every human is different and yet we all are expected to act the same to feel accepted. So I've learnt that I'd rather be alone instead of letting myself or my originality get degraded only to have friends.
the “pickup artist gurus” talk about “persona fatigue” trying to be something you’re not gets exhausting >.< sucks when you’re an N dom because nobody else reeeeallly cares about N enough to go back and forth with us as long as we’d like to. sigh.
I remember pretending to be the class clown during my childhood, like being a gagman, doing stupid show at the back of the class to gain friend. I do it for like 1 1/2 year and get exhausted. It was then I thought that I dont care about not being like or not have a friend anymore. They can come and leave if they want
Yup. This is exactly it. I thought I was being manipulative but I had to do it. They always challenged me when I spoke my normal way, so "being dumb" was the easiest option.
INFJ here. I feel like I relate to this, though I might say that I had/have to fake being "shallow". Like, caring about day-to-day happenings, gossip, slap-stick humour, and what not. To be self-deprecating, play dumb, pretend to care about shallow conversation topics, extrovert, etc, is SOMEtimes fun, but always extreeeemely exhausting. And it's a huuuge and ongoing temptation, because, as you said, it works. 🤷♀️🙃
The irony is every type has been in this situation where they had to be people other than themselves to fit in. Charlemagne da God a classic ESFP spoke of how he became a bully picking on weaker kids so he didn't get bullied and so he can have social (SE) relevance. He said he regrets hurting people now. Some carry on till adulthood wearing masks. No one has it figured out yet so why not just be yourself? But it's not worth it at all. At the end of the day when you work hard with your what you are and have and succeed, people will celebrate you for your uniqueness. Elon Musk is a good example.
elon musk is only popular because he's rich. i think he's an misanthropic asshole. and thats probably another reason for his popularity. change my mind^^
the title hit different because even now i still have to play pretend in order to keep friends and family around. it’s been so exhausting and i’m actually trying to get rid of that habit.
I can relate to this playing dumb is something I also learned helped me to be ok too. I remember not fitting in with other girls they went to the restroom in a pack and asked me once ... I went and their behaviors seemed alien to me preening gossiping talking about stupid surface stuff... I remember thinking I can go to the bathroom by myself I dont need or want a pack of girls with me and wont become less me to fit in with your weird group! It seems illogical to me..
I think we naturally play the game with our cards closed to us, I always feel like the dark horse in life not being obvious but always getting ahead of everyone else. When you want to join groups and make friends you have to open your cards to relate to others usually we play a card we want to show and discuss but others don’t get that so it’s easier to ‘play dumb’ or to have fake cards out so that people can feel comfortable around us.
I have the exact same relationship to my childhood/past memories that you do! Never remembering them and once in a blue moon something triggers that story etc. I barely even think about the past most of the time. -INFJ It's that Ni-Se axis. Focused on future (Ni) or now (Se).
I totally limited my potential in many parts of my life trying to hold on to people or giving them my time and having to conform to their expectations when I was young. Outgrowing people doesn't mean you don't care about them. If you cannot be yourself with them, then they are not your friends anyways. It sucks, but life is suffering and the only one you have can also be cool if you let it.
I remember doing this kind of thing. Sometimes I would already know the answer to a question I would ask. Or I would already know the answer to something, but I wouldn't say it right away so that it didn't seem weird.
I remember how hard it was for me to come to terms with the idea that not everyone had good intentions and that some people just weren’t going to like me no matter how nice I was-and I was constantly setting myself up to be hurt by expecting good from everyone. So I developed a cold alter ego that was terse and didn’t care. Once when a kid was being just plain rude I told him “Your bangs hide the lobotomy stitches really well.” He seemed shocked and confused and I just kept a straight face and kept being cold. The second I had a chance to get away from him I whispered to myself “I got that from a Calvin and Hobbes book I’m so sorry.” ENFJ here, btw. I just freaking want to be friends with everyone and believe that they want that too. Being rude to protect myself almost kills me. Thanks for sharing! When I noticed someone who wasn’t vibing as a kid I always tried to help!! “Hey I heard you’re into (thing much more likely to be interesting than other things you’ve tried)! What’s that like?” Or “Hey *this awkward INTJ* is so great at *impressive thing I can brag about on your behalf*! So cool!” I’m sure we all had that thing we had to fake I around.
I honestly had zero friends in high school, I had a ton of acquaintances but no one that I could spend lots of time with. I bonded with people over music and it was my only gateway to conversations. Metalheads were accommodating to everyone no matter how weird they were so I would just hang with them and talk about the latest metal bands. In reality I wanted to talk about philosophy, psychology and religion but no matter how much I tired no one cared so I just sat with the group, commented on albums I liked and read books lol.
Weirdly enough I did this as an ENFP to an extent as well. I did it though because when a popular kid would say something kinda dumb, people would laugh. I picked it up and did about the same as you did, at pretty much the same time period. I realized though that it was the principle of showing off being relatable. Dumb is not the only relatable, but it is the most apparent one. I kinda figured out over time to show flaws in a more fun way without making myself feel or look dumb to others. That way, people are more likely to show their own flaws and be more comfortable being themselves around you, and they open up more. Now we can get to the connections I actually want to make. Now we're in business! So yeah as a few other people point out, it might be a more universal child thing. However, I think it sits different with different types and aids in the way that they mature faster.
I'm sure my INTJ fiancé could relate as well. In November, she told me that she toned it down, or played dumb around her former roommates. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a similar childhood experience. I'll ask her at some point. As for myself, because I'm an INFJ, I blended in with others in an Fe way. My Ni-Ti is well developed though, so I'd occasionally make people feel uncomfortable. In fact, I had 1 friend right out of high school that I tried to discuss the migration of humans out of Africa into other parts of the world. He literally thought that we all came from separate primate ancestors that lived in different countries. So imagine a Japanese, Chinese, Russian, Egyptian, or Italian Lucy. He basically didn't want to talk about it, and maybe I was a bit condescending. After all, I studied the subject on my own, and anthropology was the 1 college class that I got an A+ in. I thought of it as common knowledge. Nowadays I just stay quiet, unless I can tell that person's interested, or capable of keeping up with me.
I really love how you just use the term "humans" instead of "people" if you lose the control of your words even a bit. Feels uncanny relatable, like the "play dumb" card too.
I find I have to do this for job interviews, which makes me come off like I don't have a personality because I'm having to suppress everything about myself to sort of tactically fit what they want (so I end up coming off as inadequate and robotic because I can't fit the box very well). Like the advice is that they want to research things like the company mission statement but I don't care what their supposed mission statement is because at the end of the day, the mission statement of all companies is "To sell products and make money" which I'm very much okay with but I just wish they were honest about it and didn't insult my intelligence by making me play stupid games and pretend I'm some idiotic child that knows nothing of how companies work in order to massage the ego of some stranger I don't care about and to tick some box on someone else's checklist.
I hear you loud and clear. We as people are afraid of ruining the mood, of being criticized, of creating discord. Basically we're afraid of attracting menacing behaviors to ourselves, and we fear incurring in a faux pas that will get us sent away from the group. So we feel attracted to those that laugh, because their aura is welcoming, not menacing. And we're attracted to those that make us laugh, because they take themselves less seriously and we suppose, right or wrong, but a bit instinctively, that it'll take more to offend them. So when you gave a dumb answer to a normal question, everyone felt relaxed, because they didn't offend you. Kids that are serious and quiet usually can't be manipulated with cute voices. Naturally everyone felt better. You took it a bit far, as a kid would do, for experimental purposes, by not showing the actual you. And it gave you the expected results. But in the end you owe it to yourself to be who you truly are, and you owe it to other people to show up as yourself as well. That way, you're reaffirming that it's okay to be who you are, and that it's okay that others show up as themselves as well. And that's revolutionary for humans in its own way, as we grow up. I like storytime! Greatly.
Personally I feel like environment growing up makes a huge difference. From the age of 0 to 7 it was just me and my mom and she would never encourage me to socialize & as a result I was super reserved as a child. Whereas when she died and I moved to another country to live with family members I went from being 1 of 2 to 1 of 7. And although I'm still an INTJ and very much an introvert I find it a lot easier to mingle with others as I was sort of forced to in the second half of my childhood. I still prefer to spend time alone, but its not as hard to fake the niceties.
This is so #relatable honestly. Ive always felt so weird about not fitting in. I always thought like, wtf was wrong w me, everyone had always got along with others and I just couldn't fit in, so I kinda started to neglect all the ppl from my age. Then I started staying at home, which it was (and is) what I usually prefer the most, and my friends just left me behind. Can't say I don't deserve it, lol.
Dont worry , sometimes people are so burden. I can say most of the people are trash. Because they re involving you and try to solve you because of what they can get from you. Stay on your purpose.
I worked in 7 different schools, being friends with local market owners,get through so much people from the society. Your situation is better for an intj than me . Believe me. Point is keeping the balance.
Scary relatable 👏 I often still do this, with a twist. I Do it to understand the other side and assess whether they know anything worth knowing. The irony is real.
My mom always get mad at me when I lost a friend because of my personality, and I really feel insecure because of that, but I just cant keep a relationship stable, only for a few people (welp those few people are introverts also so we understand each other). Thanks to your vids, I understand my personality very well and lessen up my insecurity in interactive with people haha xx
As an INFP I also strongly relate to this. It is very hard for me to feel the connection worthy enough to maintain friendship. I've always felt some kind of weird and like I'm the third wheel in every group of people... Until I met my long-term INTJ boyfriend (now we are both outsiders, but we have each other 😄) and my (probably) ESFJ friend from college who gives me enough attention and makes me feel like an important part of the group. I also have like 3 friends who somewhat understand me and accept me the way I am, and that's it. But I'm grateful, it's not about quantity but quality. 😊
@@crazymetalbitch77 Expect when we start speaking on the internet.😂 I am happy because of your relationship. I believe my "perfect match" will be INTJ too.
I’m an ENFJ and whenever I get nervous and become socially excited to where keeping up with conversations/different vibes becomes impossible, I play dumb to make others laugh. Probably a bad habit but it’s acts as a defensive if I don’t know how to respond in the moment. But my INTJ best friend sees right through me across the table hahaha
It is slightly cringey, yes. I'm an INTJ who's in high school and that's how I "play dumb". It's really fun and I like my friends. They are mostly Se and Si dominants. I integrate into my ENTP shadow by being sarcastic, clueless, and airheaded. I'd type that version of myself as an ENTP, 7w6. What's great about it is that my friends realize that I'm not actually dumb at all and they understand that I'm quite competent. Essentially, I mess around with them and that's how I made them is the first place. I'd recommend just fooling around and enjoying yourself if you're also an adolescent INTJ. You're young so take advantage of that. Just don't be an idiot, don't pressure yourself, and think carefully before you make decisions that could alter your future. I think that's needless to say since if you're an Ni dominant, you probably know and abide by that.
“Airheaded and Clueless” ? Are you suggesting that ENTP 7w6s are “airheaded and clueless” because they surely aren’t. They are just spontaneous and lively. I have a 7w6 classmate.
My family is extremally intelligent overall, and my eldest sibling always had this need to be the smartest so I played this very tricky game of acting smart but never smarter than everyone else. They were playing checkers in life and I was playing chess.
Wow, I did the same. I even realized that some of my friends/ friend's parents enjoyed explaining things to people so I would act like I didn't know what they were talking about so they could explain it to me. Before I did that the conversations would end and become awkward since I would know exactly what they were talking about and finish their sentences. I wanted to continue and get deeper into the discussion but for them, it was "more fun" to explain the idea. I quickly learned that it was just too much to keep up. Even now I find myself continuing these habits for the sake of making it thru a workday. Nowadays, I'm thankful to have friends that I could just be myself with. I sometimes even caught myself playing dumb for men that I've dated in the past. It was draining but they really like it. I no longer do it lol.
I am an INTP and this is literally my entire middle and now high school experience. I am constantly playing dumb and laughing at stuff that I do not think is funny. Like... at all. Every time that I try to start an intelligent conversation, everyone looks at me weird and doesn't understand why I even care. At my friends birthday party, I started using his chalkboard to explain Myers Briggs because I find the theory rather interesting. The only person interested was his INTP mom. 😂 I still like all of my friends. I just wish that they could think on a deeper level.
HAhahaha INTJ here and same thing! Fast forward 2021 when people make stupid jokes I start laughing obnoxiously and halfway through I cut into a straight face to add a little bit of spice LMAO
I remember having a debate with my classmate when i was 10 about life. And then, she ask me "how to make life simpler then??" I replied "just think logically and put your feelings aside.. you can't do that?" And she said no. Then we debate and debate for about 30 minutes or so, she started to threaten me. But it's useless and she look very pathetic. So i said to her "i know you don't like what i said, but i don't care. Go tell the headmaster. You probably can't".. and she started to cry. I was so confuse so i just let her be. Then people started to comfort her. One of my classmate said that what i said is the "devil speech" because it's too cold...
The only one I did is play with no child and the games that the adults (teachers, uncles, parents, etc) played were really stupid and rolled my eyes when I saw them and sometimes I reclutantly relented. I rather don't get me involved
I'm an INTP, and I also felt very isolated in my group of friends. Luckly, in high school, my group of friends and another group in the class dissolved at the same time, and I became friends with the nerd from the other group. Eventually, some girls who needed better grades became our friends, but we weren't as close. Because I had this one friend with whom I could nerd out, I didn't feel so lonely, but it was hard to socialize with other people, especially at parties, with boys. So I decided to make a social experiment too. I completely changed my behavior at this one party, I even made up a different name and life for myself, as if I was playing a character. I kissed a lot of boys that night. So I realized I could overcome my social barriers if I wanted, heck, I could be anyone I wanted if I just played the part. But I felt more comfortable being shy and quiet in a corner, talking only when something truly interested me. Even though I still wished it was more natural for me to be this social, that experiment helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. It was actually a lifesaver throughout high school. When people ignored me or made fun of me, I could always remember that night and think "yeah, it was fun, but I'm happier being me".
I resonate with this, I, to this day still have to play dumb, I call it..dimming my light. I have to do it at school, when with professionals or physicians even. My mind can hold a lot of information, so I know a lot! I love to learn, but it seems my insights always seem to overwhelm others. I also say and think of really strange things that no one else, especially growing up can comprehend! (Sidenote: Also, I have a very low grasp Si...I completely forget my childhood.) I never could keep friends and still don't and my childhood was quite isolated and, well, lonely. I think Ni users likely have the hardest time maintaining long term relationships or creating really deep and balanced friendships. Yet ironically, everyone always comes to these types for advice, assurance and reflection. Ni users are needed, But not in the way the majority of the world operates. I'm sorry you went through this, but you are brilliant and I hope now, as an adult...youll never dim yourself ever again ❤️
I did the same way with my middle school friends, and it helped me realize that I was just different, sucks that we have to create another personality which is very diff from who we really are to be able to get along with others, it’s like establishing your real self (within you) and at the same time showing your false self to everyone else
i kinda learned that being a "joker" makes people laugh and stick around thanks to my dad. he would make these dumb jokes and kinda act dumb, and my family would laugh, and i really wanted to be funny, so i started copying him, and it worked? weird stuff, but now i pretty much gave up trying
I think I had that feeling in middle school as well but that quickly dropped once I got older. I would hope that you grew past the need to please your crowd by now!
Thinking back I always knew people were materialistic. I didn't and still don't like to approach people without having material available. It distracts them from their own discomforts with being in the presence of someone who doesn't care about their authority unless that authority is in some way useful. The people who mistrust people like us, in the moment you feel their circle of superficiality break, are the most annoying to blend with. Dinner party, monkey bars. What's the diff?
@@InternetLiJo Aw thanks. It's always a super weird experience, isn't it? Like "Dude...human with humanity. It's just hard for you to gauge. You're safe. Play with this object, or my all too anticipated opinion on the food we're eating. I'll just sit here and try not to be overwhelmed by the sound of me not rolling my eyes toward something interesting as you talk to me and I pretend to belong right the f here." Lijo - Will you be so kind as to compose a video on Black INTJ's some time soon? Being a female INTJ def has it's own relegating quirks. I imagine that being INTJ while Black is a lightning fast thousand mile view problem solving experience *far beyond* the more frequently publicized white INTJ experience. While I don't always mind dumbing down for the tribes, and struggle to achieve *that* sedentary train of thought daily, it's way cooler to learn about the intellectual acrobats who can *actually* run circles around me like you do! More please :)
Didn't have many friends in school, but I was friends with a lot of their parents and grandparents. Still today, most friends are at least one generation older. Instead of dumbing myself down, I naturally gravitated toward smarter and wiser people. Either approach works. I feel like I gained a lot and had a leg up in life by associating with the older crowd early on. Love personality theory b/c it gives us the legitimate "why" for what might otherwise seem a bit odd. #INTJ-T
I'm also an intj i remember in 6th-7th grade when i started noticing tht people like very loud n funny people so i started doing tht in 8th to fit in like the girls around me i did managed to get some friends in 9th thinking bout this now it really cringes me out cause at the end i still wasn't really a part of the group so later on i got out of that friendship
oh woman, do I relate.. harry potter fans will understand the reference: if I had to find a destructive memory instead of a happy one in order to fight a dementor, my patronus would be so damn strong
I can still completely relate to this video though, I find it impossible to stay out of my own head. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but I'm starting to learn that just because I'm rare it doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Never tried that, so I didn't have any friends until my 30s. I don't know if she was an INTJ, but Florence King, conservative author, said she hung out exclusively with adults until 3rd or 4th grade, when she finally was sent off to school. She called the other kids "watery moles", and had difficulty accepting the fact that they were the same species as her. Until that time, she thought she was just a very small adult.
There is a downside I have noticed in my own relationships when I often pretend to be relatable. Being so good in appearing simple-minded, it comes at a cost when it's time for others to understand me that I have to dumb down my way of explaining things just so they could grasp me correctly. Deeper topics I crave to talk about . . . rarely an opportunity presents itself. 😑
I guess we all fear to not fit in or that we are unable to find/make friends at some point in our lives...it baffles me though, that someone would dumb themselves down to get accepted. But then again I have never been bullied or completely left out throughout my live. Hell, most of my close friends are way smarter than me and I sure hope they didn't try to dumb themselves down to befriend me...what a bizarre notion. Why would someone pretend to be less, if they can inspire me to become more?!
I have never been the super popular kid, I swim in the big stream effortlessly 90% of the time and it doesn't pain me either. Every now and then I am just surprised that I have such bright souls next to me that want to be my friend. I don't know why they want to be my friends, if I am honest, but I am happy they are.
So relatable, I'm glad u touched upon this. I always act kinda dumb as my shtick and now it feels effortless, but some people take it at face value 🤣 it's just everyone's mixing seamlessly, talking about movies they've watched, nd I haven't, or I'm not interested. It feels so socially awkward because I don't know what to say, or where to start to join in, so I just add weird observations/ random humour for my own and other's amusement :)
It also can help in those situations to admit you haven't seen whatever movie. Then you can ask what they liked about it, if you should see it, what other movies they liked that are similar....you have a whole conversation starter there.
@@vocalising4218 but what should i do if i consider most movies as a waste of time? i've literally never seen the movies others talk about^^ and others never watch the stuff i like yeah, i know i could lie... but i don't want to lie. and i can't hide the lack of interest in my face^^ especially the point about what they liked about the movie... they feel attacked. because they can't verbalize it or are just killing their time with movies...
the script you have to go through to keep the conversation going with these kind people is so exhausting
Most people are a sentient flowchart. Not much more to them.
@@thijsjong Every single human is a sentient flowchart, a endlessly repeating set of default programs. In fact, why am I even saying this to you? To make it Te fairsies. There's one of my own programs in action!
Hahah
I’d hardly describe them as kind
This describes my entire childhood and young adult years. Playing dumb and wearing the costume got me the reactions from people I wanted, but not the intellectual stimulation. And eventually the price became no one took me seriously even though I was a wicked smart kid. Sad.
At some point I realized there wasn't a single person in my life that I could talk to brain to brain, and that all my conversations were for others' benefit to make them comfortable. Suddenly I saw just how deep my oddness went. Being an intj is no joke.
Relate to every single thing you said as a INFJ. I guess Ni-doms are very similar. We're essentially the same personality with different temperaments.
I gave candy to my friend I really don't want to share but I tried and I got label best friend . She got angry next time when I didn't give her . It was weird .
I feel you. Just realized that.
She wicked smaht
‘Playing dumb’ in childhood might mean going easy on a basketball game, being sillier or for some being more serious. I’d like to think that playing dumb is a child’s expression of humility. Hopefully as we grow we understand ourselves well enough to know when to hold back and when to be authentic.
I agree. As an enfj I did that non stop.
ENTP: "You guys want to keep your friends?"
Oh my gosh 😭😂
😆😆😆😆 my dude you've been killing it with the comments recently 🙌🏻
@@InternetLiJo y...yeah, I'm joking.
I have friends, hahahaha. So many friends. Real ones.
ISTP: "so, you guys had friends?"
@@laszlo_kovacs 😂
Thanks for sharing.
Interesting "fake it to have social life" situation. I can relate to this in the adult hood.
There's nothing wrong with doing what you have to do to move forward as you see fit.
@@InternetLiJo Agreed. I'm so isolated from society i don't know such practices. That's all. All my contact towards others is strictly professional IRL, nothing more.
I did not had the urge to socialize in school. I had my own ways. Now i can see why that was not such a good practice.
I found out in my late 30s, i always had aspergers. So i'm working on that too.
As an INTJ kid, I didn't play dumb. And I literally had no friends. But I didn't mind. I did get bullied, but I fought back. Lol.
Later on in life, I'm surrounded with smart people and gained real friends . Mostly INTPs and INFPs. Won't have it any other way.
Totally agree, I was bullied too and definitely fought back
I used physiologically abused by an cult like sj class because if my intp traits
@@2001porcia INTJs are inherently fighters haha
When in Rome do as the Romans do...it's kind of fun to simplify my unique perspective in human social interactions
Do as the Romans do... the extroverted feeling mantra. Mine is less developed so I go with the “diet version of my personality” approach. I won’t fool any Romans haha it’s all fun till they give you the Caesar treatment 😂
Yes it like develops as a skill, as if you’re learning a different language in order to communicate more fluently by dumbing down your complex thoughts
Yes but it's exhausting, and over time you forget who you even are.
I think that's why Fe users sometimes hit a wall and hate everyone for a little while.
You made me realize I still do this with my friends.
It's an INT/FJ thang
Journaling helps intjs with their memory. The past has keys to our future. Missing those keys leaves us wondering what we need to open some of the future's doors.
Yeah... you're right. Writing these videos though has sort of forced me into a form of journaling in google docs which I do enjoy.
@@InternetLiJo I recently read my journals from my previous (abusive) marraige and it was eye opening. They helped me remember I wasnt the "sad" victim who just got through it, but a strong minded fighter. Boosted my self respect quite a bit.
I find that I have a short memory too and so I journal almost everyday, been doing it since I was young and I draw little pictures along with my dark humor in them! LOL hope no one has to read it someday
I would be lost without my journals
There’s something inherent to being intj that makes us feel like outsiders no matter how in the group we are. It could be being an NT woman, or having Fi where we have it and being oblivious to any fe or traditional si norms
Every type feels insecure about their last function.
Yeah, really the "aliens faking human" effect. Or so it seems.
So interesting. I remember being around 12 when for this reason I asked somebody in a group of kids how long the young pigeons will be breastfed. Getting to know yourself will always be fascinating.
ionut ionut I remember going on a journey once about whales, starting off with the fact that whales are mammals. Well mammals have milk for their young, but I don’t think whales have lips because of their giant teeth fiber things, do whales have lips to nurse? No. They don’t. Whale milk is incredibly thick (like butter) and baby whales muzzle the teat until it comes out and then just drink their butter milk from the water
I understand and empathize. Must feel very lonely, alienating, and bewildering at times. As an INFJ I especially hate it when other ppl make baseless assumptions on INTJ's character or motives without merit. I tend to feel protective of INTJs and keep an eye out for them in case of bullying. It makes me mad rage when I see it happen esp when they maliciously cross a line, and I have even on few occasions publicly shredded these cowards to pieces. As an INFJ I tend to hold back a lot and it takes a lot to get me to this point, I tend to try to see the good or appeal to their better side and I usually give warning shots first. I feel bad because the INTJ is typically cluelessly blundering socially and not doing anything on purpose to anybody, so in that regard I see them as innocent and undeserving of abuse.
I remember in kindergarten, my classmates were fighting over who broke a toy, that had been broken for the entire year. So I just told them, "it's someone from the years before", and for some reason no one seemed to understand what I was saying, and continued to fight over who, at the moment, had broken the toy...
I'm glad my friends now understand me (INFP, INFJ, ENFP), or at least try to.
That isn't necessarily a negative thing in the long run. You noticed what it took to change, if temporarily, your situation to make it tolerable and even enjoyable at times. Adaptability as a survival mechanism.
I was a sensitive kid during childhood and I was bullied in kindergarten and had to change schools during first grade.But when My Te started to develop I become the most coldest and sarcastic person you will ever meet.I wonder what I would become when Fi started to develop.
you will see highs and lows unlike anyone around... just try to keep away from self destruction... been there, not fun... although most likely unavoidable😅
@@Sarkanyfi Yeah INFJ here...we gotta watch out for that Si demon self-destruction of ours..not fun at all....both for INTJs and INFJs.
INTP here. My Si developed first and Ne joined the club when it was almost too late. It was probably heavily suppresed due to all the conditioning in my earlier years or maybe that's just how the development went naturally to me. My higher self just placed the bet on high stakes and watched what will turn out.
When I was a teen, I made some efforts to "fit in" , but I never happened to feel good about it. I couldn't relate to most of the girls my age. I used to wear the same outfits all the time, I didn't wanna attend the parties, and I was always reading when everyone else was talking about the party last night. And it seemed boring to them lol. Well, I was (and still slightly am) insecure about myself but at the same time I saw myself at another level. So I stopped trying. Instead I tried to find my own people, and I did, I have very few friends but that's enough for me. I also learned to communicate intelligently.
You're not alone ;) That was my experience as an INFJ as well, couldn't relate to girls my age at all. I always felt I was doing something 'wrong' socially and practically. I hated having to retrofit myself to fit their norms and social rules.
@@c.s.70 I relate! And 3 of my 4 friends are INFJs !
Me as adult: Researching how to get friends. Gives up. Watches INTJ vids about relating to others...instead.
Close enough. 😁☕
Gets back from some social interactions with friends, had a good time but that's enough for like 2 months.
Well said!! ❤️
As an INTJ male, this brought back memories for me as well. I remember as a teen that often when I would make comments or observations of an intellectual nature it would go so far over my peers' heads that they would think I was stupid. This was the case despite the fact that they knew that I routinely earned higher grades than them and took advanced classes in every subject matter. I also do remember outgrowing them to the point where a former best friend commented to me (years later after finding me on the internet) that he was hurt that I seemed to have one day abandoned him and moved on with my life for no reason at all.
My wife is an INTJ who experienced a similar pattern of behavior during her youth. As a male INFP, I had to do something similar, but instead of leaning into my more feminine lead/auxiliary combination (FI/NE), I was encouraged by male authority figures to develop and display my tertiary and inferior functions (Si/Te). I wanted to take the time to let you know that it helped her to hear your story, especially in regard to the limited access you have when trying to recall certain memories. Nearly everyone in her family has Si as a lead or auxiliary function, which makes them want to talk primarily about things experienced during the day, or from memories they are reliving in the moment that are expected to have a certain emotional response (Fe).
Anyway, I could ramble on and on about observations we've made about the subject, but that wasn't the point, so I won't. Great video! You have two new fans. Yay.
Playing dumb slowed down my development when I was younger..
I would keep quiet to protect other people's egos and micromanage their emotions.
It was so restraining not being able to talk about your quiet successes or ideas, since everyone would think I was showing off. That got to me as a kid.
Once I stopped caring about people, I really grew.
I also grew up around a lot of manipulative people, so that is a variable
Can't wait to see your perspective
100$ #relatablecontent . A psychologist once told me when i was younger, "ok so you don't like that people only seek you out for what you know and what you can do, why don't you try to show what you don't know?" And boom, they started to like me as a person, despite how counterintuitive i found this. You sort of have to pander to people's insecurities a bit to socialize beyond small talk ime, and sometimes a wonderful thing happens where someone else is doing the same and after some normal human talk, the real talks begin to happen! Kinda like dropping the human suit and reveal the alien
Omg 100% not 100$ 🤦🏻♀️
@Delynn Simpson hahaha!
OMG, this is so wild! INTJ here and I did this as well. In high school, I think it was my sophomore year, my INFJ Mom asked me why I was starting to act ditzy. She's like "Why are you acting dumb? You're a smart person. Just be yourself." It shocked me because I did not remember a moment deciding to do it but I absolutely knew she was right because I felt called out even though she said it with compassion. It was as if she saw that vulnerable part of me trying to fit in that I had not admitted to myself. But after that I stopped and just allowed myself to be my normal smart/nerdy self and did not worry if I had a lot of friends or not. I wonder if all INTJs go through this?
Most of the time I feel as if I may have played dumb for too long and now that I’m out of school I honestly wish I would have just been the “nerd”
Especially being that I was STILL 🤦🏻♀️
referred to as one regardless.
Same.
The importance of never letting peer pressure take over your life, and be happy being authentic. We need to teach younger ones who are like us this.
I'm an INFJ and my childhood bestfriend is an INTJ. I remember a time when we used to fight all the time because she felt confronted by me whenever I tried to help her out with math. I remember crying because she often saw me as an opponent or an enemy, when I just wanted to help. This is the ultimate level of the INFJ x INTJ childhood😂😂
My real best friend who I found in high school was an INFJ! She was my only friend.
@@InternetLiJo I had the same friend.
I had seeing others from my class as a primitive creatures who haven't and can't bring any original idea. In my mind I felt like they all are literally dead inside. Now I determined for sure there are a lot of zombies between us, they look like humans but have no mind, no will, no freedom.
I love to talk to you on the phone or email. My fb private chat is not working. I've been tested by a Canadian self employment program as intj. Mom said that in the early 70s my teacher thought their was something wrong with me..I shyed away from other kids. I remember because I could not relate to them. I'm now over 50 :((( and I feel my intj and possibly add may have killed my careers in the past.
Are you sure your friend was an INTJ?
INFJ are usually not smarter than INTJ especially not in math !
Your friend could have been mistyped as INTJ
@@zinasherif7791 I'm completely sure about it. Julia (the INTJ girl I mentioned) managed to win the math olympics in my country when we were still in school. I also don't think that being good at math is the definition of intelligence.
I had to play dumb for a while, it shocked me that some people didn't think as fast as I do
I recently realized why I've been thinking others considered me boring.
It happened when I was in grade school. Probably second or third grade. I was always thinking about bizarre stuff, like why physics works the way it works, why I don't see the same thing when I close either the left or right eye, etc. The world's complexity enchanted me when I was in kindergarten. And I never talked about the topics I was fascinated by with people. I never knew that on a conscious level, but I was intuitively sure they'd freak out if I brought up something like that just out of curiosity. Or it'd be more accurate if I said I was just scared talking about that. But there was a day when I wanted trying to talk about what I was interested in. So I asked my classmate: "Have you ever wondered why...?" (The topic was so eccentric that I couldn't recall it.). And they looked at me silently with extreme confusion. I even felt they were disgusted when I saw their eyes. That was probably the first time when I felt dumb and misunderstood. It was like, "You're stupid, boring, or whatsoever." So I never spoke out about my odd interests ever again. I have no idea why this case caused me to think I was boring, though... Maybe just because humans consider unrelatable things tedious.
After that event, I kept going with a parents-teachers-adults-pleasing attitude - just as it was before. And I'm doing that even now, yet on the unconscious level. I hate that. I feel like I'm losing myself while growing up. Also, I often think I'm not smart enough to be an INTJ. But if I am one, then I've been stuck in a NiFi loop at least for 10 months.
ENTJ: Never will I ever play dumb as it could be used against me in the future. However, I will try to raise everyone around me in some way to my level of thinking so as to ensure my vision becomes reality and we can all share in that success.
Omg, you've described my social life perfectly. I have 22 now, and still feel like i'm pretending to be someone else, at least partially, in order to be able to engage with my friends. I mean, i really like them, but i feel like i cannot talk about the things i really want to, because no one would be interested and it would be strange. So i think i always keep a part of myself hidden, and yes, play dumb sometimes, so that i don't feel completely awkward and out of place.
I played dumb in order to get through one of the many internships I did many moons ago. I learned a whole lot about the organization and the people there even let me into their "inner circle" at one point because they thought I didn't really know what was going on so it didn't matter if I "heard things". It was great on one hand to be given that level of trust but frustrating because of the fear of being found out. In hindsight it really stirred up an inner conflict of desiring to be real and unapologetic of structuring things that had great opportunities for success, while knowing that hiding the intelligence meant being included, trusted and generally liked. - INTJ
Interesting as INTJ, i went completely other way after trying to fit in a bit like you by pretending, but i found it quickly soooo exhausting.... and then i separated myself from most ppl and become observer of some kind of real life documentary (social hierarchy, mating rituals of human animals type of thing), since i didn't wanna go to their lvl of .. silliness and irrational behavior which i found extremely perplexing i guess (hence observing),... I become that one smart but quiet kid that didn't really fit in but was not separated completely, they would come to me when they needed help or music cd/dvds and i would demand sacrifice of chocolates for it XD ... i just needed them to grow up, and really first true friends i found only in my collage years.
Hi LiJo, I understand what you are talking about. I think what you experienced in your middle school years is the "Pratfall Effect". When you showed some vulnerability by making a mistake, your friends were able to relate to you. You actually were human after all, totally capable of making a mistake or doing something dumb. I think for INTJs folks learning to be vulnerable is a skill we need to develop if we are ever going to have effective relationships with the other 98% out there.
Lijo I love you. You just explained my whole life and you have helped me discover i am a SEVERE INTJ to the max. Thank you for everthing ❣️"thats all it took?" REALLY hit me
I was bullied pretty badly in middle school. Of course, at the time, I didn't know that what was happening to me was bullying. I thought everyone just hated me because I was smarter than them, and I thought that was normal and what kids do... I had a group of friends while in middle school and I don't remember dumbing myself down for them but I distinctly remember having a lot of conflict with them, and feeling as though they just tolerated me because they were friends with my "best friend," so they just included me but didn't value me or care to have me there. This "best friend" was also not a real friend. She would only hang out with me until someone better came along, and it would KILL me inside every time she would choose to sit with other people instead of me. I didn't know I was an INTJ at the time and I didn't understand how big of a deal loyalty, priority and reciprocal/mutual relationships was to me. I couldn't process my emotions or feelings at that age so I just would get into so many fights with her over this... Now that I'm 30, I could never even fathom the thought of fighting to be included in someone else's life or be put first, because knowing me and having me as a part of your life should be a privilege. I was really fortunate though. For high school, I applied to the best high school in the city and got in and was suddenly surrounded by a sea of like-minded people. There I met my actual best friend who is an INFJ, and I simply ADORE her. And I also met my other life long friends from that school. The majority of them are intuitive. All truly intelligent, independent, thoughtful, openminded, kind women who value me and prioritize my being in their life. When you meet your tribe, it's like the stars align.
This brings me to tears because I know very well that situation. I don't remember much from my childhood as well and it's probably better that way. As a teenager, being an outsider hurt. The more I tried to fit in the worse it was, I was bullied for 6 years. I've found my ways to deal with the lone wolf role, always standing by myself, but sometimes I just wish I can lean on someone. Luckily thanks to MBTI I can see I am not alone in this. Thank you for sharing.
My issue was that I couldn't play dumb, sure I tried at some point but I was already too far into being the "smart kid" at the time (not to mention the high expectations put on me since I was small and the childhood trauma that made me afraid to be weak), so I just never fit in and I was aware of it. For example. I would hear my family laughing and joking around in the living room and I used to try to join them and joke around but every time I would try I would end up being too serious I guess and ruining the fun. It was like this in every social interaction until I just stopped trying to interact with people and self isolated myself because no matter what I did i could never relate.
"Internet friends are great friends"
🎶story of my life🎶
@Manny Cracker
So INFJ of you.
I never play dumb anymore. It's my last year of middle school and I've never made better connections than being patient and filtering through different people. When that connection comes, it just happens easy.
I feel known. This characterised my secondary school years (11-18), to the point that I didn't know who I was anymore. The social coping techniques I had developed became my personality.
Makes me want to cry just connecting to your story and feeling this reassurance. I have always analyzed and broken things down like you do, and nobody else seems to perceive or experience the world in this way. Even the way you describe humans as "humans" rather than "us" is something I resonate with. It's such a strange outside feeling, but I compensated heavily by developing a humorous persona that got me through many years of interaction where my shadow or entertainer type side would come forward. I actually even enjoy participating in this part of me now at times. But this idea of my interactions always being catered toward how I can adapt to the other person is something I don't quite always know how to handle even at 30. I have transitioned into being more unabashedly myself and authentic as time has moved on. But I have also basically accepted that there are masks we can willingly put on as a social lubricant that provide us all with a common ground or basis from which to interact from. Thank you
I just opted to grow up without friends.
I don't need friends who want to hold me down. Made some in high school, one with quite inflated reputation, so students were actually competing to get in, which greatly increased concentration of growth mindset within my local population. Didn't last for a very long time, but it was a nice change.
I feel like to survive in social groups as a young INTJ, you have to learn how to fake a lot of behaviors that are common to others but not natural to the INTJ themself. Thank you for sharing this experience because I didn't even fully realize how much I did this as a kid until you talked about it!
Same for INFJ, we adapt to maintain harmony, but It's not easy to be interested in small talks.
When I was a child, I nerver organize birthday party, I didn't understand why I had to give st catherine cards to others "friends" girls.
My father force me to do sport, whereas i have always been thin, he wouldn'd I stayed in my bedroom, force me to move and go outside.
Parents ISTJ & ESFJ : "You never know what you want", "You have to do this like this and not in an other way"
All my life, most of time was "I don't know"& "Why ?"
I didn't care what my parents offer me or not, all I just wanted is the peace, the harmony and to be understood. Not the negativity and see/heard conflicts.
I never understood with other children/teenagers/people were so negatives, and hurtful, act bad.
I hated holidays camps, I got no fun by playing/singing with others children, create things was fun.
Each years et scholl and at sport, there were always 1 or 2 stupid guys to boring/annoy me.
Speak was uselesss for me, I find it useless to says "hello", "good bye".
I always hated to be carted, I always find it nasty and not funny at all, and disrespectful. "Oh we can't joke with you, laugh a little"
Childhood and life is not easy for INxJ.
When I see children, I hope they have good parents.
I am so greatful to life for bringing me anxiety and depression, thanks to this I discovered MBTI.
Discover this thing is one of the best things and knowledge happened to me.
Since the beginning I see the world and people differently comparing to most of people, and after learning MBTI, I see/understand the world and people a level above.
I understand why we call us "old souls", cause we are mature since the beginning.
At kindergarden, I didn't understand why children have to sleep during the day. I could't do like others children, cause my brain never rested.
The routines, the useless and stupids rules.
At kindergarden, children colored sky in white, and clouds in blue.
Me : Sky on blue, clouds on white. Sorry to all the blue markers which suffered.
At 6 years old, I reproduced perfectly the pictures. I though It was normal.
At 3 years old, I knew Santa Claus, the mouse for teeth, didn't exist, because I already knew people lied to me.
Most of people though I was stupid, whereas I was surely just too mature for them.
Happy to be weird ^^ Our time and energy are important.
I was selectively mute at 5 years old. I have an identical twin, which was useful. She did all the talking and her friends were my
'friends".
My love for my IxxJ friends is because I saw you all doing this. You guys are so smart and quite. I love you!!! But, I’m an ENTJ so, NTJ love and relatable. I’m like a blast last too so, I was just so awkward and totally just embraced it. Yeah, make fun of yourself. People like smart people who also don’t take themselves too seriously.
It’s so funny I told this story to an ENFP and they were like “they probably thought it was cute you were trying to act dumb” 😂
@@InternetLiJo exactly!!! Especially if and when you are quite and observant... the silent elephant in the room that whenever they do talk the smart people listen.... every word is meaningful. That is truly gifted.
I always found new and innovative ways to embarrass myself as a youth. I eventually learned how to harness it by bottling my awkwardness into humor. But when visiting with an old high school classmate, they said they thought that I was funny. I don't remember being funny. I remember being laughed at. But I developed a saying, "If you're going to make a spectacle of yourself, at least sell tickets." And I use little one-liners and dorky flip-flop type punch lines where the joke is the unexpected one-lines.
Oh wow, I’m actually in tears because this was my *exact* experience as a child. I felt like I was watching a dance I could observe and understand but in which I could never participate. It was a real struggle for me and I felt like an alien, like everyone else was communicating in radio waves meanwhile I’m talking in hell, I don’t know, magic crystals or something. Scientifically verifiable or not, after learning my MBTI type things have just fallen into place. It only took three years of intense study but *now I have found my tribe* !
So glad you could relate
I used to play around being dumb and silly to make myself look interesting coz then people would laugh or just think I was cool. Idk- its shitty how every human is different and yet we all are expected to act the same to feel accepted. So I've learnt that I'd rather be alone instead of letting myself or my originality get degraded only to have friends.
the “pickup artist gurus” talk about “persona fatigue” trying to be something you’re not gets exhausting >.< sucks when you’re an N dom because nobody else reeeeallly cares about N enough to go back and forth with us as long as we’d like to. sigh.
I remember pretending to be the class clown during my childhood, like being a gagman, doing stupid show at the back of the class to gain friend. I do it for like 1 1/2 year and get exhausted. It was then I thought that I dont care about not being like or not have a friend anymore. They can come and leave if they want
Yup. This is exactly it. I thought I was being manipulative but I had to do it. They always challenged me when I spoke my normal way, so "being dumb" was the easiest option.
INFJ here. I feel like I relate to this, though I might say that I had/have to fake being "shallow". Like, caring about day-to-day happenings, gossip, slap-stick humour, and what not. To be self-deprecating, play dumb, pretend to care about shallow conversation topics, extrovert, etc, is SOMEtimes fun, but always extreeeemely exhausting. And it's a huuuge and ongoing temptation, because, as you said, it works. 🤷♀️🙃
The irony is every type has been in this situation where they had to be people other than themselves to fit in. Charlemagne da God a classic ESFP spoke of how he became a bully picking on weaker kids so he didn't get bullied and so he can have social (SE) relevance. He said he regrets hurting people now. Some carry on till adulthood wearing masks.
No one has it figured out yet so why not just be yourself?
But it's not worth it at all. At the end of the day when you work hard with your what you are and have and succeed, people will celebrate you for your uniqueness. Elon Musk is a good example.
elon musk is only popular because he's rich.
i think he's an misanthropic asshole. and thats probably another reason for his popularity.
change my mind^^
the title hit different because even now i still have to play pretend in order to keep friends and family around. it’s been so exhausting and i’m actually trying to get rid of that habit.
I can relate to this playing dumb is something I also learned helped me to be ok too. I remember not fitting in with other girls they went to the restroom in a pack and asked me once ... I went and their behaviors seemed alien to me preening gossiping talking about stupid surface stuff... I remember thinking I can go to the bathroom by myself I dont need or want a pack of girls with me and wont become less me to fit in with your weird group! It seems illogical to me..
I think we naturally play the game with our cards closed to us, I always feel like the dark horse in life not being obvious but always getting ahead of everyone else. When you want to join groups and make friends you have to open your cards to relate to others usually we play a card we want to show and discuss but others don’t get that so it’s easier to ‘play dumb’ or to have fake cards out so that people can feel comfortable around us.
As much as my parents force me to get offline friends, I can't vibe with anyone except ones online.
I have the exact same relationship to my childhood/past memories that you do! Never remembering them and once in a blue moon something triggers that story etc. I barely even think about the past most of the time. -INFJ It's that Ni-Se axis. Focused on future (Ni) or now (Se).
I totally limited my potential in many parts of my life trying to hold on to people or giving them my time and having to conform to their expectations when I was young. Outgrowing people doesn't mean you don't care about them. If you cannot be yourself with them, then they are not your friends anyways. It sucks, but life is suffering and the only one you have can also be cool if you let it.
I remember doing this kind of thing. Sometimes I would already know the answer to a question I would ask. Or I would already know the answer to something, but I wouldn't say it right away so that it didn't seem weird.
I remember how hard it was for me to come to terms with the idea that not everyone had good intentions and that some people just weren’t going to like me no matter how nice I was-and I was constantly setting myself up to be hurt by expecting good from everyone. So I developed a cold alter ego that was terse and didn’t care. Once when a kid was being just plain rude I told him “Your bangs hide the lobotomy stitches really well.” He seemed shocked and confused and I just kept a straight face and kept being cold. The second I had a chance to get away from him I whispered to myself “I got that from a Calvin and Hobbes book I’m so sorry.”
ENFJ here, btw. I just freaking want to be friends with everyone and believe that they want that too. Being rude to protect myself almost kills me.
Thanks for sharing! When I noticed someone who wasn’t vibing as a kid I always tried to help!! “Hey I heard you’re into (thing much more likely to be interesting than other things you’ve tried)! What’s that like?” Or “Hey *this awkward INTJ* is so great at *impressive thing I can brag about on your behalf*! So cool!”
I’m sure we all had that thing we had to fake I around.
I honestly had zero friends in high school, I had a ton of acquaintances but no one that I could spend lots of time with. I bonded with people over music and it was my only gateway to conversations. Metalheads were accommodating to everyone no matter how weird they were so I would just hang with them and talk about the latest metal bands. In reality I wanted to talk about philosophy, psychology and religion but no matter how much I tired no one cared so I just sat with the group, commented on albums I liked and read books lol.
Weirdly enough I did this as an ENFP to an extent as well. I did it though because when a popular kid would say something kinda dumb, people would laugh. I picked it up and did about the same as you did, at pretty much the same time period.
I realized though that it was the principle of showing off being relatable. Dumb is not the only relatable, but it is the most apparent one. I kinda figured out over time to show flaws in a more fun way without making myself feel or look dumb to others. That way, people are more likely to show their own flaws and be more comfortable being themselves around you, and they open up more. Now we can get to the connections I actually want to make. Now we're in business!
So yeah as a few other people point out, it might be a more universal child thing. However, I think it sits different with different types and aids in the way that they mature faster.
It's all good practice for adult life.
I'm sure my INTJ fiancé could relate as well. In November, she told me that she toned it down, or played dumb around her former roommates. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a similar childhood experience. I'll ask her at some point. As for myself, because I'm an INFJ, I blended in with others in an Fe way. My Ni-Ti is well developed though, so I'd occasionally make people feel uncomfortable. In fact, I had 1 friend right out of high school that I tried to discuss the migration of humans out of Africa into other parts of the world. He literally thought that we all came from separate primate ancestors that lived in different countries. So imagine a Japanese, Chinese, Russian, Egyptian, or Italian Lucy. He basically didn't want to talk about it, and maybe I was a bit condescending. After all, I studied the subject on my own, and anthropology was the 1 college class that I got an A+ in. I thought of it as common knowledge. Nowadays I just stay quiet, unless I can tell that person's interested, or capable of keeping up with me.
I can relate to this, I have one friend and Dont try to be who Im not anymore and that the best life I have ever lived. Thanks for sharing that!❤
I really love how you just use the term "humans" instead of "people" if you lose the control of your words even a bit. Feels uncanny relatable, like the "play dumb" card too.
I find I have to do this for job interviews, which makes me come off like I don't have a personality because I'm having to suppress everything about myself to sort of tactically fit what they want (so I end up coming off as inadequate and robotic because I can't fit the box very well). Like the advice is that they want to research things like the company mission statement but I don't care what their supposed mission statement is because at the end of the day, the mission statement of all companies is "To sell products and make money" which I'm very much okay with but I just wish they were honest about it and didn't insult my intelligence by making me play stupid games and pretend I'm some idiotic child that knows nothing of how companies work in order to massage the ego of some stranger I don't care about and to tick some box on someone else's checklist.
I hear you loud and clear.
We as people are afraid of ruining the mood, of being criticized, of creating discord. Basically we're afraid of attracting menacing behaviors to ourselves, and we fear incurring in a faux pas that will get us sent away from the group.
So we feel attracted to those that laugh, because their aura is welcoming, not menacing. And we're attracted to those that make us laugh, because they take themselves less seriously and we suppose, right or wrong, but a bit instinctively, that it'll take more to offend them.
So when you gave a dumb answer to a normal question, everyone felt relaxed, because they didn't offend you. Kids that are serious and quiet usually can't be manipulated with cute voices. Naturally everyone felt better. You took it a bit far, as a kid would do, for experimental purposes, by not showing the actual you. And it gave you the expected results.
But in the end you owe it to yourself to be who you truly are, and you owe it to other people to show up as yourself as well. That way, you're reaffirming that it's okay to be who you are, and that it's okay that others show up as themselves as well. And that's revolutionary for humans in its own way, as we grow up.
I like storytime! Greatly.
Personally I feel like environment growing up makes a huge difference. From the age of 0 to 7 it was just me and my mom and she would never encourage me to socialize & as a result I was super reserved as a child. Whereas when she died and I moved to another country to live with family members I went from being 1 of 2 to 1 of 7. And although I'm still an INTJ and very much an introvert I find it a lot easier to mingle with others as I was sort of forced to in the second half of my childhood. I still prefer to spend time alone, but its not as hard to fake the niceties.
I played dumb for whole month , it was just to much . I knew what was happening the entire time,but I still let that happen .
This is so #relatable honestly. Ive always felt so weird about not fitting in. I always thought like, wtf was wrong w me, everyone had always got along with others and I just couldn't fit in, so I kinda started to neglect all the ppl from my age. Then I started staying at home, which it was (and is) what I usually prefer the most, and my friends just left me behind. Can't say I don't deserve it, lol.
Dont worry , sometimes people are so burden. I can say most of the people are trash. Because they re involving you and try to solve you because of what they can get from you. Stay on your purpose.
@@antidepresan3394 that's a very interesting point there. Thanks.
I worked in 7 different schools, being friends with local market owners,get through so much people from the society. Your situation is better for an intj than me . Believe me. Point is keeping the balance.
Scary relatable 👏 I often still do this, with a twist. I Do it to understand the other side and assess whether they know anything worth knowing. The irony is real.
My mom always get mad at me when I lost a friend because of my personality, and I really feel insecure because of that, but I just cant keep a relationship stable, only for a few people (welp those few people are introverts also so we understand each other). Thanks to your vids, I understand my personality very well and lessen up my insecurity in interactive with people haha xx
As an INFP I also strongly relate to this. It is very hard for me to feel the connection worthy enough to maintain friendship. I've always felt some kind of weird and like I'm the third wheel in every group of people... Until I met my long-term INTJ boyfriend (now we are both outsiders, but we have each other 😄) and my (probably) ESFJ friend from college who gives me enough attention and makes me feel like an important part of the group. I also have like 3 friends who somewhat understand me and accept me the way I am, and that's it. But I'm grateful, it's not about quantity but quality. 😊
I truly understand this as an INFP but I guess I have only introvert friends.:-D
The relationship with an INTJ is probably really good.
@@icantseeyou1294 We need some extroverts to adopt us. 😂 Yeah, the relationship is great, we rarely fight.✨
@@crazymetalbitch77 Expect when we start speaking on the internet.😂
I am happy because of your relationship. I believe my "perfect match" will be INTJ too.
I’m an ENFJ and whenever I get nervous and become socially excited to where keeping up with conversations/different vibes becomes impossible, I play dumb to make others laugh. Probably a bad habit but it’s acts as a defensive if I don’t know how to respond in the moment. But my INTJ best friend sees right through me across the table hahaha
It is slightly cringey, yes. I'm an INTJ who's in high school and that's how I "play dumb". It's really fun and I like my friends. They are mostly Se and Si dominants. I integrate into my ENTP shadow by being sarcastic, clueless, and airheaded. I'd type that version of myself as an ENTP, 7w6. What's great about it is that my friends realize that I'm not actually dumb at all and they understand that I'm quite competent. Essentially, I mess around with them and that's how I made them is the first place. I'd recommend just fooling around and enjoying yourself if you're also an adolescent INTJ. You're young so take advantage of that. Just don't be an idiot, don't pressure yourself, and think carefully before you make decisions that could alter your future. I think that's needless to say since if you're an Ni dominant, you probably know and abide by that.
“Airheaded and Clueless” ? Are you suggesting that ENTP 7w6s are “airheaded and clueless” because they surely aren’t. They are just spontaneous and lively. I have a 7w6 classmate.
My family is extremally intelligent overall, and my eldest sibling always had this need to be the smartest so I played this very tricky game of acting smart but never smarter than everyone else. They were playing checkers in life and I was playing chess.
'The buzzkill walked in' is the most accurate way too describe my non existing social interaction
Damn, what a relatable video :0
Yes. I feel this. Afterwards I need 2 days to recoupe the exhaustive acting.
Wow, I did the same. I even realized that some of my friends/ friend's parents enjoyed explaining things to people so I would act like I didn't know what they were talking about so they could explain it to me. Before I did that the conversations would end and become awkward since I would know exactly what they were talking about and finish their sentences. I wanted to continue and get deeper into the discussion but for them, it was "more fun" to explain the idea.
I quickly learned that it was just too much to keep up. Even now I find myself continuing these habits for the sake of making it thru a workday. Nowadays, I'm thankful to have friends that I could just be myself with.
I sometimes even caught myself playing dumb for men that I've dated in the past. It was draining but they really like it. I no longer do it lol.
I am an INTP and this is literally my entire middle and now high school experience. I am constantly playing dumb and laughing at stuff that I do not think is funny. Like... at all. Every time that I try to start an intelligent conversation, everyone looks at me weird and doesn't understand why I even care. At my friends birthday party, I started using his chalkboard to explain Myers Briggs because I find the theory rather interesting. The only person interested was his INTP mom. 😂 I still like all of my friends. I just wish that they could think on a deeper level.
HAhahaha INTJ here and same thing! Fast forward 2021 when people make stupid jokes I start laughing obnoxiously and halfway through I cut into a straight face to add a little bit of spice LMAO
@@2001porcia 🤣🤣🤣
I remember having a debate with my classmate when i was 10 about life. And then, she ask me "how to make life simpler then??" I replied "just think logically and put your feelings aside.. you can't do that?" And she said no. Then we debate and debate for about 30 minutes or so, she started to threaten me. But it's useless and she look very pathetic. So i said to her "i know you don't like what i said, but i don't care. Go tell the headmaster. You probably can't".. and she started to cry. I was so confuse so i just let her be. Then people started to comfort her. One of my classmate said that what i said is the "devil speech" because it's too cold...
The only one I did is play with no child and the games that the adults (teachers, uncles, parents, etc) played were really stupid and rolled my eyes when I saw them and sometimes I reclutantly relented. I rather don't get me involved
I'm an INTP, and I also felt very isolated in my group of friends. Luckly, in high school, my group of friends and another group in the class dissolved at the same time, and I became friends with the nerd from the other group. Eventually, some girls who needed better grades became our friends, but we weren't as close.
Because I had this one friend with whom I could nerd out, I didn't feel so lonely, but it was hard to socialize with other people, especially at parties, with boys. So I decided to make a social experiment too. I completely changed my behavior at this one party, I even made up a different name and life for myself, as if I was playing a character. I kissed a lot of boys that night.
So I realized I could overcome my social barriers if I wanted, heck, I could be anyone I wanted if I just played the part. But I felt more comfortable being shy and quiet in a corner, talking only when something truly interested me. Even though I still wished it was more natural for me to be this social, that experiment helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin. It was actually a lifesaver throughout high school. When people ignored me or made fun of me, I could always remember that night and think "yeah, it was fun, but I'm happier being me".
That sounds EXACTLY like my childhood, but I couldn't keep up the act long enough to keep friends until I was in high school.
100% relatable even regarding childhood memory loss. Thanks!
I resonate with this, I, to this day still have to play dumb, I call it..dimming my light. I have to do it at school, when with professionals or physicians even. My mind can hold a lot of information, so I know a lot! I love to learn, but it seems my insights always seem to overwhelm others. I also say and think of really strange things that no one else, especially growing up can comprehend! (Sidenote: Also, I have a very low grasp Si...I completely forget my childhood.) I never could keep friends and still don't and my childhood was quite isolated and, well, lonely. I think Ni users likely have the hardest time maintaining long term relationships or creating really deep and balanced friendships. Yet ironically, everyone always comes to these types for advice, assurance and reflection. Ni users are needed, But not in the way the majority of the world operates. I'm sorry you went through this, but you are brilliant and I hope now, as an adult...youll never dim yourself ever again ❤️
I did the same way with my middle school friends, and it helped me realize that I was just different, sucks that we have to create another personality which is very diff from who we really are to be able to get along with others, it’s like establishing your real self (within you) and at the same time showing your false self to everyone else
i kinda learned that being a "joker" makes people laugh and stick around thanks to my dad. he would make these dumb jokes and kinda act dumb, and my family would laugh, and i really wanted to be funny, so i started copying him, and it worked? weird stuff, but now i pretty much gave up trying
I think I had that feeling in middle school as well but that quickly dropped once I got older. I would hope that you grew past the need to please your crowd by now!
The way the thumbnail is on point made me want to scream:" FINALLY I AM NOT ThE Only one doing thissssss"
I'm already overwhelmed by the amount of people who relate to this video. Overwhelmed in a nice way lol
#Fake
The way i thought before that i am too intelligent to deal with friends made me seriously wanna visit a psychiatrist
Thinking back I always knew people were materialistic. I didn't and still don't like to approach people without having material available. It distracts them from their own discomforts with being in the presence of someone who doesn't care about their authority unless that authority is in some way useful. The people who mistrust people like us, in the moment you feel their circle of superficiality break, are the most annoying to blend with. Dinner party, monkey bars. What's the diff?
Damn great perspective on this topic. Thanks for chiming in.
@@InternetLiJo Aw thanks. It's always a super weird experience, isn't it? Like "Dude...human with humanity. It's just hard for you to gauge. You're safe. Play with this object, or my all too anticipated opinion on the food we're eating. I'll just sit here and try not to be overwhelmed by the sound of me not rolling my eyes toward something interesting as you talk to me and I pretend to belong right the f here."
Lijo - Will you be so kind as to compose a video on Black INTJ's some time soon? Being a female INTJ def has it's own relegating quirks. I imagine that being INTJ while Black is a lightning fast thousand mile view problem solving experience *far beyond* the more frequently publicized white INTJ experience. While I don't always mind dumbing down for the tribes, and struggle to achieve *that* sedentary train of thought daily, it's way cooler to learn about the intellectual acrobats who can *actually* run circles around me like you do! More please :)
Didn't have many friends in school, but I was friends with a lot of their parents and grandparents. Still today, most friends are at least one generation older. Instead of dumbing myself down, I naturally gravitated toward smarter and wiser people. Either approach works. I feel like I gained a lot and had a leg up in life by associating with the older crowd early on. Love personality theory b/c it gives us the legitimate "why" for what might otherwise seem a bit odd. #INTJ-T
I'm also an intj
i remember in 6th-7th grade when i started noticing tht people like very loud n funny people so i started doing tht in 8th to fit in like the girls around me
i did managed to get some friends in 9th thinking bout this now it really cringes me out cause at the end i still wasn't really a part of the group so later on i got out of that friendship
I just share witty yet childish memes with my friends and it scratches both of the needs to feel smart and included.
oh woman, do I relate..
harry potter fans will understand the reference: if I had to find a destructive memory instead of a happy one in order to fight a dementor, my patronus would be so damn strong
I can still completely relate to this video though, I find it impossible to stay out of my own head. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but I'm starting to learn that just because I'm rare it doesn't mean I'm wrong.
Never tried that, so I didn't have any friends until my 30s.
I don't know if she was an INTJ, but Florence King, conservative author, said she hung out exclusively with adults until 3rd or 4th grade, when she finally was sent off to school. She called the other kids "watery moles", and had difficulty accepting the fact that they were the same species as her. Until that time, she thought she was just a very small adult.
There is a downside I have noticed in my own relationships when I often pretend to be relatable. Being so good in appearing simple-minded, it comes at a cost when it's time for others to understand me that I have to dumb down my way of explaining things just so they could grasp me correctly. Deeper topics I crave to talk about . . . rarely an opportunity presents itself. 😑
I guess we all fear to not fit in or that we are unable to find/make friends at some point in our lives...it baffles me though, that someone would dumb themselves down to get accepted.
But then again I have never been bullied or completely left out throughout my live.
Hell, most of my close friends are way smarter than me and I sure hope they didn't try to dumb themselves down to befriend me...what a bizarre notion.
Why would someone pretend to be less, if they can inspire me to become more?!
I have never been the super popular kid, I swim in the big stream effortlessly 90% of the time and it doesn't pain me either. Every now and then I am just surprised that I have such bright souls next to me that want to be my friend. I don't know why they want to be my friends, if I am honest, but I am happy they are.
So relatable, I'm glad u touched upon this. I always act kinda dumb as my shtick and now it feels effortless, but some people take it at face value 🤣 it's just everyone's mixing seamlessly, talking about movies they've watched, nd I haven't, or I'm not interested. It feels so socially awkward because I don't know what to say, or where to start to join in, so I just add weird observations/ random humour for my own and other's amusement :)
It also can help in those situations to admit you haven't seen whatever movie. Then you can ask what they liked about it, if you should see it, what other movies they liked that are similar....you have a whole conversation starter there.
@@dogdonut3 exactly. there's so much wasted potential!
@@ladislavs924 Because people. Most people view movies. Just a way to relate.
@@vocalising4218 but what should i do if i consider most movies as a waste of time?
i've literally never seen the movies others talk about^^
and others never watch the stuff i like
yeah, i know i could lie... but i don't want to lie.
and i can't hide the lack of interest in my face^^
especially the point about what they liked about the movie... they feel attacked. because they can't verbalize it or are just killing their time with movies...
Oh girl. I'm ENTP. I have to do this to exist harmonically with my coworkers. It's so painful. I hear ya.