I’ve been the victim of theft three times in my life and I am confused, was I supposed to just get over it and not file a case to report fraudulent charges? Was I not supposed to report it to the police? Was I not supposed to ask a friend to loan me $20 so I could get a bus ticket home? Am I supposed to blame myself, or what?
Omg if a medical professional told me to 'ask my husband' for permission of ANY kind I'd never go back. I mean, I don't have a husband, but I can see that it's bull. I'm an adult, sir.
It’s been a long four years of being a patient with this dentist, but we’re finally done 🙌🏻 for a long time it was just easier to keep going instead of find a new dentist, but so many things happened there that were so unprofessional I finally had to draw the line!
@@lyzzibee2 My OB was so great, I was literally in the middle of giving birth and suddenly scared to make a decision on whether to do a vacuum assist or not and I was looking over at my husband like “is this ok? What should I do?” And he’s just totally baffled why I am looking at him. and the OB just said to me very gently, “I know it’s his baby too, but he isn’t the one who’s been pushing the last several hours. You are the only one who can tell me what you need right now.”
Feminism is the fight for each woman to choose whats best for her without judgement. If you like being feminine, great! If you like being masculine, thats cool too. All it really is is the ability for women to choose whats right for them and live their best life... as long as they’re not hurting others.
Agree! We also need to look at what constitutes masculinity and femininity. For instance, is nurturing an exclusively feminine trait? Is the expression of anger solely a masculine entitlement? I know there are men and women who do work on more fluid definitions but, particularly in conservative and religious settings, this is still an issue.
Love how these women don’t believe in feminism, however, refuse to recognize feminists fought to allow them to voice their opinion and have a platform *sigh
Oh motherhood is one of the most misogynistic things ever. People don't ask my husband questions about every little thing my kids do, but that could be the entirety of every conversation we have. My favourite example of misogyny in action was when I was complaining about the cost of daycare within earshot of my father in law he was like "well you can quit your day job and work in the evenings". This is especially tone deaf because I have a profession, have two post secondary degrees and outearn my partner. I also can't work in the evenings as people with my profession don't do that. I told my father in law that his son could quit his job for the above reasons since I worked really hard for my professional job and have the student loan debt to prove it. I also love that you were arguing the semantics of semantic reasoning. 😆
Yes!! I worked too hard to not put this education to use. Plus I’m an excellent Mom during the pre-teen, teen years. However my husband was wayyyy better during those early years. Yet whenever doctors asked about the kids they asked me. I’d then have to direct the question to my husband. It was so ridiculous.
People were really weird when I was pregnant. My customers at work constantly asked me what I was planning on doing after I gave birth and MANY of them shared their opinions which I always thought was weird. I even specifically remember telling one customer that I was going to put my daughter in daycare (because she asked) and she responded with “don’t you want to be with the baby?” I always found those types of questions and comments so intrusive and rude.
I'm pretty sure she missed the part of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers where the brothers go back down to the town and KIDNAP themselves Brides who then just comply and "decide" to live there.
Or how the original bride would be ostracized and slut-shamed in that time period so that leaving the husband was not truly an option in the first place. This is just based on *her* positive description, I haven't even watched the movie!
I know this video has been out for a while but my God am I tired of women having to make men better. I stayed with someone too long because of this societal expectation. It's not our job.
Luckily the horrible Dobbs decisions has accelerated the Western 4B movement, which is a fascinating subject. It's freeing a lot of women from terrible men
I have never had anyone tell me to ask my husband for permission but if they did I'd be livid. One thing that pissed me off when I was married was when people would praise him for doing household tasks like laundry. I'd be like wtf, he wears clothes too, why act Iike he's doing something special when he's just contributing to the household. We were both working after all.
SUCH a martyr lol. People always get shocked when I say that my husband and I keep our laundry separate and each do our own. We help each other if asked, but mostly we just each handle our own stuff!
I mean id ask my husband but thats where it stops, i make my own choices no matter what his opinion is on the matter. We also seperate laundry because of different washing powders but he will help me if asked with the kids stuff.
Early on we decided we’d wash our own clothes and both tackle the kids when convenient. Funny thing is, he’s better at laundry than me. I purposely buy mostly dark clothes because I can’t be bothered to separate them. He on the other hand does separate his and even hangs to dry. Let’s not even talk ironing... I haven’t done that in YEARS!
7 Brides for 7 Brothers is literally based off the story of the Sabine Women (the women Roman soldiers watched bathe and decided to kidnap and claim them as wives). There's a whole song about how these women cried, but were *really* actually happy about the whole situation. While Millie is a fantastic character and chose to make the best of her situation without taking anyone's crap, the 6 kidnapped girls stolen from their families in the middle of the night, didn't really have a choice. It's a movie of it's time. It has it's good moments and it has it's problematic moments.
Okay and second point- "men waited until marriage to have sex" is like the biggest lie. Historian here! That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. One example, based off the book "A Midwifes Tale" by Ulrich, it's about the personal journal of a woman who delivered babies just before the Revolutionary war, in a society with deeply protestant religious beliefs- over 70% of firstborn babies born to colonial American women- were born out of wedlock. Or you know, if we want a biblical reference, how about Judah and his dalliances with his supposed to be daughter in law, or David and Bathsheba? And the Bible makes it very clear that Bathsheba wasn't a prostitute. But sure, sure... men have always historically waited until marriage and it was women who broke the rule. We can just pretend all the pregnant women who sought refuge in nunneries and monasteries over the centuries weren't women taken advantage of or disowned by their families. Sexual assault never happened. I just can't even right now.
@@BHaney Seeing the dentist is already an experience no one enjoys, but for him to treat you with such disdain and disrespect would make it exponentially more difficult. So awful. I hope the new dentist is wonderful!
Abby always seems to think she really said something ground breaking when in actuality, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about half the time. She’s very smug for a person with eternal tunnel vision.
Holy cow! I've never had a medical provider pull the "ask your husband" thing on me. (Granted, I got married in life later than you did.) The only time he comes up is if they are making conversation and ask about his work or if I have kids. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Though I did pull out the "I'll have to talk to my husband" line today when I ran into a door-to-door saleswoman today. I had literally just pulled in the driveway and my husband was napping. Plus it was something for the house, which falls under joint decisions, in my opinion.
Ah, yes I should have acknowledged that this was based on US history. And that’s really interesting, I don’t think I’ve heard of any countries being founded with women having that right...although US history classes are notoriously inadequate 😬
@@BHaney Aaah I love your videos!!! I'm latvian so I was thinking of Latvia specifically where women had the right to vote from the get when we got independence in 1918 but I'm sure we're not the only ones
There are many African nations that were matriarchal before colonization. The first move was installing patriarchy to control the women. I studied Sociology and Anthropology in school and it’s very interesting!
"[Women] don't have to fight the urge to play video games for hours on end or be ridiculously promiscuous, but men do." There was one particular Saturday where I spent 10 hours on my roommate's DS playing Chrono Trigger and there have been many similar days since. I am a firmly cis woman. Also, despite my perpetual singleness, I am, in fact, quite thirsty. I know I'm not alone in this as, my teenage years and since, I have had many similar friends.
@@PretendFashionista I think, for video games (or any media in general), it's finding the genre that clicks. Mine is role-playing games, but my game library does have some variety, I think. If it has enough of a story hook and fun characters, I can sink so many hours into it. I couldn't even begin to figure out how much time I've put into Pokémon. But, by Abby's logic, this isn't natural. As an aside, I do believe mobile games count as video games.
Lol 😂 She used Seven Brides as an example😂😭😂😭😂!!!! That movie literally shows those brothers sneaking into town and KIDNAPPING young women to be their wives!
@@BHaney The reinterpretation of this movie by Abby is WILD! As... Problematic and archaic as the movie is, I actually do enjoy it (we all have our guilty favorites). The whole "joining a sovereign household" and "rolling up her sleeves and reforming the men around her" is... Not what the situation was at all. The seven brothers are frontiersmen and have let themselves get carried away with living away from anyone else. Older brother wants a wife and goes into town, sees a pretty woman who makes good food and proposes. She's twitterpated and charmed and accepts. Finds out he has a ton of brothers. She is angry about it. (Abby's also forgetting that divorce has not always been an acceptable option for women.) She simmers down. After a bit, the 6 brothers find themselves wanting wives of their own and after an "inspired" reading session, go into town, kidnap 6 girls they'd flirted with during a barn raising, and return before the path is blocked by copious amounts of snow. Millie is frickin' FURIOUS. The women make the men live separately from them and they do little things to get back at the brothers. Of course, it's a musical from the 50s, so romance and questionable happy-ever-afters are a must. But yeah, it's not a "women are strong and make men better uwu" story. It's been a while since I've watched it, but Millie was not trying to help the men win over their kidnapped women at all.
The problem persists and we start to get angrier and angrier over time, because we’re suppressing our natural emotions. Then, we express anger and the misogynistic person is like, “Oh wow! There goes another *angry* woman!” Btw, men get angry enough to rage out frequently, and often resort to violence and murder and then it’s like, “Oh, they must have been driven to it”. There was a horrific murder/suicide here last year, where a man burned his wife and three children to death. A high ranking police officer commented on national tv that maybe he and other men like him, “ ... had been pushed too far”!!!! Yes! I get angry when I hear that sort of victim blaming garbage.
Indeed. When i was living with my husband each time the neighbours called the police because they could hear him being violent i was blamed and that term was used.
i think the best way to end negative emotions and feelings around the word feminist is for more people to identify that way. i think a lot of people feel that way because there are a lot of strong reactions to the word and people make a lot of assumptions about people that label themselves that way
because truly feminism is the belief in equality of the sexes and there’s just negative connotations around it due to history of it and *shocker* sexism
I think you’re so right, more people (including myself) who just believe in equality for all sexes need to be more vocal and change the perception of that label.
Also you can’t have feminism without intersectionality. Sadly WOC are often left out of these discussions. Which leads many of us to have an adverse on to the word but of course not the goal.
Oh my gosh, B, I made the same “God doesn’t have genitals” argument to some family members & they were STRICKEN. I don’t get how that’s unfathomable for some people just because the English Bible refers to “Him”.
Back in the early early 1980s my best friend invited me to hear her woman pastor's dissertation which argued that the Holy Spirit was a feminine spirit. And yeah, even when I was trying to believe in a god, I couldn't squeeze into a male human form. That's a very limiting view, and lends weight to the argument that men - specifically - created God in their own image, rather than vice versa. If I believed, I would not believe in a knowable, physical god.
I know I'm a dollar short and a day late here, but drinking, sarcastic, spicy, rehydrating with a large pastel thermos, B is the best B so far in my opinion. Great stuff! Keep it up!
Why did you keep going to that dentist????? I have been treated badly by several dentists before I found one I liked - and girl, don’t put up with that nonsense.
Very interesting perspective about the Mommies boy/daddies girl thing. I have never thought of it that way. Our souls (IMO) do crave balance so that makes perfect sense that a child would lean toward something they don't have or would make them balanced. Very interesting.
About your dentist story - I would never go back to a dentist that says to talk to my husband about anything. I’m not married and it is not even possible. Also pulling a wisdom tooth isn’t horrible if you go to a good dentist. I had two of pulled in the same day, it took the dentist max one minute per wisdom tooth. Nurse had given me some anesthesia, but I was awake the whole time and no complaints here. I’d never accept anything more than local anesthesia for a tooth, I’m too scared to be put in sleep :D
@@BHaney I am older than you, but I don’t like the “Karening” of women. It feels misogynistic to me, mostly because there is no equivalent for men, and we don’t tend to talk about even the worst-behaved men in the same negative way that we do women.
It adds an extra layer of ick to the highly problematic Susan B Anthony group whose whole purpose is pro-birth activism. Racism is baked into the American system, just like misogyny, what a surprise that their rule model outright argued such vile things
@@ApoloniaJones1976you're completely right 👍 I've thought that term was unfair and not right. We unfortunately haven't changed on that three years later when I'm typing and watching this.
If Abby replaced her use of the word “Power” for “extra-burdensome responsibility,” she might understand why women are feminists. If women weren’t societally oppressed by being tasked with sole responsibility for men and children, more of us might be able to realize our real power and act upon it. Abby’s rhetoric, in my opinion, has led to a growing faction of man-babies and immature kiddos (in America, at least). Moms, female caregivers, stepmoms, grandmothers, and wives are expected to do EVERYTHING for men and children, instead of men taking responsibility and children being educated about and tasked with age-appropriate responsibility. B, I haven’t had any wine, but this issue makes me rant like i’m on a bender. So many of my gal pals are struggling to help their male counterparts step-up and their kids be more independent. Most of my friends have realized we are fighting losing battles, and are experiencing major mental and physical issues brought on by the stress of taking care of everyone else. The “female power” Abby speaks of, is, literally, killing us. I wish I were being dramatic, but it’s the truth. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being a voice of reason. Women need to hear it over and over ❤️
While this hasn’t been my experience in marriage - we share everything pretty evenly to our strengths. There was a study done (sorry can’t find it now) that said - women live SHORTER lives when they marry; men live LONGER lives when married. Which speaks directly to your point. Marriage literally runs women down overall. I won’t even get into the sleep aspects of the study. It’s really insightful!
Abby saying “through loving we make men better” to me is so rotten! It’s hidden blaming language in my opinion. For example “ that guy who you were supposed to make better with your love is still a pos, 🤔 must be your fault...you didn’t love him enough...you didn’t try hard enough” it is rotten because love shouldn’t be what makes someone “better”. What helps improve a person’s life are learning skills of empowerment, empathy, and kindness. Love has its place but it is not perfect, it won’t fix anyone.
Don't read It End with Us or watch the movie when it comes out. it's about domestic violence and it's infuriating how closely it's tied to this very flawed mentality.
"When it boils down God is energy" Me: hits subscribe I took a woman in history class in college (just wanna point out we need a whole different class to be included in history) and this comes directly out of pioneer thinking and up until now.....apparently. When women had to be the most pious and next to godly and they were their husbands keeper. Couldn't own land and were considered property. They were literally expected to make their husbands go to church. If the husband didn't show up it was the wife's fault. She never got out of the 1800's. I really feel bad for people with this way of thinking. Don't you want to be independent and responsible for yourself?
I love the extra sassy that comes with "wine B". I 100% agree with you. CA's views feel so dangerous to me. As a mother of a LGBTQ+/GRSM person, it makes me so angry. We raised our children to be strong, moral, accepting, compassionate, productive members of society without regard to what genitalia they were born with. Do what makes you happy, while being respectful and accepting of the beliefs of others. My husband did more of the day to day child rearing because he is more patient and enjoyed it. I worked more and brought more resources home because that's where I thrived. Imagine doing what you feel you're good at and making yourself happy. Such a radical idea.
I feel like this is the way things should be done!! Just raise your kids to be good humans and divvy up household responsibilities whatever way works best for you!
Mine did too. In fact I was working for a company that had better benefits so my husband stayed home with our kids from 0-5. There were times I too was home but he was self-employed and I wasn’t always during those years. People thought we were insane. This was the mid 2000s.
I don't like the idea of a "true woman" because there are so many different aspects of being a woman that some people embody and others don't. Are we really going to tell anyone that identifies as a woman that they're not a "true woman" just because they don't embody all aspects of womanhood?
I won't ever forget the door to door salesman that came to my house one day and ended up questioning so many of his choices. I was living with my mom at the time and it was just the two of us. She was at work, so it was just me at home when some dude knocked on our door, selling some sort of carpet cleaning service. I was feeling nice that day so I left him go through his spiel and then politely said I wasn't interested at that time, but if he wanted to give me a card we'd keep in mind. He pushed a little more, which I expected, and then I firmly said no, not interested. This man then had the gall to ask me "Well is your husband home? could I speak with him?" I think he knew he made a mistake because I'm pretty sure I gave him a pretty murderous look and replied, "Sir, what makes you think any men live in this house? Trust me, they don't last long." Which was more a reference to my shitty dating life but given my expression I was probably accidentally implying I murdered some dudes. He turned tail and ran back to his car after that 😂
I hate how she started with that "feminism covers too much ground", but then went back to "all feminists want this and that" like there was a feminist council that released rules #facepalm. Like she's been told that for many feminism isn't the straw(wo)man she keeps building
Thank you, B!!! Abs fails to mention that all the bros in the movie KIDNAPPED women from the town to be their wives. The women get trapped with the bros because of a snowstorm. The bros and hubs are kicked out of the house by Milly, the protagonist. Milly’s hubs, Adam, gets mad, and leaves. Of course, the women get a case of Stockholm Syndrome, and fall in love with the brothers. Milly has a baby, and her husband returns to be a dad, realizing how wrong it was to kidnap women. When the snow melts, the parson hears the baby cry, and all the bros claim the baby to be theirs, so the parson will perform “shotgun weddings” for all of them, on the spot. Here’s a sampling of lyrics from the song, “Bless Your Beautiful Hide,” Adam sings, when dreaming of a potential bride... “Pretty and trim but kinda slim Heavenly eyes but, oh, that size” I’ll admit, some of the the music is catchy, and i loved the movie when i was a kid. As an adult, however, I would NOT describe the film as “beautiful”, like Abby did.
Yes! I completely agree! I very much live a “feminist” lifestyle but don’t like to use the term. I’m straight, married to a man and work full time. I’m fully independent and my household is an equal partnership.
Also, funny story. I left my dentist over a similar situation like you described. My hubby stopped going to him as well. The worst part is that they will call every so often asking if they can get HIS business back but not mine. 🤦♀️
TW I have two thoughts about her comment about men having to wait for sex until marriage. The first thing I thought of was how many people who are in loveless/abusive marriages or end up divorced because they got married young just to have sex or because they got pregnant. The second, more extreme version of this that plays out in society that I thought of was about a few documentaries I recently watched. One was filmed in India, the other in a country in the middle east (don't remember off the top of my head). Essentially because sex before marriage was so shamed and women had no rights to even be out alone or show their faces (middle east), the men were r@ping little boys. "Who will they f*ck, the p*ssies of their grandmothers?" was one of the excuses. In India, the boys would usually start selling themselves after being violated over and over as they were typically homeless and jaded from the trauma. In the middle eastern one, they were essentially kidnapped and held as "tea boys" on army bases and shot if they tried to escape. On both docs, most if not all people around had no issue with it and did it themselves. This is what can happen if sex is shamed to the highest extent. The other thing I have a serious issue with is her complete bastardization of feminism while reaping all the benefits of what so many of them fought and died for. Taking the most radical of a small group of people and painting the entire movement as that is just so annoying. Most feminists want equality, and have no issue if you want to live like a 50s housewife. As long as you have the option to make the choice to do so, that's fine. If she truly hates feminism, and continues to put up these blatant misrepresentations that hinder our fight, she should stop enjoying everything our ancestors gave their lives to. That means no videos as you have no voice, no voting either, no working or owning anything, no making money... Just a chef, cleaning lady, house decorator, and nanny to the kids and your husband... Just go make the men better since that's your God ordained purpose as a woman
Feminists advances such has being able to have a bank account make the stay at home mom lifestyle a bit safer. Giving women independence allows them to be in security and to make their own choices, to be less vulnerable.
Always have a backup sound recording! One thing I've learned from filming in the studio is always have a second or even third mic set up and recording.
Feminism gets a bad rep, but I have airways viewed it as feminism works to make all people equal and support women on any path they take. It is not a ploy to subjugate men. Also, without feminism, Abby would not be able to have her channel…
B, thank you for your videos like these. You're becoming one of my favourite youtubers whom I've recently discovered, and I'm currently enjoying bingeing your faith-related deconstruction/reconstruction/reaction videos. I truly resonate with your thoughts and insights, and you make me feel less alone on the deconstruction journey which my husband and I are going through right now. Thank you :)
I feel like some people just refuse to actually try and understand the ideas they argue against. Abby clearly isn’t very well versed on feminism and the different waves, she probably grew up hearing “feminism bad. Women are equal but not really. They want you to burn your bra and never let a man touch you.” It’s very clear that she doesn’t understand the purpose of feminism or the important role it’s played in getting her to where she is now. There are extremists in every movement sure, but she paints modern day feminism as something laughable and dumb, when in reality it’s just like... basic human rights... 🤦🏻♀️
Just would like to throw it out there that just because you raise your child to be upstanding and “good” and have “good morals” doesn’t mean they will be that way. We all have the ability to choose and some people choose to do things completely differently than how their parents taught them.
@@Heather_The_RedRum_IP I totally got what you meant! I’m typically a silent watcher of most of the creators I watch so I feel ya lol. But I’m so happy to hear this was one of your favorites of mine, that means a lot.
My jaw dropped when you told the story of your dentist asking you to ask your husband. I mean i have examples of my own but that one surprised me. He would have gotten an ear full from me!!!
Fyi my name is Lucretia :) I knew Lucretia Mott was involved with feminism somehow but forgot all the research i did in highschool. Thanks for the overview!
Sometimes I wish I had stood up for myself sooner! I’d never let a professional treat me like that now, but it took a lot of work to feel confident enough in myself to stand up to people I perceive to be in positions of power.
@@BHaney side note: who knows what I really would have done lol. I made the comment before I even heard your response so it wasn’t in response to what you did. And there are definitely situations I let things slide like at in-laws comments etc. I wish I wouldn’t let it slide but it’s hard. Loved your video! I’m all for tipsy B!!!
Omg, the dentist. My dentist got a new office manager. She was so rude every time I talked to her. I finally called her out. No cussing no yelling. I was just so sick of being treated this way. 3 days later, I'm kicked out of my dentist office forever. At least I don't have to deal with them anymore.
@@BHaney They told me they weren't taking my insurance any longer. Which I pointed out I was getting a partial and was paying for it. No insurance. That was the 2nd thing, they aren't doing any kind of dentures. I had gone here for around 15 years. Oh well. I can not stand rude people. Just figures, I end up being the bad person. I am getting the partial somewhere else now.
“When are y’all gonna learn?” 😆 When you asked that, and did a half-turn towards the camera, I was dun! I died laughing because you were in the middle of reading, but you felt that in your spirit 🥰🤣🥰🤣
Feminist has really begun to have a negative connotation because of extremists. I also consider myself a feminist but it was natural in my immediate family, we knew there were gender rolls but we were not boxed into living that way.
I started, and I am excited to hear your thoughts on this, but I am going to have to come back later to finish because I am afraid it might raise my blood pressure too high after a stressful work day. I will be back to give you a view, thanks for all your hard work! I always appreciate what you do! ❤️
My understanding is that the brothers go out and kidnap their brides, so her portraying that show as like some beautiful fairytale is honestly hilarious. The second she said seven wives for seven brothers I literally snorted. That show is like a punch line.
As a side note - you absolutely can get your wisdom teeth pulled with only local numbing, it's very common practice here in Australia, some people even have all four extracted with only local. He may have had an infection or severe inflammation that would have limited the effectiveness of the anaesthetic - usually they will give a course of antibiotics in this case and wait to extract the tooth.
I think my biggest problem with Abby's argument is that she's attempting to resolve the cognitive dissonance between strong women and "traditional" gender roles by claiming that the latter is an example of strength, with strength being defined through a masculine lens. If women are the pillars of good society, as Abby claims, by picking themselves up and getting the job done (contextually, raising men), then isn't that still an argument that tries to move womanhood more into the masculine end of the spectrum? In other words, where is the room for the more traditionally feminine end of things? The softer, emotive end of the spectrum, so to speak? (to be clear, I don't necessarily agree with those associations, but it's still the scale widely used today soooo) Basically what I'm getting at is that Abby's argument still negates the validity of traditional femininity. My personal observations of modern feminism indicate a move towards attempting to get both ends of the spectrum accepted, the strong and steadfast end as well as the meeker, emotional end. Both are inherently valuable and found in every person regardless of assigned gender at birth, and more importantly, they're not mutually exclusive. Idk, I might be misinterpreting Abby's POV, but her whole argument seems to be based on this false equivalency.
such a well thought eloquent post, thank you! Abby and women like her are quite masculine and according to their own theory, they should not make videos/work/write columns and what not. They ought to sit at home, child rearing along I can't get past that initial hypocrisy
i’m literally just like... 🤯 i couldn’t believe how many of ur opinions were exactly the same as mine UNTIL u came out of nowhere with ur take on the whole “mommy’s boy”/“daddy’s girl” concept & how (u think) it’s about the energy balance 🤭 👏🏽👏🏽PURE GENIUS!!!💯😌 i never even realized so thx for the enlightenment, great video btw 🤗
I’m just starting this video but I’m an atheist and I would LOVE to hear your perspective on faith deconstruction. The topic comes up a lot on my fyp on tiktok, and because I’m an atheist and I get a lot of atheist content, most of the time it results in them leaving the faith entirely. I would love to hear the perspective of someone who is also religious
I’m excited to re-do the video because I think we could all have a great conversation about it! I think deconstruction is massively important and I totally understand why it often results in leaving religion altogether and then for people who end up reconstructing I think it gives them ownership of their own beliefs. They no longer go by what they were told, but what they truly believe to be right!
@@dmsjt5181 It's basically pulling apart and examining your faith piece by piece. From a Christian perspective, this could be questioning and researching things you've learned in church, from the bible, from your friends and family. There are a lot of issues within the Christian church and a lot of fear mongering, so when someone decontructs their faith, they often look at things they've been taught from a critical or more logical, non faith based lens. WHY are we taught to believe these things? Where did it come from? Do they have any merit? Are they based in any sort of truth or have they been perpetuated by the church to keep us afraid and obedient? I've never been through it but I've heard and seen that it can be really hard and sad. You're basically challenging and questioning everything you've ever known and have been taught potentially since you were born. A lot of people end up leaving the faith entirely, but some people don't, some people are able to rebuild their faith and go off of what THEY believe, not what they have been told to believe. If that makes sense! Again, I'm not religious so someone else might be able to explain it a bit better than can. :)
@@vulpixies3272 oh! That’s totally what I’ve done the past few years. I’m Mormon (LDS). I’d be happy to share my perspective and experience for anyone who cares.
Ugh your dentist story got on my nerves so much! I can’t believe he would be so blatantly misogynistic. One example I can always remember that i experienced was in my junior year of hs I had to write a group short essay with 4 guys in a 45 min time period. During the whole period they continually talked over me, ignored my ideas, would act like they were listening to me to amuse me and then just completely neglect anything I added to the conversation. At one point, one of the guys turned to me and asked, in the MOST condescending tone, “do you understand what we’re talking about? Do you need help?”. I was ready to punch a hole in the wall. Then at the very end, we are only allowed to hand in one paper from each group and I had finished first. So I said to the guys that I was going to hand my paper in and they all immediately were like “no no no we will hand one of ours in” “don’t worry about it you can just leave”. I wanted to scream. They all acted like I was an idiot or something. Also it’s not like I got bad grades in that class or anything like that, I got higher grades than all of them so idk why they were so condescending to me and didn’t want to use any of my ideas.
Yes please to the deconstruction video!! Currently deconstructing so I need all the help/insight I can get! 😁 So sorry that happened to your original video though, that's terrible!!
I have a story about medical sexism! I had recurring, severe abdominal pain that I kept having to go to the ER to get checked. They kept refusing to do any scans on my abdomen for fear of “damaging my ability to have kids later” (keep in mind, I was a single, Virgin teenager so that was literally the furthest thing from my mind). On maybe the 4th or 5th time I went in for the same issue, I finally blew up at the doctor for not looking for what was wrong with me and said I wanted documentation of his reasoning if he was going to refuse me again. He said “listen, I’m just looking out for you future husband! What if you can’t give him kids?” SIR. I AM YOUR PATIENT. YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING OUT FOR ME, NOT MY HYPOTHETICAL FUTURE HUSBAND.
They refused to sedate me for my wisdom tooth removal because I had a drink of water to take a pill that morning and I was so miserable that I went through it I was numb and awake the entire time and it was still traumatizing enough to give me years of dental anxiety. Tell your husband he has my sympathy!
I was also awake when they removed my wisdom teeth. I was numb, but I could hear them crack all four teeth to remove them. I went back to that dentist one time after that (so they could check that my mouth was healed), then I didn't go to a dentist again for close to a decade. I feel for every person who goes through something like that.
I’ve had all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled while awake in the chair. I was completely numb. Couldn’t feel a thing. So your husbands previous dentist did him dirty.
I was just thinking that. In Germany it’s very common to get them removed while being awake but your face is totally numb. I did feel them cracking them though because they had to add a lot of pressure but I just thought it was funny honestly 😅 it was such a weird sensation. But it didn’t hurt at all.
I'm fairly new to your channel but I am addicted to watching! I've been binging your content since I found it and I cant get enough. Only wish you uploaded more, however it's quality over quantity 👌
This comment is totally off topic but I just wanted to say that I always love your nails B! 😁 Another awesome video as always, much love from Scotland 🏴💕
What annoys me with Abby (and why I don’t watch her content), it always comes across as extremely privileged. She doesn’t mind the “feminism” she benefits from - voting, ability to attend any college she wants, heck ability to make her own choices. However those she doesn’t see as beneficial to her lifestyle are seen as problematic. I’m convinced if she were born 100 years ago, she’d have been one of those women calling those in the suffrage movement “trouble makers”. That’s the issue with women that don’t have a problem with patriarchy, they get to tear down those of us fighting for progress; while still reaping the benefits of our work. Oh and I can’t wait to hear about your dentist. As someone who paid for insurance while being self-employed, we were scammed so bad! And neither my husband, kids, nor I had a cavity at the time. Still they found a way to bill us an insane amount.
Strong recommend for reading Betty Friedan's (pronounced free-DAN, btw) The Feminine Mystique. I read it as a teen in the early 80s and it was relevant and eye-opening; I handed it to young women in the early 2000s and it was still sadly all too relevant. Friedan has oversights and problems, but it's a foundational read, though definitely rooted in her own experience. By the way, consider that the "nuclear" family supposed ideal of a man working and a woman staying home is part of that very middle-class white mythology. Plenty of women always had to work and earn livings, within and outside of family life. I feel lucky that, growing up in the 70s, I had a lot of exposure to feminist ideas and role models. Heck, I'm glad that Marlo Thomas created "Free to be, You and Me" then! I only wish times had changed enough for the things i learned then to be no longer relevant today. And yes, the personal is political! Along the way I also realized there are feminism*s*. Mine is mine, it's unlikely to be identical to everyone else's.
Wine B rocks!!! Loved this! Couldn't stand the opinions from Miss Abbott though!!! You made it palatable! Wouldn't have been able to watch it without you! P.S. I feel it's safe to say the wine made it more palatable for you BUT you still would have & probably do still feel the same!!! Thank you! 💜💜💜
Hey, Abby. Have you ever considered - hear me out - that one can be strong AND be a victim of abuse, misogyny, crime, etc.?
What a concept, right?!
Abby has had such an easy life she doesn’t know what any of those words mean 🙄
I’ve been the victim of theft three times in my life and I am confused, was I supposed to just get over it and not file a case to report fraudulent charges?
Was I not supposed to report it to the police? Was I not supposed to ask a friend to loan me $20 so I could get a bus ticket home?
Am I supposed to blame myself, or what?
According to Abby, being promiscuous as a woman is a choice but being promiscuous as a man is a “struggle”. Love it lol
This 👏🏼
Omg if a medical professional told me to 'ask my husband' for permission of ANY kind I'd never go back. I mean, I don't have a husband, but I can see that it's bull. I'm an adult, sir.
It’s been a long four years of being a patient with this dentist, but we’re finally done 🙌🏻 for a long time it was just easier to keep going instead of find a new dentist, but so many things happened there that were so unprofessional I finally had to draw the line!
I went to a psychiatrist who literally asked if I had my husband’s permission to be seen for my PTSD. 🙄
@@lyzzibee2 🤮
@@lyzzibee2 My OB was so great, I was literally in the middle of giving birth and suddenly scared to make a decision on whether to do a vacuum assist or not and I was looking over at my husband like “is this ok? What should I do?” And he’s just totally baffled why I am looking at him.
and the OB just said to me very gently, “I know it’s his baby too, but he isn’t the one who’s been pushing the last several hours. You are the only one who can tell me what you need right now.”
Feminism is the fight for each woman to choose whats best for her without judgement. If you like being feminine, great! If you like being masculine, thats cool too. All it really is is the ability for women to choose whats right for them and live their best life... as long as they’re not hurting others.
Agree! We also need to look at what constitutes masculinity and femininity. For instance, is nurturing an exclusively feminine trait? Is the expression of anger solely a masculine entitlement? I know there are men and women who do work on more fluid definitions but, particularly in conservative and religious settings, this is still an issue.
@Fred Farkle don’t you think it would be a good idea to at least provide some examples of your claim? 🤔
So women's only worth is in relation to what they can do for men? Wow... aren't I so glad abby freed me from evil feminism...
Love how these women don’t believe in feminism, however, refuse to recognize feminists fought to allow them to voice their opinion and have a platform *sigh
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
I don't think Abby understands what feminism is
Ofcourse not. She's a working mother but doesn't want to acknowledge that it's feminism that allows her to make those choices.
“People have always been terrible.” Amen
Oh motherhood is one of the most misogynistic things ever. People don't ask my husband questions about every little thing my kids do, but that could be the entirety of every conversation we have. My favourite example of misogyny in action was when I was complaining about the cost of daycare within earshot of my father in law he was like "well you can quit your day job and work in the evenings". This is especially tone deaf because I have a profession, have two post secondary degrees and outearn my partner. I also can't work in the evenings as people with my profession don't do that. I told my father in law that his son could quit his job for the above reasons since I worked really hard for my professional job and have the student loan debt to prove it.
I also love that you were arguing the semantics of semantic reasoning. 😆
Yes!! I worked too hard to not put this education to use. Plus I’m an excellent Mom during the pre-teen, teen years. However my husband was wayyyy better during those early years. Yet whenever doctors asked about the kids they asked me. I’d then have to direct the question to my husband. It was so ridiculous.
People were really weird when I was pregnant. My customers at work constantly asked me what I was planning on doing after I gave birth and MANY of them shared their opinions which I always thought was weird. I even specifically remember telling one customer that I was going to put my daughter in daycare (because she asked) and she responded with “don’t you want to be with the baby?” I always found those types of questions and comments so intrusive and rude.
I'm pretty sure she missed the part of 7 Brides for 7 Brothers where the brothers go back down to the town and KIDNAP themselves Brides who then just comply and "decide" to live there.
She left out quite a bit-the kidnapping, the stockholm syndrome....
It's also the same people that wrote carousel which glorifies domestic violence soooooo......
Or how the original bride would be ostracized and slut-shamed in that time period so that leaving the husband was not truly an option in the first place. This is just based on *her* positive description, I haven't even watched the movie!
I know this video has been out for a while but my God am I tired of women having to make men better. I stayed with someone too long because of this societal expectation. It's not our job.
Luckily the horrible Dobbs decisions has accelerated the Western 4B movement, which is a fascinating subject. It's freeing a lot of women from terrible men
I have never had anyone tell me to ask my husband for permission but if they did I'd be livid. One thing that pissed me off when I was married was when people would praise him for doing household tasks like laundry. I'd be like wtf, he wears clothes too, why act
Iike he's doing something special when he's just contributing to the household. We were both working after all.
SUCH a martyr lol. People always get shocked when I say that my husband and I keep our laundry separate and each do our own. We help each other if asked, but mostly we just each handle our own stuff!
I mean id ask my husband but thats where it stops, i make my own choices no matter what his opinion is on the matter. We also seperate laundry because of different washing powders but he will help me if asked with the kids stuff.
@Rachel ikr? He works and puts clothes in a machine, takes them out and puts them in another machine. I just can’t!
Early on we decided we’d wash our own clothes and both tackle the kids when convenient. Funny thing is, he’s better at laundry than me. I purposely buy mostly dark clothes because I can’t be bothered to separate them. He on the other hand does separate his and even hangs to dry. Let’s not even talk ironing... I haven’t done that in YEARS!
@Rachel don’t worry! If you’re *very, very* lucky, you will.
7 Brides for 7 Brothers is literally based off the story of the Sabine Women (the women Roman soldiers watched bathe and decided to kidnap and claim them as wives). There's a whole song about how these women cried, but were *really* actually happy about the whole situation. While Millie is a fantastic character and chose to make the best of her situation without taking anyone's crap, the 6 kidnapped girls stolen from their families in the middle of the night, didn't really have a choice. It's a movie of it's time. It has it's good moments and it has it's problematic moments.
Okay and second point- "men waited until marriage to have sex" is like the biggest lie. Historian here! That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. One example, based off the book "A Midwifes Tale" by Ulrich, it's about the personal journal of a woman who delivered babies just before the Revolutionary war, in a society with deeply protestant religious beliefs- over 70% of firstborn babies born to colonial American women- were born out of wedlock. Or you know, if we want a biblical reference, how about Judah and his dalliances with his supposed to be daughter in law, or David and Bathsheba? And the Bible makes it very clear that Bathsheba wasn't a prostitute. But sure, sure... men have always historically waited until marriage and it was women who broke the rule. We can just pretend all the pregnant women who sought refuge in nunneries and monasteries over the centuries weren't women taken advantage of or disowned by their families. Sexual assault never happened. I just can't even right now.
I’m so glad you shared your knowledge on this!! I was so stunned when she said men always had to wait until marriage, like in what world?!
Wtf??? That dentist sounds like a jackass. That actually got under my skin. I'm sorry you went through that.
He was honestly so terrible. I’m glad we don’t go to his office anymore!
@@BHaney Seeing the dentist is already an experience no one enjoys, but for him to treat you with such disdain and disrespect would make it exponentially more difficult. So awful. I hope the new dentist is wonderful!
Abby always seems to think she really said something ground breaking when in actuality, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about half the time. She’s very smug for a person with eternal tunnel vision.
YES. So incredibly smug.
As if the right doesn’t have their own victim narrative. Remember when Abby “came out” as a conservative? Lol
Holy cow! I've never had a medical provider pull the "ask your husband" thing on me. (Granted, I got married in life later than you did.) The only time he comes up is if they are making conversation and ask about his work or if I have kids. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Though I did pull out the "I'll have to talk to my husband" line today when I ran into a door-to-door saleswoman today. I had literally just pulled in the driveway and my husband was napping. Plus it was something for the house, which falls under joint decisions, in my opinion.
I think its worth noting that this history of the waves of feminism is US centric as many countries were founded with women having the right to vote
Ah, yes I should have acknowledged that this was based on US history. And that’s really interesting, I don’t think I’ve heard of any countries being founded with women having that right...although US history classes are notoriously inadequate 😬
@@BHaney Aaah I love your videos!!! I'm latvian so I was thinking of Latvia specifically where women had the right to vote from the get when we got independence in 1918 but I'm sure we're not the only ones
There are many African nations that were matriarchal before colonization. The first move was installing patriarchy to control the women. I studied Sociology and Anthropology in school and it’s very interesting!
"[Women] don't have to fight the urge to play video games for hours on end or be ridiculously promiscuous, but men do." There was one particular Saturday where I spent 10 hours on my roommate's DS playing Chrono Trigger and there have been many similar days since. I am a firmly cis woman. Also, despite my perpetual singleness, I am, in fact, quite thirsty. I know I'm not alone in this as, my teenage years and since, I have had many similar friends.
You’re goals! I wish I had the patience for video games!
@@PretendFashionista I think, for video games (or any media in general), it's finding the genre that clicks. Mine is role-playing games, but my game library does have some variety, I think. If it has enough of a story hook and fun characters, I can sink so many hours into it. I couldn't even begin to figure out how much time I've put into Pokémon. But, by Abby's logic, this isn't natural.
As an aside, I do believe mobile games count as video games.
I appreciated how fired up and unapologetic you were about your responses and takes. Love your content as always.
Lol 😂 She used Seven Brides as an example😂😭😂😭😂!!!! That movie literally shows those brothers sneaking into town and KIDNAPPING young women to be their wives!
Omg NO 😂
@@BHaney Yes, I was speechless during that part of the video.
@@BHaney The reinterpretation of this movie by Abby is WILD! As... Problematic and archaic as the movie is, I actually do enjoy it (we all have our guilty favorites). The whole "joining a sovereign household" and "rolling up her sleeves and reforming the men around her" is... Not what the situation was at all. The seven brothers are frontiersmen and have let themselves get carried away with living away from anyone else. Older brother wants a wife and goes into town, sees a pretty woman who makes good food and proposes. She's twitterpated and charmed and accepts. Finds out he has a ton of brothers. She is angry about it. (Abby's also forgetting that divorce has not always been an acceptable option for women.) She simmers down. After a bit, the 6 brothers find themselves wanting wives of their own and after an "inspired" reading session, go into town, kidnap 6 girls they'd flirted with during a barn raising, and return before the path is blocked by copious amounts of snow. Millie is frickin' FURIOUS. The women make the men live separately from them and they do little things to get back at the brothers. Of course, it's a musical from the 50s, so romance and questionable happy-ever-afters are a must. But yeah, it's not a "women are strong and make men better uwu" story. It's been a while since I've watched it, but Millie was not trying to help the men win over their kidnapped women at all.
That’s how it was in the good ol’ days which conservatives are always getting all dewy eyed over.
@@elfdragon1227 thanks for the synopsis. It’s been a looong time since I’ve watched it.
The problem persists and we start to get angrier and angrier over time, because we’re suppressing our natural emotions. Then, we express anger and the misogynistic person is like, “Oh wow! There goes another *angry* woman!”
Btw, men get angry enough to rage out frequently, and often resort to violence and murder and then it’s like, “Oh, they must have been driven to it”.
There was a horrific murder/suicide here last year, where a man burned his wife and three children to death. A high ranking police officer commented on national tv that maybe he and other men like him, “ ... had been pushed too far”!!!! Yes! I get angry when I hear that sort of victim blaming garbage.
Indeed. When i was living with my husband each time the neighbours called the police because they could hear him being violent i was blamed and that term was used.
i think the best way to end negative emotions and feelings around the word feminist is for more people to identify that way. i think a lot of people feel that way because there are a lot of strong reactions to the word and people make a lot of assumptions about people that label themselves that way
because truly feminism is the belief in equality of the sexes and there’s just negative connotations around it due to history of it and *shocker* sexism
I think you’re so right, more people (including myself) who just believe in equality for all sexes need to be more vocal and change the perception of that label.
Also you can’t have feminism without intersectionality. Sadly WOC are often left out of these discussions. Which leads many of us to have an adverse on to the word but of course not the goal.
Oh my gosh, B, I made the same “God doesn’t have genitals” argument to some family members & they were STRICKEN. I don’t get how that’s unfathomable for some people just because the English Bible refers to “Him”.
Back in the early early 1980s my best friend invited me to hear her woman pastor's dissertation which argued that the Holy Spirit was a feminine spirit.
And yeah, even when I was trying to believe in a god, I couldn't squeeze into a male human form. That's a very limiting view, and lends weight to the argument that men - specifically - created God in their own image, rather than vice versa. If I believed, I would not believe in a knowable, physical god.
It’s amazing that Abbey and I live on the same planet. What on earth is she talking about?? 🙄
I know I'm a dollar short and a day late here, but drinking, sarcastic, spicy, rehydrating with a large pastel thermos, B is the best B so far in my opinion. Great stuff! Keep it up!
Why did you keep going to that dentist????? I have been treated badly by several dentists before I found one I liked - and girl, don’t put up with that nonsense.
Very interesting perspective about the Mommies boy/daddies girl thing. I have never thought of it that way. Our souls (IMO) do crave balance so that makes perfect sense that a child would lean toward something they don't have or would make them balanced. Very interesting.
About your dentist story - I would never go back to a dentist that says to talk to my husband about anything. I’m not married and it is not even possible.
Also pulling a wisdom tooth isn’t horrible if you go to a good dentist. I had two of pulled in the same day, it took the dentist max one minute per wisdom tooth. Nurse had given me some anesthesia, but I was awake the whole time and no complaints here. I’d never accept anything more than local anesthesia for a tooth, I’m too scared to be put in sleep :D
Being oppressed doesn't mean you're weak. Pointing out oppression doesn't mean you're "playing into the victim narrative".
If my dentist told me I needed to talk to my partner to see if it was ok to pay for MY OWN DENTAL SERVICES I would be finding a new dentist.
This Abby never fails to drive me up a wall!
Same 😂
It is so frustrating to hear women with voice in anything, claims to not be a feminist. If you want things to go back before the women's March.
"The first Karen guys" took me out 😂😂😂😂
Had to call it like I saw it 😂
@@BHaney I am older than you, but I don’t like the “Karening” of women. It feels misogynistic to me, mostly because there is no equivalent for men, and we don’t tend to talk about even the worst-behaved men in the same negative way that we do women.
It adds an extra layer of ick to the highly problematic Susan B Anthony group whose whole purpose is pro-birth activism. Racism is baked into the American system, just like misogyny, what a surprise that their rule model outright argued such vile things
@@ApoloniaJones1976you're completely right 👍 I've thought that term was unfair and not right. We unfortunately haven't changed on that three years later when I'm typing and watching this.
I like Wine B! 🤣 Thank you for such a refreshing take on her extremely frustrating content.
Wine B thanks you lol 🙏🏼 and I’m so glad you enjoyed the video!
Ugh unfortunately “extremely frustrating” is an understatement!!!! 😫
If Abby replaced her use of the word “Power” for “extra-burdensome responsibility,” she might understand why women are feminists. If women weren’t societally oppressed by being tasked with sole responsibility for men and children, more of us might be able to realize our real power and act upon it. Abby’s rhetoric, in my opinion, has led to a growing faction of man-babies and immature kiddos (in America, at least). Moms, female caregivers, stepmoms, grandmothers, and wives are expected to do EVERYTHING for men and children, instead of men taking responsibility and children being educated about and tasked with age-appropriate responsibility.
B, I haven’t had any wine, but this issue makes me rant like i’m on a bender. So many of my gal pals are struggling to help their male counterparts step-up and their kids be more independent. Most of my friends have realized we are fighting losing battles, and are experiencing major mental and physical issues brought on by the stress of taking care of everyone else. The “female power” Abby speaks of, is, literally, killing us. I wish I were being dramatic, but it’s the truth. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being a voice of reason. Women need to hear it over and over ❤️
While this hasn’t been my experience in marriage - we share everything pretty evenly to our strengths. There was a study done (sorry can’t find it now) that said - women live SHORTER lives when they marry; men live LONGER lives when married. Which speaks directly to your point. Marriage literally runs women down overall. I won’t even get into the sleep aspects of the study. It’s really insightful!
Abby saying “through loving we make men better” to me is so rotten! It’s hidden blaming language in my opinion. For example “ that guy who you were supposed to make better with your love is still a pos, 🤔 must be your fault...you didn’t love him enough...you didn’t try hard enough” it is rotten because love shouldn’t be what makes someone “better”. What helps improve a person’s life are learning skills of empowerment, empathy, and kindness. Love has its place but it is not perfect, it won’t fix anyone.
Don't read It End with Us or watch the movie when it comes out. it's about domestic violence and it's infuriating how closely it's tied to this very flawed mentality.
"When it boils down God is energy"
Me: hits subscribe
I took a woman in history class in college (just wanna point out we need a whole different class to be included in history) and this comes directly out of pioneer thinking and up until now.....apparently. When women had to be the most pious and next to godly and they were their husbands keeper. Couldn't own land and were considered property. They were literally expected to make their husbands go to church. If the husband didn't show up it was the wife's fault.
She never got out of the 1800's. I really feel bad for people with this way of thinking. Don't you want to be independent and responsible for yourself?
“what is a woman?” *laughs in genderfluid* *laughs in gender theory*
I love the extra sassy that comes with "wine B". I 100% agree with you. CA's views feel so dangerous to me. As a mother of a LGBTQ+/GRSM person, it makes me so angry. We raised our children to be strong, moral, accepting, compassionate, productive members of society without regard to what genitalia they were born with. Do what makes you happy, while being respectful and accepting of the beliefs of others. My husband did more of the day to day child rearing because he is more patient and enjoyed it. I worked more and brought more resources home because that's where I thrived. Imagine doing what you feel you're good at and making yourself happy. Such a radical idea.
I feel like this is the way things should be done!! Just raise your kids to be good humans and divvy up household responsibilities whatever way works best for you!
Mine did too. In fact I was working for a company that had better benefits so my husband stayed home with our kids from 0-5. There were times I too was home but he was self-employed and I wasn’t always during those years. People thought we were insane. This was the mid 2000s.
B why cant you be my bestie, you are so aware 🥰with reality, especially in regards to Black Woman.. we need more people that CARE like you!🥰
I don't like the idea of a "true woman" because there are so many different aspects of being a woman that some people embody and others don't. Are we really going to tell anyone that identifies as a woman that they're not a "true woman" just because they don't embody all aspects of womanhood?
I won't ever forget the door to door salesman that came to my house one day and ended up questioning so many of his choices. I was living with my mom at the time and it was just the two of us. She was at work, so it was just me at home when some dude knocked on our door, selling some sort of carpet cleaning service. I was feeling nice that day so I left him go through his spiel and then politely said I wasn't interested at that time, but if he wanted to give me a card we'd keep in mind. He pushed a little more, which I expected, and then I firmly said no, not interested.
This man then had the gall to ask me "Well is your husband home? could I speak with him?" I think he knew he made a mistake because I'm pretty sure I gave him a pretty murderous look and replied, "Sir, what makes you think any men live in this house? Trust me, they don't last long." Which was more a reference to my shitty dating life but given my expression I was probably accidentally implying I murdered some dudes. He turned tail and ran back to his car after that 😂
I hate how she started with that "feminism covers too much ground", but then went back to "all feminists want this and that" like there was a feminist council that released rules #facepalm. Like she's been told that for many feminism isn't the straw(wo)man she keeps building
its so good to see you in my subscription box b :)
Thank you, B!!!
Abs fails to mention that all the bros in the movie KIDNAPPED women from the town to be their wives. The women get trapped with the bros because of a snowstorm. The bros and hubs are kicked out of the house by Milly, the protagonist. Milly’s hubs, Adam, gets mad, and leaves. Of course, the women get a case of Stockholm Syndrome, and fall in love with the brothers. Milly has a baby, and her husband returns to be a dad, realizing how wrong it was to kidnap women. When the snow melts, the parson hears the baby cry, and all the bros claim the baby to be theirs, so the parson will perform “shotgun weddings” for all of them, on the spot.
Here’s a sampling of lyrics from the song, “Bless Your Beautiful Hide,” Adam sings, when dreaming of a potential bride...
“Pretty and trim but kinda slim
Heavenly eyes but, oh, that size”
I’ll admit, some of the the music is catchy, and i loved the movie when i was a kid. As an adult, however, I would NOT describe the film as “beautiful”, like Abby did.
THIS!!!!!
I disagree with Abby so much I'm upset my name is also Abbie.
Yes! I completely agree! I very much live a “feminist” lifestyle but don’t like to use the term. I’m straight, married to a man and work full time. I’m fully independent and my household is an equal partnership.
Also, funny story. I left my dentist over a similar situation like you described. My hubby stopped going to him as well.
The worst part is that they will call every so often asking if they can get HIS business back but not mine. 🤦♀️
TW
I have two thoughts about her comment about men having to wait for sex until marriage. The first thing I thought of was how many people who are in loveless/abusive marriages or end up divorced because they got married young just to have sex or because they got pregnant. The second, more extreme version of this that plays out in society that I thought of was about a few documentaries I recently watched. One was filmed in India, the other in a country in the middle east (don't remember off the top of my head). Essentially because sex before marriage was so shamed and women had no rights to even be out alone or show their faces (middle east), the men were r@ping little boys. "Who will they f*ck, the p*ssies of their grandmothers?" was one of the excuses. In India, the boys would usually start selling themselves after being violated over and over as they were typically homeless and jaded from the trauma. In the middle eastern one, they were essentially kidnapped and held as "tea boys" on army bases and shot if they tried to escape. On both docs, most if not all people around had no issue with it and did it themselves. This is what can happen if sex is shamed to the highest extent.
The other thing I have a serious issue with is her complete bastardization of feminism while reaping all the benefits of what so many of them fought and died for. Taking the most radical of a small group of people and painting the entire movement as that is just so annoying. Most feminists want equality, and have no issue if you want to live like a 50s housewife. As long as you have the option to make the choice to do so, that's fine. If she truly hates feminism, and continues to put up these blatant misrepresentations that hinder our fight, she should stop enjoying everything our ancestors gave their lives to. That means no videos as you have no voice, no voting either, no working or owning anything, no making money... Just a chef, cleaning lady, house decorator, and nanny to the kids and your husband... Just go make the men better since that's your God ordained purpose as a woman
Feminists advances such has being able to have a bank account make the stay at home mom lifestyle a bit safer. Giving women independence allows them to be in security and to make their own choices, to be less vulnerable.
Always have a backup sound recording! One thing I've learned from filming in the studio is always have a second or even third mic set up and recording.
I should really start doing that lol. It was such a bummer when I realized there was no sound 😬
@@BHaney especially for what sounds like an important video!
Feminism gets a bad rep, but I have airways viewed it as feminism works to make all people equal and support women on any path they take. It is not a ploy to subjugate men. Also, without feminism, Abby would not be able to have her channel…
B, thank you for your videos like these. You're becoming one of my favourite youtubers whom I've recently discovered, and I'm currently enjoying bingeing your faith-related deconstruction/reconstruction/reaction videos. I truly resonate with your thoughts and insights, and you make me feel less alone on the deconstruction journey which my husband and I are going through right now. Thank you :)
You said 'faith deconstruction video' and I turned on notifications. HERE FOR IT. And here for the rest too :)
I feel like some people just refuse to actually try and understand the ideas they argue against. Abby clearly isn’t very well versed on feminism and the different waves, she probably grew up hearing “feminism bad. Women are equal but not really. They want you to burn your bra and never let a man touch you.” It’s very clear that she doesn’t understand the purpose of feminism or the important role it’s played in getting her to where she is now. There are extremists in every movement sure, but she paints modern day feminism as something laughable and dumb, when in reality it’s just like... basic human rights... 🤦🏻♀️
Her video was seeing a problem and coming to the wrong conclusion. Great reaction.
Exactly. And thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed the video!
Just would like to throw it out there that just because you raise your child to be upstanding and “good” and have “good morals” doesn’t mean they will be that way. We all have the ability to choose and some people choose to do things completely differently than how their parents taught them.
I've watched many of your videos quietly.... but I MUST SAY. THIS ONE I LOVE!!!!
Thank you so much! 💛
@@BHaney I should point out i enjoy all ur videos... but this one is one of my favs .. my before comment wasn't very clear on that fact lol 😆
@@Heather_The_RedRum_IP I totally got what you meant! I’m typically a silent watcher of most of the creators I watch so I feel ya lol. But I’m so happy to hear this was one of your favorites of mine, that means a lot.
My jaw dropped when you told the story of your dentist asking you to ask your husband. I mean i have examples of my own but that one surprised me. He would have gotten an ear full from me!!!
Fyi my name is Lucretia :) I knew Lucretia Mott was involved with feminism somehow but forgot all the research i did in highschool. Thanks for the overview!
Sometimes I wish I had stood up for myself sooner! I’d never let a professional treat me like that now, but it took a lot of work to feel confident enough in myself to stand up to people I perceive to be in positions of power.
@@BHaney side note: who knows what I really would have done lol. I made the comment before I even heard your response so it wasn’t in response to what you did. And there are definitely situations I let things slide like at in-laws comments etc. I wish I wouldn’t let it slide but it’s hard. Loved your video! I’m all for tipsy B!!!
Yoooo so glad you ditched that dentist because if he asked me that ONCE. Nope. New dentist time. Absolutely not.
Omg, the dentist. My dentist got a new office manager. She was so rude every time I talked to her. I finally called her out. No cussing no yelling. I was just so sick of being treated this way. 3 days later, I'm kicked out of my dentist office forever. At least I don't have to deal with them anymore.
Wowww. Did they say it was because you called her out? That seems so unethical, I can’t imagine they’ll be keeping much business that way.
@@BHaney They told me they weren't taking my insurance any longer. Which I pointed out I was getting a partial and was paying for it. No insurance. That was the 2nd thing, they aren't doing any kind of dentures. I had gone here for around 15 years. Oh well. I can not stand rude people. Just figures, I end up being the bad person. I am getting the partial somewhere else now.
“When are y’all gonna learn?” 😆 When you asked that, and did a half-turn towards the camera, I was dun! I died laughing because you were in the middle of reading, but you felt that in your spirit 🥰🤣🥰🤣
Preach!! I really like everything you said and the emotion one can feel while listening.
Feminist has really begun to have a negative connotation because of extremists. I also consider myself a feminist but it was natural in my immediate family, we knew there were gender rolls but we were not boxed into living that way.
I loved this. Thank you for being a voice of reason.
I started, and I am excited to hear your thoughts on this, but I am going to have to come back later to finish because I am afraid it might raise my blood pressure too high after a stressful work day. I will be back to give you a view, thanks for all your hard work! I always appreciate what you do! ❤️
Yes, take care of you first! I hope you have a very relaxing evening 💛 when you do decide to watch, I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
Another great video, thanks for sharing
Love the cozy living room set up. Excited to listen to this while I redo a room!
I’m glad you like it! I hope your room turns out well!!
Yes, I would love the faith deconstruction video.
Yes, definitely interested in that video!
Yay! I think it’ll be a good one & so interesting to actually have it conversation style.
7 men, 1 woman in a remote mountain cabin...Abby's story is a bit naive, no?
My understanding is that the brothers go out and kidnap their brides, so her portraying that show as like some beautiful fairytale is honestly hilarious. The second she said seven wives for seven brothers I literally snorted. That show is like a punch line.
As a side note - you absolutely can get your wisdom teeth pulled with only local numbing, it's very common practice here in Australia, some people even have all four extracted with only local. He may have had an infection or severe inflammation that would have limited the effectiveness of the anaesthetic - usually they will give a course of antibiotics in this case and wait to extract the tooth.
Yes it’s the same here in Germany. I had all four removed at the same time with only local numbing and was absolutely fine.
i loved so much about your responses, B, but my favourite had to be, "OMG, she's WORSE than my dentist!"
what a burn!
My favorite moment too 😂
I think my biggest problem with Abby's argument is that she's attempting to resolve the cognitive dissonance between strong women and "traditional" gender roles by claiming that the latter is an example of strength, with strength being defined through a masculine lens.
If women are the pillars of good society, as Abby claims, by picking themselves up and getting the job done (contextually, raising men), then isn't that still an argument that tries to move womanhood more into the masculine end of the spectrum? In other words, where is the room for the more traditionally feminine end of things? The softer, emotive end of the spectrum, so to speak? (to be clear, I don't necessarily agree with those associations, but it's still the scale widely used today soooo)
Basically what I'm getting at is that Abby's argument still negates the validity of traditional femininity. My personal observations of modern feminism indicate a move towards attempting to get both ends of the spectrum accepted, the strong and steadfast end as well as the meeker, emotional end. Both are inherently valuable and found in every person regardless of assigned gender at birth, and more importantly, they're not mutually exclusive.
Idk, I might be misinterpreting Abby's POV, but her whole argument seems to be based on this false equivalency.
such a well thought eloquent post, thank you! Abby and women like her are quite masculine and according to their own theory, they should not make videos/work/write columns and what not. They ought to sit at home, child rearing along I can't get past that initial hypocrisy
@@susanne4106 yes! By her own view, she shouldn’t be speaking out against the patriarchy!
i’m literally just like... 🤯
i couldn’t believe how many of ur opinions were exactly the same as mine UNTIL u came out of nowhere with ur take on the whole “mommy’s boy”/“daddy’s girl” concept & how (u think) it’s about the energy balance 🤭
👏🏽👏🏽PURE GENIUS!!!💯😌
i never even realized so thx for the enlightenment, great video btw 🤗
god is non-binary 😌
It’s just facts 💁🏻♀️
Abby frustrates me to no end.
We women sure have a lot of responsibility for people who are so incapable in misogynistic eyes.
I’m just starting this video but I’m an atheist and I would LOVE to hear your perspective on faith deconstruction. The topic comes up a lot on my fyp on tiktok, and because I’m an atheist and I get a lot of atheist content, most of the time it results in them leaving the faith entirely. I would love to hear the perspective of someone who is also religious
I’m excited to re-do the video because I think we could all have a great conversation about it! I think deconstruction is massively important and I totally understand why it often results in leaving religion altogether and then for people who end up reconstructing I think it gives them ownership of their own beliefs. They no longer go by what they were told, but what they truly believe to be right!
What exactly does faith deconstruction mean? I hadn’t heard of it before today and I think what I assumed might not be what is meant by it.
@@dmsjt5181 It's basically pulling apart and examining your faith piece by piece. From a Christian perspective, this could be questioning and researching things you've learned in church, from the bible, from your friends and family. There are a lot of issues within the Christian church and a lot of fear mongering, so when someone decontructs their faith, they often look at things they've been taught from a critical or more logical, non faith based lens. WHY are we taught to believe these things? Where did it come from? Do they have any merit? Are they based in any sort of truth or have they been perpetuated by the church to keep us afraid and obedient?
I've never been through it but I've heard and seen that it can be really hard and sad. You're basically challenging and questioning everything you've ever known and have been taught potentially since you were born. A lot of people end up leaving the faith entirely, but some people don't, some people are able to rebuild their faith and go off of what THEY believe, not what they have been told to believe. If that makes sense! Again, I'm not religious so someone else might be able to explain it a bit better than can. :)
@@vulpixies3272 oh! That’s totally what I’ve done the past few years. I’m Mormon (LDS). I’d be happy to share my perspective and experience for anyone who cares.
I 100% agree about the fact that we all have some percentage of both masculine and feminine energy within us
Ugh your dentist story got on my nerves so much! I can’t believe he would be so blatantly misogynistic. One example I can always remember that i experienced was in my junior year of hs I had to write a group short essay with 4 guys in a 45 min time period. During the whole period they continually talked over me, ignored my ideas, would act like they were listening to me to amuse me and then just completely neglect anything I added to the conversation. At one point, one of the guys turned to me and asked, in the MOST condescending tone, “do you understand what we’re talking about? Do you need help?”. I was ready to punch a hole in the wall. Then at the very end, we are only allowed to hand in one paper from each group and I had finished first. So I said to the guys that I was going to hand my paper in and they all immediately were like “no no no we will hand one of ours in” “don’t worry about it you can just leave”. I wanted to scream. They all acted like I was an idiot or something. Also it’s not like I got bad grades in that class or anything like that, I got higher grades than all of them so idk why they were so condescending to me and didn’t want to use any of my ideas.
Awesome vid B!!!
Yes please to the deconstruction video!! Currently deconstructing so I need all the help/insight I can get! 😁 So sorry that happened to your original video though, that's terrible!!
I’ve deconstructed. Did this about 15 years ago before it was as widely talked about. I can’t wait to see the video too!
I have a story about medical sexism! I had recurring, severe abdominal pain that I kept having to go to the ER to get checked. They kept refusing to do any scans on my abdomen for fear of “damaging my ability to have kids later” (keep in mind, I was a single, Virgin teenager so that was literally the furthest thing from my mind). On maybe the 4th or 5th time I went in for the same issue, I finally blew up at the doctor for not looking for what was wrong with me and said I wanted documentation of his reasoning if he was going to refuse me again. He said “listen, I’m just looking out for you future husband! What if you can’t give him kids?”
SIR. I AM YOUR PATIENT. YOU SHOULD BE LOOKING OUT FOR ME, NOT MY HYPOTHETICAL FUTURE HUSBAND.
yes to the deconstruction video! also, you look gorgeous and i love wine b 😂
Have you talked about this dentist story in a video? I'm so curious now. Also, recently found your content and love it!
I stan sassy-wine-B 😂 keep up the good work!
They refused to sedate me for my wisdom tooth removal because I had a drink of water to take a pill that morning and I was so miserable that I went through it
I was numb and awake the entire time and it was still traumatizing enough to give me years of dental anxiety. Tell your husband he has my sympathy!
I was also awake when they removed my wisdom teeth. I was numb, but I could hear them crack all four teeth to remove them. I went back to that dentist one time after that (so they could check that my mouth was healed), then I didn't go to a dentist again for close to a decade.
I feel for every person who goes through something like that.
Oh my goodness, it’s wild that this is such a common experience!! I am so sorry you both had to go through that too!
I love how you talked about feminine energy and masculine ❤️
I’ve had all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled while awake in the chair. I was completely numb. Couldn’t feel a thing. So your husbands previous dentist did him dirty.
I was just thinking that. In Germany it’s very common to get them removed while being awake but your face is totally numb. I did feel them cracking them though because they had to add a lot of pressure but I just thought it was funny honestly 😅 it was such a weird sensation. But it didn’t hurt at all.
B- you are awesome!
You can be strong and powerful and still be victimized
this video was fascinating! i really like wine b 😂
Thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoyed it!
I'm fairly new to your channel but I am addicted to watching! I've been binging your content since I found it and I cant get enough. Only wish you uploaded more, however it's quality over quantity 👌
I swear it’s like she’s living in a totally different reality.
This comment is totally off topic but I just wanted to say that I always love your nails B! 😁 Another awesome video as always, much love from Scotland 🏴💕
Feminists can’t love? Am I getting this right?
How can she be both misogynistic AND be saying men aren’t capable of being loving and nurturing beings? This is rough.
What annoys me with Abby (and why I don’t watch her content), it always comes across as extremely privileged. She doesn’t mind the “feminism” she benefits from - voting, ability to attend any college she wants, heck ability to make her own choices. However those she doesn’t see as beneficial to her lifestyle are seen as problematic. I’m convinced if she were born 100 years ago, she’d have been one of those women calling those in the suffrage movement “trouble makers”. That’s the issue with women that don’t have a problem with patriarchy, they get to tear down those of us fighting for progress; while still reaping the benefits of our work.
Oh and I can’t wait to hear about your dentist. As someone who paid for insurance while being self-employed, we were scammed so bad! And neither my husband, kids, nor I had a cavity at the time. Still they found a way to bill us an insane amount.
Strong recommend for reading Betty Friedan's (pronounced free-DAN, btw) The Feminine Mystique. I read it as a teen in the early 80s and it was relevant and eye-opening; I handed it to young women in the early 2000s and it was still sadly all too relevant. Friedan has oversights and problems, but it's a foundational read, though definitely rooted in her own experience. By the way, consider that the "nuclear" family supposed ideal of a man working and a woman staying home is part of that very middle-class white mythology. Plenty of women always had to work and earn livings, within and outside of family life.
I feel lucky that, growing up in the 70s, I had a lot of exposure to feminist ideas and role models. Heck, I'm glad that Marlo Thomas created "Free to be, You and Me" then! I only wish times had changed enough for the things i learned then to be no longer relevant today. And yes, the personal is political!
Along the way I also realized there are feminism*s*. Mine is mine, it's unlikely to be identical to everyone else's.
Wine B rocks!!! Loved this! Couldn't stand the opinions from Miss Abbott though!!! You made it palatable! Wouldn't have been able to watch it without you!
P.S. I feel it's safe to say the wine made it more palatable for you BUT you still would have & probably do still feel the same!!! Thank you! 💜💜💜