The marriage dilemma in China
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ก.ค. 2024
- China is facing what’s being called the “Fourth Wave of Singledom”, brought on by economic development and the increased independence of the country’s women. This video takes a look at marriage pressure; the causes, the ways in which it manifests itself and the consequences as China's young generation attempt to escape the obligation to tie the knot and have to deal with the expectations of their parents.
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They said that if you are still single at age 30 you will become a wizard. So it's totally worth it.
If that's true, I'll become a god.
Bro, did you get this from that slime anime.
Hagrid will come to your door and personally inform you of that.
Well, I'm about to be a grand wizard in December
Chuck Norris Still Kicking At Eighty
And here I am, 32 years old, avoiding every possible romantic interaction as if it were the plague. I'm just too happy being single.
😀
That explains your profile picture.
MK ULTRA cat lady.
"Mgtow". Google it. Your welcome.
@@erichale8047 OP is a woman. You can tell by the writing style of her comment.
I spend more time reading the comments than watching the 29 minutes video.
Same dude😂😂
Same here
LOL...
Same 😁
Same here!
Asian parents: YOU CANT DATE UNTILL YOU GRADUATE COLLEGE.
Also Asian parents when you're 22 and just graduated college: WHY ARENT YOU MARRIED YET? WHY DONT YOU HAVE KIDS YET. YOUR TOO OLD.
Hahahahhaa Fr
Exactly
fr tho
if thats a tradition then goddamn that
Asian parents should learn developmental psychology. When people aren't able to develop social skills by a certain age, they simply can develop them. They shouldn't have tortured their children with cram school.
These parents are pressuring you into a ceremony you can’t afford and that they don’t want to help pay for....🤣🤣🤣
actually parents would prepare for the ceremony money for years or decades... they really REALLY want their children to get married
Rather not get married in such a case
Why should any new couple bear the brunt of being faced with a financial burden at the beginning of their lives
Most ceremonies will be paid by both parents. I had an ex Chinese BF who was ready to pay more than $70k for the ceremony, which I dont want to have. But he said his parents want to have.....
@@yumijiang0312 Humans are so different :) for example me. I would never wan't to spend lots of money for something which will fade in a week. I do understand when people spend 100k on a wedding when they have secured their life. But for me even If I would become super extra rich I would never spend that. All I need is my closest circle. I wouldn't invite someone just because they are my cousins or whatever :) For whatever reason these videos appeared on my youtube and this is like 3rd video I watch in a row at work trying to figure out this social pressure for Chinese men and women. I still believe Women gets much more pressure than men. I grew up in a country which got its freedom back after many years of Soviet Union occupation and maybe that's why my thoughts are this way. For me independent women is much more attractive than some trophy wife. I can't understand men who marries women just to have child with and do the housework. I was independent kid since 7 years old because our country was poor and when my mom used to cook there was times when I disliked taste of food and I realized I need to learn to support myself in a kitchen. I learn simply stuff to start with because as 7 year old you don't take much into consideration, but I look at some of people I know now and they in their 20-30s and still have to google how to boil an egg which I find funny :) I live with my partner for 10 years now and she barely needs to cook. I usually do cooking and she does daily cleaning, because I'm not a fan of it. Even tho I don't like it I still do my weekly cleaning because I believe we should share work load at home and it doesn't matter which one of us had day off that day. I know when my dad used to get mad at my mom if food wasn't ready when he gets back home after work and it might be why mentality is this way. I'll stop here because already wrote to much :)
@@caroledavids4198 Isn't that the very principle of marriage? Blowing all your savings on the wedding ceremony, then spending the rest of your life under the burden of loans? 🤣 It's certainly true of my country, though (hopefully) other countries would be a little more enlightened.
So how many singles are watching this roller-coaster documentary.
Hiya!
✋
Blissful 🤚🏼🤘🏼💯🍾🍺🍺🍻🍻
Hi!
I did not expect to be attacked like that
My mum started to pressure me to get married when I graduated uni at 21, even though I was already in a relationship but I was definitely not ready to get married. I basically told them that I needed a career before I needed a husband. I think they feared that if I didnt “lock it down” then I might be wasting my “youth” for nothing. It got so bad that I basically told my parents to stfu about it. I married at 26 to the same guy I was dating since 19 and I’m now 29, pregnant with our first baby. My parents new topic is now what I should eat in pregnancy.
I think parents of our generation who only had the opportunity to have one child, puts all their hopes into this one person. It’s like they’ve written out your life in a book when you were born and it’s their job to make sure you stick to the chapters.
Absolutely agree. Feel fortunate that your parents didn't completely plan your entire life out step by step. I have a friend whose parents unfortunately did this, and when their plans went awry, he had nothing to look forward to. In his desperate quest to find another pathway, he wound up getting in trouble with the law and served two years in prison. Now it's becoming even harder and harder for him to straighten his life out because he has a criminal record.
Your parents were just looking out for you. They know women have an expiration date. As bad as that sounds it is true. A lot of women aren't married by the time they turn 30. They spend their 20s on education and career then are in a rush to marry when their clock starts ticking. They should have been looking for a mate while in university. At least you were smart enough to meet a guy early on and not delay it till you were established in your career.
Jade Z that makes sense actually
@@iloveeritrea4015 "women have an expiration date". 🤨 only cuz of yours/their limited belief system, not cuz its "true". your "big picture" is pretty small
@@troywalkertheprogressivean8433 listen i wish i could change reality. I wish women could have kids at any age so they can pursue their dreams and have kids at whatever age.
no one wants a daughter but everyone wants a young wife or daughter in law
Blame the communist government for the one child policy. You're barking up the wrong tree.
You’ve hit the nail on the head.
You damn right!
Yup, that logic doesn't make any sense...😮
people with daughters and daughters themselves should capitalize on this😂, no fall my hand, so that they will once and for all know the value of women 😂
"All my friends' daughters are married, and you're not."
"Well, Ma, all your friends are dead, and you're not."
Then she cuts you off from the family tree; and now you are free.
It's a small price to pay for freedom 🤣🤣🤣
LMAO
I wish it to for good.
@@kartunland I mean you’re assuming she’s rich and most of that money will go to end of life care anyways
Now your homeless
People struggle to get married because they have ridiculous expectations and some marry for the wrong reasons.
house car money, this is basic requirement for a Chinese man who want to marry a woman now(10 years earlier, Chinese women do not need these).Before young Chinese men can afford these, Do these men jerk off before they get married? haha of course not. many young Chinese men try to keep a relationship with one or more order married women secretly , and it costs quite less money than marrying a woman or dating with a girl. I am a Chinese man, I know these things. As the old saying goes: “不管黑猫白猫 能抓住老鼠就是好猫， 不管怎样 能解决生理需求 就是好方法”
Have faith in natural basic instinct. Marriage is not a materialistic thing like shopping, or eating in restaurant. Keep it simple and don't forget that after all the intelligence, we are ultimately an animal like all other species. So keep it simple.
@Sesshomaru Uzumaki that's true.
joel dong Plenty of women have already done that and are very happy. “Instincts”, very comedic. Many women find themselves much happier single than in any romantic relationship. If it’s so “instinctual” for women to marry and have a family, then why do so many find better happiness in the opposite? They’ve experienced romantic relationships before, yet even then, they stay single. Humans are intelligent, complex, individual being’s. Not machines complying with a specific, simple system as such as something as a redundant survival tactic. Your a fool.
They are also EXPECTED to marry for the wrong reasons, and it's just terrible all around.
Generations upon generations of devaluing girls, have eventually made women powerful and very valued, while boys have simply become a dime a dozen.
Why didn’t society and cultural behavior not see this coming?
Duane Locsin it's even worse in India. People do see it coming, but they don't care. As long as they have their own son, they just assume that somebody else will take care of the problem.
@@InMooseWeTrust In India, is it because religion influence?
Faisal MaTs cultural, there are Hindus in Nepal, fiji and Bali but they are much more advanced socially.
Maybe you should watch the video before commenting.
sad thing is, women are more powerful but still less than men when it comes to choosing baby gender....
A single man in his thirties is always harassed at weddings of cousins by his aunts and uncles about being single. They’d always part with saying “You’re gonna be next!” . He has had it! And decided stop this tease from his aunts and uncles. So at a funeral for a relative he turned to his aunts and uncles and said “You’re gonna be next!”. He has not been harassed since.
😆
Lol! Good joke
🤣🤣🤣😂😂
LOL good joke..
That's funny but serious all at the same time. I bet your aunts and uncles did not appreciate hearing that.
the solution is for the parents to find something more productive to do than worrying so much about their kids and pressurise them.
charis mes How can they have anything else to do? With such a big population, they’re forced to retire early. They have nothing but time to nag their children and get all up in their business until a grandchild comes along for them to take care of. Then they shut up cuz they finally have something to keep them busy and make them feel useful.
trust me they will worry regardless.
Different cultural expectations. Your children are your retirement. The kids that are adults now come from the one child policy. All that energy go put into one person. They have a severe gender imbalance now. The women can be more choosy. And the wealthier women can go elsewhere or have no interest in being under the thumb of a guy. The more options you have the less likely you'll dwell on someone with minor flaws because you don't have to. It's like a one page menu vs a 20 page menu. The dish is going to have to stand out.
Also in the beginning a lot of these males are spoiled as the only child by their grandparents and think they're little emperors and approach the women that way except the women know they don't have to put up with it. Expectation versus reality. The guys basically got participation trophies for being male and now they have to compete.
"the solution is for the parents to find something more productive to do"...like saving up money for their retirements and then finding things that they enjoy doing like taking trips, dancing, games, hobbies, and learning new things.
When marriage becomes business and pressure from family & society nothing good will come out from it. There are things that takes time and you can’t have it instantly.
I can’t agree more
It’s prostitution, not much else. Actually some woman are disgusted by some mens advances
matchmaker making millions of dollars....laugh all the way to the bank!!!
Ahahaha so true. Those matchmakers know how to use their brain and make tons of money xD
So shameless to exploit desperation and loneliness. And the same goes for that absurd singles event at the beginning of the video. The only people who benefitted from that sad and awkward get-together were the organizers.
plauditecives
Eh, i say match making is a better service to profit from than say... banking
nice comment
Matchmaking isn't a new practice either, but the timing makes it incredibly wealthy.
Problem: Everyone's seeking Mr./Mrs. Perfect. No one wanted to work with their issues, they want a perfect things to enjoy.
Thats so true.. i just wanted a nice enough person and i found him❤❤ been together for 25+ years, happily married with 3 kids
True that
There is nothing wrong with finding the right person. BUT the real issue is we don't work towards being THE RIGHT person ourselves first.
Well, its more of pride of who bows first & compromise, of who gambles first & take time to change hoping the other would too (which happens rarely & always ends with the latter not seeing a damn thing & at worst, leaving the one who compromised the most for another woman; at least giving the mistress a home & a future while leaving his family in rentals & hand-me-downs telling them that despite earning more that this is normal life)...
Finally, somebody who gets it.
hahaha reminds me of my interaction with my parents. A conversation doesn't end until they bring up their disappointment in me for not getting a girlfriend at the age of 28. There is just one problem......I have a boyfriend......
Rutger we don't care. No one cares.
Felicity Ray Self hahahahaha didn't expect anyone to care. But thanks for the confirmation.
That may be a pretty difficult conversation for you then..... best of luck.
Flashbacks of the movie, “The Wedding Banquet,” are coming back to me...
I wish I could say they'll love you no matter what, but we know that reality is complicated. If they do find out, I hope they don't disown you. In a perfect situation, they'll accept you for you.
i am a chinese, and also one of the ”victim" from the current marriage stress. this kind of social stress really sucks.
Find a foreign husband haha
@@clauaome25
He says every countries of husband's hahaa
At 72 I never married and am very happy! Traveled the world. In America it’s the bride’s parents who pay for the wedding most of the time.
My Chinese mother in law just used all our money gifts we got at our wedding to pay off the wedding, even though she said she would pay for the wedding :O she opened all the envelopes without me knowing that and took out our money
Nix Nimma wtf
Wow alot of travel.........were you been..... Biggs
Depends on what culture they're leaning most on, but that's the most common one I've heard (the bride's family paying for the wedding).
ARHAHAHA
It's time for these kids to stand up to their parents. I was 24 when I first had a boyfriend and married at 28. I travelled and focused on my career when I was young. When we got married, we did it in the courthouse because we were saving our money for our move overseas. My parents were severely disappointed. However, when financial success started coming in, their tune changed. So just stick to your decisions. At the end, it's your life.
That is easier said than done, not all parents leave you a choice. And if you are fully financially dependent from them, you basically have to listen if they threaten to cut financial ties. And don't say parents will never do that, because there are enough who will go to great lenght to see their commands be done.
@@KAvanAlten oh true. My parents will have no second thoughts denouncing any of my siblings if we dont obey them. However, I believe it's should be within reason. My parents in contrast demanded i dont date until i turn 18 because my studies takes precedence above everything, which i agree. However, i worked straight away after uni and has been mostly independent. And once i started earning n my own, they had less control over me. No one could have pushed me to date unless i wanted to. Unfortunately, succumbing to coersion is a price we pay for dependence
I am not chinese but i think this is almost the same for any country in asia. Women are expected to marry by 25 or at least have a boyfriend. Men are not expected to marry as early but their parents expect them to have a gf.
A woman who is successful will find it hard to get a man. Why? In my case.. i met a nice lady in the market one day. We had a good chat and she asked me about myself. My job, my salary, my age and my education. After the interview she told me i cannot introduce my son to you. He is too low in status compared to you. I was shocked not because she suddenly revealed that she was actually trying to match her son with me.. but i was shocked because she thought i wouldnt even give her son a look. 😂
Asians are like that. Asian men especially prefer women lower than them. They need an ego boost. And if a woman is better then it wont do their egos any good.
Which is why many asian women prefer to date foreigners.
not everything is true for the Asian mentality part.. in Singapore we don't really care if the girls marry late.. I'm 36 when I got married and it's never pressurising at home or with my friends. Around 30% of them are 40 years old and still not married. Ya it's true the man needs to be more successful than the girl before they marry after which you will be surprise how many of the girls surpass their husband in income after marriage and that sometimes causes problems
Nicholas Quek singaporean women are very lucky then. No pressure at all. I am from the Philippines and marriage pressure is still there for us although not as much as in China. Whenever we have meeting with relatives the questions are usually do you have a gf or bf? If you do, when are you planning to get married? When will you give your parents babies? Etc.
I asked my friends in vietnam, malaysia and indonesia and it is the same for them.
My bestfriend in Japan also told me she also feels pressured to find a partner because she is already 30 which is way past the "christmas cake" age.
I wish more of our elders would think like singaporeans. No pressure. I get relationship questions from relatives all the time. It is tiring.
Are you sure that many times Asian women despise guys lower than them is not a problem for the marriage issue? Dating foreigners? You mean white guys from developed countries that people tend to think have higher education and more money?
I don't mind marrying to a sugar mama. But my wife said she don't want to be a sugar mama and made me go back to college for my master's degree.
Shannon V, there are more housewives in the West than in Asia. You think college in Asia are mostly men, what a joke.
If men are so lonely why don't men just live with each other? Like brothers living together as a family. Living with a friend forever sounds fun to me.
@giveagoodsong or playing online games and watching porn :D
@giveagoodsong Do you think watching
porn is productive ?
@THE ZOLDICS lol incel delusion is rampant with you. You sure males aren’t the ones catching feelings more women, to the point that they off themselves if they are rejected, or they become divorced or widow,please check the statistics. Also you don’t know basic math, if males are supposed to impregnate as many women as possible, that means every women will get a harem of males because males population were and are always more than women or they either equal.
Don’t come home without a girlfriend 👀 wtf 😂. Next they’ll be bringing home Ai robots 🤖
yeah that was messed up... a little funny, but messed up just the same. But I guess that's just a cultural difference between China and the US. I don't think American parents would say that to their kid(s)
AI robots with my favorite character; Kurumi, why not? Sounds like a dream come true.
haha so funny
How would they feel if he decided NOT to come home?
Think Outloud Speak In Silence
I LOVE being single, the peace and quiet can't be bought with money 😃
When you live by yourself, all your personal faults...disappeared!
Idk I'd miss yelling across a room to my boyfriend that he's gay cause he likes someone who likes dick.
@@PP-vf1kx LMAO, yes~
@t l when you are at your deathbed, you realize you cant bring money with you and you have not lived a good fullfilling life full of ups and downs. That is sad af.
Renzel David shut up. There’s men and women killing their family’s everyday. Seems like they are sad
I can't wait! As a psychology major I will have a lot of work in the future! Ah, the joy.
truechampoftrance It's nice you are so optimistic.
Sandra Wong It is not optimistism.
You have your work cut out for you. Psychology/counseling is still stigmatized over there, isn’t it? Working with seniors from there, I found most refuse mental health treatment because they believe they should be able to deal with problems themselves, particularly in regards to medication. I met someone who found internet/gaming addiction to be a big problem there though. Babies actually die from their parents’ addictions to internet/games over there, apparently. Quite unbelievable.
:)
Tradition has changed. My parents got together through old fashion match maker. Now you are on your own looking for a mate is your business. No one taught you how to do it.
William louie,
That event in the mall seemed like a nice neutral way to
meet people for singles in the Chinese city near that
mall. The girls and fellows could arrive and go home
with their friends and not make a commitment.
And, the modern match-making service could verify who
the people were (which would be less dangerous for the
women)
The main issue is the concept of 'comparing with others' and 'losing face if you don't match up with what others do' - a vicious cycle.
I don't mind to be "left over".
I'm happy and independent alone.
Lies
@@user-ti2xi9bd4u don't base someone else's situation off of your own.
@@user-ti2xi9bd4u me and u can go halves and get them a cat?
@@24sirosaydeacker57 It's still a lie. Humans aren't made to be alone.
Single is life
Sad that people are getting married due to pressure more than love
They want to find love though.
screw beauty and youth. I just want a woman that I can be a lifelong friend with and have a happy family.
If you want to find a woman like that you need to avoid these places: north america, europe, asia (excluding Philippines..you can find a woman like that there). It's not impossible if you avoid countries controlled by man hating feminists. I went back to eritrea to get married. Best decision I ever made.
iLoveEritrea wow Eritrea your wife must be gorgeous lol they are known to look straight out of a beauty pageant haha
@@iloveeritrea4015 You sound like a triggered incel. "Oh no! Those SJWs and the feminists are ruining today's women!"
@@madamii or a married man lol.
Welcome to the friendzone brah, lol.
Omg, I'm 27 and single and everybody is telling me "You are so young! You have plenty of time!" and here these woman are turning 25 and losing any and all hope of marrying.
There ae always Westerners.
I am 25 and single ... lets do something about it..😊
They will date from a comment on TH-cam?
Chinese parents are so demanding. It really makes me appreciate being American.
You should also realize there are pros and cons to everything. Chinese parents are very demanding, but they also provide so much for their kids. American parents are still very much "18 and out" when it comes to their kids.
@romeo9782 maybe because she's just not into him..?
It is just various cultures
romeo9782 Women don’t need to lower their standards because some dudes feel like their masculinity is threatened. Maybe that man needs to start looking in his own range.
definitely not true....one of the biggest characteristics of American Millennials was living with their parents through their 30s
23 and 25 are the cut off age???? Christ, I want to live my life not settle down by 23. Bloody hell
Thats a joke right? They're expected to drop their jobs and have children.
Then don't get married!! Bloody hell, the police don't come to households and force men to get married on gunpoint ~~
Grow a pair, there struggles for BOTH men and women, don't act like you're the victim. I could list 1000 shit things about being a woman, but I won't because there are just as many if you are a man.
I didn't make a youtube account (nor post this comment) to argue with strangers on the internet. My original comment was my opinion, and I apologise if the rest of my comments offended/triggered you. I cant bebother having lengthy discussions on the topics you propose ( as I foresee a drawn-out back and forth that goes nowhere, and changes neither of out standpoints), so I shall leave it here. Nice to meet you :).
*bothered
Thank you. But yea, many many slimeballs on the internet. I mean it's admirable to stand by one's principles, but too many people think they can change a person's beliefs via an argument in the comment section.
Thank you for bringing these videos to the rest of the world. I love ❤️ learning about different cultures. This is fascinating to me. 😊
I'll Chime in here as a foreigner who's lived and worked, fallen in love and got married here in China, been here for close to ten years. Alot of my Chinese guy friends are still single and older than the normal 'marriage years' and when we discuss in depth the reasons why it's normally like this:
- Chinese traditional culture demands they settle down and get married usually 25-30 years old "(varies by area but where I am this is the norm). Many people these days especially men are over that age limit and a lot of them feel getting married today is more and more difficult because of work culture and cultural changes especially regarding females.
- A lot of the men say this to me. The Chinese girls have all got 'princess' complexes from having the gender so skewed in their favour, they all have really high expectations for the guy they're going to settle down with. Think the "80/20" dating rule on steroids. They all want the bosses son of a big company, OR he should be in a really good job with lots of money. Double their salary at minimum, triple is better. This is why a lot of the men who are fortunate enough to be a part of the '2nd rich generation' OR the few men who truly have succeeded in life and got the good job and wealth seem to have mistresses. I was quite shocked by this in the beginning but it's very common here.
- One of my wife's colleagues became a mistress to an older very successful man. Her colleagues reactions surprised me when they were gossiping about this at a dinner. They said she's so lucky! I thought wt f? They explained, as a mistress she's got a really nice house, a nice car, has to see the man when he wants but in general because of his success and marriage that won't be as time consuming as a real relationship.. In other words they valued the fact this guy provides them with a lot of financial support for minimal effort on their part.
So put yourself in the shoes of the average guy here, he's hard working, wants to provide for a family but he can't find someone to marry. The guys feel the traditional obligations are for the most part still expected for men. They need to have a house, a car, a really good paying job and so on. But they feel the girls obligations have vanished pretty much, and coupled with the gender imbalance the girls expectations have risen so high, they'll wait until they truly at the end of the marriage spectrum before considering/settling for a guy lower than what they wanted in their prime years. They do this due to the all encompassing pressure from family here to settle down and get married. A female co-worker of mine is one such example, she's getting married to a guy she's known less than 6 months!! "It's that time, I have too" She told us unhappily... however this guy is on paper a good match. Romance is dead!
It's a sad predicament brought about by traditional Chinese values preferring a son and the governments one child policy created this issue. They've since dissolved the one child policy however birth rates are not increasing yet. Probably due to how hard it is to deal with personal life and working life here in China.
blabber to someone who cares.
that's how it is in the US too, and they say 80/20 isn't real. if you aren't good looking with a good paying job you've got little to no chance in dating and marriage. that's for guys, women basically just gotta have a vagina.
Im a european girl and i have the same standards, girls are at a disadvantage for salaries and promotions universally, if i hv the same salary as my bf means im working three times harder than him. What is the benefit of a bf like that? And your 80-20 calculation doesnt account for the fact that in the 21st century the wife still does 100% of the child bearing, and the vast majority of house work and child-rearing. Its just not an interesting proposal for me if a suitor cant bring anything to the table.
by "anything to the table" you mean, a hell of a lot more than you bring, got it.
you're delusional if you think you're working 3x harder for the same salary btw, or that nanny's or housemaids deserve huge salaries, and they have a lot higher skill than your typical woman, so i guess that means your typical woman is worth even less.
Sometimes I really don't understand my people, why 23-year-old girls need to find the marriage consultancy for getting guys? This is the time for dating and meeting people, not for settling down. Plus what's the point to get married with someone you barely know? If that's the case why not just use Tinder？？？
Siyuan Hu when there is a shortage of women, the women begin to have impossible standards for men. No man will ever live up to their standards so they will never settle down for anything less than the most perfect man in the world.
They don’t need to but often the marriage pressure is too much for young women to fight so they might end up going with the flow. I’m in the USA so I don’t get as much of the pressure but still my parents went from “don’t you dare even look at a guy” while I was in school to “hey, when are you getting married” only a few years after I graduated.
lanbao2010 Well, that make sense. They want you to study, but since you are grown. They think you are ready.
Htoo Doh unfortunately, the parents don’t really mention the dating bit. Often they just want a woman to go from no dating at all to already married. I know I panicked a bit when my parents switched modes; I simply did not have any of the skills and experience needed for being in a relationship so I turned to relationship courses to fill the gap between me and other 24 year olds who had been dating since middle school. Those women in the video are feeling a similar pressure so they’re going straight to the consultants to get a relationship.
landao2010 This is also true for men. My parents started pressuring my brothers right after they graduated even tho they weren't allowed to date because they needed to focus on education. I think Asians have a little problem lol
Well, I'm a single mom of two and I enjoy being single.. fun, relax, no worries about what to cook everyday, no jealousy, go anywhere I want, I can do anything without feeling guilty, enjoy playing with my kids... I just love it.
If you are a single mother of two you are not free but have taken on raising kids alone.
Then enjoy your single ness for the rest of your life u dont need no man u go girl
Yeah, I can do all these things but I have none of your worries like having to work all day long, living paycheck to paycheck, counting my pennies, missing out of home and the state raising my kids while I miss their childhood. Most single moms live a life in misery. And do you feed your kids of you don't cook??? You are probably all obese. That's why you need a man - you need a structure, especially with children in the house!
Married by 23??! Oh my god, that would have been horrible. I loved my 20's because they were MINE.
@giveagoodsong In today's modern society, it takes the age range between 25-30 to really provide for a family (spouse & kids). You need to develop job skills, experience, and social skills to become a capable parent and adult. Judging someone not willing to get married at 20 just doesn't make sense.
Also 25-32 a woman's fertility is still good for healthy children. As a man, I'd rather marry a woman in that age range than an immature 20 year old girl in a woman's body.
giveagoodsong, even in the middle ages marriage certificates from the church were advised for 22 years old, because teenagers who get pregnant can't handle the pressure and start doing some destructive behaviours. Also replace broken with roastie so we can be more sympathetic about your incel identity.
This is actually a good explanations. 20 are to find yourself and figur out what you want to do. Then, if you are lucky, you find someone who fits for you.
Boadecia Keep Shaking Kid.
giveagoodsong People who marry too soon end up divorced more often. People who marry later tend to be more mature and stable therefore the marriage is more likely to last. People in their early 20s don't know who they are. When you hit your late 20s you won't be the same.
You look so smart , attractive , strong and responsible with fluffy tiger s ears when you want to date ...
😂😂😂👏
My mom (who's chinese indonesian):
Elementary school: kid, no boyfriend
Secondary school: don't you even dare
First year of university: why don't you have a boyfriend yet?!!
Your mom was actually expecting you overcome her “objection” to find someone you really love. But anyway that may happen at any stage of your life
You know, in a way, it's not so different than in the U.S...in places where there are tons of working professional singles who really have a hard time meeting people. People tend to hook up and find their partner in college, grad school, their jobs, or if they're from smaller communities, people within their community that everybody knows just because people spend all of their time in college, grad school, their job, etc. If people can't find anybody there, then it becomes very difficult. Even if people are pretty successful in their careers, have a nice social circle and friends, it can still be very difficult for them to navigate the waters and find somebody they can connect with. In more densely populated areas with tons of young singles, it becomes even more difficult as there are so many that everybody becomes highly selective and then nobody really gets chosen and everybody complains about not being able to find someone. That's why in more traditional cultures, it's not just up to individuals to find people but it can some times take a group effort (family, friends, contacts, etc.). I think we've been conditioned by rom coms and such to think all you have to do is work on yourself and put yourself out there but honestly, I some times wonder if it takes more than that.
SHT L It doesn't take a lot to find, someone per se. I mean you could go on tinder and find that people will swipe on your pic. It does however, take a more than just working on yourself, and putting yourself out there to find someone you truly connect with. For various reasons of course.The reason doesn't even have to be related to you. The person who truly connects with you could be going through a rough patch in there life causing them to be too upset to even notice you, or maybe they aren't looking for a relationship point blank period.
I think you've layed a reasonable argument
What is happening in the US kind of proves what the girl in the yellow was saying. Being in a relationship negatively impacts women because it doesn't help them get ahead in their career or life goals. The US saw a lost of 155k jobs, all of the women because the men/husbands in their lives feel they can give up their careers for their kids.
Kind of shows that there is no point marrying as a women. Why? All it dies is harm us 🤷🏻
this is the 3rd chinese dating video, ive given yt algorythmn needs to continue because they are all interesting.
Okay, I have to stay something. Marriage is NOT a desired end or goal. It happens naturally and comes when the time is right. Rather than worry about getting married, think about how u can improve urself and become the person you hope your future partner will be to you. And marriage DOES NOT equal satisfaction and happiness. Dude...what the young people in China need to do is just do what they want. Marry when they want and naturally...but don’t have unrealistic standards. Perfection IS NOT attainable. Gosh...I need to pray for China.
You have no clue about China.
Ways to fix China:
Destroy the entire country and repopulate it. Hopefully it works.
Reform the ENTIRE government. The government is so messed up to a point where the country is a dictatorship that bans the civilians from saying anything bad about the country and then there’s the politicians who are increasing taxes and ripping off the government for their own profit.
Isolate a portion of the Chinese population. Hopefully it works to right their mind instead of being encased by the horrific environment.
Praying probably won’t work. Religions in China are skewered beyond repair. The monks have Ferrari cars and a ginormous house.
KodixBerri China live very differently from AMERICA, that's why most other people try to come to the USA so they can live FREELY
Uhh... there’s Trump and the arguments...
Leevan Jiang How about we just nuke the whole world while we’re at it? That will solve all of society’s issues, yes?
The problem is Chinese young gen do not learn how to date or woo each other. At schools, they are encouraged to study only and when they are ready, they look out for ideal spouse (looks, wealth, career etc, etc). The problem they facing is this switch over from match-making environment for centuries to dating approach to find spouses "or love".
Can you imagine the guy interviewed at 20s (likely late 20s) and not yet even hold a girl's hand! OMG. What had he been doing during his teens? But this transition is common in Asia, if read up during the past decades... Well the younger generations will evolve out of it... They will need to learn how to "hunt, woo, date"at much younger age.
I think a bigger issue is that so much time is spent on a career, that you have very little interpersonal skills, romantic and platonic. That's not great for anyone.
This sort of dating seems really weird, unnatural. But I guess when you Genocide so many of your girls things get messed up.
Me watching them having a problem being single.
Me: 29 in age, a single , have a good job, loving family, im ok, no problem of being single. If mr right come then we will be ok, if not, i will be happy for what i have. Simple as that 🙂
@1987iuli yup you are right
@THE ZOLDICS 😂 cannot go out, its scary, Covid always waving hahaha
“If you bother me about this, i wont come home, i wont speak to you.” Boundaries.
I'm Chilean. I'm 40 and I feel very comfy with my life as I am,no one is pushing me to marry is a relief, I think Chinese are so worried and under pressure , Well we are different cultures. Respect
I'm another 40 year old chilean without a ring and no interest sharing my bathroom...
You are not even to consider at this point 🤣
Thats like a super tinder gathering
Ps: watching tv drama > imagine life like that drama > being picky > cant accept the truth of real life > stressed out
“The cutoff is 25 for men and 23 for women”.
What a backwards society to have cutoffs. Met my fiancé when I was 29 and I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
I think this is really sad 😔 What's the point of going to school so many years to get a career if you can't then spend some time enjoying your 20s and your hard earned money and do what you want? If not in your 20s then when do you get to be free and live for you? There's always exceptions, people who happily get married at 23 but it makes me sad for those who want a different path but have to give in to the pressure to confirm. That's got to be the worst feeling, to go against yourself, always living your life for others. I would be so sad all the time 🙁
Having your own life and goals is 100x more rewarding than being some guy's bangmaid
You have to remember that social norms and expectations are not the same from one generation to the next or from one society to the next. The last generation of Chinese grew up in a completely different era with completely different standards that the current generation is exposed to. The former will stick to what they understand because of how they were raised, whereas the latter is still grappling with these new opportunities while being pressured by the former to live up to the same standards imposed on them.
ZhangtheGreat You're right. This is a complicated issue and I'm sure it varies alot even from person to person based on their family, their own beliefs, etc. It's nice to know the younger generations are thinking outside of such strict standards. I didn't mean to make a blanket statement nor do I judge anyone who gets happily married when they're very young I just have my own view of it because I myself am in an in between generation. Not Chinese but Latina and there's alot of pressure to do things like past generations while grappling with wanting different things for yourslef so I understand what you mean, it's not exactly the same pressure but I can understand it. Hopefully things keep changing so people can have the freedom to choose whatever makes them happy ❤️
Are you saying you are now lots of guys' "bangmaid"? Uh oh this does not end well for you. Lol.
Lupita Arroyo hy
Love reading the comments while watching.... Good thing I'm not pressured to get married but sometimes I'm quite irritated when people are dissapointed when they found out I'm still single!
The fact that Chinese guys are usually very shy and lack self confidence doesn't help as well. One of my coworkers is so charming and looks sooooooo fine, all the women keep talking about him and there is no way he never heard anyone, foreigner or Chinese, talk about him. Yet, he doesn't seem to be willing to make a move towards any of the 80 women who wok at that company. Maybe he's gay (that would be my luck) but I'm more prone to think he's just being shy because that's how Chinese men are.
Social skills is learned and they never learn it.
LMAO
You should try to make a move to find out.
Over-critical parents that demand obedience due to filial piety is the culprit for poor social skills. You learn early on to bow your head and shut up.
You know what they say about pens and company ink.
4:03 That guy said he has never held a girl's hand. THERE'S A PRETTY GIRL NEXT TO YOU BRO! HOLD HER HAND! LOL
CPZ Gamez Maybe she's his sister, oh wait.......
yeah sure, just grab a random girls hand. that wont go wrong at all.
He's not her type,so obvious in her face.
Yeah, she so doesn't like him.
He was hinting it at her but she didn't bite lol
Very interesting documentary. I know this is a serious subject, especially for Chinese today, but I can't help but giggle sometimes and be so glad my ancestors immigrated to Hawaii 160 years ago so I was spared the challenges of living in China.
UHHHH, with this extreme pressure, can you imagine what these evil parents do to their innocent gay children?
Exactly he should learn his lessons cough no way jose
Same in India stfu and get married bruh
Ha okay. Parents not evil. Gay kids not innocent !
Why spent so much on the wedding??! Isn´t better to save the money for more important things and the future? like an apartment, house or to invest in something planned like a business
Pretty sure house and cars are the requirement to even consider marriage.
Agree....if you have the money spend all you want, if you don’t it’s ridiculous to spend it on a wedding to impress people you don’t really care about. Civil unions are perfect
2:52 best interview everrr!!!!! "it's a shame" - looks at the floor...hahahah comedy gold
Wow, I cannot believe they actually do this.
Then there's salsa! *plays Brazilian Samba music*. Hahaha
😂😂😂
What??!! Two years' salary to pay for the wedding, and the groom has to pay???? People ask about your salary before even getting into dating?!? Wow don't know what US men would do- they scream 'gold digger' at the drop of a dollar-no matter how broke they are😂!
20.000 for a wedding? That's more expensive than a wedding in Western-Europe
YaoiMastah Indian weddings are even worse
In the USA, the average is around $36,000 for a wedding.
YaoiMastah Weddings are expensive because it's one of your biggest event in life. Unless you're a cheapstaker, you tends to pay a lot just for one marriage.
YaoiMastah Also, Chinese weddings are different than your typical wedding. You will have almost a hundred guest depending on how many family members are in each side of the bride and groom's family tree. Each table will get approximately $100 worth of food, and the left over money are given to the people of their choice. Me and my siblings were chosen to receive the left over money for that wedding and we each get $300 USD. Some Chinese tends to do two separate weddings, a traditional one and/or a classical one.
That is really not that much, but I'm from eastern europe, and the mentality here is that you need to have a big wedding even if you can't really afford it.
Girls, marry for love, ignore them....
There’s no wisdom in signing a contract with someone who benefits from breaking it.
Complete asset separation or no marriage.
Totally different from me." Live your life to the fullest". Find job, build your business, travel with family . And when the your family is stabilized, that's the time to be on your own😉 do what you want but with limitations.
Marriage is not a cure.If one wants to marry then go ahead but not because the society asks you to .
18:47 so comical LOL, the desperation is real. But seriously so stressful and exhausting looking, the single life imo is the best life. Ms. Chen is right, never rush something that is suppose to happen naturally and at the right time.
When you raise a community of people and teach them a certain norm and really nail that norm into their heads, you get people like this, people who are scared of being the odd one out because they want to fit in. Marriage is important but some things aren't meant for everybody. Instead of giving high praise to marriage we should also throw a couple of shout to the single lives out there and not make them feel so belittled. Be you be the best that you need to be because you'll get yourself a blissful ass life that makes you fully contentful with who you and what you have!
Its cuz a lot of us are scared to grow old alone...
Vaveshka V: Bingo. I have parents who remind me of this consistently - "If you don't marry and raise a family, you'll end up alone with nobody. You might not regret it now because you're young, but trust us, it'll happen." Maybe they'll turn out to be right, but so far, it hasn't bothered me because I'm an introvert who actually prefers people to stay away.
@@ZhangtheGreat A woman married at 23, she gave birth to 7 kids. She never worked her whole life. Her husband died at 55 when she was 41. She stayed single since she didn't have a job and no man is going to date or marry her since she have 7 kids. All her kids went to study overseas 1 by 1.
At 52 years old, she was alone in that big house and died at 55. It's only when she died that 3 of her kids went back home for the funerals.
Having kids/family or not mean nothing. YOU CAN DIE ALONE...Your kids aren't going to live with you nor let you live with them.
Fair enough. Society and cultures should be more flexible and understanding. Marriage although is nice, it can create more problems.
19:57 Dang. Call Sir-Mix-a-Lot. Baby got back!
FYI...I know of someone who has lived in Beijing, China, for over a decade as a school teacher earning a modest wage with no personal property, no car, no house, an American foreigner in his late 50s and somehow managed to fly-over a chinese woman in her 30s to the states, unmarried and pregnant, they got married abroad and four months later the baby was born in U.S. territory. What am I missing here? Would someone kindly explain to me this situation, like if I was a 10 year old? Thank you.
I think that it's very common in any countries that younger generations refuse to get married until they felt mature enough (job security, financial stability, personal maturity). That happen in many western countries so as Japan and Taiwan. Also, China have significantly lower numbers of women due to the one child policy. Young women have so much pressure to get married at early age (21-26) then after she turns 27 years old, she is called as a 'leftover women'. It's pretty sad that the pressure is given to only women, not men. Many men are still singles even though they are way over 40s and he did not get judged otherthan he desperately want to get married but he is not the chosen one. But then, women also get married so soon when she is still insecure about life, divorce is going up and the lifes of women become so meaningless except she is a housewife but studied so hard to just marry a rich man. Then some people also do cheating a lot because they aren't happily married together. The marriage was more like arrangement. This is really sad.
Hi gorgeous how are things going with you 🌹
Okay, this is crazy that such importance is being placed on the wedding and not on the marriage. Both men and women are feeling this unnecessary pressure to get married young because of culture and one child policy that created a deficit of women.
I agreed with this professor, the house pricing affecting a lot due to Chinese parents demanding house for man candidate.
Bravo CGTN ! ... As a sociologist I can say this is a VERY PROFESSIONAL, OBJECTIVE video essay ... not easy to do with such a hot topic and emotional issue as marriage. ... Its even harder to pin down accurate, timely information in a place undergoing such rapid social changes. No other country has anything close to the gender imbalance, unique to China and completely unforeseen when the 'one child' policy went into effect. .. The comments by Joe Blow (4th entry below) are very informative.
Also a real eye-opener here is the use of statistics; such as the 60% divorce rate in the youngest marriage category. The bar graph showing dramatic changes in divorce rates really gets the point across.
Over the years we've learned about this 'largest human migration' where about half a billion Chinese travel home for an annual visit, .... but until this video I did not know that all single children are expected to bring home a future spouse - - - - for all the wrong reasons. ... That's a tradition that should be put to bed; .... along with the concept of spending large sums on a showy wedding, for all the wrong reasons. Nothing worse than starting a new married life carrying too much debt.
I belong to a religion that puts much emphasis on marriage and child bearing. It is frustrating to our leaders that the marriage rate is dropping as it is in China, but THAT IS HAPPENING ALL OVER THE WORLD. Though our members marry young and it is still very much the norm, they largely do it for the right reasons. The divorce rate is less than 10%, well BELOW the average 30% in my country.
Religious or non-religious, I'm happy to report there is a shift to wedding parties with more dash than cash.
Where alcohol is served, it is quite common now for the wedding guests to buy their own drink tickets. No one minds. I went to a fun wedding this past year where the bride's Mom prepared a simple meal of chili, cornbread and salad for about two hundred guests ..... we danced all night to the best DJ in town. At another BIG wedding, the guests could help themselves to a variety of gourmet deli sandwiches. At another it was make-your-own Mexican tacos. Because the young marrieds are often still in college or university, the money saved can go toward tuition and living expenses.
In 2018 those wedding ideas might seem a little strange to the good people of China, but as they are becoming more well-traveled they may begin to adopt these practices out of necessity. The video showed a good young man ready to back out of the wedding due to unnecessary and extreme financial pressure. Which leads me to the question:
Are there any statistics on the percentage of couples in China who live together without getting married? It was a practice kept secret, shunned upon and quite uncommon in my country 50 years ago. Now it is very common. In some of the Scandinavian countries, under 40 years old I think it is the norm (more than 50%) to be unmarried, whether living alone or with a life partner.
Marriage for a women actually decreases her life expectancy. Any wonder this is so? If your husband cannot financially take care of you, then you must be able to take care of yourself and you still have to take care of him and any children. If you don't have a career and your husband dumps you for a younger model, you are left hanging without any support and possibly the children. You still have to look after everything. It is too bad because marriage can be a great things but often for women it's not. Men have crazy expectations of women - most women cannot meet these. Men need to give their heads a shake. Married men live the longest....because they have a built in "slave".
I find it interesting how they never once mentioned China's former one-child policy. If parents had more than one child they often favored the boys over the girls. I have two cousins who were adopted from China due to this policy. I find this is another factor that directly correlates to this marriage dilemna.
Yes, that is a problem, but that aspect is already mentioned so many times. Other aspects, like modern social behaviour, indepence of women, are much less named. I myself found it refreshing that they leave it out here.
They not only mentioned but talked largely about it.
This looks like a lot of fun actually...especially for us introverted, antisocial types 🥰
This is cute
Wonderful insight into China really good helpful b
Did anyone else have Soichiro Yagami, father of Light Yagami, in the translated closed captions at 18:01?
Marrying the one you haven't known for a long time as long as they're wealthy,Then hit them up or put them on shame in social media once they get a mistress after.😁😂What do you expect?!!!
This is one of the things which make me happy about not being born in China. I pretty much shocked my aunts in China when I said I didn't want to get married.
Excellent presentation!
Whether to be concerned about a single person depends on their age. There's no need to be worried about a single 25 year old girl enjoying her life. But the same woman single and childless at age 45, 55, 65, 75 will not be the same. The older the woman is at, the more concerned we should be. A single childless and disabled woman at 85 is indeed concerning. Who will be there to ensure about her well being? Who will be there to make sure she is well fed, has the care she needs? No one, is that how you want to end up?
But who can give you any guaranty that if you get married and have a child your future will be bright and sunshine? Your children are not your slaves in the future, it's pure selfishness.
One reason is that men are not consider to be emancipated adults until they are married, and thus are treated as so. You can still be placed at the “children’s” table at important events, even if you are middle age and not married. The pressure to marry is constant, even though one can be 70 years old. The institution of marriage is more important than a production of an heir. It has to do with face and keeping up with the Chiang’s. I see this pressure in my single friends.
I don't mind children's table. It means I dont have to pay. I get free money every new year andddd I am free to do as I please. Worth tbh
If you're young and able why do you need a match maker agent? I'm young and single lady.
That book cafe is gorgeous!
Bro, that matching market is so interesting and kinda nuts. Rad.
Stay single can enjoy life and be happy as well. Most importantly, stay healthy and Good Health will be everyone's Greatest Wealth. Cheers
They treat it like a professional sport. People need to work on themselves before they can attract the right person. If you work on yourself, you’ll easily attract the right person. Most dating sites and hookup sites are BS.
Bs?=
The most important thing is: find your happiness, and find someone who can always support you and motivate you going through life together, and be stronger together.
Rushing a marriage would be bad and ended up in divorcement.
It's true being single while we're young is happy, but it's probably will be a different story once we turn 50 years old.
So don't close your heart. try to open up for partner.
Not to mention that they have a shortage of girls. The Chinese need to collaborate with Ukraine, who has more women than men.
No China should solve their own problems, they got themselves in this mess and should solve by themselves without going around poaching women from other cultures.
Other than that i don't think those women will necessarily be attracted to Chinese culture and their men.
@@franciscor390 right... yet so many white men come to asia in order to find a wife lol. The hypocrisy is real here
@@franciscor390 exactly china should solve their own problems. And keeping out sexpats is step number one
@@Vankim789 What makes you think i disagree with you? I absolutely dislike when fat, old, white, beta men travel to asia looking for an easy way out, by finding a poor wife who cant say no.
Problem is Ukrainian women aspire to have Western husbands ! Chinese men, may or may not have what it takes to attract Ukrainian women !
Alot of old people want to be taken care of, because that's how it happened in the past. But you killed your babies, so now you live in your karma.
I guess I can go to China and get me a hubby.
Butterfly Queen if you're anything like the average woman in China now, you're probably expecting at least 6 ft tall and making over $120,000 a year
Mujtahid Haque and attractive too
I live in China. No Chinese guy is attractive. Just trust me. 😅🤣
80sbabe lol
My issue with them is their lack of freedom and desire for a totalitarian government. Otherwise, I'd be there right now.
Interesting video.
I am curious.
Are the women expected to stay home after they are married?
Will they be expected to have more than one child?
(I understand that the one-child law has been rescinded)
Will they be able to relocate or have their parents move to
where they live; if the woman has to work?
I have seen videos from China that state the grandparents
have to raise the children, in the countryside, because
working class Chinese women (and their husbands too?)
have to move to the cities to find work and child
care is not available in their places of work
That "market" on a Shanghai park was so so strange. I expected something a bit strange when I started watching this as I know there are big cultural differences between Asia and Europe, but the parents and grandparents by themselves trying to find a match for their children _who are not even there_ is beyond it all. Taking notes and exchanging numbers with eachother...
When tradition is no longer valid, it is time to let it go!!
38 year old female here and still single and happy as ever 🤣
Hi gorgeous how are things going with you 🌹
A poem titled 'The Joy.'
The joy the boy sees
Is in the face of the girl
From her day.
Time moves all along for both to share.
When their lives endures the spark
The two savor that time.
Joy & spark are forever one.
How lovely.
Ridiculous and outdated customs.