Loni is the 💣 if you are a master manipulator and you just want to be in control to hurt people then welcome to the pot killing the kettle really black
My love bomb! Is the father of my child. He did everything and I mean everything to persue me, it literally felt like a dream. I got pregnant, I just felt the pressure to be in relationship with him since I was pregnant, the controlling started, then everything was driven by Jealousy, he would intentionally do all these things to make me jealous and that made him happy. I entertained him for a while once my baby was born the belittling began,in my mind I think he realized I would leave him. Body shaming, I mean I used to cry all the dang time. I went back to my home town for 6months that's when I realized I did not need him. When I came back, I broke up with him and I've been recovering since, found Jesus in the process. Still figuring the co-parenting part of it.
I love the part where you mentioned you found Jesus. I am so sorry you had to grow through this pain but Jesus got your back. I am going through some horrible things myself right now (academic wise) and feels completely drained but learning to trust God. God needed to discipline me. I had gotten lazy & disrespected myself way too much by my own actions and behaviour that I think I had no control over. I am going for therapy on Monday. Just wanted to share.
Same here! My sons dad was a huge narcissist. Buy in the beginning he was so loving and sweet and attentive. And then like a switch turned on me. I am still recovering. But I am now in a loving healthy relationship ❤️
@Emma Mills I dated my husband for 5 years before we got married. He love bombed me the entire time. I didn't see his verbally and emotionally abusive side until after the wedding. When I had our daughter, he became an entirely different person, 7 years after we first met.
Love bombing is the cornerstone tactic for an abusive relationship. I remember, when I was still a teen, telling people I didn’t like men who came in with too much eagerness or romance. Everyone thought I was crazy, but I just didn’t have the terminology to explain my fear of love bombing. I understood it very early on, but it’s so surprising how few people seemed to notice it back then. I’m so thankful for words that help us make our experiences easier to communicate with others.
@@KL-Lady It may depend on the person, but from my experience, it’s big gestures and big words/promises when the relationship is really new. It skips the stages of “getting to know you” to just being in “love”. There’s no build up towards romance or affection, it’s promised and included from the very beginning.
Ugh totally understood what Adrienne shared. The ones who’ve pursued me have ended up damaging me the most. The abuse, gaslighting and manipulation that follows the love bombing will have you chasing the initial stages of your relationship, and that’s just trauma bonding.
iam the product of what you said here .................the most pursued one gave me the most detrimental experience ..............all the things he said was a lie .................everything ................even the merest thing in life
I think movies need to stop showing the dramatic chase. It makes it seem normal and encourages men not to back off. And makes women think this is a show of genuine interest when it’s really just a total disregard for boundaries. Thankful that times are changing.
I was with someone like this. When they switch up and start confusing you it’s so devastating. They make you “crazy”. Then comes the gaslighting. Making you feel like it’s all in your head
Adrienne's experience with a love bomber is exactly mine. He was SO romantic and emotionally open and available. I also got my ego stroked from his friends telling me they've never seen him so in love and that he's a completely changed man. Looking back that was definitely a red flag and a warning. When he changed it got so bad that I even asked him why he hates me😢 He cheated on me and even his own best friend told me to just cut my losses.
this comment is giving me a huge realization about my ex... I didn't even know he was love bombing until now. The grand gestures and pursuing lasted 3 whole years it's crazy. Also your last line reminds me of the song "Me, Myself and I" by Beyonce. "Even your very best friend tried to warn me on the low" lol
Yeah yeah garcelle you were divorce your husband who was white she's on you with the secretary and you carrying the hurt and lashing out hurting men you are the bomb diggity that is why traditional men are basically but not looking for you you carry the beauty on the inside but a beast coming out on the outside that's not lazy like @ WB from the DMV !
Be careful who you also have kids with cause that's been the hardest thing ever when you see their true colors.. and still have to deal with them forever! 🤦♀️🤷♀️🙏
Love-bombing can also happen outside intimate relationships i.e. siblings, parents even certain religions. So glad this topic is being discussed more and more, there are a LOT of damaged people out there
Love bombing is traumatizing. If you’re someone that loves your space and you meet someone that wants your attention every second of every day, RUN! That is love bombing. They gradually tear down your boundaries, then isolate you, disrespect you, and abuse you in every possible way. Ladies, please be safe, listen to your intuition above all else and always give someone or a trusted couple of friends an honest rundown of the person you’re talking to. I’m so happy The Real ladies are bringing this up. Thank you.
It’s hard to weigh the good against the bad. I’ve had to take a breather from my relationship because he’s needed a lot of time and attention since he’s mum has passed and he’s expected a lot more than I can give. We both have trauma not just him but I don’t feel like my boundaries are being respected. He’s got so much wonderful about him but the negative seems to be outweighing the good right now. Could it just be due to his mums death 10 months ago? I’ve been super supportive but during that time he’s kicked me out twice in humiliating ways. I’ve only been there to support him but my support doesn’t seem to be properly valued. Right now I just want time to reflect before I consider going back into the relationship but it feels like he always calls as he has no one left that close to him since the passing of his mum. I also don’t think I’m doing him any favours by being his crutch whenever he’s down. I just feel like I have my own trauma I need to heal from. From before the relationship and during I just need proper time to heal. If he’s keen I want to see dramatic changes in him because I plan on making dramatic changes in myself.
@ WB from the DMV now all these women but I think specially Lonnie and garcelle are victims of their own 💣 game and just imagine what happened to Halle Berry in her own words that she picked abusive men because of their fathers her father was the worst of them all but to hate black men because of daddy issues does not give you the right to hurt other people like Halle Berry's X-Men if they was such an abusive men why did you go out to slander their good name if they were good looking the first place that you picked them ladies here's my advice if you're the huntress stop treating in like the prize ? Because James is the prize that Lonnie was looking for is she happy duh 😜 ?
Probably the most annoying sh!t about love bombing, is promises or future plans made by that person. I just internally do a eye roll; anytime promises or future plans are said to me. My thing is don’t say anything; if you don’t mean. Keep it real. Ladies trust your intuition when it does not feel right. Nail on the head Loni, they are narcissists and Adriane as well.
I felt what Adrienne was saying. its like they did all those things to win you over or to get married and after that he's like okay I impressed her, i got her now. No need to buy her flowers anymore etc. Cause they think women will never leave em.
Buying flowers is one thing. No big deal. But what makes love bombing a dangerous red flag IRL is that the bomber tends to get verbally, emotionally or even physically abusive once the love bombing is over.
Love bombing is soooo damn crazy. I had a guy who pretended to like the same things I liked, treated me like a queen, was so loving, kind and open. Only to find out that was all an act to reel me in and he started being so horrible, disrespectful and degrading. So glad to be done with that mess
I had someone pretending to be in my church. Drove me to church every Sunday. Sat in with me but always had to pick up something after service. I found out he was running off to his own service. Why hide it? Why pretend. I couldn’t go along with that relationship, it was an insane amount of pretense to please me.
I think the cure to not getting love bombed is to not be easily impressed by expressions if it’s too early on don’t entertain that because you’re just the new piece of meat and they are trying to dominate you. A guy who wants to take you seriously and build love and then do things out of love WILL TAKE HIS TIME. Sometimes it’s a matter of seeing the bs calling it out and slowing them down because if you don’t slow them down they will continue to repeat the cycle. They are trying to get you to mirror their overly exaggerated actions. DONT!!
Alot of times you don't recognize it at first esp if you're coming out of a breakup or hurt. It can be something as simple as attention - they're willing to really listen
@@seawomancreativemedia8117 honestly it takes time to actually love somebody and a person who wants you to fall in love with them quickly (love bombing) will do so much for you when you never sit back to think what could i had possibly done for this person to be so into me and give me so much this soon. Granted we all deserve to be treated special but an extreme action is leveled out by another extreme action if that person starts off doing the extreme it will only go downhill to the extreme from there because there’s only so much you can top somebody who actually cares and wants to love you healthily will start somewhere in the middle. If you are feeling so neglected and dried out from a previous relationship that’s all the more reason to not jump into another one because everything that person does will impress you.
girl please get out and don’t look back. They always come back. Cling to your support system (friends, family). You got this. And get therapy asap! Sending you hugs 🤗
Great topic! I’ve experienced this twice and the second time it happened, I left ASAP LOL no time to be blinded by what you want to see in them and what they’re saying as opposed to the actions
I stayed 3 years. He was sweet at first caring… then the lies started and the cheating but he “loved me”. He moved in started punching the walls. One day I found myself depressed crying on the floor. I packed everything up and left.
Oh my God,this happened to me two months ago,I was at working on a project then I met this guy ,he was caring,loving,he said all the rights,we spent time together but suddenly he started ignoring my messages,calls,then I decided to leave him alone,but it hurts so much,coz he showed me the love I desired to have,I don't understand why people do that,why it is so hard to be truthful and honest? But I wish him happiness and love.I know the right man will come in God's time
Thanks for sharing Adrienne! And yes, Loni is right, these type of people that Adrienne was talking about are high profile narcissits. The sooner you find out that you are dealing with those extreme narcissits, the sooner you have to get out of that relationship, if you do not want to be damaged. Never underestimate those weak narcissit spirits.
My ex did that to me too love-bombed the crap outta me.... yall be careful out there because these dudes be swiping the rug out from under you and turn out to be abusive like Gracelle said.👀
I stayed too long with a narcissist ILOVE that you all are showing your audience what the early signs are so women will know to look out for it and gives us validation for how we felt when love bombed and why
Literally my relationship RN.... It's so emotionally draining. I'm used to being single and living that life, never thought I'd fall into a relationship like this lol! I have to laugh because I can see us as friends, but there is already too much emotions, time and feelings invested..
There’s this term I’ve heard a couple years back! It’s called the “honeymoon faze”. Some people never get out of it! It’s basically some people are still living a fantasy life! U know like going out constantly, going on vacation constantly, and many don’t like the reality of what it takes to keep a relationship/marriage! They don’t want to work! Many want to play house!
That's why we have to look at people's actions more than the words they say. It's all in the actions. And we can only hide much of what we are for so long.
I think it's important to love yourself. Give yourself all the love you wish someone had given to you. So when someone else came with their love, you don't become dependent on that. When they don't love you and they know all the love you receive come from them, they can manipulate you how they want. You'll be staying in that relationship for that first dose of love as a junkie thinking it'll come back.
I’m sorry you had to experience that. Loni is right about the narcissism. Narcissists have the spirit of the anti christ in them..😮💨 hope you got out that.
Unfortunately, I've been in it. My husband and I were perfect lovebirds for about 2-3 years, but once the kids came, his personality and attitude towards me completely changed. We have since had a few more kids, but he's very verbally abusive, ignores me, lets me down constantly, and doesn't show me any affection. We are VERY close to divorce.
Such stories from Ade really inspire me. I really admire he relationship with Israel and knowing that she once went through what I am goiing through and got the guy... gives me hope
My bestfriend is in a physically abusive relationship and I’ve told her about the term love bombing but at a point , She just doesn’t care . I don’t even know what to do anymore, I’m tired of her coming to me to tell me everything he’s done to her , and then the next hour she’s answering his calls and letting him get away with his abuse. She has her own place, and she insists on staying with him every night, he’s the most disrespectful man in the world and will probably kill her one day if she doesn’t leave him, but there’s just nothing I can tell her to help her. I could use advice, I know it’s not my life and she can do whatever she wants, but I find it disrespectful as a friend to have to hide myself when he calls or facetimes her and she doesn’t wanna give him anything to argue about so I will literally have to get out of the car or if we’re run a store, she’ll completely leave me and go take the call cause he always wants to make sure she’s alone , and he hates all her friends but especially me because he’s homophobic . But I really don’t know what to do anymore, one minute it’s “he’s the worst person who had a knife and threatened to kill me with it and punished me in the face” and the next hour it’s answering his phone call like there’s nothing wrong. At a point y’all, the victim has to take accountability when they allow the love bombing to sweep them off their feet when everybody , even your therapist is telling you it’s love bombing and he’s abusive and it’s not right. I just don’t understand how someone can stay with a man who beats them, and I know there’s a small prt of her that likes it. She likes the toxicity, she thrives on the chaos as much as she says she doesn’t want it , she loves all of it . I know the psychological stuff that goes on, but I find it so disrespectful I take abuse so serious and my bestfriend almost treats it like it’s forgivable thing , and to me it’s such a unforgivable thing . I’m starting to distance myself from it because I refuse to worry about her more than she worried about herself. I know it’s not easy, but women let men get away with way too fucking much , they really walk around thinking abuse is ok or something and then it bleeds into how they treat everyone in the world, not just the partner they’re abusing, that energy comes out in how they treat everybody
Praying for your friend 🙏 just remember don't speak that he will k** her life and death is in the power of the tongue as the Word states don't put that out in the atmosphere, I will be praying for her in the spirit 🙏❤️
My advice is to walk away. Tell her you care about her, but her situation is having a negative impact on your mental health. Sometimes we have to love people from afar.
You should talk to her family and just stay a distance from the man. Tell your friend you don’t want to talk about the guy she’s with anymore and you’ll only be her friend regarding her alone.
@Classically Ni Sometimes you can give people all the advice in the world, but if they are not ready to receive it, they won’t do anything differently. Sometimes people have to figure it out on their own, as sad as it is to see them go through that.
She taking about Lenny…she said 2 years, her and Rob didn’t date that long…and she said he was cold to her..she said before they never had PDA in her relationship with him
Well two years makes u think about Rob… but her and Lenny never had PDA she talked about in on the show she almost conformed her own feelings just to keep him ! Like the cool girlfriend title but knew she wanted more
Just realized I've been love bombed. 2 years in & the last 7 months have been nothing but trying to figure out what is happening. Ladies @thereal straight appreciation & gratefulness for you all at this moment 😔😚❣️
I think the things that Concern me most is being in a situation where you want one thing… the other party is not receptive nor reciprocating those feelings you have and then overcompensating by trying to keep them around in every sense of the word just so you can say I still have them in my life no matter what ! When I tell you it sets you back to have to deal with energy where ur carrying one side of things and the other person only has you around when it benefits them it is not a live trap ! It is a circumstantial trap… cuz I’ve seen people be manipulated mentally , physically , emotionally and even financially to show that they love this person that isn’t receptive of their love and yet they continue to go back ! I could never love someone else so much to the point where I disrespect myself , my morals , my ethics or my values & my worth
Wow, I thought it was only me. I had the same experience. 4 years later and I still fidn it hard to give someone a chance. We weren't even in an actual relationship, nor did we know each other for long, but I was crushed. I don't even want to try again.🤦🏿♀️
I am glad that you are discussing this but I feel that by saying that love bombing is a term used by relationship experts, it waters down the seriousness of this. It is a term used by psychologists to describe the beginnings of emotional abuse. People who do this are destructive manipulators. They show you one face and the public another. Unfortunately, in some cases they don’t reveal the ugliest parts of themselves until after you have committed to them.
This segment hit me close. My love bomb was my best friend and the person I trusted the most in high school. One moment he was telling my that I meant the world to him. Then like a switch he said I was pathetic and not worth his time. I was so shocked at the sudden change that I blamed myself for what happened. I made the mistake and tried to stay friends with him still, but ended up mentally destroying myself for the next 3 years because he continued to emotionally manipulate me. It took me leaving the city in order for me to finally heal from that period of time.
I shared my experience with love bombing and it was deleted. I was hoping to openly share something as someone who has love-bombed but I guess that wasn't allowed. Edit - Anyway, read "Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody", that will provide context for the comment below. That's where I first learned and understood that what I was doing was Love Bombing. It's a great book and it's helped me alot.
And it was long so I'm not going to retype that. But I was trying to reply to my own comment to add this. Without context, I don't know if it'll make much sense but I'll still add it in response to this comment instead. "And I applaud the people who reject me, for knowing they deserve better and for looking out for themselves because no one owes an emotionally unstable person a relationship or a place in their lives. Even if it's hard for me to handle the rejection, it's not about me and I highly encourage people who find themselves with an emotionally abusive partner to walk away. It's not your job to fix them or heal them. We are all responsible for ourselves. You are responsible for yourself and you should recognize your worth and do what's best for you. It's the love bomber's responsibility to do the same for themselves. 🙏🏽"
Please get Doctor Ramani on the show- and do a segment on this.she's brilliant, and this is such an important topic that gives light to so many. Dr.Ramani is at the forefront of this work.
Absolutely agree and HOPE they see this. Ladies! Dr. Ramani is an expert on narcissists. She’d be perfect to bring on for this convo. Look her up asap.
This is definitely one of the worst feelings in relationships… so sad that some people aren’t genuine. This is also why being single feels so much better to me now. ❣️
This is a very insightful topic. Am happy the good ladies are explaining it through their own experiences however sad those experiences were. I feel like this love bombing is more of Romantic Conmanship or Swindlership. However,its like it's not a Dating thing only,but it can also take place in any stage of a relationship 'coz if one is evil,he can actually change even after courtship or even when you're wedded,have kids and 're long in your relationship. But as they put it,it's important to be on the look out from the onset,as these type of guys are mercilessly on a mission.
This discussion and the experiences shared were quite insightful👍🏼. I've never heard of love-bombs; I'm glad I do now. Thanks ladies, for this shared knowledge. Keep on sharing gems with your viewers.
Those experiences sound like a soap opera idk. I believe when not intentional about the roles in a relationship emotions can run decision making. When a person has gained experience being careful not to repeat past mistakes makes it somewhat easy to form healthier relationships regardless of any stage when conscious on intentions. Love's not suppose to hurt....
One thing I can share with all women like me, through my entire experience with men my conclusion is, do not believe any men who said and show they love you too quickly.... It's a big no no...... Because believe me, men don't care if you love them if they don't feel the same about you.
I really love this show and it's Girl Chat talking about real women's issues in our lives. Wish they would teach this to women in Health class/ PE or something.
Speak on it Loni… sorry for the many messages… for real, this is why I don’t go out with every guy who wants to date me or anything because because I grew up with a monster and I know the red flags. Come to find out a few of these guys are married, looking to trap me or just want sex and I always stop talking to them. They wanna move so fast in the first day to three weeks. Please, I’ve seen my father do that and then he would abuse my mom so bad and she kept leaving. He’s a narcissist abuser times 100 still to this day.
I had a much shorter experience. A guy that I was talking to long distance, 2 weeks in, asked me to be his girlfriend. I would not normally agree, but I was head over heels, he said everything right, calling and talking all day every day, and then the slow fade out. It was so odd. I went to go see him 3 hours away, paid for a hotel, made plans. He completely flaked, said he got sick. Then less and less calls over time and it crushed me. He kept assuring me that he was just working more, and then disappeared completely. And it wasn't a catfish thing (We had face timed every day since we met).
I agree loni.. the one who loved bombed me the most. I stayed with and he is the complete definition of a narcissist. I definitely stayed too and didn’t get away before having a kid with him. Having a kid with a narcissist is a nightmare. They always find ways to try to emotionally drain you and make things difficult. They will hurt their kids to hurt you. 😢
Moral of the story here is to TAKE YOUR TIME in getting to know someone. Don't get attached or fall in love too quick....people are evil out here.
Thk u for this
Loni is so right. You need to see how they act in a variety of situations, ESPECIALLY when they don’t get their way.
Say that again !!
Loni is the 💣 if you are a master manipulator and you just want to be in control to hurt people then welcome to the pot killing the kettle really black
lol some people are so seasoned.
That happened to me. It hurts like hell.
Garcelle’s story about the guy never smiling at her or never sending warmth her way, was so sad
@@adwoaynky it’s because these men are jealous unfortunately so they can’t be happy for their significant other
Sounds like a Narcissist FOR SURE
Yeah sad like how can you not she’s beautiful/ adorable 😊☺️🥰
My love bomb! Is the father of my child. He did everything and I mean everything to persue me, it literally felt like a dream. I got pregnant, I just felt the pressure to be in relationship with him since I was pregnant, the controlling started, then everything was driven by Jealousy, he would intentionally do all these things to make me jealous and that made him happy. I entertained him for a while once my baby was born the belittling began,in my mind I think he realized I would leave him. Body shaming, I mean I used to cry all the dang time. I went back to my home town for 6months that's when I realized I did not need him. When I came back, I broke up with him and I've been recovering since, found Jesus in the process. Still figuring the co-parenting part of it.
I love the part where you mentioned you found Jesus. I am so sorry you had to grow through this pain but Jesus got your back. I am going through some horrible things myself right now (academic wise) and feels completely drained but learning to trust God. God needed to discipline me. I had gotten lazy & disrespected myself way too much by my own actions and behaviour that I think I had no control over. I am going for therapy on Monday. Just wanted to share.
Same here! My sons dad was a huge narcissist. Buy in the beginning he was so loving and sweet and attentive. And then like a switch turned on me. I am still recovering. But I am now in a loving healthy relationship ❤️
You got it Mama! You'll be fine... sending love and hugs your way!
@@LouisaJulie Thank you😍😊
God is your strength
Adrienne is definitely talking about lenny
Yeah agree, 2 years is such a long time though.. it’s scary.
@Emma Mills I dated my husband for 5 years before we got married. He love bombed me the entire time. I didn't see his verbally and emotionally abusive side until after the wedding. When I had our daughter, he became an entirely different person, 7 years after we first met.
Who's Lenny?
@@cristeleve416 The guy she was dating when the show started. She even announced their engagement on the show
@@cristeleve416 her ex boyfriend/ex fiance
Love bombing is the cornerstone tactic for an abusive relationship. I remember, when I was still a teen, telling people I didn’t like men who came in with too much eagerness or romance. Everyone thought I was crazy, but I just didn’t have the terminology to explain my fear of love bombing. I understood it very early on, but it’s so surprising how few people seemed to notice it back then.
I’m so thankful for words that help us make our experiences easier to communicate with others.
What are green flags early on? I’m still learning
@@KL-Lady It may depend on the person, but from my experience, it’s big gestures and big words/promises when the relationship is really new. It skips the stages of “getting to know you” to just being in “love”. There’s no build up towards romance or affection, it’s promised and included from the very beginning.
Bits thank you for sharing I appreciate it ❤️
Well said 👏🏿
Ugh totally understood what Adrienne shared. The ones who’ve pursued me have ended up damaging me the most. The abuse, gaslighting and manipulation that follows the love bombing will have you chasing the initial stages of your relationship, and that’s just trauma bonding.
iam the product of what you said here .................the most pursued one gave me the most detrimental experience ..............all the things he said was a lie .................everything ................even the merest thing in life
I think movies need to stop showing the dramatic chase. It makes it seem normal and encourages men not to back off. And makes women think this is a show of genuine interest when it’s really just a total disregard for boundaries. Thankful that times are changing.
I was with someone like this. When they switch up and start confusing you it’s so devastating. They make you “crazy”. Then comes the gaslighting. Making you feel like it’s all in your head
I was in a friendship where I started to say to myself, “I’m not crazy”.
Sounds like a Narcissist FOR SURE
Adrienne's experience with a love bomber is exactly mine. He was SO romantic and emotionally open and available. I also got my ego stroked from his friends telling me they've never seen him so in love and that he's a completely changed man. Looking back that was definitely a red flag and a warning. When he changed it got so bad that I even asked him why he hates me😢 He cheated on me and even his own best friend told me to just cut my losses.
yeah ...... i can relate to this ......... did you just rewrite my story girl ..................cause what you said word by word happened to me
@@crazycat1232 there’s no excuse for cheating. Even if she did do something wrong he should’ve broken up with her instead of cheat
this comment is giving me a huge realization about my ex... I didn't even know he was love bombing until now. The grand gestures and pursuing lasted 3 whole years it's crazy. Also your last line reminds me of the song "Me, Myself and I" by Beyonce. "Even your very best friend tried to warn me on the low" lol
@@yzma6142 lol I sing extra loud when that part of the song comes on😂
@@crazycat1232 Cheaters justifying cheaters. No one even called the guy in this story a narcissist. Projecting much?
Felt Garcelle's story so deeply 💔
Yeah, and the fact that it's recent 🙄
@Jetsenia Very. The fact that he had her crying doesnt sit well with me
Yeah yeah garcelle you were divorce your husband who was white she's on you with the secretary and you carrying the hurt and lashing out hurting men you are the bomb diggity that is why traditional men are basically but not looking for you you carry the beauty on the inside but a beast coming out on the outside that's not lazy like @ WB from the DMV !
Sounds like a Narcissist FOR SURE
@@sattasana7753 oh it was oh dang that’s rough
Be careful who you also have kids with cause that's been the hardest thing ever when you see their true colors.. and still have to deal with them forever! 🤦♀️🤷♀️🙏
Love-bombing can also happen outside intimate relationships i.e. siblings, parents even certain religions. So glad this topic is being discussed more and more, there are a LOT of damaged people out there
Love bombing is traumatizing. If you’re someone that loves your space and you meet someone that wants your attention every second of every day, RUN! That is love bombing. They gradually tear down your boundaries, then isolate you, disrespect you, and abuse you in every possible way.
Ladies, please be safe, listen to your intuition above all else and always give someone or a trusted couple of friends an honest rundown of the person you’re talking to.
I’m so happy The Real ladies are bringing this up. Thank you.
It’s hard to weigh the good against the bad. I’ve had to take a breather from my relationship because he’s needed a lot of time and attention since he’s mum has passed and he’s expected a lot more than I can give. We both have trauma not just him but I don’t feel like my boundaries are being respected. He’s got so much wonderful about him but the negative seems to be outweighing the good right now. Could it just be due to his mums death 10 months ago? I’ve been super supportive but during that time he’s kicked me out twice in humiliating ways. I’ve only been there to support him but my support doesn’t seem to be properly valued. Right now I just want time to reflect before I consider going back into the relationship but it feels like he always calls as he has no one left that close to him since the passing of his mum. I also don’t think I’m doing him any favours by being his crutch whenever he’s down. I just feel like I have my own trauma I need to heal from. From before the relationship and during I just need proper time to heal. If he’s keen I want to see dramatic changes in him because I plan on making dramatic changes in myself.
@ WB from the DMV now all these women but I think specially Lonnie and garcelle are victims of their own 💣 game and just imagine what happened to Halle Berry in her own words that she picked abusive men because of their fathers her father was the worst of them all but to hate black men because of daddy issues does not give you the right to hurt other people like Halle Berry's X-Men if they was such an abusive men why did you go out to slander their good name if they were good looking the first place that you picked them ladies here's my advice if you're the huntress stop treating in like the prize ? Because James is the prize that Lonnie was looking for is she happy duh 😜 ?
Probably the most annoying sh!t about love bombing, is promises or future plans made by that person. I just internally do a eye roll; anytime promises or future plans are said to me. My thing is don’t say anything; if you don’t mean. Keep it real. Ladies trust your intuition when it does not feel right. Nail on the head Loni, they are narcissists and Adriane as well.
I felt what Adrienne was saying. its like they did all those things to win you over or to get married and after that he's like okay I impressed her, i got her now. No need to buy her flowers anymore etc. Cause they think women will never leave em.
It's the what if got married for me. Just another divorce in waiting
Buying flowers is one thing. No big deal. But what makes love bombing a dangerous red flag IRL is that the bomber tends to get verbally, emotionally or even physically abusive once the love bombing is over.
I’m so glad this is being talked about.
So glad I left him and didn’t give in. He did this and made it seem like we were soulmates then started the triangulation and manipulation.
I have experienced this, and I’m currently recovering. Pray for ya girl!
I'm praying for you, Mary. A lot of us have gone through this as well. I hate it!!
@@anoelsilliw5256 Thank you so much! I hate it as well!
Still recovering too. May you find peace, healing and happiness and get back whatever they may have crushed in you!
@@SabbigalAS Amen! Praying the same for you too🙏🏿
@@MaryBieber7 thank you so much! 😊
Garcelle is so real and honest. Love her sm
Wow I’m sure we all needed this segment! 😭🙌🏾
Love bombing is soooo damn crazy. I had a guy who pretended to like the same things I liked, treated me like a queen, was so loving, kind and open. Only to find out that was all an act to reel me in and he started being so horrible, disrespectful and degrading. So glad to be done with that mess
I had someone pretending to be in my church. Drove me to church every Sunday. Sat in with me but always had to pick up something after service. I found out he was running off to his own service. Why hide it? Why pretend. I couldn’t go along with that relationship, it was an insane amount of pretense to please me.
I think the cure to not getting love bombed is to not be easily impressed by expressions if it’s too early on don’t entertain that because you’re just the new piece of meat and they are trying to dominate you. A guy who wants to take you seriously and build love and then do things out of love WILL TAKE HIS TIME. Sometimes it’s a matter of seeing the bs calling it out and slowing them down because if you don’t slow them down they will continue to repeat the cycle. They are trying to get you to mirror their overly exaggerated actions. DONT!!
Alot of times you don't recognize it at first esp if you're coming out of a breakup or hurt. It can be something as simple as attention - they're willing to really listen
@@seawomancreativemedia8117 honestly it takes time to actually love somebody and a person who wants you to fall in love with them quickly (love bombing) will do so much for you when you never sit back to think what could i had possibly done for this person to be so into me and give me so much this soon. Granted we all deserve to be treated special but an extreme action is leveled out by another extreme action if that person starts off doing the extreme it will only go downhill to the extreme from there because there’s only so much you can top somebody who actually cares and wants to love you healthily will start somewhere in the middle. If you are feeling so neglected and dried out from a previous relationship that’s all the more reason to not jump into another one because everything that person does will impress you.
It is not about slowing a manipulative person down. Slow or fast, he is what he is.
This happened to me. It was a tough time in my life. 1 year relationship felt like ten years of turmoil
Such a relatable topic! I had experienced this but didn't know what it was.
I felt so worthless!
Group hug to everyone who experienced this. ❤
Unfortunately, harsh reality just hit me after listening to this segment…
girl please get out and don’t look back. They always come back. Cling to your support system (friends, family). You got this.
And get therapy asap! Sending you hugs 🤗
@@Memkoh so true, she gots to talk to someone cuz an abuser has no problem going back to the love bombing phase if you decide to leave.. been there
Ladies NEVER blame yourself. Love Bombing is an Ego drug ...that must be constantly Renewed with someone new.
Omg please bring on Dr. Ramani to speak on this issue and Narcissists that do this. It is essential to change women’s lives and get them informed!
Great topic! I’ve experienced this twice and the second time it happened, I left ASAP LOL no time to be blinded by what you want to see in them and what they’re saying as opposed to the actions
I stayed 3 years. He was sweet at first caring… then the lies started and the cheating but he “loved me”. He moved in started punching the walls. One day I found myself depressed crying on the floor. I packed everything up and left.
I totally needed to hear this...as this just happened to me and we just separated 2 weeks ago. Glad I heard this
Oh my God,this happened to me two months ago,I was at working on a project then I met this guy ,he was caring,loving,he said all the rights,we spent time together but suddenly he started ignoring my messages,calls,then I decided to leave him alone,but it hurts so much,coz he showed me the love I desired to have,I don't understand why people do that,why it is so hard to be truthful and honest? But I wish him happiness and love.I know the right man will come in God's time
happened to me too, for 3 years. i don't think I'll ever trust a man again after this. i don't want to think of/seek romantic relationships ever
Yeah I’ve been there and it hurts. It made me feel like something was wrong with me.
No honey nothing wrong with you
I felt the same way, but I learned how to be strong and not allow anyone to play with my feelings no more.
Thanks for sharing Adrienne! And yes, Loni is right, these type of people that Adrienne was talking about are high profile narcissits. The sooner you find out that you are dealing with those extreme narcissits, the sooner you have to get out of that relationship, if you do not want to be damaged. Never underestimate those weak narcissit spirits.
My ex did that to me too love-bombed the crap outta me.... yall be careful out there because these dudes be swiping the rug out from under you and turn out to be abusive like Gracelle said.👀
Amen!👏😞
I stayed too long with a narcissist ILOVE that you all are showing your audience what the early signs are so women will know to look out for it and gives us validation for how we felt when love bombed and why
I’m gonna say it again the topics have been on point!
Period!! They stopped repeating themselves!!!
That's why it's important to allow a bit of time to pass before completely putting your guard down.
Literally my relationship RN.... It's so emotionally draining. I'm used to being single and living that life, never thought I'd fall into a relationship like this lol! I have to laugh because I can see us as friends, but there is already too much emotions, time and feelings invested..
There’s this term I’ve heard a couple years back! It’s called the “honeymoon faze”.
Some people never get out of it!
It’s basically some people are still living a fantasy life! U know like going out constantly, going on vacation constantly, and many don’t like the reality of what it takes to keep a relationship/marriage! They don’t want to work!
Many want to play house!
That's why we have to look at people's actions more than the words they say. It's all in the actions. And we can only hide much of what we are for so long.
I think it's important to love yourself. Give yourself all the love you wish someone had given to you. So when someone else came with their love, you don't become dependent on that. When they don't love you and they know all the love you receive come from them, they can manipulate you how they want. You'll be staying in that relationship for that first dose of love as a junkie thinking it'll come back.
Wow, these ladies are being so vulnerable. Powerful segment 👏
They never have these discussions when they have male guests on the panel. Would love to hear the male side of the heartbreak for a change.
So accurate especially the abuse part..I met satan in human flesh
Same
I’m sorry you had to experience that. Loni is right about the narcissism. Narcissists have the spirit of the anti christ in them..😮💨 hope you got out that.
Unfortunately, I've been in it. My husband and I were perfect lovebirds for about 2-3 years, but once the kids came, his personality and attitude towards me completely changed. We have since had a few more kids, but he's very verbally abusive, ignores me, lets me down constantly, and doesn't show me any affection. We are VERY close to divorce.
May God get you through it 🙏
I’m sorry you’re going through this, sending you love
Sending you love @jersey girl. You’ll come out stronger!!!
I'm so sorry sis 😔
Such stories from Ade really inspire me. I really admire he relationship with Israel and knowing that she once went through what I am goiing through and got the guy... gives me hope
My bestfriend is in a physically abusive relationship and I’ve told her about the term love bombing but at a point , She just doesn’t care . I don’t even know what to do anymore, I’m tired of her coming to me to tell me everything he’s done to her , and then the next hour she’s answering his calls and letting him get away with his abuse. She has her own place, and she insists on staying with him every night, he’s the most disrespectful man in the world and will probably kill her one day if she doesn’t leave him, but there’s just nothing I can tell her to help her. I could use advice, I know it’s not my life and she can do whatever she wants, but I find it disrespectful as a friend to have to hide myself when he calls or facetimes her and she doesn’t wanna give him anything to argue about so I will literally have to get out of the car or if we’re run a store, she’ll completely leave me and go take the call cause he always wants to make sure she’s alone , and he hates all her friends but especially me because he’s homophobic . But I really don’t know what to do anymore, one minute it’s “he’s the worst person who had a knife and threatened to kill me with it and punished me in the face” and the next hour it’s answering his phone call like there’s nothing wrong. At a point y’all, the victim has to take accountability when they allow the love bombing to sweep them off their feet when everybody , even your therapist is telling you it’s love bombing and he’s abusive and it’s not right. I just don’t understand how someone can stay with a man who beats them, and I know there’s a small prt of her that likes it. She likes the toxicity, she thrives on the chaos as much as she says she doesn’t want it , she loves all of it . I know the psychological stuff that goes on, but I find it so disrespectful I take abuse so serious and my bestfriend almost treats it like it’s forgivable thing , and to me it’s such a unforgivable thing . I’m starting to distance myself from it because I refuse to worry about her more than she worried about herself. I know it’s not easy, but women let men get away with way too fucking much , they really walk around thinking abuse is ok or something and then it bleeds into how they treat everyone in the world, not just the partner they’re abusing, that energy comes out in how they treat everybody
Praying for your friend 🙏 just remember don't speak that he will k** her life and death is in the power of the tongue as the Word states don't put that out in the atmosphere, I will be praying for her in the spirit 🙏❤️
My advice is to walk away. Tell her you care about her, but her situation is having a negative impact on your mental health. Sometimes we have to love people from afar.
You should talk to her family and just stay a distance from the man. Tell your friend you don’t want to talk about the guy she’s with anymore and you’ll only be her friend regarding her alone.
@Classically Ni Sometimes you can give people all the advice in the world, but if they are not ready to receive it, they won’t do anything differently. Sometimes people have to figure it out on their own, as sad as it is to see them go through that.
She taking about Lenny…she said 2 years, her and Rob didn’t date that long…and she said he was cold to her..she said before they never had PDA in her relationship with him
She dated Lenny for 6 years and rob for 2 years. But it could be about Lenny
@@britbritnicole definitely lenny
Well two years makes u think about Rob… but her and Lenny never had PDA she talked about in on the show she almost conformed her own feelings just to keep him ! Like the cool girlfriend title but knew she wanted more
@@MajesticMyronn She said THE FIRST two years not just two years. Sounds like Lenny.
@@drtash21 I never said I thought it was Rob I know it’s Lenny based on the choice words she used lol
Greatest episode yet! Please make more episodes and REAL topics like this! Loved it!
Just realized I've been love bombed. 2 years in & the last 7 months have been nothing but trying to figure out what is happening. Ladies @thereal straight appreciation & gratefulness for you all at this moment 😔😚❣️
Love and light to you sister 💛, find your way safely.
We’re all here with you♥️
I think the things that Concern me most is being in a situation where you want one thing… the other party is not receptive nor reciprocating those feelings you have and then overcompensating by trying to keep them around in every sense of the word just so you can say I still have them in my life no matter what ! When I tell you it sets you back to have to deal with energy where ur carrying one side of things and the other person only has you around when it benefits them it is not a live trap ! It is a circumstantial trap… cuz I’ve seen people be manipulated mentally , physically , emotionally and even financially to show that they love this person that isn’t receptive of their love and yet they continue to go back ! I could never love someone else so much to the point where I disrespect myself , my morals , my ethics or my values & my worth
My goodness Adrienne was spot on and speaking directly from my head
Wow, I thought it was only me. I had the same experience. 4 years later and I still fidn it hard to give someone a chance. We weren't even in an actual relationship, nor did we know each other for long, but I was crushed. I don't even want to try again.🤦🏿♀️
Garcelle looks so beautiful in red! 😍😍
Yes🔥
What a great conversation! I'm glad there is more attention being put on this very manipulative tactic. Be careful out there everyone.
Well, Y’all just bursted my bubble lol THANK YOU; didn’t even know what to call it, but I have definitely been there
I am glad that you are discussing this but I feel that by saying that love bombing is a term used by relationship experts, it waters down the seriousness of this. It is a term used by psychologists to describe the beginnings of emotional abuse.
People who do this are destructive manipulators. They show you one face and the public another.
Unfortunately, in some cases they don’t reveal the ugliest parts of themselves until after you have committed to them.
This is a valuable and needed conversation. Thank you for keeping it real, The Real!!! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
This segment hit me close.
My love bomb was my best friend and the person I trusted the most in high school. One moment he was telling my that I meant the world to him. Then like a switch he said I was pathetic and not worth his time. I was so shocked at the sudden change that I blamed myself for what happened. I made the mistake and tried to stay friends with him still, but ended up mentally destroying myself for the next 3 years because he continued to emotionally manipulate me.
It took me leaving the city in order for me to finally heal from that period of time.
It’s relieving that other women have experienced this and I’m not alone
👍🏿
Adrienne talking about her ex is like hearing her talk about my ex
Adrienne’s look on this episode is 🔥
I keep going through this for 4 years already. Starting to realize
I shared my experience with love bombing and it was deleted. I was hoping to openly share something as someone who has love-bombed but I guess that wasn't allowed. Edit - Anyway, read "Facing Love Addiction by Pia Mellody", that will provide context for the comment below. That's where I first learned and understood that what I was doing was Love Bombing. It's a great book and it's helped me alot.
And it was long so I'm not going to retype that. But I was trying to reply to my own comment to add this. Without context, I don't know if it'll make much sense but I'll still add it in response to this comment instead. "And I applaud the people who reject me, for knowing they deserve better and for looking out for themselves because no one owes an emotionally unstable person a relationship or a place in their lives. Even if it's hard for me to handle the rejection, it's not about me and I highly encourage people who find themselves with an emotionally abusive partner to walk away. It's not your job to fix them or heal them. We are all responsible for ourselves. You are responsible for yourself and you should recognize your worth and do what's best for you. It's the love bomber's responsibility to do the same for themselves. 🙏🏽"
Oof, I literally went through something similar here to what Garcelle was saying, had the same conversation 12 months before it finally ended
Please get Doctor Ramani on the show- and do a segment on this.she's brilliant, and this is such an important topic that gives light to so many. Dr.Ramani is at the forefront of this work.
Absolutely agree and HOPE they see this. Ladies! Dr. Ramani is an expert on narcissists. She’d be perfect to bring on for this convo. Look her up asap.
Absolutely true. Dr. Ramani does a fantastic job with educating people about narcissists and their mental disorder.
Damn, definitely been love bombed… traumatising!
THANK YOU LADIES!! this is so important to talk about, many women have experienced this
Ohmygosh, you should discuss Tinder Swindler!!! Love you all! xx
I’ve definitely been love bombed. Turned into a total abusive mess. I’ve learned slow and steady wins the race.
What did your partner get out of love B you?
So if celebs like you could face that, what more of us... It's horrible out here
THANK YOU GIRLS, it was for me
This is definitely one of the worst feelings in relationships… so sad that some people aren’t genuine. This is also why being single feels so much better to me now. ❣️
This is a very insightful topic.
Am happy the good ladies are explaining it through their own experiences however sad those experiences were.
I feel like this love bombing is more of Romantic Conmanship or Swindlership.
However,its like it's not a Dating thing only,but it can also take place in any stage of a relationship 'coz if one is evil,he can actually change even after courtship or even when you're wedded,have kids and 're long in your relationship.
But as they put it,it's important to be on the look out from the onset,as these type of guys are mercilessly on a mission.
I appreciate Loni’s take on this..
100% I have been love bombed and it took like what felt like forever to get over the trauma from that relationship.😤💣
thank you for this.needed to hear this
I feel that’s called the infatuation stage and then once that goes away … here comes the true colors 🤷🏾♂️ !
This discussion and the experiences shared were quite insightful👍🏼. I've never heard of love-bombs; I'm glad I do now. Thanks ladies, for this shared knowledge. Keep on sharing gems with your viewers.
Those experiences sound like a soap opera idk. I believe when not intentional about the roles in a relationship emotions can run decision making. When a person has gained experience being careful not to repeat past mistakes makes it somewhat easy to form healthier relationships regardless of any stage when conscious on intentions. Love's not suppose to hurt....
@ WB from the DMV and this is my opinion ladies # save the drama for your mama you become the damaged drama queen 👑🤐
We have seen love bombing happen in so many lifetime movies. It has been a thing for years we just finally have a name for that behavior
I love Loni’s outfit ❤️ and Garcelle looks amazing 😻 that red is fire
This was explained well, you hit all the spots in this segment
Loved their talk
Omg ..I'm so glad they discussed this on the show..I was love bomb by my ex so glad i got of that relationship. Thank god 🙏 🙌
Adrienne's experience sounds like she was dealing with a narcissist. Loni was definitely on point
Thank you Auntie Loni
This is NARCISSISM !
Ooooooopppp Adrienne is talking about HIM! And we know who!
She's talking about Lenny
It definitely happened to me. Worst time of my life
One thing I can share with all women like me, through my entire experience with men my conclusion is, do not believe any men who said and show they love you too quickly....
It's a big no no......
Because believe me, men don't care if you love them if they don't feel the same about you.
"Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it all and then some you don't want"
A harsh reality...uugggh. I stayed to long but lesson learned
I really love this show and it's Girl Chat talking about real women's issues in our lives. Wish they would teach this to women in Health class/ PE or something.
I feel you Adrienne… exactly… my ex stole from me,… so many other things that I found out when he left stuff behind. God revealed everything to me.
Speak on it Loni… sorry for the many messages… for real, this is why I don’t go out with every guy who wants to date me or anything because because I grew up with a monster and I know the red flags. Come to find out a few of these guys are married, looking to trap me or just want sex and I always stop talking to them. They wanna move so fast in the first day to three weeks. Please, I’ve seen my father do that and then he would abuse my mom so bad and she kept leaving. He’s a narcissist abuser times 100 still to this day.
I had a much shorter experience. A guy that I was talking to long distance, 2 weeks in, asked me to be his girlfriend. I would not normally agree, but I was head over heels, he said everything right, calling and talking all day every day, and then the slow fade out. It was so odd. I went to go see him 3 hours away, paid for a hotel, made plans. He completely flaked, said he got sick. Then less and less calls over time and it crushed me. He kept assuring me that he was just working more, and then disappeared completely. And it wasn't a catfish thing (We had face timed every day since we met).
Needed this frfr !!!
Puts me off getting in a relationship so much…investing and falling in love with someone who never existed! And by the time u realise it’s too late 😭😭
I agree loni.. the one who loved bombed me the most. I stayed with and he is the complete definition of a narcissist. I definitely stayed too and didn’t get away before having a kid with him. Having a kid with a narcissist is a nightmare. They always find ways to try to emotionally drain you and make things difficult. They will hurt their kids to hurt you. 😢