I didn't understand polyamory until after I had children. Like most people, during my second pregnancy, I wondered if it would be different to love my second child after knowing the extreme love I felt for my firstborn. Would I be able to love them both equally? After my daughter was born, I understood how unconditional love is shown a bit different from person to person, because of their individual uniqueness, but it's equally strong no matter how many people you choose to love. Polyamory is about love after all, it's not swinging or partner swapping. It's about forming close relationships and choosing compersion over jealousy. I hope that helps someone understand it better, google the definition compersion if you've never heard of it. I know for Americans at least, we're not taught that there is a word for the opposite of jealousy, an enjoyment of others happiness.
Isn't it telling that the word for resenting others' happiness is soooo much more well-known? Thank you from a life-long word-nut for adding a cool new item to my vocabulary!
From an ace. No offense taken (especially when you were considerate enough to express it). Thing is, if you're both an allosexual then sex is probably important to you.
it most definitely is!!! and i think that recognizing that key part of the relationship when it is established and respecting it, knowing it is needed and deserves its own portion of attention but not all! and an appropriate amount! people have different needs
As a polyam person, I enjoyed that section ☺️. To me, true polyamory involves relationships that are both sexual and emotional in nature. To me, a one-off threesome wouldn't count.
I'm curious- would you consider to still be polyamory if one of the partners is asexual and doesn't have sex with any of the other partners? Only asking because of the way you worded you view of 'true polyamory'
@@bronztrooper9440 I honestly had never considered that, but, yes. My point in what I said originally was actually more the emotional side, which one-off threesomes don't have
Jamie about reactions to anxiety "Oh, you're just not trying hard enough". Yeah that hits home. I've internalized that message so hard, it's taking a lot of work to break from.
You two are just... I... You're so cute that you made me speechless once again. How are you two so adorable? How.... I'm just.... I'm so happy you found each other. I really am.♥ You're so wholesome.
No matter what you're going through, you made it this far already. I'm proud of you. Never forget how amazing you are. Remember that you deserve to be happy, to be yourself, to take a break when you're tired. Take it easy and never give up, I know you can make it.
My partner and I have been together almost the exact amount of time! And we've had to postpone our wedding twice due to Covid so I really relate to you two!
This was so sweet. Hubby and I have been together 21 years and married for 16 years. He works 3+ hours away 5-7 days a week and can only come home every other weekend. Last week I went and stayed at his hotel while he was working and my 18 year old watch out younger boys and I got to stay the whole week. It was a nice break and the longest that we were away from the kids. It was interesting. It made us appreciate each other more.
So with the caveat that identity terms get to be flexible, typically what you’re describing would be called an “open” relationship (meaning sexually open). Polyamory (in my understanding, as someone who’s IDed as polyamorous for about 15 yrs) generally implies that you are open to multiple romantic relationships at least in some form. There are as many terms for different non monogamous relationships and identities as there are for queer and trans ones, though! “Monogamish” is another term that some use when they’re mostly monogamous but might occasionally have negotiated exceptions. As a solo polyamorous person (and a former sex and relationship educator) who has been “the third” in threesomes, I’d say the most important thing to know is that it’s important to be upfront with a potential sexual partner about what your expectations are, including things like whether it’s appropriate to check in and do emotional processing after, what your safer sex practices are, what activities are off limits and what activities you’d enjoy, etc. Being clear about what everyone is getting out of it and that you’re not looking for a romantic thing or ongoing sexual thing is super important!
"We've been together for so long!" And I hope you will be together forever because you are PERFECT together! Nice to meet you Shaaba :3 hope to catch more of your videos soon
Threesomes can be considered polyamory? Depends who you ask, lots of different forms of non-monogamy. Swinging, open, open only to certain things, like a split between emotional connections and sexual ones. Lots of variation. I thought that section was sweet though, as a polyam person. This entire thing is so wholesome though!
Polyamory is about forming romantic, emotional relationships with multiple people. What you were describing of casual sex outside of the relationship would probably be considered an open relationship. Which isn't polyamory but does fall under ethical non-monogamy.
This was so cute to watch, you are adorable together. Listing off pet peeves about each other made me laugh my ass off on a not so awesome day, thank you
It would be so interesting to see you have a chat with Evie Lupine or Amp from Watts the Safeword about polyamory. They're fantastic resources for education about ethical non-monogamy and other more mature/adult/nswf topics 😅
So nice to read about a couple that is as codependent as my girlfriend and I 😊 (as in same friends, same house, spending 24/7 together) glad to know we're not (the only) crazy ppl 😂😂
AHH I loved this video! I think the Q&A means we get to just see you talking candidly, and how adorable you are. it's also a really good show of how important communication. make more of this stuff where you can just talk! :D
🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰😁👍👏💯 This was absolutely adorable! Please do more! I was going to comment on the highlights, but the whole video was one big highlight! 😊😃
Loooool, I do the primary cooking and I'm the cleaning ninja in my relationship. So I do that to myself, cleanup as I go and I'm like, aww man, I need that again.... and then again🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
This was so absolutely fun, you guys look so happy even when saying what you dislike bc you're like, oh yeah, this is my funny little gremlin whom I love and I know they do this and gosh I hate it but they're trying.
there were definitely moments while my partner and I were growing up together (as 18-20 somethings) where those growing pains or us fighting growth would create those scary precipices. I'm very happy that we both made concerted efforts to both keep growing and learning, and to hold each other accountable as much as we did ourselves. We became a solid couple and better people because we mutually believed that continuing to grow and try to learn/understand was the way, rather than just burying ourselves in the sand to avoid conflict. We've both seen many couples that believed love meant just placidly accepting bad communication and we'd seen the bitterness that grows in those spaces. At this point we're older, healthier, and happier; we've been married for 12 years, together for 15. Still mad about this beautiful person
My partner and I have been together for 7 years and we feel the same as you guys. We never get bored of each other and I think it’s because we are each others best friend but we also have things that we life to do on our own. We literally do everything together, same friends, social activities, etc, but we allow for the other person to have space when needed. For example, we go to therapy separately and neither one of us make the other discuss what they are working on in therapy. I know that some people want to be the problem solver for their partner but we know that doesn’t work for us. That has allowed us to grow individually but still grow together. Y’all are so cute and I appreciate your openness! Last thing, the hair thing in the shower is real. Long hair sucks yo get out of drains and I always stick it on the wall to avoid the clogged drains. My partner always cleans it and never says anything lol. I haven’t asked if it annoyed him or not 😂
Wow, Jamie has never been with a guy, so you're his first and last love it seems ❤️💕, I'm bisexual too, never been in a relationship but tbh I would be fine with polyamory or a partner who wanted that, not that I'm a cheater or anything, ofc with consent of my partner, I wouldn't mind having more than one relationship or same with him or her
Polyam means multiple love. Ethical non monogamy is more casual and open (but every person is different). I was in a triad. Best queer part of my life; loving my two parents: funnily enough, I married my wife and she ran out and made it clear she was trying to prove she was gay to herself. I like single life 😌
My dad used to do the cleaning ninja thing. I would get out a bowl to pour a snack, grab the snack out of the pantry, notice the bowl was gone, and while getting a new bowl, the snack would disappear. I remember catching him and being like, "what are you doing? I need both of them at once!!"
Well now I'm just picturing this endless loop of where's my bowl? Where's my snack? My bowl! My snack! There's a hilarious little slapstick comedy routine in my head now.
@@carr0760 that is exactly how it was! The thing is, he wasn't trolling or pranking us when he did this. There was just a disconnect where he didn't realize that I may not be done with the thing I had just taken out. My mom would just watch and laugh 😆
I used to stick my hair to the shower wall when I had long hair! I also will leave stuff out when I'm cooking and get annoyed when my dad or someone goes to put it away.
Shaaba: Especially if that person happened to be- Me: Don't say Ryan Reynolds Shaaba: Ryan Reynolds Today I was dragged and kidnapped into a group of friends and one of them said to me "Welcome to the gay group. We are all at least a little gay for Ryan Reynolds."
I would just like to say, the correct way to do the toilet paper roll is under because that way 1) if you have pets, they can't unroll it as easily and 2) if it does get unrolled too far for some reason, a quick swat will spin it and roll it back up
Welp, it's polyam only if you are open to love other ppl in a sentimental, relation-ship level. Sex only would me more towards open relationships, still catalogued as monogamy 🤔
You know a relationship is strong and will be successful in long run, when just normal Cuddle with the person make you feel at peace and comfort... That's why friendship lasts for decades and always gives you that happy feeling. You guys have that strong foundation of friendship within and that's why your amazing relationship is so strong and filled with unconditional love for each other. ❤️❤️❤️
Good Lord, I want a partner who fits with me like you two fit together and then for us all to be best friends and do game nights LOL Thanks for being so honest and open and being a great example of functioning compassionate adult humans growing together ^_^ There is hope in the world lol
Jamie, managing to be supportive and a troll at the same time
Jamies if funny when he does things like that
i hope to one day be like that w/ my future partner. very sweet, but also a troll
His talents are boundless
He so does
I love it ❤
I didn't understand polyamory until after I had children. Like most people, during my second pregnancy, I wondered if it would be different to love my second child after knowing the extreme love I felt for my firstborn. Would I be able to love them both equally? After my daughter was born, I understood how unconditional love is shown a bit different from person to person, because of their individual uniqueness, but it's equally strong no matter how many people you choose to love. Polyamory is about love after all, it's not swinging or partner swapping. It's about forming close relationships and choosing compersion over jealousy. I hope that helps someone understand it better, google the definition compersion if you've never heard of it. I know for Americans at least, we're not taught that there is a word for the opposite of jealousy, an enjoyment of others happiness.
I knew about the word compresion from the Netflix series 'You'.
That's beautiful. As polyam myself, I think you managed to describe what it means awesomely ^^
Omg thank u so much. I genuinely completely understand now. Amazing revelation u just gave me. Truly thanks
@@altheapolyam Agree 100%
Isn't it telling that the word for resenting others' happiness is soooo much more well-known? Thank you from a life-long word-nut for adding a cool new item to my vocabulary!
my favourite outcome of this video is finding out how many of us use shower hair as tarot readings 😂
Never used shower hair as tarot readings, but I did use to tarot read my parents' bathroom floor tiles while having my business 😅
If I had someone who looked at me the way Shaaba looks at Jamie and Jamie looks at Shaaba, I would be the happiest human alive. 🙂💖
From an ace. No offense taken (especially when you were considerate enough to express it). Thing is, if you're both an allosexual then sex is probably important to you.
it most definitely is!!! and i think that recognizing that key part of the relationship when it is established and respecting it, knowing it is needed and deserves its own portion of attention but not all! and an appropriate amount! people have different needs
Yes I was so glad she even mentioned us there!
Yeah it’s pretty important I would say but I’m aro
Yeah, also ace here. I'm really happy she thought of us. I have zero interest in sex.
As a polyam person, I enjoyed that section ☺️. To me, true polyamory involves relationships that are both sexual and emotional in nature. To me, a one-off threesome wouldn't count.
Hi, as a polyamorus lesbian, I concer.
Thanks for this! x
I'm curious- would you consider to still be polyamory if one of the partners is asexual and doesn't have sex with any of the other partners? Only asking because of the way you worded you view of 'true polyamory'
@@bronztrooper9440 I honestly had never considered that, but, yes. My point in what I said originally was actually more the emotional side, which one-off threesomes don't have
@@Jadyn_Sage That's fair
“the hair talks to you?” KDJKAJD I CANT
"I saw you doing a poo and you spun it around"
Clearly Jamie is a man of many talents 😆
Out of context that is so weird!!! 🤣
Haven’t got to that part yet so I’ll assume he meant like a basketball
Only few can master spinjizu
aww you wholesome icons!
Also crazy how you went from growing up being told mental health is fake to getting a PhD in psychology! AMAZING!
The "staying interested" question was mine and you interpreted it correctly. And you also answered it very sufficiently 😄😄
Jamie about reactions to anxiety "Oh, you're just not trying hard enough". Yeah that hits home. I've internalized that message so hard, it's taking a lot of work to break from.
The story about Shaaba’s shower hair fortune telling rituals at 12:45 had me in hysterics. 🤣🤣🤣
Lol yes me too like a hair oracle.
truly man!
Jaime is a tidier, they don't organise, they just tidy.
You two are just... I...
You're so cute that you made me speechless once again.
How are you two so adorable? How....
I'm just....
I'm so happy you found each other. I really am.♥ You're so wholesome.
No matter what you're going through, you made it this far already. I'm proud of you. Never forget how amazing you are. Remember that you deserve to be happy, to be yourself, to take a break when you're tired. Take it easy and never give up, I know you can make it.
My partner and I have been together almost the exact amount of time! And we've had to postpone our wedding twice due to Covid so I really relate to you two!
I've been engaged since July of 2019. The struggle is real!,
congrats on your wedding though & hopefully a wonderful life after! 💚
This was so sweet. Hubby and I have been together 21 years and married for 16 years. He works 3+ hours away 5-7 days a week and can only come home every other weekend. Last week I went and stayed at his hotel while he was working and my 18 year old watch out younger boys and I got to stay the whole week. It was a nice break and the longest that we were away from the kids. It was interesting. It made us appreciate each other more.
So with the caveat that identity terms get to be flexible, typically what you’re describing would be called an “open” relationship (meaning sexually open). Polyamory (in my understanding, as someone who’s IDed as polyamorous for about 15 yrs) generally implies that you are open to multiple romantic relationships at least in some form. There are as many terms for different non monogamous relationships and identities as there are for queer and trans ones, though! “Monogamish” is another term that some use when they’re mostly monogamous but might occasionally have negotiated exceptions. As a solo polyamorous person (and a former sex and relationship educator) who has been “the third” in threesomes, I’d say the most important thing to know is that it’s important to be upfront with a potential sexual partner about what your expectations are, including things like whether it’s appropriate to check in and do emotional processing after, what your safer sex practices are, what activities are off limits and what activities you’d enjoy, etc. Being clear about what everyone is getting out of it and that you’re not looking for a romantic thing or ongoing sexual thing is super important!
I can't wait to see this! I'm so glad I'm finally getting notifications, TH-cam unsubscribed me twice!
Omg so TH-cam IS unsubscribing people! It’s been weeks since I can’t find out what’s happening! Thank you
"We've been together for so long!" And I hope you will be together forever because you are PERFECT together!
Nice to meet you Shaaba :3 hope to catch more of your videos soon
13:50 "....and I feel the air" "I'm not sorry." oh that whole exchange made me laugh 😂😂
Omg I see shapes in the hair on the shower wall too!! I thought it was just me 🤣
Me too!
Woah, woah, woah. Ryan Reynolds is not "scratching an itch".
If you're attracted to Ryan Reynolds, that just means you have eyes.
😂😂
Then I guess I don't have eyes lmao
Threesomes can be considered polyamory? Depends who you ask, lots of different forms of non-monogamy. Swinging, open, open only to certain things, like a split between emotional connections and sexual ones. Lots of variation. I thought that section was sweet though, as a polyam person.
This entire thing is so wholesome though!
OH MY GOD SHAABA- THE HAIR THING- I DO IT TOO!!! it's feels like getting your fortune read in your tea leaves!😂
Polyamory is about forming romantic, emotional relationships with multiple people. What you were describing of casual sex outside of the relationship would probably be considered an open relationship. Which isn't polyamory but does fall under ethical non-monogamy.
This was so cute to watch, you are adorable together. Listing off pet peeves about each other made me laugh my ass off on a not so awesome day, thank you
You both In general are the definition of relationship goals. Your both just so wholesome like oh my god.
Woah the hair thing is so interesting. I never see shapes but I'll be looking for it now
It would be so interesting to see you have a chat with Evie Lupine or Amp from Watts the Safeword about polyamory. They're fantastic resources for education about ethical non-monogamy and other more mature/adult/nswf topics 😅
So nice to read about a couple that is as codependent as my girlfriend and I 😊 (as in same friends, same house, spending 24/7 together) glad to know we're not (the only) crazy ppl 😂😂
Jamie: “Basically✨”
Me: dying from laughter.
AHH I loved this video!
I think the Q&A means we get to just see you talking candidly, and how adorable you are.
it's also a really good show of how important communication. make more of this stuff where you can just talk! :D
🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰🤣🥰😁👍👏💯
This was absolutely adorable! Please do more! I was going to comment on the highlights, but the whole video was one big highlight! 😊😃
You made me giggle in a hard time, thank you :)
i'm so glad (and I hope you're experiencing better times now sweet!) x
Smile on my face for the whole video. Thanks!
Yeahhhh 2 uploads a week AND monthly livestreams! We are being spoilt with Shaaba dot content!
Omg! Shaaba does shower hair scrying too! Thought I was the only one.
Aww this is actually adorable ❤
Thank you Shaaba and Jaime. Thank you for being so open and always being such an inspiration 💖 You both being ticklish is very cute :3
Loooool, I do the primary cooking and I'm the cleaning ninja in my relationship. So I do that to myself, cleanup as I go and I'm like, aww man, I need that again.... and then again🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I do this too!
literally shaaba and jamie are so wholesome
This was so absolutely fun, you guys look so happy even when saying what you dislike bc you're like, oh yeah, this is my funny little gremlin whom I love and I know they do this and gosh I hate it but they're trying.
Love your channels ❤
there were definitely moments while my partner and I were growing up together (as 18-20 somethings) where those growing pains or us fighting growth would create those scary precipices. I'm very happy that we both made concerted efforts to both keep growing and learning, and to hold each other accountable as much as we did ourselves. We became a solid couple and better people because we mutually believed that continuing to grow and try to learn/understand was the way, rather than just burying ourselves in the sand to avoid conflict. We've both seen many couples that believed love meant just placidly accepting bad communication and we'd seen the bitterness that grows in those spaces. At this point we're older, healthier, and happier; we've been married for 12 years, together for 15. Still mad about this beautiful person
These two lovebirds: We've been together for so long! Ten years!
Me, going on 25 and a half years with my guy: Love is beautiful ❤
that's amazing! congrats to you both x
@@shaaba hope you get there too, and beyond, while being very happy together ❤
Ok i am fully melted because of your utter cuteness overload!!😍 you're literally jessie and claudia levels of cute!
woah, that's high praise :P x
@@shaaba if it fits it fits ;)
These two! These two! These two are fantastic!
My partner and I have been together for 7 years and we feel the same as you guys. We never get bored of each other and I think it’s because we are each others best friend but we also have things that we life to do on our own. We literally do everything together, same friends, social activities, etc, but we allow for the other person to have space when needed. For example, we go to therapy separately and neither one of us make the other discuss what they are working on in therapy. I know that some people want to be the problem solver for their partner but we know that doesn’t work for us. That has allowed us to grow individually but still grow together.
Y’all are so cute and I appreciate your openness!
Last thing, the hair thing in the shower is real. Long hair sucks yo get out of drains and I always stick it on the wall to avoid the clogged drains. My partner always cleans it and never says anything lol. I haven’t asked if it annoyed him or not 😂
You guys are so sweet whenever I watch your videos my day becomes a lot brighter✨❤
I thought I was the only one that did the hair tile thing haha it could be adhd thing
You guys make me feel incredibly single lol y'all are just so cute.
I love Shabbas explanation of her hair 😂
this couple is sooooo wholesome 💖
let me just say I admire how much you both remember stuff
Wow, Jamie has never been with a guy, so you're his first and last love it seems ❤️💕, I'm bisexual too, never been in a relationship but tbh I would be fine with polyamory or a partner who wanted that, not that I'm a cheater or anything, ofc with consent of my partner, I wouldn't mind having more than one relationship or same with him or her
Shabba and jamie are my couple goals. One day i hope to find someone that when asked what fav date were we gave the exact same answers
omg I love you two! you have to do more of these videos together! it's hilarious!
Their anniversary is today !! It’s almost like i planned it this way
Shaaba always seems like “the cool auntie” to me which makes this…interesting 😅🙈
I feel you with the hair tarot! such a mood
omg I thought I was the only one that did that with the hair! I so get it!
the movie rio was my childhood in a movie
Polyam means multiple love.
Ethical non monogamy is more casual and open (but every person is different).
I was in a triad. Best queer part of my life; loving my two parents: funnily enough, I married my wife and she ran out and made it clear she was trying to prove she was gay to herself. I like single life 😌
The "really, again" factor for me is my husband putting red socks with white bikes to white laundry bin 🙈
Yes Shaaba! sexiness is important!
Tea leaf shower hair.... that's a new one on me. Kind of love it
Jamie is just the cutest boyfriend ever :c someone send me a Jamie lol
My dad used to do the cleaning ninja thing. I would get out a bowl to pour a snack, grab the snack out of the pantry, notice the bowl was gone, and while getting a new bowl, the snack would disappear. I remember catching him and being like, "what are you doing? I need both of them at once!!"
Well now I'm just picturing this endless loop of where's my bowl? Where's my snack? My bowl! My snack!
There's a hilarious little slapstick comedy routine in my head now.
@@carr0760 that is exactly how it was! The thing is, he wasn't trolling or pranking us when he did this. There was just a disconnect where he didn't realize that I may not be done with the thing I had just taken out. My mom would just watch and laugh 😆
I just love to see such a healthy relationship on TH-cam ❤️🌈❤️🌈you two are soooo cute and cool
Hair are your ariels. They pick up signals from the cosmos.
I used to stick my hair to the shower wall when I had long hair! I also will leave stuff out when I'm cooking and get annoyed when my dad or someone goes to put it away.
Happy Anniversary!
Best educational content. Spicy like a good chilli oil.
People: Who's your celebrity crush
Every bisexual person: *Ryan Reynolds, 1000%*
ouf nope. haha
Nope. Not even a little bit...
Nope, I'm bi, not Ryan but tom Holland 😍😘
my birthday is your anniversary! :o
Hehe you two have awesome energy :) lovely to watch your show today
Shaaba! I always see faces profiles) in my hair on the shower wall! 🤣
Shaaba: Especially if that person happened to be-
Me: Don't say Ryan Reynolds
Shaaba: Ryan Reynolds
Today I was dragged and kidnapped into a group of friends and one of them said to me "Welcome to the gay group. We are all at least a little gay for Ryan Reynolds."
im watching this on the 8th happy anniversary!!!!!!!
It helps that you were best friends first, I think.
I would just like to say, the correct way to do the toilet paper roll is under because that way 1) if you have pets, they can't unroll it as easily and 2) if it does get unrolled too far for some reason, a quick swat will spin it and roll it back up
Welp, it's polyam only if you are open to love other ppl in a sentimental, relation-ship level. Sex only would me more towards open relationships, still catalogued as monogamy 🤔
noted, thanks for sharing x
When Jamie said the most important things I only heard ‘that they are not stubborn and they’re patient’ what was the first one? 😀
Loved your open conversation about non-monogamy
I thought I was the only hair tarot reader, yay I'm not alone xD
I've been trashing nestle a lot recently and now unilever thinks they're valid enough to give me advertising. lmao
Couple goals!!! ♥️ In love with you two.
Hello, you reading the comments, I’d love to let you know that you are worthy of love no matter what you actively do in life 💜:D
It is 11 years today since my husband and I went on our first date. And you feel old? 😅
We also went to M&M world at some point within that next year. 😁
The hair thing was amazing 😄
You know a relationship is strong and will be successful in long run, when just normal Cuddle with the person make you feel at peace and comfort...
That's why friendship lasts for decades and always gives you that happy feeling.
You guys have that strong foundation of friendship within and that's why your amazing relationship is so strong and filled with unconditional love for each other. ❤️❤️❤️
U are both the cutest and most lovely couple and people videos always make me smile thank u have a wonderful rest of the week ❤🙏
Shabba can make a cartoon strip with title -- "Shabba and her Tarot Hair"
Shower hair divination is totally a thing! 😂
Good Lord, I want a partner who fits with me like you two fit together and then for us all to be best friends and do game nights LOL Thanks for being so honest and open and being a great example of functioning compassionate adult humans growing together ^_^ There is hope in the world lol
you twp are so adorable
Honestly y'all remind me of Moxxie and Millie from _Helluva Boss_.
OMG YEA
forgot to remove my hair divination once too... 😂
You two are the cutest!😍