The Birth of Relational Joy: Terry Real
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ก.ย. 2024
- For more information visit www.scienceandn...
Speaking at the Radiant Intimacy gathering in 2019 Terry Real tells the audience that we recreate the relationships that we learned - how we were held - and that there is no intimacy without equality. He describes his Relational Life Therapy, with its golden rule for successful relating: What can I give you to help me come through for you? What do you need from me?
For more information visit www.terryreal.com
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11:00 taking sides. “In relationships I want the weak to stand up and the mighty to melt.”
13:20 self esteem defined. To hold yourself lovingly in the face of a screw up.
So touched by Terry by your dedication to helping me become more vulnerable and allowing themselves to feel connected. I feel such empathy for all the men out there who are disconnected from their hearts and yearning for connection. Your work is so much needed.
Hi Evelyn
Good overall. I take issue with the story about "connection" at the end. A timeout is by definition disconnection. Holding the door closed and the child fighting for your connection is an example of emotional neglect. See Vanessa Lapointe's work on discipline without damage.
Relational rule ," what can i do for you to empower me ". ?
Yes! Yes! Yes! From someone hanging into their marriage by a thread.
1:30 Esther Perel. The grand ambition of love where one person provides everything.
11:00 taking sides. “In relationships I want the weak to stand up and the mighty to melt.”
13:20 self esteem defined. To hold yourself lovingly in the face of a screw up.
23:27 We tend to idealize relationships. Three phases of relational transactions. Harmony, disillusionment, repair. Can cycle in a single convo or over years.
24:45 disillusionment is hard and dark. Relational shame.
26:15 Normal marital hatred; moving into repair is where the skills come in.
27:43 critical question: which part of you am I speaking to?
29:00 it is only the functional adult party of our self that uses skills to seek intimacy. who you are not what you do determines true satisfaction in relational connection.
30:00 Mindfulness; Get back to center. First, take a responsible break but not a rupture. I’m leaving, here is why, and this is when I'm coming back.
36:30 What can I do for you to empower you to come through for me?
37:00 Linear thinking vs ecological thinking.
37:34 It’s not about you. It’s about the team. Your relationship is your biosphere. Don’t pollute the biosphere you are an aspect of. Happy partner, happy life.
38:28 Short term gain creates long term resentment. Not in your interest to bully or manipulate your way through.
39:30 Gratification vs relational joy
Thank you Kyra for taking notes. Now I don’t have to do it… listening for the 3rd time in less than one week, I am sure his wisdom is valuable. I hope it can help me save my marriage. Our therapist of many years gave up on us 3 years ago and terminated our couples sessions. Barely managing to stay together after a 1.5 year move-out separation, and moving back together. Hanging by a thread.
This man is every man and woman's friend
I prefer radiant intimacy to fierce intimacy. I bought the course titled fierce intimacy. but all you say in this video is such a match for radiance. Fierce is defined: having or displaying an intense or ferocious aggressiveness.
Epic at the 30 min. Mark !! 😮😮
This guy is so Loveable! His examples are key to learning how to take responsibility in your relationships!
Esther perel the best
Very smart guy I like him👍
#2, daring to rock the boat " 🤔
Another sitting eagle
OMGWOWOMGWOW
A lot of food for thought. Thank you.
I get the idea of an “adult” part (with access to coginitve skills) as being better equipped to handle things better than child parts, clearly!
And, yet, I notice that people can just as readily use their "adult" cognitive skills in counter-productive ways.
Hmmm...can you comment?
I love Terry Real and his work . He is a national treasure
This gentleman is so busy we are so fortunate to hear him do his talk he's a expert his bag is sitting on the chair by seeing this tells me how busy he is... I have so much respect for him. Thank you for your talk i feel honored to hear you speak! ❤🙏
You hit it passion fun, being alive and finding a partner who can match your energy is so difficult to find... male/female has to do the healing as well as take time out to find themself/herself. People jump from one relationship to the next without fixing themselves. Male being masculine women remaining the feminine for them to come together as equals being authentic and knowing yourself.
Romanticism was also a fantasy.
Abso-f@king-lutely!!!!!!
Wisdom!
Facts!!, there needs to be equality !! 😮😮
Finally a good talk
I missed what phase 3 is of getting what you want from a relationship. I think he passed over it.
Just amazing!
One of the best I am so grateful to have found this man.
BAM Very last nugget, Gratificational VS Relational joy Now.. how to navigate beyond that behavior... ?
Perhaps a beginning step is to become aware of the difference between the two. Then noticing which you choose, and how that choice works out for you + your partner.
I am dead crazy, for that Fry Bread.
Brilliant talk, thank you.
You nailed it in the end I so wish my husband could of seen that
I’m going through such a hard time with my wife right now. I give myself a hard time. I’m upset for putting her in an unhealthy state of relational thinking.
I hope she can come to see me as an imperfect man, but one that’s willing to go the extra mile to adjust for US.
May that happen for you with your wife RangerTS. That she will see you through the eyes of her Heart that you want to go the extra mile for you both...The Best for you Both
@@leticiadelgadillo going our separate ways. She couldn’t grow with me. Sad to put in so much effort to lose.
@@FuryJDM I am so Sorry.....My heart is sad on hearing this. Thank you for showing courage in your sharing. We are here together to grow and learn.
Wow very impressed with this talk!