LETS TALK ABOUT FRIENDSHIP BREAKUPS | Get Ready With Me!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.พ. 2024
- Hi lovelies,
Today I wanted to share my experience and advice on the topic of friendship breakups or breakdowns.
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About 6 years ago, I went through my phone and socials and deleted all the people who only contact me when they want something, or never make the effort. Life became a lot simpler and less stressful after doing this
that's a great idea. I did that on my social media too
i actually ‘tested’ it the other day.
a ‘friend’ of mine only checks in how i am doing when she needs to vent herself. so i replied with ‘i am well but bogged down with work’, as i recently started a new job. purposely not asking her back how she is.
sure enough she has not replied since. 😂
@@amysmithssportsandmakeup1397 I deleted about 20 people. Only ONE questioned it
I used to be friends with a girl who completely used me for so many things. She was so lazy and couldn't grow up. I finally realized life is much better without her and I have time for people who actually care@@deliaholm2653
Good idea! I’m going to do that.
"You want to come in my life? The door is open. You want to leave? The door is open. Just one request. Don't stand at the door. You are blocking traffic."
This meme says it all. It's how I feel about friends (and family) who reach out then go radio silent after you respond. It makes no sense?? Love me or leave me - just make a decision. It's a mind f--k.
Friendships are tough! As a 73 year old, I can tell you this has happened to me so many times. People come into our lives for a reason at various points in our lives.
Couldn't agree more. 🩷🩷🩷
Im 65 and yes!! So many close women I’ve had to let go. It’s life.
My work colleagues were my besties and more like family! We went away together and our children grew up playing together and are still close. However I got very ill ended up on feeding tube in and out of hospital surgeries ect and all I can say is that you really find out how true your friendships are when you are no longer in their vision or thoughts 😢 so sad ❤
Sorry that happened to you. Tough times reveal who the real ones are, easier to be around when it’s glitzy and Instagram worthy moments. Not many can be there through that good and bad times. Hope you’re doing better health wise and have accepted their departure from your life ❤️🩹.
A friend of mine for 5 years…who I hung out with almost every day….we were both in our late 30s. She learnt everything about a business I ran by staying close to me pretending to be my bestie and ONE FINE DAY OUT OF THE BLUE, she decided to open the exact same business in the exact same community and THREW ME UNDER THE BUS literally over night…COPIED EVERY SINGLE THING I did in my business,100% AN IDENTITY THEFT…..and the next day started talking down to me and ACTED like she had done nothing wrong….she actually said to me ‘I haven’t done anything illegal’…..IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST PAINFUL time of my life….5 years later I still haven’t gotten over it…..
That is a horrible story. I’m so sad for you. ☹️ Sending you some happy vibes.
My mother in law did this to her best friend. Narcicissm.
Good lord, what a knife in the back and in the heart. So sorry she did that to you.
@@joannepinnow6929 imagine how it felt like when I found out through an marketing email that she sent out in the community that had a flyer of her business….THAT LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE MINE….with MINOR tweaks here and there….a KNIFE IN THE BACK INDEED
People are real snakes I’m sorry this happened to you 🐍💔💕
Friends can break your heart too..
You are definitely not alone, Charlotte. I'm 65 years old, and this has happened to me on three occasions over my lifetime. I, too, was nonplussed at the time, but it was a long time ago now. I have three close friends of many years standing. I have also made genuine friendships since I got my beautiful dog. You are never too old to make a new friend.
Dogs are Awesome and hey never ever hurt us ( only they must go away and its not their fault of course ), they are true friends.
After my mom died due to black magic, I feel life is too short. You won’t know how long you gonna live. Stop wasting precious time on fake friends
I started writing this comment by listing my experiences, which made me realize how hurt I still am, especially by the most recent one that happened 6 months ago after 18 years of friendship. I wish those of us all still hurting to heal as quickly as possible and sending my love to you all ❤
When I was 13 years old, a friend broke up in a handwritten letter saying I couldnt contact her ever again. No specific reason. I felt worthless and not good or smart enough. It stuck with me for many years- I just turned 40.
im sorry u had to deal with that so young.
I had deal with fake news, backstabbing, lies in my middle school days
I am sorry. I was 18. I feel you
I think people assume all kids do this kind of unkind thing, but then they grow up and change. Like all bullies disappear when they become adults. I don't think that's true in a lot of cases. They're the same people, they just hide it better. Like the girls who I sat with at lunch when I was 13 who one day happily announced they had something to tell me, then started chanting at me "we don't want to you to hang out with us at lunch anymore" (alternating who said each successive word in the sentence). I walked to the store that lunchtime by myself, crying the whole way, then sat crying as I ate my chocolate bar. Are those girls nice people now, or do they do similar things but in a way more socially acceptable for grownups (like completely cutting someone off out of the blue)?
I think she still struggles. Now that Im grown up, I look back and know she struggled back then, and that it probably didnt have anything to do with me.
I hold no grudge, I think im at a better place in my life than her, and I really wish her the best.
Hurt people hurt people.
Thank you SO much for addressing this horrible situation of adult friendship breakdowns. I am now 37, and went through this 3 years ago with two of my long term friends (in a group of 5). All of them were bridesmaids at my wedding, we went on holidays together, some of them i’d been friends with since primary school. I genuinely thought this group of women were my ride or die friends till death! A year or two before the breakdown, one of them started acting really odd towards me. Almost ghosting me. Ignoring me most of the time in the group chat, or when she DID acknowledge me, it was always a dig at me or something derogatory. In those last two years of friendship, there were several things she would say to me that really upset me and I had no idea why. I was so confused why this person I loved was acting so mean towards me. In early 2021, a family member died, a close member, in a horrific way. This friend of mine completely acted like I wasn’t alive. No support, not a kind word, nothing. Another of my friends in the group was acting the same. One day I messaged the group chat to apologise for being so distant after the death, and that I had been struggling a lot. The message was ignored, then a couple of days later, these two friends started up a completely different conversation about something on Netflix. Completely ignoring my heartfelt message before. I was devastated. My heart actually broke. So whilst dealing with grief, i also had to deal with the breakdown of two long term friendships. I fell into a deep depression and ended up on medication. It took a LONG time to feel normal again after that. I am a completely different person now to the one when those friendships ended. And I genuinely feel a lot lighter knowing those negative people aren’t in my life anymore x
I am sorry you had to go through that, especially while mourning the death of a loved one. I hope you have found friends who are willing to be emotionally supportive!
@@91GazalAw thank you. It was a really rough time I’ll say that! Thankfully I have since found friends that would 100% be there for me for everything xx
@@xpeachx100 I am really happy to hear that, you deserve it ^^
Took me 3 years to recover from a fairly similar situation. The grief was piled on. And then the key alienator spent years lying about me to anyone she could, including new people I was becoming friendly with. I assume it was to self delude about what she'd done at such a horrible time. I keep things really quiet and small now. Most of my friends are from different times and places, and they don't know each other. There's no way I'm ever being part of a group like that ever again. I've learned a bit about the "Wendy" phenomenon (i.e. "being a Wendy" - although I really hate that a specific name has been ascribed to this behaviour) - I introduced the worst perpetrator into a group and she effectively bullied me out at the worst possible point of my life when close relative's death, and strain, marital and financial pressure were all hitting me at the same time... I can't help but suspect she just saw the opportunity to make herself central to the group and get me out.
That group dynamic yes had issues too. Prefer friends from different areas of life. And if family is involved and the reason makes no sense it can be hard.
Death scares many people. I was recently diagnosed with advanced cancer and it has been surprising who has come through (like my ex) and who have abandoned my husband and I, some of them his friends for over 30 years. So it can happen to guys as well as us gals. These are the situations where you find out who these people are. I look upon it that over time, people grow in different dirctions, priorities change. It is only under duress that these come to the fore. I am grateful to have found out who my true friends are. Thanks for discussing such a thorny topic!
All the best for you!!! I wish you strength, hope and confidence! Sabine 😘
And then there’s the people who are only around when life tosses you a curve ball and disappear when everything is going well. I find that equally disturbing. I wish you all the best during this tough time.
This was such a fabulous video. I didn’t realise how much I needed to hear this. I am a neurodivergent 53 year old woman who struggles to form friendships, the friends I have are super close and so important but when the end, which they do, I just don’t understand at all. I always assume I am at fault and an unlovable person. I have reached a point where I have accepted close female friendships are for other women. I know my solitude impacts my husband because he wants there to see me aaa he does. Knowing I am not alone in experiencing and feeling these things has meant so much. Thank you lovely human xx
At least you have a husband and few super close friends
In my 53 years I have experienced this several times. I still love them deep down same as you with those friends but I’ve been hurt so now I have really no “close” friends except my sister and my daughters. I have a few who I could probably reach out if I needed to but none that I speak to daily or hang out with anymore. I’m tired of trying to keep friendships going. I take care of me and my family and I’m honestly ok with that now.
This! Same. Then I watch shows and I wonder if it's abnormal I don't have anyone to go out with...
Oh my gosh I thought it was just me! I'm reluctant to get super close for fear of being broken hearted again. I was fine with it for a while, but lately I really wish I had more close friends. At this point it's my fault for not putting myself out there more, but part of me thinks, "why bother, you just end up hurt!". It's a sad cycle I need to get out of. Big hugs to everyone!!❤️🩹
Same here I just mainly hang out with close family not cousins and aunts because they hurt me also but close family. Friends are so hard to maintain they leave so easily even though you works so hard at those friendships. It’s just not worth the effort most times 💔
Thank you for talking about this! I can definitely relate to this with a group of friends I had a few years ago. The one friend I was closest to suddenly gave me the cold shoulder and then I stopped getting invited to events. It was very obvious and hurtful. She never told me why she didn't want to be friends anymore or give me any feedback about what was bothering her. That's what bothered me the most. I had a lot of the same thoughts and fears "there is something wrong with me" "I am a bad friend". But with more time, I have realized I wouldn't do that to someone else without ever talking them about it and trying to fix things.
I was listening to this on headphones whilst cooking, and could *hear* how painful this was for you to talk about 💜
As soon as you mentioned losing your friend, and your son's friend's brain tumour my head said - there it is. It's a terrible cliche, but for good reason, that death makes people behave in ways seemingly really out of character.
A few years ago I experienced 3 bereavements in 3 consecutive years, all really different. When I went back to work after the last one my manager said to be prepared for people disappearing. No way I thought, but sure enough...
It's a very strange thing but I've read and heard of it often. People who are highly supportive, emotionally intelligent and so on, just can't handle death, or the possibility of it. And so they do nothing. Not through lack of care but sheer inability. Honestly I wanted to write something about bereavement after my experiences as all the different behaviours, scenarios, reactions were astonishing to me.
For anyone struggling with what to do or say during or after a bereavement or awful time, please don't say nothing. Simply saying you are there, offering to go and just sit with a person, talk about the person they lost, take them a home cooked meal, offer to go for a walk. All these things can make a huge difference and make a person feel supported and held.
Charlotte I'm so sorry for your experience. I think this was a lovely idea for a 'lets talk' video and I'm sure it's helped and reassured so many of us, lots of love xx
Thank you for sharing your experience. I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer 5 years ago and the friends and family who I thought were closest to me just ended up distancing themselves from me. It's sad and isolating, but unfortunately very common. Great thing is there were SOO many more kind humans who showed up in the most unexpected ways... my coworkers, ladies from church, distant family members who actively reached out.... they have been my biggest supporters. So grateful for them.
I'm so happy to hear of the people that were there for you@@ChristinaLovesSushi
@@ChristinaLovesSushiAll the best for you!!! I hope you will never lose hope and confidence. Sending you strength and love! Sabine 😘
That happened to one of my close friends. We practically were so close even after my 2nd move out of the country we were still close. I was so gutted when she started ghosting me when I moved back. She has another best friend but the moment that best friend moved away, she slowly changed. Whenever I reached out, she always made an excuse to not meet up, catch up etc (our kids were friends since kindergarten) and within 4 years she gradually phased me out (but still hanging out with our mutual friends). I supported her through the death of her dog, listened to her problems with her family etc. she will answer my text sporadically, cancelling plans last minute and her mood is like hot and cold. It feels like a total mindf*ck!! I started second guessing, questioning myself what I have done wrong. Asked her if I have done anything to hurt her etc. Her excuse is no, she is just busy. Eventually The last straw was when I invited her for our son’s important event (a Bar Mitzvah). Gave her the invite 2 months in advance, she looked at my face and said she will come (but my gut feeling said otherwise) true enough less than 24 hours before the event, she bailed out. I cut her out of my life from then on. I dont have time for mind games..😢
Ghosted seemingly out of the blue. I still struggle with fixating on trying to understand why this happened and blaming myself for it years after the fact. Grieving the loss of something but also knowing that loss was purposeful and with no explanation is doubly hard.
People can really underestimate how hurtful the unbalanced relationship can be. When I broke up with the man who raised my kids for most of their young lives (their biological dad committed suicide when they were toddlers), he allowed the relationship to become horrifically one-sided. I had to beg him to visit them. When the kids became adults, my son, who has serious disabilities and mobility challenges, fought to keep the relationship alive with this person who wouldn't initiate contact and would not make any effort to come see him. This went on for years, and eventually my son was heartbroken when he realized that if he didn't reach out, he wasn't sure his "dad" would ever contact him again and at that point made the exceptionally painful decision to cut him out of his life entirely. I'm so proud of my son for making a difficult decision that was the best one for his emotional health, but I can't help but wish that in my youth I had chosen a stepdad who was worthy of the love my son had to give.
Thank you so much for this video. I feel like I just got some much needed advice from a good friend. I’ve been through the same thing a few times, but I had one in particular that devastated me. My first marriage ended and I always make a joking remark that he got custody of my best friend but it honestly crushed me. In reality she and I had drifted away a bit already and my ex’s closest friend was and still is her husband, so I get it. It really hurt though (it was an amicable divorce, but still awful, and she had been my maid of honour). She essentially ghosted me and faded out my life but still sees my ex all the time. Everything you said about your inner circle really resonated with me because I’m the same. My husband was watching with me and he remarked that I’m exactly like that with people I love. I didn’t realise how much it still bothered me but your story has helped me realise I need to leave it in the past where it belongs and just remember the good times. I really appreciate it every time you tell us your stories, and I always take positivity away from them. So thank you for being a good friend to women you don’t even know, if that makes any sense (hopefully in a not creepy, non-stalkery way lol). ❤
This is such a lovely comment 💜
People that come into your life are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Rarely do people make it to the lifetime. I so appreciate this discussion as I find most people that come into my life just let me down with their behaviors.
I almost didn't want to watch this video because I went through such a break up very recently and it's still very upsetting for me to think about. I am your age and I really thought that at this stage in my life I have mature relationships with people and especially with my two closest friends, whom I thought of as family...so I as very unprepared for the shock of the sudden dissolution of our relationship. It put me in very negative head space and I was really spiraling. I found out that talking to my husband and other friends about it really helps. I was very hurt and suddenly had so many negative thoughts about two people that I held in such high regard before. Getting those negative thoughts out felt like cleansing myself from the negativity so that it doesn't consume me.
I feel like the heartbreak of a friendship breakup is not really spoken out and can be one of the most painful experiences.
This happens so often. Your friend gets a boyfriend and you stop existing. I don't understand why this happens. Surly you don't want to spend every second with just one person no matter how much you love them. The end result is that this person is left all by herself the second the relationship ends because they alienated every single person in their life.
I'm sorry. I can feel how hurt you (and your children) were by this. It amazes me how some people find it easier to ghost someone rather than have the "tough" conversations. They don't know what to say when you're going through a tough time or don't have the ability to go deep. Others seem to revel in your tough times but disappear when you achieve success bc they aren't happy for you (jealousy).
Either way I have experienced both and the heartbreak is real.💔I am like you - I keep my circle very very tight. Lots of acquaintances but only two lifers that I trust completely and call my sisters. Enjoy your chosen family who love you and let go of the rest. 🤗
Exactly! Some conversations are really difficult, but not having them makes things so much worse, it's such a shame.
2 bridesmaids didn't bother to even text me when I was pregnant ( I'd moved 20 miles away). Then I bumped into one who was shopping with her new boyfriend in my town. She didn't ask how I was or say anything to my son, just said..oh wow youre not selling motherhood. 2nd bridesmaids dropped me once she got a new boyfriend. Other friend I knew from uni vanished after I told her I was struggling with my 2nd son because I had chronic post natal depression. I don't believe they were ever my friend. I trusted them all so much. Never again
Jesu what a thing to say to a new mum! I hope you have kinder friends now
I love when u talk about topics like this or do like story time while u get ready!! ❤ please do more ❤
This is hands down my favourite video from any beauty content creator. It's so meaningful to hear you talk about personal things that we all go through.
You've given me a lot to think about. I'm like you and don't have a lot of friends by choice. But I've also gone through what you've described so eloquently. So thanks for sharing and giving us your perspective. It's helped me more than you can imagine❤
🥰🥰🥰
I can really relate to this topic. But you can't force people to give you the why of it all. And that's very hard for me personally. Especially as you get older, making friends can be very difficult. ❤
There’s another part to this that might help you or someone else. Something very similar to what you described with your very best friend happened to me as well, except I was the other friend. I moved far away from my very best friend and my life got very busy, and as time moved on it became harder and harder to reach out (like you described at 32:00, it’s exactly how I felt). We have since gotten back together which I’m eternally grateful for, but it’s definitely because of her persistence. The thing is…I never had any idea that I was that important to her. She told me, for sure she told me. And she was (and is) enormously important to me. But I have struggled with low self-worth for my entire life, and it’s very very difficult to imagine anyone feeling sad about losing me. Even listening to you become so emotional…I can only think, wow is that how my friend felt about losing me? Why would anyone feel that way about losing me? She has so many other people in her life…I know this probably sounds stupid but I’ve never felt worthy of anyone. It’s also why I struggle in relationships. I take on way more than the other person and eventually give up because I feel “unseen” and like I have lost myself in the other person…when the other person is just thinking, “hey I never asked you to put in that much effort for me…,” but if I don’t, I can’t relax. Because I don’t feel worthy of anyone. I’m not asking anyone to tell me that I am…I’m fully aware that this mindset is not healthy and I’m working on it. I’m just offering up this perspective as “the other friend” in an almost identical situation (minus the really terrible life events you were experiencing when she disappeared).
Well spoken
I think perhaps we need to talk to ourselves (our self talk) needs an upgrade in the sense that we need to think and treat ousrselves as good as our best friends -
How would you treat YOU as a good friend and DO IT 😘
Much ❤️
I don't understand how self esteem has anything to do with that, if you trully cared for the other person and valued her friendship why wouldn't you reach out?
(I'm not judging, I'm genuinely trying to put myself in your situation and understand your perspective).
Friendship breakups are worse than romantic ones. I still have vivid dreams about people I was close with in college and lost touch with and wake up feeling so upset and tbh that’s never really happened to me with ex bfs on the same emotional level
Charlotte you have all the good qualities of being a good friend, watching your videos is like having really good company, you seem to be very caring, understanding and make people laugh. I had the same not with a friend but with sisters.
I too had sisters do this to me after my parents died and still have no reason why.
@@Linda-bh5yx same here it was after my father died they decided they didn’t like me anymore. So blocked their number and on fb. I will never know why or what I did if I did anything strange
This has happened to my with my sister too. I totally understand when Charlotte says you start to question yourself and if i'm the problem (even though i know i'm not). Nothing obvious happened and i am left so confused and hurt.
I lost a close friendship a decade ago over something so insignificant, it’s painful till this day when I think about it. So sad
Ok ladies ( and gents ), I’ve just clicked the ‘Like’ button. To my horror there were only 702 ‘likes’. Please, let’s show the like button some love. Apparently it matters to those who are trying to use TH-cam to earn a living. I’ve never met Charlotte, don’t know any of her relatives or friends. Why don’t we give it a go? It’s not difficult, not demanding, so if it’s actually no big deal, give it a press. Please ❤ xxxx 😘
I think adult friendship breakups was one of the most shocking aspects of adulthood for me. It’s actually only last year I realised too that someone who was toxic to you could simultaneously be great to someone else. That’s just the way life is sometimes.
When, I was 24 years old, my best friend, since we were little kids, suddenly called to my work place and told me “I don’t want to be your friend anymore”, with no reason. She broke my heart and soul, she was my person. That was the worst break up I ever experienced in my life.
We grew apart and I moved around the world for many years… Sincerely, I convinced myself I never would recoverer from that. My friendships became more superficials and I never let anyone else be too close to me. Now, in my mid forties we’re living again in the same country and for the last couple years she pursuit and almost begging me to recovery our friendship, she calls and says “I missed you so much for the last two decades” but now it’s way too late, I’m happy and have healthy relationships, I healed. I don’t know that person anymore and I don’t want to know her again.
You did the right thing. If someone shows you they do not value you they do not deserve your friendship.
Did she at least give a reason for why she did it?
@@SchlichteToven never…
Sweet lady. Sometimes GOD, takes people out of our lives, because He hears the things they say in private. It's hard, as it's happened to me as well. But, GOD always know what is best for us.🙏🏼❤️Trust Him!
This is so relatable that I feel less alone ❤🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️🫶🏻
I, too, have a small circle of friends.
I so needed this! I’ve been so confused and hurt. Felt like I finally had a friend and don’t know what happened.
You look gorgeous! It’s great we can talk about ended friendships here so ty. Hugs. I had a 45 year friendship end in May. I had to let her go. After being hurt so many times over the years.. a little piece of my heart got broken off each time, until there was no heart left (for the friendship). I have no regrets.
i am having a end of a friendship right now, it is so distrubing for me, much pain and questions…. thanks so much for talking about it 🌹🇨🇦
my 22 yr old son suffers from some mental health issues. about 2 months ago he literally ghosted all of his friends. even his cousin. fortunately with some therapy, adjusting meds he reached out to them today. i was so relieved they " accepted " him back!
I still have my very best friend since age 15. Again I am 64, almost 65. Everyday or a couple of days we talk. We can disagree on just about everything, argue and then we just crack up for hours. I love her more than anything.
I had a friend in high school that I actually stepped away from because her dad flirted with me and I didn’t know how to explain that. She was close when her family and always wanted me to come over.
I had to do the same, for the same reasons, I didnt ignore my friend, just didnt want to come to her house and watch her dad stare at me all the time, it was creepy and makes me unconfortable even today thinking about it.. But how could I explain to her? She loved her dad and I am sure she had no idea as to why I would stop visiting, feel sorry for her if I caused her any pain, because she is great friend.
That's the kind of thing I mean when I say people who ditch friends suddenly and inexplicably could have legitimate reasons that they really CAN'T tell you about, you would just have no way of guessing them. In most cases, if someone explained to you they'd be your friend but never wanted to go near your dad, the friend with the creepy dad would just end up cutting you off anyway because they were offended or didn't want to hear it. It's a no-win.
I think you are spot on. Sometimes people can’t apologise and they turn the situation around perhaps because they can’t face themselves. Feeling vulnerable or ashamed is intolerable for some people. But I always think the best part of us is our ability to be humble, say sorry and truly mean it..
When I feel deeply hurt (and it’s happened a few times) I try not to hit back. Hurt feelings can make us react strongly. I keep remembering that I’m better than that and refuse to lower myself by acting spitefully. That way we can start to heal and move on.
I follow a tier system when it comes to friends. I have a small handful of very close mates, and then a much larger group of people I enjoy occasionally, but keep on the periphery for various good reasons. This is mostly due to my private nature and not wanting to engage and divulge details to those I do not feel always have my interests at heart. I do not make much effort when it comes to the outer periphery, but that is not to say that it isn’t pleasurable when catching up with these people to enjoy a few hours and laughs. No getting down to the nitty gritty, it’s all about lightheartedness. I have lost friends who have been in the top tier, but have been moved to the second tier and that can be as simple as not having as much in common as we once did, or someone more significant as a breach of trust. I’m glad you have made peace with your situation with your close friend. We are constantly evolving and sometimes we need to let go or have somebody else let go of us. And, who doesn’t love one of those intense chance meetings with a stranger that can sometimes have more meaning than years spent with others? ❤
After watching this video, I decided to call a friend that I have not spoken to in over a year. We haven't spoken because I moved across country. We have remained friendly over social media, but when was the last time I had called her? She did not answer, probably because she works, and the time difference, but it still felt nice to make the call, and leave a message. I wanted to actively do something.
My best friend of over 30 years, who I met at work. We had lunch every day when we worked together. My husband and I moved 2 hours away, but our friendship was still so special. We could drive and meet each other and do all the girly things, eating and shopping, once a month. We would go to the beach for a week every summer. All of that stopped with covid. We talk on the phone every week but haven't seen each other since 2018. I am retired but she is still working and has to take care of her 92 year old Mother when she is not working. We are still friends but the closeness is gone. 😢
Covid broke up a lot of friendships. It altered peoples perceptions and behaviors. It will nevrr go back to the same again.
I'm sorry for you. Lost some friends BC of it. Worst part, it wasn't deaths, at all.
Omg Charlotte thank you so much for talking about this! I had no idea how common it is. My best friend who was like a sister to me suddenly ghosted me, not long after I'd had my baby boy. It hit me hard because I was grieving the loss of someone I loved and relied on, but there was such feelings of shame, embarrassment and self-blaming. Like you, the hardest thing was when family would ask after her and I'd have to say she was no longer in our lives anymore and they'd be hurt too. And I felt isolated with my baby since I always had a very small but close number of friends. But slowly slowly I made new friends and I realised that, if someone can do something like that to you, the problem is theirs. Thanks so much for sharing and reading everyone else's comments too definitely made me feel less alone :)
Strange how things go, sometimes.❤
I had a friendship breakup. I would write her but she wouldn't write back. We grew up together & she was Maid of Honor in my wedding. Godmother to my first son. The last letter she didn't get to read: she passed away at 49
I grew up in a military family and always expected friendships to end. We keep in touch on social media, but it's not the same as every day in person. It is so much easier to make friends in school than as an adult at work.
My 17 year old daughter, when she cried her heart out about her friends ditching her, I felt so bad and so sad. I immediately got her into therapy because I wasn’t sure of what was happening.
To watch the video, makes me feel like we all experience these things, anywhere.
Thank you for this video!!!!
It’s best to deal with this at the young age, where your heart condition is strong. You can’t take the heart breaking when you are mid-age. Like my friend, she haven’t deal with friends’ betrayal in her life. It happened to her few years ago in her mid-age. She almost breakdown
I never cry about any of my previous breakups but when I remember the friendships I lost, that's when I lose it sometimes. That's what gets me more than any previous guy, that's a true heartbreak. And it feels good to know I'm not alone.
I’m going through a friendship breakup now so this video really hits hard. I’m really hurt and experiencing the emotions you mentioned - about not feeling good enough/not measuring up. I have to remind myself that I am worthy of true friendship and don’t deserve the treatment. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. ❤
Of course, you are worthy of that! :) I feel like it would also be good for us to know what kind of friendships we'd like. For me, it is more of an acquaintance if someone only spends time with me to do fun things (and not much else), while for a lot of people that is already a good friend. I would like to have emotional support/advice as well, while others aren't willing to do that. I think overall, same as with a romantic relationship, it would be good to think about what you want in a friendship and to know that the people who know this and yet aren't willing to be that person for you, aren't worth your love and effort as a friend. Or you see them as an acquaintance, as Charlotte said, someone you used to know.
I had to break up a friendship because I found out something really shady about my lifelong friend. I was devastated to find out she wasn’t who I thought she was. I never told her the reason why I distanced myself. What she did felt like a stab wound. She wasn’t a good friend at that point in life. I’m so happy she no longer has any part of my life. I wish her the best but don’t ever want to be around her again. 😢
I had a few of these and finally got tired of being let down and decided that I would stay away from friendships with women. Now my women "friends" are on TH-cam or Instagram and they never hurt or disappoint me!
You'll only have men friends?
I always believed in the concept of 'the best friend'. My experience has shown me that friendships evolve and change over the years. I now have a fantastic group of friends as a result of a close friendship changing. It's opened up my life. We don't need monogamy with friendship Charlotte xx
Absolutely, that wasn't what I was expecting at all, we both had other friends and other groups of friends. But we always prioritised each other and made time for each is what I meant
This has happened to me and it hurts just like any other relationship ending. Weirdly the “friend” came back years later and I just didn’t have the energy to rekindle the relationship after being dumped years earlier. I grieved it and managed to make new friends.
Thank you for sharing , Charlotte! Maintaining your core values while going through a distressing experience, speaks volumes of your character! 🙌🏽💕 Here’s another meme, “You still haven’t met all the people who are going to love you!”
I had a very similar situation to this. My absolute best friend who was like a sister to me and I did everything with, who supported me when my dad died etc, after about 6 years of friendship just started slowly starving the relationship by cancelling on me, making vague accusations about me to other people, not wanting to hang out and so on. She started hanging out with some people who seemed to hate me on sight, and one in particular seemed to really want me out of the picture. Some other weird things happened around then, such as she one day broke down in front of me and accused a girl we used to know at school of having SA'd her, but I knew she hadn't seen her for years. She also wrote me a really nasty letter one day demanding I call her and just saying horrible things about me. Things staggered along for a while, l started working and she went to do a postgrad. She also started seeing a therapist for depression, and then things went really downhill. It was like suddenly I was locked out of her life. She'd tell me she couldn't come out because she was depressed, but then I'd hear she'd been out with other people we knew. The therapist sessions seemed to turn her against me, but she never said why. One day she called me saying she was suicidal. She was hysterical and it took 3 hours to calm her down and get her to promise to call 999 or go straight to a doctor. I was in the south east and she was in Newcastle at this time, and i was skint, but I got straight on a train that weekend to see her and support her. While there we decided to go to a nightclub with some friends, and at the end of the night, all of us got separated from her. Nobody could reach her on her phone, she just vanished into thin air. Eventually we all had to leave and made our way home. A few hours later, she turned up, soaking wet, slamming doors and yelling at me about how I'd abandoned her, and it was typical of me etc (this is the one and only time we'd ever been separated like that and it was her who had gone off). She was screaming at me and wouldn't calm down for ages while i tried to reason with her. All her housemates had been with me all night but were too weak to back me up. We kind of made up the next day, but it was never the same. She eventually returned to our hometown and it was like she was allergic to me. She would find any reason not to see meor reply to messages, and when she did, she wouldn't be her old self, it was like talking to a. stranger. I got angrier and stopped beating myself up as much about it, I just felt let down and hurt. One day, she cancelled on me for the third time in a row, just before Christmas. That was it for me, I gave her a piece of my mind, and told her I was fed up with how she was treating me. I think she responded but I can't remember what was said. I decided I'd had enough and I finally cut her off and decided not to contact her again. We didn't talk for about 8 years, by which time I'd had my son. I never really understood what had happened or how such a dear friend could just cut me out of her life like that for no reason. It was one of the most painful things I've ever been through. I spoke to a therapist about it, I spoke to mutual friends, I tried desperately to find a reason for it all, but finally I just had to move on. One day, out of the blue, about 8 years later, I got a text message saying she'd seen me outside mothercare and wanting to make contact again. No explanation or anything, just as though we'd lost touch naturally. The curiosity and needing answers led me to let her in again. It seemed to be going OK. We messaged, discussed motherhood (she had also had a son), had a couple of nice day trips together, and I thought maybe it was all a blip and things would get back on track. She told me she had been diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and was now on lithium, which I felt maybe explained some of the erratic behaviour from before, but she still never gave me a reason or apology. We arranged to meet up again and I messaged her. No reply. messaged again, still no reply. I tried phone and FB, nothing. I backed off. This went on for several months and once again, I heard from mutual friends that she was spending time with them regularly. After a few months and one last attempt, I finally blocked her, and as painful as it was, I just felt duped and used. I will never ever allow her near me again. I also cut out all the mutuals as I realised they were unhealthy to be around, and I didn't owe them a window into my life. I still find it very upsetting. I'm 48 now and the first cut off was when I was late 20s, the second one mid thirties. I'll never know how much of the friendship was real. The second time round she told me she'd thrown away all my letters, even though I'd kept hers all those years. That to me said a lot about our intent towards each other. I don't know what part the bipolar played, I have other bipolar friends and they are decent people who struggle sometimes, but are basically good friends. I don't know what she said to other people about me either, but I know she was saying something bad.
Even now, I just don't understand it. I still have dreams about her, her home, her parents etc, trying to process it I guess. It still feels like a knot inside me, even though it's been years now and my whole life has moved on.
I know I'm a really good friend. I'm generous and loyal and I've got longstanding friendships. Two of the people who at the time were more secondary friends to me have now been my closest friends for over two decades, we've supported each other through everything life throws at you. The problem isn't me, and that's the biggest realisation for me. I spent years blaming myself and searching for reasons, but sometimes there isn't a reason. Some people are just selfish, cruel, or don't care about you as much as you think they do. As other people have said, it's surprising who your friends really are when the chips are down, and it's often not the people you think.
Recently I was put in touch with someone I'd had a passing acquaintance with during the years I was hanging out with the person above. I always thought she was really cool, and we'd chat briefly if I saw her at a club, but that was it. I never knew anything about her, she was kind of friends with my brother and dated a boy I went to school with and clubbed with (who has also turned out to be a really loyal friend unexpectedly). Anyway, we started talking and quickly realised we had loads in common, and that we really like each other. It's turned into one of my closest, most rewarding friendships, even though we now live several counties apart.
We often say of romantic relationships that when someone toxic leaves your life, they create room for someone better, and it's true of friendships too. It can be really painful to realise someone didn't care about you the way you cared about them, but ultimately, it improves the quality of your life to get rid of false friends who just create insecurity and doubt.
I think it's true that there are friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for life. Real lifelong friendships are rare, but precious. I'm really lucky to have found some wonderful friends over the years.
I wish healing for everyone who has been through this experience. It really is like a divorce or death, but things are better once you get to the other side 😊
At 62 I have seen them come and go.....I have put myself through so much scrutiny over this, and they always leave without a word, just an awful thing to do....I guess I have never met the right people...or as someone said (My Tribe) LOL
This video really resonates with me. Over the years it’s happened to me several times. Friends who I was really close to suddenly just cutting contact for no reason that I can see.
I ALWAYS question myself and think that I must have done something wrong or said something to upset them, but I genuinely don’t think I did.
It’s really hurtful and I dwelled on it a lot at the time.
I agree with everything you said about some people just being in your life for a short time, and not everyone is the same with regard to friendships.
It’s reassuring to know that it’s something that happens to a lot of people, and I honestly wish them well.
This was a great video topic, and the make up is also very pretty.
I have been eyeing that CT pallet for a while and I think I do actually need it xx
Why do people do this?
@@AmyKaylasVegas Honestly, I don’t know. It’s not something I understand.
@@AmyKaylasVegascause it’s not illegal but can be harming
Love these videos dear Charlotte
What an intelligent and articulate discussion of female friendships! I am a lot older, but have been through similar experiences, albeit when I was a lot younger. But in the last few months, I have actually dropped two friends - one had been close, although not for about 20 years, we had grown apart as she didn't support me in my divorce, so our friendship cooled, but I was still fond of her. A couple of things happened recently that made me realise I didnt want her in my life any longer, so I've let the friendship lapse. Another so called friend I've also dropped because she said I ought to have my eyebags removed!!! It was a little weird unfriending them on FB, but I feel better for it - now I only have friends who I know I can count on and I want close to me, and who supported me through my divorce. Thanks so much for sharing your story, Charlotte - I love and value your channel!
I’ve experienced similar things many times in my life, and I’ve always felt unpleasant, hurt, started thinking the same things about myself. But then over time I came to the conclusion, that that kind of friendship that we initially believe in is simply an illusion, now I think friendship is nothing more than temporary having something in common with smb (interests, emotional intersection etc), which always comes and goes. It is no more than about having some good time together, sharing, giving and receiving something mutually without any expectation and deep attachments. This way nobody would feel disappointed, upset or hurt
Because everything comes to its end, relationships can run its course. It’s just that one friend can discover it earlier than the other
And when you see friendship this way (simpler, without strong commitment) from the beginning, you won’t feel surprised and unprepared, which make us upset and frustrated
I understand your point and know that a lot of people feel the same, but there are also people (myself included) who would like to get emotional support/advice/stimulation from a friendship, especially when going through a rough patch in life. Or do you feel that is too much to ask of a friend? I definitely don't believe in the notion of a best friend any more, but I feel like a friendship should be more intimate than an acquaintance. But I would like to know your opinion, as you have other view on friendship. Or maybe life experiences I can learn from. :)
When I was 19 I heard the term “fair weather friend” from an older woman I worked with and that is what I’m picking up on in your situation. They are around when things are good for you but when you need support in any way….they disappear. Also, who knows why people do what they do.
You are not alone Charlotte 💕💕💕
Thank you for sharing!! You're absolutely right about this being so common. I wish it wasn't though because it always hurts to lose friends. 💔 I hope you are doing better. Big hugs from far away!
I love your chatty videos. Xoxo!
This is such an important conversation. Thank you and I didn’t realize I needed to hear and remember the words you spoke. ❤
Thank you for sharing this. You did a really good job of addressing a complex issue.
I can't tell you how much I love your channel. Your videos are always so wholesome and uplifting, but I really appreciate some of the more serious topics and conversations. I am also sorry that these relationships caused you so much pain. I completely relate, and it's really good to hear that you're not the only one. I think that you're right, it's far more common than we think. I have arrived at the conclusion that friends like that don't deserve us. It's one thing being sidetracked by life, but callous disregard is a deal-breaker for me. Also, any friend you truly care about, you could absolutely have a conversation with to resolve any issues, if there were any. That's what you would want to do if you care for a person at all. Leaving someone to agonise over what happened is pretty cruel, I can't imagine ever doing that to someone. It's so painful and unnecessary, and can bother the people left behind for a very long time. Ultimately you cared more than they did. I love the quote at the end. This video has made me feel a lot better. Thank you 😊
Absolutely understand Charlotte! That has happened to me as well.
this is an amazing video. Your honesty really hits home and I appreciate you very much. Something similiar happened to me. I was going thru a hard time and a "friend" of 25 years, that I thought was a good one - completely thru me under the bus, stopped talking to me completely and never bothered to ask if she could help - although I had been there for her during traumas. Thank you for doing this! I also have a very small circle and can only live the best life I can.
I relate to this so much, especially the one-sided relationship.
Thank you so much for making this video. I truly needed this. Just went through this on top of grieving the sudden loss of the man that raised me. It has been rough and I kept questioning what I did. I have finally found peace regarding the end of the friendship. Your video really really helped.
Thank you Charlotte for your vulnerability on this topic. I know your grief well 💜🇨🇦
You're such a beautiful person, Charlotte, inside and out. So sorry that you went through that. You've put into words what so many of us have gone through. 💖 xo
You explained it very well even though I’ve already made a comment as I have listened to the vlog and I could relate so much.
Thank you for this video, Charlotte. Means a lot. Very wise words spoken.
You are so funny and fun that I can’t imagine anyone not wanting to stand beside you along the way. I admire the way you rationalize that people are around during certain periods of our lives. I agree that friends get awkward when they owe you an apology. Also it could be her spouse, bc you said she was single and then she started a family. I do believe when people let you down or act badly it’s because they are broken in some way and not able to do anything other than get by day to day.
You look beautiful! And thank you for such a relatable topic. You’re right it can be so painful and hard to understand when these things happen, but it’s so helpful, like you said, to remember that sometimes it’s just different phases of life,..or who knows what’s happening in their life that caused them to shift their attention elsewhere. It’s often not intentional, and we’ve all possibly unknowingly hurt someone else in our lives at some point…so it’s good to be as understanding as possible. Resentment only hurts ourselves more. Someone once compared holding a grudge to drinking poison and expecting the other person to die lol, it only hurts ourselves. Better to forgive and forget. I really admire your attitude Charlotte, you have so much love and compassion for people 💕
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing these stories with us. One of my very close friends said it best, friends are either are here for a reason, a season or a lifetime. ❤
Your last story really resonated with me. I have come to realize that for many things in life, there is a season. I can be grateful that people were in my life for the season, and that for whatever reason, the season changed. Trying to sort out why was a waste of time, so moving on ultimately made the most sense. Not that the loss wasn’t painful but I knew that the pain was one sided and moving on was necessary for me to heal and have perspective.
Thank you for sharing. I love this video because I have always struggled with having close friends. It’s so hard to get rejected by someone who you think is so close to you 😢. Again thank you for being so genuine. I feel like you are such a kind soul and absolutely hilarious. I enjoy your videos so much. I would love to be friends with someone like you 😊!
Thank you so much for doing this video and being so vulnerable, Charlotte! I am going through your scenario number one and two right now with more than one person, actually, and trying to decide if I’m done being the one to keep the friendship alive. I am. Everything you said about it’s normal, natural and fine is true, except if the other person keeps promising to make plans with you and they can’t ever seem to make it happen. That’s called lying. I’m done!
The advice I found most helpful with any kind of friendship breakdown is “people are busy. “That’s all there is to it sometimes.
So beautifully stated, been there💔, love your videos, THANK YOU❤️
I appreciate that you made this video, it seemed tough but it meant a lot to someone like me who has had this happen many times. Most of the time I was completely surprised and the surprise and confusion was really the worst part. I guess the saying is true, friends for a reason, friends for a season and then friends for life.
Thank you for talking about friendship breakups. 😢
I appreciate you talking about this because it’s something I’ve been going through…and it’s especially hard as I’m getting married and thought I would be celebrated more.
Understand am a senior in my yrs have lost friends drifted away and the ones who were users that I realized was tired of being used ..know in my old age enjoy my family the few friends who love and love me ..I don’t need a ton of people just the true ones …age does give some wisdom with the winkles .thou happy see don’t have many of them good skin care girls works
Thank you for making this video. It was the perfect timing as I had a run in with an ex close friend last night. I appreciate you sharing your perspective.
Sending you a big hug 😊 friendships are hard. I don’t have any close friends anymore but I’m hopeful about the people and friendships ahead of me
Really bizarre how similar my situation was with my best friend. Thanks so much for sharing this as i didn't know this was in any way normal. I know it took guts to rehash this. Thank you Charlotte. ❤ ❤
The older I get the harder it is to have good friends. A lot of my friendships turn into acquaintances. I still care about them, very much. If they ever need me, I would be there in a minute. When people grow and change so does your relationships with people. It is disappointing to hear you needed that friend but, there could be a personal reason they couldn’t be there for you. ❤
I’m sitting here feeling like you just shared the story of me and who I thought was my best friend. So many similarities, my mind is whirling with thoughts and feelings. I’m truly at a loss for words except to say thank you for sharing. I’m going to watch this again when I clear my head.
I love your videos,how friendy and honest you are. Thanks for this.💜 I always watch and listen to your videos while working it's really fun 😁 xo from LA
I love hearing your take on things. You just have a very calming presence. I think we can all relate to this topic in some way. People can just disappoint you. You think someone is one way, you're certain of it, and then something happens or something is said and you realize omg they are NOT that way at all!
Thankyou. You have no idea how bringing this subject up as helped me and probably lots of others. I can tell how hard it was for you to do but also how you felt you must do it bith for yourself and for others. Firstly let me say this, i think you are right in your best guess she didnt know what to say , then left it too long , then got embarrassed , felt guilty so avoided you. Death or bad illness some people just cannot handle, then they feel guilty . Guilt makes people feel like shit . And to apologize means admitting your guilt which it takes a strong person to do which unfortunately most people are not able. Ive been where you are , more than once. I used to blame myself and rack my brains for hours replay conversations etc etc . Im sorry for your loss, and anyone else reading this going through it.
Thanks for sharing this! So sorry for the loss of one of your friends and I think that sometimes people just change and like you said they are only in some of our chapters. I went through a similar situation with some friends and then reconnected with a friend I had not seen for a decade.